#i'm just venting atm

[letoscrawls]

Ok but seriously, tomorrow i have my last exam, i can't believe i've reached this point but here i am!

The problem is i saved the worst and most difficult exam of my degree for last, basically i had to make a web service where users can log in, create blogs and post and basically do things you do on social platforms. All the data are collected in a database that i coded as well and let me tell you: this stuff is way above my skills, i was not prepared to do it and like many people before me i had to ask a private teacher to help me sort things out

This exam is the reason the average time to complete this degree is higher than it should be and i haven't seen a student take it without struggling. It doesn't help that the teacher has an impossible attitude (like the all the teachers in my last like, four exams were :((((( ) and he treats you like a criminal if you don't know every single line of your code by heart. Idk, coding is hell, we are all in this degree bc we want a stable job, and i had to pay private lessons with my own money for this project, and if i end up failing my whole graduation will be postponed to next year and i will lose a whole year of my master degree!! I swear if something comes up and the teacher wants to fail me, i WILL get on my knees and scream and cry until he passes me

I'm so anxious and i know i say the same thing over and over again but the last exams i did were all like this, and the level of uncertainty was this bad every single time. I'm really hoping for a miracle atp

if i manage to pass this the nightmare will be over! i will graduate and move to the next chapter of my life!! it's THE most crucial moment, everything i sacrificed these past eight months, everything i did led to this. I spent money for this exam, i didn't leave the house the whole summer and the whole winter and spring before that, i basically had zero breaks in between exams, i had to shut down instagram, i only studied, went to uni, went to work to pay for these classes, and went back home. On repeat every. single. day since september and in godspeed mode since january. And yet i have imposter syndrome and i feel like i should have done more and i know my professor doesn't give a shit about all this because if i don't know those hundreds of lines perfectly it's over !!!!

so yeah uhm keep me in your thoughts maybe lmao 😭😭😭😭

[shhquietmoths]

feeling some kind of way lately cw: blood, cartoon violence/gore

[canonicallyginger]

when i play most dating sims, i play in character as the protag (even when they don't have much of a defined personality to speak of). But the game Date Everything is doing something to my psyche where i'm like. actually thirsting after a few of the characters.

[snobgoblin]

my mom is so wild 😭 she was like "did you sleep good" and i was like "yeah i got new sheets and I slept great. I think that was the problem" and then she starts going off on this whole rant of "oh so you think I'm neglecting you or something why do you keep buying shit like this" (she got mad i bought food for the house the other day but like. the fuck was I supposed to do there was nothing) like idk bc I'm a grown ass adult with money and if I have a need I'll just take care of it myself?? 😭 I wasn't fucking implying you were neglectful that's such a leap. can't say anything around her

[starsailor-kinthepast]

(sighs sadly) (pokes at alterhuman feelings) why are you so complicated :(

[toasteaa]

When I get home I'm either gonna drop the biggest smut bomb or I'm crashing out, there is no in between

[musette22]

So turns out being sick + seasonal depression + sleep deficit + work-related issues + the world going to shit in general amounts to me not feeling so great at all, I am both shocked and appalled by this outcome 😔

[trenchcoat-full-of-snails]

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[meltylcnd-nightmare]

I wanna be excited for the new deltarune chapters, but due to some bad experiences I'm not gonna get into publicly for a lot of reasons. I feel kinda burnt out with Deltarune 😔 which is a shame beacuse undertale is still one of my favorite games ever, Asgore is still very much a comfort character for me, I loved chapter 1 and 2 despite how badly my boy Asgore got butchered in two.

I think I'm gonna hold off on watching a playthrough of it for a bit, at least until a full one is made or I can get out of this feeling/headspace about it 😔

[spieluhrzeit]

local enby who loves reblogging hopepunk posts on tumblr is wondering how much more they can take before they completely crumble, and wonders if they completely destroyed their friendships because of their poor mental health and wonders if college is really worth it and thinks they've ruined everything and their friends aren't talking and logic isn't working they hate me who cares about exams and i want it to stop please make it stop.

local enby realises they should've gotten help before they fucked over all their friends by ghosting them when a project was due. local enby feels catholic levels of guilt. local enby will never know peace again. they won't let themselves know it.

[redeyedryu]

I was talking to my dad about how glad I am he and mom are currently overseas, and that I'm scared something will happen to my mom should they return to the US right now, simply because she's brown and was born in another country. He told me he's spoken with people that refuse to return to the US right now, or travel on their own for similar reasons, scared that their spouse or loved ones will be taken away by immigration for unknown, seemingly random reasons.

What the hell has our country come to? I know people are fighting and raising their voices, but the fact it ever got to this point is so insanely terrifying.

[imwritesometimes]

I just want a life where my mom isn't so much of an asshole that on like a bi-monthly basis my eyes hurt by the end of the day from crying so hard cause she's such a fuckin giant dick

[flaming-toads]

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[mikurulucky]

My attempts at sentence building and trying to think in Japanese. I think my reading practice is starting to pay off a bit, though I still got a rather limited vocabulary.

I feel like I just did a writing assignment for a 1st grade English class lol. (also, mild vent in the first one as my mom came over to help with something that day)

[mrsoharaa]

god forbid that you ask your roommate for help for a simple task....

[halfdeadwallfly]

the scary thing is that i don't even need to fail to fail out of school. i just need to do poorly enough that i lose my financial aid and then bam i'm out

school is my thing, it always has been. i've been told it over and over again. i practically don't have anything else. so why do i feel like i just can't do it now

i need more time than i could ever find, to recuperate from some nebulous thing that i can't even identify

i'm disappointing my entire family and doing worse than i ever have before, and i want so desperately to have the gumption to care about what i'm trying to study and learn and to make myself do it, but all i want is for it to stop. i hate that i can't appreciate or find enjoyment in where i am, because i wanted it so bad and because i know that just having this opportunity is a privilege in itself, but i just feel like i'm constantly spiraling and all i really want is a break. i just want a hug and for someone to tell me it's ok