#i'm so tired and crabby everyone leave me alone ;_;

[hungerpunch]

been pouring so much time & energy into this 20-slide deck for a massive 3-hour presentation and discussion forum i'm leading with execs tomorrow but i've been so focused on all the data and charts and graphs and making the bullet points simple and easy to understand that i sort of forgot to work on the, uh, actual speaking i'll need to do and now the presentation is tomorrow and i just now realized that i have to like. write notes for it.

[millenialfanfictionaddiction]

Being MSBY's Manager

Period Troubles

MSBY Black Jackels featuring the Schweiden Adlers x Female! Manager (she/her pronouns)

Warnings: period talk, swearing, MSBY being assholes, angst to comfort

A/N: This is purely self indulgent because I'm tired and crabby 😠 all I want to do is write angst and then for these men to make it all go away!

God I go between "I'm so jealous" and "God I'd hate being you" 😅

Literally MSBY (and the Adlers) are both such hot and cold teams

I feel like one day all would be well

But then mercury goes into retrograde and suddenly they all have their undies in a twist

Now your Queen YN is totally the pillar of MSBY

You take care of everything for these boys

You help Atsumu with his setting

Reassuring Sakusa that he, in fact, did not sprain his shoulder

You keep tabs on our feral children, Bokuto and Hinata

You drool over Meian 🥵

You help Inunaki with his receives

You reach low places for Thomas, Barnes and Joffe

Literally what would we do without you YN 👏🏻

But you see, even YN has her off days

Because PMS is a literal bitch and we hate her 😠

The symptoms had been building for a while and you knew this was going to be a bad one

Tired, cramps, loss of appetite, soreness, just general depression over everything

It had been an exhausting week and you knew your period was due to come on Saturday

You were looking forward to the weekend just to be able to rest and escape into your own world for a while

Seriously the guys had been testing you all week

Literally, you have been so irritable and on edge with everything but you've been trying to remain as professional as possible

Atsumu is the main cause of your annoyance per the usual 🙄

Literally I totally feel like Atsumu is the type to set something down, forgets where he set it and then get mad when he can't find it

Atsumu is me. I am Atsumu.

"YN where is my phone?"

"YN where is my nail file?"

"YN WHERE IS MY TOWEL?"

Literally all week it's been nonstop

On top of that, Bokuto has been extra Bokuto-y this past week

Literally 4 emo modes the past week YN!

Is it a full moon or something 🥴

ON TOP OF THAT the team had been preparing to host the Adlers, which gets everyone just all riled up

Literally you can't tell me these men just don't have pissing matches the entire time they are together 🙄

Literally Daichi/Kuroo energy the whole time istg-

Anyways, you woke up on Friday feeling extra crappy

Not necessarily sick, just gross

You know that feeling when you feel like your period is going to start but it doesn't?

Yeah that's it 😫

You've been depressed, having trouble sleeping and woke up with a horrible headache

You grab a coffee on your way to work, walking in like an extra from the Walking Dead

It's a good thing your team literally has zero boundaries YN 😃

"YN you look like shit"- Thomas says

"Damn YN what happened to you? Did you get hit by a bus?"- Inunaki jokes

You rn 👉🏻😐 🔪

"Alright everyone let's get busy, the Adlers are coming in 30 minutes!"- Meian yells

You head to your office, literally just stepping one foot in the door when you hear Meian

"YN what the heck are you doing standing around?!? Go fill the water bottles!"- Meian shouts

You rn 👉🏻 *deep breath in/deep breath out*

You take some Tylenol because lord knows you need it and get busy with your list

You are trying your best to avoid the guys today but oh my god they will not leave you alone!

Literally everyone just has one problem or another

Sakusa can't find his arm sleeves

Bokuto can't find his knee pads

Hinata is lost somewhere who the hell knows anymore

Barnes needs help taping his fingers

Inunaki is rolling everywhere, purposely tripping people and causing drama 🙄

Meian is yelling

Thomas is just existing

And YN is on the verge of a mental breakdown 🥲

Literally the guys have noticed your mood and how you haven't been talking to them much

But they are idiots YN they have no idea why

So when the Adlers show up, it's almost a welcome relief in a sense

They greet the team, shaking hands and greeting you

"Hey YN it's good to see you!"- Hirugami, the Adlers captain says

"You too!" You say returning a greeting

You hear chatter behind you from Atsumu but you ignore it

He's top of the shit list right now we all know it

After greeting the team, Hirugami asks if you can help them tape up

You happily agree, doing so as Meian makes an off handed comment

"Wow YN, you look happy to be helpign the enemy"- he says as he turns to walk away

Please, that one hurt and honestly it was a low blow

But you don't say anything, Hirugami noticing your shift in mood

At the start of the practice game, Heiwajima asks if you can fill up the teams water bottles

Again, you agree because you are there to help out

It's your job 🗣🗣🗣

Unfortunately MSBY is petty and Sakusa just HAS to say something

"Geez YN you don't have be so happy, they asked you to fill their water bottles not manage their team"- Sakusa Kiyoomi, 2nd on the shit list

Low blow agaib ☹️

But again you ignore it, or at least try to ignore it

Because enough see, while you see filling water bottles, you start to cry

Because nothing adds more electrolytes to water than tears 💧

"YN get yourself together, everything will be ok! Only a few more hours"- you say, wiping your eyes and heading back to the gym

Unfortunately for you, the pain is only beginning

Because you see, the biggest jerk of them all has yet to speak and boy is he geared up 👏🏻

The Adlers had just won the first set and Atsumu is in a mood

When isn't he but I digress 🤚🏻

Anyways, you are walking around, handing water bottles and towels out to everyone

You finish with MSBY and head over to the Adlers

Then you hear it...

"YN you might as well just join the Adlers, you seem to like being around them more"- Atsumu says to you

You stop in your tracks because what did he just say?

The Adlers stop and look at you, MSBY stops and looks at you

You turn and look at Atsumu, "What did you just say?"

"Well you seem to like the Adlers alot better than you like us YN. I mean, you've honestly kind of been a bitch lately"- Atsumu Miya, #1-100 on the shit list

You felt the rage boiling up, on top of the hurt you feel from everything that has been going on

You start to breath heavily, trying to control your tears as you walk over to the Adlers handing them their water bottles and towels, you silently turn to MSBY and walk up to them

With tears flowing down your cheeks, you speak

"So you really think I don't do anything for you huh? You think I'm being a bitch. Well I'm sorry I don't feel good, I'm sorry I haven't been sleeping, I'm sorry I have a fucking uterus that is about to bleed and ruin my fucking life for an entire week. But oh by ALL MEANS let me drop everything I'm doing to cater to a bunch of fucking JERKS who can't even say THANK YOU!" You scream as tears run down your face

MSBY rn 👉🏻😐😳

The Adlers 👉🏻👀👀

The Coaches 👉🏻😃 crap she's finally lost it

"You know what, how about you guys fill your own fucking water bottles, oh and tape your own GOD DAMNED FINGERS! Oh and make sure you reassure each other because GOD FORBID ONE OF YOU MISSES A FUCKING RECIEVE OR BLOCK! Or even better yet, find some other willing person who will let you walk all over them because IT AINT ME ANYMORE!"- You scream as tears fall down your face and you turn to the Adlers

"I apologize for my outburst but I'm leaving" you say, stomping away and right out the arena doors

Honestly YN 👏🏻 👏🏻 👏🏻 👏🏻

Literally MSBY feels like complete shit right now

AS THEY SHOULD!

The Adlers just look at them and shake their heads

"Shit"- Meian says sitting on the bench, his arms on his knees

"We really fucked up this time"- Barnes said coming besides him

"God I'm such an asshole"- Atsumu said

"Yeah you are!"- Kageyama shouts as Atsumu narrows his eyes at him

"Man you guys must have been real assholes to her"- Romero interjects

"Well we definitely haven't been the nicest that's for sure"- Inunaki says crossing his arms

"Well what are you guys gonna do about it?"- Ushijima says 😐

"What do you mean?"- Hinata

Dumbass 🙄

"Seriously? You guys were so mean to her without even asking her how she was feeling"- Hoshiumi

"Yeah, PMS can be a real bitch, I'm sure she's going through it right now"- Heiwajima adds

"You guys really suck with chicks"- Hirugami adds

Please they all turn and glare at him 😑

Meian stands up and announces "we are going to have to end this early"

The guys wordlessly nod, going to pick you the gym in silence as they contemplate what happened

Meanwhile-

You spend the entire train ride home crying, you managed to grab your bag from your office before stomping the rest of the way to the train station

Please you probably cleared a 10ft radius minimum YN

Love that energy 👏🏻

You had planned to go to the store, to grab what you needed for your weekend of self-indulgence but unfortunately everything had ruined that plan

The thing is, you knew you overreacted but you also knew you were right

The guys had been complete and utterly jerks to you and they deserved it

In fact, the coach had texted you telling you to take some personal time and that he would have a talk with the team

You accepted the time off, making your way to your apartment before making your way to the bathroom, stripping and taking a shower

You totally cried the entire shower YN 😭

Ok but me at least once a week 🙃

You got changed into your favorite pajamas, crawled into your bed and out on one of your favorite movies, silencing your phone and trying to calm down

Now our resident idiots are finishing up at the gym when the coach stops them

The adlers have left after giving any advice they had, including groveling and begging for your forgiveness

"YN is taking next week off and I want you all to think about what happened today. YN works incredibly hard for this team and you've done nothing but take advantage of her"- our true ally, MSBY's Coach 💅🏼

"We know Coach, we want to make it up to her"- Thomas interjects

"You idiots are in your twenties and you still have so much to learn about women and I suggest you start now by apologizing to YN and letting her educate you!"- Coach

"Yes Sir"- the team shouts as they all head to the locker room

"Should we call her?"- bokuto says, finally breaking the awkward silence

"Do you really think she wants to talk to us?"- Barnes added as they collectively shook their heads

"I think we need to form a plan guys, we need YN to know we are truly sorry"- Sakusa interjected

"Hey I remember her telling me about her favorite takeout spot, we could get her food from there!"- Inunaki says

"Yeah and she always brings that coffee every morning! Hey I'll go dig it out of the garage and get the order!"- Hinata :D

Please nobody is going to stop him or give him hand sanitizer YN HELP

"Oh maybe we can buy her candy! Girls like that right?"- Atsumu adds

"Wait! Remember she made us all fill out those stupid 'all about me' forms?"- Thomas said running to your office and grabbing the files, pulling out yours where you detailed everything you loved

"SCORE!"- Inunaki said snatching the list from Thomas and reading it

"We have everything we need! Tomorrow we will go and apologize!"- Meian says as the guys all shout in agreement

The next day, you wake up with a major headache and your period has finally arrived

You pop some pain killers and crawl back into bed with your heating pad

You slept like crap the night before, waking up often and thinking about how you yelled at the boys

The thing was, as much as they deserved it you knew your emotions were escalated because of PMS

You sighed, going to turn on your phone when you heard a knock

You looked at the clock, noticing the time was 9am

"That's weird usually Amazon doesn't come until the afternoon"- you said, getting out of bed before walking to the door and checking the peep hole

"What in the hell?"- You say, unlocking the door to see 8 giant men standing there with at least 15 coffees

"Ummm- I literally have so many questions right now"- you say

"Ok shoot"- Meian says the rest of the idiots standing behind him like :D

"What in the hell is this?"- You say gesturing to all that encompasses MSBY

"Well we wanted to bring you coffee, so I dug threw the garbage and found your old cup!"- Hinata :D

"Gross but continue"- you, intrigued

"So then we went to the coffee shop and the Barista recognized us"- Thomas added

"Yeah apparently you talk about us alot YN"- Atsumu 😏

"Complain... I complain about you alot Sumu, continue"- you, now crossing your arms

Atsumu 👉🏻😐

"Well the batista asked where you were and we told her we were getting you coffee. And then she said 'oh what is YN having today'?"- Sakusa

"So we told her and she just looked at us like we were stupid"- Bokuto

"Not really much of a stretch Ko"- you say, taking another jab 🙃

As you should 💅🏼

"She said 'YN only gets that on Fridays, and today's Saturday'"- Hinata adds

You start to smile, knowing exactly where this story is going

"So then we asked what your Saturday coffee was and she said 'she always does something random' so we just ordered one of everything"- Inunaki says 😬

You laugh, rolling your eyes and moving away form the door as they all file in

Honestly tho, you probably need a bigger apartment

"So what is this really about?"- You say turning around, arms crossing as you look at them

Please they look so guilty 😅

"Well, we wanted to apologize"- Meian starts to say as you stick your hand up

"You know bribing me with coffee, sorry 15 coffees, won't make me forgive you right?"- You say as Thomas steps forward

"We know, that's why we brought you these too"- he says handing you your favorite candies

"And these"- Barnes says handing you the biggest bouquet of your favorite flowers 💐

"And we brought this too"- Bokuto holds up your favorite movie

"Yeah and for lunch we are having your favorite restaurant"- Inunaki adds

"Wait- how did you guys... the get to know you sheets"- You 🥺

"YN we know we fucked up, really bad. You don't know how sorry we all are. The truth is, we took advantage of you and didn't consider your feelings"- Meian says

"And we know we are totally jerks and that we don't deserve you but YN, we love you so much and we would completely fall apart without you"- Barnes says

You rn 👉🏻😐🥺😭

Please YN, you are full on sobbing, ugly tears, snot the works 👏🏻

"Uhhh YN are you ok?"- Hinata, about to lose it, Bokuto right behind him

"You- you guys did this all for me?- you👁💧👄💧👁

"We wanted to show you how sorry we really are and we'll, this is the best thought of"- Inunaki

Before he can even stop talking, you have all but flung yourself into his arms

Inunaki 👉🏻😐😳🥰

The other boys 👉🏻😐😠 hey-

Please YN, get to hugging 👏🏻 🫂

After you've hugged them all, you break away as Sakusa hands you a tissue

"I love you guys so much and I'm sorry too"- you say as Thomas puts his hands up

"YN do not apologize to us! We promise we will be better!"- Barnes adds as all the men shake their head in agreement

The rest of the day is taken up by your boys, watching movies and enjoying their company

You end up falling asleep on Meians lap

Please he's taking so many pictures while the team just glares 😐😑

He totally sends it to Hirugami too 😜

Meian: *Sends picture* We made it up to her

Hirugami: Damn well I guess we shouldn't have sent that large box of roses to her apartment asking her to be our manager then 😏

Meian: 😐 you son of a bitch!

Hirugami: 🙃🙃🙃

Please YN, these boys love you so much and will fight til the very end for you 🥰

[timeoverload]

Well it has been a crazy week so far. I have had to stay late every night. I'm so happy that I have Thursday and Friday off next week for Thanksgiving.

I felt sick this morning and I was coughing a lot but they wouldn't let me go home so I toughed it out. They wouldn't let me leave because there wasn't anyone available to cover me which was kind of shitty. I am supposed to train another person tomorrow how to do my job so I hope that alleviates some of my stress. I feel better than I did this morning at least. I was contemplating calling in tomorrow because it would be nice to rest. I don't want to be super tired and crabby on Friday. I probably won't do that because I have no idea if I'm still on probation. I don't want to think about work anymore right now.

I wanted to say that I really appreciate all of the encouragement that I've gotten lately. I was thinking about that a lot earlier. It has helped reduce some of my anxiety. I also feel a lot more confident in myself. I know I can achieve my goals and I just need to keep trying. I am not giving up. I've realized that I just need people to believe in me. I'm glad you haven't given up on me through this surreal experience. Thank you all for being patient with me when I have said crazy things and when I don't understand something. I am grateful for all of the people that have been keeping an eye on me all this time. I appreciate you all for giving me guidance and something to look forward to every day. Thank you for being the light when I've been in a dark place. I know I have said that I feel alone in the past but I know I'm not. I was very emotional and confused for a while. I know I have a lot of people that care about me. Thank you all for listening to me and being so nice to me. I love you all!!!!

Maxwell I also wanted to say that I appreciate you being more open with me because that has helped me a lot too. I have enjoyed getting to know you better and I like the things you have shared with me. We definitely have a lot in common. I can't help but be curious about you because I think you're fascinating. You know how to make me smile and laugh when I'm in a bad mood. You are an amazing person and I'm so happy I met you. My life is so much better with you in it. I'm so excited to spend time with you and have fun. I love you!!! 💖💖💖

I have faith that everything will get better soon. I need to do my best to maintain a positive attitude. I am going to be ok.

I am getting tired now. I have a feeling I will be up late though because I still have a lot to do before bed unfortunately. I will have to stay late again tomorrow but I will try to make it a good day anyway. I should probably stop rambling now. I hope everyone else has a wonderful day tomorrow!!! :)

[hai-se]

F/GO: Chronicles of a Master [Vol. 1] (pt. I)

Description: Has humanity fallen so deep into sin that others seek retribution against them?

Where is our salvation?

Where are our second chances?

Are we all created equal or are we all valued the same?

Why do we fight?

Why do I fight?

Will it ever be worth it?

The written diary of a master in Chaldea during their last leg. The one who was bestowed a burden that the world gave. They belong to no one but they belong to everyone. The secrets of Humanity's last master is told in the fashion of their diary. Fujimaru Ritsuka is only but a man filled with flaws like any human.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own fate grand order or any of its products as it belongs to Aniplex, or Type Moon or DW or Nasu.

The graphic designer of my cover is @TheDarkenIllusions

Pairings: N/A

Genre: Angst, Hurt and Comfort, Adventure

Warning: Gore, swearing, suicidal thoughts, depression, mental health, Spoilers for the game and light novels and manga.

Fandom: Fate/Grand Order and the Fate series.

Author’s Note: Can also be found at Wattpad under Hai_se_r__ and at Quotev at SiriusLyS. Also please don’t come @ me please lol, I just had this idea suddenly so sorry if my update schedule will be wack since there’s an Black Clover x FGO fic that I’m also working on which is my utmost priority rn since this series will have an irregular update schedule.

      It's terrifying, I think, to land in a burning city with the smell of rotting flesh and iron flooding your nose.

To look around you and see nothing but fire and ashes, to hear the world scream in death. It makes your eyes water to see the world be nothing but chaos. There are some exceptions to chaos, sometimes order can be found, but in the chaos of the city we landed in, there was no order, just plain anarchy.

When I woke up that day, I wasn't expecting to suddenly be in charge of the whole of humanity. I expected to die in the command room with Mash, holding her hand and giving her company for her last moments in the physical plane, not to live and to have traveled back in time.

Right. Traveling back in time, that whole other mess that I didn't even cover. Singularities are an unobservable region that does not exist within Chaldea's recorded history. It's as if a hole has opened up within the timeline, a hole that is separate from the regular temporal axis.

They are sustained by a Holy Grail, which is given to a certain individual within a key historical time period, typically someone who will use it to cause major disruption to history and destabilize the Human Order Foundations.

The power of the Grails and the circumstances within the Singularities allow for the summoning of Servants and their continued existence in the world, even without a Master.

The emergence of large Singularities cause disturbances and fluctuations in time which spread out tsough history like a wave, and can cause other, smaller Singularities to emerge at other points in time.

Because of humanity's destruction in 2015, due to the collapse of the Human Order Foundation, we're forced to travel to Singularities in the past in order to fix the irregularities of history caused by various Holy Grails.

This is the start of the Grand Order where we, Chaldeans, would rise up against human history for the sake of humanity and to combat fate itself.

But it's just starting.

It starts at the city of Fuyuki, the flame contaminated city, the city of blood and war.

The city of servants and masters.

We had only finished clearing the Fuyuki singularity, a relief it should be, but we've been burdened with greater weight.

I don't know how to feel. I think I'm still in shock.

The prospect of meeting heroes and traveling back in time seems unrealistic, goes to show how brilliant Chaldea's whole existence really is.

Chaldea would probably look more amazing to me if I wasn't too busy worrying about the future. The staff would would probably be less crabby in a day to day basis if there wasn't so much pressure and stress on them. Dr. Roman and the staff are current researching the next singularity which is a whole load of night shifts and pulling all nighters, which puts so much stress. Dr. Roman's the one who told me to write in a diary you know? Says that in the end, no one is going to remember or know of the journey we'll take, only us and the ones who live under this roof. I think I'd like to write more than our journey.

It's a nice thought I think.

It's a once in a lifetime opportunity, I suppose, to meet heroes from various eras, to meet your idols. It would sound good to anyone. It'd be the best way to catch fish someone, honestly, but then again who would believe of legends and powers in our era?

It's hard knowing that in the end, I'd probably remember this whole journey as a delusion and hallucination as I grow older and lose memories. The people I'll meet will be dismissed and the affections and the humanity that's expressed will fade into background. Maybe even the lessons I'll learn will only end up as ridiculed thoughts.

But....

It's not just me.

The journey to save humanity seems like a long path through treacherous obstacles but I'm not just fighting for myself right?

It won't be JUST me.

I'm not the one who carries the burden alone.

It's a lot of weight to carry the whole world on your shoulders. They say I'm the one who'll struggle the most but I think the ones who will are the ones who'll be in the command room, staying awake for hours on end and researching. They're homesick, tired, weary, exhausted, and most importantly, people.

They'll be the ones forced to watch on the sidelines unable to help anyone or anything, nothing to quench and quell their thirst to help, to do something.

But we have to be strong.

We have to give our best.

It has to be enough.

It will always have to be enough.

It can't not be enough.

To waver is to leave yourself open to your enemies.

I suppose watching anime and shows really do help real life.

'Till next time, I guess.

F. Ritsuka