#i'm sooo close to catching up but i'm also about to fall behind again rip

[airenyah]

there goes the sign again with classical music and we've moved on from beethoven to mozart's kleine nachtmusik

[bizarrewritings-blog]

Knock Hard Life / Pt. 4

Bucky Barnes x reader

Being the new one is always problematic. Being the new one while thirsting over a new companion is even more problematic, especially when he shows no interest at all towards you.

Warnings: slight smut (blink and you'll miss it), Angst

A/N: The next part will be the last one sooo hope you enjoy this!

Pt. 1 | Pt. 2 | Pt. 3 | Pt. 4 | Pt. 5

The following night was rough. You've been tossing your body around the sheets for at least 3 hours resisting to fall asleep. You sighed heavily, sitting up and rubbing your palms over your face. Since you moved you always slept perfectly, the comfiness of the mattress lulling you to sleep easily. But even the softest sheets didn't bring you to doze off.

You turned on your bedsite lamp, picking up your favorite book from its place on the nightstand. Maybe this would help you to get a little sleepy. Making yourself comfortable against the headbord you started reading, almost immediately feeling in your own little world where only you and the story the pages infront of you pictured existed. You had no idea for long how you've been reading until a noise ripped you out of your trance, making you flinch. It was a knock at your door. Confused, you looked at the clock. 2:26 am. "Come in." You called, closing the book on your lap, still suspicious why someone would be up this time. Your features softened when a nervous looking Bucky took a step in your room. He wore a grey shirt to his sweatpants this time. Sadly.

"What's up Buck?" You asked, puzzled why he kept his gaze at the floor. You really thought he was finally over the 'I won't look at you' phase. "'M sorry for bothering you." He murmured, something lingering in his voice that you couldn't quite name. You crossed your leg under your blanket to sit up straighter, putting your book back on your nightstand. "You're not bothering. What's wrong?" He run a hand through his hair, his gaze still on his feet which were nervously scratching your grey carpet. "I normally go to Steve with stuff like this but...I walked by and your lights were on, and the talk we had in the kitchen was nice, so i thought... i don't know, if you want to...maybe I shouldn't have come..." He was unbelievably adorable when he was all nervous, but you really wanted him to form his thoughts into proper sentences. "If you want to talk, we can." That's when his gaze finally lifted from his feet to you. His eyes were a little puffy and red, the usual sparkling blue in his eyes turned to a cloudy grey. You gave him a sad smile, shifting a little to the side, petting the sheet to your left, telling him to sit down. He walked over to your bed slowly, sitting at the edge of the mattress. You giggled at his actions, making him throw a confused look at you. "You can sit on the bed normally, you know? You don't have to keep yourself so far from me." He only nodded, carefully taking his place beside you, making himself comfortable against the headboard as well. "Great. Now, talk." He took a breath before speaking. He told you about the nightmares he had for years, flashbacks of his years as The Winter Soldier, completely under another persons control. He talked about how the dreams where always different yet the same. Sometimes he would get pictured flashbacks of missions, the feared faces of people around him. Other times eveything would be a blurry imagine, but he heard the screaming, yelling, gunshots. And rarely he could feel the pain he went through everytime they messed with his brain, he even heard his own suffering screams.

You only looked at him while he talked, not saying anything. You wanted him to talk without being interrupted. When he finished you took all your confidence, carefully putting your hand in his flesh one, squeezing it lightly. He gave you a little confused look but didn't pull away. "I can never imagine the way you have to feel. It has to be absolutely horrific to be reminded of the things those bastards forced you to." You gave him a heart warming smile. "But you have to remember one thing. You're still here. You've made it through all of that and now you're here, being one of the toughest fighters the world has ever seen, with a group of friends everyone would love to have." He smiled brightly at your words, carefully squeezing your hand which still remained in his. "You're even better at these speeches than Steve." You both chuckled at that. The sound of his laugh spread warmth in your belly, it was such a beautiful thing to hear. You decided to be even bolder, shifting a little closer to him to lean your head on his shoulder. You felt him lightly tense again, his metal arm stirring lightly, but he relaxed soon after, making you sigh in relieve. None of you said anything, just enjoying each others company. You wanted to stay like this forever, the peaceful silence, the warmth of Buckys Hand around your own combined with the scent of him making your eyelids feel heavier by the second.

Bucky was the first to talk again. "Thank you, for all this. I hate bugging Steve all the time, waking him up and stuff, even if he says it's okay i still feel bad." You slightly nodded, you completely understood him. "I have to thank as well. You finally make me feel sleepy." You lifted your head from his shoulder to look at your alarm clock. 3:19 am. You really talked for almost an hour. You felt Bucky shift, his hand about to leave yours. "Maybe I should go then. But really, it was n-" "Wait." He stopped his movements, watching your face while you felt it going red. God you sounded really desperate there. "Y-You can stay if you want. You often stay at Steves as well right?" His eyebrows furrowed together in question. "How do you..." "Steve told me." You admitted. His face dropped a little, making it your turn to give him a questioned look. His gaze falling to his hand still intertwined with yours. "So you knew all of this and still had me explain it?" "No, no, i didn't know!" You instantly protested, fearing he might get mad at you for putting him through the misery of remembering all his dreams. You softly squeezed his hand, signaling him to look at you instead. His gaze met yours, a hurt expression on his face. "I promise, okay? He only told me you that when you had nightmares you would go to him to talk and sometimes staying there for the night. That's all. Really." Your eyes practically begged him to believe you. You didn't want him to go, you would do anything to convince him to stay. He took a breath before nodding. "Okay, okay. I'm...I'm sorry for accusing you like that." You sighed and shook your head. "It's alright, really." You ran your thumb over the back of his hand before lifting your gaze back to his eyes whose colour had returned to sparkling blue. "Stay, please." He smiled softly before nodding.

He stood up, the warmth of his hand leaving you. You shifted under your blanket to give him enough material to crawl under. After he joined you under the covers, laying on his back, he went full nervous again, you could almost see his rapid heartbeat trough the thin material of his shirt. You suppressed a chuckle but didn't accept that he wasn't at all close to you. With help of your new found confidence, wherever that came from, you lifted his arms and maneuvered yourself next to his body, your head on his chest. Now you could also hear his racing heart and you actually feared he might have a heart attack. He's an old man after all. "This okay for you?" You asked carefully as his heart didn't slow down. You feared you might have taken it too far. He answered by moving his flesh arm, which was laying somewhere behind your back until now, setting his hand at your hip, softly squeezing. You smiled at that, making yourself even more comfortable, soon after drifting off into your well deserved sleep.

Both of you actually slept longer that night, enjoying the comfort. What you didn't know was that at the same time you were the number one topic in the kitchen. "Has any of you seen Bucky?" Steve asked, nervously looking at Tony, Wanda and Sam. "Nope, barely see that guy." Sam shrugged. "His door is open and I usually always meet him here." The blonde stated, feared for his best friend. "Gym?" Wanda suggested. Steve just shook his head. "Already checked." "You know we have a AI in this house right?" Tony chuckled. "FRIDAY? Where is Barnes at the moment?" "Sergeant Barnes is asleep in Miss Y/L/Ns room." All four exchanged suprised glances. "Never thought Tin man would actually get laid." Tony laughed, Sam joining. Steve rolled his eyes with a smile. He was happy for you two but damn that went fast.

You woke up slowly, prying your eyes open to adjust to the dim light in your room. You tried to move but failed, something heavy keeping you in place. You turned your face, the glistening of metal catching your attention. Buckys left arm was draped around your waist, making you smile. Thank god it wasn't a dream. You managed to turn on your back, Buck immediately shifting even closer to you, pressing his body against your side with his face in your neck. You felt something hard against your thigh and gulped hard. Morning woods were awkward, but having Buckys pressed against you was torture. Suddenly the door swung open, making you jump. Steve entered the room, smiling wide. Bucky stirred in his sleep, slowly waking up with a mumbled "What the hell?"

"Good Morning, Lovebirds! I would've liked my best friend to tell me about this, but the AI took this job." Bucky and you both sat up, giving him a confused look. "What are you talking about?" The dark haired man rasped, the sleep still lingering in his voice. "Don't treat me like a goddamn fool, Buck. That between you two! I mean i knew you were meant for each other and as soon as Y/N told me she liked you I-" "STEVE!" You interrupted him with a shout, your eyes wide and entire face heating up. He shot you a confused glare before realizing. "Oh- You didn't...?" You let your head drop back against the headboard with a sigh. When you felt Buckys gaze you turned to look at him, Nervousness written over your face. "You like me?"