#i'm trying rlly hard to see what she's done to show how she cares for like us yh but i can't. rlly find anything n that hurts bcs i feel

[thenexusofsouls]

Have you ever considered writing Quentin Beck? You write your muses so well and he wouldn't be the first antagonist you've written *points to Nuada*, besides the angst with Carter would be interesting. Like Quentin is one of those "diva" typa villains, he is so funny at times like why are u such a dramatic bitch. Ugh I hope he isn't rlly dead, he was a great villain. Hope your recovery is going well btw! ❤️

{i am the caretaker of souls} Going to answer this now even though I'm not back until next weekend because it mentioned surgery recovery... and because I can. XD My recovery is going well, thank you! I'm feeling much better than I did a week ago. Still not 100%, but getting better every day. I think given one more week I should be almost completely back to normal. =)

I haven't ever considered writing Quentin, no. Mostly because he's just not a character that speaks to me or that I know very well. He's interesting, don't get me wrong, but he's never gotten in my head and bugged me for weeks to write him like muses normally do, heh. Also, all I know of him is what was in the Spiderman movies, so... I don't have a lot to go on.

Also, I've read some of the asks and things from that verse where Carter dates Quentin (tagging @starcchild in on this in case she wants to weigh in at all), and I feel my portrayal might be biased because of that. What I mean is, I wouldn't necessarily have said he would have been abusive to Carter. Or maybe he would. But whatever opinion I would have formed on my own has already been made by that AU. Like in my head, he's abusive to her right out of the gate before I've even had a chance to develop my own interpretation of him. And whoever had been writing Quentin for those AUs, I don't want to steal from their interpretation, you know? It's just hard for me to be unbiased and create my own interpretation of him when I've already got that one in my mind.

I think he's got some obsessive personality traits, a bit of a short fuse, and his own personal setbacks have fueled an obsessive hatred of Tony Stark. I'm not sure whether Quentin would be classified as a psychopath, and some of the arrogant and narcissistic personality traits that psychopaths have are feeding into that? Like... he perceives Tony's lack of tact with regard to the intellectual property of others and Tony's lack of interest in him as a person to be targeted, deliberate, insulting, and unforgivable attacks against him, because how dare he, when really Tony's already moved onto the next stupid thing he said or did without putting that much thought into it. But that hyperfixation on the wrongs, slights, and injustices done to Quentin, the need to enact revenge to get justice for himself or to punish those who have wronged him in an I'll show you manner, and the willingness to put innocent people in danger due to a lack of empathy... are all traits of a psychopath, I think? I'm not a psychologist, but I do watch a lot of criminal psychology shows, lol. Also the need for attention, validation, and an audience is there, which I think is another psychopathic trait if I remember correctly.

Or, it could be that Quentin just has narcissistic personality disorder, which gives him an inflated ego and sense of self-worth. How could Tony not care about him? How could he steal from him? How could he toss him aside? In his mind he's so important that being ignored or shoved aside or treated like he personally doesn't matter is jarring enough to his sense of self that he has to go to extreme means to set the injustice right. He seems a bit immature, too, and that might feed into the me, myself, and I mentality of focusing so much on his own wants and needs and not on anyone else's.

With regard to Carter... The only way I could see Quentin even wanting to date her is to get back at Tony in yet another way. But I don't think he'd necessarily try to hurt her. At least not physically. Because his goal is to hurt Tony, not Carter. To hurt Tony, what's the worst thing he could do? Turn Carter against him. So I think Quentin would try to ingratiate himself to Carter and then gaslight her into believing her father is a terrible person in various ways. With, of course, the end goal in mind of her breaking off all contact with Tony of her own accord because she wants nothing more to do with him, which Quentin knows would mess Tony up pretty badly.

The question is... how seriously Quentin takes himself and how deluded he really is. Is it just that he's an arrogant asshole who wants to stick it to Tony for perceived injustices like stealing his research? In that case, I think he'd be even more insidious and manipulative to Carter because he knows Tony isn't as bad as he's making him out to be, it's just that he's angry and wanting to get revenge on him. So he'd know that he's lying to Carter and controlling the narrative surrounding her father to deliberately gaslight her.

Or... is it that Quentin is so delusional that he truly believes that, because Tony did these things to him, Tony is a terrible, dangerous, duplicitous human being? That means he's far more mentally impaired than knowing reality and choosing to manipulate it, because in this situation he's actually believing his own lies. In that case, if after he begins dating Carter he does develop any kind of feelings for her, he might actually believe he's protecting her from the terrible person that Tony is. He might believe that the gaslighting he's doing to her is just him honestly trying to help Carter by exposing her father for who he truly is. To open her eyes to the truth, as it were.

Personally, I don't think Quentin believes his own lies. I think he's just an immature, angry man who feels slighted by someone and holds grudges long and hard enough to never let it go. Whether that borders on psychopathic tendencies to want to obsessively plan and seek out the friends and family of someone you believed slighted you to enact your revenge or not, I'm not sure, but he definitely suffers from obsessive personality traits and an inflated ego. So I think he would know exactly what he's doing to Carter by lying to her about her dad, or inflating certain events to seem worse than they are, or generally trying to control her as far as what she thinks of Tony or when she sees him (depends on if it's a verse where Tony is alive or dead, I guess).

*shrugs* That's my two cents on Quentin and his relationship with Carter. He's never really been a muse for me, though. You're right, I don't mind writing villains. Nuada is definitely one, I would argue that Noah over on @tarnishedxknight can be considered one too. And I do write Ravenna from the same movies Eric and Freya are from, I've just never brought her to this site. It's more just that he's not a character that really spoke to me as far as me feeling compelled to write him.

[mikareo]

hi!!! i love your account it’s so cute :) can i please request a matchup for jujutsu kaisen? im bisexual & use she/her pronouns <3

for my personality, id say im pretty bubbly and excitable. i’m an isfj & cancer, & i try to look on the bright side and try to listen to/help when they’re sad. im very affectionate with the people im close to, and i tend to cling onto my friends arms and hug them a lot. i love anything soft or cute, especially animals!! im kinda scared of bugs though, but i still always try to take them outside. i get distracted pretty easily, and have a hard time dealing with change. i tend to be a bit bossy and unreasonable when it comes to something i’m interested in. i also really like going for walks, shopping, yoga, baking (even though i’m dreadfully awful at it), and reading. i like complimenting strangers, and i try to see the best in everything & everyone! though i can’t really tolerate it if somebody is overly cruel or rude to the people i care about. i have a very “do no harm, take no shit” mentality :) my ideal date would probably be some kind of picnic or a walk in a park on a nice day, i like very aesthetic things ahsjsbsj

please & thank you! have a nice day <3

💌 ✮⋆˙ love letter to...rezqwr!

hi!! i rlly hope u like this character asjkl the pictures i used are so pretty like i'm in awe of them i love this chara sm :) have an amazing day and enjoy reading !!!

[ ꒰ᐢ. .ᐢ꒱₊˚⊹ ᰔ ] your personality matchup results!

congratulations . . .‧₊˚👒✩MAI ZENIN₊˚💐⊹♡

⋆⭒˚｡⋆ chemistry analysis . . .

while i was reading through your information, i was really torn between yuuji and mai. i feel like you and itadori would have a really good base for a relationship— but i decided it would ultimately be platonic, which lead me to pick mai. i think you two would have a lot to give each other, balance wise, and are, in my opinion, the most compatible out of the jujutsu kaisen characters.

mai has such a gentle soul that she hides behind her prickly personality. she doesn't want to show any types of weakness in case there are those who underestimate her, but with you, it's very different. you have open empathy and kindness, something she wishes she could publicly show, and she has so much admiration for how you carry yourself. whether you're comforting a friend or saving a bug from the corner of your kitchen, she's in utter awe with the natural beauty of your heart. as your relationship progresses, she hopes some of that goodness rubs off on her and gives her the courage to show her true self to her peers; which is something that only you can encourage her to do.

a seemingly unfortunate similarity between the two of you, is your resistance to change. while you're more headstrong and opinionated when you aren't happy with the direction a situation is going, mai is more of a pushover. she's too afraid to really say what she thinks and covers up her fear with aggression and insults. with you, however, she has someone who can speak up for her. while you encourage her to state her true feelings, she stands by your side and supports your remarks and occasional 'unreasonable' responses. you're both very aware of your distaste for change, but don't judge the other for it. rather than arguing, you listen to each other and figure out what's bothering both of you; leaning towards healthy conversations instead of toxic ones.

it's tough to get past mai's phony initial persona, but when you really get to know her, you find out that all she wants is to be like all the other girls in japan. she wants to go shopping. she wants to get her makeup done. she wants to laugh and smile with someone she loves without having to worry about curses and whatnot. with you as her companion, she now has the ability to go do these things and having someone to share those memories with. you make her feel like a normal person, and that's the most valuable thing in the world to her.

[so-cool-day6]

ok here this suggestive n kinda smutty kevin thing

i'm absolutely no real writer so i apologize in advance lol

i wanna put some warnings to b safe, again ive never done this but i wanna do my best hshhsshshh

- slight degradation

- implied rlly rough sex

- mention of hair pulling

- color system

also i proofread this a million times but knowing me there's probably a million mistakes still, sorry

Never did I expect that "Jade" wasn't Jade at all.

Never did I expect that "Jade" was Kevin Moon undercover on deobi stan twitter.

Never did I expect that Kevin Moon would find my thirst tweets so hilarious that he wanted to hear more about them.

The moment Jade accidentally said "I" instead of "Kevin" in a message, I knew something felt fishy.

But he played it off so well, I soon forgot about it.

But those things just kept happening.

Sometimes it didn't take Jade very long at all to think up how Kevin would react to something.

Sometimes the answers seemed so extremely accurate, they could only have been from Kevin himself.

And when I finally put all the many pieces together?

Oh boy. I was pissed. And immensely embarrassed.

But not near as embarrassed as I know I'm about to be in a few minutes.

I'm only a few people away from going up to the fansign table to meet The Boyz.

I wasn't gonna come. I wasn't even gonna enter. I knew it would be far too embarrassing and humiliating to see Kevin in real life after all the explicit things I said about him, inadvertently directly to him.

But when your best friend begs you to enter with her, you enter with your best friend.

And when you and your best friend both win, and she begs you to go so she isn't alone... you go so she isn't alone.

She owes me big time for this one.

Thank goodness that Kevin isn't first...

As I talk to Jacob, Chanhee, Sangyeon, and Eric, I was glad to discover that, even if he shared every conversation we ever had, Kevin at least hadn't show any of them what I looked like.

But my conversation with Eric is ending, and Kevin is smirking, telling me that he has already noticed me.

Time to die, I guess.

I say goodbye to Eric, give him a high five, and move to the next seat in front of Kevin Moon.

"Well, well, well." He smiles. "Fancy seeing you here."

I try to laugh. "Yeah..."

"Why so shy? You weren't this shy on twitter."

"Yeah, when I wasn't talking to Kevin Moon."

"Ah, but you were. You were talking to Kevin."

I simply roll my eyes in response and look down at my hands, trying to keep my face from getting too red.

"Listen, I do wanna apologize. I shouldn't have manipulated you like that."

"It's okay... I can't blame you. If I were in your position, I can't say I wouldn't do the same thing. And there wasn't any real harm done, right? As long as it doesn't get out."

"Although, I must say..." His eyes darken. "I kind of liked hearing your thoughts about me. Especially in such detail." His hand lands on my thigh under the table and he feels me instantly tense up. He cracks a smile and chuckles. "I really do have an effect on you, don't I?" His voice is barely above a whisper, and his grip on my thigh tightens. "Just tell me if you want me to take my hand away and I will. Instantly. No questions asked."

"Okay." I think for a moment. Do I? Do I want him to move?

He looks at me expectantly, waiting for more of a response.

"I'll tell you if I do." I can feel my face heat up as I make my decision.

He smirks.

"I love how flustered you get." His thumbs slowly rubs the inner part of my thigh, thanks to his hand placement, and chills run up and down my back.

"Hurry up." A staff member says behind him, making sure the line doesn't get held up.

While Kevin's hand on my thigh isn't visible to the crowd, it IS visible to the staff. But they don't seem phased, nor do they seem to care.

Does Kevin have a habit of feeling up fans under the table or do they just wanna go home?

He leaves a cold spot on my leg as he pulls his hand away and quickly signs my album.

He answers the question post-it, which is actually a question from my Kevin-biased friend who couldn't try for a fansign slot, and then he flips the post-it up and writes something on the album page underneath the post-it.

"Move." The staff tells me. Kevin gives me a high five to look casual and throws me a wink as subtly as possible.

I continue on through the rest of the line, trying to keep my composure, especially when talking with Sunwoo and Changmin.

I may have said... a lot about them to Kevin.

A lot.

The fansign finally ends, and I don't remember Kevin writing something under the post-it note until the drive back to my friend's house.

"Hilton on Portico

Room 347

Should be back by 8

I'll have Q out of our room by 8:05

Hope to see you there"

No way.

No, he's kidding.

He's kidding right?

Did he just ask me to meet him in his hotel room tonight?

Why?

He doesn't want to... no.

No, that's impossible.

Why would he want to-

"Are you even listening?" My friend snaps me out of my thoughts and I quickly cover Kevin's message.

"Sorry, I spaced out... Can't stop thinking about meeting them, yknow?"

-

My hand raises to knock on the door, before I pull it back down.

8:06, my watch reads.

I shouldn't be here.

I shouldn't be here, right?

This is insane...

Maybe he wants to lecture me.

Maybe he wants to yell at me.

Why would he wanna yell at me after what he did at the fansign, though?

I shake my head and raise my hand to knock again.

No matter why he wants to see me at his hotel room, he wants to see me at his hotel room.

It must be important.

I carefully knock, suddenly regretting all of my life choices as I wait for him to open the door.

What if Changmin is still in the room?

What if his manager is in the room?

What if he wrote down the wrong room number?

What if he was just trying to play with me all along, and they aren't even at this hotel?

The door swings open and Kevin's face lights up.

"You came..." He sounds shocked, as if meeting Kevin Moon in his hotel room isn't a dream to many, many people. "Come in, please." He opens the door wider and steps to the side, allowing me to walk into the room. "I'm sorry it's still a mess... we have to refuse housekeeping services and I just got Changmin to leave a couple minutes ago. I didn't have a chance to tidy up for you..."

"No, no! It's no big deal, no worries. If only you saw my house, it's way worse..."

We stand in silence for a bit, both of us unsure exactly what to do next, when suddenly I gain a boost of confidence.

"Kevin, why am I here?"

He looks at me with eyes full of... I'm not sure what.

Thoughtfulness?

"I don't know. Why are you here?"

"You don't know? You're the one who told me to come." I scoffed.

"I know. But why did you come? What were you hoping would happen if you came to my hotel room? Or should I say..." His eyes darken again, just like they had at the fansign, and he steps towards me and takes my hand in his. "What are you still hoping will happen?"

All breath leaves me.

"Maybe I can jog your memory. Were you maybe hoping that I would... pull your hair and pound you from behind like you're nothing but my sorry cumslut?"

A sharp gasp involuntarily leaves my body as he boldly quotes one of the first things I ever told Jade, word for word. I can feel his ego boost by the second.

"Or maybe it was something more along the lines of..."

Kevin places his hands on my waist and pulls my body flush with his.

"Fingering you roughly until you're shaking and crying and begging for me to stop... but I don't."

Again, he quotes my own sexual fantasy to me, every word correct. Except this time it elicits a soft moan.

I can feel him hard against me, and I can't help but look away towards the floor in embarrassment.

"Look at me."

I can't bring myself to obey his command, no matter how much I want to.

"I said look at me." He grabs my chin and turns my face towards his, his eyes slowly moving away from my eyes and down to my lips.

His eyes and voice all tell me that he's having a hard time holding back, but he has to ask something first.

"Have you ever heard of the color system?"

"Yeah." I whisper, which is about the only volume I can muster up in the moment. "Like a traffic light, right?"

"Right. What color are you on right now?"

"Green."

"And what color would you be on if I kissed you?"

"Green."

That's all the approval he needs to quickly place one hand on the lower back of my head and softly press his lips into mine.

That softness does not last long, as the kiss soon turns into a quite passionate make out.

We begin to migrate, lips still together, until our legs hit the edge of the bed and Kevin pulls away from me.

"Your fantasies aren't soft. And you've got such a hold on me, I can't promise to be either. I don't wanna do anything that makes you uncomfortable, upset, or negatively helpless. I want you to use the colors. Is that okay with you?" Somehow his continuous consent checks make him a hundred times sexier.

"I can do that."

"Don't hesitate at all to say any of the colors at any moment, if you feel you want to. Okay?" Yeah, the continuous consent checks are really sexy.

"Okay."

"Where are we at right now?"

"Green."

With that, he smirks and pushes me onto the bed, quickly crawling on top of me to reattach his lips to my own.

His beautiful hands begin to wander and feel my body. He finds my waistband and slowly slides his thumb under it.

I know he's taking it slow just in case I change my mind, which is very considerate, but it only makes me frustrated.

I push him away slightly with my hand.

"Can you hurry it up, Kev? You've had me wet since lunch." Is all i say before grabbing his shirt and pulling him back into me.

I can tell he's holding back some kind of reaction to what I just did.

His hand fully slides under my waistband, both of them, and he begins to slide his hand lower and towards the middle...

The embarrassment surrounding my encounters with Kevin are being replaced with thankfulness. Who would have thought that thirst tweets would land me in a hotel bed, getting fucked by Kevin Moon?

He's just made me cum for the third time.

First time with his mouth and fingers, then twice by railing me in two different positions.

He says yellow as he pulls out, and I nod.

We both need a breather.

He lays down next to me, both of us breathing quite heavily. I'm definitely breathing heavier, though. Curse his dancer cardiovascular health.

"So, what do you think we should-" Kevin is cut off by the sound of the door being unlocked with a key card, and his eyes go wide. He hurries to pull the blanket up over me, covering up my naked body from the view of whoever was coming in.

The fact that he doesn't care at all about his dick still hanging out loud and proud makes me wonder just how comfortable he is with all his members AND staff...

The person entering starts saying something in Korean, and all I can pick out is that he's addressing Kevin for something.

As the mystery person turns the corner and we meet eyes, both of us freeze for a moment.

Kevin scolds Ji Changmin in Korean, and Changmin responds, clearly upset at Kevin for something.

Kevin checks his phone and mutters an "oh".

"I'm sorry." Kevin turns to me. "I told Q to stay out until 10, thinking we'd be done by then... but I guess we've been having a little too much fun..."

The room reeks of awkwardness (and sex, but that's besides the point), until Changmin shyly raises his hand to wave at me.

"Hello. I'm Q."

I chuckle and wave back.

Kevin says something to Changmin. I'm unable to pick out any words to grasp at some sort of context before Changmin's eyes widen even further and he points at me, simply saying...

"Deobi?"

I nod.

Kevin's face suddenly turns devilish, and he starts talking to Changmin again.

I feel very out of the loop, but the way Changmin's face is turning beet red isn't making me optimistic as to what Kevin is saying.

"Kevin, what did you just tell him?"

Kevin keeps talking and Changmin's eyes dart back and forth from me to Kevin, and then I notice they glance down.

His grey sweatpants are not being very forgiving as to hiding his erection.

"Kevin!" I try a second time.

"What, baby? A man deserves to know what a sexy woman wants him to do to her."

I grab a pillow and throw it at him, hard, before hiding my face in the sheets.

Kevin apologizes in both English and Korean, and I hear Changmin giggle awkwardly.

Kevin says one last thing and I hear someone going through a suitcase.

I peek out from the sheets and see Changmin riffling through his bag, still replying to Kevin, before tossing something at Kevin.

Kevin thanks him, using one word of Korean I do know.

Changmin leaves, not before saying a kind goodbye to me, and Kevin turns to me.

"This might be fun, don't you think? If my memory is being kind to me, you've definitely mentioned me using one of these on you." He holds up the vibrator that Changmin threw at him.

What on earth does Changmin get up to on tour?

"Did he say anything about what you... told him?"

"He asked if you were gonna still be in town tomorrow. I sure hope you are, cause I said yes. And tomorrow it seems I'll be the one leaving the room all night... if you want to, of course."

I start getting wet again at the prospect.

"But don't think about him too much yet. I'm not done with you yet, baby." He clicks a button on the vibrator. "Green?"

"Green."

He looks at me like he's a hungry lion, before pouncing on me.

Rest time is over.

--------

THE UNGOLDY SCREECH THAT LEFT ME OMG THANK YOU FOR SENDING THIS IN

"Somehow his continuous consent checks make him a hundred times sexier" IT'S TRUE. I'm not okay. My mind was babble the entire time, especially when Changmin walked in 🤤 the idea of it all... beautiful 😍 is it okay if I tag this a tbz smut? I think more people deserve to read this. I'll delete the tags if you want me to!

[one-abuse-survivor]

Tired is when you're sick of life, or feel weighed down by the stuff around you. Sleepy is when you want to go to bed. That's how me and my friend do it, anyhow. At this point, I'm fucking exhausted to the point where I feel too tired to let it out but im gonna anyways. There's bits in here that I can't tell my friend, or anyone, so i'm hoping bc this is anonymous i can let it out. Right, intro done lol. Onto the story. Last night, i have no idea what time, maybe five or six, (all i know is this

thing ended at 7pm), my mom storms out of the room and comes back holding a bottle of water and her bag. She proceeds to tell my dad she found the bottle at the bottom of my bed, (basically im not supposed to have anything at the bottom of my bead bc asian tradition believes that youre on top of it and thats dirty or whatever). Then she pulls out my school photo, puts it on the table and tells my dad to look at it. Starts ranting about how I never listen, i look horrible, worst photo i've ever taken. 

Basically, I go to a private school, and they think I should look good, and then they spent some time lecturing me about how i was supposed to look right when i was in the school, I look like a boy, i act like a boy, my hair's a mop, I look like a hooligan. Start talking about when i dress to go to school, how my shoes aren't polished and one of them has laces that show the white inner. How my hair's messy at the back, if i saw someone in jeans and someone in a suit in the street, who would i think was respectful? They told me they shouldn't have let me into the school, they loved me too much, that's why, they should have let me go to this public school that has a reputation for being a mess, that i belong there, waste of money, they regret letting me go here, thought i was a respectable girl. 

Dad asked me again, who wouldd i think was respectful, the jeans or the suit, and I told him I don't know. We'll get to that later, but at that moment he sneered and snorted and looked at my mom. 'says she doesnt know' he jeers. I'd meant it as in 'i have no idea, please help me'. He took it as 'she doesn't know, and doesn't give a fuck'. I don't know how to look proper. they never taught me. they tell me that something looks good so i wear it. mom still buys my clothes for me. I have no fucking clue what looks proper and what doesn't. 

Anyways, somehow they moved onto uni, and my current work, and how I pull all-nighters and how dad thought i was smart but nopw he has no hope, how he sees me get up in the morning and know i'm going to fail the assessment, how i get distracted, how i take too long to shower, how i never learn, how i never help them around the house, they do everything for me and if he was in my shoes then he would work until 'smoke came out' (vietnamese saying), how he would be so grateful but i'm not and they're going to leave me (which is a normal threat for them lol) and how they're going to die (another normal threat, dad has a lifelong illness and mom has been struggling with leukaemia for years) and they're not going to pay for uni if i get a stupid degree, only if i get a good degree like they want which will actually help me (law), if i want to become an engineer (something im considering) then i can pay for it myself, then again it's not like i'm even going to get into uni, when they look at me, they have to think of the girl i was when i was five because if they think about me now they feel sad, they won't look at me because I make them sad, they had so much hope for me, now down the drain, no, down to the sewers, look at my cousins going out, one of them had piercings and infections and almost got tattoos and is a nurse in a prison with a husband who stressed her out so much she passed out at work, do i want that, that's what i will get if i dont work, basd job, assisstants have to buy pads for their bosses, horrible child, this will end one of two ways, one i listen to them and come back years later to thank them or i'll look up at the stars and wish that i'd listened to them and they regret having me and caring for me, if only they'd been better parents, they'd been too lenient, but i don't care do i because if i cared it'd show in my working to please them and i haven't done that so that means i don;t care about them.

Dad told me it was too late to change, then switches to tell me it's not too late, they ramble on about my internet use, (i have to ask them for internet) and i'm not acutlalyu doping work on it, i'm just fucking around, they kjnow, they know, i can lie all i want nbut it's true. Horrible child, they'll die, they'll die, That's the end of the conversation, we're not going to talk about it anymore. No, stop talking. I'm going to tell you this until i die. I'm going to keep saying it, beccause it's better that i say it and you not listen than i dont say it and regret not saying it. (okay, i can;t currently remember anything else of what they said lol.). By the way, you wanna know abt

[asks didn’t arrive and I asked for the last bit again]

ok lets hope to god this sends then. i think i know where i was up to - 'do you want to know about what was wrong with the photo' i think was meant to be that. anyways, yeah. guess what was wrong with it. i had a fucking splinge. like my hair was parted and a bit of the part was split. that's all i can see that's wrong with it. maybe my hair looked oily? idk but that's all i noticed. also said something after that about do u remember when dad asked me abt who did i think looked better the suit.

also can i add something i just remembered which is that one of them put folders on my shelf and mom told me she knew i put them there to hide what i was looking at on my laptop from her when i??? didnt??? put them??? there??? in the first place???? (the layout of my room allows the folders to block the view of someone from the door basically) i put new folders there after i think my dad put them there but i didnt originally put them there??? sorry it was a full ask rant and i have no idea what the freak i typed and what i didnt lol. but u get the gist i think. big fat lecture.

i am tired. my eyes were puffy and there was like this pool of snot floating on top of this pool of tears if you did get the ask sorry u had to read that twice. :(. i mean even tho u didnt see it i was able to let it all out. not sure if it made me feel better about anything but being able to do it at all is rlly nice. Thank you for that.

-----

No wonder you’re tired, nonnie... I’m really glad you could get all of this off your chest, and really sorry that you have to hear those awful things about yourself coming from your parents.

I’m a white European, so I don’t share many of your experiences and I don’t know how it is to live in a Vietnamese family, but I hope it’s okay to compare it a little bit with my experiences in my (very Christian) family--if not, you can absolutely skip the next paragraph! 

I have had a bunch of conversations with my therapist about traditions, religion, and misogyny, because since I cut my mother off, my grandfather has lectured me many times about how I am a bad daughter for looking out for myself and putting my life first instead of being devoted to my mother’s wants and needs. He told me that she’s sick and I’m horrible for not caring about that and abandoning her, and that if she doesn’t love me, I just have to work harder until I "crack her walls”. (As if I haven’t tried already, and as if she didn’t use her very mental illness as an excuse to abuse me). My therapist basically told me that sometimes, being the Disney villain in some people’s stories means you’re doing something right, because their vision of what’s right and what’s wrong (especially when it comes to daughters and women in general) is designed to hurt you, to make you put your family before yourself. That it’s never wrong to put yourself and your needs first, and that kids don’t owe their parents anything just because the parents brought them into this world--that was the parents’ choice, not the kid’s, and therefore it’s the parents’ responsibility to care for their kid, whoever that kid turns out to be; and not the kid’s responsibility to be the model child that the parents had in mind or to care for them.

Your parents belittling you for things you have little to no control over and accusing you of being responsible for their future deaths, for not knowing things that haven’t been explained to you, for not living up to their expectations without even giving you a chance to try, and for not “working for them as hard as they would in your place”, are all red flags of emotional abuse. Accusing you of things you don’t do and constantly drilling into your mind that they “know” you’re a horrible person who doesn’t want to learn or change is a red flag too, and probably an excuse to take the guilt off their shoulders for not taking the time to guide you in life and to explain anything to you before accusing you of not knowing it already. “It’s too late” puts the blame on you, but what it actually means is probably something along the lines of “It’s easier to scream at you than to put realistic expectations on you and then help you achieve them while respecting your boundaries and allowing you to make mistakes, but I don’t want to feel guilty about it, so let’s pretend you’re a lost cause, yeah?”

I used to go to a private school too, and my mother repeatedly told me that was the reason she struggled economically and that I had ruined her life. It wasn’t until I talked about it in therapy that I realised that I never had a choice in what school I went to. Same as I never had a choice in anything my mother decided for me. So how could I be to blame for the consequences of those decisions? And how can you? If they buy you certain clothes, then they have no right to criticise how you look in them. If they chose to put you in a private school, then the money spent is on them, not you. You shouldn’t have to “prove” you’re worth their decisions for you or their basic care for you--they chose to give you that unconditionally the moment they decided to have you in the first place, and if they refuse to give it or threaten to take it away, it’s becuase they’re neglectful and/or abusive, not because something intrinsic about you justifies it. You’re not a bad kid; you’re just a normal kid with very bad parents. And I’m really sorry that you have to put up with them. You deserve better 😔

I’m here if you need to vent again in the future, nonnie. Sending a virtual hug ❤

[iasipranked]

IASIP Episodes Ranked: #103 of 144 - The Gang Does A Clip Show

dir. Todd Biermann, written by Dannah Phirman and Danielle Schneider, aired October 17th, 2018, Season 13 Episode 7

summary: in an episode potentially set in dennis’s head, the gang remember scenes from their past (i.e. the show), and slowly forget what is real, being thrust into an inception-like reality where the gang inhabits the dream-minds of different members.

abby’s favourite line: ‘(scat singing) stop sucking and go’ -dee and charlie

luce’s favourite line: ‘i don’t remember dennis leaving’ -frank

positives:

they censored the r slur that was in the christmas ep clip!! it’s a little thing but means a whole lot

if you’re not aware, sunny’s official insta account posted this photo about the ep, confirming the theory that clip show is in fact all in dennis’ head...which makes so much fucking sense and opens up a great opportunity of learning about dennis’ emotions and fear and vulnerability

this whole episode is him wanting to be incredibly attached to reality, he does not like change, and all the big changes in his life (maureen, nd) have been purely impulsive, so now that he’s back to philly and the gang, he just wants to stay in the moment. he doesn’t even wanna reminisce in the beginning (maybe bc it brings us painful emotions he’d rather not think about?) but at the end, he’s the one that doesn’t want to stop reminiscing...but when everyones on their phones and it’s “reality” again, he says “thank god we’re back to normal”...literally his last line in s13, that is art 

since this is all in his head, he’s literally imagining the gang stopping him from leaving for north dakota, which says so goddamn much about idk if necessarily regretting the decision to leave, but regretting not saying out loud that this fucking scares him and he wants the gang to question him more and stop him from his impulsivity or if not stop, simply go with him so he’s not all alone in this new change

dennis allows himself to imagine all this scenarios instead of actually putting them out into the real world and making these things happen simply bc he’s terrified...it lets him live out the fantasy without truly feeling the consequences

this all just stems from dennis’ need to live that heteronormative life...he married maureen but then divorced her bc he realized thats not him and he left for nd but then came back bc he realized thats not him but he keeps craving this extravagant dream that he’ll never ever get, but he still holds onto it desperately. I'm not sure if he genuinely still has hope that he’ll achieve it, but it’s the only thing that keeps him going bc if he brings these fantasies into reality and really looks at who he is deep inside, he’s gonna break. his whole life will feel like a lie and he’ll feel maybe like a failure, bc he hasn’t done anything with his college degree, no stable income or wife or suburban home. the most stable things in his life are the gang and the bar. and even tho he knows it, and u can see him rlly loving the gang in s13, he’s still somewhat embarrassed to associate with them Only bc they’re not what he expected he would end up with. so he plays it off like he hates them or is gonna leave again and blah blah blah in the end he’s an emotional mess that loves his friends too much to admit it

it’s truly so cool how we can learn so much about a character without the character themselves explicitly saying/showing it...it’s easy to forget how much dimension this show has sometimes and this was kind of revolutionary in that aspect, demonstrating yet again how close these ppl are to each other and how much they rlly do care about each other, even if they don’t show it

also check out @araki-iasip katherine’s blog, she talks about this ep all the time and delves into all the little things, providing a huge amount of insight

long legged frank was the best part of this episode for a casual viewer... he reminds me of an insect

also while the point was to make fun of clip show episodes it is fun to look back on classic sunny moments as rcg views them!

rewatching this episode i completely forgot about the seinfeld bit and the fact that glennis and rob/mac were BOTH jerry is so funny they really are... like that

negatives:

even though this episode is canonically in den’s head, you probably wouldn’t know if you’re just a casual fan and/or don’t check sunny’s social media posts. it's unfortunate that something that makes for such interesting character analysis isn’t canon in the ep itself and isn’t available to all viewers unless you’re actively looking for it! 

apart from everything dennis, this episode was rather underwhelming? they definitely could have gone farther with the screwing up reality theme and expanding more on the nd plotline, macdennis, and the whole hating on mac thing, besides the little things they planted in that was more or less up to interpretation

the overall plot of this episode really doesn’t make sense - they spent too much time on the clip show aspect and then went on to try and make it about inception? too much... it’s too much packed into one episode and they could have achieved so much more if they went in with a solid aim.

tldr: while this episode was a little incoherent, it is still a really interesting and hard to come by look into dennis’ mind in season 13, provided you have the right context

[bbangjaes]

Can you please answer all the questions ? 😅 I'm that curious

sure! i already answered three of them so i’ll just do the rest ✨

🌜- Favourite song(s)?yo my answer to this changes weekly 😅 but currently i’d have to say goodbye by 2NE1 bc that song makes me fucking ugly cry i s2g🥓- Favourite movie(s)?my fav movie also changes super often but i saw Before I Fall recently and that shit CHANGED MY LIFE it was just so relevant to where i am in my life rn and i cried really hard after seeing it (i swear i’m not always crying lmao) so i’d have to say that🎱 - Favourite TV show(s)?AHHH WHY ARE THESE ALL SO DIFFICULT if i had to choose my fav of all time i’d prob say Skins bc i just love how just purely human the writers made each character and i could really relate to them💃- Height measurement?5 ft 5 in (i actually used to be taller than everyone i knew but then i just like stopped growing???????)🌎 - Dream holiday location?i’ve always wanted to visit Alaska bc it just seems so pretty there 🦑- Favourite weather?okokok so i fucking love when it’s sunny and warm but there’s still a little breeze that you’re not sweating like a mofo like !!!!!!! that is the best weather ever🌈 - Sexuality?ah jeez so i’m bisexual but i’m way more attracted to males than females (which my friends don’t really get but then again i don’t really live to be easy to get, ya feel?)🐲- Favourite video game(s)?pokémon. hands down. next question.👾- Any fandoms you part of?well kpop-wise i stan SF9, BTS, NCT, and EXO (i’m also complete trash for 4MINUTE but then they just had to go and break up)💩- Biggest fear(s)?i have a rlly bad fear of drowning and i legit cannot get on a boat without struggling to breathe and having my legs shake like crazy 🙃 i also have pretty bad stage fright but i’ve been making progress getting over it as of late so that’s lit 👍👽- Favourite book/comic(s)?school has made me hate reading so tbh i don’t really have one👑- Biggest idol?is it corny to say my mom? fuck it, i don’t care bc my mom is srsly the strongest person i’ve ever known and she’s a badass i love her🙉 - Tell me a secret?lok um here’s one: yesterday, when i was done chewing my gum in class, i stuck it under my chair bc i didn’t want to walk to the trash can 💫- Single or taken?single (but i have a rlly unhealthy crush on this boy at school that i can never have so u can imagine what a mess i am)💥- Ever got in a fight?physically? no. verbally? yes. i’m like really outspoken so i’m always getting myself in trouble by standing up for people that won’t speak up themselves 🌵- Done any drugs?lol yeah bc they’re like everywhere u look in my school and i used to say yes to trying everything so ppl would like me????? (i was involved in a bad crowd for a while) idk i’ve smoked weed, done acid, and drank alcohol👅- Follow any religions or beliefs?nah fam👻- Country you live in?the united states of ‘murica 🇺🇸🤡- What are you currently wearing?pajamas (which for me is an oversized t shirt and no pants)💲- Last thing you bought?i’m like 99% sure it was food but i don’t really remember what it was exactly oops⚜️- Name your 3 favourite tumblr blogs!oh god it’s so hard to choose *sweats* uh ok if it’s only 3 i’d prob have to go with @antisocial-burrito @leesanhyuk and @ohjuho 🔮- Any paranormal experiences?oh hell no i don’t fuck with that demon shit💻- Best pickup line?i’m sorry i legit can’t think of anything rn but it’s prob something involving a cringey play on words🐮- Favourite animal(s)?dogs 🐶🌸- Speak any languages?english is my first language but i speak, read, and write spanish pretty well too🐙- How long is your hair?bruh i have no idea but it’s pretty damn long bc i haven’t cut it in what feels like centuries🍙- Selfie?(i can’t seem to attach one here so i’ll just post one for u)