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blackjackkent · 23 days

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Writing Interview Tag Game

I was tagged by @ra-scheln - thank you! :D

When did you start writing?

A looooooong time ago. Haha. As a kid there was a several year period where I thought I wanted to be an author as a career, and always liked writing even after I moved on to other plans. The stuff I wrote as a kid is mostly lost to time, although I do still have the Google doc of a “novel” I wrote for my senior English project in high school. I haven't had the courage to look at it for a long time because it is uh. Not Good. :P (No judgment on my past self - we become better through trying and learning. But it would probably be unrecognizable compared to my writing now.)

Are there different themes or genres that you enjoy reading than what you write?

Sort of? I like reading scifi and fantasy and the majority of my writing has also been in those genres. But I also like reading things like regency romance, historical fiction, very specific types of horror, etc. that I have no real interest in trying to replicate.

Can you tell me about your writing space?

Sometimes I write on my phone flopped on the couch - that's how I'm writing my answers to these questions in fact! I'm a pretty fast phone typist but it's still a slower process, though, so when I really want to buckle down I usually go to my desktop computer which is in the office. Right now it's a big wooden corner desk but I'd like to replace it with a couple of smaller ones that are more easy to maneuver and put cool rgb lights on for the Gamer Aesthetic. XD

What’s your most effective way to muster up a muse?

Lately as I've been trying to write more consistently, I've been having a lot of luck with this web app called 4thewords.com. It's a bit of gamification but the main thing I like about it is you pick an amount of time and a word goal and it sets a timer for you and it has proved REALLY effective for forcing me to just get words down on paper. The first draft is the hardest for me by far and it's been often really useful for getting over that hump. So lately I'll set myself up for 500-1000 words or so per day of “battles” and that gets me the forward momentum that I'm trying to maintain.

That said, I'm also trying to be better about not forcing myself to write when it's just not coming at all. I don't want to burn myself out.

Are there any recurring themes in your writing?

I am sure the answer is yes but it's hard for me to distinctly identify them. (I'd be interested in hearing reader answers to this question.)

Off the top of my head, though - missing scenes, mutual pining, struggles with emotional control. I think one major thing is that, as someone who missed my prime dating years due to the Big Sad, a lot of my characters do have an underlying thread of finding love/fulfillment/connection despite obstacles, later in life, or when they feel they don't deserve it or don't know how to do it.

What is your reason for writing?

The same reason I was almost an actor, the same reason I like making people laugh on my stream. Hell, even the same reason I like programming and making software that improves someone's day.

I like making people feel things. I like seeing their reaction to something I've done and hearing that it evoked something in them. This is the most fundamental human connection in my opinion.

Is there any kind of specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating?

Honestly, any time someone takes time out of their day to leave any type of comment at all, it's guaranteed to make my whole week. But in keeping with my previous answer - my favorite comments are ones where I get to hear about how I affected the reader's emotions, or where they mention particular parts that really struck them. Those always make me really happy. c:

How do you want to be thought about by your readers?

Interesting question. I think… as someone who is good with character voices and keeps tight hold of the fundamental core of the characters even when putting them in different situations. Someone who can manage both angst and humor well. Once again, I'd like people to look forward to what I write because they know it's gonna make them feel something that they enjoy.

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

Character voices and dialogue. I've been told I've been very good at catching the cadence of different characters, and some of my favorite things to write have been just bouncing those voices off each other and seeing what happens. I think this is really the pillar on which all the rest of my work is able to stand bc the characters feeling like themselves makes the rest have more impact.

How do you feel about your own writing?

This really depends on when you catch me, haha. Some days I'm really proud of it, and some days I have a hard time seeing anything good in it. Currently in a bit of a trough of overthinking it, but I’m lucky to have a couple readers who are v supportive which helps. <3 Overall though I think I do a good job and have some interesting stories out there and in my to-do list. (I also tend to way over-compare myself to other people in the fandom; there are so many incredible writers around here that it's hard to put myself next to them.)

When you write, are you influenced by what others might enjoy reading, or do you write purely for yourself, or a mix of both?

A mix of both, I suppose? Certainly in picking what I want to write about I am thinking primarily about what I would find fun to write and not about what has a “market” in the fandom per se. But I also am lucky enough to have found other people who do enjoy the same characters as I do and enjoy my take on them, and in that sense I am definitely often more excited about a particular idea because I know one or more of my friends would be excited to read it. :D So both things are definitely a factor.

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Tagging: @writer86 @rhysintherain @bardic-inspo @thedarkstrategist (and anyone else who wants to do this honestly)

#bjk talks #tag meme #ra-scheln #thanks for the tag! :D

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mademoiselle-red · 1 year

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TC chapter 8 reread thoughts, part two

“[…] Have a cigarette”

As in this public place they took and lit their own, Laurie found they were exchanging the shadow of a smile, and he couldn’t be sure afterwards which of them had smiled first.

I love how they acknowledge that they’ve been flirting with the cigarettes all this time 💕💕💕 One thing I've overlooked in my analysis of Ralph/Laurie up till now is just how much fun they have together! The playful teasing, the banter, the cigarettes, the car rides, the meals, and the sex. Doing these things with Ralph imbues Laurie's life with some much joy and gives the novel its vivacity! The novel, like Laurie's life, really picks up and is energized by Ralph's reappearance.

The argument over the bill, about which Ralph was inclined at first to be imperious, ended amicably in a draw. Laurie scarcely noticed that his side of the discussion only made sense if they assumed that they were going to see a good deal more of one another.

Ralph must have been so happy to hear that Laurie wants to go on more dates! And I love how Laurie stands up to Ralph so he can pay his own share of the bill (I assume a draw means they split the bill). And Ralph backs off from his imperiousness so they can reach an amicable draw! And early indication of how well matched they are: they can each hold their own in an argument and negotiate a compromise!

“There were two flights of stairs, but Laurie began the climb without misgiving; Miss Halliburton’s machine was still doing him good.”

Receiving medical care in the much better city hospital has an immediately result on Laurie’s comfort with his own body. He begins to regain his autonomy.

He did not want to leave the comforting familiarity of the EMS, his “limbo”, but that place was stifling him; it kept him sedated, treating his symptoms with painkillers, ignoring their cause. The boot they prescribe him literally does not fit, and no one notices. Similarly, being in Ralph’s company helps Laurie feel more comfortable with his queerness: he begins to discover himself, accept himself, be himself. He is no longer sedating his desires with the restrictive love preached in The Phaedrus. In Ralph’s presence he is no longer fantasizing about queer love but confronting the difficult realities of being a queer person in this world. The stairs are difficult to climb, but Laurie know has the support and courage to climb them to reach Ralph. I love the parallels ❤️

“He remembered his bad manners last time, and was afraid that Ralph hadn’t forgotten either, for he kept well out of the way”

They are both so sensitive to each other’s feelings and trying so hard to do right by each other 😭😭😭 I have a feeling that Laurie will be extra affectionate towards Ralph for a looooooong time after the end of chapter 16, guiltily remembering how he’d wronged and hurt Ralph. And Ralph would try to give Laurie lots of space after chapter 16, like what he’s doing here with the staircase, but that might come off as distant & avoidant to Laurie, which would make him even more anxious and sad, and —I need to write this chapter 17 fic ✍️😭😭😭

“From the doorway, Laurie caught an undefinable, strangely familiar and nostalgic smell […] in a flash of recognition, he identified the smell of the room. It was like […] the Head Prefect’s study. […] it had been his own for a year; but just at this moment he didn’t feel it as ever having been his”

I love how Renault goes out of her way to tell us that the room doesn’t just smell like the head prefect’s room in general, but that it smells like Ralph’s room, and Laurie remembered what Ralph’s room smelled like all these years. And now I am wondering what ungodly things Laurie did alone in that study once he became head prefect himself. In the bed that Lanyon had slept in, on the desk that Lanyon had bent countless boys over, in the chair that Lanyon had sat in… 😏😏😏

“His perceptions, to everything else so dull, we’re full of this special feeling of the room, and, growing out of it, an intense awareness of Ralph standing close and silent beside him, not in serge and braid but in grey flannel; it seemed to him that he could even feel the cloth again. It all took him suddenly and with bewildering force: his next immediate reaction was a panic fear of having somehow betrayed himself.”

Ralph was wearing grey flannel when they kissed in the study! The feelings that Laurie harbored all this time for Ralph arose to the surface as the smell of the room brought back memories of their kiss and Laurie panics because he isn’t supposed to have these feelings, isn’t supposed to want to kiss Ralph (again). I love how Laurie always has such intense and involuntary reactions to Ralph.

“Ralph half carried him across the room, taking the weight easily: his face was older than his years, but he moved like an athletic boy in hard training and one remembered then that he was only twenty six”

I find it very sweet that Laurie is constantly noticing the “boy” in Ralph and loving the child he was as well as admiring the adult he has become. It is such a total and all encompassing love 😭

Laurie notes that he “had always hated even when a new nurse seeing his leg for the first time” but feels comfortable showing Ralph his leg and letting him massage it because he has “an instinct in [his] hands of tactile sympathy with pain”. Ralph is the only non-medical professional in the entire novel that Laurie trusts with his leg (and body)❤️ And I also love how Ralph’s instinct for tactile sympathy with pain contrasts so nicely with Andrew’s instinct for the “hard logic” of love. By loving and caring for Laurie, Ralph teaches Laurie to love and care for himself and others.

“He thought: at school, we were always discussing him. The thing about Lanyon is that he’s this, or that. […] And all the time no one knew anything.”

Here, Laurie is beginning to see Ralph as the multifaceted and complex person he is, rather than the idealized version of him from his school days! He is finally actually getting to know Ralph and falling in love with the person he has become ❤️❤️❤️

When Ralph tells Laurie that Alec had discouraged his amateur interest in medicine, Laurie "thought Alec might have dispensed, for once, with being perfectly right.” I love how supportive Laurie is of Ralph’s interests and hobbies! This is also gives us an indication of why Alec and Ralph did not work out: while Alec genuinely cares for Ralph and has none of the mean-spiritedness that Bunny displays, he is rather dismissive of Ralph’s eagerness to help others and sees Ralph’s need to be needed as only a flaw that “uplifts the redeemer and casts down the bought”. Laurie actually has a more nuanced understanding of Ralph’s flaws (likely because he shares the same flaws): Ralph’s need to be needed is admirable and lovely as it is overbearing and frustrating. He wants Ralph to feel appreciated and valued for his help! Laurie intuitively understands that uplifting the redeemer is itself an act of love from “the bought”.

“You’d think, after seven years, they might have let him keep his ship, said Laurie to himself.”

Rather than feeling sorry for Ralph, Laurie tends to get angry and up in arms on his behalf! I think it is because feeling anger on someone’s behalf is a form of solidarity rather than pitying them from a higher position.

“He picked up his glove from the floor. Laurie said, ‘Don’t be silly.’”

When Ralph says it’s to avoid scaring the landlady: “All right. But I’m not drunk and I’m not a woman.”

I love Laurie’s casually intimate “don’t be silly”🥰. He wants to see all of Ralph, flaws, vulnerabilities, everything 👀

“For the first time he had a feeling of assimilating it to himself, if it’s being no longer in the foreground of his self portrait. […] He turned on his face, which as usual did a certain amount of good, though not so much as Ralph had managed to do by faith, or animal magnetism, or whatever he used.”

The first time Laurie feels comfortable with his body after his injury at Dunkirk is after receiving a massage from Ralph ❤️❤️❤️

“Slipping from under the displaced pillow a pair of pyjamas showed, made of the thin silk sold in Indian stores; with instinctive curiosity Laurie fingered its foreign texture.”

Such an erotically charged gesture!

“I was just looking at your pyjamas.”

This is so flirtatious omg. Totally an unintentional invitation. Too bad Ralph wasn’t there to hear it! I wonder if Bunny hadn't interrupted them, would they have kissed in this chapter? I'm thinking Ralph would likely have read this gesture as a come on and went for it...adding this to my list of AU ideas!

“[Bunny] did not, however, appear angry, and this at once seemed to Laurie like a gesture of prodigality from someone who can well afford it; he had a moment of feeling rather dejected and down-at-heel, before remembering to be glad that Ralph had done as well for himself as this.”

1) Laurie is so jealous 😂😂😂 2) This shows that Laurie is aware that lying in Ralph’s bed and fondling his pajamas is indeed very suggestive 🤣

“[Bunny] came in and sat on the edge of the table […] “I hear you’ve been having a pretty tough time in hospital.”

A subtle lie from Bunny that I missed in previous reads. We know from Alec’s confession late in the book that Ralph never confided in Bunny about Laurie. He got all of this information from Ralph’s diaries. This is important because we, like Laurie, are subtly misled into believing that Ralph and Bunny are emotionally much closer than they actually are. We are led to believe that Ralph had been telling Bunny and perhaps the rest of his friends and acquaintances about Laurie, but he only ever told Alec! Bunny was the one who violated Ralph’s privacy by reading his diary and then spread the news about Laurie around.

“[…] Bunny was taking it almost too well. In his place, Laurie thought, he himself wouldn’t have guaranteed to be charming at a moment’s notice. But then, he reflected, if Ralph were in love with you, you would feel pretty solid”

I love how Laurie imagines himself in Bunny’s place, giving himself an excuse to fantasize about dating Ralph and being loved by Ralph 💭

“The gesture affected Laurie curiously; he felt in it a helpless, almost childish tenderness, like that of a small boy who has got his little brother into a scrape. As soon as it was over he felt angry with himself for this fancy”

Laurie is still trying to idealize Ralph as this invulnerable being and trying to dismiss all the evidence that would challenge this image of his beloved :(((( I don't think Laurie is merely "oblivious": He is very sensitive to Ralph's pain but actively tries to rationalize it away.

“Oh. Does he instruct you?” Laurie found he resented the idea deeply.

I find this line so fascinating because it pokes fun at the concept of love that Laurie adopted from The Phaedrus (and this supports my reading of the novel as a work that is critical towards The Phaedrus rather than a work that criticizes modernity for failing to live up to the ideal). Laurie knows that Ralph and Bunny are lovers who share a flat and tries to suppress his jealousy over this. But he feels particularly resentful of the fact that Bunny was Ralph’s teacher because fits into Laurie’s image of acceptable queer love: the teacher/student relationship. Like his jealousy of Dave, the novel shows that Laurie's fixation on mentor/mentee relationships (which also spills over in his paranoia over how others may perceive him and Mervyn) is absurd. Dave is obviously a father figure for Andrew. Ralph and Bunny are lovers without any kind of mentoring dynamic. Laurie discovers first hand that he can mentor a child without becoming a pedo.

“Imagining him ideally happy with Bunny had had a peaceful kind of remoteness; it had been a thing to know rather than think about. Now, as soon as one began wondering what could be wrong and why, one began to […] resent Bunny more than was reasonable.”

Here we see the selfless side to Laurie’s love for Ralph: he just wants Ralph to be happy with someone he loves. But he is starting to realize that Bunny has failed to make Ralph happy and does not love Ralph. This is where Laurie begins to change from passively loving Ralph to acting upon his love. He wants Ralph to be happy and eventually realizes that only he can make it happen.

“[…] he found it stimulating to be rapped smartly over the knuckles for assuming that [the Germans] could arrive at all. […] The conversation, begun as an expedient, soon became absorbing to both of them”

Another example of Ralph and Laurie’s intellectual compatibility! Notice how Laurie enjoys the intellectual challenge that Ralph presents instead of having to suppress his opinions in fear of offending his conversation partner!

“Perhaps it was admiration that caused him to commit such violent assaults on Alec’s emotions, as a small child will pummel an adult, not believing that it can really hurt him”

The pot calling the kettle black 😭😭😭

“As for Alec, one would have supposed that he and Bunny were the best of friends. Laurie thought this reasonable but decided that he himself would never have been equal to it.”

Laurie once again imagining himself as Ralph’s boyfriend and deciding he would not be such good friends with Ralph’s current boyfriend if he were Ralph’s ex and vice versa.

“Laurie noticed Bunny went on looking after Ralph’s glass […] Certainly it made one look at the pink mirror coffee tables with a gentler eye.”

AWWWWW Laurie just wants someone to love and care for Ralph!!!

“He wanted to thank Ralph for the first part of the evening; but one couldn’t have given it any meaning in front of Bunny”

I love how Laurie's constant desire to show Ralph how much he values and appreciates him🥰

“He hadn’t realised, till it came to the moment of saying goodbye, how much he had hated leaving Ralph when he had had this news; somehow his getting it in this awful flash room made him seem especially vulnerable and alone; it was like abandoning him in a strange town or in a desert. One had to keep reminding oneself how very far from strange to him it really was, and that he wasn’t alone, either.”

It’s so sad how Laurie ignores his instinctual impression of the situation (that Ralph is vulnerable and alone despite being among friends) 😭 and lacks the confidence to believe in his own judgement! He knows he shouldn't leave Ralph, and he doesn't want to leave Ralph, but his reasons himself into believing that he isn't needed by Ralph.

“Remembering long discussions at Oxford, Laurie remarked that the present state of the law seemed to encourage that sort of thing; it was unenforceable, and merely created racketeers.”

So Laurie did participate in (or at least pay attention to) long discussions with Charles’ friends at Oxford about various queer topics! And he obviously enjoys these conversations with Ralph, Alec, and Sandy! Maybe he actually found Charles’ friends interesting at the time but his unpleasant sexual experience with Charles colored those memories. We know Laurie has a great gift for self-delusion when he wants to believe he didn’t like something that he did in fact enjoy!

“He leaned forward and tapped Laurie solemnly on the knee.”

Awwww Ralph touching Laurie’s knee! I like to read this as him returning Laurie’s early gesture in the car (when he put his hand on Ralph’s knee)!

“There was Aris—“ He stuck on the name; either he couldn’t pronounce it or he didn’t remember it. He looked at Laurie, as if he were issuing an order. “Aristogeiton,” Laurie said.

Such old married couple vibes! Another instance of how Ralph and Laurie make a good team!

“[…] Scratch old Ralph after a couple drinks, and you’ll always find an unfrocked schoolmaster.”

Laurie was certain afterwards that if he had had one more drink himself at the time when Bunny said this, he would have got to his feet and struck him. As it was, he was just sober enough to notice Alec looking at him, which brought him to himself.”

Once again, Laurie is SO PROTECTIVE ❤️❤️❤️ I need an AU where Laurie actually punches Bunny and start a fight...

Laurie went up to him. “I enjoyed this evening. Thanks for everything.” It didn’t matter any longer what Bunny thought.

Yay! I love how Laurie always —eventually —comes through for Ralph. When push comes to shove, he always chooses to makes sure that Ralph knows he is loved and appreciated, regardless of what other people may think!

“Bunny’s right, you know. Bad show, I’m sorry. Comes of mixing them. I shouldn’t have had that run upstairs.” / “You didn’t have any rum,” Laurie said. He didn’t care whether Bunny heard him or not.”

It’s so sad that Ralph blames himself for something that Bunny did without his knowledge! More foreshadowing! And Laurie is the only one who stands up for him even after he has given up on himself!

“Laurie wondered, as the door shut on them, what their first words would be when they were alone. There was a thump; the bombs had started. He walked back to Ralph’s chair. “I’m not going,” he said. “Not till this is over.” […] Laurie walked round him. He wasn’t going to speak to Bunny across him as if he didn’t count.”

Laurie is definitely aware, in the back of his mind, that he and Ralph aren’t behaving like normal “friends”, and that Alec & Sandy have noticed!

It just occurred to me that Laurie and Bunny arguing over an unconscious Ralph mirrors the scene where he and Andrew argue over an unconscious Charlot. In both instances, Laurie wants to do something, anything, help his friend, while the other party argues that there is nothing he can do but leave Ralph/Charlot in the hands of God (Bunny literally makes the praying gesture when Laurie asks him what would happen if a bomb hits the building while he and Bunny are gone).

“If one were killed, thought Laurie, it wouldn’t be good to go twisted up like this in a personal hate. Andrew wouldn’t like it if he knew. Andrew would say you should get free of yourself and try to understand.“

Rather than acknowledge his own feelings and exploring why he feels the way he does, Laurie just suppresses them because they are “bad”, because that’s how Andrew deals with conflict: he suppresses the unpleasantness and focuses on the “good.” For example, rather than acknowledge Laurie legitimate argument about stopping the German pilots from bombing innocent people, he chooses to ignore that issue and focus on how he forgot to pray for their souls (a very self centered mindset!). In the face of moral ambiguity, Andrew behaves like an ostrich sticking its head in the sand. He doesn’t actually have the intellectual chops or the moral courage to face the moral dilemmas that Laurie has been wrestling with as a soldier this entire time. Laurie has much more integrity and moral courage than Andrew but lacks the self confidence to recognize it. When he is under the influence of Andrew, he is constantly suppressing his strength, similar to the way Ralph suppressed his strength in front of Bunny until their argument in chapter 8. Likewise, Andrew is stunned when Laurie finally shows his teeth during their argument in chapter 10.

“One could hardly pick a quarrel in the face of this unexpected civility, unless one had decided never to see Ralph again. After all, he thought, people were patchy; Ralph, who was no fool, had found something in Bunny to love”

It’s so cute that Laurie is still trying to be nice to Bunny lest Ralph gets mad at him.

“[…] he had been watching Bunny drive. Unable to stand it any longer in silence, he said, “You’ll only make the gears worse than they are, slamming them like that.”

I love how Laurie’s protectiveness over Ralph extends to Ralph’s things. And Bunny’s neglect of the car is reflective of his callousness towards Ralph.

“Not wicked, he thought: that’s not the word, that’s sentimentality. These are just runts. Souls with congenitally short necks and receding brows. […] A wicked man nowadays can set millions of them in motion, and when he’s gone mad from looking at his own face, they’ll be marching still with their mouths open and their hands hanging by their knees, on and on and on […] A minute or two later he thought, No, Andrew wouldn’t like that. He started to go over his thoughts as one might over a basket of fruit, throwing away the bad ones, or as many as he could bring himself to part with so soon”

First, this is an interesting look into Laurie’s politics: he understands how fascism works, the way a fascist dictator can give your run-of-the mill assholes an impetus to gather and direct their maliciousness towards his goals, and fostering zombie-like obedience among his followers.

And two, from what he knows about Andrew, he thinks Andrew would be opposed to thinking about fascists in this way (even though that’s what many followers of fascism are!)

And three, again, Laurie discarding his “bad thoughts” and keeping only the good reminds me of Andrew’s final letter in chapter 15 about how he wants to discard the “bad” things he learned about Laurie and keep only the good memories. It seems like Laurie has already observed this tendency in Andrew and tries to adopt it because he associates Andrew’s values with “good”. And in both instances, here and in chapter 15, the novel makes it clear that this strategy of avoiding unpleasant truths does not work. Bunny is still a bad person and Laurie is still a sexual being. Avoiding the acknowledgment of these truths only hurts Laurie (and Ralph)

“For a little while he lay awake, without quite owning to himself what he was waiting for. He hadn’t really supposed for a moment that Ralph would ring.“

“The telephone was silent. Laurie thought, He’s been in hospital himself, he knows what an uproar it makes if it rings late. Sensible of him really. […] I wonder what he was like back there. If anything happened to him, there’d be no one to tell me.”

I love this image of Laurie lying awake in bed, waiting for Ralph to call despite knowing that it’s unlikely! After their reunion in chapter 6, Laurie’s life at the EMS hospital fades from the narrative, and the scenes in the EMS feel like intermissions between the main acts of Laurie's life, which cannot go on without Ralph.

#the charioteer

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feliciadraws · 2 days

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*SPOILERS FOR FINAL FANTASY XIV*

Ahhhh shoot, my recap of the Another Turn In The Coil is looooooong overdue (I've been busy with art projects and stuff, plus it was my birthday on the 13th hehe, also Another Turn in the Coil was an emotional rollercoaster for me and I was frickin REELING afterwards so...yeah), but since I'm a big chunk into Through the Maelstrom I might as well since I don't want anyone to miss a huge chunk of one of my favourite parts of the story so far so here we go! Patch 2.2 - Another Turn in the Coil (recap) So, having found where big boi Bahamut was entombed beneath Carteneau Flats and regenerating, the Warrior of Light headed back to the Waking Sands to report to Urianger, bringing with us news of not just big boi Bahamut being alive but also, seemingly, the legendary grandfather of Alphinaud and Alisaie, Louisoix, who until now was thought to have perished in the Calamity while sealing Bahamut away. Urianger passed along his findings to the Sons of Saint Coinach, who put forward a theory regarding Bahamut and how the big boi is connected to not just Dalamud but the Allagan Crystal Tower too; it turns out Dalamud was designed to gather the sun's energy like a giant solar battery, which would then be channeled into the Crystal Tower, using Bahamut as a living conduit within the moon itself, serving as its 'living core' as Urianger put it. Alisaie also put forward some unsettling findings of her own, stating that the things keeping Bahamut bound were known as "interment hulks," each one designated "Ragnarok-class," which thus renders my initial thought that it was some kind of giant Allagan spacecraft moot. And here's where it gets creepy; these interment hulks, which Alisaie mention act as binding coils, are not only meant to hold Bahamut but to FEED him AND keep him in some state between alive and dead, AND that somehow, since Bahamut is technically a primal but isn't worshipped by anyone like the other primals we've seen in the game, the Allagans who designed the coils have managed to simulate the power of PRAYER to keep the big boi from losing his solid form and turning back into aether mush. All of which is actually pretty terrifying. So, it came down to deactivating the coils and destroying whatever is keeping Bahamut bound, but amid the main objective, poor Alisaie found herself fighting an internal battle of her own, grappling with the notion that her beloved grandfather Louisoix might still be alive after all this time.

Not gonna lie, this was already getting off to a heartbreaking start, and it only gets worse from here.

So, on the trail of the binding coils, the WoL was sent to the Twelveswood, following word from Gridania that a fragment of the moon Dalamud had been discovered. But before long, we were joined unexpectedly by Alphinaud, who mentioned Urianger had informed him of the upcoming expedition into the fragment, but also spoke of Alisaie's admiration of their grandfather and of her own personal struggle in making Eorzea's salvation 'her own personal crusade' , voicing his concerns that her emotional involvement would turn the quest to save Eorzea into what would effectively be a wild goose chase. Interestingly enough, before departing, Alphinaud requested that we don't tell Alisaie that he was there or make a big thing of it.

MAN horsestandingonbeachmeme.jpg

Journeying into the Black Shroud, with Alisaie in tow this time, it was found to be full of corrupted aether crystals, which became visible when they previously weren't due to aetheric disturbances, which made for a very funky exploration experience.

A funky exploration experience, and more heartache for Alisaie...

Further exploration of the area and finally making our way in to the fragment itself took us into an Allagan structure, and a meetup with a figure who Alisaie recognised from the past, another figure who was thought to have perished around the time of the Calamity;

According to Alisaie, this figure was none other than the Garlean Imperial Legatus who spearheaded the Meteor project, Nael van Darnus, but yet there was some confusion; this Nael claimed to be a different one who had perished in the prelude to the Calamity, speaking like a fricked up religious zealot who worshipped and served Bahamut, saying that he was given the name Nael by Bahamut, before t-posing and diving backwards into oblivion in the most gratuitously extra way possible.

And things got crazier from there; after a few intense battles with some freaky-deeky chimera creatures which may or may not have been created by the Allagans, another trip further down into the depths of the fragment opened out into this whole other space that shouldn't have even been down there, as if we passed through some kind of portal.

A portal that seemingly led to the past, to the prelude to the Calamity itself, as Dalamud was crashing down to the earth, where we were once again met by Nael van Darnus, who chided Alisaie and the WoL, claiming that we had 'violated Bahamut's sanctuary' and that he was going to make this our grave. But just as Nael was about to charge up some kind of energy attack, Alisaie stopped him just in time and, using her own magic (GO ALISAIE!) knocked the mask right off of Nael's face and...

It turns out this Nael van Darnus is actually a woman, and not only that, but Bahamut used his own power to channel the last of the essence of the previous Nael and use it to possess this woman, making her a vessel for Nael so he/she could continue serving Bahamut...or something (from here I'm gonna be using she/her to describe the current Nael for clarity).

After channelling the essence of Bahamut himself, Nael transformed into a huge woman/Bahamut hybrid demon lady thing, and a battle ensued, with the Calamity seemingly raging in the background. With Nael herself defeated, a series of increasingly odd occurrences happened;

For starters, it turns out the whole battle took place in a huge augmented reality simulation type room, with the Calamity being a mere simulation that dissipated after Nael's defeat.

After that, Nael, or rather, the woman Bahamut was using as a vessel for Nael's aetheric essence, appeared to be still alive, albeit greatly weakened.

What's more is that Nael appeared to express remorse for her actions, speaking as though she were free from Bahamut's control, which very much confounded Alisaie, who I guess had only her prior knowledge of how the tempering of primals works and how there's no cure for being tempered, but then she reasoned that big boi Bahamut had merely 'relinquished his claim.' Hmmm... Nael continued, this time warning Alisaie of the despair that lies ahead on the path she currently walks, but before Alisaie could get any answers, mainly concerning liberating her grandfather Louisoix...

THIS HAPPENED. I gotta admit this broke my heart because I actually felt sorry for her in this moment, and she seemed genuinely guilty for what she had done and what became of her.

A mysterious, ominous voice called out from the shadows, maybe the voice of the one who just impaled poor Nael with that magical energy spear thing...at first I thought it may have been an Ascian, but then Alisaie said she recognised the voice, but didn't think he would say such cruel words...Louisoix? And things just got crazier and crazier from here, and infinitely more tragic.

On to the deactivation of the coils, which seemed to go relatively well, although big boi Bahamut seemed to regenerate much quicker than Alisaie had initially hoped. But just as she had successfully shut down one of the coils, thus slowing Bahamut's regeneration and bringing us one step closer to turning him back into aether mush, out from the darkness stepped none other than Louisoix himself.

But what should have been joy for poor Alisaie turned into nothing but anguish and heartbreak, as he seemed to have turned EVIL and was actively working to RESTORE Bahamut, hitting her with a magic blast and knocking her prone. Just as he was about to blast her again, the WoL stepped in front of her, shielding her from Louisoix's magic, but Alisaie noticed something particularly harrowing...

The light glowing in Louisoix's eyes...Alisaie saw the same light with Nael, saying to her that Louisoix himself had been possessed and was now under Bahamut's control, which just dug that old knife further and further into Alisaie's ever increasingly broken heart, but far from wallowing in her grief, Alisaie swore she would take down Bahamut for doing this...

My heart breaks for her... In the aftermath, back at the Waking Sands, while it did become clearer, the whole truth, as divulged by Urianger, was somehow just as harrowing; he described the true nature of this fake Louisoix we had encountered, in that it was nothing more than what he called an 'aetherial shadow', basically an aether clone created by Bahamut to serve him, using the image of Louisoix, who really had died when he attempted to call on the power of the Twelve to seal away Bahamut during the battle of Cartenau, which to be quite freaking honest is even more heartbreaking. Following on from that, Urianger then went further into the case of Nael van Darnus; it turns out the original Nael van Darnus, who was in fact a guy after all (the Nael we saw was merely a vessel for his essence), sought to bring about Eorzea's destruction, using the lesser moon Dalamud as a weapon. The noble house the OG Nael belonged to were also 'safeguarding' knowledge regarding ancient Allag, and turned to alternate means of communicating with Dalamud, which resulted in both Bahamut inside being awoken AND Nael's soul being enslaved by the elder primal. And after the original Nael's death, Bahamut transferred his essence into the woman we knew as the current Nael van Darnus we met when exploring the fragment. But little did anyone know, that Alphinaud, perhaps concerned for Alisaie's welfare, was eavesdropping on the whole conversation before skulking away. -

Man...that was...intense. And I'll admit I was an emotional wreck after finishing Another Turn in The Coil. Like as if it wasn't bad enough that big boi Bahamut had killed Louisoix, but was then using his image as an aether puppet to serve him, tormenting poor Alisaie. Poor, poor Alisaie...man my heart was breaking for her the whole time, and even Urianger was greatly affected by the whole thing, even suggesting that Alisaie take some time out from exploring the coils. Gosh, I hope Alisaie and even Alphinaud get at least some closure in later parts, or some resolution, especially Alisaie, like my heart was breaking for her this whole time, and even now as I'm typing this I'm feeling heartbroken for her all over again. She just wanted to see her grampa again, only to be met with that...it just makes my heart hurt and I want to give her a hug...😭

Well, following on from this, I should be posting a recap of my progress so far of Through the Maelstrom!

#final fantasy #final fantasy xiv #ffxiv #ffxiv spoilers #please can someone just help these poor babies PLEASE #LIKE HOW DARE YOU DO THIS TO THEM YOU BIG UGLY REPTILE HOW DARE YOU HURT THESE POOR CHILDREN #*ugly sobbing*

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girltomboy · 5 months

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Yesterday I wrote a long ass post that ended up getting blown into dust by tumblr, so I just gave up on ranting (I'd already typed out the whole thing anyway so at least *some* work had been done on processing what had happened) but during yesterday's "Easter lunch" (we don't even celebrate Easter, but we do like to make the traditional food anyway, and it seems we're also adopting the traditional Easter fights) my grandma went off on me about the way I dress (again, still, etc. except this time I'm almost 27, you'd think this topic would ever get old or stale or my family would get tired of fighting over it so much for so long for nothing, and yet it never fucking stops). I was thinking how to tell her that I'm seeing my friends today, it was like something was holding me back. The vibes were just slightly off, but it was an absurd feeling because it's such a mundane and normal thing. So I absent-mindedly mentioned it, and she replied: "what are you going to wear? It better not be those pants you came in" (she hates those pants because they're baggy - like 80% of my pants 🤡 I actually had a feeling she would comment on them when I packed them, but I didn't think they'd be SUCH a big deal, they're some of my normal pants). Those pants are dirty anyway, so I wouldn't have worn them. I told her they're not the only pants I brought with me, I have other pairs. And she immediately said: "NO, not pants. I bet they're also ugly anyway. We'll look for a nice dress in your closet." I said:"There's no need for that, I don't like wearing dresses." It was not a fancy dinner reunion, just a casual day out with some old friends. And she should know by now that I'm not a lover of dresses, except for the beach and a special occasion once in a blue moon, I would never choose to wear a dress. I've never kept this a secret, everyone who knows anything about me is aware of my preference and respects it (they have no choice anyway).

That's what set her off, I don't know what she expected to hear honestly, but she started shouting about my stylistic choices and about the fact that when I come visit her she expects me to wear my best and fanciest clothes "for the neighbors", otherwise I shouldn't even bother coming. And made it clear that the neighbors' opinions and impressions are much more important to her than what I want, feel good in, like, etc. It's not like I go outside in my pyjamas or in trash bags, I just wear normal casual clothes, but she wants me to dress like a news anchor basically. She also said that she's sure the reason why I don't own any nice fancy clothes is because I'm broke from always sending my boyfriend money?? Lol that is 100% a lie that my mom fabricated a looooooong time ago, I'm surprised that it's still holding up, but why wouldn't it? After all, they created it and planted it in their own minds and universes. Of course nothing can shake something that is unaffected by the actual truth, since it doesn't happen in real life. Aside from that, she also revealed some other lies about my boyfriend that are circulating in my mom's and her heads: he's stringing me along, doesn't have "serious plans with me" since he "hasn't married me yet". I was like? ON GOD? 🤭 Aww it's so cute how you get so riled up because you want him to marry me sooo badddd! But have you asked yourself whether or not we Want that? Did you ask ME?? What I want? Do you know anything about what I want, what we talked about? No, they never ask me anything and just survive off of the lies they make up on their own. I told her outright "I don't want that!" (on marriage), but I'm 100% sure that she (and mom too) will think it's because I don't want to marry my boyfriend, not that I don't want to get married to anyone ever. They would know it if only they would simply ask. But they dgaf about what my relationship is actually like irl, only what they invent about it, without any connection to reality, truly matters.

So yesterday I was not in the mood to keep the peace, smile and nod, for the sake of avoiding an argument, because the fight started out about clothes, and escalated into yet another attack on my relationship/my partner. And I'm completely over that, plus she kept adding more and more fuel to the fire by telling me Satan is influencing me to upset her in this way, as a result of me rejecting god (it's a good thing she figured that one out on her own, without me having to open that box of worms), that my way of thinking (which is... idk... wanting to live my life how I want and mind my own business. I guess) will make my family abandon me, which idk fucked up if true, but that threat is absolutely not making me want to fight for the love and respect of a family that is ready to cut me off as soon as I stray from the mold they created for me in their head. And of course everyone including my bf is out to GET me and hurt me except for - you guessed it - the family dangling their imminent abandonment in front of my face. Pretty hilarious but I wasn't intimidated by these words because I've heard them before and they are meaningless to me. And ofc she made it clear she "doesn't know" why I even came to visit her. Which, in the moment, I sure was struggling to remember as well, ngl. AND she said she is sure I must have joined some kind of cult or sect that "is unlike everyone else" which, if you think about the context in which I grew up and the church I was birthed and raised into, is IRONIC as fuck - how can you even think I'd join a cult like that (I'm not religious anymore btw, thanks very much) if I JUST escaped one? Girl, YOU ARE in that cult!! You are describing the sect YOU are part of, and that you want ME to stay in! Why would I chase another one like lmaoooo you think your sect is sooo normal and "like everyone else" when it paints anything and anyone outside it as the enemy and fabricates its own oppression.

So for the rest of the afternoon we didnt speak to each other after the meal, she didn't even leave her room or take any phone calls from various relatives and friends who called her, including my mom. Then in the evening I took a shower, and when I got out she playfully asked me to come to dinner. So I did, and she never mentioned the fight or any of the other topics, neither did I, and even when my mom called her and she answered during dinner she didn't say anything to her, and we all pretended like nothing happened. 😋 That's what we're best at. I'm glad that never sat right with me and I don't implement this tactic in MY interpersonal relationships. But today I was supposed to meet my friends before noon, so I went to have some breakfast. And after I was done I told grandma I was about to leave soon, just so she knows. As I was going back to my room I heard her shout: "Careful how you dress!! If you don't have any money for a taxi I'll give you some, just so the neighbors don't see you!" I was like... Now you'll just make me dress shitty out of spite. In hindsight this talent of saying something completely fucked up then carrying on as if nothing happened, that seems to run in the family because both my grandma and my mom seem to have it, is pretty amazing. Like the creativity and wit are quite rare. But I said nothing and got ready, and when I left I didn't announce it or anything, I simply left.

Story doesn't end here... While I was out I got a harrowing text from my mom telling me "don't bring ur boyfriend home if he's in town... Grandma told me you left without saying and she's sure he came to the city". I burst out laughing, but I haven't replied yet. I don't even know where to begin. I don't even know what to address first. I'm simply amazed at the world building skills that both of them possess. I don't understand why they fear neighbors' gossip so much if they are capable of so much worse on their own. Who even needs enemies talking shit about them behind their back and making up untrue stories and scenarios with a family THIS skilled and hateful? My biggest haters would not be able to come up with shit like this. The assumption that my boyfriend would come all the way to my hometown just to be left stranded in the city, meeting me out on the low like some secret agent, the assumption that I would willingly introduce him into this fucked up and bitter family... Why are you surprised that I would leave without announcing (not even a big deal, I'd already told her I was about to get ready and go) when not 24 hours earlier you made a whole scene and told me to basically never show up here again because you didn't like the pants I wore once. And you constantly and continuously throw tantrums about the way I dress because it doesn't fit YOUR particular taste & style. Why would you not put 2 and 2 together instead of fabricating yet ANOTHER lie to get mad at, and to force me to defend and justify myself against something YOU pulled out of your ass? I'm constantly amazed at the hatred my family is capable of and how easy they are able to weaken our relationship and ruin my trust & perception of them.

#im about to reply to my mom's text but it's going to take more brain power #than my college essays

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keirangoldenwatch · 3 years

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Exalted Secret Santa '21

Awww yeah, it's that time of year. Like last year I'm going to include a couple of my fellow PC's exalts as well as Seren.

(Stazio gets left out since he got art last year whoop)

Onward!

First up, of course: Seren Witt, Infernal, Scourge Caste.

I've actually got two options for her! One from last year, and one from the time-skip that's coming up in our campaign soon...

Seren is a looooooong girl. Her body and limbs look like they were stretched out on a rack (which, hey, may have been what happened in her chrysalis we'll never know) and she's pale in that "never got enough sunlight" way. Since she's started to learn Laughing Wounds style (her main MA style is still Hungry Ghost) she's started to dress a little more...risqué, with that skin-tight full-body stealth suit, but she's still using her moonsilver razor claws rather than picking up a whip or chain or other kinky fitting weapon. Post-time-skip she's also got a frog tattoo on he left arm. ❤

Next on the list: Chishio Zicha, Infernal, Defiler Caste

The intellect of the party (although Seren will fight this), Chishio is shorter than most of the team and appears to be the frailest, but that's only because he can dodge out of a fight eighty different ways. While he's cold and disinterested in most people, he does have a soft spot for a couple people--the biggest soft spot being for his Lunar mate and romantic partner Neiko. He prefers using Mind-Hand Manipulation and throwing needles in combat, but he's also an incredibly talented necromancy and crafter with necrotech. (He recently made the party a bunch of motorcycles "mortis"-cycles [we're not sorry for this pun] for a long-distance trek through the shadowlands.)

And anotha one: Thanatos, Infernal, Slayer Caste

My older reference for him got eaten when I lost my old laptop, but for his legs, he just wears simple slacks and Greco-Roman style sandals.

Thanatos is somehow both the scary motherfucker of the team and the party's heart. He's big, broad, and holds to a strong code of honor and justice--albeit one slightly skewed by Malfeas, but not as much as one might think. After losing his right arm in a fight with the Fae lord who spurred his exaltation, he's settled down quite a bit, and only resorts to violence when it's necessary. And when violence does happen, he activated Devil-Tyrant Avatar Shintai, grows five extra arms, expands to three stories tall, sprouts wings, and beats the absolute shit out of whoever was stupid enough to attack him or whomever he's protecting. He's known as "the Green Comet" to most people outside of the circle, simply because he tends to leap up and drop from the sky in full anima flare onto his target.

And that's everyone for this year! Smaller group, but I want to make sure that one of the party members gets art rather than an NPC (sorry Theron and Neiko). On a related note, though, I included the party's heights in shortest to tallest because I find it funny.

From left to right: Neiko's the shortest, Chishio isn't much better, Stazio is just around average, and then we have BRICK, NOODLE, and Theron just being a very tall froge.

Have fun, and Happy Calibration! (oh and @shiftingpath here's the thing!)

#art #Exalted Secret Santa #exalted #Exalted Secret Santa 2021 #Seren Witt #Chishio Zicha #Thanatos (GSR)#Exalted: Green Sun Rising #also #Theron Ruinseeker #Neiko Whisperstep

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xxmileikaivanaxx · 7 years

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I've been hesitant to ask anything here but, I've been struggling when it comes to drawing and coloring. I'm not sure how to get better. I've asked for tips many times and well just practice is all I get. Heh. I'm really trying. I'd just like some way of helping myself. Is there a way too?

Hmm. Okay, this is going to be a LOOOOOOONG POST.

I don’t know how much advise I can offer but I will tell you what helps me, and how I colour. I’ll break it down into sections. XD

Drawing

I very much recommend live drawing. Particularly for anatomy. Live drawing helps you learn the basic structures of the human body. How the skin folds, how joints bend and move, how to gain perspective. It trains your brain and makes you able to draw a lot better, a lot faster and more accurately.

With anatomical drawing: Do break it down into shapes and lines. Shapes and lines are your friends in drawing.

Like, the shape of the basic human ribcage can be described like a shape of an egg. Artists like Leonardo De Vinci broke down the anatomical forms of the human body into basic shapes.

Lines helps you gain movement into the body. They, along with shapes, are you basic frame for anatomical drawing.

Don’t be afraid of failure or mistakes. If a drawing failures or has mistakes, then it’s something you’ve learnt. You can then apply what you know now from your to a new drawing.

Drawing Style

Drawing style does very from person to person. But looking at comic artists styles can be a great source of inspiration. And maybe mix styles up.

I’d say my style is like a combination of Naruto and Deadman Wonderland.

With time, drawing style does develop and it does. Like, mine has changes so much within a year.

This one was made on the 5th of January 2016.

And then there’s this one:

This was made on the 6th of January 2017.

They may be subtle changes, but anatomically speaking, it’s a lot better than last year.

Colouring

Let’s use a visual example to explain this:

Colouring is really dependent on the style of the artist. For any tips with digital colouring, always have separate layers from your base colour and your shading.

As you can see, I love layers. I am very thankful for them. And use a lot of them.

So I always start with a layer for base colours:

Shading

For my shading style, I prefer to use cell shading, so sharp lines and blocked colours to represent tone. However, instead of using a black colour as my shading, I think about what colours would be suitable for the setting and lighting of a scene. So, say the lighting or scene was more pigment with reds and oranges, then I’d want the same colours for my shading (and highlighting).

The darkest red in the top right side is my shading colour, whilst the two on the two of the left (the lighter coloured reds) are more to be used for highlighting.

When setting my layers, I set them to “Multiply”, and turn the opacity to about 50-70%. Up to you.

I usually make two layers of shading, one for the main and primary shading:

And another for secondary:

And one other layer for highlights. For highlighting, I set the layers settings to “add” or “add (glow)”. Some programs may call it something else, like Sai calls it “luminosity”.

It may not seem much, but it definitely brightens up the eyes and the shine of the metal neck (brace?).

It just gives your character more dimension and lil’ touch of realism. Whether you decide to have soft or cell shading is up to you.

Once you’ve feel happy with it, you can always add any extra effects.

So, usually to brighten up the colours and the character, I use similar colours on a separate layer, and set that layers setting to “overlay”. Again, set that to around 50-60%. But it’s up to you.

And for effects like the magic, I use the “add (glow)” layer setting again. For colour, I use the most vibrant red on my colour pallet. So the one on the top left.

Now, something that my lovely friend Cross taught me. When I know I’ve finished everything, but want to give it a bit more “oomph”, then I make a duplicate of the completed drawing, use a “gaussain blur” and set the opacity to about 60-80%. Once that’s done, I go to edit and use a “colour balance” effect.

Giving me this result. It just gives the drawing more charisma and “badassery”.

How you shade and colour is entirely up to you. It is a practice thing, but it doesn’t hurt to experiment with other techniques.

I’m not very skilled when it comes to soft shading, with the exception of some architectural backgrounds (sometimes). But I can definitely see the appeal.

Say @kiacii for example, rather than cell shading, she uses soft shading that almost has a sharp edge. She uses SAI and the ’shade’ setting of her layer. And her drawing and colouring style is stunning. With just subtle changes in colour and layer settings, it really makes her work come to life. Which is one of the reasons I hold her so highly.

Brushes:

Brush type is really up to you and which you feel most comfortable with. Or experiment.

Traditional work:

I really can’t do traditional comics. So instead I save the comics for digital, and use traditional mediums like oil paints, acrylics, watercolours, inks etc. for traditional life painting.

One of my artist studies on Melanie Rothman’s paintings.

Pencil portrait of my friend from school.

It seriously takes practice and patience. But you can do it :D I hope this helps xDD

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