#i've been trying to buy a swimsuit for the summer because the one i have doesn't fit great/doesn't work for swimming laps

[w0nderland]

.

[thefemcelthatdeservesbetter]

I like adult men

I think adults are the only people that seem remotely interested in me. I think it's kind of pathetic but it's better than nothing. It doesn't bother me because men are usually really sweet to me. However I think I'm too stupid for them. When I first talked with one, I was hesitant and I refused dating him despite how kind he was. I should've said yes. I've only talked to a few so far, but it's too bad i get blocked only because I answered late. It wasn't my fault, it was exam week for me. Maybe I should've acted more interested. When I chat with them, I'm always a little nervous, I'm not really bold. So when we stop talking, I regret many things. I think about all the things I could've said, all the things we could've talked about.

Sometimes I feel almost like a whore for liking the attention. But now that I think about it I think it's justified, all the other girls have attention from boys and girls their age, which I don't. So it's only fair, no? I don't see why I'd be called a whore only because they happen to be luckier than me. Actually,no, it is unfair. I should be getting way more than that. Everyone's having fun but me. It's summer, I should be having fun. When I tell my sisters that, they tell me I should hang out with my friends. I don't have friends. I only have one and she's in the countryside right now. Someone sent me a text message saying "born to rot in bed, forced to go to the beach". Shouldn't they be grateful? What's the hype with rotting in bed? I hate it. Even if I don't go out, I like walking around the house so I don't get too stiff.

I want to go to the beach too. It's been years since I haven't bought a swimsuit. I'll ask my mom if we could buy one.

I'm jealous of them. Other girls, I mean. They look very good in swimsuits. I look like a stick. I need to gain weight. I'm currently underweight, I want to gain 5 or more kilos. Perhaps it can also increase my bust size. It's UNFAIR!!!!! This world is so unfair. I think girls with large assets are whores. I hate them!!!

I shouldn't be living like this, what is wrong with me !!!!!! I don't understand what other kids have that I don't, why do they get friends so easily and so quickly. I don't understand why they stick together while I get abandoned every time I try trusting someone.

I'm bored

I have nothing to do

When I think about it I barely talk to my best friend too. I like her very much! Really. But I can't help but feel jealous of her. She's really pretty, really cool. I don't even know why she's friend with me. Every time she comes to see me after school, people that don't even know her say hi to her or compliment her. That boy "friend" I have that I got mad at texts her a lot, at some point he even had a crush on her. She has so many friends, and I know I'm not the one she likes the most, but I have to be grateful she even considers me her friend. She's younger than me too! She had so many boyfriends, so many friends. I know she struggles a lot, has issues with her parents and mental disorders but it doesn't matter. Because boys don't care about it at all. As long as her face is pretty and her body curvy, the rest is futile, they can "endure" or ignore it.

I don't understand how people's mind work at all, they're weird as fuck. Or maybe I'm just retarded. It's sort of pathetic

I wish I could be different

I wish I wasn't real, I wish the world could be blind

Sometimes people online think I'm cool, rarely, but they still do.

My two "friends" at school tell me I'm "worldwide" because I've interacted with people from overseas online. I think they mean that I'm a player or something. It's so wrong. Are they stupid? They only say that because that's all I talk about. Because other than the internet, I have no life. And most of those interactions didn't last long. Even online, people get bored of me. While I've seen one of those two boys has thousands of girls in his DMS that he barely talks of. Unlike him I don't try to flirt with anyone I know.

I'm so bored.

I hate everyone that's having fun right now. I hate women. I hate popular boys. I hate older teens. I hate teens. I hate babies. I hate boys' standards. I hate social butterflies. I hate my school. I hate my classmates. I hate even myself. I hate my dad. I hate summer. I hate seeing people smile. I hate female manipulators. I hate whores. I hate uhh to be bored. I hate everything. I hate how unfair life is. I hope I wake up tomorrow to see that everyone has disappeared!!!!

[redheadspark]

August Prompt Session

Hello, my lovelies! I haven't done a prompt session in some time, and since Summer is rolling on by (along with the massive heatwave we are in) I figured we could dive back into another prompt session for August!

This new prompt session's theme is:

Vacation

Here are my rules:

1.) You may choose ONE character from the list that I have Here. It’ll have the list of characters that I write for or have written for in the past.

*(If you have a character not listed that you wish for me to write, PLEASE MESSAGE ME AND CLEAR IT WITH ME FIRST TO SEE IF I CAN OR WILL DO IT!)*

2.) There is One Prompt list for this session and since the list is rather large, please provide BOTH the number you would like AND the character to pair it with.

Example: Can I have Aziel from ACOTAR with #5?

*I write out the requests as first come first serve. I will try my best to fulfill every request that comes my way, but please bear in mind I work full-time as a teacher. Because of that, I’ll be busy most of the day so please be patient and I’ll write in my spare time as much as I can :) *

3.) If I get two requests that are exactly the same, (same character and same number) I will only write it once! Please don't be afraid to ask if someone has already requested the character and number, I don't mind answering that for you :)

4.) You can request in my ASK box neither as yourself or anonymously. Although I would LOVE to give you a shout if you request as yourself, anon is perfectly fine!

5.) I will stop taking requests for this prompt session on Sunday, August 6th, at 3:00 PST.

6.) Have fun and enjoy!

Prompts made by @urfriendlywriter and @novelbear

"god, it's so hot out."

taking the vacation's plans as an opportunity to teach their partner a skill they don't know yet (like how to swim, surf, fish, etc.)

"should i buy these?" "you have like five of those at home." "but they're not from here!"

commenting about the overpowering smell of sunscreen/mosquito repellant that the other constantly uses

pictures. pictures. pictures.

"Aw, come on. a little water won't hurt!"

"since when did you know how to barbecue?" "i always have. i've just never gotten the chance to cook for you like this..."

piggy back rides when one gets tired from walking for so long

"oh, can we go on that one? please?"

"i have sand. everywhere."

putting sunscreen on for each other

maybe one has been to their chosen spot before and is so excited to show the other their favorite places

^ and of course, their lover finds their excitement absolutely adorable

"the lady over there just asked if we were a couple." "well, we did just kiss." "i know but it's still cool that we've finally been asked, don't you think?"

trying to find those little souvenirs with their names on it

^ and making it a little game to find a product with their name first

sharing drinks with two straws and being all cute

"how many swimsuits did you bring." "all of them."

complimenting them with every single outfit change of the trip

late night beach walks >>>

Once again, I will not take any more requests after Sunday, August 6th, at 3:00 PST. Thanks and Happy writing!

Tagged - @a-lumos-in-the-nox @basicrese @ethereal-athalia @reallysparklychaos @heartofwritiing @botanicalbarnes @virtueassassin @heliosphere8 @saradika

[gazelle-777]

Choices, Choices

I could stuff my face. Make myself a huge serving of fries and a vegan burger. Heck, I could go buy some vegan cheese and make it a double. Top it with some caramelized onions and go to town. Drench the entire thing in a borderline nauseating amount of ketchup, sneak the entire ensemble to my room, and devour it in private.

But then I look down at my thighs. These thighs that are always too big, too thick, too chunky. I look and I notice they are starting to become smaller. They are starting to become almost likeable. And I think to myself, "is it worth it?" Are the burgers and fries worth it? I even have some vegan chicken nuggets in the freezer. But is it worth it? Is it worth shoveling all the food into my mouth and wanting more and more and more, never having enough, never being satisfied? Is it worth watching all my hard work unravel? Is it worth the nonexistent energy levels and depression? Is it worth the rapid weight gain?

Right before I turn 24 in 3 months, will it be worth it when I step on the scale and see that I still weigh just under 160? Will it be worth it when I break down into tears because my birthday is tomorrow and I am still fat? Will it be worth it when I see where I could have been if I had just lost one single, measly pound a week every week for 3 months?

Will it be worth it when it's my birthday party and I'm thumbing through my closet trying to find something to wear? Will it be worth it when I skip past the beautiful dresses and cute crop tops and go for something bland and boring because it's the only thing that fits?

I have another choice.

I could decide the better way to spend my evening hours is to go for a walk with my dog then come back home to boot up my laptop, play the Sims 4, and drink water until it's time for me to go to bed. I could even tidy up my room and put on a cute pajamas set before I settle down to play.

Tomorrow morning, when I wake up, I don't know how much I'll weigh. I don't know how flat my stomach will look. But I'll know it's better than today. I have my estimated calorie count to prove it. I have my steps count to prove it. I have my known water intake to prove it. I can go to bed tonight knowing that no matter how I look tomorrow or what the scale says, I lost weight. Sure, maybe water might throw the scale off and make it seem like no progress was made. But I know that if everyday were to look like today, I will be on track to skinny. The day to day fluctuations will eventually even out and I'll see the progress sooner or later.

After all, true progress is not measured from one day to the next, but over time. Weeks, months, years.

It's during the late fall and early winter season when I'm considering wearing a chunky sweater. Do my legs look small or not?

It's during Christmas season when I'm looking in the mirror after pulling on an oversized sweater and impractically short shorts, checking if my legs look small enough this year for the outfit to be adorable, or if they're too big and I'm going to have to wait to try again the following year.

It's next summer when I'm picking out a swimsuit to wear. Do I automatically reach for a bikini because I've reached my ugw a long time ago and that's the new normal, or do I still have to wear my worn out one piece to cover up as much as possible?

That is true progress, long term success. And that is built during the day to day decisions. That is built by deciding to go for a walk instead of binge. That is built by performing actions on a daily basis, not just hopping on a scale from time to time or checking in the mirror. The truth is, these daily actions are what drives the scale readings and the mirror's image. My success tomorrow is determined by my actions right now, not tomorrow morning during my weigh in.

What will I choose?

[chicwishblog]

Chicwish Review: Discovering Affordable Luxury in Fashion

In today's fast-paced world, buying things has never been simpler and affordable, especially with the increasing use of online fashion portals. But it can also be challenging for customers to select the best product or service due to the large number of suppliers and the intense competition. This is when product reviews are useful as an accurate way to judge the quality of the product or service particularly when they are available at affordable rates.

Online reviews are crucial since they boost a business's visibility in search engine results pages, sales, and reputation. Reviews are significant since 59% of prospective buyers read two or three reviews before making a decision. A majority of customers these days would like to visit a physical retail location, try an item on, and then buy it. Nonetheless, the rapid rise of internet stores has fundamentally altered how people explore and buy clothing. Many online clothing stores boast that they offer the best products at the most competitive costs. Chicwish is one among them that offer quality clothing in an affordable way.

Since its introduction, Chicwish has made it possible for fashion fans to select from a large selection of clothing at reasonable prices. Without a doubt, Chicwish offers everything you could possibly need, including lingerie, dresses, loungewear, shirts, bottoms, and swimsuits. Chicwish is dedicated to providing exquisite, one-of-a-kind designs while upholding moral principles. The company's goal is to lower the cost of luxury for those who value style and the environment.

The greatness of the store's domain is demonstrated by the large number of Chicwish reviews that can be found online. These testimonials confirm Chicwish's reputation as a pioneer in the online apparel industry, which it works hard to uphold by providing stylish goods at reasonable costs to everyone.

Let's look at some of the most-read Chicwish reviews on the internet at verify brand’s commitment to offer the best possible combination of quality and affordability.

1. “I just have to see how your clothing fits first! This was a gift for a very special friend for her birthday and she is going through treatments next week for cancer. This pink sweater/coat in PINK will be special in more ways than one. I hope to come back for more. Love your advertising and the pieces that I've looked at. LOVE. There's a lot to consider with all the sizing in different countries and want it to fit another person I am buying for. The reviews didn't have enough information in them to tell anything about sizing to be sure. I know you are targeting a younger age group but don't forget us older ladies like to look just as good!” – Stanetta C.

2. “Since discovering Chicwish, my mother and I have made at least 5 orders between the 2 of us, and they have never failed to reply quickly and efficiently. I love their designs and their quality is solid, as long as you know what to expect based on the pictures.” – Aria C.

3. “Finally a skirt that fits great! Not to mention gorgeous. It's beautiful for spring and carries right into the summer for brunch, weddings, etc., or just because. Dress it up or down.” – De B.

4. “I discovered this website last year and I fell in love with its products, but while reading the reviews on the internet, I wasn't very sure how it would turn out. I eventually decided to order one dress and set myself up for no expectations. I ordered before the holidays and during the vacation time, I didn't check the order status at all. The order arrived at my door in about a month (I live in Finland) and I had to pay customs for it, so please take that into account when ordering. But I must say, I was very impressed with the dress, the quality, and the fit. It became very fast my favorite dress and I will definitely be ordering more from Chicwish :)” – Claudia J.

5. “At first I was a little cautious, didn't make good experiences with Asian online shops. But the clothing is not only *really* cute (been looking for something like this for ages), the quality and fabrics are awesome too! Takes a few weeks to deliver, but I think it's worth it.” – Kerstin E.

The Conclusion

Whether you are looking for casual clothes or formal wear, Chicwish is one name you can always trust upon.  Chicwish is a top-rated clothing store where you can explore all types of clothing at affordable rates.

[jeonggukkiepabo]

CRYSTAL SNOW ❄ MYG

SUMMARY: Christmas has always been a stressful time for Yoongi: buying presents, decorating the tree, baking cookies, you name it-Yoongi does it. It wouldn't be so difficult if Yoongi had someone to help him, but all he has left in his life is his beautiful daughter Ara.But maybe this year, he won't be all alone.

GENRE: christmas fluff  ❄ a bit of smut

WORD COUNT: 7,3k

WARNINGS: f l u f f, single parent yoongi, kindergarten teacher y/n, oral, satoori, domestic christmas vibes :(, mentions of death

AUTHOR’S NOTE: the secret collab is finally here! thanks @kimtaehyunq​ for letting me join💞 i’m so excited to read the other fics as well! & thank you Mags for doing this amazing banner I think this is the prettiest banner I've ever had. 🤧 Tysm love💞

MERRY CHRISTMAS

People usually say she looks a lot like her father, but all Yoongi sees in Ara is his wife. Wherever his daughter goes, his wife's ghost follows, the memory of his teenage love and the wonderful years they spent together until she left their lives.

Min Dasom died almost one year after Ara was born, her death coming too sudden for anyone to bid their last goodbyes-leaving her husband and baby heartbroken and alone.

It was awful, Yoongi won't be able to forget that one night the police called him, telling him that his precious wife drowned in the ocean during her monthly trip to the beach with her friends. 

Ever since that call, Yoongi has never stepped near a beach again, never felt hot sand between his toes again, never went swimming again.

It was hard, being a single parent and Yoongi was tempted to give up many times, but seeing Ara grow and bloom into the beautiful girl she is now, Yoongi is beyond thankful that he survived the pain and sorrow.  

He never drowned his thoughts in alcohol because his sunshine always looked at him with her sad little eyes, almost as if she knew what he wanted to do and hugged his legs tightly until Yoongi set the bottle away and picked Ara up and spent the night cuddling her.

Things got easier as soon as Ara was old enough to finally go to kindergarten, allowing Yoongi to work more hours and on a daily basis again. It's not like he needed a lot of money, it's just that Yoongi needs to work. 

He's used to working all the time, he's always been-because working doesn't give him time to think about the tragedy that is his life.

Money wasn't an issue for the Min family, Yoongi used to be one of the most successful pianists and producers in South Korea, but he gave up on that as soon as Ara was born, just to have time for his family.

His friend Hyunjin offered him a job as a songwriter and composer at his own label JinHit Entertainment. 

Yoongi could work from home whenever he wanted and needed to, but the studio Hyunjin set him up was way better and filled with new technology that Yoongi loved playing and experimenting with.

The acclimatization to her new daily routine wasn't easy for Ara because she wasn't used to having women in her life-until now, it has always been Yoongi and Ara. They ended up switching kindergarten two times before Ara came into the one that you've been working at for a while now-instantly falling in love with you.

The first few days with your new reference child we're quite… interesting because the little girl was full of action and so curious about every little thing in the room that you couldn't sit still and talk to her father for a while because Ara grabbed your hand and pulled you towards the next game she wanted to play.

Her father, Min Yoongi, sent you an apologetic smile as he watched you play with his daughter from a distance, giving you time to get used to each other and build a bond. You winked at him as you took a seat next to Ara and started to explain the rules of the board game to her-impressed about how well she was understanding them.

It didn't take Ara a long time to send Yoongi home, waving him goodbye and pressing a loud kiss onto his lips. "Go and work, Appa! Uncle Hyunjinnie waits for you to make good music!"

Yoongi looked at her with a pout, crossing his arms over his chest. "You're telling me to leave? Just to go and work? That is rude, princess."

You giggled and hugged Ara as she ran over to you, Yoongi long forgotten.

"Would you like to bring your dad to the door, Ara? I think he might be sad if you won't. Remember: he won’t see you for a few hours and you don’t want your dad to be sad during lunch, right?"

Ara giggled but nodded nonetheless and grabbed Yoongi by the hand. "Hurry!"

Yoongi looked at you in shock, desperately trying to hold in his laugh. "I think you gave me Ara's evil twin instead of my sweet little princess! Where is my nice girl that always kisses Appa goodbye?"

You shrugged your shoulders playfully as one of the other kids asked for you to help him with building a big tower out of building blocks. "Have a nice day, Mr Min. Oh and make sure you won't forget about our appointment on Thursday! I don't think it'll take longer than an hour, it's just to talk about Ara's development so far."

Yoongi was one of the few parents that were always punctual, not even a minute too late-and the only parent you've never felt any kind of rage towards. Not only that, but he attended every kindergarten fest, always prepared little cupcakes for Ara's birthday to bring with her to kindergarten and share with her friends.

May was rolling around quickly and you were as eager as always to craft some little gifts for the children to give their mothers. 

You prepared some candle wax and melted it so the kids could fill it in plastic forms and add glitter and scent to their preference, just to have a nice little gift to give. 

Most of the kids had fun, some of them were a bit grumpy because they got glitter all over themselves, but there is one little girl pouting and trying not to cry in front of them, not even touching the wax.

Ara.

It breaks your heart every time, knowing that Ara's mother died years ago and that she probably had no other woman in her life because you’ve already heard that her father works quite a lot. 

Squatting down next to the little girl, you gently pinch her stomach just to hear her little giggles. 

"What's wrong, sweetheart? Don't you want to make a nice candle?"

Ara looks up at you, one single tear slipping out of her eye. "I don't have a mom, so no candle for me."

You coo, playing with Ara's hair as you stand up again, leading her towards the crafting table.

"That doesn't matter, Ara. I think your dad will be happy to get a candle too! We can pick a different color than pink, what do you think does he like the most? I’m sure we will find something!"

Ara taps her chin, smiling slightly as she thinks about Yoongi's favorite color. "Black! He wears black clothes! Always! Do we have black glitter, Y/N?" 

She scrunches her nose at the first few oils, but one scent really lights up her face. "This smells like Appa! Can we use this?" 

"We do, I didn't put it on the table because usually nobody wants it so it sits on the shelf, all by itself. I think the glitter finally deserves to be used!" You smile at the kid, grabbing the small container of glitter from the shelf and handing it over to Ara.

"We do have a few scents, would you like to smell them? Choose whichever you think smells the best and we can put a few drops in the wax,' you offer the bowl of different oils to Ara and help her open the lids.

Ara holds up the little bottle of rose oil and you smile to yourself. Black roses, that really seems to fit the impression you have of Mr. Min.

"Of course. Now, let's mix the glitter with the wax and we can put it into the mold. Alright, now stir it while i put in a few drops of the rose oil, okay?"

You guide her through the process, talking to her and listening to her rambling about the piano lessons Mr. Min gives her on a regular basis, just because Ara wants to be like her favorite man in the world.

"He is a great dad, Ara. You're so lucky to have him, I know that he must be sad sometimes too, but you're such a sunshine and help him as much as he helps you," you hug her from the side, enjoying the way Ara leans into the hug as well.

"I want a mom, but Appa is almost like a mom! He lets me paint his nails, goes to ballet with me and always bakes princess cookies for our tea parties!"

Ara giggles as she dips the wick into the liquid wax.

"Appa needs a woman to love, the only dates he goes to are work-dates with uncle Hyunjin," she says.

And yes, you think so as well.

One day around September, you decide that it’s definitely hot enough to prepare the blow-up outside pool for the kids, allowing them to change into their swimsuits and let them play around, even adding some bubbles to the water to let them experiment.

Mr. Min smiles at you, his gums fully showing and you can’t help but smile as well as you hear his words.

“And I think there’s no job that you could do better than this one.”

You’re sitting next to the pool on a bench in the shadow, reading some books to those few kids that don’t want to hop into the water as Ara jumps out of the pool.

“Y/N, come inside as well, it’s so nice!” She jumps up and down, her wet ponytail dripping onto her shoulders.

You pout, pointing to the kids next to you. “I can’t, you know that some of the kids are still afraid to go into the water with so many other children around. Maybe next time. Now, go and enjoy it, it’s super hot and I don’t know when autumn will come around and surprise us with bad weather!”

Ara nods quickly, hopping back into the water and continues splashing some water around with her friends, but she glances at you every few seconds. Then, she whispers with her two best friends before all three of them nod as they look at you.

Suddenly, they run towards you, surprising you with wet hugs and loud giggles, leaving your white summer dress almost see through.

Suddenly, there’s someone clearing his throat right behind you and you wish you could sink deep down into the pool once you see that it’s Mr. Min. 

“Girls!,” you can’t help but yelp, the cold water causing you to jump up from the bench. Yet, you laugh with them, the cooling really helping you with the heat.

“You can’t just do that, Ara. Look at my dress now, you can almost see through it, you’re lucky that the parents won’t come in within the next two hours, otherwise they would see me like this,” you try to look stern, but to be honest: you would have done the same if you were Ara.

“Ara, why did you do that?,” he asks with his calm voice and tries his best not to look at your hardening nipples under the dress. 

Ara’s bottom lip trembles as she looks at you with sad eyes. “I’m sorry, Y/N. I just thought it would be funny…”

Mr. Min turns to you and bows slightly. “I’m sorry, she shouldn’t have done that. And well, I came to pick her up earlier because we will visit her grandparents over the weekend. I should’ve informed you earlier. Is there any way I can help you with your… erm, dress?”

Mr. Min nods at you, picking up his-still wet-daughter as he looks you up and down slow enough to leave goosebumps all over your skin once again. 

You blush, shaking your head as you grab Ara’s clothes and hand her to her father.

“It’s alright, Mr. Min, it’s not your fault-and a water fight is too much fun to just not do it, right, Ara? It’s sunny enough so I’ll just bring the bench into the sun and I’ll be dry soon enough! I hope you’re having fun with your grandparents, Ara! Have a nice weekend, Mr. Min.”

“It’s alright, Mr. Min, really. You don’t know how many children happen to call one of us mom without realizing it. It’s nothing too wild, I’ve gotten used to it and I think especially in Ara’s case… It was supposed to happen, you know? I mean, I don’t want to intrude on your private life, but I suppose you’re not seeing another person and Ara isn’t growing up with other females, so she takes those she sees here as a female person to bond with, you know?”

“Thank you, mommy! Oh… I mean Y/N..,” Ara quirps as he turns around in her father’s arms, even though it doesn’t look like she’s really sorry at all.

“Ara!” Mr. Min gasps as he looks at his daughter. 

Yoongi shakes his head. “I haven’t seen another woman ever since my wife died. Ara is the only woman in my life, the only one I give all my love to. She deserves it,” he sighs. “But you’re right, I think another female person would really help her with growing up. I just don’t want to introduce her to some random woman I might not even want to spend the rest of my life with. Is this egoistic?”

His honest words hit you, knowing how lonely he must be, all alone with his little girl and a bunch of work he has to do. “It’s not, Mr. Min. You don’t have to date just because you think it would be the best for Ara. There are many single fathers that raise their kids perfectly fine and I think you’re one of them! Ara never tells bad stories about you and I think you’re doing a really good job, spending all of your free time with her and allowing her to experience so many fun things. I’ve met so many ‘happy’ families that didn’t even manage to pack breakfast for their kids, so really, don’t break your head over something like this! I’m happy that Ara accepted me so much and that she always comes to me whenever she has a problem. This is why I chose my job.”

Over the next few months, Mr. Min is all that’s on your mind, even though you know how unprofessional it is, but he’s even kinder to you than he’s been before. You usually have a small chat with every parent whenever they bring or pick up their children, but Mr. Min makes sure to always catch you and ask you about your day, if there’s anything new in your life and you can’t help but ask him about his work and the songs he’s been working on as well.

“Ah, it’s really stressful right now. I’m working with this band that’s debuting soon and we have to prepare and finish the entire album I wrote about five songs for. They’re really good but still so young, I think the oldest is 16? Or was it 17? Whatever, that’s like ten years younger than me! I think I’ll grow grey hair soon when I keep on working with such young idols,” he sighs playfully as he helps Ara to put on her shoes and jacket. 

“I mean, you’re not that old, Mr. Min. Don’t worry-as long as you keep that handful smile you will look like you’re straight out of some perfume poster. But I’d love to listen to one of your songs! I mean, if you’d let me,” you smile with honesty as you hand Ara her backpack. 

Mr. Min shrugs, pulling his phone out of his pocket as he opens his Spotify account. He types something in and turns the screen towards you. AGUST D, it says. You scrunch your eyes at the name, trying to remember where you’ve known it from, but it doesn’t ring a bell right now. 

“I’ll make sure to listen to some of your songs, I hope they aren’t too sad though, I prefer my music to be more… pop and rock?”

You cringe at your own words, hoping that the man knows what you were trying to say. 

And fuck, you did like it. Turns out that AGUST D wasn’t some softie that plays guitar lullabies, no. 

Yoongi cracks a grin, then winks at you playfull before he takes Ara’s hand after she said goodbye to you.

“I think you’re going to like it.”

AGUST D seems to be one of the best rappers in the music industry that you’ve ever been listening to. He sounds so aggressive and fast that you needed to listen twice to some of his songs to understand what he was saying, but you ended up adding much more songs into your playlist than you’d like to tell him.

But you did tell him.

“Oh, I’m not doing that crazy rap thing anymore. It was a phase, I guess. By now, I use the name to help smaller musicians and trainees, produce their songs and write their lyrics. It’s better to do so with a bigger name, but AGUST D died a long time ago, I guess I killed him.” Mr. Min says the next day.

"I mean, as long as you keep all of them on Spotify, I'm alright with that. Most of those songs match my aggressive driving vibe and I can't imagine driving to work without it." You try to joke before you realize what it must've sounded like. "Oh lord, I didn't mean it like that!" 

You blush, trying to hide your reddened cheeks in your palms, but Mr. Min just laughs it off.

"Don't worry, I get what you mean. I usually play Love Talk as soon as i leave this building."

He even has the audacity to wink at you before he leaves with a grin, causing Ara to coo.

"Appa really likes you if he teases you!"

And the teasing goes on and on, there’s almost no day without a snarky comment from Mr. Min or a sarcastic comment from you-but neither of you takes those words to heart because that’s what you need in your lives, someone to laugh with, someone to make jokes with.

Even though there are plenty of other children in your group and so many parents you talk to daily, the only one you’re happy to see in the afternoon is Mr. Min.

The summer is long gone and fall said goodbye a few weeks ago, December came around and your little crush on Mr. Min isn’t as little anymore-and you can’t help yourself but wonder if he might be into you as well. You’ve shared a few noons talking about Ara’s development and if she’s ready for school next September, but most of the times you didn’t talk about the girl for more than thirty minutes before one of you switched the topic to something more private as the man leans closer to you and locks his gaze with yours.

You’re not as nervous around him as you were before and you can feel him starting to open up towards you as well. Yet, you’ve never met outside of the kindergarten, knowing it would be way too unprofessional and you’d never want to ruin the wonderful bond you share with Ara just because you’re desperate to jump into her father’s lap and call him Daddy too.

You’re not one of those women to go into a club and have a dirty one night stand with a random stranger, but you’ve been too busy to actually go and meet people, so you’ve kind of gotten used to being alone, even though you’re really missing late night cuddles and Disney marathons.

It’s Saturday afternoon and you’ve been strolling through the mall for a while now, looking for some christmas presents for your friends and family-but also wanting to treat yourself because work has been more than just exhausting lately.

You’ve been handling the entire group alone, having a lot more smaller children because new kids have been coming to kindergarten and having to deal with so many parents alone can be pure hell. Sadly enough you’re living all by yourself, only having a few close friends that don’t understand why you’re even doing this underpaid job and your last relationship crashed almost two years ago.

The mall looks amazing, beautiful christmas ornaments are hanging from the ceiling and there must be someone playing the piano somewhere because the soft melodic tunes fill the entire mall, reminding you of Mr. Min once again.

You just stepped out of a lingerie store, something you’re really passionate about even though nobody but yourself sees you in it, but you love the feeling of lace on your skin, love how beautifully the soft colors compliment your skin and love imagining Mr. Min ripping the soft material off you.

The small paper bag in your hand, you look around for another shop that might hold the next christmas present for one of your friends. 

“Appa, please! I already have a picture but we need you to have one too!”

You know that voice too well to ignore it, searching the area for the small owner of it, giggling as you found her. Ara and Mr. Min are in the Santa area of the mall that gives you the ability to sit on Santa’s lap and take a picture with him as you tell him your biggest christmas wishes.

But the little girl is not sitting on Santa’s lap, she’s trying to push her father towards the man with the fake beard, clearly wanting him to sit down on that lap.

You giggle, walking towards them just to find out what’s going to happen.

“Ara, I’m too old and heavy for poor Santa, I think he prefers girls your age-wait, no not like that. I think he likes boys and girls-ugh. You’re driving me crazy, princess. Look, there’s a few other kids wanting to have their time with Santa as well, why don’t we just leave and try to find some more presents from the giftshop here, hm?” The man tries to talk his daughter into leaving the uncomfortable situation, but Ara is as stubborn as ever-she always gets what she wants, especially from her father.

“But… I want you to have pictures with Santa too!” She pouts, looking over at the confused Santa before she hears your giggle. “Y/N!”

Mr. Min turns around, a shocked expression on his face and a soft pink tint on his cheeks.

“Oh, Ms. Y/L/N. What a surprise.”

You giggle even more, stepping closer towards them. “Hello Ara, good afternoon Mr. Min,” you bow slightly before accepting the little girl’s hug. 

“I see, you really want to sit on Santa’s lap, but Ara doesn’t want to let you because she’d be embarrassed.” 

Yoongi hums in agreement. “Horrible, those children. I mean, I just want a nice christmas picture with Santa, but you know how they are… right before puberty hits them.”

“Y/N, Appa doesn’t want to take a picture with Santa, would you sit on his lap and take a picture for me?” Ara looks up at you with her big eyes and like always, you can’t say no. Instead, you hand Mr. Min your bags-not thinking about the fact that one of them is from the lingerie store-before taking Ara’s hand and walking over to the smiling Santa.

The picture is quickly taken and not even five minutes later, Mr. Min hands you your bags, whispering, so Ara wouldn’t hear you. “I think the peach one will suit you the best.”

Ara nods and rips the bags out of Mr. Min’s hands to show you her cute dresses and bows while the man just stares at you with an open mouth. Did you really just say that to him? 

You gasp, hiding the bags behind your back but who are you to deny the fact that this man is the exact reason you stepped into the store?

“Thank you, I hope someone will get to see them before Christmas. It would be a shame to waste those pretty pieces for some lame mirror selfies,” you smile innocently before squatting down next to Ara. “Did you buy something nice yet?”

“Appa, we wanted to get hot chocolate, can Y/N come too please?”

Yoongi is speechless once more as he quietly follows his daughter and her kindergarten teacher towards the mall’s cafe-realizing that he shouldn’t have chosen his tightest pair of skinny jeans because somehow, they got quite uncomfortable as soon as you arrived.

Yoongi raises an eyebrow at his daughter before he picks up all the dresses that Ara tried to shove back into the bags. “If she wants, she’s welcome to join, but I think you should ask her first, maybe she is busy.”

You blush at the invitation, not sure whether to accept it or not-but you’re not one to decline on hot chocolate. Smiling at Ara, you nod. “Show me where to get the best hot chocolate, I’m craving something sweet and thick down my throat.”

He watches you as Ara grabs your hand and swings them around with a soft giggle, heart warming as he sees your fond smile.

Ara talks about you a lot-hell, Yoongi asks about you a lot whenever Ara doesn't want to talk about you but watch her favorite show.

It's unprofessional and probably not allowed, Yoongi knows, but Ara leaves for school in March anyways, so who cares? 

It's obvious to the both of you that you're interested in each other, the flirting and teasing coming to a point where Yoongi can't wait for another snarky remark of yours.

And now that he has the chance to sit and talk with you outside of your workplace, you just chose to buy a bag full of fucking beautiful lingerie (yes, Yoongi looked inside, no, he doesn't regret it).

Ara leads you into this beautiful cat cafe that apparently has "The best hot chocolate and bubble tea, but it's too cold for bubble tea… Can they make hot bubble tea?" as Ara says, earning a harsh "no" from Yoongi, because that's something he wishes for as well.

"Go find a place with Mr. Y/L/N, Ara. I'll get your order, yeah? What can I order for you?" Yoongi looks at you as he pulls out his wallet, giving you some time to read the menu.

"Oh, the candy cane hot chocolate, please! And please, as long as we are not talking inside the kindergarten, call me Y/N. I mean, you've seen my underwear, I think you deserve to call me by my name."

Yoongi blushes, nodding and rushes towards the cashier to order your drinks. You smile at the man, then at the cats-they look somewhat similar-before you sit down next to Ara who is currently petting four cats on her lap.

"They're adorable," you coo, "Do you have any pets?"

Ara nods with a big smile and hands you one of the cats, a pretty one with orange fur and big eyes. 

"I have a turtle! Gukkie gave it to me and Appa didn't like it first, but I love her!"

You enjoy the cat's purring as you gently stroke her chin. "A turtle sounds lovely, I hope you can show it to me one day."

"Oh, that won't be a problem, I can invite you for dinner and Appa will get shy and red in the face, but he wouldn't say no because he's super soft for-" "ALPACAS! I'm soft for alpacas, haha, here we go, three hot chocolates."

Yoongi appears with a pained expression as he places your hot chocolate right in front of you.

"Thanks, Yoongi," you smile at the man and Yoongi swears that his heart stopped beating for a second. "I'm soft for Alpacas as well."

Right after you all finished your drinks, Ara decides that it’s time to walk through the mall once more, just to make sure that Santa is still there and will take another picture with hot chocolate-filled Ara. 

“Did you enjoy your date with Y/N, Appa?” She looks up at her father as you walk towards the mall. Yoongi trembles, blushing brightly. “I’m pretty sure this wasn’t a date, Ara. Don’t assume things like this, it’s rude,” he mumbles as he gently pets her head to make sure she isn’t hurt by his comment.

You giggle, whispering loud enough for Yoongi to hear. “I really liked it, Ara. Your Appa can be funny if he wants to.”

The picture with Santa comes out pretty, even though the man groaned as two grown adults decided to sit on each of his legs, the bright smiling Ara kneeling in front of them. But it’s really worth it, because Yoongi’s smile never leaves his lips this evening, gums showing beautifully on the picture and you quickly make sure to get a copy of that picture as well.

Yoongi’s eyes widen. “So was this a… you know?” It’s endearing, how shy he suddenly seems to be. You’ve never seen him like this. Stressed, overworked and happy - yes. Shy and blushing? Never.

You nod with a soft smile as you lay your hand on his shoulder.

“Yes, I’d like that to be a ‘you know what’, Yoongi.”

You can't even tell when the two of you officially started dating, but you'll never forget the first kiss you've shared during one of your walks-thanks to Ara for snapping a picture of it. Yoongi's hands wrapped around your waist, eyes clenched shut and lips curled in a soft smile as fresh snow fell down on you.

Seeing Yoongi at work wasn’t as weird as you had expected it to be, it’s quite the opposite. He’s attentive and lovely, bringing you fresh croissants or donuts every morning or puting little chocolate for you and Ara in his daughter’s lunchbox.

He’s caring, picking you up after your shift to invite you to dinners and walks through the forest with Ara, because that little girl just loves walking in the fresh snow that has started to fall recently. She takes pictures of your footprints with Yoongi’s phone and makes him promise to print it for her to hang up.

“Of course I can, Ara. You’re already wearing your sleeping clothes and you’ve brushed your teeth with Appa, so hurry up and pick out the book you want me to read!” 

Ara grows closer and closer to you, until that one day where you stay over the Min’s house for dinner, she asks you to bring her to bed.

“Can she, Appa? I want her to read my favorite bedtime story to me! Please, Y/N,” Ara looks up at you with a pout, her beautiful eyes-that remind you of Yoongi-sparkling with admiration. 

That girl really makes your heart melt, combined with the soft smile that Yoongi gives you. And suddenly, you feel like you’re meant to be here, helping that man that you’ve grown so close to, helping the girl that lost her mother way too early and maybe even helping yourself with accepting that love really comes unexpectedly.

You gently tuck the soft blanket over Ara and place her favorite stuffie next to her as you smile at the girl fondly. "Sleep well, Ara," you whisper quietly, trying not to wake her up.

"Kissies, please," she mumbles sleepily and makes grabby hands towards you.

"Ara, I-" "Please," she whines and opens her eyes, tears starting to build up.

"Okay, it's okay, Ara." You swipe her hair out of her face before you plant a soft little kiss onto the girl's forehead. "Good night, sweetheart."

"Good night, Y/N. Will you be there tomorrow morning?"

Your smile fades, unsure if you really want to tell the little girl the truth. 

"Probably not, I have to get ready for work. You know that I love to wear dresses on Thursdays and I didn't bring mine. But we will see each other in the kindergarten!"

"Okay," she whispers before she falls back into a quiet slumber.

Yoongi has cleaned the kitchen in the meantime and poured more wine for the both of you to enjoy in front of the fireplace.

"She really adores you," he says as you sit down next to him, sipping the rosé Yoongi bought just for you.

"And I adore her. She's an angel. Thank you for allowing me to spend so much time with her, Yoon."

Yoongi blushes again, shaking his head. The greyish blonde hair got messier as the evening passed. "No, Y/N. You're the first mother-figure Ara has, I have to thank you in both mine and Ara's name. I know that dating a single father is a lot, but you're accepting my family so well… I never thought I'd find another woman in my life again. Ever since my wife died, it was hard for me to even look at other women, let alone build up something like a relationship with them because I always felt bad. But that's what she would have wanted for me. To love again, to not waste my last handsome days," his lips curl into a smirk before he shakes again. 

Then, his sharp eyes met yours and soften within seconds. 

"I… I don't know if it's the right time, we've known each other for two years, we've been officially dating for only three weeks, but I think I won't change my mind about it-no I know that I won't change my mind. I love you, Y/N. And I know that Ara loves you too."

You gasp, lips beginning to tremble once your eyes meet Yoongi's. "Yoongi…," you whisper before you place your glass on the table and basically jump onto his lap, wrapping your arms around his neck. 

"I wanted to be the one to tell you first. I love you so much, Yoongi. I've had this stupid crush on you ever since you saw me in that wet dress, ever since you've shown me your music. Ever since I've seen you being the wonderful father you are-and that's so sexy, you can't even imagine."

Yoongi smirks as his hands find their place on the curve of your ass. "Sexy, huh? Me, doing the laundry and cooking dinner? Or me walking Ara to kindergarten with the homemade lunch boxes? That turns you on?"

You laugh, hiding your face in his neck as you lean closer to press your lips against his ear.

"All of that-and the way that you love Ara with all your heart, that's maybe the sexiest thing about you."

The man groans as he grabs you even tighter. "I never thought that sweet talk would turn me on even more than dirty talk," he laughs shakily as he wiggles his hips slightly to get into a more comfortable position that won't suffocate his hardening erection.

You sigh, sit up and run your hands through his hair. "Isn't all of this too early? I always tell myself that I shouldn't fall so fast, but here I am, ready to go every step with you."

Yoongi nods before he presses a peck on your nose. "Same, but we have all the time on earth. Ara wants us to get married by tomorrow, but I'm sure she'll survive it if we decide to postpone it for a few weeks."

You giggle as you look over your shoulder to the fireplace. "Did someone ever suck you off in front of a fireplace? Isn't this the definition of Christmas?"

The man underneath you gasps in shock. "No, but… I mean, I… You don't… have to?"

Laughing, you slide out of his lap and onto the floor, thankful for the soft carpet. "I want to, bubs. I wouldn't do something either of us isn't comfortable with. I assume you're alright with it?"

"Of course, but… I guess nobody ever did it because they wanted to, but because they feel like they had to?"

You raise an eyebrow at him, obviously disappointed in his previous partners. 

"It's as much fun and pleasure for me as it is for you, believe me, Yoon. Now lay back and enjoy, yeah?" You give him a calming smile as you open his pants carefully, then sliding them down his toned legs.

You press kisses all around his thighs to warm him up to the feeling, knowing that it has to be overwhelming to have some that close after all that time. Then, you gently remove his boxer shorts as well, leaving him bare and proud in front of you.

You groan as you start to stroke his cock, earning a low growl from Yoongi. "So beautiful," you whisper, then you take him into your mouth, getting a feeling for the weight on your tongue before you start bopping your head. 

Yoongi tries to contain himself, knowing that Ara could wake up every second, but alone the sight in front of him could make him come with a scream.

Instead, he cups your cheek, feeling the bulge that he causes there. Another groan leaves his lips. 

You look up at him, smirking-or trying to, with a mouth full of cock-and leading his hand into your hair, using it to push you down even more.

Yoongi's eyes lighten up. "Really?"

You almost laugh out, but you're doing your best to contain yourself and nod, placing your hands on his thighs to stop whenever you can't take it anymore. Yoongi is long and thicker than the average you've had before, but it's a challenge that's worth it.

He pushes you down slowly, enjoying the hot warmth of your mouth and then your throat as he pushes in-surprised that you didn't really gag around him.

Spit trickles down your chin as he moves faster, thrusting his hips to meet the movements of his hand and enjoying the gurgling sounds you make.

He comes far to quick for his own liking, shooting his load down your throat with a quiet groan. "Fuck."

You giggle as you swallow what he gives you, standing up to sit back on his lap to kiss him.

"You're welcome." 

Then, before you can grab your wine again, he flips you around and goes on his knees in front of you. "My turn," he smirks, eyes shining dangerously behind his fringe. 

"Yoongi, I-," you try to say, but he shushes you with a sloppy kiss.

"I know that I have to, but believe me: I love giving pleasure more than receiving it."

You pout, hands running through his soft hair.

"I didn't shave…," you whisper, a bit ashamed because you didn't come prepared, not thinking that this would be happening today.

The man in front of you raises an eyebrow.

"Do you think I am a 15 year old, pre puberty fuckboy that cares about shaved pussies? It's natural, love. Even if you can't believe it: I grow hair too, nobody is freshly shaved every day. I don't mind that, okay? Now, stop pouting and let me do my work, will you? Can you be a good girl and do that for me? All you've got to do is lean back, open your legs, throw them around my shoulders and let me devour you."

His shameless words turn you on, you can't even deny it-especially not when your panties are that damp. So, you naturally obey and help him to remove your pants.

"I told you, peach is your color," Yoongi groans in his deep Satoori as he looks at your clothed core. The peach colored lace has darkened from your arousal and the man can't help it but press his face against the material, licking one bold stripe over it.

Nobody has ever done that to you, rather pulled them off in a hurry because they thought that body fluids were disgusting, but Yoongi didn't seem to mind as he gently bites your folds through the lace. 

"God," you moan in pleasure as Yoongi finally pulls your panties to the side and spits onto your pussy, making it even wetter.

You're a whimpering mess as soon as Yoongi's tongue is on you, flicking and playing with your clit, collecting your juices and spreading them all over your pussy. You've read about that before; men eating pussy like they're starving, but Yoongi is somewhat different.

He eats pussy like he wants you to always remind it, to make you obedient and never being able to enjoy anyone else doing that job.

He does it well-of course. His tongue is as fast as he's been spitting rhymes on his mixtape, and you're more than thankful for that.

He doesn't even get to use his fingers before your orgasm approaches you, strong waves of pleasure hitting you as Yoongi keeps on kissing and slowly licking you through your high.

Then, he grins at you. "Round two, here we go."

And this time, it's not only his tongue working wonders, but also his fingers stroking you on the inside until they found your spot. 

You press your hands on your mouth to keep yourself from screaming out loud, hips bucking wildly as you come for a second time within less than ten minutes. And again, Yoongi guides you through it and softly caresses your stomach.

"Fuck, I love you," you pant as he comes back up and steals a kiss from you.

"I can't wait to have you in my bed properly," he whispers and takes a large sip from his wine. 

You can only agree.

You've started to spend the nights at Yoongi's more often, bringing Ara to work with you and helping Yoongi with her and the household whenever you can. Your relationship blooms beautifully and Ara is the happiest little bean when you're around.

Obviously, you spent Christmas with Yoongi and Ara as well, buying little presents and enjoying the comfortable atmosphere with the family.

Yoongi gave you a spare key to his house, so you're always able to visit them, spending the nights there and soon enough, you moved in.

❄❄❄❄

The Christmas after that, you surprised Ara with the adoption papers, telling her that now that she's in school and not one of your kindergarten kids anymore, she'll be able to finally call you Mommy (not that Ara minded before, you just felt weird and guilty about it).

And here you are now, preparing the huge breakfast for your third Christmas around, smiling at the ring that adorns your finger. 

"Smells fabulous, Mama," Ara says as she runs towards you and falls into your arms.

"Do you want me to help you with dessert, Mrs Min?" Yoongi asks as he presses a kiss onto your cheeks. You lean into his touch, shaking your head. "It's almost done. You can go into the living room, I'll be there in a minute to open our presents, bubs."

Yoongi prepares the fireplace, lightens some candles with Ara and lets his daughter hand out the presents. 

"I have one more for you, Yoon," you whisper as you hand him a small box.

"Oh? Can I open this first?" He tilts his head curiously, shaking the light box.

"Open!" Ara squeaks and sits down between her father and you. You nod with a fond smile as Yoongi lifts the top. Then, silence.

"Really?" He whispers with teary eyes.

"Yes, finally," you smile, "Ara, you'll become a big sister!"

Yoongi sniffs, hugging his family tight.

"And she'll be the best sister in the world. Merry Christmas, loves."

[papirouge]

Is it bad to admire the modesty of muslim women as a christian? I've been finding myself leaning towards simplier clothes, and I've found alot of muslim womens yt channels with cute outfits that look so elegant, effortless and simple that doesnt require much skin showing. Like bathing suits are hell for me. Idk if I do sound self conscious too but I always feel pressured by womens fashion to show more than what I'm comfortable with as I definitely dont have a perfect body. I've never felt comfortable with bikinis for example. I like ones that cover up more but still cute, you know?

Theres this weird thing where we're expected to cover up but dont cover too much so you'll be mocked for being xyz??? And if you do choose to wear more clothes, you'll be called a fundamentalist or oppressed when I chose this look for myself I'll never force others to do the same?

No it's not wrong and I actually agree with you that Christian women should tale a few book of Muslim women fashion sense lol

Sure covering our head while in secular place isn't mandatory, but as an eternal sucker for lose shapes (I'm obsessive about oversized ANYTHING) these look are very inspirational

They are lovely💛💜

I've been trying to stop wearing pants for a while now, but I'm feeling so limited in term of dresses/skirts!!. They're either too short or made with lightweight fabric so I can only wear them in summer... I hace such a hard time to find warm winter dresses/skirts..!! I'm seriously considering making my own dresses/skirts with my choice of fabrics since I know pattern making, but I'm sooo lazy lol

This winter I managed to find (and buy) a dress from at COS

I love it so far (peep the cool thumb holes lol) but winter dresses are just so scarce, it's ridiculous.... maybe I should start my business lmao

It's funny that you're talking about bathing suits because there's currently a whole debate in my country because a mayor has made a decree to enable Muslim women to wear modest swimsuit at the swimming pool ("burkini"), when France officially forbids it... lol The right argues that's another step for the rampant Islamization of the country and that France has historically always been at the forefront of the emancipation of women, when the left is claims that barely a century ago, french women were bathing in clothes and thus that modesty in swimwear isn't foreign to french culture 😅 (FYI 2 piece swimwear was only invented in the 1960s)

As someone who studied fashion History, I always found interesting how what defined elegance and beauty could literally be overturned in a few decades. From the era of the pic of the left (end of 19th/early 20th century aka when sea bathing has become a thing), the 2 pieces swimsuit on the right would be considered absolutely scandalous lmao But today, what's considered scandalous is wearing clothes/high covering swimsuit when bathing.💀

Ever since I became Christian I didn't go anywhere near a beach or at the pool but I can't imagine wearing a bikini ever again LOL so I totally feel you... maybe the wisest choice is to avoid such place altogether :/ I mean, even if you are modest yourself, these places are full of immodesty anyway soooo... idk it might come off kinda hypocrite for God 😖

[kyunsies]

hello hello mädchen <3 i hope you're doing good today and it is lovely where you are

i am slowly feeling better thank you - i'm still have trouble with sleep but i hope that it gets better soon. 😢😢😢 your words. you are super amazing too and so kind. i feel we have very similar tendencies too and it's a really good thing sometimes but can also be a not so good thing. idk if you've tried this but i'm trying to try less hard? not that like i don't want to work hard but it feels like sometimes i cross that line where it's too much and it actually makes it worse? like to let go enough to be able to appreciate my work as opposed to try and kill myself over it? idk i don't know if it will work but i want to try? i've just moved to a new agent/rep that will hopefully be better for my mental health just cause they seem nicer and will stress me out less.

your job sounds really thorough though. do you enjoy it? i 100% agree with you though! i like to buy good quality clothes too, but that's probably because i really don't buy loads either so each piece feels like an investment? what did you get? is it warm where you are? or have you been investing in more wintry stuff? i so so rarely get multiple versions of albums! i always really to but then i wonder if i;m going overboard and if i end up looking at the photobooks? i got the comma and xiesta photobooks last year and now i'm not sure if i wanna sell them on to a monbebe that will appreciate them more? hmm just me overthinking probably? leather platform shoes sound AMAZING. hahah i do the same though if i know i want to spend some money so i usually wait for the following month sometimes even though i know i'm gonna get the thing anyway? haha.

i'm back to heaven as my fave now!! i'm so so so looking forward to mx eng2 but i agree with you. like these careers are so so so short i'm sure they're aware of this and just want to live their career to their full.

ahhhhh 😢😢😢i love you lots and honestly i was so scared my last year of uni too. i don't think older generations get how much harder it is for people our age when we leave uni and stuff to just start a live that is nice and happy and fulfilling. so you're not alone and honestly even now i feel the same way just after i left uni. BUT you know you have the ability and that means you'll always be able to find a way. i was gonna buy five versions of an album today so i am deffo not the most responsible haha XD but thank you and also know that being insecure means that you're human and not an asshole because honestly all the people that were so overconfident that i've ever known (and i don't mean like - putting it on to help them get through stuff or performing but legit thought they were all that) have all been assholes. so it means you have a good heart and you will always find a way. i don't deserve being looked up to honestly but i'm honored you think i am <3 i'll always keep working hard - i wish i could give you a hug in person and let you know that things will be okay! please always feel ok to tell me your troubles and anything as well. am always here for anything you need too <3

love you lots and lots and lots xxxxx 🦢

babe i am finallyyyyyyyyyy answering this now ;___; i'm so sorry i kept u waiting but i wanted to answer this with all of my attention and not when i was busy bc that wouldn't have been fair to u :( so i hope u have been well and thank u so much for being patient !!! also u used my full name ........ what if i loved u with my whole heart <3

have u finally been able to get the rest you need ? i know work can keep our anxieties on high alert, which makes us even more inclined to burn out :( i hope u are able to rest well soon and not worry too much about work in the future ;____; but like i always say i'm really proud of u for pushing thru anything bubbie like u could easily just give up or have a mental block but if there's one thing i know both of us pride ourselves in it's always finding a way to handle stress no matter what the cost it does to our mental heath etc ....... which could be a bad thing but also there's lots to be said about how our work ethic is right ?? also LDSKFJS not trying hard .......... i think u mean like not stressing myself over every little thing right? there's a saying "don't cry over spilled milk" like CHILL it's okay it's just a mistake just clean it up and move on :') i really wish i can learn this mentality in the future ...... i just don't have those types of ppl around me in nursing school bc all of us are always on edge so i think i'm missing ppl like that in my life (besides my family but to an extent they can be classified as type A personalities too skjflfj) but anyways; u said u moved onto a new agency?? i hope that works well for u and they are able to allow u to grow and create things freely <3 good luck !!!

my job is just okay !! i won't be doing this in the future but it's nice to know that for a fact i don't think i could work in an office setting like this for the rest of my life HHH but it's okay, i don't mind organizing things for other ppl esp if it will help the company in the long run !!! and about my clothes SLKDFJ i totally agree !!! like we said we don't like our bank account hitting below a certain number so everything i buy is like an "investment" like u said hehe so most of the things i buy for example jeans are over $70 for me but i know i'll probably go a whole year not buying another pair and wearing those most likely everyday lol u know ? it's very warm where i am (most days lol) so i've been buying some light weight clothing !!! i don't like wearing jean shorts or anything like that, my fav material to wear in the summer is linen and cotton so i've been buying a lot of flowy linen pants <3 i got a pair from the store madewell, and bc i was on holiday this week i went to this one swimsuit store called everything but water and they sell pricier swimwear but i get so fed up trying to go to cheaper stores to look for swim tops bc i have bigger boobs hhhh and nothing makes me feel comfortable in my own skin so i don't mind spending money on something i feel comfortable in !! anyways i bought a bathing suit from there and then i think that's it ?? i was going to buy some jo malone perfume but it's so expensive so i didn't ;____;

U ARE BACK ON THE HEAVEN TRAIN WOO HOO <3 lol it is such a good song ....... i told u it's in my top 3 comfort songs <3 and about the eng album !!! yes i totally agree, i think they're aware of how much they're doing and honestly i think they should take advantage at every opportunity that comes their way as long as they feel that have control of the situation :)

and ALL OF THIS LAST MESSAGE MADE ME CRY WHEN I READ THIS :((( i tell my mom about all my anons lololol and she knows about u and ur work and i read this last part to her and she thought it was so sweet of u to say ;_____; it's kinda comforting knowing i am not the only one who has these doubts about the last year of uni :( i don't get much feedback from my family (besides my mom and grandparents) about if they're proud of me or not , i don't think they really get how hard it is for me being a nursing student but i just want to do well at whatever i do :( i want to be able to look at myself and go "hey u know what ur doing and ur doing really well".... i just hope i get there someday ;____; i have so many anxieties and maybe i need to talk to someone about them bc i think they hinder my nursing performance rather than help me but just knowing someone like u cares out there ........ i mean u know me but we have never met and u are so sure about my abilities and i can't tell u how thankful i am for someone like u <3 truly brings tears to me eyes <3 i want to give u a hug too :( thank u for ur kind words always i could cry right now ;_____;

[scoot-over-yonder]

6/1/2022 - Jeju, last weekend

So it's 3 weeks before I go home, and I'm sorry I haven't updated as much as I said I would. I'll have plenty of downtime over the summer to sit back and tell some stories about the things I've done here, so be sure to check back!

In any case... I went to Jeju this past weekend with some other Americans, along with a Korean guy and someone else from another country I think, never did catch where. We rented a car, got some hotel rooms, and drove around the island for a weekend.

In case you don't know - Jeju is often called the Hawaii of Korea. I'd argue it's not; I've never been to Hawaii, but I'd imagine it's a lot less like the mainland USA than Jeju is like the rest of South Korea. It's fairly tropical, yes, but in general the vibe of the place is a lot like the rest of the country. It's more like Florida, except if Florida were its own island, and minus all the crazy news headlines.

The first thing we did was the morning after we got there - we went out to the ocean, rented some kayaks for about an hour for 12,000 won ($10) a person, and got on the water. This is where I began to develop a sunburn.

Next, we went to the beach, where everyone else (who all had swimsuits, I never got around to buying one) swam, while I picked up seashells. This was in the early afternoon, and everyone else was focused on keeping their kids from wandering haplessly into the ocean and drowning rather than picking through seaweed for shells, so I found a lot of good ones. Pictures pending, once I clean them up. I continued to become sunburned.

This was the last major thing we did that day, because the ferry we wanted to catch to our next activity was about to close, and everyone was tired. I got a mediocre, overpriced burger from a brunch restaurant, then we ordered in at the hotel.

It was a miracle I managed to get up and do anything the next morning. I was sunburnt, my arms were so sore from kayaking way too hard that even lifting my phone hurt... I took some painkillers and kept on trucking. Because... today was biking on Udo island.

We got to the island by that ferry we missed out on the afternoon before, and we rented bikes there for 3 hours for 10,000 won per person (~$8) and went joyriding. They were electric bikes that had a top speed of 25 km/h (~15.5 mph), but going downhill I got up to 30 km/h (~18.6 mph). It was a good time. I rode all the way around the island and then some, and I had some peanut ice cream, which I did NOT expect at all that it would be as absolutely delicious as it was.

So good. Not cheap; that little thing was 5,000 won (~$4), but it was just to try. Worth it. I want more so, so bad.

After this, we had to go back to the hotel because I forgot my Korean phone there... but I got it back, and all is well.

Then it started to rain. We couldn't do what was planned for the rest of the day... I think it was parasailing, which I probably would've chickened out of anyway. I wouldn't call myself terrified of heights, but they do make me nervous enough that I'm not sure I could've pushed past it. But we did go to a waterfall, which was nice! I have pictures, but Tumblr says they're too big to upload, so I might make a Google Drive folder when I get home with all my pictures for y'all to peruse.

We got food and went to the hotel after this, and then we all collectively passed out despite having plans to stay up longer... but that just means we needed the sleep.

Came back the next morning, and I had to go to a bank appointment before I even went back to my room... but it's alright, I only had my backpack, and it was even lighter for this trip than it usually is when I go to class :)

I had more thoughts that didn't have anything to do with Jeju, but I'll put those in a separate post later.

Hope y'all are all doing okay over in the USA!