#i've had pour some sugar on me stuck in my head stuck for days now

[crumbtrails]

to whatever higher being told me to watch rock of ages (2012) while sleep deprived,,, fuck u

[storiesofsvu]

Love Comes Quietly Ch 6

Alex Blake x reader warnings: language, some minor chaos not sure how much i like this chapter, and i honestly feel like t's been way too fucking long since i've written but i know that's not true. but we're moving forward and getting more plot so... yeah... dont hate me lololol.

It wasn’t often that Alex woke up to an empty house and if you’d asked her, she say that today, it felt rather strange. She’d gotten so used to you being around in the mornings that even despite knowing you had to be at work early, something was almost… off about it. She couldn’t help but smile at the coffee pot being full, a little sticky note stuck to the outside with a smiley face on it. She was ever thankful for your thoughtfulness, pouring herself out a mug before getting started on her breakfast. She was even more thankful that it was Friday and the weekend was finally on the horizon. Not that it had been an overly stressful week or anything, you hadn’t even had to leave DC area for a case, it had been a pretty boring week, she was just excited for a break.

Finally she managed to drag herself away from the crossword, having to leave it half completed so she wasn’t late for work herself. Grabbing her bag she tucked her lunch inside it and scooped up her keys, heading to the front door and it was there she found the entry way table scattered with today’s mail. Mail that had clearly distracted you on your way out the door, a container and a now stone cold coffee sitting beside the envelopes. She chuckled, scooping up the container before letting herself out of the house.

*

You hadn’t been concerned at all about your six month review, after all it was just with Emily and you knew that you’d been doing your job and meeting if not exceeding expectations. She’d gone over a handful of things with you, asked if you had any questions and then the two of you had spent another near half hour in her office chatting. Eventually she got a phone call and you muttered something about finishing up paperwork so you didn’t have to take it home with you, returning to your desk.

Which is exactly where Alex found you when she got into the office.

“Think you might be missing something.” She smirked, sliding the Tupperware out of her bag and onto your desk, “and I picked you up a fresh refill.” A steaming Starbucks cup made home next to your forgotten lunch and you glanced up to her with a wide smile.

“Oh you are a godsend!” You reached out to grab the coffee, taking a sip, completely unsurprised when she’d picked up your seasonal favourite, “thank you. I didn’t even realize.”

“You would have by lunch time.”

“You’ve got me there.” You laughed.

“What was so distracting in that mail?”

“Nothing exciting.” Rolling your eyes you took another sip, “late car payment, they didn’t update my address when I asked. Got it taken care of on the drive in though.”

“Good.” She smiled softly, “you want me to throw that in the fridge?”

“That’d be amazing, thank you.” You flashed her a smile before turning back to your work and Alex picked up the container, dropping her bag at her desk before disappearing into the break room. While she was in there she figured why not and fixed a second mug of coffee for herself.

“Morning.” Emily’s voice rang through the air as Alex tossed the stir stick into the garbage, glancing up at the other woman.

“Morning.” She shot her a warm smile over the brim of her cup, watching Emily pick up the coffee pot, draining it of liquid. She added cream and sugar into the mug before quickly refilling the machine to brew again. “That long of a day already?” She asked with a laugh and Emily huffed her own laugh out.

“It’s the extra early mornings, they’re just not for me.” Emily shook her head, taking a sip of her coffee, “did you know that Murphy got up early enough to go for a run before coming in today?”

“I was still blissfully dead to the world.” Alex replied with a chuckle.

Emily’s phone pinged and she let out a sigh, doing her best not to roll her eyes, it felt like anyone and everyone was demanding things of her today and it was barely past nine. Her eyes scanned through the email, letting out a huff and she glanced up to Alex.

“I know you just got in, but is there any chance you can make sure to get those reports for the Reyez case to me today?”

“Of course.” Alex nodded, “I’ll put them at the top of my to do list.”

“Thank you.” Emily smiled softly, taking a breath when her phone started ringing. Picking up her very needed coffee she answered, disappearing back into the hallway to retreat back to her office.

The day went on quite like that, everyone had small wrap up assignments, paperwork, or other odd tasks to occupy them. While it was mainly quiet in the bullpen there were little spurts of conversation, debates over topics or call backs to cases if someone needed reminders. Shortly after lunch Alex finished up with her task, knocking on Emily’s office door with an extra coffee in one hand and files in the other.

“Figured you might need a pick me up.” She greeted, placing the mug down on her desk.

“Thank you.” Emily responded, immediately grabbing the mug to take a sip, “you really know how to boost morale.”

“Oh I’m not done yet.” Alex chuckled, revealing the small tub of chocolate covered espresso beans from her pocket, “here. A pick me up always needs an extra afternoon treat too.”

“Well you’ve officially become my favourite team member. Don’t tell the others.”

Alex laughed, settling into a chair across from her desk as she placed the file folders into Emily’s inbox, “I did a follow up call with the girl’s parents, you’ll be happy to know that her recovery’s going well and they’re already done with the nightmares.”

“God you really are the best, aren’t you?” Emily chuckled, “think that’s the part that we always lose track of, we leave town and move onto a new case before we can even really close the last one.”

“Yeah.” Alex frowned slightly, accepting a chocolate treat when Emily offered it to her.

“Okay but I need a break, talk to me about anything aside from work.”

“Do you have big plans for the weekend? Another round of debaucherous mini golf?” She smirked and Emily let out a huff, playfully glaring in her direction.

“Absolutely not. It sounded a lot better than it turned out. I’d prefer this weekend to be hangover free.”

“I heard that McDonald’s ended up not treating you very well.”

“I will never look at a Big Mac the same way again.” She grimaced, “hey, thanks for the hospitality, even if you didn’t know I was there til the next morning.” She laughed, “the house is super nice.”

“Don’t think I didn’t see you eyeing the pool.” Alex teased.

“More like I wanted to drown myself in it that morning.”

“Well I think more than a few of us would be against that.” She chuckled, pulling a laugh from Emily as she took another sip of coffee.

“How’re things at the house? You finding it weird to be living with someone again?” Emily was genuinely interested, at this point she was just trying to distract herself.

“They’re great! We’ve really fallen into a good routine, it’s actually nice to have someone else around all the time again. You know when you’re living alone and it feels like there’s just constantly something to be done, whether it’s cooking or dishes, or cleaning and you have to do it because it’s your mess? Now it just feels lighter, and she’s good company to have around, but you already know that.”

“Yeah.” Emily’s eyes drifted toward the window, watching you work away at your desk, “she doesn’t bring work home all the time does she?”

“No more than the rest of us.” Alex replied with a chuckle, “she’d prefer to keep her weekends for play unless we’re out on a case.”

“You really keep her grounded, you know that?”

“Well one of us has to.” She teased with a sly grin and Emily scoffed.

“Hey! I’m just trying to make sure she’s having a fun time settling into DC.”

“Well you’re succeeding.”

“What about you?” Emily asked, leaning forward to grab another chocolate, “you getting out and having some fun on the weekends?”

“Emily please.” She laughed, “the last time I did something like drunk mini golf was probably ten years ago.”

“So what you’re saying is next time I have a stupid idea we’re dragging you along.”

“Oh, no. You girls can keep your fun to yourselves.” She chuckled, “but I appreciate the thought.”

“Guess I’ll have to think of something tame then.” Emily grinned, “but seriously, you can’t tell me you just sit around the house all weekend?”

“Sometimes, yes.” She admitted with a laugh, “with our workload? Sometimes all you need is a nice break, a good book out in the sunshine. Maybe some people think it’s boring but sometimes it’s all you need. Other times, I’ll get out in the city, even if it’s just by myself.”

“I take it that means you haven’t started dating again?”

“No.” Alex let out a loud laugh, “and I honestly don’t know if I want to bother.”

“Oh c’mon…” Emily prompted, “what’s gonna hurt about a couple of free dinners?”

“James and I made it work because he was gone just as much as I was, I don’t know if I have the energy to work through all of that again. Besides, at my age I figured I was kinda just done.”

“Alex, please, we’re basically the same age.”

“And you constantly talk about being married to the job.” She shot back with a playful grin.

“I’ll download an app if you will.” She offered, “hell, I’m sure we could get Murphy into it.”

Alex had never been more thankful for the interruption of a knock at the door, Emily calling out to come in before you popped up in the doorway.

“Hey, sorry to interrupt.”

“We’re doing literally anything but work, what’d you need?” Emily asked.

“Okay well if you weren’t working then I feel less bad about this… I was looking at listings, how’s Crestwood for a neighborhood?”

“Sweetheart that’s a five minute drive from our place.” Alex replied with a small laugh.

“Oh, okay, perfect.” You smiled back, “I’ve got a couple places in there and a couple in Glover Park lined up to go see on Sunday, you free?”

“I fly to Boston Saturday.”

“Fuck, right. I forgot you were teaching next week.” You glanced to the other woman, “Em?”

“I didn’t have any plans yet, sure.”

“Remember that even if you’re wildly hungover I’m still dragging you with me.”

“I don’t plan on taking any shots for the foreseeable future.”

“Yeah… you said that two weeks before mini golf.”

“I will be there!”

“Thank you.” You replied, dragging out the final vowel in a sing song voice, “and… I may have found a place in Alexandria that’s doing an open house today but only til five…?” You practically pouted at her and Emily laughed, playfully rolling her eyes.

“You were here early; you can cut out early. Just keep your phone on the chance we catch a case.”

“Will do boss!”

**

You’d made the grave mistake of napping once you’d gotten home from the open house and now you just knew you were going to be paying for it. At the very least, it was Friday so a late night probably wouldn’t hurt that much and if you were being honest, you preferred it. There was something calming about being awake while the rest of the world slept. Though, not everyone was sleeping.

Your head swiveled from your spot on the couch when you heard Alex’s door open and she wandered down the hallway, smiling softly at you.

“Oh god, I’m so sorry.” Your hand darted out to grab the remote, turning the volume on the tv down, “I didn’t mean to wake you up.”

“You didn’t.” She replied with a small huff, crossing through the kitchen to pull down a wine glass, filling it with merlot, “I thought it was anxiety about the flight tomorrow so I did some middle of the night packing thinking that would help.”

“I take it, it didn’t?”

“Nights are just weird, a little restless a lot of the time. Even if James wasn’t here all the time it’s still weird, first it was a struggle to sleep in the empty house, then it was readjusting to having someone around. Reminding myself that the weird bump in the night wasn’t to be worried about.” She rounded the side of the couch, leaning on the arm, “what’re you doing up? You’re not still working are you?”

“Very lazily.” You laughed, flipping the file folder closed, “just knew I wouldn’t be able to sleep yet, I prefer the night owl lifestyle anyways.”

“Explains the coffee addiction.” Alex smirked and you chuckled, “what’ve you got on?” She asked, gesturing toward the tv and you looked up at it.

“Uh… god, don’t judge me.” You laughed, “Love Island.”

“I can’t say I’ve seen a single episode.”

“It’s a little over the top dramatic, but it’s also really good mind numbing television after a long week.”

“Understandable.”

Alex slipped down the arm of the couch, nestling into the corner of the couch opposite you, her gaze on the screen and you turned the volume back up. Your eyes flitted between the file on your lap and the screen intermittently until you needed to get up to grab a refill and you let out a soft sigh, finally tossing the folder onto the coffee table. With your attention no longer on work, you were able to keep up a more frequent conversation with Alex, laughter and jokes about the show, a few questions that you answered considering you’d seen it before. Along with little comments about the upcoming weekend and how you were going to spend your free time, how long Alex was going to be in Boston for and if she had plans to see Daniela while out there.

A few hours passed, Love Island continuing into a marathon, keeping both of you fully occupied and invested. Alex caught herself laughing over just how ridiculous everything was, yet she was someone still completely enthralled with the entire thing. Her mind wandered back to the conversation in Emily’s office, wondering if the dating world had really progressed into something that needed this level of extremity.

“Alright,” She started, taking a sip of her wine, “I know a lot of this must be fake and extra dramatic for the show, but please tell me the dating world isn’t really that bad?” She looked toward you and you scoffed out a laugh,

“Alex, dating is a fucking joke. I think I’d rather end up on Love Island than have to navigate this bullshit. At least then I’d be guaranteed to be surrounded by attractive people and have the bonus of getting paid to do it.” You laughed, pulling one from her as well as she shifted on the couch so you were more facing each other.

“Is the terribleness why you’re not dating?” A brow raised in your direction and you shrugged, shaking your head.

“I just can’t really be bothered. I mean, we don’t exactly have a lot of downtime from work and to have to put in that much effort on days off? Ugh.”

“You’re in a new city, plenty of new suitors.” She grinned and you playfully rolled your eyes, nudging at her leg with your foot.

“Doesn’t help me meet any of them. Everything nowadays seems to be trapped on dating apps, and they’re a nightmare on their own, never mind being a queer woman attempting to use one.”

“How so?” She asked and you chuckled, “what? Oh come on, enlighten someone who’s never used one.”

“You looking to get out there on Tinder Blake?” You asked with a tease, nudging at her thigh again and she rolled her eyes, “but seriously, you’re lucky you’ve never used one. I’ll open an app, swipe for ten minutes and all I’ll have found was a bunch of couples looking for a unicorn, an apparently ‘open’ relationship where the girl says she just wants to play or explore her sexuality, a surprising amount of men despite having selected women only, full on married people looking to cheat, or poly couples. Which, I’ll support the last one, but I much prefer monogamy and half the time you’re wasting your time because people won’t have told you any of the above in advance, you find out on like, date three. Which doesn’t happen until like, months down the road considering how much free time the FBI loves to give us.”

“Well you could always look into giving it a second chance now that you’re in D.C, everyone here is career driven, a lot of them put it at the top of their priority lists, they’d understand.”

“I’d rather be a spinster with eight cats than open Tinder again to be completely honest.” You laughed, “but if you want me to help you set up an account I will.”

“Ohoho.” She laughed, “no, I think I’m good.”

“If you’re looking to get out there an app is probably your best bet. I mean, when was the last time you organically met someone you clicked with? Bonus points if it wasn’t at a bar.”

“I’ve got a pretty good track record when it comes to bookstores.” She grinned across at you and it was your turn to laugh, shaking your head at her.

“Doesn’t count, you know that’s not what I meant.”

“It was a correct answer to your question.” She retorted with a smile, “maybe dating is… completely overrated nowadays.”

“It really is.” You let out a sigh, your gaze drifting back to the television. Alex watched you for a moment, the gears in her head turning as you continued watching the show.

“Do you ever get lonely?” She asked softly and your eyes shifted back to her, your head tilting as you took in her words.

“Sometimes.” You shrugged, “but between work and maintaining stability in life there’s not much time leftover. Guess I don’t really think about it, besides,” grinning you shoved at her leg again with your foot, “I’ve got you to have middle of the night life chats if I can’t sleep.”

“I guess that’s true.” She replied with a soft smile, taking a sip of her wine before her gaze found its way back to the screen.

“Are… you lonely?”

“Hmm?”

“Is that the reason for all the questions?”

“Oh, no!” Alex pursed her lips, shaking her head, “having the house to myself was weird at first. Even though James was gone a lot, after the divorce I found that in the back of my mind I was still expecting him to show up sporadically. It felt like there was a little bit too much space for just me here, but, we’ve got that fixed now.” She laughed and you smiled back at her, “honestly when I got divorced I kind of figured that was it for me, I’d had a big love, now it was time to focus elsewhere.” She shrugged, “Emily brought up dating earlier, I guess it’s now just on my mind.”

“Well don’t black list it completely, you’re an incredible woman, brilliant, not to mention gorgeous. Anyone would be stupid lucky to have you.”

“Now you’re just sucking up.” She teased, feeling the warmth of the compliments soothing through her.

“More like pointing out the obvious.” You stifled a yawn, doing your best to hold it back but it was too late, Alex involuntarily let out an even larger one, followed by a small laugh.

“I guess it’s finally time for bed.”

“Probably a good idea.” You stood from the couch, collecting both yours and Alex’s empty glasses to place in the sink, “you don’t want to sleep through your alarm.”

“Definitely not.” Alex smiled, yawning once again as she said a quick thanks before she turned down her hallway, “goodnight y/n.”

“Night.” You shot her a smile before returning your attention to the dishes, quickly washing what was leftover as Alex’s bedroom door clicked shut.

Making sure you had your phone; you brushed your teeth and finally made the way back to your bedroom to climb into bed. The conversation with Alex was still very fresh on your brain as you slipped between the sheets, dropping back against the pillows. You had been truthful, you weren’t lonely, you’d made friends with the team, you had regular people you saw out on runs or at the gym and you had Alex for company at home. Chewing on your lip for a minute you finally reached out, grabbing your phone and swiping across until you found the toggle with the handful of dating apps you’d used in the past. You made it less than five minutes on Tinder before you were reminded exactly why it was absolute trash and not worth the fucking effort. You had friends to spend time with and a perfectly good vibrator for things they couldn’t assist with. Tinder was completely unnecessary.

Right?

_______________

@svulife-rl @clarawatson @hbkpop @momlifebehard @alexusonfire @itisdoctortoyousir @temilyrights @alexxavicry @evilregal2002 @alcabots @ladysc @dextur @disneyfan624 @augustvandyne @supercriminalbean @lex13cm @prentiss-theorem @happenstnces @whiteberryx @heidss @geekyandgay98 @onmykneesformarvel @inlovewithemilyprentiss @desperate-gay @amypoehlfey @overtrred28 @emobabeyy @1974-sp @theclassicgaycousin @kalixxa @leftoverenvy @bigolgay @daddy-heather-dunbar @regalmilfs4me @scorpsik @riveramorylunar

[shiningdesignersreflections]

Chapter 3: Flames of War

Narrated by Lingwu.

Narrator: Winter, Yue Prefecture City.

Narrator: The sun is still fast asleep, but this doesn't stop all the early birds from going to the market.

Lingwu: Some sugar balls, please!

Madam: There you are, Lingwu! I haven't thanked you properly for helping me carry things. I've got some goodies for you!

Lingwu: Haha, don't mention it!

Madam: No, I insist. I've got some pine nut candy for you, too.

Lingwu: Alright, thank you!

Madam: By the way, Lingwu, you should probably stay away from the mountain nowadays. It's dangerous there now!

Madam: Apparently there is a war called... the "Cloud War" in Cloud Capital. It's pretty far from where we are, but you'd better stay in the city.

Lingwu: Don't worry. I'll be here to keep everyone safe if anything happens.

Choose "You're a human now!"

You: When did you turn into a human? I'm so happy for you!

Narrator: I once had a dream on New Year's Eve. I saw myself coming to Yue Prefecture City in the dream.

Narrator: When I woke up, I found that I became a human! For a moment, I thought I was still dreaming.

Narrator: Everyone in the city is helpful and nice. They've been kind to me ever since I came here. I've never had anyone treat me so kindly since the old monk passed away.

Narrator: Yue Prefecture City is home to them as much as it is to me.

Lingwu: Come what may, I swear I'll keep everyone here safe!

Narrator: I blurt this out, having no idea what "war" is.

Narrator: On one night, the bell on the watchtower rings so loudly that one wouldn't be blamed for thinking we are facing an apocalypse.

Narrator: Someone runs along the street shouting, "We're under attack!"

Narrator: Before anyone knows it, fires break out all over the city. Amidst the blinding smoke, people begin screaming and shouting.

Narrator: As I run down the street myself, I see flames rising so high that they seem like they are about to scorch the moon.

Narrator: Pouring down, the snowflakes are heated by the fire and stamped into the mud by people. Mixed with blood, it becomes a filthy mess of black and red.

Narrator: Fleeing in every direction, people seem absolutely hopeless.

Narrator: I may have transformed into a human, but I retain my speed and power as a tiger, which I take advantage of to save the people I know.

Lingwu: Watch out!

Narrator: A house collapses in the fire. It all happens way too fast - so fast that the beams fall right when I hear a girl scream from inside the house.

Lingwu: Argh...

Narrator: I try to hold off the taste of blood in my mouth. As I run holding the girl, my chest feels heavy with the smoke and dust.

Narrator: Tears trickle down her dusty face along with snowflakes, but I can't spare my hand to wipe her tears off for her.

Narrator: I put the girl down behind a clinic and am about to head out again.

You: It's too dangerous out there! And you're hurt!

Narrator: I know, but I can't just leave them all to die. I want to save everyone!

Narrator: But how is that possible?

Narrator: Over and over again, I have to make the difficult choice of deciding whose life to save when I am only physically capable of carrying one person at a time.

Narrator: However, I never let my injuries or fatigue stop me... it's a race against time, and every single trip I make means one more life saved.

Lingwu: You're finally awake!

Narrator: Injured all over, the young man wakes up to my scream.

Narrator: I found him a few days ago when I came out of a clinic with medicines in my hands.

Narrator: He had an arrow stuck in his chest and was severely wounded.

Narrator: The arrow missed his heart, but he was in a coma for several days due to excessive blood loss. I didn't think he'd ever wake up again.

Lingwu: You haven't made a full recovery yet. Rest yourself and don't go back to war again.

Young Man: ...Where's my sword?

Lingwu: Your sword? ...I'm not sure, because I only had the time to get you out of there.

Narrator: He looks at me with a complicated expression on his face. It takes him a while to let out a heavy sigh and utter a cold "thank you" before he leaves.

Narrator: He has already walked into the snow before I could speak to him again.

Narrator: The next time I see him, he is back on the battlefield.

Narrator: His armor is tattered and covered in blood, and he has a hideous look on his face.

Narrator: There are people holding weapons, people begging for mercy on the ground, and regular citizens who got caught in the crossfire.

Narrator: The young man, however, has gone too mad with his thirst for blood to notice that he is slashing everyone that stands in his way.

Narrator: In the end, it takes an arrow shot straight into his heart to put his killing spree to an end.

Narrator: I stand, frozen in place, unable to get his crazed, bloodthirsty look out of my mind.

Narrator: There can't be a worse time than now for the sun to come out... and although I am standing in the sunlight, I still feel chills down my spine.

Narrator: The battle is the last to have taken place in the city. With it, the Cloud War draws to a close.

Narrator: But images of the young man - the young man who went berserk and took all those people's lives without mercy - stay with me for the entire winter.

Narrator: I saved the young man, hoping he'd be able to live, but he became a bloodthirsty devil that reaped innocent lives.

Narrator: Not only did he reap the lives of his enemies, he showed no mercy even toward prisoners of war and innocent citizens.

Narrator: These people would have been able to live had the young man been left to die.

Narrator: What have I done?

Narrator: I was determined to protect the city and did what I thought was right... but wound up sending countless straight to hell.

Narrator: What is "right," anyway? What would I do down the road when faced with such dilemmas again?

Narrator: I leave Yue Prefecture City before the spring comes.

You: Where are you going?

Narrator: I am... going on a trip.

Narrator: I look out over the rolling mountains and the stretch of blue skies beyond.

Lingwu: I know too little, and I guess that's why I have all these questions in my mind.

Lingwu: And I want to find the answers to these questions on my journey.

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

[leeha225]

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾PINK TINT☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙ (1)

Hyunjin× Fem reader

⚠genre⚠: fluff, college scenario, teacher student relationship, maybe forbidden love, red strings attached, very very veryyyy sugar sweet, yet smut says Hi😈

Synopsis: Final year of art school and you still don't know what to do in life. Everything takes a turn when he stepped in, for better or worst. Worst is interesting sometimes. Make my rules sounds nice but feelings never lie.

Ever so softly her pastel pink dress waved along with the wind as y/n rode her bicycle through the morning breeze. 7am Monday morning yet the city seemed so dormant and dull. Y/n matched the city with a OST playlist to boost up some life and emotions. As slowly in a distance the campus started to near. Completing her identification details, y/n chained her pink bicycle to the usual stand and got off. A familiar blue bicycle stood next to hers.

Sigh~

Y/n chained the bicycle elsewhere. Collecting her art supplies and walking towards her class room. The art studio was situated on the ground floor being easy to bring in and out easels and boards. The wooden door creaked as pushed it ajar, stepping in class the usual turpentine and wood scent filled the air. Home~

Students started to pour in, as each quickly found their seats. Y/n always picky on where to sit as she doesn't like being disturbed admits painting. Under the aircon... No... Near the professor table... No... Next to the window a big NO. Exactly at the back with the required privacy, y/n startes unpacking her supplies for the day. Setting up her easel to the right height and arranging the brushes by size.

"Good morning seniors!!!" Mr K home room/architectural design professor, a man very so good with pencils, briskly walked in, placing his things on the table. A lazy reply not matching his enthusiasm from the students. "Love the energy... Now Good morning seniors" A little louder fake reply and Mr K couldn't help but sigh. "Okay, welcome to the first day to your last semester. This year we will be a career setting period for each one of you. So, I expect all of your cooperation. Since, evaluations will be of each student, I've decided to have an helping hand. One of your alumini has accepted my invitation in assisting me this year to guide you students" Everyone started to murmur their hopes and guesses. "First I'll be dividing the class into two based on yours skills" The class comprised of only 7 students. 3 knowledge in painting and other 4 in sketching. Y/n one of three was well adapted to the colors of her paint. "Ms Y/n, Ms Jenny and Mr Sunghoon will be taken care of by your senior while others are under my wing"

"Yes!!!" Sunghoon shot scaring y/n, causing an uproar of laughter.

"Thank you, Mr Sunghoon" Mr K sighed. "Now let's brush up our basics. How to hold a pencil?"

"NooOoo~" Sunghoon couldn't stay quite. Class went on for a while and finally it was recess. Y/n keeping everything back in place, when she suddenly felt someone tap her shoulder. Whipping her head to the direction to find her bestie Chungha, who was one of the four sketching students and also the favorite of Mr K.

"Hiiii!!!" High pitched screams from both as they hugged super tight.

"How have you been?" Y/n asked, walking out together.

"Well it was fun at first, I visited a few companies for design internships but non suited my interests. But then the only thing that suited me was drama, so I stuck to it. How about you, future NASOP student" She teased. It was y/n dream to get accepted at National Art school of Paris. One being Paris was Art itself and second is a secret. Shoo~

"I don't know NASOP standards are higher than your standards for men" Y/n teased back.

"Not my fault, it's the drama leads to blame" Both had a laugh as they made their way to the vending machine's. One sweet lime juice for y/n and chocolate milk for Chungha. The bitter sweet fresh taste of the sweet lime, awakens every nerve better than caffeine.

"I tried new designs of trending art but nothing seems to suite me. At first whatever the professor asked for was easily you know, done. But now I feel like I still don't know my strengths. What am I good at? Is painting really my thing? I just don't know" Y/n sinking into the bench as the truth hit hard.

"No, painting suits you very well. Plus I think the new senior might be of help. I heard that he's doing his studies abroad" Chungha mentioning the senior made y/n have the first-day-new-staff fear.

"When is that senior coming anyway?" She asked toying with the straw.

"I don't know maybe this afternoon...ahk!" Chungha clumsy spilt some of her chocolate milk on her dark blue blouse. "Great, I'll be back. If I'm late tell Mr K that I'm not making out with some hot dude"

"Is that what your gonna do?" Y/n smirking.

"If I can yes but mostly no. Im waiting for THE ONE" The girl left to do her thing. Y/n threw the carton and made her way back to class. Mr K already in class, ready to start basic lessons on brushes.

"Hellooo pinky" Sunghoon called out.

"Stop calling me pinky"

"Stop wearing pink stuff then" Sunghoon wasn't a bully but at times he was unreasonable.

"Why did you shout yesss! Earlier" Y/n asked leaning back in her seat.

"Mr K clearly can't differentiate between brushes" And yes the man actually was struggling to arrange the brushes to teach their class.

"But he does know the use of every pencil while you don't. So I guess you both are even" Y/n smiled softly, making Sunghoon's heart flutter a bit.

"I-I don't need a pencil" He said and turned back to his easel.

"Now class let's learn- Now where is Ms Chungha?"

--------

"So did you make out with some hot dude?" Y/n poked at her chocolate truffle cake. Lunch pleased her today with her sweet favorite.

"Nope. I told you THE ONE" Y/n repeated after her like a kid.

"You know their isn't really THE ONE and love. It's all fake. I've learnt that quite clearly" She said scraping off the chocolate and popping the spoon in her mouth. The sweet taste of the rich chocolate just melting on her taste buds.

"Just because one trash guy breaks your heart doesn't brand every guy to be- oh my gawd! Darling either we run or we stay, you tell me"

"W-what? why?" Y/n followed Chungha's gaze to find the very guy they were talking about. Kai, contemporary dance major. She had a crush on him once, the man even noticed her but was friend zoned because of non other than Jenny.

Speak of the devil. Jenny has been y/n rival for almost everything. Since, their time in school till now she always seemed to tag along. Just when Jenny found that y/n had a crush on Kai, she quickly made her move. "Stay, I'm happy with the way I am" Still y/n was completely broken by the fact and cried in the loo for days.

"So much for a trashy couple. You know, that doesn't count to label every man like him" Chungha and y/n collected their things to leave. Still pondering on the fact that, why did she fall for a man like Kai. Was it the looks? Or- Nevermind.

---------

Afternoon classes after a nice sweet lunch made y/n droopy. Rubbing her eyes awake, she could hardly concentrate for the upcoming class. Mr K was chatting off with his 4 students, while the other three just sat in a daze.

"You three, till your mentor arrives please paint something that caught your eye in your holidays. Later I will call each one of you to present. This is to improve your insight in Art. Got it?" The three just nodded.

"Today is literally a waste of time" Jenny commented towards Sunghoon.

"Not necessarily, atleast we get to paint and present. It's to express oneself" Y/n chipped in with Sunghoon, who wholehearted approval and support. Jenny scoffed.

"As long as we don't get to learn two year old stuff about brushes" Sunghoon continued, placing his art supplies out. The two started their base sketch. Y/n still couldn't think of anything as Mr K kept talking about graphite and amount of pressure changes shades. She needed peace and quite. Quickly putting on her earphones to a nice OST, she continued to think. First step is to just mark the blank paper and then start. This gives a person the confidence to further pour out their ideas... Nothing

Nothing original came to her mind, y/n just drew the last thing she ate. Chocolate cake. A slice of warm chocolate cake on a platter. To fill in the vast space a bit more, cake was situated on a window sill. With a distant scenery that matched her hometown. Bustling streets filled with liveliness. Mix of mild water color base art that radiated peace and fulfillment. She only thought...

I miss home

Y/n got carried away with her art that little did she know that her mentor had arrived. Giving the final shine on the cherry that was placed on the cake. Voila~

Once the picture was complete, y/n quickly peeped to see Sunghoon's and Jenny's work but they seemed to already be looking at her. Not just them but everyone were staring at her. Y/n eyes landed on Chungha, you motioned to the back. Shoot

Tilting back her head innocently, y/n saw God like beautiful man looking down at her. His long hair falling on either sides, his keen crescent eyes decorated with a beauty mark under one and gawddd his plush pink lips enticing to be-

"Ms Y/n? " Mr K called to snap her out of this awkward situation she was in... Quickly standing up straight she apologized.

"It's okay... Ms y/n" The way her name came out from him sounded so sweet yet shy. Y/n could barely think straight. "You will be the first person presenting" The man said and walked straight past her. Mild scent of vanilla and flower, more like a spring day trailed as he walked up front.

"Hi everyone, My name is Hwang Hyunjin" His voice making one's heart hammer like hell. He has to be God's favorite. "And... Ms y/n will present her art work" Y/n took her painting and easel to set up in front of the whole class. Mr Hwang Hyunjin swiftly moved away to give her space and occupied her own seat. She wasn't prepared at all. Glancing at him to read more of his features, a simple dark hoodie, sleeve rolled up, jeans and shoes. His hands decorated with rings and bracelets, supported his chin to angle his sight towards her.

"Erm... Good afternoon everyone. My name is Y/n and my artwork is merely what I felt and miss" Glances from time to time at the gorgeous man, who completely fixed his sharp gaze at her. Something about it felt tingly. "My two favorite things one is chocolate truffle cake and behind is the view of my hometown from my room window, which I dearly miss" Y/n said gulping down the lump in her throat. "Layered out with mild water colors to depict a dream... Thank you" Everyone applauded, Chungha and Sunghoon most enthusiastic.

"Great. A sentence to represent your art?" Mr K asked.

"Peace and happiness from the little things in life" Y/n shyly captioned.

"Well done" Mr Hwang Hyunjin stood and came forward. "Can I have this?" He surprisingly asked with a simple smile, his lips curving slightly to each side as his eyes glistened.

"Y-yeah"

"Sign and write down the caption at the bottom" He suggested, y/n quickly grabbed her pen, knelt down to sign and write down the caption. Her handwriting was elegant as her, the letters had a beautiful dragged curve to each stroke. "Beautiful, Thank you" Mr Hwang Hyunjin commented softly, only for her to hear. Y/n smiled back, little did she know that her face had a pink tint that only he seemed to notice with a smirk to himself.

Author's note:

My first work might be a bit lagging but i will catch on to show a more raw side. Do follow and like❤. Thank you😘

[issabangtanfic]

[Jungkook] The Windmill House (Chapter 11)

Synopsis: When your stereotypical Christian Grey meets his not so stereotypical Anna

Pairing: Jungkook x OC

A/N: Feel free to submit a cover! Tell me what you think in my inbox! Enjoy!

-

It's been years since I’ve been left with that much energy after a day at work. I have minimal oiliness on my face by the time I check my mirror in my car. I actually feel like I could run a mental marathon, which is good considering my next stop. Tonight, I’m seeing the flirtatious Mr.Jeon so he can finally give me the brief for the windmill house. I have to admit, I’ve kind of been looking forward to it, not only because the house is amazing, but also because I find some fun in declining his straightforward yet quite funny advances. I drive my Mini out of London, to the secluded green space where Mr.Jeon’s house is. I stifle a smile walking up the crackled stairs. I almost fell on it the first time I came here. I remember almost losing my shit when he caught me. I don’t think I’d be that phased if it were to happen today. I’ve had him way closer to me since then, and that has been something too.

I park my car at the end of the dirt road at the bottom of the hill, and hike up the stairs that lead to the house. When I get there, I notice a black wooden door with mouldings has been installed. It's better than the sad plank that was there before, and it actually kind of fits the architecture. I knock on the door, and a few moments later, Mr Jeon opens it.

“Miss Fair.” He greets, smiling at me, all grey suit and white shirt, his tie gone, three of his buttons undone. I stop my eyes from moving further down, not wanting to check him out too obviously.

“Good Evening, Mr.Jeon.” I murmur, returning the smile. He always looks so yummy.

“Good evening.” He replies, stepping aside to let me in. “Please, come in.”

Step into the house, the floorboards creaking under my heels as I make my way in, and he closes the door behind me. 

“How was your day?” He asks as I walk into the living room, myeyes immediately going to the immense, 3 to 4 meter high bookshelf  I saw last time. The house is as pretty as I remember it. 

“Busy.” I reply evasively, my eyes wandering up to the ceiling, and the dome where the roof opens up onto the sky.

“Have you eaten yet?” He asks, pulling my attention back to him. I turn to him, and he's leaning against the kitchen counter, hands shoved in his pockets. I narrow my eyes at him.

“Are you going to try and turn this into a date?” I ask warily. Of course he's trying to make this a dinner date. He chuckles ,taking a few steps towards me.

“I’m worried about your blood sugar.” He counters, and I roll my eyes to the heavens. My blood pressure is what is really worrying. 

“I am fine, thank you.” I decline politely. This is a business meeting, Maya. I turn back around, venturing further in the living space. The couches are still covered by white sheets, except for one old brown leather armchair that I will one hundred percent stay in the house.

“Where should we start?” He prompts as I set my bag down onto the pretty arm chair.

“We can go from room to room and you tell me whatever you want to be done." I explain, sliding my coat off of my shoulders. I set it down on the back rest of the chair and start gathering my equipment. "I can also give you my ideas. I’ll snap a few pictures so I can remember how everything looks.” I say, pulling my tablet, camera and notepad out of my bag. 

“Then, I’ll draw sketches and I’ll come back to you for your approval.”  I conclude.

“Okay.”

“I'll also need the blueprints of the house.” I add before I forget.

“I’ll send them to you.” 

“Okay.” I turn around , glancing at the stairs that lead up to the star-azing platform..

“I really want to start up there.” I informed him. I have been thinking about this part of the house ever sincethe first time I came here. The sun has set, and I'm not sure what I'll be able to see but I'm curious.

“Sure.” He concedes, walking me up to the stairs. He lets me go first while he stays down under the staircase to turn the crank that lifts the blinds from the roof.

On the platform there is what I'm guessing is a telescope covered by a white sheet pointed at the ceiling.

After he gets to work the panels slowly go up, unveiling a dark sky with a few sparkles, and an almost full moon clearly visible.

“Oh, wow.” I whisper. This isn't the starriest sky I've seen in my life, but it's pretty bright for something just 45 minutes away from London. I guess the light pollution doesn't hit as much here.

A few seconds later, Mr.Jeon climbs the stairs and comes up behind me. This  space has so much potential. It's so unique, I don't think I've ever seen anything like that before. 

“So your grandfather designed this?” I ask him, unable to detach my eyes from the spectacle in front of me.

“Yes. I’d like to keep it like this of course, but I want this space to have seats.” He explains, pulling my attention back to the platform I'm standing on. The stairs and floor are metal, which gives it a very industrial feel, but doesn't match the warmth we're trying to give the house. Imagine laying on a comfy fatboy and just staring up at the sky for hours.

“Like a star-gazing station?” I ask him.

“Exactly.” He concurs. “I think it’d be nice if you were able to lay down too.”

“I agree.” I nod. 

"I think," Mr.Jeon trails off, stepping in front of me and reading the calendar stuck on the wall right next to the covered telescope. "Venus should be visible tonight." He says as he checks the time on his watch. Venus?

"Really?" My eyes widen in excitement as he uncovers the telescope. It's dark green and kind of rusty, defenitely an old piece of equipement. I bet this belonged to his gandfather. It's not dusty though, meaning he probably uses it frequently. 

"I mean it is visible during the day too, it's one of the brightest objects in the sky." He explains, unscewing the lense cover and the eye piece. Oh, I'm about to see a planet for the first time! I'm still surprised a man like him has this kind of interest. It's really not common.

"But it might be too low now." He muses, and I watch as he twists and turns the telescope that is almost his height, following an integrated compass with coordnates. He looks into the telescope in silence, and I'm fascinated by how easy he makes it look. This businessman has hobbies that don't consist in golf. 

"There she is." He says once he's found his target, and steps back from the telescope. "Take a look." He invites me. I take his place and look  through the lense, to see white bright disc in the center of my vision.

"It's so bright." I observe. I'm only seeing a bright disc of light, I wonder what it would look from up close.

"It's atmosphere is mainly thick clouds which makes it really reflective." I hear him explain behind me. 

"You sound so nerdy." I remark, turning around to look at him. He crosses his arms.

"I wouldn't be building rockets if I wasn't a nerd." He retorts. True. I take another look at the planet thoufh the telescope. It's amazing to see, but I'm really curious about how it would look if I were on the surface. It's kinda sad that I'll probably never know. 

"This is a really cool place to have in a house." I muse, looking back at him. He has his very own small scale observatory. "I've never seen anything quite like this."

"It's pretty nice." He agrees. I pull out my camera and snap a few picturs of the space, and we move on with the rest of the tour. After coming back down into the livingroom, we both agree to keep the massive bookshelf. That was a given; this is another huge piece of the house that never in a million years I would have considered removing even if he asked me to.

He tells me his grandfather has read evey single one of the books in there, and has even written some of them. He throws some ideas for the arrangement of the space ,and I snap e few more pictures. Then we tour the rest of the house; the dinning room, the two bedrooms upstairs, the bathroom, and the backyard. It takes us almost an hour to complete, and we're back in the living room, where I put down all my tools and start to pack up.

“Wine?"

I turn around to find him behind the kitchen ocunter, holding an expensive-looking bottle of red wine. He's trying to make me drink again!  I give him a dissaproving stare.

“I bought this bottle for the occasion.” He tells me. 

“What occasion?”

"Any day I get to see you is worth celebrating to me.” He coos. Oh please!  “Considering how you’re always avoiding me.” He adds. Oh, I know where this is going. 

“I am not going to sleep with you tonight.” I articulate, trying to sound convinving despite my amused tone.

“I’m just offering you a drink.” 

“You’re trying to get me drunk.”

“Maya, you’re way smarter than this.” He tilts his head to the side.

“Excuse me?” I mimick him, crossing my arms under my chest.

“You wouldn’t be here if you really thought I was going to try to take advantage of you like that.” He points out. True. But still. 

“It’s Italian wine.” He adds when I don't answer. “I think you’ll love it.”

How does he know what I like already?! 

“Just one glass.” I give in. One tiny glass. I'm driving anyways so I'm not about to go crazy tonight.

“Okay.” He agrees before pulling two wine glasses from under the counter. He pours me half a glass, before serving himself.

I thim and we clink our glasses before taking a sip each. An boy this man knows his wine. I love sweet reds. Before I can even comment on the taste, there's a loud knock on the front door.

"Just in time." He comments, droping his class and walking over to the door. Who is he expecting? I hear the door open.

"Thank you Jimin." Mr Jeon says. Jimin? Isn't that his assistant? I remember his name from the time I went to the purple mansion. The door closes and Mr.Jeon reappears.

“I hope you like sushi." He announces, holding two plastic bags in his hands. Sushi?

"You ordered food?" I gasp, my face a mix of confusion and glee. "I figured you wouldn't have had time to eat." He answers, walking over to me. I watch, mesmerised as he drops the food on the counter. My eyes follow as he pulls out one, then a second, then a third plate of colorful sushi. There’s makis too, salmon, tuna, sea breaam sushi- a lot f very good stuff. I’m salivating, my eyes hugging the food close. "Hungry?" I look up and see him smirking at me. I love sushi, and I don’t know if I can refuse this offer. This is better than sex. "Well, I wouldn't want to waste." I shrug a shoulder, making him chuckle. He then pulls out the sauces, disposable chopsticks and napkins.  Little white makis catch my attention. "What are these?" I ask, pointing at my first preys. "Cheese makis.” "Cheese?" I repeat. Has there been a kind I haven’t tried yet? It’s time to update the sushi-pedia. "Have bite.” Mr.Jeon proposes, splitting a pair of chopsticks. He picks one of the cheese sushi and brings it over to my face. At this moment, I don’t even feel like pointing out how inappropriate it is, this man just won’t stop. I bite the sushi off, surprised by the creaminess of the cheese. I hum appreciatively. Sushi can never go wrong, even with cheese in it. This is amazing. "Right?" He concurs, smiling softly. "It's good." I agree once I’ve swallowed. Mr. Jeon hands me another pair of chopsticks, and I dive into the colorful maki rolls. "I'm going to be honest," I trail off after the first two bites. "You have found my weak spot." I mumble. "Sushi?" He says, amused. I nod vigorously. I would have declined any other type of food he would have proposed, but not sushi. He was spot on, and I'm not ashamed for giving in. "Any physical weak spot you want to tell me about?" When I look back at him, he’s turned his body so he’s facing me. Elbow propped onto the counter, he’s giving me all his attention. Oh you wish, Mr.Hotbuttocks. "I'll let you in on a secret." I announce, twisting so I’m facing him as well. "I'm all ears."  He murmurs. Feeling brave, I lean closer to him, prompting him to bend his neck and quite literally give me his ear. A distant, unused and forbidden part of my brain wants to bite his earlobe just to see his reaction. But I refrain. "I'm not having sex with you." I whisper, making him chuckle. He pulls back, shaking his head at me. I catch another sushi. "There was a time when you wouldn't say that." He says to me, eyes playful. "I was drunk." I retort. "Just tipsy." He counters. Ha! "There's not much difference." I mumble. "Let me put it another way.” He prompts, and I don’t like the smirk he’s giving me. I narrow my eyes at him. "Are you attracted to me?" He asks, but I’m not sure it’s a question. He’s looking at me dead in the eyes, probably watching my pupils dilate. I don’t think I can ever say no to that question, now that Iiterally have drunk-dialed him asking for sex. But I’m not going to admit it either. "Does it really matter?" Is the best I come up with, and he laughs at me in a short snort. I know he knows that was a lame attempt, but he ignores it. "Well, you know the feeling is mutual." He murmurs, and it makes my insides fuzzy. Such a handsome man being attracted to me physically is a confidence booster, but I also know the fact that I don’t take shit from him also plays a role in it. He likes that I'm not giving in. "You're only attracted to me because I resist you." I reply. He raises an eyebrow. "Is that why you're resisting me? So you can have me chasing you?” He asks, leaning closer to me and propping his chin on his fist. I am more phased by his words than his proximity. Am I enjoying the chase? I mean the only reason I’m not throwing myself at him is because I know when he finally gets me it’ll be over. Is that what's stopping me? Knowing there probably won't be a second time? Or is it the fact that I'll just be another rebelious woman he'd managed to tame?

“No.” I shake my head after thinking about it for too long. I mimic him, resting my head on the palm of my hand, my elbow right next to his. “Well, I’m not attracted to you because you resist me." He murmurs, and I fight the urge to roll my eyes. “Sure.” “Let me get to my point." He prompts. Oh, whatever. 

"You're submissive, right?" He asks out of the blue, taking me by surprise. Excuse me? Rude!

 I immediately feel exposed, because I know he knows the answer to that question. I feel my face heat up. Where is he going with this? "Maybe." I reply, trying my hardest not to betray my panic. But I can’t bring myself to lie looking into his eyes, so I look away, earning another heartfelt chuckle. "Maybe, alright." He repeats. He sees right through me .To be fair, I am not putting the best act. I'm too easily read. I blush, I frown, I fidget, I play with my hair - I have the most telling body language and it hasn't helped me once in life. “What is your point, Mr.Jeon?” I ask, wanting to end the torture. "So when you find someone attractive, you tend to let them take control and bring you pleasure." He trails off. I nod in agreement, still unsure where this is going.  "But it doesn't mean you're weak or dependent. You chose to be in that position because that's what brings you the most pleasure. In fact outside the bedroom you're a very opinionated woman and you get your way quite often." He adds. I'm still following at this point, but I know he's trying to get me somewhere I don't want to be. I repeat his words in my head a second time. I feel like I’m about to get tricked. "True." I agree reluctantly, knowing I probably shouldn't.  “See, you think I'm all about the challenge and keeping women who challenge me submissive and obedient, but I work differently." He explains. Oh, I’m sure he does. "Just like you being submissive doesn't mean you're dependent and passive, me wanting to pin you against a wall and do things to you has nothing to do with my respect for you or women in general." He murmurs. Pin me against a wall and do things to me?! I take a discreet but deep breath, watching as the corner of his mouth turns into a smirk when he realises I’m already imagining things. "What I'm trying to say is," He trails off, and I think I catch his pupils dilating as our eyes meet. "When I find someone attractive, I tend to hold down..." He says, his tone lower, his voice so seductive it sounds like a purr. "And bite..." He adds, bringing the tip of his index finger just under my ear. "And kiss..." I hold his gaze while he slowly runs it down the side of my neck, barely brushing my skin but letting me feel plenty. "And lick..." He stops at the  spot where my neck and shoulder connect, my hairs standing alert in the wake of his touch. His eyes don’t leave mine, intense and blazing. My libido is through the roof. I want him to do that again. Biting and kissing and licking... I’m not learning anything new here. I’ve always known this man was dominant and kinky. I’m not surprised, but he’s just so sexy. He oozes sex, he smells like sex, he looks like sex, it’s intoxicating. "Because that's what gives me the most pleasure." He adds, his voice feeling like butter. "But I also always have my partner's pleasure in mind. Sometimes more than my own." He says, barely hiding the promise in his words. He leans back as if to mark the ending of his monologue, and that’s when I realise I had stopped breathing. 

I feel dizzy and my cheeks are burning. "Well,”I sigh, reaching for my wine. “Your next conquest should consider herself lucky." I say, raising my glass in his honor, before throwing the entire thing back. I feel thirsty, and hot and bothered. "Yeah, you should." He retorts, making me splutter and almost choke on my wine. He laughs at me, his laugh loud and boyish, while I try not to spit wine all over myself. “You have no shame.” I say in wonder, shaking my head at his mirth. "What should I be ashamed of? Being attracted to you?" He retorts. "Being inappropriate." I reply, narrowing my eyes at him. What a tease. "You're smiling." He counters.  "It's better than you running from me." He murmurs, his words heavier than what he wants me to think. I don't think I'm running away as much as I used to. I went to dinner with him, and I'm here today. I'm still aware of the majo red flags he waved at me when we first met though. "You give me reasons to run." I argue. This man smells like trouble, and I'm hovering over a dangerous line but I'm confident in my capacity to protect myself. His gaze turns to playful to a little bit more serious. He looks pensive. "I was hoping it wasn't the case anymore." He says quietly, and he almost sounds disappointed by my answer. "I wouldn't be here if it was." I say to reassure him a little bit. "I'm glad to hear that." He smiles softly. Part of me doesn't want to make him too happy, but I guess I'll give him that.

"There's something I wanted to talk to you about." He prompts, and I feel him getting even more serious than before.  

"We've never really talked about what happened with my brother." He trails off. Oh... 

Way to kill the mood. I feel myself stiffen instantly as the few memories I have of that night flash back to me.

"And again, I'm sorry for what happened." He says to me. He has told me before that his brother got the "wrong impression". And I would like, in order to start contemplating the idea of forgiving me, to know how in the hell he got that wrong impression. Because to me it is unjustifiable. Was it my dress? Nope. No matter how short it could have been, and it wasn't even short. My body language? Nah. The mere fact that we were drinking? Hell to the no.

"I have always wondered how he could possibly have thought I was going to have sex with him. That still doesn't sit right with me." I tell him honestly, because if he's asking me to forgive him for thinking anything I did led him on, I'll be gone before he even finishes his sentence. 

"He could tell I was attracted to you, and he knows I usually don't mind sharing." He explains to me. He doesn't mind sharing? Sharing women with his brother?!

 "And he was drunk." He adds while I try to precess this information. My face is a knot of confusion. He had threesomes with his brother? Why do I feel like there's something very incestuous about it? I'm effectively grossed out.

"You share your sexual partners with him?" I utter, unable to hide the judgment in my voice. He doesn't seem fazed by the horror on my face."If they both want each other I usually don't have a problem with it." He shurgs a shoulder. How is he so cool about this? Is it normal nowadays? Am I weird for finding it weird. I mean; obviously him and Eliott aren't blood brothers, and I don't think they have sex together per say, but they both participate in a sexual act at the same time! 

"So you-"

"Not threesomes, no." He cuts me off. Oh thank god! 

"Huh." I exhale.

Okay, so he just doesn't mind sleeping with the same woman as his brother. 

"So, hypothetically," I traill off. "If we were to sleep together- which we won't- you wouldn't -"

"I would be extremely possessive of you." He cuts me off, looking into my eyes with intent.

"Why?" I frown. He mimicks me, scrunching his eyebrows togetehr in a pensive manner. He's actually thinking about it.

"I'm not sure." He murmurs.  "I guess I just don't like the thought of anyone else bringing you pleasure." 

Okay? 

After processing this, a tiny part of my brain thinks this means something? That maybe I'm different? I shouldn't believe him that easily though, but if that's true, then I'm confused.

"Interesting..." I muse. I don't feel like elaborating on that. The implications are way too heavy for what I want this whole thing to be.

"But okay, let's say he thought you and I were having sex." I prompt, because his explaination isn't very satisfying yet. "What made him think I'd have sex with him?"

Mr.Jeon inhales deeply, visibly a little bit embarassed to speak. 

"His dumb ass thought bringing you over was what I meant by cheering him up after his breakup." He explains, and it dawns on me.

"He thought I was a bloody hooker." I conclude. He makes a face.

"Not quite. He did drink a lot before you came over too." He counters. Okay, his drunk ass thought I was a bloody hooker.

"Anyways. I hope you'll be able to forgive him one day. He's not a bad guy, just really dumb." He finishes. 

"Okay." I nod. I've heard him, but I don't knwo about forgiving his brother. Not because I'm still mad or anything, but because I can't this of an istance where I'll ever have too see him again. It's not liek he was about to become my brother-in-law.

"Thank you for explaining." I say before glancing at my wtach. I have been here for nearly two hours.

"But I do have to go now, Mr.Jeon." I declare. It's getting really late. “Oh, what a shame.” I hear him complain as I slide off my stool. "Thank you for the sushi." I murmur, looking up at him. "You're most welcome, Miss Fair." He replies, standing up I as well. I gather my stuff, putting my camera and sketchbook back in my bag and throwing my coat on. "I will make plans and sketches and get back to you to schedule another meeting." I explain to him once I'm ready to leave. "How long will that take?" "I think I'll be done in a week or two." "That's a long time without seeing each other." He mutters, scratching his chin in a pensive manner. I raise a curious eyebrow. "Now I'm thinking we're only doing this so you can talk me into sleeping with you." I reply, crossing my arms over my chest. "Miss Fair, I would never." He gasps dramatically. Yes you would. I narrow my eyes at him. "No, seriously. This house means a lot to me, and I don't share this part of my life with that many people." He says more seriously, but I still think he could be doing this to get his dick wet. "Would you mind if I made you sign a contract, then?" I propose. He's all about NDA's and shit, right? "A contract?" "Yes." I concur. "So I'm guaranteed to get my fifteen percent." I explain. I don't want to dive into this and then leave the project like last time. If he ever fucks up to the point where I don't want to see him, we can still do everything via e-mail. Hott buttocks aside, this project is really exciting. He frowns down at me for a second, but is quick to shrug a shoulder. "As you wish." He concedes. "I should make you sign it before I actually start putting in the work." I muse. "I'll be out of town for a few days, I leave on Wednesday." He warns. "I'll e-mail it to you." "Or we could meet up and read it through together." He proposes. Of course he'd want that. "You're funny." I chuckle. "I'm not signing anything via e-mail." He declares. "Why?" I frown. "Don't know how that technology works." He shrugs. Now he's playing the age card? "How old are you?" I ask, realizing I still don't know how old he is. "I'm 21." He says. He keeps adding a year every time I ask him!  "But you build rockets." I deadpan. He smirks- fucking smirks at me. He's so handsome it's angering. "Then I'm not designing anything for you." I retort. "Is seeing me that much of a torture?" He asks with feigned disappointment. I take a moment to think. "Not anymore." I reply. "Not anymore?" He repeats, eyebrows meeting his hairline. "But still." "But still?" He frowns, looking offended. I giggle at his reaction. "I can throw food in the mix, we can meet during our lunch break." He proposes. "Our offices are very close." Oh, god. "I'll see what I'll do tomorrow." I concede, feeling like a straight no would be too mean of me. And I actually don't know I want to say no or not. I enjoy his company. "Just remember you have the power to make a man's day by saying yes." He murmurs, stepping closer to me, hands in his pockets. He looks yummy. "I'll keep that in mind." I murmur, looking up at him. "Good." He says quietly, holding my gaze. The hairs on the back of my neck rise in alert. Why am I still wearing clothes again? "Let me walk you back." He proposes after a beat. I accept, and Mr. Jeon escorts me out of the house. "We'll have to fix these stairs as well." I mumble, looking out for any rogue piece of rock about to make me fall. "You have carte blanche for the outside. I trust you." He replies. I don't think the outside -or at least the pathway, needs a lot of work. Just some brand new steps and green grass.

"Can't wait to get to it." I reply. He walks me down the stairs and back to my car.

"Thank you for your time, Ms Fair." He says as I stand next to my Mini, ready to unlock it.

"It was a pleasure." I reply, smiling at him. I open my door and slide into my seat.

"I'll be waiting for your text." He says, leaning down to my window, eyes small and playful. I giggle.

"I'm sure you will." I tease. "Goodbye, Mr. Jeon." 

"Goodbye, Miss.Fair."

[spicycreativity]

Fanfic Appreciation Week Day 7: A Place Where I Can Breathe

Yes, folks, I'm appreciating my own darn fanfic for the final day of Fanfic Appreciation Week because I worked really hard on it and it was a labor of love for/with one of my QPPs, my roommate, the man who got me into Sanders Sides: @\cadeorade-powercade (That's him in the aesthetic board)

Allow me to present the director's commentary for A Place Where I Can Breathe:

Content Warnings: All content warnings mentioned in the fic apply.

Chapter 1: I actually wrote this fairly late in the game. It's meant to serve as a prologue and orient the viewer in the universe, s opposed to staring on Chapter 2, which just throws the viewer in without context. I think it was a good choice, as it also allowed me to introduce the concept of the Sides having power focuses early on.

The Premise: Cade is a Virgil stan and he was getting frustrated looking for Virgil fic. He was finding a lot of stuff written without nuance by young authors, a sort of "by teenagers for teenagers" type deal. We are not teenagers, so we both have a hard time relating to that kind of teen angst fic, as we're not the target audience. So he asked me to write him a Virgil fic and we worked together to identify what plot he wanted, what the Mindscape looked like, and what quirks the Sides have. So a lot of this fic is quite gratuitous and self-indulgent

The Title: Lizzie McAlpine has a song called "Apple Pie" which includes the lyric "I've been running around trying to find a place where I can breathe." Apple Pie SCREAMS Moceit to me, and I had taken notice of the lyric and wanted to use it as the title for a Moceit fic. I didn't really have an idea beyond that, and when Cade asked me to write this fic, I realized it was actually perfect and summed up Virgil's inner struggle quite nicely. So cheers to "A Place Where I Can Breathe," the Moceit Fic That Wasn't

-Cade asked me specifically to include Virgil having a spider and I wrote nearly the whole fic without doing so, then had to go back and sprinkle some references in. I think I managed 2 total.

Chapter 2:

"Uh, how about I hold off on that until I actually see my room?" Virgil stared expectantly at Roman, who bounced on his toes. "Lead on, Macduff."

"That's not the line and you know it," Roman complained, but he turned to lead Virgil to his room. "It's ' lay on, Macduff,' and--"

-This fic was originally supposed to reach a climax with a confrontation between Remus and Roman, and "lay on, Macduff" would come back as a brick joke. Unfortunately, the original ending was a result of me getting tired and lazy, so I had to go back and fix it, and we lost the Roman-Remus confrontation.

It was hard for Virgil to not shudder at the sudden heat and weight on him. With his senses already open and taking in more information than his brain seemed to want to process, touch was an added stressor, more unwanted sensory input.

-Virgil being touch-averse is a direct shoutout to Cade, who is also touch-averse.

Roman had already transformed the living room: metallic streamers of purple and black stretched across the corners of the ceiling, and shiny balloons spelling out A-N-X-E-I-T-Y hovered above the TV.

-Upon first writing, Virgil had already given the upstairs crew his name, so the banner spelled out "VIRIGL" which is way funnier than "ANXEITY." But then his name reveal became a plot point so I had to go back and change it.

-Let! Virgil! Be! Mean!

-Virgil's line about hearing refrigerator noise when Roman talks is another shout-out to Cade, who has leveled that accusation at me

A small, cruel part of him protested at the idea that he would need special treatment and desperately wanted to throw it back in Patton's face. He wasn't a sweetheart, he wasn't a baby. He didn't need to crawl into a blanket fort with Dad just because he was a little stressed.

-Remus calls Janus "Janus Geminus" because I was tired and couldn't come up with a pun. "Geminus" is one of the Roman god Janus' epithets; another is "Pater" meaning "Father." That led to a conversation about Remus deliberately confusing Patton by calling Janus "Daddy," but I couldn't think of a clean way to fit the explanation into the narrative, so I stuck with "Geminus."

Chapter 3:

"There's nothing normal about that! " Roman stared in horror at the coffee massacre Virgil had orchestrated. What had once been a respectable (if not very tasty) cup of black coffee was now part of a 1:1 coffee to milk suspension, the liquid a tasteful shade of tan suitable for business casual trousers or a show-ready chihuahua.

-Cade is a certified Nightmare Man and came up with Virgil's horrifying coffee order after I asked him about it. Keep an eye out for Janus' equally horrifying coffee order later in the fic.

1) Shouts out the fact that Janus is canonically a Dostoevsky fan

Chapter 4:

Janus smiled at him. "Where reason fails, the Devil helps." He fussed with his gloves and straightened his capelet. "It's showtime."

-I fucking love Crime and Punishment. Look at me. Look at me. I fucking love Crime and Punishment. Janus' quoting Raskolnikov serves multiple purposes:

2) Lampshades the fact that Roman just conveniently happened to be alone in the living room, because I didn't want to waste time getting him there. That makes me, the author, the Devil

3) Foreshadows the impending disaster. When Raskolnikov says this line it is because he had planned to commit axe murder. The axe he was planning to steal had been moved, but he finds another, different axe to use. Raskolnikov messes up the murder and ends up killing an innocent witness in addition to his intended target. Janus messes up his manipulation attempt and ends up murdering Roman's self esteem

-I was going to include a reference to Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead (Remus' line "debauchery and vomit" was originally going to be "blood, love, and rhetoric") but I didn't because... Uh... Hm. Why didn't I do that. Maybe I just forgot about it???

-Roman is too stubborn to manipulate for long and that is a fact.

"I was pretty much done anyway," Remus said. "There's only so much debauchery and vomit you can fit into one story."

-Cade specifically ask me that nobody cry in this fic, but after I had Janus eviscerate Roman I knew he couldn't not cry a little. I kept it to a minimum because there's already a billion fucking fics about [literally any Side] crying on the shoulder of [literally any other Side] and it's really just not interesting to either of us.

-It didn't come up because it doesn't matter, but Thomas dreamed he was participating in the exact Dionysian orgy that took place in The Secret History because it's my fic and I said so.

Chapter 5:

He just sat back and watched and tugged at his hair while Janus spooned mound after mound of crisp white sugar into his mug and Virgil poured his customary eight fluid ounces of milk into his own mug.

-Cade strikes again. Virgil's coffee order is equal amounts milk to coffee; Janus' is equal parts sugar to coffee. He had asked me to include a scene where Roman catches Janus massacring his coffee and is appropriately horrified, but I uhh... Didn't write it. I still might include it as an omake someday.

-I imagine that Roman feels really strongly about dragons vs wyverns, and Remus just pretends to give a shit because he thinks it's funny to wind Roman up. Fortunately for me but unfortunately for my sense of realism in writing, I can't relate because I adore my sister and we get along perfectly almost 100% of the time.

"You shut us down every chance you get!" Remus said, baring his teeth. "How would you like it if your pens never wrote, hm? What would you do with all those thoughts in your head?"

-I do wish I had developed the concept of power focuses a bit more, established rules and such. Basically, Patton is always on the prowl for wrongthink and actively represses it, which in turn breaks or sabotages the Dark Sides' power focus.

Chapter 6: This chapter really should have been Janus and Roman but I was really tired and didn't want to bother with it. Plus, you know, Moceit. This chapter was meant to demonstrate how the characters would get along without Virgil nannying them. There's friction, but everyone is making a conscious, deliberate effort to get along because they love Virgil, and love is a series of choices you make.

I chose "Leo" as the answer for the answer to the crossword clue instead of "Virgo," because my other QPP is a Leo. She'll never read this fic, but I did it anyway because I love her. (Trivia: My sign is Virgo, so it was really a choice between shouting her out and shouting me out, and the last chapter is self-indulgent enough, thank you).

Chapter 7: I was gonna write a fic where all the Sides watched Cats the Musical because I was going through a phase. Then Cade requested this so I combined the two ideas. By this point I was fucking exhausted, and that's the only thing that saved you and the rest of the world from me writing the Sides riffing on the movie scene-by-scene. I could come up with snarky commentary for almost every, if not every single song from the movie.

Most notably, I cut a Patton-Remus interaction where Remus declares his love for Grizabella and Patton gets all staryy-eyed about Remus connecting with the idea of rising above rejection and being loved and accepted only for Remus to shoot him down and explain that he just likes that she got to die in a tire fire.

Other cut scenes include Janus quietly pretending not to go feral over Mister Mistoffelees, Patton full-on fucking sobbing over Grizabella and the kittens, and Logan experiencing a deep, soulful kinship with Munkustrap during Of The Awefull Battle of the Pekes and the Pollices (and henceforth introducing the phrase "like herding cats" into his regular vocabulary

[texasthegreatdestroyer]

OC x Canon ship excerpt. Trinity x Qrow.

The winter's draft nipped at her legs as she walked through the door of Brunswick Estate. Probably would have done her well to wear some proper leggings, or just pants in general, but after her time in vale, during those cold winters, she couldn't find it within her to really care. Her main concern was just past the door of the bar and entertainment room. Where she knew she'd find him sipping down whatever his cold, shaken hands could grasp at.

She opened the old, wooden door, tiptoed past the threshhold, as if to be weary to not set the dusty bird's nerves off more than they already were. The past two days had been... rough for him, and upon gazing at those beautiful eyes, a gut drenching sadness made themselves at home deep within. Trinity's plans to lay low in his presense failed however. "What do you want?" He sapped. "Look, I know you want to get all "touchy and feely" but I'm not in the mood, got it? Just leave me be." A lump was stuck in her throat as she tried to speak out. It was hard for her to breath. This man knew how to stab a girl's heart into the ground.

"... I wanted to apologize... for trying to force you to talk. I should have just given you your space... I just so badly wanted to save you... like you did me. I guess I'm not as good at emotional support as you are...." Qrow couldn't help but stare at her. Silence remained between the two, but just as Trinity turned to leave, Qrow poured another shot and slid it off to the side of him, leaving him with nothing but the bottle. Not like this was anything harmful to him. He lacked the class to avoid drinking from the bottle it self, and felt no shame for it. Trinity turned her head to the sliding noise, and what was originally just a brief stare turned into a full fledge turn around. This in turn irked Qrow a little. "Stop looking at me like a dork, sit down, and have a drink."

A sweet, gentle smile came to the gal's face, as she walked over to him, taking a seat over by him, and looking at the amber liquid in the glass. It had been awhile since she'd last had a drink. She quit when she met Qrow. Mostly for Mimi's sake, but when Mimi passed, she still couldn't bring herself to drink again. Not when Qrow veiwed her progress as satisfactory. He dragged her out of a rut, and the last thing she wanted to do was disapoint him by going back in... but now... he was handing her a glass of that same ol liquid regret that she forced herself to avoid. "I...haven't drank in awhile..." "Eh... What's stopping you now? The world's going to end, might as well go out satisfied."

She wanted to ask questions, she wanted to turn that forlorn face into a smile some how, but she knew better than that. The last time she tried, he actively avoided her the rest of the day, "I... don't know... I believe we can do something... I just don't know what yet." "How can you even say that. You heard lamp lady. We're done for. I know you're trying to be optimistic, but you'll just end up disapointed. So why even bother?" Trin's face formed into a scowl, as she looked over at Qrow. "Well it's better than sitting here and self loathing!..." Qrow looked to Trin with a hurt expression on her face. Trinity had begun to feel bad... wait... No! No she didn't! She was right and she knew it! "Qrow, I understand that you're hurting. No one is hurting nearly as much as you are right now. You lost a friend today, and you lost countless others to this unfortunate war. You devoted your whole life to this only for it to be futile. That's plenty of reason to want to give up, but what good does it do you? Why give up when you can go down fighting? And last time I checked, Qrow mother fuckin Branwen is one hell of a fighter!" Confidence gleamed through a bold smile on her face. Only the smile slowly faded as Qrow turned away. And so she stared down at the drink in front of her. She knocked it back real quick, and then stared down at the mahogony bar surface, which captured the light of the candles that had been lit.

"Ya know... I can't tell you what to do. You're a grown man. You can choose to roll over and give up, but I'm not. We need to keep fighting. Each day we push back is a day people have with their loved ones, and a day to take in the beauty this world has to offer, so I'm gonna keep fighting." Trin didn't take notice, but Qrow had turned away because he was hiding a smirk. Her words had touched him so. "I'm sorry..." The man's gravely voice hinted lightly of guilt and distress. "I've been an asshole. I'm not gonna sugar coat it. Ever since this journey started, you've been my cheer leader. You've always been in my corner, even when there were times you really shouldn't have been. I can't even repay you with some basic human decency. For that, I'm really sorry Tex..."

Tex... A name the girl wasn't even sure if she owned anymore, as she kept digging herself further into a hole trying to save someone who veiwed himself as "unsavable." The name that had sought to hide her past, one that had only recently returned to her out of guilt. Her name was Tex... Not Trinity.... Tex... Atleast that's what he called her, the man who she devoted her life to, something foreign to him. "I wish I could be like you... confident... optimistic... But I can't. You're amazing, and I'm worthless... unworthy-"

"Mother fucker!" Qrow flinched at the sudden cut into his pity party. "You're fucking fabulous, amazing, adorable, brave, kind hearted, caring, outstanding, heroic, daring, stunning,-" "Uuuuh... Tex???" "Georgeous! Stylish! Sweet! Worthy of love!-" "Tex!" "Fanfriggintabulous!" "TEX!... Slow your role! I get it!" Finally, she'd settle down, watching with relief as he let out a soft chuckle, swishing around the contents of the bottle. "You know... Ya always say that you bring misfortune to those around you, but... honestly... You're the best thing that's ever happened to me. You're my good luck charm, my sweet little bird." Qrow's face flustered a bright red. His heart throbbed with ever word that fled from those soft, black lipstick lips of hers. He felt warm inside, a feeling that had seemed almost foreign to him these past couple of days. His arm rose from the bar's wooden surface, and he plopped his hand down onto the wolf faunus's head, petting over her ears ever so gently. Enough to get her to purrrrrrrr~ softly. A sound of which brought Qrow some peace and serenity "... That's my little cheer leader...."

-experpt end.

Welp, hope people liked that good ol cheesy bullshit. I do take writing criticism, however "Ew! You ship an OC with a Canon character!" Is not one I take, so don't even bother. And here's a pic of my gal if you're curious of what she looks like. The art is done by me.

In the story I'm writing, this 4'8 lil gal follows Qrow and his merry band of adopted children around Remnant. She's typically a rowdy, take no shit kind of gal, and the two are constantly goofing around like two pals. Their favorite form of banter is going back and forth with calling each other a dork because they both understand how cheesy of an insult it is, and they're just an adorable couple of goof balls. Feel free to ask questions about her. Well, I've contributed to the small pool of canon x oc content, time to go forget I ever made this life decision. :D

[justanotherlifeff]

Levi Ackerman × reader

Genre: Angst, Hurt/comfort, Fluff, matured themes, slowburn

Warning: There's mentions and descriptions of underage rape and suicidal themes and self harm.

Your POV

The 57th expedition is two days from now and to make things worse, Hanji came over. She declared that as it is our only titan shifter's first expedition, we will be drinking tonight to celebrate. Although her motive was to experiment if Eren can get drunk, heichou strictly denied her requests since Eren is underage. I personally didn't want to drink because those men from when I was 5 were always drunk. "Drunk people are bad and dangerous" was a thought that was stuck into my head. Hence, I was planning to avoid their little party at all costs. It was morning at the moment and we were supposed to have breakfast. I made tea for everyone since I woke up before everyone else. I had already memorised how everyone had their tea, 2 spoons of sugar and milk in Oluo, Gunther and Petra's, 1 spoon sugar without any milk in Eld's, 3 spoons in mine and sugarless for Levi heichou. Eren didn't like tea. I had it all memorised because I tend to wake up before everyone else and thus, I always get the breakfast duty. I made pancakes for everyone and when I was done, I poured my tea in a cup and started reading the book. Every day, Levi would wake up early and sit with his own book and tea too. We would discuss the contents of the books when I go to clean his room. We would also share some of our personal issues to eachother and while I don't know how much it helps him, but it helped me ease up quite a but. Just as I was thinking these, he entered the dining hall as usual and took his cup which I had already filled with tea just the way he liked it. Eventually everyone else came around thus making it impossible to read because of the commotion. Hanji started blabbing about her experiments. Yes, she arrived yesterday and stayed the night in a spare room.

After breakfast, it was time for training. Levi heichou was giving me intensive 3DMG training recently since I already passed his strength trainings. We sparred more later, to test how much I had improved my strength and he won most of them due to his immense stamina which was impossible to match but I gave him a hard time though. In case of 3DMG, he decided that I wasn't making enough use of my agility and that I should be able to match his speed and accuracy. I was still learning his spinning move as I couldn't get a hang of that anyway. Today, we were supposed to have our last practice session as most of us will have hangovers the next day. Not me though. I'll just lock myself in mine and Petra's room. I've noticed by time that Petra tried to impress Levi heichou a lot. It kinda pissed me off because who even looks for emotional attachment when they might die anytime? And it's not like heichou was interested in her anyway. That's another thing I liked about him. He was serious about his career. I had always respected determination and I felt like there couldn't be a better mentor than him. However, something about it was bothering me. Levi heichou was making me feel things that I never felt before. It started with the way he looks during our training sessions, no, all the time honestly. I started having these urges to touch those muscles beneath his shirt, that showed slightly when he was sweaty after training, his clean shaven and extremely smooth looking cheeks and that extremely soft and silky looking hair. God knows how it would feel to run my fingers in there... Yes, that's exactly the problem. I shouldn't be thinking these. Things escalated when he convinced me to stop cutting myself, something even my parents couldn't do. It happened a week back.

One week ago

I was cleaning the floor in Levi's room while he was getting his paperwork done. "So, the protagonist is in a situation where he couldn't blame the antagonist as the antagonist had reasons to justify what they did too. It kinda resembles our world doesn’t it? I mean, titans don't have minds so, they can't really control what they are doing..." I was talking to heichou about the book I recently finished. "Hmm. However, one has to do what one needs right? The protagonist killed the antagonist at the end. It didn't matter if the antagonist had justification for what he did. It depends on who wins at the end. If the antagonist did, then the he would've been portrayed as the protagonist." heichou answered, not looking up from his paperworks. "Yeah. It's the weak who always loses." I muttered. "Not always. One can start off as weak but get stronger. That's what smart people who want to live do." Levi answered to that, before stopping for a moment and asking, "You mentioned that you want to live to make things right didn't you? What is the 'right' for you?". " I don't know, happiness? That's my goal." I answered. "Well, that's what we all want. Anyway, what's your plan to achieve that?" he asked. "I don't know, it started with getting strong enough to take care of myself but I don't really have an aim anymore." I answered, acknowledging it for the first time. "If you want happiness so much, why do you cut yourself? As much as I can recall, you told me, you did that to remind yourself that you're alive. If you don't have a plan, why remain alive at all?" he asked me, looking up from his paper works at me, raising an eyebrow. "Well, that's true... I don't know what I'm doing to be honest... Being alive honestly is pointless." I muttered as an answer. It was the truth. I had no reason to live.

"Oi brat, take my advice on this, you're an extremely skilled soldier. You think I am itching to be alive? I have a goal to be happy too and the fastest way towards it is a bullet in my fucking head. But, there's also another way, that is using my strength to do something for humanity, getting this war over for good and opening up a tea shop. My plan in this case is to stay alive and keep fighting. I suggest you to have the same plan. When this war is over if you are still alive, these people you saved will make a way for you. And trust me, cutting yourself won't help you at all because that only limits your agility as, trust me, I've got into enough fights to know how much every single cut hurts. It may not affect your performance by a lot but a mimimum percentage of performance issues can get you killed in expeditions. So I suggest you to stop with that shit and get your priorities straight." heichou advised me with a straight face. "So, you suggest me to try my best to survive? If I can get through this war, then the people will help me make a way?" I asked before pausing for a moment and stating, "I honestly didn't join the survey corps to make some dead people proud of me. I just wanted to die I guess..."."Well then, you're at an advantage both ways. If you die, you get to your goal. If you live, you get to your goal in long term too." he answered.

"Heichou, why did you join the survey corps?" I asked him out of curiosity. "Well, Erwin blackmailed me into it at the begining but later, I decided that my life was meaningless too and decided to do exactly what I advised you to do." he answered. He was right. If I survive, after the war with titans are over and the survey corps are disbanded, I'm sure they will give us all a way to live. However, will I always be alone? What's the point of living like that? No, wait, Uncle Erwin will be there... He's as good as family, so I'll be fine. Atleast as long as he lives. Maybe I'll even consider marriage... There are so many possibilities... Heichou was right. I had to survive or die in combat. Its good both ways. "(Y/N), if you really want to remember that you're alive at times, instead of cutting yourself, remember your interactions with your comrades. I'm sure you made an impact on a lot of them and you wouldn't be able to do that if you weren't alive." Levi ended his statement with that as I was leaving his room after cleaning. "Yes heichou. Thank you for the advice" I answered before leaving. An affect on my comrades, did he mean the way I intimidated them? But doesn't that mean that I'm an emotionless piece of shit? Or was he talking about my conversations with him? Did... Did I make him feel alive? Because, even if I hated to admit it, he made me feel alive. I felt like I didn’t have to hurt myself anymore.

Present day

Levi heichou beat me this time as well after we sparred for 30 minutes. No one lasts that long against him. During the 3DMG session, everything was going well until suddenly captain Levi attacked me. He came out of nowhere and tried to cut me but I instinctively dodged and tried to escape him. I was shocked as I didn't expect something like that. He was as fast as I am in 3DMG and with his special techniques, he was faster. He slashed his blade against me again and to block it I used my own blade but the blade broke. I was scared that he might kill me and that's when he told me that he was testing how well I'd do in unexpected situations and he definitely wasn't satisfied with my skills.

Levi POV

She was pretty good at running away but she used one blade at the wrong angle when I slashed my blade at her. Ofcourse she didnt learn about what angle to use because Shadis didn't know some of the tricks I learnt underground. However I expected her to use two blades. That's just common sense and the fact that she panicked in a situation like this is unacceptable for someone as skilled as her. She has a lot if potential but stupid decisions like that will get her killed. "Do you have a brain of the size of a pea brat? Anyone with common sense would use two blades. Are you trying to get killed in any unexpected circumstance? " I shouted at her. She kept a straight face but I could see the embarrassment in her eyes. Serves her right. "Sorry heichou. It won't happen again" she said with determination. I'm not usually too hard on her because she doesn't disappoint me often so I let it go. I taught her the angles she should use. It would make her blades last longer. She practiced with complete determination but failed to get the spinning move done. Honestly, no one I trained was able to do that, so, I didn’t judge her. However, she wasn't the one to give up. I respected that about her as a mentor. It was time for lunch and Petra already cooked stew. We had lunch and I saw her head upstairs and come down with her 3DMG and blades. "Oi where are you going?" I asked her. "To practice the blade angle and the movements you taught me. I want to be able to get the spinning move perfected." she answered, saluted and left. I didn't expect her to be able to do it.

I went to my office to complete some paperwork and after about 2 hours, I heard the sound of her falling down with a thump and occasionally, frustrated cursing. I went to the window and saw (Y/N) falling on her face every time she tried but getting up to do the same nonetheless. "Damn, this girl will kill herself at this rate." I thought and felt a bit proud about being her mentor. I looked at her graceful moves through the air, which turned into a complete disaster whenever she tried to use the spinning move on the titan dummy. "There must be some problem with her balancing" I thought. I found her beautiful the day I first saw her. "Just another pretty face that's gonna be titan food" I thought. After she sparred with me and sat on my face, I think I blushed for the first time ever in my entire life. I didn't let anyone see though because it's inappropriate. Now that I see her potential and determination, she seems to be more than just another pretty face. She is what I'd call beautiful. I knew she deserved a normal life and yet she chose this uncertain life where death my come and where its impossible to have a family. She is a very brave person. I know some stuff about her past. How she was rescued from a brothel before being sold off in the underground. How she killed a Garrison member but was let out because she was a minor. I was curious about her given that I was from the underground too. As these thoughts plagued my mind, I suddenly understood exactly what was causing the problems with the balancing.

"Oi brat. Get down here." I called (Y/N) out, who was sitting on a tree, about to do the spinning move again. When she got down, I noticed that she got some minor cuts on her face. Atleast her instincts were good enough to make her use her hands to prevent her face from getting hit. "Yes heichou?" she asked, confused. "I have a fair idea about why you can't get that move done. Your body proportions are what's causing this." I told her with a calm voice even if talking about it made me uncomfortable. "I don't understand..." she muttered, clearly confused. "Your breasts are what's causing the issues. My body structure allows me to distribute all my weight at the correct points but as your body structure is different, the distribution gets disoriented as your breasts are the weights that make you slouch forward easily." I explained as calmly as possible. This was awkward. I saw a blush slowly creep upon (Y/N)'s cheeks as she muttered, "But they aren't too big...". " Well, the simplest errors can make it impossible to master this move. I'm not sure if you can do it but try using bandages to bind you chest and make the surface as flat as possible." I answered with a stoic expression, which was very hard to bring given that I have never talked to cadets about their breasts, and the fact that this particular cadet made me want to rip her clothes off didn't help at all. "Hai!" (Y/N) answered before running off towards the castle.

She actually did it. It didn't take any effort at all. I was right about the problems with body proportions. You came back after a while with an almost flat chest. It didn't look comfortable at all because she looked like someone punched her on the face. I, however, was impressed by her determination. And, the fact that she was able to get the spinning move done at one try. Ofcourse, it wasn't perfect, it had many flaws, but, it was an amazing feat as no one else was able to get this done. However, I knew that this wouldn't work well with her because being uncomfortable on an expedition isn't an option. "Oi, get down" I commaded her as she got down from the tree, pleased with herself. "Yes heichou?" she asked. "You won't be using this move. You're not feeling comfortable in bandages and that's as obvious as it can get. Just make use of the speed training we went through." I advised her. "Yes heichou!" she answered and as she was going off towards the castle, I spoke up, "Oi (Y/N)! You did well.". "Thank you heichou" she answered, giving me a rare smile. She really should smile more often.

Your POV

I came back being pleased with myself after getting a rare compliment from Levi heichou. After some very intense and not to mention, painful training for 2 hours 30 minutes that compliment probably was the best gift anyone could possibly ask for. I went back to Petra and my room to find Petra sleeping. I took a shower and went to take a nap. I was asleep but I was woken by feeling someone drag me out of the bed. I woke up and saw Hanji dragging me out. I tried to get out of her grab but Petra and Eren also held me firmly. I could've gotten away from Hanji easily but I couldn't fight with three people grabbing onto me. They brought me downstairs and Levi heichou was there too with a glass of alcohol in his hand. I was shocked to find him here and looked at Hanji and she explained that she dragged heichou out here so that he won't drink alone in his room, in Hanji's words, like a sad excuse of a human. Apparently he drank alone before expeditions. No matter how hard I tried to avoid drinking, Hanji was relentless. I had to drink a few sips of alcohol. As the alcohol started kicking in, Hanji convinced heichou to have a drinking contest. I had to admit that the alcohol made me feel light headed and more confident. I liked the feeling despite the horrible taste which is why I drank a bit more than I planned to. Then I remembered that my body weight was not enough to take it all but my head started spinning by then and I was slipping on and off my consciousness.

Levi POV

Hanji thought that she would win because she was taller but she didn't know about my high alcohol tolerance. After an entire bottle, Hanji was done. It seemed that she had lower alcohol tolerance than I imagined. I had one more glass and I won naturally. I was pretty drunk and thought it's best to go to bed. Before I got up, (Y/N) puked. Everyone was a bit surprised as they didn't notice her taking on two glasses like an idiot. Since no one was sober enough to get her up to her room, I knew I had to do it "Tch! They had to get wasted now." Eren was already sleeping as he wasn't allowed to drink. "Ofcourse she puked. She didn't come down for dinner" I remembered. "Petra, get Eren to clean this mess up. I'm taking her upstairs and you're coming with me to clean her up" I stated with authority to a tipsy Petra. I took her to the bathroom in their room and made her sit on the floor. She was barely conscious. I waited outside for Petra to be done washing and dressing her so that I can pick her and put her to bed. Petra called me when she was done. I picked (Y/N) up and put her to bed while Petra was washing her clothes.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Your past will be explained now. It includes rape and underage sexual acts and, well, some seriously nasty stuff so don't read if it bothers you. Skip to the next chapter in that case.

"Heichou?" she called out weakly before I left. "What brat?" I asked keeping my usual bored face. "The first day we met, didn't you call me a privileged brat? How does it feel to know that the only thing your prostitute mother told you is that you're born to do exactly what she does? How does it feel when those men do things to your mother and all you can do is sit in the room and read a book to pretend nothing is happening? How does it feel when those drunk men touch you, do things that they did to your mother and hurt you like your body is splitting? How does it feel to know that your mother left you to these people and that you'll never see her again? How does it feel to be hit and cut by these men? How does it feel not being given water unless you drink the semen of those people? How does it feel when you gladly do it because you are so thirsty? You don't know anything about the life I had, heichou. When they told me I'm safe after taking me out of that horrible place, I believed them and I regret it because that man I killed wanted to do the same things I went through in that hell. He told me that I shouldn't mind because he assumed I enjoyed these back then. I enjoyed slitting his throat and gauging his eyes out. You knew nothing heichou " she said, her voice cracking as tears left her eyes. I looked at her, shocked by her sudden confession. I had no idea that she still remembered what I told her that day. I had no idea it hurted her feelings to that extent. Besides, as much as I knew, she never said anything about herself to the court or to anyone. As much as I knew, she didn't talk in her court case about murdering that man. She only did it for self defense. I looked at the weeping girl. She was a brave soldier and seeing her break down like that made me feel things I didn’t quite understand. It made me do something that I never did for anyone before. I sat on the edge of her bed, took her hand and said "Now you know how to fight. No one can hurt you now. You can trust yourself and if you want, you can trust me. I'm sorry about my behaviour that day. I shouldn't have judged you without taking a closer look." She gave me a shocked look after I said that. I gave her a small smile, and left the room. This was the first time I smiled after years.

To be continued

Taglist: @kingtamakimurder, @realityisoftendisapointing

[you-kinda-smell-like-christmas]

Rehab (pt.2)

¡Hola bellos! This is my entry for @pretendcnco 300(?) followers challenge! Congrats babes on hitting that milestone! I hope you guys enjoy this!❤

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Pairing: criminal!Chris x reader

Warnings: swearing, angst?, mentions of jail, mentions of marijuana, feels, drugs

Word Count: 8.1k

“Forget all we said that night, no, it doesn't even matter, 'cause we both got split in two, If you could spare an hour or so we'll go for lunch down by the river, we can really talk it through.”

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Christopher's POV

The pouring rain outside foreshadowed the mood for me all day. I've been stuck in jail for 15 days. 2 weeks and 1 day. It's been 15 days since I was dropped off here, and 15 days since the break up. I've been feeling nothing but pain, sorrow, hurt, and regret. Regret for my past, my actions, my self. But most importantly, I felt regret for letting her go so easy. Then again, there's not much you can do to contact someone when they arent on your visitors list, or just dont want to see you at all. All I know is that I need to apologize and explain myself to her. I cant let her go that easy.

Walking out of my cell, I approached the makeshift cafeteria and was given my breakfast. Breakfast today consisted of pancakes, blueberries, and a carton of milk. Just like Y/N used to make. Only much more edible. Nevertheless, I ate the slop. The meal had reminded me to much of her that I didnt realize I started to cry until a tear landed on the plastic tray. God I miss her.

Sulkingly, I finished the breakfast and stood up from the metal table, throwing my trash away, and returning the plastic tray to the men who were working the cafeteria. Heading towards my cell, I had some major thinking to do.

Arriving at C153, I entered, and was locked back in the tiny cubicle. As I looked around the room, my eyes landed on a picture. Inmates were able to keep some form of personal life with them during their stay here. Mine just so happened to be a picture. A picture that held a thousand words. In the picture, Y/N and I were on our couch laughing at god knows what and just having a good time. Though, my ass was high as fuck that night, I still remember the lecture she gave me. The lecture that ultimately landed me here. The lecture that tore us apart.

"Christopher stop! That's too much."

Christopher had arrived home high as hell, and you weren't letting him off easy this time. You and him say om the couch. Your legs intertwined with his, holding hands, with your head on his chest. What started off sweet would soon turn into something you may regret.

"Chris, babe, you're high again. You need to drink some water." You tried to help him recover.

"I'm fine Y/N." His words slipped up, and he definitely was not fine.

"Chris stop! No you arent. You need to get some rest, and drink some water too." You tried negotiating with him.

"I'm fine Y/N. I promise." Christopher slurridly said.

Sighing, you take a step back. He wasn't going to listen to you. He never does when hes high. You always told yourself you knew what you were getting into, when you started dating a drug dealer. You thought he had changed. You helped him stop his drug addiction. You were there for him. And you always would be. However all good things come to an end. Once an addict, always an addict. Right? Halfway into your relationship, he went back to his old ways. Recieving yet another addiction to marijuana. You couldn't handle this anymore. You needed to stop this once and for all.

You tore the blunt he held in his hand away from him. "What the hell Y/N?" Chris had shouted at you.

"Chris, this needs to stop. Once and for all."

"Why? I feel fine. I'm telling you that I'm perfectly okay right now." Chris fired back.

"No you're not. Just stop." You nagged him on.

"Just shut the fuck up Y/N. I said I'm fine and I mean it. Sometimes you just annoy me. I wish I didnt date you sometimes." He muttered the last part to himself, but you still heard it.

With tears brimming your eyes, you shakingly look up, hoping what he didnt mean what he said. "You dont mean that, do you?"

"Of course I do. You nag me all the time about stupid shit, when you know damn well that I'm perfectly fine of handling it myself."

Ouch. That stung. But then you remembered that he was high and most likely wouldn't remember most of the things he said tomorrow.

So with all the courage you had, you mustered up two words. "Fuck you." You sneered at him, walking to your room and locking yourself in it to hopefully try to get some sleep.

The next morning you woke up, and went to check up on Chris. When you got downstairs, he made breakfast for you. Pancakes, blueberries and coffee just the way you liked it: four sugars with five creams.

He seemed stable today. You needed to talk about last night though. "How was your night?" Chris interrupted your thoughts.

"Good. Pero, we need to talk about last night."

Chris remembers what happened last night, and hes scared to talk about it. Of course he didnt mean to hurt you and say what he said, it just slipped out and was a heat of the moment type thing.

"Mira princesa, lo siento. Nothing I said last night was true. I love you and I love having you as my girlfriend. You've helped me through so much, and I can't thank you enough. I dont know what I would do without you. Tú eres mi vida, mi mundo."

The speech was heartfelt. But you wouldn't let it get to you this time. You needed to make sure Chris was understanding this as much as you were. "Chris, I love you, tú eres mi luz, but this needs to stop. You can't continue to do drugs. It needs to stop. Once and for all."

Chris was silent for a while. Realizing he may lose his love to marijuana. "Princesa, I promise to stop doing drugs. Pinky promise."

Trusting him, you intertwined pinkies, though you didnt trust him fully.

Coming back to reality, I realized I was crying. Sobbing even. I didnt realize how much of an effect Y/N could have on me. I said some stuff I regretted that night, and I broke a promise I made. A promise that led me here. In jail. For what cost? Nothing, because I lost something so great to me. All of a sudden, I remembered one final way I could contact her. I would have to write a note. Grabbing some paper and a pen from my cellmate, I began to write the letter. It would all be coming from my heart.

Querido Y/N,

Dios, where do I start? First off, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for breaking a promise I know was so important to you. I'm sorry for being such a terrible boyfriend. I'm sorry for not being there for you, when you were always there for me. I'm sorry for the countless times I've left you sitting at home alone, wondering where I was, when I was out doing drug business. I'm sorry for all the fights I've caused. I'm sorry for what I've said during those fights. Pero, I want you to know that I love you. Te amo mucho. Being in jail, without you gave me some time to think. Think about all that we've gone through, and how lucky I am to even have you in my life. I promise you, after this, no more drugs will be involved. I'll go to rehab, a halfway house, and do anything to get me back to where I need to be. With you. I'm sitting here, writing this note with full regret for my words and actions. Pero, actions speak louder than words, and my actions led us away from eachother. I just wanted to say gracias. Gracias por everything you've given me, and supported me with. I dont know where I'd be if I didnt meet you. You continue to make me want to get better and change for better. One day, we will be together again. I'll always be waiting for you. Whether you're on the other side of the world, or I have to wait a lifetime, my arms are always open for you. Te amo mucho. Forget all we said that night, no, it doesn't even matter, cause we both got split in two, If you could spare an hour or so we'll go for lunch down by the river, we can really talk it through. I love you.

Tú amor,

Christopher

Tears rid the letter. It was a very heartfelt one. Tears littered my face as well. I cant afford to lose her. Sealing it in an envelope with her name and information on it, I quickly say a prayer to God hoping he'll answer me.

Walking out of my cell with the envelope on my hand, I put it in the box labeled "outgoing mail."

Now all we can do is wait.

Taglist:

@smoljoelito, @estoy-enamorado-de-ti, @cncobby, @ericksmamita ,@ellos-me-vuelven-loca

[chimchiminiekookie]

To All the Boys I've Loved Before | 1

Summary: Whenever you have a crush so intense, you write him a love letter, you pour your heart and soul onto that letter as if he'd never ever read it. Because he never does. You've never sent out the letters you've written, every handwritten word filled to the brim with you deepest desires and feeling for the person. They're your most sacred possessions... except the letters are out.

Pariring: Jungkook x reader

Word count: 7,008

Author's note: I'll update the summary and note and word count, I just need a little time, I'm deadass tired. My eyes are literally closing as I type. Alright! So i really love the book series and the movie just pushed me further to get this written. I'm just on an inspiratio binge right now. Lol. Hope you guys love it!

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When you were younger, you had a habit of collecting. Most people liked collecting rocks, or stamps, and in your little sister’s case, they collected strangely shaped crunchy leaves during the fall season. You weren’t like most people though. You liked to collect memories, and sketches of faces of people who inspired you, you collected strange cookie cutter shapes like one in the shape of a nose. It wasn’t until you were 9 when you decided to start saving the important things instead of collecting a lot of different types of a single object. Now, most people saved whales, the environment (yes to zero waste!), and even people, but that wasn’t you. You liked to save small bells, small glass objects like rabbits or hats, ribbons, and most importantly, love letters.

When you were 8, your mom gave you a teal hatbox, not too small, but not that big either, just the perfect size to put love letters in. Not love letters written to you though, you don’t have anything quite like that, you’ve never received one, but you have wrote them. Whenever you have a crush so intense, you write them as a farewell to your feelings, all your hopes, dreams, and desires for that person is fueled into that love letter, you write them as if the ones the letters are addressed to will never read them, because they never will, you never send them out and you never will. Once you finish the letter, it’s as if the feelings are gone, you’re able to go about your day not wondering what they were doing or who they were with, whether they liked to dip fries into ketchup or squirt ketchup all over them.

Every boy you’ve ever seriously liked in the past has one - there are a total of five boys. Chani from Camp Wakanaka, Kookie from middle school, Park Jimin from Model UN, Hoseok from Freshman Homecoming, and -

“Hey there Poppy, where’s Y/N?” your head pops up in the direction of your closed door.

You rush downstairs, just in time to see your big sister Irene and Namjoon holding hands while walking towards the kitchen. Kim Namjoon is your next door neighbor, but he spends almost every waking moment over at your house. Everyone in this house loves him, your dad who is a gynecologist has been surrounded by girls his whole life, which is why your dad loves him like a long lost son, your youngest sister Poppy, who everyone calls Pop loves him, especially when they play uno, and Namjoon lets her win all she wants without ever getting bored like Irene and I. For your older sister Irene? Well she loves him because everyone at home loves him, especially for that reason.

Everyone sits around the dinner table, as Namjoon passes your spot to get to his directly across from you, he ruffles your hair like a big brother would do to a little sister and gives you a fist bump, your dad who’s made another Korean Delicacy is already trying to saw through the charcoaled ribs. You and your sisters call your dad’s Korean food delicacies because they were just that. You’d never be able to find food quite like that, even in Korea, although you also wouldn’t be able to digest it correctly either.

Irene, ever the competent one, silently stands up to collect the tray and brings it to the kitchen where she fires up the electric knife.

Pop groans, “Ugh, I can’t believe we won’t see her until Thanksgiving.” she pouts.

“Which is why you should do the dishes tonight instead of Rere.” Rere is what you called Irene, pronounced like the singer, “So she doesn’t have to stay up tonight and she can finish all her packing and be ready early tomorrow morning for her flight.”

Pop rolls her eyes at you, “I said I couldn’t believe it, not that I want her to be on time tomorrow.” she takes a sip of her water, “And besides, the only reason I said that was because she’s not gonna be around anymore to give me rides to school, so now I’m stuck with you.”

Of course, in this household, your dad and Irene were the ones everyone counted on to drive. Last year, you and Pop would always catch a rude to school with Irene, but now that she’ll be leaving, you have been given the responsibility to drive Pop to school, and you were a terrible driver.

“Well, you guys could always get a ride with me.” Namjoon offers, “Besides, I’m not going anywhere.” He offers you a wink and you can’t help but smile.

“What I miss?” Irene comes strolling in, tray of cut up pork ribs in her hands and saying that she looks like the perfect stay at home mom would be an understatement, but that isn’t Irene.

Poppy giggles deviously, “We were just talking about how much of a bad driver Y/N is.”

“But we were also talking about your flight and how you won’t be coming home for Thanksgiving this year, so…” He holds up his index finger in anticipation as he dug around his pocket for a folded up piece of paper, handing it over to Irene, “I thought I’d bring a little piece of home to you.” his face and smile is bright, waiting for Irene to run over and hug him, but that never happens.

You look over at Irene who stopped putting pork ribs on your plate, “You already booked the ticket?” her face is dowbcast, her eyebrows knit together and her mouth a thin line, Irene was not happy.

Namjoon’s smile dissipates in realization, “ W-well yeah. I’ve had my google alerts set on for flights to Scotland ever since you decided you’d go to university there.”

The room is tense, so tense, that not even your dad is smiling, just looking between Irene and Namjoon because he’d never know who to side with on this one, and then just when you’re about to excuse yourself to your room to give the two their privacy, Poppy speaks up, “Mmmm, just like how mom used to make.” she gives a fake smile and scrunches her nose slightly, not even trying to make us believe that she’s telling the truth.

You sat at your desk which was propped against the window, and while you had your glue gun in your hand to continue on your scrapbook for Irene, you look past the window right at Irene and Namjoon as they bickered intensely, Irene was mad that Namjoon caught her blandished and embarrassed her in front of the family, while Namjoon was mad because Irene didn’t even seem the least bit happy about his surprise for her. Then that was it. You decide to close your curtain because this was none of your business, it felt intimate, something Irene’s little sisters shouldn’t be seeing, so instead, you go downstairs to bake some snickerdoodles for Irene to bring onto the plane tomorrow.

Whale rolling the dough into small balls in the palm of your hand, Irene comes in, silently closing the door behind her no Namjoon in sight. She sits at the island and starts typing on her already opened laptop. You two continue like that, you silently baking, and her silently typing.

“I broke up with Namjoon.”

The cookie dough ball falls right off your palm as your eyes widen and your mouth is agape, “What?! Wait, what? How? Why? When? Seriously?”

Her voice is straight, steady, not even a quiver of sadness, “It was time.” she shrugs, “Mommy always told me never to go to college with a boyfriend.”

She looked fine, not even a trace of a single tear, no, because that wasn’t Irene. Irene was always fine, she never cried and she always remained calm, and even when she wasn’t fine, she was.

You grab the ball of dough that fell in the sugar bowl earlier, “Well, I don’t see the point, Rere.”

She stops typing on her laptop to look at you, “The point is, Y/N. I’m going to a university thousands of miles away, keeping a relationship with him just isn’t practical. 95% of long distance relationships don’t last, I was just saving him future heartbreak.”

Ah, yes. This was a hundred percent Irene, always thinking with her head and never her heart, “Won’t work out? You can’t be serious, this is Namjoon we’re talking about, there is not a single guy out there who has ever loved a girl as much as he’s loved you.”

She rolls her eyes at that, but it was true, Namjoon loved Irene like no boy has ever loved a girl, in his eyes, there was only Irene, nobody else.

She shuts her laptop, already looking like she’s going to lecture me, “Mommy always said not to have a boyfriend in entering college because she never wants us to be the type of girls who cried to their boyfriends on the phone and say no to things and experiences instead of yes.”

She really thinks Namjoon will hold her back? Looking at Irene now, Was Scotland the first yes? To throw away a two year relationship because she was afraid that saying no to Scotland would be one of her biggest regrets? Were we also sacrifices she had to make for her dreams?

You walk over to sit next to Irene, “It’s just my two cents, but I don’t think Namjoon would ever hold you back. I remember when you ran for student body president and even though Namjoon wanted to run, he supported you throughout and was even here at god knows what time just to make your posters. He’s always supported you, Rere.” You look over at the clock, “If you hurry, it’s still not too late to go over there and take back what you said. I’m a hundred percent sure Namjoon would gladly get back together with you.”

Irene shakes her head, “It’s been done, Y/N. I’ve already decided.” If there’s one thing I know about Irene, it’s that when she makes her mind up about something, that’s it. She never changes her mind.

When you’ve finished up in the kitchen and Irene’s gone to bed, you climb up to your room, you grab your teal hatbox and set it on your desk, you look over at Namjoon’s house, his light was still on. You take the top off of the teal hatbox, the letters were neatly on top of each other from oldest going up, your latest love letter on the top most of the small stack all of them neatly tied together with a silver fabric ribbon that goes beautifully with your teal hatbox, you found it at a yard sale tied to a teddy bear that you gave to Poppy.

In your neat cursive handwriting is ‘Kim Namjoon’ along with his address and zip code below, this Kim Namjoon is the same one next door who was still up trying to make sense of what just happened, he is Irene’s Namjoon, but before that, he was your Namjoon. You smile sadly at the letter just before putting it back in the hatbox and putting the hatbox away on your topmost shelf in your closet. Absolutely nobody knew about your letters, they were your most private and sacred possessions.

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“Y/N, hurry up! I have to be at the airport three hours before my flight!” Irene’s obviously already prepared, without a beat.

Meanwhile, you’ve been debating on whether you should wear sunglasses or not for at least 10 minutes, you decide to bring them anyway, and just not wear them if you decide against it.

“Three hours? Honey, I think it’s supposed to be two. What are you gonna do there for three hours?” Your dad loads Irene’s suitcases in the trunk.

You look over at Namjoon’s house, just as Irene gets in, you see him sitting on his car’s opened hood, that pained expression on his face, his eyes red and swollen, he’d been crying over your sister. When you were growing up, Irene always had a Philosophy, if something no longer useful, you either donate it, recycle it, or throw it away. Looking at Namjoon now, you always knew that’s how Irene felt about objects… but you knew thought that she’d feel that way about a person.

At the airport, Irene’s giving her last goodbye hugs, strictly no tears, because Irene hates emotional goodbyes.

She pouts cutely at Poppy, “C’mere kid.” she opens her arms to Pop who’s already in her arms.

She looks over to you, the one standing the farthest away, and opens her arms silently, you want to be mad at Irene, to pick a University thousands of miles away, to leave you all behind, but you don’t think you could handle becoming the no that your mother warned her about, so you walk into her arms, as she gives you an extra tight squeeze.

“Gonna be okay?” she mumbles into your shoulder.

You break apart first, sticking your hands in your pockets, “Did you really have to pick the farthest college you could think of?”

She places her hand on your cheek, slowly caressing it, “You know I’m just a skype call away if you guys need me, Y/N.”

You stare down at your boots, “Yeah, maybe, until you start going to pubs and hanging out with Scottish University students and eating- ugh, Haggis and then you’ve already forgotten about us.”

She give you a tiny smile, a very Irene smile, “Y/N, I can promise you on my grave that I would never ever eat Haggis.” she makes a disgusted face, “You’re in charge now, alright? You the biggest sister now, you need to set a good example for Poppy alright? Also, don’t forget to clean your room when you get home.”

Your dad and Poppy come back with a small stack of magazines, something you already know Irene wouldn’t read. Knowing her, she’s already packed her favorite series of books for reading on the plane. You all give Irene one lads group hug, before she’s squirming from underneath your small hugging pile.

“Alright, I gotta go.” she grins at the three of you, looking the happiest she’s been in a long while, “See you on Christmas!” she blows kisses to everyone and then all the three of you see is her back.

You put your arm around Pop’s shoulders, “Think she’ll turn around, Y/N?”

You shake your head no quietly, “Nah, that’s not Irene.” you wish you were wrong, but you weren’t. Things with Irene were always definite, no turn backs, no looking behind, and this was one of those moments.

The moment between you three was a tender one, at least until Poppy goes, “Can we have a dog now?” and your dad is in stitches laughing at the great attempt to take advantage of the situation.

For the next week, all you do is scrapbook, try to clean your room, and lay around. No sign of Namjoon at all since he and Irene broke up, and all too soon, it’s already the morning of your first day of class.

You wait outside in front of your house holding up small rectangular chalkboards with your grade number on it, you with a Grade 11 board and Poppy with a Grade 6 board. You dad holds up his phone, and he instantly notices how difficult you were being. Honestly it was because of the thought that you were going to be driving.

He puts the phone down, “Come on, Y/N. It’ll only rake a second, I’m gonna send this to Irene.”

You sigh before giving him a smile, with Poppy next to you, smiling brightly while yelling, “Cheese!”

He puts the phone down after taking a few shots, “I can’t believe it.” He shakes his head fondly, “6th grade and Junior year.”

You put the chalkboard down, “Alright, ready to go?” you turn towards Poppy.

She looks at you, and then to the keys in your hands before she jumps in realization, “Wait just one sec!” she pushes her chalkboard in your hands before rushing inside and coming back outside equally as fast except this time, she had a pink sparkly helmet on.

You dad takes the chalkboard from you hands, getting in his car, “You guys look great! Drive safe alright? I gotta get going. I love you guys!”

You hold a small hand up quietly as a good bye and you turn towards Poppy, frowning, “Very funny.”

She looks at you while adjusting the straps, “Very necessary.” she states in a matter of factly tone.

________

You walk through the hallway, passing by Namjoon’s locker right as he’s unloading his books, your eyes meet, and then he gives you a slight wave that you return while walking backwards, slamming straight into someone’s locker, shutting the metallic door.

“Ow!”

You instantly straighten yourself out, you knew that voice, “Oh my God! Tzuyu!”

She turns to you, eyes wide, already angry and she speaks through gritted teeth, “Excuse you.”

“I-I’m so sorry.” You shake your head, “I was- I wasn’t paying attention.”

She folds her arms across her chest, voice dripping with disgust, “Oh. It’s you.”

Tzuyu. This is Tzuyu, you two used to be best friends, playing together all summer, and her sleeping over at your house for weeks, sharing secrets and telling each other your crushes, but after middle school with reasons having to do with her becoming popular and your lack thereof you two were now decidedly not. Tzuyu was beautiful, most girls in high school are pretty, but Tzuyu’s level of prettiness was top notch even up against college girls, much so that when you asked Namjoon who he thought was the prettiest girl was for each grade level during your freshman year, he picked Tzuyu out of all the Freshman girls, including you.

She stares at you up and down, “Cute boots.” she gives you a smile oozing with plasticity, “Gonna go around stomping on cockroaches with those? I’ll be sure to call you if I find a cockroach in the girls bathroom later.”

Your voice is stuck in your throat, you were always prepared for Tzuyu, but not this time this time around you didn’t even expect to see her on the first day, much less have a confrontation with her. You head starts to lower when an arm finds it way draped around your shoulders.

“And they’re the bomb! Those are definitely hard to pull off, and you, Y/N are definitely pulling them off.” She looks down at Tzuyu’s stiletto clad feet, “Can’t wait to see you in P.E running in those… eye pokers, cous.”

Lalisa. Lisa, Tzuyu’s cousin, your best friend. Practically your only friend, she had a habit of disappearing and sneaking out, usually to go dancing, Lisa loved to dance, but her mom hates it when Lisa does so, saying she’d never have a solid career through dancing. You loved it when Lisa dances though, she looks like a wood nymph in your eyes whenever she dances.

Tzuyu’s eyes fire up, already pissed at seeing her cousin this early in the morning, Lisa’s hatred for Tzuyu was completely mutual, “Oh screw you, Lalisa, at least I don’t hook up with a different guy every other night.”

Ah, yes. Lisa does have that reputation. She never comments on it, but you’ve known her and been with her long enough to know that these rumors were absolutely true. But that’s part of the reason why you two get along so much, you never say anything about it because you didn’t need to, even if that’s how she is, you’ve always accepted her, and all without her needing to say anything.

A voice calls out from the students passing by, “Babe.” and then in front of you, the golden boy himself Jungkook embraces Tzuyu from behind.

Tzuyu never takes her eyes off of you, “oh, hi~” her voice is sing song, taunting that you don’t have what she does, Jeon Jungkook.

She grabs onto his arm draped across her chest that connects with the hand he has on his bicep, “How are you?”

You see the way Jungkook looks at Tzuyu, nothing but affection, but even he can’t be blind at how much of a bitch his girlfriend is.

“I’m good, how are you?” Seeing Tzuyu like this, it made you sick, not in the jealous type of way, much the sickly sweet type of way. Ugh.

He raises his eyebrows, “I’m good.” He turns his sight from Tzuyu to you and Lisa, and gives you a tiny nod.

If you think of your letters in your teal hatbox, second to the bottom of your small stack of letters is for Kookie. This is him now, Jeon Jungkook, golden boy, but back the in middle school, he was just plain old Kookie. By eighth grade, he was finally allowed to play in the soccer club at school and ever since then he’s never been called Kookie, he was either, Jungkook, Kook, J.K., or Jeon, eighth grade was also the year Tzuyu and him started going out.

“I was just asking Y/N here to be a dear and put her boots to good use and squash some stupid cockroaches.” Jungkook’s mouth falls into a thin line, unable to say anything.

You give the couple a practically murderous close mouth smile, afraid that if you open your mouth in anyway, you’d just say something you regret and you exchange a look, the look, with Lisa. She gives you the same one, yeah. She understand completely.

“I see someone we need to say hi to…” she looks over a you and rolls her eyes, “Bye.” and the she’s off.

She didn’t. But that was her way of showing you how much of an outcast you were, she was someone important who needed to say hi to people, and you were nothing. It worked. Jungkook clears his throat.

“She’s on this new no caffeine diet. I think that’s just withdrawal kicking in.” he laughs awkwardly.

You smile at Jungkook, “Are you sure she’s not just psychotic?”

Lisa snorts a laugh, “Yeah or maybe she’s possessed, you know Kook, it you want, I know an exorcist. I’ll send you the number later.” she gives him a cheeky wink.

Come lunch time, you are stuck standing in the middle of the cafeteria. You know, you know. This is a high school cliché, but it’s real. There was no place for you here. The only ones who ate in the cafeteria are the popular kids and groups of friends, and that includes Jungkook with his soccer buddies and Tzuyu’s snotty group of friends, all you had was Lisa, and even then, she’s already ditched you to grab a bite at Subway.

It takes you half of the lunch period to find a place to quietly eat your carrots, and even the you’re unsure if you could go there just because that spot was sacred. It was Namjoon’s and your spot and when Namjoon and Irene got together, it became Namjoon’s, Irene’s, and your lunch spot. You half expect Namjoon to eat somewhere else, like his Comic Club or his movie club room but he’s here with an open bag of chips next to him, and an earphone popped into one ear while he reads Paulo Coelho. You approach him slowly, easily, he looks up, he looks kind of taken aback at your hidden presence, but he puts his earphones away nonetheless.

He gives you a small sad smile, “Hey.”

You inch closer to the bleachers, “This seat taken?”

He scoots just the tiniest bit to his right, “Yeah, well, by you I mean.”

You plop down next to him, it all feels awkward and you’re about to speak up on it, when he lifts his head.

“Sorry.” He places his bookmark in his book, “I gotta ask… Did you know? Like did Ire- Did she tell you she was gonna do it?”

You notice his voice cracks just the tiniest bit at the mention of Irene’s name so he corrects himself and refers to her as ‘she’

He kicks some invisible dust on the ground, “I just- I don’t know. I figured you guys talked about everything, right? So…”

You could hear the pain in his voice. No matter how calm he remained, you could hear the quiver, the nerves he had to go through to ask just this one simple harmless little question. You shake your head, “No, she didn't tell me about this.”

He sighs, looking at the ground and shaking his head, “But, like, we’re still good right?” This makes you smile, “We can still talk, and I can still come over for dinner.”

“Of course you can Namjoon, my dad would probably ball his eyes out if he didn’t see you at least once or twice a week.” you laugh.

He looks back at you, “Heh. Yeah, I guess you’re right. I guess, I just don’t wanna lose you too.”

That’s when you smile disappears, because hearing, ‘I don’t want to lose you.’ and ‘I don’t want to lose you too’ are two largely different statements. One meant he didn’t want to lose you, he couldn’t handling losing you alone, but the other meant he couldn’t lose you and your sister, your sister especially, you were still only second to Irene.

“We’re still cool Namjoon, but I refuse to become a child of divorce from this breakup.” you giggle, opening your bag of carrots, “Want a carrot?”

He nods slowly finally putting the closed book in his hands down beside him, “Yeah, alright, Give me the carrot.” He offers you an earbud, the other already placed on his ear as the two of you munched on carrots.

This may seem like it looks strange, but it was real, it was genuine, the two of you were okay, maybe even better than okay, and whatever feelings you had for Namjoon? Well, that’s the one thing you’d never in a million years do to Irene.

__________

Poppy takes off her helmet upon getting off the car and inside the house, “Y/N, are we having scrambled eggs again for dinner?” she rolls her eyes.

You gulp, one of the things you were avoiding was grocery shopping just because you were still scared of driving, but even you had to admit that eating scrambled eggs for dinner was terrible and frankly? It was very unhealthy, “No, I’ll go get groceries, just do your homework and if anyone knocks, look who it is first before you open the door.” you put your backpack down on the sofa and grab your wallet and keys.

The trip to the grocery store is a nightmare, but you do manage to get there without a scratch, that is enough to put you at ease, enough to have you making different turns at shortcuts that would normally put you off because knew you wouldn’t be able to recognize these street signs and the only thing that would help you get home are the landmarks you pass by, like that doggy playground, when you passed by that, you were still in the middle, not too far from home, but not too close either, probably a ten minute drive, or a twenty minute walk. The moment you see the playground, you are absolutely ecstatic, you grin from ear to ear, unknowingly running a stop sign and just as fast as you got excited over the dog park, you were shell shocked at the sudden impact from a car that crashes straight into the side of your car. You stay in your car, hands and knees shaking, afraid. The other driver pulls over, gets out of his car and knocks on your window. Slowly you roll then down.

“Kid, running a stop sign is dangerous-” he begins his lecture but the moment he sees the tears already welling up in your eyes, he sighs, “Look, my car’s fine, I won’t be able to help you with your car, but if you want I can give you a ride home.”

You quickly shake your head, “No! It’s-it’s fine, I’ll just call my neighbor. Thank you though.” If Irene were here, she’d tell you to never trust strangers and never get in a car with them, but then again, jf Irene was here, you wouldn’t even need to drive in the first place. He gets back in his car and drives off as you stand next to your car, what would your dad think, what would he say? What would Irene say? Oh God, she’ll be so disappointed.

A minute passes before you decide to call Namjoon, on the second ring he answers, and you can’t help but cry.

“Hello? Y/N? What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”

You sniffle and try to sound as clearly as possible, “Namjoon? C-c-could you come get me? I’m here at that dog park, I just got in a car-car accident.” you try to choke back the tears.

You hear the intake of breath he makes when you mention ‘car accident’, “Shit, where are you? I’ll come get you.”

You look around, not seeing any street signs, “I-I-I’m by this dog park-”

“That’s like twenty minutes away.” he sighs, “Alright, I’m on my way I’ll have to walk though, so I can drive your car home.”

You sniffle, “Yeah, that’s fine.”

He pauses for a moment, “Want me to stay on the phone while you wait?”

You shake your head before realizing that he couldn’t see you, “No, no, no. It’s okay. I’ll manage. See you in a bit.” you hang up first, because knowing Kim Namjoon, he’d never let you wait by the roadside for him without any company.

A few minutes tick by before you decide to sit on the curb with you head bowed on your knees.

“Y/L/N? Hey. You good?”

You look up. to find Jeon Jungkook, his left elbow placed on his opened window and his right hand on the wheel.

You blink a few times at him, “Yeah, I’m good.” with a tear stained face, you know it looked far from the truth, but what would you expect Jungkook to do about it? You make a hand motion to get him to go on his way and he rolls up the tinted window of his Audi, and goes off, except he only goes forward a few feet and parks his car right in front of yours and gets out of the car, sitting on the curb with you.

“It looks pretty bad.” He takes a look at the dent on the side of the car, is the other driver okay?”

You put your head back on your knees, turning your head to look at him, “No, his car was completely fine.”

He goes back and sits next to you, and places his head on his knees as well, staring back at you, “So, how long have you been crying?”

You quickly wipe at your cheeks with the sleeves of you shirt, “I-I wasn’t crying. You don’t have to keep me company here, you know.”

He looks up, as if he were thinking of something, “Yeah, I know, but I can’t leave you here either.”

This is one of Jeon Jungkook’s charms. Everybody loves him, everybody. Even back in middle school when you, Tzuyu, Jungkook, and Jimin hung out together, he was still the best among everyone there. Of all the boys you had gone to middle school with, Jungkook was the first to grow taller, he was always optimistic, and had this boyish charm about him that he still had to this day.

His phone makes a sound and automatically he unlocks it to find numerous texts from Tzuyu, “You should get going. Tzuyu’ll get mad if you’re late.”

He stands upright, “You good here though, right? You already feel better?”

You nod your head, “Yeah. Thanks for keeping me company, that was really nice of you.”

The grin on Jungkook’s face is unmatched, Jungkook loves positive reinforcement, “See you around, Ace.” and then he’s off.

You smile at the nickname. He gave you that nickname back in the 7th grade when you were able to get all straight A’s even though Mrs. Bae’s Biology was one of the hardest classes to pass and almost everybody got a C or lower, except you.

“Hey.”

You look up and relief washes over you, “Namjoon!”

He gives you a dimpled smile, “Come on, let’s get you home.”

The ride back home is quiet, but not because it’s awkward, but because you were worrying about how you’d tell your dad. You decided that maybe, first telling him not to get mad would be the best choice and then explaining that you aren’t hurt but there’s a huge dent on the car after the accident. That’s probably the one that will make him less angry.

Namjoon chuckles from beside you, “Now that your sister’s broken up with me, you won’t even talk to me?”

You could sense half a truth in his statement, even is he laughs it off like a joke, you don’t answer, but he continues on talking, “You know, me ending up with Irene, surprised me as well.” he shakes his head thinking about it, “Especially since I had a crush on you first.”

You almost gag on air, did he just say he had a crush on me?

He laughs awkwardly, “I mean, when we first moved here, i had a pretty big crush on you, and I even let you borrow my bike, and you were putting on such a show about how you knew how to ride a bike but it turns out you didn’t even know how to use the brakes and when it fell over, you cried so much, and that was the end of my little crush on you.” he laughs, “You looked really ugly when you cried back then.” he teases you.

He pulls to a stop in your driveway, “Want me to come with you to break the news?”

You think back to that whole lecture Irene gave you about being responsible now so you suck it up, and even though you do want Namjoon there just so your dad feels extra happy to see him, you decline, “Nah, I’ll handle it.”

He holds his hands up in surrender, “Whatever you say.” He starts walking away before he looks back, “I’ll come over for dinner tomorrow so tell your dad to make something extra delicious for you guest.” he gives you a wink.

When you break the news to your dad, he isn’t even mad, just relieved that you’re alright, but he does take it to his go to repairman which is at least two to three towns over, that leaves you in charge with Poppy.

So you laze around in the couch, watching 10 Things I Hate About You with Poppy.

“I miss Namjoon.” she sighs.

You shrug, “Yeah, movies don’t feel quite the same without him around, huh?”

Poppy looks over at you, “Yeah! His Heath Ledger impressions are spot on!” she pouts, “By the way, Y/N?”

You sit up, alarmed at the sudden seriousness in Poppy’s voice, “Hm?”

She lays her head in your lap, “Don’t you find it just the ittiest bittiest pathetic that it’s Saturday night, and you’re spending it watching rom coms with your 11 year old sister?”

You brush her hair with your fingers and shrug, “Not at all. I love romcoms and more importantly, I love hanging out with you.”

She lets out a sigh and shuts her eyes, “Alright, well I’m not telling you this to embarrass you or anything, but I’m 11, and I even cancelled a sleepover, to be here tonight, but you’re already 16, and I don’t think you even had anything to do tonight.”

You furrow your eyebrows, “Uh, that is mean, Pop!”

Poppy sits up, shrugging, “The truth hurts, Y/N.”

Come end of the movie, you’ve already fallen fast asleep right after Heath’s big number for Kat.

__________

You run track with Lisa, you’d think her long legs meant that she’d be great at this but you’ve only just started and she’s already wheezing and coughing, but she catches up to you nonetheless probably also because you did slow down just for her sake.

“So… what did… you do last night?” she has to take breaths in between to keep from wheezing anymore than what she was even when she wasn’t talking.

“I watched some movies with Pop.” you shrugs, “James Gordon Levitt is hot.”

She rolls her eyes, “I told you, you should have come with me to that hooping event in the town over, I even got to become a hula hoop girl and everything!” she begins to lag behind you again, “And just so we’re clear, Heath Ledger is hottie in that movie.”

“Hey!” you look behind to find Jungkook already running towards the two of you, “Hey, can I talk to you?”

You look at him incredulously, “Me?”

He nods slowly, “Yeah.”

Lisa takes advantage of the situation so she can stop running, “Hey JK, I hear my cousin dumped you for some college hunk, is that true?”

He scoffs and looks away, ego definitely injured, “Yeah, Lisa, I hurt you have horns, is that true as well?”

Lisa laughs out loud, “Of course it is! I mean the devil’s my cousin afterall.” you can’t help but giggle at that one.

“Alright, well I need to talk to Y/N.”

Lisa has her arm over your shoulder, “Alright, go ahead, we’re listening.”

He places his hands on his hips when Lisa doesn’t move, “Alone please?”

Lisa gets the meaning behind the words slowly, but she still saves face, “Oh, yeah, just uh, if you any one of you need me, I’ll be in the nurse’s office, ogling Taeyong over there, running track shirtless.” she shoots you a wink.

You clasp your hands together, “Alright, sorry about Chris.”

He wrings his hands together, thinking of what he needs to say, “Uh, ehem. I just wanted to that that um. Look, I appreciate it, but it’s never gonna happen. I mean I think it’s pretty cool that you think I have golden specks in my eyes, but Tzuyu and I just broke up.” he even shakes his head in emphasis.

You tilt your head in confusion, genuinely confused at what he was going on about, “Excuse me?”

He claps his hands together when he remembers something else, “That also reminds me!” In a quiet voice, Jungkook clarifies “Just so you know, I really don’t have any STDs. I’m perfectly clean.”

Huh? STD’s when have you ever? You stare at him, your mouth wide open in both shock and confusion, “ I don’t remember ever saying you had an STD!”

He maintains the quietness in his voice but he definitely sounded angry, “Also, I don’t always take the last piece of pizza, at least not when I know somebody wants it.”

Everything Jungkook was saying was news to you, you two have barely talked since eighth grade, what do STDs and Pizzas have to do with anything, “Sorry, but what are you talking about?”

He looks frustrated, “That’s what you put. In your letter. You wrote that I’m this egotistical boy who gives girls STDs. Remember?”

Letter? You haven’t written one in a while, much less, one to Jeon Jungkook, “What letter? I don’t recall ever writing you any letter!” Actually, you did, but he doesn’t know that. It couldn’t be that letter because that letter is stashes safely in your teal hatbox at home.

He chuckles butterly, “Yes. You. Did. It was addressed to me, from you. If you’re gonna write me a letter like that, at least remember what you put into it.”

This isn’t happening. This isn’t reality. You must be dreaming. What Jungkook is doing in your dream? You’ll never know, but this can’t possibly be real.

He starts mumbling to himself, “Alright, you don’t remember, hold on.” he fishes around in his pockets before settling on his back pocket and pulling out a classy looking envelope made of specialty paper, your specialty envelopes for letters and whatnot and oh God, he has his letter. You feel lightheaded and before you lose consciousness, you hear Jungkook yell out before it all goes to black.

“Y/N? Y/N. Hey, are you alright? I think you fainted.” Jungkook’s already kneeling next to you, helping you up when you tell him that you were okay.

His eyebrows are furrowed, “Want me to get someone? Anyone? Maybe get you some water or anything?”

You shake your head, “No, no, I’m good. But I will take that back, you yank the letter out of his grasp, and then you get the impulse to look up at the lunch tables near the grass area, and already making his way towards you was Kim Namjoon, blue envelope in his hand and his messenger bag in the other.

Realization hits you, “Oh my God.” you number as you remember every kiss you witness between him and Irene, all the tiny smiles he gave you, you had to do something about this, and the fact that he wasn’t even stopping and has shifted his sight onto you already has you panicking, “Oh my God!”

In that moment, you do what you can. You grab Jungkook by the shoulders and push him towards the ground, kissing him, he’s in shock but he does end up kissing you back, even securing his hands on your back and waist. You pull apart from him when Coach Sand gets your attention, making you run three extra full laps.

You look at Jungkook, his eyes wide and confused, you pat him on the chest, “Thank you.” you manage to say.

He looks at your retreating figure, his letter clenched tightly in your hand, “You’re welcome!”

[abiteofnat]

SLOWLY LEARNING THAT YOU CAN HAVE IT ALL...

Because when luck suddenly strikes, it strikes in the form of a lot of free food and a couple hangovers at 5pm. I took those headaches gladly as they meant we took advantage of a good time when it presents itself, and given that nearly everything I ate/drank this weekend involved sugar, carbs and booze I’m really proud of the fact we let no bite go unbitten. So what on earth was I up to besides ruining my skin and healthy arteries, you ask? 

WELL. I lived my dream foodie weekend. I’m still pinching myself. And in blatant transparency, it’s because it was all. fo. free. Not a penny spent except to go see a movie and indulge in my favorite fall-time beer, and to buy a hat for one of the events because my hair was *humid* and felt hats are VERY fashionable right now... or so Instagram tells me. Now, there’s never any issue with paying for experiences that make you happy, because literally everyone who reads this blog knows that I lack any sense of saying “no” to my stomach and a good time involving food. If it’s financially feasible, do it, fuck it, you’re on the Earth for  a LIMITED TIME ONLY. But... I also like living a life of pretend luxury sometimes, when luck should have my back. Disney gave me such high expectations as a kid. 

But here we go! Starting off on Saturday, I got to round up some of my favorite ladies and our favorite men for ping pong, mimosas, and Eggs Benedict PIZZA thanks to Ace Bounce! My sorority group that’s lasted past the post-grad blues is a core group of (mostly) PR women who share a love of beautifully crafted cocktails and a dope weekend ambiance, so we tend to tag each other in EVERY SINGLE giveaway on social media that offers a chance to experience either of those hobbies. Beautifully crafted cocktails, you may ask, are indeed a hobby. The algorithm behind the perfect Instagram photo involves time getting ready, time securing the location, stalking the menu for the right option that will take the best photo, and of course finding the right lighting to execute said photo. Yes, you’re rolling your eyes, I can feel it. But that’s the reality behind the science of why we love to live in Instagram world; it’s fun when people do all of that for us, isn’t it?

So, back to Ace Bounce. They found my comment on Facebook buried amidst the rest in a contest to win FREE BRUNCH!!! and somehow, I won FREE BRUNCH!!! I almost fell out of my chair at work because these things... they do not happen to me. Warning: I’m not going to be chill this post; not at all. 

My group of seven showed up at noon on Saturday for two hours of debauchery, and after living right near the Ace Bounce in Shoreditch (London) during it’s opening I had so many questions what this one in Chicago would be like. Seeing as the one in London was the typical basement-style bar with men in their navy suits drinking endless beers after work while playing polite games of ping pong, I imagined bottomless brunch might be a bit... different. To my enjoyment, the atmosphere was incredible and the design was really brilliantly done! With lots of dark leather, strange zoo-like details, exposed mint green brick, and some delicious neon signs suggesting naughty things I was sold on the environment. And don’t forget the many, many ping pong tables! As I tried to prove to Eric that I AM talented at ping pong, very attentive waiters came around with the start to bottomless mimosas poured in very Gatsby-esque glasses for us to get some game-time courage from.

The mimosas were wonderful, the ping was being ponged, and then there was time for food! Carts of luscious little buffet-style things came around for the second half of brunch, once everyone was a little more spirited and awake, and we filled our plates with a very hearty variety of food. My plate included mac & cheese (I chose to ignore the brisket on top since it didn’t touch my spoonful), breakfast potatoes with sour cream and chives, coconut shrimp, little donuts, and EGGS BENEDICT PIZZA. This pizza stole the show for me. It had a thin crust topped with eggs, spinach, cheese, and hollandaise sauce strewn about. Holy fuck, between that and the mac & cheese I was in heaven. 

That night, once the mimosa headache set in and Eric and I were done handling my energetic terror of a dog who literally cannot get close enough to Eric without suffocating him, we went to my favorite movie theater in Evanston to see “A Simple Favor” starring my queen, Blake Lively. Anna Kendrick didn’t even strike a match next to her. Blake. is. Everything. 

ONTO THE NEXT! Sunday was the event I still can’t believe I was so lucky to attend- Chicago Gourmet. Yep, the biggest foodie event in Chicago that costs an arm and a leg to go to if you want access to all the yums! Since my entire Instagram feed is comprised of foodie accounts that have reached a wayyyy bigger following than mine, I've dreamed of attending this event for years and just never saw it... happening. I think honestly, I didn’t want to allow myself to go and feel like a fraud for not being top tier enough. Social media gets to us that way! But when Brett Firdman of @hertastylife announced I won the tickets I entered for weeks ago, in her partnership with Country Financial, I freaked. When the tickets arrived in my email, I screamed and woke Eric up and he didn’t care AT ALL until it was 10am the next morning and he knew he was going with. He understands why it was such a big deal now! 

Sunday we both woke up pretty jazzed to get the day started, and then after a trip to Walgreens for blister Band-Aids and a trip to Staples to print the tickets out we got ready, chugged some cold brew, and headed out the door. Then in transit, I realized I forgot the tickets at home. After very quietly admitting my mistake and expecting Eric to lose his mind from hunger, he instead proved to be the best boyfriend ever and did not roll his eyes when we had to go to another Staples to print the tickets. Thank goodness for Staples! 

Finally, it was time to enter the fantasy land and I was actually kind of nervous! I didn’t know what to expect, what to eat, what was worth it, and what kind of people would be there! Walking in they hand you a wine glass and a plate with your swag, and you just LOAD THAT SUCKER UP. The wine flowed endlessly from the nicest suppliers ever, the plate was suddenly full of smaller places featuring Indian delights and tiramisu and sushi and pasta and sooo much goodness. Part of me wishes I had paid closer attention to what I was eating from where, but I think part of the fun of this event is just enjoying everything in the moment and then seeing what you look back on fondly to find again. I’d eat the curry sauces topping all of the little plates all over again, RIGHT NOW.

We really did not waste any time eating and drinking everything, from brightly colored cocktails to the deepest red wines, and even though it rained a little being stuck under a tent with endless wine and my love until it passed seemed to good to be true. 

The entire aesthetic of the event was intriguing; there were people in cute fall sweaters and jeans and dresses and expensive little booties (not like mine, lol) and there were also people in running clothes and what could pass for pajamas. Since it’s an outdoor festival in the fall, in the middle of Millennium Park, it’s understandable that one would want to be cozy. But it was really cool to see people just enjoying themselves and their endless wine on a Sunday, comfortable and sharing good times with friends! I think the lesson learned for next year (tickets ARE worth the price) is wear shoes that can get a little dirty, expect some lines but know it’s worth it, and go on a Saturday so it can be a longggg day of really savoring every bite. We stayed the perfect amount of time since it was a Sunday and rainy, but sit me in a chair with wine and I can stay all day!

So was it as magical as Instagramland makes it all seem? Indeed it was. I felt like a kid at... you guessed it, Disney. Reference my high expectation meter earlier; Chicago Gourmet really did blow me and my Prince Eric out of the water. I’ll stop.

I want to repeat I feel beyond lucky to have won access to both these events this weekend, so the biggest thanks goes to Ace Bounce and Brett / Country Financial. I’m always counting my blessings that I’m part of Chicago’s food scene, and weekends like this just keep confirming Chicago will have my heart forever and ever. You can’t get bored here! 

Until next time, Happy Eating!

-Natalie