#idealised self

[spiral-b0y]

Self portrait 👀🧔🏿‍♀️

did this a while ago but never posted here!

Something so fulfilling abt drawing black features, drawing those lips felt healing

[dreamofmetoday]

JA MORANT PERSONALITY READING

idealised self vs real self reading

this reading was a paid request, a big thank you to the buyer!

idealised self:

he wants to be someone that’s untouchable - someone who’s talent and star power speaks so strongly that he can’t be told what to do and he can’t be told yes or no, he just does what he wants at all times (as if his talent should make excuses for any behaviour). someone who seems destined for his career and to make it to the top. he also wants to be someone who’s seen as pretty emotionally deep, he essentially wants to be seen as someone struggling or has struggled but is super mentally resilient at the same time (sort of a mixed desire of wanting to be a little pitied but also admired and he may have a desire to share his story, such as through a book or documentary). he wants to be a passionate person who is able to maintain high energy levels, someone consistent. and super ideally (this part is rather dreamy), he wants to be someone who has it all - famous, wealthy, successful romances etc. he wants to be someone capable of this and to prove he’s capable of “everything”. he wants to be someone people beg to keep around. lastly, he wants to be someone who doesn’t take shit and is brave (stands up for himself as well as showing being brave enough to show authentic, unfiltered behaviour).

real self:

so he definitely is a bad listener who filters out a lot of advice, doesn’t follow rules and can behave in a pretty unrestricted manner but not because he’s so talented that people have so much faith in his abilities to let him behave this way - it’s more so rebellious and he runs the risk of suffering more consequences than he may realise because people really try to get through to him and they just can’t. he thinks he knows a lot (a sort of me against the world mentality) but at the same time subconsciously knows he’s clueless in a lot of situations - he feels he walks a delicate balance, trying to move through with life with what he objectively knows vs. what he can’t predict or work out and this stresses him out (as if he’s always walking a tightrope and could fall at any moment, he doesn’t feel stable). he also waits for problems to solve themselves and distracts himself rather than sorting things out - part of this is because he ignores the advice and opinions of others, he doesn’t let people help him (you know that story about a man praying to god to save him from drowning, god sends someone to rescue the man but he’s like, “no thanks, god is going to save me” so then he dies - this is really the energy he gives). he has trouble viewing beyond himself and he overthinks on details that don’t matter - this holds him back from behaving as naturally and brave as wishes he could be (resulting in oscillating between being too resistant and rebellious vs too restricted and repressed). he is also pretty closed off and isolated to other people, he finds that other people hurt him easily (personal slights really hurt his feelings and so does feeling too judged).

[mossflower]

i Have to get more lesbian

[muninnhuginn]

Characters who've shed their old selves, taken on new identities to hide, but are always oh so aware of who they once were. Trying to divide themselves into a clear Before and an After, which leaves them unable to recognise themselves as a culmination of their past and their present. They can only look at themselves through distorted reflections. They try to distance themselves from others, to remain undiscovered and unknown, but always make connections regardless. Relationships with those who know them beyond their current persona, who can see which aspects of old and new are true when they themselves cannot.

[suth-sardian]

V-Day! D-3

i think there’s something to be said about loving someone you’ve known for so very long—it’s the appeal of all the childhood friends romances, the old flames, the past lives

[gdcee]

Idk why ROP had Galadriel say that Celeborn saw her dancing in a field of flowers and fell in love at first sight

Like I would have believed "He saw me decapitating an orc and fell in love at first sight." because at least it sounds consistent with what has been shown of her character on screen

Also the whole dancing in a field of flowers, love at first sight thing is pretty obviously ripped from Beren and Lúthien's love story

Knowing that encounter between Beren and Lúthien was based on a real life moment Tolkien had with his wife - one that had a lot of meaning and significance to him - and they literally have Beren and Lúthien carved on their graves

I dunno bout you but ripping this part of their story and sticking it onto a different couple rubs me the wrong way

[jay-the-fudanshi]

made my theriotypes in gacha +'Rabbit (the SELF INSERT that after overanalyzing for days made me realize OH SHIT— IM ╺⃝⃤)

Cat (like the kitten my mom had before it died ):

Rabbit (based on Smoke English Angora Rabbits)

Fox (the white was so hard the snout i struggled for an hour til i thought of this)

the rabbit is based on the mask im making IRL! :D

[shopcat]

i think Perhaps like remember toast potent and that massive public breakdown about the surgery scars and all their favourite anime boys have huge dicks and swinging balls. i think maybe people find it hard to seperate being trans from their own dysphoria and so seeing a character they have found comfort in or even projected some sort of ideal self or gender envy on as trans is upsetting bc then they imagine them with the same dysphoric mindset does that make sense. like a switch flips somewhere and suddenly that character is now "a girl" "as well" because of.. dysphoria. and everything else reminds them of it. BUT FOR ME personally it just adds to it and they're still the same GUY just also yknow. Like me. and it's always small stuff too like in the same way it's not a big part of MY life it's just A part LIKE top surgery scars or a binder or hrt or literally just dialogue or clothing. and i tend to get most of my own positive thinking towards transness through the filter of these characters so in a way it's been like a certain kind of foundational in my own self image other than other real live trans ppl just existing obv. but it's fun it's just a headcanon end of the day like anything.

[envolvenuances]

my ex boyfriend and I had a level of deep conversations that would probably be unhealthy in any other context but worked for us as two teenagers repressing a lot of shit. but he had this very interesting thing with my mother they both absolutely loved eachother he loved her as a person. and he constantly claimed she was a bad mother and took wrong actions with me. and one time he tried to lecture me like "oh you will have to accept you have an idealised version of your mother in your head that makes it illegal to criticise anything about her in your little world without you getting angry" and of course I got angry basically got up claiming "you are literally WORSE with YOUR mother" but he just looked me in the eye like "I know. but she is dead so I can do it as much as I want" and I had no counter for that because at the time I was still getting to know him and the self awareness I glimpsed there shocked me

[dreamofmetoday]

YERI PERSONALITY READING

idealised self vs real self version

idealised self:

she wants to be someone with girlboss and it girl vibes, to be seen as someone who is highly capable and has it all. she wants to be seen as someone who is very strong, who has successfully overcome her battles and is also empowering to others because of it. she wants to be the person that other people go to and want around, when someone is struggling or needs help she wants them to think, “i should talk to yeri” - the good advice giver, the person who says the right thing. she wants to be seen as very fortunate and blessed but that she is also very generous. she wants to be someone with a bright, happy vibe who other people gravitate towards because they are sunny. just really highly capable (makes the right choices) and good socially (and romantically) basically. she also wants people to think she was meant for her life, that her star power is so strong that of course she was going to be famous.

real self:

in reality, she is not as steady and consistent as she wishes to be. she fluctuates often and she is either too energetic or completely lacking in motivation. when it comes to longterm goals, she doesn’t really feel like she’s the one that actually has it all together and even has problems with feeling as if she’s always at the “beginning” of a goal and struggles to feel things are ever really “complete” (e.g every time she takes a big step forward, life comes at her sideways and overwhelms her a little). she is also a bit chaotic, when her energy is high she does a lot - she's super social, she's dating a lot, she goes out every night, she starts picking up new hobbies etc. and it seems even immature at times, almost as if she’s a toddler experiencing a sugar rush. she is not as calculated as she wishes to be either, she does think a lot of things through but she can make some silly mistakes (that may be obvious to others) and play with chance too much (e.g even as simple as making a purchase where she paid $500 and everyone else only paid $300). she can easily get lost in a fantasy world and especially get lost in romance sometimes. lastly, she really does try and be there for others want to continuously improve.

[miamicommune]

creeping feeling that i am doomed slowly returning

[roryparis]

i love love triangles btw

[sprnklersplashes]

It's hilarious when people are like "taylor swift's songs are engineered to be as generically relatable as possible" because then you actually listen to the songs in question and she's just like

"I am a SELF-DESTRUCTIVE MONSTER who ruins everything I touch, I MANIPULATED everyone into liking me, my potential has been WASTED due to circumstances of MY OWN CREATION, I go back to an EMPTY HOUSE because everyone in my life has moved on, I am a BLEEDING OPEN WOUND, all my kindness is really just NARCISSISM IN DISGUISE, I will BREAK MYSELF FOR YOUR ENTERTAINMENT, I STARVED MYSELF in order to be saved by an idealised romance, I can go ANYWHERE except for THE PLACE I CALLED HOME, I will SPIRAL UNCONTROLLABLY if left to my own devices, I AM THE INSTRUMENT OF MY OWN DESTRUCTION, THIS WAS INEVITABLE"

[astronlogia]

Astrology observation #2

Astrology offers insights, not certainties. These observations highlight tendencies, not rules. Use them for reflection, but remember that your choices and experiences ultimately shape your life.

Also keep in mind that they are general interpretation. It can resonate with some people and not with others !

Venus in Fire Signs (Aries, Leo and Sag) : Seeks excitement and adventure in relationships. They want to feel alive in a relationship it like they want to live in a romance movie, its importante for them to to chase and win over their lover ;). They are (mainly Leo) the true lovers of the zodianc signs tbh.

Mars in Libra: Harmony in love is the big theme, they often avoid conflict but have a big struggle with making decision. Also Hygines is very important for them i notice they dislike bad odors it give them THE ICK.

Moon Conjunct Venus: Big lovers they are nurturing and affectionate, they seek emotional security through warm, supportive relationships. They are the lover who give you a hug after a hard day.

Venus Retrograde in Natal Chart: unconventional love relationship, they of people who can go bakc to ex's, they should focus on self-love it can be a big theme in their life time it also give karmic relationship (my aunt with a venus retrograde had 3 divorce with the same man...).

Juno in the 7th House: i never seen someone with this being single for more than a month ? they always have options and people but are the type of people who will stick to one love relationship.

Venus Opposite Uranus: They are afraid of commitement , can change their mind very quickly. The type of people who love summer flings, can be interested in poly relationships, they value their freedom and have the Grass is greener syndrome.

Mars in the 5th House: Passionate in romantic pursuits, enjoys thrilling, playful love affairs. A lot people with this placement are serial daters.

Venus Square Pluto: Experiences intense, transformative relationships with potential for power struggles and deep emotional connections.They can become possessive in love, they give me Pearl(Mia Goth) Vibe or Love in You. They need people to match their freak tbh.

Neptune in the 7th House: A LOT OF IDEALISATION, they seek spiritual connections but must guard against unrealistic expectations in love. They can be lost in a relationship and not seeing things clearly, wich can lead to manipulation.

Venus Sextile Mars: There is a balance between love and desire, expressing passion with respect and consideration in relationships. not as strong as a conjunction but a sweet aspect.

Saturn Return: you will know nothing until you pass your saturn return, this period can be though but it will help you define the next 30 years of your life, what can be done to more true to your life path.

[fdragon-art]

Insatiable

CW: Self-harm Idealisation

I was diagnosed with hearing loss at 2. Both ears, sensorineural, moderate, most likely genetic.

It was always a part of me, and not something I questioned. I saw specialists to keep tabs on it, and had teachers assigned to me for one-on-one times. I was part of a kindergarten class designed for deaf kids, to smooth integration into mainstream learning.

I got my first pair of hearing aids within the year I was diagnosed.

***

I don't remember much of my earliest years, but I enjoyed wearing them at least since I was 5... ...or, more accurately, there were times I enjoyed playing with them.

There was hide-and-seek, where someone wore the FM transmitter, so I'd be able to hear them a while away. There was using the transmitter by myself, making funny noises and messing with what I could of the volume.

There was asking my brother if he wanted to try them on.

He thought they were interesting enough.

***

I didn't like the teachers wearing the FM transmitter.

I'm not sure if it was because it didn't feel like it helped, or if it was solely because people would see it, which would make me stand out that much more, but handing the transmitter just felt...uncomfortable.

I never used it during high school.

But my hearing aids were a different story.

***

I found myself asking a few friends to wear them over those years. Each of them had things to say about it, as one might.

I saved photos of them where I could.

Isn't it weird, having photos of your friends wearing your hearing aids, as if it were designed for their ears to wear? Or was it simply the aesthetic, seeing a close friend wearing the things that make up a part of you?

I only ever figured out half of that story.

***

Years pass, high school passed, Uni slipped away from me. I no longer had contact with any of my friends. I never was the most social person.

My hearing aids were still worn on the regular, though some days had me wear it less.

Was I growing uncomfortable with them? Or did I just never realise not wearing them was comfortable too? I never go out without them, however.

I still enjoyed the look of hearing aids, the way they sat in people's ears as they did.

***

I searched up things. Things I didn't think to look for before.

I searched up "hard of hearing" and "actually deaf".

Was I looking for more people who had hearing loss like me? Did I want to make friends who could relate to this one aspect?

...or was I just after the appearance of hearing aids again?

In high school, I made friends with hearing loss (though not high school friends; I was the only one at my time) Who I had the chance to see once a year, and keep connected with over the internet.

But they didn't last. Why was that the case? Was I not actually interested in deaf friends? Did I not care beyond a certain shallow interest?

So why was I looking these things up in this way only now...?

***

...for the first time, I truly thought about my hearing.

Not my hearing aids. My actual level of hearing.

I wondered about how I'm perceived as far as my voice goes. I thought about if people treat me differently because of my hearing aids (even if I'd learn later that most people don't even notice them)

I wondered how I compared to others with less hearing than average.

Feelings were produced.

I went months without searching it up again.

***

But it would not be the last time I tried.

For some reason, only now was I interested in it all...

...except, I wasn't really...was I?

I never cared strongly about others with hearing loss. I never connected with the fully deaf. Sign language wasn't even something that interested me much.

It was all about the hearing aids again, wasn't it?

Admittedly, it was part of something where it was just a part of it, but that was all my mind desired to think about when it came to this.

***

...I found myself shrinking inside, an inescapable feeling growing...

I found a group chat of others with hearing loss, hopeful it would allow me to connect with them.

People who, aside from this fact of theirs, had other similarities. After all, we all used Tumblr. That says something on its own. There were even one or two whose hearing was similar to mine.

...all it did was make me feel outside of it all.

...why did I want to become inside of it...?

...aren't I a part of it...don't my experiences count...?

...I already discovered I didn't really care about it in that way anyway.

...didn't I?

***

I still think about it often times, my relationship with deafness and my hearing aids. And my desires that sit outside of the usual connection.

I still think about my feelings of inadequacy, as if having more hearing than another deaf person somehow makes me less of one. (I've never figured this one out)

I still worry about falling into the pits, and taking it out on myself, as if that will make me fit any more.

I don't know if these feelings will ever quite fade...

...but I've still got my hearing aids...right?