#idek how to articulate all my feelings about that

[palms-upturned]

.

[virgovirgo]

no bc listening to troye sivan's album is actually hitting a soft spot...

[withleeknow]

magnolia.

pairing: minho x reader genre/warnings: established relationship, kinda fluffy, kinda angsty idek, hurt/comfort; unedited and self-indulgent as hell !! word count: 0.4k listen to 🎧: hold my girl - george ezra

as always, i’d appreciate any thoughts or comments you may have, and please drop a like and/or reblog if you enjoy reading ♡

navigation › masterlist › ko-fi

sometimes, it's crazy just how in tune minho is with you, how he can sense that something's wrong before you even have to say it.

he knows all of your signs - smiles that don't quite reach your eyes; soft, barely audible sighs instead of frustrated ones like when you're angry; talking about insignificant things throughout dinner with a distinct lack of energy just for the sake of holding a conversation and not letting your home fall into a state of depressing silence. an overall aloofness that can't simply be blamed on exhaustion.

when you're upset, you shut down.

minho doesn't need you to justify your defense mechanism, doesn't try to coax you out of your shell because he's the same way. when something is eating away at him, he detaches himself from the world too.

in those instances, the last thing he wants is for someone else to offer unhelpful advice when no one but him knows what's going through his mind.

there are some things that you just have to process on your own, some motions you have go through by yourself.

minho can only be by your side while you deal with your inner turmoil. hold your hand and give you a shoulder to lean on, whatever you need until you're ready to come back to him again.

that's what he does this time too. he doesn't ask you any questions; he just puts on the kettle and lights your favorite vanilla and magnolia scented candle. makes you a steaming mug of tea and peels some oranges, arranging the slices neatly on a plate afterward. then he sits on the couch next to you, a random movie playing on the tv that no one's really watching.

at some point, you move closer to tuck yourself under his arm. minho instantly pulls you to rest against his body, a hand on your shoulder giving you comforting squeezes over your sweatshirt.

just the two of you, the willingness to be there for the other especially when it's hard, and the occasional meows reverberating from somewhere nearby.

when he thinks you might've fallen asleep just like that, you start sniffling. the ache that minho feels in his chest is almost immediate.

even then, all he says is, "i'm here."

you meekly nod in acknowledgment as you continue to cry, painful sobs making you fist the material of his shirt in your hands.

he knows that you'll talk when you want to, when you're ready. he gets that in this moment, you just don't have the capacity to articulate your thoughts and explain your feelings in a way that other people could understand.

so he simply presses a kiss to your forehead and hugs you a little closer. he sits with you until it passes. he loves you enough to wait for you, to hold you through all of the lowest lows.

"i'm here. i love you. i'm right here."

permanent taglist: @onlyycb97wife @starsandrqindrops @borahae-reads @abbiestearsricochet @cutiespaghetti @anthropologykpopmultistan @moonlinos @mjnhoz @caitlyn98s @piercidh34rts  @stayceebs97 @linocz @yaorzu-blog @biribarabiribbaem @kayleefriedchicken @extrhotjne @caitxx1 @palindrome969 @todorokiskitten @azuna-sz @meanergreener @nxzz1skz @jazziwritesthings (italicized = can't tag)

all rights reserved © withleeknow. reposting, translating and/or modifying is not permitted by any means. [posted 28.01.2024]

[pegglefan69]

want to & probably should talk to my therapist about how i think the only way i can get my mind to accept that I've overcome a huge mental ordeal in my struggle to get on disability is by transposing it with a physical ordeal in the form of some kind of BDSM scene but. I do not know how to discuss this when:

1) I am coming from a place hyperaware of all the deranged fetishistic ideas people have about any transmasculine person even vaguely interested in any kind of bottoming or experimenting with masochism. That kind of dehumanization directly led to me being repeatedly sa'd so I have good reason for the level of aggression & wariness the topic triggers in me But good reason or not it makes it extremely painful to think about let alone discuss with my therapist Bcuz:

2) my therapist is a cis woman who interacts primarily with cis queer spaces & never in gay male sexual spaces where trans & cis men overlap so she has No Idea About & No Frame of Reference For the baggage I am bringing in here

3) talking about any kind of interest in masochism has to inevitably result in us discussing interest in sadism & domming, bcuz both are things I'm generally more interested in doing!! We've discussed BDSM loosely enough that I know that she knows dom ≠ top & sub ≠ bottom but I genuinely cannot gauge how she will react to any expression of like, a desire to do sadist shit. I see sooo many people all the time who are ostensibly 'kink friendly' get weird about sadism that I have been deliberately avoiding bringing up being a switch/sadomasochist/whatever. it is making our sessions about sex & dating circle the drain ! It's embarrassing!! I feel like I should just be able to vault over the discomfort & SAY THINGS even if that is an idiot's impulse.

4) If I want to talk about the kind of scenes that would be therapeutic for me right now I don't know if she'd Get It, considering when I said I wanted to try dating/fucking older men her first question was 'do you mean you want a sugar daddy' & then later '...so do you mean like, 30s?'. Like it really makes me think she's going to get the wrong idea or get weird. the amount of vulnerability it's going to take for me to even give her the chance to misunderstand me is. A lot. It makes me feel so crazy.

5) I don't know ANYBODY here in Maine so even if I could perfectly articulate my desires & their impetuses to a therapist (lol as if that should be my ultimate goal 🙄), & then find a man or men I could do these things with, by the time the trust necessary had developed it would be like. So far in the future idek if this need would ever get fulfilled. God this would be easier if I already knew a leatherman who could beat me up for a little bit if I asked nicely. Guess I just have to keep a fond hope alive for now...<- said with a bitter tone

[forlix]

hiii, it’s me again, 🪷 anonnie

I’m so glad you liked the song! I love giving song recs, and music and lit are so intertwined in my brain so I’m thinking of the two together all the time.

now… onto ‘empty my mind’… spoilers below:

SO GOOD 😭🫠

idek what this trope is called but I love when one characters is soo devoted and desperate to do anything for their lover. like, just give everything up completely and do anything for them. and I love it even more when the target of their affection is immediately aware of this dynamic and feels so protective instead of, like, taking advantage of it? which for sure you can see jisung assumes will eventually happen, and he feels like he deserves to be used and dropped. but reader treats him so well like ‘no, you’re not a bad person you’re literally just a human existing. you’re doing your best baby’ like UGH! SO GOOD!

and then they actually talk at the end and get that closure? like jisung feels safe enough to open up and reader understands him completely. and this silent reassurance that is fully being vocalized really convinces jisung that he does deserve to be loved. and like, he believes he’s being fixed too which is so much development. going from ‘I’ll do whatever you want, I feel like nothing so I’ll be thankful for anything you give me’ to ‘I’ll do whatever you want, because you make me feel like something’. also there is so much care put into the metaphor of the ghosts that manifest in his nightmares representing his mental health that I can’t get into it because I will literally CRY! how reader handles his mental state so tenderly just wrecks me 💗

also, love the scenes with felix and the other members. especially when jisung and reader leave the study group. I imagined felix thinking ‘yes, she can fix him’ the whole time he’s trying to bring them together. and I loved the smut, car sex is always sexy. not to mention how intent jisung is on convincing reader that he’s not gonna leave, and then later during the storm she assures him that she wants him to stay. like YES HE NEEDS TO KNOW THAT YOU WANT HIM FOR MORE THAN JUST SEX

sorry for the short essay but I really wanted to say it all. I think next time I will just dm you but I’m very shy about interacting with people 👉🏻👈🏻 anywayyy, byye, take care 🫶🏻

hello my light, my love, my lotus anon, pls accept my apology for replying to this so late i wanted to store it in my inbox until it finally sank in that it's REAL and you're real bc what the fuck. i can't believe u took the time to analyze "empty my mind" so deeply and so richly i wept reading this the first time and i'm weeping AGAIN typing this out. thank you, thank you, thank you

re: the connections between music and literature, you're SO real for that. for most of my writings (except for the drabbles), i include lil playlists in the description so y'all can listen to the songs i derived inspiration from while writing :') i would be so curious to know your thoughts on the ones i chose for "empty my mind"! or if u made any associations yourself 🎤 lmk my lyrical genius

and i seriously fell over myself reading your interpretation of their relationship because that's EXACTLY what i was going for, like, for real, you hit every single point and articulated it so much better than i could if i tried. i loved all of what you said, but especially the part where the reader embraces rather than takes advantage of him. i like to think he got the sense he could trust her from the moment they met, so he very cautiously continued to give himself to her bit by bit as they grew closer even though he was deathly afraid of doing so. and it was all worth it in the end bc she's wonderful for him and wonderful in general (can u tell i love my mcs)

and it's so interesting that you used the word "fixed." i had to tread carefully around their dynamic, in part because i didn't want it to seem like she was hoping to change anything about him (or yk those memes that are like "i can fix him" and it's about the most toxic person in the world? yeah that was not her thought process). the core of their love, the reason why they work, is because she doesn't see anything that has to be changed in the first place. he is fucking perfect to her as he comes. so i love the way you described it: it's him who wants to change, not for her but because of her, thanks to her, because she reminds him that he can.

taking an intermission to fangirl over you bc

going from ‘I’ll do whatever you want, I feel like nothing so I’ll be thankful for anything you give me’ to ‘I’ll do whatever you want, because you make me feel like something’

the way you PHRASED THIS HOLY FUCK. A BILLION TIMES YES. you picked up on their very essence and i'm pressing consensual kisses to your mind because you read them (and me) like an open book

ALSO!! ABOUT FELIX OMG. you're so right, ofc our wonderful, emotional, observant lix can see the clouds perpetually hanging over ji's head and knows mc will be able to help him scatter them. my fav matchmaker

NEVER, EVER apologize for sending me an essay my star. you genuinely have no idea how happy your ask made me like it's not an exaggeration to say my heart is floating within me rn. that you took apart my fic so tenderly and so perceptively not only enforced my love for writing as a whole but strengthened it manifold. i don't even have the words to thank you as vehemently as i want to but just know i'll be safekeeping your words for a very long time to come 🤍

i treasure you so fucking much. THANK YOU.

[onlyswan]

Art!!

The latest drabble gives me so much domesticity and I just want to say that it is so refreshing and cool to see a new perspective on how to handle your partner in a way that most people deem to be annoying and childish. It is also really cute how they banter playfully throughout their day and their date. Arguments and confrontation is not my best friend so I was highkey scared at the part where oc had to tell kook that they lost his car key but yeah, shame me for doubting kook. Of course, he is jungkook. Of course he will express his emotions in a very jungkook way - so gentle, so articulate, but will focus on the solution and communication and how to do better.

From the previous drabble, I think it established how kook and oc have genuine love that speaks how they don't have an end goal or an accomplishment that they are trying to chase by pursuing each other. You get it? Like, we both exist in the same place, at the same time, at the same universe, so what else to do other than spend it with you and enjoy your company because you make me happy? And I feel like it is something that the modern love doesn't recognize, that it is okay to take your time no matter how long it'll be. And it is so cool that I get to realize it by knowing the story of oc and kook.

And the latest drabble taught me more about cherishing the present time and to always remember that the person who truly loves you will always speak and hold you in a way that will remind you how they feel about you.

That's all for now. As always, thank you for sharing this little world with us, Art!

🦢

And it is so cool that I get to realize it by knowing the story of oc and kook. 🥲🥲🥲 wow i’m so speechless and teary eyed right now. idek what to say. i think my heart is about to burst. as a writer this is really everything i could ever wish to hear </3

the second paragraph :( i get it! i do! i always think of this when i reflect on love in its different forms, platonic, romantic 😭🤍 when i love, it is a joy to be grateful to exist in the same lifetime, in the same universe <3 they are different in many ways and they could’ve broken up for good before, but how oc and jk are still together is also bcs of that mindset ^^ like yea this works, when it doesn’t we will try to make it so, so why the hell not!!

AAAAA thank you so much for taking the time to send this ask beloved :D it is always so cool to read y’alls thoughts and interpretations about my works 🥺 likesmwisjdhjf wow they really do get perceived!! and read!! with both the mind and the heart!! it’s insane and it makes me so happy. thank you thank you :') ilyyy and i hope you have a great week ahead 🫂

[zukkacore]

Idek who in my audience would still be on the h*p bandwagon but tbh I say this as a pitch both for ppl who still have nostalgia for the property and ppl who enjoy being haters (I mean, if you can withstand the salt without also getting just so so so burned out hearing about JKR’s bigotry, I know it hits me sometimes too), the Shrieking Shack Podcast is excellent in terms of critical analysis of the wizard books while also just being extremely funny. I swear the hosts xeecee and Liz have a wire tap into my brain, in terms of sense of humor and just voicing the problems I have with this stupid franchise.

I understand the stance of people who are avoidant of the franchise completely, but I do think having a better understanding of how and why the books ultimately failed and veered off in quality definitely helped me demystify the franchise as this like, untouchable thing of quality I was too attached to to ever give up but instead as a flawed work that I had grown out of and was far more at peace with letting go. I also think it helps me articulate to other people why the artist is not separate from the art. Her worldview is imbedded into her books, and especially later on, that’s why they were so mean-spirited and awful. No matter how much I liked the series as a kid, I think the distaste for the pernicious aspects of the franchise has been an… effective deterrent for me going back. And while I don’t have the energy to get into terminally online arguments, I think critical analysis is useful as a skill to give people who also have a skewed and nostalgia colored view of the franchise.

I will addendum that their perspective on the first few books is a lot more charitable and while I do agree w their thoughts, hearing nice things abt the franchise might feel distasteful in this climate, (I know it is for me) so if that’s the case and you have no problem starting in the middle I recommend starting around book 4! That’s when you start to get much more of a mixed bag.

And if you wanna hear basically nothing but wall to wall dunking, start with Deathly Hallows. Jumping in cold to a seventh season is rough but I promise it’s so worth it. I re-listen to the podcast All The Time when I’m between interests, and I tend to skip the early seasons and just go straight for the bad stuff. I’ve probably gone back to the DH season so many times. It’s brutal yet somehow completely earned. I’ve never seen anyone so thoroughly articulate my long held feelings that DH is a failure of a capstone on that franchise on all levels structural, thematic, and moral. This is not me pretending I had clairvoyance into the future bc there was plenty of shit that snuck past me as a kid (hello, book 4 was my favorite for forever) but when I read that book in like 5th grade I could just feel something was deeply wrong.

Also they just wrapped up the season where they were reading midnight sun and twilight at the same time and it’s been great. It’s way more lighthearted which has been a nice palate cleanser & I do think they’re a bit charitable toward twilight but the thing I appreciate is that their critique is more substantive than just the common reactionary low hanging fruit talking points & they have actually brought up the neglected topic of racism within the books

Also if you’re just starting and the news topics + freebies / goofs segment they do at the beginning and ends of the episodes throws you off , I get it. I love shriekcast & I do find the segments funny but they’re not everyone’s thing, and I do scrub through that stuff sometimes bc it can be long winded. For reference It usually lasts abt 30-40 min sometimes shorter and occasionally way longer.

[ashes-in-a-meadow]

well that happened…

house got tore UP😭

idek how process that whole ep cause bro wtf…

shit man like how am i even supposed to articulate how i feel about that ep🤦🏽 i’m empathizing with all three of them rn and i don’t know how to take it lmfao😭like i see where all three of them are coming from but fuck man that shit went all the way left, lou and claudia physically fucked up and les emotionally fucked up like bro ik if y’all don’t take y’alls asses to a therapist😭 esp les cause nah he’s my baby and all but serving hottie the thottie did not save him from judgement this time he got me, lou and claudia fucked up esp claudia that girl looked like she wanted to kill him…👀 lmfaoo guess we got her motive right here and lou’s motive to agree with her

[luveline]

I'm sorry things have been so hard on you in so many fronts. Sometimes the individual things don't seem like they should feel like "too much" but the cumulative effects make it hard to deal with.

Creative hobbies like writing take SO much mental and emotional energy, that it makes sense that they become difficult when other things are weighing on us or taking our focus/time/energy. And it may be extra disheartening because that hobby is often what normally gets us through those tough times.

Please know that this is so common, and that you're not alone. You have a lot of people on tumblr who genuinely want the best for you and support you taking whatever time you need to take, and will still be happy to read whatever you post in the future, whenever that is.

So many virtual hugs.

Honestly, I will be so for real with you, and in support of my being a total huge idiot baby, I hadn't given too much thought to this being common because Im not as kind as I want to be. But that perspective is genuinely very valuable to me and I'm so grateful to you for the extremely ridiculously kind message and for giving me the perspective because of course you're right, I am not the first person to have something happen to her, or to be sick, or be tired. It's a good wake up call in a way, cause I know everybody is suffering all the time, but I don't think I'd considered very closely like collective creative burnout when I should've, it really has lessened the panic for me to be reminded of it

ALSO double thank you because it's so kind of you to say, and I promise you that I know there are people here who genuinely want the best for me. It's probably the most amazing thing about this whole scenario that I could find myself with so many kind and generous hearts around me who could read me (my extremely earnest and likely offputtingly sincere confessional) and then take the time to reach out rather than roll your eyes (though if u did roll ur eyes I get that too). Thank you so much really for taking the time to send me some reassurance I don't think I knew how much I needed some but your ask is just idek how to articulate how much it means to me

[ticklepinions]

Venting about life as usual 🥰🤪

Recently idk why but I've felt this intense loneliness. SO many people I know are in relationships now, and lots of people I work with are getting married and stuff and I'm like lmfao.

So like I'm aroace. I've never had a crush in my life. Ofc i've faked some so I could be "normal" but like I really can't conceptualize how it would be to be attracted to someone. Like I find people attractive but I don't want to do anything with said attraction. I'm just an appreciator of people's gene pool ya feel? Lmfao. Anyways.

There are days where I'm like damn this shit be rough. Ik being aroace doesn't mean I can't be in a relationship but it makes it so much harder. The thing is I don't really want one to begin with. It's just what people do ig and there's societal pressure to have a partner. And my best friend is on dating apps and is telling me all about their escapades. And I kinda just got sad. Wishing them luck in finding "the one" but selfishly I was thinking of how lonely I was.

Like one thing I find endearing about a romantic relationship is having a person. And like that's your person. And you cherish them and all that jazz. And ofc that can be true for platonic relationships but idk I feel like it just doesn't happen. I'm terrible at articulating my feelings so like I apologize. But like you know the whole oh my best friend has a partner and then they kinda forget about you. Ik how selfish of me. But I think it's pretty human to want to be wanted and not forgotten. We all want to feel like we have some sense of purpose and that people like our existence rather than just tolerate it until someone better comes along.

And idk why but recently I've felt like I'm invisible to people now. Like I'm trying to talk in group settings but I feel like people are listening out of obligation. Or I feel like I'm saying something stupid or nonsensical because their response is like delayed (at least in my mind). I don't mind if it were strangers but these are people I'm like friends with. So it do hurt ngl. Like do I even exist?? I feel like I'm just wasting my breath.

Idek what I'm ranting about at this point but ah I just want to be wanted ig. And not by the typical people I tend to be best friends with like switch it up universe 😩, give me a Charlie or a Nick damnit.

ALSO why can't I be good at everything. I feel like most of my problems wouldn't exist if I were good at everything. :/

[syyskirjat]

Okay I finally caught up with The Woman in White Weekly after like... idek, has it been three weeks by now? I've been overwhelmed by real life and I've had to do a bunch of reading and analysis for the writing course I'm taking so that kinda ate all my energy for Tumblr book club.

Anyway

idk what to even say except I'm STRESSED

I keep expecting Laura to turn up dead and I'm just so relieved every time I'm proven wrong.

And now the biggest fucking cliffhanger argh

I really want to read ahead but I feel like it's a bad idea...

Also I have a lot of thoughts about Count Fosco that I don't know if I'll be able to articulate. He's very unnerving to me, I don't like the constant references to how much power he has over everyone, but then at the same time he seems like the only potential force that could stop Sir Percival from doing something horrible.

idk

[laughingmagi]

GET TO KNOW THE MUN !!!

NAME: Iggy

PRONOUNS:  they/them

BEST EXPERIENCE: We love a good overarcing story. I like when multiple people can get involved. Idek, it's just kind of validating to know when other people think what me and another mun made something really cool.

PREFERENCE OF COMMUNICATION: Discord, but I don't might a tumblr DM, it's just that the notifications for it are shite.

MOST ACTIVE MUSE AU: Ripperverse w. @gilesian and by extension a Buffy/Hellblazer crossover au

EXPERIENCE / HOW MANY YEARS: I've been writing in fandoms online since i was 16 or 17 (and writing for even longer than that). Got on tumblr in like 2012, I think, and started in on the RP fandom late that year or in early 2013. i really don't feel like searching up the old blog (yes, I still have my first blog up for posterity) to check the archives. My point is, I've been here forever on some fucking blog or another.

RP PET PEEVE: How to articulate without sounding like a stone cold cunt? This is a collaborative, you know, and it drives me nuts when I feel like someone is writing at me rather than with me. Also, I am not going to be offended if a person has an idea. People having an idea isn't power or meta gaming or whatever. Sometimes I feel like it's up to me to have the idea and you know fine. I'm clever, I can usually bullshit something, but I really, really wish when half the time i ask someone if they have ideas about our muses the other person is like "hahaha idek". Like, I get it, I do, we're all very shy, but I promise, i'm very chill and I won't bite.

PLOTS OR MEMES: I'm six and one half dozen of the other, baby.

LONG OR SHORT REPLIES: I'm six an done half — Ah you get it.

ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSES: Sometimes i find myself in the characters i write. Um, John especially I feel close to because I know his world. It was just very familiar to m and so does John himself. I've known people like him, been someone like him. So yeah maybe a little?

Tagged by: @gilesian Tagging: @griim, @taliaromanova, @astremourante, @gingerspiice

[i-appear-misssing]

Okay I'm just gonna

I don't know how to articulate how it felt. It had been such a long time since I felt so excited about something, like....that deep feeling of anticipation. I didn't even feel it for some of my favorite bands. And then i felt such pure ass joy while i was in it, i don't think I ever laughed so genuinely and hard at any live thing in my life. And they were right there, like, REAL PEOPLE. i caught myself staring at, like, Trixie's real human hands and Katya's tattoos just like they look in the pictures and their voices were so familiar but it also felt......so surreal. All of those people around me enjoying it as much as i was and those two people on stage with their real faces, in the flesh. I might have stumbled into little bouts of derealization here and there cause. Yeah

But also

I also felt very different than, say, the first time I saw my all time favorite band at the hight of my hyper fixation. Which is good cause i was seventeen then, and I'm a full decade older now. I felt the distance between them, the show, and me. Idk how to explain but......i didn't feel the same torturous sense of longing for a connection with them, personally, at all costs. Like, once the show was over i walked around back of the venue where the backstage area is, to go home, and i wanted to hang around, wait, see if maybe someone would come out, maybe even wait for them to get back to the buses to i could.....idek. And the will was there, just like it was ten years ago, but i kept walking and i didn't regret that for a second. I don't know how to explain it, but tonight felt........incredible, but not as heart wrenching as something very similar felt ten years ago. which is good.

I guess this whole rambling, useless thing is to say i finally have the capacity to separate me and my obsession over artists from the actual artists and the fact that they are there to perform a show, not to heal some deep wound inside of me or something along those lines. It feels pretty good.

But i still feel like i haven't explained myself right

[phantaloonficlog]

MY HEART <3 i have no words to describe how much i loved this! I've been looking for a fic exactly like this one for months and it's just 🥹 it's perfect

it's a dadmack fic, basically it's the day before neil's graduation and he gets the feels about his relationship with wymack <3 i can't recommend it enough!

see you again by @hi-raethia

fandom: all for the game

rated: T

summary:

for a runaway, neil has never found saying goodbyes this hard before.

(alternatively, neil has to say goodbye to the one person he'd never truly prepared himself to leave in the first place).

my takes on the fic :)

idek i have so many feels rn i can't articulate much but just ajdjd

"You - you were a better father to me than he ever was or could have been. You taught me how to - love my place in the world. A-And - I can't possibly thank you enough for that." hear that? it's my heart breaking in a million pieces but like in a good way

"I got to watch you grow for the past five years and there's not a single fucking thing I'd do to take back that time. I got to watch you find your place in the world and in here, and I'm more than happy that I got to witness the process." I AM SOBBING ON THE FLOOR

THE HUG <3 neil crying <3 neil stepping within wymack's arm reach <3 LEANING HIS FOREHEAD ON WYMACK'S CHEST

i am losing my mind in the best way possible

20/10, will read a hundred times again

[rollercoasterwords]

hey lovely, i just got around to reading the chapter rn and let me just say i am in so much awe. the way that you portrayed what dorcas and marlene are dealing with rn and love tangled into all of that made me absolutely crazy. it’s so so so soooo interesting and honestly so real and raw.

i’m going particularly crazy about the situation dorcas is in bc essentially by trying to keep marlene safe she’s pushing her away and in multiple ways too. there’s the fact that she just isn’t telling her all that’s going on with voldemort, which obviously we saw doesn’t feel good on marlene’s end and just breeds more mistrust, but there’s also the fact that she sort of took matters into her own hand and did that deal with dumbledore about keeping marlene out of danger, which listen i get but it doesn’t end well for either dorcas OR marlene and they both just end up more hurt and honestly knowing how this all ends is just very fucking heartbreaking bc we as readers know that it doesn’t matter in the end. there were multiple lines that literally had me like absolutely stunned just bc of how well they portrayed the situation and the emotion and just in general the toll that it’s having on both of them.

“She thinks it is killing the part of her that knew how to love, maybe. Her kisses all feel like wounds these days.” this mf line. i had to put my phone down for a bit i swear. fuck i love love looooove characters with depth and dorcas in this fic>>> she loves marlene so much that she’s doing all these things to protect her that are chipping away little parts of her that know how to give that love.

“You’re acting fucking insane,” she hisses, because she knows it will hurt Marlene—and that’s love, isn’t it? Dorcas wants to crack open her ribcage and crawl inside, she wants to chew the meat of her heart like a bloody steak, tender and soft and melting off the bone. Isn’t that love.” this is another fucking one. u deserve jail for this one. no no. it plays with my emotions and it makes me FEEL things. ur not understanding the brainrot i’m having rn. i finished and chapter and immediately reread bc that’s how much i loved it. idk but genuinely i think this has been my favorite chapter so far. i usually get so frustrated seeing situations like these, esp bc of the whole miscommunication aspect of it bc like we know the whole picture so it’s easier for us to understand where the characters and coming from and why they do certain things, so it’s frustrating that the characters in the story can’t but like no u just did it in a whole other way.

all the metaphors that u used to express love in this chapter. all the fighting and like anger and emotions and LOVE.

i’m obsessed with ur portrayal of it.

another quote:

“It is impossible to imagine what she feels for Dorcas could ever be anything but destructive; loving her is like trying to keep warm with a forest fire, like trying to quench thirst by swallowing an ocean.” no bc this quote. i FUCKING LOOOOVE the way you described love here especially considering marlene’s circumstances and didkwkdkd fuck i j wanna ramble and ramble but it’s lowkey super late here and i need sleep and idek if this made ANY sense and i SO MUCH MORE to say but first i’m horrible at articulating my thoughts i hate it and second like i said i need sleep so like sry sry if this was a waste of time ajd made no sense but yk. yeah just know i love ur brain and ur writing and u. just in lcoe ekth this fic. 10000/10 goshhh u are amazing. i’ll shut up now. maybe in the morning i’ll try to coherently word my thoughts but who knows.

ahhhh jumping up and down and clapping my hands thank u for taking the time to send such a long message!! i'm so glad you liked the chapter it was definitely more of an intense one lol

and YES the situation with dorcas exactly like it is just. i talked about why exactly she's not being honest with marlene in this post but yeah essentially it's just one of those situations where everything is coming from a place of love and a desire to protect marlene and keep her safe but that's not what marlene wants but dorcas doesn't care because she'd rather love marlene wrong than risk losing her and i just!!!!!! look i know i wrote it but i wrote it bc that dynamic specifically makes me go insane so i'm right there with u lol

ahhh the kisses feel like wounds YES i'm so glad u liked that line the whole question of like how far do we go for love what horrible things are we willing to do for love what pieces of ourselves are we willing to carve up for love....yes yes yes

and the love paragraph ahh that's another one of my favorites i am literally thrilled to hear that it gave u brainrot i am planting mold spores in ur brain and watching them grow >:) and yes the frustration of knowing why characters can't communicate and seeing those walls between them and wishing they could see them too...again i know i wrote it but it gets me every time!!! like they don't want to hurt each other they each just want to leave a mark on the other that no one can take away and they're living in an environment where the only marks left on anyone that can't be erased are from violence and just....yeah. yeah <3

and love as destruction!!! love as a forest fire!!! love as an ocean!!! i am simply obsessed with portrayals of love that contradict the idea that love is a happy ending or something that fixes everything like i love examining love as something dark and violent and dangerous THANK U for rambling to me abt the ch i loved the rambling!!! please feel free to ramble in my inbox anytime i know i'm responding to this a little late so i hope u got some good sleep lol <3

[colors927]

i have mixed feelings about censoring media for kids

i guess the part my mom missed was the “parental guidance” aspect in allowing me to consume mature content when i was really young

i would watch stuff that i wasn’t mature enough to understand and then i would play pretend and emulate those things to process it because that’s what children do

and looking back on my childhood idek it makes me a little sad and uncomfortable that i wanted to act out this really adult stuff and idek. it made me kind of weird compared to my peers who didn’t know what sex was and they didn’t say curse words and stuff.

my mom is really laid back and open and honest and i can appreciate that parenting style don’t get me wrong. but she’s also neglectful and oblivious in many ways and idek. there’s things i’ve benefitted from how she raised us but there’s certain things that i’m like idk… and my dad plays a part in some of it too. my dad was constantly cursing and screaming at us, and so by first grade i was already accidentally cursing all the time which sounds kind of hilarious on paper but like the bigger picture is sad as hell. and my mom never told me i couldn’t curse, she told me there’s a couple words i couldn’t say but idek.

i just feel like i grew up too fast is what i’m getting at. i remember being a toddler in preschool and already wanting to be a promiscuous teenager with a boyfriend. That’s not normal.

i don’t know how else to articulate this rn