#idk IDK WHY I THOUGHT OF THIS DONT JUDGE
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maybe its just me but i cant stand when people are like "it just doesn't sit right with me how teruhashi thought about aiura 🥺" like yes... its not supposed to ??? because her thinking badly of other girls and prioritizing male validation over everything is one of her main flaws ??? can we talk about that WITHOUT making it seem like shes not allowed to have a single actual flaw without suddenly becoming an awful person? nobody can handle complex female characters at all and its so fucking annoying
#you guys all missed the point of her development AND her and saiki's relationship development#like did you miss the parts where the only times he genuinely seems to not like something she does is when shes mean to other girls#and he still understands that she isnt a bad person for having bad thoughts in the private comfort of her mind#and besides... in this case she was literally just being a dramatic and insecure teenage girl LMAO#like dont fucking lie to me and tell me when you were her age you didnt have similar thoughts#youre worse than her if you lie about it while judging her for it#sorryyyy#she shouldve been MORE unhinged youre all just cowards#AND ALSO ? how can something even be 'mean' if its just a thought#thats like if u opened ur friends private diary without permission and then unfriended them over something they said in a random upset vent#and in this specific situation if u found out ur friend called someone a bitch because they liked the same person as her ??#LIKE THATS ?? its bad but its not as crazy as you guys make it out to be#shes allowed to be angry and insecure in the privacy of HER OWN MIND#idk if this makes sense but i just feel that her thoughts are more of a concern about her wellbeing than anything else#like she canonically is extremely kind to others even when she doesnt want to be so why are we worried about how she treats others.#theyre fine. im worried about HER.#and WHY her mindset is so negative... but u guys dont give a shit because u cant handle even a spec of complexity#sorry ive said all this before i just like to rant#saiki k#tdlosk#the disastrous life of saiki k.#teruhashi kokomi#meows post
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mha nation how yall doin
#in light of recent leaks… ahem. im gna keep my damn mouth shut and take pro hero bkg to his therapy#anyways… heyyyyyy#so. one year later.. yes i am alive. some updates on my life:#fell out of mha fandom and into one or two others#graduated uni and am now in my gap year aiming to start a md program next spring/fall#made a twitch account not too long ago to be silly and play video games. i only got 18 followers LMFAO#if any1 wants the user u can dm me or send me an ask or smth. might drop a link on the blog later down the line. moots im staring at u#recently went over some bkg wips and i miss him so bad#will i finish my bkg wips? someday yes. dragon bkg is my baby and i WILL finish it#but at the moment i am rotting <3#i see all ur asks and while i will not reply to all (so that i dont clog dash) i appreciate those of u who reached out! i rly do!!#i havent really been in the mood to write recently for some reason#tho i have been writing for um. redacted fandom over the last year#‘but shay whats redacted’#well if u really want to know check out ‘lunarmoves’ on tumblr/ao3#and dont judge me until u’ve read some of the stuff ive written/art ive rbed#and if u r curious as to how i ended up in that fandom……….. i read a fic on ao3. it was so good it rerouted my entire brain#the rest is history#anywayz sorry for disappearing!#it will happen again /hj#im more active on that other blog at the moment#go to sleep shay it's late o'clock#might answer some asks tn idk#feeling whimsical tn i guess LOL#i wouldve dropped my alt blog sooner but i truly thought it would be a short phase#it was not#1 year later im still there. partially.#it is a very nice fandom c: i didnt want to leave LOL#also i didnt want to mix that blog with this anime one#you;ll know why if u peep at my alt blog. it is two very VERY different fandoms
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#no but i actually hate that i made this blog to vent freely bc i have no other place to talk abt anything or my feelings or thoughts#and im a very isolated person and a shut in and i dont have a job or go to school successfully and i dont know anyone#like blah blah. i have struggled and im drowning in them all. like why the fuck cant ppl just comprehend that we all have different views o#life and the world? like 'wallowing' is .. i have heavy anxiety which is completely untreated and it gives me real bad suicidal ideation#if me complaining on a blog that im btw not forcing anyone to read helps me to stay alive and get my pain out... why does that matter to#other ppl?????? like why does other ppl get so mad seeing someone they dont know vent??#also this goes for everyone but u can literally have no idea abt all of a person's life#esp on here where all u see is like my text posts where i vent abt how i FEEL. bc i want to. ??? i want to do that so i do#u dont know the context u dont know my experiences or what has happened in my life or context#u dont know what has transpired between me and other ppl i vent abt#like u know fuck all. u dont have the right to pass judgement onto a stranger that doesnt even know u exist#and even if i complain on here bc i dont have a real life but i want to#u have no idea what im doing with the rest of my time???? im making lists im trying to look up info abt school and programs#im trying to read abt my mental health issues and im doing mindfulness and im going to the gym#i am trying!!! and u dont have any idea what i do or how i try and u dont have any right to judge me bc all u see is one part that is me#complaining bc this is what i use this blog for. genuinely i do not get why this is even a big deal or why anyone would follow or read smth#makes them irritated???????#idk.. i dont wanna disable anons and stuff (bc funnily enough no one ever says this stuff with their url 🤨) bc i dont wanna miss out on the#stuff but it is infuriating that i have nowhere to go no friends no therapist etc etc to talk#and this is all i have bc i want to vent !!!!!!! and then i have to be like ok now other ppl i dont even know#and who dont actually give a fuck abt me are gonna judge me and tell me im living incorrectly#and ive never gotten more such things than now? why do y'all hate that i vent abt losing out on my 1st love#and feeling heartbroken?????? what the fuck? that has nothing to do with anyone else but me? like genuinely wtf#i just wanna vent bc i feel like im drowning but now i feel like i cant bc ppl just judge and like ugh
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Greg in every episode of CSI (139/328) • Post-Mortem •
#csi#greg sanders#catherine willows#sara sidle#gil grissom#nick stokes#warrick brown#there he is! my favourite white boy!#own post#mine: every episode#I have so many thoughts feelings and opinions on this episode#starting with it bugs me when nick and warrick are talking and warrick says “did it never occur to greg to just reverse and get out...#... of the alley?“ as if him or nick wouldnt have done the EXACT same thing? no way would they have just sat there and watched that gang...#... beat up some innocent guy? no way.#other thing that bothers me in that last scene where the brother is in the car WHY IS GREG JUST STANDING THERE FKN MOVE MAN OMGG#and everything else is just sad :(( the scene with Greg and Sofia is just heartbreaking “I just want to be able to sleep again”...#like please stab me that would be less painful I swear#and when Grissom tells him he did a good job his sigh of relief like god man it hurts#i take back what I said about showing him in a “dark place” like he says in the reboot I dont think I'd watch s7 if they had done that...#... it still would have been good though#oh AND the scene where the judge asks him about the wine.... theres something about the way Greg answers idk is kinda hot?? just the way...#... he shuts everyone down like “Alcohol wasnt a factor bc how much I had and the rate the wine would burn off I had nothing in me after...#... an hour and a half let alone when I ran the guy over 😎👉#Greg Sanders making science sexy since 2006 😌
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obviously late to the party on this like 9 years later and not saying anything that hasn't already been said but its sooo interesting going back and watching blind playthroughs of undertale bc its so funny how many of the people drawn to the game immediately fall into the very first pitfall set by it by being so unimaginative that they cannot imagine a game system existing that does not require grinding up levels even as they say to themselves they don't want to kill the characters AND the npcs reference the game mechanics TO them
#obviously its really hard to judge bc from my pov by the time i knew what undertale was in 2015 i already kinda knew how it worked#but its fascinating bc i only ever thought that people would choose to kill the monsters on purpose to get the no-mercy run#OR because they did it accidentally bc they encountered froggits before they got to the point where you are outright told that you can and#are encouraged to show mercy to anything with a yellow name#but ive watched a few people now who immediately get into the game and are somewhat engaging with the story? but on a completely different#level from using the mechanics of the game. theyre like “i dont want to kill this creature” on a story level but can't tie that to their#feelings of how the mechanics SHOULD work in their minds. the only game mechanics they know are Press Kill Button To Progress Forward.#so many of them are like “ahhh but i need xp tho... need to get to a higher lvl...” and its like... Why Exactly DO You Think That?#idk. its incredibly fascinating. its media literacy for video games. why do you think the fighting system and story are disconnected from#one another? so maybe ppl saying “aww this npc is so cuuuute” and then just kill them and im like. What do you THINK the ending is going to#be if this is how you think the game is going to be played? just unwillingness to attach themselves fully to the story. its soo interestin#gamers get away with a loooot when it comes to media literacy in the games they play#anyway alexa stream Conquest of Dread's decolonizing videogames video essay
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Maruki wants to be right. He doesn't want to help people, he wants to be their hero and savior. In this essay I will...
#persona 5 royal#finally finished replaying the game and i have many thoughts i will not post but this one was in my drafts from Last time i played p5r#i continue to have mixed feelings on p5r only bc i think the sumire plot was just. not well executed. the maruki stuff is great#and theres a few minor qol adjustments they could have made (the veggie dialog takes so many restarts. why)#and unpopular opinion but i hate the akechi is alive postcredits hint i think the whole point is he should have stayed dead. sorry#i mostly liked third semester akechi. i think most of his confidant events are unhinged esp if you dont know the twist#but idk bc i knew the akechi twist before i started my very first playthrough so im a bad judge of that#either gonna replay strikers now or actually play persona 4 golden
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Events of last night:
Me: *crying*
My girlfriend: what's wrong?? :(
Me: *struggling to form words* intrusive thoughts are bad... I don't want to talk about them because then I'm scared that they're true and you might think I'm awful
My girlfriend: ah I actually get that. I have those a lot. It doesn't mean anything though, intrusive thoughts are just like dreams. Like the things you do in them aren't really things you want to do, it's just stuff your brain comes up with.
#we then very heavily related over having the same intrusive thoughts and now I'm suspicious#thinking about when i told her i might have ocd and she said i didnt#and starting to feel like thats because... what if we both have ocd#it seems like she was basing her entire knowledge of conditions on people shes known with those conditions. which makes sense#but the person/ people with ocd had severe cleaning compulsions and the like#where as me and her obsess much more over morality#like its very clear we think about it so much. and idk what to do with that information#we both feel like the intrusive thoughts and obsessive ruminating are the only things that keep is from being bad people#or that prevent us from being bad people i guess. idk why that wording is just slightly more accurate#like people who dont think about these things (apparently all 'normal' people since this could be *an actual disorder*)#they're not constantly analyzing. trying to be aware. asking themselves questions about their true nature. judging those answers#theyre not really doing that with other people either. of course i could be wrong since im very clearly not a normal person.#but this is what i mean! im speculating about other people and acknowledging the ways i could be wrong and just trying to figure it all out#but it seems like no one does that and it doesnt *make them* bad people. it just doesn't prevent them from that happening either#like theyre just as likely to hurt people as the 'bad' person thats thinking the same way they are#and i cant ever be comfortable with me living that reality even when *this reality* is a waking nightmare#sure im tearing my skin off (good ole skin picking disorder) when im thinking about these things. sure im crying. sure i can't sleep.#sure it makes me feel like im constantly a horrible person and need to attone for everything ive done and havent done#sure. but then i turn around and say its helping me. because why else would my brain torture me? isnt it always about protecting me?#i don't know. all i know is who i dont want to be and what i dont want. so that exactly what my brain convinces me is real#i guess what it kinda comes to do is#would you rather live a reality where everything around you is superficial. your thoughts behaviors and thoughts. your reactions#all of them are things youre never aware of. you could be hurting people or you could be helping themm#you could even be hurting yourself. but you would never know. its a comfortable reality that youre never really aware of#OR would you rather live a reality aware of all those things. seeking answers and sometimes finding them.#trying your hardest to help others and better yourself and fix the broken things in this world#your reality is one where you recognize every threat that no one else does and it kills you inside because they wont always listen#theyre comfortable and you're stuck in a reality where you try and try and try but even when you succeed#your brain forms its own reality. a metaphorical jail. where you never get to experience the reality you fought so hard for#instead you exist in this sort of purgatory where you live out your own worst fears and the worst ways you could have failed
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im trying to respond to people on my post who have questions or are confused but theres just so many 😭 i dont know how to explain the intricacies of classism or how hard it is to get a lawyer to start and WIN a discrimination case. especially since i dont know australian laws. but like... this behavior, denying someone a job for their outfit, is really common across the world. classism is pervasive and it's dangerous and it costs people their lives. we would have to change the capitalist system, change policies across the globe, and work on our internalized classist beliefs for the rest of our lives.
#i think a lot of people are sharing the post in shock and horror. not knowing that this happens to people every day. which is really sad.#like. this is an issue that is literally ignored and swept under the rug. to the point where people dont think about it. even though like.#when you hear about Interview/Business Culture you know you have to dress well. everyone knows that's like step 1. but people havent#actually stopped and asked what the purpose of that is or what that means. people haven't considered what happens if you break that rule. or#why that rule is there at all... emily gwen said that they can't afford new clothing. and couldnt get the words out in the moment. but like.#imagine this from the interviewer's perspective. she saw someone who was 'unprofessional' because of their clothing. and that's fucked up!#WE know the situation because of their post. but they shouldnt need to justify their attire like that to get a damn job. we dont need to#know someones circumstances to treat them like a person. and i want everyone to really think about this. how many times in your life have#you seen someone with worn out clothes. dirty clothes. clothes with holes in them. clothes that are 'too casual' for their setting. and how#have you treated those people? how have you thought about them? and think about this in media. how many people with bad clothes are seen as#irresponsible? or treated like shit? this happens every day. and it's not australia specific or america specific either. it's everywhere.#so please show others compassion. this experience is traumatic and alienating. it's hard to reach out. its embarassing to talk about.#and it's even harder to get legal defense for this stuff. you need money and you need solid proof. oftentimes people have neither.#other things to consider clothing-wise: clothes that dont fit. too big or too small. modified outfits. clothes that dont match the weather#(like wearing a sweater in the summer or thin shirts/shorts in the winter). like. these are things people judge all the time idk.#what happened to emily was horrific. but it's not new and youre not immune to thinking the same way.#anis gaymer moments
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Happy Valentines Day to whoever reads this..ANYWAYS my 2 fav covers on prsk is finally avaliable in en and cn servers hehe~♡
#kohana in severe pain#I hope you're having a better day than mine#just got out of classes at 8pm#literally shaking from hunger and exhaustion#everything would've been perfect if not for night classes#also im a single mf#thoughts and prayers for my love life#gacha game holiday bonuses got my back though#DONT JUDGE my combos#ik im horrible at rhythm games but i still keep playing idk why
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Listen I am I one of those moods again holy fucking shit I need to rant to badly
I fucking cannot with Ei and Yae. Like I genuinely love their characters but when I think of them along with Scara I get so unbelievably pissed. Scara was like a fuking child that Yae wanted to kill and that Ei neglected. His choices are his own and he should face the consequences but you cannot deny that Ei is a horrible fucking parent and its ridiculous that Nahida does a better job than her despite Scara trying to fucking kill her.
Scara fucked up but he was also taken advantage of and manipulated. His resentment began when he thought everyone he cared about betrayed him and I will never forgive Dottore for that among other shit for that. Ei created the dude and then just dipped and that is unexcusable. Yae gets a slight pass considering she wasn't the one who created him. Ei did. Ei had a responsibility and her trauma does not excuse that. She made him into a vessel to take the gnosis and then said nah you feel too many emotions. You cannot bring someone sentient into the world and then choose to abandon them even if that's what you thought the nicer option would be. He was left alone for 500 fucking years. That is absolutely insane. Maybe it's the older sib in me or maybe it's not but as much as I love Ei I cannot excuse her actions at all. God this is so complicated
#froggy rambles#I AM IN A MOOD OKAY DONT JUDGE ME#idk how ei thought leaving him alone would be the nicer option#thats so stupid girl#also yae why tf was your first idea to kill him#nah bruh i dont vibe with that at all#i still like ei okay#and well yae is alright but meh idgaf about her#this is mainly fueled by the sheer contrast of how nahida and ei treat scara in different circumstances#the one who has the most reason to not like him is the one who helped him more#compared to his literal mother who created another puppet that led to her ppl being opressed for a year#ik its only one year but like you literally fucked over so many of your ppl#you took away the thing that made them literally to preserve eternity#how the fuck is robbing ppl of their ambitions preserving eternity#oh but that was the puppet#no stfu it was under her orders#she created that puppet after she failed with scara who only was a fail for showing emotions!!!!!#anyways i have nothing else to say#this probs doesnt make sense but i didnt write to make sense#i just have many emotions#genshin impact
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girl seriously read up on some emotional intelligence. this self loathing angsty shit is NOT CUTE! the only men you are attracting are ones that will take advantage of you. you should be comfortable alone!! you are the catch!!
im confused bc im not trying to be cute for u....? im venting... and if u dont think that or who i am is cute then that just means we're different ppl. like when i see someone be self loathing and angsty i dont think mean thoughts abt them, idk my brain just isnt wired to be irritated w ppl for what i think is "living incorrectly". also i do read sm, i read abt everything bc the psychiatric system wont help me even when i've contacted them once a month now for 8 months. but no matter how much i read i cant rewire my brain. plussss loneliness affects and damages your psyche.... thats a real thing actually 🥴 anyway... whatever i didnt know what to say to this so i just started rambling.. my bad 🧍🏻♀️
#since i have avpd i wouldnt let anyone close enough to me to take advantage even so thats not a problem ☹️#ask#sorry but even society and the healthcare system shows me that im worthless and dont deserve help#so like if everyone shows me how worthless i am why would i not be full of self loathing....#im not a superhuman w super strength im just a weak little girl who cant stand against anything 😔#idk why im rambling all i want is a bf/gf but all i've got is this stupid ass blog where other ppl judge me constantly#but i still cannot shut up or not share my every thought bc i feel like im going crazy bc i cant relate or connect to anyone#and society is cold and cruel and just makes me angrier and angrier#i get why the joker became the joker like to me that's not even a villain#what do ppl think will happen when u isolate and alienate and completely turn your back on someone and leave them alone to fend for themselv#ok anyway can i shut up now thanks i dont want another 'i aint reading all that'#bc im writing this for myself bc i need to get my thoughts out all i know is to have monologues#i couldnt have a dialogue if it so would kill me
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told my mom about the tour bc i wanted to talk about it and she asked who was on tour and i said "... fall out boy" and her immediate reaction was "SERIOUSLY??" so maybe i was right to hide me liking their music from my family for about 16 months
#crunchyposts#fob#theres a REASON im scared of telling people my interests and apparently its them </333#yeah i havent told them at all that i like fob#i just go a little insane inside when i hear sugar in public#me ventilating#same woman who laughed when i said pjo > hp but like. whos laughing now mother#honestly worst part is. it made me forget for a second why i love their music#like i havent cried to their songs a hundred times#like one of my favorite songs isnt permanently on their setlist for a tour i wanted to talk about#if i ever got a lyric tattoo it would be 'for futures that never came and for pasts that we're never gonna change'#a lyric FROM THEIR LATEST ALBUM#god this just pisses me off this is why i didnt tell you.#i love their music. idk what gives you the right to judge me for it when you dont even know what songs theyve made#it just felt like i was the little undiagnosed autistic girl feeling silly that they thought their special interest was better than the#super popular thing that my parents loved again
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Crazy how many kids grow up afraid that someone else will find out abt their parents substance abuse issues when it is something that literally affects 1 in 8 families.
Crazy how many kids grow up feeling lonely and misunderstood while there are likely several other kids in their class going through the same thing.
Crazy how many kids grow up isolating themselves and lying to others for the protection and comfort of parents whose job it should be to protect them.
#obviously this is somewhat generalising bc everyone handles substance abuse differently#but for every single person ive spoken to whos been through the same thing i have growing up#the statements above have been painfully accurate#anyway it makes me so profoundly sad thinking abt how much energy i wasted constructing a world of lies to protect my dad#which like ? protecting him from what? the judgement of my friends? i think he can live with that#i was so embarrassed abt it when i was a kid- i thought the whole world would fall apart if ppl found out#but like why? that shit has nothing to do with me. he embarasses himself. im not to blame for his actions#i remember doing a school project in 8th grade and my friend made a joke like 'dont worry my parents arent alcoholics'#and this boy was like 'no. dont worry. my dad is an alcoholic so i dont judge you'#and im still not sure if he was joking too ? but it didnt feel like a joke#but i still wish i could have reached out and said something. or just acknowledge each other in some sort of shared pain#idk. i still think abt him#hope hes doing good. he was a sweet kid :) my mom rly liked his mom lol
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i started saying girlie/girl [ie. girl help] a few months ago and its getting to the point where its genuinely a problem. its settled down in my brain right next to "dude" as Gender Neutral Terms To Refer To Someone except girl ISNT widely accepted as gender neutral like dude. girl help im gonna slip up one day and misgender someone
Hfkshdjdb FAAAIR yea I don't use girl myself in that way but it is Definitely a valid thing. We made dude gender neutral girl can be gender neutral too. If we believe.
But yea I call myself a goroboy and a wolfwood girlie I'm all the genders and so much love for my favorite characters
#anonymous#ask#as for why it's wolfwood girlie Specifically . i dont know!#it's what i used the first time and it has stuck in my mind.#probably bc of the goroboy thing lmaoo. cant help it.#also i like the term 'girlie' in use for myself but ONLY by myself. if someone else called me girlie i would cut them.#but it's a uh. self term of endearment i guess? which sounds weird#but idk for a long time if i need a judge in the right direction or a bit of cheering up#i call myself girlie. like 'you can do this girlie' etc etc. obviously a relic from back when i thought i was a girl#but the endearment stays. and thus. wolfwood girlie lol#*nudge in the right direction lol. whoops
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Tiktok realized I was feeling off with my friend before I did
#pov: you slowly start hating your bsf *song on the back sick of your voice sick of your face sick of~*#and i was like whaattt noooo i dont hate *him* and thought of that one while at the time we supposedly were a trio#i saw two tiktoks like that#and then he send me one like 'haha why is tiktok showing me that?' or something#haha lmao dude same!! i also saw 2 of those i dont understanddd#and its been months#and just the other day i was talking with my mom and i told her how I felt and how hes been annoying me for no reason or done/said stuff#that bothered me#sbsjjsjs#and also. the last months im speaking daily with someone else and maybe not even exchange a word with my 'bsf' even though we sit together#in the bus and like- when sometimes i compare the 2 of them or how their reactions to stuff i say are-#idk i feel like hes constantly judging me or doesn't care about what I have to say so sometimes i dont even bother#like at this point im looking forward to the days hes not taking the bus back home so i can listen to music instead of sitting in silence#its an unspoken rule to always sit on the same place and i dont want to break it. even though the other day he was like 'sit on the front#cause im studying'#ahhshs ugh the other day I was like 30 minutes anxious he would judge me about something I did wrong but he never did#like am i just making shit up?? idk sometimes he just annoys me and i feel like an asshole cause we've been friends for so many years but#i do feel a better treatment by the new people im hanging out with most of the time like;#i never pay attention when you talk/oh yeah i remember that random thing you mentioned last year#and like i get he doesn't care about what we were talking about but literally saying 'i never pay attention to you 2' like ok. why even#talk to each other then? ... Also im sick of everyone who says shit like 'once we graduate we'll never see each other again' like yeah#if you have an attitude like that. like half of us are neighbors. i literally heard someone say 'can we be friends until july to go to the#concert?' and the other person was like why are you talking like that why wouldn't we be? and my bsf is one of those people who cant wait#to graduate and never return here#...oof ok im gonna go take a bath Goodbye#sugarenia talks#sugarenia diary#sugarenia has friends#sugarenia doesn't have friends
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i Did Not like it i Did Not like it i Did Not like it i Did Not like it (talking about nosferatu)
#PERSONALLY i thought it wasnt as great as people make it out to be.#this isnt even me comparing it to like. modern film or judging it on a scale like that no no no#i was judging within its time period and i still think it kinda sucked. like yeah sure it has some element helped to push them along#but also like. i dont know why its constantly noted as an extremely significany example??#idk i guess its probably for the genre i think..#ive never fully grasped genre so i wouldnt be suprised if that was it... ik it had an emergent genre
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