#idk guys i'm just very happy very dumb very much like :-)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! tonight i want to appreciate all the fics i mentioned

[luneshallshine]

✂ ateez as songs

a cute filler as i wrap my head around writing that san fic...

:)

pure fluff! some profanity..

ღ seonghwa

♫ playing now : pretty u by seventeen

does she love me? does she love me, not?

omg he fits this song so much !!

this song is so sweet and full cute lyrics

i can definitely see seonghwa as the last verse

i am counting flower petals all day long does she love me? does she love me, not? what will the petals answer to me?

just

imagine him picking petals to see if he should confess :(

he's such a sweetie

according to twt one of his fav svt songs is pretty u :(

he's so sweet

he WOULD be that boy next door trope

omgg

ღ hongjoong

♫ playing now : celebrate by ateez

you're the one, only one (only one) from 7 billion, the only one (only one)

the lyrics to this song

are

so

fucking

sweet!!

like hongjoong would say these words to you if you're having a bad day

you're the one, only one (only one) so i celebrate you, all about you

hongjoong is such a mature person at heart

he would write so many songs to uplift you

this song is one of my favorites bc of its lyrics

and i rlly feel like hongjoong said sm truth with this song

he would also help you overcome your insecurities :((

ღ yunho

♫ playing now : the feels by twice

'cause you got me good and i wanna be ya boo if it's dumb, well, i wanna be a fool (fool, fool, fool)

this song is so

happy??

idk i just felt a connection

yunho's our vitamin and i feel like he just has to have an upbeat song

this song is also kinda goofy and i think it fits yunho's vibe

underneath the neon lights, baby electricity tonight, baby

i can see him slaying this part^

he's just so positive that he makes me smile when i watch him

also he became one of my favs after the ateez concert in oakland bc he noticed me <;/3

our golden retriever :((

ღ yeosang

♫ playing now : antifragile by le sserafim

i'll climb higher top of the world i itched for (ah-ah)

LMAO PLEASE HEAR ME OUT

the lyrics are so good like yeosang is such a hardworker

all of ateez are

and like he killed the dance so...

no biggie if i were to fall i'm antifragile, antifragile

also like??? yeosang gets so little attention for his performance skills i'm :((

i feel like he's such an emotionally strong person so

he's quite literally antifragile

ღ san

♫ playing now : moth to a flame by the weeknd

like a moth to a flame i'll pull you in, i'll pull you back to what you need initially

tiktok has ruined me

he's either your bias or your biaswrecker, there's only two options

i thought i would only bias hwa and then san rocked my world

i feel like you can't help but be pulled to him (like a moth to a flame ahaha..)

it's just one call away and you'll leave him, you're loyal to me

he would be that one ex you'd fold for

don't disagree bc i'm right

everyone's guilty pleasure

ღ mingi

♫ playing now : all i wanna do by jay park

girl, tell me how you feel right now baby, let’s go up to the sky all i wanna do is kick it with you

off topic but the korean lyrics are so much more sweet than the english version LMAO

i was battling with putting this song for san or mingi

but mingi is such a big jay park fan i had to

the lyrics are so idk like vibe-y?

like they just want to have fun

i think it fits mingi very well

he'd want a relationship where they can be comfortable with each other and just chill n have fun

just like your outfit today, your heart is see-through all i wanna do is kick it with you

mingi can fucking rizz me up if he sang that to me

i mean he can regardless but

yk

he just gives off that vibe on stage

if he ever went solo, he'd be wilding like jay park does

ღ wooyoung

♫ playing now : embarassed by bts

why am I getting weirder in front of you?i’m not a pre-schooler but why is everything so childish? ;ook at my eyes, my jokes aren’t serious

idk this song makes me so giddy

woo gives off no decorum but also self-cringe vibes

also imagine woo singing this song

it could be so good

he's also such a loyal yet childish person

he'd be that puppy love typa guy, the love that lasts ofc

i was too shy to become your sun so i became a cold moon but afterwards, i keep making a wave of blankets on top of my ocean bed

woo to this song fits so well im crying

just imagine him getting so shy around you, but still trying

aaahhh ideal boyfriend i swear

ღ jongho

♫ playing now : leave the door open by bruno mars

i ain't playing no games every word that i say is coming straight from the heart

they killed this fucking cover

bruno mars-lover jongho gets this song ofc

i literally can't listen to the song normally without hearing his voice LMAOO

this song is such honeymoon phase vibes omg

i'm here just waiting for you come on over, i'll adore you

liiiike jongho gives me husband vibes

like he doesn't fuck around

all genuine love

probably gives the BEST bear hugs in the fucking world

aight fuck tumblr they keep fucking up my format :((

writer's block sucks, but this was quick n easy :D

ღ lune

[docheros]

guys i’m so fucking emotional about the absolute gems that are in the dochero and dapperanti tags in ao3. i know most of the tag is just me or all the egos fucking each other but the few that are there, GOD. fight!, kissing a sleeping hero, trust exercise, the works by dearelizaa, ALL JASPER’S FANFICS, like SERIOUSLY these fics have been GIVING. the more popular pairings don’t know the privilege that is to have these fanfics on their tag, really

[jaycewrites-192000]

Growl: Chapter 6

Warnings: None

Tags: @theravencawsatmidnight @etroman @kaariqueen

Your P.O.V

I sat on my bed, phone in hand trying to think of what to say to Kyotani. I would type out a few words then immediately delete it, because it sounded really dumb or really desperate. "Why is this so hard?" I groaned. I could say whatever to Iwaizumi and Oikawa and it wouldn't bother me later on, but with Kyotani...I just really don't want to mess this up. I looked back down at my phone screen, took a deep breath and typed.

Me: Hey Kyotani, it's me Y/n, did you make it back home?

I held my phone to my chest, I didn't even want to see the speech bubble pop up. But when it did, and my phone dinged, my stomach did a backflip. I looked at my phone.

Kyotani: Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah? That was all he typed? I sighed slightly, well, he never was a man of many words.

Me: That's good. So, about coming over again. How does tomorrow night sound?

"Wow, way to be clingy." I mutter.

Kyotani: Sounds good.

I blinked a few times. "Whoa really? That worked?"

Me: Cool! I'll see you then.

Kyotani: See ya.

I let out a weak sigh and fell back onto my bed. Before I fell asleep I went back to the texts and changed Kyotani's name to:

🐶Mad Puppy🐶

He might have the personality of a feral wolf, but he could be as cute a little puppy. I smiled softly before drifting off to sleep.

Your P.O.V

Your alarm jerked your awake early the next day. With a groan you sat up and turned it off and checked your phone, you gasped when you saw what day it was. "It's Saturday!!" You cheered before flopping back down on your bed. It might be immature for you to act like a child when it came to the weekend, but Jesus did you hate waking up early to go to some boring classes for eight hours a day. Besides, you had a very important day ahead of you. Tonight was the night you went over to Kyotani's place for dinner. The grin on your face only grew wider. "It's like a date...only his mom is going to be there too..."

Speaking of moms, you needed to tell your mom you wouldn't be home early tonight. "Oh great. She's never going to get off my back over this." You sighed. You got up and changed out of your pajama's and into some comfy clothes before heading downstairs. Your mother was just on her way out it the door once you got to the bottom of the stairs. "Hey mom!" You called, making her stop. "Yes sweetie?" She turns to face you. "Um, is it cool if I go over to a friends for dinner tonight?"

"Hm? You mean Iwaizumi?" She asks. "No, not him."

"Oikawa?"

"No."

"...uh, then who?" She mutters.

"A new friend. Remember that intense guy I told you about? His name is Kyotani." You tell her. "Huh, I see. Well first I'm happy that you're making new friends sweetie." Your mother smiled. "But are you sure this "intense" guy is a friend? I just want to make sure you're not being bullied."

"I'm not being bullied. He is a pretty angry person at times but, he's actually really cool too." Your mother took a minute to think about it. "Alright, you can go. Do apologize to them for me. I won't be there."

"You won't?" Your mother shook her head. "I work late tonight. I won't be home until midnight. Which I expect you to be home before then, understand?" Your mother raised an eyebrow. "Yes, I promise. I'll tell them." Your mother pats your head and opened the front door. "Good, I'll see you later." She waves before leaving the house. "Of course you're working late again." You mutter as you walk into the living room. It never use to bother you as much before, but the more you thought about it and the more you watch her leave, the more it bothered you. She was always working, even during the weekends. You two hardly ever talked at times. You sat on the couch and decided to watch your favorite show to pass the time.

After a while, your phone dinged.

Shittykawa: Heeeeeey L/n-Chan! Wanna hang out? I'm free all day~😙

. . . . .

Shittykawa: Don't ignore me!😫

You: That was my answer.

Shittykawa: Your answer was pure silence?

You: Yeah. 😒

Shittykawa: Whatever.🙄 What are you up to?

You: Lazying about. Something you would know well huh, Lazykawa?

Shittykawa: So. Rude. What about later tonight?

You: Can't. I have plans.

Shittykawa: Liiiiike?

You: What's it to you?

Shittykawa: Come on! The least you can do is tell me!

You: Uggggh! I have dinner plans with Kyotani ok!?

. . .

You: Shittykawa?

Shittykawa: YOU HAVE A DATE WITH MAD DOG!?

You: It's not a date!!!

Shittykawa: Really? You? Him? Dinner??? Is it not clicking L/n-Chan?

You: His mom is going to be there, dumbass.

Shittykawa: I just can't believe it... You. And Mad Dog??? Of all people???

Me: What's so wrong with that?

Shittykawa: First, I can't believe you chose him over me 😭 Second, he's not exactly the ladies man. He's more the, scare and intimidate everyone he comes in contact with, man.

Me: Oh shut up Shittykawa. Kyotani's cool. Now if you'll excuse me, he's texting me right now. So I'm gonna get to that if you don't mind 😡 Besides, we all know you gay af.

You didn't bother to read what Oikawa texted next.

Mad Puppy: Hey. You still on for tonight?

You: Yeah totally! I'm really looking forwards to it.

Mad Puppy: Cool. My mom's been pestering me about it all fucking morning. It's like she's trying to play matchmaker. It's ducking creepy.

Your heart twinged a bit at that.

You: Oh yeah? Sorry to hear that.

Mad Puppy: It's whatever. Just telling you ahead of time, she's gonna keep this up the whole night. I just know she is. Anyway, I'll call you later ok? I gotta take Killer on a walk.

You: Ok. Talk to you later.

You bury your face in your hands. You had a feeling that tonight was going to take a lot out of you.

Later that night you stayed close by your phone, just waiting for that call from Kyotani. You had already gotten ready ahead of time, just so you would have to be in a rush later. You wore a short (color) dress with leggings.

(I know that must suck, but give me a break idk what outfit description would satisfy you all lol)

You didn't want to be super dressy but you didn't want to look like a bum in front of Kyotani and his mom. Speaking of, your phone lit up as the ringer went off. You scramble to pick up your phone before answering. "H-hello?"

"Hey, just checking in. You all ready to go?"

"Yep, I'm ready. I'll be over soon."

"Oh uh, actually...I'm on my way to your place....I didn't want you to walk alone at night."

You held back an "aw", you knew it would make him mad. "That's really nice of you Kyotani. Thank you."

"Yeah, I just figured you'd feel more comfortable if you were with someone. Anyway, I'll be there in a few."

"Ok. I'll see you then." You hung up and held your phone to your chest, the brightest smile on your face. Who knew Kyotani could be so nice? You never thought that you would have fallen for someone who looks pissed 24/7, but here you are.

Shortly after, Kyotani was knocking at your door. You took a deep breath and opened the door. "Hi." You say softly. "Hey." He responds. "You ready to go?" You nod and walk out the door before shutting it. "Oh yeah, forgot to mention, my sister will be there too." He tells you. "Really? What's she like?"

"She's a l bitch." Kyotani says bluntly. "Oh come on." You laugh. "Is she really that horrible?" Kyotani nods. "Yep." You just rolled your eyes. You didn't have a brother or sister, but you understood that siblings would pick fights and "resent" each other from time to time. "Is your dad gonna be there too?" Kyotani remained silent, his eyes narrowed. "No." Oh....You decided not to press for more questions, not yet at least. You didn't want to ruin the night by bringing up touchy subjects.

Before you knew it, you were at his home. Kyotani knocked on the door, which was immediately answered by his mom and Killer, who was barking and jumping on you. "Oh, look at you Y/n! You look stunning! Doesn't she Kentaro?" His mom gushed. Kyotani nods. "Come on in! Dinner is just about ready!" You thanked her before stepping inside. At the table was a girl with black hair and the same yellow eyes as Kyotani sat. She wasn't really paying attention to anything or anyone, aside from her phone, which she tapped away on. "Natsuki, we have a guest. Put that thing down for once!" Her mom says as she walks to the stove. Natsuki sighs heavily and puts her phone down. "Hey." She mutters. "You my dumb little brother's girlfriend or something?" You and Kyotani's faces turn red.

"Shut your trap, Natsuki!" Kyotani growls. "She's way too pretty for you, mutt." She smirks. "I said shut it!"

"Both of you shut up!" Their mother yells. "Sorry about my two idiots Y/n." She smiles. You just wave it off. "Uh, don't worry about it." Kyotani and Natsuki's mother set down a very delicious meal on the table. Everyone sat down and gave thanks for the meal before digging in. "Wow. This is really good!" You say as you take another bite. Kaori smiles warmly. "I'm glad you like it. You should take some home for your family. I may have gotten carried away and made a little too much. I was just so surprised that my son brought over such a sweet and beautiful young lady!" Kyōtani grumbles a curse under his curse. Your face warmed up. "I'm kinda surprised myself." You admit.

"Same here. Ken has always been weird. Never thought girls would be interested in him." Natsuki says bluntly. "Tsk. And I never thought guys would be into you, guess I was right, huh?" Kyotani counters. The two siblings were caught in a glare off with each other. "I say cut it out, both of you!" Kaori hissed.

The rest of the night was filled with conversations about school, and marriage, much to Kyotani's dismay, and just causal convo. There were more compliments about how nice and cute you were from his mom, and some questions from his sister for you like "so how much did my brother pay you to hang out with him?". They had to be one of the most chaotic family you've met, but you did enjoy their company. It was getting late, time for you to head home. Once again, Kyotani walked you home. "Thanks again." You smile softly. "Yeah, sorry about my mom and sister. Must have been exhausting." You shook your head. "They were great. I had a really good time tonight. Make sure you get back home safe ok?" Kyotani nods. "See ya." He turned ad walked away.  You wave before walking inside your home. Your mother still wasn't home, you decided to head up stairs and catch up on your favorite anime.

While watching, your phone dinged. You looked down to see a text from Kyotani.

🐶Mad Puppy🐶 I had a good time too. Night

You smiled and texted back.

You Good night 😊

Previous | Next

[blossom-hwa]

Okay I'm super sorry if I'm requesting too many things but I was listening to holiday music while driving home from work yesterday and was suddenly struck by the need for some chaotic holiday/winter shenanigans with the boyz, if that's okay? Reader involvement isn't necessary! Pretty please and thank you sooo much ❤❤❤ -🌻

You’re not requesting too many things don’t worry Sunny!!! I literally owe you everything for half the fics I’ve written in the past year so there’s no way I could refuse, also this is what the drabble game is for!! I hope you enjoy this half-baked bullshit LMAO

3-year anniversary drabble game: send me an NCT/WAYV/Stray Kids/The Boyz member + a prompt (check out the post for ideas) and I’ll write a drabble for you!

(don’t think I've mentioned it but all of these text aus are in the same universe lol)

(also this ended up not being as holiday-ish as you probably wanted.... SORRY)

~

Title: Holiday Shenanigans

Pairing: no pairings, just the boyz being dumb

Triggers: a lot of cursing

~

quick clarification:

papi: sangyeon

angel: jacob

moon scribblez: kevin

new kid: chanhee

starbucks tissues: changmin

sundae: sunwoo

bread: younghoon

the better hyun: hyunjae

the better jae: eric

professional rollerblader: juyeon

foodie: haknyeon

~

new kid: I'm going to commit murder

sundae: who’s he making empty threats about this time

new kid: IT’S NOT AN EMPTY THREAT

moon scribblez: who wants to hear about the cockroach that fucking crawled out of my mop today!!

papi: pls don’t tlalk about it I was scarred for life

moon scribblez: IT’S YOUR TUTORING CENTER IT’S Y O U R FAULT WE HAVE A COCKROACH INFESTATION

papi: it’s not an infestation Kevin

new kid: is no one going to pay attention to my murder

angel: I will! but I won’t be an accessory

moon scribblez: I BEG TO FUCKING DIFFER

moon scribblez: THAT THING WAS HUGE IT WAS MORE LIKE A SPIDER JFC

new kid: I love you jacob

moon scribblez: IF I SHAKE THE FUCKING MOP TODAY AND COCKROACHES CRAWL OUT I’M QUITTING MY FUCKING JOB

angel: love you too <3

sundae: /barfs/

papi: #1 sunwoo just bc you’re allergic to emotion doesn’t mean the rest of us are

papi: some of us are capable of love

new kid: JI CHANGMIN ISN’T

papi: #2 I don’t own the center I'm just the center director therefore I do not take responsibility for any possible infestations we may have

starbucks tissues: I heard my name :D

new kid: sTOP FUCKING TERRIFYING ME WHEN I’M JUST TRYING TO WORK

new kid: IT’S ALMOST C H R I S T M A S HALLOWEEN IS G O N E

papi: therefore take it up with the owners @ moon scribblez

starbucks tissues: but it’s always halloween :(

moon scribblez: I TOOK THE MOP TO THE SINK

moon scribblez: PUT IT THERE AND TURNED ON THE FAUCET

moon scribblez: A FUCKING BROWN SPIDER-LOOKING COCKROACH BITCH ASS C R A WL E D OUT

moon scribblez: AND YOU WON’T TAKE RESPONSIBILITY??????????

papi: I just deal with the parents and the kids not bugs

new kid: it is NOT ALWAYS FUCKING HALLOWEEN

new kid: IF YOU WANT TO CELEBRATE

new kid: CELBRATE C RH SI T MA S 

moon scribblez: time to pin it on ella

starbucks tissues: :(

sundae: now look what you’ve done chanhee

sundae: you’ve made him sad

new kid: I GOT TERRIFIED BY A NUN MASK AND YOU CARE ABOUT IF H E’ S SAD????????????????

starbucks tissues: :(

angel: I think I'm going to head out

angel: I don’t think even I can heal this rift

moon scribblez: well if jacob’s out I'm out

moon scribblez: I have a solution to my problems 

papi: just don’t get me involved

moon scribblez: no promises !

starbucks tissues: I can scare ella if you want kevin :)

moon scribblez: YES FUCKING PLEASE

papi: I'm going to get fired

moon scribblez: maybe so :D

new kid: no one cares about my problems I see

new kid: everyone hates me

sundae: ya it’s bc you’re the new kid

new kid: I exist only for pain 

~

bread: so hyunjin told me to tell changmin to stop using various horror movie masks to terrify him at work

starbucks tissues: so out of work is fair game?

bread: idk he didn’t specify

bread: probably

starbucks tissues: :D

the better hyun: oh what the fuck this shit isn’t normal

the better hyun: it’s impossible for someone to be so cute but so terrifying

starbucks tissues: I'll take that as a compliment :D

the better hyun: it isn’t but whatever makes you happy ig

the better jae: changmin

the better jae: I only ask that you leave the nun mask and chucky doll at home when we have our christmas party

starbucks tissues: well that’s no fun :(

bread: changmin I'm sorry but your idea of fun is very different from ours

bread: Jacob back me up

angel: I'm sorry changmin but he’s right :(

starbucks tissues: :((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

the better hyun: by the way for the party

the better hyun: who’s doing what???????

the better jae: I'm bringing the xbox!!

foodie: I'm bringing cookies !

papi: I'm cooking with Kevin and juyeon

professional rollerblader: yes it’s going to be fun

professional rollerblader: Kevin says he’s going to make a cheesecake

the better jae: can I save a piece for jisung??

moon scribblez: if we don’t eat all of it

new kid: why

new kid: why did I just hear screaming from the tutoring center

moon scribblez: oH MY GOD SANGYEON

professional rollerblader: TAHT WAS GLORIOUS

sundae: what happened

foodie: why do you only show up for chaos

sundae: I only exist for chaos nothing else is worth my time

the better jae: fair enough

angel: what happened? I thought I saw someone fall ??

angel: but I'm across the walkway so idk :(

angel: is everyone all right?

papi: I think I have a concussion

moon scribblez: oh please you just fell off a tiny stepladder

professional rollerblader: can’t believe sangyeon just fell off a stepladder trying to put up a fucking Christmas stocking 

papi: I hate christmas

papi: I hate everything

moon scribblez: the kids are laughing

moon scribblez: I think I'm going to bust a lung

papi: my dignity has been stripped and I no longer want to live

the better hyun: wait juyeon why are you even there 

the better hyun: you don’t even tutor

foodie: ‘does she even go here’

the better jae: ‘does she even go here’

foodie: ERIC

the better jae: HAK

sundae: oh wow amazing their brain cells conjoined into one single coherent thought and of course it had to be a mean girls reference

starbucks: how did this start out with younghoon telling me to stop scaring hyunjin at work

bread: honestly I don’t know

~

moon scribblez: winter break is upon us

moon scribblez: and I can now bask in the fact that I don’t have to teach spoiled rich assholes basic math for two whole weeks !

papi: speak for yourself

moon scribblez: your fault for being center director

angel: I hate to agree with Kevin and be mean but you really did bring that upon yourself sangyeon

papi: want death

professional rollerblader: no don’t die! we need your food for the party tomorrow

papi: can’t believe all you care about is my food not even me

sundae: did you expect anything different

papi: on a regular basis no

papi: but it’s the holiday season

new kid: holidays are a social construct made to force us into the world of capitalism and giving our money to fat fucking corporations like amazon

starbucks tissues: if I could give Jeff Bezos a heart attack with my nun mask I would

new kid: that’s the only use of that mask that I approve of

starbucks tissues: turn around

the better jae: was that

the better jae: was that new

bread: I don't think I've ever heard chanhee scream that loud

foodie: I’m at the food court and I heard that what the fuck

foodie: the build a bear is like all the way down the mall what the fuck

starbucks tissues: :)

bread: I think that scream rivaled changmin’s dolphin levels

sundae: brb still dying of laughter

sundae: I'm so happy I caught that on video

new kid: Kim sunwoo

new kid: don’t you fucking dare

sunwoo: [ 1 video attached ]

new kid: someone’s dying tonight

professional rollerblader: I can’t believe I missed this I'm so mad

foodie: I think the fake Santa Claus looking over in abject horror just adds to it

starbucks tissues: ^^^

new kid: someone’s dying tonight

angel: there there

angel: no one’s dying tonight

new kid: someone IS

new kid: AND NOT EVEN JACOB CAN STOP ME

the better jae: bet changmin’s mask can

new kid: I'm ripping that fucking mask to shreds

starbucks tissues: :(

bread: now he’s hugging the fucking mask like it’s his baby 

bread: [ 1 image attached ]

the better hyun: as I have said before

the better hyun: it is not normal for someone to look that cute while holding a fucking horror movie mask

papi: I've come to accept that none of you are normal

papi: I think it’s best for your sanity to accept that too

moon scribblez: I'm so late but I'm also rolling on the floor with laughter

papi: can confirm he’s actually on the floor

papi: Kevin you give our center a bad name

moon scribblez: I deadass do not care

moon scribblez: you gave me ashley today so I'm giving you chaos

moon scribblez: suck it <3

angel: she can’t be that bad?????????

moon scribblez: Jacob I know you’re an angel

moon scribblez: but you don’t understand

angel: I guess I don’t :/

~

foodie: I'm going into a food coma!

foodie: don’t attempt to contact me for the next twenty four hours peace <3

sundae: we wouldn’t have in the first place

foodie: :(

angel: sunwoo don’t be mean :(

sundae: fine

sundae: sorry hak

foodie: :)

new kid: the power of one Jacob bae

starbucks tissues: he prevents wars with just his smile

bread: all hail the angel

the better jae: *bows*

angel: guys pls

moon scribblez: no they’re right

moon scribblez: he took me home last night when I was drunk off my ass

moon scribblez: a true angel

angel: guys pls I'm blushing :(

papi: can confirm ! I'm sitting next to him

papi: also he made me hangover soup so can confirm the angel bit too

professional rollerblader: honestly if Jacob wasn’t here we wouldn’t have survived last night

professional rollerblader: he de-escalated Mario kart

professional rollerblader: stayed sober

professional rollerblader: took people home

foodie: all hail Jacob bae

the better jae: I thought you were in a food coma?????

foodie: came back to pay my respects to our lord and savior Jacob bae

the better jae: ok valid

angel: g u y s

the better hyun: has this conversation just become an all hail Jacob bae conversation

moon scribblez: do you want to fucking argue about it

the better hyun: no on the contrary

the better hyun: I'm joining

the better hyun: alL HAIL JACOB BAE

papi: amen

moon scribblez: aMen

professional rollerblader: a fucking men

angel: I'm going to start crying guys pls

new kid: NO DON’T CRY

starbucks tissues: Jacob don’t cry :(((((((((

angel: you guys are so sweet I can’t not cry

papi: I'm hugging him now no more crying

the better jae: two bros, chillin in a hot tub

the better jae: no feet apart bc they’re secure in their masculinity and love each other very much <3

moon scribblez: FIVE FEET APART BC THEY’RE NOT GAY

moon scribblez: fuck

the better jae: YOU RUINED IT

the better jae: yOU BITCH

professional rollerblader: didn’t Jacob call us sweet like one minute ago?

new kid: well he’s an angel he sees the best in us

sundae: there’s no best in you bitch

new kid: oh fuck you

bread: great way to end the holiday season ig

[halfway-happyyy]

Random but I was about to be an aunt. My sister in law was 3 months into her pregnancy but it had to be interrupted... As I'm grieving I wish I had Alex to talk to. This is dumb but I think I'm in dire need of softness. Being listened, being cared about/for. Idk if this is even an okay request or if you're comfortable with it, but I was wondering if you could write something? Idk, I'm sorry. Please don't feel pressured to do so. I'm also sorry to dump this on you, just needed to say it. -A🖤

Hello sweet A. I wanted to start by saying that I am truly sorry for what you’re going through right now. Such a heartbreaking situation to be in, and my heart goes out to you (and your family) so much. Please don’t ever be sorry or afraid to drop something on me- my inbox is literally always open to anyone (I may be a little slow to respond) but I see you guys, and I appreciate you all so much. I want my blog to be a safe space for anyone here, because I think it’s important. I am putting what I wrote beneath a readmore because it contains some pretty heavy subject matter. If you are uncomfortable with it at all, please let me know, and I can remove it. I am honoured that you chose me to share with, and I am around if there is anything else I can do for you. Much love, friend.

tw: miscarriage 

“Close your eyes and remember this moment forever.”

Occasionally, there were fragments in life that begged to be committed to memory. She had not experienced very many of them to date, but the night that she met Alexander, he had whispered that very sentence to her and she had never forgotten it. Three and a half months ago, she had been seated adjacent to him at one of their favourite brunch haunts downtown. God, if she just closed her eyes, she could still see everything so clearly- as if it had happened yesterday and not over a hundred days ago. She could still hear the muted classical music floating in on the warm breeze from the restaurant, and the cacophonous clatter of ceramic plates and metal utensils as waiters bustled by in the background. She could still see the half empty glass of orange juice in front of his empty plate, the opaque flecks of pulp pasted to the rim of the glass. Of all her favourite views in the universe, closest to the top had to have been Alexander. And he could be doing anything, really. Whether he was seated cross-legged at the kitchen table, his blue gaze scanning the weathered pages of a coffee-stained script, or whether he was next to her at a concert, the live band loud, and the deep crinkles next to his eyes telling of his palpable happiness. It did not matter what he was doing, she was simply grateful to have someone to touch, to look at, to love. She could still feel the buzz of the phone next to her, signaling an incoming message. She had glanced down at the name on the screen and frowned to herself, running a finger over the glass and opening the text message fully. She peered down at the cellphone in her hand for what felt like hours, the words on the screen finite but still somehow otherworldly and slightly hard to believe.

“What is it, kid? Everything okay?” Alexander had asked.

She swallowed hard; a small smile pulled at the edges of her lips. “They’re uh… they’re pregnant, Alex.” She lifted her gaze to his, her unbridled happiness utterly contagious, and soon his elation matched that of her own. There had been no need to ask who the joyous news belonged to; her partner had known the moment that she uttered it, but even he could not know how her heart skipped a beat at the thought of the role she was about to play in a little one’s life.

“You’re going to be an Auntie…” Alexander had murmured, his voice breathless with joy. He held her to him that evening, as she spoke at length of the plans she envisioned for her future niece or nephew. She had drifted to sleep hours later with her much smaller hand entwined with his own, and to his soft, whispered voice saying,

“Close your eyes and remember this moment forever.”

And then one evening about a week ago, while she was at a private function with Alexander, she received a series of phone calls. She had managed to miss the first two, the collective chatter from the people around her had helped to drown the sound of her ringer out completely, and she only noticed the missed calls when she excused herself to use the washroom. The third call came in while she was fixing her dress, and she answered on the second ring. “Hello?” Something unbearably painful lingered in the silence. She pressed a finger over her ear to hear better. “Hello?” She asked again and heard only muffled sobbing in response. “Please try to calm down, I can’t understand you...” She implored the person on the other end of the line. Finally, a single sentence was uttered over the crackle of the phone wire, and her phone fell from her slipping grasp, landing in the sink below her with a resounding clank. Exiting the safety of the washroom, she stumbled back out into the heavily crowded room; her gaze was blurry with saltwater as she searched desperately for Alexander in the mass of bodies. She found his imposing figure at the bar, awaiting a drink, and tugged on his cuff-linked sleeve wordlessly.

“Ah, there you are kid. I was just about to send-” His voice faltered as he took note of her stoic figure. “Baby, what’s wrong?”

She swallowed hard and shook her head. Tears were moments away from breaking free of their dam and cascading down her face without pause. “We need to leave, Alex.”

His blue eyes widened in worry. “What is going on?”

She shook her head again. “We have to leave. Now. Please.” Her voice was pleading, and instead of waiting for a response from him, she turned on a heel and made for the exit. Once outside, she hugged her arms tight to her frame and slid down the side of the brick wall, resting her forehead against her knees. She tried to take deep, measured breaths to keep from hyperventilating and shivered only slightly in the balmy, mid-October air. Alexander joined her moments later, both of their coats slung over his forearm, a look of extreme concern etched across his features.

Crouching down in front of her, he placed a warm hand over her bare shoulder. “Will you tell me what’s going on?” She had been about to say something when a car horn blared in the distance and their taxicab pulled up to the curb before them. “Come, love. Let’s get you home.” He held her to him as she cried nearly all the way home, his warmth like a weighted blanket around her. “What happened, kid?” He whispered when there was a momentary intermission in her tears.

“She lost the baby.”

Those words hung suspended in the air above them like a dark raincloud. She had weathered storms before- but never anything remotely close to this magnitude. “Oh, my sweet girl…” Alexander held her tighter to him as he pressed a tender kiss to the top of her head. “I am so sorry.” She stayed like that for the remainder of the ride home, her head tucked firmly beneath his chin, tears flowing freely down her now-raw cheeks. When the vehicle glided to a halt in front of their home fifteen minutes later, Alexander handed over a wad of cash and told the driver to keep the change. If she had to think back on it now, the time between when she exited the vehicle, entered the house, and made her way to the safety of her bedroom, was totally blank. It could not have taken more than ten minutes but try as she might, those ten minutes had dissipated for good with no hope of ever recovering them. “Let me help you…” Alexander had murmured when he joined her moments later in their room. She stood motionless in front of their expansive mirror, her eyes bloodshot and exhausted. He stood behind her and reached with warm fingers for the zipper at the base of her neck. He made quick work of undressing her and watched the expensive material pool at the bottom of her feet. Wordlessly, he unclasped her bra and hung it over the back of the chair adjacent to them. “One of mine?” He whispered.

She nodded her head. “Please.”

Alexander turned and made for the walk-in closet, to his clothes that were hung to the left of where hers were. He felt around for the familiar material of one of his worn t-shirts and produced it from the middle of the rack, returning to where she was still stood. “Arms up,” He whispered, and watched as she did as she was told wordlessly. He fitted the t-shirt down over her body, watched it settle just above the top of her knee. He closed the distance between them and wrapped his warm arms around her waist, his chin resting softly in the crook of her shoulder. Their eyes met in the mirror and he asked her, “Would you like to talk about it?”

Her gaze fell from his and she tugged her bottom lip between her teeth, the familiar prickle of tears stabbed threateningly behind her eyes. “Not tonight.” She was not yet sure if it was something she ever wanted to talk about- it was a grief so intense in measure that she felt she lacked the proper words to describe it. To have something so tangible ripped from your grasp without warning… she could hardly bear it. “I want to lay down.” She pulled away from his embrace to stumble over to the bed. It had yet to have been made from that morning still, but she hardly cared. She climbed into it wordlessly and pulled the weighted blanket up over her body, hoping that sleep would come for her soon. She felt his side of the bed dip under his weight a few moments later, heard the rustle of the blanket as it was pulled back to allow him to slide in.

“May I hold you?” He asked, quietly.

She swallowed hard; her throat had been scratchy from the onslaught of tears. “Yeah.”

He shimmied up behind her and folded his long legs up behind her own, and together they laid like that for what seemed like hours. When she continued to stir against him, he whispered to her a folktale in his native tongue- something he had been in the habit of doing whenever she had had a rough time getting to sleep in the past. It worked. She had been able to drift into a fitful slumber, but 6:45 am came early, and with that consciousness came a tidal wave of despair and she did not have the energy to fight. She cried until she could no longer breathe through her nose, and resorted instead to taking deep, gulping breaths. She closed her eyes and tried to will herself to get a proper breath in, as Alexander stirred behind her. “Woah, woah… it’s okay, kid.” His voice was raspy and bore the heavy weight of recent sleep. “Come here, you.” He whispered and reached for her, scooping her up into his arms and falling back to rest against the solid oak headboard.

“It hurts, Alex…” Her fragile voice teetered precariously on the edge of breaking.

He held her head to his chest as he cradled her in his arms and rocked her back and forth in a slow, steady motion. “Shh, I know, baby. I know it hurts,” He kissed the top of her head tenderly. “You just feel everything you need to feel, hm? I’ll be right here with you.” He caressed a warm palm to the apple of her cheek and swiped stray tears away with the pad of his thumb. “I’ll always be right here.” He held her like that until morning dawned, and an October sun had begun to pour in through the crack in the linen curtains, shining beams of light over pieces of her disheveled hair. Alexander rubbed reassuringly circles into the soft skin of her arm and placed a series of feather-light kisses over her neck and shoulder. “I won’t let you bear the weight of this alone, my love,” He let the silence collect between them before he cleared his throat. “And I won’t force you to talk about anything you don’t want to, but I need you to know that you are not in this alone.”

“Close your eyes and remember this moment forever.”

And she would. She figured that she would remember the precise feeling of the pain for the rest of her life; how it felt so much like literal heartbreak, that she was scared she would succumb to it at any moment. But she would also remember the immense amount of love that she felt for Alexander; for the immense amount of love that he poured into her, and how grateful she was just to have him around in some of the darkest moments of her life.