#idk how to say this AUGH. i just feel a little disconnected sometimes and i want to get MORE connected and learning spanish

[nazumichi]

they weren’t lying, that dis sure can connect.

[kirlianradio]

Ranboo saying they aren’t sure if gay rlly covers or fully describes them and honestly what if I go on a whole rant abt how difficult it’s been navigating sexuality while I’m transgender

Like idk I commend that, for some ppl it IS easy and that’s valid too. but god I’ve pent up so many feelings of uncertainty that it’s..rough sometimes. I feel like I HAVE to almost decide on a label becuz even in posts saying how valid questioning is. they almost make that an end goal. “You’ll figure it out eventually” and I do sometimes feel comfy with labels. Sometimes it’s nice. Feels secure. But sometimes it feels.. restricting?

I’ve used gay for now becuz well, I know for sure I like men and ppl outside the binary! And the majority of the time I do just, feel like a man.

But I’ll have these fleeting moments where I feel like just “anything goes” I don’t have a care in the world, for both gender and sexuality. I’m just human we’re just human whatever. Do these short periods invalidate the majority?

Sometimes I’m a man but at the same time maybe I feel like a lady a little bit, while yeah I’m still a dude, that feminine aspect sometimes makes me feel a lil disconnected from the gay label. Those who r fem and gaymlm r valid but idk sometimes for *ME* I feel out of place..

I’m attracted to ppl outside the binary, sometimes very feminine ppl. where yeah, they’re still always gonna be outside the binary but it makes me think, AM I not attracted to women? gender is just a label, idc abt genitals, idc abt gender presentation, whatever u wanna be? Valid. But like. Idk it’s difficult to just exclude who I might be attracted to based on what just.. a label? It’s hard to picture myself with a woman but at the same time it’s hard to explain or make sense to myself becuz people are all so different. Sometimes a random girl will look like a dude and it’s like ?!?!? AUGH?!? I find them attractive but is it just that I thought they were a guy or is it that I just find certain women attractive ??

IDK IF THAT MAKES SENSE TO ANYONE ELSE. I’m also worried I come off as like transphobic or smthin😭 I swear I respect ppls genders no matter what just sometimes how ppl present themselves gives *me* a sexuality crisis and that’s not their problem it’s mine AUGH this almost 100% could be worded better but idk how. Just please keep in mind I’m not trying to be a transmed or smthin🤮

I never feel sure of myself I never feel sure of how I feel about other ppl. It’s prolly also the neurodivergence of not understanding societal rules and standards but AUGHGH Emotions, gender, and sexuality are all such difficult things for me. God I wish I was one of the ppl who just, understood immediately. Idk man

I might just say fuck it and just give up figuring shit out and call myself achillean or queer. At least for a lil while