#idk how to write kai leng

[thefirstknife]

ok tbh it is not really a question but one thing that really bothers me about the destiny fandom is people's hatred of Drifter. Like I get it and i am not claiming anyone is being racist by hating drifter but it makes me uncomfortable that one of the only visible chinese character in destiny gets a ton of hate from the community. And like It is trend i've noticed where a piece of media will only ever make their chinese or chinese coded characters evil, or horrible, like the caplean confederation in battletech being a bunch of evil genocide commiting war crimers that are in universe stated to be wrost than everyone else, Kai Leng being the evil assassin antagonist in mass effect, just to name a few, and s IDK that just makes me uncomfortable. Drifter is def the best out of these, seeing as despite him being shadey and a criminal, he is ultimately a good guy who has humanity's best interest at heart and isn't going to sell us out to the witness (i hope), but still aside from maybe Shaw Han, who a lot of people also don't like in the d2 community, there's really no other visibly chinese characters in destiny 2 period let alone heroic or straight forwardly good ones. IDk it is just one of those things that makes me uncomfortable and i won't say like bungie is purposely being racist or anything.

Oh yeah I've noticed that as well. Obviously, as you said, we can't really claim that people who dislike him are necessarily racist or that they dislike him for that reason. But there's definitely a trend and Drifter gets a lot of shit and a lot of derogatory nicknames and negative fandom interpretations that make me really uncomfortable. Especially the memes about him being gross or dirty. Like, there's a limit to that after which those memes just end up being straight up racist. And it's obviously upsetting to Chinese fans.

I think a part of it definitely is on Bungie, because of how he was characterised and how he's presented in most accesible lore: the majority will only remember what they hear him saying as part of Gambit lines so if his Gambit lines are just him being weird or gross, people will only remember that. There's plenty of really good lore about him out there, but you know. Most players don't really read that.

I'm very glad that he's gotten more screentime since Arrivals and that he's become fully accepted as our ally. In the early days, it was kinda ambiguous. But Drifter was always a person driven by hope and all of his pretense that he's a tough guy who doesn't care pretty much instantly shattered the moment YW became his friend. I really like all the stuff he's done since, especially with how involved he is with helping the Eliksni settle. One of my favourite things is from Splicer when he sent supplies to the Eliksni free of charge, at no benefit to himself (because he told us not to tell anyone it's from him).

So I absolutely appreciate that he's firmly a good guy, as he always wanted to be, but had to suffer through the Dark Age to be able to get there. In that sense, he avoided some of the really bad trends in media. I definitely do not think he will ever side with the Witness in any capacity! His only options were always that he is either going to leave or help us. And he decided to help us because he trusts us and we have shown to trust him.

But yeah, despite all the details and the nuance, there are always people who are just uninformed. This isn't a bad thing on its own, nobody is born with knowledge. We all have to learn! But sometimes it crosses into really weird fixation on just calling a character names and memeing about things that, if you stop to think at least a little bit, can be kinda too much. I'm not surprised that the fandom will sometimes leave some fans feeling uncomfortable or even unsafe.

I definitely want the fandom to think a little bit more about how they treat Drifter. I want memers to rethink how they frame jokes about him. I want writers to rethink how they're gonna write him and about him. I definitely want artists to get better at drawing him without whitewashing. I have seen... A LOT... of Drifter art that just... Straight up is not him. His face is not elongated, his nose is not straight and pointy, his eyes are NOT blue (despite being blue in the early days, Bungie has fixed that since). I've seen similar with Shaw as well, who also often gets the short end of the stick from fans.

It would also be incredibly good if the fandom reacted normally to being told that they may have whitewashed characters in their art or written something that may have racist connotations. It costs zero dollars to respond "thank you for letting me know, I will do better" and to even ask for advice if needed. If art is whitewashed, people will let you know so you can fix it. It's not the end of the world.

Yeah, I've seen some increase in that speculation. Also paired with Eris being more prominent in lore so she gets more attention from fans which results in more fandom content creation with her.

I think it would be really cool if Eris was Chinese, but I definitely don't trust people who only talk about that when someone brings up the slur. Like, if someone genuinely cares about Eris being Chinese, that interest should be visible even when we're not discussing whether Eris is allowed to say slurs.

Also, unfortunately, this is also limited with Eris' VA who is white so even if Eris, the character, is Chinese, it's kinda weird to have a white person saying those slurs when voicing her. Eris is also not a real person so she doesn't really have any say in this. I really hope that this slur business with Drifter gets addressed.

Also did people really use "she cooked rice" as proof? That's... a really weird thing to say! Cooking something as broad as rice is not proof. Fenchurch also cooked rice. I would assume that post-Collapse with the limited resources, rice is a pretty ubiquitous food source. It's possibly maybe because she cooks in a wok, but again, that's something that is pretty ubiquitous these days. I think her armour is a much more solid evidence, though if we combine several of these things together, then it works better in a group.

Either way, it's a good head canon! I hope people talk about it more on its own and not just when they want to justify the usage of slurs. It gives a bad vibe.

In general, the fandom needs to learn how to treat characters of colour better. And Bungie as well to be honest!

[seeds-jacob]

Wip Whenever

I was tagged by the awesome @crqstalite

It's a F!Shenko and a Shepard x Illusive man fic

Kaidan threw the last phantom against the wall, there was something different about this one, she wore the same armor but in black and instead of a sword she opted for twin omni-blades and biotics. The phantoms fighting style was oddly familiar as well, Kaidan slowly made his way over to her, his rifle pointed at her just in case she was playing dead to lure him in. Kaidan knelt down and slowly reached for her helmet, Edi and James ready to neutralize her if she even made the slightest movement.

Kaidan pulled her helmet off and the face underneath shocked him to his core "Lily…" she had gone missing after her mission on Omega, a Cerberus occupied station and she hadn't bothered to tell anyone why she was going or that she was going at all. Lily's long black hair that had fallen out of her ponytail was matted with her blood from the impact, Kaidan dropped his gun and took her head in his hands and turned her to face him. "Lily open your eyes...please." thankfully she was still breathing, if he could just get her out of here alive, hopefully someone could undo whatever it was Cerberus did to her.

"The Illusive man isn't going to be happy you broke his favorite toy."

Kaidan knew that voice, he clutched Lily to his chest and turned his head, glaring at Kai Leng.

"What did you do to her?" Kaidan growled.

"Made her one of us, just as the illusive man wanted."

[rosykims]

10 for dinah shepard :)

10. a description of your OC by someone who hates them

[A missive from Cerberus Agent Kai Leng regarding intel on the Commander Shepard's civilian days, sent via encrypted network to the Illusive Man directly.]

I knew Dinah before the Alliance posturing, yes. Before she started going by Shepard, too, though her former name hardly matters now. In fact, I'd go so far as to say there's very little you need to know about the Commander's Earth life besides one very simple truth; that she holds nothing but contempt for her home planet, and for the good of mankind as a whole.

I only worked with her for a year before she turned tail on her planet and people, but I knew her as a child, before she had her pompous Alliance training backing her up. She was still skilled, still a threat, even in her youth. Our former employer made sure of it.

While Dinah saw her upbringing as immoral, unfair, I saw that same treatment as a gift, an opportunity squandered on an ungrateful little girl. Under those same conditions, I flourished. I became the man I am today.

Dinah Shepard serves nobody but herself. Do not let her group of fools decieve you. She betrayed our employer in cold blood, and then ran from her crimes like the traitorous coward she truly is. She does not serve the Alliance out of a sense of patriotism or a desire to better mankind – she serves it because it was her only option. Because she knew if she didn't run – and if she didn't keep running – we would hunt her down and remind her of what happens to those who turn their backs on us.

And just like back then, while Dinah Shepard sees Cerberus as an adversary, I see it as a second chance. A chance to finally give her the bloody ending she truly deserves.

- KL.

[revasnaslan]

Give us your Thane thots

how i feel about this character: thane my beloved 💜💜 he is not my first choice of romance option, but i still adore him with my entire heart. his design is great, i love the drell as a species So Much, even though it's clear they only exist because he does (but we won't get into that today). his backstory is heartbreaking to me, and i'm not just talking about his family, i'm talking about all of it. and the worst part of it is that he doesn't seem to realize just how mistreated he actually was by this system he was raised in, like he made his first kill as a twelve year old thane what the hell. i'd get really REALLY heated if i started going on about the compact, so we also won't get into that today but sufficed to say thane sweetie you need therapy. i do think it was uh... shitty?? of bioware to cut his mlm romance in development.

all the characters i ship romantically with this character: love him and irikah to bits, especially how they met. or well, "met" cause she didn't know who he was at the time. but if there wasn't so much ship hate and die for our ship in this fandom i think they'd be way more popular, considering they're canon. as for other ships... i really like the idea of him and garrus too! idk why but it compells me. him and shep (any gender) is good too!

my absolute favorite for him that isn't him and irikah is him and kaidan though. i'm honestly shocked that this one doesn't pop up more considering they're stuck in the hospital together in 3 for several weeks, and thane outright states they were together when the coup started, implying they hung out during that time. there's also thane promising shep to watch out for him. it has all the makings of a slowburn, one that you can make as tragic as you want depending on if you want thane to die at the end. but i guess it's more fun to write them squabbling over a girl like a pair of teenage boys when they're both in their mid-to-late thirties?? *cough*

my non-romantic otp with this character: looooooooove him and kolyat. they have such a compelling relationship to me, i just wish the fics made it as deep as it actually could be. people seem to skip past the work they'd have to put into fixing their relationship because i guess it's not fun to write about or something.

i also love him and fshep just being friends too! like i like them in a romantic relationship just fine, but ohhhhh my god, the idea of them being best friends who are super close but have no actual interest in getting together is just *chef's kiss* i would love to see this more in fics where she has another romantic relationship going tbh.

my unpopular opinion about this character: he has short person energy and i will not take criticism on that, i see so much fanart where he's like a foot taller than fshep but i personally headcanon him as being around 5'6, or roughly the same height as her per my headcanons. irikah towers over him and he's only interested in people taller than him, don't @ me, he just is.

one thing i wish had happened with this character in canon: this might seem a bit confusing, but i don't actually mind his death so much as how it went down. we knew thane was dying of a terminal illness, so like, we were kind of prepared for it. but i do find it questionable how he just went to c-sec headquarters simply because. idk what he thought he could accomplish there, considering he didn't even know the councilor was there until shep was in the building. and i think this can be chalked up to the writers knowing how they wanted him to die, but not actually thinking of a reason for him to get there. i think they missed a golden opportunity to show his growth by having kolyat be in danger at headquarters, because he's still working on his community service. like it's not a perfect solution, but it makes a hell of a lot more sense for him to be tearing off across the citadel to save his kid than to just go???? when he's literally struggling to breathe???? also sir how could you miss kai leng, he was three feet in front of you and you are an infamous assassin.

my otp: oh god... my favorite ships for him are him and irikah and him and kaidan so

my cross over ship: don't have one

a headcanon fact: after the war, he takes up crocheting. everybody gets a sweater. did you just announce a pregnancy? well congrats because he made you a baby blanket and a set of booties because he went into a crocheting fugue state at 1 am as soon as he heard.

[expertmakodriver]

Do you hate Kaidan? Kinda seems like you're not a fan of him

Nah I don't HATE Kaidan. I hate awful characters like Kai Leng, and Kaidan isn't near that level of shitty.

The issue that I - and a lot of people - have with Kaidan is that he doesn't really stand out against the backdrop of the other Mass Effect characters. He's a regular guy (well, at least, the closest thing to a regular guy out of the entire cast), he's dealt with most of his problems/trauma by the time Mass Effect even starts (so some players don't feel like they have much incentive to be invested in him) and his goody-two-shoes/super paragon character might rub some people the wrong way. On the other hand, these qualities are what a lot of his fans are attracted to, and that's fine, but compared to the rest of the cast, he doesn't have that much of a hook.

I don't bother talking to him in ME1, especially not after my first playthrough where I almost accidentally romanced him (I was just trying to be nice, sheesh).

Compare him with his counterpart Ashley to really understand why people seem to prefer her. Ashley comes into the picture with a chip on her shoulder; she's fierce, she feels great pride in her family name, and she struggles with xenophobia. Her ideas regarding humanity's relationship with the council races are interesting, even though I disagree with them. Hearing Ashley say degrading things about aliens, like comparing them to ANIMALS, is rough because it's a horrible, ignorant mindset to have (and it's super ironic that she claims only to "mistrust" aliens and not look down on them when she clearly does), but Shepard can tell Ashley to get her shit together, and eventually Ashley will come around and realize how wrong she's been for being a space racist. (Normally I have Shepard punch racist people, but when it comes to the crewmates I like to try to approach discipline a bit more constructively lol).

Ashley is dynamic, she undergoes change, and despite being an average, human soldier with no real special capabilities, there's a lot of substance to latch on to.

ME2 made me lose respect for both characters, though. I understand why Ashley/Kaidan felt the way they did about Shepard working with Cerberus, but the things that they said to Shepard on Horizon were shitty and uncalled for (and honestly felt kind of forced? Idk, the way that they completely disregard Shepard or anything that Shepard is trying to tell them seems kind of OOC). It wasn't Shepard's choice to be brought back, let alone by CERBERUS of all people, and even if you never show enthusiasm about Cerberus or try to justify their actions - even if you say literally from day one that you don't like Cerberus, you're not working FOR them, only with them, and the only reason why you're even collaborating with them is that they have the intel/resources that are needed to fight the Collectors and therefore you don't really have much of a choice - they don't listen. The lack of faith is disturbing. Good riddance to them, though. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Now, without getting far too into it, ME3 made Ashley AND Kaidan unbearable, especially in the beginning of the game, but I'm going to give them the benefit of the doubt as chalk it up to the overall shitty writing.

Kaidan IS kinda cute, though, I'll give him that. His voice is kind of hard to listen to, unfortunately. He needs to stop smoking.

[comefeedtherainn]

For the ask me: 5, 9, and 15 pwease

ohhh thank you fwiend! lmao i will assume this is for BoD but if not lemme know and i’ll do it again kdhgpaodghpdogh

5: What part was hardest to write?

GOD. OKAY. LISTEN. DO Y’ALL UNDERSTAND HOW HARD IT WAS FOR ME TO WRITE CHAPTER 50???? (minor spoilers below lmao)

like not in the “nooo i dont wanna hurt kaidan!” way but just like...idk WHAT it was but i just could not get that chapter out. i kinda went into it blind and that might have been my first mistake, but i also think that im not very interested in like “torture for the sake of it” type of shit?? like i didnt want it to be too outlandish and i didnt want kai leng to be too much of a supervillain??? it was a hard balance to strike and im not confident i succeeded, tbh.

9: Were there any alternate versions of this fic?

not REALLY, i mean the plot was always the plot and kaidan was always the mc, right from the beginning. BUT, for part three i did briefly consider doing alternating pov between john and kaidan. i ultimately decided not to because i do believe that one of the story’s greatest strengths is that it is limited to kaidan’s pov and the knowledge that kaidan is privy to, which (even without my au) is vastly different from shepard’s experience. 

chapter 50′s events is one of the big reasons that i considered this, along with other coming events. it was hard to do the kidnapping trope with EXCLUSIVELY the kidnapee’s pov...who is also going through beta blocker withdrawal and severe migraines and also malnourishment and is therefore not all there in the head (OR EVEN CONSCIOUS HALF THE TIME). not to mention the fact that we couldn’t see shepard’s face during kai leng’s video call, so that took a bit of working around to get his rage across to the reader. man, that chapter kicked my ass lmao and it WASNT EVEN THAT GOOD. if i had the chance i’d probably rewrite that chapter, or cut it completely...ALAS.

15: What did you learn from writing this fic?

A LOT.

i learned how absolutely vital outlines are, and how much a story can change even just during the first draft. this fic is technically a first draft, and not something i would consider publishable in THE LEAST. i’m just having fun so im fine with that, but im not even done with the damn thing and already i’d like to rewrite the entirety of part one. i would do it so differently. not to mention the clumsiness of part two; there was so much information to fucking put on paper, it NEEDS a rewrite to really do the thing justice. but, such is the nature of serial posting/writing.

i’ve also learned how to fit writing into my daily life, and how to prioritize it. the last couple of months aside, i really have written nearly every day for over a YEAR. and it’s made me a muuuuch better writer and a much faster writer, and it’s also made me believe that i can undertake something this large and finish it. i’ve finished a few fics before, but never one of this size. BUT I CAN DO IT. I CAN AND I WILL.

in the future, break of dawn has taught me that i will likely be prewriting all of my longfics before beginning to post them. just so i can really put out the quality that i want to be associated with. not that i think BoD is BAD, im actually very proud of it, but there’s issues and holes in the plot in places, and characters that could use more love. and being able to treat the process more carefully/slowly would help with that immensely.

[transpathfinder]

every time i replay ME3 u know i'm gonna have Cerberus thots so here goes; i know i say i'm disappointed about Cerberus' writing every damn time when i kept wanting them to be like an ONI kinda group but i think at this point i've finally made my peace with headcanons and stuff

SO... Cerberus fighting against Shepard and everyone else in ME3 is not the whole of Cerberus? more like select cells who accepted the implants cos they too believed controlling the Reapers and TIM's goals were their own. the lore made it clear that there are maany Cerberus cells and they don't interact with each other, so this is how i view ME3 as and it makes it easier to digest. only a portion of the organisation is fighting against u while the other cells are continuing to do their own experiments and research to help defeat the Reapers and all that, since i would rather have this than the shallow given ~they are all evil~ writing

plus having just completed Cronos station u can see there are top scientists who have worries about the implants, and if each cell is headed by them, i'm sure they'll have their own opinions to protect their own cell. basically i refuse to acknowledge that the whole organisation is indoctrinated cos that's kinda boring and i prefer a scenaro where just a significant portion is fighting against u, kinda like the geth in ME1, who choose to follow a certain path in contrast with the geth Legion is part of. it makes a nice parallel too.

much of Cerberus does help the Alliance with the war effort against the Reapers using their special tech, funds, and knowledge, and they most definitely do survive the war. plus i've also seen some people hc Miranda as heading Cerberus post-war? that's p cool and it's where i got the idea from too i'm sorta leaning on that cos she was always a trusted companion of TIM.. seeing her turn on him would also have ripple effects amongst other top scientists who would question that then come together under her again after everything is over. just that this time ofc Shepard is much more aware of Cerberus post-war and the Alliance keeps a closer eye on whatever piece of intel they got to prevent cells running rogue again doing unethical shit. although.. how well this is documented and stopped will also be an issue since many other races have similar groups trying to safeguard their own interests first in a time of crisis and shortage.

this also brings me to Kai Leng thoughts in that idk what to think of him still lmaoo since Thane def doesn't die like that on the Citadel because of him in my world, i can't hate him cos both he and clone!Shep more obviously just want to BE Shepard, ya feel. they do have the same enemies as Shepard, they just think they can do better. i still say it'd have been nice to get Kai Leng as an asset late in the game like Loghain in DA: O, and everyone hates him but he just has to work his way through all that. as i said, having him just be indoctrinated is also boring.. so he's not. something like Shep incapacitates him on that station, and maybe he joins the final on the ground assault on Earth with other friendly Cerberus cells, at least for the moment until the war is over before they all disappear back into the black

[agentkatie]

Fandom Meme

I was tagged by the lovely @slothssassin - thanks a lot! I’m going to do the same fandoms as you (and my answers for some of them are quite similar XD)

Rules: Choose any three fandoms (in random order) and answer the questions, then tag 10 people you wanna know better (Let’s say that last part is optional)

Tagging: @wardsarefunctioning @occorner, @machatnoir, @dismalzelenka, @kagetsukai, @briarfox13, @bronzeagelove, @sdfdhgd0315, @garrus, @pookyhuntress​ - if you feel like it!

Three Fandoms:

Mass Effect Dragon Age Fallout

The first character you loved:

Mass Effect: Kaidan. Ugh, that boy. All it took was that little smile when you’re nice to him after Eden Prime and I was gone.

Dragon Age: Alistair. My first impression of Alistair actually wasn’t great - I thought he looked like a bit of a dudebro with his stupid sticky-up fringe and beard goatee and fucking smirky face. And then he started talking to me. And I never wanted him to stop talking. Fun fact: I started playing Origins for the first time around my finals and this beautiful bastard almost made me fail them.

Fallout: FAWKES, my babe. Fawkes was my big cuddly minigun-wielding babysitter in FO3, I’m pretty certain after I found him I never so much as raised a weapon again. Fawkes is OP as fuck and I love him.

The character you never expected to love so much:

Mass Effect: Probably Garrus. Garrus was just kinda... there in ME1, and on my first playthrough I always brought Kaidan and Ashley with me (Virmire was a stressful experience XD). It wasn’t until I found him in ME2 that I began to love him. He’s a solid presence and how he grows as a character throughout all the games slowly made him become my favourite. Kaidan was my love at first sight, Garrus was my friends to lovers slowburn.

Dragon Age: CULLEN. I straight-up hated Cullen at first and look what’s happened to me. First playthrough of Origins I didn’t really get what he’d been through and to me he was just a whiny Templar in a bubble, and if it had been an option I honestly would have killed him to made the conversation go quicker so I could get back to talking to Alistair. And then DA2 was me just internally (and sometimes externally) going FUUUUUCK OOOOOOOFF every time he spoke. And then idk what happened but at some point I fell in love with him. Might have been his awkward stutteriness during the first flirt, might have been when he lost all his clothes in Wicked Grace. Anyway I’m pretty sure this is why I always write him enemies to friends to lovers.

Fallout: Nick Valentine, maybe? I think my first impression, similar to Alistair, was ‘who the fuck does this guy think he is’. The answer to that is ‘an awesome badass crime-solving robot’ and he is RIGHT. I love Nick too much for words and too much for the game to cope with so I can only ever give him long sideways pining gazes. Tragic.

Rest under the cut because I can’t be succinct about anything -

The character you relate to the most:

Mass Effect: Conrad Verner because I, too, am obsessed with Shepard and would be near-useless in any sort of combat situation.

Dragon Age: Varric. Because he’s a storyteller and because if you make him go outside he bitches about literally everything.

Fallout: The King in FONV. I know what it’s like to be that deep in fandom (although I am yet to form a Shepard-themed gang... but one day)

The character you’d slap:

Mass Effect: This is hard because the characters I want to slap are generally characters who I get the opportunity to kill (Kai Leng, Udina, that guy in the special renegade mission in ME1). I’m gonna go for Harkin because he deserves a slap for calling Femshep ‘princess’.

Dragon Age: Dorian’s dad. Fuck that guy.

Fallout: MacCready in FO4. It would be in FO3 but I don’t want to hit children, so I’d have to hit him as an adult for being that obnoxious little brat who refused to let me into his fucking cave.

Three favourite characters (in order of preference):

Mass Effect: I know I play as her so I’m not sure if it technically counts, but whatever this is my list I’m putting Femshep first. Then Garrus, then Kaidan.

Dragon Age: Cassandra, Dorian, Cullen.

Fallout: Nick, Fawkes, Dogmeat.

A character you didn’t like at first but do now:

Mass Effect: Grunt went from being an annoying Krogan with anger issues to being my actual son.

Dragon Age: Cassandra! At first she was just glarey and no fun and disapproved of literally everything I did. Then I did her loyalty mission, and I’ve never done such a quick U-turn on a character. I love her a lot.

Fallout: MacCready. He was such a pain in the ass in FO3 and then is a precious cinammon roll in FO4. I’d still slap him though.

Three OTPs:

Mass Effect: Shepard x Kaidan, Shepard x Garrus, Joker x EDI

Dragon Age: Cullen x Inquisitor, Alistair x Warden, Fenris x Hawke

Fallout 4: Me x Nick Valentine, Me x Nick Valentine, Me x Nick Valentine