#idk how true this is to ptsd but: one panic attack as ordered

[lokabrenna-writes]

I've got a Dadbastian request! Idk if this will make sense but I had a scenario in mind where another miscellaneous demon breaks in and almost/does attack O!Ciel for his soul and his dad comes in and saves him.

Ooooh I like this one! Also the fact that Sebastian always has Ciel close his eyes when he’s in his true form because he doesn’t want Ciel to see him “so improper/unsightly” (which I translate to “my true form will probably frighten you and I can’t have you any more traumatized than you already are”), but another demon couldn’t care less. Time to traumatize my favorite character again (I’m so sorry Ciel, I promise this isn’t personal)

TW: restricted breathing/demon attack, panic attack, ptsd attack, description of Ciel’s month long capture

~~~

One of the most frightening factors of this whole ordeal, was how quickly it happened. Sebastian had just tucked him in and left him to sleep. Ciel couldn’t be sure if he had actually fallen asleep or was just about to when he felt something covering his nose and mouth.

The lack of air caused his eyes to quickly open as he felt tightness in his chest. The object restricting his breathing was a large, pitch black hand that had sharp nails that were digging into the side of Ciel’s face. The room was consumed by black smoke with blood red eyes visible all around him. He tried to scream, to call for his butler like he had countless times before, but all that could be heard were ineligible squeaks.

“Quiet.” A voice snapped, and that was the last thing Ciel heard before slipping into darkness.

~~~

There were voices whispering all around them. There were to many speaking at once for Ciel to decipher what they were saying, but the voices kept getting louder and louder. It was overwhelming. He couldn’t breathe, couldn’t move, couldn’t speak. As the blurriness he had seen began to clear up, he felt his heart stop.

The metal of the cage was cold and rough. His clothes were dirty and worn; they did nothing to keep him from the cold that was heavy in the room. The lights were blinding and the whispering was still growing louder.

“Se-!” Ciel tried once more to call for his butler, but his voice would not speak his butler’s name.

‘Sebastian, help me! Get me out of here! This is an order, do you hear me? An order, an order, an order!’ Ciel tried to scream, but the best he could do was have the command play in his head.

Finally, the whispers began to quiet down; however, booming footsteps began to make themselves known. They belonged to a tall man whose face was hidden by the hood of his robe. The man began to speak, but Ciel could not determine what he was saying over the sound of his heart beating. He tried so hard to move, to scream, but his body would not respond to his commands. He just wanted-.

"Young Master? Can you hear me?" Sebastian's voice cut through the noise. Ciel wasn't sure if his mind was playing a trick or not, but he would grasp on to any glimmer of hope.

'Sebastian!' Ciel tried once more to speak, but the best he could do was let out another squeak followed by coughing.

"My apologies, I'm afraid this will be most unpleasant." Sebastian's voice said. Ciel didn't see how anything could be worse than his current situation.

Ciel felt something he could not see wrap around him and pull him forward. Yet, his body was not moved, his soul was. He felt like he had been ripped out of his body. Lights flashed, the world was moving past him at the speed of light, noises rotated in volume, and the world around him was freezing cold.

Suddenly, the world around him came to a crashing halt and his screams finally left his mouth. He could feel an arm holding him to a familiar chest as the other hand strokes through his hair.

"Shhh, it's alright. You're alright."

Sebastian words did little to sooth him. His tears flowed and screams rang through the manor, causing the other servants to rush to his room.

“Bloody hell! What happened in here?!” Bard yelled in shock.

The curtains had been ripped from the wall, the window was shattered, books and various other items were thrown about the floor, and the bedding was ripped to shreds. In other words, Ciel’s bedroom had been destroyed.

“I’m afraid the Young Master had a late night visitor. As you can see, said visitor was less than pleasant.” Sebastian explained before turning back to Ciel.

“Let’s get you somewhere acceptable.” Sebastian said, cradling Ciel to his chest has he moved to leave the room. Ciel had managed to stop screaming, but was still hyperventilating and would not remove his face from where it was buried in the crook of Sebastian’s neck. However, it was probably best that he didn’t see the full extent of his damaged room.

“If the three of you could begin cleaning this up, it would be a big help.” Sebastian said as he shut the door behind him.

Sebastian made his way to the sitting room in a calming silence (which was soon broken by Bard’s yell of, “Who the hell has this many eyes?!”).

Once Sebastian reached the sitting room, he attempted to place Ciel in his chair. Ciel made his displeasure of the attempt clear by tightening his hold on Sebastian and shaking his head.

“Alright, alright. I suppose we’ll just stay like this for the time being.” Sebastian murmured. Silence fell between the two again.

While Ciel was too shaken to feel anything other than fear, Sebastian felt awkward. In his defense, demons aren’t exactly known for comforting children. He didn’t have any experience when it came to children outside of his current contract. The best he could think to do was to attempt to mimic what the parents in the stories he often read to Ciel would do. He did make a note to mimic the good parents instead of the evil ones.

“There, there. It’s over now.” Sebastian said while using a hand to cradle the back of Ciel’s head.

“I’m sorry you had to see that.”

After a moment, Ciel finally removed his head from where it was buried in Sebastian’s neck and looked up at him. He had calmed down, but a few stray tears still fell.

“Is that what it’s going to be like?"

"What do you mean, my lord?" Sebastian asked, raising an eyebrow.

"When you take my soul... Is that what's going to happen?"

"Oh, no. Not at all. I can't lie, so I won't say that you will be exempt from any and all pain; however, it will be nothing like that." Sebastian hesitated for a moment before adding, "I promise."

Ciel briefly studies Sebastian before deciding to believe him.

"Okay." Ciel finally said as he again rested his head on Sebastian's shoulder.

No more words were spoken between them. They stayed like that for about an hour before Tanaka knocked on the door to inform them that the mess had been dealt with. Sebastian carried Ciel back to his room and attempted to place him back into his bed, but Ciel had other plans. He shook his head and tightened his grip on Sebastian again. The message was clear, "I don't want to be in here."

Sebastian thought for a moment before deciding to take Ciel to one of the guest bedrooms. Despite how shaken Ciel may be, he's still a human and needs to at least get 8 hours of sleep. The last thing Sebastian wanted to deal with was a sleep deprived master.

Luckily for Sebastian, Ciel seemed to be content in the guest bedroom and was willing to try to sleep. The only condition was that Sebastian had to stay and watch over him for the rest of the night.

Luckily for Ciel, Sebastian had already planned to watch over him.

~~~

Sorry this took awhile to finish, I had a few different ideas and it took a bit to choose one 😅

I hope you liked the story, Anon! And for anyone else reading who may have enjoyed, please send me any requests if you have them (I get bored in class a lot 😂) 💜💜💜

[thepriceisrizzoli]

not people

Filling a prompt from socks-lost about wanting to see Maura struggle with a panic attack after Killer in High Heels.

The tile feels cool on Maura’s forehead. 

Normally, she would shudder at the thought of the petri dish jungles that would grow as a result of a bacterial swab of this tile. But all that matters right now is that its coolness feels a little bit soothing.

What’s the event, even? Something for charity, but which? It doesn’t matter. These functions are all the same. Polite small talk, pledge money, move on. Manageable. She’s been doing it all her life.

Then her eyes had settled on the glass in her hand, and she couldn’t remember for certain who she’d accepted it from, or what might be in it, or if she’d already sipped any of it. 

And then suddenly, there were too many unknowns. Too much sensory input to cope with. Too many strange faces, and the backs of heads were almost worse. Too many people, too close, too loud. Every conversation in the room blending into one overwhelming drone. A dozen different perfumes and colognes choking her. Even the seams of her dress seemed to shrink, digging into her skin and restricting her breathing.

She really hopes she hadn’t made a scene on her way to the restroom. It wasn’t empty, and holding herself together for the extra thirteen steps it took to reach the privacy of this end stall was almost more than she could bear. The tears had burst from her before she even turned around to lock the door, quickly ruining the makeup she promised herself she wouldn’t have to reapply.

If only she could disappear without having to speak to anyone or be seen by anyone. Just blink and magically be at home. She feels pathetic and afraid and helpless in this little cell, which is as much like a cage as it is like temporary safety from the entire world. Though initially a relief, the solitude is now ringing in her ears as loudly as the cacophony of the crowd had. 

It’s only after a few breaths that she realizes part of that cacophony she had fled was Jane saying her name.

Jane is out there. Her plus one. Totally out of her element and only here to be supportive. She has every right to come bursting in here, complaining about being left stranded out there in a dress she hates, with a bunch of stuffy strangers, at a function she has no interest in.

Fresh tears spill at the realization that she’ll have no emotional energy to deal with that. Maura had run into this bathroom like a scared little animal looking for a crevice to crawl into, and if Jane reaches a hand in after her, she doesn’t know what she might do except shut down, or maybe bite.

The hand dryer goes off, exposing the sharpness of her breathing to the echoing quiet. She covers her mouth, eyes stinging and lungs burning from trying to silence her sobs. Over by the sinks a couple of younger women laugh, and even though she knows it’s not about her, somehow it sounds like it is. 

Door hinges. Maura recognizes the new set of footsteps even in the dialect of heel clicks instead of their native boot stomps. Then there they are in the little gap under the door: the sage almond pumps she picked out with Jane forty hours earlier, just to match a dress she’ll never wear a second time.

She braces.

“Maura?”

"Hm,” is all she can say without revealing her state.

“You okay?” Jane sounds... gentle.

How nice lying must be. She could say yes and Jane would go away and this would be one step closer to being over.

“I jus-st need a minute.”

She squeezes her eyes shut, holding her breath, too close to having her little bubble breached.

“Okay.”

The shoes disappear. Somebody runs the dryer and she can breathe again.

A minute later, something wedges in the crack of the stall door. A piece of paper.

Unfolding reveals it as a torn off piece of the glossy program she was handed when she entered the event. Her tears slow as she tries to understand the words written on it.

If you want company but don’t want to say a word, text me 1.

Company but I don’t talk either - 2

Stand over here and keep the dryer running - 3

Immediate escort off the premises no questions asked - 4

You need to be alone - 5

Anything else - name it. I have your back.

She has to read it four times before absorbing it, but once she does, it’s like a light turns on. 

Panic told her she was all alone. It had her lumping Jane in with people.

There is some whining and teasing, yes. But when something serious is happening, there could be no one more ferociously on her side than Jane Rizzoli. She has it all. Cop authority. Friend comforts. Big sister powers. She’s her go-to for anything and everything.

Jane isn’t people. Jane is Jane.

She finds her phone in her purse.

1.  Send.

Feet reappear within fifteen seconds. There is no knock.

She unlatches the door, opening it to find a soft smile waiting. It makes her wonder how awful she must look.

Despite the premise of the text she just sent, the first thing she does is start rambling.

“I just don’t kn-now wh-   I don’t know! I don’t know.”

Giving up on expressing herself, she pushes into Jane’s arms instead, repeating herself uselessly.

Jane walks them a step into the stall and pushes the door shut with her elbow. “Okay,” she wraps her arms around Maura and leans a cheek on her head. “Okay.”

“I don’t know.”

“Okay.”

“I don’t know who an-nyone is. I don’t-”

“You know me.”

Maura goes quiet, breathing hard. 

“Nobody’s here but you and me.” 

Jane's hand moves up and down her back. 

“You’re safe. I know it doesn’t feel okay, but it will be. We’ll just hang out here as long as it takes to feel more okay. And then we’ll go home. You don’t have to talk to a single person. Okay?”

Maura nods with a hiccupy sigh.

“Okay. Now just breathe with me.”

It takes time to realize that this isn’t a hug. It’s shaped like a hug, but a hug would’ve lasted just long enough to express sympathy, and this is not ending. This is a hold. And it makes her feel protected, and not alone. And it feels devastatingly good to just hide in and cry like there’s no time limit. Jane’s hands hold her securely, rubbing soft circles on her back. It helps calm her enough that when she opens her eyes again it’s almost a surprise to remember where they still are. If only it could continue this way, but at home instead of in a public bathroom stall.

She can’t tell how long they’ve been in there, but it’s probably been too long. Begrudgingly, she peels herself out of the embrace.

“Everything...  just..”

“Got cranked up to 11 all of a sudden?” Jane finishes quietly. “And all you wanna do is teleport home and curl up in a dark room and shut off.”

Maura heaves a sigh. “Yeah.”

"Let’s teleport.”

“Oh... I haven’t excused myself,” she realizes with a near-sob. “I didn’t say goodbye to our hosts.”

“I took care of it,” Jane shakes her head.

“What did you say?”

“I said something came up that required our attention and that you sent your appreciation and regrets and blah blah blah, it was fine. They think you left already. No one’s looking for you.”

Relief floods through her.

That’s why, come to think of it... Maura was in here for at least a few minutes on her own. It hadn’t occurred to her to wonder why Jane hadn’t followed her immediately. She was out there smoothing over the situation, keeping anyone from following, making it less like a scene.

“Okay. Here’s the exit strategy: I’m gonna lead you out the door in full hockey gear. Anybody tries to talk to you, I body check them into the ice sculpture. It’ll be ladies screaming, monocles falling into champagne flutes-”

A laugh jumps from her throat, small but unexpected enough to come out sounding as much like a cough. Jane sounds pleased to have earned at least that.

Her actual suggestion is to bring the car around to the service exit, and then come back to escort her out.

After making the best of her face, Maura follows Jane out, letting herself be led by the hand. She feels like a small child being helped to cross a street, but somehow in this context it’s reassuring instead of condescending. 

She pushes through half a set of double doors, holding it open for her. 

The voice is immediate, and male. 

“Excuse me, ladies, but this area-”

“Boston police,” Jane barks without slowing or even altering their course, even though he is directly ahead of them. “Clear the exit.”

In her peripheral vision Maura can see the man - kitchen staff maybe - stepping aside, showing his palms in disinterested surrender. Not paid enough to stand in the way and be bulldozed. She notices how Jane is angling herself to block her from view as much as is casually possible as they move past.

She focuses on Jane’s shoulder blades, visible thanks to her updo and the low-ish back of the dress she’d talked her into. Imagining her instead in hockey gear almost brings a smile to Maura’s face.

Something about the safety of the car makes her start crying again, and to her relief, Jane simply lets her.

- - -

The next time she looks at the clock, it reads 12:41. 

She must have fallen asleep. She wants nothing more than to fall back asleep, but something is nagging at her... besides the fact that she’s fallen asleep in her makeup. 

It’s Jane. Jane protected her and drove her home, but she doesn’t recall saying a single word to her since they left that bathroom. No effort to be appreciative or even hospitable. Her only goal upon arriving home was tearing off that dress so she could finally breathe and crashing in bed just long enough to catch her breath.

Her eyes move across her bedroom, dimly lit by the light of her closet filtering through its slatted door.

Her dressing table. Her nightstand. Legs on the bed. 

Legs on the bed?

Jane is lying on the bed next to her.  Propped up halfway on pillows, and with hands folded neatly over her stomach, she looks more like she’s waiting than sleeping.

“Hey,” she says, and Maura jumps slightly even though her presence is not a surprise. Her nerves feel shredded.

“Sorry,” Jane adds quickly. “It’s just me. I wasn’t sure if you wanted to be alone.”

Maura rubs her eyes. “I’m sorry I fell asleep.”

“Nah, that’s exactly what you needed.”

She feels more settled now, though exhausted and embarrassed... however with Jane here to look out for her, it’s not so terrible. Being that vulnerable in front of someone she trusts feels nice, in a way.

“Do you? Want to be alone?”

Apologetically excusing Jane is her first instinct, but she pauses. Going back to sleep sounds nice, but having Jane there sounds even nicer. Her presence is so calming.

“No.”

"’kay.” Jane sits up and pats a little folded pile on the foot of the bed. “I grabbed some pajamas for you.”

“I’m alread- oh,” glancing down, she realizes she was in such a hurry to get out of that dress that she never put anything else on, and is still just in underwear. Hopefully she was the one who pulled the bed sheet over herself. 

That’s what makes her check to see what Jane is wearing, if not still her dress from the benefit. She’s found one of the old tees and sweats of her own that are always stashed in Maura’s drawers.

"Let me go get you a glass of water,” Jane smirks.

Getting ready for bed gives Maura her second wind. That little crash helped recharge her at least to the point where she can think again - not necessarily a good thing - and now she doesn’t feel like trying to go directly to sleep.

They end up in their go-to place for processing: the couch. Side by side, they just sit in silence for a little while.

Earlier it was all just a tornado of raw data, but now she’s starting to be able to organize it and analyze what had happened. 

“I feel so ridiculous.” Her voice still sounds congested.

“You aren’t.”

“But there was no real threat at all. Am I that afraid of a dead man?”

“You wouldn’t be the first.”

Jane doesn’t talk about Hoyt that much, but Maura knows that’s what she means.

Neither of them really fear dead men. What they fear is that those men weren’t unique. There are more of them in the world - it’s a statistical certainty. There’s just no way of knowing which they are. 

That’s where she’d lost it at the benefit tonight. All those smiling faces, each one Schrödinger’s acquaintance. Simultaneously a pleasant conversationalist and potential catastrophic threat to her safety, her sanity, her life. 

“I keep doing the math. The number of new people I tend to encounter in an average work week - the prevalence of violent crime and psychopathy and-”

“Hey,” Jane says, shushing softly. “I know, but we’ll talk about it tomorrow.” 

Maura allows herself to lean to the side when pulled, and Jane shifts enough to put her chin on top of Maura’s head. It feels warm and safe and reassuring, like the way puppies must feel when they sleep all together in a pile.

“You’re home. You’re safe. You don’t have to think about anything else.”

She closes her eyes, but something is keeping her from totally relaxing. Jane must think she’s much worse off than she is, and to not correct her feels kind of deceptive.

“You don’t have to do this.”

“Do what?”

“I know you don’t like hugging people. I’m not in danger. I’m not in distress anymore... I just like the company.”

She feels a little breath come out of Jane’s chest, like that had been amusing.

“You’re not people.”

Well... in that case, maybe it’s okay to wrap her other arm around Jane’s waist and relax against her. She does, and Jane retaliates with what she’s at least ninety-six percent sure was a kiss on the top of her head.

It gives her a thousand additional questions, but those can be answered later. Right now the important thing is that everything feels safe. And this hug - no, hold - is lasting so long that the only way she can even tell Jane’s awake is the little intermittent back-and-forth thumb near her shoulder.

She's falling asleep on the couch. On Jane. 

She does absolutely nothing about it.

[ziracona]

I posted 16,773 times in 2021

1384 posts created (8%)

15389 posts reblogged (92%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 11.1 posts.

I added 6,402 tags in 2021

#dead by daylight - 1379 posts

#fate go - 1374 posts

#fate grand order - 722 posts

#queue were right you really are a bad guy - 703 posts

#fate - 489 posts

#crazy ex-girlfriend - 435 posts

#ask - 424 posts

#the terror - 322 posts

#anonymous - 279 posts

#unlimited blade works - 275 posts

Longest Tag: 142 characters

#she’s not really even pretty not that that matters much but everyone in story is always like ‘so hot!’ when really she’s just kinda 🤷🏻‍♀️ eh

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

The thing about Ace people is that they routinely do some of the fuckin best character analysis shit you ever seen. Like, Ace friend wants to talk about why a scene was lit, you better believe I’m sitting down all ears. Idk if it’s maybe the extra processing space for set decoration picking up all the intended scene elements or something, but it’s off the charts.

385 notes • Posted 2021-06-30 09:32:16 GMT

#4

Also a lot more of you are disabled than realise it. If you have: Anxiety disorders, Anorexia, ADHD, Autism, Bipolar Disorder, Depression, Drug addiction, Dysthymia, Memory loss, Mood disorders, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, Organic mental disorders, Panic attacks, PTSD, Somatoform disorders, or Schizophrenia in an intense enough way that they prevent or drastically deter your ability to work and function the way an average person is meant to, you are considered disabled. If you have AIDS, Alzheimer’s, Arthritis, Asthma, Cancer, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Chronic Pain, Cystic Fibrosis, Diabetes, Emphysema/Lung disease, Fibromyalgia, Headaches/Migraines, Heart Disease, Lupus and other auto-immune diseases, Multiple Sclerosis, Muscular Dystrophy, Musculoskeletal issues, Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy, or Seizures in a form that impairs your ability to do average citizen work, you are one of us.

This is an honest and open invitation to consider your struggles, even if they seem invisible or not ‘bad enough,’ true and valid and to honour your strength, and care for yourself and give yourself more kindness and leniency, but it’s also a plea to learn more about all disabled people and care more about us all, not just the ones like you or like people you know. We are all valid and we all matter, and we have very complex, sometimes overlapping, sometimes wildly different, experiences. But we all go through some real shit and spend a lot of our lives with people not even trying to understand us. We should. We should all try to learn and care more, me included. The first sign of a truly intelligent civilization is considered in anthropology to be evidence a civilization worked to make life longer, better, and more accessible to the injured, the elderly, and the disabled. It’s a core part of being human. Of being people. Please don’t forget people who don’t look disabled, but also, please don’t ignore the existence of the most visibly disabled either, or the struggles that take more work and energy to address. The people who need the most accommodation, or expense, or time. Being human at its core means not just knowing, but showing actively how much they matter, and deserve to live as full lives as they want.

446 notes • Posted 2021-07-03 02:37:58 GMT

#3

I really love the 9th Doctor because like yes!!! I get it man! He’s like “FUCK humans—god, humans are weak and stupid and mean and petty and gross and vicious and self-important and cowardly and pompous and think they’re such hot shit when they’re the worst, can’t STAND humans!! Also God DAMN if I don’t love humans, and they aren’t incredible and brilliant and full of surprises and kindness and dignity and empathy and endurance and goodness and wonder and so impossible strong and brave and sad and alone and lasting and incalculably special and wondrous, but like, I DO hate them though—I love them! But god I fucking hate those stupid shits. I’d die for them; I’d kill for them; they’re each worth more than a whole planet, but fuck those worthless little shits can’t fucking stand humans.” — like cheers bro, the fuck—same✊😔🍻

493 notes • Posted 2021-06-15 00:49:22 GMT

#2

Rewatched Blade Works again and I just.

601 notes • Posted 2021-11-25 08:44:36 GMT

#1

No Fate GO event will ever be as funny as that time every stupid version of Nobu in the game was fighting over who the true Nobunaga was, & one of them walks up and it’s literal historical Oda Nobunaga with like his Wikipedia pic imposed into the game as his character art, and everyone in-game lost their shit because he clearly was the real one and not the canon Fate one, and she freaked so much she literally ran away, & then later Wikipedia Nobunaga showed up to die heroically with all the others in the big finale fight and every fucking bit of it was played 100% straight while being clearly acknowledged simultaneously as the most crack meta even Gudaguda had ever done

2577 notes • Posted 2021-08-07 02:49:27 GMT

This does not surprise me but I'm howlin' at the very visible transition from dbd to fgo hyperfixation also yes I know. I will never be found more relatable than that time I made a gudaguda post. Knowing that was the peak changed me. Very excited UBW post from like two weeks ago made it to #2 bc it deserved to and that show really saw and changed me. Horrifying in a way to realize that must mean I answered almost 300 anons. Like 90% were good and great so not that bad but the knee jerk reaction to seeing the sunglasses face is the 'I'm a healer, but' so it is seeing the tag too lol. Also love that I'm 99% sure my longest tag is me ragging on Amanda Young bc that's on brand and I have less than no regrets fuck that woman. Not literally, like, put her in a car crusher. Anyway. Thanks @chaoticlovingdreamer for the tag and the sweet message in yours. :) I'm not gonna tag people individually for this except @theinkgirl if she wants, but if you see this, feel free to consider it a tag. ^u^

[flowerypudding]

a bulletpoint summary of jiuniang’s backstory ( aka i can’t ever be concise about ANYTHING so this is long also i cover yellow wine’s bg a little and make commentary on this / certain interperations )

bc idk who cares about this but i probably need to slap this on some pages at some point but for now, some very rough interpretations ( courtesy of me plugging things into three different translators and trying to make sense of things; aka this is also for my own reference so i don’t have to do that anymore ) 

here’s the very concise TLDR; about yellow wine’s backstory incase you don’t want to read bulletpoint hell below: basically yellow wine is a p decent dude who happens to hear about children being kidnapped and amongst the children that he ends up saving, jiuniang happens to be among them. bc she’s under orders not to attack ( from her m.a., presumably ), he decides to protect her and takes her home with him + is very quick to fall into the protective older brother role lol 

so we actually can’t start out talking about jiunjiang’s backstory w/out talking about yellow wine’s, because yw’s tells us about the exact circumstances under which they meet and give us extra context as to why she acts the way she does

also yes i’m lazy and abbreviating yellow wine to yw. sorry.

the tdlr; is that yw happens to overhear gossip about children being ‘lost’ ( it’s later made more clear that they’ve supposedly been kidnapped ), so yw decides to make it his business to be involved and goes to check shit out ( aka find the people involved and figure out where the children are )

yw finds the children and proceeds to unleash hell on the criminals ( via beating them up and then tying them up, probably not killing anyone? not all of us need to solve things with murder, if you’re a certain murder-y food soul pls take notes ). 

it also should be noted that the children seem to have been terrified from the start ( which is fair i mean they were kidnapped ) and yw has probably just struck more fear into them, gg. which forces him to take the children individually to get them out.

jiunjiang is, convienently, the last child that yw comes across— of course, he’s quick to realize she’s a food soul and asks why she hadn’t fought ( he notes that even if she looks like a child, she should still be capable of fighting / is strong regardless— the implication being, that despite being a child, she’s a food soul so she should’ve been able to fight; which logically makes sense ). 

it’s a little hard for me to understand the next part, but given what i know of her own backstory— she says her master attendant ( i assume ) wouldn’t allow her to fight back against them. it seems to be that her m. a. had been sold ( or herself, possibly? both seem possible BUT i think it’s supposed to be that her master had been sold / possibly she’d been forced to go along when he was sold )

which is something he was going to scold her for ( given that so many of the food souls do attempt to fight back for their masters / can’t when given the order not to, yw is probably the kind of the person with the mentality to fight anyways ), but ends up softening up bc he’s afraid of scaring her ( again ) and instead promises to protect her  / wants to take care of her

yw is NOT like crazy overprotective of her, but he’s pretty protective of her considering she keeps hiding behind him and being scared of basically anyone else.

oh also he does the head rub thing with her this is very important for you all to know?? thanks.

ANYWAYS. he ends up having to talk to like.. civil services? because of the entire ordeal ( you know. freeing children. tying up criminals. just your average tuesday ). she gets concerned and brings him some tea bc he’s working hard  ( this is jsyk she’s a good good girl??? )

also this is the first time we see her say his name, referring to him as ‘黄酒哥哥’ ( lit. yellow wine older brother >> which is why i refer to him as her ‘big brother’, although i’m not entirely sure if that’d be correct; ie. elder brother might be more ‘polite’ and in line w/ the original meaning )

also jiuniang is the kind of person to avoid gazes a lot, apparently. she keeps looking away / only looking up briefly ( probably part of her shyness ). at least at first she does anyways??

anyways the last part of yw’s backstory ( besides all the yw related details ) just talks about him taking her to different people in town and notes that she’s pretty shy around strangers / overwhelmed / nothing particularly important to note. tdlr; is that people seem to dote on her a lot. ( what a mood. we can all blame yw and everyone else if she ends up spoiled )

and that’s that for yw’s backstory, which means we can get to the good stuff now.

there’s no good way to summarize her background but here’s my best TLDR; of the really important details: under some circumstances jiuniang had been separated from her m.a. and is trying to find them, so yellow wine is helping with her search. they end up getting seperated while visiting another town, bc she runs off after spotting someone that seemed familiar to her. she ends up getting herself overwhelmed and panics and gets herself into trouble ( and almost gets KIDNAPPED AGAIN ). thankfully yellow wine saves her in the nick of time and also apparently the kidnapper is ( probably ) involved with whatever happened to her m.a. ?? it gets wild. also good sibling dynamic stuffs.

so we start of jiuniang’s backstory with her having a nightmare ( again, i assume this is about her master attendant ). if we are to take this to be something that happened or close to it, it seems like her and her master were kept in some bad conditions, which lead to them getting sick? ( if one / both of them had been sold re: the kidnapping incident, this wouldn’t seem too out of line w/ what might’ve actually happened. yikes. jiuniang has a bit of a ‘oh it’s just a dream’ reaction when she wakes up, so it’s also possible that this was like a worst case scenario dream come true ). 

( nyways this is one of the things that makes me read into her having some sort of ptsd )

anyways she wakes up and yw comforts her ( his reaction seems to indicate this isn’t normal, but we have no clue how long she’s been living with him so?? )

in the second part they’re traveling, and jiuniang gets dizzy so yw carries her on his back ( she also apologies to him so?? she hates being a bother i think ). she starts to ask him a question and she notes that yw’s usually not like that ( reassuring ) and even though he looks angry, he’ll always be soft towards her ( again not relevent but you all need to know this stuff )

we’re getting into parts i can’t fully understand again. anyways it turns out the question she has is relevant to their reason of traveling. from what i can gather, i assume she’s trying to find her m. a. ( now that she isn’t being held captive ), so yw’s reassuring that he’ll help her find them. when they get to town, she sees someone ( she recognizes them, so probably someone related to whatever happened with her m. a.? her master themselves? i’m not sure ), which sends her running off into town

the third part picks up here, with jiuniang lost and seperated from yw, which sends her into a panic attack ( ? i’d dub it as a panic attack bc this + the following flashback apparently pains her and also this seems like something that’d be covered by her general anxiousness and/or her ptsd / trauma ) bc the town is crowded / noisy / unfamiliar to her. we get a flashback of her and her master attendant. again, hard to tell what’s going on, but at one point she wants to fight for her master, but she’s told to not fight ( aka, this is what gives context to the stuff in yw’s backstory )

the third part wraps up w/ some public officers ( ? ) finding her and leads into the fourth part w/ them offering to help her ( ofc, when she says she’s trying to find her brother, they take this as needing to be reunited with her family ). she wants to go with the officers because they’re nice / trustworthy sort of thing; but also she doesn’t want to bc she knows if she waits, yw will come find her.

AND THEN THIS IS WHERE SHIT GETS WILD. so an older woman calls out to them ( i assume probably claiming she’s her’s or something that gets across a similar meaning )— jiuniang makes a comment that i believe gets misheard as her saying mother ( again, don’t know chinese here, but yīyàng and niáng seem like they could sound close, especially given that jiuniang’s more soft spoken and stutters ). in reality, she’s actually terrified bc the woman gives her ‘the same feeling as the man in her memory’ ( so really her day has gone from bad to worse rip ). 

so ofc since they think she said mother, the officers think she’s been reunited with her family and tries to get her to go with the woman and meanwhile she’s just petrified with fear and can’t say anything.

thankfully yw comes along to save her :’’)

they’re literally the ‘i’ve known x for only so long but if anything happened i’d kill everyone in this room and then myself’ meme bc yw picks her up while threatening them with his sword owjflsak  

also instead of watching all this play out she decides to hide her face in his neck?? she’s such a baby 

anyways part four wraps up with her thinking about how she knew he’d come and how she’d been waiting for him ( i get really emo about how much faith she has in him tbh?? )

sO PART FIVE. remember how i was like ‘this shit gets wild’ yeah this is where we explain why that was all so wack. so APPARENTLY that old woman?? actually a cross dressing man. presumably the same one that jiuniang knew / thus why she was so fearful despite the disguise. this is also another part of ‘i don’t know what the fuck is going on i hope someone translates this so i can understand what’s going on’. 

but if i were to take a wild guess, that man and the master attendant she’s looking for are the two in the scene....? i can’t really tell what on earth is going on / the intentions, but they make it pretty clear that he was trying to kidnap jiuniang ( again ) probably.

( also hey what is it with jiuniang and kidnappings....... pls let this child rest?? )

anyways her backstory ends on a happy note at least. the misunderstanding b/w them and the officers gets cleared up pretty quick and we go back to her and yw, who is scolding her ( bc she frightened him ) except when she starts to apologize he’s like ‘no wait i’m not blaming you for all this’ he’s just not good at communciation. also the background event during this is him combing her hair. ( it mentions that he’s combing her hair but like super awkwardly / clumsily?? which is sweet.. he’s trying his best )

anyways she asks something along the lines of ‘will [older brother] always follow me?’ ( and she pouts at him?? look at what you’ve done you’ve spoiled her ) and he just kind of is like ‘yeah’ ( i imagine it’s like him sighing as he accepts that this is what he’s gotten himself into )

tldr; these two have a really sweet sibling dynamic and also she deserves not to have to go through any more shit thank u for coming to my ted talk

[thundrpilot]

Cam’s Star Wars Rec 3/∞

Star Wars Fic Recs:  [1] [2] [3] [4] [5] Here’s a Fic Masterlist for my other fandoms. ( ** =  favorites )

    we wore the jacket for the longest time by pearwaldorf

Word count:  4,384 (1/1)

Summary:  Rey steals Finn’s clothes. So in some way she’s stealing his clothes.

Comments:  Jedistormpilot, or FinnPoeRey. What it says on the tin. Also this fic is Part 1 of the series a Laplace resonance, should you want to continue this story of the OT3 and The Travelling Jacket lol.

  I (didn’t) believe them when they called you a hurricane by ExtremeEvil95 (distant-solar-systems on tumblr)

Word count:  9,866 (1/1)

Summary:  After the Resistance's narrow escape from Crait and The First Order, the Millennium Falcon seeks refuge in one of the old rebellion's abandoned bases while they wait for an old friend to help them out.

Poe tries to come to terms with everything that's happened; all of the people they've lost, and how he's supposed to lead when he's barely able to hold on to what little hope there's left.

He gravitates towards Finn.

Finn, who could've died but didn't.

Finn, who he loves.

Two unstoppable forces set to collide.

Comments:  Stormpilot/FinnPoe. A little heartbreaking and a lot of heartwarming.

  Something as True by SugarSpiceandCurseWords

Word count:  13,466 (1/1)

Summary:  An illness knocks Poe out of commission for a few days and helps both him and Finn come to some significant conclusions about their relationship.

Comments:  Stormpilot/FinnPoe. I like how Kalonia gets a nice part in this one.

  This is Called Falling by Cartopathy

Word count:  24,136 (13/13)

Summary:  Poe stood and he walked, remembering suddenly his only friend on the planet was gone and there was little hope of finding a town, much less hospitality.

And yet he walked in hope.There was a stormtrooper—he needed to find the stormtrooper. ________________________________

“Was Poe important to you? You were close in the Resistance?” Rey asked.

Finn cleared his throat. “Yes, because I’m in the Resistance and he was in the Resistance so we've known each other for a while. He was important to me, yes.”

Comments:  Stormpilot. Part 1 of the series Surrounding Those Million Stars. Angst, PTSD, panic attacks, the whole shebang. Despite the war and all its drama, love prevails.

  Broken Glass by celeste9

Word count:  1,254 (1/1)

Summary:  Rey doesn’t dream of the past, like Poe does. She dreams of the future. She dreams that she is happy.

When she wakes, she always knows it wasn’t true.

Comments:  JediPilot(PoeRey) & DarkJediPilot(Kylo/Rey/Poe) idk the ship names I'm just making this up. VERY INTERESTING STORY. The odd pairings drew me in by curiosity and I’m glad that happened. Reads like a breath of fresh air.

  **Head Cannon by shadydave

Word count:  2,259 (1/1)

Summary:  You take responsibility for your actions if you’re in the Resistance, even if those actions are, you know, mutiny. “There’s—”

Okay, There’s nothing wrong with me is clearly not accurate.

Comments:  Aftermath of Crait, a conversation between the Leia and Poe.

  **From Tiny Acorns by scififan27

Word count:  299 (1/1)

Summary:  Sometimes, you just need your dad.

Comments:  Poe-centric, packed full of angst. Part 1 in a the Aftermath series, which is now on its third installment Far Orbit, with a total series word count of 9,901.

  His Mother’s Eyes by DestielsDestiny

Word count:  966 (1/1)

Summary:  Poe's eyes are bright, warm, and soft. And utterly forgettable.

Comments:  Part 1 of the He Got That From Them series, a series of loosely connected one shots about the interactions between Poe and the Skywalker twins.

  **Oh Yes, Sweet Darling (So Glad You Are A Child Of Mine) by iamnotacommittee

Word count:  38,181 (8/?)

Summary:  “You’re Han Solo’s kid, aren’t you?” he asks.

Poe has no idea how to answer that, on a foreign planet no less. There are two types of people in the galaxy - those who hear yes and want to buy him a drink, and those who hear yes and want to kill him. He doesn’t feel like finding out which type this guy is, but then again does he really have a choice?

Comments:  Part 1 of the Poe Organa-Solo series. Poe is adopted by Han and Leia and its super great. This one and its just so full of familial love and bonding balanced out by some wrenching angst. One of my favorite fanfics and, honestly, it needs more love.

  Troublemaker by imaginary_golux

Word count:  6,284 (1/1)

Summary:  Poe gets a second chance.

Comments:  Time-travel fix-it! Normally time-travel fics aren’t my thing, but this one has singlehandedly changed my mind! Poe deserves a second chance, and here he gets it. It’s nice because obviously he can’t fix everything and this story isn’t trying to, it stays realistic.

  How do you say goodbye by DestielsDestiny

Word count:  530 (1/1)

Summary:  Somebody later tells Poe that he holds on for 81 hours. It felt like 81 seconds.

Comments:  I cried. This was written as a tribute to Carrie Fisher and its perfect and makes me want to die. Poor Poe.

  Miscommunication by Sildominarin

Word count:  2,855 (2/2)

Summary:  When Poe Dameron does not return from his mission on Jaku, Leia is faced with the crushing task of informing his father. But no one should underestimate a Resistance pilot, and all of this nonsense is going to give Kes a heart attack one of these days.

Comments:  What it says on the tin. Not as angsty as it seems.

  **Wicked Game by Lafayette1777

Word count:  3,362 (1/1)

Summary:  Healing is the space between being alive and being better.

Comments:  Set after TFA, Finn is recovering from his spinal injury and Poe is dealing with the lasting effects of an old TBI, with the help of BB-8 of course. Poe has epilepsy and BB-8 doubles as his service droid. Stormpilot.

  Star Wars Fic Recs:  [1] [2] [3] [4] [5] Here’s a Fic Masterlist for my other fandoms.