#idk i just wish it came effortlessly to them because its never effortless for me | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

caffeinatedopossum · 2 years

Text

You know sometimes I think being misgendered doesn't bother me much but then someone I KNOW, someone who knows me and knows I'm transgender and even IS TRANS themself sometimes misgenders me and I'm reminded that no matter how accepting or supportive or similar to me they are, no one will see me as a guy until I look and sound like their idea of one.

And idk that bothers me a lot. Like I don't want to have to change just to be seen for who I am because then, is it actually who I really am or is it just a performance ABOUT who I really am?

#i try to make excuses for it. i say that it was an honest accident. a mistake that anyone would make #but it ISN'T. because they wouldnt do that if i was cis. i #no one accidentally called me he when i wasnt out to myself #its not an accident its how they really see me #and all the hes and the hims and the theys and the thems that they pretend are close enough for me to not care #THOSE ones are the ones that feel like mistakes. because thats their performance #thats not who i really am to them... its who they pretend i am and it still hurts #i thought this would fix it but it doesn't #i dont want people to indulge in my performance. i want them to KNOW me. the really real me #i just feel so separate from everyone else and this makes it worse #like im permanently stuck in this box conforming to peoples ideas of how i should be when i become myself #my friends are mostly trans and they dont fit their gender stereotypes and i dont care #my girlfriend is a girl as much as any other girl but mostly shes just herself #and the girl she is is different than any other girl ive ever known. trans or not.#im not performing to spare her feelings when i use her name or her pronouns. thats just who she is #maybe that's a bit callous of me... i shouldnt assume i know any person entirely #idk i just wish it came effortlessly to them because its never effortless for me

32 notes · View notes