#idk if I’ll be active tomorrow but I’m going on a trip to celebrate for the next five days so uhhh

[malt-rants-and-stuff]

Like two hours before my birthday and the existential dread is kicking in… what the fuck….

[jenyoonoh]

“do u have any plans tomorrow?”

“for valentine’s day?” you look over at jaehyun. he gives u a soft nod in response. “no.”

he lets out a tiny sigh. “huh, me too,” letting out a soft chuckle. your eyebrows furrow.

“isn’t it your birthday though?”

“mhm,” he hums in response. “you know i usually celebrate with my parents but they’re busy this year, something about a business trip.”

“oh,” a sinking feeling grows in your chest as you feel yourself getting disappointed for jaehyun. an idea pops up in your head. “well, why don’t i plan something nice and i can celebrate it with you?”

his eyebrows raise in surprise and he turns his head to look at you. “wait, really? you would do that for me?”

your expression softens at his words. “yeah, of course, jae,” you shoot a tiny smile his way. “you’re my best friend, i’d do anything for you.”

anything, he thinks, anything huh.

“what do you say, jae?” you tilt your head at his lack of response. “are you fine with that?”

“oh, yeah,” the tips of his ear turn red out of embarrassment. you idiot, you should’ve responded. “i just don’t want to seem like i’m asking too much of you.”

“how can you say that!” you hit his arm lightly, fingers reaching to poke his cheeks. “i just want to make you happy.”

another soft hum from jaehyun. the corners of his lips lifting upwards. the urge to let out a giggle brewing in his chest.

——

“say, jae,” you suddenly say. it is the next day and you and jaehyun are sitting on the sofa once again, stuffing your faces with homemade sandwiches while watching sappy romance movies. “why are you single again?”

he almost drops his snack out of surprise. “oh, um,” he glances around the room trying to come up with something that wasn’t because i’m in love with you. “uh, because, because,” oh screw it. “because i already have my eyes on someone.”

“oh?” now it was your turn to be surprised. you didn’t know jaehyun had a crush on anybody. how did you not know?

you change your focus from the TV to your best friend sitting next to you. you’re met with a cheeky grin on his face. he’s proud of this, huh. “how, how did i not know about this?”

the cheeky grin remains on his face.

“jaehyun!” you look at him in shock. “tell me! do i know her?”

his cheeky grin turns into one of admiration, dimples now becoming visible as he looks away from you and stares off into the distance with a soft look on his face. “yeah, i’d say you do.”

“huh?” you look away from jaehyun and back to the TV, attention now divided as you try to think of anybody you know that could be a possibility.

you throw out random names - the sinking feeling making a return in your stomach every time you did, hope rising within you every time he said no in response, and confusion in your head as your list of names gets shorter and shorter.

“jaehyun,” you whine, shaking his arm after your infinite try. “tell me.”

he shakes his head lightly.

“please, jaehyun,” you shuffle closer to him, muster up your best puppy eyes at him.

“fine,” jaehyun sighs. you sit up straight. “but not now. i’ll tell you tomorrow.”

you turn away and pout at the floor, crossing your arms over your chest. you miss the look jaehyun gives you as he shakes his head at your obliviousness.

——

february 14 has passed. jaehyun went home last night with the promise to reveal his crush to you on the next day.

february 15 has arrived.

when you check your phone first thing in the morning, you realize jaehyun hasn’t sent you a text with the name of his crush.

you freshen yourself up - taking a shower, brushing your teeth, typical self-care routine. you go back to your phone and there still isn’t a sign of life from jaehyun. you send him a short message: so? the reveal?

even after eating breakfast AND lunch, the last text in the chat between you and jaehyun remains the same. it’s exactly 2:00 in the afternoon now, you’re growing impatient.

you try to distract yourself by giving yourself random tasks to do through the apartment. the bell rings, 2:10.

a delivery man. a bouquet of flowers. “miss y/n?” you nod. “for you.” he hands it over to you.

“thank you.” you close the door and carry it over to the dining table. for me? who would send me flowers? especially AFTER valentine’s day, they’re not very smart.

you squint at the bouquet from a distance, wondering if it was sent to poison you. no, silly, you don’t live in a movie, you think to yourself. you walk closer and examine the gaps for a card. “aha!” you snatch the paper out of the flowers. it was, in fact, for you.

“i promised you that i would tell you so here it is.

the one i like is you.

i’m too nervous to tell you directly, by text or face to face so i decided to do it this way instead.

you probably don’t return my feelings but that’s okay, i’ll be fine as long i have you in my life.

i hope this doesn’t change things between us because you’re such a good friend and person, i’d hate for you to leave me.

sincerely, jae.”

“oh my god.”

are you home? you message jaehyun. you wait a minute or two, he doesn’t answer. he hasn’t even been active since last night when he texted you saying he got home safely and he wishes you a goodnight and sweet dreams.

you call his phone, it rings and directs you to voicemail. you decide to call his roommate instead.

pacing around the living room, his roommate finally picks up the call. “hey, oh my god, jungwoo,” you gasp. “is jaehyun home?”

“yeah, he’s been in bed the whole day, said he didn’t feel good or something,” replies jungwoo. “are you okay? you sound a bit freaked out.”

“oh yeah, i’m fine,” you run to get some of your belongings. “can i come over?”

“that would be great, thank you,” you hear the relief in jungwoo’s voice. “he’s not letting me into his room either so i can’t do anything right now, maybe you can figure something out.”

“mhm, thanks,” you hurry out of your apartment. “see you.” you hang up, continuing with your race against god knows who or what.

you’re thanking god that your apartment building was quite close to jaehyun and jungwoo’s as you arrive at the entrance. giving a short greeting to the lady behind the front desk, you rush to the lift. 10th floor, you press that button and then the close button rapidly as the anxiousness and adrenaline to tell him about your feelings overwhelms you.

the lift door opens, you run to their apartment door, pressing the doorbell then knocking on their front door. you probably look like a mad woman to anybody else right now but you don’t really care.

“woah, y/n,” says jungwoo as he opens the door. “calm down, jae’s not dying yet.”

“oops, sorry, woo,” you shoot him an apologetic smile. taking your shoes off as jungwoo closes the door. you throw a pack of gummies you’d grabbed from your snack pile at home at him. “here, have these. save some for me and jae though!”

walking to jaehyun’s bedroom door, you knock lightly on the door.

“go away, jungwoo, i told you to leave me alone already.”

the door isn’t locked. you push it open gently and enter the room. he’s got his back facing the door. “jae? it’s me.”

his heart hammers in his chest. he’d turned off his phone last night, not wanting to face the possibility of a rejection but here you are.

you seat yourself at the edge of his bed. you nudge him lightly. “jae.”

he hums in response.

“why aren’t you checking your phone?”

silence.

“can you turn around please?”

a few seconds pass before he finally starts shuffling and when he turns to face you, his eyes are still closed. his hands resting under his head, squishing his cheeks, making him resemble an innocent baby.

“can you open your eyes?”

he shakes his head.

you sigh, reaching out and run your hands through his hair. he freezes.

“i like you too, dummy.”

——

[a/n:] okay this sucked i’m sorry idk how to write lmao first try so don’t be too mean i guess 😖😖 u can send me requests but i’m not sure if i’ll be able to go through with them, only if i suddenly have a huge wave of inspiration and manage to make it sound decent yeah that’s all, bye.

[purplesurveys]

1029

[found at: zelthie]

What were you doing before you got on the computer? I took a long-ass shower after the humid nightmare that was today.

Is there anything you really want right now? I wish I had some pastry to go with my iced coffee. I miss my studying sessions at coffee shops :( and it’s not like I’ll get to have them again once Covid is over, because I’m not even in school anymore. Sigh. Also, a longer weekend. I can hardly believe it’s Sunday again tomorrow, and that after that will be Monday again. I love my work, but I also want to reeeeeeeeest.

What's the best gift you've ever gotten? Probably the front-row concert tickets my dad got me for Paramore. Outside of my parents, I really appreciated the scrapbook Gabie made for me three years ago. It turned out to be the first and only handmade gift she’d ever make for me, so I think of it fondly.

What's a song you think the world needs to listen to? Idk, people have different tastes and so it may not be possible to name a song that would successfully appeal to everybody.

Has there ever been a person you regret ever being friends with? As much as I like to firmly believe that regretting friendships should be avoided as much as possible because those people made me happy at one point, I’ve got nothing nice to say about Marielle.

Do you think you have a good understanding on love? I don’t know anything anymore.

You just discovered a new color! What would you name it? No thanks, please don’t ask me to be creative any time of the day.

What's your favorite ice cream flavor? Cookies and cream, and recently, chocolate chip cookie dough.

What do you want to do on your honeymoon? I have not had one but should I do, I’d love to go somewhere non-beachy for a change.

What's one thing you remember learning in school? Spelling difficult words. English (the language, not literature) was my favorite subject in middle school and I always liked the pop spelling quizzes we had. There are some words I could still remember getting wrong, like ‘rendezvous’ and ‘coup d’etat’ but I was always excited about learning their correct spellings so that I could start using them on my own time as well.

Are you more of a cat or dog person? Dog for sure.

How do you want to be remembered by people? [trigger warning] Idk. Whenever I think about...leaving, I always also think about leaving some kind of note instructing whoever’s in charge of stuff to keep things hushed, because I don’t want the whole thing to be a big deal and for it to spread. I don’t really want to be remembered for anything.

Do you like road trips? Yaaaaaaaaas. As long as I’ve got the right playlist that’s also long enough as well as several seasons of Friends, I’d be good to go.

Do you think Medical Marijuana should be legalized? I haven’t read much about it and that topic in general is still widely taboo over here, but I personally have nothing against it.

If you were forced to dye your hair another color, what color would you get? Brown.

Excited for anything? My first paycheck :D :D

What do you think of your parent(s)? They’re doing their best.

Are your grandparents dead? Just one.

What celebrity do you think should have never become famous? Amber Heard and the Paul brothers.

What's your favorite thing to do online? Watch stuff on YouTube. These days I’ve been revisiting wrestling again so I’ve been watching loads of matches and promos I enjoyed throughout my teenage years. I’m scared to dip my toes into today’s content though, because I barely know anyone anymore and there would be a lot of storylines I’d have to get acquainted with; but idk, I might get there someday.

Are you glad George W. Bush is out of office? I didn’t know his presidency all that well because I was way too young when he was still in office. Apparently he’s not very popular.

If you could appear on any TV show, what show would you choose? I’ve always wanted to try out The Amazing Race. I was definitely hooked to that show as a kid.

What does your full name look like without the letters t,a,i,o,e,l,n or s? Rby.

Your mood summed up into one word? Emotionless. I’m literally not feeling anything at the moment, but this is still a lot better than being miserable so I’ll take it.

How often do you talk to other people about the weather? Only when we’re experience extremes, like if it’s painfully, annoyingly hot out or if there’s a bad typhoon. Otherwise I try to find something else to talk about.

Are you doing anything else besides taking this survey right now? Nope, my full attention is on here.

What's a name you wouldn't mind having? At this point, I’ve learned to be okay with my name and don’t feel the need to whine about it anymore.

What's your favorite thing to wear that you own? My mom jeans or denim jacket.

What do you think of Barbie dolls? Boring, mostly. I grew up with boys, so we had more toys marketed for boys and those are what I ended up liking more.

When you were little, did you ever want to go to Disneyland? Not really.

Do you currently have a job? What kind of job do you *want* to have? I do. I’m already in the job/career I had wanted and aimed to be in.

What do you like to do on your free time? Being on YouTube, playing with my dogs, surveys, eating.

What's your relationship with your parents like? With my mom, it’s permanently strained after years of verbal and emotional abuse, but at some point I just learned to live with the trauma – it’s like, we get along these days and we barely get into screaming matches anymore, but at the back of my head I’m still constantly reeling from the hurt she had put me through when I was younger.

My dad and I act like each other’s buddies, but we silently look out for one another. For example he’ll sometimes make a plate of corndogs just for me while I’m at work, and that’s his way of saying “Are you ok? Here, have this. I’m worried about you” without ever having to say it to my face.

Do you own any pets? Yes, I’ve got two dogs.

How many places have you traveled to? Six countries and all over my own country, except Mindanao.

Do you own a cell phone? If so, what kind? iPhone 8.

What are your goals for the future? For things to fall into place, whatever that would bring me.

What's your favorite kind of drink? Just plain old cold water, or coffee.

Did you ever get into the Twilight saga craze? What about the Harry Potter craze? I was (and am, heheh) into Twilight; I wasn’t into Harry Potter.

Where is your mind at: The Past, the Present, the Future, or all around? My mind tends to make space for all three of these.

What's a really good movie you've seen recently? I haven’t seen any films recently but I am planning to watch Ammonite, which I have high hopes and expectations for.

Are you happy where you are right now? Career-wise, yes. As for everything else...could be a little better.

What's the first thing you thought in your head when you woke up today? AHHHHHHH SATURDAY.

If your best friend confessed that they can see the future, you would...? Ask how they were able to get such an ability.

Write a random quote that comes to your head: I’ve been watching Friends all day so the first set of quotes I thought of upon reading this question was, “I just don’t want to face three failed marriages.” “At what point did you think this was a successful marriage?” hahahahaha.

What's your opinion on milk chocolate? Like it, but sometimes can be too sweet.

What about Dark Chocolate? I don’t like dark chocolate bars themselves – too bitter; but I don’t mind it being incorporated in other sweets, like cookies that have dark chocolate bits.

You do know that white chocolate isn't even really chocolate, right? Yes. But it’s my favorite kind.

Do you get annoyed when surveys mention a band you've never heard of? If they mention it excessively or if they name too many unfamiliar bands, then I’m likely to get annoyed, yeah. But I skim through potential surveys anyway, so if I observe that a survey has too many music references I can’t relate to then I just don’t take it.

What's your opinion about Katy Perry's song "I kissed a girl"? Cool song and ahead of its time tbh, but she has so many other better singles.

What's your least favorite pizza topping? Pepperoni, beef, and pineapples.

What would you do if you discovered the US was now drafting for the war? Don’t care.

Are you even living in America, or are you from another country? Bingo for the latter.

What's your favorite social website? Twitter.

Do you believe in heaven? If so, what's it like? If not, why? No. I associate heaven with gods or higher beings, so believing in it would just kill the point of being atheist. I do like to find comfort in some sort of afterlife where I’m not in pain and am reunited with all my loved ones, though. I don’t necessarily believe in it, but it’s just comforting to think about and makes death a lot less scary.

What's your favorite video game? Super Smash Bros. Brawl would probably be my all time favorite. I do plan to get Super Smash Bros. Ultimate for the Switch, so that might get dethroned soon.

In your opinion, is Bzoink the best place to find fun surveys? Yes.

What's your opinion of high school? It only got fun once I found the right friends. Without them, I’m sure my experience would have been miserable.

Do you prefer the country or city? City.

Texting: Is it fun, evil, boring, or none of the above? It can be all of these things depending on the context of the conversation.

What email service do you use for your main (or only) email account? I’m mainly on Gmail. I have an Outlook account that’s still active, but I’ve been listing it less and less for social media sites.

What's your favorite dumb pick-up line? I don’t do pick-up lines, really. I find the entire concept pretty lame.

What are your plans for the next 48 hours? I got hooked to Friends again, so I’ll probably continue watching for the whole of tomorrow. For Monday, I’ll be at work again.

Did you ever read "Captain Underpants" when you were little? Yes. I lovedddd those books, but I always had to read them in secret (my cousin owned the books and I just asked to borrow) because my mom disapproved of them. My favorites were the Flip-O-Rama sections.

What's better: The old Cartoon Network, or the new one? Or do you not care? I’m not aware of the new version, so that leaves me with one choice. Generally, though, Cartoon Network was my least favorite channel out of the big 3 of kids’ channels.

Disney Channel shows are all pretty cheesy, aren't they? The ones they air today are, but maybe I’m just saying that because I’m already outside of their target demographic.

What's your opinion on the Jonas Brothers? I can’t think of a reason to dislike them. They’ve always been likeable, whether as individuals or as a band.

What are some of your favorite singers/bands? Beyoncé, Paramore, Hozier, alt-J, Coldplay, Against Me!, The Japanese House are the main favorites I like mentioning.

Why do the lead singers in bands always get the most recognition?! Probably because they’re the ones mainly heard. I always recognize all the members in my favorite bands, though.

Did you ever believe in the Tooth Fairy? I did, but when I didn’t receive any money  after placing my tooth under my pillow, my hopes and belief got shattered pretty quickly.

What's your favorite type of weather? Cold, cloudy, and rainy.

What's your opinion on reading books? I think it’s great when people are able to find the time to read books, and lots of them. I wish I didn’t grow out of it.

You're given a chance to act in a Hollywood Blockbuster! Would you accept? Nope.

What it if it was a movie directed by Tim Burton?(He directed Sweeney Todd) He ranks pretty low for me. He’s a great director and I respect his craft, but his filmography is not a personal favorite of mine.

How do you feel about Taco Bell? I wish I can have it more often, but we only have two branches in the Philippines and they are both far away.

Are you hungry right now? I can honestly go for a snack right now :/ Like chicken tenders or pad thai. I’m super tempted to order from Grab since I have more than enough cash on me, but I don’t want to be irresponsible with my money so very early on lol

How often do you go on to Youtube? Everyday, and most of everyday.

It's possible to be addicted to anything... What are you addicted to? Curry.

What's your opinion of Wallgreens? Unfamiliar.

Back when Spongebob Squarepants was famous, were you interested in it? Yes, it was my favorite cartoon.

What's your dream pet? Dogs.

You see a mermaid while relaxing on the beach with friends. What now? Think that it’s probably a social experiment and let them be.

Who's been your favorite teacher growing up, and why? My music teacher always gave amazing life advice alongside her lessons, and she was so graceful and so classy and she simply invited respect everywhere she went. I’ve always wanted to be like her.

When you were little, did you ever like Pokemon? Yes. I watched the anime and collected Pokemon pogs and cards. My cousin had a lot of the video games and I’d watch him play those, while my sister had a couple of Pokemon books that explained each Pokemon.

How often do you get headaches? These days, everyday. Hahaha work is super hectic.

Do you have any songs stuck in your head right now? If so, what? Saw You In A Dream by The Japanese House.

[prettyboy-parker]

good boys, bad boys

chapter 4: tipsy

words: idk

warnings: alcohol, throwing up 

masterlist

“A party?”

“Yes, a party.”

“Steve, you know I don’t do parties.”

Peter swings his legs, perched on the granite countertop that’s probably 50 years old.

“I know Peter,” Steve’s voice whines through the phone, “But it’s a celebration for us going to the championship.”

Peter huffs.

“You said you’d never miss anything football related for the world.”

“Steve, don’t guilt trip me.” Peter groans, playing with the phone’s cord.

“I’m not! Just repeating what you’ve said. Practically all of our grade and the seniors are going to be there. Can you please come?”

“Steve, I don’t know-“

“For me?”

Peter’s never been one to deny Steve anything. He loves his best friend, a ridiculous amount, and he’s always had trouble refusing shit.

“Fine, Rogers. Only for you. Don’t get me drunk.”

***

Peter is wasted.

He’s tiny, fucking lightweight, so by the first ‘just for kicks’beer he was tipsy. Steve left him a while ago, preferring to play beer pong with his teammates than baby-sit Peter. His peers have been coming up to him, feeding him different beers and mixes of cheap liquor.

So, it’s not much of a surprise when he topples over into Tony Stark.

“Tony!” Peter squeals, bursting into a fit of giggles as the older boy steadies him.

“Hey, Pete.” Tony responds.

Peter grips onto his biceps, trying to stop himself from swaying.

“You had a little too much to drink, sweetheart.” Tony says softly as Peter wraps his arms around his torso, nuzzling his face into Tony’s chest.

“Did not!” Peter protests, looking up at Tony with a pout.

“It’s 12, Pete. Do you have a curfew?” Tony asks, rubbing his hand up and down the small of Peter’s back. Peter shivers at the contact.

“I-I, um, don’t know.” He blubbers, squeezing Tony tight. He’s pretty sure Aunt May gives him a curfew, but he just can’t remember.

Tony sighs.

“I’m taking you to my house. You’ll be bedridden all of tomorrow.”

For some reason, Peter finds that hysterical.

“You’re taking me home? Sweet.”

Tony frowns and wraps his arm around Peter’s waist.

“Hold on to me, baby.” He yells over the ridiculously loud Bon Jovi, guiding Peter to the door. Steve’s football jersey that Peter decided to wear rides up slightly, Tony’s hand brushing against a smooth sliver of skin. Peter lets out a contempt hum, stumbling down the steps as Tony tries to steady him.

“D’ya have your bike?” Peter asks, voice finally audible once out of the house.

“Nope. My car’s down the street.”

They walk down the sidewalk, Peter blubbering absolute nonsense.

“Wow, I like your car!” He squeaks, stumbling over himself as he reaches for the door handle.

“Yeah?” Tony smirks as he helps Peter into the passenger seat of his AMG Hammer. Peter loves cars, but he can’t seem to focus on figuring out what type of car it is.

“Yeah.” Peter breathes and Tony shuts the door. He climbs into the drivers seat, fishing through his jean pockets for his keys.

“Tony?”

“Yup?”

“You’re pretty.”

Tony turns slowly to face Peter.

“I’m pretty?” He chuckles, twirling his keys around his fingers.

“Mhm. So pretty.” Peter slurs, leaning over the console and resting his head on Tony’s arm.

“I think you’rethe pretty one here, baby,” He coos, looking down at Peter.

Peter takes his tiny hand and strokes Tony’s cheek.

“Wanna kiss you.” He mumbles, looking up at the older boy with his big, doe eyes.

“Do you, now?” Tony whispers, brushing a few stray curls out of Peter’s eyes.

He nods and before Tony knows it the younger boy is pressing his lips to his. He tastes like 7-11 beer and shitty vodka. Tony cups Peter’s face in his large hand, stroking his cheek gently with his thumb. Peter leans forward eagerly, wrapping his arms around Tony’s neck.

“Pete, we shouldn’t.” Tony says when the pull away, chest heaving.

Peter pouts, pressing a kiss to his jaw.

“Why? ‘M not good enough?” Peter asks, eyes shining with tears threatening to spill.

“No no no, you were wonderful.” Tony tells him, kissing the top of his curls. “You’re drunk, Peter. You’re not thinking straight.” He pulls out of Peter’s grip, much to the younger’s distaste.

“Am not!” He whines, crossing his arms.

“Yes, baby. I’m taking you home.” Tony says solemnly, starting the car and bucking his seatbelt.

“Buckle up, hon.”

Peter fumbles with the seat belt and after about 7 tries he finally buckles it. Tony takes off, driving to his house and he can tell Peter is starting to get restless. He’s fidgeting in his seat, hands shaking through his useless attempts to steady.

“Tones?”

“Yeah?” Tony sighs, flicking his blinker on and making a turn.

“‘M not feeling too hot.”

Tony prays he doesn’t vomit all over the seats.

“Roll the window down. We’ll be at mine in like, 2 minutes.”

Peter groans as he cranks down the window. Cool summer air flows into the car, Peter breathing a sigh of relief.

“Holy-hic-shit! You live here?” Peter squeaks, watching out the window as the drive up to the Stark Estate.

“I think you’re forgetting who I am, baby boy.” Tony chuckles, pulling into the four car garage and parking the car.

“That’s right.” Peter giggles softly.

“Tony Stark. Tooooony Stark. Anthoooony.” Peter sings as Tony guides him out of the car.

“That’s me.” He says softly, gripping Peter close to his side.

“You know, I love your name. Love love love. Anthooooony.” Peter drawls, nuzzling into Tony’s chest as they stumble to the side door.

“I’m honored.” Tony jokes, unlocking the door and leading Peter inside.

“‘S so pretty. Can I call you Anthony? Pretty please?” Peter slows and looks up at Tony, grasping onto his broad shoulders.

Tony’s heart constricts at hearing his full name.

“Yeah baby.” He agrees, knowing that Peter won’t remember any of this in the morning. “Now let’s get you to bed.”

“‘Kay, Anthony.” Peter grumbles as Tony steers him through the long hallway.

“Master Stark? Is that you?”

Tony’s eyes widen.

“Shit, baby. Be quiet.” Tony whispers to Peter, pressing a kiss to his cheek.

“Yeah Jarvis. Just me.”

Peter mumbles something into his shirt.

The man who called out to them, Jarvis, appears from the grand foyer, dressed in a crisp white shirt, black tie, black slacks and suspenders.

“You didn’t have to stay up, J. I would’ve gotten home just fine.” Tony tells him while Peter rocks on his heels.

“Pete, stop.” Tony snaps, pulling the boy closer to him.

Peter frowns.

Is Tony mad?

He feels his eyes fill with tears.

“I had to know you’re safe. I cannot make that mistake again.” Jarvis says softly.

Tony looks pained.

“I’m going upstairs. Could you ask Marie to bring up water and Advil tomorrow morning?” Tony asks, already steering Peter to the grand staircase.

“Of course. And please keep loud activities to a minimum.”

Peter accidentally lets out a loud laugh as Tony ushers him up the stairs, flustered. They walk for a little bit and Peter can’t keep track of where they are in the mansion.

“Here’s my room. I’ll get you a change of clothes.” Tony says, opening the double doors to his room. Peter stumbles inside, immediately collapsing on the bed.

“Comfy.” He groans and Tony chuckles from where he’s shuffling through his drawers.

“Here.” Tony says, tossing him a worn t-shirt.

Peter immediately takes off Steve’s jersey, the collar wet with beer. He kicks off his running shorts while slipping on Tony’s shirt. It’s soft and has some metal band logo on it that Peter is too drunk to read. He watches as Tony’s eyes flick to the discarded jersey on the floor.

“Why don’t you like Steve?” Peter can’t help but ask, staring at the bold white letters spelling out ‘Rogers’.

Tony sighs and runs his hand through his hair.

“He did some shit. I did some shit. Bad blood, I guess.”

Peter hums a “m’kay” as he climbs under the covers, totally disregarding the fact that this is Tony Stark’sbed.

“Getting settled, I see.” Tony quips as he heads to the other side of the bed, turning off the lamp.

“Bed’s nice.” Peter mumbles, eyes slowly drifting closed.

“That I’m aware of. Night, Pete.”

“Night, ‘Nthony.”

Peter’s close to falling asleep when his brain has a thought.

A dumb thought.

But he can’t help but ask,

“Tony, can you hold me?”

He didn’t really mean to say it, it more or less just slipped out.

He doesn’t regret his decision one bit when Tony shuffles closer to him, one arm snaking around his waist. Peter sighs happily, taking Tony’s hand in his. He can feel Tony’s breath on the back of his neck, soft, warm puffs hitting the fine hairs. Peter is engulfed in the smell of Tony, smoke and beer and cologne.

And as they both drift off to sleep, Tony stroking Peter’s arm and slotting his legs between his, Peter realizes something.

Some people aren’t as bad as they seem.

***

Peter is hit with a wave of regret when he wakes up.

It takes him a little bit to remember some of what happened last night, almost having a heart attack because he’s not in his room and there’s someone next to him.

Bits and pieces of the previous night come back through his pounding migraine.

Tony is asleep next to him and Peter wiggles to turn around and face the older boy.

He looks peaceful.

His pink lips are parted slightly, soft breaths falling from them. His dark brown hair is tousled, falling over his forehead. Peter notices how pretty his eyelashes are. He groans and pulls Peter in closer, burying his face into the pillow.

Peter would love to stay and cuddle, but his stomach protests.

He has to pull himself out of Tony’s arms, earning another groan, and haul ass the the bathroom.

As he’s hunched over the toilet bowl, discarding whatever is left from, there’s loud stomping and Tony stumbles into the bathroom.

“Oh baby, it’s okay..” He coos, falling to his knees and rubbing Peter’s back.

Peter’s stomach clenches again. His entire body is shaking and his knuckles are turning white from gripping the bowl. When he’s only throwing up bile, Tony gives him some toilet paper and flushes the toilet.

“I’ve got cups over here. One sec.”

He stands up and grabs a Dixie cup, filling it up with water and handing it to Peter.

“Here. Don’t swallow, just spit.”

Peter manages a weak smile as he rinses out his mouth, tiredly spitting out the water.

“Come on sweetheart, let’s get you back to bed.” Tony says softly, hooking his arms under Peter’s and hauling him to the bed. Peter groans when Tony tosses him lightly onto the bed, immediately tucking Peter under the covers.

“There’s Advil on the side table. I need you to take it. Marie will be up with food soon.” Tony tells him, snagging something off the nightstand and making his way to the door.

“Wait!” Peter squeaks.

Tony stops in his tracks, turning back to face the boy in his bed.

“Yeah?” He asks impatiently.

“Can you...can you stay? Unless you can’t,” Peter manages to ask, hiding half of his face under the white comforter.

Grinning, Tony peels off his shirt, leaving him in only his boxers. Peter’s face turns a deeper shade of red, but he manages to smile through the headache.

Wordlessly, Tony flops onto the bed and snuggles up to Peter.

“Go back to sleep,” Tony mumbles in his ear, pressing a chaste kiss to his jaw.

Peter is utterly and entirely fucked.

tag list: @starker-flame @lurafita @sam-christo @337-years-old @thebadthingshappen @twink-peter @the-dark-obsidian-princess @spideravocados @gayfandomsaremything @ravenousflame @hoe4parker @winter-starker @veronicashipsit 

[gayasianminimalist]

Dear Future Deanna,

You are about to go off to college, and afterwards starting your great big life. Therefore you may never see this message future Deanna. But I won’t lose hope because maybe you’ll have this with you without knowing it. Anyways, good luck in college, hope you make the most of it because you only get once chance in college. Make good choices, but at the same time take some risks or else you will forever regret not being bold. It’s okay if you make any mistakes because I’m sure you’ll learn from them and become better. And another thing future Deanna, live in the moment and don’t think too far ahead.

-Deanna Wong   June 1, 2015

Dear past Deanna,

Well 2 years later I managed to find this mini notebook and see what I wrote to myself awhile back. Past Deanna, I have certainly made some mistakes and done things I couldn’t imagine myself doing 2 years ago! I have met some of the most important people in my life these past couple years, especially this past school year. I hit the gym pretty often which is a very necessary thing in my life but I don’t exactly have access to a gym at the moment. I’ll make do this summer with @ home exercises and probably running in the mornings hopefully starting tomorrow. I  kind of hit a big wall at the end of my 1st year at UCSD, I failed 2 classes and passed with a B and I’m waiting to take the other class still. My gpa definitely tanked but now I have above a 3.0 again which is my goal gpa to maintain for the rest of my years here. I see my handwriting hasn’t changed too much so I’ve reached my max as far as writing legibility. I’m cleaning out my desk right now and there are definitely a lot of old Deanna history hidden in these drawings. Hmm so I’ve left my college journal at school, but I only wrote in it probably twice this whole school year. Way to keep record of what’s happening. So something that has definitely changed my life was starting my rave life. EDM really has had an impact on me and I decided to give ecstasy a go. It is quite the euphoria, but in great moderation. Gave me the happiest feeling in the world. I’m so glad my friends have been gracious enough to let me have this experience. So I’m not saying drugs are good, but they’re sure really fun. This past spring quarter I tried shrooms and that trip definitely gave me one of the weirdest days of my life. Everything just felt sort of off, but I saw everything a bit differently visually. And then more often than not I had those nights of being drunk, stoned, or crossed af. Like I knocked out pretty hard on some nights. Next year I definitely need some self control over these type of nights. IDK if my body can handle such tough treatment anymore. Anyways I joined a frat, and now I have 2 littles in my frat. They’re super cool but I need to find a way to connect all of us next year because they’re kinda polar opposites. I don’t wanna think about this too hard though so I’ll just continue on this much needed spheal. Also an update on my love life: non-existent. I’ve been single for a solid 20 years since I’ve been alive. Also I’m 20 what... how dis happen. Going off on a tangent, I think I have found that photos are very important to me. All the memories I have captured, I can’t even begin with how blessed I feel forever with such great memories. I would say my second year of college was definitely better than my first year. I wanna stop here past Deanna since I’ve given you the gist of my college thus far. Now to write to future Deanna again.

-Deanna Wong    July 12, 2017

Dear Future Deanna, 

So what past Deanna said, keep living in the moment, take lots of pictures, and make more new friends, but remember to keep your old ones. Maybe try dating someone before the end of college, or not but you need a person in your life I think, or maybe I’m wrong and it’s better that you’re independent all through college. Whatever happens, happens. Also keep living your healthy life, go gym, hike, eat right, and so on. And don’t feel so bad on not so good days, stress eating gets to everyone. Try to say no to people, you can’t be influenced all the time. Otherwise you’ll never learn to have things your way. You can be helpful to people too, but sometimes you should make sure you get your own shit together first. I think you have all the tools needed to succeed in the rest of college and life, so make your choices wisely.

-Deanna Wong   July 13, 2017

Dear past Deanna, 

I think I’ve gotten college life down, better than my first 2 years for sure. I still am making mistakes though, kind of had some bad incidents as far as my behavior record with UCSD, but on my way to fixing that. Nothing that’ll put me on hold for graduating, I just have to deal with business and this should all be over next quarter. Long story short I passed out at an on campus event and I have some consequences to deal with but it’s all on me, I have to fix things. On the bright side, everything in my academics are right again. Above a 3.0 and I am on track to graduate by next spring. It’s really hard to write into this tiny notebook. I’m writing very intensely I’m sweating a little. It’s also not the coolest temperature. Sacramento brings the heat. In terms of my social/party life, this past year of college, and within the last quarter, has exceeded my first 2 years. Well part of the reason has been because I turned 21 this year. Legal drinking is a whole new game. You would think I can control myself at this point, but I still can’t some nights. I’ve definitely opted out of drinking a lot more this year. Self-control is getting better. A lot of seniors I grew close to this year are graduated now. It makes me really sad but I need to learn to get through this year without them. They are all going on their own paths for the future, and I wish them all the best and to visit me next year! My love life got a little bit spicier this year, but nothing drastic happened where I need to announce it. Still no girlfriend and I really want to have one more and more. Still actively using dating apps. Well just more recently since its summer now and I don’t have much else to do. Just trying to recharge myself mentally. I think a lot of things that happened this year has given me a bit of a mental drain. I think i actually like attention but I may have gotten more than I need for a year. My 21st birthday is the most extra day I’ve had in my life. Everything was funny, everyone was dressed up, and there were a lot of gifts. The best thing was all my friends being there just to celebrate my friend Nat and I turning on year older. Like it shouldn’t be that huge of a deal, but it became a big deal just because we wanted it to be. This really should be more of advice for future me like the 2 past me’s, so I’m gonna do that instead of blabbing about my life. i’m supposed to do that somewhere else. Alright it’s there, peace past me.

-Deanna Wong   July 5, 2018

Dear Future Deanna,

Not sure what to say. Well if past Deanna has been able to accomplish all she has up to now, future Deanna can keep up this level of excelling life plus more. You’re literally about to enter the actual adult world after this year. You need to figure out your plan even if you don’t want to. You gotta make moves to get where you want. Such as staying home or moving out as soon as possible. Get a woman, it’s time to be more proactive about your love life because if you don’t make moves, no one’s gonna do it for you. Maybe tell people how you actually feel if you feel for them. Still have to take risks. I don’t think past Deanna has taken any REAL risks. Like a risk that makes you sweat and super anxious beforehand but could be very worth it. But you’ve always had a logical side, so maybe listen to it if it’ll make your life better in the long run. I’ll continue later but I have to eat first. You are your own grown ass adult now, speak up for what you want. You can’t let other people dictate your outcome of situations. Take control of you situation. Take control of your situation. Be a good friend. You’ve gotten better at it by leaps and bounds, but there’s always room for self-improvement. Be appreciative of how far you’ve come. Don’t beat yourself too much, you still tend to do this from time to time. Take your own advices? I don’t think you’ve had to apply this yet, but you could try giving yourself a few pointers. Keep yourself tidy. Clean your room more often when you’re at school. Things pile up, and a cleaner space tends to give you a clearer mind. Keep in touch with those you don’t see as often. You tend to spend all your time with one group of people instead of reaching out more. This is why you don’t see some people enough. Develop this skill now and it’ll translate in the future. I think I’ll keep it to this for now, you’ll gain more wisdom as you endeavor into your final months at UCSD. Stay lit, stay safe, and be you. :)

-Deanna Wong   7/30/18

This is just some back and forth between myself that I had for the first 3 years of my college life. I’ll save my last year for another post. I feel like between each year I had some improvements, but a lot of the stupid stuff I did more or less are from all my non-sober nights in college. It’s kind of the same thing over and over but just with different people and different circumstances. Looking back at everything now, I’ve really become a lot more of a stable person. I don’t regret a single moment of undergrad. Although I find it really strange I felt like I needed to have a girlfriend at some point. I honestly with so occupied with my own life that I really did not need to add someone else to the equation. And even now I’m still kind of ok with my independence, maybe a bit too ok with my independence. I think honestly the right person will just come at the right time. I really think I need to give the meeting someone in the real world a shot. Well not now since California is in a lockdown but after this pans over I’ll try to go out there and find the love of my life. 

Stay safe out there y’all and don’t go spreading too many germs. I’m out gonna be raving in my house haha.

[foundcarcosa]

cccxxvii.

What would you change about yourself if you could? >> I... don’t know. I don’t know, really. I know there are some things I wish I had a better time dealing with, but it’s difficult to name what those things are. And just about all of the things about myself that give me problems are trauma responses, in which case changing the behaviour or the thought process without addressing the root cause would just be putting more bandages on a deep wound that requires surgical attention. Who is your hero? >> Hmm. What really makes you angry? >> I’m not terribly in touch with anger, since it’s an infrequent occurrence and kind of... random, when it does happen. Responses of mine that I used to think were angry ones are usually just overstimulation/meltdown responses, not actually anger. So. IDK. If you could choose to do anything for a day, what would it be? >> My days all belong to me, so I don’t know what I could imagine differently from what I already do. Would you rather vacation in Hawaii or Alaska, and why? >> Hawaii, because the weather would be more agreeable. I think Alaska is amazing, I’m just not as equipped for that climate.

How would your friends describe you? >> I would rather let them describe me than attempt to read their minds. If you could go back in time to change one thing, what would it be? >> I would rather not. What would you do if you won the lottery? >> Hmm. What’s the tallest building you’ve been to the top in? >> One World Trade Center, aka one of the great nonhuman loves of my life. What’s your favorite zoo animal? >> I don’t know, I rarely go to the zoo. If you were a superhero, what powers would you have? >> Matter manipulation, which really just covers it all. How many pillows do you sleep with? >> One. What is the most daring thing you’ve ever done? >> When I was eighteen, knowing nothing of the true and full nature of the world, I fell in love with a drug addict (in a feeble attempt at self-defense, I didn’t know he was one until I was already in love with him), and I lived with him, and I risked money and life to keep him alive. When our living arrangement fell through, I picked myself up and moved to New York City, alone, with no real money to speak of but with enough precious teenage stupidity to not crumble under the weight of impossibility or despair. --Or maybe it was a combination: of precious teenage stupidity and having already learned that life was constant struggle, and not realising that I could want anything different. Either way, Tommy died a few months later, I figured out the layout of the entire city and its subway system, and homelessness became my default state of being for the next 10-odd years. What’s your favorite type of foreign food? >> The flavourful kind. Is your glass half full or half empty? >> Whatever was in the glass, I already drank it. What was your favorite subject in school? >> --- What is the most unusual thing you’ve ever eaten? >> From a USian perspective, I guess shark or octopus. Do you collect anything? If so, what? >> No. What was your favorite food when you were a child? >> I don’t know that I had one. What sound do you love? >> Distant traffic through an open window at night. If you could choose to stay a certain age forever, what age would it be? >> I can’t imagine being any older than I am, and I can’t really remember exactly what it was like to be much younger than this, so that’s difficult to answer. If you could work on only one project for the next year, what would it be? >> --- If you were immortal for a day, what would you do? >> Actually, I’ve been immortal for many days. After all, I didn’t die any of these days, so I was at least temporarily immortal. Only death proves mortality. ;) What fictional place would you most like to go to? >> I’m not sure. They all have their problems, and a lot of them are problems I really don’t want to be in the middle of. What jobs do you think you’d be really good at? >> I like to imagine myself as a bartender, but that’s probably dumb. I was a merch boi for a while and I know I was good at that, so. What would be the most amazing adventure to go on? >> All of them. What would you consider to be your best find? >> Find...? What takes up too much of your time? >> Fear. What do you wish you knew more about? >> I’m fine with my level of knowledge. I learn new things every second, anyway. Who has impressed you most with what they’ve accomplished? >> I don’t know, I’m not really impressed by the accomplishments of people because I generally assume they’re capable of a lot anyway. Most people’s setbacks are self-imposed, and I’m not saying that to invalidate people’s roadblocks or imply that every shitty thing in their life is their fault. Brains just make mountains out of molehills, it’s common for everyone and no one’s exempt from it. What’s something you like to do the old-fashioned way? >> That’s a good question and I know I have an answer for it, but I can’t think of it off the top of my head. What’s your dream car? >> As much as Elon constantly makes me sigh heavily and put my head in my hands, I still want a Tesla. What’s the best thing that happened to you last week? >> Hmm. How different was your life one year ago? >> Sigma lived here, Sparrow worked somewhere else (Meijer?), I was broke as hell because the NOLA trip and Sigma’s idiotic rent blunder bankrupted me, and I hadn’t met Wednesday yet. Where is the most relaxing place you have ever been? >> Hmm. What are you looking forward to in the coming months? >> I’m not sure what’s happening in the coming months. What is one thing you really want but can’t afford? >> To travel. What website do you visit most often? >> This one. What’s special about the place you grew up? >> Elizabeth, New Jersey, is surrounded by refineries and power plants and various other forms of big industry. When people make those jokes about New Jersey smelling bad, it’s actually Elizabeth and surrounding areas that they’re talking about, and it’s all from heavy pollution. (Most of NJ does not smell like Elizabeth. The Garden State is not a misnomer, it’s just that most people don’t see anything but the parts closest to NYC, and miles and miles of Turnpike.) During the time I was born, respiratory problems (among other disorders too, I’d bet) were pretty much expected in newborns (I was an anomaly). I actually knew a lot about Elizabeth because my father lived there for 40 years and is one of those people who will study everything about a place he lives in, but I’ve forgotten a lot seeing as I haven’t lived there since last millennium. What are you absolutely determined to do? >> [re]learn to live without fear of dying. What is the most impressive thing you know how to do? >> Adapt. What is the best compliment you’ve ever received? >> I don’t know. What do you wish your brain was better at doing? >> Processing anxiety. I don’t have any experience in doing that since it’d never been a problem until now, so I’m still figuring it out. Have you ever given to any charities? >> No. What is something that your friends would consider “so you”? >> Trying to seduce aliens or demons or something, probably. What risks are worth taking? >> Living. What do you take for granted? >> I’ve taken everything for granted at least once, like... come on. A constant state of total appreciation is almost impossible to attain. We need our brains for other shit. What makes a good life? >> I don’t know, I’m just trying to live, not worry whether it’s “good” or not. Who’s fuckin counting, anyway? When do you feel truly alive? >> Hm. Have you ever saved someone’s life? >> I don’t know. Maybe indirectly or by some six degrees of separation shit. What are some of the turning points in your life? >> Hm. What’s the title of the current chapter of your life? >> I don’t know. That sort of thing is best figured out in hindsight. All stories are told from either the past or the future, not the present. What mistake do you keep making again and again? >> Whatever it is, I’ll probably make it again tomorrow. What do people think is weird about you? >> That’s not for me to say. What have you created that you are most proud of? >> Xibalba. What’s the best and worst thing about getting older? >> The best thing so far has been just the gaining of experience, and the processing of that experience, and seeing the way experience changes me. The worst thing so far has been the bodily changes -- not appearance-wise or anything, just... the sensitivities and weaknesses the body develops as it ages. They start small, but I’m sure they’ll only pile up as time goes on. Hopefully my ability to adapt holds fast. What genre would a book about your life be? >> That kind of liminal space between a fiction book and a biography. What lifestyle change have you been meaning to make for a while now? >> Hm. What food have you never eaten but would really like to try? >> I can’t think of anything right now. Where do you get most of your decorations for your home? >> This place isn’t very decorated in the first place. It’s mostly just stuff Sparrow brought over from her previous dwellings. Which celebrity do you think is the most down to earth? >> I wouldn’t know. Do you think that aliens exist? >> Sure, why not. What mythical creature do you wish actually existed? >> They all exist. What’s your cure for hiccups? >> I don’t have one. I haven’t had hiccups that lasted for longer than a few minutes. If you could visit any famous world monument, which one would you visit? >> I don’t know. Any of them, I’d imagine. Angkor Wat looks really neat. Macchu Picchu? Cristo Redentor? Mount Kilimanjaro? The world’s full of wonders. What outdoor activity haven’t you tried, but would like to? >> I think I’ve tried the ones I’m interested in already. I just want to do them again. When was the last time you slept more than nine hours? >> I don’t remember. 

[flashcardsagainsthumanity]

Hi guys,

I’ve been gone for a while, as u may have noticed I haven’t posted anything meaningful in the last few months. Not that anyone matters, but I need some kind of outlet and I don’t know who to talk to at this point, so I guess I’ll just scream into the void of tumblr dot com.

In June I finished high school which was cool since we got to graduate with some kind of real exam that wasn’t through a fucking webcam. Italy started lifting restrictions in spring and it was nice ngl.

However, something else was going on in my life: my grandma got a tumor. It might not sound like a big deal but it was for me and made me unstable for a while (I kept wondering why, why I had to go through my final exams with that kind of situation). She got surgery but still relapsed very often.

In July, I turned 18 (finally). I had a good bday party but I still resent my parents for forcing me to celebrate in a partially “traditional” way. July was generally a great month tho.

In August, my grandma started getting worse again and kept being hospitalised for like two days every other week. It was truly awful, but I was focusing on the fact that I was going to move soon.

In September, I indeed moved to Milan to study Communication design. Moving was obviously tough since I don’t have any friends in Milan and my family was literally on the other side of Italy. University started and it was, and still is, amazing, and it feels like the only good choice I’ve ever made. I didn’t get to see  grandma before leaving because she was still recovering from her latest breakdown. However, all throughout summer she’d made it very clear that she wasn’t happy I was gonna study design in Milan (she wanted me to study engineering back at home). Her health seemed pretty stable, doctors had told us she’d have to get chemotherapy and that was about it.

I absolutely fell in love with Milan, truly. It’s not a perfect city but it’s beautiful nonetheless. I didn’t make many friends since I’m extremely shy irl, mopst of the times I literally can’t talk to people without feeling anxious. My univeristy was letting us go to some classes in person, while half were online. Fine, after all.

Two weeks ago, our prime minister said he’d make new legislations to deal with the increasing number of covid cases (Milan is the centre of the epidemic in Italy, yay). It was a Saturday and I was scared the whole region of Lombardy (where Milan is) would go into full lockdown (which would imply my student housing would close down as well and I’d be homeless). I packed a few sweaters just in case I’d have to take the first train or plane back to Calabria (which is where I come from). He ended up restricting some activities and setting a curfew for Lombardy. This happened on Sunday night. The other girls at the student housing (who all live much closer to Milan than I do) started making fun of me because I was so scared of a possible lockdown.

The next morning, my grandma died, and that hurt like hell. I went to class that morning and took a plane to get home (left my student housing at 14, got home at 24, wild). I didn’t get to see my grandma one last time (the last time I saw her was a whole week before via videocall), but luckily enough I could get home in time for the funeral.

At the end of the week, on Saturday, I went back to Milan by train, it was an 18 hours trip that absolutely killed me. Spending a whole week with my family made me realise how much I enjoy living on my own (one of the reason I left home in the first place was because I knew I can’t deal with my parents’ rampant homophobia and views in general).

While I was in Milan, I had some issues with an ear, so I booked an EMT appointment for the 30th, which means that I got back to Calabria yesterday (after another 16h long trip oof). I have a bit of a cold+cough though, so after seeing my stupid ear the doctor said I needed to get tested for Covid, and I did. 

I’m still waiting for the results, which will take almost a whole week.

I should go back to Milan again tomorrow, but the government is reconsidering a lockdown. So, I’m now in Calabria, waiting for out prime minister to release some kind of statement, trying to figure out what to do (I left most my clothes and stuff in Milan so I kinda need to go to my student housing and pick up at least a few things).

I’m hating every moment here with my family, I can’t stand being here and I really really really wanna leave again, but that’s not possible rn.

Idk I needed to write all this shit down cus I’m definitely not okay and everything feels so unstable and stupid and idk

Focusing on my assignments is barely possible and I can’t get through with anything, I’m so bored and it feels like high school again, except it’s not high school and I really need to get shit done

(Forgot to mention, mcr is probably not gonna release anything cause i.am.a.graveyard wasnt’t really them so)

[ephemeralharmony]

1-150 answer all the damn questions, bitch

Honestly? Thank you

1.Who was the last person you held hands with? Dennis (from drama club)
2. Are you outgoing or shy? generally outgoing, unless spicy boys are involved
3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? MY BROTHER TOMORROW
4. Are you easy to get along with? I sure hope so
5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? Probably, I mean he cried when I was in the hospital which might sound a little extreme, but is still a good indicator
6. What kind of people are you attracted to? just boys idk
7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? lol probably not, but I’ll keep you posted
8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? Sofia Klug bc she dumb thicc
9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? NOPE LOL
10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? Ryan and Riley after rehearsal
11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? “no"
12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now? “Waving Through a Window” from Dear Evan Hansen, “Can’t Stay Here” by Matt Doyle, “Happy” by Marina, “Right Here” by Alex Wyse, and “No One Else” from the Great Comet
13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? depends on who, in all honesty
14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? I don’t NOT believe
15. What good thing happened this summer? that’s a very good question
16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? Y E S
17. Do you think there is life on other planets? of course
18. Do you still talk to your first crush? nope
19. Do you like bubble baths? I love them
20. Do you like your neighbors? they don’t talk to me
21. What are you bad habits? liking shitty boys and sneepsnopping too often
22. Where would you like to travel? literally anywhere
23. Do you have trust issues? kind of
24. Favorite part of your daily routine? sleep
25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? probably my chest? I still have some stomach muscles and the difference in definition is weird to me
26. What do you do when you wake up? 6:10, generally
27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? maybe a little darker?
28. Who are you most comfortable around? probably you and Emily
29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up? no lol but one of them told Colin that he would still talk to me
30. Do you ever want to get married? yes 
31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail? nope
32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with? RYAN STEELE AND MATT DOYLE
33. Spell your name with your chin. RDNXE (yikes)
34. Do you play sports? What sports? lol
35. Would you rather live without TV or music? I already live without TV
36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? yeah
37. What do you say during awkward silences? nothing, I like to test them
38. Describe your dream girl/guy? A boy who likes me back 
39. What are your favorite stores to shop in? forever 21 and five below
40. What do you want to do after high school? go to school in Chicago 
41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? depends on what they did and how they react
42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean? I’m either pissed off or tired
43. Do you smile at strangers? yes!
44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean? Ocean, space scares me a little
45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? crushing expectations
46. What are you paranoid about? people liking me
47. Have you ever been high? no
48. Have you ever been drunk? no
49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? I wish
50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore? Royal blue
51. Ever wished you were someone else? not in such terms
52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? the fact that my legs literally won’t go straight??
53. Favourite makeup brand? idc
54. Favourite store? see #39
55. Favourite blog? @yourmutualfriends
56. Favourite colour? pale blue
57. Favourite food? just pizza
58. Last thing you ate? cheese sticks from Arby’s
59. First thing you ate this morning? a peanut butter biscuit 
60. Ever won a competition? For what? first place for jazz band bois
61. Been suspended/expelled? For what? nope
62. Been arrested? For what? nope
63. Ever been in love? still am, unfortunately
64. Tell us the story of your first kiss? well my first ever was for less than a second in the back of a band room, my first with a guy was the second time I ever met him in the back of a skeezy you movie theater lol
65. Are you hungry right now? no
66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends? no, about the same
67. Facebook or Twitter? Twitter
68. Twitter or Tumblr? tumblr
69. Are you watching tv right now? no
70. Names of your bestfriends? Bee, Emily, Emily
71. Craving something? What? dick tbh
72. What colour are your towels? I use my family’s pink or white ones
72. How many pillows do you sleep with? 2
73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? no
74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have? 30?
75. Favourite animal? Yellow labs (:
76. What colour is your underwear? blue and black plaid
77. Chocolate or Vanilla? vanilla
78. Favourite ice cream flavour? birthday cake
79. What colour shirt are you wearing? gray
80. What colour pants? green
81. Favourite tv show? glee 
82. Favourite movie? the perfect wedding
83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2? original 
84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street? mean girls 
85. Favourite character from Mean Girls? Gretchen. a truly deep character tbh
86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo? Nemo’s mom. true hero
87. First person you talked to today? my dad
88. Last person you talked to today? Alex
89. Name a person you hate? nick pizzino
90. Name a person you love? go into my tags search and look at #3
91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? not actively
92. In a fight with someone? don’t think so 
93. How many sweatpants do you have? like 4 that I actually like to wear
94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have? probably 30
95. Last movie you watched? Bye bye man
96. Favourite actress? Octavia spencer
97. Favourite actor? idk I have a bias for cute boys
98. Do you tan a lot? no
99. Have any pets? no
100. How are you feeling? anticipatory (does that make sense as an answer?)
101. Do you type fast? yeah
102. Do you regret anything from your past? yeah
103. Can you spell well? yeah
104. Do you miss anyone from your past? kind of 
105. Ever been to a bonfire party? yeah 
106. Ever broken someone’s heart? too many /: I’m taking my karma tho trust me
107. Have you ever been on a horse? no
108. What should you be doing? sleeping
109. Is something irritating you right now? not really
110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? yeah :/
111. Do you have trust issues? see #23
112. Who was the last person you cried in front of? Riley
113. What was your childhood nickname? jimmy neutron /:
114. Have you ever been out of your province/state? yeah 
115. Do you play the Wii? I wish
116. Are you listening to music right now? no
117. Do you like chicken noodle soup? yeah
118. Do you like Chinese food? no
119. Favourite book? DONT LET ME GO JH TRUMBLE
120. Are you afraid of the dark? Y E S
121. Are you mean? I can be a bitch
122. Is cheating ever okay? NO JESUS BE FUCKING LUCKY SOMEONE ACTUALLY WANTS YOU, DONT TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THAT, ASSHOLE
123. Can you keep white shoes clean? for a while
124. Do you believe in love at first sight? not 100%
125. Do you believe in true love? I believe in true loves
126. Are you currently bored? not actively
127. What makes you happy? music
128. Would you change your name? maybe to Jake, that’s kind of sexy
129. What your zodiac sign? Aquarius
130. Do you like subway? hell yeah bois
131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? apologize
132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? see #10
133. Favourite lyrics right now? “someday I’ll reach the place where I won’t have to run. there, I won’t be afraid to say that I am done.”
134. Can you count to one million? I don’t have the patience
135. Dumbest lie you ever told? I’m straight 
136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? closed
137. How tall are you? 5'4"
138. Curly or Straight hair? mine is just wavy but I like curly
139. Brunette or Blonde? brunette
140. Summer or Winter? summer
141. Night or Day? night
142. Favourite month? October
143. Are you a vegetarian? nope
144. Dark, milk or white chocolate? dark
145. Tea or Coffee? tea
146. Was today a good day? YES
147. Mars or Snickers? snickers 
148. What’s your favourite quote? “Happiness can always be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light”
149. Do you believe in ghosts? yes
150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line “Do not take no for an answer.”

[ismiseben]

Vancouver, July 7th 2019

So I wanted to just make a blog post to pretty much vomit my thoughts out. I’m gonna write about how I’m feeling so far on this trip and what my hopes are for the near future, and also some stuff I’m excited about in the near future and when I leave Vancouver.

It’s been a cool experience so far, the flights all went well, I watched Winter Soldier on the way over (great movie) and pretty much slept from Toronto to Vancouver, but it was a pretty rough flight. Body started to really feel exhausted and the sleep wasn’t a peaceful one. Nonetheless, landed in Vancouver with all my stuff so I can’t complain.

Waited on Stu for a bit, got the SkyTrain and walked to the Cambie. We stayed there for a few days while we tried to find somewhere to live for the summer. Pretty stressful but we found a place with a lease starting July 1st. We stayed in Kristof’s place until then, and it was actually okay. Living out of the suitcase wasn’t though.

Walmart is so cool, I think it’s mainly because of the different food over here like Cinnamon toast crunch and Twizzlers etc. We went to Stanley Park, it was pretty cool. Really pretty place. Great views. We also checked out the drumming circle on the beach. Incredible sunset and a really chilled vibe, but wow so many Irish people (not ideal). Still a cool experience though.

By now, we’ve walked all over Downtown and sometimes I like to just glance at my surroundings, the buildings are so tall. It’s a really amazing place to just be in. The transport is awesome too, the Skytrain is just so ideal.

Pre-ordered Fire Emblem: Three Houses because I’m too excited for that to wait until late August.

We’re pretty settled now and currently just looking for a job, I’ll be starting a gym routine again tomorrow which is good too. We haven’t done too much sightseeing yet, but that’s mainly down to us wanting to get into this new place and finally settle. Kai will be here in a couple days and we might as well wait for him before doing our sightseeing. 

We’ve gone on a few nights out too, Cambie, Celebrities, Republic and Donnellans. The two latter were pretty garbage. Met a girl in Celebs though and had some fun. Also went to Kits beach, the logs were cool. Such a chill vibe. Also those cars you can just drive on the side of the road and leave wherever, so handy. I rly need to get my license.

Canadian accent is so attractive too, like so much better than an Irish one. 

It was pretty sunny for a while but the past week or so has been rainy/overcast. Which I don’t mind honestly.

The place we’re in, Kerrisdale, is good. It’s not perfect but it’ll do. And it’s affordable so we’re kinda happy out really.

The lads are going to Bundoran again - like why? Really glad I’m not there, it’s a carbon copy of last summer. So I’m honestly just so glad to be in a different environment. Everyday doesn’t have to be jam packed with activities, not at all. It’s just the fact I’m in a new place, with so much things to do, and just to experience a new country and way of life.

Like I’m in Canada right now, but it feels like I’m at home. It’s really not much different to Ireland.

Found a cool little Manga store on Granville, literally could just stand in there for hours looking at stuff. So cool. I wanna start writing.

Also celebrated Canada Day here, saw some fireworks and met some cool people at the Cambie!

I’ve been watching Darling in the FranXX and Stranger Things so far, both pretty interesting. Also went to see Spiderman in a pretty cool theatre, enjoyed that quite a bit. Granville is so cool btw, so many cool stores. Went to Hot Topic in Metrotown, they had so much cool shit. SO much Kingdom Hearts/Twenty One Pilots merch. Wanna check that out again, I’m gonna make a purchase there and in that Manga shop before the summer’s over.

I do wanna dye my hair, but I think I’ll wait til I get a job. I don’t wanna be splashing money until I’ve got some income to offset some spending.

I wanna get a Gaming PC when I go home, I wanna play Destiny, League of Legends, Overwatch, Final Fantasy 14, Rainbow Six and loads more. I also finally wanna start streaming.

I got an urge to start writing for Moe’s site again, might start doing that idk. I also renewed my Adobe, I wanna use Photoshop and make some AMVs on Premier/After Effects again. 

I want Crash Nitro Fueled, I’m gonna get it for Switch - tried today and Best Buy was sold out. Typical. I also wanna get an iPad and start drawing, but I think I should start on paper first. Just to see if I like it.

So yeah, once Kai gets here I wanna go to North Vancouver a lot more often and start doing hikes up North and see some of the amazing sights. That’s what we came here for, that and just a general shakeup in life. Something new. They look beautiful though, lakes and forests and mountains. I can’t wait to see that.

We’re also going to Ejeca on the 19th and a house party on the 20th. I’ll see how that goes.

When I get home I’m excited to play some games lmao, I miss my PS4. I wanna play Destiny and start a clan. I also wanna replay FF13, I was looking at some wiki stuff on that and I miss it. I want a Razer headset too, we might make that purchase when I get my PC. I’ve a list of things on my phone I wanna save up for, a good camera for example. 

I’m also so excited to just be home and not have to buy groceries lol. I wanna make my room cooler. Accenture is going to be amazing too, I’m going to India. I wanna join socs, maybe even start my own and finally meet some like-minded people. I didn’t do it in Uni and I regret that but I may have another chance now.

Life is good.

I wanna eat more calories and really try to bulk up, I wanna start weighing myself in pounds for more accuracy and find my calorie maintenance myself. I’ll work from there. Spread my meals out over the day etc.

I may need a new name for PC and Stadia. I really wanna draw my own stuff. I wanna join a community of Irish streamers and gamers and start from there. It’ll take time. Be yourself though, and fuck what people think. 

Also been watching Love Island lol, it’s entertaining as fuck. 

Soundbar for my TV! Check out your “Saving For” list future me. 

Bought a sweet Fila top too, perfect for Electric Picnic - black bandana too.

We wanna go to Squamish and Whistler, maybe meet Michelle. Wanna make that happen. They look amazing. 

That’s kinda all my thoughts at the moment, I think. I’ll keep posting.

So far it’s been great, just settling into the area and being in a new place. The amount of Irish is a bit annoying, but it’s fine. The few Canadians we’ve spoke with have been cool. But yeah, excited for the rest of it, gonna chill out when I want and do shit when I want. No pressure. It’s not a two week holiday, its a 2 month change in my life and my environment. There’s still so much time and so much to do, but also wow it’s going by fast. 

I’m excited for the rest of it and also to go home and play games and go to EP and most importantly to start in Accenture and welcome that new chapter. But that’ll all happen eventually, for now the focus is on Canada and enjoying my time here. We can focus on all that other stuff I’ve mentioned once I get home. Plenty of time for that, whereas I’ve only 1.5 month(s) left in this Canadian life experience. Will update soon.

[canaryatlaw]

So, I pretty much fucked up today, but at least it wasn't a conscious decision or something I did on purpose. My alarm possibly went off at 6:45 when it was set for, but I don't remember this happening, and woke up at 9:20 instead, missing my doctors appointment. Fuck. I slept till 10 then tried to motivate myself to go to work but ultimately said fuck it, and I'm not nearly as irritated about that part as I am about missing the doctor's appointment, but I mean it was an accident, so I can't really be too mad at myself for that. I finally woke up around 3, so I slept for about 12 hours total, which is at least an improvement from 15 like the night before. But I got up and made some breakfast food then pretty much settled into the couch with my laptop and watched Justice League Unlimited for the rest of the day, breaking to do a few random things now and then. My PT guy recommended I get a lacrosse ball off Amazon to use as a back massage like thing because it's supposed to do self-release of the muscles or something like that, and it came today and I tried it, and idk if it was from that or something else but my back is fucking killing me right now to the point where I'm currently lying flat on my back with my heating pad under me as opposed to sitting up with it behind me as I normally do because this is the only position I can be in at the moment without an intense amount of pain. Sigh. I'm so tired of these dumb continuous medical problems I can never seem to shake that keep getting in my way. I called the doctors office from this morning back to reschedule, and they didn't have another opening till September, so that's what mainly aggravated me about the situation. It could be worse though, it's not like it's a super urgent issue at this point, so I'll deal. Justice League Unlimited has been highly enjoyable so far, honestly the plots are just so damn good I can't get over it, and there's so many characters involved it's interesting to see how they do their stories and how they've been translated into other shows and media forms. I stopped for dinner, and then a little while afterwards I wanted to try out my new soft serve ice cream maker, so I got to work doing that. It was pretty simple, all you need to do is poor the stuff in and let it do its thing, just a matter of waiting for it to get to the right consistency. It came out pretty good! Of course it's only soft serve if you can eat it right away, otherwise you have to put it in the freezer and it's more like normal ice cream, unless you let it melt a bit I suppose. But it has a cool dispenser and everything so I think I could have a lot of fun with it, so I was pleased with that. Back to the show and that pretty much rounded out my evening. Tomorrow I need to make a target trip to get supplies for various things, then at night I'm probably going out for my roommate's birthday, hanging out at bars when I'm remaining sober isn't my favorite activity but when it's a friend celebrating that invited me I'll do it, and it'll be a good opportunity to see other people so that should be good. Almost 3 am now, so I'm gonna sign off and hopefully I'll be able to fall asleep pretty soon and ultimately feel well-rested tomorrow. Until then. Goodnight my babes. Happy weekend.