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#idk im good at Tolerating it i guess. still here! that counts for uh. something.
worstsequence · 2 years
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#i need to vent but i cant even find the Words for my feelings and its so frustrating#and i just let frustration build up and up and they always say eventually youll explode but ive been#waiting to explode for like 10 years now and never have#and im just so tired of being suicidal all the time and not being able to just Do It because i fucking hate being alive and the suicidal#stuff isnt New so it feels stupid to vent about it now Because its not new so its like why are you venting on tumblr about it now#why didnt you vent the very first day of your current episode. is months long of suicidal thoughts every day an episode. and like ive been#suicidal for over a decade but theres been breaks and i feel like i havnt had a break from it in forever and im tired and i dont wanna feel#like this everyday for the rest of my life and even if it goes away it comes back everytime and the times its not there dont feel worth the#times it is and i feel like i cant do it anymore but i also cant kms or even talk about my feelings because people will be like no dont#and i dont wanna hear that and like. whatever. ill be fine#(has been saying ill be fine for my whole life. is never fine.)#whatever! i dont matter.#i finally have a psych appointment in april but like what is that gonna do. they cant fix me its gonna be like this forever#theres no such thing as no bad days and i Cant Handle Bad Days. every strong emotion i feel at the suicidal level#and im so worn out emotiobally i cant Fix Anything.#im never getting out of here im never getting out of here im stuck here forever#and its all inside my head so unless i smash it on some pavement its never going away! itll follow me everywhere#idk im good at Tolerating it i guess. still here! that counts for uh. something.
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heyheyheeeyyyy @that-shy-puff what up 👻👻👻👻?? hahaha it’s been so long since we’ve sorta indirectly interacted hasn’t it?? hahaha anwww im finally getting to one of the tag games ya tagged me in hahahha... i cant answer the other one since i face the same issue as you as being unable to choose just a certain exact 5 so i’ve decided to delay until i kno fo sho and i sttiiilll havent decided til now hahahahahha 🤷🤷🤷🤷🤷✨✨✨✨✨
anwww,,,,,, onto the actual game and i appreciate these things sfm as always,,,, i take a longass time but yall bet it’s always just in da bg of mah mind... imma get to these,,,, they so funnn yallss hahahaha 💖💖💖💖💖✨✨✨✨✨✨✨
Zodiac sign: sagittarius (i think,,, not rlly sure,,, dont rlly care for it,,, sm so dat i had to search it’s proper spelling... which tbh kinda annoys me since idc bout it but im just such an annoying stickler for proper spelling like dat sometimes hahahha)
Height: 5'5
Last movie i saw: parts of Kung Fu Panda (whiCH BTWWWW is a hella good film yallssss!!!!! ahh discovering just ~how~ awesome something is at a happenstance rewatch is pretty dope yalls ✨✨✨✨✨✨✨)
Last thing i googled: saggitarius (hahahahaha das da og how i thought it was spelled hahaha but actually b4 dat, i searched herbal tea or how to know if herbal tea hahahhaa)
Favourite musician: heh.... idk y i’m actually feeling pretty certain i wanna promote filipino bands as of this moment... but,,, Parokya ni Edgar <33333333333333 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖 ✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨
Song stuck in my head: Silhouette by KANA-BOON (if yalls kno..... yalls kno...... :::::”““““““““)))))))))))))
Other blogs: i made one before this one for school and it was super cringey... i dont even kno my username for dat one anymore,,,, i chose to make it about himym cus i was young dumb and cringeeyyy~~~,,,, and i wrote my posts there in my native language cus it was for mah class in dat language hahahahhahaha 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤦🤦🤦🤦🤦🤦🤦
Following: 1736..... yeah.... kinda an impulsive follow type bish..... i dont rlly go to tumblr anymore cus i kno i usually wind up spendin my entire day on it if i did hahahaha
Followers: 328.... nice.... pretty sure i rlly only kno a handful of yalls but,, it’s nice to know yalls nevertheless hahaha,,, much obligeddd haaha 💖💖💖💖✨✨✨✨
Do i get asks: uhhhh yeahh,,, i do actually hahahaha,,, but it’s mostly usually only during on times when i’m rlly active on tumblr i think hahahaha so der~~~~
Amount of sleep i get: 7 to 12.... maybe??? idk,, i dont keep track of time hahaha
Lucky numbers: 13 or 11 or 7??? i actually dont knooo... im thinkin of the grp # mah classmates had that got em to win at a competition,,, but i wasnt even included in the actual competition so gosshhh idkkk i probs dont have one or if i did, i dont notice/pay attention to that type of thang hahaha
Dream job: probably something like a writer-director-actor-comedian who makes books, movies, tv shows that type of thang hahahaha 🤷🤷🤷🤷🤷✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨
Instruments: same bruhhh hahaha saammeee... i dont play anything either hahahaha does your voice when you like to sing a lot count??? hahaha
Dream trip: oohhh it is hard to choose just one,,, damn.... ahh,,, but,,, i guess the best choice would just be... JAPAN!!!!! 😍😍😍😍😍😍✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨ (I WANNA EAT SEA URCHINS, REENACT SCENES FROM FILMS LIKE KIMI NO NA WA,,,, SEE SNOW AND SAKURAS!!!!! AND THERE’S MOUNTAINS AND OCEANS THERE/NEAR THERE TOO AREN’T THERE???? soooo japan,,, rn,,, hands down,,,, seems like they have it alll/most of what i want from a trip at the very least hahahhaa 💖💖💖💖💖✨✨✨✨✨✨)
Favourite food: chicken and/or pizza 🤷🤷🤷 (it’s the one i can tolerate the most without getting tired of it anyways hahaha 🤷🤷🤷)
Languages: filipino and english yaaallsssss musta kayooo hahahahaha ✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨
Favourite songs: ahhh yaassss finally a prompt that understands me,,,, idk man im just appreciative of the fact that it says songs and not the basic just oneee songgg hahahha....
....... ......... .... i uh--- i listed like,,, exactly 250 songs just like,,,,, off the bat when i skimmed my playlists for mah faves..... and,,,, i still cant choose,,,,, hahahahaha sooooo here’s the doc link for ref hahahhahaha but it’s mostly pop, hip hop, rap, rock, some angsty, lotta disney, opm, cxg, p&f hahahahha 🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🤷🤷🤷🤷🤷🤷🤷✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨
@parallelmarvel, @secretlifeofacloud, @fangirltrash1312, @monchemunche, @zsanelleballeras, @warpedharpy, @ohdarnitripped, @untitledandrandom, @tare8chan, @totheendofthegalaxyandback, @sssunisshining,  @caseopenandcaseshut, @thegeekogecko
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cherri-ice · 7 years
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All the numbers
fuck you 
1. Who was the last person you held hands with?
uH MY CLOSE FRIEND LMAO? 2. Are you outgoing or shy?
lowkey both?? im more shy but if i know the person im incredibly outgoing 3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?
MY LOWKEY GF4. Are you easy to get along with?
oft no 5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?
YEP6. What kind of people are you attracted to?
ppl who are kind !! also ppl who could either break me or love me 7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?
,, hopefully8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?
,,, can i say keaton henson bc his music makes me sob9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?
no but depending w who lmao :””^10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?
mm i think my friend from school abt shitty people ngl 11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?
”do you think it’d be a good idea for me to run and get tea right now”12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?
ok jeez
1. cherry bomb - the runaways (wow, original)
2. all of sevdalizas songs ever
3. blood // water - grandson
4. charger - gorillaz
5. pools - glass animals
13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?
YESYEYSYESYEYSYES. fuck yes.14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?
mhm!!15. What good thing happened this summer?
err i mean, if u count summer as past summer then convincing my dang dad that i dont wanna stay at my shitty school lmao?? 16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
depends on what kind of kiss !! but ye!!17. Do you think there is life on other planets?
pfft, absolutely 18. Do you still talk to your first crush?
,,, i dont think so tbh19. Do you like bubble baths?
HELL YE I DO20. Do you like your neighbors?
ngl i dont rly talk to them but they seem Nice21. What are your bad habits?
if i dont know someone all too well i tend to joke around w them?? idk its weird but i kinda get annoyed easy as well,, altho another bad habit is my flaky ass backing out of events sometimes22. Where would you like to travel?
i’d love to ,,, travel to scotland or france23. Do you have trust issues?
oh boy i do24. Favorite part of your daily routine?
going the hell to sleep again and wrapping myself up25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?
every part w scars lmao26. What do you do when you wake up?
take my dang meds27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?
,, idk?? i like my skin tbh but it could clear tf up28. Who are you most comfortable around?
my sister29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?
nope :””^ 30. Do you ever want to get married?
yes!!31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail?
ye lmao32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?
,,, IM 16 LETS NOT GO HERE33. Spell your name with your chin.
aki34. Do you play sports? What sports?
i work out but i dont play sport lmao35. Would you rather live without TV or music?
without tv, music is my lifeblood36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?
almost always37. What do you say during awkward silences?
i try to joke abt smth usually38. Describe your dream girl/guy?
someone who cares for me smh39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?
T2, I LOVE TEA,,, 40. What do you want to do after high school?
university or nap 41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?
yes!! unless they’re super shitty42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?
i’m nervous, anxious or overthinking43. Do you smile at strangers?
i try to ??44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?
oo fuck outer space ty45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?
,, honestly talking to lovely ppl46. What are you paranoid about?
people abandoning me or being completely alone and shut in and just,, closed away from the world47. Have you ever been high?
tba48. Have you ever been drunk?
not rly lmao i have a high tolerance 49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?
,, UM,,, lowkey yes50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?
olive51. Ever wished you were someone else?
before, yes. now? nah, i’m pretty good 52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?
highkey wish i was less anxious 24/7
53. Favourite makeup brand?
NARS. nars. or kat von d altho i hate what she stands for
54. Favourite store?
T255. Favourite blog?
,, idk? 56. Favourite colour?
blue / green!!57. Favourite food? 
creme brulee58. Last thing you ate?
a rly good double cheese burger59. First thing you ate this morning?
croissant60. Ever won a competition? For what?
knowledge of novels for school!! or art wise, i’ve won a few comps inside our school61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?
nope62. Been arrested? For what?
nada63. Ever been in love? 
smh i fall in love,, way to easily64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?
,, jeez i hate the person who it was with, but it was underneath the harbour bridge after chocolate strawberries and a picnic,, she asked if she could kiss me and i said yes65. Are you hungry right now?
jfc not rly im super content tbh66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?
no @official-akko is a binch (im kidding i love u)67. Facebook or Twitter?
fb68. Twitter or Tumblr?
tumblr69. Are you watching tv right now?
nope but i was watching law and order svu 70. Names of your bestfriends? 
beauty, my cat71. Craving something? What?
cuddling someone and gently lying my head on their chest 72. What colour are your towels?
white!!72. How many pillows do you sleep with?
3 binch73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?
yes!!74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?
on my bed is 2, but i think at least 5+ around 75. Favourite animal?
i love,, cats,,,, so fucking much 76. What colour is your underwear?
wouldn’t u like to know77. Chocolate or Vanilla?
vanilla78. Favourite ice cream flavour?
mm cookies and cream?79. What colour shirt are you wearing?
dark bluuee80. What colour pants?
grey81. Favourite tv show?
right now its between brooklyn 99 and stranger things82. Favourite movie?
i will never stop loving mulan or the princess diaries 83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?
mean girls 84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?
mean girls i guess 85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?
,, janis ian86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?
uh the turtle smh87. First person you talked to today?
ash!! 88. Last person you talked to today?
rn, its niko89. Name a person you hate?
me90. Name a person you love?
ash91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?
GOD this one asshole from school i will actually brawl92. In a fight with someone?
not rly?? idk93. How many sweatpants do you have?
at least 494. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?
5!!95. Last movie you watched?
legally blonde pfft96. Favourite actress?
i lowkey love madelaine petsch97. Favourite actor?
shrugs loudly98. Do you tan a lot?
no im pale af99. Have any pets?
a cat!!100. How are you feeling?
tired, coffee makes me tired101. Do you type fast?
yep!! i can touch-type too so i dont even have to look most of the time as well lmao102. Do you regret anything from your past?
waayyy too fuckin much regret over what ive done to myself 103. Can you spell well?
ye!!104. Do you miss anyone from your past?
,, my grandma :105. Ever been to a bonfire party?
nope lmao106. Ever broken someone’s heart?
,, i think i have,,, 107. Have you ever been on a horse?
yes!! i go horseriding at least four times during the year108. What should you be doing?
sleeping probably109. Is something irritating you right now?
i have a fuckin itch on my leG110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?
yep,, oh boy 111. Do you have trust issues?
i already answered this lmao112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?
,, my sister because i wanted her to comfort m e shes v sweet113. What was your childhood nickname?
”leash”114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?
yes!!115. Do you play the Wii?
sometimes116. Are you listening to music right now?
i am, its glass animals :””^117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?
yes!!118. Do you like Chinese food?
eh, iffy but i dont mind it!119. Favourite book?
THE NAME OF THE WIND BY PATRICK ROTHFUSS120. Are you afraid of the dark?
only a lil121. Are you mean?
,, i think i am sometimes122. Is cheating ever okay?
never ever ever ever is it okay.123. Can you keep white shoes clean?
yes! if not i fuckin clean em wth124. Do you believe in love at first sight?
not rly? i think love is something you have to grow and share together, kind of like a garden plant? works gotta go into it for it to blossom 125. Do you believe in true love?
i believe in it!126. Are you currently bored?
,, yea lmao127. What makes you happy?
memes, reading and tea ngl128. Would you change your name?
birthname? ye, probably lmao129. What your zodiac sign?
cancer! im an emotional fucking crab130. Do you like subway?
ye!131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?
remind them im a lesbian132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?
binnch this is a past question133. Favourite lyrics right now?
”Our skinIn time would tellCan I hold on to our genesIn my lifeI could not failWhen I run out will you leave?”
134. Can you count to one million?
i can but i’d loose track i have attention issues pfft135. Dumbest lie you ever told?
”i was late because my cat threw up one on of my school uniforms and i had to change”136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?
closed, idk who can trust anyone that much to keep them open137. How tall are you?
5′7!138. Curly or Straight hair?
i have wavy hair if this is asking m e139. Brunette or Blonde?
blonde140. Summer or Winter?
winter141. Night or Day?
night142. Favourite month?
july bc its cold and my birth month143. Are you a vegetarian?
nooppe144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?
milk chocolate!145. Tea or Coffee?
tea146. Was today a good day?
meh, highs and lows 147. Mars or Snickers?
mars148. What’s your favourite quote?
either:a. “And what we learn about ourselves in those moments, where the trigger has been squeezed, is this: the past is not dead. There are things that wait for us, patiently, in the dark corridors of our lives. We think we have moved on, put them out of mind, left them to desiccate and shrivel and blow away; but we are wrong. They have been waiting there in the darkness, working out, practicing their most vicious blows, their sharp hard thoughtless punches into the gut, killing time until we came back that way.” from Trigger Warning (Short fictions and disturbances), neil gaiman
or
b. “Perhaps the greatest faculty our minds possess is the ability to cope with pain. Classic thinking teaches us of the four doors of the mind, which everyone moves through according to their need.First is the door of sleep. Sleep offers us a retreat from the world and all its pain. Sleep marks passing time, giving us distance from the things that have hurt us. When a person is wounded they will often fall unconscious. Similarly, someone who hears traumatic news will often swoon or faint. This is the mind's way of protecting itself from pain by stepping through the first door.Second is the door of forgetting. Some wounds are too deep to heal, or too deep to heal quickly. In addition, many memories are simply painful, and there is no healing to be done. The saying 'time heals all wounds' is false. Time heals most wounds. The rest are hidden behind this door.Third is the door of madness. There are times when the mind is dealt such a blow it hides itself in insanity. While this may not seem beneficial, it is. There are times when reality is nothing but pain, and to escape that pain the mind must leave reality behind. Last is the door of death. The final resort. Nothing can hurt us after we are dead, or so we have been told.” - The name of the wind, patrick rothfuss
149. Do you believe in ghosts?
yes!! i believe that ghosts exist lmao, or at least guiding spirits 150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?
“… but he left his doubts unspoken. Some old wounds never truly heal, and bleed again at the slightest word.” - Game of thrones lmao
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