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cotarded · 8 months

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Do you think the sex we are born as has an impact on our life and personality or is there a possibility we would be exactly the same in terms of our character etc if we were born the opposite sex (to as we are). Also if you had a choice would you still choose to be the sex you are or not really? If yes, why?

idk if its stupid or fake deep or what im tired and curious of your opinion ! cheers ☃️

Hey hi hello! This is not a stupid or fake deep question at all. I’m gonna ramble on a bit, hope you don’t mind.

So one aspect of it is, at least to me, obvious and evident. Yes, the sex we are born as has a tremendous impact on our life. The way we are raised, perceived, the expectations of our families, schools, employers, what we are taught from the earliest days we should aspire to, what is the purpose of our life and the pinnacle of success - all of those depend on our sex. There’s so much research on the impact of sexed socialisation on boys and girls by now that if I wanted to cite something I wouldn’t know where to start. And if it is so pervasive, so omnipresent - why should we assume it doesn’t affect our personalities?

This is another obvious thing - men and women are characterologically and behaviourally different. Not in a discrete way, there are no “woman traits” and “man traits”, but in a similar way to height distribution - a lot of women will be taller than some men and a lot of men will be shorter than some women, but still as a whole men are significantly taller. Now, character traits are more difficult to compare than height - let’s take aggression; by all objective criteria men are more aggressive. But really, the only thing we can measure is the aggressive behaviour - so are women behaving less aggressively because they feel less aggression, or do they feel the same aggression but don’t display it because they were taught so? We are unable to distill character from societal influence, or at least I am unaware of any way of doing so.

And now we are arriving at one of the “dangerous”, unsolved questions of feminism - are the characterological and behavioural differences between males and females inherent, borne of sex, or just a result of socialisation? I don’t know. My opinion, based on my own life and observations (and of course political opinions) is that there are biologically-determined differences in character trait distribution, but it is socialisation which accounts for the vast majority of differences in behaviour between men and women.

I do think that two people with the exact same character preset, just a different sex (see, a biologist in me is already confused as to how would that work with eg. testosterone levels, but let’s roll with the hypothetical), raised in our society would still behave differently from one another. Raised in some ideal space with no gender stereotypes and sexed socialisation, probably they’d be the same person. Which is not to say that men and women can’t behave the same and have the same character traits, even with the socialisation - and if we suddenly got rid of misogyny and patriarchy, I’m sure we’d suddenly became much more similar.

In any way, I think I’d be different if I was born male and I shudder to think of it. Which neatly ties us into the last part - if I had a choice I would still choose to be female, even (or especially) in our misogynistic, patriarchal society. There's a story that I used to tell as a funny anecdote (that's become less funny in recent years): I was quite GNC as a child, and when I first learned about transsexualism (as it was still widely known then) in elementary school, I started wondering if maybe I was trans. So I read a bunch of blogs and articles and was getting ready to present my parents with my case, until one night I had a dream that I went through with it, became a boy, and as a result I had to stop hanging out with girls and start being friends with boys and use their bathrooms and changing rooms… Which cured me Instantly. Of course that’s a bit of tongue-in-cheek, but the fact remains - among a ton of other reasons, I appreciate being female for the connection it gives me to other women. I never got along with men and I have a rather low opinion on majority of them, which means I would prefer not to become one.

I am also, at this point, quite attached to my “identity”. I know who I am, I grew up as her. I wouldn’t change any of her immutable traits, even to a more “beneficial” ones, because they are parts of me, they inform who I am, how I act and think. Circling back - a man could exhibit the exact same character traits as me, but I wouldn’t be myself if I were male.

Does that make sense?

Cheers! 🎃

#uh oh i always get so flustered when someone asks my opinion on anon 😳#whooo wants to know my opinion in particular...

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anachronistic-falsehood · 1 year

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HIIII HI HI IM OFFICIALLY CAUGHT UP ON DREAMSTUCK AGAIN HELL YES. GOOD SHIT. ok now bc it is on my mind. i am DYING to know ur classpect thoughts on judt. everybody. handing u a free pass to ramble. u dont have to do all of them bc thats a lot but if u have favorites 👁👁 i am looking

OUGGOHIGIG WELLLL IF U INSIST

ok ok. jack. motherfucking manifold. likeeee cjack drives me insane i hope u know that idk what crack he put into his silly little minecraft rp character but it drives me insane. pages lack their own aspect/concepts related to their aspect right. cjack died so many times but it just NEVER STICKS. he wicks it off like its nothing. he’s miserable yes but nothing will ever give him the relief of dying. ds!jack is going to suffer that same fate. “Those bound to the aspect of Doom are fate's chosen sufferers. At their worst, they are bitter, resentful, and fatalistic.” CAN YOU HEAR MEEEEE!!! I’m so going to lean into the “Fate’s chosen sufferer” thing later on in the story. it’s killing me. cursed to keep living no matter what happens, even if death would be preferable. yeagh

also ummm. witch of breath hannah. channah has had her autonomy taken from her by the egg, by her wings burning and leaving her ground-bound, and breath is all about freedom. i want her to take it back yk. i want her to snatch her freedom from the universe and be able to DO THINGS. ds!hannah is going to be pushed and pulled in a thousand different directions until she snaps. the hand that feeds her is also the one that hits her and she’s going to bite it. i want her to go fucking feral

KNIGHT OF HOPE CPUFFY. HELLO. do u remember is dsmp when eret decided to make a faction against the egg and named it the knights of hope and puffy was one of them. puffy also used to be one of eret’s knights way back in the beginning as well LIKEEE. shes constantly trying to protect people she’s defensive she helps people she pours her entire being into the things she cares about. she’s so knight coded. there’s no other class for her i think. also the fact that it’s always eret who she’s the knight of. something something the unbreakable relationship between the space player and the knight who helped breed the genesis frog and the universe being built from their two hands etc etc. also remember her during the banquet after cfoolish was killed. i think if cpuffy had been allowed to shine during lore more like that she could have either fucked shit up or maybe fixed the entire server ngl. she’s THAT powerful i think. genuinely. she was so determined to make things better and if she’d been allowed to she could have gone down two paths: knocked some sense into everyone and rallied them all against a common enemy (cdream) and gotten rid of the biggest problem on the server, or snapped and set off the nukes herself in a wave of unbridled frustration. a knight of hope is a very powerful thing yk. and if cpuffy couldn’t reach her full potential in dsmp then BY GOD I WILL MAKE IT HAPPEN IN DREAMSTUCK.

i feel like it would b a crime if i didn’t talk about. cWilbur. my little prospit dreamer destructive heart player meow meow <3 like u know how he is. he hates himself more than anything. he’s obsessed with himself. he knows he made something beautiful and amazing but also he thinks every single problem ever is his fault. he can’t stand himself. he regrets everything he’s ever done but if he did things differently maybe he wouldn’t be the same person he is now and that thought both elates him and terrifies him. dirk imploded with self hatred, and wilbur EXPLODES with it. he destroys other things with the contradicting force of his own identity. he dies and comes back RIGHT. but also wrong. very wrong. but it’s also the best he’s felt in decades. yk. he’s a walking juxtaposition and that’s so incredibly heart player of him.

ok ok this is getting long so i’m going 2 leave it at them for now. honourable mentions for classpects that drive me crazy go to: csam thief of heart, which makes me want to gnaw on plywood; ctechno prince of rage, because AUGH AIOAUBAIGH AISHkgGHH HRGHNGBGNNHN; cbad prince of blood, because oh my god. ohhhh my goD oh my god; and cponk sylph of mind, because urnghnghn *sounds of me chewing on styrofoam*

#dsmp classpects #dreamstuck #whiskeys word soup #will probably expand on others that drive me batshit up the fucking belfry later #but right now i ammmm. augahgahah #used up all my braincells writing this. they drive me crazy <3

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zukuist · 3 years

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𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐨𝐟 𝐬𝐢𝐦𝐩𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐚𝐫𝐞

200 followers special

includes: multiple characters (would add more tags but.. i reached 30 ;;)

your name is shortened to y/n, they/them pronouns

notes: thank you for 200 followers! this isn’t really going to be that long, but im just doing the characters i really like so ;; ALSO I MIGHT’VE GOTTEN KIRI’S ENTRY A LITTLE WRONG so ugh sorry ;;

—

shouto todoroki

— THE OBSERVANT SIMP

from the start, he’s quite oblivious to certain things, (social ques, signs of romantic interest, etc.)

but when he’s observant with someone, then that totally means you’re special to him. does he realize how much he pays attention to you? hmm.. maybe?

he’s going to be the first one that notices you’re hungry, even if you don’t realize it yourself. he’s quick to grab a snack and break it open to you

same thing with being thirsty— if he notices that your water bottle is empty, he’ll quickly find the nearest vending machine and buy a bottle.

temperature is also no problem. he can immediately tell whenever someone’s cold; but he usually helps you first

too hot? he’s slowly putting down the room’s temperature

too cold? his left palm starts emitting some sort of heat in your direction, hoping it creates some sort of aid

if your shoelaces are undone, and/or he notices that there’s a button undone on your shirt— he’ll fix it for you

will ask to take your pictures on dates, and he’ll also help you pick out the best photo (not that any photo of you is short of any beauty)

in short— people will notice that he’s actually a big simp for you; because of how observant he is with you specifically.

katsuki bakugou

— THE TSUNDERE SIMP

just because he’s simping for you doesn’t mean he’ll treat you any differently. bakugou will be bakugou, and you eventually learn how to adapt to that.

but even so, his simp habits slip out sometimes.

when he’s cooking, he’ll accidentally make too much to eat, and he’ll coincidentally put the extras in another box and hand it to you

he’s a good student, even with studies. but would he say he’s a good teacher? hm. probably not

but if he notices you need help, he’ll sigh, feining annoyance as he decides to tutor y’all, because those ‘idiots’ are hopeless

rolls his eyes when he sees food on your cheek, but he’ll grab a tissue and wipe it off for you— claiming how you’re so messy.

he’ll act like he hates hearing your ‘annoying ass singing’ but he’ll lean against the doorway and listen to you rock out to whatever song you’re singing to.

denki will call him a simp for looking after you, and bakugou will just yell at him to “SHUT UP” >:T

he secretly likes taking care of you. his words aren’t the softest thing in the world, but his actions make up to it.

izuku midoriya

— THE DETAILED SIMP

as katsuki bakugou would call him; he is a nerd

he definitely meant that as an insult, but his input on detail makes it very useful in things like relationships

he remembers every detail of your quirk, your limits, potential secret moves.

it would’ve been stalker-ish, if it weren’t for the fact that deku does this out of admiration for his s/o

so if you so happen to collapse due to overusing your quirk— deku has a detailed plan on what to do. it’s almost scary.

he puts detail in a lot of things, anniversary gifts, birthday gifts, and so on.

deku’s also the type to plan things weeks before it actually happens. like.. planning out the perfect birthday gift

and with this, his memory is really good. so it’s very unlikely that he’ll just suddenly forget anniversaries and birthdays.

i hc deku as a bad cook, so he eats takeout food more than his homemade food

but he’s takes note of your allergies, your dislikes with food— and he finds himself mumbling small details to recall what you like

when you walk out in pretty/good outfits for dates

his face will break out into shades of red— suddenly rambling all the good details of your outfit, complimenting you while he’s at it

“y/n’s looks fantastic as always. i might die from their beauty”

if anyone calls him a simp, he’ll be really embarrassed about it. “me? a s-simp? is that a bad thing?”

just tell him it’s fine.

denki kaminari

— THE HYPEMAN SIMP

a big simp

like.. really big

he worships the ground you step on, and hypes up everything you do

y’all know when irene from red velvet literally breathed in north korea, and the crowd just

*claps*

yeah, that’s denki to you

it’s so blantly obvious that he’s simping over someone, and everyone’s just kinda used to it at this point

he’s just a big fanboy sometimes

whenever you’re sparring with someone, he’s always in the background like

“go s/o!!” 🤩

and he has tendencies to go a little easy on you like.. what’s he gonna do when you get electricuted??

but that doesn’t mean he’s never serious— nah.

there are times where he’s just a little bashful just being in your presence

sneaking glances your way, as he silently fanboys about you in general.

“s/o looks really good today. they always look good but !!”

when y’all weren’t together, the bakusquad was just tired of the constant romantic pining

it was really obvious that he was simping back then, and they’re not so sure as to how you didn’t say anything about it

mina always called him a simp

so yeah!! it was a big relief when you got together with him. he never makes you feel terrible, because he’s always your #1 hypeman.

eijirou kirishima

— THE HELPING SIMP (rip idk what to call this)

i didn’t really know what kinda name i went for this one but let me carry on

kiri upfront is very confident, and friendly. he never shows a mean side to anyone,

and there are rare cases of him being bashful

he’s kinda almost like a golden retriever? since he’s always nice and friendly to everyone

but then when you enter the room; he suddenly goes quiet, and he’s left alone with his rather loud thoughts about you

he didn’t really know how to properly approach you at first

but him being kiri, he’s still rather friendly to you (for now)

when he’s messing around, practically sharing one braincell with kami and sero

and then you suddenly walk in— he snaps out of his foolishness, and greet you with his very warm smile

“hey y/n!” he waves at you, and he hopes you don’t mention the teasing look on both kami and sero’s face

sometimes when he’s doing his close combat training, and he notices that he’s getting too close to you

he’ll be like “woah man, maybe we should move locations.” bc he doesn’t wanna hit you by accident ;;

kirishima prefers to not stand near you when his hair is all spiky. like he’s never conscious about it, until he’s around you

man poked sero with his hair before, and he doesn’t want to do that to you

kiri always looks at your hand, just to see if it’s occupied with something. his thoughts linger to what your hand might feel like

“their hand looks really.. soft. argh! i shouldn’t be thinking about these kind of things in public! im sorry y/n”

bakugou really only notices kirishima’s simping ways

bakugou always mentions the fact that kirishima goes really silent whenever you’re around—

and he’s secretly contemplating on having you around more so he can just shut up 。・°°・(＞_＜)・°°・。

moving aside all of that, kiri always carries your things.

you’ll beg him to give you at least one thing, and he’ll say no because it’s “not manly to let someone carry all of this.”

if you’re sad, he’s the first one to cheer you up— reassuring you that everything will be okay.

kiri’s just wants to be at your service at all times! it’s manly to help people, right?

hitoshi shinsou

— THE DISCREET SIMP

no one would be able to tell that he’s simping for someone

because unlike kaminari; he’s not like IM HITOSHI SHINSO AND IM ACTUALLY A SIMP

he’s a lot more discreet, and no one has really caught on, besides you and kaminari of course

he’s a lot less sarcastic with you, asking you about anything that’s happened instead of just being there

he prefers it to hear you talk. the way each word and syllable rolls off your tongue smoothly, and the way you use your hands to emphasize things

he’s amused.

oh and the way he looks at you? almost any normal person can sense the simp in him pop out (he’s so contained though)

he’s definitely the person that’ll get rid of any bug that’s terrifying you— even though he’d normally just leave it to them

he’ll do it, regardless if it’s the biggest fucking spider he’s ever seen, or the smallest spider

he’ll do it to make you feel safe.

he has these random spurs of compliments during the day

the source mainly comes from his staring habit

and they’re just so unexpected and out of the blue. hitoshi’s amused whenever he sees your reaction to his compliments

like.. you could be really frustrated about something, and he’ll just go “your eyes are pretty.” that’s his discreet method tO MAKE YOU TEMPORARILY DISTRACTED FROM THE ISSUE—

call him a simp, whatever. it’s true anyway so he doesn’t why should he be ashamed of it?

he’s discreet about it, since it’s your business and his business. but you can definitely feel his feelings loud and clear

neito monoma

— THE 180 SIMP

“i’m not a simp!”

[you enter the room]

*nervous laughter*

he had his last laugh, and he never thought he’d be this soft around someone.

especially if you’re from class 1-A like.. i became the thing i hated, ugh.

relentless teasing is amped but this is his way of making sure you remember him loud and clear

but he’ll never tease you in a condescending way— like how he torments the rest of class 1-A

that’s reserved for them 💅

always compliments you, that’s the first thing he does when he sees you—

and they’re never generic compliments either

“it’s nice to see you here, y/n! you make the world better day by day!”

“i’m still wondering what you’re doing in class 1-A, you’re much better than them!”

everyone secretly wonders how you got monoma to like you

monoma canonically likes pastels. spread the word

so sometimes, you’ll walk over to your desk— and you’ll just see this random pastel ornament sitting on your desk

you know who it’s from

whenever monoma starts becoming annoying, kendo will definitely use you as a weapon to make him shut up

he’ll be laughing at the expression on his face, thinking he’s absolutely winning at this

but the smile is wiped off his face when he hears “ok go on, i’ll tell y/n about your antics.”

“no, no! i’ll behave now, please don’t tell y/n.”

class 1-b literally use you as blackmail whenever monoma acts up, and it’s because of how different he is around you

like.. his personality takes a 180, (besides the obvious teasing) it’s alarming

—

©️zukuist 2021, bnha|mha belongs to horikoshi kohei. do not repost my work❕

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blockgamepirate · 2 years

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(im sorry for sending an ask about this, i just personally didn't want to rb dsmp lore discussion on my blog but i had some thoughts on the techno post you made? feel free to ignore this completely)

I guess.. part of my (personal) reservation with the idea that ctechno had no idea of pogtopia's goals is that the majority of people aren't agreeing with him and wilbur.

frankly, wilbur's the only other person (to my memory) who brings up destroying the gov instead of just taking it over, while in the clips you showed tommy, tubbo, and quack all show that they DONT want that. why is he believing wilburs word on pogtopia's goals over anyone elses? ESPECIALLY as an anarchist, this should be a communal decision and not one made by the "leader" aka wilbur. and majority says no. at the very least, the lack of unity in making a decision (especially such a big one) should make him less sure about the shared end goal.

that, combined with the fact that he immediately put aside the opportunity to learn more about pogtopia's goals ("we'll burn that bridge when we come to it") puts a sour taste in my mouth because it instead feels to me like he instead didn't bother to try and communicate to make sure they had the same goals.

while i completely get the point you made abt wanting to avoid infighting (before a major battle especially), when multiple different people suddenly seemingly have a different goal than you, its something you should want to clear up to make sure no misunderstandings happen-- bc thats exactly how both sides end up "betraying" one another when in reality they were never on the same side to begin with. its not something that SHOULD be left to deal with later, so him pushing for that makes it feel to me instead that he just doesnt.... want to deal with it.

in short, i feel like despite what you said there was still reasonable doubt in the goals of pogtopia (via a lack of unity in the goal at hand) that techno just... didn't bother to look into or check beyond his intial thoughts. even with the rumors of a traitor, a majority of (or at least multiple) members disagreeing on such a fundemental point don't (to me) get rid of that existing doubt.

I understand your point is that he was out of the loop and thus came to his own conclusions on pogtopia's purpose, and i agree! i think instead the issues people have w techno and pogtopia is techno's not attempting to get into the loop, which is a pattern that continues into later arcs-- he jumps into things without full information on the situation or context, but assured that he's right regardless of how little he actually knows (eggpire, dream in prison, etc)

again-- i realize we have benefit of the omniscient viewer so signs become much more obvious to us, and even then characters are allowed (and encouraged!) to have fatal flaws like techno (often, imo) working off of incomplete information and not trying actively to fill in those gaps! but... idk, it still a point i also get feeling very irritated by (again, esp from our POV), bc he's so sure he's right when he's often clueless and it can be frustrating and unsatisfying to watch.

idk if this had a point tbh. i just wanted to talk abt your post i guess. thank you for reading if you got this far, i just needed a place to ramble to someone here but i didn't wanna linger on it i guess. i hope you have a great day/night ✌️

--enderspawn

I mean the thing is that the original members of Pogtopia were Wilbur, Tommy and Techno, right? With Tubbo joining right after.

And as far as I can tell, Tommy never said anything about wanting to reinstall a government, at least not when Techno was there to hear it, he was actually the one who on day one was talking about how they no longer had their titles and would be equal from now on while Wilbur was still clinging to the idea of being the president. Tommy was very insistent on "taking back" L'Manburg and on not blowing it up, but again: nothing about a government. (And as we found out later, Tommy didn't even want to be a president in the end. He wasn't actually motivated by political power, and honestly I think a lot of the time he was kinda just going along with it because he felt like that was what he was supposed to strive for.)

Tommy seemed to be satisfied with the plan to only blow Manburg up IF nothing else works, right? But there was never any talk about objecting to the anarchism afterwards.

On top of that, Pogtopia was effectively an anarchist commune, or close enough, despite Wilbur kind of taking a leadership role in an informal way, so it makes sense to assume that the people who made it and the people who joined it would approve of that kind of social system, right?

I mean is it a bit naive of him? Yes, definitely, but I really don't think it's unreasonable. If people are joining your anarchist commune and your vocally anarchist cause (as of after the Red Festival at least, when Wilbur gets on fully board the anarchy train), you'd think they would be fine with that. You'd think that if they weren't fine with it they'd start their own separate movement, or something.

(This is actually what I thought would happen at the time! I thought Wilbur, Techno and Dream would team up and Tommy, Tubbo and Niki would form their own group and then recruit others. But it didn't end up happening, probably because Tommy is too loyal to Wilbur to let him go, and Niki probably cared about Wilbur too much too. Idk.)

Or if not, then you'd think they would protest the anarchism a bit louder and even if Techno himself missed this, it wouldn't be weird of him to assume that Wilbur would tell him if there was so much ideological conflict going on. (And as we found out yesterday, Wilbur was well aware and kept Techno in the dark intentionally.) Techno trusted Wilbur to do the talking to the others, he even said as much in the stream after the Red Festival. Techno is obviously not very good at the whole socialising thing himself and he knows it.

But all Techno heard about was the whole "to bomb or not to bomb" question, and this has nothing to do with what you do afterwards. You don't have to bomb the country to make it anarchist after all.

Another factor here, which is another example of Techno being kind of naive, is that as he says in the narration of his video, he thought that the people who had been victimised by the government would understand better than anyone that such a system could not be allowed to stand. (He made this mistake AGAIN with Tommy after exile, thinking that surely this time Tommy would come to agree with him.)

So idk if this answer satisfies you at all, but I don't really have time to work in this any more than this, I've already spent way too much time on Tumblr today :| (this is also why I don't have the time to condense this down to a reasonable length either)

I guess what I'd say is that Techno was definitely naive and affected by confirmation bias and kind of a recluse and a bit of an edgelord individualist at least early on, which are genuine flaws of his, but I think his conclusions are fairly reasonable anyway. And he was being intentionally misled by Wilbur. Also he was very vocal about his own ideology and goals while the other Pogtopians never said anything to him about disagreeing with those goals, up until Quackity and Tubbo right before battle. "Taking back L'Manburg" just isn't specific enough here, Techno never had anything against reclaiming the country from Schlatt, obviously, he even made his fireworks in L'Manburg colours in support of the cause.

And I do think that there is more fault on the side of the other Pogtopians for leading him on, even if they did it unintentionally and just weren't considering his opinions. Which is what seems to have happened, they knew he was an anarchist but they just sort of dismissed the significance of this. Quackity is the first one to actually bring this up as a potential problem and he does it by accusing Techno of potentially becoming a traitor, not by trying to negotiate with him or hear him out. And Tommy just told Techno to shut up while they were talking about who the next president should be.

They all knew that he was an anarchist, they just didn't think it was important. I mean I think they just kinda assumed that he knew the plan, to be fair, after all Wilbur obviously knew it too, but it's still kinda dismissive lbr.

And to be honest this is something that happens in real life a lot too, to anarchists who try to work with non-anarchist groups for a common goal. Our concerns tend to be dismissed and it's kinda just assumed that we'll just go along with it anyway because we're usually the minority. And we tend to be the first ones to get kicked out when we're no longer convenient. That's my experience anyway. And yes, it does feel like we're being used when that happens. The difference is, I guess, that we usually see it coming because we've learned from history and past experiences. Techno apparently hasn't.

#long post #dream smp #technoblade #asks #enderspawn

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akingdomofswordsandstories · 3 years

Text

Unrequited pt. 2

azriel (acotar) x reader

*this is part 2! Sorry for the wait guys! I really struggled with this and low-key I don’t like it but I hope y'all do! I wanna write the scenes after this but idk how im gonna make it work lol. anyway, enjoy!

word count: 3193

---------------------------------

What you hadn’t realized was that Azriel left a few minutes later, walking to your apartment to make sure you had gotten home safe.

All of a sudden he heard whimpers and labored breathing coming from the alley.

Nothing could have prepared him for the sight of you laying on the ground and bleeding out. He felt a tug in his chest. A click. Panic instilled in him as he gently but swiftly picked you up and flew you to Madja.

“Hang on y/n, you’re so strong” he whispered

In those moments, he feared for you. Fear that was so strong. Something he had never felt before.

He rushed into the house laying you on the bed gently before he was shoved out by the Madja so she could try to save you.

Azriel alerted the others and then collapsed into a chair, sitting in silence. A tear slipped out of his eye at the thought he may have been too late to save you.

You. His mate.

Why, of all the times did the bond have to click while you were on the brink of death. In a situation where you may not make it out alive. It wasn’t fair.

He wondered if you had known. Could that be the reason why you had been distancing yourself from him? Because you didn’t expect or want him to be your mate? But if you had known you would’ve said something, right? You wouldn’t keep it a secret? So many thoughts kept racing through his head.

Could it have been because of Elain? He knew the inner circle wasn’t stupid, they all saw him drifting more and more to Elain. Could that have been why you had distanced yourself? He would be lying if he said he didn’t like Elain, but he would also be lying if he said he didn’t like you.

Your stubbornness. Your generosity. Your sense of adventure. The way you could get lost in the things you did.

Suddenly the door swung open and the others came into the room, worry written all over their faces.

Azriel could tell that Cassian and Mor had been crying on the way there.

“How bad is it?” Mor shook as she spoke. You could see the pain in her eyes. The worry she had for someone who was basically her sister.

Azriel’s expression was unreadable and he didn’t respond.

“Do you think she will make it?” Feyre asked, grief evident in her posture. “I- I don’t know” Azriel answered, “It was pretty bad,” he said quietly.

Just as he answered, Madja appeared from the other room. “She’s in rough shape, I don’t know if she’s gonna make it through the night. She lost a lot of blood.”

The room grew eerily quiet

“She’s stable for now, but I will stay here and notify you if any changes occur.”

---------------------------------

Rhys, Feyre, Amren, and Elain went back to the townhouse to try and get as much rest as they could. Mor, Cassian, and Azriel decided to stay in your room with you.

Tears started slipping from Cassian’s eyes once he saw your fraile body lying in bed, barely hanging on.

“Oh mother” Mor sobbed out, a hand slipping over her mouth. She went over to the bed you were on, gently sitting on it and grabbing to hold your hand. She leaned against the headboard and watched as your chest heaved.

The trio sat in silence for some time, watching your every move, your breathes, whimpers, and shifts.

Azriel broke the silence.

“She’s my mate. All this time and I never knew.”, the sentence coming out as a whisper.

Shock was painted on Mor’s face. “Y/n’s your mate? How di-? When?”

“It clicked when I saw her body lying there.” his voice started breaking “Why did it have to happen right now. Of all the times. Why couldn’t it have happened months ago. I could’ve had more time. This never would have happened. How do I move on from this?” his voice ending on a whisper.

“All you can do is hope to mother that she has the strength to pull through.” Cassian replied softly. “You know, this whole situation is so ironic.”, he said softly to himself, lightly shaking his head.

Azriel gave Cassian a look of confusion, wondering what he was talking about, but decided to drop it for now.

“Anyway, let’s try to get some sleep and pray the morning holds better news”

Mor had dozed off, back against the headboard and hand still holding yours. Cassian was sitting in the chair, head resting on the palm of his head, it still took him a few hours to fall asleep completely. Azriel, however, couldn’t sleep. The thought of sleeping while you laid like this. He felt guilty, the feeling that he may have been too late. For the rest of the night, Azriel sat in a chair next to your bed, shrouded in darkness, hoping you would be ok.

---------------------------------

Sunlight peeked through the sheer blinds over the balcony door. The faint sound of birds singing flowed through the air. Light shined onto your face, causing you to groan. Groggily, you opened your eyes, blinking to adjust to the light filling the room. Your head pounded and you winced as you shifted in bed.

“Y/n?” you heard a whisper. You mumbled in response. “Oh! Thank mother you’re alright! We were all so worried for you. Wait, let me call Madja now that you’re up.” Mor rambled on causing you to smile slightly. “CASSIAN!” she squealed “Wake up! Look! Y/n is awake!”

Cassian jumped to his feet at her shout. “Oh my god!” he ran over to your side “I was so worried, I’m so glad you’re alright” he said, taking your hand into his. “Let me go call the others, they’ve been waiting for an update.”

Soon after, the rest of the inner circle came over to your room to check in and Madja came to see how you were healing.

“That was quite the wound you had. Make sure to rest for the next two weeks. No buts, we don’t want this opening back up from stress or straining activity.”. You groaned at the thought.

“But I feel fine now, it’s not a big deal! I can go back to doing my duties in 2 days. I’ll be good as new.” you pleaded, trying to convince Madja and yourself. Before she could respond, Rhys cut in.

“You will do nothing of the sort. You just got stabbed for cauldrons sake, if i catch you trying to do anything remotely straining, i’ll lock you in your room and have Cassian stand guard in front of it”

“Fine” you grumbled out

“Now that everything is settled, i’ll be coming to check on you every few days.” Madja states before leaving

After a little more small talk was exchanged, the inner circle decided to leave you to rest a bit more, but promised they would visit you as frequently as they could.

Except, one person stayed behind.

Azriel.

“Can I talk to you?”

“Is something wrong?” you asked

After a hesitant pause his voice rang out. “We’re mates.”

You felt a blow to your chest. When did he find this out? As if Azriel had read your thoughts, he responded “Last night. After I found you.”

“Oh”

“But, Cassian said something, how it was ironic, and I can’t help but wonder how long you’ve known”

“I-, I told Cassian that we were mates yester-”

“But how long have you known y/n.” his voice quiet and sharp as a knife, as if tendrils of anger were waiting to escape

“Since the diplomatic mission Rhys sent us on”, you whispered. You could feel the tears threatening to fall from your eyes

“That was months ago and you didn’t think to tell me?” You could feel the anger in his voice

“I thought you would have figured it out sooner. I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry” tears started falling from your eyes

“You knew and said nothing. Why didn’t you say anything? You should have said something” he seethed. His anger was unhinged, a drastic change for the usually calm and collected shadowsinger.

“If you didn’t want to be my mate just tell me. I’d be glad to be rid of the bond.”. As soon as he said it, he regretted it. His anger dissipated. He looked up and saw your face, tears streaming down.

“I see the way you look at Elain, Azriel. I’m not some stupid fucking female. How do you think it feels to see your mate all over someone else. I wanted to give you a chance to find your own happiness without me burdening you with this. And if we’re being honest, if you had to choose between me or her, you would choose her. I knew you would be disappointed by me. I knew you wouldn’t want to be my mate, that's why I didn’t tell you.” your anger started boiling up. “Do you think it feels good to be rejected, especially by someone you’ve loved for a long time? I didn’t want you to be disappointed that I was your mate, the person you’ve waited so long for.” your voice tapered off at the end. “Can you leave please” you said softly

“No, wait, I’m sorry I-“

“Azriel. Get out.” your voice boomed through the room.

He left reluctantly, softly shutting the door behind him. Just as the door shut, the sobs that you had been desperately trying to hold back broke free. Your body shuddered as you hugged yourself, crying yourself back to sleep.

---------------------------------

During the following weeks, you avoided Azriel at all costs. As soon as he walked into the room, you would walk out. Any required conversations were kept short. You did anything you could to keep your mind off of him, cleaning, errands, hell you did it all. It certainly didn’t help your recovery, but you did what you could to keep your mind busy and off of Azriel.

“Y/n stop please. You need to rest, how many times do we have to tell you. You’re only making the healing process longer” Mor ranted on.

“I’m fine, I doubt a wound, which is almost healed by the way, would be damaged by me doing chores” you emphasized as you rolled your eyes

“Maybe not by chores, but it is affected by your stress”

A moment of silence passed.

“He feels terrible, you know, he didn’t mean to say it. He just wants to talk to you.”. Mor didn’t risk saying his name because she knew it would only anger you more.

“Well I don’t want to talk to him, or deal with him, or see him, or think about him. At all.”. You grumbled. Your heart clenched, but you brushed it aside.

“Y/n, please. I love you two and it hurts to see our family like this right now.”

“Please, can we drop it, I-“ your voice cracked

“Yeah, of course. Just… keep an open mind, maybe?”

“Yeah, ok” you looked down.

“I’ll see you later tonight then, for Rhys and Feyre’s dinner party.”

“Sounds good.”. You pressed your lips into a tight smile as you watched Mor walk off. You had definitely contemplated not going today. All of the inner circle certainly knew what happened, maybe not all the details, but still enough, which made you feel exposed. You weren’t use to having your emotions splayed out to everyone like that, and it made you too vulnerable. However, Mor had threatened to pull you to the party herself if you refused to go, so being complicit seemed like the best option.

It was just one night. You would be fine… right?

---------------------------------

It was nearing 8 as you finished getting ready for the party, which started at 8:30. You were wearing an olive green silk midi dress. It wasn’t anything too fancy, but it was still very elegant. And comfortable. You were touching up as Mor arrived.

“Ah, there she is, beautiful as ever.”

“I could say the same about you, darling” you emphasized

“Are you ready to go, I heard the party is getting started, and you know I wouldn’t want to miss all the cocktails”

A laugh mused on your face. You grabbed your purse before the pair of you winnowed to the house.

You arrived at the front door, scanning the scene when you got there. It was a cozy ballroom with french doors which opened up to a huge balcony leading to the gardens. There was a huge dining table in the center with plenty of space to mingle in clusters.

You hadn’t spotted Azriel yet, a sigh of relief leaving your body. You strutted in, arms linked with Mor, grabbing a drink off the platter. You weren’t even sure who or what this party was for, but you realized you had downplayed it after spotting Helion and Tarquin. The high lords in Velaris. But that was the least of your concerns, the only thing you were focused on was avoiding Azriel.

Spotting Feyre near Helion, you breezed over to say hi.

“Ah! Y/n! Helion, i’m sure the two of you have met a few times before!” Feyre smiled out

“Yes, I do remember you! I heard about what happened, how are you feeling?” He asked

“Much better than the last few weeks, that’s for sure. Although I must say, this alcohol is certainly helping” you giggled. “Well I just wanted to pop over and say hi, but I think I’m gonna go find Cassian now. It was so nice to see you again Lord Helion, enjoy your evening.”

“You too Miss Y/L/N”

You dipped your head towards the both of them before making your way through the room to find Cassian. Where was he for caldrons sake. You hadn’t seen him in a week because he had to go up to the illyrian war camps again. Pushing your way through the crowd, you bumped into a hard chest, spilling your champagne. Cursing to yourself, you started to apologize.

“Oh mother, I’m so so sorry, clums-“. Looking up your y/e/c eyes met strong hazel ones, which were burning into your soul. You felt your throat close up, starting to feel trapped in the crowed room

No no no no. This couldn’t be happening. Not now.

You knew it was only a matter of time before you would have to talk to him, but you couldn’t do it now. Before he could say a word, you pushed past him and bolted out to the balcony to get some fresh air. You had run to the corner, near the steps to the garden, out of sight from others. Taking deep breaths, you calmed your nerves. You would be ok, everything was fine. It would be fine. At least, that’s what you kept telling yourself.

You decided to quickly go grab another drink before returning to the serenity outside. Leaning against the balcony, you stared out at the stars and the gardens. They were so beautiful, even in the winter, you thought to yourself. You basked in the silence, your thoughts drowning you.

Some time had passed before you heard footsteps approaching you on the balcony. You knew who it was without having to turn around, but you still couldn’t bear to be around him. You turned to leave but his hand caught your wrist, holding it firmly. You could feel the scars from his hands against your skin.

“Please. I just want to talk”

“What’s there to talk about Azriel, you made your feelings clear that day.”

“Just listen, please, and then i’ll leave you alone if that’s what you wish”

You sighed, nodding your head in defeat. You couldn’t keep balling up your emotions.

He led you back to the railing of the balcony before his grasp left your wrist. You tilted your head down looking at your feet and fiddling with your thumb.

“I spent 500 years pining after Mor because I was so afraid of maybe having a chance at love. I thought it was best to love someone who would never love me back so I wouldn’t get hurt. Then I met Elain. She helped me to open up more, and helped me to believe that happiness would be possible for me, with someone. I had given up on the idea of having a mate. I didn’t think I deserved one. I was ok with that and had accepted that.”

He let out a breath as he ran his hand through his hair, light curls falling onto his forehead. “When I saw you lying there and the bond clicked, I was so mad at myself. I shut out the possibility of having a mate for so long. You were my mate. My mate. I never thought I would be able to say those words.”

He paused.

“I was mad that you may not make it. I was mad that I didn’t find you soon enough. I was mad that we didn’t have more time. I didn’t know what to do or how to feel. I Just wanted you to be ok. And then when you told me that you had known for so long, I was angry. Angry that I hadn’t realized sooner, and angry that you kept it from me because you may not have wanted me or expected me to be your mate. And I snapped. Then you said the thing that I had least expected. You said you had loved me” He chuckled dryly. “I am so sorry, y/n, so very sorry.”.

His hand reached down to cup your face. He jerked your head up so you were looking at him. “What i’m trying to say is that I love you, but I understand if you don’t feel the same way anymore”.

The air had been knocked from your lungs. Your heart swelled and your eyes watered. Before you had realized what you were doing, your lips crashed into his. His mouth fit perfectly against yours. He was a breath of fresh air with a hint of mint. Azriel’s hands gripped your waist, pulling you into his body and he smiled against your lips. It felt so right. Everything about it. Your heart was pounding out of your chest as you both pulled away, breathless. Your forehead rested against his.

You whispered just loud enough for him to hear.

“I love you too”. As soon as the words left your mouth, he pulled you in for another kiss, his wings forming a cocoon around you. This one was more demanding. Passionate. A promise. You pulled away from his mouth and leaned against him, his arms wrapping around you.

“Oh, I almost forgot.” Azriel said. Reaching into his pocket he pulled out a small black box. “It’s your Solstice gift, I was trying to find a good time to give it to you.”, he scratched the back of his head.

You gently took it from his hand. The box had a red ribbon wrapped around. Undoing the ribbon, You opened the box to find one of the beautiful necklaces you had been admiring with Mor. “Oh my Az. Its so beautiful. I love it. How did you know?”

“I may have had my shadows follow everyone around to find out what they wanted.” he laughed out.

You smiled. “Will you help me put it on?”. Handing the dainty chain to Azriel, you brushed you hair aside. Baring your neck to him. His fingers ghosted the soft skin, clasping the necklace together. He tenderly placed a kiss next to your ear, causing butterflies to erupt.

You cleared your throat. “I think we’ve been gone long enough. Would you like to get some food, Azriel?” you smiled.

“I would love to, my darling mate.” he paused before darkly saying “I am especially excited for the part that comes after I eat.”. You lightly smacked his shoulder before the two of you made your way inside, beaming.

taglist ---

@minnie-mitzel @itsbebeyyy @preciousbabymuffins @kexrtiz @vicisbookishblog @peneflop @millianec @agentsofsheilds

#azriel x reader #azriel #acotar x reader #acotar #azriel acotar x reader #cassian #rhysand

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onecancelledstamp · 5 years

Text

dating ~ andrew siwicki ~

hi, sorry im the most inactive blog ever :)

sorry i haven’t actually Written™ anything,,, i spend a lot of my time writing an ongoing story for the tv show the 100 (it’s on quotev, here’s the link!! check it out if you want??), so i dont have a lot of time to come up/plan long things

anyways,, i am kinda new to the shane dawson squad, so this isn’t gonna be very detailed lol sorry :( jk this ended up being way longer than i anticipated

author: onecancelledstamp

sorry kind of hate how indented bullet points don’t show up on the phone? that’s Dumb™ :(

also. kind of making these up as i go, so there nowhere near as elegant in terms of writing and word choice as my previous one w/ bellamy blake. that was one that i had in my notes for a long time, but im really just making these as i go. sorry, enough rambling.

dating ~ andrew siwicki ~

you’d meet through shane and garrett because they’re just Like That™, and it would kind of be like that blind date shane set up w/ megan... but, like, better? (tea lol)

you’d be chilling around at your house one day when you just get this long-winded email from shane-- whose channel you adore-- saying that they have a brilliant idea and your potential soulmate

you accepted within an instant. relationships never seemed to work out for you, but your gut told you that this might be the right moment and person

also, a big part of you kind of hoped that things would work out really well with andrew & it wouldn’t just be for the youtube video. you really liked him and had always been hosting a small internet crush

you have a youtube channel, too, which is how everyone had found out about you. it would be pretty lowkey, but you had a lot of fun with it. probably the same style of video shane makes with his friends, but you can’t compete with shane’s work obviously

you do put a lot of work into your editing, however, and andrew can see that. he respects it, mainly because he is well aware of the process of it and how much hard work is required. it would probably be one of the first things you bond over.

you’re both always teaching each other something with editing or recording. you both are very skilled and telling each other tips and tricks

most of the videos on your youtube channel include all these cute days between the two of you-- almost vlog style--, yet all still original and extraordinary content. you guys are just so passionate about what you do & can’t wait for what the future has in store for the both of you, both in your careers and personal lives

garrett, shane, and ryland would honestly be your number one shippers and they’re constantly asking about the relationship and how it’s going. they’d literally never leave you alone about it

they’d probably also tease you and freak out each time you said something nice about him. or if your face lit up when you were mentioning him. or how you’d blush every time his name was brought up. tiny things like that. they’d scream, prompting you to blush even more and hid behind the sleeves of your sweater

although the blind date video seemed like one long cosmic joke, you actually had a really good time. you could tell he was nervous, obviously, but so were you. his nerves were quite cute, however. and you got to see a genuine, down-to-earth part of him that was very intriguing

he drove you home after the video, and you guys talked about anything that came to mind. conversation was just so easy. when he walked up to your doorstep, he seemed genuinely surprised when you asked if he was willing to go on a second date.

of course he was, but-- for whatever reason-- he thought that his feelings were unrequited (which was not true).

he didn’t kiss you at the doorstep after the first blind date, but the both of you felt that-- the moment after you walked inside-- you both had missed an opportunity, thus making you very excited for the dates to come

there’s going to be laughing. lots and lots of laughing.

all for different reasons, too. sometimes it could just be because he’s a generally nervous person, but he also finds everything you say to be hilarious & will lose his composure every single time

his laugh is literally the most contagious thing ever and you can’t help but smile and giggle along

he’s one of the most supportive people you know, truthfully. he’s such a great listener, too. he really cares about what you have to say and is always willing to help you out with the slightest of problems (maybe after a couple of jokes, though)

whenever you’re with the squad and recording a video, you and andrew are always behind the camera snickering to each other & the audience finds it to be the cutest thing

fans would make some of those compilations of all the best laughing/cute moments.... so pure

the squad was very welcoming & encouraged you to be in videos and hang out with them, and they became some of your closest friends. there was no pettiness, no drama, nothing. nothing like previous friendships. they wanted you to do great things. these people were genuine friends & the audience seemed to be very keen on you and your dynamic with the group

you also grow to love the rest of the squad as well. you share a special connection with all of them. shane, garrett, morgan, ryland,,,,, valid friends.

he continuously gets flustered each time he picks you up for a date because he finds you so beautiful,,, can literally never get rid of that giddy feeling because he’s just so in love with you

you once ask him if he’s going to do that every single time,,,, the answer is yes. every. single. time.

you two would probably send each other little snippets of edited clips or show each other a piece of a video that you’re struggling on and ask for each other’s creative expertise because you both have very unique visions. you both value the other’s opinion & sometimes it’s just fun to giggle over a funny part of a video once in a while

the two of you would never fight. even if you did, it was over something stupid and wouldn’t last that long. you really can’t stay mad at each other for more than twenty minutes without caving in and making up

lowkey......... kinda maybe the jealous type??? only a little bit. a valid bit,,,, like,, real cute. still undecided. anyways sorry moving on

you’d probably hang out all the time and just have editing parties. just like laying in the bed together and working on the latest project. once in a while, it would get too stressful and overwhelming and you guys would leave the house to go do something stupid

you guys both get really flustered and awkward in public for no reason, but you always find some stupid way to relieve all the stress... being in each other’s presence is just calming and a natural soother

you’re constantly asking him to show off some of his talents: piano, rapping, and so many more that he keeps Hidden™ (but shouldn’t) he’s so talented and you constantly tell him that

he’ll probably just get really red and blush in response

the two of you are honestly and truly best friends. the bond that you two share is just so indescribable and incomparable to anything/anyone else. you guys understand each other in such a sincere and genuine way & both of you feel so lucky to have each other

honestly,,,,, soulmates?????

so soft,,, so cuddly,,, so valid. just imagine that! ugh! cute!!! cuddling in bed after a long day of following shane around to record a video and finally getting to settle in bed together and just relax. both fond of holding hands, which is quite common between the two of you, actually. it seems as if you never let each other go. (he also likes to rub his thumb over your knuckles or whatever, it’s just very calming)

you guys cuddle a lot, actually, and shane is always so excited to get it on camera. he really wants the best for both of you and it seems like this is It™

the whole relationship would just be so gentle and pure,,, and almost a little bit clumsy? if that makes any sense. neither of you know what you’re doing, but you make it work. you’re both very cheesy, but you find it ridiculously romantic.

just saying,,, you and garrett and andrew would be like a Power Squad™ with so much manic energy that you’re unstoppable

that’s all i got for now, but it is also midnight on a school night (not like that’s gonna stop me) so. yeah. i might edit this later and add more?? but this ended up way longer than expected so idk

#andrew siwicki #shane dawson #i dont know what this is #this is kinda bad #lol sorry #what a cutie tho #the100 #only tagged that because i linked the fic #so sorry #writing #lol #dating andrew siwicki

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survivormagictreehouse · 4 years

Text

Episode 1: “Why is my tribe all these musty men and Ruthie?” -Ali

-I'm writing this pre-cast reveal and I'm scared shitless. Dear future Jess, Don't puke before tribals because of anxiety. Don't let the m*n tell you what to do. Don't get in your head and trust your gut. Sincerely, Pre-Cast Reveal Jess.

- Now where do I begin.... It's day 2? I believe.... in this game and I've already spiralled and showed the signs of a future crackhead. In all seriousness though, I've calmed down and the initial shock of cast reveal has worn off. I was a bit shook seeing some of the people in this cast playing. I've literally hosted a large chunk of these people so I REALLY HOPE NONE OF THAT COMES TO BITE ME IN THE ASS (I don't think it will). I hope people realize I wasn't really paying close attention to their games when hosting.. and if I was... I have the memory of a pebble. I'm sure none of that will have an impact on anyone besides maybe Ali. BUT ALI IF YOU ARE READING THIS.. DAY 2 JESS REALLY WANTS TO WORK WITH YOU! Now lets talk about my tribe: - We got Rachael/Zach who are super close or at least have some sort of connection through his sister. - We got Birch/Keegan regardless of whatever they are pushing about doubts with each other I can see them cleaning that slat in the name of numbers. - Me and Gavin because I'm the only one he knows in this game. - Possibly me/Timmy if he wants to work with me. - Possibly me/Chips hoping he remembers I did show how blindly loyal I was to him the last game we were in.... - Bodhi might be in with people like Zach (who he was hosting) and Rachael. - John honestly... I have no idea about. He's such a wild card for me. My overall thought process and game plan right now is... BLUID THOSE RELATIONSHIPS! I think I proved with my challenge performance I am an asset to this tribe but I want to show people I can be an asset to them. I can see us swapping at 16 so I'm going to be around this tribe for a bit so I need people to want me around. So far I'm getting along with Keegan he seems like a cool cat. I'm also aware he's probably a cool cat in everyone's eyes but for right now.. I really like him! Birch is definitely a social beast. From what I remembered they were an extremely social player in the season I hosted them but they are very transparent with their information which does scare me. For the time being though, I'll attempt to work my magic with them and build that trust so the information spills to me.. Rachael is a queen. I really want to work with her because I do see similarities between our playing style which is something I always gravitate towards in games. I'm naive and I do know she has other people higher up on that trust-ladder based off of initial relationships but I do hope to somehow climb that. Although I do know she will be a power play in this game, I know I'm going to need other power players around me to ensure there is a target ahead of me. She also brings connections which typically brings in information. So rather than be a crackhead and go for her (which is what cast reveal night Jess thought about) I'm going to try and work with her. Zach.. honestly, I don't know how much I have in common with a teenage boy so that might be a road block between us. He is one of those key-relationships I hope to build off of through Rachael. I will also die if Rachael/Zach aren't that close and I'm just rambling shit right now. Gavin is one of my FIRST ORG friends and I'm SO HAPPY TO SEE HIM PLAYING THIS GAME. I don't think anyone right now knows we are close but I'm not afraid to cut him if it means I go further in this game. I'm not really sure about my tribes chances for this first immunity challenge. Everyone aside for a few people on this tribe seem like they have their shit together in this challenge. I know the "movie trivia" crew snapped hard and my back hurts from carrying my tribe but.... our chances of winning rely on Timmy (who is on vacation), Gavin who is probably working or something, and Bodhi who is hosting currently. So to say I'm confident.... would be a giant ass lie. I'm excited for the idol search to open up SO BAD.

-Cast is revealed and game starts in a half hour. I’m feeling excited. I hope I do better in this season than the game I did last, 17th. Ughhhhhh, grosss

- I’m having fun doing the quotes, it’s interesting. I feel like I’m getting along well with everyone. I’m trying to talk to them all and interact. If I’m amusing they won’t get rid of me. Right? Right? Somebody tell me I’m right

-Okay tea time! I'm really excited. I had to add A LOT of people I have never talked to before and I always like doing that because I LOOOOVE playing with people that don't know how I play and also getting to know clean people and starting with a clean slate! The only people I had added on my tribe are Jay and Ali and I LIKE that! I'm excited to talk to people, scope everyone out a little and see what I need to do. This game and the theming is SO CUTE and I can't wait to see what all happens next!

- https://youtu.be/MY-s5k1n7sI

why is my tribe all these musty men and ruthie what did i do to deserve this.

https://youtu.be/LPxSC_ZjZIc

https://youtu.be/ojw9T8GsbaA

-That 36 person cast twist not being real...big disappointment, I was hoping for a huge mess where someone cries. But 20 people, good size. My tribe seems like good people so this should be exciting.

- So we lost the first immunity challenge. Seems like it’s unanimous for John to go. Works for me as he is who I wanted out when I woke up this morning since we hadn’t spoken. He keeps saying he wants someone who was weak in the challenge out and didn’t tell me a name but told Rachel, Bodhi. Funny thing is, John did worse in his challenge than anyone in the quotes group so therefore his own logic can be used against him.

-AHHHHHHHHHHH MY PEOPLE ARE HERE I DON"T KNOW WHO I WANNA WORK WITH. There is king ali, my bae Austin, bestie jay, and really old time friend Collin in this one tribe. I'm not even counting people on the other tribe. I'm gonna lose so hard. I'm crying tho

-When I was meeting my tribe for the first time I was thinking that we have a very good group here. I'm glad to see Bodhi again cuz I haven't seen him since Trinity: P&P a few months ago. I think that with the additions of Birch and Keegan to our tribe I think we're gonna win some challenges. So I'm hoping for the best and not the worst for this team.

- So we're all waiting for the results of the 1st challenge, and I'm feeling a little nervous that my tribe may lose, but I'm hoping that we do win because I want this season to start off on a good note for my tribe. I'm just hoping that we pull this off and not blow this.

-the way i was offered a final 2 within minutes of joining the tribe chat. hopefully this ages well and you get to see me and bodhi succeed :)

- John is too damn messy and has got to go. PERIODT.

https://youtu.be/L1-ZBhnUQ7U

-I love my Tribe!! I'm super excited to play with Keegan and Timmy again! I'm trying to get closer with everyone else since I haven't played with them before. I'm also kinda nervous for the challenge. I have a weird taste in music so we will see how this goes. I really hope I'm not first boot. I haven't had good placements in my last couple of games, so I'm hoping for better this time! This cast is iconic.

-So my mom got my drunk before the challenge and then tried guilting me into not doing the challenge. we flopped anyway. we are currently pulling ahead in the Movie challenge but it's still early so idk. I really hope we can get the next 2 challenges. I don't wanna be first boot.

- Ahoy matey! me got cursed t' only talk like a pirate in thar tribe chats n' me alliance chat. So me’m doing dis confession like a pirate. So anyway. me’m in a alliance Wit' Keegan n' Jess. As far as me know our jolly crew only verily talked t' each other. So dis works out. Our jolly crew also lost which SUCKS. me verily hope me’m nay first boot. me might sail after John. All me conversations wit' him be painful. So that’s fun. me like all hands so dis will hard. But let’s see what happens! Birch signing off.

- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V1Iq3ANGs8M&feature=youtu.be

- Here’s the Tea Link: https://youtu.be/X3J2e4ffmiY

- https://youtu.be/Q80k6g4QUIk

Kinda bummed the movie challenge didn’t go so well hope we don’t have to go to tribal this early

-Hello hello! I am SO happy to be back in atomic Survivor! I feel like things are off to a really nice start and I'm hoping that will continue. For now I'll do a little assessment of my tribe before we find out results for the first challenge. Ali - I've seen him around in the community a lot for years, im pretty sure I was around when he played his first game. But I don't remember if I've ever had the chance to actually play WITH him. He's such a nice guy I've loved talking with him so far Austin - Lmao the funny thing is I actually talked to him for the first time ever like a week ago. A real lucky break that he and I were both part of this casting twist. We immediately started talking and agreed to look out for each other. Cindi - this is my first time meeting her ever! She seems really rad and we've just been talking about life and tattoos and shit lmao. I can definitely see myself working with her in the future. Collin - y'all I LOVE Collin. I just played with him in Mesopotamia, and even though he voted me out I never had any bitterness towards him cause he's just that nice. He's definitely been the person I've talked to the most so far. We have a lot in common and I really want to trust him. But I am still a bit wary bc of Mesopotamia. Czern - I don't really have a read on him yet. Haven't spoken to him too much. Dan - Same as Czern but I haven't spoken to Dan at all Vi - Vi is such a ray of sunshine, I've loved her ever since I met her in Tashirojima. In fact my biggest mistake in that game IMO was voting her out. I'm 100% working with her this time. Ruthie - It's been so long since I've talked to Ruthie and I'm so glad that this game gives me the chance to reconnect with her. An absolute legend and one of the nicest people I've ever met. I haven't talked strategy with her yet but that'll come soon lol Timmy - Yo he DESTROYED that music challenge and I'm super grateful for that. I've talked to him a little bit and he's pretty nice but I don't really have any further opinions on him lol

- Reallllly glad we didn't have to go to tribal tonight. I've been really busy today so it would've been a really rough time. But instead I got to enjoy my day, but of course I socialized with my tribe. I feel really close with Collin, Ali, and Ruthie. Granted those are relationships that started outside of this game, but they're relationships nonetheless. I really vibe with Austin too, even though I talk to him a little less, we're bonded through that opening twist. And the best thing is Austin mentioned vibing with all those people + Vi (who's great as well, I just haven't talked any strategy with her yet) so I smell an alliance starting sometime soon. I just feel really well about the start of this game and im hoping it can last.

-First confessional of the season! I debated making a video but then I realized that's a lore more work and harder for me to have actual organized thoughts. Going back to the start of the game: I know RACHAEL, BIRCH, CHIPS, JAY, VI, CINDI, DAN and RUTHIE. The only person I don't know anything about is CZERN. So I've got a pretty stacked cast of people I can potentially work with moving forward. But I currently have three goals for this season: 1. Make the merge or swap so I can play with VI. Even if we don't work together, I'd love to play with her! She rules! 2. Make sure JAY gets voted out before myself. As a fellow winner, THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE. 3. Make sure DAN gets voted out before myself. He's a sneaky snake and I won't ever trust him after Nova Scotia. First off, I'm in an awesome alliance with BIRCH and JESS. It's only three people so it's not a clear majority but it's a good start. We formed this literally 10 minutes after the challenge had ended. Speaking of the challenge, it was a fun challenge but we did lose. However, JESS, RACHAEL, CHIPS and myself were the only ones who won our portion of the challenge, so I've been subtly hinting that I wouldn't feel right if any of us were voted out. GAVIN told me that TIMMY and BODHI didn't contribute much of anything to their part of the challenge, so that's a possible decision when it comes to this tribal. However, JOHN has been very difficult to have a conversation with and I've been told that him and BODHI won't vote for each other. So right now it's just working with JESS and BIRCH to determine what the best option is moving forward. I'm thinking I can get RACHAEL, ZACH and GAVIN on board with whatever we decide. Tune in later for some more thoughts.

-I wanna say it’s be super eventful but not really. Just a few small things: CHIPS has been telling everyone everything. He told JOHN he was the vote. He told JESS about the GAVIN thing. He needs to learn to keep things to himself if he doesn’t want to be gone next. JOHN tried throwing ZACH under the bus for not being good in challenges. I had a call with BODHI and apparently ZACH is a comp beast. So that’s not happening. If everything is as planned JOHN should be the unanimous vote. I might throw a stray vote on CHIPS just in case of an idol play but I’m undecided.

So this round I got super close with Austin and Collin, and close with cindi, and okay close with everyone else. I killed it in the music challenge because I did not feel confident I wouldn’t go home if we lost. I need to tighten my bonds and hopefully make a solid group before the next round. I have no real targets atm but Ruthie and I have yet to speak so that’s awkward. I kinda wish I was on the other tribe because I feel like I’d vibe with them better. I had to make sure I was the first to go into the treehouse because I wanted to be open and transparent about what happens in there and make sure that nobody else got to go in and change what actually happens. I’m very excited for the next few rounds tho!

https://youtu.be/e_oVLgNr4ro

Okay so first round is going pretty good so far . I cant believe they put me on a tribe with vi which is amazing bc ride or die right there. I know ali vi collins and jay are def ppl I wanna work with in this game . I mean my whole tribe is great . Dan I know is a wild card and he seems like he wants to work together but I'm not sure if I can fully trust him since he did vote me out last seasons with telling me a damn thing . Cindi was almost in my duplicity season I'm on production for so I know her a bit as well. I know she would probs go with Rachael at a swap or merge which is dangerous .THANK GOD we won the first immunity and I dont have two sorry about a vote bc if I'm honest it would be HARD to decide on a name . Let's see what happens tho I'm ready to play and ready to win

Honestly it seems pretty slow starting. Just working on getting to know the tribe at this point. I really like Collin and Ali but beyond that I'm not getting like amazing vibes from the others. I'm not getting bad vibes either though, just neutral positive vibes if that makes sense

okay, so i have been focusing on getting to know my tribe-mates the past few days because in this game, connections are your lifeline. but, i also didn't want to come off too strong and be perceived as "too social" from the get-go *cough* keegan the snake *cough*. so, i laid back, talked to people (some more than others), and tried to focus on winning immunity. unfortunately, when immunity slipped through our fingers, i quickly got to work socializing and making sure i wasn't the one to be blamed for our loss in our challenge. i felt that i contributed a lot and tried to start discussions and debate about our quotes, and felt as though i didn't get much back from my team. so, i made sure that people knew my group wasn't very communicative and had they communicated more, we could have totally won. i didn't push for a name to begin the round, but i did make sure to let people know who i hadn't talked to in hopes of getting one of their names on the chopping block this round. i made sure to reach out to everyone (even those who didn't reach out to me or seem invested in the game, nor our conversations) because i don't want someone to spread my name as a result. then, it seemed to narrow down to john and timmy. also, it was obviously leaning towards john leaving this round. however, it was not until about a few hours before day change that john had FINALLY heard that his name was going around due to the fact that it was TRULY IMPOSSIBLE TO TALK TO HIM. funnily enough, this information came directly from chips--someone who i haven't talked to much. thankfully for me, john decided to tell almost everyone exactly what chips had said and no one was pleased to hear that. so, i worked my magic and made sure people were upset that chips tried to throw us all under the bus--because i need to make sure there is a target for next round that isn't me... DUH! later, i asked john what he wanted to do, and he sat there completely clueless. i was completely dumbfounded at his reluctance to say a name when his ass was CLEARLY on the line. eventually, i worked a name out of him, and he said bodhi (who was the only one who wanted to keep him earlier today)... so i obviously went right to bodhi and made sure he knew so i could build some trust with him going forward in this game since talking to john literally made me lose brain cells by the minute, i wanted to make sure he was the one leaving tonight. so, i am hoping everything goes according to plan at tribal tonight, but as long as i don't leave, i am golden with whatever. until next time... xoxo, gossip girl

So basically I'm not in town right now... and IbhopenI can trust people not to vote me until I get back and am less busy. I really bombed the challenge by getting 0 points for my tribe but we won that part... because the other people carried. Good stuff. Anyway we are voting John because he doesn't communicate well and has kind of mansplained the potential different vote? If its true then woohoo I got another round. Also! I got am advantage from idol hunt and thats nifty.

Click HERE to watch both out PREGAME and ROUND ONE cast assessments!

#themagicawaits

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