#idk maybe this is a dumb epiphany and I’m late but I’ve thought about it a lot

[overbearingstruggles]

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[clare-with-no-i]

Hmmm... I do see why the Map could be problematic, but I think that as long as the Marauders only used it for harmless pranks, it’s okay! After all, they were just dumb teenagers, they can’t have done much wrong with it. I think Lily would just be awed to learn about the Map, and maybe later she or James would have an epiphany that they could use it to save muggle-borns who were attacked. I can’t see her being mad about it, but again, that’s just my characterisation of her.

Hi! Thanks for asking about this. So, I hope it’s come across that I’m not trying to create a problem where there isn’t one or make the Map out to be a ‘problematic’ object within canon, but I do think just the general idea of having an object that tracks people without their knowledge can get messy. If they were just using it for pranks and to keep track of people for the Full Moons, then yeah! Absolutely. And we know that the Marauders (except Peter ofc) were—at their core—good, moral people, so I don’t think that they did anything untoward with it.

I do want to pay close attention to some verbiage here though - namely that they were ‘just dumb teenagers’ who had the map and therefore couldn’t have committed any harm with it. For one: let’s give credit where credit is due! They were extremely gifted and intelligent teenagers, and on even more of a base level, they were people whose actions reaped real consequences. I mean, what Sirius did by telling Snape about the Willow was harm done to both Snape and Remus. James hexing people for fun—no matter how funny it may be—was still harm done to people. I’m not saying that this makes them bad people or that they should be held to the same standard as adults who are more developed in their thinking, but I think it’s certainly something to account for. So, while I absolutely agree with the idea that they didn’t mean anything harmful or weird with the Map (again: I fucking love the map) I think we have to really dig into the reasons why or why not.

Re: Lily, I think she would certainly be awed by the magic that went into creating the map. But I also think that there is something to be said for the fact that she comes from a background where something like this would be absolutely inconceivable. Like, muggle England in the 70s couldn’t have fathomed tracking everyone’s every move. So I think she’d have a unique perspective on the Map, and one that would point out things about it that other people might not see. This could include her thoughts on the muggle-born attacks, this could mean the general gist of being surveilled in school! I’ve been thinking about this lately for sure, but I haven’t landed a solid headcanon about it yet.

One caveat to this being - they didn’t always have the map out! That’s certainly a mitigating factor. Like, they can’t be expected to keep watch on everyone if they just aren’t looking and therefore know as much about everyone’s whereabouts as any other student. So that’s def a point in their favor.

IDK. I really took this and ran with it, as usual. The TL;DR is that I absolutely am not condemning the Marauders for making the map mostly because it’s them who made it, but it’s more the theory of having such a device within a teenager’s power that I was discussing. Hopefully I articulated that, and I hope you know that I’m absolutely not trying to say you’re excusing behavior or implying anything harmful! I’m just super nitpicky. Plus - power to your headcanon! No shame in some differing vibes within the Jily fandom.

[chefskissbby]

Learning/Growing

Hello again to whoever (might be no one, for all I know. HAHAHA) may be reading this!!! Wow, finally the torturous semester has ended and we actually have time to breathe!!!!! Year 1 of MCM was… an adventure? A learning experience, for sure (I mean obviously, we’re here to obtain an EDUCATION). I realised many things. To quote @kingkyliejenner (a few years late, but…),

I learnt so much, not just in the academic context, but about myself as well. The point of this post is about one of the many things I realised over the course of the past year.

With reference to the infamous quote by dear Kylie — I, too, like many others, thought this a vapid and dumb statement made by an equally asinine airhead (which I now know she isn’t, because the woman obviously knows how to capitalise on her fame and family name — case in point, Kylie Cosmetics). Surprisingly, this ostensibly silly quote that brought about a myriad of memes, was what I found myself thinking of throughout 2017, whenever I would “realise” something. Maybe I’m more of a bimbo than I thought, for having this sentiment, but really — this “realising things” quote speaks nothing but the truth and one I found so relatable and undeserving of the ridicule it actually received.

And the thing I realised is: I care too much of others’ opinions of me. To be more specific, whether their opinions are positive or negative. But because there are so many aspects of myself in which I care about others’ perception of me, I shall focus on one of the most important (to me, at least. You’re probably going to laugh when you read on… like, where are my priorities, right?) one — my looks. Or rather, how I appear, on Instagram. As of now — or since whenever I started using Instagram, leading up to present time — I’ve only posted pictures in which I looked good (or decent, at least). For birthday dedications (when I do post one), I’d rather just post a picture of my friend if I don’t look good in our picture together, because I believe that posting a picture for him/her in which I look good and they don’t is quite mean and dumb since it’s their birthday. (Although I think “bday dedis” are stupid in general. It is a dumb social obligation that is in no way indicative of one’s relationship with the birthday girl/boy, if they do/don’t post a “dedi” for him/her hahaha) But I digress.

Many a time, I decided against posting photographs from an occasion or event that I really enjoyed and wanted to commemorate on social media because, um. Some moments you don’t want to just immortalise in photographs, but also on social media? IDK LOL. But I didn’t do up a post, because… well, just because I didn’t look good in the pictures. And it was Instagram. Where, societal norms have stealthily ingrained in our young, impressionable minds that we have to look good all the time. And us, naive, self-conscious fools (not that it’s stupid to have insecurities), having internalised this unspoken rule, abided by it faithfully. Or at least I did. Case in point, as aforementioned, earlier in the paragraph.

It’s not just the pressure of looking your best all the time, though. It’s also all the comments of appraisal one would receive whenever he or she posts pictures in which they look fabulous. Don’t get me wrong though, such comments are absolutely pleasant and welcome. (And I’ve been on the receiving end of many, which I am very much flattered by and thankful for!!!!! Y’all are kind people <3)

Why is that??? :-/ Up until my most recent post, I found the alternative — putting up pictures in which one did not look their absolute best — unthinkable. Before posting that, I sent it to my best friend (as I’ve always done), for advice/approval (yes, as dumb as that sounds. I mean, idk. Is it??? I don’t think I’m the only one who does this right….). She wasn’t really keen on how my face looked.. and I agreed. But I went on to post it anyway, because I really liked how my hair and legs looked in it. LOLOLOL. 

Also, said friend — whose identity is fairly obvious to those who know me well but shall remain anonymous anyway (as will all my friends who may or may not be mentioned in future posts because who knows what will happen to this blog? Whether it will take off or flop… it will remain on the Internet forever regardless and everyone knows the Internet, even with all its boons, is a scary place nonetheless. So) — is one of my biggest supporters ever and I love her so much but I really liked that picture so much I went on to ignore her advice which I’ve previously, steadfastly taken and followed, and posted it hahaha. All this while.. I dared not post any picture that she didn’t really think was nice because like I said, she’s my best friend and one of my biggest supporters ever. If even she doesn’t like it.. needless to say, neither will my followers, right? 

It was then, that I got an epiphany. Perhaps a really superficial one, to most of you. But to someone who really cares how she comes off to others (sad, but true), it was a life-changing one. HAHAHA. And it was that I should just post whatever I want, since it’s MY Instagram. Although that’s not to say I’ll start posting nonsense like selfies of me on the throne, or a blurry picture that I took just so I could rant about the rude stranger I bumped into IRL (as I am wont to do, on my other account). But just that I’ll start posting pictures of occasions/people worth commemorating/immortalising on social media. Hopefully, I’ll get better at this aspect of my life (caring what others think) (not that it’s BAD, per se, especially when it comes to stuff like academic matters because it’s always good to receive constructive criticism!!! From educators and peers and whatnot) with age, as with other things!!!

So… yeah. That’s my great big enlightenment. HAHAHAHA. OK lah not really, it’s just something I’ve been thinking about for a while now. Take it as you will!!! This post is by no means a PSA/preaching/my telling you what to think or do. It’s really my reflecting on how I’ve been dumb when it comes to my social media presence, and how I want to improve as an individual!!!!

Till the next time~~

[theproperbinge-blog]

my inspo

i watched the movie Julie and Julia in my honors narratives class today and it very much altered my attitude. at first it made me incredibly happy because i do love everything about it. well one, meryl streep. how can you not love her? i loved how she loved cooking so much and i loved her and her husbands relationship and how supportive they are of each other. my favorite ever is when they’re having their valentines dinner and he says “Julia you are the bread to my butter and the breath to my life. I love you my sweet darling.” that scene makes me want to sob. i can’t wait to feel that eternal love with someone. i wonder if everyone in the universe has a soulmate like that and it really is just about finding them or if only the most special people get to have that? i have those same thoughts about Julia’s love for cooking. does everyone get to have that special talent for something? is that something that i will stumble upon while doing a diy project one day? or maybe i’ll take a class and my whole life will be changed because i’ve finally found my life’s purpose. maybe not though, i feel like that stuff is so surreal and only happens to the most lucky. Julie Powell inspired me to want to write again. i thought about getting another journal like i had this past summer but i think i’m going to give this tumblr blog a try. i like the idea of adding photos as well. so here’s my first entry, i’m not doing it to get a following or become noticed, honestly sometimes i think writing is the only way i can stay sane and not have my heart implode. i’ve been in quite the funk about my life and feelings and friends and most things in general. since breaking up with Nick i feel very lost. i don’t think its necessarily because of him, i think it has more to do with the fact that now i’m not worrying about him, i’m thinking about me and it’s making me panic. i’ve been incredibly anxious, everything makes me nervous. i have horrible eating patterns and i don’t sleep ever. i only get a max of five hours of sleep a night, and it’s not because i go to bed late and have to wake up early, it’s because my body just won’t let me sleep any longer. i don’t know what to do about it. i cried to Olivia on the phone the other night because she told me some horrible news about her health. it sent me into a frenzy about what happened to me this summer and then Nick and idk i guess i just panicked. i’m sad, i just feel very sad and alone and sometimes it’s hard to get up and have to do the day. i wish i could just lay down and not move sometimes, or not have to talk to anyone or bother with anyone else’s problems and i think for some reason that would make mine go away too and idk. i get that everyone has things going on but something just doesn’t feel right with me, i can’t explain the feeling. Olivia said i should look into getting a therapist so i can have someone to talk to. i don’t think it’s such a bad idea, it would probably help me feel more normal but i just don’t know. i feel like if i go talk to someone it’s like admitting i’m crazy and i don’t want to be crazy. i can barely handle myself. i don’t know how to go about getting on with my days without crying. i cry all the time and i’m able to find things to blame it on usually, but it’s never really about those superficial things. it’s always about my surgery and just life in general. the one thing you’re biologically born to do and you can’t, and then there’s no one there to care for you. kind of just makes you feel like what’s the point. i feel like i’m living an empty life and that feels wrong. i feel like i’m wasting the time of others since i don’t feel like i’m getting anywhere. it’s an odd feeling. maybe i should drop acid and have some wild awakening and epiphany and my life will be changed forever. i’ll find my passions and loves and everything will work out. as much as i want to give up on things, there’s this strange feeling that i have to keep doing things and moving on. i’m not sure why but it’s almost as if i need to follow someone and find what’s keeping me from stopping. i keep having day dreams about falling down and tripping and i think it’s symbolic of my fear of failing. i’m sure that sounds so dumb but it makes sense to me. what’s weird is every time i think about falling down and tripping i laugh, even if i’m alone or in a quite place, i chuckle to myself. that’s why i feel like i can’t give up yet, because every time i ‘fall down’ i end up just laughing and moving on. 

ST

[soulmatesjjp]

70 Questions

Thank you @pinkhoodiemark for tagging me in this. I usually get so lazy to do challenges and this one was soooooo long but it’s kinda nice to reflect on some of these ☺️ also I’m pretty sure Emili has tagged me in at least one other challenge before and I wanna fulfill at least one thing she tags me in ✨

this is pretty long so if you really wanna get to know me you can read more under the cut

1. do you have a good relationship with your parents? it’s 50/50 we have our good moments and our very bad moments but sadly, even tho I’m an adult now, things haven’t changed.

2. who did you last say “i love you” to? my pets are pretty much the only ones I’m comfortable saying ‘i love you’ to. I say it to my cat Cloud the most.

3. do you regret anything?

Yes, lots of personal things. Lately I regret my major and not putting more effort in college.

4. are you insecure?

Like everyone I have insecurities but I try not to dwell on them or let them affect me cus I know that they’re insignificant and not worth it. Doesn’t mean I don’t think of them from time to time.

5. what’s your relationship status?

Very single, mostly because I’m not comfortable opening up to people and I’m still kinda struggling with my ‘identity’

6. how do you want to die? the most painless way possible? i don’t...really think about how i wanna die tbh

7. what did you last eat? some store bought chocolate cake I’ve been eating almost everyday 😬 I really need to stop, it’s not healthy

8. played any sports? no, never. i am very very unathletic. idk how i ever managed to run those 12 min miles in high school

9. do you bite your nails? not now but i did a lot as a little kid

10. when was your last physical fight? i’m not much of a fighter but most likely it was a fight with my sister or maybe my mom (don’t worry it wasn’t too rough) years ago

11. do you like someone?

define ‘like’

12. have you ever stayed up 48 hours?

i don’t think so, i think maybe 36 hours would be my limit

13. do you hate anyone at the moment? at the moment no, though I usually don’t feel hate towards people

14. do you miss someone?

i miss the company of someones

15. have any pets?

i have two cats, Maxx (an old lady) and Cloud (my soon to be 3 year old bby) and my sister has a yorkie Oakley (a terrorizer who won’t leave me alone) but since she’s hardly ever home and I’m always taking care of him he’s practically mine

16. how exactly are you feeling at the moment? i feel like I probably sound like a robot throughout all this, sorry I can’t express emotion unless it’s in all caps

17. ever made out in the bathroom? nope 

18. are you scared of spiders? regular daddy long legs are fine but anything bigger than that get it away from me

19. would you go back in time if you were given the chance? I want to say yes because there are things I really really regret that especially affect other ppl but I feel like what’s in the past is in the past and I probably shouldn’t mess with it

20. where was the last place you snogged someone? no comment

21. what are your plans for this weekend? no plans!! my life is so boring since a bunch of my friends joined the military and moved away and some of my college friends have moved on with their life and I hardly see them anymore 😭 (i still have friends they’re just as boring as me)

22. do you want to have kids? how many? not really, i kinda fear having a tiny human growing inside me and giving birth to it. i think if i ever were to have children I’d rather adopt but even that sounds like a big commitment I might never be ready for

23. do you have piercings? how many? my ears have been pierced since I was a baby and I haven’t worn earrings in over 10 years but the holes never filled in

24. what is/are/were your best subject(s)? I was always good at english cus I was good at reading and bullshitting essays

25. do you miss anyone from your past? man, ok there was this one guy/friend who I always clicked with and we were kinda on and off for years but never dated and I haven’t seen him in a few years and I’ve kinda moved on but I still think about him cus we live in the same town and he has a really common face so so many guys I see look like him

26. what are you craving right now? guidance? an epiphany? motivation?

27. have you ever broken someone’s heart? maybe? I don’t know I would really say I broke their heart maybe not that severe...it wasn’t my fault ok I never lead anyone on

28. have you ever been cheated on? Nope.

29. have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry? nope.

30. what’s irritating you right now? the fact that I finally found an installation of photoshop that works but I can’t download it because apple sucks and won’t let me download apps unless it’s from the apple store/one of their developers!!!! 😤😤😤 I refuse to pay a monthly fee for photoshop that’s ridiculous I’m not made of money.

31. does somebody love you? 2 of my pets love me for sure

32. what is your favourite color? Blue

33. do you have trust issues? Probably I don’t fully trust people easily but I’m still friendly with them

34. who/what was your last dream about? I honestly don’t remember I wish I did

35. who was the last person you cried in front of? oh man I cried at work on Valentine’s Day cus we were unexpectedly crazy busy (you can’t even understand how busy) and it was just really stressful for me cus it was only me and another girl handling customer service and she got to leave early (she was a champ idk how she kept a smile on her face even when she left) and there was this especially rude lady I was on the phone with who just wouldn’t stop talking and pretty much blaming me so when the call ended I ducked down behind the counter and cried a little from all the stress (that lady was just the final straw) and I’m sure most if not all my co-workers saw

36. do you give out second chances too easily? I think so cus I don’t really hold grudges I’m too soft that way, but no one’s ever fucked up so bad they really needed a second chance with me

37. is it easier to forgive or forget? for me it’s easier to forgive cus like I said I can’t hold grudges for longer than a day.

38. is this year the best year of your life? definitely not I need to figure lots of things out and do some stuff to get my life on track

39. how old were you when you had your first kiss? i’m pretty sure I kissed dumb boys when I was a little kid but after that I think I was 18

40. have you ever walked outside completely naked?

hell no

51. favourite food?

i love all kinds of food: tacos, tortas, french fries, birria, fishcake, bulgogi, bulgogi fries, actual good ramen. I can’t name just one fave

52. do you believe everything happens for a reason? I used to think that saying was so stupid but lately the way I’ve seen some things happen I’m starting to believe a little in fate

53. what is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? watched Brooklyn nine nine

54. is cheating ever okay? NO NEVER, unless you’re cheating on some dumb high school quiz I mean it’s not really ok but I won’t judge you

55. are you mean? I think I can definitely be both nice and an asshole to the same people and I’m sorry...

56. how many people have you fist fought? my siblings when I was a kid so 2

57. do you believe in true love? i believe most of us might never get to experience it but there are a lucky few who get to feel it

58. favourite weather? california autumn/winter cus it’s cold but not really freezing

59. do you like the snow? no it’s cold and wet, no thanks

60. do you wanna get married? eh not really

61. is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? asdfgh I don’t think I’d like any nickname like that

62. what makes you happy? good food, good company, cuddling with my pets, casually hanging out with my friends, and both got7 and monsta x especially their variety shows

63. would you change your name?

never, I like my name  

64. would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed?

I can’t even remember the last person I kissed so idk

65. your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? Try to politely reject them and pretend it never happened so we can continue being friends. Maybe keep my distance from him to give him time to get over it but make sure he knows we’re still friends. And maybe not hang out with him one on one for a while.

66. do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around? yeah, most of my friends are guys and I can be myself around them but I don’t tell them everything about me

67. who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to? my brother

68. who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? I don’t remember but it must have been during one of the occasions I was drunk and in college and opened up to one of my friends and we probably got really personal.

69. do you believe in soulmates? JJP ARE SOULMATES!!! they don’t have to ever get together but you can’t learn about their history and tell me they’re not soulmates (at least platonically) but honestly I strongly believe a strong force like fate brought all of got7 from 4 different countries together. So many trainees get switched around from company to company and either never debut or it takes them 7+ years but with GOT7 they debuted under their first company and their average training period lasted around 3 years. BamBam almost didn’t debut with them because JYP thought he was too young until YG’s show did an episode at JYPE. Youngjae would have never debuted if he didn’t practice and practice and continue auditioning for JYP. I could go on and on but in the end I truly believe jjp are soulmates and got7 are soulmates.

70. is there anyone you would die for? um idk maybe my family and pets but don’t hold me to that

I feel like a lot of my mutuals aren’t really on tumblr any more :// so I’ll tag a few who are still active @katbeom @yubgam @husbandsjjp (I haven’t seen you around in a while either!!)