#idk there's a particular way people complain about this 'issue' that just feels nasty

[werewolf4vampire]

i'm gonna be honest. i don't think someone playing audio out of their phone speaker out in public is like. the pinnacle of rudeness and downfall of society or whatever. i'll go so far as to say i don't think it's a big deal at all even

[jimines]

Whats actually happened between you and taemaknae? I read about it on the tea blog and still confused

This is an insanely long story so I'm going to put it below the cut so for anyone interested in this absolute shit show, continue on.

Essentially, I posted these headers about a month ago:

It was a set of like 8 colours and it was the first time I had ever posted any headers or anything. The issue nic had with these, was the ripped paper bottom. Because apparently you can trademark that. I had asked a (now ex) “friend” of mine if she knew where I could find the ripped paper effect because I had seen the effect on the header of her network blog and I had been trying to find a similar thing for months and google images never gave me anything good. She ended up referring me to google images anyways and after like an hour of dedicated searching, I found this ripped paper effect and used it. This ex “friend” went on to tell another friend of mine that I had "asked where nicole gets her resources for her headers" and then screenshotted my dm as "proof", which still confuses me because I never mentioned nicole there lmao. I've seen the screenshot.

Tell me where I said nicole. It was literally just a question born from seeing the header they had on their network lmao. I feel it’s important to mention I didn’t know this person ran said network at that time, which is why i said “these people”.

This other friend then came to me and just said my headers "may be seen as similar to nic's” and said she noticed it on her own and never mentioned my other “friend” approaching her. I was confused because other than that ripped paper effect that I know many people on tumblr use, I saw no similarities. Nic's headers are usually more complex and more than just a coloured background with a little effect in it. I just wanted to make some simple headers for fun because I was bored. But, regardless, I messaged nic about it to make sure she didn't feel the same way. I told her a friend of mine was worried nic might think my headers are similar to her's and I assured her that if she found them similar I would take them down, no questions asked. Nic told me she was surprised this friend brought it up and told me that it was entirely up to me if I found the headers similar. She never once told me she felt they were the same, never mentioned anything about them, she insisted it was up to me to do as I pleased. So, since I genuinely found no similarities, I left them up.

About a week went by and things between nic and I were fine, or so I thought, based off the fact that she was interacting with my posts, sending me cute asks and replying to a lot of my comments and stuff being kind and whatnot. Then, I decided to post a small list of my creations and the series I had running at the time. 

After that, all of a sudden I got an influx of rude hate anons:

To anyone I mentioned the anons to, they agreed with me, you cannot trademark circular icons. This anon also accused me saying “just the fact that you had an anxiety attack about it proves you copied them” Like no sweetie, it’s called three strangers walked into my house and I got anxious.

Despite me not seeing the issue, I messaged nic, assuming she wouldn't care about the icons (it wasn't like I was taking her exact work and copying and pasting them as my own) and that made her very upset. When she responded to me, she was incredibly heated and gave off the vibe she was waiting for me to message her about it. 

She said things like "this has actually been bothering me for a while", "i expected you to be able to read between the lines and delete the headers", "i don't know who that anon was but clearly they recognize my style". For starters, she never told me that she was annoyed with me, she was being very kind to me publicly. And I have no idea how I was meant to “read between the lines” of what she said especially considering how kind she was to me the following days. I also never accused her of knowing this anon, she just insisted it wasn't her and she didn't know them right off the bat. She also insinuated that I copied my gifs from others as well, which ticked me off because I made my 100+ layer psd myself thank you very much. But I kept my cool, and I told her I had no idea she felt the way she did, and I told her I would delete the headers (which i did as the conversation was going on), and that I would stop posting my icons and bringing attention to them because no one ever paid it any mind before that point. And I asked her “please tell me straight up the next time you have an issue with me because I am generally pretty dumb with social cues”, I have my adhd to thank for that. And instead of replying, she just blocked me. And conveniently, the hate anons stopped dead right after we blocked each other and I haven't received any since.

Also, these are the kinds of icons I posted:

Looks pretty generic and idk, universal, right?

Then, as I've recently found out today, she was in an "anti-loverjimin" groupchat with at least 2 other bloggers. 

Which explains why this all went and fell into place. I know who the two other bloggers are because of what happened two days later but I won't name them just yet, but these two people had been "friends" with me for several months. So, a day or two after nic blocked me, all of a sudden some good friends of mine were blocking me and not talking to me when I asked what was going on. I found out soon after it was because nicole and those two now ex “friends” of mine had taken old dms I sent them and were showing them to people. And I will go into detail about them but I won't name the people they are about for privacy reasons.

Before I move on, to clarify some lies nic has been spreading about me, I never once shit talked nicole to my friends. One of these ex friends also said I was trying to get people on my side. I would have reacted to this all very very differently if that were the case. I would be dragging everyone through the fucking dirt but I don't get off on drama or micromanaging what my mutuals do. My issues are with these people, if you're still friends with them that's your decision i could not care less. So, back to it, the only thing I said about nic was that she and I had a stupid small fight over icons and that she was spreading lies about me, based off of what nic said to jordan.

That exact message, or slight variations of it, was sent to anyone I interacted with because I didn't know if nic was going to stop at jordan or try and get to everyone I fucking knew lmao. Some of the people I messaged this to told ME nic had done this kind of thing before, that she has sent hate anons, launched hate campaigns, cancelled people, etc. Over stupid shit like icons lmao.

Here are some responses I received after I mentioned nicole:

And nic or one of her friends also took it upon themselves to send anons to that tea blog to blow shit up and named everyone and made it an even bigger mess when they saw no one was actively trying to fight me after the dms got out. 

I also love that in this following ask, they named my two “friends” that were behind the whole dm drama and backstabbed me, as well as two other people I never badmouthed, that story was twisted. But we’ll get into those details shortly.

And she also told people I clout chased big blogs and only cared about notes. At one point, yes, I did care a lot about my statistics. However, never once did I think clout chasing was worth my fucking time or energy, Nic is the biggest clout chaser on this damn site and there are receipts of that, ask jordan lmao. And I couldn’t give two shits about my statistics anymore lmao, much less anxiety that way. Do I still crave validation sometimes? Sure. But it's not a driving force of my tumblr experience like it used to be.

But, moving on to the dms, the first one was sent when I first came back to tumblr full-time and didn't understand why people self reblogged things, I found the pretence of self reblogging annoying and greedy and I complained about it and it was a comment fuelled by two bloggers that i would see sr a lot on my dash. But I never thought THEY were annoying, as these people are saying I did, it was self reblogging I found annoying and as you can see I have come to understand why people sr and I do it myself too. I didn't even know these two bloggers at this time either. That dm was cropped to hide the fact that this "friend" agreed with me and hid the date as well so it seemed recent, and was sent to one of the bloggers I mentioned as an example, someone I had since become good friends with. 

I didn’t befriend one of the people I mentioned there until mid to late June. That friendship is now over thanks to this drama and all the lies. The second friend of mine they went after was never spoken about in dms, they went and turned her against me through lies and manipulation so that friendship has ended too. And while those two were doing that, nic went off to try and turn jordan against me.

There was a particular user on here that I did say some nasty things about but we weren't friends, as many people have been made to believe. I was particularly mad at this person in those dms and was hurtful, I admit, and I have since apologized and owned up to all of it to these people. I did call them fake and/or two-faced. 

And what in the gassing me up bullshit was their response though lmao. I also sent this following dm before I even talked about the issue with this person. They urged me to continue and to name drop the person, and I stupidly thought they were trustworthy.

My reasoning for what I said wasn't unwarranted though, I don't make a habit of going around shit-talking people, unless they do something to me first. I vent when I am upset and this person had sent me a passive aggressive ask and then denied sending it when I asked and I thought that was just very fake, especially since she was so kind to me in dms before the ask came in. But all of these dms were cropped too to hide timestamps and responses, and in most cases, like those screenshots prove, these "friends" either gassed me up or egged me on to continue ranting or to name the people i was mad at and they had agreed with me on several, several occasions. Turns out they were trying to get dirt on me to use in their cancel campaign. But the point is, nic has made me out to be this horrible person that befriends "big blogs" (an overrated statement) and then shit talks them behind their back without remorse. Yet it was one person I said rude things about and I, again, owned up to it all and apologized to them the first day. I would've done it sooner had I a) remembered feeling the way I did all those months ago or remembered the dms themselves or b) felt that way still after meeting them. But neither is the case.

I find it really amusing though that these people wanted things to be kept quiet and didn’t want anyone they spoke to to talk to me about it because I was going to “out them on my blog” and “make a big scene”, then they three went and made it a big fucking scene and ruined my friendships. I’m familiar with this pattern of manipulation as it has happened to me in real life before and it’s the most childish bullshit to witness.

Before this callout day for nic, I had never once been directly rude to or about her, same goes for those ex “friends” that betrayed my trust and friendship. The fact that they plotted against me in a group chat while still actively talking to me and being all buddy buddy is just disgusting. Both of them were talking to me that day at the same time they were sharing the dms and shit-talking me to my friends. But yeah, that's my side, the untwisted side, of the whole story. I tried to be mature and talk to nic and when I didn't do what she wanted me to do, she blocked me and launched the hate campaign with dms and the power of photoshop. I’ve been hesitant to make any of this public because it was meant to be a silent ordeal but I’ve grown tired of her constantly publicizing everything without consequence while I remain silent like I promised.

[purplesurveys]

883

1. What kind of textures do you enjoy most in your food? Crunchy, crispy, soft, hard, grainy, slimy, etc? I love chewing on any meal that involves rice. Born and raised with it, can’t feel full without it. I’ll give a special mention to slimy too, because I love seafood.

2. Do you keep up any seasonal decorations outside of their season? No. My mom removes our Christmas decor by late January, which is when Christmas season ends here. We don’t decorate for other holidays.

3. Can you remember the most awkward situation you've ever been in? What happened? Ugh god. Any time I’m left alone with Gab’s dad is bound to be awkward because he’s very quiet and stoic and I tend to be a vibrant, cheery people-pleaser and nothing I do will muster more than two words out of him...but our most awkward moment has to be when I was at their place and he had to leave to run some errands. I stood up and walked over to give him a hug, but for some reason the floor was slippery and I started to do the world’s clumsiest and longest stumble. As an instinct, I held on to his arm and shirt so that I wouldn’t fall flat on my face. It was terrible and nothing I could’ve done or said would’ve saved that situation. EUGH I’m wincing right now lmao

4. Can you remember the most scary situation you've ever been in? What happened? [trigger warning] Would have to be the time when my grandfather got too drunk off his ass that he physically assaulted one of my cousins, then a toddler. My aunt (cousin’s mom) is a little on the delicate and petite side and couldn’t do anything to confront my grandpa, who went on his rage for like 10, 15 minutes. Certainly felt like forever. Nothing has traumatized me more and that’s saying a lot, considering it’s been 13 years and I’ve been through tons of shitty situations.

5. Do you do anything unusual to help you concentrate? It’s not very weird but I did install an extension on my browser that would let me list certain sites (usually social media) I’d want blocked whenever I have work. I suppose not everyone has that kind of program so it kinda counts as unusual.

6. Do you ever wonder what your parents were like as children/teenagers? With my dad, yes. My mom tells me enough stories. I know her family hit a rough patch when she was a teenager and they had to sell a bunch of their stuff, including a grand piano. She went from living a comfortable life to having to skip meals in college because she only had enough money for her daily commute.

7. Do you think suicide is ever "okay?" Groan, this is so triggering. I’m not elaborating on this, soz.

8. Would you rather a close family member/close friend/significant other die of suicide or murder? Why is this? “>> I think having to deal with a murder investigation would be terribly messy and intrusive, and would add more trauma on top of what I’m already dealing with.” < All of this. You don’t always get closure with murders, too. And I would hate that.

9. In your opinion, what is the worst thing someone could ever do? Raping an infant is definitely up there for me.

10. In your opinion, what is the best thing someone could ever do? Be a positive change or impact in someone’s life. Idk, I’m easy to please.

11. Do you think about any fellow xangans outside of xanga? I’ll change the context of this question to Tumblr so I can answer it. And yes I do, sometimes. Not in a creepy way or anything; it usually happens when I encounter something in real life that I know another survey-taker likes.

12. What military installation is the closest to you? Fort Bonifacio.

13. Do you still open your windows during winter? We don’t get winter but yeah, December is the best time to leave the windows open throughout the night. It’s also a great time to be able to save on electricity haha

14. How cold is too cold? How hot is too hot? I’ve lived in a tropical country all my life so I’m a big-ass wimp when it comes to the cold, even though I love it more. I start shivering at around 23ºC. Too hot is anything reaching the 40s.

15. Would you rather lose both legs or both arms? Why? Legs. I use my hands a lot more, so it would be slightly more difficult if I suddenly had to move about without them.

16. If you committed a crime that landed you in prison for the rest of your life, but were given the option to receive the death sentence instead, which would you choose? Why? Death. I get to have the infamous ~last meal~. Lol in all seriousness though, I’d pick it because it would be a quick release for me, I guess. It’s a big reason why I’m not a fan of death penalty...it’s too easy an escape for criminals who deserve a lot worse.

17. Is there any specific album you can listen to in its entirety and enjoy every single song? After Laughter - Paramore

18. Would you rather be a famous movie star, television star, or musician? I don’t have talents that would make me succeed in any of these fields...I guess it’d be fun to be a movie star though.

19. If you are not religious, have you ever eaten dinner with a group of people that were and said grace before eating? How was this for you? If you are religious and say grace before dinner, have you ever eaten dinner with a group of people that weren't and didn't say grace before eating? How was this for you? Yes. I’m from a Catholic family, so we pray before every meal. I do a sign of the cross but barely, just so my mom sees I move my hands when we start the prayer; but I haven’t recited grace since I told myself I was going to be atheist.

20. Do you think an evil Santa or an evil Easter Bunny would make a better villain in a horror movie? I’d go with Evil Santa mostly because I have no attachment to the Easter Bunny whatsoever, and because it’d be hilarious to see a man with reindeer be mean.

21. Did you ever think any fictional story-book character was creepy as a child? Do you still think any of them are creepy? Yes. That girl who wears a ribbon around her neck still gives me the fucking creeps.

22. Would you rather wear nothing but white or nothing but black? Is there any color you'd actually want to wear head-to-toe? Black. I’ve done that many times, so it wouldn’t feel weird.

23. What physical/mental health problems run in your family? Do you have any of the same problems? I’m almost certain there are underlying issues on my mom’s side but seeing as none of us have ever gotten ourselves checked (and most of them don’t believe in mental health problems anyway) I doubt I’ll ever find out what exactly’s wrong.

24. What is your mental and physical health like right now? They are both doing surprisingly well considering how long I’ve had to stay home and how much everything has turned upside down. I’ve only had two bad breakdown in four months and I’ve since recovered from that nasty fever I got, so I can’t complain.

25. If you found a suitcase (with no information about the owner) with a million dollars inside of it , would you turn it into the police or keep it? Be honest. ;] “>> See, a million dollars is an exorbitant sum. There is no way I could just casually make off with a missing million and not suffer repercussions. It's just too much goddamn money, and in this particular scenario, it's highly likely that it's a trap of some sort (whether set for me, or set for someone else and my dumb ass just happened to stumble across it). I'm not dumb enough to try it.

Neither would I necessarily want to turn it in, because that might cause me to get involved in something I didn't want or need to be involved in. The most logical course of action for me would be to leave it the fuck alone.” < Yeup.

26. Would you rather gaze at the stars or clouds? Stars. The fact that they’re so much farther away makes them more fascinating to me.

27. Are they any foods you used to enjoy but no longer like? Are there any foods you used to dislike but now enjoy? There’s a certain brand of frozen sisig that I used to looooove and would have multiple servings of every time I had it. But I had it one too many times and now I can’t even stand the smell of it. On the other hand, I hated chicken curry as a kid, but I can’t get enough of it now.

28. Do you feel much older or younger than you are? Why? Neither. I just feel 22.

29. Did you get along with kids that were older or younger than you? I mostly got along with kids of the same age. I found younger kids too rowdy and being around older kids always felt intimidating.

30. Do you know any magic tricks? Nopes.

31. How much would life suck for you if you had a wheat allergy? A lot.

32. Are you able to watch gory scenes in movies? Why or why not? For sure. I always want to see how far FX artists can go; and if used correctly, gory scenes can be super integral to the movie. Midsommar is a really good example.

33. Do you constantly check the time? Does time seem to move quickly or slowly for you? Not anymore. I used to check it a lot while I was still in school. Sigh, I miss that life so much. Anyway, time definitely felt slower during the first few weeks of the lockdown, but now that I’m used to it days just fly by. I can hardly believe we’re nearly in the middle of July. So much of this year has been wasted. It’s miserable.

34. Would you rather live in a nice house in a bad location, or a less-than-nice house in a great location? I’m taking the great location. I don’t know if I can last living in a shady area, no matter how beautiful my house is.

35. Have you ever been a witness to a horrible crime? What happened? Domestic violence is the worst thing I can think of. I enumerated one of them in one of the earlier questions, but I witnessed several other cases as a kid.

[fuck-customers]

This is kind of long, but idk seems better than spamming you with multiple posts. This ended up a lot longer than I planned but ugh. I'm sorry

I've seen a teenager literally just spit on the floor, and he look embarrassed when I made eye contact but still I had to clean that shit up and if you know you shouldn't be spitting on the floor, THEN DON'T SPIT. Or at the least be like the other nasty people that feel the need to spit all the time that at least do that shit outside, and do it in a place people arn't going to be walking through it!

I've also seen people walking barefoot through the store (We bring pallets out for stocking. That's wood splinters and possible other shit, and sometimes products can spill like cat litter or chemicals, PLUS there's whatever junk people bring in on their shoes and can be feces or whatever else, and people SPIT ON THE FLOOR), or at one point footprints walking around the store starting from some place in the middle of it and just; did they spill something? Did they take off their shoes and their feet were just that bad? Were they taking the electric carts and just decided to walk around later on? Why were their feet so bad? It had to be gone over several times with the scrubber because it wouldn't come off easily. Happened awhile ago for the foot prints but it still bothers me, and it's happened multiple times.

People also like to eat while walking around or they give their kids food. Half the time it's stuff that this kid can barely hold because their age and they drop it or their attention fails and they spill things all over. So many times I have to follow a path around the store for chips or popcorn or chicken bits everywhere. A lot of time for the chicken you can buy, people will drop multiple ones of them, and not pay for any, or get it and walk around and then dump the empty container in a garbage can. It's always the messiest shit that the parents give their kids too.

People will sometimes bring their entire shopping cart in to the bathroom with them, though usually it's after they paid for their stuff, but seriously don't take the carts in the bathroom the doorway is weird and it can get stuck and there's barely room in there and other people will have issues. Nobody is going to take your stuff.

There's a frequent problem with people taking things out of packaging to get a better look at an item. Sometimes things could possibly be put back in, but usually it's stuff that can't be sold anymore because of how the packaging was, broken seals, or because how badly the packaging or sometimes the item was damaged.

Once someone had taken some expensive pillows and switched the bags they were in with cheaper pillows (We know this because somehow someone noticed the barcodes on the tags didn't match the cases or something. I didn't get all the details). It had happened about two days before I ended up finding those same pillows stuffed in the auto center garbage. I have no idea what the point of it was or if they had even stuffed them in there right after they had walked out with them or if it had been the same day I found them because the other maintenance people tended to skip over that particular garbage can fairly often. Even if they decided later they didn't want them, the store is pretty much waaaaay out around the edges of town so driving out there specifically to stuff these 3 pillows in the garbage where they can be found and probably traced back easily that way is just confusing. I was just pissy about having to pull these pillows out of a garbage with car stuff all over it so we could pull it throw claims and figure out if it was tossed for being defective or stolen but dumped, or something else. At one point as I was leaving work a shoplifter was leaving too and the thing went off. The door person tried to stop him and the kid stopped, but the dad got seriously pissy about it and violently yelling at the door person about being stopped. I stayed because I was afraid he was going to get physical,  but he stormed out instead. The kid stayed. He was confused because he didn't see his dad buy or take anything, but a co-worker had seen him put things in his jacket. While waiting for a manager the dad came back in his car and was screaming at his kid to come out, though the kid wouldn't. Eventually the dad took off flying out of the parking lot without his kid. I had left around that point, but heard from one of the co-workers that he had came back to grab his kid and dragged him out. Apparently nobody higher up was going to do anything at the time but would be watching for him in the future, but really worried for the kid and had his license plate number and everything.

And then from my other job People who say their phone numbers in a weird way that makes it harder for me to process what they said.

I get some people who just race through their information and then mad when I ask them several times to repeat it or to slow down.

Others will continually interrupt me or ignore what I'm asking them for to just make their orders, when I literally cannot get in to that menu until I have their phone numbers and their address in the system if it's for a delivery. When I answer the phone, I say "Hi this is ---- Pizza, is this for delivery or pickup?" and instead of answering they'll start with their order, or they'll answer it but then ignore me asking for their phone number/info to go on. I ask a question to confirm something they want and they cut me off part way through what I was asking.

This one dude once just continued to list off what he wanted as I repeated told him I need him to wait because I needed to ask someone else a question about the system or an item, or I wasn't done putting in another part of the order.

Another thing I do is after I tell them how much something costs, is ask if it'll be cash or charge. I'm not sure about the other people but how I was trained and it's a small local business with like 8 people including the owners, so I'm like 90% they still do the same thing. Thing is there is a number of people that will give me their card when I get to their house. I don't have a card reader, it's not my fault you don't have cash. No I can't just give you the food and have you pay later. Either go try to find something or call the store and give them your card so they can put it in the system, and then sign the receipt that we do have (and yes still will accept it even if it's not a credit receipt).

On the card receipt note, I once almost had to pay $30 because I was short in my wallet somehow. It turns out one of the people working on the food had mixed up the credit receipts for some houses that happened to have the same amount for their orders. The Card person didn't have the receipt, and confused as we both were they just signed the regular one. The person who was supposed to pay cash but their husband put in the order, signed the credit receipt that was actually supposed to have gone to the first person. When we were going through my delivery list I was the one that noticed one was a card but the other one actually was supposed to be cash and that's where that missing $30 was from. Of course the customer hadn't called back about it, and the person I was closing for some reason continued to be confused over the issue for nearly another hour after I was supposed to have left even though it shouldn't have been hard to understand what happened and I told them multiple times to call one of the owners about the issue and call the customer about it too but they didn't for the longest time, then FINALLY found out they could just void the order since they apparently didn't want to bother the person with me going back to get the cash, even though they were frequent customers, nice enough people, and the person did call them about the issue but for some reason didn't say any of the things I told them they should about it and me going back for the payment. I'm not so much frustrated with the customers because mistakes happen and not their fault, but mad about the 2 people because I could have lost what's a decent chunk of money considering the job, and then for having to deal with the issue that should have been easy enough to resolve once it was figured out what happened but being ignored for how to deal with it.

There is also a guy at the delivery job that keeps doing minor harassment for the women working there and trying to order them around and act like he's the boss of us (Even to one of the store owners. To me he tried to boss me around and when I snapped back he said "Do you always talk to your bosses like this" ["First off, not my boss, and second yeah I do stand up to people that are acting like you are or I report them"] "Well I am your boss when it's just us". Of course my actual bosses said yeah, no he's not.). None of us put up with it and will yell back or tell him to shut up, and the owners even tell us that it's fine to do so and know about it. I think he's related to them though since most the people working there are family. It's not anything huge either for what he does, but it is enough to be annoying. The rest of us do tend to make fun of/complain about him a lot when he's not around for what he does, or makes comments about how unhelpful he is for the most part. So stuck with him, but luckily enough we don't have to put up with it and can tell him to F- Off (or as long as people arn't at the register), or the owners will yell at him if he does anything while they're around or we tell them about something he did.

[troglobite]

please ignore the shit out of this it’s me whining and complaining for an unnecessarily long amount of time for like....legit no reason.

you ever notice that like the majority of people (in general, but also) who go vegan

like just don’t have

digestive issues/illnesses

or any food allergies or sensitivities

or like

anything else?

obviously not across the board i’ve seen a few folks on here do it, but it’s usually disability and not food-specific-related-illnesses/allergies/sensitivities

and like look

i’d love to try and eat fewer animal products

but i’m trying my best here by eating animal products that are like 90% local or at least not from shitty factory farms

and i’m allergic to most vegan replacement foods, or imitation foods--and just shit in general

not to mention i’ve been trying literally my entire life to eat more fruits and vegetables

and the problem isn’t laziness or carelessness or “ewwww they’re grossss”

it’s 

“i’m terrified of this fruit/vegetable, i don’t trust this one, this one makes me want to die, this one gives me stomach cramps for hours, i’m allergic to this one, this one tastes nasty, this one makes me burp and feel sick for a whole day....”

there are so few that i can eat. 

i really love raw carrots, but i rarely trust them and i’m also badly allergic to them my mouth swells up and itches and turns orange i’m not kidding

celery makes me feel sick and also tastes/feels like garbage

spinach is okay but sometimes the bitterness gets me and also it makes my mouth feel squeaky and sometimes i’m just Not Okay with that

onions are the only reliable vegetable, but they have sugars in them that, in certain quantities or cooked a certain way, upset my stomach

if i can barely handle spinach then rest assured i can’t eat any other bitter greens, like they’re literally called bitter greens

i have described bitterness as the sensation of nausea but as a taste in your mouth

my brother cooks a lot of vegetables and other ~healthy foods~ and my SPD can’t even deal being in the same house as those foods, much less eating them--or being around my brother when he eats them.

christmas last year he ate a shitload of...fuck i don’t remember what it’s called. it’s not like Out There, i just can’t remember what it’s called at the moment.

anyway he made a bunch of it with garlic and eggs and all this other shit

and his breath REEKED like a fucking rotten sink and garlic for the rest of the day no matter what he ate or did

i cannot express to you the number of vegetables and fruits that do that to me and HOW MUCH ANXIETY AND NAUSEA that causes me

i’m just

like

i feel bad. 

that’s why i talk about this a lot.

let me clarify: i feel bad about it because LITERALLY EVERYONE ON YOUTUBE AND SOCIAL MEDIA IS DOING IT AND MAKING ME FEEL HORRIBLE ABOUT IT.

except for the most recent video i watched but the comments got me to this shitty place anyway.

like look, i CAN’T. i literally CAN’T. 

no, eating foods i’m allergic to and that actively make me sick will NOT make me feel better or cure me of any of my ailments. that’s not how the world or my body in particular works. 

and i get it, it sucks, it’s bad, whatever.

but like look, like i said, we pretty much only eat meat from a local butcher. the meat tastes better, and it’s one store that sources from local farm(s) that aren’t giant factory farms. 

i TRY to eat things that aren’t animal products. 

but i just.

i mean i literally have an eating disorder. idk what you want me to do.

i was so scared of food there for a while (and still am to a pretty hefty degree) that i lost like 15 pounds without even trying and without leaving the house or exercising. i just wasn’t eating much food. 

i’m conscious about what i eat and try not to make it all horrible and nasty and bad for me. 

i eat pizza with vegetables n shit. i can’t eat red sauce because it hurts me. i eat alfredo sauce. but whoops that’s super dairy heavy.

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO. 

idk whatever i’ve reached critical mass on the “holy shit i need to shut up” scale so ANYWAY