#idk what I did I’ve just been fucking around but he crits like every five seconds

[sainthermelin]

you know the house is good when unlocking a new support convo makes you audibly groan

[starshipsandsuperheroes]

Top 5 DND moments

oh shit I’m putting this under a cut cause it’s probs gonna get long

This isn’t gonna be quotes - I’m gonna tell actual stories, so if anyone’s interested in top 5 quotes, feel free to ask for those, and those will be much shorter because I will not provide context.

Ask me my top 5 anything here!

Ok so, in no particular order

1.) Two Birds, One Stoner - An almost episodic game, masterfully handled by my DM at school.  It featured the introduction of a new player, who we met as a pink tiefling bard, just like our current bard.  The resemblance was striking and strange, but she seemed interesting, so we let her tag along with us as we went to speak with an old mentor of our Rogue’s about what we suspected was the death of a god.  His advice led us to split between two temples in Rome - Bacchus (where both bards, our paladin, our barbarian, and our cleric went) and Artemis (where I, our rogue, and our wizard went).  I went to Artemis because she’s my character’s mother (that’s a whole nother story that may appear on this list later? We’ll see I’m still on this one), but our first bard went to Bacchus because his original god was Pan, who we believed was dead.  A purple tiefling met him outside the temple, her gold lipstick announcing her as a prostitute.  Paxxx (our bard) went with her while the rest of the party found themselves lost in the revelry that is the temple of Bacchus, until Paxxx returned to the main area and retrieved our paladin.  Paxxx took drugs given to him by the purple tiefling (Violet) and on the second try, found himself face to face with Bacchus, who told him what was going on - gods were dying and disappearing, and no one had any idea what the cause might be… only that Hades was the prime suspect.  He also dropped some other cryptic but important information - that Zeus loves his twins, but they had disappeared; that twins always reunite; that Paxxx should be sure to keep an eye on his “Demi-friends” (me and our paladin).  Paxxx snapped back awake, realized that the other pink tiefling we had found was his twin sister (yell heah), immediately filled in our paladin and the purple tiefling on what he had seen and learned, and gathered the party to dash over to the temple of Artemis.

I was there with the rogue and wizard, poking around the temple essentially to see if anyone had had any contact with Artemis without revealing too much about my character’s connection to her (she literally just found out like two weeks or so prior to this that it was even a thing, give her a break).  While we were there, I noticed a massive owl watching us from above - and a massive raven.  Both came down and landed on my arms when offered, but when they both flew away in opposite directions, I could only track one, and I rolled better to track the raven.  We tracked it back to a hooded figure, who was cooing at the bird until it noticed us, and disappeared when we spooked it.  

Literally every single thing I’ve told you just now went on to have an incredibly majorly important role in the last game we played before school got out for the summer.  It was absolutely buck wild.  

2.) Kost - In my other party, DM’ed by my amazing wife, this asshole sat on a plot twist for literal years, and we only found out like, last month.  We’re just chilling, minding our own business and trying to escape from prison (as you do) when our gunslinger suddenly realized something based on breadcrumbs of plot that had been dropped, turned to our swashbuckler, and asked for his last name.  Our swashbuckler immediately tried to play it cool, but it absolutely did not work, and it turned out that he was the son of a governor that may or may not have had something to do with why we had been thrown in jail in the first place - Govenor Kost.  I did start getting the flu as this was happening, so the details are a bit fuzzy, but I had skyped into the session and I almost hucked my laptop across the room it surprised me so much.

3.) “There’s no purple tiefling that works here” - This happened in the same school game (not session) that “Two Birds, One Stoner” did, so DM is here.  Remember that purple tiefling that gave our bard drugs and listened in as he recounted all of the incredibly important information he had gotten from Bacchus?  Yeah, so, uh, turns out we may be fucked because of that.

To make another very long story short, a series of very chaotic events led to our last game of the year.  The library of Alexandria has fallen, and it snowed in Giza as the temples to the Egyptian gods literally shattered around the city (this bit, by the way, gets honorable mention for my favorite moments, because it was narrated beautifully by my DM, as she told it from my character and our paladin’s perspective - two characters that had been raised in Egypt, where snow was a sign of the apocalypse).  Gods were falling left and right.  But when guards rushed into the Caesar’s palace to inform him that the Temple of Bacchus had fallen, we rushed over there - only to find a literal dracolitch standing atop the rubble, as the hooded figure I had seen with the raven at the Temple of Artemis yelled to it in infernal.

To make a long story short, she was yelling for it to stop, but since my character doesn’t know infernal, I assumed she was evil and tackled her.  After a bit of fighting, the Dracolitch literally took five characters down in a single blow, and then disappeared through a portal.  Our cleric and bards got everyone back to standing, and we started to help those that worked at the temple out of the rubble.  As we were helping them, though, someone made a comment about how we should try and find the purple tiefling Paxxx had met with when we were last here and make sure she was ok.  This sounded like a great plan… until the man we were helping up looked at us with a strange expression and said “There’s no purple tiefling that works here.”

4.) The Rats - My wife puts up with so much from us.  To be fair to us - none of us had played D&D before.  We weren’t exactly sure how things worked… so we summoned some rats to check around dungeon corners for us before we went into rooms and halls and the like.  I never pretended to be exceptionally intelligent, I’m just doing my best every damn day.

5.) Delphina - I’ve said before that my character in my school game (This DM) is the daughter of Artemis, but she only found out about it like two or so weeks prior to where we are currently in the game.  Maybe three, idk.  My point is, she hasn’t had a whole lot of time to adjust, especially since she found out like this:

 We had travelled to Giza (the hometown of our dragonborn paladin) in search of our party’s old rogue, Effie, who was played by our DM before she took over for our previous DM.  When we got there, we found that someone had been killing non-dragonborns - as Egypt is a largely dragonborn society in this world, this made the pattern very obvious.  Our trail to both Effie and the killer had grown cold and we had found a man from my character’s home village that requested our help dealing with a threat, so we left the city for a few days to help them.  While we were there, our party picked up a new member - our barbarian, Mara.

When we returned, however, our paladin’s friend was waiting for us with some devastating news - Effie had been found dead, shot through the heart by an arrow.  (Crit role fans: the bow that was being used to make these kills was Fenthras, so there were trees growing out of the corpses, which is how they were really linking the kills).  Our cleric cast speak with dead on her, and we found out a few things:  she had been killed by a cultist who bore the symbol of Artemis, and Effie had been sent to Giza by her patron (Hermes) to protect his niece, the daughter of Artemis - which was, apparently, my character, to the genuine surprise of both her and I.  All this cultist knew was that the daughter wasn’t a dragonborn and was from Egypt, hence the pattern.  We set up a trap to catch this woman, using me as bait and our new barbarian as a “bounty hunter” figure who would act as if she was turning me in for a reward.

What followed was the most genuinely invested and scared I’ve ever felt during a scene in D&D.  Our plan got put into action, and our DM’s interpretation of this cultist (whose name was Delphina) was a rather regal woman with a terrifyingly calm voice.  She stared me down for a moment before asking in all-too-gentle of a voice, “Do you know who you mother is, child?” and I legit almost lost my damn mind.  It was terrifying and insanely fun and cool.  I’d be happy to finish the story if anyone wants to hear it, but it’s already insanely long for this post, so come ask if you’d like to hear the rest.