#idk whose towel it was or why she threw it at me but i got to school on time anyways

[just-somehuman]

*demonic screaming*

HE CAME HOME HE CAME HOME HE CAME HOME HE CAME HOME 💃💃💃💃💃

And also 2 Ojis but I don't care about him 🕺

[thepremedthatwrites]

Things Have Changed

request: Can you plsss do a Peter x reader relationship where the reader is a family friend and Peter has always had a crush on her and idk ends up admitting it to her at night or something and things get very heated like smutty or whatever.

Did I decide to edit this a day early because I'm procrastinating my school work? Perhaps. But anyways, I hope you all like this fic!

warning: smut below the cut

I could feel the beginning of sweat start to drip down the side of my face as I squinted my eyes trying to see the others in the water. The sand was at the border of being too hot to stand on in bare feet, causing me to walk closer to the water where the cold ocean had cooled the ground. “C’mon (y/n)!” Lucy shouted over the sound of the waves crashing into the shore. “The water isn’t even that cold!”

This was a lie and we both knew it. The icy water brushed the tip of my toes as I held back a shudder. At least the water would help me cool off from the unforgiving sun. As I stood contemplating what to do, I felt a hand graze my back. I turned to see Peter walking by me, a grin on his face. “Too scared to run in, (y/n)?” he asked. That was enough to kick me into action as I started to follow him into the water.

“Of course not,” I replied, holding back the instinct to let out a gasp as the cold water wrapped itself around my stomach. Both of our parents stayed by the towels and umbrellas, leaving the ocean to their children as they drank and talked about whatever it is that adults talked about. The blue house that our families had rented stood tall and proud behind our parents, overlooking the beach and whatever sat beyond what reaches of the ocean we could see.

Peter and I came to a halt as we reached where Lucy and Edmund were. “Where’s Susan?” Ed asked as Peter dunked his head under the water.

“I believe she said she was taking a nap,” I replied as Peter’s head reappeared from the dark water. His blond hair was now pressed against his forehead and had become a few shades darker from the weight of the water.

“Watch out! Big wave!” Lucy just managed to shout out the words before my vision was painted white as the wave crashed down on us. I lost control of my body as I let the current drag me around like a rag doll until I felt myself crash into something solid. At first, I thought it was a rock before I felt a pair of strong arms wrap around my chest.

“Don’t worry, I got you.” I heard Peter say as my head broke the surface. I gulped in a deep breath of air, the oxygen reaching my lungs as I wiped the salt water out of my burning eyes.

“Thanks,” I managed as the taste of salt water danced down my throat.

“I think some of the water went up my nose.” I heard Edmund say while Lucy was pushing her hair that had been plastered in front of her eyes out of her face. I turned my head to look at Peter whose arms were still around me. The sudden realization of the situation finally dawned on me and I felt my face warm at the close proximity. Suddenly his arms felt like iron chains around me and I couldn’t ignore the feeling of their weight on me. Peter seemed to have also become aware of the sensation of our bodies pressed against each other as he slowly removed his arms from me.

“Sorry,” he said softly, his face now also a light shade of pink.

“Yeah, no worries,” I said quickly. I was suddenly thankful for the large wave coming our way as I turned to face it, focusing my thoughts on not being drowned by the rushing water.

“I almost drowned!” Lucy exclaimed as we all sat around the dinner table. It had been my mom’s turn to cook dinner and so she had made us all steak. I started to cut into the meat as Lucy told Susan all about our adventures in the water. Peter and I had become a bit more quiet since the incident in the ocean. I felt myself stealing glances at him every now and then. Sometimes he had already been looking at me too.

“I’m so happy you guys decided to join us here in the states.” I heard my mom say to the Pevensies’ parents. “I feel like we haven’t seen each other since we moved to America.”

“I know, it seems the kids are having a lot of fun hanging out again,” Mrs. Pevensie replied. I turned back to the conversation but could feel the burning glances Peter occasionally threw at me throughout dinner. I was thankful when dinner was over, trying to wash the dishes as quickly as possible and avoiding being near Peter as much as the confines of the kitchen allowed. The parents had disappeared, most likely to the balcony that overlooked the water to drink some more and catch up on what they had missed in the past five years. As soon as the dishes were done, I excused myself blaming my exhaustion on the sun and went to my room.

I was surprised when I woke up to a dark room. I had expected myself to be unable to sleep and instead toss and turn until the rest of the lights went out in the house. I got up from my bed, checking my phone to see it was around three in the morning. My stomach growled as I turned on my lights. It seems that pushing the food around your plate does little to actually satisfy your hunger. I paused at my mirror before leaving. I brushed out my hair and checked to see that the pajamas I wore were acceptable to be seen by the public. I wasn’t sure if I would run into Peter, he was most likely still asleep, but I wanted to play it safe. I wasn’t sure why I was so concerned about my appearance around him. When we were younger, before my family moved to America, I could have cared less about what he thought of my appearance. But then again, we had been younger then. Five years younger to be exact. We had grown since then. His shoulders had broadened and he had become taller. My body had developed curves where it used to be straight and I had finally grown into myself. We weren’t how we were back in the UK. We were older and more mature.

I shook the thoughts from my mind and opened the door to my room. I walked as quietly as I could past my parents’ room and then past all of the Pevensies’ rooms before reaching the stairs that led to the living area that held the kitchen. I opened the fridge as my stomach automatically growled at the sight of all the food. The best part of being on vacation was the fact that the fridge was always filled with leftovers from dinner. I settled on some of the mac and cheese, spooning some into a bowl before putting it into the microwave. I stood patiently as the whir of the microwave filled the silence that had settled into the room.

“What are you doing up?” I jumped at the voice before turning to see Peter standing by the entrance of the kitchen.

“I was hungry,” I said while pointing my head to the microwave. He walked over to me and I was suddenly thankful I had spent the extra time on my appearance before leaving my room. He wore only a pair of grey sweatpants. I couldn’t help myself and let my eyes wander his exposed abs. He definitely did not have those five years ago.

“I missed seeing you,” he said, causing my eyes to jump from his abs to his ocean blue eyes which I could easily drown in if I weren’t careful.

“Me too,” I replied, my voice much softer than I expected it to be. I cleared my throat before speaking again. “I missed having someone I could annoy like an older brother.” Peter’s face scrunched as he shook his head.

“Please don’t call me an older brother. That’s weird.” I raised an eyebrow at this, my heart racing. All this time I had thought he saw me as another little sister. But if that wasn’t the case, what did he see me as?

“And why is that?” I questioned. Peter’s face seemed to have reddened. I wasn’t sure if it had already been red from the sun and I just hadn’t noticed or if he was blushing. Before he could answer the microwave went off causing me to jump. Peter opened the door, taking the bowl out as steam rose from the food.

He set the bowl down on the counter before turning back to me. His eyes seemed to be studying me. I subconsciously bit my bottom lip in anticipation. I watched as his eyes followed the movement. “You’ve grown a lot since I last saw you,” he finally said.

“And so have you.”

“The thoughts I have about you…” Peter started as he walked closer to me, stopping so that we were almost pressed against each other. “They are not thoughts a brother has about his sister.” He leaned down towards my ear, his hot breath brushing the bare skin behind my ear and sending a shiver down my spine. “That is why it’s weird for you to call me an older brother.” My face must have been the color of a lobster at this point, and I was no longer afflicted with hunger. Instead, lust coursed through my veins. He paused for a moment as if in thought before pressing his lips on the same skin his breath had just caressed. I let out a soft sigh allowing my hand to grasp onto his strong bicep. My other hand had crept around to his stomach, tracing the abs I had just moments before been admiring. He moved his lips, kissing down my neck as I moved my head back to give him more access.

His hands wrapped around my waist before he lifted me into the air. I let out a gasp in surprise before my ass met the cool counter. His eyes looked me up and down, filled with lust and desire. “Has anyone told you how beautiful you are?” he asked. His hands were by my hips as his thumb traced shapes on my thighs. I found myself blushing at his words. Many people had called me beautiful before but the way he spoke it was the same way people sing praises to the gods they worship. He stepped towards me and I opened my legs for him so that he was as close as physically possible.

He stopped for a moment, his eyes meeting mine. They seemed to be saying all the things that had been left unsaid since we had reunited. You’re different. I’m different. These emotions are different. I love you. I wrapped my legs around him, forcing him closer (something I had not thought possible). His hands moved so that they were on either side of me, resting on the counter. My own hands were on his shoulders. I moved one so that it caressed his face. My mac and cheese sat patiently on the counter next to us, expecting to be eaten soon. I had a feeling the bowl would be staying there until the morning. Peter brought his face closer to mine. He paused for a moment, his eyes moving from my lips to my eyes. I gave a slight nod. Then, he kissed me.

We kissed and suddenly I understood what the authors of the romance books I used to read were writing about. He was like a drug. With each touch I needed more. With each kiss I craved just one more moment of the taste of his lips. My hands traveled to his hair as we continued to kiss. His hands wandered my back, traveling beneath the fabric of my t-shirt. I didn’t want to pull away. I wanted to stay like this for eternity. On the other hand, I wanted more. I wanted to connect us even more. I wanted him to fuck me.

I pulled back just long enough for my shirt to be discarded. Then I immediately reconnected our lips. I kissed him hungrily, as if those few seconds apart had left me famished. His hands slipped between us, holding my breasts. A small shudder went down my spine as his thumbs brushed my nipples. His hands continuously moved, as if they weren’t sure what to do with all the newly exposed skin. He squeezed my breasts before letting his hands travel down my stomach, gripping my waist harshly as we continued to kiss.

I could feel a growing wetness between my legs. The feeling of something hard being pushed against my inner thigh informed me Peter was just as turned on. He disconnected our lips, tasting my chin and then neck and then collar bone until he reached my tits. I attempted to catch my breath as his tongue flicked across my nipple. I let out a soft gasp as my back arched in pleasure. He started to suck on my tits, making sure to show great care and attention to both of them. His grip on my waist tightened and I was sure there would be a slight bruise in the morning. I couldn’t bring myself to care at the moment as that slight pain was the only thing keeping me grounded as pure pleasure pulsed throughout my body as Peter continued to kiss and suck and bite on the sensitive areas.

He stopped abruptly, standing upright and looking me directly in the eye. His erection that had been increasing in size and hardness was now protruding from his pants and pressing into the soft skin of my thigh. “When I was younger, I had always felt an attraction to you, (y/n),” he said. His voice was lower than usual and he seemed to be slightly out of breath as he spoke. “I never knew whether it was a friendly attraction or something stronger than that. But the moment I saw you for the first time in five years, I knew the feelings I felt for you...it wasn’t something most people feel. It was something so strong it took everything in me to not fall to my knees in defeat. In a happy defeat where I surrendered my heart to you.” I felt as if my heart was going to burst from my chest as I listened. “My body burns with desire for you (y/n). Please. Let me show you how you make me feel. Let me love you.”

I licked my lips, suddenly aware of how dry my mouth felt. I took a deep breath, hoping some of the fresh night air would clear my lust-clouded mind for a moment. “Yes,” I said. “Yes, yes, yes, yes. Yes a million times.” I could feel a large grin growing on my face and Peter was wearing a matching one. He grabbed my face in his hands before bringing us together for a kiss. It didn’t take long for the kiss to deepen as his hands left my face and traveled down my bare top before playing with the band of my shorts. I inched towards the edge of the counter before sliding off, our lips parting for a moment as my feet hit the ground before immediately reuniting.

He roughly pulled down my shorts and panties in one motion, letting the clothes hit the ground. I followed suit, pulling down his sweatpants and boxers. We parted for a moment, the moonlight shining through the window that sat over the sink allowing enough light so that I could see the true length of him. I had only a few moments to admire him, the thickness of his cock was sure to stretch me out deliciously, before he turned me around. I bent over the counter, the cool stone pressing against my naked skin. His hands gripped my hips to hold me in place before he pushed into me.

I let out a loud moan, causing him to put a hand over my mouth. He stayed in place, leaning over so that his mouth was next to my ear. “We have to be quiet. Unless you want both our families to see what we’re doing.” I nodded in understandance as he stood up straight again. He started by moving slowly. He pulled out halfway before pushing in all the way to the base. I felt my pussy flutter around him. He continued this slow rhythm for a while, testing out the water while stretching me out to fit him completely.

Once I felt myself start to adjust he started to go faster. I could feel the edge of the counter dig into my stomach each time my body was thrusted forward. My breasts moved in rhythm with Peter, my weight being supported by my forearms which were propped on top of the counter. His fingers dug into my hips as he fucked me. The kitchen was filled with the sound of skin slapping skin and our muffled moans as we did our best to stay quiet. The smell of sweat and sex hovered in the room. The moon acted as a spotlight for our indecent act. My vision was obstructed by my hair which was now a mess, strands of it sitting in front of my face.

“Peter, please,” I moaned quietly. I could feel myself getting closer, my legs now weaker than before as my arms were the only thing holding me up. Peter sensed this, using his hands that were on my hips to lift me up. I felt my mouth open, but no noise came out as my mind became overtaken with pleasure. I could hear Peter let out a groan as I felt myself collapse around him. I let my head fall forward as I attempted to recover from my orgasm. The pleasure started to become more bearable as Peter continued to fuck me. His thrusts were becoming more desperate. Just as I started to think he couldn’t be any rougher, he pulled out.

“Get on your knees,” he commanded. The way he spoke brought butterflies to my stomach. He spoke much more forcefully than before, his voice laced with lust as he was too concerned with his own release to speak gently to me. I obeyed, opening my mouth for him unprompted. I started moving my head for him, wanting to make him feel just as good as he made me feel. His head fell back as his hip thrusted forward. I fought back the reflex to gag as his cock buried itself deep within my throat. His hand pushed on the back of my head, keeping me in place as I felt the beginning spurt of a warm and bitter liquid shooting down my throat. I swallowed all of it greedily, wanting to have as much of Peter as I could.

As the last drop of his cum slid down my throat, he slowly pulled away. I wiped away the small dribble of drool that had fallen down my chin. I looked up at him and he looked down at me, a smile on his face. His hand ran down the side of my head before caressing my face. I slowly got up, my legs still slightly weak. “Wow,” I said, slightly out of breath. Peter let out a soft chuckle before pulling me in for a kiss. We quietly got dressed. Peter grabbed my hand, leading me to his room. Our clothes didn’t stay on for too long as they quickly found their way to his bedroom floor. The night was filled with whispers of confessions of love, hands in hair, and lips pressed on naked skin. The next morning I would wake up, afraid that it had all been a dream before I turned to see Peter’s face on the pillow next to me. Then, a smile matching Peter’s sleepy one would form on my face.

[kingexpl0sionmurder]

Body Electric - Kaminari Denki - Smut

Author: @kingexpl0sionmurder Pairing: Kaminari Denki/F!Reader Rating: 18+ (contains smut) Words: 5,491 Warnings: Sex work (Cam boy/girl), Quirkless AU, Aged-up Adult characters (someone is in grad school! wow!), mentions of masturbation (both male and female), mentions of casual ShinKami, established KiriBaku, Idk they are all just really sexually liberated and don’t care about watching each other cum. Is that voyeurism? I’m bad at tagging things. Title taken from a Lana Del Rey song. AN: Another BNHarem collab piece! The theme was sex work, and I have wanted to do a camboy Denki for a long time so here we go. This was really smutty in my head but Denki makes me soft and it turned out really cute in the end, I’m sorry? He’s such a dork I feel like any sexual encounter with him would just turn out like this in some way, idk.  Thanks to @unbreakablekiribaku​ and @sailorsero​ as usual for being supportive of me. Happy birthday to @lady-bakuhoe and @burnedbyshoto​ 🎂🎂 There is no one else I would rather be birthday triplets with!

Please check out the Collab Masterlist: HERE Look 👀 at My Masterlist: HERE Buy me a Kofi if you’re scared of clowns too: HERE

---

Sighing, you sat up on your elbows, squinting at the chat on the screen, willing your heart to stop pounding and your breath to even out. The donations were pouring in, the chat moving so fast you couldn’t even read it. “Alright, lovelies, I hope you enjoyed that. Be right back and we’ll chat a little bit, okay?”

Donations popped up, the chat slowing a little as the clients who only came to jerk off to you left, leaving those who considered themselves true fans. You stood and made your way to the bathroom to pee, rinsing your toy off in the sink and washing your hands. You went back to your room, pulling on a hoodie and settling in front of the screen again.

“Alright, I’m back! I have some time for a few questions and then I have to go for the night. Let me see what we got!” You scanned the chat, ignoring the normal inappropriate questions. Mindfucker:  Do you know who Chargebolt is? Cause I heard he watches your stream.

Your heart, which had finally slowed to a normal rhythm, picked up again. You most definitely knew who Chargebolt was. You gave him a good amount of money from your donations when you watched his cam shows yourself. “I do actually, he’s pretty popular on here, isn’t he?” You sat back a little, furrowing your brows. “How do you know he watches me?”

RedDaddy: He did a Q&A and mentioned your channel! Told everyone to check you out.

You recognized the names of the viewers and knew they were also regulars on Chargebolt’s streams as well, so you believed them. Chargebolt was gorgeous and funny, just your type. The knowledge that he was interested in you enough to watch you get off on camera was flattering. You hoped your blush wasn’t showing on your face. 

“I’m surprised he knows who I am!” You had missed the last Q&A he’d done, since it hadn’t been on his normal streaming day, and you’d been stuck at work late. Leaning forward again, you bit your lip, looking into the camera from under your lashes. “Can I tell you guys a secret? I watch him, too. Why do you think I never do shows on Thursdays? That’s Chargebolt day.” With a wink you sat back, trying to will the blush from your cheeks. Mindfucker: I knew it! I bet he’s watching right now. You smiled, shrugging. “I hope he enjoyed the show, then!” You tried to hold it together, suppressing the urge to burst into a fit of giggles at the thought, answering a few more silly questions from your regulars, before signing off for the night, promising to be back again the following week.

You let out a breath you didn’t even know you were holding, leaning your head back and groaning. It was wild that the guy whose cam shows you watched on the regular, the one who had inspired you to start your own, who you thought of half the time when you were filming yourself getting off on camera for strangers, knew who you were and was one of your viewers. 

It brought you down a whole rabbit hole for a second, wondering if he got off on you getting off. Why else would he watch? Did he ever donate? You assumed he had a secondary account so you wouldn’t know it was him even if you tried to look at your past viewers, just like you had a secret account so you could watch him as well. 

Cracking your eyes open, you clicked to view the donation tallies for the evening. You’d made enough to pay the rent on your apartment for the month in just one night. Sometimes you wondered how you ever managed to survive before you started doing this. It was meant to be a temporary side job, but you’d been running this cam channel under the screen name Neko for over six months, and you had clawed your way out of debt in such a short time, it didn’t make sense for you to stop.

You viewed a few more visitor stats with interest, before logging off the computer and shutting the laptop. You had to get to sleep for your real job in the morning, so you figured it was time for bed, pushing thoughts of Chargebolt to the back of your mind for now.

It wasn’t until later when you were lying down to sleep, that you thought of him again. Your eyes closed as you ran through a scenario in your head, wondering if he would mention you on Thursday, and what would come of all this? You had noticed your viewer numbers had spiked that day, so it was definitely beneficial that you’d caught his eye. You just weren’t sure what would happen next.

--

Denki was grinning into the camera, wiping the cum off of his abs with the towel he kept beside him, his chest and cheeks flushed pink. He adjusted in his chair, tugging the toy out of his hole and chucking it to the side, pulling his boxers back up over his softening cock. “I hope it was as good for you as it was for me, babes.” 

He chuckled at the comments flooding the chat as he reached for his water and took a sip. 

Tapeman: As always, you never disappoint me, Chargebolt.

“Hey thanks, Tapeman! I appreciate you always coming to hang out...get it? Coming?”

Mindfucker: Ridiculous.

“Aw, you love me, Mindfucker.” He winked at the camera. “So, did you guys enjoy my Q&A the other day?”

The chat filled with praise, making him grin. He loved to talk to his fans, and sometimes they had some great questions for him. He knew a lot of people just watched him as a way to get off, but he liked to give a little piece of himself to them because he knew that most of the people who watched were probably lonely, and he wanted to help with that in some way. He kept things laid back, joking and laughing with his viewers before and after the show, taking requests and doing his best to remember some of the regulars. Some of the few who had been with him from the beginning he’d made into moderators to help with keeping things somewhat orderly in the chat. Some of them he actually knew in real life, like his roommate Hitoshi, who used the alias Mindfucker.

Mindfucker: So are we going to talk about Neko? Denki’s eyebrows rose. “Oh, you mean the stream the other day? It was…” He made the appropriate motion as he said it. “Chef’s kiss, immaculate. She’s so beautiful…” Trailing off, he let himself think back to the way your chest heaved and the face you made when you came. “I would do anything for her, man.”

RedDaddy: Dude, I agree! She’s also super sweet, like, the total package.

Sighing, he leaned his elbow on the desk, his cheek resting on his palm. “I am a simp, my guy.” He sat up, squinting at the chat. “She said she watches, right? Is she here right now?” He scanned the names of the viewers, frowning. “She probably has a second account. Well, if you’re here, Neko, you should hit me up. I read all of my DM’s okay?” He grinned, winking again. “Alright, I have to go feed the cats so I’m outie 5000, thanks for hanging out and I’ll see you guys next week!”

He said his goodbyes, ending the stream and sighing. He wiped off his toy with the towel and clicked through his stats for the day, smiling at some of the comments that came with the donations. Hitoshi came into his room a few minutes later, holding one of the cats, an orange tabby named Miso, in his arms. “I fed them, you don’t have to.”

Was it weird that his roommate watched him fuck himself on toys and jerk off on the internet on a weekly basis? Nope. Denki had forgone all sense of modesty when it came to sex a long time ago, and Hitoshi was the same. It helped that they fucked around on occasion, best friends who got lonely and lived together sometimes did that, he guessed. Or maybe they were weird. It was whatever, he didn’t like to think about it too much. 

“What would I do without you, Toshi?”

“Kill the cats, probably.” He deadpanned, leaning in the doorway. “Burn all the toast you try to make, buy the wrong peanut butter, eat Cheese-Itz for breakfast every day, forget to pay the cable bill.” He raised his eyebrows. “I can keep going.”

“Fuck off, I got the all-natural peanut butter once, it was an accident!” Denki threw his soiled towel into the laundry basket by the closet and picked up the toy he’d used, waving it around a bit. “Did you enjoy the stream?”

Hitoshi snorted, eyeing the dildo warily. “I didn’t really watch, I had my eye on the chat. I was looking for Neko.”

“Man, I can’t believe she’s a fan!” He waved the dildo some more, watching as it jiggled. “I would let her do unspeakable things to me.”

“Look out, your sub is showing, Denki.” Hitoshi teased. “But I agree, she’s pretty great. I wonder if she’ll ever do private shows.” Pausing to scritch Miso behind the ears, he continued. “I’m sure they’d be in high demand.”

Denki stood, pointing at Hitoshi with the dildo. He really needed to put it down somewhere and stop brandishing it around like a sword. “Don’t even, I’d spend all my money on that girl.” 

“I know you would.” He chuckled. “I did try to go through the usernames and see if I could find out who she could be, but I didn’t have any luck.”

“It’s okay! I’m leaving it up to fate now, man. If the universe wants us to know each other, we will.” He stuck his thumb towards the ensuite. “I’m going to wash my ass and then we can play Among Us if you want.”

Hitoshi, completely unphased as usual, nodded. “I’ll get a team together. Check the discord when you get out.”

Humming, Denki made his way to the bathroom, picking up his phone on the way. It buzzed as he closed the door, and he glanced down to see he had a message from his other moderator and friend, Eijirou, aka RedDaddy. Tossing the dildo in the sink, he looked down at the screen and opened the message.

Eiji: No luck on finding Neko on the stream, but she said she never misses a Thursday, so I bet she was there.

Denki: Thanks for keeping an eye out, man. I appreciate you. Among us in 30?

Eiji: Bet. I’ll ask Kats to play too.

--

Your next stream day had you feeling nervous. Chargebolt had talked directly at you on his last stream, asking you to slide into his DMs, and you had yet to take him up on it. You didn’t know what you were so scared of, Chargebolt was a nice guy. You chalked it up to the fear of the unknown. If you sent him a message, what would you even say? ‘Hey dude, nice cock?’ It was bound to be a disaster.

Pushing your nerves back down, you made sure you were ready for your stream, excited for the news you were about to drop on your viewers. You were needing a little extra cash due to some unfortunate car trouble, and you’d figured out a way to make up what you needed in record time.

“Hey everyone, welcome!” You smiled at the camera, waving your fingers. “Thanks for coming! I see a lot of familiar names here tonight. Hi Mindfucker, Dynamight, RedDaddy, Tapeman, LightningMcQueen!”

LightningMcQueen: Hey, beautiful! I’ve been looking forward to this all week.

Dynamight: Chill out, McQueen, you look desperate.

RedDaddy: Be nice, Dynamight. Hi, Neko!

Dynamight: Fuck off, Shittyhair.

Mindfucker: How’s your cat, Neko?

“Be good, Dynamight. You’re lucky I know you don’t mean that!” You giggled at the antics of your regulars, smiling at the question about your cat. “Ichigo is doing good, Mindfucker, thanks for asking! I’ll bring her on camera after the show if you want to say hi!”

Minfucker just sent a cat emoji and you laughed, shaking your head. “I’m beginning to think that you’re just here for Ichigo and not me.”

The chat went crazy with people denying it, telling you how much they loved watching you every week. You lit up, feeling more excited about your news.

“So I have something I want to discuss before we get started today. I’ve decided I want to try out doing some private shows, so I’m going to be offering up a few spots. I’m going to give some of my longest and most frequent supporters a shot first, and if all goes well, then I’ll open them up to the rest of you! I’ll be adding a signup link at the bottom of my page after tonight’s stream, so if you’re interested you can apply and I’ll pick a few of you and we’ll work out a schedule! How does that sound?”

Dynamight: McQueen already has his credit card ready I bet.

“Aw, you don’t want to play with me, Dynamight?” You teased, giving the camera your best pout.

Dynamight: You couldn’t handle me, Princess.

LightningMcQueen: Hush. You’re a bottom, Dyna.

Dynamight: Die you fucking extra.

LightningMcQueen: Love you too, blasty.

“I was going to let you pick the toy today, Dynamight, but if you can’t behave then I’m just going to have to let someone else have a turn.” You gave the camera a disapproving look, frowning. You’d picked up that these guys were friends, so you knew they were just messing with each other.

A donation popped up from Dynamight with a comment attached. 

Let McQueen choose this time, babe.

“It looks like Dynamight is going to let you choose, McQueen. Which one?” You pulled over the box you kept your toys in and showed it to the camera. “Pick a color.”

LightningMcQueen: Yellow

You pulled the yellow silicone out of the box and showed it to the chat, smirking. “I call this one Chargebolt because it’s the same color as his hair. Are you sure this is the one you want me to use?”

--

When your stream ended, Denki leaned back in his chair, taking a deep breath. The fact that he’d watched you fuck yourself with a dildo that you’d named after him was the hottest thing he could have imagined. He was jealous of that piece of bright yellow silicone more than he should be. He’d still enjoyed it, if the mess across his abs and chest were any indication. 

He cleaned himself up and pulled on a shirt, clicking on the link for the private show signup. It was pretty straightforward, listing the price and how long the show would be, and asking for his username and what he would be interested in doing or seeing and what day would work best.

Staring at the form for a moment, he contemplated his options. He could sign up with his LightningMcQueen account, and he might have a chance. He was the first one out of his friends to find your channel one night when he was bored and horny. Then he’d shown it to Hitoshi and then shared your info with Eijirou, Katsuki, and Hanta. He would be considered one of the longest and loyal viewers like you had said.

However, if you got a request from Chargebolt? What would you do? Would you ignore it? 

“Toshi!” He called out, knowing his roommate would hear him without him having to get up. “I’m having a crisis!”

The door opened, and the purple-haired man stood in the doorway. “I am not prepared to handle your bi panic right now, Denki.”

“Are you going to put in for a private show from Neko?” Denki pushed on, ignoring his friend’s exasperation. 

“I spoke that into existence last week, you know. You’re welcome.”

Flopping back in his chair, Denki closed his eyes. “Should I send in the request with this account or with the Chargebolt one?”

Hitoshi shrugged, watching their cat Sashimi wander into the room. “You’ve wanted to talk to her for ages, man. You could have messaged her forever ago and you wouldn’t be playing this game with her. Sign up with your actual account.”

“I mean, she must think I’m cute, right? Otherwise, she wouldn’t watch.” He sat up, logging out of his secondary account and into his main one. He had a few unread DM’s, so he clicked, his breath catching in his throat. “Dude, look.”

There was a message from you, short but sweet.

Hi, Chargebolt. I don’t know if you saw the stream today, but you should check it out if you haven’t. I left it up for you.”

“She wants you to see her use that dildo she named after you.” Hitoshi patted his shoulder, and then bent down to pick up Sashimi. “I signed up but I told her I just wanted to have a date with her cat. She probably won’t pick me.”

“She will, she loves cats.” Denki clicked on your page and scrolled down to the bottom where the signup was again, letting it populate his main account in the information, and writing ‘any day except Thursday’ in the section for the time that worked for him. “I’m going to get this girl to date me, just you watch.”

Snorting, his roommate closed the door behind him as he left. “I believe in you, Pikachu.”

Once his request was submitted, he went back to his DM’s and sent you a message back.

“I was there, Neko. I never miss a stream. I submitted for a private show, so I hope you’ll pick me. I’ve been one of your viewers since the beginning, you know.”

---

In your head, you tried to plan what you would say once you were face to face (via camera) with the one and only Chargebolt. Everything your brain seemed to come up with fell short. What did you say to this guy, who you’d been simping over for over 9 months, who lit up your screen every Thursday with terrible puns and panty-dropping smiles? You knew exactly what he looked like and sounded like when he came. It was a strange thing to think that you knew that but you’d never actually spoken to him before.

It made you feel a little better when you realized he knew just as much about you. That he watched you fuck yourself on a dildo you’d named after him, and then spent the rest of the stream showing off your fluffy white cat Ichigo. 

It was time to put on your big girl panties. You could do this. 

Chargebolt had been one of the few that you’d chosen to do these shows with. He was also the last one. You’d met with 4 others, the ones who were the most active in your chat, the ones you assumed were actually friends. 

Your first one was with Tapeman, who asked you to call him Sero. He was cute, with the widest, prettiest smile you’d ever seen. He made you laugh, and called you beautiful, and spoke to you in Spanish. You didn’t feel uncomfortable once with him, and the experience gave you hope that the rest would be just as nice.

Mindfucker was next, whose name was Shinsou and lowkey your favorite one. He didn’t want anything sexual at all, which surprised you. You sat with him and drank tea and you got to meet his two fur children, Miso and Sashimi, while he told you about his roommate. You let him admire Ichigo, and talked about music. He was sarcastic, but not in a mean way, and you were pretty sure he was going to be your new best friend.

RedDaddy and Dynamight had asked to do theirs together since they were dating. You wanted to question why they both watched your stream but RedDaddy, who was actually named Kirishima, answered it for you.

“We’re both bi, and we think you’re cute!”

“Yeah, plus McQueen has a thing for you so we like to be in the chat to help him out.” Dynamite, aka Bakugou, added in his gruff voice, folding his arms across his chest.

“Aw, that’s sweet!” You smiled at them. “He didn’t request a private show though, so I guess he doesn’t like me that much.”

Bakugou coughed and Kirishima grinned. “Maybe he was nervous! I’m sure you’ll meet him in one of these someday!”

“Enough about that dumbass.” Bakugou leaned forward, his hand on Kirishima’s knee. “Give us a show and we’ll give you one in return. Use that orange and green one for me, Princess.”

And give you a show they did. You got lost in how they looked at each other while they jerked each other off, and you were pretty sure they forgot you were even there at some point. When it was over, you suggested that they start their own channel.

Bakugou scoffed, but you could tell he was blushing a bit.

“I don’t know, Neko. I don’t think I could share him with anyone else. Except you, you’re the exception.” Kirishima grinned, winking at you.

But now it was Chargebolt’s turn. You made sure you had everything you needed, making sure Ichigo was out of the room, and then signed into your account. 

Chargebolt was online, so you made the private room and sent him the request. You felt like you were shaking, and you checked yourself in the camera to make sure you didn’t look like a wreck.

You barely had time to breathe before he entered the chat, his camera screen coming to life and showing you his smiling face. You melted a bit, biting your lip, gazing at how attractive he was. 

“Hey, Neko!” Chargebolt was as vibrant as ever, tucking his hair behind his ears, the black lightning bolt in his hair dark against the bright yellow of the rest of it.

“It’s nice to see you, Chargebolt.” You tried to relax, rolling your shoulders back. “It’s kind of weird knowing you can see me too.”

He laughed, leaning back in his chair. You tried not to stare at his arms in the tank top he was wearing. Chargebolt had a small frame, but his muscles were defined. You’d seen him plow through an entire bag of chips on stream once, without pausing to breathe, so you assumed he must be one of those people with amazing metabolism that you envied. “You can call me Denki if you want, kitten.”

You choked on air at the nickname, trying to compose yourself. “Kitten?”

“Well, Neko means cat, doesn’t it?” He raised an eyebrow. “I won’t call you that if you don’t like it.”

“No!” You practically shouted. “No, I mean, it’s fine. I like it.”

“Sweet.” He grinned. “Man, I’ve wanted to get you alone like this for so long, and now I’m just feeling really nervous.”

“You’re nervous?” You were surprised. The always cool but super dorky Chargebolt was nervous because of you? “So am I.”

Chargebolt- sorry, Denki, rested his elbow on the desk, propping his head in his hand. “Well, glad to know I’m not the only disaster here. I’ve been trying to get the courage to talk to you for months, and then finally Hitoshi got me to talk about you on stream a few weeks ago, and now here we are.”

“Who’s Hitoshi? One of your regulars?” Knowing that you weren’t the only one who was sweating bullets had you relaxing a bit. 

“Oh yeah, Mindfucker! You know him right? He did a thing with you the other day, didn’t he?”

Eyes wide, you stared at him. “Shinsou?”

“Yeah, that’s my best friend and my roommate. He said he showed you the cats.” He shrugged. “You picked all my friends for your private shows. Sero, Kiri, Bakugou, Shinsou.” He paused, smirking. “I forgot that you don’t know that I’m LightningMcQueen.”

“That’s you? I was wondering why they didn’t send me a request, but it all makes sense now.”

Denki shot you finger guns and winked. “Kachow!”

“Oh god, stop it.” You rolled your eyes.

He chuckled, grinning at you. “So, did Shinsou talk about me?”

You giggled, remembering back. “He told me a story about how his roommate mistook a fuzzball for a spider and spent the afternoon sitting on a table waiting for him to come home and kill it.”

“It looked like one of those freaky poisonous ones from where I was sitting. I was afraid to let it out of my sight in case it got away and then multiplied and killed me in my sleep or something.” He took a deep breath. “Spiders are terrifying.”

This man was amazing. “You are everything I always thought you’d be, you know that?”

“I’m going to take that as a compliment.” He sighed. “You have to have some kind of embarrassing story to tell me so I don’t feel like a fool. You’ve got to make it even.”

“One year my dad hired a clown to come to my birthday party. He walked in the front door and I jetted out the back door and hid in the garden until he left. Clowns are just as terrifying as spiders.”

Chargebolt laughed, and the sound made your stomach do a somersault. It was just as bright and happy as he was. “That is the cutest shit I’ve ever heard!”

“I’m glad my childhood trauma is amusing you.” You deadpanned, trying to keep the smile off your face.

“Aw, don’t be like that kitten! I’m glad we can bond over our irrational fears like this, you know?” He 

You shivered happily. “Okay, okay.” You cleared your throat. “So, you didn’t write anything down here for what you wanted out of our chat today.”

“Oh, okay, down to business then.” He sat up straight. “Well, I wanted to tell you myself instead of submitting it on the form.”

Intrigued, you raised an eyebrow. “Didn’t want to give me a chance to back out?”

Snorting, and shook his head. “Nah, I think you’ll like it, kitten.” He folded his hands behind his head. “I want you to tell me what to do. I’m at your mercy.”

Swallowing thickly, you blinked at him. That was...really hot. “You like being told what to do?”

“I would love nothing more for you to pull my hair and peg me within an inch of my life while calling me your little cock slut.” He stared at you with an eyebrow raised, looking pleased with himself when he saw your expression.

Your thighs clenched together involuntarily. “Fuck.”

“Yeah, right? I mean, I’m a switch, I’d do the same to you if you asked.  But we can save that for next time.” He smirked. “So, you down?”

Next time? This man was going to kill you. “Take off your shirt, Denki.”

“Fuck yes.” He groaned, reaching behind him and tugging the garment over his head. 

His chest and abs came into view, and you let your eyes linger on the barbells through his nipples. “Pants too.”

He pushed his chair away from his desk and shimmied out of his shorts, kicking them to the side. You gazed at him in his blue boxer briefs, eyes lingering on his thin waist, strong thighs, and the outline of his cock. He was a sight to behold, honestly.

You held the fangirling back, leaning forward to get a better look at him. “Do you have any toys, Denki?”

“Of course, Kitten.” He moved out of view for a moment, coming back with a box. 

“Let me see.” He tilted the box towards the camera, your eyes flitting over the different colors and shapes inside. “The pink one.” 

“Okay, hang on, let me-” He cut off, standing up and throwing the pink toy on the bed. He picked up the laptop and moved it, laying down beside it and angling the camera so you could see what he was doing.

“Did you stretch yourself, baby?” 

He made a noise that sounded like a whine in the back of his throat at the pet name, obviously pleased by it. “Yeah, of course I did.” He glanced at the screen. “You should, uh, take your shirt off too.”

“I thought you wanted me to tell you what to do, not the other way around.” Teasing him, you crossed your arms over your chest.

He pouted slightly. “I’ve been good so far though, right?”

“All you’ve done is take off two items of clothing and move to the bed. You’re gonna have to work harder than that!”

Huffing, he lifted his ass off the bed and tugged his underwear down his legs, kicking them off, his hand already moving to wrap around his already hard cock.

“Did I say you could touch yourself, Denki?” It was getting hard to keep up the stern act you were putting on, but you knew it was what he wanted. You wanted to watch him touch himself, watch the way his eyes fluttered closed when his thumb brushed over the leaking head of his cock, and the way he would bite his lip when he moved his wrist a certain way.

You could be patient though, so you continued.

“If I was there right now, what would you want me to do first?”

He stilled, blinking at you a few times. “I would want your mouth first, I think.”

Humming, you sat back, pulling your shirt over your head, letting him admire the lacey purple bra covering your chest. “You’d want my mouth on your cock? Trace my tongue along that vein along the underside and suck on the head a little?”

Denki groaned, closing his eyes, his grip visibly tightening around his shaft. He looked like he was trying not to get worked up too fast. You were amazed at how your words were affecting him, so you pressed on.

“I’d take you all the way down until I was choking on it, and I’d let you hold onto my hair and fuck my face. God, you don’t know how many times I've dreamed about doing that for you. What would you say to that?”

The blush spreading down his neck and chest made him look so pretty. “Ugh, fuck kitten, you’re killing me.” He swallowed hard, opening his eyes to look at you again. “I’d tell you how good you made me feel, but I wouldn’t let you finish me off that way.”

“Oh no? Tell me what else you’d do.” You took the opportunity to move to the bed yourself, pulling off your leggings and panties all at once. 

Eyes glued to you while you unclipped your bra and threw it across the room, he continued. “Fuck, um, I would...god, you’re beautiful.”

Flushing at the compliment, you looked down shyly, breaking character. “I’ve heard you say that before and I still don’t believe it.”

Denki scoffed. “If you need a daily reminder, I’d be happy to be the one to tell you, kitten.” You could hear the sincerity in his voice, and it made your heart do a little flip. “I might seem like a dumbass but I’m using this camboy money to pay off my student loans for my masters in English lit so I can quote you entire sonnets from Shakespeare without hesitation if that will help you believe me.”

Your eyebrows shot up, impressed. Realizing you’d ruined the moment, you sighed, covering your eyes with your hand. “I’m sorry, I’m crap at this. I really just want to watch you cum.”

Chuckling, you heard him shifting on the bed. “Okay, how about this? Forget the toys. Just close your eyes and listen to me.”

“Okay.”

“If you were here with me right now, just like that, I’d spend so much time exploring every inch of you with my tongue. I’d start with your lips, your jaw, your neck. Collarbones, shoulders, your chest, those cute nipples-”

“How are nipples cute?” You interrupted with a snort.

You could hear him trying not to laugh, his voice pitched a bit higher. “Shh, don’t ruin it.”

“I think you just did when you said ‘cute nipples’.” You’d never had this much fun with someone in a situation like this. “If I had a dick, my boner would have just died.”

Denki wheezed, and you opened your eyes to look over at him. He was gazing back at you, his eyes bright as he laughed into his palm. “God, I like you so much, kitten.”

Your grin softened, your heart pounding at his words. “Me too, Denki.” 

[hellas-himself]

Where There Are Shadows Pt 21

Writing has been difficult for me lately. Not so much this but with my personal endeavors. I’ve also become highly addicted to Dragon Age lol

But writing this helps me clear my head so I can get shit done. Idk 

I can’t believe it’s Thursday already. 

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-Feyre-

 Lucien pressed a kiss to the inner part of my thigh before he came to lay down beside me. I turned to face him, bringing a hand out to touch his face. I was still trying to catch my breath and he smiled.

“I was supposed to be cheering you up,” I said softly.

He chuckled. “At your side, or between your legs, rather- I am as happy as I can be.”

I playfully pushed him by the shoulder and he laughed, pulling me close to him.

“Luce, really. How can I be there for you?”

He kissed my nose. “I haven’t the slightest idea.”

“When Rhys comes home, we’ll have more answers.”

We remained silent, holding one another. Rhys had left early in the morning with Azriel, the beginnings of finding out if what that bastard had said was true. My mate was quiet down the bond, he’d wished us good morning. He’d complained about the state of his clothes. But nothing more.

“I think that I’m afraid of the answers.”

“Whatever they are, Luce, we’ll face it together.”

“Indeed we will.”

Lucien and I sat up quickly, finding Rhys at the door. He must have winnowed in but I didn’t care. I scrambled out of bed and ran to him.

“I should leave you two alone more often if this is how I’ll find you.”

“Prick.”

His arms were around me and I sighed. Then I was laughing when a very naked Lucien stood behind me to join us in our embrace.

“Join me for a bath?” Rhys asked and neither of us refused.

“Where did you go?” I asked, scrubbing Rhysand’s back as he washed Lucien’s hair.

“Illyrian camps. Cas and I had things to discuss.”

“Is everything alright?”

“It will be.”

I sighed. “And?”

He chuckled, rinsing Lucien’s hair with a cup. He enjoyed going through the motions, especially when we three were here together.

“Viviane says hello.”

“You went to Winter?”

“Az and I can’t go about spying on anyone without giving Kallias good reason for us being at the border. Well… we could, but I want him to trust me.”

“Rhys… are you sure there’s nothing I can’t do?” Lucien asked, turning around. “I know the land, I know the monstrosity of where I once lived.”

Rhys kissed him. “Soon. For now, know that Kallias and Viviane have granted us entry to their Court so as long as one of us is with them.”

“What does that mean?” I asked, taking the cup from Rhys and rinsing his back.

“It means that while Az and I are off doing whatever it is we will be doing, someone from our Court will be present before Kallias, all in good faith.”

“So, like Summer but without all the lies.”

Rhys chuckled. “Exactly.”

“Amren still has our blood rubies,” I said as Rhys turned around and pulled me so that I was now between them both. I laughed as Rhys grabbed the sponge and Lucien undid my hair.

“I can clean myself, you know.”

“Yes, but it is far more enjoyable when we do it.”

I left them both sleeping. I slipped into a pair of trousers, and over my camisole, I wore one of Lucien’s shirts unbuttoned and the sleeves rolled up. My hair had dried a mess thanks to those two, so I tied it up the way I did when I went to paint. I went into the kitchen and grabbed the small tin of cookies and quietly went to the living room and laid out on the sofa.

Half the tin and one chapter of a book later, a soft knock came at the door. I waited for it again before I set everything aside and went to answer it. My heart dropped a bit at the sight of Elain standing outside, fumbling with the little blue shawl over her blush pink dress. She looked at me sheepishly, and I realized we were both blushing.

“Let me find my shoes.”

I locked the door behind me after I’d found my boots, Elain waiting patiently the entire time. I hadn’t bothered to throw more perfume on, I knew Elain was aware of us being together. And to her credit, she made no comment about it the way Mor or Amren would.

“I didn’t know you knew where we were. Location wise, I mean,” I said.

“I asked Azriel.”

“Oh.”

We started to walk, away from the apartment and without a particular destination in mind. Only that we kept a good distance from others.

“Feyre, I wanted to speak to you. Alone. I know that there are things I have to discuss with Lucien. And I will. I promise. But… you’re my sister.”

I think we both avoided looking at one another.

“Alright,” I said, wondering if this was why Rhys always shoved his hands in his pockets. Because my stupid trousers had none, and I really wished they did.

“I am sorry, Feyre. I failed you as a sister, and please don’t look deny it- You have always been far too kind to me. Everyone is. I was no better than Nesta. It changes nothing… But I want to fix it.”

I sighed. “Elain… There isn’t anything to fix. I was just angry.”

The look on her face told me she didn’t believe me.

“I won’t make this about me. Or my… Well, this.” She motioned to herself, and then her ear. Being Made. “But I hope you’ll understand… I didn’t know. That I had to do anything.”

“You didn’t know that you had to be the one to break it.”

I’d stopped walking. We finally looked at on another. She was blushing.

“Letting go of Graysen… I couldn’t find it in me to care about anything else. Even if it was wrong of me to do so.”

“I’m sorry, Elain. For the things I said…” She looked at me in surprise. “And I am sorry that I assumed you’d understand everything about… this.” I motioned towards the city. A life amongst the Fae. “I’m still learning.”

She giggled. “Are you?”

“Gods, there are rules and customs that I’ve yet to even discover. And to think we live in the most relaxed court in all of Prythian.”

“Goodness.” Elain adjusted her shawl. It was new, I realized.

“You wear a lot of blue these days,” I said as we began to walk again.

“It’s a lovely color. Especially for spring.”

I rolled my eyes, but I smiled. “I’ll remember that for Starfall.”

“Starfall?”

I looped my arm in hers, telling her all about the celebration.

“I think Rhys made adjustments to every dress,” I whispered as we came to a little bakery. We ordered hot chocolate and sat down to wait for our desserts.

“It amazes me that these men -males- are so… contrary to how they appear.”

I laughed. “Illyrian babies.”

“Azriel has such a way with gardening. And I know, you know, about what he does. When he isn’t home.” Her cheeks were red.

Home. I gave her a smile. Azriel found many reasons to sleep at the townhouse, especially now that Rhys and I weren’t there. He still shared the room with Cas… but I knew he preferred that than to going to his own home and staying up worried about her.

“We should get together with Mor and find you a proper Starfall gown.”

She chewed on her lower lip and I already knew what she was going to ask.

“Do you think… Would she come?”

Nesta. One mountain at a time, I reminded myself.

“I don’t know… But it wouldn’t hurt to invite her. Either way, if she goes outside that night, she’ll be looking at the same sky as us.”

Elain raised a brow. I hadn’t told her the whole truth of Starfall, I wanted her to have that surprise. And I knew that she would share that with Azriel, just as I had with Rhys.

“I suppose…”

“We can send it with a courier.”

“I like that idea.” Elain took a long sip of her hot chocolate. Nesta had pushed Elain so far away that she feared going to visit her.

“They won’t wear their leathers that night,” I blurted out and Elain nearly spit out her drink. “I mean, they’re dressed. Just not for a fight. They’re dressed like… Well, you’ll see.”

She laughed, trying to calm herself when our tray of mini cakes and cookies was set on the table.

“Oh Feyre, you’ve set the worst image in my mind. I might not be able to look at Azriel with a straight face ever again!”

“Elain! Have you-”

“No!” Her face went red. “No. But… they have no shame. Even your mate. Walking the house in nothing but a towel… The impropriety of it all.”

She looked scandalized but I had the feeling she enjoyed the sight far more than she would admit. I couldn’t blame her.

I walked her back to the townhouse, just in time to see Azriel walking down the steps. I snorted and Elain brought a hand to her mouth.

“Hello,” he said and we both started laughing. The poor thing blushed and I threw an arm around Elain, holding her against me and kissed her cheek.

“I’ll see you at dinner,” I said to her and then looked at Azriel. I gave him a smile which only seemed to deepen his blush. Elain returned the kiss and then hurried up the steps.

“You weren’t going anywhere, were you?” She asked, taking him by the hand.

“Not at all,” he replied and let her guide him back inside.

I found Rhys and Lucien having lunch when I got back. Rhys’ curls were a mess and Lucien’s long hair was in dire need of a good combing.

“Had fun while I was away?” I teased, making my way to Lucien whose back was to me. I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed his cheek.

“We just woke up,” Rhys said with a yawn.

I mussed up his hair before I kissed him and then took my seat between them. I noticed that they’d both tried to pretend they hadn’t scented Elain on me but I pretended not to notice.

“I had a very surprising visitor this morning,” I said as I reached for the lovely pitcher of iced tea that the twins had made thanks to Varian’s little recipe he’d given us on his last visit. Both males remained silent, suddenly their meals were very appetizing.

“Elain and I… we apologized to one another.”

“How lovely, darling,” Rhys said, patting my hand before returning to his plate.

“There are things that I think are better left for her to tell you,” I said to Lucien. “But I think that it’s going to turn out better than expected.”

His sigh of relief broke my heart.

“However,” I turned my attention to Rhys. “You and your brothers need a lesson on modesty.”

“Whatever for?” He was completely taken aback.

“There is a very big problem if Elain can you three naked.”

Lucien choked and Rhys howled, and I feared he’d fall back in his chair. But then I was laughing, too.

“I told her about Starfall. And mentioned you wouldn’t be wearing your leathers.”

Lucien snorted. “No wonder.”

“It came out wrong!”

“You’ve walked around the house naked,” Rhys said to me.

“When no one’s home but us.”

“And that time you had breakfast in a towel.”

“Elain is my sister.”

“Az and Cassian were there, too,” Rhys countered. Lucien nearly dropped his fork.

I blushed. “I was famished.”

“What is Starfall?” Lucien asked, as curious as he was eager to discontinue this discussion.

Rhysand’s eyes lit up and I had the good sense to watch quietly as my mate began to describe his idea of how we three would dress that night.

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@readingismycopingmechanism @fuzdog @gently-say-aha @highladyofherondale @alxanxah  @city-of-fae

If you would like to be tagged, let me know!!!

PS: I was a fool and didn’t jot down who asked so if I missed you/tagged you when I shouldn’t have, I am sorry. 

[reprisedpiece]

Theatre Nerd

Pairing: Connor Murphy x Broadway!Reader

Warning: curse words (as usual) 

Request: “do a broadwaystar!reader where Connor have a celeb crush on her and somehow they’re dating”

Word Count: 2074

Note: idrk where the plot of deh is set?? i dont think it was ever mentioned but idk. just pretend deh was set in new york. i dont really know but hey i love theatre nerd connor let’s focus on that 

MASTERLIST

If people had to give three words to associate Connor Murphy with, it would be the following – weird, freak, weed. That was how people saw Connor. He has always been confined within the bounds of those three words ever since high school started.

But what they didn’t know about Connor Murphy, the world-class freak from who allegedly threw a printer at a teacher, was a huge theatre fan.

Everyone saw him in the same outfit. It was always the same thing. Black jacket, black jeans, black combat boots, and black earphones. 

Teachers and students always assumed that he was listening to metal songs. Some students even thought that he was listening to all sorts of Satanic songs. All because that’s how they stereotyped him.

Well, they were all wrong. In reality, Connor was simply listening to different Broadway recordings. Sure, he listened to other kinds of songs but Broadway recordings have always been his favorite.

No one would expect a boy like him to listen to such genre, let alone smoke weed to Sante Fe from Newsies when he felt sad.

What’s even more shocking was that he was dating you, a renowned Broadway star since birth.

Actually, he wasn’t even sure if he should classify what the two of you had as “dating”. He didn’t know if you see him the same way he sees you, which is full of adoration. All he knew for sure was that he had a massive crush on you.

Sure, you’ve shared a kiss or two. You also have kissed him on the cheek whenever he was feeling too enraged with his father. But the two of you haven’t explicitly told each other how you felt for one another.

Despite not knowing the label for your relationship, you were definitely very close friends. 

The two of you met when you were still part of the ensemble for Hamilton. You were standing on the side during a Ham4Ham show when someone bumped your shoulder.

“Fuck, sorry. Some asshole is forcing his way in front and it’s annoying.” He apologized, mumbling the last part to himself.

You smiled. “No worries,” You looked at the tall boy beside you. You giggled at the sight of a tall boy with black-painted nails and a leather jacket standing amidst a crowd. “So, are you watching the show?”

“My sister is. Her annoying friends invited her.” He responded, taking sneaky glances at your direction.

You didn’t think he knew you but you were wrong. Connor had admired you since before your chance encounter. Of course, you didn’t know that. If he was forced to name a famous or celebrity crush, he’d say your name in a heartbeat.

“Oh, I see. You should come see it. It’s pretty amazing.”

He cracked a small grin. “I’m sure it is.”

It started there. It was no denying that the two of you are incredibly close.

And by close, that included a Connor Murphy lying down on your bed.

Despite knowing each other for a year now, you didn’t know much about him. He knew all kinds of stories about you but he still remained to be a very closed person. You didn’t want to pry too much as you didn’t want him to be upset.

So here you were. You still remained clueless on his love for you for Broadway.

That all ended today.

He was softly singing “Four Jews in a Room Bitching” from Falsettos. You were in the bathroom, taking a shower and oblivious to what was happening in your room.

Connor has been listening to the album for a week now. He enjoyed the kind of humor that was observed in the musical.

He was staring at the glow-in-the-dark stars that you stuck up your ceiling from before as he continued.

“Bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, all the time.” He sang, his fingers tapping on his beat to the rhythm of the song. 

“Oooh, whadda they do for love?” You suddenly singing back. Connor immediately shut his mouth, snapping his head towards your direction. 

 You got out of the shower, still drying your hair with a towel. He stared at you with awe as he saw you walk out with your baggy “Annie” merchandise shirt and some shorts. He still couldn’t believe he got to meet someone like you, a person whose personality didn’t exactly match his own.

“I didn’t know you knew Falsettos,” You giggled, plopping down beside him. “Are you a closeted musical nerd?” 

 Connor grew defensive. “Fuck, no. Why would I?” He scoffed, standing up and leaving you alone on your bed.

“Uhm, you’re in a room of a Broadway performer?” You pointed out, laughing quietly.

He glared at you. “Tell me, please.” You begged, pouting your lips a bit for the puppy-dog eye effect. That made Connor’s knees weak.

“Okay, maybe I am.” He sat back down in defeat. “But don’t you fucking dare tell Zoe. She’s never going to let that shit down.” He grumbled.

“I would never!” You acted with fake shock, pushing your own hand against your chest. “I say we put your musical knowledge to the test.”

He groaned. “C'mon! Just to really know how big of a nerd you are.” You say, punching his shoulder lightly.

He began leaning back, attempting to lie back down on the bed. He was expecting to feel the soft bedsheets but instead, his head hit the edge of your knee. He mumbled an apology, trying to scoot down. Instead, you got a hold of his head and softly pulled him towards you so he can prop his head on your lap.

Connor scooted up to do just that, blushing a bit. “Fine. But you owe me.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever you want.” You said quickly. “I’ll sing a song and you can sing the next part!”

“What the fuck, no. This is not ‘American Idol’ and you’re not Ryan Seacrest. You didn’t say anything about singing,” He tried getting up before pushing him back onto your lap. 

“Jeez, fine. Just give me the title then.” 

“Argh, okay. Let’s get this over with.” You said, running your fingers through his locks.

“Let’s start with easy ones.” He simply hummed in response. 

“Whenever I see someone less fortunate than I, and let’s face it, who isn’t? Less fortunate than I. My tender heart tends to start to bleed. And when someone needs-” 

Connor mumbled a response. 

“What was that?” You asked, leaning the side of your head towards him so you can hear him. It took a lot for Connor to not kiss your cheek right then and there.

“It’s Popular from Wicked, right?” He said, letting his lips ghost over your cheek. You only hoped for him to kiss you there.

“Ding, ding ding! Okay, how about this?“ You sat up straight. ”One day more. Another day, another destiny.” You sang, channeling your inner Valjean. 

His eyebrows furrowed. “You literally just said the title, Y/N. It’s One Day More. Damn, that was easy.” You let one of your hands move to his face, pinching his nose. 

“Ouch!” He exclaimed, removing your hand from his face. 

“Alright, I’ll make it harder.” 

Still holding your hand, he couldn’t help but press a kiss onto your knuckles. “Sure, whatever.” You let a grin spread on your face. 

“Pop, Six, Squish, Uh-Uh, Cicero, Lipschitz! He had it coming, he had it coming, he only had himself to bl-” You sang, each word rolling off your tongue with ease.

“It’s the Cell Block Tango.” Your eyes widened because you didn’t expect him to know such song. 

When he saw your stare, he let go of your hand and his eyes widened. “I mean, I think so? That’s just a guess.” 

“Mhmm, sure.” You hummed, braiding Connor’s hair.

He started chipping off some of the black polish on his nails. “Are we done?”

“Definitely not! Next song.“ You looked up, trying to think of another song.

"I got it! You gotta buy her rose, compliment her on her clothes. Say you appreciate that she’s smart. Nah man, you tell her that she excites you sexually. And that’s the way you get to her heart.”

 “Voices in My Head?” He slowly crept his hand towards his hair, nudging it against one of your own.

You interlocked your fingers together. “You are impressing me, Connor. Okay, how about this? Meet me halfway. A touch and go of don’t know what to say, do we talk? Don’t expect too much, just walk.”

“Obviously it’s the one from Dogfight? First Date slash Last Night. Everyone knows that.” He answers. 

“Actually, not everyone knows that.”

“Really? I though they did. It’s a wonderful song.” He mumbled to himself.

“Last one. Have no fear! You know we got your back from way back.” You sang loudly as that was probably one of your favorite songs. 

 You were surprised to hear Connor unconsciously sing the next part. “Brooklyn’s here! We’ll get your pay back and some payback.”

It was quiet but you definitely heard it.

Your jaw dropped. “Oh my god, I’m dating a theatre nerd.” You confirmed.

Connor suddenly sat up. “Dating?” Your eyes widened. 

“I mean, I kind of thought we were. If we aren’t, that’s totally okay. I just-” You started rambling, waving your hands around in front of you as you tried to take back what you said.

"Shut up,” He spoke, making you silence yourself. “You’re starting to act like Evan for fuck’s sake.”

You tilted your head in confusion. “Evan who?”

“Doesn’t matter.” He squeezed your hand. “I like the idea of us dating. I’ve already liked you for a long ass time.” He mumbled the last part to himself. 

“You did?” You exclaimed a bit too excitedly as you caught what he said. “Since when?”

He blushed. “From one of your performances.”

“Which one?”

He groaned. “Do I really have to tell y-”

“Was it from Spring Awakening?” You cut him off.

“No.”

“What is when I was an ensemble for Hamilton?”

“Not exactly.”

You sighed in defeat. “Well, where then? Because those are the musicals I know you have watched, the ones where Cynthia dragged you to.“

You leaned against Connor’s shoulder, feeling him tense up at first before relaxing. "Unless, you know, you’ve watched Annie and never told me. ” You continued, pointing at your shirt. 

You were expecting a snarky remark from Connor but he just stayed silent.

You felt your mouth curl into a smile. “You did not.”

"Shut up.”

“From there?” You giggled.

“Shut the fuck up, Y/N.”

“You really liked me since I played Annie?”  You spoke, chucking as you do.

He turned his body away from you. “I’m sorry if a little kid like me watched and actually liked the show.’ He spoke loudly, taking your laughter the wrong way. “I’ll go, okay. Fuck, I have to pick up Zoe anyways-”

“Connor, relax! I find it sweet,” You grabbed his shoulder before he stood up, facing him towards you. “I just couldn’t believe you waited for so long.” 

He held your hand once more. “I couldn’t believe you would date a freak like me. Have you even heard what people say about me in school?”

You shrugged. “Doesn’t matter. I don’t give a damn about that. I care about this,” You said with a gentle voice, looking at your intertwined hands.

“I care about you.”

Looking down on his feet, he spoke. “You wouldn’t leave me for some handsome broadway guy? Someone less messed up?”

“Of course, not. I would never pass up the chance to be with the one and only Connor Murphy!” You answer, kissing the corner of his mouth.

He bit his lower lip yet a smile still managed to form on his face. “You’re cheesy as hell.”

“I am. But hey, let’s talk about how you sang that line from Newsies.“ You started.

“No.”

You stared at him, wiggling your eyebrows. “You’re a big fan, aren’t you?”

He scoffed. “No.”

“No, my ass. I bet Tommy Bracco is your goddamn idol.”

He stared at you. “Don’t get me started.”

[subjisoo]

Check In chapter 10

Words: 2.3k

Genre: ??? idk drama? angst? not sure yet lol

Synopsis: Seungcheol and his best friend Wonwoo have been running a small drug dealing business for the past two years, along with Wonwoo’s boyfriend Mingyu on the books and new recruit Hansol to manage the second hand shop they use as a cover story.

This Chapter: everyone hates Mikyung and Mingyu gets in touch with his cousin

Warnings: abelism, drugs

Author’s Note: based on the MV for Check In which I edited into a kind of trailer for this fic and u can watch it here.

Check In: chapter one / two / three / four / five / six / seven / eight / nine / read on ao3

Mingyu held his breath as soon as he woke up. He knew in his brain that Wonwoo wouldn’t be there, but that didn’t stop his heart from dropping when he found the bed cold. He turned over onto his back, duvet draped low on his hips and looked up at the ceiling.

“I just got him,” he said to the peeling paint.

After letting out a long sigh, he picked up on voices that were coming from the kitchen. He made to get out of bed and immediately grimaced at the sheen of sweat on his body and how it made the sheets stick to him. His night terrors were back.

He cursed Mikyung under his breath as he swung his legs over the side of the bed. There was an outline of his body in sweat on the bed and he grimaced again, standing and stripping the bed. Grabbing his dressing gown from a hook on the back of the door, he wrapped it around himself and stepped out into the hallway and over to the linen cupboard. He pulled out a new towel and slipped into the bathroom before Mikyung could catch sight of him.

Once the water was scalding hot, he got in and scrubbed his skin almost raw. When his skin was too sensitive to bear the water, he stepped out of the shower and patted himself dry, wincing around the areas he had focused on more. Back in his room, he threw on a pair of jeans and a shirt, trying to soothe his skin where patches of it were still red.

When he went out to the kitchen, Wonwoo and Mikyung were standing side by side in front of the stove.

“Morning,” he said as he walked to the fridge and stifled a yawn.

“Afternoon,” Wonwoo corrected him and Mikyung tutted.

“What’s the time?” Mingyu took the bottle of orange juice from the shelf.

“Half past one.”

Mingyu’s eyebrows shot up his forehead and he had to think around the curse word he wanted to blurt out. “Oops.” He grimaced. “Did I miss anything?”

Mikyung put some chopped up onions in the frying pan in front of Wonwoo, who poured some oil over them and started stirring them around.

“Not really. Do you remember waking up last night?” Wonwoo didn’t look up from the pan.

Mingyu shut his eyes and walked to sit at a stool, taking a glass of orange juice with him. He opened his eyes again when he was seated. “Nope.”

“You woke up last night.”

“No kidding.”

“You were crying too.”

Mingyu took a sip of his orange juice in place of a reply.

Mikyung spared Mingyu a look over her shoulder, her face surprisingly soft. “Are you hungry?”

“Uh, yeah. What are you making do you need any help?”

She smiled at him - a smile that was entirely Wonwoo’s - and shook her head. “We are making curry. You are sitting right there and leaving us to it.”

Mingyu narrowed his eyes at her back as she turned back to help Wonwoo with the rest of the curry. By the time they had finished, Mingyu’s stomach was rumbling.

“Should we sit on the deck?” Mikyung said, looking out at the balcony.

“Okay. Could you please get the plates, Eomma?”

Mikyung opened a few cupboards and Mingyu pointed to the one with the plates. “Thank you.”

“No problem.” He stood and looked down at his empty glass. “Do you want anything to drink.”

Wonwoo, holding the frying pan full of curry in one hand and a bowl full of rice in the other, started to say “orange juice”, but Mikyung spoke over him.

“Water for us thank you.”

She went out to the balcony with the plates and cutlery. Mingyu gave Wonwoo a look that said “do you want orange juice” and Wonwoo returned it with one that said “she said water so I’m having water”. Mingyu got three glasses and filled a jug from the tap.

They started their meal more or less in silence, Mikyung at one point wiping the corner of Wonwoo’s mouth with her thumb. Wonwoo was the first to finish his food, leaning back in his chair and absent mindedly turning his fork over and over on his plate.

Mingyu had long grown used to the sound of Wonwoo’s fork against the plate; so much so that it barely registered. What took him by surprise was Mikyung’s hand shooting out and slamming the fork flat on the plate, Wonwoo’s hand pinned down. The action made such a sound that Mingyu leapt out of his seat.

Mikyung paid Mingyu no mind as she wrenched the fork from under Wonwoo’s hand and placed it by her own plate.

“Don’t be annoying.”

Mingyu, still standing, clenched his jaw. Wonwoo looked up at him and nodded towards his chair. After a second’s hesitation, Mingyu sat down again. He could feel his blood boiling in his veins.

Not wanting to be rude and further anger the beast, Mingyu quickly and politely finished his food, leaving Mikyung as the only one still eating.

“So how did the two of you meet?”

Mingyu was brought out of a stupor. “Sorry?”

“How did you meet Wonwoo?”

Mingyu looked to Wonwoo for help, but he was staring at his fork by his mother’s plate. Mingyu decided to tell the truth.

“We had mutual friends,” truth “and we all ended up going to a movie together” it was a blind date “Wonwoo and I got along well” they had sex in Mingyu’s dorm room “so we started hanging out” they had sex in Mingyu’s dorm room “and here we are.”

Mikyung nodded, swallowing and clearing her throat delicately. “What about Seungcheol?”

“Ah, I met him through Wonwoo.” He walked in on them having sex in Wonwoo’s dorm room.

Mingyu made eye contact with Wonwoo, whose mouth twitched in a trace of a smile. Their stories matched up.

As Mikyung made plans with Wonwoo to go to a museum together that afternoon, Mingyu cleared the table for them. He washed the dishes and put the leftover curry in a plastic container in the fridge, thinking it would be good for someone’s dinner.

As he dried his hands on a tea towel he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket and pulled it out to see he had a few texts piled up. He checked the texts from Hansol first.

[Received: Hansol, 9:51am] ya bois gonna be late to the shop today

[Received: Hansol, 9:52am] The Shop*

[Received: Hansol, 9:52am] Cheol says hi btw

He pulled up the keyboard to reply as Wonwoo and Mikyung walked through the living room into the hall way.

“We’re off to explore,” Mikyung explained.

Mingyu bit his tongue before he accidentally outed himself. “Okay, have fun.”

He stood watching the door for a few minutes after it closed, then turned back to his phone.

[Received: Sejoon, 2:43pm] Free now.

Mingyu didn’t like being alone so he got his wallet out of his room and descended the stairs to The Shop.

Hansol and Seungcheol were giggling and whispering behind the counter, Seungcheol practically sitting in Hansol’s lap. Seungcheol put his feet on the ground and stood up straight when he saw Mingyu.

“You look like hell, what happened?”

Hansol kept his hands on Seungcheol’s hips as he turned around to look at Mingyu over his shoulder. “Jesus, are you alright?”

Mingyu frowned at them. “Fuck you guys, I have night terrors.”

He tried not to notice the softening of their faces as he stamped around the counter to the door to the back room. With a hand on the handle, he turned to look at them. Both of them seemed concerned. His shoulders slumped.

“I’m fine, thanks for your concern. I gotta make a call.”

He tried not to slam the door behind him and fell into the chair closest to him. He reluctantly pulled his phone out of his pocket and pressed the call option on Sejoon’s contact.

“Mingyu! How are you?”

Mingyu couldn’t help smiling at how happy his cousin sounded to be talking to him. “I’m doing alright, thanks. What about you?”

“Never been better. It’s been too long, what’s new?”

Mingyu let out a long sigh. “I don’t wanna take up too much of your time.”

“You could never. Plus I’ve got Kyungmin handling shit for the rest of the day so you don’t have to worry.”

He found himself unloading everything on Sejoon. He didn’t realise how much he was holding back until he let it all out; everything with Wonwoo and with Mikyung, the fact that his night terrors were back. Towards the end he felt himself tearing up and willed it away.

“Shit it feels good to get all of this off my chest. I mean I’ve got the others, but they’re too involved, you know?”

He could almost hear Sejoon’s understanding nod. “I get you. Any time you need me I’ll be there, you know that right?”

“Yeah, I know. Thanks.”

“No problem. Now what were you actually calling for?”

Mingyu had almost forgotten that he was calling him about the business and not just for a catch up. “Do you know of any drug dealers in my city?”

“You’re not getting into drugs, are you? Because you know it fucks you up.”

Mingyu laughed. “You run one of the biggest cartels in the country, how can you tell me not to do drugs?” “Never do your own shit, you heard that before?” Mingyu hummed the positive. “I go above and beyond; don’t do anyone’s shit.”

“Fair enough. I’m not doing drugs.”

“Good. Why do you need to know?”

“I may or may not be helping my boyfriend deal drugs.”

There was a pause. “I can’t tell if that’s better or worse.”

“I just run the books and shit, you know, because of what I learned from you.”

Sejoon sighed. “I knew it was a bad idea letting you in the meeting room. What kind of scale are you operating on?”

“Really small, we have like a hundred people on our list and all of them are uni kids. Plus it’s only weed.”

“You have a list for a hundred people?”

Mingyu’s face heated up. “We didn’t want it to get out of control.”

“Okay yeah, smart move. Wait, what was the question?”

“Are there any other drug dealers in my city?”

“Ah, right. Maybe a couple smaller ones but as far as I know most of the deals are overseen by some couple. The Lees, I think.”

Mingyu stood from his chair and moved back to the door. “One second I just gotta check that.” He held the phone speaker to his shoulder and opened the door, groaning when he caught Hansol and Seungcheol making out on the counter stool. “Guys, keep it professional for god’s sake.”

Hansol looked away, his neck going red as Seungcheol stood beside him and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

“Everything okay?” Seungcheol wouldn’t meet his eyes.

“Would be better if you weren’t in each other’s pants during work hours. Holly?”

Hansol spun in his chair so fast he almost fell off it, grabbing onto Seungcheol to keep his balance. “Yeah?” his voice was choked.

“What was the name of the lady that came in here?”

“Lee Minji.”

“Cool thanks. You better not be fucking next time I come out here.” He shut the door behind him and sat back down again, putting the phone back to his ear. “Is one of the Lees called Minji?”

He heard Sejoon hit a table. “Yeah! Lee Minji, I forget her husband’s name.”

“Well I know for a fact that Minji turned up to our Shop and was looking around.”

“Shop?”

“We sell it out of the back room of a second hand store.”

Sejoon let out a low whistle. “Smart. What was she doing there?”

“I wasn’t there so I don’t know exact details.”

“Get me the kid who was there.” He thought for a second. “I assume it was a kid?”

“Two years younger.”

“Shit. Get him on.”

Mingyu opened the door without looking outside. “Put up the sign, I need you guys in here.”

He left the door open for them and sat back down, putting his phone on speaker in the middle of the table.

“Sejoon, this is Seungcheol and Hansol. Guys, this is my cousin Sejoon.”

Seungcheol plopped himself haphazardly in a chair. “Drug dealer cousin?”

“The very same,” Mingyu sighed.

“So who met Minji?” Sejoon asked.

“I did,” Hansol said, watching Mingyu anxiously.

“What did she say to you?”

“She just asked to buy some,” he paused for a second, “marijuana and then I said she wasn’t on the list and she kinda laughed at me and then left.”

“Was she alone?”

“No uh, there was a guy with a goatee with her.”

“That’s the husband.” Sejoon let out a long, deep sigh. “I’ll ask some questions but I don’t think you really have anything to worry about. It’s not like you’re out there trying to start a cartel with like fifty guys. How many are you?”

“Four,” Mingyu answered before Seungcheol could. “Wonwoo’s not in at the moment.”

“I really wouldn’t worry if I were you, Gyu. But for your peace of mind I’ll look into it.”

Mingyu saw Seungcheol and Hansol let out relieved sighs.

“Thanks, Sejoon.”

“No problem. Remember, any time you need me.”

Mingyu reached forwards and picked up his phone. “You too man. Talk to you soon.”

“I’ll be in touch.”

Mingyu hung up and put the phone back in his pocket, looking at the potted weed plants in the corner of the room.

“Guess now we wait.”  

[havsgast]

idk some random thoughts about my early teenage years/relation to my parents under the cut

dates are not my strong side because i always refer to 2012 or 2007 when i tell stories, so this is not gonna be time accurate or anything

i don’t share dad with my brothers - their dad is 11 yrs older than mum and had been in my life since i was 1. but his and mum’s relationship was not good after my youngest brother was born (in 2003).

my former step-dad had to be called on the house phone when it was dinner, and he still missed it. he was jobless, and spent his days locked inside his office, barely dressed and on the computer. i have a horrible memory of seeing him naked once because he had forgotten a towel, and he was standing up in the bathtub when i brought it to him.

anyway i don’t wanna talk about him. he makes me uncomfortable. there’s a children’s song that he used to sing so often that it triggers me when i hear it.

point is that when i was ~12 he and mum got a divorce and it was really ugly. it was so ugly, and me being the only kid that did not have to live in that situation, was forced to live with my dad after a while, first only weekends and then during the weeks as well.

then 7th grade came, and the aftermath of the divorce was ugly, and most of my friends changed schools, and i was still at dad a lot, but mum had gotten a boyfriend whose leg was burned and that had a daughter

i made a new friend in my class, but we were not really alike. she liked sports and wanted to go into the military. one of the things we did together was to basically go onto omegle and play catfish. she helped dress me up - because she didn’t want to be in front of the camera - and while the people we talked to were disgusting, i thrived on the comments. we got a joint msn to continue talking to people for fun.

and i just went downward from there. my home life was a mess, mum dealing with her horrible ex-husband, and how it affected my brothers, and herself, and her boyfriend who had a bit of a mess of his own.

so obviously i wanted attention and found an easy way to get it. overweight teenage girls, what an easy bait for old men.

i’m not gonna get into that because it makes me feel disgusting.

anyway so my mental health obviously sucked as well. 7th and 8th grade were not good for me. it’s a wonder that i didn’t fail PE one year, because I literally didn’t go to a single class. but enough about my grades - there were bigger problems. when my mental health goes bad, i start throwing up. can’t keep anything down. so i slowly stopped eating. it was not an eating disorder, it was just me being sick of being unable to eat.

i’m just gonna summarise 7th-9th grade a bit

bad mental health. had to go talk to a person because mum thought her divorce was affecting me, and well, it was. threw up a lot. went vegetarian actually, though it was hard to keep up at home. got my first girlfriend during 9th grade, fun that. but the most important thing is that i had my mum’s boyfriend pick me up from my dad’s because i just couldn’t be there any more

it was after that - because i was suicidal and realised that i needed help - that i showed mum a blog post i had written about the messed up things i had done for attention. by that point i had deleted the msn and i think the webcam was broken.

mum cried and i cried and i had my hair dyed black back then and it was horrible and i didn’t have a single name to give the police

so mum started sending my brothers to a foster family on weekends to get more time with me, and we started going to the children psychiatry because i was a suicidal mess who couldn’t keep down food

the greatest betrayal ever was when mum printed out that blog post and let my dad read it, and i will always hate her for that, because it was my story to tell and i did not want my dad to know - i did not want contact with him

the point is - because i do have one - that as we were meeting psychiatrists for my sake, my dad was also there, and he suggested that they test me for asperger because i hadn’t been very social when i was at his place. lil teenage me was so insulted, and mum only wanted my best, so we said no and stopped going to bup as it was called. i obviously hated bup with my everything at that time of my life.

then fastforward to my relationship of mum in my later teens/as an adult

she regrets not having me tested back then. she blames my genderfluidity on autism. she thinks i’m bipolar, but when i have emotional responses she doesn’t agree with, she calls me childish. she has gotten upset with me for my anxiety, and still called me brave for talking about it in front of my class.

and she loves to make comments like “it’s so obvious that you’re autistic” when i take certain things literally. she seem to think that because my brother and her new husband and her best friend all have asperger, she’s some kind of expert.

not to mention that she don’t believe in asexuality or relationships without sexual attraction or that long distance relationships can work (i’ve only ever had long distance relationships), or that she’s a racist transphobe. i’m not sure she even remembers that i’m not straight.

so yeah.

this is kinda why i’m trying to enforce positive thinking along “new year, new me”

because i’m done dealing with the remains of my past, and i’m tired of being seen as possible diagnoses instead of a person by my own mother