#idk why but I think he felt some sort of kinship with him (?)

[theonewhoshedstears]

I think Uru didn't receive much feedback from the players as an antagonist because the gameplay is made pretty dispersive with the double protag POV. Add to that the many twists of the story and the lack of presence as himself as opposed to Tearer. At first I felt bad for him, but for some reason I started feeling more drawn to him as a character after the rewatch and the second gameplay, so I wonder if this may be true for other players as well.

[beowlet-spam]

Heloo, Eli!!! How're you doing today? I'm doing good; I'm trying to do this event for Enstars so I can get a free 10pull.

Why don't you tell me about your favorite Genshin characters and/or story quests/archon quest's. Or things about Genshin that you like in general.

I'd love to hear about any Genshin oc you have! I remember that picrew we did where you talked about them, but I'd like to hear more!

If you don't want to talk about Genshin, I'd love to hear about any of your ocs in general. I really like your art, and it's led me to wonder about your characters.

ARIESS!! HI HELLO I dont play Enstars but i am however gonna get into it soon probably- AND THANK YOU I ALSO LOVE YOUR ART💖🙌😭

My favorite genshin character? Hm.. Scaramouche and Tartaglia share the 1st place on my list🙌‼️ Honestly for me to like fictional characters I need to feel like some sort of kinship with them. It's like getting to know someone and slowly growing fond of them. Is that weird idk😭 Scaramouche I feel VERY comnected to him, like staring at him is staring at a mirror. I love his lore and how much potential he has. His story was AMAZING in every way. The redemption arc wasn't really a redemption arc, he just chose to be free and do whatever he wanted to after getting his memories back. His backstory I can understand and relate to A LOT but we dont have to go too deep into it. Childe/Tartaglia/Ajax (mf has so many fucking names) I think the reason I love him is because of his relationship with his siblings and how he is still more caring compared to other harbingers. He has a heart shortly. He loves his family and thats what I love about him.

GENSHIN OCSSS

I have a lot but their lores are still wip

NOW THE ONE I DID IN THE PICREW. NAMI‼️

You might've noticed how her story was short! THAT WAS ON PURPOSE!! You see Nami doesn't remember anything before she joined the fatui. Her oldest memory is waking up in her tent in a camp and having the feeling to need to go on patrol. She is a very succesful agent in the Fatui. Having worked under 2 harbingers. Ajax and Capitano. She never questioned it. She felt like it was her whole purpose. But if WE dig into her story she was taken by the fatui as a child. Nami is an Elf, having powerful magic and a long life. Her family was indebt to the Fatui. They said they were willing to do anything as they wanted to protect their precious child. Well, they in Nami's mother. Her father didn't care about her as much. The Fatui suggested they gave up Nami as they could train her at an early age and make her into a killing machine. Her parents would fight every night and day, arguing about the situation. Nami felt horrible. She hated how she was the reason her parents didn't get along. So one night she ran away from home to join the fatui herself. She started strict training at the age of 9. Was involved in Dottore's many experiments. And when the harbinger decided she was strong enough. He brainwashed her. She was turned into some kind of puppet. Following orders left and right without complaint.

Another oc of mine is Aasha. Not genshin. Sadly😭

A lil baby goat fae in diasomnia. Or more formally Aasha Kurayami. Aasha comes from a rich family. They grew up as a very stoic child surronded with narcissists. Basically a family who expected a pretty perfect girl. They got the pretty perfect part but the girl part? Nah we are going QUEER. Straight hair, straight A's, straight forward. Straight girl. LITTLE MISS PERFECTTT THAAAAATSSSS AASHAAAA‼️ ehem but ye! They were originally supposed to go to RSA but they admired NRC so much even as a child that they begged their parents to go. When Aasha joined NRC, they werent expecting to make any friends. A few students were interested in their apperance as goat fae's are very rare. One of them being Cater. Aasha was still very stoic and distant with anyone and everyone so their first interactions with people were awkward and stiff. But as time went by they got more comfortable with others. They felt weird. Sometimes a smile would creep its way up to their lips! Or a little giggle. They were getting shyer by day. They felt weird and insecure aswell. Did they look normal while smiling? Or do their teeth look weird? But with more time they were fully comfortable with everyone. They felt at peace. They felt loved. And then they lived happily ever after-

what about your oc's? I am also very curious about yours!

[championwife]

hi I finished the main story of PLA and I’m going absolutely insane over volo. spoilers below

ok but. i have so many thoughts about volo and my self-insert aaaaaaaaaa

anyways lol some headcanons for him:

Volo was a member of the Celestica People along with Cogita(who I see as his aunt) but he always felt very misplaced there. He had this boundless curiosity for the world, he wanted to truly understand everything, not just sit around in the same place watching over some random prophecy they don’t even care to decipher Just Because Destiny or whatever. and many of the clan members could see this endless hunger of knowledge he had was dangerous, like he would be willing to do absolutely anything to get it regardless of who gets hurt in the process

He felt like an outsider because of this and was estranged from his family(which caused him to cling more to aunt Cogita) So eventually he runs away to join the Ginkgo Guild, as being a merchant would allow him to travel all over. And Cogita is the only member of the clan that knows where he is and watches over him

I think over the course of his reasearch he starts to feel some sort of kinship over Giratina as being outcasts and projects some bitterness over the strict ways of his family on Arceus too. like he has these complex feelings about it akakdjdj

at first he thinks S/I is just some random unintended side-effect of the rift he caused, he just puts on a nice front and she falls for it so easily, and then as she progresses calming the nobles and collecting plates he feels he can use her, but also looking at her give him this weird annoying feeling he can’t really identify like. she and her pkmns seem to almost shine together and something abt her reminds him of the ancient hero of lore his family’s texts were always going on about

and they bond a lot specially after S/I is kicked out of the village and they start hunting the plates together. Like they gotta have adventured together over the course of many days right. I imagine Cogita and Volo become S/I's little found family outside of the Galaxy Team when she has nowhere else to turn. Like bro that scene where the MC is completely alone and Volo is the one that reaches out broke me lmaooo

Which of course makes the eventual betrayal all the more angst-inducing :''')

and then after the Giratina fight, it is S/I's turn to reach out to him like he once did to her and help him :') and he's very confused why S/I would even forgive him at first like girl i literally summoned an eldritch beast to kill you and also i hate you cause arceus chose you and what are these??? feelings???? 

and S/I has complex feelings too like he’s technically the reason why she got stuck in this dangerous strange world in the first place lol but at this point she already found a home at Hisui and believes the kindness he showed her when she needed it wasn’t fake............. all lives touch other lives to create something anew and alive bro........

AND THEN after all is said and done they travel Hisui together researching myths :’’))

(this line made me so sad AAAA)

GAH i just love the concept of villains trying to reabilitate themselves and learning to accept help im going feral over this. and i havent done everything you can do in the game yet so there might be some extra lore im missing idk but anyways these are my thoughts for now

[ineedglasses]

VK Character Analysis: Shizuka Hiou

Once in high school, an old friend who also read VK asked me who my favorite character was, and when I said Shizuka, she was shocked. Now her favorite was Zero, and she thought I hated Zero since I liked Shizuka, his enemy.

That is not true, I don’t hate Zero. For some reason, some Zero fans seem to think anyone that likes Shizuka hates Zero. There is NO correlation between liking Shizuka and hating Zero. Some people love them both, while some people hate them both.

Anyway, my friend seemed appalled when I told her my fav character and she asked me why. At that age I wasn’t the most articulate or the most patient, so I simply told her, “just because.” So, now that I have free time and because her question had bothered me for a while, I decided I should write down my thoughts on why I love Shizuka.

                                                            XXX

First of all, Shizuka was NOT actually insane.

Medically speaking, “insanity” is associated with conditions like bipolar disorder and schizophrenia. There is no indication in the manga or anime that she exhibited any signs or symptoms of those diseases, such as hallucinations or delusions.

The regular definition of insane is to exhibit a severely disordered state of mind or to be affected with mental illness. Even by this definition, Shizuka was not insane.

She was aware of her actions and of what is right and what is wrong. The only time she can be considered “insane” is right after her lover was killed, when she was so overcome by grief and anger she could not think straight and focused on revenge without stopping to think who the real enemy was (cough, Rido). And in that state of severe emotional turmoil she went after the Kiryuus. But I do not think that can be considered true insanity, because it was a onetime occurrence.

Shizuka knows that she was wrong to kill the Kiryuus, because they were simply following orders and doing their job, and also because the real mastermind behind her lover’s death was Rido. She even acknowledges that her actions in regard to the Kiryuu parents and Zero were “sinful”, whereas a truly crazy person probably is unable or unwilling to admit that. If anyone were actually insane in VK, it would probably be Rido.

                                                           XXX

Secondly, she did NOT attack the Kiryuus out of a random whim or desire to do evil things.

All readers should already know this, since Hino explicitly states that Shizuka was motivated by revenge. Shizuka ONLY went after the Kiryuus because they wronged her first.

They killed her ex-human, the only person she ever loved. Hunters are only supposed to kill crazed level E’s and vampires that have harmed humans, but her lover was none of that. He should not have been killed by those standards.

But the Kiryuus were simply following orders without question, and killed someone they shouldn’t have, and thus they were killed in return.

For hunters, being killed by vampires seeking revenge is not a shocking end. Even Zero’s mom mentioned that, when they were packing, saying they should move soon so vampires do not find out where they lived. People who kill tend to get killed too, that’s just the reality of that sort of life. Zero’s parents were not normal, innocent civilians, they were people that killed vampires for a living. Thus, I don’t think Shizuka killing them is so shocking and unforgivable. I can understand why she attacked the Kiryuus, although it is still wrong (because hate breeds more hate, and the idea of an eye for an eye is not good).

What was truly unforgivable was that Shizuka turned Zero into a vampire, to hurt his parents as much as she can. This is where she went too far in her vengeance because children are innocent, it was only the parents that should be punished. And yes, I acknowledge that these actions are bad, even if I am her fan, I am not blind to her flaws.

Anyway, Shizuka would never have bothered crossing paths with the Kiryuus if they had never killed her lover.

                                                            XXX

Thirdly, although she was an antagonist in the story, she had her own moral code. She was not evil, and rather more of a neutral grey, and I appreciate characters like that.

She wasn’t like Rido, who used even his own son as a tool, and who did not care for anyone. Shizuka cared for Ichiru, despite the fact that he was her enemy’s son. She felt a sort of kinship with him because they were both alone and had nowhere to go. She gave him her own blood and flesh and refused to turn him the whole time they were together, even when she was dying, because she knew he would have been in more danger if he was a vampire instead.

Ichiru understood that she genuinely cared for him, because even when he was dying, he asked Zero to not hate her, even if Zero can’t forgive her.

Shizuka also kept her promise to Maria and gave the sickly girl her blood to make her better (in comparison, Rido just took over Senri’s body without asking for permission or giving him anything in return).

And thus Shizuka is a sympathetic villain, and Hino points that out in the interlude chapter where Ichiru comments how Shizuka was “beautiful even as she was dying”, in contrast to Rido, who Kaname once referred to as “the dregs of an ugly obsession.”

Even Kaname felt sympathy for her, because when he killed her, he didn’t just let her drop to the floor but caught her and laid her down carefully on the floor. He also assured her that he would not let her life be wasted, and that he would definitely end Rido.

                                                              XXX

And finally, she was a very tragic character, a victim of circumstances herself.

(This is her history, taken straight from her character profile in the official fan guide)

Shizuka was locked up in a cage as soon as she was born, because apparently some members of the Hio clan had also gone berserk before.

(On a side note, I doubt the Hious had a genetic defect leading to mental illness, it was probably a circumstantial thing, like how Rido most likely started off sane but life took directions that pushed him off the edge towards the end. After all, they are purebloods and their genes are supposed to be flawless. And Rido…I have so many thoughts about that dude, but I will save them for another post.)

Hino never stated how old Shizuka was, but since we know that Rido, Haruka, and Juri are “over 3000” according to the guidebook, she is probably around that age. If we treat the Fleeting Dreams novel as canon, then Shizuka is probably even younger than Juri, because Rido mentions that Shizuka was still “a tiny child” when his parents kept Juri away from him and engaged him to Shizuka instead. So, I assume that Shizuka spent almost 3000 years, her whole life, locked up in a cage with barely any company, except maybe the occasional visitor (like how child Kaname visited her once).

3000 years is a long, long time. To put it into perspective, the USA as a country is roughly 250 years old. So she was locked in a cage, all by herself for the timespan it would take 12 USAs to rise and fall. It is really a wonder how she did not actually go crazy and end up more damaged than she was!

Besides the tragedy of having her freedom taken away, no one loved or cared about her, something mentioned by both Maria and the guidebook. Shizuka herself commented that she was envious of Yuki, who had been cherished, unlike her.

(A bit of a tangent, but I am quite curious what happened to Shizuka’s parents. Why did they just let her be locked up? It is very irresponsible to bring a child into the world if you aren’t going to bother taking care of it. And it seemed she had family members because Kaname later on killed the head of the Hio clan. IDK what her familial relationship with that particular Hio man was, but she seemed to have been neglected by her own clan.)

Anyway, everyone probably treated her warily, like a bomb that might explode at any time. She was basically an outcast. Take for example how Aidou says it is unlucky to even mention her.

If there was someone besides her dead lover, Ichiru, and Maria, who did not treat her with suspicion or fear, it was probably Rido, and he certainly did not treat her well either. Ichiru mentions that Rido was the one who imprisoned her and changed the hunter list. Based on that, I assume Rido directly ordered her locked up, or used his influence with the Senate to have them lock her up. Either way, the dude had something to do with it.

Besides locking her up, Rido most likely treated her poorly, him being the way he is. His main issue with her is that she refused to become obedient like Senri’s mom. And IDK about the rest of you, but whenever a man says he wants to make a woman “obedient”, I get bad vibes. He probably did some shady and questionable things in his attempts to make her docile.

If Shizuka had been engaged to someone else other than Rido, someone more normal, like Isaya, her life would probably have been more bearable. Although Rido did not want her because he was unhealthily obsessed with Juri, he had to ruin Shizuka’s life and happiness instead of just letting her be. He did that out of some petty reasoning, basically “If I can’t be happy, you can’t be happy either”. His decision to put her lover on the execution list led to many tragedies. 

This man is really the root of all evil in VK, LOL.

                                                              XXX

Finally, after all those centuries of loneliness, Shizuka met someone who treated her well, for the first time. Thus, her attachment to her ex-human lover was extremely strong, and it made sense why she could not move on, why she was so consumed by revenge. Unlike normal people who can find solace being comforted by friends and family, she doesn’t have that kind of support. And furthermore, she is a pureblood, all of whom have been shown to form extremely strong attachments to the ones they love, and have trouble moving on.

And regarding her lover, we can’t even be sure if he loved her back. Shizuka said that he most likely never forgave her until the end for turning him, and that he never yielded to her, but went with her when she proposed running away together because remaining with her was his only option. Honestly, her lover didn’t seem too happy being with her, or if he did care for her, their relationship was still strained and angsty, not the simple, lovey-dovey relationship Haruka and Juri had.

Overall, her romance was ill-fated, they simply would have never worked out because they were supposed to be predator and prey. I have a feeling that even if the Kiryuus hadn’t been assigned to kill him, she and her ex-human would not have had a happy ending regardless.

Anyway, after Shizuka lost him, she also lost her will to live. She only hung on to life out of the desire to kill Rido, but she wasn’t even seriously trying. Her biggest desire was to die, and we can see that in how she didn’t bother resisting when Kaname killed her. When she laid on the floor dying, she looked the most peaceful she had ever been. Later on, Maria (mistakenly thinking it was Zero who killed her) also commented that Shizuka probably wanted Zero to kill her. Sara also said Shizuka lost her will to live and mentioned how she doesn’t want to become like her.

Finally, Shizuka was definitely tragic, because even Kaname who killed her pitied her, commenting: “It’s sad isn’t it? I wonder if anyone truly understood her.”

I love this character partly because I feel so bad for her. While Zero suffered early on, he eventually got to marry the girl he loved and had a daughter with her. Kaname also got to be with Yuki, had a daughter with her and got to meet both daughters and experience being with family when he was revived. But Shizuka…her whole life was a tragedy, and the only time she was happy was that brief period when she was with her lover. However, the time she spend with him was a tiny drop, almost nothing compared to how long her life was overall.

A lot of characters in VK had sadness in their lives, but her life struck me as the worst. If I had to pick someone to be in VK, it would definitely not be her.

IMO, her life was screwed the moment she got engaged to Rido. Even though she wasn’t crazy, she was still locked up and treated like she was. Her circumstances/fate pushed her to make the choices she did and end up a villain. If fate had been kinder to her, she would not have become a villain at all.

Other reasons I love her are because of how beautiful and elegant she is, how she has an air of mystery and sadness, and how her story just interested me the most.

And I get that other people still hate/dislike her regardless of everything I mentioned, and that is alright. This is not meant to convince people to like her, but to explain why I personally love her. So don’t come at me trying to tell me why she is evil and I should be ashamed for liking her okay? (ง'̀-'́)ง

So! If you ever read this long post, Hazel, now you know why she is my favorite character.ヽ(ಠ_ಠ)ノ

[szivtalan]

character ask: kagami, momoi, alex and himuro 👀👀👀

!!! omg thank u Ceru! u might be one of my favorite mutuals <33 (putting this under a read more just so I can speak at lengths about each individual character)

Why I like Kagami: this is where I sarcastically ask “why DON’T i like him” but that’s literally the next question so; he’s everything i want to be and more. He has the determination and the willpower to make his own dreams come true, he’s gay as shit, he’s tall and buff and well-adjusted, mature enough to live on his own at an annoyingly young age, he’s funny and dumb and a total himbo as well as an excellent advisor bc of how grounded he is.

Why I don’t: I’m... not really good with explosive people. Violent men with loud voices especially scare me, and I’d think I’d flinch around him a lot and that would make me rlly anxious.

Favorite episode: it’s a toss-up between the Seirin fam visiting his place for the first time (is it where Kuroko confesses his love to him and then passes out in his arms? idk), and the onsen episode. I also loved all his plays against Kise and Aomine. AND the training camp w him running a lot in the sand.

Favorite season/movie: season 2 probably because he’s not a jerk anymore, but he’s still on his way to shed off any asshole behavior stuck to him. And I actually liked Last Game?

Favorite line: “There’s no such thing as useless effort.” and “This is our drama and we write the plot.” because he’s so ridiculous.

Favorite outfit: all of his casual fits... comfy but manly is my Jam

OTP: AoKaga....they’re truly soulmates, star-crossed lovers, canonically brought together by fate.

Brotp/otp no. 2: KagaKuro, I love them

Head Canon: I have several collections because I think too much about this boy, but here’s something I think about his family: he doesn’t know what happened to his mom. He never asked, because it wasn’t relevant, and he didn’t want to inconvenience his dad by questioning him. Occasionally, as a kid he felt like he was missing out on something (seeing other kids with their moms, feeling like they’re being treated with much more gentle care because they have moms), but as he grew older he realized that nurturing behavior shouldn’t have been limited to only a mother, and that he was just straight up neglected without any regards to missing a parent in his life.

Unpopular opinion: I never realized this was an unpopular opinion but I’m glad he went back to America at the end of Last Game. Obviously, it’s sad that he had to separate from the others, but I felt like Japanese basketball has always been just a stepping point to him, and now that he’d beat the best of them, it was time to move on. And it also warms my heart that him getting scouted in the US gave Aomine hope to aim big, too. I felt like both of them would’ve felt trapped in Japan with their skill sets.

A wish: I want him to be happy and gay and to confront Himuro and tell him how hurt he was by how he treated him and probably do the same to his dad too

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: ....whatever I’d say Shinsun has probably written it/will write it, but I don’t want him to forget about the GoM just because he becomes a world-famous athlete.

5 words to best describe them: sweet child with anger issues

My nickname for them: not mine (it’s Sypha’s) but “Kags”, Kagami, Tigerboy, Kagababe, Baby

Why I like Momoi: she is SO nurturing and sweet and she cares so much about her boys!! I’m sorry it always turns into “how they remind me of myself” but actually I get feeling like a background character and being the moral/emotional/physical support of those who are more talented or in any way better than you. I feel a strange kind of kinship with her and also,,, feminine girls make my heart stop, and it doesn’t get more feminine than Momoi. Added: Aomine aside, the Touou team wouldn’t worth shit without her skills tbh, and she’s not in any way less than the GoM. Also, I appreciate her being the one person to try to keep their friend group together.

Why I don’t: Analytical People Scare me like!! how do u know stuff people are Unknowable!! I usually am also irked by her pointing out Riko’s breast size but I can just pretend that’s in a gay way (maybe Momoi likes girls with small boobs and she’s just bad at flirting) (also I don’t exactly liked her calling Aomine a “ganguro” but I have too little knowledge on the use of this word to say exactly why)

Favorite episode (scene if movie): uh the one where Aomine made her cry? It really came through how much love she actually has for her friends at that one.

Favorite season/movie: she was great in all of them!!

Favorite line: I can’t remember the exact quote and Google isn’t really helpful either but the one where she made Kuroko promise they’ll always play together or something? Or that they’re gonna beat Aomine?? idk?

Favorite outfit: I like all of them but mostly I just appreciate her wearing so many hoodies, she looks so cute in them

OTP / Brotp: it’s both AoMomo. I feel like the have the most special and strongest bond in the entire series.

Head Canon: She’s never been shown to do, but I feel like she wears Aomine’s clothes a Lot. Also, they definitely have sleepovers To This Day.

Unpopular opinion: Momoi is good at basketball and she loves playing!!! But try being successful in it when ur opponents are Giants and Way More Buff than you are

A wish: I wish people appreciated her more!! Both in fandom and in canon. She’s an amazing person and she has her own skills and strengths that are rarely explored or even mentioned anywhere.

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: her falling out with her boys ;-; I do not want that

5 words to best describe them: strawberry sweetheart to steal ur heart

My nickname for them: Satsuki :> I feel like it’s a little too much to call characters on their first names sometimes but hers is so cute I can’t

Why I like Alex: yet again another woman with an extensive skill set. I love her persistence and again I appreciate getting disillusioned and finding your way back to the thing you love. Also it’s just sweet that she did that by teaching (again, something I can relate to)

Why I don’t: the whole “kissing children” thing rubbed me the wrong way but again, just like Momoi’s obsession with comparing breast sizes, it’s just bad/sexist writing from Fujimaki probably

Favorite episode (scene if movie): adshg any and all where she expressed that Himuro and Kagami are equally important to her <33 that shit makes my heart burst

Favorite season/movie: she only appears towards the end of s2 and in s3 so... I guess s3?

Favorite line: its so Bad that u literally can’t find the iconic quotes of these iconic ladies anywhere but... her story on finding her passion again through teaching kids, and anytime she mentions her fondness of Kagami and Himuro.

Favorite outfit: her iconic olive green coat with the short red shorts... wtf was that I loved it.

OTP: she doesn’t really interact with people her age but I’ve heard she’s shipped with Masako Araki and I’ve seen some seriously good fanarts and like... Yes Good I’d Love To See It

Brotp: I feel like her and Himuro would be that sassy pair that Kagami tries and fails to contain and they get into all sorts of weird, absurd situations asdjs what I’m trying to say is Kagami has to bail them out of jail from time to time

Head Canon: fck me if I’m wrong but she’s the lesbian single mom of the two gay kids she reluctantly adopted from the streets

Unpopular opinion: it’s more like another headcanon, but she can dunk and she taught Kagami how to do it.

A wish: I’d love her to coach the Seirin fam more!! Pls let her be part of her children’s lives (she could also judge streetball games between the goms it would be fun)

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: anything about her being romantically involved with her pupils makes me.................no

5 words to best describe them: Beautiful Beach Blonde Basketball....goddess

My nickname for them: Alex!! sometimes An Icon

Why I like Himuro: em dash Asdgsdj I’m joking, I’m becoming more and more fond of the boy. Once I realized that he shouldn’t have been the “bigger person” in that situation and one year doesn’t really mean much when you’re that young and that hurt, I realized he’s actually a good and hard-working kid and I’m sorry for giving him so much shade. Also I really like his snark and sass, but that might not even be canon at this point tbh

Why I don’t: I’m still sort of irked by him beating down on Kagami because he was envious/mad, but I realized the aspect of that situation that Really got to me was how devoted Kagami still was to him after all that. That devotion was what felt toxic, nothing that Himuro actually did to him.

Favorite episode (scene if movie): the time they met up w Kagami just to exchange a dramatic socially distancing bro fist and a few encouraging words.... gays be Like That

Favorite season/movie: I really didn’t mind s3 Himuro

Favorite line: apparently he’s said some iconic stuff that I don’t remember (and my sources don’t seem really legit) but I’m gonna say “let’s see you become number 1, bro” because again, that’s just so ridiculous and endearing. On one hand he really went from loathing Kagami to rooting for him and wanting him to reach his full potential and on the other, honey ur  like 17 stop speaking like That

Favorite outfit: his knitted V-neck sweaters and the black coat with the white fur.... boy’s got all the fashion sense that’s missing from Kagami

OTP: can I say.....AoHimu asdfh I ship 3/4 of these characters with Aomine what does that say about me

Brotp: KagaHimu. They can be sweet, but I’ve only ever seen Jake write them really well

Head Canon: I’ve been entertaining the idea of....trans Himuro.....

Unpopular opinion: everyone thinks that Kagami is the violent kid and Himuro is the chill, sweet child who’s somehow wound up with this mess of a fiery tiger, but it’s actually Himuro who taught Kagami how to fight and Kagami learned quite a lot of aggression from him

A wish: I feel like Himuro should’ve gotten a separate episode to explore his thoughts, feelings and past. He had so much potential as a character Is2g

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: him quitting basketball would fucking destroy me. I’d be devastated for others too, but it would really pull on my heartstrings if he just dropped the only thing he’s been so passionate about.

5 words to best describe them: gender-non-conforming emo child

My nickname for them: Himu, Tatsuya, Tatsu

[greywolfheirs]

@coffeeandcake96​ Thanks for the prompt!

This one was really fun to write! Again, I just kind of whipped it up pretty fast so I apologize if it’s not the best. I may come back to it later to expand or edit idk. Also be warned, the ending is kinda sad.

Also posted to my AO3 account. Just search greywolfheir since tumblr’s weird about links.

-----

1129 CE

One thing about thoughts is that they’re abstract. Not every thought is a fully formed sentence. Some thoughts aren’t even words at all. Not just pictures, thoughts can be emotions and half-remembered senses as well.

Another thing about thoughts is that even when they are complete sentences, they’re usually in the language you know best.

When Nicky and Joe first met, they didn’t know these things about thoughts. Plus they were a little busy killing each other to be having complex ideas. Therefore, pinpointing the exact moment that they began to read each other’s thoughts was a little tricky. Still, it makes sense that it was probably after their first deaths--when they started dreaming of each other and the others. Yet they both remember when they made the revelation that they could read each other’s thoughts.

It was a cool night in Malta, when they still didn’t know what to think of each other. It wasn’t quite hatred anymore but not like kinship either. Andy and Quynh were inside the small shack they’d acquired on their journey, and Nicky and Joe--still Niccolo and Yusuf at the time--were trying to teach each other their home language. They’d found some commonality in Greek, but it was a language they were both rusty in, so Andy suggested they teach each other. Less of a suggestion, really, and more of a command.

They were both having civil discussions with each other, but it all went wrong because Nicky had picked up more Arabic

Allah, help me, this man is impossible.

“Impossible?” Nicky scoffed in Greek. “As if your Italian is any better.”

“What?”

“Here I am trying to learn your language, only to find out all you do with it is talk behind my back,” Nicky continued.

“And why shouldn’t I?” Joe, who really was looking for any excuse to argue with Nicky at this point, argued back. “You are impossible. You’re impossible in everything you do, and Arabic is no different.”

“And tell me, how is your pagan god supposed to help me improve?” Nicky was clearly trying to lead this into yet more of their theological debates, but Joe blinked.

“I have not spoken of my god since we began this lesson,” he said.

Nicky rolled his eyes “You just said, ‘Allah, help me, this man is impossible’.”

It was Joe’s turn to scoff. “I did not.”

“You did!” Nicky said, standing up angrily. “Do you call me a liar?”

“If you think those words came out of my mouth, yes,” Joe said. “I know better than to invoke Allah’s name around you.”

Nicky gestured around them, at areas devoid of people. “Then who could have possibly said the words that I so clearly heard?”

Joe blinked. “I don’t know.” He blinked again. “Wait, what language did I speak those words?”

“So you admit you spoke them!”

“Niccolo,” Joe warned.

Nicky huffed. “Arabic, of course.”

“I know many languages you do not, Niccolo,” Joe reasoned. “Why would I insult you in Arabic when I could easily insult you in those tongues?”

Nicky blinked. “Because you wish me to know you insulted me, of course.”

Joe shook his head. “No, unlike you, I have been biting my tongue as of late. I no longer wish to argue with you.”

“Then why insult me?” Nicky asked.

“I’m telling you, I did not,” Joe insisted. “But I did think those words. Many times tonight.”

Nicky scrunched up his face in confusion. “But...that’s impossible. I cannot read your thoughts.”

Joe tilted his head. “Can you not? I’ve been thinking, Niccolo, about how we communicate. Even when we had not settled on Greek, we seemed to know what the other was saying. And I’ve seen you bring out food just as my stomach rumbles yet you say you’re not hungry.”

“Perhaps,” Nicky said slowly, “it is part of our gifts.”

“Perhaps,” Joe agreed. “We shall have to ask Andrea when she wakes.”

1201 CE

It was not one of the gifts they shared with Andy and Quynh, they soon learned. The pair had been confused after they brought it up, though Nicky and Joe both knew the truth before they asked. Andy and Quynh shared a bond, yes, but it was different from Nicky and Joe’s. Besides, neither of the two men had felt any sort of bond beyond their immortality towards the women.

Still, it was odd, having this revelation. They tested the bounds as much as possible. Could they read each other’s thoughts from a far distance? Could they send messages to each other through thought alone? At what point did their own thoughts end and the other’s begin?

As it turned out, the only time they couldn’t feel the other’s presence in their minds was during their temporary deaths. Having killed each other together so many times, Nicky was caught off-guard once when Joe, who had fallen behind to engage his attacker in battle, screamed loudly and fell from his horse.

Nicky felt the connection between their minds snap almost like it was a physical force. He nearly faced his own end in a similar manner from the shock of it. Joe experienced a similar fate when Nicky was captured in an alleyway by criminals who intended to steal his money. He’d barely been able to explain what had happened to Andy and Quynh as disoriented as he felt.

Since those deaths, they’d been able to figure out exactly which part of their mind belonged to the other, and indeed they were able to communicate solely through thought. It aggravated Andy which amused Quynh.

Through the course of learning these things about their new ability, Joe and Nicky had begun to trust each other more. How could they not, knowing what the other was thinking nearly all moments of the day? Moreso, however, they began to actually enjoy the other’s company. If they were being honest with themselves, they would have admitted to more, but they were also in each other’s heads so they couldn’t quite be honest with themselves.

Still, Andy and Quynh watched them dance around each other, not seeing what the other was so clearly thinking even though they could literally their minds. It just so happened on one fateful day that the two women had to go out, leaving Nicky and Joe to their own devices. Nicky was preparing dinner in the farmhouse they all shared while Joe bathed. Nicky had just left to get an egg from the chickens outside, only to come back to the sight of an entirely naked man.

There were three things that occurred to Nicky in that moment. One was that he had seen Joe naked before, many times. Two was that he hadn’t cared enough to actually look at Joe. Three was that he enjoyed the way Joe looked naked.

Before Nicky could cut the last thought out of his mind, it had already passed to Joe, along with the subsequent thoughts of what Nicky wanted to do with a naked Joe.

Before Joe could respond, Nicky blinked several times and tilted his head away from the sight of the man before him. He was halfway to the kitchen, when Joe caught his arm.

“It was just a thought, Yusuf,” Nicky said firmly, but he allowed Joe to turn him around, staunchly not looking down. “I apologize.”

“You have no need to apologize, Niccolo,” Joe said softly. “I’ve had many similar thoughts while you sleep.”

Nicky’s now-wide eyes met Joe’s.

“Only,” Joe continued, “I had never dreamed I would see them returned.”

Nicky blinked and backed away. “They are not.”

Joe simply looked at Nicky.

“They are not.”

Joe lifted his hand from Nicky’s arm and held it up in surrender.

That winter, they faced a cold night, and Nicky shivered in his bedroll. They’d had to leave the farmhouse and were now in a secluded cave. Nicky sat up to look for more clothing to cover himself with, when he was faced with Joe, holding out his blanket to Nicky.

“Don’t be ridiculous, you’ll freeze,” Nicky huffed.

“Not if we share it,” Joe offered.

Nicky wanted to protest, but sitting up had exposed him to the cold, so he merely nodded and allowed Joe to place the blanket over both of them. They lay there for a moment, facing each other. It had been months since the incident, and Joe had slowly begun to send thoughts similar to Nicky’s errant one towards the man. It was nothing too shocking, and it was gently enough that Nicky sometimes wasn’t sure Joe was aware he was doing it. Perhaps he wasn’t. But it made Nicky blush and stalk away every time.

“Nic--” Joe began, lifting his hand toward Nicky’s face.

“Don’t,” Nicky snapped. “Please, Yusuf, now is not the time.”

“Then when would you like to discuss it?” Joe asked. “Because I wish to discuss this before we have frozen to death.”

“We would recover,” Nicky pointed out.

Joe rolled his eyes. “You know my meaning.”

“How long?” Nicky asked suddenly.

“What?”

“How long have you had these...thoughts towards me?” Nicky asked.

Joe shook his head. “I cannot remember the date. Only that I began to dream of your eyes. And your lips. And--”

“Enough,” Nicky snapped again. He’d picked up on exactly what Joe’s dreams consisted of, though, so it was too late.

“Why do you resist so?” Joe asked. “Allah knows we’ve gotten past our differences long ago.”

Nicky tried to come up with a good reason. The problem was, they had already discussed all of them in one way or another. That Nicky was a priest? He had left the cloth behind many years ago. That they were both men? They both knew their preferences leaned towards men and this did not bother them as much as it should. That they were of differing faiths? That was an argument settled long ago. Which only left…

Joe laughed in surprise more than anything else. “You are scared?”

“Quiet, you’ll wake the others,” Nicky huffed.

“Niccolo, please, how can a man who cannot die fear love so?”

“We still hurt,” Nicky pointed out dejectedly.

Joe put his fingers below Nicky’s chin and lifted his face up so they could look each other in the eyes. “I promise you, I mean you no harm. Not anymore.”

“Can you make a promise like that for as long as we both live?” Nicky asked.

“Can you?”

Fair point.

“We take these risks when we decide to love, Niccolo,” Joe said. “It is the whole point.”

“I have never,” Nicky swallowed thickly and began again. “I have never been with anyone before.”

“I know,” Joe said, pressing his forehead to Nicky’s, still looking him in the eyes.

Neither of them would be sure, years later, who moved first to press their lips together, but when thoughts are as intertwined as theirs, does it really matter?

2020 CE

Centuries later, they both kept a promise they never made, and began to fight as one entity. Yes, they experienced pain, but never from each other, and their family had grown. Nile, in particular, had been an interesting addition.

“Wait, so you’re telling me you and Nicky can actually read each other’s minds?” Nile asks. “Like X-Men style?”

Joe nods and smiles over at Nicky. They were all at dinner one day when it happens to come up in conversation.

“Do we all get special powers--beyond, you know, the healing?”

Andy shakes her head. “Joe and Nicky are different.”

“Can you show me?” Nile asks.

“It’s not some parlor trick,” Andy argues but Joe puts a hand on her arm.

“Sure, write down a number and show it to me,” he says. “I’ll have Nicky say it out loud.”

It’s a year that Nile writes down. One that Joe and Nicky remember very well.

Nicky sighs and rolls his eyes. “1738.”

Nile’s eyes widen and they know she’s impressed. “What happened in 1738?”

“You don’t want them to answer that,” Andy insists.

“You were not there, Andy,” Nicky laughs.

“No but anything that makes you two make those faces at each other is something Nile does not want to know.”

“Fair enough,” Joe agrees with a smile.

It’s a small family, but a good one. They may be missing a member but they will get him back in time. For now, they enjoy their family as it is.

Sometime in the future

It wouldn’t be a wound that told them of their fading abilities. Nicky would be the first to know. He was always the lighter sleeper. He would wake one day with no connection to Joe’s mind. Thinking they had been attacked in their sleep, Nicky would shoot up in bed, ready to attack whoever had killed his love, only to find Joe beside him, slowly waking from a deep slumber that Nicky had disturbed.

“Joe,” Nicky would whisper, “what happened to your thoughts?”

“I have them, Nicky. What happened to yours?” Joe would answer.

“If they are gone from your mind, I’m afraid I know what is happening,” Nicky said sadly, causing Joe to wake up fully. “It is our time, my love.”

Joe would blink and put a hand to Nicky’s cheek. “So it is.”

[janiedean]

Man, you have no idea how much I hate you. I hate you so much that I’m going to force you to choose between THREE songs to analyze. “Shut out the Light”, “Gypsy Biker” and “The Promise”. I’d wish you best of luck, but I so highly dislike you, that I wouldn’t DARE to offer you such a kindness. (Also, I'm just not sure if you've analyzed any of those yet so I'm covering my bases.)

HELLO ANON THIS IS AN OLD ASK BUT SPRINGSTEEN DAY IS COMING and therefore I’m going with my favorite out of the two I had left (I’ll do the other one asap tho!

*DRUM ROLL*

So: The Promise is one of those mythical songs from Bruce’s vault, in the sense that it’s from the late seventies and everyone knew it existed to the point that it was supposed to be the title-song instead of Darkness on that record but instead he never properly published it because it was too personal and he could never find the right version, which is why there’s like fifteen different takes of it in between the one on tracks, the one on the promise boxset with all the darkness outtakes, the ten live versions and so on - basically he was reworking it for literal years. So I’m just going with my favorite version - I mean I love them all but this one to me is.. just… IT SPEAKS TO ME MORE THAN THE OTHERS? idk but I love this one above all others ;_; (I think I like that it starts slow and goes into full band while the others tend to go either all band all piano idk)

Now, context: in order to get what’s behind this, you need to know that post-Born to Run he ended up in a trial with his former manager of his first two records out of contractual reasons (tldr: the contract he signed at the beginning was shitty and the manager didn’t want to settle for new conditions he found more favorable/fair) that lasted two years and during which he couldn’t publish anything because in the contractual drama there were also song rights involved. So: it was not the best time of his life and he felt it as a betrayal of sorts since he was actually close to the guy and considered him a friend.

With that said, let’s go at it:

Johnny works in a factory and Billy works downtownTerry works in a rock and roll band looking for that million-dollar soundMe sometimes I don’t do nothing, some spend a lot of time aloneSome nights I go to the drive-in and some nights I stay home

Now: the two people in the first line are probably imaginary and they’re there to establish a situation, in the sense that factory and downtown are two types of job that he could have had and his friends could have had, while the third one is relevant to our discussion because he works in a rnr band looking for that million-dollar sound, which is what *he* was doing up until he actually published Born to Run and hit it.

And then, he doesn’t do nothing, spends time alone etc., which is (according to his autobiography too) what he was doing when he couldn’t write or record music thanks to the trial and when he was starting to hit a fairly bad phase in his life. So: he’s basically staying on his own with his thoughts. Not good.

Now: he goes to the drive-in.

I followed that dream just like those guys do way up on the screenRode down the Challenger down Route 9 trough the dead ends and all the bad sceneWhen the promise was broken, I cashed in a few of my own dreams

Key elements we have here: dreams and cars.

Now: follow that dream is the title of another seminal mythical Springsteen bootleg which also sums up a lot of his philosophy, and it’s in a few other songs of his, but in this case: he followed that dream the way people did in the movies, meaning, making music, but that can also apply to anyone trying to make their way through life following some dream they have.

Now: the Challenger is a car which is one of his most basic metaphors, and in this case he rides it ‘through dead ends and bad scenes’, but it’s kind of obvious that it’s about his music, not a car, which he brought through dead ends and bad scenes meaning all the false starts he had until he could actually publish his records.

And then the promise was broken and he cashed in a few of his dreams, meaning that when the legal drama started, he saw it as a broken promise which eventually ended up having to sell his music ie his dreams, which was not what he was hoping for when he went into the business. Actually:

Well now I built that Challenger by myself, but I needed money and so I sold itAnd I lived a secret I should’ve kept to myself, but I got drunk one night and I told itAll my life I fought the fight, the one that no man can ever winEvery day it just gets harder to live the dream I’m believing inThunder Road, here one ride in the morning till it turns lightThunder Road, there’s something dying out on the highway tonight

‘I built that Challenger by myself’ = I wrote that music by myself obviously, and ‘I needed money and so I sold it’ = ‘I signed a bad contract also to survive and bring it to the people’, but that goes into the main narrative of the *fictional character* he’s singing about who has built that car and then sold it. But what’s the real deal in this is the middle section ie I fought the fight no man can ever win + it gets harder to live the dream I’m believing in, as in, we’re back to the main themes of the album consisting in how following your dream doesn’t necessarily means getting what you want nor the end of your problems/fights (the fight that no man can ever win) and living in it can turn into a nightmare (because it gets harder).

Now: the Thunder road part in the refrain has another double meaning because it’s, again, both the title of one of his most iconic songs and the title of a noir movie (remember: he goes to the drive in and wants to live his dreams like people on a screen from before), and we have a) one ride in the morning until the light comes (hopeful imagery), b) something dying on the highway tonight (negative imagery), so that dream he achieved - or anyone else - can either end up hopeful or wrong and it can even be both at the same time, or maybe you can hope it goes well while in truth it’s wrong. Who knows. IT’S UP TO THE INTERPRETER.

Well now I won big once and I hit the coast, oh but somehow I paid that big costI feel like I was carrying the broken spirits of all the other ones who lostWhen the promise is broken you can go on living, but, man, it steals something from down in your soulLike when the truth is spoken, but it don’t make no difference, something in your heart grows coldWell I followed that dream in the southwestern flats to the dead ends and a two-bit barsWhen the promise was broken I was far away from home sleeping in the backseat of a borrowed car

And now we’re at the big guns.

‘I won big once and I hit the coast’: general enough that you can see yourself in it if it happened to you, but if you know the backstory you know it’s about him finally getting to publish his music and somehow paying that big cost anyway (count that in between that, the previous contractual conditions and having to pay off contracts and so on he was half-broke at least until the River tour);

‘the broken spirits of all the other ones who lost’: he feels like even if he won or partially won, he’s still feeling a kinship with anyone else who went through the same situation;

‘you go on living but it steals something down in your soul’: whenever someone breaks your trust in such a bad way when you were intimate friends or partners or whatever even if you go on it breaks something in you that might never change back and it’s actually… a very… universal thing I mean it’s true that if you get betrayed by someone you’re close to it’s usually a bad blow, which goes hand in hand with the ‘something in your heart goes cold’ the moment someone tells you the truth and for you it changes nothing when it should;

the final line is more his fictional character than him, but it lines up with the rest because we have again following a dream through dead ends and he sleeps in the seat of a borrowed car, because he sold the one he made with his own hands and so the breaking of that promise goes with having to sleep somewhere that’s not his and that he can’t relate to and that he feels like has been stolen from him - and he’s also far away from home ie in the place he should feel safest/more at ease.

And:

Thunder Road, here’s one for the lost lovers and all the fixed gamesThunder Road, here’s one for the tires rushing by in the rainThunder Road, remember me and Terry what we’d sayThunder Road, we’re gonna take it all and throw it all away

We’re back at the Thunder Road refrain, where it stands for: a) lost lovers/fixed games ie all the relationships he lost and all the *games* that he hadn’t thought existed before going into the business, b) tires rushing by in the rain ie an image of someone running away in a car under the rain which is not exactly a good omen but still is about getting out of a situation you don’t like, c) something he and the friend in the band used to say, which is d) we’re taking it all and throwing it all away which is the exact same idea as the it’s a town full of losers and we’re pulling out of here to win of Thunder Road’s ending, except that TR’s is optimistic, this one is more ‘we said we would do it and then look at how we ended up’. It’s probably interesting to note that Terry is also the name of the friend in Backstreets with whom the protagonist has a falling out thanks to a supposed betrayal:

Blame it on the lies that killed us Blame it on the truth that ran us down You can blame it all on me Terry It don’t matter to me now When the breakdown hit at midnight There was nothing left to say But I hated him And I hated you when you went away Laying here in the dark You’re like an angel on my chest Just another tramp of hearts Crying tears of faithlessness Remember all the movies, Terry We’d go see Trying to learn to walk like the heroes We thought we had to be Well after all this time To find we’re just like all the rest Stranded in the park And forced to confess To hiding on the backstreets

I mean, coincidences? We just don’t know, but I DON’T THINK IT’S 100% A COINCIDENCE that the name is similar and that this is the guy who gets mentioned again at least here rather than the other two. Anyway that’s me doing speculation lmao.

Anyway: this song had endless versions and it only ever was published two decades after the fact because it was Too Personal and he couldn’t find the proper, but even if it’s really personal it still manages to be relatable thanks to those key passages in stanzas 2 and 3 (the fight that no man can ever win/when the promise is broken it steals something from down in your soul) and while I don’t know if it’s The Best Springsteen song as a lot of people rightfully think (BECAUSE IT’S A FUCKING GREAT SONG) it’s definitely one of the most intimate, raw and beautiful Springsteen songs exactly for how his experiences are made relatable to everyone else in a way that’s imo heartwrenching and bye I love this and I love all of the other versions and BRUCE IS GREAT OKAY? okay. ;__;

[alyjojo]

Someone I have had on my mind lately: my ex fiancé, Daniel.

Why: because I’m reading a book about this amazing guy that’s graduating from his seminary in order to be a pastor, and the girl feels awkward, uncomfortable and not good enough. And that is literally my story with Daniel.

May as well stop reading here.

The book says nothing about this on the back, I don’t try to pick things that make me reflective. On the contrary, I try to avoid all of that if possible thx.

Once upon a time: my ex turned into the biggest jackass alive and I hated him with every fiber of my being, in between tears 🙄

I did something I’d never do again, but wouldn’t tell someone not to do either?? My best friend made me get a Facebook, back when it was mostly college kids and I didn’t know that. I had a MySpace ok wtf do I need this thing for. *insert laughs*

So while on this new...thing, I was determined to meet new people. A guy. A better guy than the douchebag that stared at his watch for 4+ years. First I prayed, deeply. Help me find the right one that’s gonna make me forget this other asshole...whew lord I hated him.

I don’t remember what I typed or how I ever found him, but whatever it was, he was the first. Public page. All I saw was he was in college. Super cute and just seemed interesting, unlike anyone I’d ever known. Liked things I’d never heard of. Added him, and honestly expected rejection or nothing at all.

Funny things about my Astro chart: Scorpio 7th. This guy pulled me like a moth, Scorpio. Aries moon and rising. How in the how I have no idea. How was he single? Later...how would we ever work...

He immediately blew up my inbox flirting after adding me back, and the poking, waving, flirting thing when everyone did it, that was constant, always sending me funny videos of things I’d never seen before but loved.

He was, in every sense, 100% perfect. Looks, attitude, romantic, so ungodly (probably more godly though fr...) sweet it was almost kinda nauseating if you’re not used to it...which I wasn’t. At all.

He worked at the best children’s hospital in the city. He volunteered to hold sick babies, after his shift. He called me on his breaks and insisted I join him for lunch, every shift. He introduced me to all of his friends. He lived on campus in the most beautiful seminary I’ve ever seen. He brought me flowers every time I saw him. He seemed to not need sleep ever because he was stuck on me like glue all hours.

The church thing didn’t bother me at first. I went to an event with him and watched him...he was incredible. It started sinking in slowly. I was too in love with everything I saw & felt that was new.

My bffs bday came and we all went to a party. Had some (a lot) drinks. Idk how it came up, I think as a joke. Someone said so when are you two getting married. And he asked me. I thought he was joking, so I laughed and said absolutely. We’d been dating I think exactly 2 months at that point 😳

Next day. He has me pick out a ring. And I’m like wowww you mean...you really mean it. And I picked out a ring not even thinking really...it was the most incredible road I was walking down, without any of the substance that should’ve been happening inside my own self.

A week later and I guess dad was stalking my MySpace because for our Xmas visit he’s like “have anything you want to tell me?” 🤨

Emphasis on the 🤨 bc that’s his real face

I’m like no 👀 Becauseeee idk. I knew. Something.

So I meet his family. They are incredible. All of them. Accomplished, educated, so amazingly nice all of the time, and brilliant...they all played piano and sang Broadway musical songs in their living room. I was elated. And ashamed. I didn’t belong there, and that gnawing feeling only kept growing. All the inside of my head kept telling me on repeat is “you can’t be a preacher’s wife, who tf are you trying to fool?”

My friend at the time scolded me daily. “DO YOU LOVE HIM??” To my “well...I sure the hell want to” and she’s like “omggg NO, you’re making the biggest mistake, NO”.

Beautiful beautiful boy. I broke his heart the next month. I had to, I felt. I cried too much over my assholier than thou ex to be serious. That serious. Wayyy too serious. So instead I lived out my self proclaimed prophecy of being a douchebag.

Shortly after my friend posted a picture of my much older former boss, to which I had something inappropriate to say to HER not knowing they were friends 🤡 He was in my DMs by midnight...he was in the middle of a divorce and the mistress was...the actual mistress and she was fn crazy so...not having to have that title of drama starter or anything solid, that started quick as a flash. That was just supposed to be fun with no strings, and it was, mostly. That was the whole appeal. I liked that he was (is?) a douchebag, we shared a sort of kinship in that respect. He’s the reason I ever went back to that job, and the only reason I ever met my husband. He’s also the reason I liked my husband so much.

He is Gemini/Cancer with Leo Mars. I tend to have great relationships with both Gemini sims and Cancer moons, though separately. And Cancer moon is so gah damn manipulative. I was so alienated by the bs that the friendship part drowned. Can’t have both. Are you full of shit or is there something, it’s a constant game, which I learned rather quickly. I’d say it was off and on but it never really turned off or on, it just was. Like one egg in that basket, for the yolo.

Hubby is Aqua/Sag with my own Mars, heavy Cap. Polar Opposite.

Could not be more opposite.

And I felt 100% myself, safe, loving...right feels right. It had been some years by the time.

I have no regrets, except not seeing it sooner. My experiences led me the way I was supposed to go.

But I’ll always feel a little sad when I read this book, or am otherwise (quite rarely) reminded of Daniel. I wish I’d have never found him. I don’t think I ever could have believed someone so genuine & wonderful could even exist if I hadn’t though.

[survivorindia]

Disturbing Patrons with my Mental Breakdown- Kendall (Episode 8)

Okay, soooo. I'm pretty sure all of the returnees threw the challenge RIGHT OUT THE FUCKING WINDOW in order to vote out the minority newbies... Aka me.... So, I'm pretty pissed off as it's evident that I'm the only one who actually TRIED at this challenge, when I clearly shouldn't have because I'm extremely sick with strep and should be sleeping all day. SOOO, that was a huge waste of my time and I'm pretty pissed about it... But it's fine, bitches. Satan will see you in hell <3 :*

OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD WE JUST THREW THE CHALLENGE. I have never thrown a challenge before and that was terrifying. If this backfires on me i'm gonna look like a moron but I have good faith. Hopefully bye bye Ruben, Worst case scenario bye bye Casey, Worst-Worst case scenario bye bye allies, and Worst-Worst-Worst case scenario bye bye Jordan

i definitely picked my tribe with the intention of screwing someone over. i think things have revealed themselves nicely on where loyalties still lie, and while one or two people might think they're in the driver's seat, i'm in a good position to shift the gears without them noticing. and that means their car will crash and we all die. hehe.  i'm prepared to make a move if we lose immunity, but im not letting that happen. i want to win this one just so i can be safe one more round. figure things out a little more. let tea spill. but i'm not going to let myself make the same mistakes and spill my guts to anyone willing to listen. i'll keep information to myself. i know i'm on the bottom of the returnees alliance and probably the newbies one, too. but i'm content for right now, because ultimately the returnees will start to fall. we'll be picked off one by one. dom wants to throw immunity, and sometimes its not a bad idea to do that, but this round, it needs to not happen. ruben will likely go home but i dont think he trusted me in the first place, so it's his time. sorry.

i'll take his position if he does. lexi needs a #2 and its between robin and myself. i respect robin bc they were there for me when i had no one else there for me. i feel like i've known them for years, but we just met and thats powerful. i have a powerful bond to this person. they're important to me. but this is also a game and i know my competition when i see it. if they have to go at my expense of making it another day, i'll do it.  idk if im still a villain or if im becoming a hero. i think that's up for determination. 

LOOOL WILD TRIBAL. BUH-BYE, JULIA. GLAD I DIDN'T SEE YOU AHAHAHAAAAA

This is oh so sweet. If everything goes well, bye bye, Ruben! This one's for Johnny.

Can i just say........ HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA FUCK YOU JAIDEN FUCK YOU DOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOLY FUCK SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED SINCE JULIA LEFT. Lets get down to brief overview and how i feel about it  1) Julia gets voted off.....SO MAD 2) Alex, Dom, Jaiden are in clear alliance of three, split the tribes up so everyones pair is separated...so basically...jordan and I are gone, casey and ash, ruben and lexi ...u get the point. 3) They put me on a tribe to fuck me over...im gone when they make these tribes and I come back to the ugliest tribe ever. Jaiden. Robin. Dom. Lexi. Alexis. Ashley and I. Now Ash and I are just sitting there like.................................i – i- this plan is so obvious??!?!? and do those three boys think its not obvious their together and they did this on purpose to FUCK ME OVER!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??! um why u so obsessed with me BACK OFF 4) Ashley calls me at work during the comp and TELLS ME DOM IS TRYING TO THROW THE COMPITITION..................to say that the reason hes doing that is to save casey....thats right CASEY. YA RIGHT DOM FUCK OFF WHO DO U THINK WE ARE..........................now lets talk about this because ...................bitch u really want to try me!?! I know those three boys arent as stupid as their moves are coming off!?!? but do they think this is believable!?!?!? Seriously? Im kinda confused because a) They vote julia equalling in jordan and i coming full force on them.....like if ur gonna go for the two headed snake ....dont go for its tail? Sorry but julia was just a number. Jordan and I are the ones who game talk together and as much as i hate playing with him...i love playing with him if that makes any sense. b) you want to throw a competition...to what? To get me out? um....do you underestimate jordan , kendall and I? Yea were on two different tribes but its clearly obvious im fucked over. As if they wouldnt throw this comp.  5) We win immunity....and you would think the way ppl were acting was as if we lost. But it was so obvious everyone of them threw that and im PISSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [7:00:19 PM] jaiden: that's fucking bullshit [7:00:24 PM] jaiden: I went back and CORRECTED myself [7:00:26 PM] jaiden: i'm pissed [7:00:36 PM] jaiden: I'm glad we won but FUCK. THAT. [7:09:57 PM] Sarah: ARENT U HA;PPPYYY [7:10:00 PM] Sarah: YUHJGEDSXF [7:10:08 PM] jaiden: that would've been sooooooo bad sarah [7:10:19 PM] jaiden: I would've felt like SHIT if we had to go to tribal all because I made a simple mistake ............Jaiden................You had the lowest score on our tribe. And you think i didnt know I was going if we lost?.... “Simple mistake” mhm HUNTY I BELIEVE U FOR SURE Now its kinda obvious what dom is doing and honestly......................................fuck u wtf do u think ur doing being a better player than me? I cant wait till i vote ur ass out. Please take it as a compliment Actually...wait  no fuck u binch face motherfuck i hate u anyways so i was thinking that if we lost immunity ...i could come up with a plan. Jordan gives me the idol, it will be publicly shared, Jaiden will immediately come to me freaking out because hes being a fake ass, asking if jordan gave me the idol...I will tell him (in confidence HAHHAHAHAHAHA) that jordan gave me a fake one and that i only did it so people are scared to vote me out. He'll tell dom so they dont switch votes on Ashley. Then when I get majority votes ill idol out my votes, ashley puts one vote on me, i put one vote on dom so it ties. So if dom plays his idol it will be WASTED ANYWAYS. But if they split votes then ill be safe who cares if ashley goes home. Because im safe and in f13!!!!!!!!!! and hopefully merge happens soon so i can stop doing this. But its ok bc im gonna pray kendall and jordan throw the next comp. Honestly I love Kendall so much I want a f2 with her now that Julia is gone. So watch out for that in the future. http://i.imgur.com/D8kFHyf.gif DONT MESS WITH ME I WILL SELL MY SOUL JUST TO MAKE SURE I MAKE MERGE

Candle added Jordan Pines to this conversation.  From: Candle Jordan you know I adore you Sent on: 2:10 pm  From: Jordan Pines oh no Sent on: 2:10 pm  From: Candle But if you want to make a group chat, do it yourself Sent on: 2:10 pm From: Candle From: Jordan Pines hahahaha Sent on: 2:10 pm From: Jordan Pines this callout XDDDDDD Sent on: 2:10 pm  I couldn't have said that better myself Sent From: Candle Kay well I’ve made my point so get off my lawn you damn youngings Sent on: 2:11 pm Candle has removed Jordan Pines from this conversation Candle has removed Gavin from this conversation  AYYYYYYYE. YES. KENDALL. YES.

I hate getting lied to at Tribal Councils, but Julia left which is actually a good thing and kind of my fault oops. It's Kendall all over again in Malaysia. 

 But yeah, things got messy but I got to pick my tribe for the tribe swap. Jaiden and I got on call and decided we were going to split everyone up (Sarah/Jordan, Ruben/Lexi, Casey/Dom), so that's really fun and exciting. It'll be neat to see how everything goes with the pairs being split. Gavin and I are still together which is sweet. 

 I'm pissed about the vote count at Tribal. Jaiden ruined my no vote streak, but at least he did it on Day 87 for me not getting votes, which is my favorite number. 

I haven't been having fun in India and I never really knew why. It wasn't as though I was losing, it wasn't as though I was in any danger. I was just bored... it felt like something was missing, aside from my soul. So I had a heart to heart with myself over a cup of coffee. I went up to me and said "Me, what's wrong? I've been acting sadder then I usually am, what's wrong egg?" I simply gave myself a shrug and sadly responded "I dunno, I really want to have fun but something is missing... it feels like I am going through the motions," I gave myself a sad sigh. "Oh me, what am I going to with I? How am I going to win a game that I don't have the will to even play," It was at this time I was politely, but sternly, asked to leave by the Starbuck's Barista because I was "disturbing patrons with my mental breakdown," Which was bullshit by the way, I've had like 6 mental breakdown and they are not nearly as tame as me talking to myself. And so, as I argued with the barista and as threatened to call the cops, I had a realization. I have been experiencing the human emotion known as 'pouting'. I have given up because I felt like I had no opportunity to get to the end, that I was either going to get dragged as a goat or voted pre merge. But I have things I can use to my advantage. I don't have to lie down and play dead. If I just pretend to be a good little soldier until merge, reconvene with Sarah and some others, I could do something incredible. For now I just need to play nice. I have decided to stick with my allies. Not because I suddenly grew a brain. Not because I felt some sort of kinship with them or 'friendship'. It's just the best thing I can do Here is an elaboratation on my reasoning the form of a chart: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1qPAkC4IhbNWgE2II29QqNaQFR1rgckfBEK_yKCOat5A/edit?usp=sharing 

Oh right, I almost forgot to mention during my ego maniacal ramblings. We are going to probably through the challenge to save Sarah (For strictly strategic purposes... I promise). I say probably because nothing has been confirmed. TBH if we lose, even if it is unintentionally, I'm about 80% sure Jordan Pines will claim that he meant to do it. Welp that's a common side effect of working with a narcissist. What are you gonna do?

Okay so FUCK this tribe swap. I am literally stuck on a tribe of people I have like never even spoken to, that is my fault of course, but damn how did I get so unlucky? Jaiden says he chose me because I am good in challenges and that I am a nice person, I mean that is nice and all but I am now separated from Gavin, Jordan, Alex, literally anyone who I actually liked and was hoping to really get to work with. This counting challenge is also a goddamn mess. Dom has gotten us like -25,000 points already ON PURPOSE. He tells me he likes me and isn't coming after me, but that leaves only two other returnees on our tribe that he could go after; Jaiden and Sarah. Sarah is kind of certain that Jaiden and Dom are working together, which kind of goes against the whole "newbies vs. villains" thing they are trying to start. But who knows. I can only hope the guys on the other tribe will also try throwing some challenges to give Sarah and I a chance over here on this tribe. They don't want newbies to have majority either.

Jaiden picked me to be on his tribe so that was perfect because I really did not want to be on the other tribe. Lexi spoke to me a bit and let me know that Ruben talked highly of me and how she was fond of me for that reason Robin's nice Jaiden's cool and we've both wanted to be on the same tribe for quite a while now so that finally happened Ashley rarely ever speaks to me and forgets to reply constantly Sarah only now started talking to me a bit more since she believes she's in the minority and Jordan probably said she could flip me Dom is a bit suspicious at times but I believe he trusts me and that he wants to take the newbies far I lost it again last night after the results, I should have done my confessional then but everyone already assumes I'm already crazy so maybe we'll save that for later. I feel a bit more calm now but last night I wanted to request tribal and still do sort of but I don’t think it’s possible. I wish I threw the challenge since I hate when the other tribe gets what they want and I don’t want Ruben to go. I like this Lexi, Robin, Dom group going on so I am hoping to solidify that soon and I think they assume it’s newbies vs returnees still. I’m hoping that by some miracle, a returnee gets voted out and apparently Dom just handed Ruben an idol. I believe Jordan assumes I’m closest with him still and that’s why Sarah has been trying to talk to me more lmao! I like Jordan so we'll see where that goes but he's controlling a huge part of the game as of now. Sarah should have tried a bit earlier to speak to me because now it seems like desperation, but I’ll keep playing this middle role, it amuses me. Sarah said she only really talks to Ashley so that's nothing new since I assumed she was close with her from that returnee alliance before the swap. Here’s to hoping the next challenge is something easily thrown so we can finally say goodbye to Sarah or Ashley :)

That was honestly a messy challenge result. I don't necessarily blame anyone for throwing though. I didn't know I was in the negatives so I'm sure everyone probably made mistakes they didn't catch. I'm worried for Ruben. He's the only one from my old alliance on the other tribe. Dom gave him his idol though so he'll hopefully be safe. On another note, I've been talking to the other Lexi. To be honest, if started off because I confused her for lexi my ally. We're getting along pretty well. She's definitely someone I'd like to work with in the future. Jaiden's also pretty cool so I have my bases covered once we go to tribal