#if he didn't want people to wish ptsd and suicide on him he should have picked a better country to be born in

[whumpfish]

Some of you don't know your fucking history and it shows

[hispg]

Safe haven

Pairings: Leon x Reader

Wc:4.0k

Summary: How Leon deals with his ptsd over the years.

Warnings: hurt/comfort, angst, depressive thoughts, suicidal intent, Leon hating himself.

An: This one follows the cannon order, so it starts with r2 Leon, r4, r6, vendetta, ends with Death Island.

Denial

Since Leon returned from Raccoon City, nothing has been the same. You've seen the man you knew die day after day, his personality changing like water to wine. And he knew it, he knew it better than anyone.

You still remember perfectly when he arrived, covered in blood, with a bandage on his arm, a face with the most terrified expression you could imagine.

The horrors he had witnessed in that place were simply out of this world. What should have been a simple first day at work turned into a living hell. There were things he wouldn't erase from his memory, the way he had to kill all his co-workers, the way he saw everyone around him die. He felt bad, guilty, even though he had no control over it.

It was a lot for one person, a lot for him to process.

A night that would mark him for the rest of his life.

In order not to involve you too much in the subject, he never went into too much detail, just briefly saying something or other. But you could imagine, the way his fear was clear on his face, his lips trembling every time he tried to talk to you about what had happened.

You saw the way he woke up every night, covered in a layer of sweat, whimpering and almost screaming in his room. He never slept properly, always woke up in a state of sheer panic, and it only got worse as time went on. It wasn't something he could control, not even he himself could believe that he had come out of that nightmare alive.

And he often wished he hadn't.

All he forced himself to believe was that it would be something momentary, an event that he would forget or at least get better with the passage of time.

But it didn't.

He beat himself up every day, unable to forget a single second of that night. He could have helped more, he could have done more, maybe he could have saved more people.

Deep down, he knew it was impossible. A simple situation where a hundred were sacrificed to save one.

There were days when he couldn't even leave the house, and he also begged you to stay with him. A panic attack that haunted him almost daily, he needed you to be there. At least he knew you would be safe by his side, and he needed you, as if you were the air he breathed.

All this was due to the fact that he couldn't cope on his own, if you didn't sleep next to him every night, he wouldn't even try to close his eyes. Because he knew he wouldn't be able to doze off for a single moment, not that he'd ever get a good night's sleep.

He often refused, refused to believe that it was real, refused to believe that it had ever happened. But every time he closed his eyes and heard the screams of agony echoing in his head, he remembered the painful reality.

It was almost customary for him to try to recover from everything he had experienced, to lift his face, wipe away the tears and force an expression from someone who was fine.

But you and he knew it was just a lie.

Everything took a turn for the worse when he was interrogated and basically forced to work for the government. It was a 'deal', he would work for the government in exchange for the little girl safety, a little girl called Sherry, who he found and saved in the middle of the chaos that night.

Although he didn't want to, he didn't think it was fair to let a girl as young as her suffer in a laboratory, maybe it was crazy to compromise his life for someone he barely knew. But that was him, the guy who put others before himself. So he accepted the 'agreement'.

He just wanted to be someone normal, to forget about that damn trauma, to forget about the pain of that night and to put all those events behind him.

But he couldn't, and maybe he wasn't ready for that fact.

The Leon of before no longer existed, maybe a small sketch left, but he would never be able to get back on his feet and be like before.

Never.

Anger

Leon's life began to turn upside down even more, after the hell that happened in Raccoon City, he was forced to go to military training, supposedly to serve the government. Even years after what happened, the night was still incredibly vivid in his mind. Every detail was stagnant in his memory, a mark he couldn't remove.

All he felt now was anger, all hidden in that sullen face that had become his usual expression. He hid behind it, hoping you wouldn't notice how cold and indifferent he was becoming. It was the only way to protect himself that he found.

And he hated that things were this way.

What he didn't expect was that he would become an agent working for the President. Everything that had already happened to him was enough, and he still seemed to be getting worse and worse.

Like a bottomless pit, he just fell lower and lower.

At this point he no longer cared about much, he was becoming more and more stressed with work and that damn training.

You lost count of how many times he came home scratched, bruised, with some part of his body purple. One time he even arrived with a broken rib, and he didn't even try to explain to you what had happened.

He just did his bandages silently, with your help. And he didn't even say a single word about it, and you worried like crazy. You didn't even know if he would arrive in one piece the next day.

It wasn't difficult to assimilate all the abuse he was suffering in that place, you had already heard a few times the way some of his training partners spoke to him on the phone. They weren't friendly at all.

All he did was hide what he felt with that sulky face, more and more you saw him becoming closed off. It was rare that he talked about his training, or his day.

Even he had become increasingly discreet about his nightmares, or even his anxiety attacks. He always thought he could handle it on his own, it was his problem. That he had learned to cope, or at least he thought he had.

Because it was the same story as always. Just a man doing what he hated, reliving the past and charting a hateful future.

And that couldn't be avoided.

And well, nothing got better when he was called to a mission in Spain, looking for the President's daughter. He didn't feel excited about the situation at all, he didn't even want to go. However, there wasn't much of an option.

He tried to warn you, in fact he didn't warn you, he just said he was going to Spain, just like that.

It wasn't hard to imagine that this caused a small fight between you, since he could at least tell you what it was about. But he didn't say.

"Don't pressure me, don't even try to look into things that's not your business." Leon hisses at you, turning his back and leaving you behind with tears in your eyes. All you heard after was the door slamming, and he disappeared for a few days.

Surely he knew the shit he had done, and every moment that passed he felt his heart tighten. His anxiety reaching its worst peaks. As he began to understand what was happening in that old village, he felt terror wash over him once again. The fear of not being able to return terrified him, he doesn't even know how he managed to stay upright in the face of all that.

He felt trapped in a nightmare again.

Another hell, he didn't even know that he would go through a situation similar to Raccoon City again, but to his displeasure it happened. Once again he doesn't know how he came out alive, he was terrified of witnessing death several times in a row. The only thing he thought about was going home, he needed a place to call home. And he needed you, in a way he couldn't put into words. So many words he wanted to say, so many things he wanted to do, especially seeing more people around him die. After having done everything he did to survive.

He needed someone.

Everything he had planned to tell you went down the drain as soon as he got home, the first thing he saw was you lying on the sofa, wearing one of his shirts.

It didn't take long for him to take off his boots, and walk towards you, he was shabby, a complete mess. It was no surprise.

He gently gave you a gentle kiss on the cheek, so as not to wake you, and sat down on the floor next to you. He intended to spend the night there, as he certainly wouldn't be able to sleep no matter how hard he tried.

With his fists clenched, his face set, a strange feeling running through his body. Once again he felt like it was a tantrum, but it wasn't.

A single tear wet his cheeks, followed by several others.

And then he realized, the reality of the facts caught up with him.

And the terrifying feeling returned.

Understanding

A few more painful years passed, and it was indeed optimistic to say that things had improved. It was as if everything was exhausting, he couldn't have fun with the things he liked.

As if his life was in a loop where he couldn't stop, he couldn't get out of it. It just kept going again and again, it shouldn't be like this.

But was.

It wasn't hard to notice how grumpy he had become. He was no longer someone of many words, and now he was even more closed off. If it was possible.

The grown beard that only showed how disinterested he was in his own appearance. He was at a point where he barely looked at himself in the mirror, his dark blond strands falling down his face. And he didn't even bother to trim his hair and leave it the way he liked it.

He didn't even look in the mirror, he hated every time he saw his own reflection. He learned to hate every one of his scars, every mark that remained from his missions, he hated with all of his heart. It was an otherworldly aversion, he shouldn't feel this way about himself, but that didn't matter. Not now.

He learned to hate himself.

He hated the way that even after all these years his traumas still haunted him, the way he still had those terrible nightmares. He hated the way he treated you, so cold and distant.

So different from what he once was.

Since it all started in Raccoon City, he always knew that the part of the soul he lost there he would never recover. But he didn't imagine things would be this bad.

It was as if no moment was good, as if everything revolved around his work and the problems that came with it. He became such a focused person that he would sometimes go days without showering, with his hair all messy and his face completely tired. From someone who hadn't had rest in days. And that person was exactly him.

He would often make minimal effort to talk to you, try to start a conversation and tell you how his day was going. But who said he could? The poor man got so used to keeping things to himself that sharing it was complicated.

The words tumbled in his mouth, he couldn't form a sentence that made any sense and didn't sound desperate. But he failed as soon as he said the first word, and just ended up changing the subject.

Therefore, he learned that nothing would be the same as before, even after all these years in which he hoped that things would change, for the better. But to his chagrin this didn't happen, and everything went downhill.

He tried his best to come to terms with all of this, since he was already someone who had seen a lot, and had already done a lot as well. But that didn't stop him from feeling bad, from feeling like the weight of the world was on his shoulders.

And it wasn't?

At that point he ignored what he felt, if he was called to a mission he would simply go, even though he was extremely upset about the matter. Because in those moments he realized that he was just an object of the government.

A powerful weapon that was capable of stopping the crap that happened here or there, and that was it. Just it.

Nothing more than a weapon.

What else could he expect? The turn things took only made the government's intentions clear, and he didn't approve at all. He was always against it, but who said he was listened to?

He had already accepted this, a cruel fate from which he had little option of escaping. He had already dealt with it.

He forced himself to believe those words.

All he could do was hate himself more and more, every time he came home tired and saw you, his heart broke.

How did he still have you by his side? How the hell was such a sweet person still willing to stay by his side. It wasn't fair.

He deserved to be alone.

Day after day he found himself looking for things to get rid of the bitterness that his life had become, what he found was drinking.

One of the few things that let him breathe, even if just for a few hours. It started slowly, but he needed to increase it.

It was an obligation, it was either that or get home and feel like the worst person in the world. This addiction started slowly, in a subtle way.

However, it then got out of control, and once again he found himself in his worst state.

"There's no turning back.." A whisper coming from him, drunk and completely out of his mind.

His life was a dead end, and he had no hope that it would get better.

Another day of remorse, another day living in his shoes.

Depression

The only consolation he found now was drinking, at least it helped the pain go away for a moment. Even though at some point he had to increase the doses more and more, he needed it to take effect.

If at any point he had tried to have some closeness with you back, that had ended in the last few months. He couldn't even take care of himself, let alone take care of you.

He was a different man, and not in a good way.

At that point he already accepted that he had lost himself, that he no longer had salvation, his mind was torturing him.

It was suffering just to be alive.

The fact that he always lost people around him, that he had to kill his own team because he wasn't able to save them. How the hell was he supposed to survive with this? How could he say everything was fine?

Everything around him was dying, like he had a curse around him or something. Not even he wanted to understand this. The weight of the years he lived in this torture was catching up to him.

And nothing could be done, once again.

The nightmares, the weight on his conscience, the memory of each of the missions. It was an unhealthy cycle he was trapped in.

Certainly an addiction wouldn't solve the situation, but what would? Pay nicely as always? Hold his head up and follow orders like a puppy?

"Piece of shit." That's what he mutters when he sees himself in the reflection of his cell phone, disappointed with the way everything is happening. How he was dealing with all of this. His appearance was different, hair more swept to the side, a longer beard. Clothes that not even he knew he would wear at some point.

But what would be the other way? How?

Disappointment, anger, depression, all mixed up in his head. He didn't know what he should do with these bottled up feelings that were haunting him day after day.

All the missions, all the people he lost, everything he experienced. How could someone go through so much like that?

How could he have gone through this and still somehow moved on?

This time he didn't even bother trying to hide from you the displeasure he had created for life, he rarely spent time at home, and when he did it was all day grumbling or drinking.

A great guilt invaded him when you cried because nothing you tried to do seemed to help, but this wasn't about you.

It was about him.

His mood only worsened when Chris called him to another mission, actually it wasn't really a call, more like a statement that he was going to another mission.

This was his life for the last few years, mission after mission, without even a moment for himself, not that he was going to do anything other than drink in the meantime.

What could have happened special this time? Another mission where he comes close to death several times, where he simply doesn't know if he'll return home in one piece. And he could swear he didn't care about it or not.

At least he thought so.

But perhaps the fact of working with people close to him this time made him see that things could be worth it again. Although it wasn't the friendliest place to think this, he couldn't deny that it gave him some comfort since he worked with people he knew, especially Chris, who was one of the few people he liked at work. Despite grumbling a lot.

He appreciated the fact that things ended well this time, for the first time in a long time.

There was still a little light in the good things, in the little daily things. Sometimes things didn't always have a bad ending.

The people around him wouldn't always fade away or betray him, that wouldn't always be the course of things.

Maybe now he was ready to start improving a little, maybe yes, maybe no. He would only know if he tried.

Once the madness of the mission was over, all he could think about was you, he could only think about seeing you one more time after everything that had happened. It was a desire so big that it couldn't fit in his chest.

You can bet he was counting the minutes until he got home, he needed to feel your presence again. He needed to know that he had people who were there for him.

He needed your comfort, your reassurance.

Once he got home the first thing he did was look for you, it was more than a desire, it was a need.

Without you even realizing it, you see him leaning against the kitchen counter, with an almost unremarkable smile. You even surprise yourself, since it had been a good few months since you had seen even a trace of a happy expression on his face.

"I'm back.." He says in a whisper, looking at you gently for the first time in a while.

You look at him a little hesitantly, wanting to give him a hug, not knowing if he wanted that or not.

A simple gesture but one that made your day, he opened his arms to you, waiting for you to do what you wanted.

Without a shadow of a doubt he needed this as much as you did.

Maybe there's still a way out. Maybe there is still a way.

Acceptance

Leon was trying, he was trying his best to be a better man. You could tell that, the way he was cutting back on alcohol, the way he was trying to be more attentive to you.

These little things indicated an effort on his part, he didn't want to hate himself anymore, he didn't want to feel so indifferent anymore. Maybe it was time for a change, he didn't need to be like this anymore.

He had people he could count on, and after all, he had you. That even after his coldness in recent years, you never left him, it was time to reciprocate.

And of course there were things he couldn't let go of so easily, especially his problems with trauma, and he already knew that it was a weight he would carry for the rest of his life.

He would never forget.

But he was also trying to learn not to be like that anymore, things could still have a good side. He could still have hope, even if it was a mere drop. Life had been hard on him from the beginning, but he needed to find some motivation. He couldn't live regretting forever, putting himself down every time.

It was time to rise again, time to pick up the pieces and rebuild. Little by little, and of course he would never be the same as before. But he could be a better person, and he would do everything he could to make that happen. You could notice this drastic change even more, since he came back from the last mission, he was different. So proof is that, as soon as he got home he hugged you, and spent a good ten minutes like that.

Probably feeling overwhelmed with yet another mission, duties that seemed to never end. But he wouldn't think about that now.

He wanted to try to be happy. At least one attempt.

Small efforts, for example trying to open up to you, saying few things, but it was a great start. He knew that if he continued like this he would be able to share his problems with you, it certainly wouldn't weigh so much on him if he could share them with you.

His mind was still a mess, but he was trying to organize himself, put his thoughts in order. It was a long and difficult road, but he wanted to bet that he would make it.

It was the glimmer of hope he had.

Leon now went out with you, took you for rides on his motorbike. He begins to realize that life could go beyond work, that not everything needs to be so bad.

You could see him smiling more, he had even gone back to making those corny jokes that never failed to make you laugh. Most importantly, he seemed content, sometimes even at peace with himself.

The desire he had to disappear, little by little was fading, and he began to gain a little more zest for life. Things wouldn't always go wrong, and he could relax a little, even try to let his guard down whenever possible.

Even once you caught him laughing like a fool on his cell phone, only to see him having fun watching a video of a dog, which in his eyes was incredibly funny.

Seeing this, you decide to give him a pet on his birthday. And you almost cried once you saw the joy in his eyes, that sparkle in his eyes that you missed so much.

"I love you." A shy and low voice, accompanied by the most beautiful smile you've ever seen. How long has it been since you last heard this? The sweet way the phrase slid across his lips. A moment so subtle but so sweet, and one that you hoped would be repeated more and more.

Life was worth it, he would make it worth it again.

[wordsandrobots]

002 for Shino please 🙏

For this ask game. Major spoilers herein

How I feel about this character: 

What a perfect dummy.

Norba Shino is the living embodiment of why we care about Tekkadan. Because they are, despite their profession, just as capable of warmth, enthusiasm, care and love as any other bunch of kids. And of being idiots, of being horny, of committing all the mistakes and stupid arguments you'd expect from teenagers.

Which is why it's the right move for him to be the first major casualty as season 2 races towards its inevitable conclusion. All those things -- all that humanity -- leads to Shino's rash attempt to kill Rustal Elion, to him throwing his life away on something that serves very little purpose beyond making everyone feel better about having tried. It's prideful, stupid and reckless, driven by a desperate need to be taken seriously. Everything that makes Tekkadan what it is.

Also he's bi as hell. I adore the great big jug-eared lunk.

All the people I ship romantically with this character: 

Hmm. See, sexually, I could ship Shino with practically anyone. My man is not fussy and he has the kind of personality that could mesh well with most of the cast, frankly. But romance . . . I dunno. I don't actually think, at the point he is in the show itself, Shino is very much capable of romance.

Regardless, current run down of slash-pairings I have written/may write:

Yamagi/Shino = 'I finally got a clue and also PTSD'

Yamagi/Shino/Eugene = 'hey, did you know I'm allowed to sleep with my friends?'

Yamagi/Chad/Shino = 'my partner's boyfriend is having a bad day'

598/Yamagi/Shino = 'that kid we met once grew up hench as fuck and just blurted out 'you're really pretty' at Yamagi while half-drunk - let's go!'

My non-romantic OTP for this character: 

Shino and Eugene are best buddies for life. Poly-shipping aside, I see those two as joined at the hip forever, with their friendship long predating Orga and Mika's arrival at the CGS.

And yes, Shino's been winding Eugene all the time they've known each other but 1) Eugene needs people to call him on his ego and 2) the way he's still prepared to be vulnerable around Shino anyway means something, you know?

My unpopular opinion about this character: 

OK, I don't know if this is unpopular, but I stand by the idea Shino is not actually a fundamentally nice person. That is to say, for all he's an unabashed cheerleader for his friends, a walking bear-hug of a personality, and generally quite sweet in his ignorance, he's also completely at home with violent behaviour. Of all the mecha pilots on Tekkadan's side, Shino is the one who most readily gives the impression of *enjoying* the fights. He's eager for it, wants to prove he's capable of winning, and readily lashes out when he's angry. He is, to my mind, very much a product of being socialised in a military setting and has absolutely no issues with solving problems via beating the tar out of them. A hell of a friend to have at your back but you do *not* want to be on his bad side.

Though obviously my actual unpopular opinion is it 100% took him that long to notice Yamagi was into him and didn't consciously consider being attracted to the guy until then. The pining was *never* mutual.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon:

*stares at the 600,000 words of fanfic predicated on him surviving his suicide run against the Arianrhod Fleet*

Funny you should ask.

No but seriously though, I would have liked his bisexuality to have been referenced outside the context of Yamagi. Like, it is pretty definitively text that Shino *is* bi, I just think it'd have been funny to establish that, no, he's capable of being attracted to other guys, he just genuinely had it fixed in his head that because Tekkadan were family, sex between them was off the table.

my OTP:

I mean it's not like I'm *not* a total sucker for the doomed in-canon pairing, is it?

What I think it is, is that it's established very quickly that Shino sees Yamagi as a friend and respects his abilities. To an extent, he even thinks Yamagi is really cool! Which, well, he thinks that about all his friends, but it establishes Yamagi isn't pining for nothing. This isn't a 'barely knows I exist' kind of crush, it's a 'I cannot spit out what I actually feel despite the fact the other guy likes hanging around with me and is never less than friendly and complementary'. It feels very 'normal teenager' in a way that, similar to Mika/Atra/Kudelia, contrasts poignantly with the situation everyone is in.

But there are also layers to it, or at least enough attendant details that allow for the possibility of layers. Shino has moments suggesting a fatal lack of self-confidence, for all his bigging up Tekkadan as a whole. He doesn't congratulate *himself* much and he reacts really badly to his skills being doubted, and to letting everybody else down. He's also not a pushy person which sits a little strangely with his otherwise loud, extroverted personality: despite having basically had Eugene confirm Yamagi is into him, he still makes space for the whole 'drinking the night away' thing to be an invitation rather than an assumption.

Yamagi, meanwhile, is blatantly not a shy person in general. He explores ideas off his own bat and presents them to Yukinojo, he's in his element ordering Dane and Hush around, and he gets to be a sarcastic little jerk more often than he pours oil on the troubled waters that are Takaki and Ride. Furthermore, while he lets his crush on Shino show blatantly when it can't be seen, his go-to reaction when observed is to become quite curt and cold. Shino jokes that Yamagi is 'scary' and it's clear the kid knows how to make his displeasure known. Plus, of course, Yamagi rejects -- off his own initiative -- a yearning to have died alongside Shino in favour of picking up where he left off, protecting Tekkadan.

There are angles there, is my point, to explore their similarities and to have their differences run counter to assumptions about who they are based on first appearances. I'm too deep into writing my version of this to be be objective any more but I really do think it's interesting to posit that Yamagi has the more durable personality and Shino a far more vulnerable one, ill-equipped to deal with, say, thinking his failure caused all his friends to die.

In the show, they're a could-have-been. They don't get their chance to be together and if they had, and things had generally gone better, it might not actually have lasted. I don't know how well Shino would have done in a first-time relationship after years of growing up too fast, and I don't know if Yamagi would have gotten what he was looking for out of it.

But give it a few years of Yamagi trying to live up to a Shino-shaped hole in the world and of Shino trying (failing) to live with himself over what happened and they become this wonderful, spiky ball of love, trauma and an enthusiastic openness about sex that comes of learning the cost of taking things too slow.

my cross over ship:

I'm semi-allergic to crossovers (they're just usually not my thing) so I really don't know . . .

a headcanon fact:

I already posted the one about how the thing he wanted to shut Zack up about was getting turned on by a dominatrix so let's go with . . .

Shino is from a big family. Like, over half a dozen kids stuck in one household with over-worked/struggling/absentee parents. That's why he tends to gravitate towards sharing space with the younger boys: it's what he's used to, since he's played the roll of an additional care-giver from the age of too-flipping-young-to-have-that-kind-of-responsibility. He is *really* good with kids, albeit more in a 'on their wavelength' kind of way than actually being anything like a responsible adult.

This is not the tragic part, at least not dramatically so since this is probably the case for a not- insignificant fraction of the Third Group. No, the kicker is that one day Shino's family upped and disappeared and he has absolutely no idea what happened to them. He was off earning money at the CGS and then the next time he went home, the building had been entirely cleared out.

He never talks about it.

------

Well that was probably an unnecessarily sad note to end on. But I really enjoyed writing this! I think I like this ask game :)

[scxttershot]

So I copied this over from my Discord rants last night - a brief text-based analysis of Floyd Lawton's character depth.

Re. Possessing no outward feelings except sarcasm and general assholery, suppresses everything else, subconscious belief that we deserve to be punished, chronic intimacy issues probably stemming from how fucked up his family is, actively suicidal with a death wish, debatably has 0 redeeming qualities on the surface, generally homicidal [bitch me too to all of this!!!!]. Despite everything, Floyd cares. He wouldn't be around other people by choice if he didn't. Waller has canonically offered him the chance to walk several times, as he's served multiple sentences. He wouldn't have damn near agreed with Peter/Ragdoll saying the Secret Six were his family if he didn't. Wouldn't have manipulated a doctor at gunpoint into telling a young woman who he at that point barely knew that she didn't accidentally cause her father's end stage lung cancer re. Lori/Black Alice. Also yeah his flings with Jeannette, Michelle, etc. were a lot more than just sex if you read Deadshot: Bulletproof or Gail Simone's Secret Six series, there's actual romance and protective feelings there. Susan Lawton who knows, it's hard to say and I really think what they had completely fell apart after their son was murdered, + her character wasn't super developed. In any case it's the classic machismo thing of "showing human emotion makes you weak and a liability" coupled with what I'm damned sure is PTSD. The reaper follows Lawton like a shadow. re. The Get Out of Hell card, he specifically steals it because he doesn't want to watch the Six tear each other apart over it. Also re. Floyd cares, 1987 Suicide Squad: he went with Digger to Digger's mother's funeral as a plus one and stuck around without even being asked. Meanwhile the entire time he's claiming not to like Captain Boomerang.

 And eventually, Floyd breaks out of that hard shell a little. It takes fucking RAGDOLL calling him [and Catman] out over it, and it's literally the final issue of the 2008 Secret Six series, but he's genuinely concerned and pained when Catman gets shot. For reference. If the guy who replaced all his joints with cybernetics and banged his own sister calls you out and makes an actually good point while doing so, that is both concerning and something you should probably listen to. Earlier in the run he also cares enough about Thomas to ask him personally to chaperone a date with Jeannette because Floyd is legitimately scared she'll take advantage of him, also. Is that referring to physically? Sexually? Emotionally? Probably all three. But nothing happens. Like. Damn. There's not a lot of content that goes out of its way to specifically show that a lot of Floyd's generally abrasive personality is an act. AS IT STANDS given pre-Crisis on Infinite Earths Floyd Lawton, lately DC has made him far too sympathetic for a homicidal contract killer. There is a very fine line between "likeable asshole" and "this is watered down to the point where sometimes it's but the vapor of a character". We need a balance, DC. And I hope, one day, someone can write that again.

[abyssal-endling]

any common threads in ur favorite characters/media?

ough. okay so i definitely love unhinged characters, himbos, and redheads. lets start there.

characters with family issues i definitely tend to lean towards. ones with trouble opening up or allowing themselves to rely on others, ones who feel things intensely, ones who push themselves to help others to the point of it harming them, disabled characters. Also, things that symbolize trauma

But I also adore characters that find beauty in small things.

(cw under the cut for csa/cocsa, suicide, self harm, depression, ptsd)

Spoilers for Silent Hill 2, Hollow Knight, Resident Evil, Yume Nikki, Gacha Game Impact

one of my favorite characters is Angela Orosco from Silent Hill 2. She was one of the first I ever saw myself in, too, at age 8 or so. A monster designed for Angela in the game is the Abstract Daddy- representational of the abuse she suffered at the hands of her brother and father, and there's a room that also represents what she endured as well. Angela ends up committing suicide later in the game, something that destroyed me when I played this game because I so desperately wanted her to happy ending. In my mind, if she could have one, I could, too.

Yume Nikki has a LOT of symbolism for abuse as well, and obviously Madotsuki dies at the end as well.

Resident Evil. God. Chris Redfield loses SO many people he cares for. The other members of STARS, Jill (albeit temporarily, but you see how it affects him in 5), Piers and the others on Alpha Team. In 6, Chris literally talks about how he wants to retire, how he's done. But he keeps going because Piers turns himself to save Chris. He looks noticeably more tired in each game. He didn't want his sister to follow in his footsteps, but that didn't work out.

Hollow Knight itself has a death grip on me, I love this game so much. Elderbug is the last one in Dirtmouth and he's SO appreciative when you talk to him. Quirrel slowly dying, enjoying the places in the world. Cloth wishing to die in battle to be reunited with her lover, sacrificing herself to aid you in battle. Myla, mining away and singing, even as infection takes over her. Cornifer has a line "we are extraordinarily lucky, you and I," regarding how you and he get to explore the world. Hornet, losing everyone, being the last protector of the kingdom, taking a moment to mourn her mother. Hollow, who loved their father so much, calling out to him with the Dreamnail and actively stabbing themselves in your fight.

Silly gacha game affected me with the storyline of a child who was sacrificed and is caught in a timeloop. You cannot save him, no matter how many times you go through the loop. And he's okay with it. He says it's okay that he'll die. You cannot save him. Another character befriends you and dies from trying to become strong enough to help you. One of the player characters fell into the game's equivalent of hell as a kid and his eyes no longer reflect light because of it, and he swears to never let his siblings' dreams die, even if it causes him himself extreme pain or death. Another player character became a zombie, but forgets things, and she doesn't remember her parents, or those she knew prior to her death thousands of years ago, while a third is in constant pain but refuses to let himself be near others for their own safety.

There's a lot of others, too. Characters that are deemed weird by other characters, or are outcasts. Father Grigori in Half Life? He's been driven mad, and he comes to help you, most likely sacrificing himself in the process. (We don't actually know for sure what happens but) Ethan Winters in Resident Evil loves so much that he survives for way longer than he should have. Houston being an outcast both in Payday AND in the community AND family problems. Vlad is crazy, an outcast, but he loves. He mentions how everything is fine as long as Harjudin is safe in Ukrainian Prisoner, and asks multiple times what's going on with Bain. Roderika in Elden Ring ough... There's a lot of characters that mean a lot to me.

I don't think I actually answered this but essentially characters and media that use symbolism in various ways, that explore trauma and/or show, appreciate smaller things, and find love in hidden places mean a lot to me

[shubashubashuba]

I started watching "I Got a Cheat Skill in Another World and Became Unrivaled in the Real World, Too" (tw anxiety, bullying, abuse, suicide)

I haven't really gotten that far into it. Hell, I only got through one and a half episodes. From what I've seen online, this anime is supposedly starting off strong and it's gonna fall off. I just kind of want to talk a little bit about what I think about it and talk about the general themes it goes over.

In the first episode, our protagonist is an overweight guy. He just graduated from middle school, so I'm going to assume he's anywhere from 14 - 15. It talks about how he's been overweight since he's been in kindergarten, and that his parents have been ashamed of even raising him. Even his siblings bully and make fun of him. When I say bully, I mean he gets beat up a lot. From this first episode, we can generally see that he gets physically abused by tons of people around him, and he just deals with it because he knows that he doesn't have the strength to fight back. Not just physical strength, but also emotionally.

The only person that didn't treat him this way was his grandfather. His grandfather was someone that always just wanted to see this kid do his best. When his grandfather had passed away, he left the deed to the house, along with everything in it, to our protagonist. This kid's parents ended up just taking the house and everything anyways, completely ignoring the grandfather's and the kid's wishes. Soon enough, the parents got really sick of having to deal with our protagonist, and they ended up saying that the kid can have everything (as he should have), as long as he cuts off all sorts of communication with the family. He ended up doing so, however despite this, his siblings still bully him and tell him to kill himself. Now, he survives purely off of part-time jobs, in which he also gets bullied by his co-workers. While walking home, he discovers a woman who's being forced against her will to go along with some men. Our protagonist decided to step in and try to stop this whole interaction, and whilst doing so, he got beat up by everyone. When the police come, the men have already fled. The protagonist walks home covered in bruises and blood, only to be met with the suicidal messages that his siblings have left written on his front door.

If it didn't sound obvious already, our protagonist has PTSD and social anxiety. He's an introverted person with a very low level of self-esteem, and I really started to relate to him this way. Not necessarily through experiencing the same sort of things that he's been through, but in the sense that I empathize with him in his general actions.

Later on in the first episode, he finds his grandfather had a secret room filled with all sorts of trinkets that he'd accumulated when travelling all over the world. This is where the isekai part comes in. I wouldn't really call this a proper isekai, but more of a 0.5 isekai. Mainly because he hasn't died, and is able to travel in between worlds however he likes. This one action caused him to change his appearance practically overnight, and now he's a hot anime character. Wow. He goes back to school where everyone sees him and goes "wow hot boy". When he goes to his class, his former bullies meet him and ask if he's a transfer student, and as expected from PTSD, he tenses up. By this point in the story, he still hasn't had a proper look at himself in the mirror because he broke his own mirror at home out of pure shame. Those bullies and his own siblings were shocked at the information that he was who he was because of the sudden glow up.

Turns out that the woman that our protagonist saved was part of the student council of a super fancy schmancy school that's only for the elite of the elite. She's here to get him to enroll in her school because of how indebted she felt to him. The protagonist's siblings were saying that they'd be a far better suit for the school than him, and that they should go instead. The lady says that she's done enough to research to figure out what kinds of horrendous acts that they've done to him, and firmly refuses them. Our protagonist ends up going over to take a look, and doesn't want to give in and just enroll. It's mainly because of his massive inferiority complex and low self-esteem.

This specific section is where I currently am in the story. The protagonist being all tense because he thinks that everyone hates him, and him just observing how classes work. The one thing I really want to talk about is how he viewed everything. He said that the classes weren't all that different from the classes at his former school, but the students were much more proactive. This sort of setting really hit me for some reason. It hit me enough to write out this entire damn thing. I found out in my last year of high school that the people you hang out with are what help you change as a person. You can change all on your own, but it's extremely difficult to do so. I learned that being friends with proactive people resulted in me being more proactive in general. I remember all of the people around me that used to put the music stands and chairs away after each rehearsal. I didn't really care personally and I just ended up walking off. But once I was friends with those people, it really made me want to stick around and help put things away too. It didn't stop at putting away music stands though. I had a friend in marketing that would always help the teacher whenever he needed help with anything. Whether it was helping move desks, helping him move anything he ordered, or just cleaning up after classes, he would always say "why don't you stay for a little longer? I want to talk to you a bit more." That experience alone helped me to really break out of my nervous shell, and it helped me meet more people than I could've possibly imagined. I don't think he knows about any of this, but I feel really grateful to him. Back to my original point, I think that being with proactive people really changed who I was as a person. Even if people didn't notice it, I felt it.

That final sentence is when my hands finally stopped tapping on this keyboard. I genuinely felt so extremely grateful to the people I met because of high school. Regardless of if anyone actually sees or reads any of this, know that I really appreciate you. To all of my friends who take the time to read this, I love you more than you could imagine. Even if we hadn't known each other for too long, I love you from the bottom of my heart. You've probably changed me in more ways than I can count, and you've made me really accept who I am as a person. I truly feel loved when I'm with you all. Through late night calls and those horrifying late night Minecraft sessions, I just wanted to let you know that I genuinely feel loved from you. That's all. I love you. A lot. I'll stop typing before I start crying.

[punkscowardschampions]

Ronnie & Joe

Ronnie: still stalking mckenna Joe: what, we can't BOTH like music? Joe: that's gonna be problematic for me tbh Ronnie: mozarts ghost aint gonna possess him in the encore Ronnie: you can fuck off Joe: you can enjoy your night Joe: I'll take my chances Ronnie: take your chances somewhere else Ronnie: or you wont have any Joe: you looking out for me? Joe: not necessary, I promise Joe: you look like you got your hands full as is Ronnie: its a threat Ronnie: shouldnt be necessary Joe: my apologies for making you work harder but its still not cutting it Ronnie: [throws something at him in a dangerous manner watch out everyone] Ronnie: we can both be into cutting Ronnie: not a problem for me Joe: [when he's probably with his flatmate or similar like they will complain honey they basics lmao, meanwhile just like 😏] Joe: careful, people will think you care Ronnie: what fucking people Ronnie: your girlfriend Joe: for one Ronnie: muzzle your bitch or give her shit to sink her teeth into Ronnie: it aint complicated Joe: I don't think not glassing randoms is exactly rocket science either Ronnie: nothing random about you Ronnie: you fucking wish Joe: you want some projection with that Joe: I found you, remember Ronnie: wasnt hiding nancy Ronnie: not still a runaway kid Joe: then don't hide Joe: I weren't looking for you, alright Ronnie: bullshit Ronnie: you said there aint no other bastards Joe: I meant tonight Joe: this is just coincidence, nothing more Ronnie: leave then Ronnie: your buyers remorse is about as welcome as you Joe: hardly Joe: that's not what it is either Ronnie: they were all out of shiny sisters baby Ronnie: take what you can get Joe: I've already got one of them Ronnie: yeah Ronnie: i remember Joe: you don't want a refill then Joe: replace the one you tossed Ronnie: you on the spectrum or do you not wanna read social cues Joe: well I ain't leaving either way but if you don't wanna make the most outta it Joe: 👍 Ronnie: keep putting words in my mouth & see what happens to yours like Joe: what spectrum are you on if you think that constitutes a please and thanks Ronnie: take it up with your ma Ronnie: she wasnt about to teach me how to play nice Joe: not really her forte Ronnie: thats why im still waiting for my plane ticket home yeah Joe: possibly Joe: I don't know Ronnie: 💔 Ronnie: how olds your good sister Joe: jury is out on good Joe: but 14 so we'll wait and see Ronnie: ill fucking drink to that Ronnie: if she was a write off shed already be Joe: depends on your perspective Joe: I try not to have one Joe: [is at bar] Ronnie: depends on your mas Ronnie: we cant all be black sheep Joe: exactly Joe: they don't really get on Joe: but she's probably just dreading the PTSD a teen pregnancy scare will bring Ronnie: should have kept me around Joe: yeah Ronnie: 1 more abortion and your country would offer me a fucking exorcism Ronnie: fun for all the family Joe: some girls have all the luck Joe: would not believe how hard it is for a lad to get one 🙄 Joe: [just putting the drinks for 'em on their table, when Charlie probs gonna flirt with you like oh hey] Ronnie: your girlfriend will let you hold her hand for her 1st Ronnie: stop sticking it in your cello & youll knock her up in no time Ronnie: [just staring at the drink like you've never seen one before] Joe: come on, she's CoE if I've ever seen it Joe: abortions? sure, but exorcisms ❌ Joe: [tryna just walk off but you know they'd be like who are you hello?! 'cos annoying lmao] Ronnie: not in ireland anymore baby Ronnie: [when you walk off like where the fuck have you got to be my dear] Joe: [at least he's not gonna drop the bomb, just being vague af like oh we met once or whatever goodbye] Joe: you gone yourself? 🛫🍀 Ronnie: on whos 💰 Joe: idk, your pals maybe Joe: but I've fucked off so he can at least top up your drink 'cos its long gone too Ronnie: wanker Ronnie: [comes back and punches charlie love you boy] Joe: [just wait 'til you have your own mindblown with that crazy connection boy] Joe: ✊ Ronnie: [gives him the biggest fuck you look ever like I can't believe you typed that] Joe: [just loling a lil 'scuse him company its not at whatever you said] Ronnie: [comes over, ignoring everyone else obvs, to drink his entire drink and walk off again] Joe: [omg stop flirting you two, everyone like what is going on tbh] Ronnie: [dancing with charlie cos he don't take kindly to being punched but you don't wanna answer his questions either] Joe: [save it for later you nosy hoe] Ronnie: [when you see his poor flatmate going to pee and follow her intimidatingly soz bitch] Joe: [this poor girl is in no way prepared lmao] Ronnie: [thinking she's about to get mugged or murdered] Joe: [when you're 18 and its your first time away from home no doubt this poor girl honestly] Ronnie: you deffo she aint catholic Ronnie: could see her in a penguin house Joe: weren't a question on the flatmate icebreakers Joe: shoulda asked for some segregrated accomodation but thought londoners were meant to be post-religion post-everything so Ronnie: 💔 it aint god its you baby Ronnie: shes no londoner Joe: no, I do know that one Joe: she's from Kent, I think Joe: or Surrey? Ronnie: not holy holier than tho Ronnie: u Ronnie: never gonna please a horse girl mckenna Joe: 😏 Joe: I'll not go there then Ronnie: charlies fucking easy to please Ronnie: youve done the 1 drink minimum & youll avoid the pregnancy scare Joe: I think he's the one that does the pleasing Joe: so I've been assured Ronnie: gets him off dont worry like Joe: I'll sleep easy now, tah Ronnie: lullabies are shit but yeah Joe: 🤞 that ain't his encore either Ronnie: if it aint opening an artery to spray the crowd count me the fuck out Joe: I wouldn't hold your breath Joe: though might be more fun Ronnie: [dramatically holds her breath in his direction like kids do] Joe: [just watching 'cos weird and into it] Ronnie: [lowkey going purple probably because you know she won't stop til she hits the deck] Joe: [just watching 'til the last sec when you obvs gonna catch her] Ronnie: [giving him a look when he does like we have to stop meeting like this but then exposing his tattoo wherever that is cos gotta check that really happened] Joe: [I hope you didn't opt for your booty, lol, probably inner bicep moment or something 'cos not that bitch getting those out at any chance] Ronnie: [just touching it like you're not shamelessly flirting with your brother okay then] Joe: [just looking at her face hardcore 'cos you can pretend you're checking her tat too] Ronnie: [when you come back to yourself and remember you're supposed to hate him for being your brother so you push him away unnecessarily hard and retreat to your corner] Joe: [go off to the bathroom yourself boy] Ronnie: [french exit while he's gone even though it'll make Charlie more annoying] Joe: [have fun Joseph] Joe: you missed the bloodbath Ronnie: made my own Joe: safer bet Joe: on all counts Ronnie: safer for your girlfriend Ronnie: & you Joe: you know she ain't my girlfriend Ronnie: no shit you dont wanna claim that conquest Joe: wrong again Joe: not gonna bang my flatmate who pays the bigger part of the rent 'cos she gets the en-suite Joe: give me some credit Ronnie: shed give you some if you gave it up to her Ronnie: but if youd rather pay rent Joe: there's no way I can keep that going 4 years Ronnie: she aint hacking it Ronnie: you can fucking smell the homesickness Joe: its like, down the road init Joe: ugh Ronnie: & Ronnie: she cant fit her horse in the en suite baby Joe: 😂 Joe: true..I'll make some rich friends to move in when she gallops off into the sunset then Ronnie: theyll not slum it with you for 4 years Joe: but I'm so charming Joe: what's the solution then, sis? Ronnie: sell yourself or kill yourself Joe: 👌 Joe: already with ya Ronnie: yeah dead connected us Ronnie: 🖕 Joe: you're the only one that's allowed to be suicidal? Ronnie: oldest cunt gets dibs Ronnie: aint that how this sibling shit plays Ronnie: whatever you wanna do ive already done it Joe: half the time Joe: but the other half is youngest gets away with it 'cos they're cuter so Ronnie: cause theyre a crybaby Ronnie: yeah you can have that soft lad Joe: 😥 bit of a prerequisite for the suicide Joe: so generous Ronnie: i left you alive so you can do yourself in Ronnie: since youve got such a boner for it Ronnie: generosity begins & ends Joe: You can stop thinking about my boners then Joe: that'll be my attempt at the virtue Ronnie: put em away Joe: you tryna expose me Ronnie: you dont need my help Ronnie: flashers keep more hidden than you Joe: really Joe: don't seem like that's something that would bother you Ronnie: youre that special mckenna Ronnie: every fucking thing you do bothers me Joe: 💘 Joe: check facebook some more, I'll keep my events up to date Joe: can avoid each other easy Ronnie: nah you see me you walk the other way Joe: I got places to be babe Ronnie: yeah a&e Ronnie: if you dont get the fuck outta my face Joe: see, you're well about it Joe: I got it, yeah, we're not family Ronnie: were nothing Ronnie: & if thats what gets you off pay for it like the other cunts do Ronnie: not my 9-5 Joe: I found Soho by myself, don't worry Joe: we're good Ronnie: boss Ronnie: stay there Joe: more expensive than Sophie's horse that Ronnie: train her up to be whatever the fuck you want then Ronnie: 4 years in she could probably kiss with tongue like Joe: you gotta ask yourself why you care Joe: 'cos I know Ronnie: i dont have to ask myself fuck all Joe: deny it then Joe: works for me Ronnie: theres no need to deny theres cunts i wanna talk to less than you Ronnie: or i that i gotta have something to do while i wait Ronnie: 💘 Joe: you're all talk Joe: say no more Ronnie: fuck you Joe: yeah fuck me Ronnie: stick your therapy speak in whatever hole you reckon can take it Ronnie: ill reverse over your head before i submit to this psychology bullshit Joe: not what I'm studying Joe: or doing Ronnie: you reckon if you say im all talk itll get you some action Ronnie: dream on motherfucker Ronnie: i dont look like her that much Joe: bold assumption Ronnie: nah Ronnie: charlies more like a brother than you & ive done everything there is to do to that tosser Joe: bold to assume I'm half as fucked up as you Joe: spent long enough telling me I can't be 'cos I got a ma and now I wanna fuck her, okay Ronnie: wearing it on your sleeve aint you though baby Ronnie: saw your arm & yeah i reckon halfs about right Ronnie: but me at 19 wouldve left you in more pieces than that Joe: you must be proud Ronnie: what the fuck of Joe: your 19 year old self Ronnie: youd have liked me better at 9 Joe: alright but a nonce joke is hardly original Ronnie: neithers wanting to fuck your ma Ronnie: read a book schoolboy Joe: that's you throwing that about Joe: not one I ask the prozzies to act out tah Ronnie: what the fuck else was your lil challenge about then Joe: what was yours? Ronnie: i didnt fire any shots shithead Joe: not true Joe: i got the 🍒 to prove it Ronnie: fuck me youre that cunt Ronnie: 1 sos & i owe you my life yeah Joe: where'd you hear that Joe: what was it, needle not clean or something Ronnie: you dont need to wait for a death that slow Ronnie: fucking do it Joe: why do you do it Ronnie: why do you give a shit what i do Joe: interesting Joe: why do you fuck with your face like that Ronnie: too late to keep it pretty for you Ronnie: should have nancy drewed this shit earlier Joe: you ain't gonna answer Joe: alright Ronnie: cant we both like pain Ronnie: is that your problem Joe: 'course Joe: no monopoly on that shit Joe: its universal, so the books say Ronnie: bullshit do you read fuck all else but sheet music Joe: not no more Joe: but i can read more than scales, like Joe: have to write essays and shit sometimes Ronnie: fucking hell Ronnie: save this riveting shit for your flatmates Joe: she does art Joe: dunno what the lad does, he's out his room less than me Ronnie: horse cocks out of clay like Ronnie: bet shes the professors pet Joe: 🤞 she gets in an ill-advised affair with a pervy prof Ronnie: every other repressed white bitch has done it Joe: my home is safe Joe: hooray Ronnie: til i sleuth your address Joe: then its petrol bombs and dog shit, I know Ronnie: after theres fuck all left to steal Ronnie: 🤡s in films 🔥💸 Joe: and eat six year old's arms Joe: crack on Ronnie: i aint bitten any kids since i was Joe: I'm proud even if you ain't then Ronnie: raise the bar baby Joe: guess the other lad you were with don't technically count no more Joe: actual kids are that annoying Ronnie: kids get to be annoying Joe: lucky ones Joe: the ones that get to be kids Ronnie: no shit Ronnie: youll be born & die a saint Ronnie: such a fucking martyr Joe: when God comes a calling, you can't refuse, obvs Joe: guess that's what she gets for not aborting you, nice bonus for being good Ronnie: yeah Joe: likes a joke as much as the next Joe: gutted for her Ronnie: cant take the scouse sinner out of her however much irish catholic dick shes taken since Ronnie: 💔 Joe: if its only paddys in heaven, I'll lose the invite Ronnie: you better stay in purgatory then Ronnie: dont want you in hell with me Joe: you're just jealous I'll be too busy getting tortured by some other demon Joe: you're alright, anguishing over my wrongs for eternity sounds like a bit of me Joe: I can hack it, more painful than being sodomized with pitchforks or whatever weak shit you're in store for Ronnie: wanna see your cum face even less Ronnie: fucks sake Joe: 😂 Joe: shh, you already know he's got that sick sense of humour Joe: your own clockwork orange moment for eternity now Ronnie: 💘 Joe: you ain't nothing like I thought when I was 🔎🤔 Ronnie: cheers for the romantic cliche you pussy Joe: you're that special Joe: and welcome Ronnie: what did you reckon id be like Joe: like the rest of 'em Joe: complete the cliche Ronnie: fuck off Joe: what, I did Joe: there ain't a bigger compliment, honestly Ronnie: i dont wanna hear your compliments Ronnie: or how big they are Joe: 😏 Joe: you asked Ronnie: cause i cant resist hearing how fucking soft you are Joe: that makes you pretty fucking soft yourself then don't it Ronnie: fuck you Joe: back here, yeah Ronnie: back at get someone else to knock you out Joe: shouldn't be hard Ronnie: depends how hard you are Ronnie: could be a turn on or off Joe: either way, its incentive for them to go harder Joe: can't lose, me Ronnie: enjoy yourself baby Joe: never Joe: if I lose my overwhelming urge to die what have I got Ronnie: new overwhelming urges Joe: won't be that good Ronnie: write it in your diary i didnt ask for your review Joe: you can do that you know Joe: they've all got profiles, like they're a shit local pub or something Ronnie: what a fucking state Joe: won't miss it when I'm in pugatory Ronnie: if i had a shot for every time you cried your eyes out id miss that Joe: you'd miss having a liver Joe: and functioning braincell Ronnie: didnt mean that kind of shot shithead Joe: your aim is for shit, true Ronnie: or that one Joe: ahh Ronnie: you had me at dirty needles 💘 Joe: s'worth being alive for, then? Ronnie: what the fuck waste of a question is that Joe: why? Ronnie: what do you think Joe: reason I'm asking Joe: if its just another slow way to kill yourself then I'm sound but if its more than that then its a potential for the repertoire Ronnie: if it was id have taken a faster way out Joe: its noted Ronnie: why do you wanna die Joe: its not even Joe: I ain't actually sad, soz to burst your 😥 bubble, IOU some shots, whatever Joe: just wanna turn my head off, not have to participate Joe: deal with any of it Joe: but saying you wanna be put in a coma doesn't quite have the same punch Ronnie: underline that note then Joe: yeah? Joe: not like I've never thought about it Joe: think about it a lot, hence the need for a fucking switch Joe: how cliche to look like I'm doing it to spite her though, eh? Ronnie: whatever you take now thats strawberry flavoured childhood bullshit Ronnie: youve found your prescribed dose of working adult medicine Joe: it don't touch it, not worth taking unless you wanna down half a blister at a time and have a decent kip Joe: get me some and I'll pay you 20% for your trouble Ronnie: come over Ronnie: told you im waiting Joe: alright Joe: if I ask for your current location do I give away that I'm not a decent stalker Ronnie: youve fucking shown that card bitch Joe: figured Joe: be obliging then Ronnie: [a location of who the fuck knows where cos we don't need Charlie or Bronson there for this excuse you lads] Joe: [when you need some privacy for your bonding] Ronnie: [when you need some privacy to shoot up your half brother who you ain't even told your other fam about] Joe: [fun and games] Joe: cool Joe: 🤞 i'm there just after the heroin Ronnie: get here before or ill be in no state to keep obliging you Joe: I'm yet to be initiated, my timekeeping skills are 🔥 Ronnie: give a shit about your cv Joe: I'll be there Ronnie: your loss if you aint Ronnie: dont come crying to me Ronnie: i wont hear it for fucking ages Joe: i'm not an idiot Ronnie: it dont matter who or what you are Ronnie: stopped listening after the ill be there Joe: 💘 Ronnie: get it tattooed next yeah Joe: yeah Ronnie: over the real fucker Ronnie: cause you love a cliche Joe: 'course Joe: have to find another dickhead with a gun though Joe: that one did not know his left from his right Ronnie: get what you pay for baby Ronnie: & we didnt Joe: touche Joe: I'll forgo accuracy for that Joe: and the dirty needle, obvs Ronnie: getting to put his hand on my tit will blow the brains he has like Joe: 😏 Ronnie: but if i toss him off thatll get shit back on track Joe: hot Joe: love that you have a plan Ronnie: cute Ronnie: you reckoning im pure chaos Ronnie: not your manic pixie dream skank Joe: ain't planning on being a composer Joe: least not now Joe: don't need to write about you Ronnie: 💔 Joe: make up your mind Ronnie: you aint on my mind mckenna Ronnie: dont get your balls in a twist Joe: do you wanna be on mine or not Ronnie: i know whats on yours Joe: same Joe: makes a change Ronnie: compose a song about your confusion then like Joe: less cliche than a love song Joe: still Ronnie: do it from the pov of the horse Ronnie: be a hit with your flatmate Joe: you just wanna get me stalked Joe: paybacks a bitch, yeah Ronnie: wanna get your habit paid for before you start it Ronnie: throw her a boner Ronnie: whats the fucking drama Joe: i don't fancy her Joe: nor having the convo about where all her moneys going Ronnie: & Ronnie: i dont fancy the cunt with the tattoo gun Ronnie: got fuck all to do with it Joe: & Joe: you're lowering standards, not getting anything up Ronnie: close your eyes & think of gear Ronnie: youll do anything for a horse like that Joe: let me try it first Ronnie: dont need to hear about your trust issues baby Joe: better stop talking now then Ronnie: yeah Ronnie: shut the fuck up Joe: [you know when its like 'removed message' that] Ronnie: 🖕 Joe: what Ronnie: i cant cut your sense of humour out Ronnie: cant live with it Joe: no funny business Joe: just a buttdial Ronnie: charlie aint here but adorable that you 2 homos hit it off Joe: just scousers gotta stick together or did you know him from back home Ronnie: he didnt give you the rundown Ronnie: mustve made him speechless mckenna Joe: too busy trying to work out how I knew you Ronnie: we grew up together Ronnie: & the mime standing next to us Joe: cool Ronnie: nah Ronnie: fucked Joe: I mean that you still know 'em, talk to 'em Ronnie: we aint trying to throw our family away for a new one Joe: like I said, s'cool Ronnie: like i said hes gonna eat that shit up Ronnie: you fawning over his family set up Joe: good to know Joe: not really my type either, call me fussy Ronnie: fucks sake Ronnie: join the god squad now & save yourself the 12 steps Joe: 'cos I don't wanna do a bloke or my horse girl roommate Ronnie: cause you only wanna do your ma Joe: you can't just give me dud options and come to that conclusion Ronnie: we playing fuck marry kill now Joe: not playing nothing with you Joe: cheater Ronnie: crybaby Joe: you'll 😥 when I have to kill your mate Ronnie: you wish Joe: making people cry is your thing Joe: I don't need to fight that claim Ronnie: like you aint been wanting to save me again since the 1st time Ronnie: thats your thing yeah Joe: save you from what? Joe: smack? obviously not Joe: other self-destructive tendencies? try again Ronnie: it obviously dont matter Ronnie: id never seen you & id still never seen a cunt more excited to do a rescue Joe: and I'd never seen you Joe: maybe you'd got all kinds of fucked up 'cos of all the shit I dragged up Joe: basic decency ain't nothing to get excited about Ronnie: i know how to self soothe im a big girl now Joe: didn't need you self-soothing yourself to death on my conscience Ronnie: didnt ask you to give a shit Ronnie: catholic guilts best left at home baby Ronnie: youll never find a place with the cockneys Joe: about myself? Joe: its barely but hanging on by a thread Joe: soz Joe: dead girls fuck you up Ronnie: not your type either then Joe: ultimate type Joe: don't wanna commit right now, tah Ronnie: 🤞 i od & you can finally sort your misery boner out Joe: too giving you Ronnie: im dead i aint giving a shit Joe: put that on the headstone Ronnie: pay for it you write whatever cliche you want Joe: you want a classy picture affair Joe: got it Ronnie: stop getting me Ronnie: it makes me wanna blow my brains out Joe: its obvious you wanna be seen Joe: no spooky sibling connection required Ronnie: fuck off Joe: what's better than ruining a graveyards ambiance for the mourners for the forseeable Ronnie: theres no room in the ground soft lad Joe: they just chuck you in with the old bones Joe: or 'move' them Ronnie: hot Joe: mhmm Joe: plague pit is the way to go Ronnie: fit the horse & the girl Ronnie: how fucking romantic Joe: that's me Ronnie: ill put john in the 💘 for you baby Ronnie: your ma robbed you blind of so many lennon comparisons Joe: still time to be pretentious with soph Joe: fuck off getting out of bed for good Ronnie: smother her with a pillow & fuck her corpse youll be feeling peace & love Joe: 💎🍓💘 Ronnie: playing with emojis & yourself aint getting you here Ronnie: hurry up Joe: can't make you any closer Ronnie: 💔

[phereinnike]

hey vero since u said u like talking shit why do u hate gan/sey? (I wanted to ask earlier but I didn't want to get u hate but since u said u don't mind here we go) (also love ur blog

Don’t you just love how there are a shit ton of ‘your fave is problematic: gn/sey’ posts that only mention his shit fashion sense and how he puts avocado on pizza and like completely ignore any and all character flaw he might have because the fandom is so busy sucking his three dicks that they either don’t see this flaws or completely condone and forgive them? 

I don’t love it either. 

PSA: This is 1.2k of gansey semi-serious hate open at your own risk.

Dickington Dickface McDikinson the third is kinda like universally loved and forgiven even though he’s done shit like: wonder out loud if poor people are capable of love (bcs ofc poor people are animals for you to study and you can extrapolate the relationship between 2 of them (out of the 3 you know) universally, they’re basically microorganisms??? right???), insinuate he’d pay a girl to talk to his friend (bcs again poor people are trained zoo seals that will dance for money and that proposal isn’t dehumanizing of both the girl and your friend at all bcs like were they even humans to begin with?) and erase someone’s humanity so completely he invalidated their existence. 

The Author explains people being like completely up Gansey’s ass as a consequenceof him as a character being super invested in people liking him and working hard for it. And like I’m not saying it might also be because white american rich boys are allowed to do anything at all in the world and people will always find a reason to excuse it but yk, it could like, have played a small part on it. 

He features some loveable character traits like 1) not understanding poor people -he’s rich what can he do? pay attention? ask? don’t be silly, rich people don’t ask we throw money around until things happen as they should-  2) and trying to solve his friend’s fear of depending on someone forever by -wait for it, wait for it, this is brilliant-getting him indebted to himself -my boy, such a mind such a brain- because ofc being indebted to him is different than being indebted to his dad and Adam being reticent to owe someone something as big as his high school fees or a fucking appartement after the incredibly traumatic relationship he has with his dad and money in general is not understandable at all. How is dickinson supposed to understand that??? by investing time -aside of money- in his friends? RIDICULOUS. 

There’s also that tiny unworthy of mention quote of “the difference between us and kavinsky is that we matter” that no one aside from me seems to have a problem with. And like, yk, maybe IT’S ME. Maybe thinking that the world revolves so completely around you if someone doesn’t matter to you they just don’t matter, maybe it’s totally normal. Maybe erasing a human being’s experiences and fears and hopes just because you don’t like them is acceptable. 

Like, I mean, dehumanizing drug addicts and insinuating anything bad that happens to them it’s their fault and they deserved it is kinda a real thing. So maybe everyone just agrees with that and I’m not disgusting enough for it. Maybe mocking someone with no support network coming from a place of incredible privilege is fun in america? idk dude. Like I seriously don’t get it. Because Ronan and Kavinsky do some pretty gross stuff too but at least peopleacknowledge that they did it????? (even if they excuse it afterwards).

Also he puts avocado on pizza which is totally on the same level, what a moster, what a heathen. 

There’s also that little thing he does where his life lacked sense so hard and he felt so guilty for being alive when other people aren’t “someone is dying when they should not and so you’ll live when you should not” that he shoved all his sense of self-worth into the mission of finding a dead dude and asking for a wish. Like, he could’ve decided to use his incredible privilege and money to help people or at least pulled a batman and became a night vigilante -we all know this wouldn’t work bcs he’s weak as shit- but no. This was more pretentious and went more with his general bitch aesthetic so here we are. And then he chastisises and mocks anyone that doesn’t have a life purpose because how do they dare not feel guilty for being alive????

On the topic of what a pretentious piece of shit he is, let me tell you i go to law school and spend 6 hours a day surrounded by gross rich people in boat shoes and polo shirts and I have never met anyone this pretentious. HE CHEWS MINT PLANTS. Not only is he so sickeningly pretentious that it’s not even cool anymore?? It’s just like those boys that talk you up in a bar but like “oh yeah i’m into welsh kings, specially glendower, bet you don’t know who that is, let me mansplain it” and you’re all please god fulminate him. It’s ridiculous? have you met any american teenage rich boy that spoke like an eightysomething british historian and not automatically wanted to break his nose in???? is that possible???? am i the only one that hate people whose usual voice tone is condescendence?????

And he’s such a special snowflake??? “oh you do drugs?? lozer!1!!1 glendower is my drugz!!!1!! lolz”. Like please dickinson calm down. No one cares. No one fucking asked. No one ever fucking asks. Just shut up. I’m sure if dick had a tumblr he’d be a superwholockian and you fuckers would still be up his ass. 

Along those lines he’s also the most entitled character I’ve ever read about??? He changes Blue’s name to something fancier without fucking asking and everyone finds it super quirky but if I tell a boy my name and he insists on calling me Jane I would break his nose in and I refuse to believe Blue Sargent wouldn’t too?????? (but i also totally hate blue and try not to read anything about her so what the fuck do i know). His holier than thou attitude comes in a nice holiday package that includes policing his friends hobbies as if his wasn’t weird as shit and also potentially lethal, not correcting people when they call his bestfriend a dog and even playing in on the joke, hanging with the literal paid killer that murdered his bestfriend’s father throwing him into a suicidal ptsd induced spiral AND then proceeded to beat up said’s bestfriend brother who dickinson is kinda friends with because can he keep is fucking nose out of someone’s affair??? unlikely! 

I’d say to rush and get this package before it sells out but, like dickinson’s happiness at having met himself, it will never ran out of stock. Rejoice.