#if i never find love that actually exists for me then at least i'll cultivate a world where i can live comfortably alone. sigh.

[selfinflictedgunshotwound]

getting tired of myself and everything around me again 😐

[promptling]

STAR TREK ( 2009 ) change pronouns as needed.

we have visual.

are you seeing this?

there is no help for us out here.

get off this ship.

do you know the location of ________?

where are you from?

do exactly as i say.

just keep breathing, you'll be fine.

i can't do this without you.

hey, are you out of your mind?

is there a problem, officer?

i presume you've prepared new insults for today.

they called you a traitor.

logic offers a serenity humans seldom experience.

come here, let me see you.

there's no need to be anxious.

fine has various applications, fine is unacceptable.

you have surpassed the expectations of your instructors.

it was logical to cultivate multiple options.

it's truly remarkable that you have achieved so much despite your disadvantage.

that's a lot of drinks for one woman.

don't you at least want to know my name before you completely reject one?

this townie isn't bothering you, right?

relax, cupcake.

it was a joke.

you all right?

you can whistle really loud.

i don't need a doctor, damn it, i am a doctor!

i may throw up on you.

one tiny crack in the hull and our blood will boil in 13 seconds.

i got nowhere else to go.

you've been requested on the bridge.

why are you so happy?

i think i love you.

that is so weird.

i'm doing you a favor.

i couldn't just leave you there looking all pathetic.

a little suffering's good for the soul.

i wish i didn't know you.

don't be such an infant.

may i have your attention, please?

how do you feel?

we're flying into a trap!

i think you've had enough attention for today.

i do not believe that you and i are acquainted.

your survival is unlikely.

the complexities of human pranks escape me.

i guess you have to come and get me.

how long do they have?

are you nuts?

we must evacuate.

what do you need?

tell me.

i need everyone to continue performing admirably.

you must have a lot of questions for me.

we have nothing left to discuss.

are you actually suggesting they're from the future?

the logical thing is to be unpredictable.

don't do that.

you gotta be kidding me.

how did you find me?

how do you know my name?

you hate me.

you are not the captain?

it will be easier.

so you do feel.

you could at least act like it was a hard decision.

you realize how unacceptable this is?

you don't eat anything!

how do you think i wound up here?

i do feel guilty about that.

do they still have sandwiches there?

you're coming with us, right?

under no circumstances can he be made aware of my existence.

i am emotionally compromised.

let's get this over with.

a trick i learned from an old friend.

i'm not telling.

i'd rather not take sides.

i will not allow you to lecture me about the merits of emotion.

you feel nothing!

you never loved her.

i am no longer fit for duty.

i like this ship!

thanks for the support.

i sure hope you know what you're doing.

either we're going down, or they are.

what is necessary is never unwise.

i am as conflicted as i once was as a child.

i would cite regulation, but i know you will simply ignore it.

i'll be monitoring your frequency.

i have no comment on the matter.

i'lll cover you.

do you know where it is?

wow, that's weird.

it appears that you have been keeping important information from me.

i knew i should have killed you when i had the chance.

your species is even weaker than i expected.

you can't even speak.

i got your gun.

what are you doing here?

just following orders.

i would rather die in agony than accept assistance from you.

we cannot afford to ignore each other.

do yourself a favor.

put aside logic, do what feels right.

it is my honor to award you with this commendation.

your father would be proud.

i can provide character references.

[bingqiufics]

I wonder if you have read anything like this:

Luo Bing-ge, reincarnated as his younger self and be like: 'I'm gonna get revenge on Shen Qingqiu! I'm gonna let him paid >:))....... Wait, who the fuck is Shen Yuan???'

Basically, it's a BingexYuan fic, but I started to think I'm hallucinating that fic exists since I can't find it anywhere TT, please help!!!

You might be looking for:

Try Again by PrinceJakeFireCake (51K, Complete, Mature)

OG!Bingqiu (Bingyuan) & Liushen (implied)

(Canon Divergence, De-aging, Endless Abyss, Depression, PTSD, Courting, Identity Reveal, Courting, Slow Burn)

Luo Binghe, heavenly demon lord with three hundred plus wives, wakes up fourteen-years-old again. He quickly realizes that the man who looks like Shen Qingqiu is not the real deal. He is really contemplating putting everything behind him and leaving the sect to raise sheep.

If it's not the fic you're looking for, try checking out our Shen Yuan Reveal and De-Aging tags.

Also, here's other Bingyuan fics featuring De-aging :

You are My Place to Stay by handa__dake (70K, WIP - 16/?, Explicit)

Bingyuan & Bingqiu

No System AU, A/B/O, De-Aging, Mpreg, Possessiveness, Lactation Kink, Alpha!OG!LBH, Omega!SQQ)

Shen Yuan is a broken Omega. But after his death, he gets the chance to become the normal omega he always wanted to be. That is living as Shen Qingqiu.

Luo Binghe was a Demon Lord who had more than 600 wives. But once he wakes up one day, he goes back to the early days when he was only 10 years old. Not! That's not what confused him! But the fact that the Shen Qingqiu in this world is an Omega!? How?!

And their paths met.

The grabbing hands always grab what they can by Hazel_23 (26K, WIP - 16/?, Teen)

Bingqiu, Bingyuan & 2BingQiu

(Canon Divergence, Hurt & Comfort, Threesome)

One day, the original Luo Binghe has a qi deviation and shrinks into his 15 years old self. As if this wasn’t enough, Xin Mo sends him somehow into a parallel universe where he finds his other self and decides to warn him how bad Shen Qingqiu is and what will he do in the future.

OG.LBH: He let you sleep into the woodshed and gave you a wrong cultivation manual. LBH: Shizun let me stay in the room outside his bamboo house and gave me private lessons. OG.LBH: He sent you to fight with a much stronger opponent! LBH: Shizun risked his life to save me! OG.LBH: Whaaat? ( ╯°□°)╯ ┻━┻

(Set after the Dream Demon arc)

Like swallows in spring (I'll always come back to you) by chia (chiateablend) (14K, WIP - 1/2, Mature)

Bingyuan & Bingqiu

(Fantasy AU, De-aging, Hurt & Comfort, Mutual Pining, Flirting)

Ten years ago, Shen Yuan had held out his hand, his voice steady as he offered a boy before him a taste of what he'd never known before: true kindness.

Now, as he finds himself caring for the child he'd found floating down the river, he couldn't know he was repeating the same mistake. Because always, those that had the least fought the hardest to keep what was theirs, and damn it all if Luo Binghe wasn't going to repay his debts.

... Well. As soon as he actually remembered who he was, that is.

A Transmigrator and a Time Traveler Walk Into the Bamboo House by VeryCharismaticDragon (98K, Teen)

(Time Travel, Fix-it, De-aging, Partial System Reveal)

Over a year after Shen Qingqiu's death, Luo Binghe consults his servant's servant, concurrently his disgraced martial uncle, for a way to bring the love of his life back. Shang Qinghua sends him in the direction of a certain time-traveling artifact, which supposedly brings one to the day they first met their soulmate. Odd, though, that the artifact ends up missing the destination by just a few years…

A story in which post-Abyss Luo Binghe relives his disciple days, while juggling his secrets, traumas, and some unexpected revelations about the man he loves on top of that.

recced by @souein

Hope this helps!

[egginfroggin]

Tell me your headcannons for Kirby! I don't get to hear people's thoughts about Kirby much!

Well, it's been almost two months, but it's Kirby time!

I actually have a ton of HCs for Kirby in general, though the ones for the puff himself are pretty regular, I think. He's a cheerful, clever little lad, full of innate power that the Copy Abilities serve to amplify.

As far as more in-depth HCs go, I do have one that I keep meaning to talk about, concerning what Kirby is and how he relates to Void.

This will probably get very long, so I'll put it under a read more.

Thank you for the ask, friend! :>

Kirby and Void are related in that they are both the same species at different points in their lifecycles.

Voids (the species) are incredibly powerful beings comprised mainly of magic, stardust, and emotions given form. There cycle is self-perpetuating, and killing a Void is nigh impossible

Void is the archaic name for the species; the species has never been particularly common, with few in existence at any given time, so they are mostly regarded as legend. The species is more commonly referred to as Star Children

The life cycle of a Void, or Star Child, has two branches, differing between the first and second phases; the first cycle has four phases:

Null phase, also called the Void phase: at this stage, the Void consists of ambivalent magic and stardust. The ambivalent magic absorbs energy that it comes across as it drifts through the cosmos, and will begin to lighten with positivity or darken with negativity. This form, though extremely rare, is arguably the most powerful

The "Puffball" stage: having absorbed positivity, the Void coalesces into a solid, mostly static, stable form. It is full of latent energy, and if one can sense magic and affinities, they will find that the Puffball is blindingly bright, full of love, joy, and brightness. The Puffballs are inherently light, and have an instinctive drive to A) protect that which they love, and B) suppress darkness, and especially Dark Matter, their anathema and direct opposite Puffballs usually become warriors in at least some capacity; they are considered guardians of light and the universe, and extremely powerful, skilled beings, each unique in their own sense

The Decline, or Tainted, stage: At this stage, the Puffball, usually centuries old by now, has begun to experience side effects from fighting Dark Matter. Their light has begun to diminish, and their instincts become more conflicting. Eventually, they tip into the fourth and final stage of this branch

The Dark Matter stage: eventually, the Puffball will become so stained with darkness that their light fades entirely, and they become Dark Matter. In direct opposition to Puffballs, Dark Matters are full of negativity, envy, grief, and anger, and where Puffballs seek to protect and cultivate light, Dark Matter seeks only to harm and spread negativity Dark Matters are usually unstable, and may take many different forms; they bear one, single eye (possibly a living metaphor for their one, single goal, and narrow drive), and light is their anathema. Puffballs are the creature most capable of destroying them Once a Dark Matter is thoroughly defeated, they are returned to stardust, their persisting, tattered soul laying dormant until, eventually, their magic returns to an equilibrium, and they begin the cycle anew as a blank, featureless Void

The other branch of the cycle results from the Void absorbing negative emotions, turning its magic dark; in this branch, the Void evolves directly to the Dark Matter phase, with a power level and process similar to that of puffballs -- they have immense raw power, which they temper as their form coalesces into something similarly solid

Examples of Puffball-stage Star Children include Kirby, Keeby, Meta Knight, and Galacta Knight; Galacta Knight was sealed when he was beginning to enter the Decline phase, causing the Ancients to worry over what a being of his incredible -- even by Void standards -- power could do when he eventually fell to darkness

Currently, the only known Dark Matter that evolved directly from the Null stage is or was Zero

Void, the character, is in an odd place, as he was defeated in the Null stage; however, as killing a Star Child permanently is nigh impossible, the effect of being defeated at such a vague, unpredictable stage seems to have halted his physical progression into a full Puffball while still allowing his consciousness to fully blossom

And, for my favorite *checks notes* and only bubterfly knight, a vague few points that are subject to change:

Morpho Knight is not a true Puffball, and is an enigma; he physically resembles one, but is considered more of a "panic button" for the universe. His role is to escort ancient, exhausted souls to the afterlife, ending them permanently -- and this includes Star Children whose existence threaten the fabric and stability of just about everything He is neither light, nor dark, but somewhere in between, and he exists to keep that same equilibrium stable across the universe

That was a lot of writing! Ough.

These theories are basically a framework that I built my fics around; Kirby lore is pretty vague, usually, and someday I'll probably do a truly deep dive into it (red string and everything, probably), but today is not that day. Some smaller points are subject to change, but the overarching summary remains just about the same across all of my AUs -- yes, including Little Stray Feathers.

I could go on a whole 'nother rant about how the magic system I've roughly got in place and how it applies to different characters (i.e., Hyness, all the Mirror World reflections, Gooey, etc.), but we'll be here all day in that case.

Thank you so much for the ask! Sorry it took so long to respond to -- I knew it was going to be a chonker, and it took a while to find the energy and time to write it all up.

Thank you again! I hope you have a very good day! <3

[olderthannetfic]

This is probably a stupid question, but did you ever think about becoming a Youtuber and talking about fandom? I imagine you talk exactly how you write, so that would be engaging for your existing audience and beyond, and you are also a filmmaker and could do your own editing. Again, apologies if the question is silly or unwarranted.

--

LOL. Yeah, I totally talk how I write.

It's not a stupid question. A bunch of people have asked me that. The reason I'm not a youtuber is a couple of things:

First, time: Being a proper youtuber who releases shit constantly is a shitton of work. If it's your full-time paid gig, okay, but that takes a long time to work up to, and you have to do a lot of marketing work. My current main job (being a novelist of indie selfpub genre trash) doesn't pay that well yet, but I like more of the work it involves, and I don't want to take time away from it to pursue a job that is more soul-sucking than working retail.

Second, integrity: Being a for-realsies youtuber means sacrificing any actual values and views you have on the altar of clicks. Sure, if I were a costuber or something, perhaps that would not be true. Bernadette Banner et al. have skills that are inherently visual and engaging with a built-in audience. They can stay away from the majority of wank while cultivating a paying audience that isn't a nightmare to deal with.

But for someone like me, monetizing youtube is a terrible, terrible idea.

I might have more tumblr followers than you, but I'm still your peer in the fandom space. You can go on AO3 and read my horny fics (though you'll need an account because I archive-lock everything). We might actually become friends. Not in the CC way where I'm holding out a fake carrot of that to make you subscribe to my Patreon. Like... actually. In the normal fandom way. I've made a few new fandom friends even during the pandemic. Ms. Boba is one, for example.

Selling my friendship would make me an escort, not a fellow fandom nerd. It would ruin my social life.

(And yes, I think being a youtuber of a certain kind overlaps heavily with sex work in terms of its drawbacks and blurry boundaries. Neither is inherently contemptible, but they're tough careers.)

But even beyond emotional boundaries stuff, getting clicks and staying on top of the algorithm means saying things that are popular. Or maybe it means saying things that are inflammatory, but in just the right way. What it does not mean--what it can never mean if you're reaching your audience via an algorithm--is honesty.

Why does Sarah Z laugh at the freaks? Because it's good for clicks. Why does she present herself as progressive while having a strong undercurrent of puritanism? Because freaks don't pay the bills: cringe culture does.

I talk about the fandom things I care about, which have historically often been small fandoms, current BTS love notwithstanding. I stand up for weird porn even when that's unpopular but not clickbait-level shocking. But I also roll my eyes at things I dislike and don't pretend this is a neutral fandom history blog without squicks and bias.

Tumblr is a good platform for me because the sorts of things I like to post go viral and find me new friends. AO3 is a good platform for me because old, small, obscure things are findable as they would be in a library, and people can consume meta that requires thinking and returning to discuss, not just reacting in the heat of the moment before the algorithm sweeps it away. The hipper, more monetized spaces I'll use, but I will never be famous there or make any money even if I were willing to turn on monetization.

Reason 3 is... well... I'm an editor, not a cinematographer. A lot goes into a good video, including not only the camerawork but lighting oneself to look good instead of terrible. I'm not necessarily good at or interested in all those other aspects of filmmaking, at least not when it comes to being a youtuber. Some day, I'll make that supervillain/superhero f/f romcom, but for now... IDK... maybe I'll get out my real camera and tripod in the new year and film some shit, but no promises.

--

That said, if you just want to hear my voice, I have a couple of videos floating around the internet:

A Good Swiss Watch: Queer Coding, Slashy Subtext, and Why Queerbaiting Doesn't Exist

Pie That'll Kill Ya: The Problem with Fandom Statistics (my section of a convention panel)

And if you want to see me... looking like I've had a stroke and lisping like crazy because filming oneself with a phone and no pop screen is hard... There's a video of me here.

--

Telling the haters to fuck themselves and making exactly the content you want to requires not doing it as a job.

[uncloseted]

How do I deal with being unattractive? Not like "I'm ugly (but I'm actually pretty)" but knowing you just don't catch people's eyes and your looks don't stand out. I know I'm like this because both of my friends are conventionally attractive and wherever we go they get looks, hit on, and on dating apps they constantly get matches and significant numbers of people wanting to sleep with them, whereas I get ignored or ghosted by people online and offline. I don't even really want to sleep with anyone, I just feel bad because I know I'm not beautiful and I'll never be the beautiful person but I want to move past it and forget my looks even exist tbh. Do you have any advice?

There's a lot to unpack when talking about beauty. I think typically the response to someone feeling unattractive is either denial of the person's feelings ("but you are pretty!"), a fallback on useless platitudes ("Everyone is beautiful!"), or a dismissal of beauty as something that holds value ("why do you care if you're pretty? That's so vain, there are more important things in life" or "beauty standards are just social constructs").

To a degree, I understand why people would say things like that. Many people who don't feel beautiful are still attractive to others. The beauty standards we hold are frequently xenophobic, racist, colorist, homophobic, transphobic, ageist, and ableist. There are all sorts of things that are more important than being beautiful, like the quality of a person's character or the contributions they've made to the world around them.

But I don't think those responses make the experience of being unattractive or unremarkable but wanting to be beautiful any easier. We can cognitively understand that the standards of beauty we're held to are problematic while still wanting to be beautiful. So what's the solution? I think there are probably a few different options that need to work together.

First, there are external ways to become attractive. There's the obvious, like finding makeup looks that make you feel pretty (or attract other people to you), or finding clothing styles that really suit your body, or, at the more extreme end, getting cosmetic procedures done to change how you look. I recognize that this is a bit of a problematic suggestion given that we're all supposed to learn to love ourselves the way we are and never put any effort into "improving" our appearance, and I feel a kind of kneejerk reaction of guilt for moving away from that. But fashion and cosmetics are such giant industries for a reason; they make people feel more beautiful. And in a world that insists on beauty, I don't think there's anything wrong with using the tools available to us to feel more beautiful.

As an extension of the physical, or perhaps, as an alternative, you could focus on style instead of beauty. This idea of style as an alternative to beauty is one that I was introduced to through a Contrapoints video where Natalie discusses her own relationship to beauty. In it, she talks about how a person can be stylish at any age, regardless of if your physical appearance is conventionally attractive. It's a way to cultivate a personal visual aesthetic for yourself, one that lets people know who you are without having to conform to beauty standards. Style is a way to stand out and to be seen, beauty or not.

Which, in a roundabout kind of way, brings me to my second point- the internal. Oftentimes, I think we approach physical attractiveness as if it's a purely physical trait, but that's not really the case. Think about the women who are consistently voted as "the most attractive woman alive". They're not usually the blonde, baby faced lingerie models that we (culturally) think of as the pinnacles of beauty. They're typically actresses. And sure, they're physically beautiful, at least, after the cosmetic surgeons, makeup artists, stylists, hairdressers, and photo editors have done their jobs (you would be surprised how many celebrities aren't naturally beautiful).

But more than being physically attractive, they're charismatic. It may sound cliched or a bit mumsy, but I really do think that we're attracted to confidence and charisma more than we are to how a person physically looks. And that's why style works; it's a physical expression of confidence in yourself, a visual expression of charisma.

So, okay, then, how do we build charisma? MacArthur “genius” psychologist Angela Duckworth says that charisma basically boils down to communicating, “I like you and I like me/the world likes me”. If you want to communicate that you like someone else, eye contact, saying their name in conversation, and being interested in them and what they’re saying are all easy ways to do it. Communicating, “I like me” or “the world likes me” is more complicated, and it’s really where confidence comes into play.  Smiling, not being self-deprecating, and holding yourself in a way that communicates confidence (open and with good posture) are all part of that. But to truly like yourself, you need to start building your self-confidence.

Building self-confidence is a process, but I would start with a simple exercise. Every morning, look at yourself in the mirror and say some things you like about yourself.  Focus on those things that you like and try to only focus on those things.  Each day, try to add a new thing to the list.  When you’re out and about, remember those things that you like about yourself, focus on them, and try to draw attention to them.  When other people compliment you, add those to your list as well.  I think eventually by recognizing all of the things that you like about yourself, you’ll be able to feel like there are things about you that you can be confident in, and you won’t focus so much on the things that you feel are negative. These don't have to be just physical attributes; include things about your personality and your relationship to world as well.

Another thing you can try is looking for celebrities who you find beautiful who have similar traits to the ones you dislike in yourself. It can be hard to appreciate our own traits or see them as beautiful, but sometimes seeing them on someone else can help us to realize that actually, they can be really pretty.

Finally (and sorry this has been so long, there really was a lot to talk about here), it's okay to totally move past how you look and to adopt a policy of body neutrality. You don't owe anyone physical beauty. You can live a fulfilled life without being attractive. Your body is capable of doing all sorts of things that allow you to engage with the world, and that is more than enough. Practicing body neutrality may include things like being grateful that your legs allow you to walk from point A to B, or that your arms allow you to hug your loved ones, or that your lungs allow you to breathe. It may look like wearing clothes that are comfortable for you instead of focusing on how they look. It may look like caring for your body because regardless of how you feel about it, it's the only one you have. It may be focusing on your passions and goals and appreciating how your body allows you to achieve them. It's okay to not want to engage with beauty as a concept.