#if i remember anything about you (non-work/family-related) please know that i am mentally kissing you on the mouth

[caiibuck]

Oh, "I'm good at faces, but suck at names" this, and "I'm bad at faces, but I'm good with names" that, I'm bad at both. I have no object permanence, I will forget everything about you the second you leave my line of sight. I have the memory of a goldfish and an ass as bulbous as their fucked up little heads. We are not the same.

[wolfstar-in-color]

July Colorful Column: Remus is a Crip, and We Can Write Him Better.

There is one thing that can get me to close a fic so voraciously I don’t even make sure I’m not closing other essential tabs in the process. It doesn’t matter how much I’m loving the fic, how well written I think it is, or how desperately I want to know how it ends. Once I read this sentence, I am done.

It’s written in a variety of different ways, but it always goes something like this: “You don’t want me,” Remus said, “I am too sick/broken/poor/old/[insert chosen self-demeaning adjective here].”

You’re familiar with the trope. The trope is canonical. And if you’ve been around the wolfstar fandom for longer than a few minutes, you’ve read the trope. Maybe you love the trope! Maybe you’ve written the trope! Maybe you’re about to stop reading this column, because the trope rings true to you and you feel a little attacked!

Now, let’s get one thing out of the way right now: I am not saying the trope is wrong. I am not saying it’s bad. I am not saying we should stop writing it. We all have things we don’t like to see in our chosen fics. Maybe you can’t stand Leather Jacket Motorbike Sirius? Maybe you think Elbow Patch Remus is overdone? Or maybe your pet peeves are based in something a little deeper - maybe you think Poor Latino Remus is an irresponsible depiction, or that PWPs are too reductive? Whatever it is, we all have our things.

Let me tell you about my thing. When I first became very ill several years ago, there were various low points in which I felt I had become inherently unlovable. This is, more or less, a normal reaction. When your body stops doing things it used to be able to do - or starts doing things you were quite alright without, thank you very much - it changes the way you relate to your body. You don’t want to hear my whole disability history, so yada yada yada, most people eventually come to accept their limitations. It’s a very painful existence, one in which you constantly tell yourself your disability has transformed you into a burdensome, unworthy member of society, and if nothing else, it’s not terribly sustainable. Being disabled takes grit! It takes power! It takes a truly absurd amount of medical self-advocacy! Hating yourself? Thinking yourself unworthy of love? No one has time for that. 

Of course, I’m being hyperbolic. Plenty of disabled people struggle with these feelings many years into their disabilities, and never really get over them. But here’s the thing. We experience those stories ALL THE TIME. Remember Rain Man? Or Million Dollar Baby? Or that one with the actress from Game of Thrones and that British actor who seemed like he was going to have a promising career but then didn't? Those are all stories about sad, bitter disabled people and their sad, bitter lives, two out of three of which end in the character completing suicide because they simply couldn’t imagine having to live as a disabled person. (I mean, come on media, I get that we're less likely to enjoy a leisurely Saturday hike, but our parking is SUBLIME.) When was the last time you engaged with media that depicted a happy disabled person? A complex disabled person? A disabled person who has sex? No really, these aren’t hypothetical questions, can you please drop a rec in the notes?? Because I am desperate.

There are lots of problems with this trope, and they’ve been discussed ad nauseam by people with PhDs. I’m not actually interested in talking about how this trope leads to a more prevalent societal idea that disabled people are unworthy of love, or contributes to the kind of political thought processes that keep disabled people purposefully disenfranchised. I’m just a bitch on Tumblr, and I have a bone to pick: the thing I really hate about the trope? It’s boring. I’m bored. You know how, like, halfway through Grey’s Anatomy you realized they were just recycling the same plot points over and over again and there was just no WAY anyone working at a hospital prone to THAT MANY disasters would stay on staff? It's like that. I love a recycled trope as much as the next person (There Was Only One Bed, anyone?). But I need. Something. Else.

Remus is disabled. BOLD claim. WILD speculation. Except, not really. You simply - no matter how you flip it, slice it, puree it, or deconstruct it - cannot tell me Remus Lupin is not disabled. Most of us, by this point, are probably familiar with the way that One Canonical Author intended One Dashing Werewolf to be “a metaphor for those illnesses that carry stigma, like HIV and AIDS” [I’m sorry to link you to an outside source quoting She Who Must Not Be Named, but we’re professionals here]. Which is... a thing. It’s been discussed. And, listen, there’s no denying that this parallel is a problematic interpretation of people who have HIV/AIDS and all such similar “those illnesses” (though I’ll admit that I, too, am perennially apt to turn into a raging beast liable to harm anything that crosses my path, but that’s more linked to the at-least-once-monthly recollection that One Day At A Time got cancelled). Critiques aside, Remus Lupin is a character who - due to a condition that affects him physically, mentally, emotionally, and intellectually - is repeatedly marginalized, oppressed, denied political and social power, and ostracized due to unfounded fear that he is infectious to others. Does that sound familiar?

We’re not going to argue about whether or not “Remus is canonically disabled as fuck” is a fair reading. And the reason we’re not going to argue about whether or not it’s a fair reading is because I haven’t read canon in 10-plus years and you will win the argument. Canon is only marginally relevant here. The icon of this blog is brown, curly haired Remus Lupin kissing his trans boyfriend, Sirius Black. We are obviously not too terribly invested in canon. The wolfstar fandom is now a community with over 25,000 AO3 fics, entire careers launched from drawing or writing or cosplaying this non-canonical pairing. We love to play around here with storylines and universes and races and genders and sexualities and all kinds of things, but most of the time? Remus is still disabled. He’s disabled as a werewolf in canon-compliant works, he’s disabled in the AUs where he was injured or abused or kidnapped or harmed as a child, he’s disabled in the stories that read him as chronically ill or bipolar or traumatized or blind or Deaf. I’d go so far as to say that he is one of very few characters in the Wide Wonderful World of media who is, in as close to his essence as one can be, always disabled. And that means? Don’t shoot the messenger... but we could stand to be a tiny bit more responsible with how we portray him. 

Disabled people are complicated. As much as I’d like to pretend we are always level-headed, confident, and ready to assert our inherent worth, we are still just humans. We have bad days. We doubt our worth. We sometimes go out with guys who complain about our steroid-induced weight gain (it was a long time ago, Tumblr, okay??). But, we also have joy and fun and good days and sex and happiness and families and so many other things. 

Remus is a disabled character, and as such, it’s only fair that he’d have those unworthy moments. But - I propose - Remus is also a crip. What is a crip? A crip - like a queer - is someone who eschews the limited boundaries placed on their bodies, who rejects a hierarchy of oppression in favor of an intersectional analysis of lived experience, who isn’t interested in being the tragic figure responsible for helping people with dominant identities realize how good they have it. Crips interpret their disabilities however they want, rethinking bodies and medicine and pleasure and pain and even time itself. Crips are political, community-minded, and in search of liberation. 

Remus is a character who struggles with his disability, sure. But he’s also a character who leverages his physical condition to attempt to shift communities towards his political leanings, advocates for the rights of those who share his physical condition, and has super hot sex with his wrongfully convicted boyfriend ultimately goes on to build community and family. Having a condition that quite literally cripples you, over which you have no control, and through which you are often read as a social pariah? That’s disability. But using said condition as a means through which to build advocacy and community? Now that’s some crip shit. 

Personally, I love disabled!Remus Lupin. But I love crip!Remus Lupin even more. I’d love to see more of a Remus who owns his disability, who covets what makes him unique, and who never ever again tells a potential romantic partner they are too good for him because of his disability. This trope - unlike There Was Only One Bed! - sometimes actually hurts to read. Where’s Remus who thinks a potential romantic partner isn’t good enough for him? Where’s Remus who insists his partners learn more about his condition in order to treat him properly? Where’s sexy wheelchair user Remus? Where’s Remus who uses his werewolf transformations as an excuse to travel the world? Where’s crip Remus??

We don’t have to put “you don’t want me” Remus entirely to bed. It is but one of many repeated tropes that are - in the words of The Hot Priest from Fleabag - morally a bit dubious. And let’s face it - we don’t always come to fandom for its moral superiority (as much as we sometimes like to think we do). 

This is not a condemnation - it is an invitation. Able-bodied folks are all but an injury, illness, or couple decades away from being disabled. And when you get here, I sincerely hope you don’t waste your time on “you don’t want me”ing back and forth with the people you love. I’m inviting you to come to the crip side now. We have snacks, and without all the “you don’t want me” talk, we get to the juicy parts much faster. 

Colorfully,

Mod Theo

[keanureevesisbae]

Coach Cavill - Chapter 11

Summary: Amelia and Henry are going apple picking.

Coach!Henry Cavill x Amelia Jung (Asian ofc)

Wordcount: 5.7k

Warnings: None

A/N: I don’t know Henry’s family (well duh 🙄), but I wrote them in a way it would fit into this story. However, please keep in mind that this is in no way reality. Also, I know it has been over a month since I last updated this fic, so thank you for your patience 🥰

Masterlist // Previous chapter // Next chapter

After what seemed the longest day at school, I quickly drove home, so I could get ready for my date with Henry. I’ve been looking forward to it since the moment we agreed to it. I love apple picking and the fact that I get to spend even more time with Henry, is definitely something I’m not saying no to.

Yesterday morning and this morning Henry came by to bring us all something nice to drink (a caramel cappuccino in the morning just hits different) and to pick up his sandwiches. I can’t believe that this is actually happening right now. After divorcing Dean, I thought dating was out of the question, really. I figured Dean would move on with his new girlfriend (and I mean, he certainly did: they’re getting married and have a baby—I think that definitely qualifies for moving on), while I would sit in my house, surrounded by my kids and my friends and I’d probably date when I was over fifty, when the kids would be long off on their own.

I mean, I wasn’t opposed to it. I had been with the same man since I was eighteen, being on my own felt like an entire lifetime ago and I was thoroughly enjoying it.

However, I met Henry and it seems to fit. I wouldn’t have dared to dream someone like him fitting here so perfectly.

My house is filled with kids. They all know I’m going out and when I’m gone, they have the place to themselves and don’t have to—and I’m quoting both myself and Eve here—use their inside voices as Eve is still working. While Benji, Lola, Jake, Isabella and Yara are all hanging on the couches watching some tv, I’m frantically running around, in order to get myself ready for this date. I took a quick shower, to clean myself up a little, since there was a slight peeing incident today at school and unfortunately, some got spilled on me. Not on accident of course. Poor kid was really anxious the entire day, since it’s not going well with his grandma. Besides, my own kids and Eve’s kids all peed or puked on me at least once, so you could say I have seen my fair share.

‘Amelia,’ Lola says, as I’m pacing through the living room, ‘why are you nervous?’

‘I’m not nervous,’ I tell her.

Benji smiles. ‘Yes mom, you are. Relax, it’s not a big deal. It’s just a date.’

I sigh deeply, knowing deep down that it’s not a big deal and I should relax. It’s indeed just a date and I already know Henry. He comes by in the morning and gives me a kiss. Nothing to worry about. ‘Am I looking too casual?’ I ask them, as I look down to my tight blue jeans, the thick black sweater and the black ankle boots. I have my warm white coat ready on the backrest of the seat. ‘This is too casual,’ I conclude.

‘Mom,’ Isabella says, while she sits on Lola’s lap, ‘you look really pretty and I know that Henry thinks so too. This morning he said that you looked really pretty.’

He did what? ‘When did he say that to you?’ I ask her.

‘When you were checking your bag.’ Isabella smiles and I can’t even hide my blush.

The doorbell rings and I let out a high pitched scream.

Yara starts to giggle. ‘You can do this, Amelia,’ she says. ‘Really you can.’

I can’t believe I need a few kids to hype me up, but to be fair: I am a bit rusty in the whole dating department. If they think I’m a nervous wreck now, they should’ve seen me seventeen years ago when I went on a date with Dean. ‘I know, I’ve got this,’ I say as casual as possible. I walk to the door and when I open it, I’m met with the beauty that is called Henry Cavill. His coat hangs open, only to reveal yet another cable sweater.

‘You are absolutely breathtaking,’ Henry says with a smile. ‘I’m so lucky.’

My mouth falls open. ‘You have got to be kidding me,’ I laugh. ‘Seriously Henry, you are already the embodiment of perfection and then you say this.’

Henry looks at his shoes and from the looks of it, he is trying to cover up a blush. That is adorable, really.

‘I just have to get my coat. You want to come in?’

‘Of course,’ he says, when I step to the side to let him in.

‘Where is Kal?’ I ask him. ‘I haven’t seen him in a while.'

‘Greg and Annabelle are watching him. I can’t say no to that sweet face.’

‘Whose sweet face?’ I ask with a chuckle.

Henry simply rolls his eyes, but lets out a laugh anyway

‘Oh, by the way, you have to know there are three teenagers and two young girls sitting in the living room.’

He nods. ‘Nothing I can’t handle.’ He closes the door behind me and presses a light kiss on forehead. ‘Did I already say to you that you’re pretty?’

‘You told me I was breathtaking,’ I say with a smile. ‘But I did hear you were talking to my daughter about how pretty I looked this morning.’

He chuckles. ‘I might’ve.’ I feel his lips on the tip of my nose and my stomach twists and turns in a pleasant way. I almost forgot how the first weeks of a new relationship type of thing feels like.

I clear my throat as I try to regain some composure and together we enter the living room. Jake starts to make kissy sounds, causing me to roll my eyes. ‘Grow up, will you?’ I say to him, as I grab my coat.

Henry gently pulls it out of my hands, before holding it up for me, so I can easily slide my arms through the sleeves.

This man… Is he honestly real? I hope every minor on that couch is making mental notes, because this is peak gentleman behavior and I want them all to remember this for when they start dating.

‘I won’t,’ Jake laughs. ‘This is way too much fun.’

‘Well, I’ll keep this in mind for when you start dating,’ I say, as I zip up the coat. ‘Remember, I can embarrass you even better. Remind me, how old were you again when you peed on my porch?’

Yara pretends to vomit, while Isabella exclaims: ‘Ew, you peed on our porch? That’s disgusting!’

‘I think he was six the first time, mom,’ Benji says with a chuckle and Lola starts to laugh as well, before adding: ‘And the last time he was ten.’

‘You wouldn’t, right?’ Jake asks, his eyes enlarged.

‘If you don’t zip it, I definitely will. I have tons up my sleeve,’ I say with a smile. ‘Okay, kids, I’ll be back around dinner time. Isabella and Yara, please don’t touch the stove and oven. If you need something, ask the older kids, okay?’

‘Yes,’ the two of them say.

‘If you guys need anything, just remember, Eve is next door and I’m one phone call away.’

The five of them nod. ‘We know.’

‘Also, I’d rather have something left to eat here, so please don’t be swines and eat everything.’

‘We won’t,’ they all say.

‘And—’

‘Amelia, just go!’ Lola laughs. ‘We know how to behave ourselves here. It’s not the first time we’re alone here.’

‘Yes, mom, we’ll manage,’ Benji adds.

I nod, realizing I’m totally overreacting. They are home alone here all the time, while I hang out with Eve and Johnny. This isn’t new. ‘Right, you are totally right. I’m so sorry.’

‘Have fun,’ my daughter says.

‘We will,’ I say, ‘and Jake, for the love of God, don’t say: but not too much fun.’

‘How did you know I was about to say that?’ he asks, his voice a bit higher from sheer surprise.

‘You are fairly predictable,’ Henry says. ‘Even I knew you were going to say that.’

I finally manage to leave the place with Henry and when we’re finally in his truck, I lean over to give him a long kiss on his soft lips. He hums against my mouth, as he places his rough hand on my cheek. I can’t believe he actually deepens the kiss, but I’m not complaining at all. I could kiss this man non stop for hours on end, without getting tired of it. When we let each other go, I smile. ‘I really missed you,’ I say, ‘though I saw you this morning. Is that too clingy?’

‘Not too clingy at all, because I missed you too. I can’t get quite enough of you.’ He starts the car when we put on the seatbelts and he says: ‘I bought the ingredients you told me to buy for the pies. I also bought some whipped cream, because Greg told me if I were going to eat one of your apple pies, there has to be whipped cream on top of it.’

‘Greg is an absolute angel for reminding you, because I am out of whipped cream and he is totally right. Did you know I won the pie baking contest back in middle school with my fabulous apple pie?’

‘I did not know,’ Henry says, as he drives off. He mindlessly places his hand on my leg and I can’t stop myself to place mine on top of it. ‘I really look forward to this,’ he admits. ‘I have never been apple picking before.’

‘It’s so much fun. Pro tip: you have to walk at least twenty minutes before you start picking. Then you find the best apples.’

‘Good thing I have an expert with me,’ he says. ‘Greg told me it would be fun.’

‘You tell Greg quite a lot,’ I say with a chuckle. ‘Well, no wonder he kept wiggling his eyebrows at me yesterday.’ I wrap my arms around his thick one, before placing my head on his bicep. When Dean and I were still married, I could never sit against him like this in the car, because our seats were separated. Henry’s truck allows me to scoot over a bit to the middle, so I can melt against his broad frame. ‘I’m sorry about Jake,’ I say.

‘Well, don’t be. I really love the way you are with not only your kids, but also with Eve’s. It truly shows how close you guys are. I think it’s great you two live next to one another and you can always lean on each other.’

‘It sure is.’

‘Tell me, Amelia, how was your day at school?’

I tell him about how the kids were sweet today and how we made some Halloween related drawings. I even mention the slight peeing incident, but also that it was no big deal really. ‘How was your day?’

‘It was okay,’ he says, but I can hear his voice flatten a bit.

I look to the side, only to discover a deep frown between his brows. From the looks of it, today was not okay. ‘What happened?’

‘My mother called,’ he says, ‘telling me to come back home.’

‘Oh,’ I say. That can’t be good? ‘Are you going back?’

‘No of course not, I just arrived here. Besides, my life here is much better than in Jersey.’ He sighs. ‘She thought it was a horrible idea to move here. She also didn’t approve of my choices of work and sure doesn’t like it I’m doing it overseas now.’

‘Why not?’

‘Well, when you have four brothers who are either with the Marines, lawyers and all that stuff, you could say I’m the loser of the family.’

‘Or are you the only one that followed their heart?’ I ask. ‘I mean, do you even know if your brothers enjoy what they do?’

He simply shrugs. It’s been hard on Henry to open up, I can see that. ‘Henry,’ I say, ‘when I grew up, I wanted to work at the mortuary.’

‘What?’ he asks. ‘Really?’

‘Yeah, I went to my granddad’s funeral and I was in that age where I wanted to experience everything. The woman who helped us arranging the funeral, I was in awe of her. I went with her probably the entire time and she told me what she did for a living. I was actually planning on becoming one, figuring out to what colleges I had to go to, but then I went to Korea. After I came back, I realized I didn’t want to work with the dead, but with the living and preferably our future.’ Realizing that, per usual, I’m about to miss the point I was going to make. ‘What I’m trying to say with this, was that every career move I had in mind, it wasn’t something my parents wanted me to do. They envisioned me becoming a doctor, or a a lawyer, owning my own business. But they just accepted all the choices I made, whether they liked it or not.’

Henry laughs. ‘Wow,’ he says. ‘I just can’t believe you wanted to work at a mortuary. You sure are quite something, Amelia.’

‘I like to keep on surprising.’

‘Figured. What about your kids?’

I chuckle. ‘They have interesting plans. Benji wants to become a career judoka, but I told him he needs to think about getting a degree. He might be quite the judoka now, but what if one day he gets injured or he doesn’t make it? So he came up with the idea of either becoming a dentist or a coach, like you.’

‘Really?’

‘Mhm and to be honest, I’m leaning more towards coach. I think he would be really good at that. He really has an eye for the details, with not only himself, but also with others. And Isabella wants to be famous, but she hasn’t figured out how she’ll get famous.’

He nods. ‘And you support them?’

‘Of course, they are my kids. The point is that your parents should accept you and your choices. The idea of parenting is that you prepare your kids to be ready for the world, not to dictate their lives. You might have an idea of what type of career fits them best, but they have to decide for themselves, make their own choices and mistakes. Besides, I could think of worse career moves. I mean, a judo coach is a great job and being famous… It’s quite something, I have to give her that and with Isabella’s personality, she would enjoy it so much. She loves being in the spotlights, preferably alone.’

‘You’re an excellent mother. Mine could learn a thing or two from you.’ Henry parks the car on the lot, but doesn’t get out. It’s almost like he wants to say something else to me. Knowing how hard it can be for some people to open up, I decide to wait and see whether or not he wants to tell me what is on his heart. ‘You know,’ he starts with a sigh, ‘my mom never went to one of my games.’

‘Are you kidding me?’ I ask him. ‘I’m so sorry.’

‘Seeing these kids here, with their entire support system at the games, it warms my heart. I’m happy they have that.’

I study his face. ‘But you can be a bit jealous,’ I say. ‘That’s allowed.’

‘By you?’

‘By everyone. We all want something we didn’t have growing up and that’s normal. Parents try—or at least it appears as if they do—but they can never give their kids what they deserve. It pains me to know that there are things that I can’t provide for my kids or that I can’t meet their needs. I remember when I was doing my first internship at a primary school, I saw this mother who had four beautiful daughters. That’s what I wanted: sisters or brothers. I was all alone growing up and people would kill for that, but I just wanted a companion within my family. But my parents couldn’t give me that.’ I send him a reassuring smile. ‘Believe me, it can be hard to see kids who have what you have always wanted growing up or kids that are deprived of that what you had.’

Henry nods. ‘Wise woman you are.’

‘Shut up.’

‘I mean it! And just know that when I look over at the bleachers now and I see you, I realize that you are my support system.’

That is the sweetest thing someone has ever said to me.

We get out of the car and all the nerves I experienced back in my own house, are all gone now, especially when he reaches over to hold my hand. Being around Henry is so easy and it worried me  a bit I didn’t feel so tense and nervous around him. When I first started dating Dean, I was a nervous wreck for at least two months. But maybe it’s unfair to compare teen Amelia, to adult Amelia who is divorced and has two kids.

When we arrive at the apple picking field, Henry hands me a bucket and together we walk over the grass, finding the spot with the best apples. ‘So tell me all about the divorce, Henry.’

He chuckles. ‘How long have you been thinking about this?’

‘To be fair? The second you told me about it. I mean, who would divorce you?’

‘I could say the same thing about you. You are the catch of the town.’

‘You are too,’ I say.

He bites his bottom lip as he stares ahead of him. ‘Okay, so I told you that my parents wanted me to marry her and her family wanted her to marry me.’

‘Yes.’

‘And how she dated my friend behind my back and we got divorced, right?’

‘Yes. I’m just curious to why you agreed to it?’

He snickers. ‘It had to do with a trust fund.’

‘Trust fund? That is honestly a thing?’ I ask.

Henry nods. ‘It is. So, if I married her, I would eventually get access to the trust fund.’

Eventually. That isn’t promising. ‘But you got divorced,’ I note. ‘What happened to the trust fund?’

‘It is now a yacht, owned by my parents.’

I place my hand on his arm. ‘Are you fucking kidding me?’

‘Never expected the word fucking to leave the lips of kindergarten teacher Amelia Jung,’ he chuckles. ‘But no, I’m not kidding. When I divorced Vera, that’s my ex, they knew she slept with my best friend, but they blamed me.’

This is absolutely infuriating me. ‘You have to give me your parents’ number,’ I say in all seriousness, ‘so I can call them and tell them their parenting style is honestly unbelievable. Henry you are a grown man! You should decide for yourself who you are dating or what kind of career you want to pursue. And that trust fund thing, how low, my goodness.’

Henry chuckles. ‘You understand why I had to leave?’

‘Oh, I more than understand, I just wonder why you didn’t leave sooner. I really don’t want to talk badly about your parents since I don’t know them, but this crosses a line. What an idiots.’

He nudges my side. ‘This fired up look really suits you, Amelia,’ he admits. ‘I like it.’

I look up and he smiles. He is so beautiful, my oh my. ‘Can I ask you something?’

‘Always.’

‘How rich are your parents? I don’t need a number, but just an indication.’

‘They are pretty rich,’ he says. ‘Like, there is a possibility we would have marry a distant cousin to keep the money in the family, if there are no more trusted family friends who are single.’

Why do I know exactly what kind of family this is about? ‘I didn’t know Jersey had those types of rich.’

‘We keep on surprising,’ he chuckles. ‘Honestly, I never really fitted in, always the black sheep of the family. I’m just grateful I’m out of there and living my own life, even if it’s at age thirty eight.’

‘Luna Meadows sure is lucky to have you here.’ I stand on my toes, to give him a kiss on his soft lips. ‘You sure you don’t want me to call your parents?’

‘I don’t think they are ready for that,’ he smiles. ‘If they find out I’m dating you, they’ll flip.’

Oh my, we’re dating? Is that what he is saying? ‘Is it because I’m Korean?’

He shakes his head. ‘No, it’s more you having kids.’

‘Don’t your parents want grandkids? I thought everyone with kids is desperate to become grandparents.’

‘They do, just blood related grandkids.’

I simply scoff. ‘Your parents are a piece of work.’

‘You can say that again.’ I’m already opening my mouth, but he is way ahead of me. ‘Don’t even think about it,’ he chuckles. We start picking some good looking apples, as the late autumn sun warms my back. ‘Okay Amelia, I see a nice apple, but I can’t reach.’

‘Well, that sucks,’ I say, ‘because of you can’t reach it, I certainly ca— Oh no! Henry, put me down!’ I scream as he wraps his arm around my legs, lifting me up.

‘It’s the one on your right,’ he tells me, but I have closed my eyes shut. ‘Come on, Jung, it’s not that high!’

‘It is!’ I say. ‘You know I’m afraid of heights.’

‘I know you are. Just pick that one apple.’

I manage to open only one eye and quickly grab the one on my right. After I nearly broke the branch while picking it, he carefully puts me down. ‘That wasn’t funny, coach Cavill,’ I tell him, pointing dangerously at him with my pointer finger.

‘Oh look at that,’ he chuckles, ‘the teacher-finger.’

I try not to smile, but I fail. ‘Shut up.’

He bites his bottom lip, only making my heart pound really fast. Is he aware of the effect he has on my heart, especially when he does that? Henry leans in to give me a quick peck on my lips.

Amelia, please, now is not the time to faint.

‘Excuse me,’ I hear a voice behind me say and I cannot believe it’s Trixie again. Of course she is here, to ruin my fantastic date. She accidentally sat in the booth next to me on my second date with Dean, together with her friends. ‘Coach Cavill, I wanted to talk to you about George, is now a good time?’

I want to smack that smug grin of her face. No, now isn’t a good time and any human being with even one braincell could’ve figured that out.

Henry clears his throat, obviously a little caught off guard. ‘Uh, what did you wanted to talk about?’ he asks, as he scratches himself in the back of his neck.

‘His progress.’

Well, I can tell her all about that: her twelve year old is just as bad as he was three years ago. There is no progress with George Yates.

‘I think we should have that conversation a little later,’ Henry says with a professional tone, ‘when we’re at the center for example. I have video material and all. We could have a chat tomorrow, before training.’

‘Can’t wait,’ she says. ‘Amelia, are you having fun?’

‘Mhm, we’re going to make an apple pie at his place,’ I say, holding up the basket. ‘Remember, back in middle school when we were in that pie baking contest and I made one of my famous apple pies. What did you make again?’

Her face grows pale.

‘Oh right, pecan pie, with that very dark crust.’

Trixie is ready to skin me alive and honestly, I can’t really blame her, because I have been in her shoes more than once. For years her words would stab me like knives and now it’s the other way around. I remember when I came back from Korea, the way she gave me a hard time because my band Forever Hope disbanded. I mean, what did she accomplishment in those years? A date with Lucas Yates?

However, back then I just ignored her, but now I can’t. She will do anything to discredit me, but after that last phone call I had with Eve, when Trixie told me how I did not want to host a baby shower and a sweet sixteen at the same time, I felt this newly gained power to not allow her words to get to me.

I came to the realization that Trixie is still stuck in her high school mentality, while I grew up and actually matured. This gossiping and undermining thing was ridiculous back in school, but now… It’s still ridiculous, but also just plain pathetic. And maybe my comments aren’t exactly mature, but this is honestly just a small part of the payback she deserves after all those years of nearly bullying me.

‘Well, Trixie, Henry and I have some baking to do. See you later.’ I grab Henry by his hand and pull him with me. Henry doesn’t say a word on our way back to the truck, but once we’re both seated, he starts to laugh. ‘What?’ I ask.

‘How much underlying anger was in that conversation?’

‘Oh, quite a lot,’ I chuckle. I try not to think about the whole kid thing, because I honestly think it’s too soon for Henry and I to have that discussion. ‘Trixie and I go way back and I just felt this need to tell her off. Sorry.’

‘No need for apologies, remember?’ He places his hand on my leg and gives me a comforting squeeze. ‘Just so you know: I like you seeing you like this.’ He leans over and presses a kiss on my lips. ‘Now let’s go and make that famous apple pie of yours.’

✰ ✰ ✰

Making apple pie with Henry was nearly impossible. For starters, I had to make a checklist of every single thing that needed to be done at his place and spoiler alert: it’s a lot. I don’t want to call this place a dump, but… It kind of resembles one, if I’m being honest. When I finally managed to get myself to the kitchen, he continued to distract me with hugs and kisses. I mean, it’s not the worst thing I could think of (it was quite romantic), but once I’m baking pies, there is just this instant switch and I have a severe case of tunnel vision.

But of course, I managed to pull it off, with shockingly little help of Henry (but he made it all up by being handsome and handing me the stuff I needed). Now we are waiting for the three pies to cool a bit, as we are sitting on the couch. ‘I didn’t get any texts from the kids,’ I say, as I stare at my phone. ‘Or Eve for that matter. Are they okay?’

‘I think you are worrying too much.’

‘I’m not,’ I tell him, but when I look up and see his eyes, I realize I’m lying. ‘Okay, maybe I worry too much. It’s a trait I got only after the divorce. I usually was pretty chilled, very laid back, however when they went to their dad for the first time after the divorce… I was a nervous wreck. I think I finished up an entire bottle of wine and some.’

‘Oh no,’ he chuckles. ‘I’m sorry.’ He wraps an arm around my shoulders and lets out a sigh. ‘But I think it’s a mom’s job to worry.’

‘Yeah, part of the job, indeed.’

He doesn’t say anything for a while, but then he breaks the silence by saying: ‘You know, I keep thinking about Benji and that… anger outburst he had the other day.’

‘I know, I know, we’re trying to work on it, but… He just bottles up all of his emotions and then they come out uncontrolled. It’s so uncharacteristic of him, but he has been having them since he was little. I just worry sometimes he might hurt someone.’

‘I understand,’ Henry whispers.

‘But when he was younger, he would also save it when it was just us, when his dad wasn’t around. Probably because I just let him have his rage, before finally stopping when it was about to get out of hand. Dean on the other hand would get really angry. I think he felt and still feels safer to do it when he is with me.’

‘Understandable.’

‘I just worry a lot and that resulted in quite a few grey hairs.’

‘Listen,’ he says, ‘you are doing an excellent job, that I can guarantee. I mean, listen only to my parents and how much of a train wreck they are.’

I chuckle. ‘That’s a wonderful compliment, thanks for that, Henry.’

‘You understand what I mean.’

‘I sure do and… I know I’m doing good, but sometimes I just lack so much in my own opinion.’ I lean towards him, to press a long kiss on his lips. Before he can say anything to that last statement I made, I say: ‘We should get going. Think the pies are ready.’

‘And you desperately want to get back to your children, copy that.’

Henry and I get in his truck, with the slightly steaming pies covered in tea towels so you won’t burn your hands when you hold them. I adore being in a car with him, especially when he places his hand on my thigh. When we arrive home, Henry holds the pies in his hands and when I open the door, I only hear Isabella’s and Benji’s laughs, meaning the other kids went home. I’ll bring the other pie to Eve’s tonight. ‘Hi sweeties,’ I say when I walk into the living room, seeing the two of them on the couch.

‘Mom!’ They jump up and rush towards me and hug me close. ‘How was it?’ Benji asks.

‘It was wonderful,’ Henry says, ‘and you kids are lucky your mom loves you a lot, because otherwise I would’ve eaten all of this all by myself.’

Benji holds out his hands to help Henry out and brings the pies to the kitchen. Isabella jumps up and with one arm he balances her on his hip. ‘You wouldn’t, right?’

‘Oh, I think he would,’ I chuckle.

We walk to the kitchen, where Benji already has four plates prepared. ‘Oh shoot,’ I say to Henry, ‘I left the whipped cream in the car.’

‘I’ll get it, no worries,’ he says with a smile, before turning around, as he grabs his keys from the counter.

When he is out of hearing distance, Isabella pokes my arm. ‘And?’

‘And what?’ I ask her.

‘Did you two kiss again?’

The fact that I’m stammering, is the answer to her question. ‘Why do you care?’ Benji asks his little sister.

‘It’s just so romantic,’ she exclaims and wraps her arms around my shoulders, pressing her cheek against mine.

Henry walks back in with the whipped cream, tosses it up, before catching it with his other hand. Show off, I think to myself. ‘Who wants some?’ he asks.

‘I do, I do!’ Isabella says.

‘On your nose or on the pie?’ Henry asks with a smile.

‘On the pie,’ she chuckles. ‘You are a pig.’

‘You can’t just call people pigs,’ I say to her, softly squeezing her side.

‘You do it all the time, mom.’

‘Some things need to stay within the Jung family, honey,’ I whisper in her ear. ‘Okay, Isabella, pick a piece.’

We take our plates with the piece of pie and the whipped cream and sit at the table. Benji is seated next to me and when I look to the side, I notice him looking at Henry and how he is treating Isabella. I bump my knee against his and our eyes meet. My sweet boy, I think to myself. He sends me a quick smile and I chuckle.

‘Benji and Isabella, do you mind if I talk to you two about something?’

‘Is it something we did?’ Benji asks, his voice dripping with worry.

I place my hand on his wrist. ‘No, sweetheart, it’s nothing you did.’

Henry shakes his head. ‘It’s just something I need you to know.’

Isabella looks up to the side, as she takes in the broad man next to him. ‘What is it?’

‘Well I want you two to know that… Just because I’m dating your mom, doesn’t mean I’m trying to steal her away from you nor to become your new dad. She is still your mom and you two are her number one priorities.’

My daughter chuckles. ‘Henry, we know all that.’

‘And we are more than happy to share our mom with you,’ Benji tells him.

While Henry is a bit surprised, I am not, because I just knew my kids would react like this. ‘Really?’ He can’t help but smile and that melts my heart.

‘Really,’ my two kids confirm and I smile when I see how happy the three of them are. ‘Is there anything you wish I know or you expect from me?’ He looks over at Isabella, who already opened her mouth. ‘And that does not involve watching television with you passed your bedtime,’ he says, causing her to pout.

‘Just make my mom happy,’ Benji says and if my heart wasn’t completely melted away, it is now.

‘Honey,’ I say, as I wrap my arms around his neck. I can feel he is rolling his eyes. ‘You are too sweet.’

‘Mom, stop,’ he laughs.

‘My boy is such a darling,’ I continue, simply to pester him.

‘Mom!’ Benji says, trying to push me off, but I’m simply too strong for now.

‘I did such a good job raising you,’ I chuckle, as I pepper his cheek with kisses.

‘Mom!’ He starts to laugh and I actually let him go now. ‘Don’t hug me like that again, but I meant what I said. Just make my mom happy and then I’m happy.’

‘I can do that,’ Henry says. ‘I promise.’

[goldenpctals]

TRUTH BOOTH, mackenzie edition 

GENERAL QUESTIONS

1. Please state your full name: I’m Mackenzie Juniper Quinn 2. Does your name(s) have any kind of meaning? If so, what is it? I was named ever my mother’s grandmother, Mackenzie and Juniper was my own grandmother. So classic, right? 3. Do you have any nicknames? A few. Kenz, Kenzie 4. Where were you born? And in which country? Born and raised in Brisbane, Queensland. Also known as Australia 5. What is your date of birth? November 1, 1995  6. Of course, the following question; what is your Zodiac sign? Scorpio 7. Do you believe in Zodiac signs? No, they never add up. There is a moment where every now and then, I can relate to a certain post. However, Zodiac signs are just a myth to me 8. Where do you live? I jump between Violet Springs and London  9. What is your home situation like? (ex. do you live with your family? Your partner etc.?) In London, I have my own apartment, but in Violet Springs, I live with Theo. I have an apartment in London because of my work duties 10. Do you have any siblings? I have one twin brother named Sebestian who constantly reminds me that he is the oldest by 30 seconds. Sad  11. Do you have any kind of allergies? Peanut allergy 12. Do you own any pets? If so, what kind of pets are they? Do snakes back home in Australia count? We usually occur a wild snake every now and then. They keep seem to come back? 13. Why did you apply to St Jude’s? My mom recommended it to me and eventually, I had a scholarship 14. Did you had to go through a lot audition rounds? No, I was discovered  15. What is the current course you’re following? Acting, mostly on screen/tv 16. If you can switch courses, which one would you switch to and why? Producing. It’s a new journey I’m starting at the moment  17. What is your proudest project you’ve done? I, Tonya 18. What is the proudest project that someone’s else has done? Anything Mason does. His work is absolutely fascinating 19. Do you like FanCons? I do 20. What do you like about FanCons? The answer would be pretty obvious, but meeting fans and getting to know them 21. What don’t you like about FanCons? Too personal questions. Don’t get me wrong, I know it’s FanCon and fans will ask questions, but some are unbelievably severe 22. A fan memory that always stuck with you? Can be positive or negative. Whenever they dress up as Harley Quinn. That always stays absolutely adorable 23. Your favorite event so far? I love any kind of award show 24. What kind of event would you like to see in the future? Maybe some kind of camping / surviving trip?  25. Would you recommend St Jude’s to friends, family. etc? Depends. If you handle the pressure and you are career-focused, then yes. If you can’t handle the drama, then no

PERSONALITY QUESTIONS

26. What are your positive traits? Passionate, purposeful and patient. The 3 P’s that Quinn’s usually swear by 27. What are you negative traits? Incredibly stubborn and a little too fierce 28. What would other people describe you as? I hope positive things. But I know some of them have a lot to say other wise, oops 29. What are your pet peeves? Picking men over your friends 30. What makes you happy? Family, genuine friends, working 31. What makes you upset? The classic: ‘seeing one of my loved ones upset’  32. What is something you love? Working. I’m a workaholic  33. What is something you dislike? Being so proud of something and then not getting the recognision that everyone deserves 34. What are you strengths? I would like to say that I’m organised?  35. What are you weaknesses? Picking my head over my heart. Poor choices have been made, unfortunately  36. A misconception people often think of you? That I’m a spoiled brat, probably. Little did they know, everything I’ve done, has been acchieved by me, myself and I 37. Do you have any fears? Yes, but I’m passing this one since I have 3 passes 38. What scares you the most? Tiny holes. They are awful  39. What do you do to entertain yourself? Work out, go shopping or be around my friends 40. What is your MBTI? My MBTI type is ESFP 41. How do you deal with stress? Talk to Amber, she is like my personal therapist 42. Are you a determined person? Are you a stubborn person? Stubborn, very  43. Do you consider yourself selfish? I am. However, since when is this a bad thing? You should be looking out for yourself?  44. Would you like to be different? No, I don’t  45. Are you more introverted (focused on your inner world) or more extraverted (focused on other people and the outer world)? Extraverted

ROMANCE QUESTIONS

46. What is your sexual orientation? My sexuality is: Heterosexual 47. Current relationship status? I’ve been in a relationship with Theo Carmichael for a couple of years now, even when we had our low moments, I still adore him 48. When was your first kiss? Behind a bar, I was drunk and snuck out of my house 49. Do you remember your first date? If so, with who was it? What did you do? Yes, it was that awful that I’m sparing you the details. You’re welcome!  50. Have you ever experienced heart-break? Pass 51. Have you ever been in love? (If yes, skip to question 53) I have!  52. If no, how so? n/a 53. How do you know when you’re in love? Honestly, this was pretty hard for me to answer. I have experienced multiple relationships in my past and with Theo, things were just different. There was so much more and he opened up a whole new world to me by being so patient and understand 54. What would be your ideal date? Take me on an adventure and you’re good to go 55. What is your perspective on marriage? Being pressured into marriage is never good. My parents tend to do so. However, I would love to get married someday. 56. (only for non-virgins) Are you a sub, dom or switch? You had the audicity to ask that? 57. What do you think of relationships? If you’re in love, then it’s wonderful. I wish people stopped getting their lonely souls mixed into business they shouldn’t even be in 58. What do you think of one-night stands? Used to, but it’s a no for me, thanks 59. Are you still a virgin? No, I’m not 60. Most attractive trait in a different person? Passion 61. What matters most to you when it comes to a relationship? Being truthful to one another and talk things out if there is something to talk about. I’m still learning this myself  62. Are you comfortable with PDA? Or would you be comfortable with PDA? Not the biggest fan, but I don’t really mind it?  63. Are you more of a type to be asked out or the type to ask the other out? The one to be asked out 64. How do you express love to the other? *looks away at Theo* 65. Who is your celebrity crush? If I don’t say my boyfriend, he will probably ignore me for a solid week and come back with a replacement for me. Probably a dog. So, my boyfriend, Theo 

GETTING DEEP QUESTIONS

66. Do you regret anything? Yes, I do  67. Is there something you woule like to re-do? So, start all over again? There are a couple of things yes. But that’s for me to know and for you to dot.. dot.. dot.. 68. What is something you would never share with anyone? What happened in Brisbane on July 20, 2012 (OOC: This is that her secret happened)  69. When was the last time you cried? Why did you cry? Yesterday. Sometimes I tend to get overwhelmed by the pressure of my parents. Bash thinks he isn’t their favorite and always calls me out for being the favorite. I don’t think he knows what they want me to be 70. Most memorable event that happened in your time in St Judes? This could be anything: I almost drowned whenever the ship sunk. This happened twice. Twice? Like, excuse me? Did St Judes raised their insurance policy? I hope they did 71. One thing you wish you could do all over? See question 67 72. Someone you miss? People leave for a reason. It is what it is  73. Something you wish you could forget? Once again, July 20 2012 74. Who has the biggest impact on you? Disney has a pretty big impact on me. She is definitely someone I look up to, a lot. Also my mom or my grandmother  75. What is your perspective on love? Is it beautiful? Does it scare you? It shouldn’t be scary. If love scares you, are you ready for it?  76. What has hurt you in the past that you don’t want others to go through? Hm, can’t really think of something?  77. What is something you have gained, something you have lost and something you let go of during the past year? Gained: More confidence in my work. Lost? “Friends”. Let go of: Chopping my hair so short 78. Have you ever lost a friend? do you wish you would still be friends? Yes and no.  79. Do you have any triggers? What is the history behind these triggers and are they related to any disorders or mental illnesses? I don’t 80. If you could meet your 16 year old self, what would tell them? That life isn’t really that painful and that I should really get a sense of fashion......... 

RANDOM QUESTION ROUND

81. Summer or Winter? Summer, any day 82. Cats or dogs? Dogs  83. Beach or mountains? Beaches, but I love the mountain view more 84. Phone calls or texting? Phone calls 85. Have you ever skipped class? Rarely 

[iamsoneurotic]

All Kinds of 3′s...

I’m not even providing a witty lead up. It’s happening again.

I mean at this point it’s already Facebook official, so the element of surprise is gone. Actually what would have been a great surprise would be to write an entire post and NOT say anything. Then like, on the baby’s third birthday be like “SURPRISE!”... I may still do that. Nobody reads this.

I wanted to work in something about 3 being a charm, but that kind of implies that you screwed up with the first two and THIS will be the child that saves your family from failure, but I’d like to think we’ve done pretty dang good with our first two kids. The mere fact that I was able to keep them alive (edit - not kill them, let’s be honest, mommy keeps them alive, daddy just tries not to drop them too much) proves that first and second times are a charm. I’m very charming.

We’re going to be finding out the gender next week and I don’t really want to emphasize what Rach is hoping for out of fear the child will read this someday and think it’s the equivalent of being a duplicate Happy Meal toy - but it’s pretty obvious what she wants considering we have 2 of one gender and none of the other… She wants a girl. There I said it.

Really, Rach, I still say if it’s a boy and you're disappointed by that, put it in a dress while I’m at work one day and don’t tell anybody. Get it out of your system. Problem solved.

… That part about not telling anybody is very important though. Please don’t tell me.

Anyway - 2018 was always going to be the year of Baby #3. Not that THIS particular instance was the plan, but it would have been right around now anyway. Rachael’s one demand about this post was that I not make any jokes about or references to the conception of the child. So I won’t reference the conception. Not even a little. Absolutely will not talk about how babies are made and how this pregnancy is no different from how most babies are created.

Look at me doing what I’m told like a good husband.

So we found out in June that we’re essentially not going to have our lives back until 2036. It was a weird couple of months because the prior month we had a pregnancy scare which turned out to be just a weird menstrual cycle from some hormone-related pills Rach was taking… I hate the word menstrual almost as much as the word cervix - oh dear lord I’ve used both terms in the same sentence, I’m going to throw up. Shouldn’t ‘lady’ terms be more feminine?? Why can’t they have nice terms for female-related items… Like Vas Deferens, that’s a male-related and highly inoffensive word to the ears. You know what, ladies? You can have that word. It’s not like anyone ever says it anyway. Name a non-med school conversation that you’ve ever had which included the word Vas Deferens. Seriously, we’re not using it, swap it with cervix and let’s move on from ever having to mentally scar our brains with that word ever again.

See, this is the part about pregnancies that I hate the most. It’s not the hormones, it’s not the bills, it’s not the fear of finances… It’s the freaking awful words you have to hear for 9 months straight. Everything is all about mucus and cervixes and uteruses and fetuses and cramping and contractions and I’m fully aware that I’m supposed to be using commas instead of “ands” but I have mom-brain by proxy so I don’t care. That’s the other thing - I’m getting pregnancy symptoms! I’ve heard that this is a real thing that can happen, and it’s finally happening after 3 of these pregnancies. I’m hormonal, on edge, tired, I get headaches, mom-brain, nausea… It’s freaking ridiculous. Don’t even get me going on my baby bump!

In all fairness, this has been a pretty rough pregnancy for Rach. Probably the worst first trimester ever. She’s been incredibly nauseous, cranky, tired… Basically the usual pregnancy symptoms, only cranked to 11. The poor girl is MISERABLE. I feel bad, but at the same time I don’t really like having to be in charge of watching the boys while she naps and recovers. Nobody feels a father’s pain and struggle.

Oh dear, I was talking about menstrual cycles (*shivers*) wasn’t I… I can’t keep a consistent thought to save my life. The point of that was, because we had a scare the month before which ended up being a 10-day late period, we just figured that this was no different and she’d get her period super late again… well it was kind of true, only instead of being a month late, it’s going to be about a year late. The reason I’m posing with 3 pregnancy tests isn’t because we’re going to have 3 kids or because there’s triplets on the way (God willing), it’s because Rach took 3 separate tests because she couldn’t believe it was even a possibility… I obviously can’t go into any further detail than that because I’ve been banned from discussing certain topics by my modest wife.

We’re due February 13th. I feel like this is necessary information to give when posting about a pregnancy. People like that sort of thing. People also like pictures… So here’s the little munchkin:

I should rephrase - not “munchkin”, we’re referring to this baby as our “ Lil’ Lily Pad”... Milo was very unoriginally “Sweet-Pea”, Noli was “Cupcake”, later appropriately changed to “Beefcake”, now we’ve got a Lily Pad. Not really sure what the obsession with naming unborn babies after foods. I often wonder if we as parents subconsciously entertain the idea of cannibalizing things we love. “You’re so cute I could just eat you up!” or “I just want to nibble on those cheeks!”... We’re lost as a society.

So that’s all I got on Baby #3. Now onto Baby #2! Noli’s a 3 year old!!! Yesterday was my little bug’s birthday. Did I talk about how I call him “bug”? I don’t remember... mom-brain by proxy, remember. He was a cuddle bug, so I started calling him Noli-bug, now he’s just Bug. I don’t know why it’s so appropriate for him. There’s just something about that little stocky, squishy body that just screams “little bug”. I feel like he’s destined to be in a gang someday with that name.

Anyway, he’s 3 and I’m just so proud and in love with the little bugger. The boy is a cuddly ray of sunshine. He loves hugging and kissing and saying “I love you”, and we in-turn soak it up like a sponge. He’ll just walk over and sit on you without any warning and nuzzle right up. He’ll put his arm around you, he’ll stop whatever he’s doing at random to look at you and say he loves you, then he’ll kiss you on the hand or on the head. Sometimes he’ll play with your hair or rub your arm… It’s so much adorableness that you literally feel like you’re going to implode with bliss. Rachael says he’s the best little boyfriend she’s ever had… It’s probably true – I hated PDA when we were dating. Now I just sort of wait around corners and in dark shadows and guerrilla-style attack Rachael with hugs and kisses and retreat before she can tell me to stop… Okay, that came off as a little… assault-y? Sorry, but when your wife is pregnant, it’s very difficult to get so much as a high-five. You’re more likely to get slapped and commanded to turn down the thermostat… Which I gladly accept because at least she’s touching me. Why am I talking about this…

As I mentioned in my last post - Noli is still obsessed with Spider-Man. It’s actually gotten worse. We’re at a point now where you literally can’t give him anything without him demanding a Spider-Man version of it. My dad wants to get a boat: “A SPIDEY-BOAT??”. We take the boys for milkshakes: “CAN I HAVE A SPIDEY MILKSHAKE??” (hence he gets strawberry because it’s red, and anything that isn’t red isn’t spider-man… I don’t even think he likes strawberry shakes, but it’s all he’ll accept).

The worst thing you can do for a kid who’s obsessed with something specific like this is buy them one of those ‘surprise’ toys where you don’t know what you’re going to get… You had better pray to God that there’s a Spider-Man toy in there because if it’s Batman we’re all taking a trip to Meltdown Town. I tried to buy him one of those things at the airport. I bought two, one for Noli and one for Milo. I let Noli open the first one, it was Gamora (from Guardians of the Galaxy). Naturally… he was peeved. So without Milo knowing, I let Noli open the second one… It was Venom. Good lord, we were so close!! So he begins his freakout, and I quickly scramble to salvage the situation and tell him it’s “Black Spider-Man”. He called my bluff immediately. Apparently he, like Milo, is now impervious to my lies and deceptions (which I 100% rely on to maintain peace in my home). So what did he do? He ran to mommy and said “Daddy said this is Black Spider-Man… BUT IT’S NOT!”. Rach tells me to stop lying to the kids, Milo doesn’t get to open a toy, Noli is ticked off and somehow I’m now the bad guy for trying to be nice and buying my kids some freaking toys!

Christmas is so cancelled.

Luckily Milo didn’t seem to care all that much. He’s pretty chill about stuff like that. Not picky about his toys, not obsessed with anything in particular except for Math (because he’s an evil genius – yeah, you laugh, but you’ll all remember this blog in 30 years when he conquers a nation through an impressive combination of quantum physics and basic arithmetic). You should hear that boy talk, he’s practically an adult now. I can actually have conversations with him… granted they’re conversations through the mind of a 4 year old, so they go to some weird places, but when I talk to him, it’s almost as though he’s actually listening to me and understanding… Of course that just makes me even angrier when he pretends to not hear me when I tell him to eat, or go potty, or put his shoes on, or clean up his toys, or go to bed, or answer my questions, or stop bossing his brother around, or don’t touch the tv, or don’t touch the garbage, or don’t touch the toilet, or don’t throw your toys, or where did you get that plutonium, or stop building Lego nuclear warheads with it… Basic 4-year old stuff.

I’m still trying to figure out where that red telephone in his bedroom came from.

Sidetracked again. I joke a lot about Milo being insanely intelligent (which, yes, he is), but Noli’s no dummy either. His vocabulary is incredible now and he really just absorbs knowledge like a sponge (I’ve used ‘like a sponge’ twice now in this post). I overhear Milo actually teaching him words and numbers when they play together in the other room… When I say “other room” I’m referring to our living room on the other side of our house. When we’re home, we spend most of our time in the Family Room (TV room? Is that actually the Living Room and the other room is the Family room? I don’t get house things), but on the other side of the house, there’s the Living Room - which Noli refers to as “The Other Room”, but given that he’s 3 and can’t pronounce things terribly well, he says “Dove Room”... Which is just what we call it now, The Dove Room.

I love how he pronounces stuff, he still can’t say his “G” and “K” sounds, so he just replaces them with H’s… So instead of “Okay” it’s “Ohay”, or instead of Kabob it’s “Hobob”... I like Hobob, I feel like I could make a homeless cartoon character named Hobob and make a fortune off of insensitive people like myself. He could exist in the same universe as “Cider-Man”. I’m totally making the “Faux-Vengers”. Copyright Mark Marianelli 2017.

Anyway, I’ve rambled long enough and Rachael always scolds me for making these posts too long, so I’ll end it here…

Noli, you’re what our family has always needed, you give us endless hours of laughter, and the world just seems a little more hopeful with you in it. I love you, I love that you’re here, I’m proud of you and I can’t think of anything more joyous than watching you grow. I can’t wait to see what a wonderful big brother you’ll be soon. Happy Birthday, Little Bug.

Love, ~ Bat-Dad (Yeah, he thinks I’m Batman)

[tohellwithmyass]

May 12, 2017 - Why’s it always him, mom?

It’s funny to think that the people you love the most give you unbearable pain later on. And the fact that you were careless enough not to see it coming.

I love my mother so much, she means the whole world to me. And despite being a teenager, I don’t really mind letting my friends see the way she kisses me on certain parts of my head, it’s either on the forehead or on the cheek.

However, like any normal parent, she has her flaws. Though I am expected to accept all of them (being her “beloved” child and all), some of her said flaws are quite unbearable to cope with, being clumsy and having a talent for making corny jokes and bad yet humorous puns are just the tip of the iceberg.

So let’s continue on with why I am writing — well, technically, typing — this down. It’s simply because I want to vent out about the earlier disaster that occurred between me and my mother, also because I know some of you might relate to the rant I am about to add afterwards. (And the fact that I want to remember this day because, it scarred me).

Let us begin with the story, though I warn you guys for some misspelled words since my glasses are getting all foggy because of all that crying. Anyways, my 8-year old brother, Nikko, along with me and our nanny, we were inside my mother’s office inside our warehouse, doing our summer job as usual (for the sole reason to get paid since I am in need of a new charger for my iPad). The day went by as usual, with us pranking the other workers through the microphone my mom uses when she’s calling out someone or announcing something, my brother indirectly making excuses as to why he shouldn’t work, and me procrastinating.

Once my shift ended, me and our nanny went outside to look for my brother (since his shift was finished way before mine, and yes, he didn’t do all the work), then I saw someone eating an iced candy, and it wasn’t my brother. Alarmed, I ran to the office with our nanny tagging behind me and opened the mini fridge then the freezer inside, I was greeted by a sad sight of two iced candies left. There was supposed to be 8 of these, I thought. So I immediately charged outside and called out my brother (he was obviously the one behind this since he was doing some bargains with the workers earlier regarding the said treats).

He turned around to see me, and he gulped the non-existent lump in his throat. He smiled at me awkwardly, then he ran for his life. I’ve had enough of his unbearable behavior towards me for the past weeks as well as this week (but I didn’t lash out, but today was different, he crossed the line), so I chased after him and successfully caught him in a heartbeat and harshly pulled him back to the office.

We interrogated him about his “theft” and asked about his reasons as to why he did such a thing. He simply shrugged his shoulders and rolled his eyes at us, typical Nikko. Our nanny asked him, “Why did you do that? You both packed equal sets of iced candies, why did you sell ALL of the chocolate ones?” I expected him to have a proper answer, but he rolled his eyes again and looked at me for a second, then he said the thing that pierced through my entire being.

“It’s because she doesn’t care about me, so neither do I.” The statement perfectly matches his rolled eyes and scowl.

I felt hurt. Is that what he thinks of me? Seriously? Doesn’t he know that I do care about him? Why? Is it because my pride is getting the better of me, or am I being such a brute and a bitch to him?

So I can’t think of anything else. I did what I usually did whenever he provokes me.

I physically hurt him with a strong kick. Just as much as he hurt me mentally and emotionally with his ignorant yet harsh words that he leaves out in his explanations to come clean and innocent to my mother, so that I will turn out to be the “bad guy”. The words that he took out on me that makes me want to just die already. The words that he lied to mother by covering it up through “forgetting” and “not knowing”.

The words that he left out why I was made into a punching bag yet again.

When my mom arrived home, he immediately told her about the 4 gashes he had on his arm, I never knew of those until my uncle showed them to me when he and my brother arrived home before my parents (must’ve been because of my harsh pulling).

So, as usual. My mom hurt me. Physically AND emotionally. Just like she usually does to me when I did something physically “bad” to my brother.

I hate it when she does this. Because she never gives the effort of hearing out my side of the story. Because she never even CARES if I was the victim. Because she never, and I mean NEVER, had the time to understand as to why I did all those horrible, horrible, horrible things to my brother.

She often tells me from time to time, that she does not have a favorite between the two of us, but with the way she is acting, tells me it’s the other way around.

So mom, if you’re reading this. Please understand. You told me that I have no right to hurt him, but you SAID so yourself that I can hurt him if he ever annoys me or go out of line a year ago (you might’ve forgot about this, you always do when it comes to me, heck, you took away my 3-hour work day, and you PROMISED me, you even forgot about our one-week vacation, the one that we are supposed to have when you’re away before Mother’s Day). You told me that if my brother crosses the line, I might just kill him, so, if you care so much about him, then why am I here anyways? Am I that unimportant to you? My OWN side of the story, is that not worth your efforts of hearing out? You called me a “monster” once, but he RAISED A SKATEBOARD and threatened to toss it at me, heck, he often gets forks or knives and use them to threaten me whenever I tease him, yet I’M the bad guy?

Sure, a lot of people have already told you that I should try and control my temper and be patient with him because he’s still a child. You seem to value their opinion, so why not mine? Why can’t you hear me out, mom? Aren’t you the one who’s supposed to be there for me? Aren’t you the one that should understand me more than other people?

Why can’t you? Why can’t you do that to your own daughter? But you let your son off the hook JUST because he’s younger? And I’M supposed to discipline him? How can you expect me to do that when I can’t even do that to myself?!

I’ve done NOTHING but control my temper and try and be patient with him for the past months, so why do you fail to see my efforts in doing so? Why can’t you see me as a good sister? I know I know, I’ve done horrible things to Nikko in the past, and I might be doing it still, and I know that I’ve been greedy, but that doesn’t mean that you always believe that Nikko is the victim here JUST because he’s the younger one, and he’s the one with the bruises. You don’t even know my side of the story yet you immediately assume that I simply hurt him because of a petty and unreasonable reason.

You might be thinking, “But you’re the older sibling!”. I might be, but I don’t act mature. I don’t think the way mature adults would think. I am far from mature. I cry over fictional characters, I ride carousels, I jump up and down fluffy beds, I pull a door that says push, I laugh at random words, I still sing the Barney theme song, I go inside playgrounds and infiltrate bouncy houses, I get excited over simple things and I still want to know if I can lick my elbow and swallow my whole fist. I’m far from mature. So please, don’t expect me to be mature. You pressure me, mom, more than you think you are, not just through grades. You make me feel like I’m being choked, and I feel trapped.

Mom, I love you. But please, stop siding with my brother, you always do that despite the fact that he lies to you, he always does (like when he lied to you about forgetting that I have my own set of iced candies and sold it to the workers, using it to cover up the real reason why he did so in the first place). You might deny this, you always do when you are the one at fault (it’s a family thing, isn’t it?). If you don’t really care about me, then…

Don’t worry, I’ll permanently get out of your hair, if that’s what you want.

Happy Mother’s Day ❤️.

- Your “beloved” daughter

PS, You might hate me, I know you do, you might even scold me after this and give me emotional scars that I’ll work hard to heal like you usually do when you lash out your anger at me for hurting my brother even when he was the one at fault. Please, don’t be sarcastic about this. I mean every word, mom. Don’t tell me to “move on”, it’s harder than you think it is. Also also, don't tell me I'm being overly-dramatic or a drama queen, I'm not making all this up.

[goldenpctals]

TRUTH BOOTH, elodie edition

GENERAL QUESTIONS

1. Please state your full name: My name is Elodie Yoon-ah Gwan 2. Does your name(s) have any kind of meaning? If so, what is it? Not completely sure? I know Elodie is some kind of flower and Yoon-ah means ‘light of god’ 3. Do you have any nicknames? Sometimes people call be El or Ellie  4. Where were you born? And in which country? I was born in Seoul, South-Korea 5. What is your date of birth? January 4 in year 1996  6. Of course, the following question; what is your Zodiac sign? I’m a Capricorn 7. Do you believe in Zodiac signs? Sometimes? I like to think so?  8. Where do you live? I live in Violet Springs, in Violet Heights to be exact 9. What is your home situation like? (ex. do you live with your family? Your partner etc.?) I live with my two dads, Edwin and Jonah and with my sister, Ruby 10. Do you have any siblings? Yes, I have two sisters. Ruby and Issy Rosini 11. Do you have any kind of allergies? Not that I know of 12. Do you own any pets? If so, what kind of pets are they? Ruby has the most dogs in the house. However, I have a white cocker spaniel. His name is Baloo and he’s the cutest 13. Why did you apply to St Jude’s? Because I love performing, singing and music 14. Did you had to go through a lot audition rounds? A few. My English wasn’t really that good at the time. I still struggle with it every now and then  15. What is the current course you’re following? I study to course Music 16. If you can switch courses, which one would you switch to and why? If I had to switch, I’d probably pick dancing. It’s one of my greatest loves 17. What is your proudest project you’ve done? So far? My song named Solo. I heard it reached millions of views which is crazy 18. What is the proudest project that someone’s else has done? There are a couple. If I keep going I’ll be talking for a couple of days 19. Do you like FanCons? Yes. I love them!  20. What do you like about FanCons? Getting to meet my fans. I didn’t know I had so many people who care about me and my music. It’s a nice feeling 21. What don’t you like about FanCons? It can be overwhelming at times 22. A fan memory that always stuck with you? Can be positive or negative. A fan gave me a painting and it still hanging above my bed. I just love the vibe of it 23. Your favorite event so far? Hm.. Any kind of charity event 24. What kind of event would you like to see in the future? I think this is done before, but St Judes vs. other universities  25. Would you recommend St Jude’s to friends, family. etc? I would. I think this is the perfect place to chase your dreams 

PERSONALITY QUESTIONS

26. What are your positive traits? I’d like to say that I’m realistic, patient and hard-working 27. What are you negative traits? Probably that I tend to look shy, I’m very cautious and I don’t trust people so easily 28. What would other people describe you as? A shy and awkwar bean 29. What are your pet peeves? Slow walking... 30. What makes you happy? Music makes me happy. Being with friends and family. Just be around good energy  31. What makes you upset? Seeing anyone I care about upset 32. What is something you love? The universe. I’m obsessed with the moon and the stars  33. What is something you dislike? Anger. I don’t really know why people get so angry or caught up over something 34. What are you strengths? My patience 35. What are you weaknesses? I have quite a few, so I’ll PASS this one 36. A misconception people often think of you? I don’t think I’m here long enough? But if I had to say something, probably that .. I have no idea 37. Do you have any fears? Yes  38. What scares you the most? Losing myself again 39. What do you do to entertain yourself? I make songs and go to the studio  40. What is your MBTI? I think it was ISFP 41. How do you deal with stress? This is something I struggle a lot with. I usually sit on a rooftop and I write down how I feel in lyrics.. I just tend to look at the moon a lot too 42. Are you a determined person? Are you a stubborn person? Determind 43. Do you consider yourself selfish? No, I think I put people’s feelings over mine 44. Would you like to be different? I wish I was stronger, mentally  45. Are you more introverted (focused on your inner world) or more extraverted (focused on other people and the outer world)? Introvert

ROMANCE QUESTIONS

46. What is your sexual orientation? I consider myself heterosexual 47. Current relationship status? Single 48. When was your first kiss? It was a couple of months ago 49. Do you remember your first date? If so, with who was it? What did you do? I don’t think I’ve ever been asked out on a proper date so..  50. Have you ever experienced heart-break? Unfortunately, yes. But no because of romance 51. Have you ever been in love? (If yes, skip to question 53) No 52. If no, how so? There’s.. this.. like, wall that’s up pretty high? I’ve been through a lot and I refuse to get hurt again. I think I’m just really scared to fall in love with someone. I have experienced crushes.. Now I have a small one on someone I know I can never be with 53. How do you know when you’re in love? n/a 54. What would be your ideal date? My ideal date would be somewhere nice and quiet, maybe like at a lake or beach and a picnic to get to know each other 55. What is your perspective on marriage? When the right person comes, I’ll be open to it. But for now? I’m way too young to get married 56. (only for non-virgins) Are you a sub, dom or switch? n/a 57. What do you think of relationships? I think it’s beautiful how you can share your love with one another  58. What do you think of one-night stands? I’m not someone to do this. I’d rather get to know someone first before I do anything else. Plus, I want to be super comfortable first and even then, I’d only be intimate when I would be in a relationship 59. Are you still a virgin? Yes, I am 60. Most attractive trait in a different person? Loyalty and caring  61. What matters most to you when it comes to a relationship? Being truthful with one another. And also, be patient with one another  62. Are you comfortable with PDA? Or would you be comfortable with PDA? I’m not completely sure. I don’t really like when someone is extreme. I think I’d prefer just holding hands or a hug?  63. Are you more of a type to be asked out or the type to ask the other out? The type to be asked out, I guess?  64. How do you express love to the other? I think I express my love to others by making sure they’re okay? I don’t really know how to answer this  65. Who is your celebrity crush? Ji Chang-Wook.... He’s so so so dreamy

GETTING DEEP QUESTIONS

66. Do you regret anything? Yes 67. Is there something you woule like to re-do? So, start all over again? I’m so grateful for where I am now. However, my past is really hurtful but even though, life goes the way it’s supposed to go.. right?  68. What is something you would never share with anyone? There are so many things that people don’t know about me or my past. Ruby knows a lot.. but she doesn’t know everything yet and I don’t think I can ever share my memories with someone 69. When was the last time you cried? Why did you cry? Just a couple of days ago. I suddenly felt overwhelmed after Felix’s birthday party. Probably a lot of, held back emotions at once 70. Most memorable event that happened in your time in St Judes? This could be anything: Solo being accepted by so many people. It’s still a miracle to me 71. One thing you wish you could do all over? Nothing 72. Someone you miss? There isn’t anyone that I currently miss 73. Something you wish you could forget? My past 74. Who has the biggest impact on you? Ruby 75. What is your perspective on love? Is it beautiful? Does it scare you? I think it can be beautiful in ways but it’s so scary, though? Love can be so hurtful. I’m not totally against it, I love to love, but --- it’s pretty unpredictable  76. What has hurt you in the past that you don’t want others to go through? Anything that I went through the age of 17 until I was adopted by Edwin and Jonah 77. What is something you have gained, something you have lost and something you let go of during the past year? Something I gained? A family. Something you’ve lost? Myself. But I’m doing very well in finding myself again. Something I let go of? Not much. My mind is still full of things that I wish I could forget  78. Have you ever lost a friend? do you wish you would still be friends? Not really?  79. Do you have any triggers? What is the history behind these triggers and are they related to any disorders or mental illnesses? I have panick attacks at certain events or scenarious? (OOC: She has PTSD and has 2 triggers, however, this hasn’t been diagnosed yet) 80. If you could meet your 16 year old self, what would tell them? You’re happy and you’re doing well. However, in a bout a year or so, someone is going to take you away from your family and you’re going through the worst pain in your life. Someone will introduce themselves as some kind of angel to you, but they will turn out to be your worst nightmare. You will go through a lot. Mentally. Physically. Emotionally. This may seem to go on for forever, but you are so strong that you are going to get through this. I’m sorry that I couldn’t protect you....

RANDOM QUESTION ROUND

81. Summer or Winter? Summer 82. Cats or dogs? Dogs  83. Beach or mountains? Beaches 84. Phone calls or texting? Phone calls 85. Have you ever skipped class? Only when I was dealing with mental health or sickness

[goldenpctals]

TRUTH BOOTH, seo-jun edition

GENERAL QUESTIONS

1. Please state your full name: Seo-Jun Park 2. Does your name(s) have any kind of meaning? If so, what is it? Not to brag but Seo means ‘comfortable, easy’ and Jun means ‘handsome, talented’ 3. Do you have any nicknames? I don’t really like people giving me nicknames, so no 4. Where were you born? And in which country? Born and raised in Busan, South-Korea 5. What is your date of birth? February 14. Special, right? 6. Of course, the following question; what is your Zodiac sign? Aquarius 7. Do you believe in Zodiac signs? No 8. Where do you live? Violet Springs 9. What is your home situation like? (ex. do you live with your family? Your partner etc.?) I still live with my parents. We have a house in Violet Heights 10. Do you have any siblings? No 11. Do you have any kind of allergies? I’m allergic to cat hairs 12. Do you own any pets? If so, what kind of pets are they? No 13. Why did you apply to St Jude’s? To persue a career with NCT 14. Did you had to go through a lot audition rounds? No, they were pretty quick to accept me. I did only one dance and I was accepted 15. What is the current course you’re following? Music 16. If you can switch courses, which one would you switch to and why? Maybe modelling, not sure 17. What is your proudest project you’ve done? Anything with NCT 18. What is the proudest project that someone’s else has done? I’m not here long enough to answer this so 19. Do you like FanCons? Yeah, they’re cool 20. What do you like about FanCons? Meeting fans, especially when a lot of the NCT members are here. It’s chaotic and fun 21. What don’t you like about FanCons? We (NCT) deal with severe stalkers that somehow got our phonenumbers and stuff, we rather not want to meet them. We call them sasaengs 22. A fan memory that always stuck with you? Can be positive or negative. Anything the fans give me is nice 23. Your favorite event so far? Haven’t been here long enough yet so I don’t know 24. What kind of event would you like to see in the future? FanCon in Seoul 25. Would you recommend St Jude’s to friends, family. etc? Yeah, why not?

PERSONALITY QUESTIONS

26. What are your positive traits? I’d consider myself compassionate, motivated and very driven 27. What are you negative traits? Probably that I’m closed off or mysterious 28. What would other people describe you as? @ nctzens (our fans) 29. What are your pet peeves? Anything that has to do with not working hard for your goal. Moaning about something, and not working hard enough, is not going to get you anywhere 30. What makes you happy? Performing with my members, touring 31. What makes you upset? Not a lot of things make me upset, but probably if I over-work 32. What is something you love? Art in forms of dance and performances 33. What is something you dislike? I hate being lazy. I’m adventurous and I want to out there 34. What are you strengths? I’m very well-driven and career focused. Career above anything else to be honest 35. What are you weaknesses? That my career is my number one priority 36. A misconception people often think of you? Probably that I’m some kind of douchebag who lives in his own little world? I don’t, I’m quite social 37. Do you have any fears? No, not really 38. What scares you the most? Failing 39. What do you do to entertain yourself? I go to the dance studio and practice dance 40. What is your MBTI? ENFJ. I took the test years ago so 41. How do you deal with stress? I dance 42. Are you a determined person? Are you a stubborn person? Both, pretty much 43. Do you consider yourself selfish? Yeah. Who says selfish was a bad thing, though? 44. Would you like to be different? Nope 45. Are you more introverted (focused on your inner world) or more extraverted (focused on other people and the outer world)? Extroverted

ROMANCE QUESTIONS

46. What is your sexual orientation? Heterosexual 47. Current relationship status? Single 48. When was your first kiss? It was with Ahreum when we were still dating 49. Do you remember your first date? If so, with who was it? What did you do? Also with Ahreum, we went to get some food. I believe Korean barbeque 50. Have you ever experienced heart-break? No, I have not 51. Have you ever been in love? (If yes, skip to question 53) No 52. If no, how so? My career is very important to me, I tend to suck at keeping my career and my love-life in one line 53. How do you know when you’re in love? n/a 54. What would be your ideal date? I’m adventurous so let’s go explore, go hiking, bungeejumping, something different. Hate being regular 55. What is your perspective on marriage? My parents are strict and they are all up for setting me up with someone else because of history and to gain their legacy. However, I’ll see how it goes 56. (only for non-virgins) Are you a sub, dom or switch? n/a 57. What do you think of relationships? It’s not like, I’m not open to them. Of course I’m open to them but I just don’t think I can 58. What do you think of one-night stands? Not for me 59. Are you still a virgin? I am 60. Most attractive trait in a different person? Humour 61. What matters most to you when it comes to a relationship? Understanding. If someone would not understand how important my career is, then it won’t work 62. Are you comfortable with PDA? Or would you be comfortable with PDA? It’s more for private / alone time 63. Are you more of a type to be asked out or the type to ask the other out? Both 64. How do you express love to the other? No idea? Never really dated well enough. Ask Ahreum, LOL 65. Who is your celebrity crush? Probably Lee Ji-Eun

GETTING DEEP QUESTIONS

66. Do you regret anything? No, life would be boring if you did 67. Is there something you woule like to re-do? So, start all over again? No, not really 68. What is something you would never share with anyone? That I made my family rich by blackmailing their company 69. When was the last time you cried? Why did you cry? Probably a few years back? 70. Most memorable event that happened in your time in St Judes? This could be anything: Again, can’t really answer because my time here isn’t long 71. One thing you wish you could do all over? Nothing 72. Someone you miss? Duyi. He leaves me on read a lot and it hurts my feelings. One time, I had a pretty decent pick-up line and he left me on read for weeks 73. Something you wish you could forget? Nothing 74. Who has the biggest impact on you? All of the NCT members 75. What is your perspective on love? Is it beautiful? Does it scare you? When the time comes, I’d probably know. For now, however, it’s --- I don’t know 76. What has hurt you in the past that you don’t want others to go through? Being seen as such a failure in high school. Look at me now, though 77. What is something you have gained, something you have lost and something you let go of during the past year? Gained: Probably some recognition? Lost: Nothing. Something I let go of: To no worry about being a failure and just give it 100% 78. Have you ever lost a friend? do you wish you would still be friends? Duyi stop leaving me on read and be my friend 79. Do you have any triggers? What is the history behind these triggers and are they related to any disorders or mental illnesses? I don’t. I was bullied in high school however, but I came stronger from it 80. If you could meet your 16 year old self, what would tell them? You’re going be OK. It may seem hard because people see you as ‘the poor kid’ but one day, someone will recognise you for your talent and take you on one hell of a journey

RANDOM QUESTION ROUND

81. Summer or Winter? Winter 82. Cats or dogs? None, not really an animal person 83. Beach or mountains? Beaches 84. Phone calls or texting? Texting 85. Have you ever skipped class? No