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#if i think abt this for too long ill get upset but . man thats so fucked
toastsnaffler · 1 year
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tried going to bed early bc ive just been sitting staring at the wall or my phone all afternoon but it's been 3 hours now and I can't stop crying. :(
#I dont even know why im so fucking sad. this last week has felt like getting hit by a train repeatedly for no reason whatsoever#and it fucking hurts so bad and i cant fix it because i dont know whats wrong!!!!!!#i think thsts why its been so hard sleeping lately like my brain is problem solving but theres nothing there to be solved#and i dont even have anyone to talk to about it and even if i did i wouldnt have anything to say bc i dont know im just fucking. sad#like yeah ive gotten upset abt other things but thats me projecting my mental state onto everything. theres no original cause#unless it really is just pms and some hormonal shit which is likely but kinda insane to think abt. like yeah my body has decided#to flood the entire fucking system with Kill That Egg™ for a straight week except its too effective and makes me want to kill myself also#but apparently not fucking effective enough to start my actual fucking period. yippee#i want a thousand year long hug and to cry rly snottily into someones shirt and then to fall asleep and wake up feeling rested#man. nothing makes me feel any different. exercising and sleeping and socialising and eating and showering and reading#and i can feel my interest in things trickling away like i havent been able to do a lot of shit i rly want to bc of this barrier#and ive been trying to make myself do some things regardless bc inactivity will just make it worse. but nothing works!!!!!!!#i dont even know anymore man. i do everything right and im still as depressed as i was like 8 years ago#and i know thats just the depressed brain talking like i know i dont constantly feel like this but its hard to see outside of it man#u spend ur whole life drowning but its ok bc sometimes u get ur head above the surface long enough to take a breath or whatever#insert overused mentally ill metaphor here etcetcetc#ok i think ive run out of things to say im gonna try sleep again. day 1 billion of making longass vent posts sorry everyone#gn#.vent
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weirdlizard26 · 1 year
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ok im going try to write my initial thoughts on mutant mayhem, MASSIVE TMNTMM SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT obviously!! another note is that a lot of these arent final ofc, just my first reaction! i will def be on the lookout for a closer investigation of these points by people smarter than me, i just need to write these down. ok lets go
.
ill start with the exceptional positives :-) the animation was STUNNING and the fight scenes and chase sequences??????/ fuckin breathtaking!!! i think the dynamic btwn the turtles was rly fun too :-) and an interesting take on leo's whole leader situation! like that scene where the guys were surprised that hes on board with the hero plan,,, i also rly liked the little nods to other iterations, like when in the end raph said hes glad his brothers are the last thing hes gonna see before dying felt so similar to what 2014 raph said in a very similar situation and it was fun to notice hehe. also i know donnie having a purple hoodie is pretty generic but i like to think it was a callback to rise donnie :-) AND I CRIEDDDD WHEN THE HUMANS STARTED HELPING THEM OUT IN ANY WAY THEY COULD,,, THAT WAS SO SWEET AND I LOVE THIS SORT OF THING IN SUPERHERO MOVIES,,
now as for negatives. not a fan of the milking gag 😬 it just made me kinda uncomfortable tbh. so upset abt baxter dying right off the bat :-( idk if it wouldve been bad for the narrative or whatever but i just wish he survived. and its kinda. weird that the ONLY character to die in this movie was him idk. also not feelin great about all the mutants introduced in the movie being siblings/cousins???? especially since splinter ended up dating the cockroach lady?...... like. superfly's group all consider each other siblings and they consider the turtles their cousins and splinter is the turtles' dad so. like i know its a cartoon and its not that deep but i Do Not Like That. really fucking wish they used literally anything other than ao/t for donnie's anime of interest. come on man. also really wish the puking wasnt. like that. or wasnt there at all. man. maybe its just me idk. and finally! got some mixed feelings on the conclusion with superfly. LIKE. yes obviously the goal of murdering all humans on earth is Bad but ultimately his point was that humans cant accept the existence of mutants. and i mean. his point was kinda proven over and over again throughout the movie? and literally the only reason the mutants (minus superfly) were welcomed into society or whatever was because they helped defeat "a bad mutant". but that. sends a weird message? i think? bc like. so if youre just existing as someone different from others, people can just outcast you and thats totally cool and fine and if you want to be accepted you have to be useful to them in some way? i dont think thats a very good message gdkjfgd,,, idk maybe its not that deep either but it left me feeling kinda. wondering how long this would even last,, which sounds pretty pessimistic but i hope im getting my point across.
thats all i had to say on the matter for now! once again, im looking forward to reading more different opinions on this movie and im hoping someone mentions any of this so i know im not insane <3 ig let me know what u think if u think its important? im always always willing to learn
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inkedmyths · 2 years
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S1: E18 “Something Wicked This Way Comes”
Brought to you by Trade Anon, who started playing Cold Steel thanks to my influence. This one goes out to you, bestie
This episode featuring: Copious Shakespeare quotes, sick children, retail, and Dean’s guilt complex
Uh oh praying baby child. Never a good start
And thou, all-shaking thunder, Strike flat the thick rotundity o' the world!
Oh a spooky claw
NO NOT THE BABY CHILD
[ Shark has never seen Supernatural, and has no idea what's happening. They are imagining a disembodied Jurrasic Park raptor claw dismembering a child. This is not what happens, but it sure is one hell of a mental image. ]
Tis one of the weird sisters
Dean you're one to talk. You're also a smartass
"I'm the oldest which means I'm always right" LMAO DEAN
Oh? The park is empty? What's up with that?
Ohhh uh oh a bunch of kids are sick?
Oh I see its a spreading illness
Who are we impersonating today?
BIKINI INSPECTOR?
Dean I somehow don't think that's going to work
Damn ok I guess
WEIRD SISTER!!
Oh they're impersonating the CDC
Real Hansel and Gretel moments huh
Breaking and enteriiiing
Aha spooky handprint
OH BABY DEAN?? FLASHBACK???
[ Aspen also has little to no context, and is imagining a flashback like that one scene in Ratatouille. This is... not completely incorrect? ]
Oh baby Dean is still a sassy little shit
Little Sam....
Okaaaay interesting interesting
A strega?
A WITCH
Thats a lie Dean
NOT THIS RUNNING JOKE AGAIN. NO
Two Queens jesus christ
[ Crepe says it only gets worse. This is deeply upsetting to me. ]
Dean taking care of tiny Sam :(
They are so tiny...
Shtriga
Okay they're sucking out life force
Dean.... Dean buddyyyyy
Fair is foul, and foul is fair; Hover through the fog and filthy air
Sneaking around a hospitaaaal
Its not this old woman that would be too easy. They're just pointing a gun at some random lady
Lmao yep. Sorry ma'am
When shall we three meet again? In thunder, lightning, or in rain?
Yet another shitty Halloween decoration come to life, this time its one of the crones
LMAO SAMS LOSING IT AT DEAN
Uh oh the little brother
THE WINDOW YET AGAIN
Ah yes parallels with Dean again
WOAH MY AUDIO GOT SO DYSYNCED
[ We now take an intermission. A long one. This is because I had to go to work. Yay, retail. ]
1893... Heidecker??? OH THE DOCTOR
Right Michael...
[ Crepe freaks out, before I explain its the kid. I can only assume this means there is another character later named Michael. Jonny Sims Syndrome. ]
Dean?? Dean guilt complex???
Ohhh no bby Dean went to the Arcade and something happened right
AHA IT WENT FOR SAM
Oh ok so John shot it...
Ahhh so Dean feels guilty abt the incident years later bc he left and put Sam in danger...
Aha I get it now
Sam is RIGHT Dean u were only a kid
Oh poor Michael having this explained to him. Poor baby child
Ohhh he saw it..... :(
Poor baby boy I want to hug him
"You're a big brother? You'd take care of your little brother, do anything for him?"
"I would."
Man.
When the hurly-burly’s done, When the battle’s lost and won.
By the pricking of my thumbs, Something wicked this way comes
Look at them ugly ass moldy carrot fingers
OH SHIT IT MOVED
OHHH IT ATTACKING SAM ew gross
Get its ass Dean
"You okay little brother?"
Ew its deflating. Gross
Yaaaay all the kiddos are good
"Sometimes I wish I could have that kind of innocence."
"If it means anything, sometimes I wish you could too."
Yaaay ok ep over
-
Winchester Patented Guilt Complex (WPGC)
Very interesting insight into Dean as a person. Not his fault tho, he was a kid.
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t4tpumpkinduo · 2 years
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cquackbur<3
okay. listen to me. to an extent, i support and agree, and i can be understanding on the base appeal and i can go so far to meet halfway and say maybe i kind of like it sometimes maybe. but to act like the fandom's treatment of everyone involved hasn't deeply soured me on it would be 👍a lie.
first off, i feel like it's the klance of the dsmp lmao. ppl more obsessed w a sharply to the left idealized version of something rather than what's actually on screen, and it's kind of almost insulting to me, because there IS so much there to be enjoyed and explored and unpacked, and yet its squandered bcs people just can't stop being fucking insane and weird abt it and that leads well into my point abt ppl being insane and weird abt cee wilbur ill get to that right now actually.
ive mentioned before that i really really despise the woobification of wilbur in the fan base and that deffo doesn't change in tntduo spaces, if anything it's worse. i feel like people are very eager to scrub away his flaws and agency to make him very palatable, more easy to defend and consume instead of accepting the complexity that their guy kinda sucks bad and that's OKAY 👍 he's deeply hurt and complicated and painfully human, and he's understandable i fucking feel for the guy i really do, but he's also. he can also be very very selfish, and very cruel, and very quick to hurt others in a pursuit to feel good about himself and only himself and it isn't. okay. and he does this a lot w quackity.
wilbur isn't nice to q. he doesn't seem to particularly respect him, not really see him as an "equal" and ESPECIALLY not originally, and while he does come around a bit more, he still puts q on a weird pedestal that q bristles at more than people like to think. and in that tntduo haze, along w that specific brand of wilbur soot apologism, people brush right past those kinda flaws and just. ugh.
one good example of this is the fanbase general consensus of "omggg look at nikis birthday party 😻 look at their romance!!" like wilbur didn't spend the latter half of that calling q worthless and only good to be looked at (something quackity explicitly goes over and over hey fellas can you please not do that to me if i don't ask for it. please.) and the schlatt's bitch isms and then pulling a long ass PURPOSEFUL powerplay where q had to practically beg him to calm down and listen and not blow up manburg, if he could please just give him a chance to talk to schlatt, and niki in the bg of her own party clamoring for wilbur to look at Her abt it please talk to Her abt it and him flatly ignoring her to fuck around w q. but yeah true love♡♡ yeah im sure q walked away from that one incredibly smitten.
or another great example, the way all of hitting on 16 tends to be treated. this interesting conflicting story that shows quackity DOES like parts of wilburs back and forths, he clearly does care abt him, he is clearly having a degree of fun, and just like before wilbur can't stop taking it too far, and people ignoring all of it for ship fodder like thats not a good chunk of the story 😭 the scene where q went "sit down wilbur." and wilbur listening being treated as some fucking weird sexual thing, like it's not quackity coldly shutting down wilbur after he spent 10 minutes calling him stupid and ugly and worthless and then making fun of his scar, q making it a POINT to shut it down and that he's Done w this conversation and then calling wilbur pathetic for it, and wilbur explicitly scrambling over himself because he knew he crossed another line. but lmao yeah true love 👍i too love when my suitors purposely go out of their way to say the most vile shit to me imaginable and then get upset when i go cut that shit out.
even the later scene w tubbo is a great example, their physical fight, it being treated as some ohh it's it SEXY when q pushes wil into a wall like the man isn't genuinely fucking furious at tubbo being put in such danger again be SERIOUS and for WHY. so wilbur can kill his horse for no fucking reason because he "messed w him" BY DOING WHATTTT 😭😭😭 imagine his plan went through and he kills ossium and q is left standing there behind the glass oh real romantic id swoon. girl i would KILL HIM ‼️
and also uhh the fact a lot of tntduors are like plain racist to q can i say that. 👍 can i say that. sorry for being upset abt it.
i have more points too, the way karlnapity or pumpkinduo will be treated in regards to it n again those two have heavy flaws 😬!! im aware!!! i am aware and acknowledge, but to flanderize and criticize both those relationships, to the point of Making Shit Up to make tntduo look better in comparison and then replicating those v critiques within that space because you think it's hot. well be serious is the thing :heart_hands:
anyways, despite my critiques i do find it enjoyable on occasion, i do think it can be so interesting and snappy and (sorry) kismises like in the sense of a rivalry w GENUINE respect and acknowledgement, that push to be better that rush to improve and also gay sex and then maybe...gay love? 😳 but for that to be possible the respect has to become more undeniable it HAS to be both ways and consistent and i feel like more often that not it just isn't the case. and the fandom stuff i have mentioned. pissed me the fuck off forever.
7.5/10 ssorry sorry sso srry don't look at me
EDI: 0/10 FUCK CTNT WHAT WAS I ON
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berryunho · 2 years
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LOL sorry omg i really died. like am still dying. i spent all day yesterday crying over my coursework and shit but i talked to that guy and he really knocked some sense into me and told me to not be so hard on myself... so now im crying internally and not externally 😭
ive been thinking about it now and i think i might switch majors for the sake of my sanity bc real talk the amount of work is insane and i cant properly function it's crazy out here idk how people do this... i was thinking maybe health sci since i already have most of the credits for the degree and ive always wanted to be involved in the healthcare field... im gonna see my academic advisor on monday and see what they say because holy guacamole i want to be able to enjoy school w/o crying every time i think about it
omg that got long but those have been my thoughts for the past few days BUT ANYWAY that's so good!!!! im so happy for you big brain energy we love to see it!! ive got a biochem midterm this week (which is the cause of my mental breakdowns BUT KLSJFRG) and ochem is in 2 weeks but as i said might change majors and ochem is not necessary... so i'll prob drop it haha
the last season was so good. i found it a bit slow in the beginning but once it picks up it's going like i could not stop watching it!! i havent watched bcs but i heard it gets better near the end again?? ive watched el camino tho
that's how i felt abt crocheting at first like im the type of person to try something for a little bit and then give up right after but honestly!!! it's so fun because you can make all kinds of different things like clothing, bags, accessories and it's so fun!! i've been picking up knitting too and i've made some socks and i'm working on a sweater rn
WOIEFJWE that man is so wonderful like i feel like he really understands me and !!!!!!!!!!! i feel like he really balances out the "negative" parts/thoughts of me and is so reassuring IM WHIPPED LOL
omg yes i had a bad cold too like a week ago (no covid as well) and i think i might be good now knock on wood!! what a slay im glad your classes are going so well for you! i dont follow hockey (gasp) but i can see the thrill of it!! hopefully they can win the next game!
highly enjoyed the break. have a great weekend too!! <3
-mightychondria
no no no worries lol i totally get being busy and everything <33
but omg :[[ im sorry that school has been so overwhelming and stressful for you aaaaa yeah if its at the point where you're upset everyday and completely overwhelmed and don't like school then i definitely agree w changing your major.... you don't want the rest of your life to be like this lol health science would be interesting for sure !! there are so many ways to be involved in health care and the health system without being a doctor/nurse/etc so im sure you'll be able to find something that works !!
?!*%*$???($*@)? you're taking ochem AND biochem at the same time ?!!?($*@)@ i understand the breakdowns wtf id lose it fr but lol fingers crossed changing your major works out so that you don't have to take that ochem exam
fr i definitely understand why breaking bad is considered like one of the best shows of all time ... the writing was so good and the story was so compelling and even when it got to the point where you were like 'wtf thats sick and messed up' you couldnt stop watching bc you were in so deep lol but !! ive yet to watch el camino ... hmmm
oooo man thats so cool !! you're so right like i always see crochet tutorials on tiktok for like the most random things ever and you can make like. anything. its amazing. hehe maybe ill try it out once i have more free time :]
YAAAYYY FOR THE MAN!! im glad that he's good for you :] its very nice that he's sticking w you through all of your stress and helping you out!! hehe have yall gone on any fun dates or are you just ~talking~ ?
tis the time of year for colds lol this one i think is just about done ... my cough is significantly better today but i can't decide if its actually better or if its just bc i havent been talking today .... lol ig ill see tomorrow! KFLJDSKFJ [gasp] a canadian that doesn't follow hockey ... an incredible find ... hehehe im joking but yes fr hockey is so crazy compared to other sports like even though its kinda like soccer its still so different and sooooo entertaining to me lol ty for the support for my team they definitely need it [muffled through fake coughing] they're bad [more fake coughing]
yay! i hope this week of classes goes better! tyyyy <3 <3 <3
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toastsnaffler · 2 months
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trying to watch all of us strangers and it's just making me cry really hard this is why I don't do romance movies WAH
#not even at actual sad bits i just lose my mind watching ppl w chemistry act romantically on screen#when its well done and it feels intimate..... taking poison damage ouuuuurggh. -1hp -1hp -1hp ow... -1hp#god i fucking miss kissing ppl i miss physical intimacy its hard to breathe watching this. in a good way but also oww. ouch!!!!#i am so normal and well adjusted i promise. come here#i wish i didnt react the way i do sometimes to physical contact theres no reason i dont understand why it happens#like i wish it was easy for me and came naturally bc i always want it so so badly. but the fucking flinch where does that come from#and it makes everyone treat me like glass and avoid me bc they think i dont like it or just tolerate it i promise im not lying come back#its so so so frustrating and i find it so hard to watch other ppl being affectionate its like looking directly at thr sun#and i know im so obvious around other ppl when i get upset bc theyll touch and avoid me and then i get upset if they do touch me bc they#only do it when they feel bad for leaving me out ppl only ever hug me when they feel sorry for me do u know how shit that makes me feel#i just want ppl to want me around and in their space bc thats what i want but is it too much.to ask 🥹🥹🥹🥹#its easier when i warm up to ppl but it just takes so long and its so rare for anyone to believe me by that point the boundaries are set#im like a little feral kitten i need to be physically socialised before i get adopted#this isnt even making sense anymore im so tired my mind is all over the placr. sloshing on the floor. anyway ummmm#i cant keep being like this forever man#not even talking abt sex but thats a whole other thing. wouldnt it be nice to fuck without fitting the stone top role. i wouldnt know#all respect to ppl who are stone and all the ace ppl i know but im NOT i do want it i very much do experience the attraction!!!!#but for some reason my body wont let other ppl touch me it drives me fucking insane. i dont even have trauma like whatever man#didnt even use to be this bad i was such an affectionate kid n teen i wish i could go back man. man!!!#what a fucking decade of mental illness and repression does to a mf. forget all the other ways its affected me this is the worst by far#just the isolated n alienation innit. well it is what it is. maybe someday ill get it back#anyway sigh..... back to the movie.. i do like it so far its very pretty just different to my usual sort of film innit#considering i watched cure last weekend ajskdnf. the tonal difference#cure was a weird one but thr more i think abt it the more it sticks with me.... so good i need to watch more kurosawa#ANYWAY#.diaries#sorry for getting so personal on a saturday night.. im home alone for 24 hours and this is what happens
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toastsnaffler · 8 months
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prev post reminds me a friend told me last week she doesnt believe i actually struggle with emotional volatility/dysregulation like ive mentioned before bc shes never seen it firsthand...............
#i dont even know what to tell u girl. i couldnt even give her examples to dispute it bc i find it so shameful and difficult to talk abt#and it would probably be upsetting to her to hear the sort of things that have triggered me. and how ive coped with the outbursts#as if i dont structure all social interaction in my life around trying to swallow this shit down so ppl find me just about tolerable enough#genuinely hurtful thing to hear from someone i care abt. im not upset at her anymore abt it bc what would be the point man#i can understand why she thinks that + i cant control what she believes. but it did bother me a lot + some trust has been lost there.#esp considering she struggles w getting ppl to believe her when she talks abt how she feels bc she doesnt necessarily express it outwardly#in ways other ppl expect. like since ik that im always going to try to assume shes being honest so i dont disrespect how she feels#but its hypocritical + more than a little unfair to not offer other people the same trust + respect. why wont u take me at face value#and anyway why the hell would i say i struggle w controlling my emotions if i dont. what clout am i getting from claiming that#even admitting it is a hard thing for me.... and if thats too much for her to accept it just becomes a barrier in our friendship.#shame but i shouldve expected it tbh. anyway its ok ive moved on no point dwelling on it i dont want to bring it up again#bc theres nothing to gain from it. an apology wouldnt change anything since thats what she genuinely thinks#and whatever she wants to believe doesnt change the fact it is True and likely the biggest cause of strife I experience in my life#blegh stopping there bc im edging into rumination now#god im so tired. bedtime soon i think but maybe ill play a quick game or smth to make it to 10pm.... this week has been so long#.diaries
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