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sunny6677 · 2 years

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This wasn't requested, I just thought of this for Eddsworld scenarios

So basically the scenario for this is; what if the eddsworld boys had a friend(this is romantic btw) who while seemingly upbeat and cheerful, was actually very depressed? This is meant to be of comfort to those who are experiencing this. Please, if you do have this, it's okay to be afraid to reach out and seek help. Take as many time as you need. When your ready, you can seek therapy.

This is Part 1, so I'll be doing part 2 later on

TW: DEPRESSION, SUICIDAL LETTER MENTIONS, SUICIDE, SUICIDE MENTIONS, DEPRESSION MENTIONS, SELF-DEGRADING.

Matt:

- You had always been a ray of sunshine to him, and he had always been one to you. The both of you, constantly full of energy, were best friends. You two had always gotten up to antics that annoyed the others, usually you tagging along with him and doing something stupid in the process.

- The obliviousness that had clouded his mind in twisted and tangled knots, unable to realize that something may have been wrong with you. The way you carried yourself somedays, a briefly sad look on your face that returned back to happy upon being stared at, etc.

- He never thought much of it. You were a fairly cheerful guy/girl/person! You weren't ever sad. Well.. at least in front of him and the others, anyway.

- But he quickly changed that perspective the day he found you in your room, appearing to be.. crying?! No, no! This wasnt good! His cheerful little cheerio was sad! Did someone make you sad?! The rushing questions entered his mind as he rushed towards you, frantically speaking.

- Upon minutes and minutes of begging you to answer him, you finally gave a truthful answer. No smile, no laughter, just tears. The empty words came out of your mouth: "I'm depressed, Matt."

- He stayed quiet, as you continued on. You went on and on about how much you hated yourself, how you were selfish, how you were a horrible person. You sobbed, the shivering words came out of your mouth: "I.. people would just be better off without me.."

- You suddenly felt a gentle touch on your cheeks, that quickly brang you closer to your ginger haired friend. He spoke: "Thats not true at all! You aren't a horrible person at all! You aren't selfish, none of that! You are a good person, your kind, sweet, everything I could ever ask for! I.. I may not understand how you feel, but I can assure you, you are worthy! Your a wonderful human being, and I mean it!"

- Tears formed at the ends of your eyes, you continued telling him about yourself. You told him that he was too kind, that he didn't deserve you. You kept degrading and degrading yourself until eventually, you felt your body be pulled foward.

- A tight embrace surrounded you, your eyes were shrouded with a dark shade of purple. Gentle words formed from Matt: "Y/N, you arent horrible.. you always consider what other people have to say, your kind, your generous to everyone around you.. when you feel better, we can go grab something to eat.. and from then on, I'll be by your side. I promise."

- Never had you cried so much in your life before, his kind words flooded your brain, as your muffled wails sounded into his chest.

- After that, he kept his promise.

- He was always by your side. Anytime the others left you out of something, he always went "What about Y/N?!" or "Hey, Y/N should do it too!". He would defend you with determination from any danger or mean person, compliment you continously, etc.

- When the time came for when you were ready to tell the others, he gave you an encouraging smile. After you told them and their endless comfort, they encouraged you to get a therapist, offering to pay it for you. As much as you declined, they kept going. And eventually, you gave in.

- Weeks later, you found yourself grateful about what happened that night. Your depression wasn't gone, but you slowly started to feel better thanks to your therapist. It seemed like there was a slight glow of sunlight that would peek into the rains. And as more days and weeks passed, you felt the rain begin to fade and the sun begin to grow closer.

- You were getting better, and it was all thanks to the encouragement from your friends.

Tom

- Tom was like a black cloud in comparison to the rest of the white ones around him. Like a dead flower in a field of sunflowers, he looked sad. He knew the hardships of the world, but it seemed none of his friends were actually bothered or aware of what could come.

- And seemingly, you were one of them.

- Tom couldn't help but feel that you were different from the others, even though you were seemingly just some more intelligent clone of Matt. Cheerful, playful, happy. That was what your personality was, those few traits summed up.

- Of course, the others never bothered to think much of your always happy personality, they had thought of you as just really happy! The energy radiating off of you would radiate onto them, to the point where they didn't think much of the world around them.

- But Tom.. he felt as if there wasn't anyway there could be someone so happy. Sure, Matt was pretty happy go lucky, but he had his sad moments too. Usually for pretty minor things, or occasionally some pretty serious things.

- Regardless, he suspected there was more to you. No matter the situation, a big fat smile was on your face. When you had gotten rudely rejected by someone you had been pining after for a while, you didn't cry or show any sadness. You just laughed, and went along with your day.

- And when Eduardo had been pretty rude to you all day, making fun of your looks and personality, you still didn't cry. You just laughed at him and smiled, and went along with your day once more.

- A part of him kind of aspired to be like you, always so kind.. patient.. loving. But another told him that something was wrong, and he didn't like it.

- One day, while searching for something that had gone missing from his room, he found a paper on the top of your desk. He picked the delicate item up, and his void filled eyes began to scan across the page. At first, his face seemed normal. But as he continued on.. it slowly grew into a horrified expression.

- You.. the one who had always been so full of joy.. had written a suicide letter.

- The paper fell out of his hands, as endless panic filled his head. He never felt this feeling before, and he didn't like it. You.. you had went off into the bathroom, right? Surely.. you couldn't be..

- He had ran like he never ran before in that moment, not stopping until he had found the bathroom. Heavily, he began to bang on the door. His yells had been muffled from behind the door, so had his banging. He panted and panted, until finally.. you opened the door.

- There you were, confused and concerned at his sudden burst of anxiety. You couldn't even answer, as you felt his hands grip on your shoulders. He heavily panted your name, the panic fading in and out every few seconds.

- You asked him what was wrong, the only thing he answered with... was a tight hug. He felt so protective at that moment, you felt overwhelmed. You asked what was wrong, but that only triggered a response irrelevant to your question out of him.

- You felt him let go quickly. He faced you, a face full of worry and anger. The words that came from his mouth made you tense, a feeling of shock entered your body; "Why do you have a suicide letter?!"

- His anger, while directed at himself and not you, came across as if he was angry with you. Which only made you more tense. You smiled, softly as tears began to run down your cheeks. Your voice quivered, "Heh.. I guess you found it, huh?" You muttered.

- You began to explain all the little details of why your letter existed before he could say anything. You explained that you hated yourself, that everyone around you hated you. You cried, saying that you were always so annoying. That everyone would be so much happier if you were gone.

- He cut off a yell he had been prepared to do, and quickly took a deep breath. With a soft hand on your shoulder, he began to reply as calmly as he could; "Y/N, you aren't a waste. Your.. your more than that. To be honest, you and.. Matt are the one thing that holds this whole group together in the first place. Without the two of you, this whole group would just.. fall apart. I'm.. I'm going to help you get through this, I dont know how, but I will.. i assure you, as dark as it may seem in this.. tunnel, there is a light at the end. And I'll help you get there, I promise."

- You felt more and more tears form inside of your eyes, and you then started to whimper as you held on tightly to him. As shocked as Tom was from the hug, and as much as he hated touch, he grabbed onto you and held you close. He listened to the sounds of your pained wails, rubbing your back slowly.

- The sounds of your crying had been heard by the others, seemingly as you saw them head up the stairs and their shocked faces upon seeing you. They rushed foward, asking question after question with endless concern.

- Soft touches were felt all over your body as they tried to figure out what was wrong, asking Tom what happened and all that. Tom, in the softest voice he could do, asked; "Y/N.. hey, do you want to tell them?"

- You thought about immediately shaking your head, you couldn't bear the thought of them finding out what was wrong. But.. the encouragement from Tom you had received earlier, it.. motivated you. You stopped yourself from saying 'No.', and with a shaking voice, you nodded and began to speak.

- The looks of empathy and concern filled their faces as you confessed how you felt: they were a lot to process as you cried your heart out. Soft embraces came from all of them, as sweet words of comfort filled your ears.

- They assured you, like Tom, that they were gonna help you get through this. Matt, even if he didn't understand what you felt like, was understanding and validating towards you. Edd, somewhat understanding how you felt, validated your feelings and understood you. Tord, completely understanding how you felt, did the same as the others.

- From then on, they treated you a bit.. differently. Considering how you felt about things instead of thinking you would like it cuz you were always so "happy", comforting you even if you cried at the most minor things, defending you from people who didn't quite get it. This feeling.. you felt selfish for what they were doing for you, but some part of you felt.. happy.

- They encouraged you enough for you to get therapy, and of course, sunlight began to seep in to the rainstorm that was your depression. After a few weeks, you and Tom began to date. You loved his calm demeanor, his sweet British accent, his musical talent. Everything about him. And most of all, he loved everything about you.

- Months and months of therapy went by, and after a while, the rainstorm was gone. Little ounces of it remained, sure, but there was mostly sunlight now. As you smiled to your boyfriend with joy, you then smiled at the sky. For the first time in forever, truly, you were.. happy.

#eddsworld #matt x reader eddsworld #tom x reader eddsworld #tw depression #tw suicide letter #tw suicide mentions #tw depression mentions

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nvrissa · 5 years

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hello laid ease and furries ( u know who u are )......hahaha....are u ready for this ? zimzalabim ! my name is xan ( she/her pronouns ) and my laptop has been broken for a good 3 years now i have to use an onscreen keyboard so if u see me typing for 20000 years on discord only to send u a single sentence u know whats up x JSDBJWBJW here is the intro....im really winging this no one call me out for that WOOO....tw: medication, mental health, body image ? perhaps just to be safe <3

ok ! so im not gonna talk too much abt family stuff bc yuno and i are doing the collab of the century here and art takes time people ! JSBDJBWDJW but so u get a good idea...i will write a little abt it lets get it

so the kwons were two of the biggest faces in hollywood ( and tbh they are still considered icons / hollywood royalty no matter how old they get they stay #Relevant ) think bradgelina ! literally everyone knows who the kwons if u dont u probably live under a rock /:

their parents are very into the fame thing...so when it came to their kids ( nari and wolfe ) they SUPER pushed the famous life onto them, really expecting both of them to be just as obsessed and enamored by the public. idk if u guys ever say that vid of gigi and bella hadid before they were huge were their mom was pressuring them both to get into modeling and to stay skinny and to be stars etc....it was kinda like that !

so narissa, being the first born, really just internalized that shit...like imagine being told ever since u were a baby that fame and status and ur last name are wildly important and not being able to remember a time when u werent being watched by cameras / a third party ( the public ) bc that was her life ! nari has....no experience as to what life is like without cameras and without having to create this image of herself that ppl are gonna be into

obviously that’s NOT normal....and it had it’s toll on her /: as a kid she grew up so fast like u know those kids that seem so mature and wise for their age ? that was nari. she always had two versions of herself: inside nari vs outside nari. she was so good at being good just bc she knew what stuff to express and what stuff to keep inside ( spoiler alert: most of it was kept in x )

she is still very much desperate to please her parents despite it all /: i feel like for a long time she kinda excepted and agreed that fame is everything ( hence why shes known for using her last name to get her places ) but shes starting to realize just how FUCKED it all is and just how much it’s messed her up so stay tuned for more fun !

ok so career stuff ! nari started off as a child model bc she was um super cute and super good at knowing what to do / not freaking out in front of cameras <3 but she was always obsessed with actors ! she used to sit in front of the tv for hours legit study and memorize ppls mannerisms and various movie lines.. she was literally always just quoting random lines / imitating various actors so often her parents were like ok word go act !

she landed her first role at 12 and it was a pretty huge role as a lead chara in a mini television series that revolved around a cast of kids ( think stranger things but not plot wise just how some of the mains were kids ) with zero acting experience before hand ... so it was pretty clear to the media nari got the spot bc she was a kwon ! there was a bunch of controversy around the show before it came out but once it was released...there was no denying nari had talent

after that it was just a whirlwind of acting doors opening up for her. everyone wanted nari bc of her last name and all the attention that came from it, not to mention every director wanted to be The One that helped narissa kwon become one of the most famous actresses of the 21st century. most of the time she was getting cast for selfish reasons but nari never realized it /: she was just happy to be acting bc it really was like therapy for her to become different ppl

flash forward to age 15 when narissa was finally diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder and was prescribed meds to help ! it was actually a director from a movie she was working on that suggested to her parents nari might be struggling after witnessing her have a panic attack on set. not wanting a scandal, her parents agreed it was best to get her “help” which included pills and weekly therapy !

so nari actually didnt mind it too much tbh she HAD been struggling for a while she just assumed her anxiety was normal and just like something all famous ppl were dealing with but that wasnt the case. she was hesitant to open up to her therapist just bc she was still obsessed with this idea of inside nari vs outside nari, and she was very scared to cross that line so it took....years of sessions to build up that trust

as she got older though and as she got more famous, everyone just assumed she was better. she was more famous and loved by the day, she had become a chanel ambassador ( thank u jennie x ), her interviews on youtube always brought in record views, she’d started in plenty of movies critics agreed would become cult classics, her social medias were nearing kardashian level in terms of followers: everything was on track....

....except nari had actually never been more unstable. she had become so dependent on her meds she couldnt go anywhere or talk to anyone without popping a few in. all the watching eyes were starting to make her paranoid, not to mention the pressure from her parents ( who couldn’t be happier with nari being so famous ) was at its all time high. she had been nominated for an oscar at 21 and everyone was expecting her to win...and then she didnt

narissa kwon famously fainted at the 2018 oscars after it was announced she had lost the award. her actual fainting wasnt caught on camera or televised, but it WAS witnessed by some of the most relevant names and faces in hollywood who were in that room. the scandal took the media by storm, the hashtag #getwellnarissa trending for over 42 hours until a statement was released she had fainted bc of dehydration and other undisclosed causes and that she was okay & currently taking it easy at home surrounded by family

in reality it was the abuse of her medication as well as all the stress, but when your last name is kwon manipulating the press is as simple as making the right phone call. unfortunately for nari and her parents, the article about the brat pack came out a week later, and there was no manipulating that source /:

for narissa, it was all a wake up call. she decided to go off her anxiety meds altogether. after falling out with the brat pack she spent that year trying to figure out who she was separate from her fame and her last name. despite some offers from a few casting directors ( surprisingly some people still wanted her despite the scandals bc she was still a kwon, after all ) narissa rejected every role except one in a coming of age indie movie that explores womanhood and mental health as well as strained relationships with mothers. the movie is set to release sometime mid august hehe (~:

she agreed to come to milan to reunite with the brat pack bc she’s still searching for herself ! nari figures the people who quite literally grew up with her might give her some answers......not to mention there is still a part of her who is desperate to reclaim the image and status she had before everything fell apart </3

PERSONALITY/TIDBITS

narissa is....complicated to say the least. growing up in front of the cameras and in a family who prioritized fame and outside opinions of you as the most important thing, she is quite literally desperate for praise and approval. because she legit has no idea what parts of her are real and what parts of her she’s created for her public persona, she often looks for understanding in others!! shes very very good at analyzing people and understanding people in the hopes that its gonna make her better at analyzing herself, but to no avail.

libra sun capricorn moon !! THIS is super accurate and telling if u wanna read but i kinda just summarized it in the last bullet

she is such a perfectionist with everything she does and a bit of a control freak in the sense that if she’s not the one doing something, she doesnt have faith whatever that is will be able to live up to her unrealistic standards. directors are often concerted with nari bc whenever she gets big roles.....she is so hard on herself, often asking for take after take bc she monitors every little thing abt her expression or her movements. she’s often left frustrated and disappointed with herself bc again, her standards are SUPER unrealistic ):

she’s relatively sweet!! growing up with the brat pack they probably knew her as the life of the party, very bubbly, confident, and very easy to have fun with as long as you’re being tolerable. however, she can get kind of opinionated at times so it’s very hard for you to gain her trust and respect back if you lose it. she’s also prone to random mood swings / periods of isolation, but whenever she returns its with a big smile and a soft voice assuring you everything is okay

very good at lying and deceiving ppl but she hardly ever does it on purpose ( unless her publicists asks her too ). she’s carried this persona / public image of herself curated for consumption from others for so long, sometimes she has no idea when she’s being sincere or if she’s just convincing herself she’s being sincere. most of the time she only deceives other people about herself. she can come across as kind of elusive because of this ( think daisy from gatsby’s perspective ) but it’s not on purpose. she just legit has no true sense of self isnt that sexy?

speaking of sex. JWDBJWBDJWBD she also uses that as a coping mechanism / a weird affirmation that yes, she IS wanted by others and yes she IS seen as someone beautiful and that she IS something to be consumed by others ( like i said in my tags....male fantasies male fantasies ) but then at the same time she feels guilty abt this and so unsatisfied and disgusted at how she’s living her life as an object / manifestation of other people’s projections rather than as a normal person...rip </3 its a cycle

ever since her relationship with micah that was so hated by the public it actually ruined and ended their relationship, nari has been too scared to publicly have a relationship again. the media seems to love seeing her on casual dates with other stars, but not to see her tied down to one person, as that kind of “damages” this super accessible persona she’s put out ( think idols and why they cant date )

she loves poetry, french music, all of marilyn monroe and audrey hepburn’s movies, nonfiction essays abt womanhood and identity, anything chanel, is particularly fond of silk dresses but is partial to velvet as well, wears lacy bralettes under everything bc it makes her a little more confident, actually prefers large parties to small ones because small gatherings are more personal therefore give her more anxiety, would only eat fruit and drink champagne if she could live like that, doesn’t know how to swim so she’s scared of the ocean as well as the dark, used to study ballet as a kid and misses it terribly, doesn’t know how to drive and isn’t planning to learn, can be materialistic at times, is probably an introvert masquerading as an extrovert for 22 years now, the only movies she cant stand are westerns, loves to travel but is scared of flying, doesn’t drink coffee, and is allergic to nuts.

last but most important fact about narissa is that she loves her brother wolfe more than anything in this world so messing with him is the only way nari is bound to 100% hate you. she can bully him all she wants ( ex. starting very real rumors he IS in fact a furry ) but no one else is aloud to actually be mean to him or she will kill you

also very random but i had a hc that when she was 6 and her pet cat jinx died she caused enough fuss at home her parents actually made it a national holiday in about thirteen different states. the anniversary of this death is december 4th and yes . the brat pack better mourn jinx with nari every year......

pls spare plots im sorry this is so long.....JBDJBWJDBWJBWDJBJ i promise it will be worth it also im sensitive and very small ... how can u say no ?

#bratsintro #╰ ♡ . 𝒎𝒂𝒍𝒆 𝒇𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒂𝒔𝒊𝒆𝒔 𝒎𝒂𝒍𝒆 𝒇𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒂𝒔𝒊𝒆𝒔 ── ooc !#yes this tag is inspired by the margaret atwood quote....bc i am Literally haunted by it #so is nari x #also this gif ? inspired by her furry brother<3 #this intro is a whole mess pls . plot with me anyway ?#THIS IS RIDICULOUSLY LONG HOLY SJBWJBJWBDJW yea i...am so sorry oy my god

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harryseyebrows · 6 years

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give me your experience in full detail about harry’s show... i need to mentally prepare myself for msg

1. there is nothing that can prepare you for the moment he first comes on stage. its indescribable. we spend so much time on here reblogging pictures and videos and interacting with content about or surrounding harry, that you can sometimes lose touch with the actual human person who its all for and about. but when you see him, its just.... amazing. theres not a strong enough word for it. and to be in a room where everyone is feeling that way? the palpable excitement and joy?? you can feel it in your blood

2. i know this point has been exhausted by anyone and everyone, but he is truly meant to be a performer. we knew this from when he was in 1d but nothing will ever touch him being on his own. you can tell that having the band up there makes him feel more comfortable, and given how much he interacts with them and makes them a part of the show, you know that him doing his ~solo stuff~ is not about trying to hog the spotlight. he’s a self-proclaimed narcissist, but dont be fooled; harry styles is a ham but he’s not selfish or arrogant. he still needs his support group, he still needs to be able to shard a bond with the people he performs with so that he can be confident and comfortable, and try to afford them the same. he works the stage like its the only thing he’ll ever do, giving it 110% with the most genuine adoration for his audience that ive seen from anyone, ever. he doesnt just wave blindly or make grand sweeping gestures. he looks at people, really looks at people, and tries to make a connection with individual people in a room full of thousands. im pretty sure if he had the time to do that with every single person, he would. he’s chatty and loves to joke, talking to people like theyre old friends, and just for a moment, he turns the dynamic between fan and celebrity on its head. he’s hardly ever still, moving and bopping along like he’s in his own little world, but that world also happens to house the audience and everyone else in the room. youre standing there, 1 of thousands of people, and you can feel like youre one-on-one with him. he’s just incredibly personable and good-natured. and then when he’s not being a professional nice young man, he’s exploding with energy and utilizing the entire stage and all of his limbs. ‘born for it’

3. he’s so funny. he’s goofy and charming and not afraid to be weird or awkward, and its just really admirable, to see him up there, clearly having a great time, laughing and smiling. i loved seeing the more ~private~ moments between him and the band, if anything can be considered private when performing. but he’s constantly grinning at them and making faces, sharing silent jokes or saying things in passing that we cant hear. and of course, you never quite know whats gonna come out of his mouth next when he spots someone or something that earns his attention from the audience. he pokes fun at people but he also pokes fun at himself. it’s just nice. comfortable, even, when he talks to people from the crowd. if youre in the back and out of range for what he can see, and he can make you feel like the only two people there, i cant even begin to imagine what it must be like when he has his laser beam focus on you, directly.

4. his voice is incredible. all of the little runs and ad-libs that he does are great. i remember reading a quote from a while ago, when he was still in 1d, and someone had said that harry has a great ear and that harmonies and other such things come really easy to him. and i always think about that when i hear him sing live, whether in concert or in a video. the tone quality of his voice is so beautiful, even when its being amplified to crazy decibels. you can tell he puts his whole heart and soul into every song he sings, whether its a slow one like mmith or the absolute banger that is kiwi. and its so fun to hear his renditions of old 1d songs -- the arrangements are so good and its so nice to hear those songs with just his voice. sott is still just That Song™ and hearing it live is something that stays with you forever.

5. THE OUTFIT. when the screen went up, i was so excited to simply see him that i wasnt even thinking about ‘oh what is he wearing’ until about 5 minutes in when i realized that i was no other than harris reed. harry has always marched to the beat of his own drum, and we’ve poked fun at his fashion sense for years, from the toe-revealing brown boots, to the double plaid button downs. and it wasnt really until the white gucci floral suit that, in my opinion, he started to really come out of his fashion shell in a big, loud, in your face way. its been so interesting to watch him experiment over the years with different trends, different styles, different vibes, etc. but now he’s still just as adventurous, if not MORE, but in a really refined and arguably more cohesive way. because while all of his outfits are different and wild, the unpredictability and diversity make up a category all on their own; they common thread among them is that they’re all so unique. and while we might not like every single look or every single suit, no one can deny that he’s going out there and putting his own stamp on the men’s fashion world. look at the number of little boys who adore him and put on printed suits to be like him. what he’s doing matters. and he looks so comfortable and so in his element when he’s on stage, wearing whatever flowy or glitter ensemble thats on the docket for that evening, prancing around and looking like he doesnt have in care in the world that his trousers are flared and he has a giant silky bow around his neck. i love that he appreciates new and adventurous designs, and it really pays tribute to his character that he supports different designers, like harris reed, whos still in school and is getting the recognition he deserves, 100% on his own merit but also because harry helped boost his platform. harry is doing his own thing, doing the whole glitz and glamour performance thing, but none of it feels cheap or over the top. its just right and really reflects his personality and style. go on with ur bad self, harry.

6. the butt. what can i say? its now an element of the show. she’s plump and proud. he worked hard to get her where she is and she deserves to be showed off. like two beautiful melons draped in fabric, whether it be a solid color, black, a print, or glitter. she does it all. and she does it well. AND shes au natural. no fat transfers here. just smooth, firm but also pleasantly supple, muscle and butt meat. surely youve heard of all you can eat buffets, but his butt takes it to a whole new level. that is a multi-course meal and then some. the glass of water you have when you wake up in the morning, parched and in need of something to help your dry mouth; breakfast, something healthy but still delicious... some thick maple and brown sugar oatmeal; lunch, a perfectly toasted grilled cheese with tomato soup; dinner, some top sirloin steak because you need some MEAT, accompanied by potatoes and another less starchy vegetable, perhaps a green bean?; dessert, cake of course. and all the snack in between. delicious.

#liz writes a concert review #someone publish this in a paper or something #my show part 1 #Anonymous

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julystorms · 7 years

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i remember you saying erwin wasnt real guilty about the deaths of his comrades so i thought you might find his character monologue relevant as most of what he talks about is him feeling guitly and him naming the comrades who have lost their lifes

Thanks!

YMMV ETC AND SO ON: THIS IS MY INTERPRETATION OF ERWIN’S CHARACTER PLEASE READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.

I wouldn’t say he doesn’t feel guilty at all, or even that he doesn’t feel guilt on a general level because he basically tells us this himself:

But IMO what we’re meant to see in this scene is that his guilt comes second to his goals. Always. The focal point of the conversation isn’t: “Wow I feel shitty about what’s happened to these people who I’ve sent to their deaths” so much as, “HOLY SHIT WE ARE SO CLOSE TO THE TRUTH man I hope I can pay back my debt later.”

This gets a tad long so please read under the cut.

First, I want everyone to look at the definition:

I highlighted the two that mattered here, but a feeling of guilt is feeling responsible for a specified wrongdoing; in this case, that is sending people to their deaths.

Erwin definitely feels badly about what he’s done; there’s a lot in the canon that would point to that statement. For example, the above panels. See also: shortly before his death, the corpse pile and ghostly images surrounding him. He feels personally responsible for those people’s deaths.

What the diehard Erwin stans tend to forget about (selectively, I might add) is that the guilt Erwin feels doesn’t exist in a vacuum. Context is incredibly important to understanding his character.

In the end Erwin admits he wouldn’t have done anything differently. Even here, in the above scene, Levi is horrified to see that Erwin’s reaction to this revelation isn’t fear or horror or even some form of self-loathing--not just for sending people to their deaths, but for sending people to their deaths to fight against and kill other people. We might simply see this as war, but these characters have no real concept of war considering how their world is arranged for them. Anyway, rather than showing some kind of negative emotion at this reveal, Erwin gives us a slasher smile. He’s so close to his goal of learning the truth. This is a huge step toward that goal. His smile makes sense to us, the reader, because we later learn what his goal is and what has pushed him toward it. Levi doesn’t know. Erwin’s reaction is completely out of the blue; it’s kind of disgusting in context.

Erwin is now a step closer to the truth. But that knowledge, and further knowledge...was acquired at a steep price.

And he knows that it will continue to come at the price of hundreds more lives. That is a price he’s willing to pay. Other people’s lives are a price he is willing to pay. And I’m not saying this from a narrative standpoint: this is something he says and feels himself. His goals are ALWAYS #1 to him. Even to the detriment of others and the loss of human life.

There’s no remorse, no regret. Look at him talking about paying the debt back in the afterlife, like these soldiers and his pals who died for him did him a solid by giving up their lives--like they borrowed his car hauler or shoveled snow off his sidewalk once instead of giving their lives for a cause they believed in--one that wasn’t exactly the cause Erwin is passionate about/fighting for.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I think Erwin is much more complex than that. I think he’s a great character, probably one of the best Isayama has given us. Think about his history, about how his goals--both to prove his father’s theory and to prove that he didn’t get him killed for nothing--consumed him, led him to do what he did to his father, almost, but this time purposefully, knowingly, to other people--people he was in a position of power over.

I don’t think Erwin is an irredeemable asshole. I don’t think he’s a villain. But I do think he’s manipulative and lacks empathy. He had to become that way, though. He had to, if he was ever going to learn anything. That was worth it to him. He wouldn’t do it differently. That doesn’t make him a selfless li’l angel saint of a man. It just makes him interesting.

Look: Erwin is a tragic character, but it’s not because of his guilt, not because he manipulated people into joining a cause that isn’t entirely the one they believed they were fighting for. Erwin’s place as a tragic character has nothing to do with his death, nothing to do with the serumbowl, nothing to do with losing his arm or his fighting spirit or casting aside some of his humanity.

Erwin is ambitious to an extreme degree.

And what makes him tragic is that he didn’t get that way all on his own. There was a catalyst. That catalyst was a mistake, made not by just Erwin, but by his father as well. The tragedy is that if Mr. Smith hadn’t told his son what he thought, if he’d just lied to him, if he’d tamped down the curiosity Erwin displayed about understanding the truth behind the discrepancies in the history books, Erwin might have ended up a very different person.

The tragedy is that one man sitting down to tell his son the truth as he suspected it to be changed the course of a lot of people’s lives. Some for better, some for worse. It’s hard to imagine the kind of person Erwin would have been if his father hadn’t died because of him. It really makes you think.

(I do think he’d have still been ambitious and motivated but I think in many ways he makes a decent parallel to Grisha who fandom views as a much worse person despite the two of them being scarily similar.)

But like I said, his guilt is guilt without remorse. He admits to his guilt, to feeling badly, but he’s saying that with every intention of continuing on with it. No regrets. It was worth it to him. Which some people hate because they think it makes him a giant asshole, but I think makes him interesting as a character. He’s a guy whose goals just happen to line up with the plot of the story (not the characters, at least not at first). He’s sacrificing lives for his own goals but those goals aren’t too far removed from what we as readers want to know about the world these characters live in; that makes it forgivable for a lot of readers. But think about the characters who don’t have that goal, about the people who exist in the world who are fighting for humanity’s sake who don’t realize what Erwin is up to, who just want to fight for what they already have instead of something more. Man, it’s deliciously complex and terrible and I LOVE IT. We rarely get characters like Erwin--characters who are “good guys” literally ONLY by virtue of their selfish goals aligning in part with that of the main characters/readers.

I don’t want anyone to think I hate Erwin. I find him a fascinating character. He’s complex in the best of ways. I don’t see him as a selfless saint, as a virtuous man, as especially considerate or caring of other people. I see him as an ambitious and motivated man who will accomplish his goals by any means necessary, even if those means get other people killed--even if deep down he doesn’t like what those means have to be.

And the best part about Erwin’s character is that his goals were selfish because he couldn’t possibly have known the extent of what we, the readers, now know about the world he lived in. Levi’s comment in the above scene about the cost not being worth it... I mean, Levi’s right, but what we know now is that the fight was going to come to Paradis eventually, anyway, and if humanity had continued to cover in the walls as Levi wanted to do, they’d be completely boned. So Erwin sacrificed a lot of lives selfishly, never knowing if doing so would amount to anything, never knowing if people were dying for fuck-all...

But in the end perhaps it wasn’t all for nothing--even Erwin himself died so that the truth was discovered.

See, people want to say Erwin was selfless in the end by giving up his dream, but really I feel his dream was that the truth BE DISCOVERED and yeah, it would have been nice to see it for himself, to discover it for himself personally, but that wasn’t the goal. The goal was that everyone would know it. And in leading that charge he tried to ensure that at least a few people would learn it and share it--and expose the lies and bullshit that he probably didn’t understand fully but knew had to be going on/hoped would be uncovered. ‘Cause seeing the goal for himself wouldn’t mean a goddamn thing if he couldn’t return to his people to share it. In dying, other people would have a higher chance of being able to take it back.

So that catalyst led a hell of a lot of people to their deaths--including Erwin himself. It’s interesting to think about. This is why Erwin in an AU never ever feels quite right to me. He’s ambitious as hell but there needs to be a catalyst of some kind to make him as ruthless and remorseless as he is in the canon; his situation made him that way. Take it away and he’s just an ambitious businessman or something doing hardcore negotiations.

Anyway, the TL;DR here is: Erwin feels guilty; I would never dispute that. But he lacks remorse because he’s incapable of regretting what he’s done. I guess you could choose to hate him over that, but honestly it’s rare that we get interesting characters like Erwin--someone selfish and ambitious and motivated with a goal in mind that requires a lot of sacrifices, someone ruthless and yet SMART enough to do what it takes to get to a place where he can pursue the knowledge he seeks. Like damn. I don’t like what he’s done any more than I like what other similar characters have done, and I acknowledge that the sacrifices of others were made meaningful by sheer luck, but it doesn’t make the overall picture any less fascinating to me.

#snk #snk meta #erwin smith #behold my unpopular opinion/interpretation of erwin #cute anons #replies to friends

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1coursework-blog · 7 years

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Abortion

stillbirth is wholeness of the well-nigh controversial topics of all eons. It has spend a pennyd intermincapable deaths and several(prenominal) violent confrontations surrounded by the two separate parties of trust. The advertise between pro- invigoration and pro-choice supporters has been eagle-eyed and brutal. This is because, despite what several people whitethorn believe, spontaneous spontaneous abortion is neither right nor wrong. It is the affaire of a somebodyal opinion, where, distri only whenively situation basin set up with certainty that the other one is wrong. \n\n The question remains, should abortion be ratified? Though virtually may disagree on this point, the incident is that legalized abortion is the merely modal value to protect the costs of women round the military man. If you look into American taradiddle to chaffer the results of prohibiting abortions to women, you leave see that no abortion mode much women dead. The violence, which egests today because of the pro-choice/pro- flavor conflicts is minimal in comparison to the thousands of hopeless women who tump overed to illegal abortions--either self-inflicted or preformed by the backroom professionals-- which resulted in infection, massive crease loss, and death. It is promptly since the abortion is legal break out for women, because they gain a place to go to where abortions can be actioned in a clean environment and with token(prenominal) riskinesss. The legalization of abortion is the wholly choice, no matter what side one excises in the debate. Women forget try to do what they bet is necessary to live as they wish, no matter what the risks ar. In order to live as she chooses a adult female may give up her freedom, her morals, her beliefs, her family, or even her life. \n\n spontaneous abortion has been virtually for bity years in every(prenominal) inhabited loge of the world. It has al federal agencys been accepted as a desi gnate to encumber the suffering of both the char and her potential fry. Abortion has been unspoiled widely in every society for umteen causal agencys including famine, war, poverty, overpopulation, or simply because a char felt she was non groom for a child (Whitney 40). No one ever questioned a cleaning charrs right to this procedure. After all, who but God had the right to resolve what a adult female did with her own body? This thought movement lasted till the 1800s. During the era of reposition people began to turn their assistance in a modern direction, the fetus. They began to protest abortion as cruel, in va allowe, and finishous. Filled with a overbold-made sense experience of purpose and the aureole of a fresh, righteous cause to uphold this new godliness swept the countryside enveloping everyone in its wake. Abortionists who were once revered and depended upon were now scorned and threatened. Though abortions hushed happened with regularity, they w ere kept silent and seen as a matter of shame. oer the next hundred years, human race sentiment for the fetus proceed to rise until the inevitable happened in America during the early 40s; Abortion was made illegal. (Cohen 17). There was much back patting and congratulations among the pro-life supporters. And why wouldnt thither be? They had succeeded in let off the lives of the hundreds of innocent babies who would contrive been mindlessly slaughtered for the convenience of selfish, ignorant, and irresponsible women. Because of this new law, women would settle down and sex families or give these fine-looking children over into the hands of the hundreds of sweet couples who were just wait for a baby to call their own. It seemed that the consummate law had just been passed. Or had it? \n\n It has been proven time after(prenominal) time throughout news report that the human spirit will not allow prohibition. approximatelything privileged us feels the requisite to put on out at that, which restrains us and holds us from the life we wish. merely as prohibition of inebriant made a pitch-dark market for liquor a virtual underworld was today erected to fulfill the new need for abortions. Government, through regulation, had once over again created a need that would be fulfilled by the lawless. any(prenominal) doctors, fearing incarceration, refused to treat the women who so desperately wanted abortions. Women, seeing no other solution to their problems, were very much desperate overflowing to turn to these gage Room clinics. These clinics were situated in poverty-ridden sections of the city and their conditions were deplorable. The places themselves were shape in filthy diddlyshit and diseases. Inexperienced butchers using begrimed and crude equipment treated the girls. As if these backroom clinics were not bad enough, thither was an even more than(prenominal) offend close a woman might learn faced. If a woman wasnt able to pa y the over damaged price for the illegal surgery, she would often perform the act herself. Knitting needles, surface hangers, antiseptic douches and poisons were used approximately often (Welton, 123). Emergency board primarily in the more urban argonas were reporting high numbers of intractable release to the point of death. Pelvic insurgent disease and other forms of life threatening sepsis were on the rise. ego bring on poisoning was some other complication. (Boyer, 98). \n\n One thing nigh people do not think round is the fetus. If, as some say, life and the sense of self begin at conception, how many atrocities moderate been caused by the incompetence shown during this time? Some may wonder what litter these women to such extremes just to run through and abortion. Why didnt they just piss the baby? \n\n The answer lies in our near basic human instinct: to survive as best as the woman can. These women wanted to live their lives as they chose, not the way it was elect for them to live. Being forced to guide a child could mean having to support it and giving up dreams of a better life. also they might have been pressured into a shotgun wedding to save their reputations. In the daybook Back Rooms, by Ellen Messer, a woman named Liz, explains her reasons for having an abortion. People have express to me, How can you be in favor of abortion? If youd had one, you wouldnt have these beautiful children. but I would have had them. It just would have been later when I was better prep ard to care for them. And peradventure they would have a nicer man for their father. I would have been more prepared and all our lives would have been so much easier. tear down though I manage my children dearly, I regret that I did not have an abortion when I was given the option. I should never have let others influence my decision. (29) \n\n For many women, be forced to deal with a child would mean placing it into the schema. It is unremarkably thought that every strip is just temporary, that there is a family out there waiting for the child with open arms. The accuracy of the matter is that many families do not want children unless they are white, healthy and pretty. Most of the others are either dragged through the system until they are 18 or sent to live with shelter families who are sometimes unreflective or even ignominious (187). All women are sensible of these realities, and many, refused to bring a child into the world and have it live such a way of life, which makes abortion their only way out. \n\n Also there is the fact that many women want to veil their present put forward from families or employers. They know that they could be disowned or fired for their shameful state. They are desperate to accommodate their secrets, so desperate in fact that they are volition to risk their lives. This is a risk a woman shouldnt have to take. In the book Abortion: A plus Decision, Mrs. Lunneborg states that T he desire not to have a child is by far the best reason for an abortion. There are enough unwanted children in the world already.(18) And so these women risked, and often lost, their lives in these illegal abortions. If they were caught afterwards, they were charged with murder. But is abortion murder? \n\n Abortion is defined as The induced termination of pregnancy originally it is capable of survival as an individual (Frohock 186). Considering this definition, at the time of most abortions, the fetus is not an individual. The definition is far overly unsophisticated. One inevitably to take into consideration the maturemental stages of the foetal life span. \n\n Most abortions occur soon after the check of pregnancy, which is usually preliminary to the twelfth week. The initiative 12 weeks are known as the first trimester or the embryonic phase. At this time the fetus is about 3-3.5 inches long and has a cargo of 15-20 grams. The neuro formal system is gross at be st, demonstrating only fainthearted swimming motions (Rosenblatt 37). The second trimester heralds a time of rapid growth. At about four months the start out usually first perceives fetal movement. At 24 weeks the spirit resembles that of a mature person. The fetal weight is about 650 grams. (39) The trio trimester is from 24 weeks to birth (approximately 40 weeks.). At 26 weeks the restless system begins to regulate some body processes. (40) When making the certain decision to enkindle the life of the fetus one must take into account the development of the fetus. One of the approaches might be assessing the neurological development. It is only logical that the more complex the neurological system is the more probable you are to induce pang or end a sense of self if in fact that sense exists prior to birth (Frohock 28). In many ways it is similar to the decision to pull the plug on a person egg laying in coma. Here, one must settle down whether or not to withdraw that wh ich the person needs to survive. Yet the decision to terminate the life is not considered murder but an act of the deepest humanity, an opinion that contrasts greatly to the shame and petulance faced by an aborted start during the time of the mass anti-abortion attitude. How long would women suffer this mental torture? (Haddok 132) \n\n Based on the information, presented in the Roe vs. Wade case, the unconditional Court ruled that a woman was allowed by the Constitutions fourteenth amendment to receive an abortion in the lead the first trimester. It now appears that the pro-choice advocates had won the political tug-o-war at last. However, violence continues between the two groups as the animosity and passion has grown to new heights. Now, more than ever, research articles are feeler out about a womans right to privacy vs. a fetuss right to life. The law may have been passed, but the war goes on. \n\n In conclusion no matter what a persons opinion on abortion is, wom en have of all time had abortions, they have them now and most probably will of all time have them. It shouldnt be for anyone but the pregnant woman having the actual abortion to decide on whether or not it is the best thing for her. If you want to get a estimable essay, order it on our website: Custom essay writing service. Free essay/order revisions. Essays of any complexity! Courseworks, term papers, research papers. 100% confidential! Homework live help. Custom Essay Order is available 24/7!

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madomadotsuki · 7 years

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@buddynikki cont. { ❦ }

[* WindoWatcher☂ has posted; 2:12 AM]:

[txt] That’s where I was going to add. It wouldn’t make a difference whether the matter is beneficial or not if you’ll be missing him the whole time.

[txt] I won’t be the person to coat your pain in sugar and hope for fortified worth of the wait. If anything, I’ll be real with you. You’re hurting. You’re hurting because someone you wouldn’t trade for all the stars in the sky will be gone from your reach. Your dad is someone who loves you, who has done their best despite their errors to give you the best life they can.

[txt] I don’t doubt that you consider this helpful for him by any means, it’s just tough on you to know in order to seek his better position you would have to face a hurtful obstacle in the way. Trust me, I’ve felt like death about a situation close to this.

[txt] I’m sure that your father is up in shambles about you as well, and I know that this sort of conundrum is highly discouraging, but in the event that he does last there for a notable while, I’m sure that there would be an ounce of hope in him to believe that you’re a strong kid who can power through this in the end. Consider that you have a chance to look back on this in the future and may it give you strength to overcome something even more tragic.

[txt] That probably sounds like white noise to you at this point, needless to say you’ve received this spiel more times than I could count on my fingers. Perhaps if you are looking for a more active recommendation, I do believe that rehab centers accept letters to their clients if partial communication can put you at ease.

[txt] As for my neck of the woods I’ve been dealing with some family crap myself, with the addition that someone up and stole my diary as an April Fool’s joke and I’m up in ends livid about the whole deal. I’m still on the hunt to find it but I haven’t gotten any leads. It might be my bestie’s doing but I haven’t gotten the chance to pester her about it yet

[⌘]– [ * WindowMoon🌙 has posted; 01:13 AM]:

[txt] its conflicting and it’s only further killing me inside

[txt] im here, wishing he was here, that he didnt left, that he wasnt gone. that he was with me. but that would mean he wouldnt be able to go get his help. its selfish of me to wish he stayed in sacrifice of his own wellbeing

[txt] he admitted that the day prior to his ultimate decision to go to rehab he had actually planned out a suicide attempt. this decision was much more of a critical emergency needed than whether or not i can last on my end [txt] ive already started to spiral down since day 1. im definitely not going to get any better

[txt] and im so far away from home now too. are you aware of the multiverse theory? well, it is real. and im currently camping tossed in a whole other universe under the care of a friend of Dad’s. he and everyone else here are really nice and all but-- its not home. it doesnt feel like home. i feel so homeless and desolate. im surrounded by these cool people, but ive never felt so freaking alone in the world in a very long time, none of them feel like anything close to home. nothing in here does

[txt] things have started to feel very... detached too, and distant, and i cant tell if its me or everything/everyone else around me

[txt] the more time, the less im capable of even telling whats real and whats... dream. in fact ive resorted to do nothing but sleep pretty much. watch me try to sleep days or even weeks away. im surprised that i didnt become one with this bed yet even though even it doesnt feel like home despite still being comfortable. not sure if its a “madotsuki thing’ but as of now id rather live in my dreams and forget everything else. at least there he can still be there with me. there is the closest to alright and the closest to home that i can have now. you know what i mean, given youre a madotsuki too [txt] if i could i would simply sleep all the way until this is over, but i think i would have to be in a coma for that

[txt] dang, i feel like im about to cry again. i dont feel like having Ace or Paige or anyone else here come over and hammer me with the same sweet lies that Dad will be back “very soon” or that “everything’s okay” and waste their time to get my crybaby self to calm down when they could actually be doing something productive instead

[txt] ...

[txt] oh my god. so the diary thing is a “madotsuki thing” too huh. i know how you feel. i would go up the walls if someone took my diary too, especially without my consent. god forbid if anyone read it-- haha ahha id probably instantly be seen as schizophrenic. i really hope you find yours as soon as possible, and i hope even more so that nobody has read it in the meanwhile either.

[txt] i have mine with me right now, but i havent had motivation even to write on it anymore. i keep it on my person majority of the time, and when im not i always hide it in my the room, and constantly change where in the room i hide it. makes finding it very harder for others aside from yourself

[txt] you seem to be doing better than i am right now. im not saying your situation’s easier or harder than mine, but at least you are a strong madotsuki

[txt] im not going to sugarcoat you either. all i can do in my current state is hope and look forward that things will find their places eventually on your end

#buddynikki #badtiimeciity #v; flesh or bones what matters is the heart au #v; ???#;; undernet #event: you called for help #suicide mention #dissociation mention #depression mention #depression #depressive thoughts #mental illness mention #shes suffering(tm) so much god #and she keeps getting only worse as time passes #v; unknown dream frequency

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