#if the elven oracle is writing your speeches

[andyevej]

adaine speechwriter truthing

[thedimensionzone]

Candy Cane Conundrum

Hi there! I wrote a fic for the Dimension 20 Christmas Gift exchange! I agreed to write something and then completely forgot how to write and then got sick for a week. But I finished! Here’s a cute story loosely based off of the Candy Grams from Mean Girls and then a Pep Rally that actually happened at my Middle School.

Title: Candy Cane Conundrum

POV: Jawbone

TW: Pranks, mild distress

Rated: E for everyone

Cast: The Bad kids with some Seven Cameos.

@mayodad here is your gift! Sorry it’s like a month late and I hope you like it!

Jawbone sat heavily in his desk chair, feeling something in his lower back ache as he settled in. One too many one night stands on the ground of a truck stop bathroom and suddenly your back hurts way more than it should. He probably should have actually been at the school an hour ago but it was like pulling teeth to get all of the kids up and out of the house this morning. Fig had tried to say that she was an emancipated minor due to her fame. He just reminded her that she would have had to actually send in the papers for that to have any effect. 

Adaine stated that she had a bad feeling about school today and as the elven oracle she had decided to trust her gut. It had nothing to do with the fact that there was an End of the semester Pep Rally. Adaine was usually able to sneak out and head to the library, stating that the noise gave her a headache, but for this event the head librarian had a role in one of the teacher skits and locked up twenty minutes early. 

Fabian was one of the few Bad Kids that Jawbone wasn’t directly responsible for but that didn’t mean he loved the kid any less. But the Blood Rush team was giving a speech for the rally. According to the game calendar that Jawbone kept pinned by his desk there was a championship game coming up in a month. Jawbone didn’t actually think they had qualified for that but that didn’t mean Fabian was going to give up that time to address the school. Last year they had also not qualified but Fabian had regaled the entire student body about the injustice of a bad line call. He had seen Arthur wipe away a single tear. 

Kristen and Tracker had stated that they needed to get to school early for one of their projects. Kristen had been bent over a notebook all week so Jawbone imagined it was another one of her intricately detailed Pamphlets about the new goddess. She had started referring to herself in the third person as Saint Kristen for about a week before everyone in the house started ignoring her. Kristen agreed that maybe it should just be for her official Church documents, like the tie dyed posters she would hang from every flat surface at the front of the school. 

Jawbone checked his watch one more time. He liked to walk up and down the hallways giving out high fives before school started just to get people off on the right foot. Since it was the end of the week they also got to play the trivia game. First person to answer got a Basrar’s coupon printed just for him. Basrar appreciated all of the free advertising and Jawbone liked to give the kids a treat once in a while for working so hard. 

Jawbone slouched into the cardigan he only wore during school and adjusted his ID badge before grabbing his coffee and heading out the door. The kids had around ten minutes to get settled before classes started and the noise levels were starting to pick up. Jawbone paid special attention for any noises that sounded more upset than just the regular sounds of a highschool. 

Someone approached him right away and he looked down. It was one of the Dwarf underclassmen who were always on their Skateboards in the hall. “Oi Jawbone!” The extremely loud shout echoed down the hallway. “Special delivery. Someone thinks yer Fresh.” 

Immediately a candy cane with a cute tag was shoved at him before the girl skated off, a large satchel over her shoulder full of the candies. Their latest fundraiser for Prom was selling candy Canes to send holiday Messages to other students. Apparently staff was included in that as well. Jawbone sniffed it curiously but all he could identify was peppermint. It reminded him of a certain brand of schnapps that he had once chugged a whole bottle of. It would taste great in his coffee. The tag itself was red and white paper in the shape of a stocking cap that said “Sending you a sweet treat!” The sender had added a heart and then an elaborate signature he decided was Penny Luckstone. This made sense for her. 

Peeling off the plastic Jawbone used the candy cane to stir his coffee, telling a few kids to slow down before they caused a pile up. They slowed for just a moment before rushing off again. Apparently some of the teachers were having holiday parties instead of having class. One was even watching the puppet version of the Solstice Story. 

Jawbone was humming alone to an old heavy metal song as he stepped out the front doors of the Academy. It had snowed earlier in the week but all the ice had melted on the side walks by this point. There were a few of the wizard classes that liked to come out and melt the snow with fireball spells. They mostly did a good job although the music director’s car had exploded once. They promised it was an accident and honestly Jawbone believed them. They had no way of knowing that he had a full tank of gas and that the wind would gust at that exact moment. 

He felt a tug on his scarf and when he looked down someone had looped a candy cane around his staff ID badge. Jawbone hadn’t noticed anything but he could just barely smell that Riz had walked by recently. “Riz you rascal! You got me!” He called out, and the goblin boy popped out from behind him, grinning. 

“Fabian bet me a few gold pieces that I couldn’t sneak all these candy canes onto the recipients without them knowing. And even though I think he’s just trying to get out of delivering them himself I do want to test my theories on the best ways to sneak up on everyone in the school.” Riz had pulled out a pocket notebook and was scribbling a description of the event. “So would you say that you had no idea I had placed the candy cane upon you?” When Jawbone nodded, Riz kept going. “And at the end how did you know it was me? Oh I’m the only one who wears Old Herb body spray? Ok yes that makes sense.” Riz grabbed the small bag of candy canes that he still had to deliver and gave a small wave to Jawbone. ‘I’ll see you later tonight!” Before he quite literally disappeared. 

Jawbone never got tired of Riz disappearing from one moment to the next. Though then again a lot of the other Rogue students had been working on sneaking notes onto his bulletin board in his office all semester, so he had gotten really good at pretending he couldn’t smell them. 

Jawbone kept on his way, saluting several other students with his new candy cane. There was at least one Junior year student who already had eight candy canes, mostly likely sent by the eight people standing around them frowning at each other. After doling out several high fives and at least four ‘“It’s good to see you!”’s and an ice cream coupon, Jawbone started looking for any stragglers who hadn’t headed off to class. 

A loud sound made his ear twitch and he turned just in time to see the Hang Van enter into the parking lot a few miles below the speed limit. Jawbone loved how much Gorgug tried to follow traffic laws. When he was Gorgug’s age he had already had his license suspended twice. He should probably get that reinstated at some point. But it’s not like Sklonda was going to arrest him now that she had quit the force. 

Gorgug half fell out of the van before grabbing his bag and going to open up the backdoor. Out popped most of Zelda’s best friends. Jawbone thought it was just great that those girls had been able to support each other after that whole crystal ordeal. He had seen a few of them in his office and tried to make sure they knew they could talk to him anytime. Penny had a weekly standing appointment for a few months before he discussed her finding a licensed therapist who had more training than him. 

“Good morning everyone! Better hurry before you’re late for homeroom! Glad you made it!” Jawbone rumbled, feeling more like a sheep dog than a werewolf as he herded everyone inside the school. Most of the Seven had gone right back to their conversation that had started in the van after shouting out a chorus of ‘Good Morning!’s at him. Ostentatia was loudly declaring something was ridiculous and Jawbone already felt too tired to keep up. 

Jawbone’s scarf tugged again and he saw another candy cane had been looped onto it and a blur as one of the track kids sped off. They were wearing a Santa Hat and he could hear that they had bedecked themselves in some sort of jingle bell contraption. Jawbone carefully untangled it from his scarf and adjusted his readers so that he could see the tag. This one just had a moon drawn on it and Tracker’s signature. 

“Jawbone, how do you already have three candy canes? They barely started handing them out?” Sam’s voice stood out from the conversation the rest of her team was having but as she spoke they all turned to look at him. Gorgug was still somehow tangled in his messenger bag strap.

“OH! Well I guess a lot of students wanted to send me a shout out. I know Riz was running around making deliveries and several dwarves on skateboards. Don’t worry though Sam I imagine plenty of your admirers will have sent candy canes for you. I bet by the end of the homeroom you’ll have way more than me.” Jawbone gave her a wink and took a bite off of the end of one of the candy canes, sticking the rest of it into his coffee. 

The bell started to ring and the group of girls scattered, giving him a wave before they had to run off. Jawbone helped Gorgug untangle himself before walking him to the Barbarian homeroom to make sure that he didn’t get a tardy slip. “Gorgug here was helping me with a task and that’s why he’s a few minutes late. Have a great day everyone!”

Finally he was able to make his way back to his office only to discover at least three more candy canes had been slid under the door. Stepping over them Jawbone walked to his desk. He was going to do his best to get some of this outstanding paperwork done before the pep rally and a sudden influx of candy canes was not going to help with that. Jawbone liked to leave all his loose ends tied up before holiday breaks otherwise he would worry about things when he was supposed to be enjoying himself. 

After finishing two reports, sending at least five emails, and helping one student circumnavigate an anxiety attack about finals Jawbone was ready for the day to be over. Or at least ready for another cup of coffee. He knew that only one of those things was likely to happen and took a detour through the staff lounge before heading on his way to the auditorium. He could already hear the raised voices of some of his favorite students. 

“No! Listen carefully! The garland has to be hung just right or my speech later in front of the entire school will be ruined!” Fabian was trying to direct several bloodrush team members as they set up the stage area for the pep rally. Fabian himself was standing in the middle and doing lots of pointing while Ragh was up at the top of the ladder. 

“Dude, don't worry! Everything is going to look so sick for your speech! Plus I brought some of those red flowers to put on the ends to kick it up a notch. Your speech is going to kill!” Ragh gestured wildly as he talked, nearly falling off the ladder as it tipped back. “We’ll get all that energy from the pep rally and win the playoff game next year for sure.”

Fabien’s energy only seemed to rise when reminded of the fact that they had not reached the championship league for bloodrush. He knew that even if they weren’t able to win a trophy that playing together was one of the more important things. “Yes! Exactly! They’re gonna love it” Fabien’s grand gesture knocked into the ladder but he caught it just before Ragh fell off. “Come now Ragh. No injuries today! Not on Pep rally day!”

Jawbone chuckled to himself as he walked through the auditorium, inspecting their work. Fabien had spoken to the teachers about choreographing a dance to one of the holiday songs before bringing him out. Most of the teachers had agreed reluctantly. Mostly because the alternative was Arthur Aquefort trying to plan something. After the disastrous pyramid of staff members last year that ended in two broken arms they were all willing to try something different. 

Jawbone paused his inspection as he heard Fabien calling out for him. “Sorry, what was that? Got lost in my own head for a moment!” Fabien took his arm and pulled him closer to the door and away from all the other bloodrush players who were there volunteering. 

“Jawbone I have something extremely important to talk to you about.” Fabien was trying to whisper to him, turning away from everyone else.

Jawbone put a reassuring hand on Fabien’s shoulder, giving him a solid pat. “Fabien, I think your speech is going to go great. You have nothing to worry about.” 

Fabien looked confused for a moment before continuing, “Of course my speech is going to go great. No this is about the candy canes. Jawbone something is wrong I haven’t gotten a single candy cane yet today. I have been on campus for hours and nothing. Everyone else on the team even got one delivered in front of me. What is going on???” He practically shouted the last statement, his fist clenched in front of him. 

Jawbone gave another soothing pat, finally understanding the real problem. “Oh Fabien I’m sure there’s just been a simple mix up. You just have to be patient. We’re only two hours into the day.” 

Fabian just made a frustrated noise and turned back towards the rest of the team to continue directing the decorating. Jawbone could understand his frustration to a certain degree but also he didn’t think Fabian was necessarily as loved by the student body like he thought he was. Most of the school just knew the Bad Kids by reputation since they had been in prison for so long and then had been gone for their Spring Break trip. 

Jawbone took a sip of his coffee and started humming to himself as he walked back towards his office. He went the long way around to avoid walking past Arthur Aquefort’s office. Jawbone found that he really only had the energy to deal with Arthur after lunch, And Gilear would always try to chat but usually had to run off and deal with some student emergency. 

Jawbone settled back into his office and checked his schedule. He had some meetings with some seniors regarding their career goals and if they needed help. Most of the meetings were about five minutes long. Ostentatia Wallace had just said something about it being in her god’s hands, which Jawbone had decided not to ask too many questions about. He had a paws off policy when it comes to deities.

Jawbone’s favorite time of day was the hour before lunch where he led a meditation hour to help with school stress. Usually there were only about one or two students who showed up. Often he was the only one there. Only a select few knew that he really just napped the entire time. Something about the meditation music had him falling asleep immediately. A few of the druids would float through every other week or so and just thank him for having a place they could just come chill out.

Lunch was a bit more rambunctious than usual. Jawbone walked a loop through the room to check in with a few of his favorite students. Fabian had his head down on the lunch table surrounded by the rest of the team, staring off to the side. Adaine, Fig, and Kristin were all sitting at the other end of a long table with a small buffer zone between them and the team. Gorgug was there next to Fabian trying to eat a sandwich and comfort his friend at the same time. 

Leaning down, Jawbone whispered to the group of girls, “Hey what’s up with our Team Captain? He’s looking like he lost all his school spirit.” Jawbone glanced at the lunch Fabian had in front of him and took a small sniff trying to figure out if there was a specific reason he wasn’t eating any of it. “It looks like Cathilda even packed his favorite sandwich? Did something happen?”

Adaine glanced over to look at Fabian before giving the rest of the team a look. “I think it’s because no one has delivered any you-know-what's to him today.” She gestured to a small stack of candy canes that were hidden off to the side away from where Fabian might be able to see them. “He’s not taking it well.” She added, sending Boggy over to comfort her friend. Boggy was more than happy to assist in helping Fabian feel better. He did a small hop and landed on top of Fabian’s head before letting out a soothing croak. 

Riz would occasionally pop over to eat a few bites of his lunch before going to deliver more pieces of candy out of the messenger bag the committee had given him. At some point during lunch he handed almost everyone at their table several candy canes. Every so often Riz would glance over at Fabian and grin. Almost gleeful at how Fabian was handling this. 

Jawbone clapped a paw down on Riz’s shoulder, holding on a bit to make sure he wouldn’t dart away, though it’s not like he could really stop him. “Hey there Riz, I have a quick question for you about the pep rally.” Jawbone said, gently steering the goblin boy in the direction of his office. “Now. My understanding is that you and Fabian are best friends. Is that a correct statement at this moment?” Jawbone didn’t think anything had changed but sometimes the social hierarchies of teens changed by the second and there was almost no way of keeping up with it unless you were in the middle. 

Riz’s eyebrows shot up and his hands started fidgeting with a pen that he must have been carrying in his pocket. “Yes, I would say that Fabian is one of my best friends. Am I in trouble?” Riz’s eyes were darting around the room and Jawbone knew that he was categorizing every exit and possible item that would help him in a grand escape. With Riz it sometimes felt like he was three chess moves ahead at all times. 

Jawbone waved a paw through the air to push that suggestion aside. “No, of course you’re not in trouble. I’m just wondering why exactly you seemed so excited to see Fabian miserable at lunch. It’s not really that funny that no one sent him candy canes. He does seem to be genuinely suffering. I think it’s an artist thing I don’t know,” he said thoughtfully before turning his attention back to Riz.

 Jawbone wasn’t sure if it was an artist thing or if it was because of Fabian’s family but he did seem very concerned with being well liked and respected. It wasn’t enough that his friends told him that they respected him. Sometimes he needed the physical manifestations of that as well. Jawbone was fairly certain Fabian was going to grow out of this but it was going to take more than just spending two years in an adventuring group. Jawbone wasn’t super concerned but he did do his best to give Fabian as much healthy support as he could in both his role as school guidance counselor and friend’s weird step dad. 

Riz did start to look a bit sheepish, the green of his cheeks growing darker for a moment. “It’s not that I enjoy seeing Fabian in pain. But hypothetically if someone were well placed in the candy cane delivery organization that hypothetical someone could prevent all the candy canes meant for a certain individual from being delivered,” Riz said hesitantly, trying not to get himself in actual trouble for a prank. “Until the right time of course!” He added.

This of course made more sense. Jawbone would bet an entire ice cream sundae that Riz was not the only mastermind behind this plan but he also knew there was no way Riz would fold under questioning. “Ok so here’s what is going to happen.” Jawbone started to say, maintaining eye contact, “before the end of the day you are going to put Fabian out of his misery by getting him the candy canes. You’re also going to be the one in charge of making sure that Fabian is able to deliver his speech at the pep rally. I think it will cheer him up. Go see if the promise of a grand entrance will get him back on his feet.”

Riz nodded once before he darted off, dodging around a group of freshmen before heading back towards the cafeteria. Jawbone checked his watch before pulling out his crystal. He had called in a favor to make sure that this pep rally was one of the most exciting in recent memory. Or at least that’s how Arthur had referred to it during one of the planning sessions. 

—-------------------------------------------

Jawbone stood with some of the other faculty members off to the side of the gym/auditorium, the roar of all the students in the bleachers chattering amongst themselves as they waited for the pep rally to begin. Slowly the lights dimmed and the sound of the students changed. They grew quieter but the sense of confusion grew. As the student body slowly grew almost silent as the lights fully went out a dull roar could be heard from the parking lot. 

One of the double doors that lead to the outside of the building was thrown open and the light in the frame was so bright it was nearly impossible to actually see out. The roar grew louder just as a wild guitar riff burst out of the speakers. To many surprised cheers from the students, a group of motorcycles streamed into the gym driving around in circles as heavy rock music filled the space. 

The motorcycles circled the space for a few laps before they lined up, the passengers all slowly climbing off of the bikes. With Fig somewhere off to the side playing ‘Bad to the Bone’ the group of teachers marched into the beat, spreading out in lines. Jawbone loved any excuse to wear his leathers, though he was fairly certain no one in the school had actually seen him in any of his biker gear. Mostly because he technically wasn’t supposed to be driving a motorcycle with his lack of official drivers license. 

Gorgug started a heavy drum solo as the teachers began a very simple line dance that Jawbone would deny was based off of the macarena. Jawbone tried not to wince as he saw Sam and Ostentatia in the front row with their crystals out. From the way that they both were screaming Jawbone had a feeling they were being live streamed. 

Jawbone completed the final spin, the teachers more or less in sync as they struck a pose as the music faded. Another rumbling started in the parking lot, this time just from one bike though it managed to almost sound more sinister. Arthur Aquefort stepped to the front of the gym as the backdrop was pulled about by some of the theater bards. A small hint of magic appeared as his voice was magnified through the speakers, “And now we have our first speaker this evening! Here to regale us with his tales of courage, our very own captain of the Bloodrush team, Fabian Seacaster!”

As his name boomed through the speakers Fabian screeched into the gym on his own motorcycle, the glowing eyes of the skull on the front almost pulsed with the beat of the music. Driving around the gym as well, his fist raised to the sky, Fabian gave one of his bright smiles as the crowd cheered for his arrival. The bike passengers in the back who had continued to wear their helmets suddenly stepped forward, shedding their gear to reveal members of the bloodrush team in their jerseys. 

Fabian gave several highfives as he greeted the rest of his team before he walked up and stood at the podium they had constructed earlier. He waited for the cheers to die down, giving his trademark grin until finally it was quiet enough for him to speak. “Hello fellow students of Aquefort! Adventuring! Academy!” he shouted, pausing again for the students to cheer. 

Most of the students were still confused but excited enough to follow his lead and give a large round of cheering. “I appreciate each and every one of you for being here today to support the team. Now I know that we we’re not in the running for the championship trophy this year…but we have something even more important than a giant trophy. We! Have! That! Spark!” and here Fabian raised his hands in emphasis and cued some pyrotechnics. Jawbone thought it really emphasized his point though the sparks were slightly in danger of setting his platform on fire. 

The students settled down once more as they saw Fabian’s smile slowly disappear. “Now I do have one more thing I need to address. We didn’t have the opportunity to go to the championships because half of the starting line got sent on some quests at the worst possible time.’ Fabian shot a glare over at the principal, who as the only one able to send students on quests had known he was decimating the team with those assignments. 

“We have a great team. But I have noticed sometimes the student section of the stands feels a little bare. If you want your team to carry you to victory I’m gonna need more of you to show up to games. For instance everyone look at Ragh here!” The other boy looked a bit surprised to be called out in the middle of the speech. Jawbone had a feeling they had deviated fairly dramatically from the intended message. “Ragh carried this team and did the most rushing of the entire division.” Fabian started to point at a few of the players, calling out specific plays or stats that were exemplary this season. 

“That’s what we can do with the energy you’ve given us so far. But from what I’m feeling today I know that we can DOUBLE that for our first game!” Fabian had started shouting again, pacing a bit up and down the line. “And there’s one more thing I feel I need to address!” Fabian said somberly, his eyes moving across the room and making eye contact with random individuals. 

“I didn’t get ANY candy canes! What is wrong with this day when a humble blood rush team captain and best dancer on the field can’t even get a candy cane delivered to him on the last day before winter break! What is up with that?” He asked, his voice sounding incredulous as he seemingly confronted the entire school. 

Jawbone moves forward to take the mic and have Fabian walk it off when a cluster of some of the Bad Kids stepped out from where they were hiding. Fig and Gorgus were holding a cooler between them as Adaine, Kristin, and Riz followed up behind them. Gorgug looked extremely worried that he was going to drop the cooler even though it didn’t look like it was filled with a liquid. Jawbone narrowed his eyes to try to get a better look and he grinned when he realized what was happening. 

Fabian was cut off mid rant by a cascade of Candy Canes crashing down on his head as Gorgug tipped the cooler over him. Fabian managed to slip and fall as over a hundred of the pieces of candy fell on him, leaving him half buried. The crowd of students felt frozen as they watched Fabian process what was happening in real time. 

Just as Jawbone was starting to get worried again Fabian let out a “Ha HAH. Now this is what I am talking about! This is support!!” Fabian grabbed a handful of the candy canes and tossed them up in the air to fall back down on him. At one point Jawbone saw him start to do a Candy Angel. 

“Alright. I want to give a shout out to everyone who was there for us on DAY ONE!” Fabian started to say before being hauled off of the ground by his fellow Owlbears. “Day one of next season is two months from when we come back from Winter Break! Be there!” 

The students gave them a cheer one more time before the rest of the rally was taken up by faculty announcements and Arthur saying something about ‘being the best you can be in the TIME allotted to you. Unless of course you’re using Chronomancy!” 

Jawbone had been blocking out most of the staff meetings where Arthur tried to convince everyone that Chronomancy was the future of magic and ignoring his story was one of the quickest ways to get him to slow down when he was talking. Most of the students checked out as well since he refused to teach Chronomancy at a High School level and he was incredibly hard to find once someone met his strange qualifications. A few years ago someone tried to kidnap him and he just said they knew everything they needed to know.

The music started again as the teachers marched out of the gym and the bikers all started their engines again. After some excessive engine revving, especially from the Hangman, the group all did another lap of the gym before carefully leaving through the double doors. The student body were almost yelling to each other about what they had just witnessed, incredulous that they had seen motorcycles in the gym and teachers in all leather. 

Jawbone walked back out to make sure that everyone was getting down off the bleachers ok. There was still a pile of Fabian’s candy canes on the group although Kristin was standing there to make sure no one stole any on their way out. “Hey Kristin! Did Fabian ask you to watch his stash? I’m surprised he was able to let them out of his sight after missing them all day!” He gave a hoarse laugh. 

Kristin laughed with him and pointed at his jacket. “Yours has so many more patches than all the other teachers. I forget sometimes that we met you for the first time at a Biker bar where we had to like fight a bunch of people. It’s so weird that one day you can be having a cool conversation with some guy and then like a year later he’s your dad.” Kristin said this all with a grin, using her staff to push all the candy canes into a pile so she could scoop them all into a bag. 

Jawbone felt himself give a huge laugh, feeling that warm tingly feeling in his chest whenever one of the kids called him Dad or said they loved him. “Kiddo even though I almost died I definitely think that was one of the best days of my life. Thanks for being so cool about taking a chance on the unknown.” He said, gesturing a bit to her staff. 

He gave Kristen a quick hug because he couldn’t resist giving them some love when they said how cool he was. “Do you want me to grab these? I know your next class is starting soon.” He said, pulling up the sleeve on his leather jacket to check his wrist watch. “Last couple classes of the semester and then Winter Break can finally begin!”

Kristen hugged him back, laughing a bit as she said “Oh no we were thinking of skipping our afternoon classes and getting Basrar’s before heading home. I’m supposed to go meet everyone in the parking lot after this actually.” 

“Kristen. Kiddo. Next time you gotta actually have an alibi so I have plausible deniability. You can’t tell the guidance counselor that you’re skipping class even if he is your Dad and heard the entire plan on the car ride to school. Now I’ll grab these and you run off to class, right?” he said, winking at her. 

It’s not that Jawbone endorsed skipping classes and cutting school. It’s just that he knew the last few hours before break were probably going to be movies anyway. Plus Kristen and the rest of the kids needed to get better at actually breaking some of the rules without immediately admitting to what they had done. “I’ll see you at home after I’m done at work. If you still need a ride just shoot me a text and I can come pick everyone up!”

“Riiiight. I mean yeah I’ll definitely be going to class. Thanks for the Guidance Jawbone” She said, grinning at him as she walked backwards towards the door to the parking lot. 

Jawbone gave her a small wave and crouched down to put all the candy canes back into the cooler that had been abandoned nearby. Even though they were exhausting, Jawbone loved pep rally days the most.

[jq37]

Ok for that Adaine/Gorgug office thread what about Adaine giving a presentation or something and the stage is attacked and Adine and Gorgug go full Bad Kids on a room full of suits a la Hudol nerds

Adaine will readily admit that she enjoys all the little perks that come along with being the elven oracle, but the job itself can be annoying sometimes. I mean, every few weeks, without warning, she dips into a trance and starts spouting out important gibberish that has nothing to do with her.

“Hey Adaine, do you wanna see a movie this weekend?”

“Sure. But if this project runs late fire and brimstone will rain in Solace.”

“Remind me to never get put on a project with you.”

(Also, as she finds out much later, it’s actually “fire and brimstone will reign in Solace.” Very strange election cycle.)

Anyway, she’s brushing her teeth one night and she feels the whole oracle thing turning on. Usually she doesn’t get to look at herself when it’s happening but, with the mirror, she can see her eyes glow blue and her hair go all halo-y. It’s an impressive effect but she just wants to brush her teeth and go to bed.

Usually she just writes the prophecy down and emails it to whoever is in charge to keeping this stuff straight so she can get on with her life but, as the words are spilling out of her mouth, she realizes this isn’t a, “Someone else’s problem,” kind of thing:

When the Oracle’s reached new heights

And her companion’s fired

The stage will be set

And time will be short

And, of course, what she gets from that is, “Is Gorgug getting fired?”

Not on her watch. She busts into her boss’s office the next day.

“You’re not firing Gorgug.”

This completely baffled middle manager whose mouth of full of more bagel and cream cheese than it can comfortably hold is like, “Mhm?” He swallows, with difficulty. “Of course I’m not firing Gorgug. He’s one of the best accountants we have. And that gnomic work ethic.”

She narrows her eyes at him. At this point, her trust in authority figures is like a total toss up. “You better not. Or something bad is gonna happen.”

“Is that a threat or a prophecy?” 

She is about to explain it but says instead, “Interpret it in whichever way is more intimidating.”

She doesn’t tell Gorgug because she doesn’t want to stress him out (Gorgug really likes his job. He went to adventuring school and all but he likes having a 9-5 and work friends and someone to go home to. That’s The Dream for him). So, instead, she calls Kristen and is all, “I don’t know what to do about this.”

Kristen looks over the prophecy and see it mentions time. She lets Adaine borrow the stopwatch Aguefort let her keep. If time is short, then a time stopping watch might be handy, right?

This bothers Adaine for a solid two weeks and it’s really bad timing because she needs to give a big presentation soon and she can’t fully concentrate. Gorgug is super sweet about it and hangs out when she has late nights and tells her she’s gonna do great but it’s just making her more stressed out. 

Gorgug comes with her to the business meeting as always. They have to take a plane (or whatever the FH equivalent is). It’s actually Adaine’s first time flying for work since all of her work trips so far have been driving or train distance. This is a really major trip and she’s sure she’s gonna screw it up and Gorgug is getting fired oh my God that guy was lying to her, he’s gonna fire him and he’s going to have to tell his parents and Zelda and–

Gorgug snaps her out of it and is like, “You packed your Xanax, right?”

She did.

Anyway, they get to the conference center and it’s a full house of major nerds, ready to hear her talk about, idk bro, crystal coin futures and their sustainability in the global market. She gets on stage to set up her notes and adjust the mic stand and all that stuff and as she gets everything right as she wants it she hears Gorgug yell, “Adaine, duck!”

She drops without thinking. Pure Aguefort forged instinct.

Blam. Gorgug fires off a shot from the arcubus he pulled from his inside jacket pocket (a present from Riz when he found out about Gorgug’s bodyguard duty). The shot sails over Adaine’s head and hits the assailant behind her who was invisible until half a second before. 

Everything clicks in her head. 

When the Oracle’s reached new heights

And her companion’s fired

Not, “When her companion has been fired.” 

“When her companion has fired his gun.”

Which means time is short. She grabs the time stop watch from her pocket and clicks the button, meaning to get her and Gorgug some time to figure out what’s happening but it’s not run of the mill thugs who have crashed the meeting. These are magic powered terrorists who came for her specifically. They came prepared and they’re totally able to join them in the time stop.

But they completely underestimated how much she learned at school and also how many weapons Gorgug keeps on his person at all times (hammer space business suit w/ love from his parents). They make total mincemeat of the terrorists and once it’s done Adaine is like, “You’re not getting fired!”

“Great! Wait, was I getting fired?”

“Long story. I’ll tell you later. I think I can do this presentation now.”

“Cool. You’re gonna do awesome.”

Click. Time restarts. Everyone at the conference sees the entire fight compressed into a couple of seconds: Gorgug braining some dude with a briefcase, Adaine ray of frosting two dudes’ shoes to the floor and then chain lightning through both of them, both of them watching each others’ backs and intercepting attacks meant for the other.

And then Gorgug just goes back to his seat and Adaine goes back on stage and restarts time and starts giving her speech like nothing happened. 

Which is a lot to process for all the business nerds in the audience. She’s able to get through the whole presentation without anyone saying anything because they’re just so shocked (“Did they just kill several people?”) and, when she’s done, everyone bursts into applause. Like, 70% because of the killing people but it was also a pretty good speech. 

After that, whenever Adaine has to give a speech or a presentation, the place is absolutely packed on the off chance something that dope happens again. Like, it probably won’t but could you forgive yourself if you missed that?