#if ur also trans i do not blame u for not paying attention to the news

[mueritos]

need to get off twitter because all of the “transmascs dont experience violence and oppression” discourse is rotting my brain....

[rawrmeansilyindinosawr]

Pooperz

every song i listen 2 from now ONN / mo0bin forwarDDt HAZ to hav the redbone tune underneath it (song can b layered a bunch) n Thtz w NO eggceptions n settling . :-] N if u fuk me thru a soundcloud ad Thts how I kno u love me <3 .!!! i wrote a lil poetry zine on “on loving a trans boy” Cuz. like. idk. Not 2 get 222 personal but (Also if 222 is ur angel number i HATE U AND fuck U!!!!) it diff to experience as a queer person whut it lik to giv someone they T shot n lik actually see them grow n change thru it .!

Part of the poem i wrote (it on my poetry Ig account and tumblR) :

“the first time u intertwine ur body with him u will feel the pain it took for him to get here. yet all the strength. the battle the bruises the scars. u change ur semantics. and pay attention to his movements. resonate with the feeling of familiarity in a body torn open but completely soft. and the clothes are off. and we are both nude. but the vagina still remains an open wound. something u can not bandage. only describe as something reclaimed.”

Deezz NUTZ jk i mean Dis Week ish has been sad n i hav been doin 2 much blow n spiraling upwards Alwayzz n finding out u kan txt tha Suicide hotline now instead of Kall <3 *_* :-D !!!!! Also b4 they connect u with somEoNe they Ask if Ur Gay lmao cuz there a specialist Gay Person who knowz how to talk to u in a better way.?! i Tink watching Ded Poet Society triggered meH LOl. wellbutt anywayZzz.!!!! Nyfw w is overrrrr n I had nothing 2 do wiff it :/] but moi bestie dante Had a styling gig n wuz AMWZINGGGGGG.!!! :3 we went to a fashion show n Skipt line while he farted rly loud < im sry im puttin u on blast rn Babezz. > then blamed iT on Meh which bc of swiss army man A24 movie i WilL take tha blame cuz intimacy exists rly in Flatchulance n also sharing toilet 2gether in the backstage models bathroom of tha Fashion show resNorting old K we find our nostrils then Mixing rando drinkz we find on the makeup tablezz n bein surprised Dere r keBoobZ there n Pb n J sammyz. liK oK go OFF n actually b a professhh Fashion Show…!!!! den we fake watched tha superbowl at Hush in midtown N almost lost Praying”Gods FavZ” purse n i was caught littering my almond chocolate soy Milk on a stripper stage . Run!!!!! also dat E pill wuz rly cute it wuz pink n crown shaped but Wuz everything kinda not as happy and super blurry..!!! ?

Dissh week i also Swuirted to clairo nitecore edition :-]] n h8 havin adhd but at least im kNo how 2 eat salami by the Chub. (thts whut google calls it.) Hehehhehehehehe. gettin moi diagnosis finalized Tmrw hopefully n Gettin on Summ medicinez. im v adhd hyper fixated Rn on ice spice who Wuz also suppoSt 2 pull up 2 dat fashion show we were at butt didn’t. 4 now , everything Reminds meh of her</3 ….. Orange cones on tha st , pepper grinderzz/ shakers (spice) , 5 chinese spice , my friends dog “lunch” boXxx cuz his name rhymes w munch n n n n n Yah lik honestly Everything . ?!.?!

WakiNg Up w Negativez in my account cuz my Boss not bossa Nova forgot 2 paY meH ovEr thA course of Tha Last month N i didn’t even kno til i wuz in my Sexy crushes bed listening 2 Imogen heAp N In Tha Clurbb mixx by Sandalz n they wrote poetry 4 ffivee hours straight n My tummy hurteD fuz i was drinkin truffle SoY saUce from the bottle and i wuz manically checking my Bank statements 2 submit to Snapp HRA crackle Pop Rice Krispieeezzz. Also all of dis happened w a singulaR Vegan Taiwanese green onion pAnc@Ke on the floor on a chacoochie board with bulgolgi and kimchi n more truffle soy sauce . Untouched .

alSo found Untouched by the Veronicas on soundcloud but lik sped up n Holy shit i hav loved this song forever but literally lik YO diss is my heart..?!!!!!! “And I don't give a damn what they say, or what they think, think

'Cause you're the only one who's on my mind

I'll never, ever let you leave me

I'll try to stop time forever

Never wanna hear you say goodbye

I feel so untouched and I want you so much

That I just can't resist you

It's not enough to say that I miss you

And I need you so much

See you, breathe you

I want to be you

You can take, take, t-take, take, time, time

To live, live the way you gotta, gotta live your life

Give me, give me, give me all of you, you

Don't be scared, of seeing through the loneliness

I want it more, more, more

Don't even think about what's right or wrong, or wrong or right

'Cause in the end it's only you and me

And no one else is going to be around

To answer all the questions left behind

And you and I are meant to be

So even if the world falls down today

You've still got me to hold you up, up

And I will never let you down, down”

<33333

Y does it feel like moi crush doesnT like me rn. :-[ N Y do lesbians Always hav the MOST unstable Housing situationZ??? then either wanna UHaul with U or move to ASTORIA .?!? Also i hope all of u make assumptions about my sexuality bcuz i Rly rly rly like whipt cream from the Can , and raw . Emphasis on whiPped. n Cream. n RAWr xD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MEOW MEOW RAWR RAWR GRERRR!!!!!!!!!!!!1 i kant keep rereading the msg i didn’t Send i ended up calling n yelling n Thts whut got meh bLocked. :-[[ Rugratzs .!!! i luv staying up watching movies w my friends ex’s Im tryna get wiff and Accidwntally thinking K is coke and feeling lik SHIT butt watchin every1 giv intense eye contact n cleanin da house n then losing tha dog Lik WHTFFF.?! Then All of a sudden that plug pulls up N everyone is confused N also randomly the guy living upstairs has my iPhone location N pulls downstairs 2 hangs:-]]] i always wonder if I’m popular but in reality i am just breaking oUt on my ForeheAd cuz all i eat is fried Chiggen N moi green haired browneyedd luver looks like invader zimm sometimezz alotta Da time n i think they r SKUTE.!! n i lik their lisp! im SAD sad my 2/2 cis male friend is gOnna print out a sign on his door Dat Says “blood OathinG” with a Red Circle around it n a Line around it basically sayin NOOOOOoooOoOoOoT allowed.!! butt ima blood oath wiffhh invader Jim dish nxt week n it is a PLANZZ.!!

i wrote a poem ab our phone Kall tht has impacted meh m my heart n also this is a snippet of 1 of my poems in my new book i still writing Kalled STRAWBERRY DELIRIUM :-}}”my friends don’t wanna die anymore they wanna live . they don’t wanna slip away to shreds with fentanyl test strips. they still wanna snort k n apologize for being gay but we all r human longing for all of this…” N another poem tht explainzz this blog title. Cuz i luv my fwendz n shared a moment in which we found popperz.

“Felt that rush on my head

as i laid in ur bed

and found a vile hidden

under ur pillow

u laugh and i manically panic

turning bright lite crimson red

And when it spills all over ur arms

drip dropping like tap water

i snort it all off ur arms

and i h a t e the way it makes me feel

similar to the feeling like ill fall

when im in my platform shoes

going up n down ur spiral stair case that looks like slices of cheesecakes

and u sigh scream cuz u never liked them at all

and hate is a strong word but so is love

And i hate the way the poppers make me feel

but i do love you “

okIkkkKkkkKkk i kinda hate that poem but whatever. sooo Vday wuz cute it is n0T only single awareness day but reflecting on ur situationsjips day n feeling sad ab it day but whatev. NormalZe watching cHaterbAte on the subWay n mindIng ur FooOoking Business?..!! my Friends say if i were a sammicH i wuld b a caprese. butt i feel like a ruben. #misunderstood <\3 i hav been watching SM hellokitty n Fwendzz n realized am kuromi and hello kitty is my friend .!!! N i listen to metal N rock w my headphonezz Real Hi n Loud n mak moi own clothes .! N i hav a crush on badtzmaru cuz they look like a penguin dyke n their gender is X.!! <3 <3 🐧 🫶🏻👩🏻‍❤️‍👩🏻 they r epitome of sapphic Desirezz n untoxic uhaul luv<3 :-]

tIL nxt week.?? Carl wheezer luver n Cali King bed listener on Max volume on subway N my big three is adderal sun , ketamine moon , cocaine rising <3 Also no i did NOT clog tha toilet at a house party after party this week N no i did not need help unclogging it N no i don’t even poop or do popperz cuz i’m PERFECT…!!!!!!!<333

Xoxo,

Rennybabycutebabyangel plz buy my clothes n ask ab my story sale / failed depop. :-]

[normal-thoughts-official]

Omg I remembered being upset about Lucas story but I was also not paying that much attention because he (accidentally) misgenders Andy at the beginning and I was just like 🔪🔪🔪🔪 catch this hands, for a few chapters (which looking back maybe maybe I took it too personal because a few months later I had a gender crisis hahahshs gender is hard) , also I was romancing Andy, Ava and Stacy <3

oh ur valid. honestly i always forget that part happens because it was so?????? choices blease u dont have to introduce a character being trans by having a random accidental misgendering (that doesnt even make much sense cuz andy's been out for a long time, like, cmon). i dont hold it against lucas because i think he handled it well - he apologized and didnt do it again and didnt try to make excuses and he seemed genuinely sorry so its not like he was Evil, but also like ur valid fjdndidnd especially if it was sensitive for u at the time, u know? and i would have definitely understood if andy had been more upset at him, too

but it was hard to me not to relate to lucas as well because his plotline hits sooo hard to me. my parents arent crazy like his but i always felt the pressure to do everything and be Perfect and thats how i burnt out at 18 and got into a huge depression slump for a year lmao. plus hes latino so theres that. and hes just... such a cute and fun dork. also canonically bi! thats hard to come by, esp in choices where they seem to think having ur LI even look at someone not ur MC's gender is a crime or some shit. anne ways

but even if i didnt like lucas i just cant let that plotline go, as an educator. like holy shit, what happened to him was awful and it was the school's (and his family's) fault, not his. the whole book treats it like lucas has done some terrible immoral thing but what he was doing is no different from self harm. it was making him anxious, affecting his health, his sleep, his wellbeing, and he was doing it because the circumstances made him feel like he had to to be able to perform. and somehow hes the bad guy who needs to Repent for this awful mistake?????

like this is such an awful victim blaming plotline and its such bullshit and its all so no one will question such an awful school system that literally pushes children beyond their limit until they break and puts academic performance and competition above all else. like as a teacher if i found out a single one of my students was taking focus pills to keep up with the pressure i would cry my eyes out, then fucking raise hell with administration until we got them the support they needed AND rethought the curriculum organization so the pressure would be lower and it didnt happen again. one student sacrificing their health for school is one too many

like when i got to that part i just started crying immediately because GOD id fucking kms if i found out i or the organization i work for was doing this to our students. and i fully expected mr cooper to get him help?????? like especially with his whole speech about the shaky hands and trouble sleeping, i was like Obviously this kid is a victim of the meat grinding capitalist school system and as an educator mr cooper will want to get him psychological help. INSTEAD he was like lucas I will get you expelled and call tje lolcueBDHDBDUDBD CALLING THE POLICE ON A BROWN STUDENT BECAUSE HE WAS SELF MEDICATING ARE YOU KIDDING ME. and then i expected choices to have us be like "lucas im so sorry this happened to you" but instead all the options were super judgy and clearly taking "lucas is in the wrong" as the premise of it all I WANTED TO DIE

and its suuch a dangerous message to send ppl like u r literally naturalizing victim blaming with that shit and it's all so no one questions why the school system is making literal KIDS burn out in high school anyway. and we could have had such an amazing plotline discussing how this is a systemic issue in a society that puts ppl at constant competition with each other and is demanding more and more productivity until everyone's mental health breaks. and we could even have a discussion about how racism plays into this and how as a brown student lucas knew he had to be perfect and have a spotless record and be the best out of everyone to get a shot at an academic life and couldn't afford to have a single spot in his record (much less a drug-related one as a latino) because he knew thatd be the end for him. instead we got............... victim blaming. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Im okay. im okay. im fine. i am FINE

anyway

but also ur valid <3 i like stacy but i was never interested in her as a LI, like her interactions with MC felt kinda bland to me? like not romantically appealing, idk. i think at least part of that is because i played with a male MC so his interactions with stacy just felt like.... idk bland heterosexuality? i definitely cared for her and wanted to help her but i couldnt ship her with MC, so yeah, it was andy ava and lucas for me didnfif