#because i am not allowing myself to take in the news outside of smaller creators

[mueritos]

need to get off twitter because all of the “transmascs dont experience violence and oppression” discourse is rotting my brain....

[fitzs-trained-monkey]

Chapter Thirty-Six: How I Did It - By Jack The Ripper

Rated PG-13: For dark themes and language

Masterlist

~We'll never get free Lamb to the slaughter What you gon' do When there's blood in the water? The price of your greed Is your son and your daughter What you gon' do When there's blood in the water?

Beg me for mercy Admit you were toxic You poisoned me just for Another dollar in your pocket Now I am the violence I am the sickness Won't accept your silence Beg me for forgiveness~

"He's here."

Crossing the Event-Horizon

That's what that's called. I've always thought that's the most beautiful way of putting it. The words have a certain ring to them.

Crossing the Event-Horizon

It means crossing the point of no return. That itself - the point of no return - could mean a lot of things. It could mean the beginning. It could mean the end. It could mean the infinite. It could mean life. It could mean death. It could mean war, peace, happiness, sadness, or anything in between.

But it means one thing for sure.

Crossing the Event-Horizon means there's no going back.

If I had to identify a beginning to the end of my story, then I think that little red dot on the map of time is where I'd stick my proverbial pin. That one little sentence, those two little words.

Yes, it was that moment, I think.

That was when it all started to go wrong.

"Felix is here," I said quietly, "He's outside."

I didn't know what I was going to do to get my revenge from that point. All I knew was, in order to kill Felix, I would need to get to him. And that meant getting away from Jack. Getting away from the son of the devil is something certainly easier said than done.

I would have to do it in a manner which would compel him and the Winchesters to come 'save me'. Of course, I could just knock Jack out and ditch him, but then I would have no back-up if things with Felix went sour. Now, if there was one thing I had learned in the five years leading up to my presence in that lighthouse, it was redundancy. It never hurts to have a safety net. Mine just happened to be a Nephilim.

"You remembered to lock the door, right?" Jack joked. I huffed a laugh. "We're safe in here. Don't worry, Marty. I'll protect you."

Isaac shook his head. "Felix has hostages. Two of 'em." He informed me.

"It's not me I'm worried about," I said to Jack, "This is a hostage situation."

The Nephilim's expression darkened and Isaac rolled his eyes.

"Personally, I say we go on the offensive. I mean, ya boyfriend here has more than enough juice to disintegrate seven dudes, right? Just waltz out there like we own the place, boom, clap, poof, TA-DA!"

"Ya know, that's actually not that bad of a plan," I said, nodding. I relayed the message to Jack who nodded.

"I could do it." He seemed confident.

"Felix brought six helpers. Have you ever dusted that many guys before?" I asked.

"I have, yes. Many more, in fact."

Well, that was... thoroughly disturbing. He seemed so calm about it. As if anyone who stood against him was nothing more than an obstacle. That could be me one day. That could be me tomorrow.

"Alright then, lead the way," I said, smirking.

Is it bad that I hoped something would happen to Jack? Nothing deadly, of course. Just something that would stop him from using his powers to take my revenge for me. Felix was mine. I needed to be the one to kill him. If Jack did it then what had been the point of it all? So, was it bad of me to hope that the quickest, cleanest solution wouldn't be the one that played out?

Was that wrong?

Did that make me evil?

Did I care if it did?

"Everything's going to be fine, Marty. You'll see." And Jack smiled at me softly and I wondered how long that would last.

I found myself standing beside him at the door to the lighthouse. My blood was boiling for a fight because this was it. Felix was on the other side of that door and in a few hours, I would be free, one way or another. Jack turned the handle.

Across the Event-Horizon.

A vampire, a ghost, and a Nephilim stepped out into the muggy night air. It sounds like the beginning of a bad joke, but it was more the beginning of a new era, at least for me. I stayed mostly hidden beside Jack, maintaining my air of powerlessness. Isaac stepped into place at the Nephilim's other side to match. I could feel the heat of Felix's presence bleeding through the space between us. He carried with him the foul stench of burning tar and just his scent made me want to wrinkle my nose.

He stood about ten feet away from Isaac, Jack, and me, flanked by six other vampires. There was no army, not that I had expected there to be - that wasn't how Felix worked. He didn't need an army, he'd brought two hostages. Two humans knelt on the ground in front of each of Felix's lackeys, poised to die.

Felix's lips stretched into something that approximated a smile but his little ruse was transparent. I could see the hate simmering in his eyes.

"This little game of ours has been fun but a score still stands to be settled and its resolution, I do believe, is long overdue. There is no place left for you to run, child. Are you finally ready to face judgment for your crimes, Martina?" He said. A smile spread across my face to match his.

"Are you?" I challenged, leaving all human emotion out of my voice. I had been so afraid of him before, but that fear was in the past. I had come to witness true power, I had seen it up close and Felix Ashton Monroe was nothing in comparison. I wasn't afraid of him anymore.

"I suppose you'll just have to find that out," He said. "Now, I've just had a rather unsavory chat with one Samuel Winchester. Barbarians those boys are - him and his brother. I do so hope you'll remember the manners I taught you and come along like a civilized being."

"Ready when you are," Isaac reported. His Darth Vader figure was tucked safely in my boot and I counted the fact that Felix didn't know about him as one of the few advantages I had. Both Isaac and I knew that in order to keep that advantage my brother would have to suffer through being dragged behind a car via his attachment to the figure to prevent Felix from noticing his presence. We had decided a long time ago that I wouldn't face Felix alone. Isaac had protested against us facing him at all.

It was ironic, really. He was the ghost, yet out of the two of us, I was the vengeful one. See, Isaac had never sought revenge against Felix. The only person Isaac wanted vengeance against was himself. He sought punishment for his failure to keep me safe, to keep any of us safe. I suppose he got his wish. Ever since that night, Isaac remained trapped on earth with what was less of a mission and more of a duty. To keep me alive. If one looked at it properly, that was another advantage. Isaac had been formidable when he was alive, but as a vengeful spirit and with a threat on my life to power him up, Isaac was alarmingly deadly.

I didn't need to send him a discreet nod to acknowledge his words. The two of us had been preparing for this moment for five years. We knew our roles. We knew what we had to do.

"Marty isn't going anywhere with you," Jack cut in, his voice firm.

"You're Jack Kline I presume," Felix said in his usual drawling tone. His voice too reminded me of tar with the way it oozed lazily around his words. Everything about him was so clean and sharp yet somehow it was all horrifically revolting.

"I am, yes." Jack nodded. He was trying to sound confident and authoritative, mimicking Sam or Dean or Castiel. But he wasn't like them, it wasn't in his nature. Jack was too soft. Felix regarded him with a smirk, studying the boy in a calculating manner as if Jack were merely a rare antiquity he was appraising in an effort to determine its value.

"The boy born to rule..." He hummed, drawing out the words almost reverently. "Yer smaller than the rumors describe ye to be."

"So are you," Jack replied, standing up straighter and lifting his chin confidently.

"Oh, I'm afraid not." That slime ball cracked a smile. "I'm much too careful to allow for rumors of my physical appearance to drift beyond my reach."

"Really?" Jack challenged. "Because it seems like Martina found us. She told us everything about you."

Felix just laughed like he was talking to something as insignificant as a flea.

"Do ye never listen, young one? I said I don't allow rumors to drift beyond my reach. Seeing as Martina is standing directly ahead of me, I'd say she is well within my grasp. That which is mine does not escape me, laddie. She knows that better than anyone," Felix said.

"If you're so careful, then why come here yourself?" Jack asked, struggling to remain impassive. He didn't really have a poker face.

"Why, because unlike an amateur I actually quite enjoy getting my hands dirty every now and again. Especially with a vendetta this personal. Isn't that right, Martina?" Felix taunted. "Will you be coming willingly or not?"

"I said you can't have her," The half-angel forcefully growled. Jack pushed me behind him, shielding me from my creator's gaze.

"Is that so? I was unaware you had a choice in the matter," Felix accosted, seemingly amused. "Were your circumstances not clearly implicit in the situation? No? Very well! If you insist against using so much as a modicum of intelligence, I suppose I'll have to explain this situation to you. See, these dirty, pathetic excuses for intelligent life forms you see trembling before you are called humans, dear boy. I hear you're quite fond of them, and today they are playing the role which we in the criminal world usually refer to as the hostage. Now, their miserable little lives are in your hands, Jack. I am a man of my word thus I will gladly release them, alive and well, upon the prompt return of my property. However, I will not hesitate to rip them both to shreds right in front of you if I don't get my way. Do you understand that , boy?"

Jack didn't respond. He appeared torn between protecting me and saving the lives of the hostages.

"Good," Felix droned, "Now, are you ready to leave, Martina dear?"

" You don't get to speak to her ," Jack snarled. His teeth snapped together with an audible click as he threw his arm out in front of me, not quite ready to give up. Felix rolled his eyes.

"Must we really do this the hard way?" He asked, boredom evident in his tone.

"Yes."

Felix tilted his head and his gaze flicked to me. I could see a hint of amusement in his expression.

"Tell me, lassie. Have you kissed him yet?" He chuckled. Then, abruptly, his expression darkened. "Or is he just that stupid? "

"Who says I did anything?" I replied evenly. Felix huffed, rolling his eyes.

"So you have?" He turned his attention to Jack who just seemed confused. "Did you enjoy it, me boy? If you'll recall, I did wish you a very exciting first, did I not?"

"Marty, what's he talking about?" Jack asked, doubt wavering in his voice. I didn't answer him. Felix was taking a chisel to the wall I'd built in that boy's head. Not causing enough damage to send it crumbling, but planting enough doubt for it to hurt even worse when it did.

"Ah, my devious little Martina," Felix sighed, shaking his head dramatically. "You're as predictable as you are appallingly cruel."

"Guess I learned from the best," I hissed, glaring at him.

"Does that mean you'll be sensible?" He asked, raising a brow.

"You're not taking her!" My angel boy yelled. "She's mine. " A shock ran through my bones as Jack's powers ignited and his metaphysical wings spread out in front of me in a terrifying reminder of what he truly was.

Felix didn't flinch. Instead, he chuckled.

"That's cute," He said, gesturing to Jack's massive wings. Then, he straightened the cuffs of his suit and sighed. From out of his pocket he retrieved a box of matches, pulling one out and striking it. He tossed the match lazily in front of him, the reflection of its tiny flame dancing in his eyes.

The match hit the sand and flickering orange flames erupted from where it landed. The fire spread outward in a ring that encompassed the entire lighthouse, trapping me, Jack, and Isaac inside.

Jack hissed through his teeth as he watched the flames die down. They were low enough to pass easily through, so how were they supposed to contain us?

"In case ye can't tell, that there is holy fire," Felix informed, tucking the matches back in his pocket. "Any angel who finds themselves encircled by holy fire is rendered powerless, and if one tries to step through those flames, one will be instantly vaporized." He looked up again, unimpressed. "Don't get smart with me, boy . I am thousands of years your senior. I'll do with that disgusting whore whatever I damn please."

"No, you won't !"Jack yelled. His wings flared out and a blazing golden light poured from him like molten metal. The air buzzed with a divine power that burned my skin from standing so close. He was like sunlight, and it burned. I cowered away but watched in awe as Jack's veins lit beneath his skin as if gold were pumping through them instead of blood. Because that's what Jack Kline was. He was power. With a sudden ferocity, the flames leaped up, roaring around his body in an effort to keep him trapped inside. But Jack did the impossible and stepped beyond the ring with a cry of effort.

Felix did not cower away as his underlings did; he merely tilted his head with slight interest.

"How intriguing," He mused, folding his hands in front of him. "Tell me, lad. How did you manage that?"

Jack glared at Felix, his chest heaving, for I could tell that act had caused him pain.

"I'm not an angel."

Jack raised his hand, poised to snap the monsters all into dust.

"Oh, I wouldn't do that if I were you," Felix half-heartedly warned.

"Why not?" The Nephilim ground out.

The vampire smiled coolly. "Because these fine specimens here are not my only hostages." Of course, he had more. He was always prepared.

"Where are the others?" Jack demanded, eyes flaring.

"They're safe and sound, I assure ye. Unless, of course, you try to do somethin' stupid, such as kill me. If that's the case, and I do hope it's not, then my people have orders to do some rather unsavory things to a room full of children." Felix raised a brow, daring Jack to make a move against him.

"I can save them," Jack said, confident.

"Please! Ye don't even know where they are!" He scoffed. "Do what ye must, Jack Kline. But I really do fear for the children." Jack gritted his teeth but said nothing. He knew he was beaten. "That's better." Felix turned his attention to me. "Give up this pitiful act of yours, Martina. Come on out. You know this is checkmate."

I stepped away from Jack and stood tall, allowing the thing that had made me to see the steel in my eyes. I passed Jack and planted myself in front of Felix.

"This isn't checkmate, Monroe. This is merely check. I'll be damned before I walk into something with no way out, you know that better than anyone." My voice was calm and cool and I let it chill him. It was my real voice, not that other one I always used to put people at ease. My real voice was the one that makes people do what I want.

The corner of Felix's mouth twitched up. "Oh, yes. I know." He leaned down, his face merely an inch away from mine. "I'm looking forward to it."

"So, where's the car?" I asked, crossing my arms over my chest.

"Right this way, m'dear." He gestured towards the dirt road a ways away and started toward it. I began to follow but Jack's voice made me stop.

"You're a monster," He spat, shaking with rage. His pained expression had morphed into one of hatred and his glowing golden eyes fixed on Felix.

Felix twisted around, mildly amused more than anything.

"Empathy, humanity, and morality make you weak, boy. Alas, weakness is a bitch , isn't it?" He smirked, basking in the pain he caused.

"I SWEAR I WILL KILL YOU!" Jack screamed. His power flared with his anger but there was nothing he could do. The absolute helplessness and hopelessness of his situation finally dawned on him. He never could stand feeling helpless.

"Hold on, I'm confused. Is that not what you do ?" Felix jeered, lifting a brow. Jack froze, his eyes going wide and puppy-like as the vampire's words hit him in the heart. His rage and power dimmed.

"W-What?" Poor thing. His voice sounded so small. He had never been made for this.

"You're the Winchester's attack dog, are ye' not?" Felix clarified. "Playing judge, jury, and executioner for anything you deem a monster."

"You are a monster," Jack scowled, clenching his fists.

"Oh, I know that!" Felix laughed. "But I like to think I've done quite a bit to earn me that title. There are, however, six quite innocent and quite human patients in critical condition at a Manhattan hospital. Six patients, who you put there. Those weren't monsters now, were they?"

Jack's face paled. Sam and Dean had said everyone was fine. Sam and Dean had lied. "H-How did- How did you-"

"That was some stunt you pulled in Times Square, boy," He mused. "Did you really think I wouldn't know about it?"

"Th-that w-was... I-it wasn't... I didn't mean to I-" Jack shook his head in denial. "It was an accident!"

"Why, of course it was!" Felix laughed. "You've not a malicious heart nor the disposition to take an innocent life. Dear boy, you are but a loaded gun for the Winchesters aim at anything they don't like."

Jack shook his head. "T-that's not true! I kill things that are evil because they hurt people." His words sounded hollow like they were something practiced. Like something that had been pounded into him.

"Do ye now? Because as I recall, you killed your own mother and ye' don't even know why. Sad, that." Felix smiled. "You kill because you were bred to; it's your purpose. It's almost cute, the son of the devil thinking he's a hero."

"I am ! I'm a hunter!" Jack insisted.

"You are not a hero," Felix sneered, shaking his head. "You are a murderer, Jack Kline. What else could ya be?" The Scottish man turned on his heel, not caring much to hear what the Nephilim had to say.

"Y-you're wrong. You're wrong about me!" That was all Jack could force out. He tried so hard to keep the tears at bay. I shook my head and turned away from him to follow my creator. "M-Marty?" Jack called out from behind me, his voice laced with desperation and confusion.

I stopped.

In that moment, I finally stripped away the final pieces of the human girl I'd made for him. The girl I'd designed for him to love. Jack would never see her again. That girl was gone now. And good riddance to her; I hoped she'd never come back.

Because she was weak.

And I was not.

Because she was human.

And I was a monster.

Because she was kind.

And I was cruel.

Because she was innocent.

And I was insane.

Because she was honest and grateful.

And I was a deceitful manipulator.

Because she was the blissful mirage.

And I was the horrid reality.

Because she was perfect.

And I never could be.

Because Jack Kline loved that sweet girl.

But that girl wasn't ME.

She never had been.

Of course, I still loved him which only made this harder. But I supposed that in a few hours that would be of no consequence. He wouldn't care. And that fact hurt like a needle to the heart, but pain only brings power to those with nothing left to lose. So, I threw my head back and I laughed as I embraced that pain, just as I did for every other cut and bruise I had ever received. That needle was one in a million and all that pain was what made me real. So, I sighed and turned back to where my angel boy stood, staring at me like some lost puppy.

"I'm sorry, Jack," I said sweetly, "Thanks for getting me this far, I don't think I could have done it without you. Unfortunately, this is something I have to do on my own. This is my last page and nobody can write it for me."

"You can't go," He said, shaking his head. There were tears in his eyes but none in mine. I smiled at him and that was the first he'd seen from me that was real, because, for the first time, Jack was talking to me.

"Why are you worried, Jack?" I was surprised at how smooth and pleasing my own voice sounded, now that I took notice. My real voice was why I was dangerous; when I used it I could make anyone do anything. But there was a reason I had been masking it for so long. It was what had gotten me into this in the first place. "I know you'll come to save me."

"What if I'm too late?" He asked, his voice breaking.

"Then I'll be there waiting for you," I answered.

"You'll die," Jack whispered. I laughed lightly, shaking my head.

"I'm not going to die today, Jack."

"You don't know that!"

"I've known for longer than you think," I said. I watched his teary, desperate expression and copied it to my memory as best as I could. It was the last time he'd look at me that way. At least for a while. "Just do me one last favor?"

"Anything," Jack promised.

"There's a girl you haven't met yet, try not to hate her when you do." I smiled and Jack nodded, trying his best to stay strong.

Then I left him there.

Alone in the sand, he watched a stranger he thought he loved going to what he thought was her death and vowed to save her from it.

Was it wrong for me to deceive him?

Did I care if it was?

***

Sam paced back and forth along the length of the lighthouse as he waited for Dean and Castiel to return. Every few minutes or so he would check his watch anxiously and run a hand through his hair, muttering something unintelligible under his breath before he resumed his pacing.

But Jack wasn't paying attention to that. He was busy staring at his hands. There were too many thoughts racing through his head for him to focus on any one of them. It had all happened so fast and there was nothing he could have done, but it didn't feel that way. Jack felt responsible. Martina was going to die because of him. It was his fault.

It was always his fault.

The door of the Lighthouse burst open, revealing Dean and Cas standing there in the driving rain that had come on before anyone had time to notice. Dean threw himself inside and Cas trailed after him, taking the time to close the lighthouse door while Dean shook the rain off like an oversized dog.

"What took you so long?" Sam was immediately questioning. "Where were you?"

"Gettin' information," Dean smirked. "It took a while, but one of the bloodsuckers squealed. What happened here, Jack?"

"I kissed Martina," Jack blurted out.

"What?" Sam, Dean, and Cas asked in unison, sharing the same disbelieving expression.

Jack hadn't meant to say it but it just sort of came out. It probably wasn't his fault, though. Jack simply couldn't stop thinking about every detail of his time with the girl in the lighthouse. He wanted to focus on what had happened after, but his brain simply wouldn't cooperate.

"I, um... I kissed Martina..." He repeated, somewhat nervously. "And I think I liked it..."

Had he liked it? Jack thought so; he was pretty sure. But something about it felt off.

Why had he kissed her in the first place? What had compelled him to do that? Jack didn't know.

His memories of the kiss were strange. He remembered clearly the emotions he'd felt, and the intensity of them. Yet, for some reason, Jack couldn't seem to recall where those feelings had come from. He had wanted to kiss Martina, but not like that... Or... maybe he had? It felt to Jack as if the decisions he'd made weren't his own. He couldn't even remember making any decisions, really. All he remembered was those feelings and acting on them. Something about that seemed off to him but Jack wasn't sure. He supposed it wasn't that out of the ordinary for him to behave impulsively. On the contrary, he tended to do that quite a lot. So, what was bothering him?

"Wait..." Dean paled, "You and Marty... You- You two didn't, like... do it in a lighthouse, right?"

Jack tilted his head, brows furrowing. "Do what?"

"C-Cas?" Dean's face whitened another shade as he turned to the seraph. "Please tell me your son didn't-" Castiel gave a long-suffering sigh.

"No, Dean. I really don't think they did anything," He said, rolling his eyes.

"Not everyone is like you," Sam added. Dean waved him off.

"Yeah, okay, but why am I the only one gettin' weirded out by this?" He exclaimed.

"Because we have bigger problems, Dean!" Sam pointed out, exasperated. Sam seemed anxious and Jack wondered what he wanted to tell them.

"Well, I think this is pretty big!" Dean insisted, turning to Jack. "Dude, what the hell?"

"I don't understand what you mean. Martina and I kissed." Jack said simply.

"Dean, seriously. I-" Sam tried. Dean held up a hand, sighing.

Dean sighed. "Jack... Y-You don't do that."

"Dean! Listen-"

"Not now, Sam!" Dean cut him off again.

"Why not? Jack asked, frowning.

"Look, ya just- Ya gotta wait a little while, man!" Dean said, running a hand over his face. "I mean, Marty's like, twelve!" He insisted. By then, Sam had decided he'd had it.

"No, Dean! She's really not!" The younger Winchester yelled, throwing his hands in the air.

"What?" Dean was shocked by his brother's sudden outburst. Sam took a deep breath to calm himself now that he had everyone's attention.

"Martina's not as young as we think she is. I-I think she's older, m-much older." Sam said, stress leaking into his tone.

"What are you saying, Sam?" Cas asked.

"I'm saying we've been played."

***

The car ride was smooth and it was the first time I'd been in a limo, so naturally, I took the comforts offered me. I stretched out across the seat, lounging as I stared out the tinted window. I didn't worry about Felix sitting directly across from me. I knew he didn't want to kill me. Not yet anyway.

"I'm curious, how did you manage to fool them?" He asked, watching me with a comfortable expression.

I shrugged. "Long story, lots of boring details."

"Indulge me," He insisted.

"Why should I?" I asked. He shrugged, mimicking me.

"I'm simply curious."

I hummed. "I bet you are."

He smirked. "Well, what can I say? It's just my nature." I nodded vaguely, continuing to stare out the window. We both knew how this would end. There was no real reason not to tell him.

"Sam Winchester and Dean Winchester and the angel Castiel..." I said their names thoughtfully, allowing the corner of my lips to twitch up into a sly smile. "They seem so simple at first glance. You have the poor unfortunate soul who lost so much yet kept his kindness, the perfect killer who spent his whole life at war, and the fallen angel who found a home. But if that was all there was then I never would have fooled them. However, for men who claim to be so faithless, there's so much they want to believe in."

"Whot do ye mean?" Felix asked, tilting his head. I smirked lazily. T

"I'll start with Sam. Sam is kind because he's damaged, but the last thing he is is a fool. When someone's good at unraveling lies, the last thing you do is give them a really big one to unravel. If you do that, then they'll cut right through and they'll figure you out easily. So, what do you do? You give them distractions. Hide puzzles within puzzles and Sam will stop to solve each one because he loves it. But how do you get him to ignore the big picture?" I stopped and grinned.

"It's easy really. All I had to do was appeal to his hate. Sam Winchester is so extraordinarily full of such raw and powerful hate, that if you simply aim it at a conceivable target, he can ignore anything else. And of course, with his hate blinding him to the truth, Sam can't figure out the lie. All one has to do to fool Sam is give him a puzzle to solve and something to hate.

"So, I made him hate you."

***

"How?" Castiel asked, tilting his head.

"It's Marty. We can't trust her," Sam said. Dean scoffed

"After all that lecturing earlier? Why the hell not?" He demanded. Sam took a nervous breath.

"Because she's been lying to us, Dean," He said. "I-I think she's been lying to us this whole time."

Dean's jaw clenched and he crossed his arms over his chest. "What are you talking about, Sam?" His voice was tight and guarded.

"I talked to Felix after I saved the little girl," Sam admitted.

"You just stood there and talked to that son of a bitch! He's a sick, messed up, psychopath! Sam, what the hell is wrong with you?!" Dean yelled. Sam held out his hands in a peacemaking gesture.

"I know w-what he is, Dean. A-and, believe me, I thought the same things you are now and I swear it was over the phone a-and all he did w-was tell me things. But-" Sam hissed through his teeth and tugged at his hair, seemingly at war with himself.

"But what, Sam?"

"I don't know. He- he just-"

"You don't know?!" Dean interrupted accusingly.

"H-He said things, alright! Felix told me things. Things about Marty. A-and they- they made - They just made so much sense! And I hate him just as much as you do and I don't wanna believe him but-" Sam's voice faltered and he shook his head seeming lost.

"What did he tell you?" Castiel pressed, gentle but still firm.

"He told me Martina killed his wife."

***

"Now, Dean? Dean's a little harder," I said as the driver made a sharp left-hand turn. "Dean's not just a hardened killer, though that's mostly what he wants people to see. He wants people to see the machine without a heart so no one will see how horrifically broken he really is." Thinking of what Dean was really like made me laugh and I flicked my gaze at Felix. "And believe me when I say that there's nothing that could fix him by now."

"But there's so much more to him than the killer and the brokenness. Dean's the righteous man who's never known a day away from war. There are so many things he wants so desperately. Dean dreams of walking peacefully along a beach yet he's never even been to one. For all he's never had Dean tries to give it to others. For all the blood and death he's seen he's remarkably full of love. Love is the key, really. Dean Winchester loves more powerfully than anyone I've ever met. If Dean loves someone he'll do anything for them.

"He sees my age and sees in me the child he never was. He sees me afraid and wants to provide me the protection no one gave him. He sees me flinch when someone yells and wants to offer me the security he never knew. He sees an orphan and wants to give me the parental love he never had. All one has to do to fool Dean Winchester is give him a child to love.

"So, I made him love me."

***

"And you believed him?" Dean scoffed. "Marty is a kid, Sam! She's a kid! Just a scared kid who needs our protection! Marty never could have done something like that."

"Why not?" Cas spoke up. All eyes snapped to the angel.

"BECAUSE SHE'S A KID!" Dean roared. Jack flinched away from him, he'd always hated when Dean yelled. It scared him. Though, this time Dean sounded less angry and more desperate. As if there was something he didn't want to believe. As if yelling the words would make them true.

"T-that's what I thought too. But what if we're wrong?" Sam asked.

"How could we be wrong?" Dean demanded.

"What if Marty's not a kid?" Sam carefully spoke, "What if she's not human?"

Dean shook his head. "No," He said, "No, you're wrong. I know what you're thinkin' and you're wrong." Jack shook his head too. There was no way... was there? Something itched at the back of his mind. He didn't know what it was. Did he want to?

"Dean, I know this is hard to accept, but we need to think this through," Sam said, holding his hands out beseechingly.

"We don't have time for that!" Jack spoke up. "Felix is going to kill Marty! We can't just let her die!"

Sam held up a hand. "He's not gonna kill her, not for a while. We have time."

"No, you don't get it! I promised I'd save her!" Jack said.

"Exactly!" Sam pointed out. "Jack, that's exactly what she wants! She's been planning this the whole time."

"What do you mean 'the whole time'?" Dean inquired, crossing his arms.

"Think back to the beginning, w-when we first met Marty," Sam said, walking them through it. "Why were we in Copper Harbor?"

"For a ghost hunt," Jack answered, impatience leaking through his tone.

"You're right, but there was another case there. What was it?"

"Blood was being stolen from the hospital..." Cas said slowly as if remembering.

"Exactly! Exactly." Sam took a breath. "Now, that ghost in the viral video, who was it? Was it whoever's bones we burned?"

"No, it was..." Jack made the connection. Why hadn't he noticed that before? "It was Isaac."

"Okay, so that means..." He trailed off.

"That Marty was lying about the hunt and the bones," Cas finished.

"Right, now why would she do that?"

"I dunno, professor. Maybe so we wouldn't torch her brother?" Dean rolled his eyes.

Sam pursed his lips, sighing. "Well, yes, b-but no! This isn't about Isaac, this is about Marty. What would she have been hiding?"

"The blood theft," Cas said decisively. Dean shook his head.

"That's a coincidence. Marty can't be - She can't-" He couldn't even say it. He could hardly think it. "Marty can't be a vampire."

***

"Castiel was harder," I continued. "Aside from the fact that he's a multi-billion-year-old cosmic being, Castiel also lacks a soul. That made tapping into his emotions significantly more difficult, but once I did that it was quite clear that I could never fool him. At least, not directly. He's intelligent, not easily deceived, and he always tries to do what he thinks is best. Whatever that course of action might be, more often than not, it hasn't been the right one.

"Castiel is, primarily, a screw-up. There's a lot of history and even more drama involving his fellow angels and the Winchesters, and he has consistently attempted to fight for both sides of the war between them. His torn loyalties have caused a great many more problems than they've fixed and it seems as though any attempt to fix one of said problems breeds yet more chaos. Castiel is rebellious. He can never seem to do what he's supposed to. So, naturally, that makes him the most dangerous piece on the board.

"When Castiel sets his mind on something, there isn't much that can sway him. His actions have proven, repeatedly I might add, that he is even willing to go behind the backs of the Winchesters if he believes it's for the greater good. But his destructive pattern stops only for the one person he's never betrayed. Thus, to fool Castiel one has to fool his son.

"So, I got my hands on Jack."

***

"Why not?" Cas snapped.

"'Cause she just can't!" Dean's voice broke.

"She single-handedly killed five vampires, Dean! Remember?" Cas pressed. "There's no way a mere child her age could have done that."

Jack shook his head, refusing to believe it. "Marty can't be a vampire. Dad, she just can't be."

Castiel sighed, his eyes soft. "I know you want to believe that."

"Why shouldn't we?" Dean challenged.

"Because she killed five vampires single handedly! What part of that escapes your understanding?!" Cas repeated with frustration.

"We don't know what happened in there!" Dean persisted.

"Exactly! WE DON'T KNOW!" Cas yelled.

"THEN WE CAN'T ACCUSE, CAN WE?" Dean shouted back. Jack flinched again and Cas took notice, forcibly relaxing his posture in hopes of reassuring his son.

Sam groaned. "Look at the facts, Dean. The research!"

"Damn the research, Sammy! This is Marty! We know her!"

"We know she's an empath!" Sam spat. "She's been playing with all our emotions, we know that! We need to look at this objectively and, as hard as that might be, it means looking at the facts!"

"What about the facts?" Dean asked reluctantly.

"Think about it," The younger brother said. "W-we did the research, remember? Remember how none of it lined up?"

"Yeah, because Felix messed with it!" Dean tried.

"Not all of it," Sam pointed out, "Marty said she was nine when she died, but her youngest brother was ten. Remember that? How could she have been younger than her youngest sibling?"

"Sam, that-"

"Because she wasn't, Dean," He hissed, "She wasn't nine. Marty was sixteen."

"I-I remember..." Dean froze, his eyes flicking up to meet his brother. "Sammy..." He said, his voice tense and shaking, "How did I forget that?"

Dread coated Castiel's tone as he answered instead.

"I think she wanted us to."

***

"Jack is a very special boy," I said, sarcasm lacing my tone. "Although, he is the offspring of a fallen archangel, so I'd assume that 'special' comes rather naturally. Thanks for that clue, by the way. It would have taken me much longer to figure him out if it wasn't for that itty bitty little detail."

"You would have gotten it regardless." Felix shrugged.

"Of course I would've!" I snorted, shaking my head. "I didn't think my abilities were of any question."

"They weren't," Felix replied. "I know what you're capable of, lassie."

I smirked devilishly. "You should." Felix's hand clenched into a fist and he sent me a tight smile.

"Indeed." He forced the word through his teeth. "Which is why I'm surprised you enlisted to lie to that boy so completely. Doesn't that violate whatever moral code of Donoghue's it is that you've adopted?" I nodded and shrugged with a sigh.

"You're right, it does. Jack is in many senses young and vulnerable and on top of that, he's dreadfully naïve. He could never deserve what I did to him." I huffed out a humorless laugh as my face twisted into a sneer. "But you do. So I made an exception."

Felix shook his head as if disappointed. "Now, now, Martina. When one has a goal, one does not make exceptions. Lest they desire to fail, of course. Only hypocrites make exceptions. Did I teach you nothing?"

"I'm not like you," I spat.

"Is that what it looks like from where you sit?" He mused quietly. I flashed him a barred toothed grin and continued.

"There's only one that Jack Kline truly wants in this world. He wants to be good - to prove to himself and those around him that despite his parentage, he can be good. He's been told that there's something wrong with him, so he wants to find a way to somehow purge it. But he can't because there's nothing wrong and there never was. Yet, he can't believe that. So it leaves him with an insatiable desire to please.

"It's pathetic, really. He seeks validation in everything. He thinks he has to be useful to be loved. Otherwise, he's just a burden, one that nobody wanted. Jack doesn't want to believe that; he wants to be told that isn't true. Jack Kline may be powerful but he's also soft - moldable if you will. See, he's so haplessly needy that it's honestly sickening. He'll do anything for you to tell him what he wants to hear. And he'll do anything to keep hearing it.

"Jack is a combination of his three guardians. He's desperate. Like Dean, he doesn't want to see what's right in front of him. But he's not stupid. I had to erase his memory more than once. Then, like Sam, I simply distracted him and, much like Castiel, I had to keep him in line by appealing to that insatiable need of his. To fool Jack Kline one has to give him someone to save.

"He thinks he's saving me." I smiled fondly when I'd finished, glancing up at Felix with a challenge in my gaze.

"Well, we both know that's impossible," He said, eyeing me with a smirk, "There's nothing left in that cold shell of yours worth saving." I grinned, showing him the insane thing he'd created.

"You're damn right."

***

Then, like a memory, there were words running through Jack's head. Words and voices, but he didn't remember hearing them.

'You said you were nine then! But y-you - you weren't!' That was his voice in his ears. But Jack couldn't remember saying those words. 'You haven't aged a day... Five years and you haven't aged a day.'

'I aged about a month, actually.'

The other voice was Marty. The words buzzed like static, making his headache. Jack shook his head. It was like Deja Vue but entirely more vivid. Sam, Dean, and Cas kept talking. It was hard to hear them through the ringing in his ears.

"Cas, are you saying she can wipe memories?" Dean asked.

"I'm not sure," Castiel replied, shaking his head. "But she can certainly suppress them."

"But it-it must only work when she's around b-because when she's gone - I know for me - When Marty's not around I-I start to remember," Sam said.

The ringing in Jack's ears intensified, making him groan and grasp at his head. He clamped his hands over his ears but the ringing only grew louder. It was like angel radio, but instead of being surrounded by fire, Jack felt like he was burning from the inside out.

"Jack?" Cas was calling his name. "What's going on?"

"I-I don't- I-" Jack gasped, the pain growing stronger. "It hurts! Dad, please make it stop!"

"Jack? JACK!"

He stumbled into Cas's arms as another blurred memory hit him like a train.

'I'm gonna need you to forget that,' Marty's voice whispered in his head. She sounded so gentle, so inviting. She sounded like a spider.

'I wish I could,' His own voice shook as Jack listened to himself say words he couldn't remember speaking. It felt like a memory that didn't belong to him.

There was more to it this time. There was a picture frame, but the picture inside was out of focus. There was an image. It was Martina. She had fangs. And there was something else too. Jack could feel it like a phantom pain. It was terror. The paralyzing kind. The feeling of being trapped. Jack felt the shadow of limbs and he couldn't move. He was trapped. Jack couldn't get out. He was trapped like a fly in a web. Marty was the spider. He couldn't get away. He couldn't get away from her.

She wouldn't let him.

'I can make you forget,' She was going to hurt him. ' Take us back to the night we met. '

'What do you mean?' His voice asked cautiously. He was scared. He was so scared. He couldn't get out.

'I'm going to talk to you, and then you're going to forget, and everything will be back to the way it was.'

'You're a monster.' He'd said

The ringing in Jack's ears faded and he bolted upright, gasping and shaking as panic set in. He needed to tell Sam, Dean, and Castiel what he'd remembered but he couldn't seem to find the words.

"S-She lied." That was all he could force out.

"Jack, what happened? Are you okay?" Castiel worried, checking over him. Jack just shook his head.

"She did something to me," He choked out, shaking. "I don't know. I can't remember. Why can't I remember? She did something to me!" He felt sick. There was something wrong with him.

No.

There was something wrong with Marty.

She was sick.

"What? What did she do?" Dean demanded, eyes wide.

"She-She made me forget. I knew. I-I knew and she made me forget!"

"Forget what?" Sam asked.

"I figured her out a-and she made me forget but I remembered." Jack stopped and only then did he realize he was crying. "She's one of them."

Because she had betrayed him. Marty had betrayed all of them. Jack didn't even know what to believe anymore. Had any of it been real? Or was it all some twisted lie?

"I'm sorry, Jack," Cas offered quietly.

"You were right, Sam," Jack whispered. He couldn't stop his voice from shattering. "Martina is a monster. A-And she lied."

There was silence for a moment. Then, Dean spoke up. Because someone had to take the lead and it was always him. It wasn't fair, but it was always him.

"We gotta go," He said, struggling to make his voice sound cold and firm. But he'd lost a daughter today.

"W-Where?" Sam asked.

"Me and Cas know where Felix is taking Marty. That kid's got some answering to do," Dean answered, his green eyes darkening with his tone. Castiel stood, helping Jack climb to his feet.

"Martina is dangerous, Dean. Are you sure you're willing to do what may be necessary?" Cas asked, watching Dean with a somber expression.

"It's not gonna come to that," Dean said.

"And if it does?"

"I will." Jack's voice was quiet but it caught the adult's attention.

"Jack, are you- Are you really sure?" Cas asked gently. Jack shook his head.

"I don't want to kill Martina. But you're right, she is dangerous." His voice faltered. "I can't let her hurt anybody else."

***

Felix's limo pulled into the garage of what was easily a multi-million dollar home. It was four stories and it reminded me of a castle with its dull grey stone and tall windows. The interior of the garage was constructed simply of polished cement and was entirely empty aside from the car now parked within it. I sent Felix a smirk and climbed from the vehicle, slamming the door shut behind me. The car was surrounded. Twenty or so of Felix's vamps stood guard but I knew they were more for display than anything else. Some of them I recognized, some I didn't.

"And here I thought this little girl's night was just gonna be you and me," I huffed dramatically upon seeing them, "You had me feeling all special."

"Sorry to disappoint, Lassie," Felix drawled. "But don't worry, I invited some of your friends too. Well, just one to be exact."

I shot him a curious glance but shrugged before sauntering my way past Felix's lackeys like I owned the place. I supposed I had, but that was so long ago. Were his minions really still so afraid of me? I surveyed one of the vamps as I passed him, taking notice of the bead of sweat dripping down his neck. He was clearly terrified.

So, they remembered who their queen was. Good.

Spinning on my toe like a ballerina, I let a bubbling laugh escape my throat. All of Felix's soldiers turned to face me, watching with careful eyes.

"Hello, Lovelies!" I called, grinning. A few of them shifted nervously. "Just thought you all should know, both your beloved Prince and Princess are dead! I killed them!" Murmurs spread around the empty garage, echoing off the polished grey walls. "That's right! Boyd's head I ripped off with a tractor, though I'm sure your leader was glad to finally be rid of his bastard son." I glanced at Felix who stood there stoically and winked. "I knew about that, by the way. As for Elwyn, I had the Devil's son snap her into dust like Peter Parker in Infinity War. 'Cept she ain't comin' back!" I giggled in reaction to the horrified expressions of Felix's soldiers and send the man himself a smirk before whipping around again.

"Ye know, Martina?" His voice made me pause though I kept my back to him. "I look at you and I don't see anyone looking back..." He trailed off, his tone thoughtful. "Where is that soul you used to have?"

"Just like I told your daughter, I lost it in the woods in favor of something else. You wanted me to learn something and I learned it!" I eyed him over my shoulder. "You never should have sent me there."

"I know that now." Felix sounded almost solemn. "Whatever Sampson brought back with him wasn't the girl I tossed in, was it?"

I shrugged. "That's where you're wrong. It's still me. Like I said, I just learned something over there is all."

"And what did you learn?" He wondered.

"That you were wrong."

"It doesn't seem I was," He said. I chuckled softly.

"You said I was made to be a queen. You were wrong."

"Aye?"

"I'm not a queen, Monroe." I turned to face him. "I'm a damn Empress." I grinned. "And, honey, you should see me in your crown."

I didn't bother to watch his expression. I just turned and walked.

Pushing my way through the garage door, I skipped down a long, dark hallway decorated with dark wooden pieces that I was sure had cost more money than they were worth. I smirked upon hearing Felix's footsteps trailing behind me. Whirling around and walking backward, I grinned at my former torturer.

"Got anything you didn't wanna say in front of your minions?" I taunted.

"I do, actually." He huffed a laugh that held no humor. "For the record, I'm sorry."

My expression soured. "No you're not."

"I am, truly." He placed his hand over his heart in a gesture of sincerity. "I apologize for my greed and my stupidity. I unleashed you upon this world; that will be my greatest regret, I think. I made you into a plague and I lost control over you."

"You never controlled me," I hissed.

"And I the second I realized that I should have put you down," Felix said. "I just hope the Winchester's don't make the same mistake."

I shook my head. "That's the think, Felix. They will."

"Perhaps. Perhaps not." He shrugged.

"I guess I'll find out, won't I? So! Where's this friend of mine?" I asked, rubbing my hands together.

"Two doors down on your right," Felix answered. I glanced at the door he was referring to then back to him.

"Ooh, goodie. Before I open it, why do I get a present?"

Felix shrugged. "Call it a joke."

I nodded. "Dope."

Then I skipped over to the dark wooden door and grasped the handle. It wasn't locked, of course, so I pulled it open. I didn't look for traps. I knew Felix would never stoop that low. The room was pitch black and there were no windows, but I found the light switch easily enough. Bright fluorescent bulbs flicked on and washed the space with light.

Sitting on a wooden chair in the middle of the room, was a rather muscular man. His arms and legs were tied to the chair and his head was tilted down. I may not have been able to see his face, but I would have recognized that old, grungy cap almost anywhere. I crossed the space between us and tapped him on the shoulder. The man inclined his head, squinting against the light, but when he caught a glance of my face, his usually bright eyes filled with terror.

I had forgotten how fun it was to instill that level of fear. I smirked.

"Hey there, Benny! I haven't seen you since the Hunger Games!"

~We'll never get free Lamb to the slaughter What you gon' do When there's blood in the water? The price of your greed Is your son and your daughter What you gon' do When there's blood in the water?

Beg me for mercy Admit you were toxic You poisoned me just for Another dollar in your pocket Now I am the violence I am the sickness Won't accept your silence Beg me for forgiveness~

Lyrics from: Blood In The Water by grandson

[mackwritess]

Scarlet Cross

Summary: When Evan is chosen to take a job interviewing a member of a small town, he’s a little disappointed. But once the secret of the town is revealed, he and the rest of the world realize that something bigger... something evil... is at work here

Word count: 2k+

Evan doesn’t understand why he had to be the one to take this job.

Really, what’s so special about a little town no one’s heard of? His boss had told him that this town had history, that it could be a really interesting news story. Evan thinks it’s just been a slow news week, and the studio needed something to fill the gaps. He doesn’t complain much, though. Work is work, and he’s been struggling for it. He’s also thankful that he was allowed to bring his friend, Blair, who had been working with him since the beginning.

After following his GPS to their destination, Evan arrives, and he feels even the title of “town” is too big a word for this place. It feels more like a village. Driving along the main road, he takes in the little landmarks scattered about. A small bank sits at the intersection between the main road and another, noticeably smaller, street. Placed next to it is a general store, with no parking lot in sight. Evan assumes that most are out of town shopping, as there’s no possible way someone could get everything they need here.

He takes a turn down a small street, almost worried that his car won’t fit, and continues looking for the place he was supposed to be. It takes no time to get there, to the point where he almost misses it, and he turns into the small parking area.

“Scarlet Cross Church, huh? Weird name,” Blair says upon seeing the old sign next to the even older building.

“I hear people from out of town aren’t allowed in at all,” Evan says, helping Blair to get their filming equipment out of the vehicle.

“Wonder why they made an exception for us.”

“Tourism, probably. People love forbidden places. Intrigue or whatever.”

The two of them begin putting their camera together, and after finally finishing up, they make their way to the steps of the church and knock on the door.

They only have to wait a few seconds before the door opens slowly, revealing a short, elderly woman dressed in all white.

“Are you two here with the news station we spoke to?” She questions, eyeing the recording equipment they have.

“Yes ma’am!” Evan says, a little too enthusiastic all of a sudden. “Are we too early?”

“No, no. You’re right on time. Come right in.” She turns around and motions for the two of them to follow her in.

~

To say that the exterior of the church was misleading would be an understatement. Gorgeous columns were scattered around the building, further showing how long the building had been around. There were flowers growing in large pots along the walls, to add color to the blank slate that was the rest of the church. But these paled in comparison to the main attraction of the place.

An intricate mural made of stained glass was placed at the front of the church. In it, it depicted a great figure dressed in white, kicking another figure clad in red out of the clouds. It didn’t take an extremely religious person to figure out what was being shown.

“This place is beautiful,” Blair whispers, not wanting to disturb the tranquility of the place.

“No wonder they’re so careful about who they let in here,” Evan says. He’s still taking everything in when the woman calls for them up at the podium.

“I’d really like to be sure that our mural is captured on camera,” the woman explains. “It’s really the crown jewel of this place.”

Blair positions their camera, making sure both the mural and the woman are in frame.

“May I ask your name before we begin?” Evan asks, straightening his shirt.

“You can just refer to me as the head of the church, if that’s okay with you.”

“Whatever makes you feel more comfortable.” Evan turns to Blair, “Are we ready?” Blair nods.

~

“We’re coming to you live from the Scarlet Cross Church, a place that was closed off to out of town visitors until now! We’re here with the head of church. What made you decide to finally allow outside eyes in?” Evan is now much more cheery than he was upon arrival. Though he’s waiting for his career to finally take off, he still loves his job no matter how small.

“We as a community consider this church to be our pride and joy. And we decided that not only should we finally reveal it to the world, but also share the secret of this town.”

Evan and Blair give each other a quick glance because getting back to business.

“What secret might that be?”

“You see, while most people believe that some aspects of religion are untrue, or perhaps even religion as a whole, I am here to tell you all that it’s all real. For we ourselves are apart of that mythicism.”

Another glance is shared between the two of them. What had the studio gotten them into? Still, Evan plays along.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“This town, including myself, is home to a clan of fallen angels.”

“What-“

Before Evan can interrupt, the woman take a step back, and feathers begin sprouting from her back. At first, only a few, but suddenly a pair of wings sprout all at once from her. But these wings aren’t anything like the ones that have been described for centuries.

These wings are a deep red.

The two stans there, dumbfounded at what they’ve just witnessed.

“We would like to invite people from around the world to come and learn about us. We are real, and we would like to spread the word.”

~

It wasn’t long before the news segment went viral. Some called it a hoax, just some special effects the network was using to up their ratings. Others believed that this was the sign the world needed that there was indeed a creator out there. Regardless of explanation, one thing was certain.

People were going to flock to this town to see for themselves.

And flock they did. People from all walks of life, religions zealots, disillusioned atheists, and YouTube channels whose focus was on the supernatural, all gathered here to see what they could find.

The town was much different than when Evan had first arrived here just two weeks ago.

Civilians were now out of their homes, greeting tourists. It was easy to tell who was who, as natives of the town all sporting the burning red wings that everyone had only seen on tv. Children on both sides playing together, the native children flying around while the others shrieked with glee.

Morale was high today, because the head of the church announced they would be holding a special service in the church. The amazement of a church service being held by actual angels was surely one for the ages.

Naturally, the studio once again sent out the duo that had made the discovery to begin with. They were there to broadcast the festivities, and later, the service. They made their way around the town, taking in the sight of cheerful people of all ages. Eventually, they found themselves at the church once again, and decided to visit for a short while.

Stepping inside again, there was a different feel this time. It was now bustling with people, Evan assumed they were members of the clergy, getting ready for tonight’s event. At last, he found the head, and went to speak with her.

“I never thought I’d see this place so lively!” Evan says, grabbing the woman’s attention. She offers him a smile.

“It’s all thanks to you,” she says. “I’ve never in all my years seen our little town so happy.”

“I’m really glad to hear that,” he says, admiring the decor. There are candles lit all over the room, giving it an almost romantic feel. He turns back to meet her eyes, and noticing she looks a little sad. “Did I say something wrong?” She shakes her head.

“No, no. Don’t worry about me, everything is fine. You should go out and enjoy the festivities. The service will begin soon.” Evan nods and offers a wave goodbye before heading out to look for Blair.

One of the clergymen, having seen their interaction, walks up to her.

“You took pity on him, for just a moment.”

“I do wish I could have spared him. He seems like a sweet boy.” She thinks for a moment. “But this is what must be done. This has been too long in the making.”

“I imagine you’ve been waiting for this day more eagerly than any of us.” She nods.

“Soon. Soon I will be free.”

~

Slowly but surely, citizens and visitors alike began making their way to the church. Evan worried not everyone would be able to fit inside, but people were so desperate to be here that they even stood up in the empty space that was left.

Evan and Blair made sure to stay in the back. It was there that they would be able to capture the full picture.

“We come to life once again from inside the Scarlet Cross Church, where for the first time caught on camera, a service hosted by angels will take place. We have the exclusive on this history making occasion.” Evan steps out of the way, so that the whole scene would be visible to the public.

“Will everyone who is able please take a seat? The service will now begin.” The Church head says, effectively silencing everyone in attendance as they turn their attention to her. “We will open with a prayer in our native language.”

The head along with the clergy begin their prayer. In a language that is clearly ancient, they begin speaking in unison.

It doesn’t happen immediately, but the air begins to feel heavier as the chanting continues, becoming almost suffocating. Soon, the ground begins to shake. Subtly at first, but increasing to earthquake like trembling in a short amount of time. The people within the church struggle to remain upright, trying to hold on to whatever is nearby to remain steady.

And then, the shaking stops. The air becomes breathable again.

“It is done. None of you will be able to escape the town. You will remain here until the sacrifice begins.”

A wave of confusion and disbelief ripples through the crowd, some rushing out to see for themselves. The woman turns and looks directly into the camera.

“My name is Lilith. I was the first to be cast out of the kingdom of Heaven and to this land. Now, with your sacrifice, I will be set free.”

Panicked screams begin to bounce off the walls of the church. Everyone is in a rush to escape, still believing there’s a way to escape.

Evan is stood still. His mind begs for him to follow the crowd, to try to find a way out. But his body knows there is no use. Soon, the church is empty, sounds of chaos coming from outside.

The woman, who Evan now knows as Lilith, makes her way over to him.

“I’m sorry you had to get caught up in this. If there was a way for me to spare you, I would have done so. But I’ve been here for longer than even your ancestors. It’s time for me to leave.”

She walks past him without another word, and Evan’s legs give way under him, making him collapse to the ground.

~

On the outskirts of the town, she can hear cars crashing. People who still think they can get away, trying in vain to force their way through the barrier that had risen. She can only sigh. She doesn’t blame them for wanting to escape this place. It’s been her goal for a millennia.

She can feel the power slowly coursing through her body. It’s almost time now. Soon the life force of everyone will be drained, and everyone who has been cast here for their crimes would be able to go where they wish. As she makes her way through, people notice her.

Some cower in fear, hoping that she will spare them. Others try attacking her, only to be stopped by someone else of her species. She sees Blair, desperately searching for Evan, after realizing they had left him behind in the commotion.

She even sees a small group praying.

Before she can even think to say anything to them, she notices people around them beginning to drop, their bodies laying lifeless.

She’s so close.

The others begin dropping like dominos soon after, and after a few more final screams are heard, there’s silence.

“It won’t be long before he’s back.” She says to no one in particular.

She makes her way to the edge of the town. The place where she’s been held captive for as long as she can remember. She take the first step out, cautious, despite being a creature with unheard of powers. Then, another. Eventually she finds her self miles away from her prison. For the first time in a long time, she sees the outside.

For the first time in a long time, she’s free.

[sheeparecutest]

An open letter to my high school Theatre teacher. (With names changed)

Dear Mr. P,

You hurt me. You hurt me in ways you could never imagine during the time in my life when I was most vulnerable. It is only through my family’s support and my utter stubbornness that I am still acting today, but there are many people who can’t say the same.

You are a teacher, a leader, a creator of a program, and a role model. But your behavior towards so many of the people in your program left you with a weak group and problems you created that you, at some point, will need to face. You might think that you are just doing what is best for your program, your students, and your career, but in reality what you are doing is hurting everyone. You did damage to some people that will never allow them to view theatre in the same way. Something that used to be a source of comfort and fun became something they regret even being a part of, something they need to stay away from. What you did is unforgivable. It caused a young man to give up on his acting dreams, it caused a young woman to hate her body, it was likely a contributor to a beautiful lady’s suicide attempt. What you did is, I know, all to common, and therefore people think that makes it excusable, but it is not.

Despite what I have said so far, you likely have no idea what you have done, and if no one ever tells you the mistakes you have made, you never will. Though I wish there was a simple explanation for what you have done, there never is. In the most basic terms you are failing at everything you should be as a high school drama teacher, a supporter of dreams, a string of reality, a teacher of life skills, and an adult in any situation. You have failed at giving people chances to learn, at treating kids like they are kids, at using your resources, and at using your power to influence your program for the better.

The last day of my last show at High School I told the cast of the short play festival something I had never admitted to anyone, really, not even myself. All of the seniors were doing their tradition of saying how much they loved the program and you, and giving their funny parting words of advice to the underclassmen. It got around the circle to me, and I could:n’t find it in myself to lie like I had for the past two years. I couldn’t find the strength to tell everyone that I had loved all of them and that I would come back the next year and would be cheering for them. Instead I did what is really acting, I took a deep breath and I expressed my emotions, my self in the truest way I could. I told everyone in that room that I had had a bad experience in the program, that I never felt included or liked. I told everyone what no one had told them about their program before, that it was the most exclusive group of people I had ever talked to. As much as I am sure you would like to blame that on the students and their “gossiping” and their “bad words” etc. It was not really their fault. The people you blamed for setting your program, your classes on a bad track, were not the problem. The problem was the people you loved, but their behavior was not really their fault either. It was learned, and I’ll give you 2 guesses on who I believe the fault lies.

I was the makeup artist for our theatre program for a year: I did makeup design for a total of 7 plays. I tried to do things that other people wouldn’t have thought of, and I tried to make sure that my ideas would work before I presented them to you. But every time I came up with something fun, new, or interesting, you “heard” that I was working behind your back, that I was trying to do the costume designers job, that I was hurting your program by giving you something people hadn’t seen before. You were told one thing by one person who had heard about one bit of research I was doing and you made assumption upon assumption upon assumption, and never once stopped to think that maybe you were in the wrong, even after my dad yelled at you for not even listening to what I was trying to do. You didn’t think you were in the wrong, even after the vice principle got involved with that girl because she was going through extreme body struggles, because of you. You didn’t think it might be your fault when you lied to the entire school about what you were going to do for the one act. IT WAS NEVER YOUR FAULT.

I can remember every single time you told me I wasn’t good enough, or as you put it “didn’t have enough experience”. The first was, maybe, excusable: you were telling a Junior in her first ever drama class that she might not be able to advance to Theatre 2 without Theatre 1. What you seem to have forgotten about this conversation was the rest of it, the part where I told you about the plays I had written, directed and acted in with my cousins. Maybe they weren’t “real” plays, but they felt real enough for a shy introverted girl who didn’t believe she could act. I told you that I was willing to work hard to catch up, do private lessons with you, work outside of class for hours, what ever I needed to get to the point where I had the “experience” you needed. Because how was I supposed to get experience if I could not get any role because I didn’t have experience? I had tried for the Shakespeare play the year before, but didn’t get in, possibly because of my commitment to cello, but likely because of that same “lack of experience”. I transferred into the Theatre 2 class, despite it being directly contrary to what my therapist had recommended the previous year for my mental health. Not only that, but from November all the way to May, I sat in your advanced class and watched, participated in the exercises when I could, tried to learn. I made it into the musical, as ensemble but that was better than nothing. I finagled my way into Midsummer, managed to convince you to let me stage manage the one act, and just decided I was backstage for the last show of the year. I worked as hard as I knew how, given that you never really taught us how to learn. I poured my heart and my soul into the program, I learned bass, I let someone else use my makeup, I watched as my friend repeatedly was cast in smaller parts than anyone else, including your 10 year old daughter you kept bringing in to play roles.

The next time was toward the end of that year, after the auditions for the advanced class, auditions that I worked hard on and delivered what I still believe to be some of my best, most passionate work. As I offered to be on Theatre council, a job I later learned I did not want, again you told me I wasn’t experienced enough to learn more. I recall exactly what you said, but to paraphrase, “I wouldn’t let you into this class if you weren’t a senior next year. You just don’t have enough experience.” There it was again, and then a last time as I was enthralled with the idea of directing a short play. “We need people with more experience”.

You told me time and time again, not always as directly, but always just as clearly that because I hadn’t been acting since I was 5 that I could not be part of your program. I tried to find every way to be part, I tried acting, I tried doing makeup, I tried costuming, I tried tech, I tried directing, I tried stage managing and every time you had a different reason why I could not be part of it. “She’s bossy” “She doesn’t understand my vision” “She’s overworked” “She needs a break”. And every time you told something like that to anyone I knew I heard about it and it broke my heart. You made no secret of who were your favorites, they always got the leads, Joseph and the narrator in Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat, Titania, the main character, villain, and narrator in the one act, the spy, villain, sheriff, and others in the 39 steps, the witch and baker’s wife in Into the Woods, the villain/love interest in Coriolanus, the Assistant director for that same play, one of the 4 directors for your student directed short play festival. And all of these roles were played by a total of 2 people in the span of 2 years, that is not even including Charpae, and a soloist in Mary Poppins as a freshman. The list could go on. One of these people was a senior like me last year, President of the drama club, and the other was a Sophomore when she became the narrator in Joseph, Titania, and the villain in the 39 steps, and is going on to be drama club president this year.

I want you to take a second and try to put yourself in my shoes, a sweet girl who was trying something that she thought would finally allow her to express her true self and cope with the depression she was just figuring out she was struggling with, and then an all too aware part of your program who got to see every way you hurt any person in the program as she wonders if theatre is really where she belongs. I want you to pretend that you are me and then tell me that you would not have given that shy scared girl her time to shine, her time to learn, the encouragement she needed, even if it meant a dip in your program’s success.

That is all I needed from you, a line in a play before you were forced to give me one due to the suicide attempt of my dear friend, a part like you promised that you would try to give all seniors in the musical, an official understudy of a part, anything besides annoyance and invisibility. 

All you saw from me, from your stage manager, from the young man, from the young woman, from the girl who had survived suicide, from the girl you blamed entirely for a fight she was only part of, from the girl who had one line in Christmas Carol while others had many parts and hundreds of lines was that we were in the wrong, that we had somehow made a mistake that you had to fix, when all too often we had no guidance and were stumbling around in the darkness trying to find a light switch so that we could help ourselves and often even more, others. And when often you had told us all to close our eyes and spin around while you turned out the lights and left the room.

Your problem is that you cannot bear to be an adult, your problem is that you should not be leading any group of people, especially people as fragile and suggestible, and inexperienced as high school students.

You hurt me so much, and I don’t think I was ever forgive you, but I guess I can thank you, because your awfulness is what has inspired me, inspired me to be someone I never thought I could, and you didn’t either.

Sincerely,

Someone who really truly hates you

[httpmiserable]

A Big Ocean

A few Youtube videos have appeared recently targeting “The Death of the Youtuber”, or the inability to create a platform for yourself when competing with larger creators. For years now I’ve had my own take on this. I’ve made a few videos in the past discussing my opinions however I decided I wanted to write it down, so I could reference other videos and posts as well as solidify my opinions.

As a small creator, I find it is difficult to find a place where you belong. I know a few people who have managed to wade their way through the grass and come out the other side, but often I’ve seen people give up trying due to being lost for too long. I am one of these people. For years I made Youtube videos and discussed a variety of topics, yet never truly decided where my content fell or the type of creator I wanted to be. A friend of mine, Aaron, is very similar to me in this aspect because he also feels that he is lost in this big ocean of Youtube. He previously made a video addressing this topic and I highly recommend you watch it, because it gathers the thoughts I have shared over the years into one. https://youtu.be/OUYr1_qe2S8

The Youtube community is huge, and there are so many different types of creators who share so many different types of videos. This can make it difficult for smaller creators who want to add to existing conversations, as well as contributing to the community in their own way. Personally, I came to a point where I could no longer battle the community in order to be heard. I found that viewers had found the people they wanted to watch, and were only willing to reach out to new creators if they had a connection to someone with a larger audience. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing as it allows smaller creators to make a name for themselves, which ultimately we all want. However, it meant that some people were left feeling that they couldn't increase their audience and presence in the community unless they knew someone who was already popular. 

This links into the creator and viewer divide, which for me is a huge issue and is most relevant at conventions. I have attended three Summer in the City’s and I absolutely adore the event and believe it is a wonderful way for viewers to interact with creators and discuss topics with them outside of a screen. However, this divide means that small creators were left floating around not knowing where they belong. As a small creator myself, I found that I never had a place at SITC because I didn’t want to stand in a queue just to say hello to a creator who's content I enjoy, take a photo and leave. But then I couldn’t go onto a panel and discuss the topics I want because the only panel open to us is the ‘Small Youtuber Panel’, which still requires you to have a couple thousand subscribers. One conversation I will never forget which highlights this issue was with Lucy Moon, in which I asked her ‘What would you consider a Small Youtuber?’. Her response was anyone under 30K. In addition to this, in order to attend most events at London’s Youtube Space you are permitted to have over 1K subscribers, which means that any creator with less is unable to interact with other creators in professional environments so they are continued to be seen as a ‘fan’ (not that there is any issue with that).

I have found that since ending my battle with the Youtube Community, I have began to lose interest in the watching YouTube except for when I strongly care for the creator and their content. I will ultimately always love Youtube, and I am fortunate now that I work in a position where I can continue to have an input in the community without creating my own visual content. There are many pros to the community however, I’ve seen so many people give up or lose their audience due to Youtube’s algorithm and the lack of viewers interaction with smaller creators. I do believe that Youtube is beginning to die, especially with the reveal of more creators being problematic, such as Logan Paul or Chris Ingham. I wanted to share some of my thoughts in this post and I would absolutely adore to hear other people’s take on this. Everything stated here is solely my opinions and nobody is required to agree, however I ask that you please respect my opinion as I will do yours

~ Beth

[a-dawsonsblog]

Week 10:

         What does power represent in the digital interactivity media world? Perhaps we are all creators of content that market our ideas to an audience that gives us power. Without a following, a source would not be able to attract on certain desires, with this being said the power lies within audiences. By formulating and controlling information power is a cycle of knowledge that is realized to an audience and that’s how outcomes occur. Signs of the revolution has the power to distribute information in the digital world by endorsing how traditional people act with one another. For example, I used to have a podcast where my friend Tom and I would talk about everyday lifestyle choices and habits that teenagers go through. Our information was bought to us by our own experiences with opposite-sex relationships, video games, sports activities, and classroom banter. This podcast was purely just for fun by creating memories was the revolution of many signs to come. Dominant narrative creates their cultural materials for audiences to mirror and shadow how power is circulated. Rebecca Black is a pronounced example of how digital media can produce a vide spread cultural phenomenon of Fridays being fantastically amusing to gather your friends to just let loose and see where the world takes you. This type of audience focus on the experience of people having in our society that is relative towards audiences remaking their cultural institutional escapes of reality. My escapes of reality consist of me gathering my friends together on any given night to play poker, have some beers, eat greasy food and have the best night of our lives. This cultural phenomenon is a media landscape for new content to be delivered as new subcultures emerge. The power lies within people engaging with the media and buys into their messages, it ultimate relies on how persuasive one sender is over another to capture larger audiences. Bestowed from Sullivan, the convergence of media technologies forms a portable and digital interchangeable platform for the media to emerge into subcultures (2013, p.215).  This quote is significant because if we look at YouTube as a portable emergence of subcultures for audiences to participate in, we notice how power is coordinating with user-generated content as stories are built upon to distribute new knowledge and information from one audience to another. Blogs and wikis are great tools to formulate ideologies with the use of texts for the online interactivity world to discover how audiences observe insights concerning our media landscape. Bloggers often use theories and notions to offer audiences a lens into their research or area that is being studied. I often read blogs when I want to get a new perspective that does not involve any type of politics and it often uses humor to employ with audiences. Did you know that the digitization of media refers to content by producers today that use straightforward effects like fashion to validate their audiences? Digital media has expanded into mass entertaining extension like Tik Tok and funny videos for the amusement of audiences to make their ideological inscriptions. There is one big question that needs to be addressed and that’s,  are users happy with digital media and does it give them any type of power? For myself I find that many sources of digital media make me angry, for example, I feel as if the mass media has become so dominant that it controls people's emotions, feelings and thoughts. I struggle today to talk to people without looking at their phones, however, In many instances I consider the media to be an extremely reliable platform to get my news updates on my sports teams, music, celebrities, politics and general day to day activities that my friends take part in. Seeing this information makes me feel good about how technology and the media keeps me connected with all my friends and other content that I follow. The term alchemy is vital to address when cycling through large data, the primary motivation of this data is to process its creating features through the aggregation of details like YouTube. Data is wholesome for big business because it allows them to understand audiences as a whole, with more data more conclusions are to be made. I remember my first job working at McDonald's, once a month I was part of collecting data to determine the amount of consumption based off of the different hamburger patties we used, ultimately the conclusions were that Angus burgers were the least popular burger patty so we told our suppliers to decrease the number of patties that were being brought to us per week. Online interactive perpetuates crowdsourcing that creates appealing information products and services that are created by media central organizations. This allows for creativity to be maxed out by any outliers to centralize a new terrain for audiences to appear in. The rise of audience autonomy fragments media into smaller groups that have controlled devices to translate different sounds, texts, pictures, and new channel forms. I feel as if user-generated content is popular on a platform like Twitter to grasp quick opinions and perspectives that allows for the creation of interactivity to emerge. Communication is represented by how active audiences engage with texts outside of the media realm, what I mean is when I see picture on Instagram of a product that catches my eye I am more likely than not to go to that store get more information and possibly purchase this product. Audiences as an agency interpret institutions as numbers and rise of participatory culture. It has been shown that leaders spark the publics' eyes by enabling new technologies to become fans of and participate in the culture of having the newest item on the market. Personally, every time a new iPhone gets released I have to upgrade to it because I feel as if it will benefit me and I want the latest technology available. 

[allenfromthetc]

Blog post #2: Participatory Culture

So, what is participation theory, anyway? I can’t speak for the rest of you, but I had never truly discussed this topic prior to entering this class, much less even hearing the phrase. However, that doesn’t mean I hadn’t thought of some of its concepts as I grew up in the digital world, specifically how our usage of social media isn’t simply a means of passing time, but rather is a shared collective experience in which we both contribute and take in other people’s work, opinions, and language. In our week 6 agenda, it is mentioned that participation is a part of our skill set for digital literacy, and through that being able to actively engage and be a part of our communities; the digital era has allowed us to not be restricted to our geographical location, and actively explore the communities we are involved in on a larger scale and explore things that can become a part of our identity. Henry Jenkins in Participatory Culture in a Networked Era, defines culture as as the “sum of total human experience”, and with that views participatory culture as “one which embraces the values of diversity and democracy through every aspect of our interactions with one another”, bringing up the idea that this culture may not be something completely dynamic or groundbreaking, but rather found in the things that we do everyday (Jenkins, ITo, & boyd, 2016, p.2). With constant tweets, snaps, emails, and instagram updates becoming the common place for how we interact with each other, our culture is heavily influenced by the digital interactions of our lives. With more and more people having access to social media and tailoring it to their social needs as opposed to professional, it has transitioned from a technological asset to now a mundane constant. I view participatory culture as people using social media in order to create, comment, and share content that is easily accessible and contributable with a purpose. One way in which I have seen social media trends be prime examples of participatory culture is the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge of 2014In 2014, to raise awareness for Amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, or ALS, people on social media would dump buckets full of ice on their head and tag people they know, under the condition that they either continue the trend of donate an amount of money to the ALS association. This swept through both Facebook and Instagram, becoming a common post to see with many of people's friends engaging in the conversation through comments or shares. A simple act, video taping someone dumping ice on themselves, yet because of its simplicity people were able to replicate, contribute traffic to the videos as well as funds, and with that able to support an association with a higher purpose. These types of videos are mentioned in chapter 4 of the book Participation and User Generated Content, in what is referred to as User Created Content, or UCC. The section brings up the fact that high quality cameras and the ever improving smartphones continue to become a more commonplace item, and with that the ability to produce media. This has paved the way for “vernacular creativity”, or creativity that is easily accessible and more concurrent with the everyday things of our lives (Hinton & Hjorth, 2013) With TikTok becoming one of the most popular social media sites, solely based on video creation, it exemplifies easily accessible and connected culture. TikTok provides music, “sounds”, audio sound effects, and filters to allow anyone with a smartphone to easily customize and create content. One of the most popular features of TikTok is their “sounds”, which is audio created by one user which can be used for anyone else’s videos, allowing people to replicate and put their own twist on trends. This has allowed a wave of dance trends, workouts, and other activities that people can watch and recreate- specifically in the movement #Flattenthecurve. This movement is dedicated to encouraging people to stay inside and practice social distancing, all the while having fun and being enjoyable to the average users. Even something as simple as a hashtag can advocate for the good of society, while still being accessible and recreational. 

In Confronting the Challenges of Participatory Culture: Media Education for the 21st Century, they mention that scholars “suggest potential benefits of these forms of participatory culture”, in the same way that connected learning allows for an education separate from the traditional institutions; that is, peer to peer communication, development of skills, and collaboration (Jenkins, Puroshotma, Clinton, Weigel, & Robison, 2009). While our technology is advancing and becoming more accessible, it doesn’t mean that everyone has the same access to it or the same experience and exposure. They acknowledge that as a Participation Gap, and I have seen that firsthand. While studying at University, unrelated to studies people are connected and communicating through social media and experiencing culture through information, memes, and videos- and while this might be commonplace there, this isn’t the same in all places where technology and staying up to date with pop culture is not the forefront. Though it may not be imperative to living, smaller communities or less advantage don’t experience or use them in the same way, and may not have a full grasp of how much social media affects the world as a whole. 

Something that I have been doing to involve myself in online communities both to enrich my personal identity and reach out to others that share similar experiences with me is actively following Filipino tik tokers and other minority creators, as well as joining multiple Facebook groups (namely, Subtle Asian Traits, Subtle Filipino Traits, and Subtle Asian Veterans). Though I have yet to create my own content for Tik Tok, being able to see other people that look like me and have experienced similar upbringings create humor based upon their own upbringing in the culture or post content (music, dancing) that is trending within these communities has allowed me to have that exposure that I hadn’t had while overseas or as much experience while I was at University. Instead of having to rely on visiting family or meeting up with members of the Phillipine Student Association on campus, I can instead turn to the internet and still feel engaged with my heritage and people my age. Though it’s important to have these real life communities and in the case of PSA, it’s important to congregate in real life- however, being able to participate and engage with a community that would otherwise be a niche subculture in certain locations, allows people to contribute more and have more connectivity. And this certainly doesn’t mean that real life groups can’t use social media, it’s quite the opposite in fact. Having social media linked to groups and using it to promote, communicate, and coordinate, allows for culture to grow outside of meetings. It can promote and enhance friendships, and be a place where culture can cultivate and thrive. I have been able to laugh at memes that I wouldn’t find in “mainstream” social media streams, as well as have viewpoints tailored more to my experience; while opinions differ, as a collective I am able to relate more and discuss topics with people who have a better understanding about the Asian-American/Asian/Minority Experience. 

I also joined the Subtle Asian Veterans group, due to me recently serving overseas and feeling as if I was the only Asian a part of the group I had been serving with. While there aren’t quite that many Asian/Asian Americans serving in the Armed Forces, that doesn’t mean they don’t exist- and with that meaning that I wasn’t quite so alone, after all. I participate in discussions often; as a new soldier I often ask for advice on career planning and people’s experiences with their service, as well as networking and finding out how to use my benefits and experience back into the civilian world. Currently on the page, people are posting different T-Shirt and Hoodie designs that are customized with the flags of both our heritage, as well as the country we currently serve or have served. I’m currently in the works of my own design, as the proceeds of all the designs will be going to a charity supporting the healthcare workers on the frontlines of the COVID-19 pandemic. Not only has their group allowed me to connect culturally in both humor and professional development, but has allowed us to contribute to something bigger than ourselves, and show our support for healthcare workers in this time. 

[porcupineinajacuzzi]

An Introduction to Pied Piper Inc.

Originally published February 16th, 2016

Earlier today, fans all over North America let out a collective squee of delight as it was revealed that Pied Piper Inc. has licensed the anime series Skip Beat! for DVD and Blu-ray. Who is this new magical, wish granting company though? Well, allow me to fill you in as earlier this week I had the chance to sit down with the president of the company, Ann Yamamoto, and ask her some questions about Pied Piper Inc. and their plans for the future.

- Pied Piper seemed to come out of nowhere. Earlier this decade the company ran a very successful Kickstarter and distributed the Time of Eve movie but now you’ve decided to venture into licensing anime yourselves. What was the decision making process behind this new direction?

The decision making process was very organic. When I launched the Time of EVE Kickstarter, I saw it as a small experiment. Never in my wildest dreams did I think it would be a 2-year journey involving music licensing, book publishing, and collaboration with fans around the world.

I came out with three crystal clear realizations.

First, the Kickstarter was the single most challenging and satisfying experience in my professional life. I knew with absolute certitude that I wanted to do anime crowdfunding again.

And, as the final rewards were shipping, I was over-the-top delighted to get messages from backers asking me to do another campaign.

Finally, I didn’t make a single cent. OK, I’ll just go out and say it. I lost money. Toward the end, I was paying my accountant, bookkeeper and outside vendors, but not myself. But, I also realized that the project had been my greatest teacher. Sure, a lot of these lessons were kind of jack-of-all-trades skills, like uploading 1,300 addresses into Amazon’s shipping interface or packaging ceramics for shipment to Russia. However, there were other more meta lessons. For example, being able to think through the full ramifications of a spec change, or knowing how to approach licensing for music, books, bonus videos and merchandise.

So, I decided to think of the financial loss as business school tuition. I decided, you know what, I’d be a fool not to use that knowledge toward something that I love to do, and toward solving problems that matter to anime fans.

- With so many companies in the United States already competing against each other, what makes your company stand out against the rest? Is there a particular niche that you’re aiming to fill?

Honestly, I don’t see myself in competition with other distributors/localization companies. First of all, I am a tiny operation! I don’t see myself going head-to-head for licenses. I find the gems that somehow have fallen through the cracks.

And, I think what I do is a little bit different from other distributors, with the exception of Robert Woodhead at AnimEigo. It is true that I’m after the same bundle of rights (merch, videogram). But, I am not primarily in the business of selling products. Other companies do that much better than I could ever do. My focus is offering the opportunity to join something like a barn raising. To me, the reward tiers are like tickets to an experience, and the goody bag at the end is the fruition of our collective effort. My dream is that fans come away from the experience somehow changed – such as having a greater appreciation of the title, or of anime as a whole.

Like other distributors, my roles are gaining the trust of the rightsholder and taking on the risk of getting the license. But then, after that, my role is to bring the backers into the localization process as much as possible. This might be quality checking of subtitles or voting on packaging designs, or sharing very detailed and transparent “behind-the-scenes” updates about the localization process.

I am not wedded to crowdfunding per say. Technology is creating new ways for people to collaborate, and I think ecommerce is playing catch up. I think we will see more models and platforms emerge in the next few years, and I want to be part of that.

- Over the last few years, anime fans have been turning to streaming sites more and more in order to get their fix. Does Pied Piper have any plans to join the streaming/simulcast market or will you be sticking to home video releases?

At this point, I don’t see how I can bring more value to streaming/simulcast.

In fact, streaming creates a new set of problems, namely backlog and overwhelming choice. I see myself as counter-programming, if that makes sense.

- Another thing fans have seen over the last few years is the market split sharply behind the high-end “boutique” distributors and the mass-market providers. Where does Pied Piper see itself fitting in the current landscape?

I am all about boutique, bespoke!

- In an ideal situation, how active would Pied Piper like to be this year? To put it another way, can fans potentially look forward to many license announcements over the next twelve months or is the company more interested in a slow and steady approach to potential licenses?

The biggest challenge to my business model is that it isn’t really scalable. I love the process of negotiating with backers and the Japan-side creators, and I’m not interested in handing that off. So we’ll see. Last year I wrote up a business plan that calls for 4 projects and 8,000 total backers each year. *If* this Skip Beat campaign is successful, I’ll have a war chest that I can use toward licensing new titles. And, I’ll have more credibility when I approach rightsholders.

- Let’s talk about Pied Piper’s first license announcement, Skip Beat. You’re making a lot of shojo fans in North America very happy by releasing it to home video for the first time ever. Is there anything in particular that made this series such an attractive title for your first license?

After I had the realization that I wanted to turn crowdfunding into a sustainable business, the first challenge was to get new titles. In an ideal world, Directions (producer of Time of EVE) or dir. Yoshiura would have the perfect crowdfunding project in the pipeline. But no, that would be too easy!

How to identify and evaluate unlicensed titles? I’d been having conversations with Time of EVE backers and talked with several of them about my predicament. Five of them joined me as Project Curators to scout out new titles, and so they sent me a stream of ideas. My next step was to contact the rightsholders. I got many, many rejections, which gave me the chance to refine my pitch. So I was in a much better position when I met with TV Tokyo. I saw “Skip Beat!” in their catalog, and my jaw dropped.

To be honest, it wasn’t my ideal title simply because 25 episodes increases the costs on all fronts – licensing, dub, authoring, and manufacturing. It is a huge risk. I was looking for a smaller-scale title. But, Kyoko is all about guts. I love the title, and decided to go for it.

The TV Tokyo licensing team was open to letting me use crowdfunding, and I am profoundly grateful that the production committee allowed me to license the title.

I’d like to also give more background into my decision making process for the “Skip Beat!” license. Sorry, this is going to be long…

Once I’ve decided that a title has potential for crowdfunding, the next step is to make an educated guess of the minimum support I can expect from the core fan base. I try to be as empirical as possible. In the case of Time of EVE, I knew 350 or so overseas fans had purchased Direction’s Blu-ray release of the ONA version at $55, so I felt like it was reasonable to expect that at least 300 fans outside of Japan would join an international crowdfunding campaign. So I didn’t want the goal to be much higher than $16,000. Then, I got vendor quotes for the bare minimum release with a tiny production run, and managed to whittle the budget down to $18,000. So that’s how I set the initial goal (which was met within the first 24 hours of the campaign!).

For “Skip Beat!,” I looked at viewer ratings on MyAnimeList, ANN and Crunchyroll, and compared those with the other crowdfunded projects to date. I felt like I could count on 3,000 fans in North America to join the campaign at an average of $70 per pledge (the Time of EVE average was $79) for a total of $210,000. I refuse to set the initial goal above this amount, as I feel that would be unfair to fans and to the title. So, before I licensed the title, I had to ask myself: Can I deliver a quality release with English dub within that budget?

The rational answer is, absolutely not. The dub itself could easily exceed that sum. So, I was stumped. Fate stepped in, however, and one of Pied PIper’s Project Curators introduced me to Mela Lee, an incredibly talented voiceover actress with producerial smarts and the crazy heart of a die-hard fan. She proposed that we could deliver a quality dub within the $210,000 total budget, and then set stretch goals to scale up the dub with backer support. She brought onboard a truly amazing production team with Cristina Vee, Jason Charles Miller and Alexander Burke. It still feels like a miracle to have their talent on board this passion project, and I’m constantly having to pinch myself!

With their participation, I had the confidence to go ahead with the licensing agreement. So, you can think of the five of us as the first group of backers to the project. We are bonded by our love of “Skip Beat!,” and I hope that comes through in the campaign.

- Is there anything in particular you’re looking for in potential future anime licenses?

It boils down to two factors. First, I am looking for unlicensed titles that have a special quality that inspires passion from fans. Each case is different. I ask myself how I feel about the title, consult with the Project Curators who are helping me, read reviews and look at metrics like MyAnimeList. Second, the rightsholder needs to be open to crowdfunding. They need to be willing to let me open up the localization process to backers.

That being said, I absolutely think my business model is going to evolve. Three years ago, even a year ago, I would never have imagined myself taking “Skip Beat!” to fans through crowdfunding. I will continue to experiment with new ideas as I go along. It goes without saying that some of these won’t work out. It is terrifying, and exhilarating!

- Are there any plans to hit any conventions in the United States this year in order to better introduce yourself to fans?

I would love that opportunity!

- If there were one thing that you wanted our readers to know about you, one single thing that stands out about all others, what would it be?

What an amazing and difficult question! This isn’t unique to me, at all, but I’ll write it anyway. I’d like readers to know that I am continually inspired by anime, and I feel like it is such a privilege to be part of this industry.

[theway-to-myheart]

Keeping Up With Content Creation: A Dad’s Workflow

We love collaborating with bloggers and today we’re pleased to be able to share this guest post with you from Ivan Siladji. Ivan’s a dad and a blogger and he’s sharing his tips for keeping up with content creation. Enjoy!

Let’s be real for just a minute. For most of us, this whole blogging thing is a part time gig. Some people never want to take their writing full-time, you know, the making a living from it kind of full time. For many, blogging is a way to journal their life – and it’s a great way of doing that. Kudos.

For others, myself taken, the blogging journey we are all on is one that will one day provide for financially, and then some.

The bridge between hobby content creation, being part time and then ultimately full time is a long journey that best be enjoyed with long nights, sore typing thumbs and a glass of wine. It all gets interesting when you couple all of this with a full-time job, being a dad to two kids under six, married life, family life, taking time for health and all the other things this wonderful thing called life may throw at you.

Content Creation – Why Create?

Legacy. That’s it for me. For you that might be different, and probably will. My mission is to interact with as many people as I can while I’m here and in some way, shape or form, leave a lasting impact, big or small, trivial or profound. Content creation and the internet is the easiest and most direct way of doing that. It’s also the most competitive. And if I can support my lifestyle while doing all of this it just seems like a no-brainer. Of course, there is always a catch. I’ll give you a hint – it starts with “W”.

So Where Do You Fit In?

My perspective starts with me standing all alone, on that bridge, this little guy from the big city of Sydney, Australia — long way from home, I know. I’m currently walking that line between hobby content creator and part time blogger. Sure, I hope to take this thing full time but the biggest thing I’ve learned in the last four years would have to be patience.

I currently create content around three main pillars – written in the form of my blog or other articles, such as this that you’re reading now. Second is video content and that’s where my YouTube channel comes in. There I document my journey and life in the form of vlogging and create other short form videos for my community. Then there is the third pillar – the audio component. Think of podcasting for example. In my case, this is my anchor station where I aim to put out daily “plogging” content – think of vlogging or blogging but in podcast form. Then there is the plethora of micro content that strings all of this together – Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook. All of which in their own right are quickly becoming, if not already, pillar content platforms.

I took the route of these three main pillars because they integrate well. I can write a piece of content in blog form and then speak about it in audio form, opening up further conversation and bringing to life the voice behind the written post, and vice versa. YouTube vlogging allows me to take my community along for the journey and pull together a video that visually tells the story I am trying to convey in otherwise written form. And in all honestly, humans are very visual creatures. Personally, I’m always painting the picture in my mind of what a writer looks like behind a post – video is perfect to share what that looks like with your own community, especially if you’re comfortable to do that sort of thing.

How Do You Keep Up?

Before you think about how you are going to go about all of this it’s important to accept the fact that it will involve a great deal of work, which, if you’re passionate about all of this content creation stuff, shouldn’t be a problem, most of the time. If you don’t have kids you’re ahead of the game for time as evening, night and early morning hours are still your own. If kids have somehow made their way into your lives you’re in for a journey of time management. Don’t worry, it can be done, you just have to manage a few extra things.

Now that you’ve accepted the fact that work will be involved, it’s important that you get clear about what it is you are trying to do. Get clear about the pillar content forms you want to pursue. Don’t focus so much on the social platform or you will be hedging your content on the success of the platform and any algorithms they throw your way. Rather, focus on the content types. For instance, when I say I vlog for YouTube I also have these vlogs as video posts on my public Facebook page – Facebook is really upping their attention on video content so engagement for that type of content is usually higher and Facebook gives it some preference in their feeds.

From here it’s all about when. This is where the ‘keeping up’ part comes into play. I’ll make it easy for you from the get-go. You won’t always keep up. Accept that. As you make progress and get better at your craft you inherently get busier. Opportunities come more often which means you’re writing more frequently than you otherwise anticipated and with that comes an increase in your content distribution efforts. You spend more time engaging with your readers, viewers and/or listeners and building a community — personally, that’s the best part and it’s a lot of fun.

Tools Of The Trade

Like any job, you need specific tools to get you through specific tasks. Personally, I use a number of tools to make the process of content creation all that bit easier. These include (and are free without taking any upgrade options);

Evernote – I use Evernote to create written content for platforms outside of my own blog, for example, contributor pieces. If I’m writing directly for my own blog I write directly within WordPress, my sites hosting platform. The text editor there is more than ample for how I like to write so I keep within that. However, when it comes to writing for someone else, jotting down notes or getting an audio note in, especially while out-and-about, I don’t go past Evernote.

Pages – I manage my facebook page through the native pages app by Facebook. It gives better reporting and power over your page. I’ve used this for years so I’m not sure if it’s normal practice now but if it’s not and you’re still managing your page within Facebook itself, try the pages app.

Canva – I’ve recently signed up with Canva (oh Canva, where have tho’ been). In a nutshell, Canva makes creating anything visual so much easier. They have all the templates you need for all the major platforms. I use this via google chrome as an in browser app as well as on my iPhone when not at my desktop.

Asana – Need a task and project management tool? Asana is your new best friend. This cloud based app on desktop and mobile is powerful, visually appealing and makes setting up tasks and projects much easier. After you play around with this app and get your bearings around it you’ll never look back. You can organise your tasks by project and assign sub-tasks. And if you have a team it gets even better as you can assign tasks to your team and open workflows between members.

Bit.ly – Bit.ly is my go-to link shortening app. I like this as it allows me to track click throughs from social platforms and other parts of the interweb so I know in more detail who is getting exposed to my content and from where.

WordPress – I natively create most of my blog content within the mobile version of WordPress. Because most content today is consumed within a mobile device I figured it made sense to create the content within one. This allows me to see what my posts will look like on mobile which gives me a chance to iron out most blogging layout bugs before I hit publish.

iPhone / DSLR / External Microphone / Tripod – I’m an Apple guy but if you’re an Android user all of what I’ve written here will still work. I record 95% of my video content on my iPhone and subsequently do 80% of my video editing within the device as well. Sometimes I go to desktop but it’s usually much easier and quicker to do it right from my device. Point is – you don’t need to get fancy. Although I use Adobe software for higher end video and photography work, apple iMovie is more than capable of getting you started. I also carry in my kit a DSLR (although I’m using it much less these days), an external microphone for audio content such as that which I put out on Anchor when I’m in the office as well as a tripod to hold my iPhone or DSLR when shooting video. Take home message is you can do most of your content creation using nothing else than your smartphone and any excuse otherwise is exactly that – an excuse.

I’m Still Hearing You In The Background…

I’m well aware some of you are still saying – good for you but I just don’t have the time. Respect. I get it. But I don’t buy it from most of you. I truly would love to see you win at this. Even before I do. The journey is long, so engage in a little patience, sprinkle on some consistency (the hardest part) and take small steps to climb big mountains. Utilise tivo to record your favourite show for later or skip it all together. If you’re naturally a night person – go to bed an hour or two later. Morning person? Wake up an hour or two earlier. Catching a train? Write a post. Waiting in queue for a latte? Engage on Twitter. Taking an Uber? Record a podcast. Out and about? Record a vlog. It just comes down to work.

Given this post threw a lot at you, I truly hope it’s given you a little more edge. I love creating content, particularly that in written form. Being part of an online community has introduced me to more people than I ever thought I’d get to know and it’s been a hell-of-a journey. Be open to patience, and be willing to travel the blogging journey long term – results come not over night but rather after many keystrokes. Most of all – enjoy the journey. I am.

About Ivan

Sydney, Australia. That’s where I’m from. It’s a big place. Me – I’m a little smaller. I’m a normal dad, of two wonderful children, a boy and a girl. I’m married to one amazingly attractive woman who’s patience for being swamped by my intensity is admirable.

  I blog. It is a means for me to let out my creative juices all the while working in a crazy job and raising a family. It’s a place to share my opinions, albeit sometimes controversial, share lessons I have learned that might be of use and hopefully bring some joy to someone’s life. Some of the experiences I draw lessons from are my work as a scientist and manager of people, parenting, business, lessons from blogging, family and of course a general interest in things like the outdoors, lifestyle and self-awareness.

  For me,  the best part of writing is connecting with you, the reader, and each time I do I’m forever grateful for the new friendships that are formed.

  If you like this post I’d love to connect with you more. You can reach me by email, visit my blog or catch me on Facebook most days of the week.

The post Keeping Up With Content Creation: A Dad’s Workflow appeared first on NC Blogger Network.

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[julesliedtke]

Keeping Up With Content Creation: A Dad’s Workflow

We love collaborating with bloggers and today we’re pleased to be able to share this guest post with you from Ivan Siladji. Ivan’s a dad and a blogger and he’s sharing his tips for keeping up with content creation. Enjoy!

Let’s be real for just a minute. For most of us, this whole blogging thing is a part time gig. Some people never want to take their writing full-time, you know, the making a living from it kind of full time. For many, blogging is a way to journal their life – and it’s a great way of doing that. Kudos.

For others, myself taken, the blogging journey we are all on is one that will one day provide for financially, and then some.

The bridge between hobby content creation, being part time and then ultimately full time is a long journey that best be enjoyed with long nights, sore typing thumbs and a glass of wine. It all gets interesting when you couple all of this with a full-time job, being a dad to two kids under six, married life, family life, taking time for health and all the other things this wonderful thing called life may throw at you.

Content Creation – Why Create?

Legacy. That’s it for me. For you that might be different, and probably will. My mission is to interact with as many people as I can while I’m here and in some way, shape or form, leave a lasting impact, big or small, trivial or profound. Content creation and the internet is the easiest and most direct way of doing that. It’s also the most competitive. And if I can support my lifestyle while doing all of this it just seems like a no-brainer. Of course, there is always a catch. I’ll give you a hint – it starts with “W”.

So Where Do You Fit In?

My perspective starts with me standing all alone, on that bridge, this little guy from the big city of Sydney, Australia — long way from home, I know. I’m currently walking that line between hobby content creator and part time blogger. Sure, I hope to take this thing full time but the biggest thing I’ve learned in the last four years would have to be patience.

I currently create content around three main pillars – written in the form of my blog or other articles, such as this that you’re reading now. Second is video content and that’s where my YouTube channel comes in. There I document my journey and life in the form of vlogging and create other short form videos for my community. Then there is the third pillar – the audio component. Think of podcasting for example. In my case, this is my anchor station where I aim to put out daily “plogging” content – think of vlogging or blogging but in podcast form. Then there is the plethora of micro content that strings all of this together – Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook. All of which in their own right are quickly becoming, if not already, pillar content platforms.

I took the route of these three main pillars because they integrate well. I can write a piece of content in blog form and then speak about it in audio form, opening up further conversation and bringing to life the voice behind the written post, and vice versa. YouTube vlogging allows me to take my community along for the journey and pull together a video that visually tells the story I am trying to convey in otherwise written form. And in all honestly, humans are very visual creatures. Personally, I’m always painting the picture in my mind of what a writer looks like behind a post – video is perfect to share what that looks like with your own community, especially if you’re comfortable to do that sort of thing.

How Do You Keep Up?

Before you think about how you are going to go about all of this it’s important to accept the fact that it will involve a great deal of work, which, if you’re passionate about all of this content creation stuff, shouldn’t be a problem, most of the time. If you don’t have kids you’re ahead of the game for time as evening, night and early morning hours are still your own. If kids have somehow made their way into your lives you’re in for a journey of time management. Don’t worry, it can be done, you just have to manage a few extra things.

Now that you’ve accepted the fact that work will be involved, it’s important that you get clear about what it is you are trying to do. Get clear about the pillar content forms you want to pursue. Don’t focus so much on the social platform or you will be hedging your content on the success of the platform and any algorithms they throw your way. Rather, focus on the content types. For instance, when I say I vlog for YouTube I also have these vlogs as video posts on my public Facebook page – Facebook is really upping their attention on video content so engagement for that type of content is usually higher and Facebook gives it some preference in their feeds.

From here it’s all about when. This is where the ‘keeping up’ part comes into play. I’ll make it easy for you from the get-go. You won’t always keep up. Accept that. As you make progress and get better at your craft you inherently get busier. Opportunities come more often which means you’re writing more frequently than you otherwise anticipated and with that comes an increase in your content distribution efforts. You spend more time engaging with your readers, viewers and/or listeners and building a community — personally, that’s the best part and it’s a lot of fun.

Tools Of The Trade

Like any job, you need specific tools to get you through specific tasks. Personally, I use a number of tools to make the process of content creation all that bit easier. These include (and are free without taking any upgrade options);

Evernote – I use Evernote to create written content for platforms outside of my own blog, for example, contributor pieces. If I’m writing directly for my own blog I write directly within WordPress, my sites hosting platform. The text editor there is more than ample for how I like to write so I keep within that. However, when it comes to writing for someone else, jotting down notes or getting an audio note in, especially while out-and-about, I don’t go past Evernote.

Pages – I manage my facebook page through the native pages app by Facebook. It gives better reporting and power over your page. I’ve used this for years so I’m not sure if it’s normal practice now but if it’s not and you’re still managing your page within Facebook itself, try the pages app.

Canva – I’ve recently signed up with Canva (oh Canva, where have tho’ been). In a nutshell, Canva makes creating anything visual so much easier. They have all the templates you need for all the major platforms. I use this via google chrome as an in browser app as well as on my iPhone when not at my desktop.

Asana – Need a task and project management tool? Asana is your new best friend. This cloud based app on desktop and mobile is powerful, visually appealing and makes setting up tasks and projects much easier. After you play around with this app and get your bearings around it you’ll never look back. You can organise your tasks by project and assign sub-tasks. And if you have a team it gets even better as you can assign tasks to your team and open workflows between members.

Bit.ly – Bit.ly is my go-to link shortening app. I like this as it allows me to track click throughs from social platforms and other parts of the interweb so I know in more detail who is getting exposed to my content and from where.

WordPress – I natively create most of my blog content within the mobile version of WordPress. Because most content today is consumed within a mobile device I figured it made sense to create the content within one. This allows me to see what my posts will look like on mobile which gives me a chance to iron out most blogging layout bugs before I hit publish.

iPhone / DSLR / External Microphone / Tripod – I’m an Apple guy but if you’re an Android user all of what I’ve written here will still work. I record 95% of my video content on my iPhone and subsequently do 80% of my video editing within the device as well. Sometimes I go to desktop but it’s usually much easier and quicker to do it right from my device. Point is – you don’t need to get fancy. Although I use Adobe software for higher end video and photography work, apple iMovie is more than capable of getting you started. I also carry in my kit a DSLR (although I’m using it much less these days), an external microphone for audio content such as that which I put out on Anchor when I’m in the office as well as a tripod to hold my iPhone or DSLR when shooting video. Take home message is you can do most of your content creation using nothing else than your smartphone and any excuse otherwise is exactly that – an excuse.

I’m Still Hearing You In The Background…

I’m well aware some of you are still saying – good for you but I just don’t have the time. Respect. I get it. But I don’t buy it from most of you. I truly would love to see you win at this. Even before I do. The journey is long, so engage in a little patience, sprinkle on some consistency (the hardest part) and take small steps to climb big mountains. Utilise tivo to record your favourite show for later or skip it all together. If you’re naturally a night person – go to bed an hour or two later. Morning person? Wake up an hour or two earlier. Catching a train? Write a post. Waiting in queue for a latte? Engage on Twitter. Taking an Uber? Record a podcast. Out and about? Record a vlog. It just comes down to work.

Given this post threw a lot at you, I truly hope it’s given you a little more edge. I love creating content, particularly that in written form. Being part of an online community has introduced me to more people than I ever thought I’d get to know and it’s been a hell-of-a journey. Be open to patience, and be willing to travel the blogging journey long term – results come not over night but rather after many keystrokes. Most of all – enjoy the journey. I am.

About Ivan

Sydney, Australia. That’s where I’m from. It’s a big place. Me – I’m a little smaller. I’m a normal dad, of two wonderful children, a boy and a girl. I’m married to one amazingly attractive woman who’s patience for being swamped by my intensity is admirable.

  I blog. It is a means for me to let out my creative juices all the while working in a crazy job and raising a family. It’s a place to share my opinions, albeit sometimes controversial, share lessons I have learned that might be of use and hopefully bring some joy to someone’s life. Some of the experiences I draw lessons from are my work as a scientist and manager of people, parenting, business, lessons from blogging, family and of course a general interest in things like the outdoors, lifestyle and self-awareness.

  For me,  the best part of writing is connecting with you, the reader, and each time I do I’m forever grateful for the new friendships that are formed.

  If you like this post I’d love to connect with you more. You can reach me by email, visit my blog or catch me on Facebook most days of the week.

The post Keeping Up With Content Creation: A Dad’s Workflow appeared first on NC Blogger Network.

from WordPress http://ift.tt/2viU7on