#and i need to get off twitter or at least lessen my time on it because its all brain dead takes that have no roots in actual lived

[mueritos]

need to get off twitter because all of the “transmascs dont experience violence and oppression” discourse is rotting my brain....

[multi-fandomsfreak]

My friend doesnt have tumblr but they would like Devil Mario relationship hcs if you can do that!! /nf (Showed them ur page and they really liked it!!!)

And also since you're like the only person who does mario's madness stuff 😭,,,

we hope you have a good day/afternoon/evening!! ^0^

Devil Mario Relationship Hcs

Hey there thanks for the ask!

Glad that your friend enjoys my page. Happy that people enjoy my stuff even if they don’t have the app/site. Hope you and your friend enjoy this one.

Also, I used they/them for devil mario as well as he/him. Hope you don’t mind. Mostly did it since there are literally multiple beings inside of him (mostly only using they/them when referring to the boos). ~Blaze/Dawn

Pronouns: Not Mentioned

Warning: ⚠️ Mentions Of Harm Done To Reader + Mentions of Murdering⚠️

Requested: Yes/No

Characters: Devil Mario + Quick Mentions Of Luigi + Peach From Same Series

Proofread: ❌

Credits: Art by Triki_TrOy on Twitter + Banner by lifeislivingyou on Pinterest

———————————

- Well this is weird, you never expected to be dating Devil Mario. Being in a relationship with a dude being possessed by boos was something you didn’t see coming. I like to think in order for this to happen you’ve been with Mario or at least friends with him before the whole incident happened. Regardless of if you were in a relationship with him or you two were just friends he absolutely loves you. He treats you with respect making sure you're okay and have everything you want or need. Willing to go through certain lengths to make sure you're happy. He’s the perfect boyfriend/friend material.

- However it kind of changed when the whole ordeal of him getting possessed by boos. As much as I want to deny it or lessen the degree of what I’m about to say but I’m just going to be honest. Knowing what happened in the original series meeting Devil Mario he most likely tried to attack you or maybe hurt you. Considering what happened to Luigi and Peach in the series who Mario is close to as well there’s no doubt the boos possessing him will do something similar to you as well. It definitely took you by surprise when it happened. You knew it wasn’t actually Mario who was doing this but regardless it kind of made you scared to be around him. It definitely upset Mario once learning about what happened to you, not even trusting himself to be around you or frankly anyone in case he got possessed again and something worse happened.

- However, what you didn’t expect was that Devil Mario had started taking a liking to you. Yeah he did attack you when the two of you first met but regardless of that he just found you interesting. Not just in looks but how you act as well. He could understand why Mario started associating himself with you.

- After discovering you he pretty much made it his mission to be with you. Even if you two got off on the wrong start regardless he wanted to get to know you better. Maybe protecting you or more. For now he wanted to gain your trust. That was the main focus for now since he literally almost murder you the two of you first met. When the two of you first met again honestly you were more afraid of getting attacked by him again, your first thought was that since he didn’t finish you off the first time he’ll definitely do it this time. However, you were mostly shocked when he said that he or rather ‘they’ due to the boos possessing him didn’t want to harm you. Initially you were suspicious at first, maybe trying to grab your attention in order to do something. He knew it would be a while since he would get closer towards you and he was more than willing to do it. Even if it means they may have to derail their current plans in order to do so. Eventually with enough convincing from him as well as a promise to protect you from anyone who gets in your way you decide to at least give him a chance. Lucky for you he managed to keep his end of the agreement.

- It felt kind of weird being around him at first especially considering what he has now become but despite the initial misunderstanding you two enjoyed being around each other. When Devil Mario isn’t murdering people that is. Even if you were just talking to a bunch of ghosts possessing your once friend/lover it felt nice. Each time you two hanged out Devil Mario found himself wanting to get closer towards you. After receiving your trust he couldn’t help but feel an overwhelming feeling of wanting to not only protect you but be more than friends with you. It kind of takes him a while to process his feelings for you even though he knew he wanted to get closer with you ever since the day you and him first met.

- I like to think he never really established that he likes you or that you two are in a relationship. He just does things that people consider loving and you just go along with it. Before quickly realising that he may or may not like you. At first you have to ask him something like “are we in a relationship?” And he’ll just respond “wait we aren’t?” All confused which then evolved into the two of you having a staring contest with the two of you confused as fuck. After a little explaining you just accepted that he liked you and reciprocated them.

- Definitely very protective over you. He managed to get with you this far and he’s planning on keeping like this. Not in an overbearing way of course but still expect him to be very close towards you. If he finds out someone is annoying/bothering you, you can bet your ass he’ll be doing something about it.

- Adding on from the previous point one of said ‘something’ he’ll do is definitely murder. Considering his character he’ll be more than willing to kill someone for you. Just say who’s bothering you and he’s on his merry way to get rid of them. Even if you try to convince him that it’s no bother he doesn’t care. His mind is already set on harming said person as soon as he sees you upset.

- Also kind of adding in from the previous point you can find himself being very loyal towards you. Besides his main goal you come very close to him. He can be easily persuaded into doing something by you (minus the previous point and reaching his current goal). As soon as you say you want something you can expect him to get it for you. If you want him to do something just tell him and you can expect him to do it. If it makes you happy he would be more than happy to do it. Seeing you smiling is the best part of being with you, to him at least.

———————————

[darkjediqueen]

Tommy's Age

So, between here and Twitter, I have seen a lot of discussions about Tommy's age. I have seen the age range from 20 years older then Buck to just seven years. The information below is based mainly on my headcanon of Tommy being in the Army for the entire 8 years.

In the context of a story, authors can make whatever changes they want to fit what they need for the story. But when discussing canon, things are a little more rigid. Or at least as rigid as the canon is itself.

The first time we see Tommy is when Chim arrives at the 118 back in 2005. We know he's not a probie, so at that point, he's had at least 1 year on the job and is out of his probationary year. So it's at least 2004 for him to have graduated from the academy.

By the time Tommy comes back as Buck's love interest, we find out that he was a helicopter pilot in the Army, which was added for the Eddie connection, but it adds in time. It's not like Tommy can now be some fresh-faced 18-year-old applying to the academy. There are years between those two now.

911 has never cared about keeping anything close to a series bible. Characters have at least two different ages if we have anything close to that for them. But we have a general range for the characters.

For Tommy, we only have a few pieces of it's enough to pin down at least a rough timeline.

He had to be 17+ to join the Army, then depending on what you do with that and how long you keep him in there, it's at least 2+ years to actually become a helicopter pilot (sometimes it's up to 3 years after boot camp). This is where the fudging comes along. He loved being a pilot well enough to want to do it after years in the LAFD, so I would assume that he has a long enough time to fall in love with it and has no real big issues with it. The military isn't going to let him go easily, so I can see him doing the full bid.

So, 17 years old at the earliest, Tommy joined the Army

8 years in the army

1 year as a probie

Then we see him in 2005 in Chim begins

So, if we go backward from there, we have

2004 for the probationary year

1996 for joining the Army (or 1995 if you put him at 18)

Then, 17 years before that, it was 1979. (or 1978 if you have him joining at 18)

Buck was born around 1991/1992, based on his being 26 in early 2018, as mentioned in Season 1. If his birthday was early in the year, he would have been born in 1992. If his birthday hadn't happened, then we have him being born in 1991 and will turn 27 sometime in 2018.

So it's a 12-13 year age gap if he served for 8 years and joined at 17.

If you have his bid ending early or him going into the reserves, you can lessen that a little bit, but no more than taking six years off and Tommy getting injured out and not staying just after he gets his pilot's stuff with the Army, which would be a little strange as anything that would keep him out of the Army after getting that and them not keeping him after he gets better with 6 years left on his bid, it's going to be a long road to get back and possibly not be able to join the LAFD.

Adding in, since I've seen the discussion about Tommy and Abby being close in age. Abby in episode 1, in early 2018, said she was 42. Again, it's pretty early in the year, so if she had already turned 42 in that first month of the year, she would have been born in 1976. If she had turned 43 later that year, she would have been born in 1975. So yes there is a close gap in age between Tommy and Abby.

But as I said, if you are writing fic, do what the fuck you want. It's your world, and you can do what you want, but if you want to discuss canon, one has to take it all in perspective.

(If I missed something, please let me know.)

[bryhaven]

RivaMika Month Q&A

1. When did you start shipping?

I'm not sure which year but I started shipping them since the female titan arc. Exactly at this moment:

2. When did you officially become part of the rivamika fandom?

I joined the fandom on May this year on Twitter and the following month on Tumblr 🥰

3. Favorite moment of the two?

I love every moment they are together bahaha. Okay that's my RivaMika goggles on but. If I really had to pick a favorite moment.. including the GIF above. Aaah it's hard but these:

"I'm with you. But fall back for now."

Being communicative and cooperative with each other 🥰

Ackertalk

Everytime Levi calms Mikasa down

Fighting alongside each other (of course) 🥰

"Stay with me."

4. A curiosity about LM that you like?

I'm curious as to why Isayama emphasized their heritage and connections, but also made sure to stress that Levi and Mikasa aren't closely related.

And in the anime, I'm also curious why the part saying that the Ackerman clan were byproducts of titan science was left out. Maybe to lessen the emphasis on their heritage so it wouldn't sound too familial and incestuous?

Even though they weren't delved into that much, I like it because we shippers have the backing to support our theories and content for the ship.

5. If you were to create a phrase defining the couple, what would it be?

"The grumpy shorty and the gloomy brat" 😂

"There is another me, it is the existence which is you." - from Pretty Cure OST

6. A word that defines the two?

Resilient

7. What gesture of love do you think RivaMika represents?

The RivaMika gesture or language of love is Touch. Both aren't the most communicative or expressive. And when they do, they are often misunderstood. But touch is something that doesn't need words for one to understand. They will grab, hold, caress, and touch to get their points across if words fail them. Take this GIF below as an example. It's not a lovey-dovey moment, but just to explain the context. Mikasa doesn't listen here, so Levi grabbed and physically stopped her. And he also grabbed her by the shoulder when they were still discussing going to Rod Reiss' estate. After that, Levi explained himself to her while calming her down. I like to think of it as their way of getting through to each other.

8. Who would show more gestures of love and affection in the relationship?

They will both equally try to show affection and love. But in their own and different ways. I can see Mikasa being more direct and expressive, and maybe even saying the words "I love you" at times. I can also see her being the touchy-feely type. While Levi is more of showing it through actions like making her tea in the morning, pulling the blanket over her when it slips off, and things like that. He isn't technically romantic but at times, he will try to be in an effort to be more like the man he thinks a woman would want. It will usually end up awkward for him but she will find it endearing. She will reassure him that she doesn't need to be too extravagant or so about it, but she will love whatever he offers her 💖

9. Where do you think they would go on their first date?

Somewhere around nature. Like a lakeside, garden, or flower field. Picnic-type dates. 🥰

10. How do you think their first kiss would be?

It will be slow and gentle at the beginning, then gradually escalate into a more rough and needy kiss 😏

11. Who would make the first move?

Mikasa, in the sense that, I can see her being the bolder one. She is the type to openly do anything for the people she cares for. Levi may be blunt and direct, but he is also self-deprecative and wouldn't want his demons to affect others. He'd rather keep things to himself, so he would need someone like Mikasa who is able to stand up to him regardless of whatever façade he puts on.

12. And last but not least: a personal theory about rivamika!

For the story, I believe that Isayama somehow wanted to pursue RM, especially after the events of season 3. He established their development there beautifully and always made sure to stress that they are from the same clan, and not the same family.

For the ship, I believe that Levi and Mikasa had always felt a connection with each other, in canon, whether they are aware of it or not. And it has manifested in different ways within the story. They see their likeness in each other. Because how else would they be able to understand each other if they don't see it themselves? Below are just two examples.

In the Junior High manga, Levi was the only who noticed that Mikasa was hurt. This alludes to Levi tending to keep things to himself.

In the Uprising Arc, Mikasa states that the best bet for survival is to follow Levi's orders. She doesn't question him here or anything (and we all know she is quick to disobey him), but she understands.

Another thing I just want to add which involves the multiverse theories. I saw this somewhere and I like the theory so I'm sharing it here, and also adding some of my thoughts to it. Mikasa is the one who gets headaches. It was suggested by Eren in the story that it was an effect of the Ackermans fighting against their blood instinct of protecting their host. But then Levi isn't shown to be experiencing the same thing.

I believe that this is the way that Paths Eren is trying to communicate with Mikasa. But in the RivaMika context, I agree with the theory that this is connected to Mikasa being able to transfer timelines. The multiverse was created due to Mikasa's desire to save Eren from death. But in all the timelines, Levi is the one who saves Mikasa, the one who always observes her. And in the final battle, he is the one who brings Mikasa out of the cabin dream to get her back to reality - the manga or main timeline.

Mikasa is like the female lead of a story (a princess) who searches for love (or chases after a dream) in all the timelines when Levi (her prince) has always been there all along. Until she realizes in the AOE timeline that Levi is the one for her 😁😏💙

Not sure if I was able to articulate that, but basically RivaMika in every timeline ahaha 😍💖

[sweetescapeartist]

An Update

So for those who are somewhat interested. Here's and update about myself and my projects.

Concerning myself...

I'm still very much tired mentally & physically. As I've said, I work multiple jobs & on top of that I have daily migraines (but I wear shades everyday to lessen the pain and symptoms). And I mentioned I'm sort of a handy man around my town mainly for family members. And I do work with my father to help him out as well as work on my own build projects for myself. So I'm pretty busy. Then I have to organize certain things despite migraines messing with my memory. Healthwise, I'm okay but still have trouble sleeping and I try to eat more often since I often forget to eat or just ain't hungry. So I get a bit overwhelmed and stressed and end up ignoring ppl & isolating myself. I still have anxiety and social anxiety too but that's getting better little by litte. I'm learning to properly deal with the stresses and mental triggers. I'm mostly a chill dude so I don't let much bother me anymore like when I was younger.

Regarding my projects...

I have a list of things to do. I have them scheduled, but due to being busy with work so often, I dont alwats meet the deadlines I have planned. Last year didn't go so well and this year hasn't started too well either. But here are some things I have scheduled...

Info posts for tumblr

Anime vs Manga: Vegeta Learns Ki Control

Vegeta's Gravity Training Obsession & Flawed Training Habits

Full Power Forms

Jaingshi Roshi

Different Way Potential Has Been Awakened In Dragon Ball

A post responding about a complaint someone had about Tien from last year (talk about late...)

Gammas & Cell

Android 18's Power in DBS (+ a bit about 17)

A few more posts about Krillin's Non-Self State that makes comparisons & explains certain details

What Toriyama's notes for Toyotaro's Moro & Granolah arcs probably were (an interesting post based off of context clued & is highly possible to be true. Will probably be later this year because there is a lot to gather for that post)

Comics I want to complete this year if possible

Kriller Time! Super Hero Side-Story Part 2: Videl

18 x Kurilin (a mini comic that'll have 4 alts)

Kriller Time! Super Hero Side-Story Part 3: Bulma

Kriller Time! #2: Fan-geta (NOT a side-story comic)

18 Steals Krillin Away

Roshi Mini Comic (should be interesting & informative due to it going to have information many may have overlooked)

Black Water Mist (a Krillin story I've wanted to finish for a while)

Kriller Time! #3 (might be Roshi or Oolong)

Yamcha's Bloomer (for my fellow Yamcha fans)

Content for my DB Databook (will be worked on throughout the years)

Just art stuff I want to get done

Some art for friends and requests I havent gotten to (won't be taking anymore requests for a while after I finish these so I can focus on lther projects) (some sketches are done)

Piccolo x Janet drawing I wanted to make last July (sketch is done)

Krillin Harem drawing since I got 3k followers on Twitter (might have 4k followers by then but I doubt it) (sketches are done)

Krillin x DB gals art (sketches are done)

Unfinished art for last years Chestnut Fest (almost complete)

Dragon Ball x Berserk (Yamcha art)

So, that's what I have planned. If I worked less, I could definitely get all of this done. I'll do my best regardless. And I've been debating if I should create my own website or just start a Patreon. I may begin with Patreon then make my own website later so I don't overwork myself. The thing about Patreon tho is that I want to give consistent content of what I believe is good quality. I need to make a profit from my art so I can be more motivated to continue and be more consistent, ya know?

So thats the plan. I didn't even mention the fics submitted to me nor the ones I've written. A lot are actually near ready to post but my anxiety is bugging me. Probably cause I'm overloading myself with too much. But we'll see how things go. I expect to get at least half of my art projects done this year & all of my tumblr posts this year. If I can get more than half of my art projects, I'll be pleasantly surprised.

Also, my MEGA folder. It was supposed ro be done last year but some serious stuff happened & I had to get my mind right. Then, things got stressful for me in Jan, Feb, & Mar. I was supposed to post a comic in February, but didn't work on it cause of the stress. So, I'll squeeze in time ro finish my MEGA folder too. It has updated and corrected comics in there of these two specifically.

[destinyc1020]

Is this a safe space? I think Tim’s more current looks have been pretty good. I don’t think he looks bad at all. I think he looks good. Why so much hate over his looks and Law styling him? I like his hair too.😭

Tim's?? I think you meant Tom's I'm assuming? LOL 😅

But yea, this is a safe space as long as you're not an obvious hater/troll/or anti. 😊 I have low tolerance for people trying to spread hate and negativity on my blog.

But as far as dissenting opinions from genuine fans? I'm always open to that. 😊 You don't have to agree w/me. We all have different opinions and that's okay. Everyone's opinions (that come from a good place) should be valid. SIDENOTE (The Long Version): I'll be honest, I really haven't seen too much hate from fans online over Tom's looks or Law styling him, but then again, I've been pretty busy with work and school and have made a conscious effort (and New Year's Resolution) this year to STOP procrastinating so much, and be more resourceful with my time. 😊 I found that I was spending waaay too much time on Tumblr and social media last year 🤦, and I'm trying to do much better. I'm trying to turn over a new leaf so that I can lessen my stress, and get more things done in my life lol. 😅 So I'm honestly really behind on a lot of things being said these days sometimes because I just haven't been tuning in to all of the whispering/chatter/gossip/comments online. Honestly? It's actually been REALLY NICE lol 😂🤣 Seriously, I think everyone should just take a bit of a BREAK from social media, or lessen the amount of TIME they spend on social media for at least a month. Not only am I finding that I'm getting WAY more done/accomplished in my life, but I also feel happier, less stressed (because I'm not constantly putting things off due to procrastination), and I allow way less negativity into my world/mind! Let's be honest, some social media is just constant negativity, and it can be sooo exhausting. 🙄 I don't even blame Tom for giving up on Twitter tbh.

I say all of that to say lol, I honestly haven't seen too much hate online re: Tom's looks during this press tour, or Law's styling of him (thankfully), but I personally think (like you) that he's been looking fine? 🤷 Maybe I'm biased lol, but I think Tom has been looking pretty good during this press tour, and even during the NWH press tour. I think the FFH press tour will probably be my favorite looks on him for many reasons, but I don't think Tom looks bad at all! Maybe some people are complaining about his hair because he has to keep it long due to his upcoming TCR filming, and maybe some stylists are unsure of how to style his hair. Then, there are some fans who just prefer his hair curly and not straightened (I'm one of them lol), so they are picky about how his hair looks? Idk. 🤷 Either way, I've always said (and felt) that some fans are way too hard on Tom at times. 😔 I almost feel like some fans feel like he exists solely just to do (or look) how they want him to act or look. 🥴 At the end of the day, Tom is a person, he's an individual, he has thoughts and feelings just like the rest of us. The TL;DR Version: Thankfully, I haven't seen much hate, but I personally think that some fans are way too harsh on Tom at times, and nitpick over the silliest things instead of just enjoying him as a person and his body of work. 😔 Right now, he is a pretty UNproblematic celebrity in Hollywood, and I think we should relish in that. When I look at this pandemic, as well as the recent suicide death of former beauty queen, former attorney and ExtraTV correspondent Cheslie Kryst (which is still hitting me hard tbh 😭), I am once again reminded that people are just people, and sometimes we as fans really need to be kind to people, because we don't know what private battles they're going through internally, and one day you could look up and your idol/favorite celebrity could be GONE tomorrow (for whatever reason)😭, and do you REALLY want your last comments online about him/her to be: "ugh I hate his hair and how he looks in his outfit"? 🥴 Sorry for the long dissertation, but I figured it was worth mentioning.

[angeloncewas]

okay but you’re so right about this fandom and the weaponizing their minority status

like, yes poc creators have a hard time and they deal with a lot of shit, but the way to help them is not bringing other creators down. it’s to support poc creators! and support poc creators because they’re good at creating and they make good content!

my least favorite thing people do is go on twitter, and list poc streamers solely by their minority status, it feels like you should only watch a streamer because of the boxes you can tick off for them and that’s so fucked up. i would absolutely hate if I were a cc and someone said “oh watch her she’s a queer woc” like I have nothing else to offer? bro at least talk about my content a little bit?

also not to mention manatreed is definitely going to be either dream, another well known cc, or one of Dream’s very close friends, so it’s not like he randomly picked someone and went “even though you never made any content, you’re a white guy so I’m gonna add you onto the dsmp!” like, can we use our brains? or any critical thinking?

Sorry for this rant btw, but you’re just so right and it always pisses me off how people treat minorities in the first place. i know a lot of people on twitter is doing it with good intentions but it’s weirdly dehumanizing to act like you should only add people to dsmp based on their skin color or something

This was my original point, and I actually have a post in my drafts somewhere about it because it's been on my mind for a while.

I am Asian. Being Asian is inherent to who "Angel" is and while I didn't really accept that for a long time, I am very much in tune with my culture at this point. And yet this hyperfocus on identity that Twitter has developed still drives me mad. This notion that someone is definitely inherently more knowledgeable on a topic purely because of their skin color; that you should support someone purely on the basis that they're [x] - it's always bothered me.

And I understand wanting to lessen the inequality, I really do. It's why people who need money often include what minority groups they're a part of - it's a way of saying "society is working against me and thus I would appreciate your support to combat that." I don't think it's wrong necessarily and I'm definitely softer on it than I used to be. But it still does bother me for all the reasons you stated.

Reducing me to your perception of who I am feels gross even when it's my minority status. Racists are also fixated on the fact that I'm Asian because it's the "other" part of me; I should be allowed to be whoever I am, all things included. (I'm using myself here as an example because I don't wanna drag other people in or use examples I can't directly speak for - but y'know, Tina should be allowed to be Tina and not just Asian woman. Sniff should be allowed to be Sniff and not just nonbinary. They're worth watching for what they do, not just because you want to stick it to society.)

And the way it goes is so wild to me too. I mean, look at how they treat Hannah. I understand that discrimination due to race and gender are two incredibly different things, but you're willfully ignorant if you're gonna pretend that Hannah hasn't had to combat a whole lot of shit to get where she is - including pretty recent on-stream harassment from another cc who turned out to be a total creep. Gaming is a white male dominated industry and Hannah - though white - is a woman. That's something to consider. But they don't give a shit because they don't like her and she won't fold.

(And the framing... they're acting like Dream saw Manatreed and said "you sir, are white. welcome to the SMP." like if you think that poorly of him then I think you're spending your time wrong.)

No worries for the rant - I agree with you. It does feel dehumanizing and I don't know why they're so invested in it. Like, I guess I kind of get why - they really flock to their community due to bigots - but I've faced my fair share of racism and I would rather no one - not even people doing it to hype me up - start with the fact that I'm a woc.

[shadowfae]

We’re all pretty aware that the tumblr otherkin community is at a huge decline; I was wondering if you have any theories as to why that is?

American Protestantism, the decline of queer oppression in North America and the AIDS crisis, helicopter parenting, web 3.0, morality politics, and  Tumblr’s porn ban; roughly in that order and rolled up into one bombshell that was a few years in the coming but nobody really saw it and understood it until it was far too late.

That was a mouthful and probably only made sense if you follow current cyberpolitical theory. For some of you reading this, as with every other hot take I have this has a chance of being passed around, that alone is enough. But for others who had no idea what I just said and need the ELI5 version, let me explain that. Buckle up, this’ll be a long one, and will go into fandom history a bit as well because it is actually relevant.

As we know, tumblr is a very American-centric platform. Twitter is also this way, but less so, but tumblr has it bad. Now, I’m ‘lucky’ in the fact that I’m Canadian and a twenty minute drive from the American border, so that puts me in the ‘privileged’ majority. (I say privileged because I’m not really sure what else to call it. Most of the information going around about politics either directly affects me or indirectly affects me approximately one or two links of contact away. Someone who’s only influenced by American politics because it makes their sister’s online friends sad is not going to be privileged in that way.)

This means that American politics and their social climate overwhelmingly affects tumblr’s social climate. This also bleeds through into other fandom spaces, on twitter, instagram, and Pixiv to name a few places; but here’s where I spend the majority of my time so here’s what I’ve witnessed.

America’s main religion, as far as I understand (from the raised agnostic and currently neopagan view I have), is some weirdass capitalistic-Protestantism that is so many miles from what the actual Bible says that if I were a betting man and knew more about cults than I did, I’d say it’s some weird fucking cult and never set foot in the country again for any reason that isn’t gaming free shipping through a PO box. If you have no idea what I just said but are at least vaguely familiar with Christianity, this graphic explains it pretty well. So we can see there’s some glaring issues with that ideal.

The decline of queer oppression and the rise of queer rights in North America, which is to tenderly include my own country but we all know when people say ‘in NA’ they mean ‘America, and Canada where it applies because the right-wing Republicans are really good in the propaganda department to convince everyone that Mexico is a drug-lords-and-anarchy wasteland to the point where even I don’t actually know what’s down there other than bad drivers and heat’; means two things. One, it’s a good thing by a long shot and do not mistake this as me thinking queer oppression being lessened is a bad thing. But two, it means that thanks to the AIDS crisis, queer folks lost a lot of first-person sources as history.

The queer elders in NA who survived are typically either a) bitter anarchists who are often POC, probably still dirt poor and do recreational drugs or b) university-tenured TERFs (trans exclusionary radical feminists). Category A are the people who Republicans have deemed worthless in every way, because racism, queerphobia, ableism, and all the other ways to be wrong and different and Evil that they can’t handle, because Jeezus would never want them to actually learn to love someone who wasn’t just like them, and they don’t have the compassion to do better. Category B are the people who want to be different in just a teensie little bit, typically with TERFs they want to be lesbians, but they don’t want to challenge the status quo. They’re fine with the way things work, they just want to be on top oppressing others over ripping the whole damn thing down and building a more forgiving system.

Now, due to all those ‘isms and the cheerfully malicious aid of the Republicans, pun not intended but drives home the cruelty of it all, we also see the rise of helicopter parenting. The invention of the internet did not really help this. Basically what you’ve got is a whole bunch of parents who saw the civil rights movement, just got access to the internet and things going viral, know the world is changing, and like all parents, they’re scared for their children. Now instead of parents knowing one or two people in their classes who just went missing one day and everyone assumed they ran away, they hear about eight homicides in the city of kids going to parks at night and dying. The Satanic Panic was another event around this time that contributed to that, but I’ll let you research that one.

This means that all of these parents, instead of doing what their parents typically did and let their kids wander off for the day so long as they’re back by sundown, they can’t let their children out of their sight. There might be a freak accident where their child is decapitated on the playground swing! Their baby might get murdered by an evil Satanist walking home from school! Their dearest darling might go online and tell their address to someone who’s got a 100% chance of being a pedophile who will show up and kidnap them in the night!

…You get the idea. 

Combine those three things I just established, what we’ve got is a lot of queer kids who have a lot of internalized shame for being different and wrong, because they’re queer, and they can’t find spaces offline to be themselves, because all of the elders who would do that are dead and/or inaccessible and their parents won’t let them go to any clubs that aren’t school-related, which they’ll never find a GSA or queer club because Republicans, ‘isms, propaganda, and the war on Category A queer adults have all done their best to ensure that those spaces don’t exist.

So you have a generation of kids who I am the youngest of. The first generation on the internet. The late Web 1.0 (usenets and Geocities) and early Web 2.0 (livejournal was the big one, ff.net too, also 4chan but fuck those guys) generation. What we were taught was: trust nobody on the internet with your real info no matter how much you like them, this is a wilderness and any crimes that happen won’t be punished or seen so don’t put yourself in a position where you’re going to be the victim of one, and everything you put online is never getting taken down so don’t put anything up that you’re not willing to have on the front page of your local newspaper.

This worked out pretty well, actually! You had kids who knew that if they got in trouble, there was no backup coming to save them. Because the form that backup might take - parents and police - wasn’t going to help. Best case, they’d be banned from their friends and online support groups for being queer. Worst case, they’d be jailed and put in juvie and conversion therapy and turn to drugs and become evil Satanists just like everyone says they secretly are already. So they learned very quickly to take care of themselves. Nobody was going to save them, so they learned to not need saving.

And then, well, Web 2.0 shifted to Web 3.0. Livejournal died because parents - the Warriors for Innocence was the big name - went “gasp how horrible my children are being exposed to the evil pedos and homosexuals they’re going to do drugs and die of AIDS!”. Which is uh. It’s filled with a lot of bigotry, and I’m not excusing them - absolutely I am not - but you can kind of see where they’re coming from, if you tilt your head and squint.

Either way, LJ died, tumblr took its place, Facebook was fast taking off, and the fandom folks who had seen mailing lists go inactive, web admins take their fanfic sites down due to copyright, entire fandoms burnt to the ground in flame wars, said ‘fuck that we’re making our own place’ and that’s how AO3 got made.

That’s important. A lot of folks move to AO3, because well, the rules let them. The rules say ‘you can throw literally anything up here so long as it’s fan content and is not literally illegal, so we don’t get taken down’. It’s a swing for the first generation internet users, those kids who know this place is a wilderness and are carving out our own sanctuary.

But. The children under us. The children for whom AIDS is a nightmarish fairy tale, for whom the ghost stories are conversion therapy, for whom know they can’t really talk to their parents about being queer but can trust they probably won’t get kicked out over it. The children who haven’t spent ten seconds without supervision except online, and their reaction isn’t ‘oh thank god I’m finally free to express myself’ but ‘if I get in trouble, who will protect me?’.

And there’s nobody there. Because we went in knowing there was no backup. And that was fine. But now, the actual adults have figured out that hey uh, maybe we should make cyber laws? Maybe we should make revenge porn and grooming children over the internet crimes? And they grew up with that. They grew up learning that no, even if your parents are suffocating and controlling, they’re always be there for you! Some adult will always be there to protect you!

That isn’t the case. It’s not. But they expect it, because it’s always been done for them. They don’t really want to change the status quo, because that means doing it themselves. They can’t do that, because they don’t know how, they’ve been controlled for every single part of their lives thanks to helicopter parenting and without that control, they don’t know how to keep their lives together, and they demand someone come and control it for them, without restraining them.

Effectively, they want someone to ensure they never face the consequences of their actions. Helicopter parents will rescue you from whatever you did, because you’re their precious baby and it doesn’t matter if you punched a kid, you can do no wrong and the other kid clearly started it.

But being queer is doing wrong. Being queer is something Jeezus doesn’t approve of. So they want to make it something he could approve of! But if it’s too off what they consider to be okay, if it’s too different and weird and wrong and evil, that can’t do, that’s still bad, and they’re precious angels, and children, and minors, why are we the adults not protecting them and letting them see it? Why aren’t we being just like their parents  but queer-friendly, why aren’t we protecting the children?

The adults who taught us were the children of those who died as a result of AIDS. The eldest of my generation knew some of them personally. My therapist’s younger brother died at 20 of AIDS, and she told me what it was like. But they don’t have that. These kids of web 3.0, they don’t have that. What they have is over-controlling parents, and the expectation that someone will always be there to protect them but hopefully in ways that don’t hurt them this time, no real understanding of why Category A queer elders are the way they are, and so much internalized shame that they have to do some pretty fancy logic-leaping to keep them from collapsing entirely.

They can’t turn into Category A queer youngsters, because they don’t know how to unravel the system around them, because they’ve never had to actually make choices in their lives and live with the consequences, because they don’t have the example of how to do it. They can’t unravel their internalized shame because again, that’s hard and they don’t have their parents to take away the consequences and pain. It doesn’t come easy to them, so it may as well not come at all.

But, you ask, if Category A queer elders aren’t around to teach the kids, then how are they learning anything positive at all? Well, Category B, our university-tenured TERFs, who don’t want to change the status quo but want to just be at the top of it instead.

For a lot of kids who don’t know how to make hard choices but want to be queer, this is an extremely attractive option. But when they go online to queer spaces, a lot of them say fuck terfs, we don’t support your hate, and they go ‘yeah okay that makes sense’. They can say fuck terfs without ever actually questioning why terfs are bad. They’re Bad and Evil, just like drug addicts, just like fairytale nazis, just like the evil homophobes.

And we saw them say ‘yeah fuck terfs’ and we were like, ‘aight you got it’ and we never questioned if they actually understood us. They didn’t. They didn’t, and we didn’t do enough to fix it, because not enough of us realized the problem. So terfs got a little sneaky. They hid behind dogwhistles and easy little comments, hiding their rhetoric in queer theory that you’ll absolutely miss if you just memorize it and never actually question it and understand why that point is being made.

This goes back to America sucking, because their school system is far more focused on rote memorization over actual logic and understanding of the text. They’re engaging with queer theory the way they’ve been taught, which is memorize and don’t think, don’t question. Besides, questioning and understanding is hard. Being shown different points of view and asked what they think is not only hard but requires them to go against all of the conditioning that says to just listen and agree and never question it, which goes back to tearing the system and internalized shame down, and we’ve established they can’t do that so naturally they don’t do that.

This begets, then, the rise of exclusionary politics. They’re turning into Category B queer youngsters, because we told them ‘hey that’s a terf talking point what are you doing’ and they never questioned why. They learned you can do all sorts of things, just don’t say X, Y, or Z, because they never thought deeply about it.

The children who have grown on Web 3.0 do not want to do any heavy lifting to make things easier for themselves long-run. They want to do as little as possible and have things get better for them. There isn’t enough of us left in Category A, because Category B terfs are very good at recruiting young folks and Cat. A is overwhelming poor, dead, and easily dismissed in the system as evil and bad, so we can’t exactly convince the young folks to listen. If all of the young kids could agree to tear down the system, a lot more older folks might listen. Change always starts with the young, and there’s a reason for that.

But Republicans have figured out, if you get people fighting, they never put together a force that can actually stop you. TERFs, who want the exact same thing as Republicans but with themselves on top, are doing this to queer youth, and Cat. A elders can’t fight back because there isn’t enough of them and the odds are against them, and the young folk like me who follow their lead.

People can kinda handle gay people. It’s not so far from the acceptable normal that it’s impassable. But you want them to handle kinky people? Gay people of colour? Kinky gay people of colour? Trans people? Those are bridges too far to step across. The original idea was to get the foot in the door with marriage equality and inch our way through with racial equality, sex positivity, dismantling ableism and perisexism (forgive me if that isn’t the word for anti-intersex ‘ism), and see if we can’t patch up the system instead of inciting a civil war over this and have to tear down the system entirely.

Well, we might’ve managed that if not for AIDS being the perfect ‘Jeezus is killing all the evil gay people for being sinners’ propaganda machine. As it stands now, not a chance in hell. So long as Republicans and terfs keep everyone fighting, nobody has the power to dismantle their empire, and they stay in power.

So then, you ask me, “Lu what the fuck does that have to do with the decline of otherkinity on tumblr???” and now that you’ve got all that background knowledge, here is your answer.

Those children who want their experiences curated for them and the evil icky content they don’t like to be gone because it disgusts them and anything that disgusts them is clearly sinful problematic and should be destroyed, are what we call ‘antishippers’, or anti for short.

They like being progressive. Sort of. They learned what Republicans and terfs have honed to a fine talent: keep people fighting, hold them to a bar they have to constantly make or risk being ostracized, and harass the people who don’t play along into getting out of your sight forever. Sound familiar?

They learned of otherkinity, and particularly fictionkind, because web 3.0 means if something goes viral on one site, it doesn’t just go viral on that site, it makes it to worldwide newspapers and twitter and nobody ever, ever fucking forgets it. They realized the following: “Hey wait, if I’m this character for realsies, not only does it help me deal with the internalized shame I’ve done nothing to actually fix because that takes work, I can also tell these people who draw gross content I don’t like they’re hurting me personally, and that actually sounds credible, and I can shame them into stopping”.

If this is your first time here and that sounds sickening, it damn well should, and I am so, so sorry that any of us had to witness this, and I am more sorry I and everyone else who personally witnessed this didn’t realize what was going on and put a stop to it. I answer asks and browse the tags and clear up misinformation and it isn’t just a genuine desire to help. It’s damage control, and my own way of trying to deal with the guilt of not stopping this. I’m well aware I couldn’t have seen it coming, I was a teenager myself still learning and no one person has that much power. I still feel like I should have done more, and I’ll do what I can to fix what’s within my power to fix.

So back to the story. This all culminates around 2016 or so. Trump wins the election, and every queer person ever knows they’re fucked, and the younger generation’s only ever heard horror stories, never seen actual oppression that this could bring. We’re all scared. We all don’t know what to do. Nobody has any answers or any control over the situation.

So they lash out. They attack others for drawing things they don’t like, for challenging them in literally any way, for asking them to reconsider the vile shit they just said, for so much as defending themselves from the harassment they just got. And when challenged, they yell “But I’m a minor! A literal child! How dare you attack me, clearly you get off on this, you evil pedophile!” and they sling around every insult in the book until one sticks. Pedophile is a pretty good one, so is abuser, and sometimes zoophile works out too. Freak is great, everyone gets right pissed off about it.

The fact that Category A queer elders were called pedophiles and freaks is not a fact they know or care about. The fact that they are quickly making every fandom community super toxic is also not a fact they care about. The fact that the ‘kin community has words and terminology and they actually mean shit, and the fact that they’re spreading misinformation faster than we can keep up with, are not facts they care about.

So they come in, take our terms, make it impossible for us to find new folks. They realize our anger is easily a power trip, because we’re already made fun of, so they get off on the little power they can find and make fun of us too, and then when we get rightfully annoyed and pissed off, they can hide behind being minors.

Then tumblr implements their porn ban, because nobody’s stopping them, because it isn’t profitable to have porn on here. Considering most of the otherkin community, and most fandom communities, are full of adults who do occasionally talk about NSFW things, and the fact that they’re just banning everyone who so much as breathes wrong, this begins the start of a mass exodus, scattering already fragile communities to twitter, pillowfort, dreamwidth, and a few other places. Largely, twitter, where you can’t make a post longer than a snappy comeback and where the algorithm is literally designed to piss you off as much as possible.

So community elders have largely left, because they can’t stand the drama and the pain of what’s happened, and that’s if they didn’t get banned for being kinky furries who do talk about how their kintypes merge with their sexuality. Most community members have also left or stopped talking about being ‘kin, because they get associated with antishippers and toxicity and it’s just not worth it. Those of us who are left get drowned out by misinformation and trolls and wishkin and antishippers who appropriate our terminology because it supports them getting a power trip, and whenever we argue, we get called pedophiles and freaks and worse.

And now there isn’t much left. I hope we get to find a better place. Othercon was a good place to talk about it, I did a whole panel (it’s on Youtube!) about what we want to do about it. But I don’t really have any answers. 

But to sum it all up... America’s political climate ultimately culminated in destroying queer spaces, and we survived, and then people who wanted to destroy smaller communities to get on top showed up and we were all but defenseless against something we had never, ever dealt with before on this scale.

One of my twitter mutuals mentioned how kinning and otherkin are now completely separate communities. It’s really the best I can do to keep hoping that continues, until nobody realizes the words are at all connected to each other. It’s the best anyone can hope for, now. I hate it. I hate every part of this. But maybe we can salvage what’s left.

[casuallyimagining]

You and Me

Min Yoongi x Reader

Summary: Yoongi has something he needs to ask you before the Grammys. Genre: slight angst, kind of fluffy at the end? Word Count: 1,865 Rating: T (there’s some swearing) Notes: Part of the Long Term Couples series. Read more here.

As he was leaving to go out to lunch with Namjoon and Jin, Yoongi told you that he had news he wanted to tell you when he got home. Which, of course, is possibly the worst thing to leave a person with.

What could he want to talk to you about?

You had a feeling you knew. Physical therapy had been progressing well for Yoongi, and while he still had a lot of healing to do, he was to the point where he could do almost all normal, daily tasks without help. He still had to wear his sling when he went out, and he was still in quite a bit of pain, but it was to the point where he would probably start back to work soon. And, of course, he would probably be moving back to the dorms again, and you would return to your lives pre-November.

Which meant you would go from seeing him literally all the time to only seeing him a few times a week--a return to taking him meals in your spare time, to sitting in the studio watching him work, to short dates to go grab coffee or a milkshake on his rare breaks. Thankfully, you had written the code for the Genius Lab down in your notes app, because after almost two and a half months of not using it, you weren’t confident that you remembered it.

Honestly, you weren’t sure if you could go back to sustaining yourself on text messages, and video calls, and brief, 15-minute meetings. Adjusting to him being there constantly--underfoot when you least expected him to be, but always there to lend an ear or a hand or just generally be there for you--had taken some time. Your routines had melded together so quickly, that having him wandering around your apartment at two in the afternoon was no more uncommon than you not being able to find a series to watch on Netflix. You knew it was coming eventually, but you weren’t sure you could stand the separation.

You would, though, for his sake. You would walk through fire for him.

And it would only be for a short time, right? He had promised you on Christmas. As soon as he was able, he was going to start moving out of the dorms and into his own apartment. He wanted you to join him, wanted you to move in with him. But you weren’t sure when that would be. He had never given you a timetable for when he expected to start moving. Which was fine, you supposed. He could take his time.

But the whole thing made you anxious, even though you knew it shouldn’t. What if he got too busy once he got back to normal life and forgot? What if he decided he wanted to stay at the dorms indefinitely? Worse, what if he changed his mind and he decided he did want to move, just not with you?

Your mind raced as you sat in your office at your piano, trying to lose yourself in the music. You wanted to believe that you had nothing to worry about, that even though things would change, you would continue to be a priority in Yoongi’s life, that you wouldn’t be taking a huge step backwards in your relationship. Somehow, you managed to distract yourself enough that you barely noticed you were playing “Spring Day” until you were almost done with the song.

You continued to play through some of the other songs you had memorized. Most of them, you noticed, were BTS--a strange side-effect of who you spent your time with and your students, the most prominent of which was, of course, Jimin.

As you played the final chord of “Black Swan,” the sound of gentle clapping made you jump, causing you to hit your knee on the bottom of your piano.

“Fuck,” you hissed, rubbing where the corner of the wood caught your leg. Now that you weren’t so surprised, you could see Yoongi standing in the doorway of your shared office, a look of concern barely masking his earlier amusement.

“I didn’t mean to scare you. I thought you heard me come in,” he said softly. “I put some leftovers in the fridge, and Namjoon made us stop for hotteok on the way back, so that’s in there, too. Are you okay?” He crouched down beside you, his hand falling to your knee.

“Unsurprisingly, that is not the first time I’ve done that,” you said with a laugh. “I’m honestly kind of shocked there’s not some sort of dent in the wood.”

Yoongi offered you an amused smile. “Well I’m glad there’s no damage. To you or the piano.” He leaned in to kiss you as he stood, the action quick and easy--like he had done it a thousand times before--but contained no less love. “You’ve been holding out on me.” You could hear the mirth in his voice as he moved one of his paintings to pull the office chair closer to the piano.

You waved off his comment, shutting the lid on the keys of the piano. “I don’t take credit for the things Park Jimin forces me to memorize.”

“Maybe you should start.” He shrugged, and the two of you fell silent. After a moment, he wiped his hands on his thighs and looked at you, though dropped his gaze to his lap the second you made eye contact. “So, I was talking with Si-Hyuk-hyung, and he had some… news he wanted me to pass on.” You raised an eyebrow in curiosity. Was this what he was talking about before he left?

“News?” you question, trying to play it off like you hadn’t spent the past few hours in a downward spiral of anxiety. “About…?”

“He and I were talking about us.” Yoongi gestured to himself and then to you. “He asked me if we wanted to go public any time soon.”

Your eyes went wide. “I… what? Why?”

“He apparently talked to Jin, Namjoon, and Jungkook about it, too.” He shrugged. “Si-Hyuk-hyung didn’t say why, but we think it’s because of the Grammys.” When you continued to look confused, he elaborated. “I mean, that’s kind of the thing, right? If you win an award, you turn and hug the person you love and then you go to receive it?”

“Oh, so you’re expecting to win?” you teased, trying to pretend like your cheeks weren’t a little flushed.

“Well, I think…” he stammered. “I think we should be prepared. Just in case.”

“So what did you tell PD-nim?”

“I told him I would talk to you about it.” You hummed. “He said he’d leave it up to us, but he’d like at least three days’ notice so they can prepare a statement.”

You stayed silent, unsure of what to say. Of course you had thought about it, about what going public would do to your relationship. You had considered the potential hate from the fans you would receive, and the fact that your private life, no matter how hard you tried, would never be fully private after. You knew about the strain it could put on your relationship with Yoongi, about how the saesangs and the paparazzi drove a wedge between many idols--particularly male idols--and their significant others.

But at the same time, you wanted to be able to go out with Yoongi without having to constantly look over your shoulder, without having to worry about someone from Dispatch seeing, or a well-meaning fan posting on social media. You wanted to be able to go with Yoongi to events, to publicly support him at concerts.

You sighed and reached for his hand. “What do you think?”

“It’s what you want, jagi. My life won’t really change much,” he said, squeezing your hand.

“Yoongi, please.” You didn’t like how exasperated your voice sounded, but you could feel your anxiety starting to spike again. “I need to know what you’re thinking.”

“Honestly?” You nodded. “I don’t know. It actually kind of terrifies me.” He laughed, but there was no humor in it. “I’ve seen idols’ careers die when dating scandals come out. But at the same time, I want us to have a normal life.” You snorted. “You know what I mean.”

“It’s very sudden,” you said softly, gripping his hand with both of yours. “The Grammys are in a few weeks. We’d have to do something in the next few days.”

“I’ll tell him we’d like to wait, then.”

You hummed, tracing his hand with your index finger. “We’d be able to do it how we want?”

“That’s what Si-Hyuk-hyung said. I imagine there’s a limit, but I don’t think he’d lie about that.”

“How much of an advanced warning did he say he wanted?”

“Three days.”

Would it really be that bad? You weren’t a stranger to hate comments and wildly unfounded criticism, although not quite to the scale it might get to. Yoongi rarely looked at social media, unless he was posting a selca to Twitter. And what? You might have to private your Instagram? Delete your Twitter? Honestly, it might do you some good to get away from social media. You trusted Yoongi to not drop you the second things got tough, and there were six other members of BTS there to help lessen any damage his career might take. As long as the two of you could weather it together, you were confident that you could come out on the other side relatively unscathed.

“Fuck it.”

“What?” Yoongi’s eyes were wide.

“Fuck it. Let’s do it.” You squeezed his hand, a small smile starting to form.

Yoongi’s eyes locked on yours. He was smiling, but you could see him hesitate. “Are you sure?”

You nodded. “Ask PD-nim if we can do something right before they send out their release. I think it’ll go over better coming from you.”

“You’re already planning this?” It wasn’t a question. He laughed, a sweet, gummy smile spreading across his face. “Okay. Yeah. Let’s do this. I’ll text Si-Hyuk-hyung and let him know.”

You watched him slide his phone out of his pocket and unlock it. “Hey Yoon?” He hummed, continuing to type for a moment before looking up at you. “We’re gonna be okay no matter what, right? Still us?”

Yoongi pulled you to him as he stood up, his arms immediately wrapping around your back to hold you close. “Don’t be silly. Of course we will be.” You felt him sigh as he tucked his chin onto your shoulder. “I can’t promise that things won’t change, but we’ll be okay.”

You hugged him, your arms around his shoulders, careful not to press too tightly on his bad one. This certainly hadn’t been where you were expecting the conversation to go when he walked out the door that morning, but you hoped he was right. Telling the fans was an important step to take--and an inevitable one, if you wanted your relationship to last. “You and me?” You pulled away slightly to look him in the eyes.

He smiled and pressed a soft kiss to your lips before resting his forehead against yours. “‘Till the end.”

Read more of the series here

[transsergio]

Emily's Top Surgery (Read on AO3)

Penemily / Gen / 4038 words

Emily has top surgery and their loving, perfect, beautiful girlfriend Penelope is their caretaker.

Notes: I refer to Emily as Penelope's girlfriend intentionally; Emily is a non-binary lesbian and in this particular story, is comfortable with the gendered term "girlfriend". However, if you see Emily referred to as she/her at any point, that's an editing mistake on my part and I mixed up their pronouns with Penelope's. I went through this a couple times to make sure I gendered them correctly, but one might have slipped through the cracks!

Also feels important to say that Dr. Dolan is a totally fictional doctor and not a reference to any real life surgeon

-

Surgery Day

Penelope has seen her team through too much already. Kidnappings, stab wounds, bullets – their jobs aren’t exactly arts and crafts. Yet, she thinks this might be the most nervous she has ever been. She’s been rapid-fire tapping her heel for the last hour and forty-five minutes, and trying to distract herself with her cell phone. Morgan texted a couple times to check in (once on behalf of Reid), but otherwise, radio silence. The few messages mean more than she can say; she is intimately familiar with how busy they are on a case. But she really wishes any of them were there to squeeze her hand right about now. She’d even take Strauss.

In the middle of Penelope’s billionth Candy Crush level, a doctor materializes in front of her. She startles and fumbles her phone trying to click it off. “Is it over? Can I see them now? How’d it go?”

As the doctor peels his surgical mask off, she sees he’s laughing at her. That’s good, right?

He says, “Everything went just fine, Ms. Garcia. Emily’s in the recovery room now, and we’ll let you back there about twenty minutes after they wake up. They’re going to be a little groggy and maybe nauseous. It all depends on how their body reacts to the anesthesia. They’ll most likely sleep for the rest of the day, but make sure to keep up with their medications, alright?”

Penelope nods fervently. “Absolutely, Dr. Dolan. Can do. Will do! And I’m sorry to ask this again but I really have to make sure, the whole operation was totally fine? Nothing went wrong? Everything…chopped off okay?”

The doctor stifles a chuckle. “Yes, Ms. Garcia. Everything went exactly as planned, no complications as of yet. We’ll see you tomorrow for Emily’s one day post-op appointment to check the surgery site and switch out the bandages for a binder, and then for their first week post-op. Okay?”

Penelope smiles back, still nodding along like Emily’s health depends on it.

The doctor shakes her hand and ducks back into the surgical ward, leaving Penelope to update the group chat.

“Emily’s out!!!!!! Doc says all good!!!!!! Will be with them soon 😍💖🥳”

She types almost as quickly as her heart is beating.

Penelope makes it through another few rounds of mobile games and desperately refreshing her Twitter feed before she risks checking the clock. It’s been half an hour. Shouldn’t Emily be awake by now? What if they never wake up? Could someone be permanently anesthetized? Reid would know. Maybe Penelope should call Reid. No, she can’t do that. They’re all off in Texas trying to catch a serial killer and she doesn’t need to distract them, not when they’re already down two team members. Kevin Lynch is pretty good, she hopes. She’s seen his work and it’s adequate. Nothing like the multi-tasking Penelope pulls off, but in the same ballpark. His boyfriend, Grant Anderson, vouched for him. It was unnecessary, and maybe Kevin shouldn’t have sent the person who got Elle shot to sing his praises, but at least they knew Grant. Kevin was a stranger from another department. A back-up.

“Penelope Garcia?” A nurse calls as she emerges from swinging double doors.

“Yes, right here!” Penelope chirps. She leaps to her feet and scurries over as quickly as her heels will allow.

The nurse walks her through the recovery ward and the steps to Emily’s post-op instructions. Emily has four different prescriptions already filled and two cannot be taken at the exact same time while one is an antibiotic and the other is just for nausea which they might not need and –

“This is all written down, right? Sorry, my head’s just like, woo, swimming right now,” Penelope says. Her eyes are wide and darting frantically between the curtained beds. She hates the fluorescent lights. Her skin is buzzing with all the sour electricity. The nurse assures her they’ll send them home with physical copies along with phone numbers in case of emergency.

They round the nurse’s station and finally, come to Emily. They’re shifting slightly in their bed, leaning forward and sipping at a dixie cup of water. They're groggy and slow, with the IV still in their arm. Penelope’s glad they don’t have a mirror – their bangs are scattered over their forehead in three wispy chunks, a way Penelope knows Emily hates.

“Hey sweetheart,” Penelope coos. She leans over the bed's plastic siding to kiss the top of Emily’s head, and run her fingers through their dark hair. Emily leans into the touch.

They croak, “Hey,” and cough to clear their throat, wincing all the while.

“That’d be because you were intubated,” the nurse says. “Take plenty of cough drops and you should feel much better.”

Penelope assures the nurse they will while Emily drifts in and out of focus.

“Did it work?” they ask.

“Did what, Em?”

“M’surgery.”

“Oh! Yeah, totally. You’ll see in a little bit. You’re just sleepy.”

“M’kay,” Emily says. Their head lolls back into their pillows as the muscles in their face tighten.

“Emily, what would you rate your pain out of ten?” the nurse asks, coming closer with her clipboard at the ready.

“Uh, five? Maybe six.”

Penelope looks to the nurse. “Is that bad? That sounds bad. I thought it wasn’t supposed to hurt right now.”

The nurse jots down a few notes before she answers. “It’s not unusual. We’ll up their pain killers before we remove the IV.”

Penelope plants herself firmly at Emily’s side in the meantime. They’ve redressed Emily in their own clothes, an oversized button-down and sweats. Well, Penelope assumes they put Emily’s bottoms back on. The blanket is still tucked tightly around their body like they’re some kind of soft, hot mummy. They stay like that for another fifteen minutes, Penelope working her nails through Emily’s scalp as they try to relax.

When Emily rates their pain at a four, then a three, Penelope helps the nurse settle them in a wheelchair. They roll a few feet into the hall before Emily claws for Penelope’s arm.

“Where’s the barf bag?” Penelope asks. She has her hand out and ready for the nurse to pass it over, and swings it into Emily’s face.

Emily, thankfully, does not puke. Their slow, steady breath crinkles the blue plastic bag, but all they fill it with is air. They keep a tight grip on the thing for safekeeping, even as they’re helped into the passenger’s seat of Penelope’s car.

“You ready to go home, lovebug?” Penelope keeps her voice low and sweet, like dark honey. Emily nods and Penelope grants her wish, starting the engine and turning out of the parking lot.

-❤-

One Day Post-Op

Penelope holds her breath as the nurse unwraps the medical bandages. She wonders if Em is doing the same. While she’s watching them, Emily’s eyes flit between her and the floor-length mirror fastened to the exam room wall.

The nurse is talking, and they’re both supposed to be listening, but who could expect them to? Emily has spent a couple grand (after insurance) and something like four years waiting for these next seconds. Penelope is just as invested, if not more, in Emily’s happiness. She’s not going to get the camera out, but wonders if she should just in case Emily cries.

Their eyes follow the final bandage as it unravels from Emily’s form.

And Emily’s mind goes quiet. They have two, deep red swoops where their chest used to bulge. Above and below, their body is nothing but smooth skin. They thought this would feel like shock. Like disbelief that they were finally here. Instead, it just feels right, as if this is the way it’s always been and some crappy daydream is over at last. They giggle, and Penelope glows like the sun has risen.

“Wow,” Penelope says, soft. She’s wrenched with admiration.

The nurse is smiling in the corner. She takes out a roll of Steri-Strips and measures them against Emily’s new scars. Scars! Emily finally has scars!

“Now the bruising should lessen in the next three to four weeks,” the nurse says. Oh, bruising. Emily almost hadn’t noticed. Their body is splotched with patches of yellow, green, and purple as if it’s trying to camouflage itself, but Emily’s not hiding from anything anymore.

They’re given more practical information, like how often Emily should be walking to avoid blood clots, how high they should lift their arms, how much they should be carrying – most of which tells them to stay reclined, arms down, to sleep as much as possible, but get in ten minutes of walking every few hours. Penelope hears more of this than Emily does, and again, they’re given written instructions just in case.

Emily takes one last look before the compression vest goes on. This will be the most uncomfortable part of the process, thank god. Emily chose a surgeon who used a tighter suture method rather than the typical drains intentionally. Still, the fit of the binder is exciting. Emily’s never had something lie flat on them before. Their body now falls in one fluid line without anything, even nipples, to interrupt.

“Em?”

Emily snaps to Penelope, who is standing and holding the door for them.

“Oh, right,” Emily says with half a laugh and a daze in their eyes. They thank the nurse, and the receptionist, and a passing surgeon that isn’t even Emily’s on the way out. This is the most gratitude Emily’s ever contained in their life, and they need to flush it through their system.

“And especially you,” Emily gushes as Penelope helps buckle their seatbelt. “You’re amazing. I can’t believe you’re taking time off for me, or that you’re not stir crazy already. Thank you.”

Penelope grins like she might burst, and can’t answer just yet. She gets them safely onto the highway for home first. “Of course I’m here for you, dumb-dumb! Not only because you literally can’t do anything for yourself right now, or because the hospital said you couldn’t have the surgery without having a caretaker, but, well – okay, maybe half for those reasons too. But because I love you. I’m so happy for you, and how happy you’re going to be, and that this is so good for you. I love you so much.” Penelope sniffles.

“Maybe you should have said all that before we left?” Emily asks. “You’re gonna cry the whole drive back, babe.”

Penelope swats at them. “I know, I know! But you’re on a strict schedule, my lovely angel, and you need your meds in like, thirty minutes.”

Emily laughs and catches Penelope’s hand in their own. They squeeze it tightly and press their lips to Penelope’s fingers. Emily only releases when Penelope tugs their grip toward the steering wheel.

“Next stop, Recoveryville,” Pen jokes.

-❤-

Five Days Post-Op

Emily is more or less comfortably laid on their couch. They have an arsenal of pillows stationed behind them, under their arms, and at the bend of their knees, and Penelope’s militant care routine keeping them afloat. For the last four days, they’ve done nothing but watch French art films together, eat ice cream, and order takeout. It’s been a nice break, Emily realizes. One they didn’t know they needed.

Penelope emerges from the kitchen with a bag of Doritos and a bright blue DVD in her hands.

“This looks like a bribe,” Emily says with a wry smile.

“That’s because it is. I am in no place to object to your choice of movies, especially after I promised I wouldn’t make fun of the accents anymore. But I was sorta hoping this would be a good opportunity to manhandle you into watching a real classic.” Penelope blocks the television in her pink pajama pants and Emily’s Yale hoodie. Penelope is well aware that Emily loves when she wears their clothes; she has to be doing this on purpose. And it’s working.

Emily bobs their head from side to side, considering the offer. “Alright, shoot. I’m willing to cut you a deal.”

Penelope slaps the movie cover over her face. Mamma Mia! (2008) Dir. Phyllida Lloyd.

“Oh, god.”

And Penelope reemerges, scowling. “Hey! I didn’t complain when you made me watch that sad movie about the woman with the dead family. This time, no one’s dead! And they’re in Greece! Okay, admittedly no one wants to hear Pierce Brosnan sing, but if you ignore him and focus on Meryl Streep the movie gets a lot better!”

This is not the first time Emily has heard argument on behalf of Mamma Mia! and it likely isn’t the last, either. Movie night in the Garcia-Prentiss household is in a state of constant debate and usually decided by a fair and unbiased coin toss. Emily considers it a miracle that Penelope’s lasted this long without putting up a fight, and considers it part of her generosity as their caretaker.

Emily scooches themself into a more upright position. “Trois coleurs: Bleu is a beautiful movie and you said you liked it, first of all. And I thought we were watching my movies because I’m the one healing.”

Penelope hesitates. “…Yes, but I may have also been doing a little eensy weensy bit of work at the same time because they’re also like, really slow and boring and Kevin needed the tiniest, tiniest bit of help on the Texas case.”

“Traitor!” Emily is aghast. “What about the deal?”

The deal, of course, was the promise they made each other after their third movie night. Emily was texting throughout The Muppets Take Manhattan and not entirely invested in Kermit and Miss Piggy’s wedding. Penelope was hurt, Emily was confused, and didn’t fully get it until Penelope fell asleep twenty minutes into Deux ou trois choses que je sais d'elle. From that point on, they agreed to compromise more on movie selection and to pay undivided attention to the films they did pick.

“You passed out! I thought the deal was void if you weren’t awake during your own movie!” Penelope said.

“Why didn't you wake me up?” Emily argued.

“Oh, yeah, I’m going to wake up the person who just had surgery so they can pay attention to the third sad foreign movie of the day. You need your rest, and Kevin has maybe half of my inimitable skills!” Penelope’s words were jumbling together as she went up an octave. “I know I’m on vacation but the team needed help and I didn’t want to abandon them with some computer monkey who doesn’t know the first thing about my system, much less the way the team works, and isn’t even a regular assist on cases like me and—”

Penelope is cut off by three short raps at their front door. A welcome escape.

“Pen!” Emily calls after her. “We’re not done here!”

“I think we are!” Penelope shouts back. She passes down the hall and peers through the peep hole, though, she really doesn’t need to. She recognizes the voices on the other side.

“We’re not too early, are we?”

“It’s two in the afternoon, genius.”

“I mean in days since Emily’s operation. They might not be up to company.”

“Then we’ll say hi to baby girl and head out, no big deal.”

Penelope swings the door wide open. “Definitely say hi to me, definitely do that!”

Morgan and Reid stand in their building’s hallway, Derek carrying bags of Chinese food, and Spencer juggling some sort of gift basket. Their eyes are tired and Derek’s stubble is looking rougher than usual, but they perk up in the light of their friend.

“Hey, there she is,” Morgan says. He comes in for a tight hug as he and Reid crowd themselves inside. “How’s everyone holdin’ up?”

“Peachy keen,” Penelope says. She squeezes Derek’s shoulder and leads them back to Emily by Reid’s hand. “Look who missed their favorite co-workers!”

“Hey, guys,” Emily says. Their heart warms at the sight of them. “What’re you doing here?”

“Now how’s that any way to greet a friend?” Morgan laughs. He lowers their takeout food to the coffee table and dives onto the couch beside Emily. “You been good to Garcia so far, or do we have to put the hurt on you?” He playfully punches Emily in their arm, and they cower in mock pain.

“Hey, no roughhousing!” Penelope scolds. “If anyone pulls any sort of muscle in the next twenty minutes, you’re all in timeout.”

Emily and Derek snicker in their seats and launch into the most recent case details. It’s a lot of the gory, icky stuff that Penelope doesn’t want to know unless she’s in her bat cave, so she takes Spencer and his basket into the kitchen.

“Doritos, huh?” he notices the bag Penelope drops on the counter. “You were trying to get something from them?”

Penelope answers with her head stuck in the fridge as she paws to the back for Spencer’s La Croix. “I may have wanted to watch one of my movies today, and I may have offered chips in payment.” She fishes a couple cans of LimonCello out, and huffs. “So what’s all this?”

“It’s from JJ. She wanted to come herself but didn’t think bringing Henry over was the best idea,” Spencer explains. He holds his drink gingerly with both hands and peers into the basket. It looks a lot like the one Penelope used for JJ’s baby shower, and is also definitely the same basket. Inside are a few bags of beef jerky, chocolate, a backscratcher with a little pink hand at its end, and an airline neck pillow with the Texas flag patterned over it.

“Awe. I’m definitely baking her cookies,” Penelope says. She leans back against the counter and eyes Spencer up and down. “Tough case?”

Spencer shifts from side to side and looks into the dark pit of his La Croix can. “Not much worse than usual. It was just… long. And Emily would’ve been a big help. None of us speak Spanish.”

“But you didn’t want to call right now,” Penelope guesses. “It’s all over though, right? All good? Everything wrapped up with a bow for good luck?”

Spencer nods and purses his lips. He looks over his shoulder to the living room, where Derek is describing something with his hands and Emily watches, wide-eyed and entertained. Spencer says, more to himself than Penelope, “It’s always good to be home.”

-❤-

Two Weeks Post-Op

“Emily Elizabeth Prentiss!”

Emily freezes with one arm reaching desperately above doctor-recommended height, and another gripping the cabinet door like their life depends on it. They press their forehead into the shelf, groaning, “That’s not my middle name.”

“I can make up whatever name I want! You know what Dr. Dolan said, and this is so far out of bounds!” Penelope stands in the kitchen threshold with her hands on her hips. She sighs and tugs Emily away from the cereal cabinet by their waist. When their arms are safely lowered to their sides, Penelope puts on her serious face, with her seriously furrowed eyebrows, and her serious frown on her lips. She asks, “Do you, like, want to injure yourself? Is this your new favorite hobby?”

Emily is petulant. “No, I want breakfast, and it’s on the third shelf. Let’s just pretend you got it for me, okay?”

Penelope grumbles her frustrations under her breath as she pulls down the family size box of Lucky Charms. She flurries around the space until she’s collected a bowl and spoon and settled them on the other side of the kitchen counter, where a bar stool and carton of milk wait for Emily.

“Sit,” Penelope orders. Emily complies with a glint in their eyes.

“Thank you,” they say, saturating their words with genuine love.

“Oh, stuff it.” Penelope pecks a kiss to their cheek regardless. She tries not to think about how cute Emily is when they’re smug, but it’s a losing battle. The way their nose scrunches, the smirk; not helping. Instead, Penelope picks a smidgeon of a fight.

“Your hair is greasy.”

And Emily’s face falls flat and exasperated. They let their spoon rest in the pool of marshmallows. “Can we do this after I eat?”

“Oh, lovebug. Absolutely not,” Penelope smiles knowingly. “You haven’t washed it in like, four days, which tells me that it’s not as easy as you said it was. Y’know, I was wondering who said washing your own hair was too much work immediately after having an operation? It would have to be someone super smart and beautiful and funny and—”

“It was you, Penelope. We all know it was you.”

“Funny; it was, wasn’t it?”

But Penelope lets them finish their cereal. She was about to eat her own Eggo waffles, after all. Once the dishes are rinsed and in the washer, she marches Emily straight into their bathroom. The tub thankfully doesn’t share a wall with the toilet, making it easier for Emily to scoot in next to the faucet. Penelope folds Emily’s towel (the towel that is dark purple, and not spring green, which Penelope keeps carefully out of the splash zone) (unlike Emily, who does not mind if their towel is damp long after it should be dry, and probably growing some type of mold) (okay, it’s not growing mold, but Penelope insists that it will eventually become mold-ridden if Emily doesn’t start hanging it up more consistently) along the side of the tub. Emily fits the towel under their neck, and Penelope guides them into position.

“Your hair is so thick,” Penelope comments.

Emily says, “You tell me that once a week.”

“Because it is. Now close your eyes.”

Penelope detaches the removable showerhead and lets the water warm her hand. When it’s a comfortable temperature, she douses Emily’s head. She maneuvers carefully around Emily’s forehead to avoid hitting their face, though Emily’s eyelids flutter when they worry the stream is near. Penelope thinks with their long eyelashes, they look like butterflies about to take flight.

She works the shampoo in with a gentle, but thorough touch. It’s when she rubs the lather into Emily’s scalp that Emily lets a soft moan break, and Penelope smiles. She takes pride in her work, whether she’s at her desk or in her soapy bathroom.

The shampoo swirls down the drain as Penelope rinses Emily free. Emily opens their eyes and tries to sit up, but Penelope pins their shoulders to the tub.

“Hold on! I haven’t conditioned yet.”

“Isn’t shampoo enough? We’re going to be here again in three days. It’s a hassle.”

Penelope does not think so. For the low price of two-thousand dollars and the risk of post-op complications, Penelope’s seen her girlfriend relax for the first time in, maybe ever. She’s going to drag it out as long as she can. Which, for right now, means dumping a handful of conditioner into her palm and rubbing it through the tips of Emily’s hair.

The final rinse is cleansing, like the weight falls from Emily’s shoulders. Penelope swipes the towel from Emily’s neck and cocoons their hair inside. She manages to keep their shirt dry, for the most part. Emily sits up with a pain in their shoulders, and does their best to hide it.

“What’s wrong?” Penelope prompts. Their best is not nearly good enough, not when Penelope has the analytical eye of someone who loves them. Penelope plants Emily on their shared bed for the first time since their surgery, already grateful to have a little of Emily’s smell in the room again. She sits behind them and overlaps their legs with hers. Penelope digs into the knots wound through their back as if she's torturing for information.

“It’s almost like you have a stressful job or something,” Penelope says.

Emily snorts. “Yeah, something like that.”

Penelope massages her way down until Emily feels looser under her fingers. She leans her head into the crook of Emily’s shoulder and presses a kiss to their skin. “We could ask for more time off,” she offers.

Emily slouches against Penelope’s body. “We could. But we have to go back at some point.”

“Let’s pretend we don’t.”

Emily exhales. “Sounds good to me.”

[sinsbymanka]

Hey. I'm sorry. So. Your post about sunseekerknight is really long and it seems out of date. I thought everything had been resolved and she promised to make amends but this all started back around again and it sounds like your issue isn't solved. Can you update me real quick? Sorry.

Thanks for being polite and coming to me. I’ll try to summarize things to the best of ability while also noting this is kinda a clusterfuck. It got long, so it’s under a cut.

In March 2020, I commissioned @sunseekerknight (I’m blocked so I can’t actually @ her) to do a Tarot Card commission of my Inquisitor for $80. I sent the money via PayPal friends and family as she requested which is something I no longer do for artists, even though I’d done it before with no problems. 

The main post goes over my initial experience really well - the repeated attempts at contact and missed deadlines. This post was made on June 18, 2020 and blew up. I informed Ada that day I was making the post and she told me she’d be doing so as well. 

I’d already filed the PayPal claim which was ultimately denied because I’d sent the money via friends and family, despite SSK’s assurances she’d help me resolve it in my favor. 

I didn’t hear from SSK after this and I didn’t contact her. My father passed away on June 20th and I was busy dealing with the personal fallout of that (he’d been in the hospital the whole month of June as it was) so my priorities swung towards processing my own grief and planning what happens next. 

On July 10th, my PayPal claim was denied. I forwarded the claim to SSK with the following message:

I want to inform you that PayPal has indicated, due to the way you asked me to send the funds (friends and family), they are unable to provide any sort of refund based on their policies. It is your responsibility to make the refund.

Because of the history of fraud I've uncovered, I will be pursuing this further. I am, in particular, asking PayPal to mark this account as one used for fraudulent transactions and scamming money before closing it. My hope is that this account is in your real name and that getting this account marked for fraud has real consequences you have to live with.

I honestly didn’t expect to hear from SSK again, but I did on July 12th: 

Oh, I see. Now the difficult situation has become even more difficult. I'm sorry to say this, but, as I said earlier, I had only two offers for people affected by my actions - a PayPal dispute or finished art. And since PayPal is useless in this situation, all I can offer you - is art. I’m still ready to finish your commission because I don't want you to be left with nothing. I would like to return the money, really, but it will take time and I don't know how much, considering the current situation on Tumblr. I still want to resolve this issue peacefully, despite what is happening now. I know that you don't trust me, and I understand this, as well as the fact that you are disappointed, angry, etc., but still I want to do at least something so as not to leave the situation as it is now. But if this is your final decision, then okay, I understand and accept it.

This message struck me as victim blaming. I am, after all, responsible for the situation on Tumblr which means she can’t get commissions. I reacted with some venom and my tone is not great here, but I do ask you to understand the frame of mind I was in here on July 13th: 

I don't think it's fair to claim that PayPal is being unhelpful in this situation when it is you who are refusing to refund money for a service that was purchased and not completed. I think it would make me feel better if you started phrasing the "situation" in a way that took responsibility for it. Such as: "I cannot refund the money to you myself, because I spent it before delivering what you paid for, and I cannot get your dispute resolved through PayPal because I asked you to send the payment a specific way that precludes disputes." 

I also feel hurt that immediately after I sent my email on Friday, you blocked me from Tumblr and turned all your social media accounts private. I can't think of why you would do this when you claim to still want to resolve this and when I have been more than kind. I find it difficult to believe that you didn't know what my review would cause - it sounds to me like this is something that has been brewing for awhile. Frankly, I'm amazed it took three years. I would also appreciate if, instead of blaming the "situation" on Tumblr for your inability to receive new commissions, you began taking responsibility for that as well. May I suggest: "My actions in the past three years have harmed many people and they are angry about it with good cause. Because I have damaged my reputation to a great extent, I will probably not receive many, if any, people willing to pay me money for commissions." 

I fully expect to receive nothing from you: art or my money returned. When speaking with PayPal on Friday, they advised the only way to shut your PayPal account down is if I file a criminal complaint with the IC3, which is the US's Internet Crimes division of the FBI. I did so and sent them the screenshots I have of all our conversations, your posts on Tumblr, and links to the posts of other people who publicly came out regarding the same behavior they experienced. I'm uncertain I can withdraw my complaints from both PayPal and the IC3, and if I could I don't think I would. I'm sure this isn't something that is high priority for them, but I assume eventually they will contact you to discuss your actions. The way I see it, you have three options at this point in time:

Find some way to issue a refund to me, and any other customers you've wronged. If I am contacted by investigators, I will say a refund was eventually issued in my case. 

Deliver the art you promised to me, and any other customers. If I am contacted by investigators, I will say a product was eventually delivered in my case. 

Continue to ignore what you've done and hope that no real consequences come of it. 

As to the art, I don't want it anymore. It has been tainted by this awful experience and I will not enjoy it. I will, however, accept it if you choose to do it to lessen whatever consequences you may end up facing because, truly, I'd rather you learn from this than end up with financial or legal consequences that are even more burdensome. 

Honestly. I never expected to hear from SSK again. But I did because this is the drama that never ends. On July 20th: 

I must apologize for the long silence. Sorry, I just got home from an unexpected vacation with my family, and I followed the advice of my parents and friends - spend these days away from work and the Internet to feel better. As I said, I understand you. You sound reasonable and you are totally right - it is my responsibility for that. And I'm trying to work it out, even if these are rather strange ways. And it wasn't about you personally. This was part of another problem with a friend I was trying to protect, and I followed the advice to keep the accounts private during the "war" and block some people on the tumblr during this time to avoid any collisions. But still, I was available for correspondence via email, and now all my accounts are again freely available. I know how it looks like, especially for you, when you have really been more than kind to me, and I cannot apologize enough to somehow change and improve this situation. I just fucked up on all fronts and I admit it. And I see, yes. I don't mind returning your art or money, it's just a matter of time. These are not days, these are weeks or months, and it is solely a matter of your patience. If you do not mind waiting, then I will try to return the money to you, since you no longer want art for obvious reasons. I understand and accept it, and it's okay. If you're willing to wait, I'll keep you informed of the refund situation and will do it as soon as I can.

You’ll note earlier I told you I can’t tag SSK cause I’m blocked. I’ve never been unblocked since July despite her saying she would. This is also the last email I got from SSK. I’ve had no communication since to my knowledge.

At this point in time I was tired. Really tired. It was bad news I got this email exactly a month after my father passed because I just didn’t want to do it anymore. This is my second to last email to SSK in response also on July 20th: 

Please feel free to do what you need to do to manage the situation. For my part, I have said and done all I can. I have asked for a refund for a service you have been unable to provide in a reasonable time frame, and thus you are legally obligated to return my money in the same reasonable time frame. That time frame has passed already.

When I am contacted by authorities about this matter in response to my complaints, I will tell them you have promised refunds but have not delivered. The only thing you could do to change this answer is to issue a refund before I am contacted.

This exchange is draining and unhelpful for me. I ask that you please do not contact me again until you are ready to issue a refund. 

On September 25th, I was informed SSK had successfully opened commissions on Twitter and Instagram. This spurred me to send one final email: 

I've been informed you recently reopened commissions to buy yourself something and met your goal, even though you only advertised on Twitter and Instagram. 

I would like to remind you that I'm still owed a refund AND you shouldn't spend that commission money until you deliver on that art. Please do not rip and entire new group of people off. 

There are other people, in the notes of the original post, who can attest to terrible experiences similar to mine. In particular, @starsandskies, @vorchagirl, and @charlatron have all come forward to talk about what she’s done and their experiences. Her pattern seems to be to open commissions, deliver a few, have the rest dragged out of her, and then to not do other ones. I drew the short straw this time. 

I don’t know if she’s reading this - if she is, at this point all I really want is an apology, a list of people who are waiting for art/refunds from her, and a plan as to how she’s going to make it right. If she doesn’t do those things, I suspect I’m going to keep getting dragged back into this cluster for awhile to talk about my experiences. 

If you’re waiting for artwork Non, open PayPal disputes and file complaints if you need to. The sooner the better. 

[pototters]

Sleeping on Emotions

A/N: This is something that I’ve been working on as a thread on Twitter and I’m just transferring it here for all of you here to enjoy.

This will be posted in parts. This is part one. Transferring might be a little slow, but I’ll try to get part two up in the next couple of days. The thread itself isn’t complete, yet, so it might be some time before part three is ready.

Summary: After they’ve graduated from UA, Bakugo and Kirishima get an apartment together as roommates. Kirishima sleeps like the rock that he is, but now he’s started to sleepwalk himself into Bakugo’s bed occasionally. Bakugo has been pining since high school and this new development isn’t making things any easier on him, especially not when our favorite redhead starts to talk in his sleep, too.

Warnings: Bakugo swears a lot, no smut, mentions of arousal. More warnings for part two.

Bakugo x Kirishima

Word Count: 1,629

Crimson eyes slowly blinked open to the rising sun as Bakugo gradually woke up. He was vaguely aware of a heavy weight around his waist, and he let out a resigned sigh. How long had this been going on? It had started at least a month after he’d moved in with Kirishima to their apartment as roommates.

Once they’d graduated from U.A. nearly six months ago, Kirishima had come up with the idea to make things easier on themselves while they were starting out as new pros. Bakugo, of course, had a hard time telling his best friend ‘no’, even though he’d pretended to reject the idea. The transition had been smooth, overall, though.

They had their own rooms, and it wasn’t much different from dorm life. They even had their own bathrooms. Bakugo only occasionally had to snap at Kirishima about doing his chores, but their shared lives had been amiable, otherwise. At some point, however, something changed.

Bakugo wasn’t sure exactly what had triggered it, but the first night he had woken up to Kirishima climbing into his bed with him, he’d nearly blown his face off. That night had ended with a lot of confusion, yelling, and Kirishima crying his numerous apologies. They chalked up the whole event to Kirishima being overly exhausted and confusing Bakugo’s room with his own.

Until it happened, again.

And then again.

By the fourth time, they realized what was happening. The dumbass was sleepwalking. As far as Kirishima was aware, he’d never walked in his sleep before. So, Bakugo made him see a doctor about it. The redhead went without complaint, not wishing to cause any more inconvenience to his best friend.

A common trigger for sleepwalking was apparently stress, so Kirishima began to see a therapist and the episodes lessened. Bakugo wasn’t supposed to wake him up while he was sleepwalking, because that was dangerous, so he tried locking his bedroom door. It would have worked, except the meathead broke the damn doorknob off with his quirk, and came in, anyway.

Resigned and annoyed, Bakugo was forced to allow his best friend to sleep in his bed with him. Could he have slept on the floor, instead? Like fucking hell he was gonna have back problems because his idiot friend couldn’t stay in his own bed. Not to mention, the moment Kirishima was settled, strong arms wrapped around Bakugo’s middle and held him tightly in place.

The damn spiky haired idiot was an octopus. Bakugo had stopped complaining a while ago. Besides being useless, he found that he didn’t exactly hate the forced cuddling. No, it was worse than that. Rather than hate it, he fucking loved it.

During their first year at U.A., it had taken Bakugo some time to adjust to Kirishima touching him constantly. It wasn’t long after that Bakugo actually began to look forward to it. The notion surprised him because he couldn’t stand anyone else. He’d grown to tolerate being touched by others, but that was all he could manage. It had taken through nearly all of their second year to figure out why Kirishima was different.

Bakugo had fallen for the idiot.

He had tried his best to avoid and ignore his feelings, but it was difficult to do when he had a constant, redheaded reminder in his personal space. What a fool he had been to ever agree to be roommates.

A heavy sigh tickled the back of Bakugo’s neck, sending a shiver down his spine and awakening his arousal. If Kirishima didn’t sleep like the fucking rock he was, Bakugo would have punched him awake. How he ever woke up to his alarm, Bakugo would never know.

It was too early in the morning for this shit, and the last thing Bakugo needed was for Kirishima to wake up and figure out that he had an erection. Morning wood was bad enough, let alone getting aroused while sharing a bed with his best friend. Bakugo struggled with the covers, but they were too tangled up between the two of them, and Kirishima’s arm only tightened around him.

As he growled with frustration, he was ready to punch him awake when something new happened. “Baku...go.” Kirishima mumbled in his sleep as he groaned lightly, squeezing Bakugo back against his chest even tighter. Bakugo went still as he sucked in a sharp breath. Then the idiot snorted and laughed. “That’s a walrus, not a cookie. Dummy.”

Bakugo nearly choked. The idiot was talking in his sleep! He covered his mouth as he tried not to laugh out loud, but Kirishima kept talking. Every bit of it was nonsense, and Bakugo soon couldn’t hold his laughter back any longer. He was nearly breathless from how much he was laughing, his body shaking with it. 

“Bakugo? What’s so funny?” The laughter died in his throat as Bakugo fought to get it together. Kirishima was waking up, but hadn’t moved, his arm still tight around Bakugo’s waist.

“You were talking in your sleep, dumbass. Now, let go of me. I gotta piss.” It took several seconds before Kirishima’s arm lifted away. The redhead was always especially slow when waking up, so Bakugo tried to be patient. Truthfully, it was their day off and Bakugo would have been content to sink into Kirishima’s warmth for a couple more hours. He could never admit that, though, as he was quite sure his best friend didn’t see him that way.

Once he was free, Bakugo disentangled himself from the blankets and got up. As he stretched, he was vaguely aware of Kirishima sitting up behind him. “Did you say I was talking in my sleep?” Groggy words reached Bakugo’s ears.

“Yeah. You sure were.” Kirishima didn’t respond right away, so Bakugo went ahead and made his way to his personal bathroom to relieve himself and brush his teeth. By the time he came back out, Kirishima had already left and he heard the shower start up from the other bathroom.

Scrubbing a hand through his hair, he headed into the kitchen and began making breakfast, starting with the coffee. By the time he started cooking, Kirishima came out into the kitchen as he rubbed his hair dry with a towel and wearing only a pair of running shorts that were slung low on his hips. Bakugo couldn’t stop himself from following the neat, black happy trail that disappeared under the waistband with his gaze.

He quickly refocused himself on the pan when Kirishima dropped the towel around his broad shoulders. “Smells good, man. You making some for me, too? Or should I make my own?” Kirishima grinned that easygoing smile of his and Bakugo felt something flutter in his chest.

He grumbled as he pointed to the kitchen table, trying to smother his own feelings. “Sit down. It’s almost done.” Kirishima’s grin got even bigger with his excitement.

“Awe, thanks, man! You seriously are the best.” The redhead sat down and leaned his chin in his hand as his expression faltered. “Sorry for sleepwalking into your bed, again. I know how much you hate it.” Bakugo let out a soft grunt in reply as he plated their food and came over to the table.

After handing Kirishima his plate, Bakugo sat across from him with his own, digging in with his chopsticks. “Stop beating yourself up over it. You can’t help it. Fucking punch me in your sleep, though, and then we’ll have a problem. Got it?” Bakugo growled over his rice omelet. They were Kirishima’s favorite, and Bakugo couldn’t help himself.

Kirishima gave him a wobbly smile that Bakugo was sure would turn into tears at any second. “Thanks, man. You really are the best. I mean it.” He looked down at the food and sniffled a little. “You even made my favorite, again.” So, the idiot had noticed.

Bakugo feigned an annoyed ‘tch’ and rolled his eyes even as his face warmed. “Whatever, just eat.” He watched the redhead a moment as Kirishima dug in happily, thanking Bakugo again for the food. “So, what the fuck were you even dreaming about this morning? You should have heard the shit coming from your mouth.”

With his mouth stuffed with food, Kirishima looked up from his plate with wide eyes, chewing thoughtfully before swallowing it down. “I dunno. Don’t really remember that much. Why, what was I saying?” He gave Bakugo that shark-toothed grin of his that always made Bakugo wonder what it would be like to be bitten, making a shiver run imperceptibly down his spine.

“You laughed and said a walrus wasn’t a cookie, then something about some damn kittens and losing their mittens, or some shit.” Kirishima scrunched up his nose in concentration as he listened, then shook his head with a laugh.

“Nah, doesn’t ring a bell. Sounds like one crazy dream, though!” Kirishima laughed some more then went back to eating. Bakugo watched him for a moment, contemplative as he wondered what else he might get to hear Kirishima say in his sleep. He actually found himself somewhat excited for it.

It was a long moment before he snapped himself out of his staring spell, his thoughts wandering to things much less appropriate while eating breakfast. “When we’re done eating, we’re going to the store. The fridge is looking bare, so it needs to be restocked.” Bakugo informed him before starting to eat, again. Kirishima only smiled and nodded, mouth too full to respond verbally.

As Bakugo chewed, the thought that his best friend might one day stop sleepwalking occurred to him, making him frown. He really hoped that would never happen, knowing that he could never bring himself to ask his best friend to cuddle him if it ever did.

Part 2

[theycallmebeccawrites]

Chris & Ellie Series: Episode 21.5

Hello my lovelies! I hope you guys are doing... ok? 2020 been a shitty year for all of us, so it’s ok if you aren’t ok. Just keep on keeping on. Last week was an awful week for me, which is why this episode didn’t get posted then. But I think it works out, because this episode is better than it was last week. So win win.

Also, I am HORRIBLE at remembering to thank the amazing people that help me beta this story. At least publically. So thank you to @nomadicpixel​ @heather-lynn​ @mrs-captain-evans​ and @alievans007​ for their continued support for this story.

One last thing, I’m using my new tag list for this episode. So if you used to be tagged for these and you aren’t anymore but you want to be, let me know and I’ll add you to the new tag list.

♥ Becca ♥

Pairing: Chris Evans x Ellie Spencer (OFC)

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: language

Episode Summary: This episode takes place in July 2014 and features Chris trying to decide to text Ellie on her birthday or not.

Disclaimer: This work of fiction is not to be reposted, used or translated without my permission.

This episode can also be read on AO3.

The Chris and Ellie series is primarily chronological. It begins with a flash forward to 2016 and has a few other scenes in the future. However, the majority of their story is told in chronological order starting in 2013 and going through 2017. Each episode starts with a date to help you place it within the story.

The Chris & Ellie Series Masterlist | Chris & Ellie Masterlist

Episode 21

Episode 21.5: To Text or Not to Text

July 17-18, 2014

Chris was on his way to the studio when the calendar on his phone alerted him to the fact that it was Ellie's birthday. With a busy day ahead of him, never mind the time difference, he ignored it.

Or tried to.

During his breaks in filming, he found his mind going back to Ellie and how they had celebrated her birthday last year. That night he'd seen her in a new light. And not in the cliché girl next door wears a pretty dress way; he'd already known she was pretty. That was obvious, just by looking at her.

But until that night, they hadn’t spent a lot of time together without the chaos of his family around. He’d realized Ellie was a woman who was simply herself and didn't want to be anyone else. A rare trait to find amongst the women he'd met in Los Angeles. It had made him want to get to know her even better.

One moment that stood out to him the most was when the paparazzi had spoiled their evening out. Instead of seeking attention or even getting upset, Ellie had taken it all in stride and they'd ended up having a fun night back at the house with Scott and Izzy playing Cards Against Humanity. He knew that their siblings would have rather been out dancing, but they had been celebrating Ellie's birthday and she'd been happy with the way the night had gone. That was all that had mattered.

Which made him wonder. Was there anything he could do this year that would make her happy? He doubted it.

Except maybe die a slow and painful death, his cynical mind offered.

Chris shook his head; despite her feelings about him at the moment, he knew she wouldn’t want him dead. If only because of how it would affect his family.

But regardless, he wasn’t even sure what he’d say to Ellie if he decided to text her.

I know I’ve ignored you for 3 months but happy birthday.

He was sure it would read even dumber than it sounded in his head. Which was why during his lunch break, he'd stared at the row with her name on it in his messages app but hadn't been able to open the string of texts. In the end, he'd locked his phone and went to have lunch with his co-stars and friends.

Now it was the end of his very full day, or rather, the early hours of the next day. But, with the time difference, it was still Ellie’s birthday in LA.

Chris had accepted Robert’s invitation for a late dinner then had gone to a pub with some of the others and only now was back in his rental. He’d been able to divert his attention in the afternoon regarding Ellie, but now that he was alone again it all came flooding back to him.

To text or not to text. That was the question.

He'd had plenty to drink that evening; enough that he was seriously tempted to let his thumbs do the talking. And yet, that sense of doubt lingered in his head about the whole situation. Clearly, he was sober enough to think rationally.

As he was debating what to do, his phone dinged, alerting him to a text message from his brother. Cautiously, Chris opened the text, unsure of what he was going to find.

I won't bug you about Ellie anymore

Chris set his phone down and rubbed his eyes before he picked it up and read Scott's text again, but it hadn’t changed. His brother had been bugging him about Ellie since April, even ignoring Chris's request to drop the subject.

"So why the sudden fucking change?" Chris muttered to himself as he studied his phone.

As he stared at it, another text from Scott appeared.

It's probably too late for you guys anyway

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" Chris demanded, aloud.

The logical side of his brain screamed that it was a trap. That Scott was trying to use reverse psychology on him in another attempt to get Chris to talk to Ellie.

But what if he wasn't?

Chris wasn't sure if the feeling in his gut was unease or a sign that his dinner and drinks after weren’t sitting well. He wanted to believe it was the second, but he couldn't lie to himself, he'd been feeling uneasy all day.

He remembered how disappointed he'd felt on his birthday when Ellie hadn't reached out to him. At the same time, he couldn't blame her for not reaching out after the way he'd left town. He wished he could go back and do it all over again but differently. To tell her he needed space, that he needed time to think.

"It's probably too late for you guys anyway," he heard Scott taunt in his head.

Was it too late? Had she moved on? Or had she just given up on him? Or did she think he'd given up on her?

That last thought made him frown. Had he given up on her? He supposed he had. He'd abandoned her and their relationship. He knew he'd hurt her, even though that hadn't been his intention. His brother hadn't held back when telling him in aggravating detail just how he'd fucked up Ellie's life.

Shaking his head, Chris locked his phone and plugged it into his charger. While he wasn't drunk, he wasn't sober enough to deal with anything right now. The last thing he wanted to cause Ellie was more pain, especially on her birthday. He couldn't see how texting her after three months of silence would do anything good for either of them.

Besides, who would benefit from the message? It might make him feel better and ease his conscience for the way he'd walked away, but at what cost? He knew Scott would be doing everything in his power to make sure Ellie had a good birthday. What right did he have to interrupt a special day to lessen his guilt?

Episode 22

Want to find me off tumblr? I'm @beccatheycallme on twitter. I also post my stories on AO3.

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My tag list is always open, just let me know if you’d like to be added!

[purplesurveys]

1169

Do you take lessons for anything? No. I’ve done so in the past, but not at the moment.

Has something really heavy ever fallen on you?  Other than siblings or cousins from when we played together as kids, I don’t think so.

If you wear makeup, what colors do you usually wear?  I never wear makeup but whenever my friends have used my face as a practice stage (lol) they’ve usually just used natural or nude-ish colors, which I find look okay on me.

Does your shower have curtains or a glass door/wall? It has a sliding door. I’m not sure what material it’s made out of, but I can tell you it’s at least not glass.

If you have more than one pet, do they ever get jealous of each other?  Cooper does tend to bark and/or whine when he sees me giving more attention to Kimi, but not always. Kimi couldn’t give less of a crap, but this is also because he is 13.

Is there a room in your house that you don’t like going in? I used to not like being inside my bedroom, especially after the breakup. For a long time it was a place I only associated with crying and breakdowns, so when I was doing the arduous task of starting over I haaaaated staying there because it only hurled me right back to square one. But I’m happy to say that I eventually got better, had enough strength to change the narrative for my room, and now I like being here again :)

Do you remember the last question you were asked? What did you answer? My mom just asked me to watch Cooper because he was having the zoomies.

Besides salt and butter, do you put anything on your popcorn?  Not a big fan of popcorn but if I had to pick a topping, I’d go with cheddar cheese.

Are you lonely?  I’ll feel it sometimes, but it only lasts for a moment or so.

What’s your favorite magazine to read?  Wow I haven’t read a magazine in years.

Do you like pineapple?  I hate it. In all forms. The pizza debate doesn’t even matter to me lmao, I just think pineapple downright sucks.

Have you ever seen fireflies? They used to be common in our village when we first moved in, back when there were only like 3 houses in the neighborhood (we were one of the first to move in here). As more houses were built and the place got more occupied the fireflies gradually lessened until they disappeared altogether.

Have you ever trespassed?  I very vividly remember taking multiple trips to the school cemetery back in grade school (I went to Catholic school and ours had a cemetery below our chapel, where all our deceased nuns were housed...I really shouldn’t be talking about this at 10 PM...). I am 100% sure that was an off-limits area but we went there anyway because we were a naughty group of kids and because no one was guarding the area.

Do you tell your parents where you are going? Yeah; if I live with them, they have the right to know. < Ooh, I’ve never even thought about it this way before but this is a very good point. I’ll second this, haha.

Do you agree with the notion that all people were created equal? Yes.

Do you raise your hand or participate in class? God never. I hid as much as I can and only recited if I was called on purpose.

Do you like visiting the mall? Why or why not?  I like the malls that we have. But then again, malls are the only decent public spaces we have - we don’t have public libraries, parks, playgrounds, etc. – so it’s not like I have a choice on where I can go if I want to go out. 

Have you ever purposely hurt an animal?  Yeah I kill bugs when I see them. Soz, I have no feelings for them whatsoever.

Would you ever see a therapist?  I planned to finally do this last year but it just fell through haha and eventually I was able to care for myself too. Now that I’m doing a lot better for the most part, I feel like I’d have no clue what to talk about once faced with one.

Are you afraid of heights?  Only if I had to jump all the way down. But if I ever found myself staying at an extreme height simply to enjoy the view, or if I was ever in one of those towers where the top floor’s floor is made out of glass, I think I would enjoy that.

Are you afraid of the dark?  I always say I’m usually not afraid of the dark, and will only be if I was in a situation that was intended to scare me. I would definitely be afraid of the dark if I was in like an abandoned cave or a haunted house, but I would also find the darkness in my room comforting.

Are you a jealous person?  When I am it’s mostly been in a playful sense and rarely serious.

When is your birthday? April 21st.

What are you listening to right now? My very very old aircon doing its very very loud whirring thing. It’s become a running joke in the family because it is literally SO FUCKING LOUD hahahaha Have you ever been caught doing something you weren’t supposed to be doing?  As a goody-goody, I can only ever do this to my mom; but yeah, she’s caught me many times.

Are you still friends with someone from kindergarten?  Sure, but I’m not ~close friends with any of them. Just chummy enough to like their photos on social media once in a while or greet them happy birthday. My oldest friend was from Grade 1.

What is the most important thing to you?  Being happy with myself and making sure I don’t miss out on life and opportunities.

Do you like whipped cream?  I can take it or leave it.

Are you close to your mother?  We get along but not close.

Are you close to your father? I’m closer to him in the sense that I would be more comfortable around him, but we’re also not physically or emotionally close. 

Do you walk around bare foot when you're at home? Or do you wear socks?  I am Asian hahaha what do you think?

Do you like chocolate popsicles?  Sure! One would sound lovely right now, actually.

Would you ever be your school’s mascot who wears that costume?  Both of the schools I’ve attended don’t have mascots.

Would you rather see the Great Wall of China or Big Ben?  Great Wall for sure. Sorry but I can’t see myself getting excited over a giant clock, and I’m sure there are other lovely spots in London I’d much rather visit. 

Have you ever written a poem?  Always unsuccessfully. It’s never been my forte.

Would you ever be a tornado chaser?  That’s a thing? Uh...no way??

What is your favorite thing to eat with bbq sauce, if you even like that stuff?  Pizza. And anything, I guess. Barbecue sauce is the bomb.

Your parents tell you that this summer, you get to pick the vacation. Where do you plan to go?  Covid notwithstanding and budget permitting, probably New York City.

What do you think is a good theme for a prom?  I could not care less.

Have you ever had to do a class in summer school? Thankfully, never.

Do you get nervous when you go to the doctor? About what?  You know, I’ve always thought going to the doctor was no sweat until I realized just how nervous I was when I had to book a telemedicine consultation once as part of my job (PR can make you do the most random, out of context things sometimes, I swear haha). I surprised even myself with the reaction I had when I found out I had to do it, and how I felt like declining the offer...I guess I was scared about the possibility of underlying health issues suddenly being unearthed. Your whole life can always get turned upside down in the blink of an eye with just one diagnosis.

Have you ever been to the rainforest?  I’m pretty sure the climate I live in is called tropical rainforest, so I guess yeah.

Have you ever created a website?  Not from scratch. I had always made it under an umbrella website, like Blogspot.

Ever thought about writing a book?  Sure, as a kid.

Have you ever had a dream where you killed someone?  No. Whenever I have dreams of that nature it’s always me or a loved one being killed, but never me doing the killing.

Do you ever make up stories in your head and wish they come true? Yes.

Which is worse: stuffy nose or runny nose?  Stuffy. It sucks not being able to breathe freely.

Which is worse: Sick to your stomach or sore throat?  I super hate sore throat. I already get stomachaches frequently, so even though I know how sucky it can be I feel like the discomfort would be bigger with a sore throat.

Do you think your last relationship was a disaster?  The way it ended was, but it wouldn’t be fair to myself to invalidate the genuine happiness I felt when I was in it.

Have you ever solved a Rubik’s Cube?  Never.

Who do you think is the easiest to talk to?  Angela.

Would you consider yourself to be emo?  No.

Do you have a favourite metal band or do you not like metal?  Not really, no.

What is your current desktop picture?  It’s just one of the provided desktop photos on my Mac.

Thick or thin blanket?  Thick.

Who are your favorite bands?  Paramore, Coldplay, and Against Me!

How do you mark through your word search puzzles?  Depends on my mood. Sometimes I’ll strike through and sometimes I’ll go ahead and encircle the entire word altogether.

Have you ever sewn something?  I’ve done embroidery...does that count?

What did you eat for dinner last night?  We had breakfast for dinner, actually hahaha so my dad made an omelette, hotdogs, and tapa.

Ever been grounded? If so, for what?  Continued from last night. Yes, I was caught cursing all over Twitter when I was like 11 so my parents cut off my access to all my gadgets for a year or so. Which, in retrospect, is an acceptable consequence for my actions, but we’re also talking about a time when schools were starting to view the internet as a necessity in doing homework and research. I missed out on nearly all my homework for a while, and my mom didn’t buy it when I kept telling her I needed to do my research over the internet. At the same time, she kept demanding why my grades weren’t doing so well when she was the reason they kept being pulled down...so yep, not a very fun time.

Have you seen all of the Jaws movies?  No and I don’t really have the desire to. Doesn’t seem like my kind of movie.

When was the last time you played cards? (not on the computer)  Maybe 2 or 3 years ago.

Have you ever drank Cherry Coke? No, I don’t drink any soda.

Have you ever had a black eye?  Nope.

Have you ever eaten a bug?  Not to my recollection, but I would love to try cooked crickets and whatever bug can be prepared and eaten.

Do you like pranking people?  Never; the idea makes me cringe since I never know when it’s considered going too far. I’d rather watch people prank other people.

Did you ever take a cooking class in school?  Yeah, but we were required to take it. We also had some baking sessions, which to me was a lot more fun. I remember having to make macarons and rainbow cake which are both right up my alley, heehee.

Do you celebrate St. Patrick’s Day?  No, idk what that is. I just know people turn everything green on that day lol.

Do you use Skype?  I’ve never used Skype on my own. That’s where I used to talk to my dad for video calls maybe around a decade ago, whenever he was abroad; but I never had my own account. These days I alternate among Microsoft Teams, Google  Meet, or Zoom.

Have you ever participated in local magazine cover girl searches?  I don’t think so, but I did join a few contests on some of those kid’s magazines we used to have...none of which I won.

Have you ever been called a skank/slut because of the way you dress?  No.

Is your ex sexually attractive to you still?  I haven’t seen her in 5 months, which helps...that said, I simply feel nothing. I’m neither sexually attracted nor not sexually attracted to her.

Describe the most romantic moment you’ve ever had.  I can think of one but I don’t see the point in still raising it, considering where I am in life right now.

Have you ever cheated on a test?  Yes, once. I hated it.

Have you ever been to couple’s counseling? Nope.

How often does your employer ask you to work overtime?  A few times a week. Sometimes I’ll do it willingly as well just to get the task over with or to save myself some deliverables the next morning. I’m fine with OT-ing tbh; since I work from home, I feel like my time is a lot more flexible.

Did you often read for fun when you were a kid? I read A LOOOOOT as a kid. I was a total bookworm. < Yeah, same. You could always find me bringing a book to school and reading during breaks, even though they technically didn’t allow us to bring any non-academic book. My spark for reading died when I was around 12, same time as when my depression started to kick in, and it never really came back.

When was the last time you were scared?  Someone from the media called me up yesterday VIA LANDLINE to ask a question about a press release I had sent out that day. I usually read up on the materials we have, but I honestly didn’t give a shit about that particular story and didn’t really make an effort to know more about it, so I found myself stumped when he dropped the question. I ended up stalling for a bit before I was able to stutter an answer, so that was scary, but at least he was nice. Also, I hate phone calls.

What’s your favorite song by Rihanna?  KISS IT KISS IT BETTER

Can you speak binary?  No, I never understood it.

Would you rather live somewhere that had hurricanes or tornadoes?  I already do, at least for hurricanes. I imagine I’d be terrified of tornadoes.

Have you ever had a pet that you disliked?  Nooooooo, never. I was never close to Arlee but I still did my best for her to like me, and always fed her whenever my sister would be in her dorm.

When was the last time you saw hail?  Never. Doesn’t happen all that often here, and when it does it’s always in the provinces.

What is on your mind right this second:  I want to spend my remaining time awake reading fanfic (I’m into them again, omg) but I also wanna finish surveys...so I’m doing my best to breeze through this so I can finally look for something to read hahahahaha.

Have you ever given a nickname to your pet(s)?  Cooper is Cooperino to me. Sometimes I’ll call him Cooperino Cappuccino. Kimi is Kimchi, Kimmerl, Kimberly, The Kimster, and sometimes Lolo, which is grandpa in Filipino heheh.

When was the last time you shaved your legs?  Like 3 or 4 days ago.

Do you ever try free samples at the store?  Nope.

Do you like boys with long hair?  Physical traits don’t matter much to me.

Do you like rootbeer?  I’ve never tried it but I don’t really want to either haha. It smells weird.

What is the best fast food place, in your opinion?  KFC or Taco Bell. Or Jollibee.

Do you have faith in yourself?  Starting to.

[lightsandlostbells]

wtFOCK season 3, episode 1 reaction

So! It’s a million years too late, but I decided to talk about wtFOCK season 3. 

I had fairly positive feelings about S1 of wtFOCK. It was the scrappy underdog of the Skam remakes, in a way, and what it lacked in polish, it made up for authenticity. I was very willing to overlook its flaws because of what I perceived as genuine attempts to connect with teenagers. I was really, really holding out hope that future seasons would improve on its flaws. And ... well. (Disclaimer: I still haven’t seen S2. Sorry! I just failed to keep up with all the remakes and S2 is my least fave so I didn’t feel that motivated to make it a priority, even though I did like Zoë a lot in S1.)

Heads up - I didn’t care for this season. A lot of people did, and I would never, ever want to ruin someone’s enjoyment of something, even if I personally didn’t like it. So please take this as a warning that I have a lot of negative things to say, and don’t read if it’s going to harsh your buzz for a pairing or a story that you deeply love. However, I didn’t want to just be grumpy and angry the whole time, so I tried to think of constructive ways to fix certain problems I had with this season. No guarantees that they’re satisfying solutions, but it was an interesting exercise.

Also, I didn’t watch this in real time, and I paid barely any attention to fandom reactions and/or drama, so it’s very possible that I am missing context, or that pacing issues didn’t register with me quite as strongly, etc. If one of the actors ate a live dolphin on Instagram, and then got into a fight with fans on Twitter about their right to eat live dolphins, and now fandom has canceled the problematic dolphin-eating actor, I legit do not know, do not come at me if I’m like “This actor is doing a good job” with “Wow, didn’t know you stanned dolphin-eaters??? YIKES.” Honestly, for the purposes of just grading this season on a storytelling level, I would prefer not to know anything about the cast or crew unless it directly has an impact on the show itself.

Clip 1 - House party

OK, I did like this flashy intro shot, immersing us in the Wild ‘n’ Crazy Teen Party of Wild ‘n’ Crazy Youths.

Amber rejecting every dude in site … When Will Gay Vilde Rise. (I know there have been some f/f storylines in the remakes, but if there’s one involving an actual Vilde, please let me know.)

Luca saying “We’re not walking around in a high school drama” - you can hear the rimshot.

I do like the transition from the party up to the bathroom, that’s a cool shot. wtFOCK’s directing so far is more ambitious than it was in S1.

Robbe is clearly a mess and they acknowledge his problems at home right off the bat.

We go back downstairs. wtFOCK’s version of Magnus knocks his drink on Amber and she gets pissed. She gives him the finger and he falls in love. Still a better love story than S3 Daphne/Basile.

It’s a small point, but I don’t get why we didn’t get this moment before jumping up to the bathroom with Robbe and the others? It would be a far smoother transition, just on a practical level and also in the sense of fully immersing us in Robbe’s POV after a quick update with the other characters.

Belgian Magnus joins the guys in the bathtub and announces he’s in love. They roast him when they find out it’s Amber and start talking about hot chicks. Moyo starts grilling Robbe about his type of girl, in a crass, sexual way.

This is honestly not a bad start to Robbe’s story at all. Robbe is clearly more reluctant to get into his interest in girls than Isak was - Isak was more fuckboyish from the start, Robbe seems like he’s about to start squirming and doesn’t really give an answer to Moyo’s questioning. Which is fine! I think it’s fine to start off the POV character at different stages of performing heterosexuality, as long as it’s taken into account in the writing of the character’s whole arc. The fact that the boy talk is so crude and sexual just ramps up Robbe’s alienation.

I swear, I will never understand how the girls in this scene just go into the bathroom and pee in front of strange boys … like maybe I am just a ~prude but that seems like a recipe for disaster and I would not trust those little fuckers to not be secretly recording me on the toilet.

Her peeing is kind of a power move, like marking her territory.

Also L M A O at Robbe starting to flirt with the girl while she is pissing … like now this comes off as a kink thing. OK, Robbe. Jokes aside, this gets across the same meaning as the scene with Isak: he starts to flirt with her because he was encouraged by the other guys.

Uh, flush the toilet, lady. And use some TP.

Now this version of Emma seriously radiates some Natalie Portman in The Professional vibes.

She orders him to stand up and then starts kissing him. I get way less of a vibe of Robbe’s mad game with women (like how Isak negged Emma into kissing him) and more like this girl is the love interest out of an indie romcom, all mysterious and spunky. She kisses him like once after taking his jay and then leaves. The boys all crack up. Moyo tells Robbe it’s his responsibility to get the weed back which lmao, no it’s not, all you assholes were there and could have intervened.

This scene is perfectly fine and even effective! Not entirely the same vibes as OG, but it still has a purpose and some obvious cause-and-effect, and there are some nice stylistic choices.

Clip 2 - Party pt. 2

Robbe is now making out with mystery girl. We already have a divergence in characterization from OG. Isak was being performative about making out with Emma and shut it down once the guys left. Robbe is making out with this girl because he wants to be straight, I guess? If it’s not to appeal to his friends, it’s likely that this is for himself. Again, I have no real problem with this change if it’s incorporated into Robbe’s overall arc and characterization. My thing is, if you’re writing this scene, do you realize the differences in characterization? Or do you think this is interchangeable from what happened with Isak? The latter is where you run into problems, because then the writing shows lack of nuance. I bring this up here because, well, you can guess how I feel about later events. 

Luca seems rather aggro about the mystery woman, which I assume is because she still has the hots for Robbe?

It makes me laugh that we got this first-person POV as Robbe leaves through the garage, because of the “Smack My Bitch Up” song being played in the last clip (the song had an infamous music video, banned from MTV in the ‘90s, that was from a first-person POV). But again, WTFock is trying harder with the cinematography and direction, good for them.

Robbe ditches the cops by jumping on the bike with Belgian Emma. OK, I get it, Belgian Emma is too cool for school. 

I have kinda mixed feelings on that, actually. I mean, I’ll be honest - I don’t see why any Emma has to be made into someone more palatable. Definitely don’t demonize her or present her in a misogynistic way! She deserves sympathy and dignity as much as any character on a Skam. But … it’s fine if she and the Isak aren’t like, amazingly compatible except for his sexuality. The Even character is supposed to be the one who really shakes up the Isak’s world! The Isak is supposed to be lost and confused and drifting and then Even comes in and is someone he can really open up to. Not just because he’s another guy who’s into guys, but because Even’s personality meshes with Isak’s so easily while still challenging him and introducing him to new things. In a way, it does kinda diminish the effect of the Even if the Isak meets ANOTHER mysterious stranger who’s an awesome person. Or at the very least, it lessens the feeling of the Isak’s detachment from everything.

And again, this could work if the writing realizes it. You can totally craft a subtly different arc from the pieces of Isak’s season. It’s just that (speaking from the future) I do not feel this is what happened.

Clip 3 - Tagging time

I don’t think it’s necessary to break up all the parts of a longer scene/set piece into a bunch of different clips. If you start a scene at 16:00, it’s OK to have the clip take place over several hours. You don’t need to chop it up unless there’s a reason why this pacing might benefit the story. Honestly, if you’re watching in real time, I think this method is often less effective at building tension/emotion/etc. But wtFOCK is not the first remake to try this tactic.

... this part where Robbe and Noor put on masks sure hits differently in 2020.

Belgian Emma’s name is Noor and she takes him to a warehouse, or something? It’s very secret and Cool Kid. And IDK, it’s fun, but again… I think making the Emma that much of a fun mysterious cool exciting person is very much diminishing the effect of Robbe’s isolation. We had a good start with establishing that alienation while he was in the tub, but now his reactions to her rad hipness feel way too sincere and act against the major character conflict of his season. He seems nervous to go with her, but not because he’s with a girl, just because it’s a risky scenario.

Noor hands Robbe a spray paint can and leads him to tag a wall. There’s  a guy taking pictures. So I’m assuming one of the guys in masks is the Even? The POV seems to shift to the photo guy briefly, like we’re seeing Robbe through his eyes. And even though I’m not a fan of POV breakage, I do think this is a cool way to introduce the Even without really introducing him, you know? If that’s him. (EDIT from the future: Ummm, so that wasn’t Sander, right? I’m rewatching and it doesn’t look like him. Soooo that part has even less relevance than I originally thought. Got it.) (EDIT from the future beyond the future: @hellswolfie tells me that this actually was Sander, so I am just bad at recognizing people, lol.)

Robbe and Noor take off their masks briefly to kiss. Uhhhh, did the scene really just … cut off there? Because L M A O what a weird choice. We don’t get to see what Robbe creates on the wall, which could be a great way to establish his character, AND we end with him on a smiley, contented note which does not boost his POV at all. It legit just makes him seem like a guy who’s into this girl, and sorry, even if that’s his public persona at this point in time … that’s not what we, the audience should be getting at all. 

Clip 4 - Boy squad morning after

Robbe skateboards to meet up with the guy squad. Again, the directing is far better IMO than in S1.

Robbe got the weed back so that conflict is over, I guess.

He gets a call from his mom and stops laughing with the guys and gets serious. He walks away to take the call. Then he starts to open up to Jens about his mom freaking out, and then Moyo spots some girls so they all ditch Robbe to go chase girls, and WOW, Jens, please turn in your Jonas card. 

Don’t love that we didn’t hear his mom on the phone. There’s no reason not to let us hear what she’s saying since it would be in Robbe’s POV AND as it turns out, they just tell us about the situation with his mom right off the bat, anyway, so it’s not like there’s much point in hiding it. 

This was effective in a sense to establish how girl-crazy his friends are, as well as setting up Robbe’s isolation, which I was worried wouldn’t come across as strongly after meeting Noor. But I think they could have NOT mingled in his mom issues to make this part more effective. Like if the goal was to show more of Robbe being alienated because he’s gay, then that’s not entirely successful, because there are non-gay reasons why Robbe wouldn’t join his pals on the girl chase. I mean, even a horny hetero Robbe might not want to chase girls with his bros because talking to his mom is a downer, so it’s not necessarily because of his sexuality. Plus he just found a girl he liked in Noor, so apparently, he’s not on the prowl. What this part IS communicating that the Belgian guy squad doesn’t have much interest in their friend’s family struggles, which ... ehhhh, maybe not great in the grand scheme of the storyline? These guys can be flawed, for sure, but we do need them to care about Robbe’s well-being. And Robbe tried to open up here, so the flaw is not in him, it’s in his friends. I’m going to let it slide because Jens was offering to help Robbe in the first clip, so it’s not like he’s been a totally insensitive friend this whole time. 

Clip 5 - Phone call from Robbe’s dad

Noor jumps on Robbe and they make out. She shows him the garage and they talk about the tagging world or w/e. Again, not sure why they are portraying Noor as like … a legit love interest. I don’t get much of a sense of discomfort from Robbe. Isak was just not into Emma and was uncomfortable when his bathroom flirting came back to haunt him. And I don’t think it’s TERRIBLE not to follow that route, but you can’t just make this huge change if you don’t account for it in future episodes and Robbe’s overall arc. (EDIT from the future: Which I don’t think they do, otherwise I wouldn’t care.) Every scene should count in furthering Robbe’s character, especially this early in the season where we’re just getting to know his particular struggles. If Robbe is trying to convince himself to like girls, then I want to see definite vulnerability in how that’s portrayed.

I blame the directing/writing more than the acting for the lack of discomfort, since I sensed Robbe’s lack of comfort just fine in the bathtub scene.

Makeouts get interrupted when Robbe’s dad calls. Again, not sure why we aren’t hearing both sides of the conversation? Because we’re in Robbe’s POV. Why wouldn’t we hear them? This seems like they just want to create some suspense or mystery over the situation with his parents. But it’s perfectly possible to do so while still letting us in on the phone calls. In fact, it’s arguably more intriguing to let us listen to some phone calls where we get some vague details but nowhere close to the whole story. It’s not like Robbe’s dad is going to explain the whole situation to his son in an exposition dump. We can get some crumbs to tease us, while still keeping us in Robbe’s POV and not feeling like the show is cutting corners.

Robbe gets mad at his dad and tells Noor he needs to be alone. Closeup on Noor as Robbe walks away. OK … why? Why on her and not Robbe when it’s his POV? Why the focus on Noor’s feelings when we really need to be establishing our protagonist’s mindset in the beginning of this season? I’m not saying her feelings don’t matter, I’m saying that well, this isn’t her story. It would be better to see Robbe’s pained reaction as he leaves.

Clip 6 - Robbe’s dad drama

Jens comes running up while Robbe is being sad. Robbe says that it may be necessary for him to stay with Jens because Robbe’s mom has been committed to a mental health institution and Robbe doesn’t want to stay with his dad. Ah, so I guess we’re hearing that right away. Which honestly makes not hearing his phone calls to his parents even funnier - like you lock us out of his POV arguably for the suspense, but then you end the suspense anyway by just telling us what happened a scene or two later? All right. I guess there’s suspense in that we don’t know exactly what’s up with the mom, mental health-wise, or the root of Robbe’s problems with his dad.

It occurs to me that maybe they just didn’t want to hire people to voice Robbe’s parents? Or put in the time to film both sides of the conversation? I have a hard time believing either of those because it’s so lazy, but. 

I mean, just turn the phone conversations into text conversations if you’re not going to let us listen to Robbe’s parents on the other end.

They go and play football without really resolving the situation. Sad music plays while Robbe joins in. Also, someone was calling Robbe, and I assume it was his dad, but it’s not shown.

These clips are VERY short and choppy so far. You could easily combine the last two, so Robbe is with Jens instead of Noor when he gets the other phone call from his dad, leading into this conversation.

We know immediately about Robbe’s mom’s situation instead of it being a mystery, like with Isak. Which, again, isn’t inherently wrong, but then I want them to DO SOMETHING with it. 

Clip 7 - Jens and Jana

Oh hey, Jana got her braces off! IDK if that happened last season or this one, but it was something I liked, seeing a teenage girl with braces on a teen drama. That rarely happens unless it’s a joke or a plot point.

OK, they really need to film Robbe’s phone so I can actually see who’s calling…

Jens tells Jana about Robbe’s parental situation. I’ll note that first she asks if something’s up with Noor, so news of the Robbe/Noor relationship must have traveled really fast since they’ve only just gotten together. Like Robbe and Noor are clearly dating, going off Jana’s comment, and not just hooking up. Then Belgian Magnus wants to know about hooking up with Amber. Meanwhile Robbe is having a conversation off screen with his dad? Guess it wasn’t important!

And that’s the problem, obviously. It’s his POV season, anything you decide to show SHOULD be important to his storyline. 

Also … it’s fine that we’re focusing on Robbe’s shit home life since that’s relevant to his story, but almost nothing in these clips has set up Robbe’s attraction to men, and only slightly his lack of interest in girls, which was negated by him seeming very interested in a girl afterwards. And knowing how long this season takes to get going with the Even character, it’s a pretty glaring omission.

So we don’t see Robbe’s phone call with his dad, but he gets snappy about it when Jens asks. One of the boys (I can’t tell who) says that Robbe’s on his period.  Gonna be real, I don’t care for this squad so far. 

What was the point of this clip? We already know Robbe is having problems with his dad, which is the most relevant part to the plot here. We shouldn’t be wandering from Robbe’s POV so much, but even taking that into account … we already know Belgian Magnus likes Amber, so that’s not necessary to establish. And we didn’t need to see Jens tell Jana something we already know. I assume he tells her so Zoë can find out and offer a room, but there’s no reason to see Jens tell Jana this, so. Filler clip. 

Clip 8 - Zoë and Robbe at the lockers

Yeah, Zoë offers Robbe a place to stay here, but again, we didn’t need to see the news travel down the Jens-Jana pipeline. It could have been condensed more efficiently.

Robbe doesn’t want to because he says his dad wouldn’t approve. Zoë says she hopes things get better with his mom and Robbe at first snaps and tells her to leave it, then says thanks. This is an actual good interaction, writing-wise, kudos.

I liked Zoë a lot in S1 and I like her here again. I really should watch her season despite my Noorhelm allergy. The scene of them kinda smiling at each other across the hallways reminds me that this is probably the strongest relationship in the whole season, tbh.

Why was this clip so short? So many of these clips could have been combined into one. I mean, Zoë could have said, “I heard from Jana who heard from Jens...” without us needing the previous clip. Although, did Robbe really want anyone else to know about his home life? Lol @ Jens just blabbing Robbe’s private business.

So I guess they didn’t set up the Eskild situation in S2 that would lead to Eskild offering Robbe a place to stay? 

Clip 9 - Robbe gets roommates

Robbe is in Zoë’s room. He sees her “everyone you know is fighting a battle” quote next to the mirror, which is a detail I actually quite like in context with the rest of this storyline and Even’s condition. It’s a good Skam thesis overall.

I guess Zoë met with Robbe’s dad. Zoë calls him a tough cookie. Robbe doesn’t want to speak to him. They bond a little over their parental problems. Again, a nice detail.

Belgian Eskild appears and teases Robbe a little before announcing that Robbe’s dad has agreed to let him stay in the flat. Yay!

Oh, so Senne is staying there, too? At least they didn’t do a pointless Noorhelm breakup in this version.

Milan (the Eskild) tries to go in for a hug and Robbe isn’t cool with it, so at least that’s something with Robbe’s issues with men. (I think? The thing is, Robbe also does not really know Milan, so it’s not as weird that he’s not ready to be affectionate with a near-stranger.)  (EDIT from the future: Keeping the S2 almost-kiss that’s referenced in the next clip in mind, I can rationalize this moment as a continuation of that awkwardness from Robbe’s POV.) 

They chat with Lisa (Linn) who wants to direct Robbe on what he is and isn’t allowed to touch in her room, heh.  Milan and Zoë have cute interaction, and Robbe looks happy. I do like the flatmate vibe so far, they seem fun.

Clip 10 - Robbe and Milan

Senne and Zoë get cute. I haven’t seen S2 so I can’t give my opinion on their version of Noorhelm, but I did think a few things about them were less creepy in wtFOCK’s S1 than in OG. Milan talks about how they’re a Disneylike couple and Robbe laughs.

Then Robbe apologizes for something that evidently happened in S2, where Milan tried to kiss Robbe at a party? Again, I didn’t see the scene. Milan says he’d never try to do that. He offers Robbe a hug, which he accepts - tbh I don’t know if Robbe SHOULD accept based on where he is in his character arc, maybe he should have more skittishness? But it’s a nice character moment, at least. They really have to make up for lost time with the Robbe-Milan relationship, so I can get that they need to establish some closeness fast.

Not being in the wtFOCK fandom, I kinda wonder if there was backlash to that scene from before and this is damage control, LMAO.

I feel like you could’ve tweaked this to be more representative of Robbe’s issues, like have him stress here that he’s not gay, because it’s a sweet scene but again, I don’t feel like this episode built up Robbe’s internal dilemma very well. You could make this not just about smoothing over whatever bump there was in this relationship, but also about setting up some internal tension with Robbe’s sexuality issues. Multi-tasking - it’s great!

EDIT from the future: OK, I tracked down the S2 scene, and yeah, while it illustrates some of Robbe’s internalized homophobia, I really think you needed to carry this through to this clip. Because that was a very public situation, and they made a point of emphasizing onlookers’ reactions. I feel like you need to show that Robbe’s internalized homophobia isn’t just about external reactions, but internal struggles, because ... so far, that’s what it is? Like what is he doing with Noor otherwise? 

Clip 11 - Housewarming party

Party is underway. Yasmina is there and is friendly with Robbe. It sounds like they’re working on a school project together. Aaron (Magnus) and Moyo are talking about hot chicks again.

Noor arrives and the boys tease Robbe about how far he’s gone, Robbe looks pretty chill and happy until Moyo says Robbe’s getting laid tonight and you can see the nerves and reluctance take over. Okay! A character detail that actually works for his arc! Yes!

Partying, makeouts with Noor … sorry but they are wasting a lot of time with this relationship. ROBBE ISN’T INTO HER. Here’s the thing: I don’t want to demonize any of Evak’s female “love interests,” right? It’s pointless anyway because Evak is the endgame pairing, Sonja and Emma aren’t “threats” in the end, but also because they’re not bad people just for wanting to date these two guys who happens to want each other instead. And I think you can do interesting things with Sonja and Emma as characters. I’ve read Sonja fanfic that’s really good!

But when it comes down to it … this is not the story of Robbe/Noor, and there’s a point where it feels like there’s too much development for something that is really intended to be a speed bump in Robbe’s journey. 

I guess it’s a pet peeve of mine when gay stories devote a ton of time to het relationships, to the point where it begins to overshadow the main gay relationship. Love, Victor did this to an absolutely ridiculous degree. (I actually made notes for Love, Victor reactions, but hesitated to post them because 60% consisted of me typing I DON’T CARE ABOUT THESE STRAIGHT ROMANCES.) And I GET it, this is an experience many gay kids go through in their coming out journey, but also, less charitably… you don’t need het romance to dominate everything. You don’t need to make this about how a gay person being gay hurts a straight person. I genuinely appreciate that once Isak kisses Even, it’s fucking over with him and Emma, that plot thread is done. 

Anyway, Noor tells Robbe he’s so fucking hot and Robbe looks more uncomfortable, moreso when she wants to see his room and he goes off like he’s headed to Mordor.

Aaron checking out Amber … okay, again with all the het. I don’t care!!! This is not important right now!! 

Noor pushes Robbe onto the bed, ugh please don’t have them Go There.

She takes off her top and Robbe touches her boob like he’s sticking his hand into a porta-potty. We see his discomfort so at least this part is effective and relevant to Robbe’s arc. Noor is taking off her bra when the boys come into the room, wanting the weed. Okay, you dumb fucks, you’re teasing your bro about getting laid and yet you think it’s cool to enter his room when he’s with a girl? I mean, that’s a lucky break for Robbe, but his friends are extra stupid.

The mood is killed, Robbe goes hunting for weed. Episode ends.

HOW I WOULD REWRITE THIS EPISODE:

Lmao, some of my changes sounded a lot like “be like OG Skam S3.” Because Skam S3 was well-written and made sense. But I tried to think of edits that worked with what wtFOCK was presenting, not just repeating OG.

(I’m also repeating a few things in this section that I said above, btw)

While this episode doesn’t make me angry or anything, it’s got a serious problem with dithering. The first clip is a solid start to the season, but afterwards, so many of these clips feel like filler. There’s a lack of substance to them. It was hard to write about them because they ended up feeling like two minutes of nothing. 

Did we need to see repetitive mentions of Robbe’s troubled relationship with his dad? No, it’s an important plot detail but we could have established that more concisely in fewer clips. Did we need to see the process of how Robbe comes to stay with Zoë, Senne, and Milan? No, not really. Or at least not dragged out over at least three clips. 

I don’t feel like I’m in Robbe’s head to the extent that I should be  so far. Some of this is because the show just flat-out locks us out of his POV, like not showing the phone call in the Jens-Jana clip. But a lot of it is also because of the narrative dawdling. There’s just not as much to analyze unless I bring in Skam season 3 and project what we know about Isak onto Robbe. And that’s not a good way to adapt a story.

The framing of Robbe/Noor needs to change. Combine the bathroom intro with the aborted sex scene - the boys are sitting in the tub, teasing Robbe about getting laid, so he makes out with Noor and they go into a bedroom where he’s clearly not into this, and then Moyo and Aaron come in asking for weed because Robbe still actually has the weed from the bathtub at this point. Or do what Skam France did (can’t believe I’m referring to Skam France) and have the arrival of the cops interrupt the makeout/sex session and Robbe takes his cue to exit.

But frankly, it’s not great to have Robbe acting or looking too cozy with Noor, like this is a legitimate romantic arc except when it gets to the sex. The point is that this isn’t a romance. Even if you want to show some cuddly, non-sexual scenes with Noor, you have to show more of Robbe’s reluctance and fear throughout. 

Show Robbe’s fucking phone conversations with his parents!!!! Good Lord. He’s not ordering a pizza. These are important aspects of his story. Capitalize on that family tension, show us what a bad place Robbe is in at the start of this season. 

Now, about the lack of Even in this episode. Not introducing Even is a bold move, but not necessarily a smart one. Even’s introduction in Skam is not just the intro of “the love interest” - he’s the catalyst for almost everything in Isak’s story. Consider that in episode 1, Isak is seen mostly unhappy and bored - he’s distraught after kissing Emma, he’s checked out of his friends’ lunchtime girl talk, he zones out staring at his teacher’s boobs, he doesn’t want to be at kosegruppa. Isak is actually very passive and just going through the motions, doing what people tell him to do. But once Isak meets Even at kosegruppa - well, that’s when Isak wakes up. In the next few clips, we see Isak taking action. And sure, they’re small actions, searching for Even online, watching the Even video over and over, asking Vilde if there will be more kosegruppa meetings. But we can see that Isak now cares about something, he’s paying attention. Of course, Robbe’s story doesn’t have to follow the same arc. However, it does the season a huge benefit to get him intrigued by something at this point, so we the audience are not just sleepwalking along with him for a few episodes.

There’s also just the simple fact that we have only 10 episodes to establish a love story and make us care about the Even character, and it’s a very risky move to waste too much time. If you are really killing it with the rest of Robbe’s arc, this could still work, but ... well, that’s not what’s happening here.

If they didn’t want to full on introduce the Even directly, one thing they could do is subtly and indirectly find ways to include him in the narrative and create some mystery. Let’s say Robbe sees the Even’s artwork somewhere and is like whoa, that’s cool, and we can tell that it resonates with him. Or he admires Even’s graffiti, or it makes him laugh, whatever. Basically Robbe has some kind of emotional reaction to a thing the Even has created or done, which helps to set up that relationship even before we officially meet the Even.

If we want to add a little more, perhaps Robbe sees a mysterious dude in a mask tagging a wall, but they get interrupted by the cops or something and have some kind of brief but intriguing interaction with each other, and Robbe’s like, who was that guy in the mask? Or Noor takes Robbe to the tagging place, the police/security bust them, Robbe and Noor get separated, and Robbe gets helped out by the Even so he can escape. So it’s an important moment, lots of adrenaline, we can frame it like there’s a sudden ~charge~ between them (ooOOOooo the Even helped Robbe stand up and their hands touched like this was a fanfic, etc.), but he doesn’t learn Even’s name, maybe he doesn’t even see his face because Even has a mask on, so Robbe spends part of the next few episodes trying to figure out who that guy is, casually asking Noor if she knows a guy like that, keeping his eyes open. Maybe we have some fakeouts where Robbe thinks he sees the Even again but it’s just a false alarm. He’s on edge, eager to know more about that mystery guy, and so are we. Bam, we have “awakened” Robbe from his deep sleep. 

If you’ve seen Netflix’s The Get Down, there’s even a scene like this where Jaden Smith’s character gets caught tagging by the cops, he runs and flees with another young dude, and they have a moment where they recognize each other as graffiti artists they admire. While watching that scene for the first time, without any context or spoilers, without even knowing if there would be LGBT content in that show, I immediately thought, “This guy is his love interest.” Not even because it was overtly romantic. Because the way it was written and shot told us that this meeting was important. Because they had an instant connection. Something similar could have worked for Robbe and his Even. But in any case: it would have been best to establish something between those characters, even if it wasn’t an “official” introduction.

Stop focusing on Aaron/Amber when it’s not in Robbe’s POV. Reverse the scene at the beginning with Aaron videotaping and Amber getting spilled on. She gets pissed, he falls in love, and then we follow him upstairs and we meet the boy squad. That is a very obvious, very clean transition that doesn’t interrupt Robbe’s POV as it technically hasn’t started yet. So IDK why they didn’t do that, lmao.

Some changes with the Milan relationship:

Tweak the apology scene to be more representative of Robbe’s issues. Have Robbe apologize while still stressing that he’s not gay. Have Milan be chill and not question that statement, but maybe Robbe is so defensive that it comes across as unconvincing. 

Then have Milan be the one instead of the boys to interrupt the Noor almost-sex scene. Milan wanders in acting drunk, haha Milan, he’s wacky. Robbe doesn’t realize it (though the viewers do if they’re paying attention) but Milan is only pretending and is “subtly” rescuing Robbe because he realizes, based on the earlier scene, that Robbe might be struggling with his sexuality and he wants to give him an escape option. (Although I still think it’s best to combine the not-sex scene into the opening clip, but this could work, too.)

Basic questions we need to be asking, clip to clip: what is the conflict? Where is Robbe’s head right now? Why is this scene necessary? How did this scene come to be - what’s the cause and effect here? How does it advance Robbe’s story? Is it redundant? How do we tell this story in a narratively economical manner? 

[mimzy-writing-online]

What fear(s) did you face when you discovered you were losing your vision, and how did you cope with it/come to terms with it?

I’m combining this with a second anon because the answer is relatively the same for both.

Second anon:  what is something that, at the onset of your vision loss, you were worried about no longer being able to do/do as well, and how have you been able to adapt/overcome/learn to live without/etc?

You know, I never let myself think about those fears that much, but I definitely had/have a few.

For the last few years I believed I’d never be able to live alone, that I’d (at the very least) need a sighted roommate. But with transferring to a university coming up next Fall and moving to a new city, I’ve been doing a lot of research to prepare and planning solutions to potential blind problems I have. 

In the beginning I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to enjoy my hobbies. I knew logically I could learn to write with adapted technology and that reading wouldn’t be a big problem either. But the idea that I had to do those things in a different way if my vision ever got that bad was the scary thing. I didn’t like the idea of it being different.

I was also afraid of not being able to play The Sims 4, one of my favorite things. For a while I was having trouble (and even started a twitter thread and posting in the suggestions forum of their website), but the game was patched to include a user interface setting to enlarge font and buttons, which helped me a lot.

I was afraid of what the diagnosis was and how much vision I could potentially lose. Vision loss is unpredictable. Even with a diagnosis you have no way of knowing the timeline and level of vision loss as it progresses. Getting diagnosed with Visual Snow was a huge relief for a few reasons:

1. I finally had an answer for why none of my doctors could find anything wrong with my eyes: it’s a neurological problem with how the brain processes visual input. It doesn’t show up on brain imaging either, so even after several MRIs my brain looks normal.

2. As far as I know, it probably won’t get much worse than what it is now. I’m on the far end of the spectrum in terms of severity. And even if it does get worse, I can adapt again.

I never had to fear blindness negatively impacting my dating potential, but I do fear it impacting my ability to be a parent. Becoming a parent is something I’ve wanted for a long time and at some point I concluded that even if I never had a long-term partner I’d still want to adopt a child, even if I had to raise them by myself.

Adoption is a long way off for me, so it’s something that can slowly stir in the back of my mind. I think proving to myself that I can live alone and be securely employed will lessen that fear, but I also know I won’t be completely alone because I have a good support system of friends and family.

Those are the major ones I think. Thank you to both for the questions.