#if you read this I am so sorry

[peppermintfuture]

ok that last post made me want to vent even more about my awful ex-roomate so here is a non-exhaustive list of shit they would do

tw under the cut for: nsft mentions, descriptions of gross or unhygienic living spaces, non-graphic descriptions of animal abuse, mention of a dead animal, mentions of homophobic slurs

- i mentioned this in the tags of that post i reblogged but they would buy so. much. fetish gear/sex toys/lingerie and then leave it all over our shared living spaces. most of the packages didnt even get OPENED they would just pile up around the front door because they would get 4 or 5 packages delivered every single day. but oh the packages they DID open. there was a massive dildo on the dining table the entire six months i lived there. i once found a vibrator in the kitchen sink. having my parents over was a nightmare, i didnt even TRY to have other people over because i was so embarrassed of what our house looked like - going off that last point, the house was FILTHY. food would be left to rot on the kitchen counter for god knows how long until i threw it away. one weekend both my roommates were out of state so i cleaned the shared, communal fridge out and threw away what had to have been three trash bags full of rotten food. when i moved in the kitchen was infested with ants and both roommates blamed it on the fact that the house was old when it was, in fact, the food and dirty dishes left all over the kitchen - i dont think my one roommate did the dishes once in the entire time i lived there. they also stole my dishes without ever asking and then would leave them in their office with food still on them to rot. i would have to go in there when they were out of town to get my dishes back and scrape weeks old food off of them - this i also mentioned in that other post but the roommate kept a bunch of exotic pets and horribly neglected all of them. there was an incident last winter where they let their tortoise roam around the house when they were gone and i found it next to a hot radiator where it couldve been burned. the tortoise’s enclosure was also rarely cleaned and she hardly ever had clean water. the tortoise also lived in the kitchen which did not help with how dirty the kitchen constantly was - piggybacking off the exotic pets: they had a bunch of old empty fish tanks that they just left on the back deck for months. they filled with rainwater over time and eventually a dead bird ended up floating in one of the tanks. my dad was the one that finally got rid of it because he was concerned about potential diseases and/or raccoons or possums - i lived with two other roommates. every week or so these roommates would take one of their cars (they both had cars, i did not) and go get groceries together. not once was i ever invited to go with them. i was just sort of generally excluded and hardly ever talked to either of them - this is small compared to the rest but i overheard both of them call my hyperfixations weird. it hurt, like a lot - OH MY GOD SPEAKING OF SHIT THAT MADE ME CRY!! so all of us living in the house were queer. i completely understand that reclaiming slurs can be a positive/empowering thing for other queer people. i personally do not reclaim the f-slur and do not like being called it. not only did this roommate use the f-slur directed at ME, but they also used it directed AT A PICTURE OF MY CAT I HAD TAPED TO THE REFRIGERATOR. not once did they ask if it was ok to call me that - both roommates would routinely leave the front and back doors unlocked while they weren’t at home, yet when i saw a lost cat in our backyard once they didnt want me posting about it on the local facebook page because they were worried about stalkers. like i get it, and i didnt end up posting for their privacy, but if youre so worried about potential danger why not LOCK THE DOORS???

im sure im forgetting some things but holy shit does it feel good to write all this shit down oh my god

[hawkinslibrary]

anon !!! this is hours later than i meant for it to be, but here's my rambling essay-length response to your ask from earlier !!!!!!!! fair warning, i am just... so stupid and don't know how to properly get my thoughts across so it's a whole Mess 😬

your last text post is so real!! i really don't get the main character death obssesion either. it's honestly funny in a way because st is pretty much the only show that doesn't kill protagonists, and if they do they're brought back, yet there's more main character death talk in this fandom than anyone can take. it's like people just can't accept the duffers ain't about that life??!  

first, i want to clarify that, to me, the main characters have always been joyce, hopper, nancy, jonathan, steve, mike, el, lucas, will, and dustin, with the addition of max in s2 and robin in s3. this is the main group that we follow, these are our protagonists, and everyone else is just secondary, regardless of whether the actor appears in the main credits or not  

now, my post was definitely more aimed at all the talk i've seen about how there has to be a main character death before the show is over. people acting like it’s a given. i personally just really really don't want any of them to die and hate thinking about the possibility lmao

we don’t know how it’s going to end, or what the final season will be like, how dire things will be. they could absolutely switch gears and start killing mains left and right. i feel like waiting until the final season is exactly what so many other shows do anyway, right? so i get the concern, and it makes me a little wary, too. but that’s exactly it – so many other shows do it. it's weird, it’s tired, it’s unnecessary. and, really, the duffers are out here right now saying how much they regret killing chrissy off and she was only in the one episode. so like... imagine them actually trying to kill off one of the mains  

they can’t please everyone, but i do think ultimately they’ll want to try to do right by as many fans of the show as possible, you know? the wrong kind of ending can ruin a show forever. people love these characters and at the end of it all, i think most of us just want to see them thriving  

(and it’s not like will or el or hopper (or brenner) were ever actually dead. they just made the other characters believe they were, and each time there’s been pretty immediate hints that they weren’t gone for good -- the whole situation with will’s body + him talking to joyce through the lights, hopper leaving the eggos for el, no body for hopper + ‘the american’ in the russian prison, no body for brenner – and this show doesn’t shy away from showing bodies. when a character is dead, they want us to know it and feel it) 

even the cast, millie and noah talking about how it's so big someone *has* to die, right? THEY LITERALLY DON'T. yes, it's a big battle and there should be losses but there is no reason for that to be main characters. like you said, is that unrealistic (and maybe a little ridiculous)?? well, yeah, but so is the show. realism has never been a priority in st. the show is literally a sappy sci-fi horror. and not killing protagonists is part of their formula, just like separating everyone into groups and then bringing them together in the finale is  

i think millie and noah were just joking when they said to start killing everyone, even their own characters, off. like, yeah, the cast is pretty big right now and a ton of characters were added for this season specifically, but they’ve all had their own roles to play and barely exist outside of those parts. chrissy, fred, patrick, they were all brought on just to be killed off – probably the same to be said for more new characters by the end of this season. and i think millie even said something about the duffers being afraid of or even just refusing to kill main characters. but why is killing main characters such a normal thing now? why do we have to expect for characters we love to die horribly for like... no reason?  

i've said it before, but this show absolutely is unrealistic and ridiculous AND cheesy. but it’s rooted in inspiration and references to 80s media, which is also something that i tend to think of as unrealistic and ridiculous and cheesy, so i mean it in the best way possible. it does its job. it's sappy and nostalgic, has an intense focus on love and family and friendship, while also playing on like... every major genre and trope from the era that they can fit into however many episodes and however many hours. i think some people take pieces of it way more seriously than the creators ever intended. they want it to be good, obviously, but also they’re huge nerds and they just want to have fun with it 

i'm absolutely worried about some of the more side characters this season, and i know losing any of them is going to hurt, too. they're very good at making you care about a secondary character only to rip them away from you. but if this was just any other show, we would’ve probably already seriously lost a main character or two  

i've seen people actually criticize this a lot because "it takes away from scenes like the end of dear billy because i know max won't die" and i guess that's valid criticism in some ways but i think people forget that that's literally just NOT the point of that scene. like, if they wanted you to be afraid max would actually like die, you would be. they've had every chance to kill main characters before. they could have killed nancy at the end of ep7 but they didn't. they're not even TRYING to get people scared for her, actually. that's why she's in the teaser and a bunch of bts and why they're not being suspenseful about her fate at all. st doesn't kill main characters. because they. don't. want. to. and they don't want people to be scared of that either, otherwise they'd be a lot more hush hush about stuff. this is something that has been true since s01.

again, why does it even matter? if you know that she isn’t going to die? death isn’t the only possible ending, and it’s not the only consequence, and she’s still very much in danger. there are still so many things that can happen, things that can go wrong, without having to make things so Final. i'm sorry if it starts feeling repetitive that main characters Aren’t being killed off ? but again, why are we just so accepting that that’s a normal response lol  

people around these characters have been dying since s1. like directly or indirectly, because of their involvement with the main characters, because of something the main characters have done. that's messed up enough ! we should be worried about everyone who isn’t listed above that’s ever interacted with one of the mains before even thinking to worry about them. it's a part of that endless suffering i mentioned. guilt, trauma, angst, suffering, only to die in the end anyway... it's just miserable 

they "kill" el and immediately add a scene of hopper taking eggos to the woods. they "kill" hopper and immediately add "the american". st makes fans suffer by putting their main characters through hell, but they don't kill them. that's actually something i love about the show. and some people may find that ridiculous or an error (and yeah, dead loved ones coming back again and again is anything but realistic) but it's very much intentional and has been since day 1 and changing that at the last second would be a huge mistake. one i don't think they'd ever make. (and that's not even talking about how death would ruin most character arcs and make their whole story pointless). anyway, i'm with you with hating the death obssesion around here!! they're so not going there, though, i'm fairly certain we're right 💙 

again, we're talking about the people who have said they immediately regretted killing characters who've only appeared in one episode. people who said they would leave the show if certain characters were killed off. people who write lines like: "she saves your life because of friendship", which, yes, was said incredulously, but should actually be considered a blueprint of the show. one memory of her mother saying she loved her was enough for el to beat henry in that first fight. it's a show literally about underdogs persevering against all odds ("chances of success..." "never tell me the odds")

and just...

killing certain characters would make other seasons of the show completely pointless, others would cause major major major backlash, others have already 'died' AND done the 'sacrifice themselves for everyone else' thing so doing it again but actually dying this time would be stupid, others would completely kill the nostalgia/rewatchability factor, and some would just be cruel. this covers the entire major cast

this is just my thought process on it anyway haha. like, they still could definitely kill someone, but i just think it’d be a bad idea. there's many more interesting and less final ways to go about it idk 

[gayfrasier]

anyways its midnight and im tired and probably a little loopy but here's my ideas for a final rewrite of road show partly because I think there's genuine room for improvement but tbh its mostly because i fucking hate listening to the guatemala sequence

Now. the biggest thing is finding a good middle ground for Nellie's character. As much as I love her and believe she deserves the best, the fact of the matter is Road Show is about the brothers and their relationship, and because of bounce's hyperfocus on individuals like Nellie, the show suffered. but also? nellie doesn't deserve the shit they gave her in road show. she's more important than that.

so here's my proposal, get rid of best thing that ever happened (or rework it to fit this,, whatever feels best) and introduce a new motif for the Relationships. the relationships in question being addie/willie, willie/nellie, addie/hollis, and finally addie/willie again.

the plot would follow as so, around the time of Brotherly love the motif would be established as being between Addie and Willie, representing the love they share and their connection in general. however, when Willie and Nellie meet/get married, this motif would reappear. maybe taken up, but fairly similar. this would symbolize willie shifting away from their relationship, effectively giving it to nellie and establishing their marriage.

now here's where it gets a little funky. now we all know and recognize that road show is in no way historically accurate. its a dramatization! and with that, I say we have willie and nellie divorce at the same time addie and hollis meet, connecting the ends and the start with a song, where again this motif reappears, as it transitions from willie/nellie to addie/willie. the motif can be changed a little but im not sure how, as it changes slightly as every new relationship develops. Then, after the whole Incident, during get out/go, more so at the end after addie's absolutley earth shattering lines (I stg whenever I hear them I just. wow. anyways) the motif comes back once again, smaller, sadder, and melancholy. the brothers have returned to eachother at last, and their bond has been changed. reinforcing that they'll always be together, they're connected forever, even when they've been broken completley.

the motif shows, throughout the course of the story, that the brothers are together. forever and always. they may meet others, new loves, that are ultimately influenced by the other brother.

also COMPLETELY rework addisons trip. please. I am begging you there is absolutely no reason for you to call gautemala the land of sensuality. I am on my knees, steve. please :(

[shamelessvoidofemotions]

Saturday, December 15th, 2:29 am

once again, the voices have won. I cannot remember the last hour or more, and I've just found traces of what I've done. it's like a puzzle game against myself, the price my sanity, and the only way to win was not to play. I can't remember the last time it happened, but in a game against your own memory, that doesn't mean a thing. voices blur, their faces go silent, everyone becomes nothing but a mannequin in the quickly moving slide show of pictures, one polaroid burning up in flames after the other, one memory lost after the other, and I'm franticly trying to save them all, save at least some of them, but every single one I touch falls to a burning dust under my fingers. the voices have a good point, really. giving up means not playing, not playing means it won't be my fault if all of them are gone, if all of them burn up and all that is left is ash, fire and smoke. but there are some I don't want to lose, some that make me, me; some memories that if I lose them, it wouldn't matter any more. I don't know what to do

[we-were-gifted-with-thought]

a gross story about what happened at college...

so at 2am this guy was really drunk and running around our dorm. well he smashed in our window with his hand, and that woke me up and i was like what the fuck! so then me and my friend got up and we looked out into our common room and the window was smashed. so we went out to clean up the glass and we looked at the window and THERE WAS A FUCKING FINGER IN THE WINDOW! LIKE THE FUCKING GUYS FINGER GOT SLICED THE FUCK OFF WHEN HE SMASHED IN OUR WINDOW!!! (and there was a trail of blood literally all around the dorm because he ran around after it happened and i guess he was too drunk to realize he left his finger behind??? idk) so anyways then we went and reported it to the front desk and then the cops came and i was talking to them until like 5am... and they took the guy to the hospital, then at like 7am the maintenence people came to fix the window, well they just put in cardboard and so we figured that hey, the finger wont be there in the morning, right? well guess what? ITS STILL FUCKING THERE, LIKE RIGHT NOW! and its really fucking disgusting

also he doesnt have a finger now because its still in our window

[consultingdoctorofmischief]

I feel so horrible. Every time I'm on vacation with my family, I feel horrible. Because I'm with them at all times, and I have to eat all the time. I feel so fucking fat. And they're pressuring me to eat more and more. I feel so bad. Full of fat, disgusting. Can't wait till I get home, so I can control what I eat again. This is so disgusting, I just want to vomit, but everytime I try, I start crying over how big a failure I am. I disgust my self so much.

[kniteoftheoldcode]

Do not read this my mind is gone. I left it at my bedside when I woke up I swear to God

Sesame Street and fascism.

When you look at the world, at the history of man, It’s really all too familiar. It’s when you detach yourself and look at things from an omnipotent point of view when everything just seems soooooo petty and pointless.

You look at humanity. It’s a species, a dysfunctional colony of insects infesting. Eating away at each other and everything surrounding them. Humanity is not an identity. What makes you so different from me?

At some point, you’re going to be forgotten. Your body will decay. Everything you own trampled. History is unkind. And yet, history is nothing but a memory.

This is exhausting. It’s exhausting trying to make people understand the fluidity and certainty of everything that can maybe and will/not happen. Don’t discount anything and don’t believe everything.

I can feel my soul today. And it is a mixture of the most oddly tangible sadness/happiness. You are stronger than you know. And I am here to try and help you see that strength.