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lightsandlostbells · 7 years ago

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Skam season 3, episode 5 (2/2)

This reaction covers the Pause, Pride, and Bros clips, which are the emotional equivalent of that time Homer Simpson skateboarded over a gorge.

SEASON 3, EPISODE 5

Clip 4 - Locker room turning point

This scene really is the catalyst for much of what happens in the second half of the season. It’s fantastically acted and superbly written. Julie commented on the script that it was one of the hardest scenes of S3 and I believe it, it’s so complex and runs through so many emotions in just a few minutes. And it’s so fraught. One of Skam’s greatest attributes is the ability to portray vulnerability and this scene is full of it. Everything is so delicate, so much remains unspoken.

Been thinking about how we don’t get these wide establishing shots of a lot of locales, like the gym here, for instance. Like a lot of directors would have more of an establishing shot of the gym, they’d show students running and working out, a teacher calling out instructions, etc. before we cut to Isak. Julie doesn’t always do those. I can think of a number of times she does, showing students hanging around and goofing off outside the school, for example, but a lot of times she just cuts straight to the POV character. Maybe just for practical reasons, but it also makes her storytelling feel very very intimate and character-focused with all these tight closeups.

I wonder if Isak is much into sports - like actually playing them, not sticking to FIFA. We don’t see him doing much of them and whenever he’s at some physical activity, he’s on the sidelines (at the skate park or watching basketball or w/e at the start of episode 3). We see him working out in the birthday video so I guess he started exercising regularly. Gotta keep in shape for his man.

Nice double take when you realize Edward Cullen has been watching you, Isak.

No, but imagine Even just watching Isak mess around in gym class for a bit before Isak notices, maybe psyching himself up to talk to him and tell him the important news. Because this season is so confined to Isak’s POV, on first viewing we see so much of Even’s confident, charming side; it’s only after we know the whole story that we realize how he must have been dealing with his own insecurities.

On that note, let’s talk about what’s going on with Even off screen between the cuddle scene and this locker room scene. He took some days off from school - honestly, I feel like he had a depressive crash. At some point he broke up with Sonja. He didn’t talk to Isak much outside of elusive texts. Can you imagine what he was going through? But no matter how hard it was, he made a decision that Isak was worth everything, worth breaking up this safety net of a relationship with Sonja, worth taking a chance on a new person, worth all the risks, because Isak made him that happy.

In the original script, Even grabbed Isak and kissed him when he entered the locker room. Apparently this was changed due to the setup of the locker room, but Julie made the right call in adapting the scene so that Even didn’t start with a kiss. I think that might have been too self-assured of him, though they could have played it as desperation as well. But this scene works fantastically when we see Even is vulnerable, too, that it’s not just Isak who’s been questioning and wondering while Even leaves him hanging. It’s easy (for me at least) to forgive Even for his strange hot and cold behavior when Even is clearly going through something difficult, even if I didn’t know what that is yet.

It also works better with the careful distance between them at the start of the clip. I don’t think either of them know what’s going to happen. From Isak’s POV, is Even going to call it all off, tell him he’s back with Sonja? Give him more vague answers? From Even’s POV, how pissed is Isak? Is Isak going to want to be all in, now that he’s had a few Evenless days to think about everything?

The sound editing in this scene works wonders. I love that we can hear all the gym sounds (people talking, bouncing balls) from outside, but they’re muffled - like they’re in a semi-public, semi-private space. Technically someone can walk in at any time, but it’s also a locker room, not accessible to everyone. It feels fitting that they’re in this kind of in-between place.

Additionally, you can hear every breath and step and nervous swallow from them here. Skam often uses music so perfectly to enhance its characters’ emotions, but there’s also such a thing as using music too much, as a lazy tactic to make the audience emotional without working for it in the acting, writing, or directing. So here’s a scene with no music. Just sounds from the two characters. No additions. And this is what you get, a scene of raw tenderness.

Soooo much subtext in this scene, so much of Isak and Even not asking everything they want or saying everything they mean. Even when the dialogue seems forthright, there’s another layer behind it.

My opinion of Even jumped up a lot when he says he’s talked to Sonja and they’re on a break. He should have done that at the beginning, ideally, but the fact that he did make the move to break up with her counts for something. When I saw this I was so damn relieved that it wasn’t going to be a typical case of “dude with a girlfriend has secret male side piece, strings along girlfriend while keeping boyfriend a secret” which is pretty common in LGBT media, especially coming out stories. I respected that Even was honest with Sonja, even if it was late, and it spoke a lot to Even’s sincerity about Isak.

FUCK, I loooove this moment, where everything hangs between them as Even asks Isak what he thinks about him breaking up with Sonja. Not assuming that Isak will be happy about it, not assuming Isak is going to act any specific way, really. Even is really fucking vulnerable when he asks this! Great acting from Henrik. The fact that Even isn’t sure about Isak’s reaction, that you can tell he’s still nervous about what Isak will think and that maybe he’s jumped the gun or expected more than Isak wants, means so much. Even broke up with Sonja even though he wasn’t 100% sure about Isak wanting to be with him. Because Isak was worth it.

And of course, Sonja has a say in this too, she might not want to be with someone who’s cheated on her. But judging from what we do know about her (and you know, kissing Even two days after this) I think she’d be willing to forgive Even and not break up with him over the Isak incident. She might talk herself into thinking it was just a result of Even’s bipolar disorder. So while I’m sure they hashed stuff out between them, I do think it was Even who wanted the break.

I don’t know Norwegian so I wonder if “we have decided to take a break” has the same connotations in English. Because if Even said, “Sonja and I broke up” it sounds like a permanent thing, they are done. “We have decided to take a break” is less permanent thing that leaves wiggle room for getting back together, or at least is putting off the absolute end of the relationship. In that case, I feel like maybe Sonja does think this is a manic thing and is letting Even go off to do his own thing, expecting that he’ll come back to her. EDIT: @skamenglishsubsclarified: Yes, in the original he uses the word "pause", as in "we've decided to take a pause". I'm not sure if it's good English to use "pause" about a relationship, which is why I used "decided to take a break". Either way, yes, it's absolutely not final, they haven't really broken up. Presumably Sonja views this a some sort of manic fling, and Even isn't quite ready to cast off the safety net that Sonja provides.

Man, I really do wish we could somehow get Even’s POV of that conversation with Sonja, though. I would love to hear what they talked about, in detail, what the atmosphere was like - tearful or resigned or angry or all three. When he told her about Isak, what exactly did he say? “I have told Sonja about you” - I don’t know why that gets to me the way it does since it’s fairly straightforward, but I guess I read it as Even not just telling Sonja the bare facts of what’s going on with Isak (we kissed) but elaborating on his feelings for him.

Also, look at Isak’s stunned reaction to what Even is saying! I don’t think he expected it! Maybe he didn’t think Even was about to dump him in the locker room, but was he expecting Even to open with “I told my girlfriend about you and we broke up”? Like … Even chose Isak over Sonja? His girlfriend of four years? Literally the best thing he could have heard. (Flashbacks to Noora and Eskild’s talk in episode 4 - if he loves you, he’ll choose you.) And ohhhh my god, their reactions when Isak seems satisfied that Even and Sonja broke up. The slow, dawning happiness that Isak is trying to keep under wraps and Even can’t control.

Lol, Isak saying that he hopes it’s not his fault if Even is sad is him trying to fish for how Even feels (as indicated in the script by Julie) but it could also be him downplaying the cartwheels his heart is doing now that Even and Sonja broke up. Or it’s also sincere! I think it’s at least partly sincere. He doesn’t want to make Even sad. Isak messes up but he’s a decent kid at heart, he feels guilt over causing hurt to people.

What a beautiful turnaround from Even from being this fragile-seeming kid in a million protective layers to being utterly joyous when Isak seems pleased about the breakup, like Henrik flipped that switch. And what a beautiful understated way to write it, just “I’m not sad!” Not going too far, like “It’s you I want to be with!” Just making it clear that Even has no regrets about the breakup. That he did it because he wants to be with Isak.

That hesitant “Nei?” from Isak is just. Good work, Tarjei.

The kiss feels much better here than it would have at the start of the scene, after we’ve worked through the hesitation to the happiness. The opening uncertainty is so emotionally rich that a kiss at the beginning would soften it.

If you ever want to demonstrate why Tarjei and Henrik have some first-class chemistry, show them this scene. What’s great about their chemistry is that’s it not just good acting at each other, it’s acting with each other. After Even kisses Isak, listen to Isak’s breathing. Watch Even pull off a little nose rub (their thing now) and how Isak responds to it. Their eye contact follows each other. We get the infamous out-of-frame hand-holding and they look down together. Look at their eyes staying on each other, shooting down to each other’s lips. This is just excellent natural chemistry. It sounds incredibly obvious but on-screen chemistry should be about the actors reacting and Tarjei and Henrik are effortless at playing off each other.

Give Tarjei an award for this look he gives Even after the hand-holding. That is an utterly smitten look right there.

And I think Isak gives Even a little nuzzle/nose rub/forehead touch although it’s hard to tell exactly what because we’re focused on Even. Isak feeling braver and being able to initiate kisses or touches with Even is such a lovely thing to witness over the course of the season.

Damn, Even gathers all his courage to ask Isak the next question. What do you think your parents would say if you started dating me? It’s so loaded. First, he’s asking Isak to date him. Not be his side piece or his dirty little secret or his casual hook-up. He wants Isak to be his boyfriend, he wants to make this thing official. He’s all in. But second, it’s also his way of asking Isak important questions about himself. Is Isak out? Is Isak going to be safe if they start to date? Will he be accepted by his family? See, Even knows a little about Isak’s family situation - just a little. He knows that things were rough at home and Isak’s dad left his mom. So he needs to parse out exactly how bad this’ll be for Isak, and whether any of that rough home life had to do with Isak’s sexuality. Knowing what we do about Even in S4, I think it’s really important that he checks in with Isak about this. He’s careful. He’s considerate. He knows that not all parents are going to be OK with it. When Isak says his dad would probably be fine with it, Even isn’t content with just that; he wants to know about his mom, the one pointedly not mentioned.

Isak is so overwhelmed by both of those implications, too, Even wanting to be his boyfriend and having to deal with potentially coming out to his parents.

And here’s where it all goes downhill, not that Isak knows it’s going downhill.

“My mom is insane.” Isaaaaaak.

That is some damn fine reacting from Henrik, because Even is hyper-attuned to that mention of “insane” and you can feel the mood change immediately, but not so obviously that all the viewers would figure out Even’s deal. Or that Isak would pick up on it.

This scene aired just days before the 2016 US presidential elections, when popular opinion was that HRC had it in the bag, and I remember watching this scene in real time and being like “lol, Trump joke” because fuck that guy, and like a naive asshole I had hope for the future. And then not even a week later the election happened and ohhhhh boy is this part kinda bittersweet now. Emphasis on bitter. But within the context of the scene, it’s a little levity over a very serious topic, with Isak feeling the need to reassure Even that he is not, in fact, related to Donald Trump and Even playing along and laughing before his face kinda falls as they get back to Isak’s mom.

I feel so so so so bad for Even in this scene. He just put everything out on the line for Isak, he was so damn happy just a minute or two ago, things were going to happen between them! And then it comes crashing down in the most painful way possible. And he wants to know, and is trying to get the details about Isak’s mom out of him in a subtle-ish way, that doesn’t let on how fast Even’s heart must be beating and how sick his stomach must feel. The fact that Isak doesn’t talk to his mom is a bad sign. It’s not that they just have a rocky relationship, it’s that they have no relationship.

What gets me about this part is that Isak thinks he is reassuring Even. He is telling Even that his mom won’t get in the way of their relationship. Whatever, she’s crazy and Isak is better off without her. There’s nothing to worry about with her, Even. And instead he’s ripping out Even’s heart.

Also, Isak is trying to reassure himself, that he doesn’t care what his mom thinks. Totally doesn’t care. Nope. It doesn’t hurt that she might not accept him. Not at all.

“I’ve decided my life is better without mentally ill people around me.” Isak, buddy, you’re going to regret that.

A lot of viewers picked up that this line was probably the reason Even broke up with Isak a day after making it clear he wanted to be with him. At the time it certainly seemed like a likely possibility. I’ve watched reaction videos to Skam on YouTube and many of them don’t pick up on this line except in retrospect; Julie bundles the turning point with a relevant discussion, openly addressing Isak’s mother’s mental health which has been an underlying source of anxiety throughout the season. It’s not like Isak randomly started making jokes about mentally ill people or anything that felt shoehorned. The digression feels natural, so I think it doesn’t stand out as much as the reason Even mysteriously calls it off until repeat viewings.

Something to keep in mind that I don’t see people talk about as much is that this scene is coming after the cuddle scene, after Isak told Even about his family problems. In that scene Even listened to Isak talk about how he didn’t want to go home after his dad left his mom (for a then-unexplained reason). Isak didn’t want to go home so much that he went out and got trashed at a bar and got found by someone else (why didn’t he want to go home?). Isak doesn’t want to be at home so much that he moved out (what about his mom?). Even got to witness how much Isak was affected by this incident, got to see Isak open up and be vulnerable about it but try to play it off. And now Even can put the pieces that were missing together. Isak’s dad probably left his mom in part due to her mental illness, Isak probably doesn’t want to go home because of his mom’s mental illness. Because of how this information was doled out to him, Even has been able to witness the toll that mental illness in a loved one has taken on Isak.

And I think that’s part of the reason why Even chooses to cut things off with Isak. It’s both for Even himself and for Isak that he does this. For Even, he realizes that it’s better to cut his losses before things get really serious. Things won’t work out if Isak doesn’t want to be around people like him. It will hurt less now than later. But it’s also for Isak’s sake, because Even doesn’t want to hurt Isak. I mean, Isak is the one who’s (inadvertently) hurt Even here, but Even also sees his bipolar disorder as something that will hurt others, as we know from the minutt for minutt scene. When he sees that mental illness has already caused a lot of hurt for Isak, he doesn’t want to add to that pain. So Even likely would have called off their relationship regardless, but having this extra information probably added to his decision.

And Isak has no idea what he’s just done. He comes across as quite young and innocent asking what Even’s parents would think of him. Like there’s a bit of wanting that approval there, not just because it’s his boyfriend’s parents and clearly he’d rather they like him and not be homophobic assholes, but he’s lacking some parental approval of his own right now, it’s not a stretch to think that maybe he wants the good opinion of some older authority figures.

I really wonder how, if Isak had not run his mouth, their relationship would have progressed. I don’t think you can say it would have definitely worked or not worked out because there are a host of factors to consider, but it’s interesting to think what would have happened if Even hadn’t called it off the next day. How would Isak have come out to his friends in that case? How would Isak have dealt with being outed if he were with Even when it happened? How would Isak have learned about Even having bipolar disorder? For AU purposes, kind of interesting.

This final touch and kiss from Even takes on such a different context when you realize that Even thought this was the last time he would kiss Isak. You can see him memorizing Isak’s face and putting everything into that kiss.

“I think they would have loved you.” Certainly ominous with that past tense, Even. Lmao, I remember watching in real time and being like, “Uhhh, are his parents dead, or is he about to break up with Isak?” But Isak is just too blissed out to think much about the implications. EDIT: @skamenglishsubs had some things to add: “I think they would have loved you" was a very tricky piece of dialogue to translate. Actually, they used the past tense hypothetical throughout the scene. Even asks "What do you think your parents would have said if we got together", and Isak answers "My dad probably wouldn't have had an issue.” And then the whole scene plays out, and Isak asks "What about your parents, what do you think they would have said if we got together?" And Even answers "I think they would have loved you.” The thing is, in English, the past tense hypothetical is pretty definite, it indicates something that hasn't happened or *will not happen*. But this isn't the case in Norwegian, it's more ambiguous, it could mean a regular hypothetical, something that could actually happen. But the original Norwegian script picked that past tense for a reason, and knowing what we know, I think it wanted to plant that little seed of uncertainty there, hinting that Isak and Even actually won't get together. So in the translation, I decided to flip only the last sentence to the past tense hypothetical. It makes it stand out a lot more since there's no subtlety about it in English, so you're almost guaranteed to get a reaction, but I think that's the right choice. It wouldn't be wrong to translate Even's answer as "I think they would love you", but you completely lose the emotional punch of it, and hidden meaning.

But it’s just so sad, because Even’s already made the decision right there, and he knows they would’ve been amazing together. You know he’s probably blaming himself and his mental illness more than being upset with Isak, who I obviously love but is the one in the wrong with his ableist comments. I really, really want to know how Even dealt with everything in the time between leaving the locker room and sending Isak the breakup text. How long his composure lasted after he walked out. How he thought about how he’d call things off, how maybe he waited and put it off because he didn’t really want to end things, he just knew he should.

Isak’s face at the end = awwwwwww. He’s so happy! He has no idea what’s coming.

Clip 5 - Pride

This is one of Skam’s finest moments, IMO, when the show’s educational public service aspirations are in top form. It’s a dramatic moment that works well for Isak’s character development as well as teaching the audience. It could have been overly preachy since Eskild basically delivers a lecture, but it’s so well-written and acted that it works.

But first, let’s talk about the opening of Isak lying on his bed, thinking about Even.

This little moment is one of the sweetest things on the show. Isak - who has presented a typical teenage boy front for a large part of the season, and has kept his sensitive side largely confined to his bedroom - thoroughly indulges in some sappy dreaming about Even. Like, forget him watching the Mikael video and smiling to himself, or watching Romeo + Juliet and shedding a single tear. This is straight-up mush. He fucking clutches his phone to his chest! His phone that is his gateway to Even, you know he’s thinking about calling or texting because, holy shit, Even is his boyfriend now. The slight smile on Isak’s face because he is just that over the moon. Even chose him! Even wants to be with him! Isak can be happy! And Isak has to know that his life is going to change, he’s going to have to do something about the tension with the boy squad, he probably can’t avoid Emma forever, who knows what his parents will think about him dating a boy - holy shit Isak will have to come out of the closet - but for this moment, that’s all somewhere in the future. Right now, he’s just going to be happy. Isak has a boyfriend. (And not just any boyfriend, but the man of his dreams.)

The sly sideways glance that Isak gives his pillow is the funniest shit ever. He’s alone in his bedroom, like, kid, you can huff your Even-scented pillow as much as you want. But it’s like he’s communicating with the damn thing. Hey, pillow. You and me. Cuddle time. Let’s do this.

I hope everyone has read the famous pillow meta. The thing about this scene is that Isak canonically has emotions about the pillow Even used, which makes me think it’s plausible that Julie really did put that much thought into Isak’s pillows.

For real, I gently mock Isak here but my heart melts at this part. It’s just so genuine! There’s no facade with Isak, he’s just letting his guard down, thinking of Even and the time they spent lying together on this bed. If you think back to Isak changing his answers on the gay test to get “less gay” results, or even just look at that female swimsuit model poster above his head, you know Isak sometimes keeps up a lie even in private. Here he’s being honest with himself and sentimental. You know he wishes Even were there right now, which is of course why he writes a text message asking Even to hang out.

Also, a little thing, but Isak seems fairly confident about that text, he doesn’t overthink what he’s writing like he did in the opening ep4 clip (with Noora talking and Isak rewriting his text) which to me is more confirmation of how good a mood Isak is in, and how he thinks this thing with Even is in a solid place.

Eskild’s intro in this scene, popping in the doorway with that mischievous expression, always makes me laugh.

Have I talked about Eskild much? Because I fucking love Eskild. Like, adore him. He makes a lot of sense to me in that his flaws and his virtues come from the same place, which is a strong way to write a character. I think some writers value the importance of giving their characters both positive and negative traits, but don’t realize that they’re often two sides of the same coin rather than completely separate attributes. With Eskild, he can be overly meddlesome, occasionally insensitive in what he says, lack boundaries or personal space, but that comes from the same place as his kindness, sympathy, and helpfulness - he’s highly extroverted and invested in people and wants to take care of them. A lot.

Also, what a fantastic relationship is Isak and Eskild’s, a combination of big bro/little bro and of course guru/apprentice. We so often get the “gay friend who has no life other than to give advice to the straight protagonist” and this is like that trope redone in a more meaningful way (plus, we have the flipped version of that trope in S3 with Jonas and the boy squad being the straight friends who give advice to their gay friend). But it is really great that Isak has this type of relationship with another gay man - one that’s completely platonic but also with so much caring behind it, and with a gay guy who’s very different from him in a lot of ways but is a positive force in his life. And opinions may vary on how well this part is handled, but I also think it’s great that Eskild’s clearly got a sex life and hooks up with dudes on Grindr and this isn’t shown as shameful or judged negatively, other than the occasional “ugh Eskild keep it down, the walls in this apartment are thin.” I mean Isak and Even are this lovey-dovey monogamous couple and that’s wonderful, but it’s also OK to have casual sex! I have some bones to pick with Eskild’s depiction in S4 but in S3, he’s fantastic.

Eskild goes about broaching the subject of Even in a pretty clever, almost parental way by giving Isak a gift and using that as an opening to mention that Even guy Isak had over. Maybe not that subtle but it certainly did get Isak to open up. It’s so thoughtful that Eskild doesn’t specifically push Isak to talk about Even and like, ask him if they’re dating or hooking up, anything like that. He’s clearly prompting him and letting him know that Isak can talk about it if he wants, but giving Isak control over how much he wants to divulge (if anything). He’s even getting up to leave just as Isak decides that yes, he will go ahead and tell Eskild, so it’s not like Eskild was going to sit there and grill Isak until he confessed. Eskild can go OTT nosy for laughs sometimes (”there are shoes in the hallway, Isak, is Even in your bedroom????”) but he knows when to give space. Carl Martin plays this part really well because you can see the question mark at the end of the suggestion about “that Even guy.”

Tarjei does a nice job too, you can see his good mood and how he’s reacting happily to Eskild gently ribbing him about his bedroom odor instead of giving more of Isak’s bratty side, and how when Eskild mentions Even he dims a little. Because oh yeah. This is how it’s going to be. He’ll have to tell people about him and Even eventually. But he must realize that Eskild is probably the best person he knows to come out to, because Eskild is not going to judge him for this. Eskild is gay, like Isak, even if Isak doesn’t want to use that word yet. Eskild is a good trial run for everybody else - good practice for just saying the words. And Eskild is clearly making some sort of offering here and letting him know, without saying it, that Isak is free to talk to him about Even.

Eskild is smiling when Isak tells him about Even, and you know it’s not in a smug “yessss, I knew it!” sort of way. It’s pride that Isak has finally confided in him and is gradually creeping out of his closet and having boys over. He handles this part perfectly. He’s not pressuring Isak to give him all the details, he’s not asking how Isak defines his sexuality or anything. It makes you wonder whether Eskild had an Eskild of his own when he came out, and how much of his treatment of Isak is inspired by how people reacted, for better or worse. What he wished they’d said and done, what he wished they hadn’t.

I think what installs some insecurity in Isak here - or I guess what makes that existing insecurity rise out of Isak and makes him say some unfortunate things - is both that disclosing his thing with Even is a big step that’s scary in itself, but also that Eskild obviously knew what was going on with Isak. He knew something was up with Isak and Even, he set up this moment with the room freshener to bring up the topic. He’s known since he found Isak drunk at a gay bar. And honestly, I think that makes Isak a little defensive, because shit, people knew. I mean, it’s Eskild, another gay man, but someone can tell he likes boys even without Isak telling them, and that probably makes Isak panic a bit. He struggles with the generalizations and the ideas of what it means to be gay. He takes a gay test and he makes a point of calling out a guy who seems “too gay” and I think a lot of it is fear that he will be perceptibly gay to outsiders. Watch how Isak dims a little and gets more serious after he tells Eskild. You’re not surprised? he asks. He’s not totally OK that Eskild is not surprised. He denies that he knew he was at a gay bar. He’s a little rattled by Eskild not feigning surprise and more or less admitting he’s known since he met Isak.

The thing is, Eskild doesn’t assume Isak is gay based on his taste in pop culture or his mannerisms or his grooming habits or anything like was suggested in the gay test - he’s thinking it based on, you know, finding Isak in a gay bar and Isak having a strange boy stay overnight. It’s all based on actions, not inherent qualities. But I don’t think Isak is considering that, really - he’s still deep in internalized homophobia and how people will view him as a person if they know he’s gay.

On that note, let’s talk about how Isak approaches his coming out. Throughout the season, Isak frames his coming out in terms of what (or who) he does rather than who he is. Actions, not inherent characteristics. He's hooking up with Even. He likes someone and it’s not a girl. He has a boyfriend. Never “I’m gay.” We don’t see that until S4. And it makes sense because it’s likely easier for Isak to approach this by not defining himself as a person, but describing his actions, which will perhaps create less judgment. I mean, there’s a difference between saying “I’m a bad person” and “I did a bad thing,” for another example. He doesn’t want that label of gay because he has a specific idea of what gay means and he doesn’t want it to apply to him. He’s not ready for it.

Again, Eskild is really great when Isak says hooking up with Even doesn’t mean he’s gay. He doesn’t argue or laugh at him or be like pfffft, you’re definitely gay, baby Jesus. He’s just happy for Isak, which is why it stings when Isak decides to run his mouth by saying he’s not gay-gay “like you.” Ouch. Isak, for fuck’s sake. Why did you have to go and make it personal? JFC. Carl Martin plays Eskild’s hurt so well, you can see how much this is cutting into some deep wounds.

Again, we don’t know much about Eskild’s backstory, unfortunately, but you know this is all shit he’s heard before in various capacities, and it just sucks to hear it from someone you care about. To get told to your face by someone rushing to assert himself that he’s not like you. Because it doesn’t matter that Isak’s attempting to frame his comment as not being offensive, the thing is that he doesn’t want to be thought of like Eskild.

“I totally respect that you take the whole ‘gay package’ all the way, but I’m not like that.” You know, it didn’t really occur to me until now that when Isak says “gay package” he’s not just describing a set of stereotypically flamboyant characteristics. Like … to a degree he thinks there is an actual “gay package” that comes with a set of interests and mannerisms (gay test, dance instructor, etc.) To be gay you must be X and Y. Isak is not X and Y, therefore he is not gay. That’s why he’s separating himself from the label. Even’s comments about generalizing may have struck a chord with Isak but it’s not like they completely eradicated his internalized homophobia.

This scene just gets more painful as it goes on because Isak is aware that he’s putting his foot in his mouth, but he also just thinks his point is justified, and he doesn’t get the root of what’s offensive about it. He’s trying to act like he doesn’t have a problem with people being too gay, but he does - not so much on a personal judgmental level but mainly as how those Gay-Gays will reflect on himself. And Eskild is so clearly hurt but he’s still being patient with Isak, up until a point.

Also it’s painful because obviously Isak is in the wrong here, but it’s understandable why he says what he says. His insecurities are being laid so bare. Isak’s internalized homophobia really doesn’t have much to do with thinking he’s wrong for liking boys, thinking he’s dirty or broken or anything like that. It’s mainly to do with social perceptions, how people are going to see him or judge him for liking boys, how can Isak identify as gay if he doesn’t feel like he fits the label?

I think a lesser show would address this issue by validating Isak’s insecurities or mollifying them in a surface way like, IDK, having Eskild explain to Isak that just being he likes a boy doesn’t mean Isak has to behave in a certain way, being gay doesn’t mean you have to act like this or dress like that. Which of course is true, but that’s not the root of the problem here, which is that Isak’s thinking itself is flawed and offensive. Giving an answer like “You don’t have to behave a certain way if you’re gay” is like getting a hole in your shirt and holding it together with a safety pin, rather than patching it up.

I don’t blame Eskild at all for getting upset and having to walk out on Isak. He was being quite patient with him until he reached a breaking point, and this is obviously personal. Again, we don’t know Eskild’s backstory, but I would be willing to bet that he has experienced some of that harassment and hate firsthand. His delivery of his pride monologue is emotional but also measured. You know he is genuinely trying to bestow a lesson on Isak despite being upset. Maybe it’s a lesson that took Eskild some time to internalize himself.

Isak knows he messed up, and he feels shame over it. I think it’s good, though, that Eskild says yeah, you did mean to put yourself above it, because no matter how many times Isak was like “I have no problem with you taking the gay package all the way” or asserting that he’s not being negative, he really was.

Well, Isak, your first coming out to anyone would have gone pretty awesome if you had stopped talking at a certain point. Like this is far from the most disastrous it could have been, but I doubt Isak expected to get schooled. He’s not feeling so great, and then he gets the text that pours a truckload of salt in the wound.

This text from Even. Man. First of all, love that Julie shows the text, has Isak put the phone down, then look at it again, showing us the text once more, just to get across how much utter disbelief he is in. Fucking really? After what happened in the locker room, now Even wants to call it off? There are some excellent uses of timing and display of the text messages of Skam; it’s not just that they’re present, it’s that they’re edited into the show for maximum impact. (Another great use of timing with a text message is in episode 9 when Isak gets the text from his mother.)

As for the text itself, I want to mention how polite it is? It’s very carefully worded, you know Even was writing and rewriting this one a million times. Also, Even takes responsibility for the breakup and blames himself and apologizes. Like … as far as breakup texts go, this is about the nicest it could be.

In the script there was more from Even about “not meaning to give (Isak) false hope” and I’m glad they took it out because yeah, that is not really Even’s goal with this text, IMO. I think he’s trying not to hurt Isak as best as he can given the situation. Julie says they discussed in the editing room whether that extra line was too cold, and I think it would have been.

I don’t know how popular this opinion is, but knowing the full story of what’s happening with Even, I don’t think he actually did anything wrong in breaking up with Isak at this point. Isak didn’t leave him with any good options, honestly. Of course I feel awful for Isak, and we’re in his POV so it feels like we just got dumped too, we’re confused and hurt, but let’s look at this from Even’s POV. What are his options?

Stay with Isak while concealing his mental illness. This is what he eventually does, obviously, and it backfires in very drastic way. Hiding his bipolar disorder is going to be immensely stressful for Even, not to mention Even does not want to hurt Isak, which he thinks he will do eventually due to being mentally ill. We know that it’s not that cut-and-dry but Even has a lot of insecurities and a kind heart, and doesn’t want to cause anyone harm.

Tell Isak the truth. This is the ideal choice, perhaps, but can you blame Even for not doing so? He doesn’t want Isak to hate him and Isak has just made his thoughts on mentally ill people quite clear. Additionally, we know that Even was the subject of gossip and called crazy after the manic episode at Elvebakken, an incident that is still being discussed in gossip (as we know from Vilde’s later texts). Who’s to say Isak wouldn’t have told someone, prompting the rumor mill at Nissen, making Even the target of gossip at his new school as well as his old one? I mean I think Isak is better than that, but if you think about it, this is still early in their relationship, Even might like Isak but he can’t be sure that word of crazy-psycho Even will get out. I completely understand why Even would fear telling people.

Cut his losses, break it off with Isak for both their sakes. It will be painful for both of them, but Even probably thinks better now than later, when they’re deeper into a relationship and their feelings.

Clip 6 - Everything comes crashing down

Julie really punches Isak in the balls here, huh? Between this clip and the last, she removes all of Isak’s strongest support systems and makes all of his insecurities and the mounting problems explode. Last clip created a wound between Isak and Eskild and mysteriously ended the Isak/Even relationship just as it was finally getting off the ground. So how can we kick Isak when he’s down today?

This pre-drink happens at Magnus’ place according to the texts, by the way. No sign of his ❤️ mamma ❤️

David made up this wild story about Magnus’ sexcapades and I hope it’s not one of the ones that came from real life, lmao. Also apparently everyone was tired filming this scene because it was very early in the morning until they chugged some Red Bull and it came to life.

Isak just looks broken, man. The way he’s sitting there totally disengaged from this conversation and just drinking. He’s just so heartbroken and he doesn’t understand why Even did what he did. Clearly there had to be something else going on besides his random kinda vague text message.

In the script Julie had Isak reading over his text history with Even, probably searching for some clue as to why things have ended the way they did. (Julie said she didn’t know why this part was cut and maybe they just forgot to film it.) So he was extra checked out, the boys were talking and Isak was not paying attention.

He’s so palpably miserable that it’s kind of hard to buy that none of the other boys notice. I know teenage boys are not supposed to be the most emotionally perceptive, but like … these boys are, sort of! Or at least Jonas is; Jonas has picked up when Isak is having mom problems and he later picks up (in a scene that’s a callback to this one) that Isak is having Even problems without Isak vocalizing any of this. But I think at this point, Jonas is kind of done with Isak’s BS, the boys are still frosty with him because of the “family party” and missing Magnus’ birthday, so they’re just going to let Isak stew even if he seems upset. Which sounds harsh but … I’ve been there, on both sides of it. And Isak has been lying repeatedly, so it’s like, what’s the point? It’s not like he’s going to tell them the truth.

When Magnus was telling the boys about his Vilde S&M dream, Isak and Jonas were on the same page despite arguing just a minute previously, they were looking to each other and laughing over Magnus’ ridiculousness. Here Jonas isn’t trying for that connection with Isak. Not that Isak would reciprocate if he did.

I don’t know why it’s so funny to me that Magnus logic is like “I couldn’t bang this girl in the bathroom because there was no toilet lid” like ??????? Son, can you think of no other ways to proceed with sexual activity? As Mahdi mentions, there are other positions you can do.

I mean this story is 100% fake anyway, so.

I love that completely over-it look Isak gives Magnus when Mags starts talking about escaping through the window. Though you know, Isak and Magnus aren’t all that different in this regard, since Isak also has told his friends fake stories of sexual conquest. It’s just that Magnus goes into excessive TMI detail and Isak keeps his vague enough so that the boys can infer whatever they want from Isak’s tales of straight sex.

But also, Isak is done with this shit because of how Magnus can tell some ridiculous made-up story about hooking up with a girl so easily among friends, and this is all part of straight boy culture or whatever you want to call it - bonding over hetereosexual shenanigans- when Isak is left out of this by not being able to talk about his own romantic adventures. Magnus’ story is bullshit, Isak has a real story about sneaking into someone’s house to use their pool and kissing underwater. But he can’t share it at this time because it was a boy he was kissing. He’s just excluded from his friends again.

Magnus’ laugh is fucking glorious. It’s like a honk.

Nice little moment of Jonas being all “I put on a nice shirt for this” and Mahdi being all “you look good, bro.” Casually supportive bros are the best bros, bro.

Poor Isak. When he hears Emma’s name you can see he’s like, just what I fucking needed right now. And of course his friends start paying attention to him when they think he might be able to get them into this party. He looks so drained at all of this. Either he’s going to be excluded from his friends again or he’s got to endure a party hosted by the girl who hates him.

The subtitles say that Magnus says, “There’s just three of us” and I don’t know if there are any translation differences but like … there are four of you in the room, Magnus. Isak just might as well not be there. He’s as lively as the chair he’s sitting on. (Unless Magnus means “there are three of us” as in “there are three more people besides me” but I can’t tell). EDIT: from @skamenglishsubs: Magnus is just lying, because the larger the group, the less chance they have of getting into the party according to teenage logic

Not that I would have a lot of patience for Isak at this point either, from their POV, but ouch at Mahdi being all “Well, Isak can go to his ‘family dinner’ and the three of us can go to the party.” Mahdi really isn’t hiding that he knows Isak has telling them bullshit. Plus, Magnus being all “I forgive you for forgetting my birthday” is acknowledging that there was something to forgive in the first place, a reminder of Isak fucking up with his friends.

It’s not The Worst Thing Ever buuuuut there is something a bit messed up about how the boys pressure Isak into taking them to this party when he clearly doesn’t want to go. Also with them pressuring him to do the Emma pre-drink. I love the boy squad but you kind of get why, even apart from casually homophobic comments, Isak felt the need to perform with them. Even when he’s trying to say no, they’re goading him into it. They’re not bad people at all but the pressure to participate in all these social activities where the pursuit of girls is a primary objective is really strong.

Lol, I think Mahdi and Magnus just like to rap together, that’s a thing between them, as also seen in the clip where Isak comes out to them.

I have an idea that Emma threw a party as a way to get her mind off that guy who led her on and ditched her and turned out to be gay.

Not gonna lie, as an English speaker it’s pretty jarring to have a song with the N-word so prominently in this context, though I don’t know if it’s as startling for Norwegians.

I do find this a really memorable Skam walking scene, though. I looove the shots of the boys walking down the street, Isak trailing behind the other three, disconnected from the group.

Shout out to Jonas and Mahdi dancing in the streets, though. My boys!

Well, at least Isak wasn’t the only one who had a shit time at the party, judging by the girl who walks out without her shoes and flips off the one dude.

L m a o I fucking love how many people have noticed that this dude acting like a bouncer at Emma’s looks like such a piece of shit, like he time-traveled from the set of an ‘80s teen movie where he’s playing some evil preppie named Chad or Blaine from the rival rich kid summer camp who’s trying to turn the camp for the scrappy underdog heroes into a golf course. I mean this was some shockingly effective casting for a guy who’s on screen for a minute.

Bless Mahdi for calling out that guy for acting like a self-appointed doorman.

Why was Vilde hanging out with Blad, anyway? No wonder she’s happy to see Magnus, he’s at least entertaining compared to these insufferable bores.

You can see Even winding his way through the crowd, by the way, before Isak sees him.

Oh my God, Isak being so out of it and then waking up when he sees Even breaks my heart. You can see his heart jump-start. And then he just has to get into this party. He needs to talk to Even, figure out what went wrong.

Shout out to the bro nod Isak exchanges with Sana on his quest for Even.

If Isak managed to make it to Even without Sonja reappearing, how do you think the exchange would have gone? Fraught, for sure. I feel like we don’t see a lot of confrontation between Isak and Even in canon to know how it would’ve gone, like I think Even would’ve been pretty shook and trying to hide that he was hurting but I’m not sure how it would’ve gone with Isak. I don’t think he’d be as downcast or muted as the cafeteria encounter later - this is a fresh wound and Isak is really confused. I doubt he would’ve been angry and started yelling or confronting Even directly in public, but I think he would’ve tried to be more forceful and upset. And I’m not sure how Even would’ve explained himself; it’s one thing to write a text message that you can word carefully and edit before you send, it’s another to see the boy you’re basically in love with a day after you broke up with him, wanting to know what went wrong. Like Even is smooth but maybe not that smooth. How is he going to tell Isak to his face that he doesn’t want to be with him?

Actually, think about how awkward it would’ve been if Isak and Even were talking and then Sonja showed up.

Even’s up on some kind of platform/elevation with just that one guy, and I kind of wonder if he went up there by himself to get some breathing room or get a minute to think until a guy he knows from class or whoever he is came up and decided to chat. I think Even is really, really good at concealing when he’s hurting or struggling.

Case in point, Even looks really good in this scene. Peak hair, peak attire, seeming happy and healthy. Isak can’t even sit there with his friends without his misery pouring out of him, written all over his face, but Even is apparently doing totally fine a day after breaking up with Isak, and that really has to sting for Isak. Not even just that Even broke up with him, but that he’s not visibly suffering over it.

Tbh, I wondered why Even was at this party considering Emma cannot be a big fan of him right now. IDK, I guess maybe he showed up with some people he knows from class? Or Sonja invited him? Maybe some of it depends on what you think Sonja told Emma about Isak and Even. I doubt Sonja told Emma about Even’s MI but maybe she told Emma something like “Even was confused” and implied she would get back with him. So Emma maybe wanted to help out her cool older friend Sonja by putting Sonja and Even at the same place so they could reunite?

Isak certainly could have apologized to Emma sooner and in a better situation, but it’s nice that he does at least acknowledge he was being shitty and apologizes to her here, even with the little effect it has.

Isak is so stressed over running into Emma, Tarjei does this reaction well. And on man, the way Isak’s face changes when Emma says he’s gay. What a nightmare for him. She knows. He’s too shocked to argue or respond in any way.

“It’s 2016, Isak. Get out of the closet!” lol the moment when a lot of us lost a lot of sympathy for Emma

For what it’s worth, I think this is clearly not an author-endorsed statement considering Emma is pointedly shown to have some ignorant viewpoints about gay people. Plus, the previous clip contained a passionate call for respect of gay pride with acknowledgment of what LGBT people go through (harassment, violence, death) so I think it’s obvious that the show knows it’s difficult to come out even in 2016.

Though this is just making me think of Emma being all “Eskild is hilarious, gay people are so funny” and what his response might be if she said, “it’s 2016, get out of the closet” in front of him. I doubt it would be hilarious.

I don’t think Emma is a terrible person. She’s just very, very uninformed and is unaware of her straight privilege. And while I am sympathetic to her in being led on by Isak, not gonna lie, it’s harder for me to feel sympathy when she has the least stakes out of this love quadrangle? Sonja is losing her boyfriend of several years, who has cheated on her and suddenly left her for someone else. Even is dealing with how his mental illness affects his relationships with Sonja and Isak. Isak is dealing with internal and external homophobia. Emma … made out with a dude twice at parties and he turned out to be gay. It is shitty of him to lead her on but he also was not in any official relationship with her and they didn’t know each other that well. Like. She will get over it.

“Hold My Liquor” was supposed to start playing here, after Emma tells Isak he’s gay, according to the script. I think it’s a good choice to keep the random party music and only start with Kanye toward the very end, when everything has gone to shit. We needed that iconic BITCH I’M BACK OUT MY COMA when Isak is beating up bushes.

Goddamn, Isak looks up at just the worst moment, doesn’t he? You wonder what would have happened if he hadn’t run out of the party, if Even and Sonja kept kissing or Even pulls away or what.

There were SO many theories about what exactly happened with Even, Sonja, and the random blond dude! Straightforward theories that Even was lying about breaking up with Sonja all along. Theories that Even needed to pretend to be in a relationship with Sonja for some reason, like to protect himself against homophobia. Theories that the guy was hitting on Even and Sonja showed up to lay a smooch on Even because she was helping him to deter this random guy. And it’s kind of interesting because we never really get a clear-cut answer as to what happened. I think it’s easy enough to guess from later context, but it’s not like Even ever goes, “Well, actually, Isak, when Sonja kissed me it was because she is an alien from a galaxy far far away where she needs lip-to-lip contact to collect nutrients from human beings.” There is a lot of wiggle room as to what was happening on Even’s side of S3 between the break-up text and the Evak reunion in episode 7.

Because we don’t have clear-cut answers, I guess I’ll do some projection. I like Sonja but I think she didn’t quite buy into Even leaving her at this point, probably because she does chalk up his interest in Isak to Even’s mental illness, or out of denial at her own relationship ending. So when she runs into Even here, she goes in for the kiss because they’re Sonja and Even, that’s what they do, they’re a couple. They were on a break but that’s it, just a break, not permanent. Sonja is the one to initiate the kiss and she seems pretty confident about it. And Even, I think, just goes along because he’s upset over Isak, and because Sonja is comforting, he can depend on their relationship. To me he seems a little resigned, happy to see her (because she is an important person in his life) but not overly enthusiastic to kiss her.

We never get answers as to whether Even and Sonja officially got back together for a time after this, or if this was a one-off kiss, or something in between. Personally I lean toward Even and Sonja not really getting back together all the way or if so, it being fleeting and ending well before Even shows up at Isak’s door in episode 7. Just because I think it makes more sense that Even is not with Sonja at that point.

This Magnus/Vilde scene was improv by the actors according to the script. Vilde didn’t see anyone she wanted to hook up with, and I mean, if her choices were ‘80s teen movie villains I completely understand. Plus Eva is occupied with P-Chris.

Mahdi, you played the “family dinner” joke one too many times, and you happened to catch Isak at a very bad place. One of the boys laughs at the family dinner comment and I think it’s Jonas? Which would suck for Isak since Jonas is usually Team Isak. They’re all just united against Isak’s crap. But Jonas here realizes again that something is really wrong with Isak, it has to be more than just moodiness and snottiness.

I have Opinions on how people bring up this incident in relationship to Isak hitting Mikael in S4 and how it’s not really the same thing, and this scene doesn’t make the one in S4 feel more IC, but maybe I should save those for S4 recaps.

BITCH I’M BACK OUT MY COMA

Let’s recap. Isak inadvertently insulted Eskild, hurting his feelings, and got scolded by him. Emma knows he is gay. The boys are shutting him out and Isak just made things worse by shoving Mahdi. And Even broke up with him and is back to kissing Sonja. It’s all adding up to break Isak, though I do think the situation with Even is what’s causing him the worst pain, because in a way his feelings for Even have been the catalyst for everything else that’s gone wrong and now he doesn’t even have Even. And he can’t talk to anyone about this because he’s either not out to people, or the few people who know he is gay are mad at him or smooching their not-so-ex girlfriends.

This scene of Isak lashing out at bushes could have been overly melodramatic and unintentionally comedic, but Julie knows to keep the editing short and not go over the top. It helps that we see only the back of Isak because that’s really all we need, right? I’m sure Tarjei would knock it out of the park with his facial expressions but we don’t need to see them, Isak’s state of mind is communicated by him lashing out, and the ending cry of frustration and sobs as he falls to his knees. I think shooting him from the back kept it from going too OTT.

And we go silent for the credits just to end on a bleak note. And then we went silent for 10 days.

I mean, except for analyzing moles and areolae.

General Comments

To elaborate on the mole/areolae analysis, I hope everyone has seen the hiatus trailer that aired after this episode. Because oh my God, that hiatus trailer. People were going WILD with the theories. Numerous screencaps were taken and compared to note similarities in nipples and moles among characters. The consensus was that the trailer is definitely two people fucking, but who could it be???? Isak and Even? That totally looked like a girl boob, was that Even and Sonja? Or were Isak and Emma going to hook up? Was it not a girl and Isak going to sleep with another guy? Some rando from Grindr? Eskild? Jonas? Penetrator Chris??? If these ideas seem outlandish, I am telling you the truth, these were all real theories floated about.

And then lol, it turned out to be Isak and Even. Surprise. It’s footage from the end of episode 7.

(I’m just going to throw it out there, not all of the footage from the hiatus trailer made it into the final clip, so somewhere Julie has extra footage of the first Isak/Even sex scene. You’re welcome.)

On the social media front, we see pics of Magnus’ birthday party on Jonas’ IG and Magnus apparently was in some proximity to Vilde.

When Isak texts Even post-cuddle scene, Even texts him back at 21:21, so you know he’s a sappy fucker, but it took him several hours to text back and he dodges any real explanation of what’s up with him (I was at my aunt’s house, swimming! JK btw you’re hot).

Though “You look hot when you’re sleeping” is some Grade-A thirst, yowza.

Also the boys were texting Isak about Magnus’ party but he ignored them. Too loved up in Even’s arms. Then days later (after the “family meeting clip”) he’s like “WHOOPS didn’t see this, I didn’t have 3G.” Jonas doesn’t anything to respond except a thumbs up emoji. Because Isak being all “let’s do it again this weekend” is some BS when he’s probably just going to ditch them again.

We get a Kollektivet text mentioning PK, the caretaker, who apparently Eskild and Linn have a weird relationship with. Tell me more about this, kollektivet family! Who is this mysterious PK? There was an IG story of him with Isak, I believe. EDIT: @skamenglishsubs sent me some links to the PK-and-Isak content. Thank you!

And Eskild drops in a casual “You could’ve met (PK) on Saturday if you didn’t stay in your room all weekend.” HmmmmMMM.

An underrated text: Magnus roasting Jonas about being an anti-capitalist hipster.

There’s a little foreshadowing of sorts in that text: Magnus says his ❤️ mamma ❤️ will find him a job for OD. Tiny thing but it is establishing that Magnus thinks his mother is the best.

#skam reactions #skam season 3 #skam #isak valtersen #evak

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whispersandwhiskerburn · 8 years ago

Text

A Promise

Summary: Dean and Y/N end up hunting each other in the bunker when something goes terribly wrong on a day off from hunting. Pairing: Dean x Reader Word Count: 2,405 Warnings: Suspense, description of blood, some tension. Nothing really. This is SFW. Author’s Note: This was a writing exercise meant to break me out of a writing rut that I’ve been in. It turned into a small fic instead of the small drabble I meant it to be, so I thought I’d share it. Props to my bestie, @waywardjoy, for helping me tie the pieces together. Hopefully you all like it. :) Feedback is, as always, appreciated.

“Dean, what are you doing?”

He walked closer, his eyes strange, the knife in his hand dark and bloody.

“C’mon, Dean. It’s me. Put the knife down. Talk to me.”

You backed away slowly, putting a table between you and your lover.

What the hell was going on here?

You had been in what Sam liked to call the bunker’s “war room” and you’d heard a crashing sound coming from one of the storage rooms. When you’d gone to investigate, you hadn’t found anything—but when you’d come back out to the main room, there was Dean.

Your brain worked furiously trying to fill in the blanks while the adrenaline pumped through your system and your eyes stayed locked on that bloody knife.

Dean didn’t seem to be wounded, and the only other person in the bunker right now was…

“Dean, where’s Sam? What happened?”

Still no answer, just the predatory walk as he stalked you around the furniture in the room. You didn’t dare turn your back and run for it—you knew Dean could out pace you in a straight sprint, and could overpower you in a physical fight.

And if the blood on that knife belonged to Sam, then Dean definitely wasn’t in control right now.

“Excorcizamos te, omnis immundos spiritus, omnis satanica potestas, omnis incursio infernalis adversarii— “

There was no reaction from Dean, not even a flicker. It couldn’t be a demon then. It had been a long shot—Dean still had his tattoo, and Crowley wasn’t that stupid.

No shapeshifter or leviathan could have gotten into the bunker. And they would have been nearly indistinguishable from Dean, not this creepy terminator version of him.

You tripped over the leg of a chair and nearly hit the ground, your heart hammering in your chest as you managed to catch your balance.

Dean had closed the distance between you—but not as much as he should have done. He hadn’t taken advantage of your stumble. Whatever was controlling him, it wasn’t as smart as Dean; it hadn’t recognized the opportunity, keeping Dean moving at that same steady pace.

You backed away again, your mind spinning through the different options.

“Dean, it’s me. Y/N. You have to fight whatever this is. Tell me what happened. Where’s Sam? Is he hurt?” You refused to think that Sam might be dead. There was no way that could happen. Not here. Not today.

You had the fleeting thought that Dean had promised today would be a day off from the supernatural.

So much for a vacation.

The most likely remaining possibilities were ghost possession, a spell, or a cursed object. The bunker was warded against ghosts, but the veil was overstocked and a lot of the old rules didn’t apply anymore now that Death was…well, dead.

You needed iron…or salt. You eyed the entrance to the kitchen, but since it was also the only exit, cornering yourself right now didn’t seem like the best idea.

“Okay, Dean. When I get you out of this, you are so going to owe me a nice dinner.”

You turned and ran for it down the hall, hoping you were right and the whatever-it-was controlling Dean wouldn’t seize the chance to catch up with you by using Dean’s speed.

You made it to your and Dean’s room as quickly as possible, sliding to the floor next to your hunting bag with your heart pounding in your ears. You ripped the zipper down the track, reaching in and to the left, your hand automatically locking on your sawed-off.

Thank Chuck you always kept it loaded with salt rounds. They wouldn’t permanently hurt Dean, but it should knock any ghost out of him, if that was what was wrong with him.

You turned, aiming it at the door frame, feeling like a rabbit trapped in a burrow with the wolf closing in.

He wasn’t there.

Shit.

You grabbed some extra cartridges, then lurched to your feet, your pulse hammering too hard for you to hear his footsteps. Hurrying to the door, you leaned against the frame with the shotgun level and steady in your hands.

Taking a deep breath, you settled your nerves, then swung around the corner.

To face an empty hallway.

Fuck. What if whatever was controlling him had made Dean leave the bunker? Lebanon, Kansas wasn’t exactly a booming metropolis, but still….

“Dean? Where are you, babe?” You pitched your voice to echo through the hallways, trying to draw him out.

Cautiously you made your way down the hallway towards the main room, clearing each room as you came to it, unwilling to let Dean come from behind you.

“Deeeaaaan. Come out, come out wherever you are…” A part of you wanted to laugh as you said the childhood hide and seek chant, but mostly you were starting to get a bit afraid. Up to this point, your hunting instincts had been in control, but now as it started to sink in, you were worried. Not just for your own physical and mental safety, but about the brothers. Sam was out of the game, either hurt or worse, and there was no telling if you’d be able to save Dean in time or not.

The hair stood up on the back of your neck—a warning that had saved your life many times in the past.

You rolled forward just in time, feeling the blade of Dean’s knife cutting the air where your upper back had been moments ago.

You came up on your knees facing back the way you had come to find Dean, your Dean, walking towards you with that strange blank look on his face, his eyes dark and dangerous, the bloody knife at the ready.

“Dean, one more step and I— “

You fired, Dean too close for comfort.

The rock-salt rounds blasted into his chest, pushing him back and off his feet. He fell, his head connecting with the hard floor with an audible sound that made you wince.

You popped the barrel down with practiced movements, pulling out the shells and reloading from your pocket, snapping the gun back into place and holding it level with your hip as you stood, eyes on the man you loved lying on the floor.

He was breathing, but not speaking yet. His eyes were closed, but his face wasn’t at rest, so he wasn’t unconscious.

“Dean? You back with me, babe?”

You hadn’t seen or felt a ghost disappearing. Not much in the supernatural world enjoyed salt though, so it might have worked even if it hadn’t been a spirit.

You cautiously moved forward, your gun trained on his chest, ready to blast him again if necessary.

“Dean?”

His eyes opened then. He looked up at you with the same dead-eyed expression, and his right hand on the far side of his body came up holding the blade.

You moved fast, stepping in and slamming the butt of your shotgun against Dean’s temple.

He collapsed like a puppet whose strings had been cut back to the floor.

You stepped around him, kicking the blade far down the hall in case he was playing possum.

When he remained motionless for half a minute you let out the breath you had been holding and lowered your gun, backing down the hallway towards your room. You couldn’t drag the big lug far, so you’d have to settle for zip-tying him until you could figure out what the hell was going on here.

Dean’s call to wakefulness was a full glass of cold water splashed in his face.

“What the— “he blinked and spluttered, clearing his vision.

He wasn’t in his bed, though. He was tied to a sturdy chair, with zip-ties for each wrist and ankle. A part of him immediately started figuring out which knife or pick he’d be able to get to in this position to get out of his restraints while he looked around the room.

“Welcome back, Dean.”

Sam was sitting on the Men of Letter’s table two feet away, the empty glass beside him. Dean relaxed a bit—if Sam was sitting calmly, the danger was probably already past.

His head was killing him. And his chest was sore.

Then he noticed the bloody gash in Sam’s side—wide enough with a large enough stain to require stitches. There was also a swelled gash on the side of his face.

The anger that washed through him was equally as strong as the worry. Where was Y/N?

“Sam, what happened?”

His bitch-face was still intact. “Excellent question, Dean. Care to share?”

“What? Where’s Y/N? How bad are you hurt?”

Sam’s eyes were narrowed.

“I’m right here, Dean.”

Dean’s neck swiveled and relief swamped him as she made her way into the room, passing him and heading to Sam’s side with a cloth and her suture kit. Y/N was easily the best at stitching of the three of you, but Dean was selfish enough to admit that he preferred when she only played doctor with him.

He shook his head to get rid of that errant thought, then quickly regretted it as pain shot through him. Definitely at least a slight concussion.

“What did I miss?”

He wanted to follow that with a few other pointed questions—like why the hell they weren’t untying him, and who the hell had hurt Sammy, but he had a sneaking suspicion that the answers to those questions were connected.

Sam peeled off his shirt and Y/N pulled up a chair to look at his wound, her attention focused on cleaning away the blood instead of acknowledging Dean.

That did not bode well.

“What you missed was your, ‘How to Not be a Dumbass’ Class. Remind me to re-enroll you at some point. Ow— “

Y/N had perhaps smiled a tiny bit as she poured the alcohol over his gash, catching most of the bloody liquid on the rag and avoiding too big a mess.

“Sam, you know he didn’t do it on purpose. You’re just bitter he got the drop on you.”

Dean saw the glare Sam leveled at the back of Y/N’s head, but Y/N was pointedly ignoring him and her voice rang with smugness.

Dean was getting more confused by the moment, which wasn’t helping his headache.

“Could one of you please— “

“You picked up a cursed object—a knife in one of the storage rooms you and Sam were poking through. You stabbed Sam and he knocked himself out on a bookshelf on the way down. When I came to investigate you thought you’d try to stab me as well.

“I decided not to let you.”

Dean didn’t remember a knife. He did remember going into the storage room with Sam and working their way through the first two shelves.

He looked down at the way he was tied up, then guiltily realized he had put the two people he loved most in horrible danger.

“I’m sorry, both of you. Y/N, I didn’t hurt you too, did I?”

Sam chuckled a bit, then winced as it pulled at the few stitched Y/N had already managed to put in him.

“Dude, she kicked your ass. I came to and went looking, not knowing what I’d find—did not expect to see you hog tied in the hallway with Y/N walking in with a curse box.”

He flexed a bit as Y/N finished up the job, then nodded his thanks as she began to clean up.

“I helped her tie you to a chair in case you woke up still cursed.”

Y/N walked out to the kitchen, carrying her bloody gauze and rag towards the trash can. It worried Dean how quiet she was being, the way she still hadn’t looked at him. It wasn’t like her.

Sam came over and used his pocket knife to slice through the restraints, grunting a bit as he bent over and stood up again to release his legs.

When he next spoke, it was in an undertone. “I think you scared her, man. She’s been quiet like that since I woke up. You’d better go talk to her.”

Dean nodded and got up, rubbing at the tingling in his wrists as he made his way into the kitchen.

Y/N was standing at the sink, washing her hands clean of Sam’s blood, her shoulders stiff.

Dean came up behind her, wrapping his arms around her. She startled a bit and he cursed himself internally.

“Y/N, I’m sorry if I startled you, sweetheart. I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

She shook her head no, and Dean’s worry only increased. Why was she being so quiet?

“Then what’s wrong, honey?” He spoke softly, his head beside hers. She turned off the water then hugged his arms around her waist with her damp hands.

“It’s just… I’ve fought a lot of monsters, Dean. I’m used to them having horrible faces and forms. To have you be the monster…. I mean, I know you’ve been a demon, and you’ve told me about when you had the Mark of Cain, but it’s different seeing it firsthand….”

Dean’s mouth was grim as he remembered the monstrous forms of himself—demon, marked, torturer, vampire, shapeshifter. This business had a way of rewriting who you were.

“I’m sorry. You know I would never willingly hurt you though, right? I’m sorry if I scared you…”

Dean felt her body shake slightly and he froze, worried she was crying in his arms. What the hell? That wasn’t like Y/N—

Then he heard the breathless laughter and he turned her in his arms to see her trying to hold back her giggles.

He thought he’d been the one to take a blow to the head.

“Dean, you didn’t come close to hurting me. I can take care of myself.” Her laughter slowed and she looked up into his eyes as he returned her grin helplessly. “It wasn’t the idea of you managing to hurt me that scared me—it was the thought that I might not be able to get you back.”

Her hand reached up to trace the side of his face and he leaned into her touch.

“I’ll always come back for you, Y/N.”

She laughed at his cheesy line, and this time Dean couldn’t help but join her with a chuckle of his own.

Then he bent down to seal her mouth with a kiss, acknowledging to himself at least, that this was promise he would always keep.

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