#if you write in caps in joe hills chat you will get told off timed out banned doxxed killed etc depending on how tired he is that day and

[firep0wder]

Now what did past me say about hermits... I'm curious

[thematterofhellorglory]

Lost "I Love You's"

This is my first fan fiction... you can probably tell. ~ You quickly rap your fingers against the side of your soft seat while everyone else in your surroundings chatted about their favorite Fall Out Boy songs and albums. You restlessly shift around in your seat and it was safe to say that the chair was doing absolutely nothing for your unsettled nerves. "Can't wait for this concert tonight, I stayed up for days listening to EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEIR SONGS." A young teen confided to her friend as they rushed by for their seats. You chuckle to yourself knowing that the probably obvious eye exhaustion was a result of the same past time being spent. ~ After fumbling for your phone with sweaty palms amongst a hurricane stricken desk, you inhaled deeply before pressing play with shaky fingers. The years long ceased race within your heart started at the sound of his voice and your heart's stamina was much higher now. Hours past as you sat in your chair, spinning almost as fast as your head was, forgetting about watering the plants because of the words being sang. ~ Of course, you were here for the music. It had whisked away to a land that wasn't so far away some time ago. The test of whether that land was still reigning over you was your unfinished business you had to complete tonight. Shirts with the members frequently clouded your view, and you remember once upon a traditional small town, those guys had become social outcasts. ~ You and Patrick had grown up together on the same street two houses down from one another, and you would always get into some shenanigans. The time you guys accidentally won a race by dog dragging, the paintball ambush... All those years, it was the dream team. To him at least. But to you, the dream team became the dream guy to the dream weddings. The dorky glasses, the sideburns, the punk rock band, everything that your friends couldn't understand was what you wanted most. So two years and a month ago, a plan was made to see if you had... become his dream girl. The sun was keeping its love for people at a moderate rate and the flowers in your hair did your spirit justice. There was the distant cheer of children chasing lives away for play nearby, but the field you were in had one sole bench swing meant for two. Yet, it was only holding one. You hear noises behind you and you swiftly apply another layer of mascara and lipstick and adjust your sundress before turning with a bright smile. "Hey, " You lean on the side of the swing as support for your noodle like legs while attempting to wipe your hands smoothly on your freshly ironed dress, " glad you could meet me." His hair was strewn under his favorite cap and imprints of pen written music notes were up one of his arms. "What's wrong? You look exhausted." You inquired while playing with your charm bracelet. He tiredly leans against the same wooden post you were leaning on and looks at the sky as if It could grant a wish or give some answers. He sighs, "Well, the band and I are this close to..." The words quickly vanished from his lips as there joyful screams in the air. Andy, Pete, and Joe, were coming for you two in a speed never seen by the never jocks. Down a hill, they were stumbling over each other but the apparent pain never touched their immortal smiles. "Hi, you guys?" Patrick furrows his eyebrows, looking concerned. Joe was on the ground, saying thanks to everything like a flower child. "WE MADE IT....WE MADE IT." Pete puts his hands on his knees before attacking Patrick with a bear hug. "The record deal..." You say in a hushed tone. You knew Patrick was investing in soul into this record deal. It was all he wanted, to be taken seriously, to live his dream out. Out of this town in fact because the company... was in California. But you were truly happy for as you join in on the group hug that was going down. "The record deal. Wow... this is- this is great." Patrick takes his hat off and run his fingers through his hair. Pete grabs Patrick's hand with urgency, "But we have to leave right now." Patrick's face fell immediately, "What?" "The letter... it came in late, we should have been in on our way three days ago. We can't pass this up and mess it up now." Patrick bites his lip and taps his foot, "Wait, but- What about the instruments, and the material, and- Y/N? I came to talk to her, she had something important to tell me?" It was your turn to get some answers from the sky. Pete speaks quickly, "All of the shits in the van, we raided your house before we got here." You tilt your head back down to the ground and was hopelessly wishing you could be 6 feet under it. This was not part of the plan but what were you to do? If you told Patrick you loved him, he would tied between you and his dream. HIS DREAM. And even if he said he wanted you, he would end up resenting you for thinking about what could have been. You knew he'd wanted this for years. And there was no way in hell your parents would ever let you leave for who they assumed to be your boyfriend's music career. You knew long distance wouldn't work, it never did. With that final thought, you manage to say, "No, it really wasn't that important... You should be on your way." "Are you sure, Y/N? You made it sound like-" Patrick began. "Nope, its fine. It was just about the Weatherly's dogs but you know, your dream is calling you and you need to see where it takes you." You force your muscles to form a smile you hoped looked sincere. He looks as if he doesn't believe you. "CALIFORNIA." Pete says, as he and the guys head towards the van. "I am going to miss you so much, " he looks in your eyes and takes your shaky hands in his. "Thank you for supporting me always." Tears begin to drown your eyes, "Of course. I-I am going to miss you 10 times as much." Then his hands let go and you're already missing their warmth as he gets into the van. He enthusiastically waved goodbye and you continued to wave your hand until all you saw on the road was just... road. "Nothing important... just that I love you." You say sarcastically as you run to the nearest bathroom, scrubbing off your makeup and crying. And once you got home, storming past your sister, Sara, who asked how you were. The lock you put your door matched your lungs which couldn't allow to breathe right now. You launched into a frenzy, writing an extensive letter, while nearly stabbing you self with your pens, to be never be delivered. Everyday you took the letter off your desk, it ended back there by night's arrival. ~ Ever since then, you stopped at his place for your morning walk, before memory served you a cold block of reality. He sent some letters, you never opened them. He called; you were never home. All of this because you knew that if you let yourself keep contact then, all those selfish wishes would come back and you didn't want that. Not for someone who worked so hard for where he was. Yet, after all of this, you still questioned if you still had feelings for him. So, when you learned they were having a show in the hometown, you flew back from the city to your house for a few weeks. Your room was still as you left it, bulletin board of old photos, made bed, and the desk mess. You sit at the oak chair, remembering all the emotions of that day. "I tried organizing it before you got here... but I gave up after five minutes." Your sister said in your doorway, before coming over to hug you. You hugged her back and was enjoying when you felt the stab of something in her pocket. "What's that?" "Oh, it's just a letter to the head of the concert hall as an apology for accidentally screwing up the wires last night. You know... big concert coming soon," She began to be slightly uncomfortable, " got to... be perfect." "Right. Well, have fun sending it off, it will save his life." Your sister mumbled something before taking off. ~ The lights around you began to fade as the lights on the stage become brighter. Your eyes instantly focus on Patrick, cautiously adjusting some things on his guitar. He looked better than the last time you saw him in person, considering he was an adorable mess. As the concert continues, you begin to realize that his smile in this surrounding was more than it was in your judgmental town before they began to boast about them as if they didn't want them years ago. It was more radiant as well as his expressions. And you think to yourself, maybe he was better off here, without the town... without you. That thought stung. His smile still caused your heart to race and his singing caused it to melt and you realize that your feelings never truly left... they were more suppressed. Thoughts dispersed from your mind, however, when Patrick starts putting his lips towards the microphone. His eyes were kind of unfocused as they looked as if he was trying to analyze something. Your eyes, however, recognize sheets of blue papers in his front pocket and all the heartbreak and tears driven into them. There was nowhere to run or hide, and if it was impossible, you would have died of total and utter embarrassment. The question is when and how he got the letter... and how he knew you were here. "Hey, everyone!" He grinned into the microphone. The room basically rocked with the shrieks of response. "As you know, we, Fall Out Boy, started very small. Basements, lucky enough to scrape by, most people in this town would have rather pull their teeth than be associated with us. Despite this untouchable mark set on us, on me, there has been one person who's been with me since the beginning." Your head is swirling and colors were starting blend as you feel unsteady. "Um, the day we received the letter was the day we hightailed it out of here, but not before this person wanted to tell me something, she-" After endless searching, his eyes found relief in yours and reflected the pain of past yesterdays. He then found it hard to let words fall out but they stumbled out anyways. "Wanted to say. And she blew it off so that I could live my dream, even if it was without her. Because... she loved me." He clutches the papers like if it was his lifeline. "Of course, I never knew until 2 years since our big break when her sister stole this from her room and sent it to me saying that she wanted to see me after years of not getting my letters and ignoring every trace of me." I turn to Sara one row above me who had a smirk on her face. "You don't know the best thing that ever happened to you until you ache for then everyday and learn they want to do nothing with you. Y/N, I love you, since then, since always. And if you still love me too, we can make this work unlike all of those failed rom-coms we used to watch together every Saturday morning." He laughs while standing there with his heart out. All the heads in the hall was faced toward you but only one truly mattered. You grip on tightly to your seat as you stand and start crying, "I never stopped loving you."