#if you're going to be stupid you HAVE to be nonjudgmental

[cinnamon-stccs]

dude as an anthropology student, this stuff genuinely makes me furious but its... so fucking funny. Phrenology is objectively the worst and funniest science. There is no winning. There is no consistency. And frankly, I'm fascinated at it's modern comeback through transphobia.

If your skull is big, you have too much air in there and you're stupid. If your skull is small, your brain is obviously small. If you forehead is large and pronounced, it could either mean a disastrous swelling of your brain's "organs" (????) or it could mean that you are simply bursting with knowledge. Do you have eye bags? That means you can speak a lot of languages. Definitely not a result of poor sleep. If your ears are too far apart, you'll be prone to sickness. If you respond well to praise and adoration, if you're truthful, if you happen to have low or high self esteem, you could have been relegated to less than an animal. However, things like being spiritual and pious, being violent, being firm, imitating others- these were all considered superior manly traits.

While phrenology is often understood classically and a justification for racism, which of course it was, it was also used to distinguish between the sexes.

In some of Combe's work (a key anthropologist responsible for the inception of phrenology, though important to note that he is also responsible for its racial and sexist themes) he discusses things like gentility, care, propagation/intimacy, secrecy, susceptibility, emotion, exquisite taste, and devotion, and likewise attributes those qualities to women alone. In some cases, Gall (yet another anthropologist you don't need to know) would go on to state that these qualities and organs took up so much space in a woman's brain that there was hardly room for Male attributes like Intellect, combativeness, courage, or confidence.

Lily Hu, a philosophy professor at Yale explained the proclivity towards phrenology, "[phreonology] really grew in prominence because it seemed to provide answers to long-standing social questions"

So then, In some ways, we can infer that the newfound love of phrenology is transphobic spaces is due to this perverted curiosity. Surely, people cannot be successful without being part of the bad guys. Their melding in their minds two things they don't understand (success, adoration, wealth, and trans/queer people) and equating them as the same thing, I think.

[wifegideonnav]

Hello! I hope you don't mind me asking - with respect to your ketamine treatments, was there any discussion started by the clinic about risk of addiction? Not for you specifically, but in general. My psychiatrist has recommended it to me, but I'm very hesitant to try it as I am in my 30s and lifelong have been completely drug and alcohol (and gambling lol) free out of fear of addiction. I know most people have a better gauge of their own vices through experimentation, but I was curious if this was brought up at all. Mostly bc I don't want to agree to try it and then ring alarm bells by mentioning being worried about addiction and have the whole thing shut down just as I've worked myself up to it.

I'm glad you're having a good experience so far and hope it continues to bring you peace :)

hi! i don’t mind this question at all, thank you for being respectful. there actually hasn’t been any discussion about addiction, and i think that’s because it’s such a different experience in a medical setting vs taking it as a street drug. ketamine is actually an anesthetic, not a hallucinogen, and it’s used in some surgeries as well to help with pain management and keeping patients under in general. additionally, and i don’t know how much of a comfort this will be, but anecdotally in my experience i have no desire to seek out the drug recreationally. partly because it’s such a powerful experience and i feel like the support and kindness and reassurance ive been receiving from my family and team have been essential to the positivity of my experience, and bc i do not wanna face the side effects without the compensatory medication they’ve been giving me lol. another family member has also gone through ketamine treatment, and she did it via lozenge (as opposed to iv like im doing) with no other medication to mitigate the effects, and she just had 48 hrs straight of nausea and vomiting afterwards :/

additionally, i would say it’s definitely understandable that you’d be anxious about bringing up your concerns about addiction, but in my experience with the clinic im going to they have welcomed any and all questions very explicitly. they’ve given me the sense that anything i ask will be met with thoughtfulness and kindness, and definitely i don’t feel like they’d slam the door in my face. of course this is just my experience and im sure there are shitty clinics/doctors out there, but imo this question could even be used to weed those out. anyone who doesn’t treat you with compassion and respect has no business facilitating an experience of this kind for you.

as for not having experience with drugs before, i will say that having done a lot of weed (lol) was definitely helpful a little bit? but the experience is in no way comparable and really, i think the only way not having that experience could be detrimental is if you get too worked up in your own head about it and are unable to relax into the experience.

thank you for the well wishes! if you want to talk more or ask more questions, please feel free to send more asks or dm me, there’s no stupid questions, no matter how trivial! i feel fully confident in my ability to honor what i do and don’t feel like sharing, and i promise to be kind and nonjudgmental!! (and this goes for anyone 🥰)

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

Hi sex witch! Thank you for all the work you do! Do you have any tips on helping your less educated friends learn more about sex? I grew up in a conservative Christian environment and while I’ve been doing my research, a lot of my friends have some misconceptions. I never know what to say when they say those things, because I don’t want them to feel embarrassed/ashamed. Are there gentle ways to say stuff like “I don’t think it’s possible to get pregnant that way” or “that can’t be right”?

hi anon,

I like the cut of your jib. first thing's first, I gotta say this: sometimes there's not a *gentle* way to correct someone but you need to do it anyway. literally just saying "hey man, that actually can't get you pregnant" is fine. feel free to follow it up with a helpful explanation - "there's no way for a sperm and egg to ever find each other by doing that, it's not physically possible." that's fine and dare I say necessary sometimes; god knows I've done it.

but hey, listen: you're right about not wanting to make people feel embarrassed or ashamed or like you think they're stupid for not knowing; that makes them way less likely to ask in the future! so tone is important, right? so what we're not going to do is go "Stacy, you fucking idiot, that can't get you pregnant. what's wrong with you?" you don't seem like someone who would do that, but it's worth saying. we're going to come at it from an angle of "Stacy, dude, I totally understand why you might think that, because I got the same bogus education you did, but that's not actually true! you can't get pregnant that way, and here's why!"

what you want to do is establish yourself as someone who is a.) nonjudgmental and b.) safe to talk to and c.) FUN to talk to because of your enthusiasm and interest in exploring questions together. you don't have to have all the answers - nobody does, it's not possible! - just willing to find the answers together in a no-shame way. fun facts help. "you can't get pregnant via oral sex, but did you know some sexually transmitted infections can be transmitted that way? you can get chlamydia in your throat, which is why barrier methods of protection are important even for oral!"

a great, super upbeat source of education is clinical sexologist Lindsey Does' youtube channel Sexplanations. it's where I began the education that would eventually lead to me becoming your friendly local sex witch, and Dr. Doe covers a HUGE variety of topics in short, fun videos that can provide a safe entry point on all kinds of topics - everything from anal sex to kink to sex work to navigating awkward social situations that are adjacent to sex. and it can be kind of nice to have a youtube rabbit hole to go down on your own time if you're not quite comfy having one-on-one convos about sex yet!

so, in summary, what we want to do is affirm our friends' curiosity even if they're wrong, establish that we aren't passing judgment, gently course correct with accurate information, and then offer up a resource to learn more.

"hey Stacy, you can't actually get pregnant by doing that. I know, I used to think something similar, but it's not actually true - there's no way for sperm to reach an egg that way. here, there's a sexologist named Lindsey Doe has a good video about pregnancy misconceptions."

[salem-xx]

Songs I hear when I think of Airplanes!verse Thiam pt.1:

→ my interpretation of songs through the beautiful work of Airplanes by Captainmintyfresh on ao3/ @thiamfresh on tumblr. Proceed with caution those who have not yet read Airplanes because this does contain spoilers [but also you should read it for peak comedy and thiam]

✰ Airplanes: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12165924/chapters/27611925

✰ pls enjoy these gifs of boyfriends saving one another 😌

1. Chosen Family - Rina Sawayama

“Where do I belong? Settle down, put your bags down. (Ooh) You're alright now. We don't need to be related to relate. We don't need to share genes or a surname. You are, you are My chosen, chosen family. I chose you. You chose me. We're alright now”

Chosen Family is about how members of the LGBTQ+ Community aren’t always accepted by their family. But the friendships formed within this community are similar to a family. In a way, packs are similar to communities and families, they got your back. In Airplanes, Theo is torn between staying in Beacon Hills where he’s hated or going to Idaho and staying with the Hermit Pack. The McCall Pack will most likely never accept Theo into the pack after the crazy events of Season five, but Theo in Airplanes and in s6 shows that he is capable of change. Even though he will never receive a family from the McCall Pack, he does receive it from The Hermit Pack and Liam (the hermit pack is truly amazing). Theo hasn’t had that feeling of family since he was most likely a child and having friends and people who genuinely care about him is new and nice, but also scary for him ??? And the Hermit Pack are nonjudgmental. They know about Theo’s past, but they look past it and see him for who he is now. This song just makes me think of the family Theo has found within the Hermit Pack and Liam. ALSO REMINDS ME THAT THEO AND LIAM ARE EACH OTHERS ANCHORS SO THEY CHOSE EACH OTHER AAAAAAA mwah

2. BITE OF ME - NIKI DEMAR

“Forget to eat. Don't buy what I need. I let people push me 'til I bleed. And I take the beatin'. Over my breathin'. Yeah, I'm unhealthy and messed up. Everybody wants a bite of me. Everybody wants my energy, yeah. 'Til there's nothing really left of me”

BITE OF ME is about constantly feeling drained by the people around you, not knowing when to say no and overall neglecting yourself for the sake of others. Hun if that ain’t Liam Dunbar I do not know what is. This just reminds me of the opening paragraph of Airplanes and how tired Liam was. It also reminds me of when he literally took a beating from Nolan and Gabe [nothing angered me more 😀 ]. It just reinforces the fact they are literal children and they have to deal with the supernatural on top of school and being a teenager. Especially with Scott leaving for college, Liam is going to have to step up and be an Alpha to the puppy pack. I can’t even think of the mental exhaustion Scott goes through, much less what liam will go through. I feel like Liam is gonna struggle with knowing his limits because he’s going to want to be a good Alpha, but he’ll probably prioritize that over his own mental health.

3. Slow Dancing - Aly and AJ

Move the kitchen table out to the lawn. Roll up the rug, the stereo's on. All I can imagine is bein' in your arms. I want you to know. I don't need anything fancy. I just need me and you slow dancing. Hell's bending, keeping me captive. Heaven's here, it's right where you're standing. Slow dancing”

"This is good and we don't have to do picture-perfect dates. I mean, the restaurant and the shoes—It's not us." [Airplanes Ch 36]

"Are you saying I'm not swanky?" Theo gasped

"I'm so swept I've basically been vacuumed and moped too." Liam closed the distance between them quickly, crashing their lips together before Theo could realize how dumb he sounded and how they were definitely spending too much time together if Theo was starting to come out with stupid things like that. [Airplanes Ch 37]

Slow Dancing is the story of two lovers separated from each other during a pandemic. And about longing for someone and a desire for simplicity. Slow Dancing reminds me of the two quotes above in Airplanes. I don’t know if Liam would ever manage to get Theo to slow dance with him (chile maybe for prom, but even then I don’t know..would they even go to prom??). But the relationship between Liam and Theo is so unconventional but so pure ? They try to do something nice and swanky like set up a fancy shmancy date at a restaurant and they got kicked out because of a flying octopus. Or Liam tries to sweep Theo with a picnic at Niagara Falls and they end up with soggy sandwiches and Theo saying that sweet but dumb comment [aaaaa ma’am I remember screaming and laughing when he said that]. That entire chapter was so perfect and so beautifully them, Liam saying he’s okay with the sand fights, the vomiting and the throwing of maybe dead octopuses. Slow Dancing is just so domestic to me and in my head Thiam and their strange dates are domestic [by their standards] [ughh I love them] also Liam’s insistence on having a picnic really reminds me of the first few lines of the pre-chorus: “Move the kitchen table out to the lawn. Roll up the rug, the stereo's on.

4. Santa’s Real - Sasha Sloan

“When I would go to sleep, I'd always say, "Mom, keep the door open and please leave the light on”. 'Cause I thought monsters lived under the bed. That's before I knew they walk the streets instead. I wanna live in a world where people don't get hurt...I used to be young and naïve until I saw things I couldn't unsee”

Santa’s real is about “innocence and wanting to be naive again, and wishing the things that you thought were real as a kid actually existed and magic and just that feeling of innocence that you slowly lose throughout the years.” This song perfectly captures the trauma that both boys have gone through. Liam went from having a mundane, life to hanging off hospital roofs and being literally hunted down for money (plssss season four was too much lmaoo). Liam was suddenly thrown into the world of werewolves, wendigos and werejaguars. Yes, he had Scott, but Liam was only a sophomore [so 16] [and Scott struggled so much especially in the first few seasons.] Now he’s going from a normal human life to trying to stay alive from literal assassins who end up being classmates [I’m looking at you Garrett he really threw Liam in a well 💀] . Airplanes just highlights his loss of innocence that gradually vanished with being turned into a werewolf and seeing the things he has seen. Monsters quite literally walk the streets in beacon hills [you’d never find me in that town]. With Theo, Airplanes makes us realize he didn’t have a normal childhood. We see him as innocent and childlike during the water park and watching Star Wars. It’s both endearing and heartbreaking. Because before Airplanes, I saw Theo as a person but not really?? a lot of his actions characterized him as a villain, but those moments in Airplanes reminds me that he’s literally 18. His nightmares in s6 and in the fic remind me he’s still human. He’s a kid who made a lot of bad decisions, but he is trying. This song like Bite of Me reminds me that they are just kids. (no because the scene in the gif below especially look at him he’s just supposed to be a teenager, he needs more than a hug, he needs a break too 😭)

5. I Hear a Symphony - Cody Fry

“I used to hear a simple song. That was until you came along. Now in its place is something new. I hear it when I look at you. I used to hear a simple song. That was until you came along. You took my broken melody. And now, I hear a symphony

This song is really straight forward so I don’t need to explain, but this song just makes me think of Theo and how his life was bleak, loveless and the only thing that mattered to him was surviving. But Liam and his idiocy makes it better ? Having someone who loves you and looks past all your flaws. This song is literally Theo falling in love with Liam.

[queercapwriting]

Hi. So I know you've closed your call for prompts and are v busy, and I don't want to give you more work, but I was wondering if you had already received one about Alex and/or Maggie with mental illness, or being diagnosed. And if so, if you would do it soon if you're inspired/comfortable about it. I'm really struggling about working to get better lately and I could use the representation. PS. You're a lovely being.

Thank you for your sensitivity about me closing off the prompts, love: I am so glad you sent this in, though, because this is exactly the kind of “exception” I had in mind when I said people could send prompts in if they really feel like they need to see something. I’m really glad you sent this to me, and I hope I do it justice for you. Sending you lots of love, darling: we could all use the representation!!! <3 <3 <3

Maggie’s had a deep aversion to therapy ever since one of her teachers suggested she needed it for being caught making out with one of the local college girls under the bleachers during her junior year.

She’s had a deep aversion to it, because she prefers solitude and she prefers beer and she prefers her heavy bag, but the precinct is making it mandatory for everyone who’s been working on Cadmus-related cases, and she needs her job more than she needs to avoid a therapist, so she goes, and she sits, and she bites the inside of her cheek, and she waits.

She answers questions stiltedly and directly and stiffly, but she answers them, because she needs to be cleared for duty and anyway, since she’s started dating Alex, she’s had an easier time talking, so it’s not that bad, she supposes.

So when the therapist asks her, in their third session together, whether she’s familiar with borderline personality disorder, she freezes, but she waits, because that’s what her best – only – friend growing up was diagnosed with a few years ago.

“Why’re you asking?” she asked, and the therapist tilts her head, and her eyes are warm, her eyes are nonjudgmental, as she asks if the sudden dips into silence, the sudden dips into isolation, the sudden dips into despair, are ever triggered by a sense – real or imagined – of rejection, of abandonment, of emptiness, of worthlessness, of never being quite good enough, of never being quite worthy.

She leaves the office with a lump in her throat and she’s quiet when Alex comes home, she’s quiet when Alex kisses her, and then she notices that Alex is being quiet, too.

“Stupid mandatory therapy thing again today,” Alex grunts, and Maggie nods, and waits, because she knows Alex wouldn’t have said anything about her DEO-mandated sessions if she wasn’t going to talk more about it.

“Shrink says I’m depressed and have PTSD and also that I’m a functional alcoholic.”

Maggie nods and Maggie swallows, because she’s already known these things, but Alex didn’t, and Alex is sighing and staring at the bottle of whiskey on top of the freezer.

“And what do you say?” Maggie asks softly, softly.

“That I’m a soldier and this shit goes with the job.”

Maggie smiles faintly, and she draws Alex into her body and strokes her hair.

“Mine says I’ve got BPD. The whole worthlessness thing, turbulent relationships thing, that I’ve got going on.”

“We don’t have a turbulent relationship,” Alex objects quietly, and Maggie nods and kisses Alex’s hair.

“Maybe not yet, but I keep waiting for it.”

Alex sits up and kisses Maggie’s face, everywhere, everywhere.

“It’s okay, you know,” Alex tells her, and Maggie blinks, not understanding.

“I loved you this morning, before you got diagnosed. And you’re the same as you were before. Except now, you maybe have different language to help you cope, to help you feel better. That’s all. Same person, different language. And in any language, I love you, Maggie.”

Alex kisses the tear that streaks down Maggie’s cheek, and she strokes Alex’s hair, her neck, her ears.

“You know the same for you, right? That I don’t care if we need to avoid bars or clear the freezer of all the alcohol, that I don’t care if I never have a drink again if that’s what gonna make this easiest for you. Because you’re right, Ally: you’re a soldier. But you’re also loved, and you deserve… you deserve to be cared for, not just stitched up and tossed back into battle. And I… I want to care for you, Alex. Because I do. Care for you. Love you.”

It’s Maggie’s turn to kiss the tears from Alex’s face, and Alex’s heart swells, because this? Diagnosis or not, she can get used to this. They both can.

[theyloydespitethenora]

Tuesday - 8th grade

“What happened?” Bob asked, his tone nonjudgmental.

Louise groaned, burying her face into her folded arms on the countertop. “Can't we just go watch the Supreme Extreme Champions marathon instead?”

“Hey, you started it.”

She groaned again.

“But that doesn't mean you have to finish. We don't have to talk about it,” Bob said as he poured himself a coffee. “Now, or ever.”

Louise knew he was giving her an out if she needed one, and she only briefly wondered if he was trying to get out of it for his own discomfort of Serious Talks, but something in recognizing that shared solidarity between them broke down her last barrier to opening up to her dad, the one person in her family who really got her. The only person, really, besides…

“Rudy talked about his stupid bar mitzvah for weeks,” Louise started with a heavy sigh, head still in her arms. “And I listened—mostly—and nodded along as he talked about his plans, but suddenly, out of the blue, he told me that I can't go!” She choked a little on her words, then tried to pass it off as a sudden cough.

Bob waited for her to stop fake-coughing before asking, perplexed, “Rudy doesn't want you to go to his bar mitzvah?”

“No!” Her head snapped up and she glared at him. “That’s not it at all!”

“Then what is it?”

“His mom doesn't want me to go! Apparently I'm a ‘bad influence’ on her precious, perfect, innocent son. Like, yeah, I am! You're welcome, you sheltering, smothering, helicoptering, controlling—ugh!”

Louise buried her face again to keep from saying anything worse about that horrible woman.

“Oh,” Bob said.

“Yeah.”

He took a sip of his coffee, then another, before finally prompting her, “Is there anything I can do to help?”

Louise’s head sprang up and she dropped her shoulders, visibly relieved. “Oh, thank god! I thought you'd never ask! Maybe you could go see if she wants your mustache, or something?”

Read chapter 3 on AO3

I really enjoyed writing the hilariously adorable dynamic of Bob & Louise, and I love that her instinct is to say "you're welcome" after being called a bad influence XD

Damnit, Rudy

Valentine's Day - 4th grade

Louise still couldn't quite believe that she was wrong about Rudy's crush. Who else could he have been talking about with Zeke? Who else would he even want to give love weeds to? It was supposed to be her, wasn't it? Of course it was going to be Louise. They're best friends! Rudy was going to give her love weeds on stupid Valentine's Day—she was so sure of it, all morning.

But the thought of receiving them scared her, and she tried to prevent it as best she could. So when Rudy finally told her the love weeds were for Chloe, not Louise, shouldn't that have been a...relief? But it wasn't. Instead, Louise saw her own feelings etched onto the face of her best friend in the playground after school, when she finally got through to him that Chloe didn't like him—that she'd been using him.

Louise groaned, the memory of the recent playground incident playing back in her mind and making her blood boil.

She wasn't intending to slap Rudy, it just happened! But it didn't do anything to make her stupid feelings go away, just like slapping Boo Boo didn't make her stop having a stupid crush on a stupid boy band singer, even if he was the reason faces were invented. He deserved it, at least. All Rudy did was look all sad for not getting his stupid first kiss on stupid Valentine’s Day, making Louise suddenly care about wiping that stupid frown off his stupid face.

She wasn't exactly intending to kiss Rudy, either. It just…happened. And she didn’t hate it? But it all happened so fast! The kiss and the slap and everything that led up to it that day... Even in that moment, that split-second of stupidity that was nothing more than a kiss to shut him up—that's it!—even as it was happening, Louise didn't anticipate that she’d be slapping him any more than she anticipated having stupid feelings happening in her stomach! But it happened—the stupid feelings. During the kiss. And the slap. To get rid of said stupid feelings. Whatever the hell they were!

The closest sensation Louise could compare it to was the feeling of being on a really fast roller coaster, right after the first big drop—the higher, the better—when your stomach does somersaults and fills up with air. Your whole body seems to fill up with air, making you all lightheaded, and you only want to laugh or scream. Or both.

But chasing down some brat with smelly shampoo and breaking her best friend’s heart and immediately trying to mend it again (not even understanding why kissing him of all things was part of her approach but stumbling into it all the same)? None of that was anything like a good, rickety old ride at the Wonder Wharf—something that lacks the regular maintenance to make it just actually dangerous enough for the sense of thrill to be real.

Why did kissing Rudy make her feel like that? And why did she kiss him in the first place? Why did she feel so…disappointed that he like-liked Chloe enough to want her to be his first kiss? Why not Louise? Why, Rudy? Why Rudy?

Read more on AO3

In honor of the lovely fanart by @devilh0rnsinc that you can find here, I have taken it upon myself to revisit this fic. Chapter one (excerpted above) has been most heavily revised. I'll be sharing snippets of each chapter as I prepare to publish chapter five: Freshman Summer! <3 thanks for reading