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snowe-zolynn-rogers · 4 years

Text

The BNHA Group Chat Fic Nobody Asked For

Pairings: Todoroki Touya (Dabi)/Mr/ Compress (Sako Atsuhiro), Shimura Tenko (Shigaraki Tomura)/Chisaki Kai (Overhaul)/Kurono Hari (Chrono), Yamada Hizashi (Present Mic)/Aizawa Shouta (Eraserhead)/Shirakumo Oboro (Loud Cloud)

Word Count: 3,895 Words

Summary: Kaminari unknowingly creates the ultimate hell of both Class 1-A and Class 1-B a week after they move into the dorms.

Warnings: Cursing, Sleep Deprivation, Insomnia, Half Blind Character, Deaf Characters, Anxiety Mention, Mostly Mute Character (due to a different medical issue), Selectively Mute Character, Homophobia, Sexism, Caps, Food Mention, Period/Menstruation Mention, Mineta Minoru Exists (sadly), let me know if I should add anything else.

Note: AU where the League Of Villains are just hero course students. btw Yukimura is Dabi (he goes by his mother's surname (mostly because it's his last hurrah at making Endeavor absolutely livid at him and partially so he and Shoto don't get confused whe someone calls for 'Todoroki')

Usernames: We Are Number One™ Aizawa: Dadzawa, Aoyama: immafiringmahlaser, Ashido: princessbubblegumknockoff, Asui: Galvan, Iida: Emergency Exit, Uraraka: 9.8, Ojiro: tailfloof, Kaminari: Pichu, Kirishima: baby shark, Koda: youredoingamazingsweetie, Sato: GuyFieriIsGod, Shoji: Cthulhu, Jirou: Jack Skellington, Sero: Spider-Man, Tokoyami: EdgarAllanCrows, Todoroki: WHERE?, Hagakure: cena, Bakugo: WHAT?, Midoriya: SmolMight, Mineta: Mineta, Shinsou: exhausted, Yaoyorozu: TheGreatCreator, Kurono: stopwatch, Chisaki: donthugmeimscared, Yukimura: choticgaydisaster, Bubaigawara: shadowclonejutsu, Shimura: idontfeelsogood, Awase: illrememberyouallintherapy, Kaibara: IDOWHATIWANT, Kamakiri: scyther, Kuroiro: itsmeyaboy, Kendo: Akimichi, Kodai: deadinside, Komori: shroomgurl, Shiozaki: wElCoMeToBiBlEsTuDiEs, Shishida: furry, Shoda: cryptid, Tsunotori: mylittlepony, Tsubaraba: airbender, Tetsutetsu: Iron Man, Tokage: t-rex costume, Fukidashi: glorifiedtextbubble, Honenuki: Eren Jaeger/spookyscaryskeletons, Bondo: Slimer, Monoma: HopeSummers, Yanagi: iLiEdImDyInGiNsIdE, Rin: snek, Toga: mystique, Sako: lostmymarbles, Hikiishi: queenofmagnetism, Iguchi: eye gucci, Shinokanri: stardust

Usernames: Emos Anonymous Kaminari: blackcloakedbrides, Shoji: fryingpan, Jirou: greentwentyfourhours, Tokoyami: myscientificinfatuation, Todoroki: twentyoneplotpoints, Bakugo: immobileinwhite, Midoriya: falldownboy, Shinsou: stabtheveil, Kurono: inhalecarolina, Chisaki: plummetingininverse, Yukimura: anxietyintheclub, Shimura: nappingwithsirens, Kuroiro: thousandfootcane, Kodai: marianaspit, Monoma: entiretimelow, Yanagi: recentyearsday, Sako: halfminutetomars

Usernames: UA Teachers Are Tired™ Eraserhead/Aizawa: grumpy scarf cat, Present Mic/Yamada: screeching cockatiel, Midnight/Nemuri: chaotic goth gay Ingenium/Iida: gotta go fast, AllMight/Toshinori: actual sunshine, Vlad King/Kan: bloody hell, Power Loader/Majima: speechtotext, Ectoplasm: needalegup?, Snipe: kazoo cowboy, Cementoss: concrete block, Blackmist/Kurogiri: goth portals

BNHA Group Chat-Chapter 1

12:34 AM

Kaminari has added Bakugo, Kirishima, Sero, Ashido, and 45 others to 1-A and 1-B

Ashido: ooooh

Ashido has changed the chat name to We Are Number One™

Kaminari: oh my god why didn't I think of that!?

Ashido: because honey you're too precious to meme like that but its okay because you're cute

Kaminari: YAY I'M CUTE

Bakugo: I'll let you off with waking me up once.

Bakugo: ONCE!

Bakugo: As long as you come up here and go to sleep, Kaminari.

Kaminari: In your room?

Bakugo: Door's open, get up here.

Bakugo is offline

Kaminari is offline

3:45 AM

Todoroki has changed their name to WHERE?

WHERE? has changed Midoriya's name to SmolMight

WHERE? has changed Iida's name to Emergency Exit

WHERE? has changed Uraraka's name to 9.8

WHERE? has changed Asui's name to Galvan

WHERE? has changed Yukimura's name to chaoticgaydisaster

WHERE? has changed Tokoyami's name to EdgarAllanCrows

WHERE? has changed Shimura's name to idontfeelsogood

WHERE? has changed Kurono's name to stopwatch

WHERE? has changed Bakugo's name to WHAT?

WHERE? has changed Kaminari's name to Pichu

WHERE? has changed Kirishima's name to baby shark

WHERE? has changed Ashido's name to princessbubblegumknockoff

WHERE? has changed Sero's name to Spider-Man

WHERE? has changed Shouji's name to Cthulhu

WHERE? has changed Yaoyorozu's name to TheGreatCreator

WHERE?: that's that I know and I'm sticking to it class 1-b do your own

WHERE?: ah yes my last sleep deprived act for the night

WHERE? is offline

3:48 AM

chaoticgaydisaster: I very much approve.

chaoticgaydisaster has changed Sako's name to lostmymarbles

chaoticgaydisaster has changed Iguchi's name to eye gucci

chaoticgaydisaster has changed Toga's name to mystique

chaoticgaysisaster has changed Shinōkanri's name to stardust

chaoticgaydisaster has changed Bubaigawara's name to shadowclonejutsu

chaoticgaydisaster has changed Hikiishi's name to queenofmagnetism

chaoticgaydisaster has changed Chisaki's name to donthugmeimscared

chaoticgaydisaster has changed Kuroiro's name to itsmeyaboy

chaoticgaydisaster has changed Monoma's name to HopeSummers

chaoticgaydisaster has changed Shiozaki's name to wElCoMeToBiBlEsTuDiEs

chaoticgaydisaster: goodnight

chaoticgaydisaster is offline

6:30 AM

SmolMight has changed Hagakure's name to cena

SmolMight has changed Aoyama's name to immafiringmahlaser

SmolMight has changed Jirou's name to Jack Skellington

SmolMight has changed Sato's name to GuyFieriIsGod

SmolMight has changed Ojiro's name to tailfloof

SmolMight has changed Koda's name to youredoingamazingsweetie

SmolMight has changed Tetsutetsu's name to Iron Man

SmolMight: thank me later

8:30 AM

HopeSummers: why is nobody changing more 1bs names?

HopeSummers has changed Kendo's name to Akimichi

HopeSummers has changed Kamakiri's name to scyther

HopeSummers has changed Tsunotori's name to mylittlepony

HopeSummers has changed Rin's name to snek

HopeSummers has changed Honenuki's name to Eren Jaeger

HopeSummers has changed Shoda's name to cryptid

HopeSummers has changed Shishida's name to furry

HopeSummers has changed Komori's name to shroomgurl

HopeSummers has changed Awase's name to illrememberyouallintherapy

HopeSummers has changed Kaibara's name to IDOWHATIWANT

HopeSummers has changed Yanagi's name to iLiEdImDyInGiNsIdE

HopeSummers has changed Tsubaraba's name to airbender

HopeSummers has changed Kodai's name to deadinside

HopeSummers has changed Fukidashi's name to glorifiedtextbubble

HopeSummers has changed Bondo's name to Slimer

HopeSummmer: All done. Everyone has a name.

Eren Jaeger: um...what is an Eren Jaeger?

HopeSummers: fuck

HopeSummers has changed Eren Jaeger's name to spookyscaryskeletons

spookyscaryskeletons: Oh I know that one!

HopeSummers: Also I'm making you you watch Attack On Titan. You've gotta Hon.

spookyscaryskeletons: This chat is actually very useful come to think of it.

spookyscaryskeletons: Does anyone have any ideas of what to have for breakfast?

HopeSummers: Honey, you know you can't chew. What are you planning?

spookyscaryskeletons: That's okay! I want to make sure everyone is healthy!

HopeSummers: I know. Uhhhh, pretty sure I've never heard of anyone in our class having any allergies to it so just go with congee.

spookyscaryskeletons: Thank you.

IDOWHATIWANT: Honenuki? More pure than Midoriya?? more likely than you think.

Cthuhlu: I saw a cat on the fourth floor.

Cthulhu: I opened my door and she just walked in like she lives here.

WHAT?: Fuck. Hotaru got out last night when Kaminari came in.

Cthulhu: So I just send her back?

WHAT?: Yeah, she'll be fine. She does that.

SmolMight: Oh my god you brought Hotaru.

WHAT?: So? And Todoroki brought Asahi. And Koda brought Usagi.

itsmeyaboy: I'm so lost.

chaoticgaydisaster: Their pets.

itsmeyaboy: We're allowed to do that!?

chaoticgaydisaster: No, Asahi, Usagi, and Hotaru are service animals.

mylittlepony: why do they have service animals

chaoticgaydisaster: kinda a rhetorical question ya know

chaoticgaydisaster: also not my place outing it

WHERE?: I'm blind in my left eye. Asahi is my service dog

WHAT?: Fucking deaf and clinically depressed

youredoingamazingsweetie: Usagi is my emotional support animal for my anxiety.

itsmeyaboy: Are you kidding? Other people here have disorders?

itsmeyaboy: I thought I was the only one.

chaoticgaydisaster: I'm mostly mute, can't talk too much or my jaw hurts and I have anxiety

itmeyaboy: Hey, I have selective mustism.

chaoticgaydisaster: We need to hang out.

lostmymarbles: Happy you're making friends, dear.

mystique: Purest Couple Ever™

Mineta: gross gay people

Mineta: gay people should die

49 members are idle

9:00 AM

Bakusquad

WHAT?: I really fucking hate him

baby shark: everyone does

9:00 AM

Izukrew

WHERE?: I'm uncomfortable.

SmolMight: I wanna yeet him into the sun

9:00 AM

Emos Anonymous

myscientificinfatuation: I really hate that purple fucker.

stabtheveil: WHAT DID I DO!?

immmobileinwhite: Nah man, the grape fucker in 1-A.

blackcloackedbrides: shit, I didn't add you, Hito

stabtheveil: add me to what?

twentyoneplotpoints: to a big group chat between 1a and 1b

nappingwithsirens: he made it last night while someone us were actually trying to sleep

greentwentyfourhours: i was busy not caring about that chat

stabtheveil: oh. its okay if you don't add me, i'm not exactly part of the hero course

falldownboy: that's not it Hito

anxietyintheclub: I'm adding him to the big chat you monsters

stabtheveil: wait, wtf is even happening in that chat?

plummetingininverse: hell actual literal hell hito

immobileinwhite: No, it's just Mineta being a fucking asshole again and the others are all relatively okay.

anxietyintheclub: I'm still gonna add our good purple boy to the chat. He deserves love too.

9:10 AM

We Are Number One™

chaoticgaydisaster has added Shinsou

chaoticgaydisaster has changed Shinsou's name to exhausted

exhausted: coolio

chaoticgaydisaster: feel free to read the backlog

exhausted: in front of my salad? hell na

idontfeelsogood: Shinsou why? why must you meme this early in the day?

exhausted: <- read my name bc its accurate

donthugmeimscared: Shinsou, are you really eating salad this early dude?

exhausted: its not salad

exhausted: leftover miso

Emergency Exit: Shinsou, you really should eat more than just miso

exhausted: fuck you i do what i want let me be sleep deprived

Emergency Exit: Shinsou...

Mineta: new kid has balls

Mineta: get it? balls?

Mineta: that's a guy right?

50 members are now idle

9:20 AM

Emos Anonymous

falldownboy: why don't we all just visit the 1b dorms? i'll get floor 2

immobileinwhite: Good idea, I'll round up floor four.

nappingwithsirens: me and @plummetingininverse already have Jin in my room

twentyoneplotpoints: me and @anxietyintheclub can get floor 5

blackcloackedbrides: dibs on getting floor three

myscientificinfatuation: Sato says he's bringing a shitton of muffins if we do

anxietyintheclub: I private messaged Atsu, he says 1bs okay with us coming over.

plummetingininverse: everyone, to your floors! onward to 1b's dorms!

10:45 AM

Emos Anonymous

anxietyintheclub has added Kuroiro, Yanagi, Monoma, Kodai to Emos Anonymous

anxietyintheclub has changed Kuroiro's name to thousandfootcane

anxietyintheclub has changed Yanagi's name to recentyearsday

anxietyintheclub has changed Monoma's name to entiretimelow

anxietyintheclub has changed Kodai's name to marianaspit

thousandfootcane: dafaq is this

plummetingininverse: Emos Anonymous where you can be an emo without judgement or allusion to the outside world of our emoness.

plummetingininverse: i'm still so tired guys i think i'm getting sleep deprived

twentyoneplotpoints: we could make a blanket fortress in the 1b commons

anxietyintheclub: on it, asking Atsu

12:34 PM

We Are Number One™

shadowclonejutsu: guys look how cute this is [several pics of Yukimura, Shimura, Shinsou, Jirou, Kodai, Bakugo, Monoma, Midoriya, Todoroki, Yanagi, Tokoyami, Chisaki, Shihai, and Kaminari asleep in a blanket fortress in the 1b commons while Sako sits guard outside also asleep]

mystique: oh my gods so cute

eye gucci: how are they allowed to do this?

Emergency Exit: Well, it's very likely that Sako asked Vlad King if they could and got permission.

snek: is there a reason it's just them?

baby shark: because they have an emo chat and they almost all have insomnia (i think)

snek: ah, cool thanks Kirishima

12:45 PM

private chat between Aizawa and Iida

Aizawa: oi, class president. What does everyone need from the store? Gather a list and anyone who wants to go by 1:30

Iida: Yessir

Iida: You know, we have a group chat. I could just add you to it to ask everyone.

Aizawa: Ugh fine.

12:48 PM

We Are Number One™

Emergendy Exit has added Aizawa to We Are Number One™

Emergency Exit: Mr. Aizawa would like to know what class 1a wants from the store.

Aizawa: and who wants to go

Aizawa: we'll be leaving at 1:30

baby shark: Bakubro probably needs more wet cat food and umaibo

9.8: Todo needs more dog food, this morning he said he's almost out.

cena: I'm sorry, I can't help myself

cena has changed Aizawa's name to Dadzawa

Dadzawa: thanks i hate it

princessbubblegumknockoff: OH MY GOD HE MEMED

Dadzawa: anyway what does everyone want form the store?

Cthulhu: Kami's awake now he says he wants chips

Dadzawa: why is he just getting up so late?

baby shark: he's not. scroll up a bit.

Dadzawa: ah, also wake them up, they shouldn't be sleeping this late in the day.

Galvan: Are you really one to talk?

tailfloof: ...would you like some of Todoroki's ice for that burn?

Dadzawa: if it wakes him up, yes

Cthulhu: I'd wake them up if I knew which ones slept last night.

immafiringmahlaser: Midoriya slept for four hours. Tokoyami slept for six.

9.8: Jirou did NOT sleep if the music from her room at three am is anything to go by

baby shark: Bakugou didn't either he was on tiktok he can't lie I heard him laughing at 4am when I had to go to the bathroom

GuyFieriIsGod: Yukimura and Todoroki did sleep but not very soundly.

youredoinggreatsweetie: ...Kaminari only got a couple hours rest after he went to join Bakugo.

shadowclonejutsu: Shimura and Chisaki DID NOT SLEEP under any circumstances

Cthulhu: So I wake up none of them?

Dadzawa: no, wake up my son and send him back to the Gen Studies dorms

Dadzawa: also wake the twins

Cthulhu: ...Your son?

Dadzawa: Shinsou. wake up Shinsou.

Cthulhu: Oh.

exhausted: whats up dad?

Dadzawa: I'm doing our food shopping too. what do you want kid?

exhausted: coffee, energy drinks, my medications are finally ready at the pharmacy, more miso paste, fish sauce, kimchi, noodles, vegetables (you know the ones i usually get), and gochujang

exhausted: hah see iida i do eat things besides miso

Emergency Exit: Not by much, those are things you ADD to your miso or have WITH it.

exhausted: fuck you let me have my samefoods

Emergency Exit: I suppose it's reasonable then.

Emergency Exit: Also you forgot your red chili flakes and ungodly amounts of every type of tofu.

exhausted: THANK YOU IIDA I WOULDN'T SURVIVE WITHOUT YOU ^^^^^ Dad add those to our list too

Emergency Exit: You're very welcome and very right.

Dadzawa: excuse me I take very good care of my son

exhausted: well it really doesn't help that all four of us have different samefoods right now, dad.

Dadzawa: okay you got me there

princessbubblegumknockoff: HE MEMED AGAIN

Akimichi: what are y'all talking about with samefoods? What are those?

t-rex costume: WHAT ARE THOSE

mystique: no, hush sweetie

Dadzawa: wait is that Tokage from 1b?

t-rex costume: yup

Dadzawa: why is you name t-rex costume?

HopeSummers: Because, the first day living in the dorms she walked around in a t-rex costume and scared the shit out of everyone in the 1b dorms, Vlad King, and some of the upperclassmen too.

Dadzawa: oh

Akimichi: guys what are samefoods?

Dadzawa: oh yeah. if you're autistic (or adhd) sometimes you'll eat the same food over and over and never get sick of it and it can last for YEARS

exhausted: you've had that juice pouch samefood since high school

Dadzawa: yeah, having you fucked up my eating schedule, kid

cena: context pls

Dadzawa: I'm ftm and got pregnant with Hitoshi very young and this little shit made me crave juice pouches for all nine months and it's been fifteen years and it's still a samefood.

idontfeelsogood: oof, that sucks. I've had takoyaki and yakitori as mine for three years and i'm finally getting sick of them.

Pichu: Mr. Aizawa can you pick up tea, pocky, instant noodles, and daikon?

Ddzawa: you're coming with me like Hitoshi, Kaminari, you need to pick up your medication too.

Pichu: I'll get ready.

tailfloof: dude, it's still only 1, you've got 30 minutes

Pichu: I need to look cUTE OJIRO

Dadzawa: you will look cute anyway, you're a puffball. but go ahead and primp if you want to Kaminari.

SmolMight: does this mean I have to go for my medications too?

Dadzawa: no, your mom said she's bringing yours tomorrow

donthugmemscared: do i go for my anxiety meds?

Dadzawa: yes and get a list from floor 6

Dadzawa: also Yukimura and Todoroki are going too so you two compile a list from the 5th floor

Dadzawa: pick a person from each floor to send with a list other than those who have been already been Chosen™.

lostmymarbles: sweetie, pick me up juice and Honenuki some more yogurt. I'm out and he's getting low.

chaoticgaydisaster: got it babe

princessbubblegumknockoff: they're so cute

EdgarAllanCrows: Apparently I've been elected for floor two's groceries, I have lists from each this floor's inhabitants.

EdgarAllanCrows: Aoyama, what if they don't have edible glitter?

immafiringmahlaser: sprinkles shall suffice. they are for ice cream after all

WHAT?: even his ice cream needs to be sparkly

SmolMight: coming from the man who went to pride with glitter in his hands so he could make glitter bombs with his explosions and make the little kids in attendance happy

WHAT?: fuck you

SmolMight: no thanks

Cthulhu: Wow.

WHERE?: would you like some of my ice for the burn, Bakugo?

Iron Man: i can hear his explosions in the 1a dorms from the 1b dorms

HopeSummers: We all can. I'm on the top floor and I can hear them.

Dadawa: don't destroy school property. inside the dorms at least. now, who else is going?

baby shark: I'm going for floor 4

donthugmeimscared: Me, Hito, Toko, Todo, Yuki, Kami, and Kiri are going sir.

Dadzawa: good. also, Shimura you're going too. Chisaki's been off his medication for two days and your outgoingness will keep him from getting frightened and forgetting something.

Dadzawa: Iida's in charge when we leave btw.

TheGreatCreator: Wait, I need pads but I can't get out of bed again because it hurts to move.

Dadzawa: omw with midol, hot rice packs, and chocolate.

TheGreatCreator: Thank you, Aizawa Sensei.

Dadzawa: the things I do for my students.

TheGreatCreator: thank you again, Sensei

Dadzawa: no problem at all.

1:20 PM

We Are Number One™

Dadzawa: so does anyone have any last minute requests?

exhausted: ...spam?

Dadzawa: already on our list, Hito

exhausted: oh yeah, Eri eats it too.

Pichu: btw me and Kiri are picking up everyone ice cream, compile a list real quick.

Dadzawa: limit of one per person with exception of people with samefoods or cravings

TheGreatCreator: Chocolate sounds nice

WHAT?: yo @baby shark get me french vanilla and pop rocks i want it

Cthulhu: squid ink so it's black like Tokoyami's soul

EdgarAllanCrows: This is why I love you, you know?

Cthulhu: I know, babe.

SmolMight: anything banana preferably chunky monkey if the store has it

immafiringmylaser: nutella, sil vous plait.

shadowclonejutsu: cookies and cream

Spider-Man: Sato say he wants cookie dough. I want blueberry. Tsu says raspberry.

princessbubblegumknockoff: bubblegum for me and Uraraka says she wants mint choco chip

Emergency Exit: Kouda, bless his pure soul, has asked for peanut butter. Ojiro asked for vanilla and Jirou and Hagakure want caramel and coffee. I'd like rocky road.

WHERE?: do you want ours as well, Kami, since we all have our own lists to obtain and you and Kiri are the ones who want to get everyone ice cream?

Pichu: yes.

WHERE?: butter pecan

chaoticgaydisaster: blue moon

exhausted: cotton candy

EdgarAllanCrows: Charcoal so it's black like my soul

shadowclonejutsu: wow you're emo and need to chill

EdgarAllanCrows: I'm as chill as I'm ever going to be.

shadowclonejutsu: that's frightening

Pichu: I'm getting almond honey ice cream

baby shark: i'm getting green tea

donthugmeimscared: anything dairy free is fine as long as it's no trouble please

idontfeelsogood: get him dairy free cinnamon bun from ben&jerry he loves it. also get him several he finishes them quickly. I want cherry and dark chocolate so I can mix them.

donthugmeimscared: thank you, Tenko. I didn't think you knew that...

idontfeelsogood: meek bastard, you're my friend of course I'd know your favorite ice creams

stopwatch: Chocolate malt please. Also dear we love you, please do speak up on your preferences.

donthugmeimscared: thank you, Tenko and Hari 0///0

WHERE?: he's actually blushing and it's adorable

chaoticgaydisaster: [short video of Chisaki struggling to hide his blushing face behind his phone while he whines at Tenko and Hari to stop embarassing him]

chaoticgaydisaster: you're welcome, Tenko and Hari. enjoy that vid of your boy toy you gay disasters.

idontfeelsogood: coming from our resident chotic gay disaster

chaoticgaydisaster: hey, I own up to it. pisses off my dad more too so might as well

Spider-Man: dude, are you okay?

chaoticgaydisaster: yes, i'm fine

Spider-Man: you were just typing a three word sentence for two minutes are you sure?

WHERE?: oops would you look at the time we've gotta go to the store.

chaoticgaydisaster and WHERE? are now offline

Cthulhu: So Midoriya, any explanations? You are the one who's closest to the twins.

SmolMight: would you look at the time. I need to go for a run around the school. be back later!

SmolMight is now offline

1:40 PM

We Are Number One™

Pichu: hey, 1b what ice creams do you like?

lostmymarbles: Rose.

itsmeyaboy: lavender and Juzo likes strawberry

Akimichi: mississippi mud for me, Yui likes peach, Ibara likes butter brickle, Tetsu likes grape, and Reiko likes maple nut.

stardust: sakura for me, coconut for Ichi, praline pecan for Tami, and cherry for Himi.

illrememberyouallintherapy: fudge. cinnamon for Sen and salted caramel for Kosei.

HopeSummers: ube. Tokage likes anything apple, Shishida has said he likes pumpkin, and Shoda likes orange.

glorifiedtextbubble: Espresso.

Slimer: pistachio

scyther: Lemon

shroomgurl: watermelon

mylittlepony: black walnut

snek: peppermint

Pichu: thanks!

2:30 PM

We Are Number One™

Pichu: ICE CREAM

Dadzawa: groceries, 1a children.

WHAT?: Gimme a few minutes, Hotaru fell asleep on me and I'll be damned if I break the rule of cat

exhausted: cat? owo

Dadzawa: child, no. leave his cat alone.

WHAT?: Actually now it's cats.

Dadzawa: why

WHAT?: Well, me, soy sauce, and racoon eyes were out for a walk around the campus and we found a kitten so we took her back with us.

princessbubblegumknockoff: [pic of Bakugo aying on the couch longways with a lavender persian cat asleep on top of him. Hotaru, Bakugo's calico maine coon cat, lays curled under his bent knees, eyes staring the camera like it offended her ancestors]

exhausted: what is the name of the fluff child?

Spider-Man: doesn't have one

WHAT?: honestly, I'm not sure I can keep a second cat.

exhausted: dad, cat. Cat. CAT!

Dadzawa: I did say you could get a cat once you got into high school. deal.

exhausted: is my baby a boy or girl?

princessbubblegumknockoff: a girl.

exhausted: Ayane. her name shall be Ayane. it means colorful sound. perfect for a granddaughter of the voice hero: available screech.

Dadzawa: pfft Available fucking Screech. i'm writing that on the board before his class on Monday. That's your best one yet.

exhausted: I've never been happier to be your purple double.

Dadzawa: those snarky comments remind me that you literally copy-pasted my personality save for a couple of those habits Zashi and Oboro taught you.

exhausted: meh one got me to walk and the other one taugght me how to scream “fuck you” at creepy strangers at two years old so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Dadzawa: true true.

exhausted: um...nobody's been responding but us, dad.

Emergency Exit: You two's family moments are adorable nobody wanted to interrupt.

Akimichi: agreed.

exhausted: understandable.

Dadzawa: carrying on, all y'all come down here and get y'all's groceries before y'all're eating mush cream.

exhuasted: coming dad, currently petting your new grandchild.

Dadzawa: ...

Dadzawa: bring the child as well, I wish to see my grandchild.

chaoticgaydisaster: @lostmymarbles babe, come get yall’s juice

lostmymarbles: Which type did you get?

chaoticgaydisaster: a lot of flavors. ( ° ^ ° )

lostmymarbles: Aw, Love, did you panic?

WHERE?: He did. He had full panic attack in the juice section.

Dadzawa: why was I not alerted to this?

WHERE?: I got this, that's why.

lostmymarbles: Sweetheart, are you alright?

idontfeelsogood: he's fine. btw he got you apple, orange, grape, raspberry, lemonade, cranberry, and peach. We stopped him before he could load the whole cart with juice.

lostmymarbles: Aw, babe you remembered that I liked the peach juice.

chaoticgaydisaster: it's only fair. you made that big date night dinner last night.

idontfeelsogood: thank me, Sako, you whipped gay hoe [pic of Yukimura blushing darkly from under a weighted blanket on the couch while Chisaki cuddles up against him.]

itsmeyaboy: i'm lost. what did Sako make for Yukimura? dude can't chew food.

stopwatch: Atsuhiro made Touya his famous ultimate mac n cheese with chocolate pudding and half baked brownies for desert. They watched their favorite three arcs of Fairy Tail, which are the Battle Of Fairy Tail, Tenroue Island and the Grand magic Games Arcs, btw. And then proceeded to read the Percy Jackson books until midnight.

stopwatch: I'm also 90% sure Yukimura proposed because of all of this.

lostmymarbles: I'm the one who proposed actually.

cena: *ambient excited screaming*

WHAT?: Okay, Sako. *cracks knuckles* We’re just gonna talk.

WHERE?: no, leave it. I told him he could.

WHAT?: what?

WHERE?: he asked me if he could so I said yeah and so yeah, he did it. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

iLiEdImDyInGiNsIdE: I hear screaming above me.

mystique: that's just Eri. she's excited. Touya and Atsu been dating for two years eleven months and twenty four days and they've acted like the most Pure Couple Ever for the whole duration.

queenofmagnetism: You kept track.

mystique: of course. Their anniversary is the fourth of August.

eye gucci: this is beautiful.

stardust: IMSOPROUDOFYOUTWO

mystique: fuck she's gonna destroy her room

mystique is now idle

Dadzawa: as your teacher I'm obligated to say you're both far too young to be engaged, but given I literally had a kid two years younger than y'all, I'm just gonna say damn you remind me of me, Oboro, and Yamada when we first started dating please keep up the good work.

lostmymarbles: Is it the personality reflections or the complimentary autism-adhd box set you and your husbands have too.

Dadzawa: both.

Taglist: @logan-sanders-enthusiast @luckyicekitsune @whippedbel @lgbtforeverything @pinecone-chomper @mikmacmoo @wasinotwantedatthisexactsecond @purplespiderstormcloud @stankyratman @king-of-the-oranges @headcannons-and-random-things @fear-ze-queer @turtleluv799 @ymmm-someone

#boku no hero academia #my hero academia #bnha #mha #snoweywrites #the bnha group chat fic nobody asked for #league of misfit heroes au #tw cursing #tw sleep deprivation #tw insomnia #tw anxiety mention #tw homophobia mention #tw sexism mention #tw caps #tw food mention #tw menstruation mention #tw period mention #tw mineta

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snowe-zolynn-rogers · 4 years

Text

The BNHA Group Chat Fic Nobody Asked For

Word Count: 2,420 Words

Summary: Uraraka makes a fatal mistake, triple date night with the Emo Squad, Thery-oki strikes again, and Hitoshi in the morning is a zombie.

Warnings: Caps, Cursing, Half Blind Character, Deaf Characters, Anxiety Mention, Mostly Mute Character (due to a different medical issue), Selectively Mute Character, Mineta Minoru Exists (sadly), Autistic Meltdown Mention, Food Mention, Sleep Deprivation, Insomnia, let me know if I should add anything else.

The Rise Of The Emos-Chapter 2

9:32 AM

We Are Number One™

cena: so, Kirishima mentioned that there's an emo chat? is this true?

9.8: only one way to tell

9.8: when i was

9.8 a young boy

WHAT?: MY FATHER TOOK ME INTO THE CITY

exhausted: TO SEE A MARCHING BAND

WHERE?: HE SAID SON WHEN YOU GROW UP

SmolMight: WOULD YOU BE THE SAVIOUR OF THE BROKEN

EdgarAllanCrows: THE BEATEN AND THE DAMNED

HopeSummers: HE SAID WILL YOU DEFEAT THEM

deadinside: YOUR DEMONS AND ALL THE NON-BELIEVERS

idontfeelsogood: THE PLANS THAT THEY HAVE MADE

donthugmeimscared: BECAUSE ONE DAY I'LL LEAVE YOU

Jack Skellington: A PHANTOM TO LEAD YOU IN THE SUMMER

chaoticgaydisaster: TO JOIN THE BLACK PARADE

Pichu: WHEN I WAS A YOUNG BOY

itsmeyaboy: MY FATHER TOOK ME INTO THE CITY

spookyscaryskeletons: TO SEE A MARCHING BAND

lostmymarbles: HE SAID SON WHEN YOU GROW UP

stardust: WOULD YOU BE THE SAVIOUR OF THE BROKEN

stopwatch: THE BEATEN AND THE DAMNED

immafiringmahlaser: SOMETIMES I GET THE FEELING SHE'S WATCHING OVER ME

Cthulhu: AND OTHER TIMES I FEEL LIKE I SHOULD GO

spookyscaryskeletons: AND THROUGH IT ALL THE RISE AND FALL THE BODIES IN THE STREETS

WHAT?: AND WHEN YOU'RE GONE WE WANT YOU ALL TO KNOW

illrememberyouallintherapy: WE'LL CARRY ON, WE'LL CARRY ON

WHERE?: AND THOUGH YOU'RE DEAD AND GONE BELIEVE ME

WHAT?: YOUR MEMORY WILL CARRY ON

SmolMight: WE'LL CARRY ON AND IN MY HEART I CAN'T CONTAIN IT

HopeSummers: THE ANTHEM WON'T EXPLAIN IT

deadinside: A WORLD THAT SENDS YOU REELING FROM DECIMATED DREAMS YOUR MISERY AND HATE WILL KILL US ALL

itsmeyaboy: SO PAINT IT BLACK AND TAKE IT BACK LET'S SHOUT IT LOUD AND CLEAR

chaoticgaydisaster: DEFIANT TO THE END WE HEAR THE CALL TO CARRY ON

exhausted: WE'LL CARRY OOOON

illrememberyouallintherapy: AND THOUGH YOU'RE DEAD AND GONE BELIEVE ME

SmolMight: YOUR MEMORY WILL CARRY ON WE'LL CARRY ON

EdgarAllenCrows: AND THOUGH YOU'RE BROKEN AND DEFEATED YOUR WEARY WIDOW MARCHES

idontfeelsogood: ON AND ON, WE CARRY THROUGH THE FEARS DISSAPOINTED FACES OF YOUR PEERS

Pichu: TAKE A LOOK AT ME ‘CAUSE I COULD NOT CARE AT ALL

iLiEdImDyInGiNsIdE: DO OR DIE YOU’LL NEVER MAKE ME

deadinside: BECAUSE THE WORLD WILL NEVER TAKE MY HEART

stardust: YOU CAN TRY YOU’LL NEVER BREAK ME

stopwatch: WE WANT IT ALL WE WANT TO PLAY THIS PART

illrememberyouallintherapy: WON’T EXPLAIN OR SAY I’M SORRY

WHERE?: I’M UNASHAMED I’M GONNA SHOW MY SCARS

chaoticgaydisaster: GIVE A CHEER FOR ALL THE BROKEN

Cthulhu: LISTEN HERE BECAUSE IT’S WHO WE ARE

lostmymarbles: I’M JUST A MAN I’M NOT A HERO

immafiringmahlaser: JUST A BOY WHO HAD TO SING THIS SONG

spookyscaryskeletons: I’M JUST A MAN I’M NOT A HERO

itsmeyaboy: I DON’T CARE

SmolMight: WE’LL CARRY ON WE’LL CARRY ON

WHAT?: AND THOUGH YOUR DEAD AND GONE, BELIEVE ME

itsmeyaboy: YOUR MEMORY WILL CARRY ON WE’LL CARRY ON

Jack Skellington: AND THOUGH YOU’RE BROKEN AND DEFEATED YOUR WEARY WIDOW MARCHES ON

EdgarAllenCrows: DO OR DIE YOU’LL NEVER MAKE ME

idontfeelsogood: BECAUSE THE WORLD WILL NEVER TAKE MY HEART

donthugmeimscared: YOU CAN TRY YOU’LL NEVER BREAK ME

HopeSummers: WE WANNA KNOW WE WANT TO PLAY THIS PART

lostmymarble: DO OR DIE YOU’LL NEVER MAKE ME

Pichu: CARRY ON

iLiEdImDyInGiNsIdE: BECAUSE THE WORLD WILL NEVER TAKE MY HEART

SmolMight: YOU CAN TRY YOU’LL NEVER BREAK ME

Dazawa: WE WANT IT ALL WE WANT TO PLAY THIS PART

exhausted: CARRY ON

tailfloof: wow

baby shark: told you so

TheGreatCreator: even Aizawa-Sensei joined

Spider-Man: ...

Galvan: are we gonna ignore Aoyama joined too

Akimichi: And Honenuki.

immafiringmahlaser: Uncovered like this...

spookyscaryskeletons: I just really like their songs.

immafiringmahlaser: I guess my closet emo has been discovered. Whoops.

Emergency Exit: Are you guys okay? I hear crying from Kaminari.

WHAT?: ...

WHERE?: i'm adding them to the emo chat

9:54 AM

Emos Anonymous

twentyoneplotpoints has added Honenuki, Shinōkanri, Sako, Awase, Hari, Aoyama, Shoji, Aizawa to Emos Anonymous

twentyoneplotpoints has changed Aizawa's name to hollywoodlivingdead

twentyoneplotpoints has changed Shouji's name to fryingpan

twentyoneplotpoints has changed Hari's name to inhalecarolina

twentyoneplotpoints has changed Aoyama's name to phantomtown

twentyoneplotpoints has changed Honenuki's name visualizedragon

twentyoneplotpoints has changed Sako's name to halfminutetomars

twentyoneplotpoints has changed Awase's name to distressparade

twentyoneplotpoints has changed Shinōkanri's name to simplestrategy

twentyoneplotpoints: i believe, we already know they'll serve here just fine

twentyoneplotpoints: not onto business, why is Kaminari crying.

blackcloakedbrides: I miss that band.

falldownboy: cuddle pile in Kami's room after school.

hollywoodlivingdead: i'm turning on their songs for the remainder of class. 1b is welcome to join during free time.

immobileinwhite: Woe is our poor pure Pichu. Come hither, Denki.

entiretimelow: Denki

falldownboy: for the 1b kids not here to witness.

falldownboy: [video of Kaminari sitting on Bakugou's lap with Hotaru sitting guard on his desk, slightly obstructing view. "Deku, I will break that phone."-Bakugou "No violence during cuddle time."-Kaminari "Fine."-Bakugou; the camera begins shaking because Midoriya's laughing and the video cuts off while Midoriya starts laughing]

halfminutetomars: Ah yes, the burden of darkness that looms over my emo heart lessens slightly with the purity of witnessing two emos supporting one another.

myscientificinfatuation: ...Someone said it before me. I don't know how to deal with this.

anxietyintheclub: y'all two need to hang out. you'd get along way too well.

10:45 AM

UA Teachers Are Tired™

screeching cockatiel: @grumpy scarf cat who wrote 'Avaliable Screech' on the board?

grumpy scarf cat: that would be me, darling. love you.

screeching cockatiel: I love you too but you didn't come up with that, did you?

grumpy scarf cat: it was Hito.

screeching cockatiel: I can't even be mad, I laughed when I saw it.

screeching cockatiel: Sometimes I swear he's just a smaller purpler version of you.

grumpy scarf cat: thank you.

12:30 PM

We Are Number One™

spookyscaryskeletons: Aizawa-Sensei, do you know where my dad is? He said to meet him at the teacher's break room but he isn’t opening the door when I knock.

Dadzawa: he's fine, fell asleep on the couch in here.

spookyscaryskeletons: Well, I brought him lunch.

Dadzawa: kay, opening the door.

WHAT?: Wait, so two of our hero course students are the kids of two of our teachers?

WHERE?: Honestly, I expected Aizawa and Shinsou but not Ectoplasm and Honenuki.

SmolMight: How didn't you expect that?

WHERE?: I just never really thought about it. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

WHAT?: How many other students have family members that are teachers here at UA?

itsmeyaboy: ...Shirokumo Kurogiri is my dad but my mom never told him about me because he has a wife and kids now so I’m keeping it that way.

lostmymarbles: Not a teacher anymore but my mother was Miss Marble and my father was a villain named Paralysis.

SmolMight: Miss Marble? As in the one who could control marbles as her weaponry? And Paralysis with the immobile touch quirk?

lostmymarbles: The ones and only.

cena: Didn’t her boyfriend kill her because she cheated on him?

lostmymarbles: He killed her because she had me.

Mineta: ha ur moms a hoe lol i knew a reject like you had to have a funny family story

chaoticgaydisaster: @Mineta you wanna fucking GO? Come and fucking fight me you fucking flavor-fucker piss-baby ripoff grape soda wannabe!?

WHERE?: I'm not stopping Touya, I suggest someone else take action. I'll be with my brother-in-law who is hAVING A MELTDOWN

Dadzawa: @chaoticgaydisaster don't fight him, I'll deal with this. Mineta, you've earned yourself a month of detention and garbage duty and you'll be apologizing to Sako.

Mineta: FINE

3:24 PM

We Are Number One™

mystique: Guys, look.

mystique: [pic of Honenuki asleep on his desk]

Dadzawa: that's cute but he shouldn't be asleep in class

mystique: says the teacher texting back during class

Dadzawa: touche

4:20 PM

UA Teachers Are Tired™

grumpy scarf cat: so, @needalegup? Honenuki's your son, huh?

needalegup: And?? Shinsou is yours

screeching cockatiel: Me too? dafaq?

4:56 PM

We Are Number One™

chaoticgaydisaster: @everyone all y'all fuckers stay outta my room, I'm cooking for my man. Don't you DARE interrupt our date night or you die.

lostmymarbles: Sweetheart, you don't need to do that.

chaoticgaydisaster: bullshit. meltdowns = extra love dammit and you will recIEVE IT ATSU

lostmymarbles: I really do love you, Tou.

chaoticgaydisaster: I love you too, now keep playing with Sora, she wants to cuddle.

TheGreatCreator: sorry for asking but I'm way too curious. Sora?

lostmymarbles: My weighted bat stuffie.

EdgarAllanCrows: Aw, bats are adorable.

EdgarAllanCrows: Also, keep up the great work, Atsuhiro.

immafiringmahlaser: You're doing great sweetie.

lostmymarbles: Thanks. That actually means a lot right now.

chaoticgaydisaster: Kay, dinner's almost ready. @EdgarAllanCrows @idontfeelsogood triple date night may now commence.

EdgarAllanCrows: it seems, Kai isn't feeling well and Tenko and Hari refuse to leave his side.

lostmymarbles: Oh dear, is he having a flare up again?

Emergency Exit: I'm afraid so, sadly.

9.8: What's a flare up?

idontfeelsogood: An anaphylactic flare up. He went into shock this time. Recovery Girl wants him to stay overnight because he's still not breathing right.

HopeSummers: How about we bring date night to them?

chaoticgaydisaster: ...it could work.

EdgarAllanCrows: Let's do it.

immafiringmahlaser: What a wonderful suggestion, dear.

HopeSummers: I just don't want them to feel excluded or anything.

5:07 PM

UA Teachers Are Tired™

bloody hell: btw @grumpy scarf cat I saw one of my students wearing an engagement ring today. wtf's happening?

grumpy scarf cat: ah, you mean Sako. yeah, he and Yukimura got engaged the other night.

bloody hell: really? how do you know?

grumpy scarf cat: because I’m in the kids’ group chat with both hero classes.

chaotic goth gay: How am I being surpassed in life by a teenager?

chaotic goth gay: AMERICA EGGSPLAIN!!!

grumpy scarf cat: quit your lying, you're dating Emi.

chaotic goth gay: And you're married to a human toucan and a human cloud! I wanna be married too!

grumpy scarf cat: y'all are engaged. just wait four months, y'all have your wedding.

chaotic goth gay: Unfair.

bloody hell: Hate to interrupt the gay, but some of our hero course students just took a pot, and several bowls with them out of the dorms and are headed toward the school. Should I be worried/concerned or should I just let it happen?

grumpy scarf cat: they asked to stay overnight in the Infirmary with Shimura, Kurono, and Chisaki.

kazoo cowboy: I'm still sorry about that, guys. I didn't know he was allergic to dairy.

goth portals: It's alright. Not many people know outside his friend group and me.

kazoo cowboy: I'm still sorry. I feel horrible and Shimura was pissed.

needalegup?: It's fine. He'll be fine.

kazoo cowboy: Okay. I’m just glad Recovery Girl knew what to do.

8:35 PM

We Are Number One™

WHERE?: So anyway, we already know Midoriya is AllMight's secret lovechild, Honenuki is Ectoplasm’s son, and Shinsou really is Aizawa's son.

WHERE?: But is Tokoyami Hawks' secret brother?

EdgarAllanCrows: God, I hope not

WHAT?: What is that supposed to mean?

EdgarAllanCrows: It means my parents adopted me and I have yet to get in contact with my birth parents and now I'm hoping to any god that will listen that Hawks is not my sibling, I can’t deal with that much sunshine in my life.

EdgarAllanCrows: I can hear Midoriya cackling from his room and it's very offputting.

idontfeelsogood: The whole building can hear it.

WHERE?: Also, what if Kirishima and Tetsutetsu are brothers?

baby shark: we are, dad got him and mom got me and both remarried.

WHERE?: Is Shiozaki Kamui Woods' daughter?

WHERE?: Is Jiro Present Mic's lovechild?

baby shark: go to sleep. this isn't good for you.

WHERE?: Crimson Riot is Kirishima's dad

baby shark: no he's not. sleep or I'll come up there and make you sleep.

WHERE?: fine

4:30 AM

We Are Number One™

exhausted: I’m so tiiiiiiired

WHAT?: Go to sleep then, you heathen.

7:30 AM

We Are Number One™

exhausted: angiejgbnlfdkvnlakfngao

Pichu: That’s an exhausted keyboard smash if I’ve ever seen one.

baby shark: That's cute.

WHAT?: I'll go help him wake up.

baby shark: Tell him I said hey!

Pichu: make sure you bribe him with cats or he won't get up.

WHAT?: I’m making curry bread, takoyaki, and matcha tea for breakfast when I get back if anyone wants any.

Jack Skellington: I'm suddenly awake.

princessbubblegumknockoff: Food!

SmolMight: @everyone get up and get food.

7:45 AM

We Are Number One™

WHAT?: He's up. I'm bringing him for food in our dorms.

Pichu: How many cats did you promise him? That was way too quick.

WHAT?: Dude, none. I said coffee.

baby shark: Ah, the forbidden word.

WHAT?: Yeah, still trying to get him to leave his coffee pot.

WHERE?: Good luck.

SmolMight: Do you need reinforcements?

WHAT?: No, it's good. I've got him. He's coming.

Pichu: How!!!???

WHAT?: Easy.

WHAT?: I told him to bring his coffee pot.

WHAT?: [pic of Shinsou clutching his full pot of coffee protectively while he looks dead on at the camera with a dead ass tired expression]

tailfloof: Wait, he drinks a whole pot of coffee in the morning?

SmolMight: Yup. He's a zombie without it.

tailfloof: That's...

cena: I believe the word you're looking for is scary.

tailfloof: Horrifying.

cena: That too.

8:00 AM

We Are Number One™

Jack Skellington: Did I just see Hagakure in a bodysuit? And hair dye?

cena: maybe

Galvan: Why is there dye in your hair? Isn't that defeating the purpose of being invisible?

cena: It's temporary. I can wash it out.

princessbubblegumknockoff: Oh cool.

TheGreatCreator: So now we can see you! What a great idea, Toru!

cena: aw, thanks.

5:00 PM

We Are Number One™

Cthulhu: Why are there children in the dorms?

Emergency Exit: Because we go to UA and they have set forth a dorm policy.

Cthulhu: No, like...tiny children.

Cthulhu: [video of two kids running up and down the fourth floor boys hallway, one with dark pink and light pink hair]

WHERE?: My sister, Fuyumi, is out of town at the moment with her girlfriend and brought her children over to me to watch because my brother is on an abroad trip to Korea with his boyfriend.

WHERE?: Their names are Hotaru and Yuki, they’re turning 10 in a few days. They’ll be gone by tomorrow morning, don’t worry.

Cthulhu: Ah, thank you, local cryptid.

WHERE?: No problem, pleb.

Cthulhu: I’ve never felt so honored to be insulted. This is weird.

WHERE?: Good, learn to fear the unknowns, Shoji, you need to with that one boyfriend of yours.

Cthulhu: I fear for the safety of my future children now, thanks.

WHERE?: No problem.

#boku no hero academia #my hero academia #bnha #mha #snoweywrites #the bnha group chat fic nobody asked for #league of misfit heroes au #tw caps #tw cursing #tw mineta #tw autistic meltdown mention #tw meltdown mention #tw food #tw sleep deprivation #tw insomnia mention

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