#ik rain comes back in the next one but im really putting that one off.

[theonlyadawong]

me: it's completely unrealistic for people to develop intense romantic feelings with each other during these outbreaks, and that's why most re ships fall flat for me. these people don't even know each other.

also me: there was something yuri-licious going on between rain and alice in the less than 3 hours they knew each other

[jae-writes-fanfiction]

omgggg im stoked ur on the slasher train now!!! for ur spooky event could you do drabbles for them comforting a really kinda sad s/o??? ik this wasnt on the prompts list but 2020 has been v rough and i just wanna be held 😔

Pick Me Off The Ground

Notes: I ended up writing this for Pelle, The Candyman, Hannibal, Tiffany Valentine, Jennifer Check, and Susie Bannion. It’s been a long ass time since I got a drabbles request, I hope the formatting is okay.

Warnings: Refernces to being sad, I struggle with depression/anxiety so some of the terminology and descriptions I use can be trigger or relate to depression, also they’re all murderers. Enjoy Responisbly ❤️

- - -

Pelle

Your shoulders slumped and you hid your face on the cot trying to muffle the chocked sobs racking through your body. This entire trip was a disaster. You’d woken up that morning with a positive outlook, sure the Hårga wasn’t what you expected. But their beliefs and rituals, although grim, were fascinating as far as anthropology and psychology go. Pelle had shown you around all day, even letting you see pages from their sacred text. But when you got back to the center of town you were confronted by the other angry tourists complaining your friends had taken the only transport and left.

You were embarrassed by their rude behavior, and absolutely heartbroken that they hadn’t cared to wait for you. Members of the Hårga had calmed the other tourists and promised to take them to the airport as soon as possible. You felt utterly alone, and displaced. You froze when you felt a hand on your shoulder, your mind scrambling for an apology to send whoever was there away.

“I’m sorry about our friends,” Pelle said quietly, his voice soothing and remorseful.

You sniffled and sat up, wiping your eyes. “I’ve felt for a while I wasn’t fitting it but I didn’t know...” you bit your lip but couldn’t keep your eyes from welling with tears again.

Pelle sat closer to you, and pulled you into his arms. He didn’t say anything, just let you cry and for the first time in a very long time, it felt like someone truly cared about you. You felt warm, and safe.

- - -

The Candyman (Daniel Robitaille)

Every bone in your body ached, you were exhausted body and soul. Life had gotten to be so draining, so stagnent and empty. Your career felt stale and the late hours impossibly fruitless. You had just enough energy to kick your shoes off and drop your things at the door before collapsing into bed.

At first you were restless, tossing and turning your body unable to relax. Desperately you turned to gaze and whisper at the mirror over your dresser. You knew he didn’t like be summoned without a more malevolent purpose, but you were always the exception. You couldn’t feel his weight on the bed, but you could feel his presence in the room instantly.

You smiled softly as you felt his arms around you. You turned in his arms wishing he could appear in something other than the cloak, although you appreciated the added warmth.

“Daniel,” you whispered pressing a soft kiss to his cheek, you could feel him faintly but the smile on his face was plain enough to lift your spirits slightly.

“Hush, my love. Rest.” His voice, like always, filled the room around you yet at the same time sounded miles away. For a moment you felt as if the burdens weighing you down were just phantoms. In another minute you were asleep, pleasant dreams and your lover beside you keeping you at peace.

- - -

Hannibal Lecter

The rain outside soaked into your jacket as you got home from work. Classical music was already playing as you shucked your jacket and boots off in the mud room. Keeping your head down you walked directly to your room and closed the door. Sometimes when you had a bad day, Hannibal overstepped the line between psycho-killer boyrfriend and professional psychologist. You knew him, and he knew you all your darkest secrets. Yet sometimes when your own mind turned on you for no reason, you didn’t want to come home to another therapist.

You peeled the wet clothes off your body and dug around for your favorite pair of flannel bottom, and that one shirt of his that always ended up in your laundry. The softness of the fabric, the warmth of the flannel, the hint of his aftershave- they were all impossibly small comforts in the wake of what you knew to be a wave large enough to drown in.

Felling a little better you emerged from the non-confrontational sanctuary of your bedroom. You wandered into the living room and curled yourself into the corner of the couch. You picked up a book and turned the pages but the words weren’t sticking. You looked up from the pages, as Hannibal walked into the room carrying a tray.

“It’s your favorite,” he said smiling softly setting the tray down on the end table next to you. The food smelled perfect, the dish was one from your childhood and the drink along with it was your absolute favorite year and type of wine. The pairing was one you had never thought to put together, another glaring example of Hannibal’s particular genius. He sat next to you on the sofa reading quietly. Although it couldn’t fix or change how you felt, it was helpful to know even now, someone cared about you.

- - -

Tiffany Valentine

You were curled up in a ball, the tears still fresh on your face when Tiff got home.

“I swear to god I’ll kill him!” She said looking over your saddened state. Mascara ran down your face, your hair was disheveled and your eyes looked so sad it broke Tiffany’s little black heart clean in two.

Your boss had become a problem. He acted too familiar in private, around other employees he made jokes about your appearance, about your performance, hell he even made fun of your picture of Tiffany once. Nothing was off limits because he was the boss.

“He kept jokin’ during the meeting about firing me,” you said between sniffles, “I’ve worked there for five years I don’t understand what I’m doing wrong.”

She crossed the room quickly to pull you into a hug. “You didn’t do anything wrong hes just a dick,” she said firmly. You laughed, and couldn’t help smiling through the tears as she held you. The soft curves of her body were inviting and promised you nothing would ever hurt you again.

“Now let’s get you all cleaned up we’re going out!” Your protestes were silenced with a quick kiss. “There’s nothing better than a hot date, and a little retail therapy,” she said with a wink pulling you to your feet.

You nodded and let her lead you by the hand back out to the car. Anytime you had a bad day she pulled out all the stops until you were absolutely spoiled and tonight would be no different- except tomorrow morning at work you’d get another present. And Tiffany would add another man to her list of recently deceased assholes.

- - -

Jennifer Check

It was past midnight when your girlfriend came home, covered in blood. It wasn’t an unusual sight but the dress she had been wearig was in tatters and you were certain some of the fluid was hers.

Panic quickly set in, and you ran to her side your hands flashing over her body trying to stop the bleeding. You pulled your shaking hands away, they were covered in dark blood. As She gasped and fainted you ran to catch her and smeared the dark substance over her skin.

As her surprisingly human looking body hit the ground, you woke up. The nightmare made your skin crawl, and you could feel tears streaming down your face. Jennifer, who wasn’t dead yet wasn’t exactly alive, laid next to you.

She lazily threw an arm around you and pulled you closer. “I’m right here,” she mumbled sleepily. You shuddered as she kissed the lines of tears on your face. The gesture made fresh tears threaten to spill over, but you bit your lip and instead snuggled closer into her chest. For now she was there, for now things would be okay. You felt her stroke and play with your hair as you drifted off to sleep.

- - -

Susie Bannion

You stormed through the dormitories, stopping only at your bed. You haphazardly grabbed shirts and linens stuffing them into the suitcase on top of your mattress. If the other girls didn’t think you were up to snuff, that was their problem. You didn’t have to stay.

Your bag was mostly packed when you started biting back tears. You’d worked your whole life for this chance, would you really give up now just because they wanted you too? You didn’t know that answer but you did know something inside you felt broken. Shakily, you sat down on th edge of your bed and held your head in your hands.

“Are you okay?” You quickly looked up and saw Susie standing there her head slightly cocked to the side as she observed your hastily packed case and distraught appearance.

You shrugged helplessly and tried to wipe the tears from your face.

“I don’t belong here,” you said. Your tone sounded like a challenge and Susie wasn’t one to back down. She dropped herself to sit next to you, and started stroking your hair as you began to cry openly.

“You’re the only one that belongs here,” she whispered wrapping an arm around you. You felt her kiss the top of your head, and it was like magic. As if she had chosen you to be her person, and in that moment the world changed and you were no longer an outsider.

[macklives]

alright, im actually kind of in the mood to unpack some stuff regarding karkat's character and the way alternia works actually, so i dont mind giving this a go. and while act 5 isnt completely finished yet (so this is an analysis post for act 5 up until page 2305), there is still more to explore, and im pretty sure i have a lot more to read regarding both karkat AND alternia. until then, i will give a general layout as to what i know so far and how i can expand this in a psychological way (especially considering i did my psych exam so my mind is FRESH from studying)

alright, starting with what seems to be the deal with the hemospectrum, theres a total of 12 blood colors. HOWEVER, one of those blood colors is a "mutant" blood which is unwanted in troll culture as it is, well, "mutant", meaning whoever has this blood will get brutally slaughtered. hurrayyy. im guessing it is even lower than aradia's rust blood, as she is allowed to live but is the lowest on the hierarchy triangle. meaning karkats blood is not even ON the hierarchy triangle and simply buried underground where they hope he stays. so its not exactly pleasant to be living in a society where everyone is trying to KILL you or at least keep you away from everything.

from what i remember, troll reproduction is a vital aspect in their culture, that everyone is forced to mate and drones will come by each house to collect the genetic material. this is mandatory apparently, and if someone were to object, they will be “culled" as quickly as they could say no. alternia seems to be really keen on the whole "blood and carnage" thing, which means their probable solution to anybody breaking the law, is to kill them on sight and just leave them there to rot - regardless of who they are and what families they comes from or have. trolls are free to kill whenever or whoever they please without any governmental repercussions. which means revenge upon revenge happens without any policy.

however this is very important when looking at karkat, because karkat may not be able to do the whole reproduction process (not that we necessarily want him to, im saying this in terms of how its mandatory for every troll and there will be a time when the drones WILL come for karkat). but as he is already a mutant and if they were to "collect" from him, they would find out his blood regardless of how he hides it. they will either cull him for saying no, or cull him for his blood. karkat, in this sense, is doomed regardless. which makes his character much more interesting.

and keep in mind alternia kind of sucks, because from the looks of it, trolls are constantly tested throughout their lives to prove themselves to society that they are allowed to live and survive. but ONLY if they are the strongest among them. alternia wants to become this fearful planet where the weak die off and only those proven worthy can stay to grow up and slaughter more of their kind until the world is nothing but blood thirsty strong murderers. im not too sure who is governing alternia but they can suck a dick if they think this is how good morals work. alternia only really has one way to solve things which is to kill those who question/fight back, OR to kill those who CANNOT fight back essentially. which puts all the trolls through a double edged sword where they cannot do anything but follow the guidelines given to them by troll's society and government, and try to survive as much as they can until then.

if i remember correctly, when it comes to the law side of things. if you look at it from terezi's introduction where she explains prosecutions with her plushies (lemonsnout ect ect i forgot the term for them lol), she said "you are guilty until proven innocent" which is the polar opposite of "innocent until proven guilty” used in OUR own society today (tho i guess we are by far the "good guys" in this situation, but we are far different than how trolls live their lives). anyways, what this means is that everyone dies regardless unless theres literal proof that they have not done the crime. even so i wouldnt put it past them to do nothing about their case even WITH proof. terezi even goes to say that technically there is no way to deal with the law on alternia, and most of crimes get solved through death. she even demonstrates this by how easily she hung the "suspect" and flipped a coin to determine his fate. however, even with the coin landing on the side of safety, where the suspect were to be released, she said "im blind remember i cannot see this coin" and essentially "killed" him. while terezi may have just been playing with her plushies, theres something we can take from this which dictates how their actual court cases are actually solved.

NOW, vriska (yes ik pls bare with me here, i will not make it about vriska but i do have a point here), from the last few pages i saw, can basically kill her friends in an instant, without any remorse. i can tell she sees this as the most "necessary" solution for her problems. i wouldnt say its for survival, but she does do it as a way to provide some sort of safety on alternia. she is a higher blood, and apparently the high bloods are known to kill whoever they please as long as its convenient. and since trolls have this whole fad of "killing the ones who cause you trouble so the problem is out of the way", she is wired to think its the only solution when threatened or when you dislike a person. 

god, she killed aradia because she wanted "revenge", because she wanted to get back at aradia for tormenting her with ghosts EVEN IF aradia did so because she threw tavros off a cliff in the first place. this may have worsened their friendship, KEEP IN MIND THEY WERE FRIENDS, but NEITHER, and i mean neither terezi/vriska/aradia, had any remorse if the other dies as long as there was a reason. in the story, vriska didnt care what happened to tavros because she disliked him, therefore becoming pretty bias over his fate. because of this attempt at killing, aradia didnt care what happened to vriska either, and neither did terezi. terezi sold her out to one of the most powerful beings on their planet, solely because of their revenge cycle. as long as the troll in question did something "malicious”, then that plays a factor in their morals. vriska gave no second thought to killing both of her friends (or at least attempt to with tavros), terezi also tormented john in act 4 which led to his “doomed timeline death” and sold vriska out after she realized vriska wouldnt change. so no fucking WONDER karkat tries to hide who he is, he's overly cautious to not let it slip out because even the people he calls friends could backstab him at any given time considering theres LITERAL EXAMPLES OF THESE TROLLS HAVING DONE SO.

to karkat, he sees this as dangerous, which is why he even CALLS vriska dangerous to begin with. she might not even hesitate to kill him herself or maybe sell him out to the drones, because 1. she may not want to be a witness to something society actively seeks to destroy and 2. she cares more for her survival than karkats. EVEN if they were friends (re: aradia and vriska and terezi). so it just shows. 

on that note, i find it funny how karkat indirectly distracted vriska after she baited him with the question of his blood in a past conversation, which prompted karkat to monologue about troll romance. he was, yes, VERY interested in this topic to start with, but it was a nice little bonus for karkat as to not be found out by the one person who would most likely kill him even if it wasnt on purpose. however, we do not know how this will play out IF she does find out, we just know karkat is in the right to be scared of the theory.

and, alright i do have to mention this, while karkat may have been an angry fucker to START with, who spites the world and throws out insults every chance he gets, i feel he does this as more of a survival instinct as well. he doesnt care what he says to people no matter what they rank on the hemospectrum. they dont know his blood color so he feels he has some sort of immunity, but he just needs to keep it hidden. it also may just be his personality, as he IS a character who was given specific traits and andrew went along with it without so much thinking about plot. yet if you look at this from more of the metaphorical route, think about it with uhhhh lets say the perspective of how dogs work. for example, when you put a chihuahua next to a doberman, a doberman is more of an excited, energetic dog whereas a chihuahua will rain hell down on anybody who so goes near them. sometimes this is to make up for their size, to seem as menacing as the larger doberman, as they have nothing else to fend themselves with. another way to look at it is, if you see a bear (i forget if its black/brown or grizzly) you make yourself seem like the bigger person by scaring it off with sounds and eventually it will leave you alone. these sort of tactics work in the sense of survival. this is sort of what karkat could be doing, he uses insults and a defensive shouting to not really "hide" himself, but to have some sort of way as to not be found out if people start to question. someone asks him "hey karkat whats your blood" he goes "FUCK YOU, FUCK OFF, END OF STORY" which could make a person go "yo sorry dude forget i ever asked". so this could be a factor as to why he is so crabby, however on the other hand, he is crabby because that is also his character. andrew probably thought yo cancer = crab = crabby. however i do like how he is perceived and the whole "mutant blood" really made me do a double take on how he views life himself. he has to always hide who he is or he will get physically killed. alternia would take joy in finding out he does not belong there because lets face it, alternia is a bitch of a planet.

this also brought me to ask the question, why does karkat want to be a leader if hes so scared of what would happen to him if he were to be found out? which then, at first i said lol this is just karkat, he wants to a leader because he just wants to be the leader, he likes when things go to plan and that he the most say in their sburb plans considering he thinks everyone else is a "dumbass". to which, i then thought about it more and went ouch what if hes a leader because he knows hes not valued enough in society, that he somehow wants to feel some sort of importance in the world, so he wants to become a leader. i imagine younger karkat, not knowing why his blood is so undermined, finding out he is not wanted and suddenly on the most wanted list without having even DONE anything. even TAVROS said he was on that list, but only because he was weak and had no back-bone, here karkat may have been strong but no matter what, he was to be culled BECAUSE of his blood. something he cannot change no matter what. imagine a little kid knowing he will die at any point because of who he is (rlly sounds familiar if you think about it). so of course, he hides himself from the world, but do you think for an instant, little angry karkat wants to simply be FORGOTTEN about? i doubt that, he wants to be heard, he doesnt necessarily want to be rejected as he knows he will be, so while he does hide his blood, he wants to have a voice no matter what. when being a leader, people dont reject you, they LISTEN. they all may not want to because karkat is just a fucking ticking time bomb, who can lash out at any second, but i feel theres now a reason why he has this superiority complex. he wants to sort of become the person he knows he never will become (if you put it into that perspective). so thats kind of why im giving him the benefit of the doubt here.

i would also like to point out a sort of.... comparison?? not with the dogs but with unwanted children in a family household. this doesnt necessarily apply to karkat, but sub in family household with society and it might as well. (on that note, a warning/viewer discretion, if you have any problem with this kind of discussion, i wouldnt read further into this paragraph and skip to the next one) alright, the unwanted child psychology basically deals with the process of a child which is neglected by their parents, and/or know that they were never wanted in the family. i read an article a while back when we were discussing this in a lecture, we were browsing multiple people's perspective on the matter, and one said "An affective relationship may be suffocating to [the unwanted/neglected child]: it’s a defense against intimacy of which they know nothing. Normally they fluctuate between egotism and deep feelings of inferiority. They don’t understand what a balanced and healthy self-esteem looks like." it explains how the child who grows up in an unwanted home admits great emotion deprivation, because the child's bonds of affection are extremely fragile, and this can lead to both egotism and feeling like they are inadequate. and it really strongly shows karkats personality. we havent gotten that much from him in general, but considering how he uses this egotism to cover up the fact that he may be doomed, really shows the similarity. i liked this short article so i want to give some points to take into consideration, specifically this part: "It will be very difficult for unwanted children to build healthy relationships of affection in their adult life. Love is a foreign language to them. They don’t know how to decipher the codes and much less how to build them. It’s very hard for them to need and to be needed. That’s why, more often than not, they completely shirk their conflicts with peers and superiors, or do nothing but generate them. They speak incessantly about the broken relationship that marked their arrival in the world. A person with such a background will need help to get through those abysses of love that live in their heart. The most important step is that they recognize that their discomfort doesn’t depend on who they are, but the circumstances that led to their being." it may not be 100% tru for karkat but theres a small portion of it that can link back to karkats view on life and how being this mutant can really change who he is as a person. and i hope you can see the similarity between karkats character and this form of psychology. yet i also do not fully know the depth of karkat vantas. however i do hope it continues to build up in this way, as it would be both interesting and make us feel more for him as a person.

alright, i think if i write any more i will never stop aghjsk, which is a bit too much for a sunday afternoon, basically to sum up this post, trolls are violent and karkat will be killed if hes found out, even by his friends if it comes down to it. so karkat cannot really trust anybody, hes alone and imagine the thrill he had when he saw jack cut his hand to show the bright red blood? that he finally has someone LIKE HIM. imagine when he finds out about the kids. so i believe in his growth, while he needs to get a better vocabulary, i do get why hes so defensive all the time. because hes both scared and unwanted. and he wants to make up for it.

and i guess with all that being said, you can tell i now have a slight soft spot for the kid lmao

[jaws330]

Fatalis but with actual edits this time

Allot easier to read and with real grammar. cheers Sonya for the help. im not a writer by nature so it helps when people with actual talent help out.

________________________________________________________________

Four men sit apart from each other in the hull of a ship. Wood creaks as the ship pushes through another swell. The men haven’t spoken much to each other since preparing for the trip 2 mornings ago. Jackson scans the room, checking on his team members. Marlow and Ike hadn’t moved in hours, and Hans was still focusing on his meditation. The group’s Palico, Thellow, had brought down fish from the upper decks and encouraged everyone to eat, but no one seemed interested. The journey was worse than many of the hunts the men had been on.

Jackson and Ike had been hunting wyverns and dragons all over the continent for the last 10 years. Marlow was new. That isn’t to say he was without skill. Jackson and Ike had seen the kid rip a diablos tail clean off with 5 good slice shots that Ike had bet strongly he wouldn’t be able to make. Marlow had a keen eye, but he didn’t have the same willpower the others did. Jackson was worried he wouldn’t be up to par for this hunt.

He didn’t have the greatest tact when talking to others, so after a while of contemplation he moves over to Ike and sits next to him on the floor. The floor creaks more as Jackson’s weight sinks upon it. The damp wood smell doesn’t help to lift the mood either, not that any of them seem to notice. The simple act of moving towards the prey they had been asked to hunt was harder than any of them expected.

Jackson leans his head over to Ike and whispers, “Could you check on Marlow? I don’t think he’s doing well.”

Ike looks back at Jackson. His eyes are red, and the skin under them sags. He must have been sobbing, though Jackson hadn’t noticed. Ike gulps, taking a deep breath. He looks like he’s about to say something but can’t find the words. He exhales in despair. The two look to Marlow, who has lifted his head at the new activity. Marlow stares back at his two seniors, and within a few moments he breaks down and cries. Ike rubs his eyes and starts to compose himself. Standing up, he walks to Marlow and places his arm around his shoulders, comforting him as best he can.

Hans hasn’t said anything, or even noticed the energy in the room change. He had been meditating for the last day. The Wyverians had it easy. They could focus their minds and remain steeled even in the worst situations. The rest of the men were only human and could not help but dread the impossible task they had been given.

The monster they had been sent to kill was growing more and more confident in its prowess. Everyday it seemed like its area of influence was growing. More towns burnt to the ground. More bodies are incinerated while running for their lives. And more hunters burnt, killed, or mutilated beyond recognition. The impression of glory from the hunt had faded from most hunters’ minds. All that was left was the depression of knowing that those who face this creature have forfeited their lives.

Jackson was nervous, but had expected a fight like this to come at some point in his career. Ike too, but with less acceptance than Jackson. Marlow had only been an official hunter for 2 years. He showed lots of potential but still had a lot to live for.

Despite showing strong will in the face of an impossible task, there was still something burning in the back of Jackson’s mind. He’d had a song stuck in his head for the last few days since news of the hunt came in. He was surprised by the persistence of his own brain to keep the song running at every waking moment. It was not even a good song. It was only ever sung by kids playing games, and Jackson couldn’t remember the last time he had even heard it sung out loud. But in stressful situations the mind can fixate on things. Even things you might not want it to.

_______________________________________________________________

A few hours later the boat comes up to port.

“Finally,” says Ike.

He is the first and by far the most eager to get off the boat. Jackson thought that getting on with things is probably the best move for everyone. Waiting just let the mind stew and overall wasn’t going to help the hunt at all. Hans jumps to shore first and ties down the boat. The others prepare their gear and pass it over one by one. The metal boxes of explosives, ammo, and blades were an awkward shape, and heavy for most. Ike jumps on shore as well to help Hans with carrying everything, while Jackson and Marlow pass the boxes across. They take extra care not to slip on the wet stone of the port. It had been sleeting here for some time and most of the stone and wood was covered in moss. Losing a weapon box here would be not only embarrassing, but tragic. Even losing one weapon would put a huge burden on the rest of the hunt and create even more risks which none of the men wanted to take.

Once the supplies were on shore, they set about looking for a place to stay the night. The clouds around Schrade were always thick and dark ever since the beast moved in. The port town at the base of the mountain where they had just landed was a hollow shell of what it used to be. The town’s name had been burned away with its people. Now all that was left was a few streets of wooden shacks, either black from ash and fire or bleached white from the sea and time. The streets were an eroded cobble path of wet granite. Grass and small plants were pushing past the stone to reach what little sunlight they could. The group venture into town, already knowing the location of the one building that would give them some refuge for the night.

At the end of the main street there is a well-built stone and oak building used by the town's fire brigade. Suitably, it was the only building that was not totally destroyed by fire. The hunter’s guild had already scouted out the area to make the journey a little easier, and after the two nights of sailing the old abandoned building seems like a luxury hotel. The metal door swings open easily and inside there are a few old sleeping mats, a pile of firewood, and a pile of paper scraps. The group pauses after seeing the rather basic and dismal interior. Marlow let out a disappointed exhale. He had been looking forward to a real bed. Hans enters first and moves to the right-hand side of the building. He drops his bag and swings around, clapping his hands together.

“All right boys, who’s getting the fire started?”

Thellow crawls in between the hunter’s legs and runs for a pile of old drapes. Rain was not a Palicos friend and scraps of cloth were a nice reprieve. Marlow, Ike, and Jackson let out the first smile in days. They needed someone like Hans to take the reins for a bit.

After about an hour, Marlow got the fire burning. Thellow had set up a camping grill and was preparing some fish for the group. Hans was thumbing through the scraps of paper while Ike was writing on one.

"Would you like to write one too, Jackson?” Hans called out from across the fire.

Jackson was going through the metal boxes they had brought, checking everything was where it was meant to be. Some hunters hated how neurotic he got when preparing. However, his policy of triple checking before a hunt meant that no one hunting with Jackson had ever worried about running out of medicine or drugs during the expedition. He had checked the weapons and med packs 12 times since packing.

Hans called out again. “ Jackson, are you going to add your own letter or not?”

Finally out of his packing trance, Jackson perkshis head up and quickly replies: “Yes, yes, of course I’ll write something. Let me just finish and I’ll come over”.

Hans rolls his eyes while Ike snickers. They are both a bit sick of this behavior.

Ike stands up and says: “I think this will do. If anything happens then at least people will know how cool I was.”

Hans addsIkes paper to the stack. For a hunt of this caliber it was tradition for hunters to leave a note at base camp. Each hunter would write a bit about themselves and why they were going after the monster they were. The notes would pile up at base camp until someone slayed the monster. Only the winning person or team could take the papers home with them. A symbolic way of carrying the efforts of other hunters with them. Even if hunters did not lose their lives, it was still a way of showing respect to others in the field. After another 3 minutes Jackson walks over and takes the pen from Ike. He doesn’t want to write anything too sentimental or emotional, but considering the monster they were going to be fighting he tried his best.

Thellow was just about done with the first part of dinner. Grilled fish with lemon and mashed potato. It was basic, but filling. Marlow and Ike take the first servings. Hans would eat a small amount after everyone was done. He wasn’t the one hunting. Hans was a Recorder and Handler for the hunt. It was his job to get the hunters safely to the monster and gather what information he could during the fight.

Jackson puts his pen down, satisfied with the drivel about the honor of such a hunt. The song rattling in his head didn’t help. He writes and scratches out a few parts, and the whole thing looked a bit fake. He moves to get the next serving of dinner while Hans starts reading Jackson’s note.

While Jackson fills his mouth with potato mash, Hans snaps at him. “Is this really what you want to leave? You’re not doing any of these other notes a service by mixing your crap in with them.”

He gestures to the pile of 50 or so papers piled on a supply crate. Ike and Marlow both look at Jackson, assuming he had written something dumb about it being bullshit that they even need to do this.

Jackson finishes his bite and swallows. “I did really try, but I couldn’t find it, ya know? It’s kinda hard to think about good things for a hunt that we are being forced into.”

Ike and Marlow look back to Hans, expecting a well formed argument, but are surprised when he nods in agreement. “I know it's not the best situation, but every day more and more towns are destroyed. The guild can’t get hunters up here on short notice like this.”

Marlow cut in. “If we don’t kill it now then the next closest town is Minegarde. Hans is right, we should knock on its front door rather than let it come knock on ours.”

The port town of Minegarde was usually safe and had a high quantity of hunters ready to take on whatever challenged them. But stories of an elder dragon, Darhen Mohran, had drawn most of the town’s skill away to the east.

Ike lets out a laugh and says: “Bet you don’t think the Mohran hunt is overrated now, Jackson.”

Jackson laughs as well, and sheepishly replies. “Yeah, I kinda wish I had gone with the rest. Probably would have been a livelier trip.”

Marlow offers a small smile, and Hans chuckles.

Jackson looks back to Hans. “Would you like to write it for me then? You seem to be better with words than me.”

Hans shakes his head. “No, this will be fine. I’ll make sure anyone who comes here will know of the great Jackson who thought he had better things to do than hunt an elder dragon.”

It was the first time the 4 men had laughed together in days. The joy a simple meal and good conversation can bring to people’s hearts is astounding.

The dinner bolsters the spirit of the party far more than expected, and when armor and skill are stripped away, spirit is all that’s left. An hour later the group settles in for the night. They all try to get a good night’s sleep before tomorrow’s hunt. Jackson still struggles to sleep, the song running in his head like a ticking clock. He starts wondering if maybe the song was written by the monster itself, to drive hunters mad before they even fight it.

Eventually, he dozed off.

_______________________________________________________________

Morning came, but day did not.

The sky is still dark, and only a few rays of sun pierce the black clouds that loom over Schrade. They are unnatural. They weren’t from a volcano or storm, but they linger around the mountain where castle Schrade once stood. The castle had been destroyed hundreds of years ago. The town was a settlement that tried to take advantage of the castle’s well-built infrastructure. They had planned to turn castle Schrade into a hunting hub for the mountain ranges above Minegarde. It would have made a great port town between the western coast and northern town of Pokke. It would have, if it wasn’t for the last living resident of castle Schrade.

The group spends the early morning getting ready. Hans helps the men get their heavy armor on, while Thellow sorts the packs to make sure everyone has the correct equipment at the ready. Jackson gets his armor on first, a nice well-made set from a Brachidios. He had a reputation at the guild for his humorous encounter with it, so he figured it was a good choice of armor to wear for a hunt like this. The Brachadios’ obsidian hide was naturally fire resistant, and considering his role at the front line, it fit both thematically and practically. He cleans his gun lance one last time while Ike and Marlow are getting ready.

Ike is a jack of all trades, and enjoys hunting with whatever he finds most suitable for each hunt. For this particular hunt, he chooses the matte red Rathalos armor and a greatsword. He figures that to kill a big monster he would need a big sword.

Marlow was to provide cover fire and support from behind with his bow gun. He doesn’t usually bring more than a few kinds of ammunition. He likes to keep it simple. As long as he can shoot the monster down then it will be fine. For this hunt, he makes sure to bring a wide variety of ammunition. Poison, electrical, and a few sticky bomb shots.

Each of the hunters have prepared an appropriate kit for a fight of this caliber.

Finally, the crew is ready to depart. Hans would be climbing the neighboring mountain to observe and record the encounter. From there he will be able to tell if the crew is successful, and if anyone or anything survives the fight.

Hans grabs Jackson’s hand and looks straight into his eyes. "Don’t let this beast be your end, Jackson. I will see all of you when you return. Legends of the guild.”

The three wave goodbye as Hans starts his own journey. Jackson feels hollow, as he watches the only natural leader among them walk away. Now it's his turn to lead. The group doesn’t waste any time, and sets out climbing the mountain to castle Schrade.

The sides of the mountain area trial in and of themselves. They have narrow walkways, coated in damp mud with a sheer drop on one side. For a gun lance user like Jackson this was a bit of a joke. He has Ike and Marlow go before him for the first part of the climb, and even tiesa rope around his waist just in case the weight of the cannon mounted on his back becomes too much. Eventually the path comes to an end at a plateau. The area is larger than expected at this height. The group could easily fight the beast here if it were not for the rusted graveyard of old weapons.

Before them was 20 or so old worn out Dragonators. A metal spear several meters in length, designed to drill straight into the hide of even the toughest monster. They were a devastating defense the guild had been employing since its early years and they were a staple of elder dragon defense operations. This pile must be hundreds of years old. It’s hard to tell if the previous occupants of castle Schrade used this as a nearby dump or if they had been hauled to the castle and simply forgotten. Regardless, the team climb over with care, making sure not to slip and fall onto one of the vicious spikes.

The real climb was just beginning. A sheer cliff with only a few outcrops for about 100 meters. Jackson and Ike tie their equipment to a rope and would hoist it up after they had made it to the top. They aren’t the best mountain climbers, but they make do. At about halfway up Jackson pulls his head up into a cave that can easily fit the party.

He calls out to the crew. “We should take a rest here.”

After entering the cave the group line up and, together, pull the weapons and Thellow up the cliff into the small cave. The Palico makes sure the knots stay firm and the weapons don't rock too much while ascending.

Ike makes a snide remark while huffing and pulling on the rope. “Jeez, Thellow, how much fish did you eat last night?”

The Palico meows loudly from outside the cave as the group pulls the equipment inside.

They all fall to the ground and pass around a water bottle. While Marlow and Ike have a drink, Jackson investigates the back of the cave. Finally he’s able to spend more time examining it. It isn’t very big, but at the back is a pile of ash and rusted metal. He walks over to inspect it. Reaching out to wipe the ash away, the whole thing crumbles and explodes into a black cloud. He wipes the black soot from his visor and has the chance to see what remains. It is an empty suit of old armor. It only takes a second for Jackson to realize what the ash filling the armor used to be. He loses focus for a moment. The song is louder than ever. He can even hear  the voices of the children singing it now. His heart is pounding, feeling like it’sbanging on the metal armor around his chest.

“What was that?” Ike asks from behind.

It snaps Jackson from his trance, and he swivels around. “Nothing, just some old scrap”.

Jackson has some water and the group continues up the mountain. Another 40 or so meters and Jackson finally places his hand on the stone base of what once was castle Schrade.

_______________________________________________________________

 Pulling himself up, Jackson pauses for a brief moment to take in the fortress. The enormity of the structure staggers him for a moment. The wind blows softly but carries the scent of decay. Distant metal structures can be heard creaking and clunking as time passes them by.

Jackson, realising he still has friends climbing the cliff, turns to assist them up onto the final ledge. Without hesitation, Ike and Jackson begin pulling up the weapons once again. Upon reaching the top, both Ike and Jackson quickly grab their tools. Being unarmed for that long has made them both a little jumpy. Marlow has already started surveying the area. He needs good vantage points and places to move to while gunning. In front of them is a large courtyard made of stone bricks. On the upper side isa castle wall connecting to a stone watchtower. Spears and swords lay around it, as if the men they belonged to simply evaporated. It was giving all of them chills.

Behind that is more of the castle. The entire building is massive and expanded over 2 mountains,crossing the range in between. This is only the entrance. It is by far the best place to fight something big. The rest of the castle is too jagged, with corridors that will restrict movement to much. The team knows that the monster will almost certainly take advantage of that and blow them to pieces before they even know it’s attacking. Out in the open is the best they can hope for.

Marlow has already started moving to the side wall to get some height. It is a great place to have a gunner, and gives a brilliant view of the area. There are a few pieces of old ammunition around. Not much, but some ballista and cannon balls might help if given the opportunity. The castle wall still has one intact Dragonator in it, unfired. Jackson has already set to work getting a plan ready, using what little they have in  the castle.

It is only morning, but the sky is still dark. Not much light can get through the clouds, even this high up. It still feels like night is around them.

Ike moves over to one of the cannons and starts checking the fuses while loading a ball in. Jackson starts walking to the eastern side to check if the last cannon has a working fuse. He stops, frozen in place. The creature appears out of blackness. As if the clouds that swirl around this mountain are the monster itself. A beam of light shines across it, revealing the full size of the dragon.

It is a lot bigger than anyone expected. Standing on his back legs, it stands easily over the entire watchtower, over 40 meters tall. Its tail is an enormous black whip that stretches the whole length of the beast and more. Its legs are short, but its claws are long, crusted with blood from those who had come before. The spines along its back look like bladed gravestones. Its scales are a hideous black and blue, as if all of its skin isone giant bruise. The wings on its back stretch into the air, welcoming the hunters to its roost. Its neck is long, which gives it incredible height. At the top is a head full of more teeth than its mouth can hold. Two sets of two horns each side of its head that twist away from its skull. And its eyes. Its awful eyes. They have black slits like a snake, but a furious red iris that looks like a fire storm inside its head.

It hasn’t even made a sound. Jackson isn’t even sure it is real yet. He doesn’t know if Ike or Marlow are even still here. The world pauses for a second. The dragon’s tongue slithers out of its mouth and licks its lips. It stares down at its new guests. Jackson has fought a lot of monsters, and after fighting enough he can tell why a monster fought by the way it looked. Some are hungry. Others are scared. But this is something new. Never has Jackson seen a monster smile back at its combatant. This unholy creature of night doesn’t care for food or to defend its home, it just wants to kill. It is genocidal to the core and wants nothing more than for hunters to die. The dragon is going to enjoy this.

Jackson yells out to whoever might still be behind him. “Time to show it what we're made of!”

He flicksthe main barrel of his gun lance down and takes out his shield. Turning the safety off with a click, he rotates a few shells through the main gun. The dragon lets out a bellowing cry that changes from a roar to a shriek. This close, it feels as if his ears are going to bleed just from standing near it. His heart slows down, and a smile creeps into the corner of his mouth. Both the song and his fear leave his mind. Without his fear he feels confident, nothing holding him back from his fate.

The song’s lyrics make sense now.

The Legend of the Black Dragon

When the world is full of wyverns, the legend is revived

meat is eaten, bone is crunched

and blood is sucked up dry

he burns the earth and melts through iron

he boils the rivers and mows down trees

he awakens the winds and lights the inferno

he is called Fatalis, the wyvern of destiny

he is called Fatalis, the wyvern of destruction

call for help, run for your lives

and don’t forget to pray to the skies

he is called Fatalis, the wyvern of destiny

he is called Fatalis, the wyvern of destruction

Fatalis, Fatalis

Heaven and Earth are yours

Fatalis, Fatalis

Heaven and earth are yours

[lilidhshoneynutfeelios]

this weeks freeform personal post lol

so im kinda getting estranged by my mother tbh like i was quite explicitly told that im making a “lifestyle choice i dont agree with” and that she “cant recognise me” (like, my face is a different shape but what she means is that im not like, rolling over and taking her abuse anymore) and i cant be like taking hormones and using a different name and expecting to be like, part of the family yknow. and like, her partner will just follow suit and ive already estranged my older sister lmao and like, highkey im not confident i’ll get into 3rd year and like, yknow. on a triangle of ‘disowned’ ‘trans’ and ‘drop out’ im pretty sure i can only handle two and like, v v highkey i want to just like, kill myself and avoid the whole thing and like, i’m v aware that, other than this one medically induced manic episode in march/april, ive had passive suicidal ideation for like, almost my entire life and ive never done anything about it. idk im v greatful for the valid people in my life rn, im v happy that ive got like, decent people i know irl and online that just kinda, make it seem like a temporary problem? and recently ive had a lot of experiences where ive been able to like, be good for someones life, esp w like, i run the trans forum at uni right, and we’ve had a couple moments where like, people’ve got to see like, other trans people in groups, and just be like ‘huh, we’re not freaks and perverts huh’ and its been good for them and i kinda just wanna keep living for those moments and all these rly cool moments i get to have w my friends and like, ive got a lot of good books im excited about rn, and ive got some money in the bank i dont want them to get, idk. ik a lot of people in my life get really tetchy when i talk about like, suicide after like, i actually tried, and thats fair but like, for the last idk more than 10 years its just been passive and ideative and thats sad but its also like, mostly benign and i dont want people to worry about me. i kinda think im too late to get a summer internship now i had two interviews and i failed one and i dont want to work in a care home all summer and i kinda want to piss off to glasgow and stay w finn and thats not an easy option but i think it’d be good for me like idk what work i could do in glasgow but i could do some shitty job right,i dont have to do internships now i guess, idk im really tetchy about experience and esp trying to get experience where a change of name isnt an issue. yknow, like job hunting is demeaning enough without revealing a priori youre tranny, idk like, i have a zero hours job in aberdeen but i wanna move out like, asap, like i cannot be here, its just v scary to be in an environment where youre like, actively hated. idk like she didnt harbour any particular hatred to trans people before this like she knew a trans person from my school and used his name and pronouns but idk, maybe i shouldve seen it coming after how tedious she was about me being a faggot like, idk she got over that after a couple months but she just, doesnt want to budge on this, like she sees me using my name and taking hormones and having trans friends as like, an actual insult to her raising me. shes just like I Picked Your Name, I Raised You A Boy, Therein You Will Be And Anything Else Is An Insult To Me As A MoThEr yknow like, god, its not a big deal yknow, you get 2 daughters or you get 3 idc what you do with that fact. and sure, i consider it entirely her problem that she hates trannies but like, being trans AND disowned AND a dropout is just like, too much for me i think like, theres no shame in that life to me but like, theres also no dignity. like theres no dignity anywhere but idk if i can do it yknow. also like, and i hate to like bring up sex work when talking about trans hardship bc it feels like a boogyman trans girls bring up to scare eachother but, idk if i can go back to that? i hate waiting outside and i need poppers for like, anal w people i dont trust (and sometimes w people i do) and like, theyre a v safe drug but too much can put pressure on the eye and im blind enough as it is. i had enough poppers one time that i went colourblind for a moment. that was fun. i was kinda drunk too. in the summer i kinda wanna deal with presentation like learning-to-pass as a skill but like, idk im not butch right but im also like a real person who goes outside lmao. like i cycle in the rain and garden and eat with my hands and im not going to be domesticated at any point tbqh. like im not sure i’ll ever pass in like, the next so many years without like, FFS and laser or smthn, but like, idk ik two things right (1) that im a bit of a feral tomboy and im comfortable in like, trews and shirts, getting dirty and building things so long as im not like, percieved as a man and (2) that i was traumatised for like, almost the entirety of my life for doing anything feminine right. like i got beat up in the engineering club at school a lot bc i wasnt like, masc enough to be in that space lol, or even if i didnt get beat up like, there was like, idk what you’d call it like preformative beating up? like unwarrented roughhousing? like pretending to kick someone but Just For The Banter Obviously, We Weren’t Trying To Intimidate The Faggot At All Sir. yknow. and like, obvi like the usual words and jokes we usually use to talk about fem men or men who arent masc enough or whatever. and like, trying to separate (1) from (2) yknow. like thats a task and a half. and like, esp recently where im like, not feeling like a pervert and an intruder 100% of the time w like, lesbian spaces. like obvi ik im not welcome by most there right, but like, idk ik a few lesbians who are like, idk at least on surface dont seem to consider me an outsider and i kinda, get to talk about the fact i like women without like, being seen as a man and a pervert and a rapist for it yknow. and thats been like, a bit of a moment for me. bc like, idk i like women and i kinda havent been thinking about that for a long time bc i dont want to be seen as a man and like, ik ive always liked women, i just like, didnt think that i could like, engage with other women who might like me, without like, having to Perform Man and all that implies and, idk yknow, its not like im having a sexual awakening or ive discovered a two way strap on lovehoney im just like, idk, not not-welcome sometimes for the first time in forever and that kinda means rethinking a few things about where i position myself etc. and thats largely fun now that im like, idk, i have more language-tools to do it than the last few times ive had to consider who-i-love-and-how yknow. and like, idk ive mostly been playing the same fiddle as i always have with like, having this gayboi dress sense and slang and idk, maybe it’d be fun to get a bit of a more lesbian of a haircut or smthn, but like, id have to do it in one of the gay barbers in glasgow bc i dont trust any barbers in aberdeen to not cut my hair Like A Man yknow also i havent been to my usual hairdressers in months bc im growing out the sides and idk what theyd say like i need my split ends done but i dont want them to go in and speak about my hair and my bikes and my ex lmao i used to go get haircuts w my ex and also i have v bad hair and ive recently decided im ok with it being curly so im just like, idk learning what to do with that tbh idk yeah, once whoevers in the kitchen leaves im gonna make a cheese toasty bc thats what ive been craving all day