#ill probably post this on reddit once i get my laptop in order

[lab-trash]

Today is mother's day and I got my dad a present. Multiple actually.

For background, my mom doesn't live with us. She moved out in 2021 and she moved back in with her parents just a couple months ago. She was neglectful when she did live here and I can't remember a single promise she ever kept.

My dad took over her (tiny amount of) responsibilities when she left and I think it made me appreciate him more. My dad wasn't there a ton when I was a kid, but that was because he had a job that required a 45 minute commute, and it's not like he was gonna get anything better to support our 8-member family. My dad has always tried his best.

(Fun fact: The day I bought a #1 Dad Mug at a thrift shop that matched my mom's very unique #1 Mom Mug was the same day my mom's mug broke. Talk about symbolism.)

In October he took in a homeless trans kid that my sister's partner was friends with. Both that kid and my sisters partner are going to be in our family pictures this coming Thursday.

At Walmart, I saw a pillow that said "mama bear" on it. And immediately I was like, I have to get this for my dad. For context, my dad is a bigger man with a big beard and long hair. He's a bear. He's also greygender and pretty much only uses his agab terms because, well, he's 45 and it doesn't really matter to him.

After seeing that pillow, I decided I didn't want to just do that. I got him a cuticle remover (he was talking about how he enjoyed it), some new hair things and hair clips (again, long hair), some oatmeal cookies that I know he likes, dark chocolate peanutbutter doves, and some liquid death, which we'd recently had a laugh over the existence of before promptly realising its actually really good. Lastly, a peanuts card that I picked up last minute.

I had to fit everything into a box from work so he wouldn't see anything and I brought it home under the pretense that my coworker had given me some miscellaneous items while decluttering. I brought it into my room, set everything up and put it behind my door.

I went around and had everyone sign it, only barely managing to get my sister before she left for work (unfortunately her partner left earlier than we anticipated, so I couldn't get them to sign the card) and I put everything into this tall bag with a unicorn on it. It was one of the only bags that was big enough to fit everything, and I just thought it was so perfect.

I was also planning on giving him a painting I did in middle school of the northern lights— I have all of my paintings from middle school tucked away on my bookshelf— but I couldn't find it.

I had to go to the store with him when he picked up my sister, so I couldn't just wait for him to get home. I had to wait til he went out to the van, sprint upstairs, grab this bag that's easily 15 pounds because of the liquid death, rush back downstairs, hide it between our couches, rush out to the van, then rush back inside when we got home and set it up on a couch for him to open.

It went over really well, which was something i was worried about right at the end there, since he'd asked me and my sister if we told our mom happy mothers day. I hadn't, but my sister had. They were talking about it when they entered and I beckoned dad into the living room for his mother's day gift.

Overall, I spent about $60 on the gift. And I don't regret it. One of the biggest things of note with my mom was that whenever we celebrated mother's day, I would always try to put effort into it to make her happy. And it was never... really appreciated. I remember one year I got this sort of clear trophy-wine glass thingy and put some chocolate in it, and I had all of her kids sign the lid. She didn't take it when she left. It was sitting in our kitchen (with half of our deadnames on it, might I add) until a few months ago. If she'd left it in dad's room, I think it'd be less hurtful, but she left it on the microwave cart where we all saw it every day. Mocking us both with our deadnames and our failure of a gift.

Buying for my dad wasn't like that. I know even if I fucked up one of the items, he'd enjoy even the existence of it at all. I could've just bought the card or just the pillow and he would've been happy. But I didn't, almost because of that fact. My dad would be happy with less, so he deserved more.

[marbl3-v0rt3x]

❤️ Nina Headcanons ❤️

She is probably my all time favorite Creepypasta characters and I think about her literally all the time, so I thought that I'd write out some of my headcanons to share ^-^

I'd like to just put a little trigger warning here because my depiction of Nina is a bit more realistic/gritty, and there will be frank talk of death, violence, and mental health issues (OCD, psychosis, and delusions). It's not particularly gorey or cruel, but if that makes you uncomfortable than this post isn't for you.

Anyways, these are just my headcanons and you don't have to agree with any of them. I'm just here to have fun and think about my blorbos :)

-I think Nina was raised by a single mother after her father walked out on the family

-Nina’s father left due to his mental illness and his own delusions that he was suffering (schizoaffective disorder and OCD)

-In my opinion, Nina suffers from Delusional disorder. Specifically suffering heavily from erotomania and grandiose symptoms . I think it’s both induced genetically (from her father, she inherited his OCD) and environmentally (the loss of her friends and the bullying she suffered). Her delusions obviously revolved around Jeff, and caused her to obsessively research him constantly. She felt like if she didn’t keep up with every detail about him that he wouldn’t love her anymore.

-Nina usually researched Jeff’s killing online because she didn’t have access to things like police radio. Usually she trolled websites like 4chan, reddit, liveleak, etc. Anywhere that like- gore and/or internet detectives would lie, she was there. She managed to track him across the country by regularly taking part in message boards and things like that. 

-This is all starting at the age of like 13-14. It definitely got worse over the years until she was 16 (which is when her story takes place in my headcanon) when Jeff actually showed up to KILL her because he thought that she was a cop who was close to catching him. When it turned out not to be the case, he decided to pour bleach on her etc as like- a test?

-Of course, this only ended up furthering her delusions and caused her to have a total mental breakdown. Which of course led to her cutting her face and killing her family. 

-After that, she packed a bag, took her laptop and pretty much just ran away into the woods to find a place to hideout/research on where Jeff went next. 

-For a while she essentially followed Jeff to town after town, trying to show him that she had become just like him. At this point she was fully delusional and in a psychotic state. 

-She actually ended up getting a mouth infection because of her cuts, and had to go to a hospital where her psychosis was properly diagnosed. Once the doctors had treated the infection and stitched up her mouth, they called the cops

-However, instead of being sent to jail, she was placed into a psychiatric ward because her attorney made the case for insanity.

-While awaiting a proper trial (she’s 18 at this point in the story) she has a breakthrough and is able to break out of her psychosis. The delusion is harder to break out of, but she does manage to push it down into her mind (which is why she is always conflicted when thinking about Jeff. The delusion is not fully gone, but she keeps trying to push it away and force herself to act “normal”)

-After breaking out of her psychosis, she escapes the mental hospital. Grabbing her shit and literally just bolting, however this time, she wants Jeff’s attention for a different reason. 

-Nina essentially goes from town to town breaking into houses and killing people to try and lure Jeff out to her again in order to kill him. But anytime he gets too close (or really anywhere near her) she freaks out and either skips town or goes quiet for a while. She doesn’t really know what would happen if she actually came face to face with Jeff (if she would fall right back in love or kill him on the spot. She’s kind of scared to find out because that would mean her life’s purpose would be completely gone.)

-She can’t escape her obsession with Jeff, and is constantly reminded of her obsession whenever he comes up. She also feels a compulsion to kill due to OCD, and that if she doesn’t kill people he will forget about her entirely. Her OCD also flares up when stabbing people (if she doesn’t stab someone a certain amount of times it won’t be right or it won’t get Jeff’s attention.)

-She doesn’t really kill out of love anymore, and now more or less kills people as bait.

-She is still a very bubbly and vibrant person, and she is extremely extroverted. She enjoys talking to people, especially when she has good days and doesn’t feel the compulsion to kill.

-I think that Nina is obsessed with scene fashion because It reminds her of her childhood and lets her reclaim the parts of her childhood that she feels like she missed out on.

-I headcanon Nina as being half-mexican on her mom’s side, and that she inherited a lot of her mental health issues from her father (who left due to his own delusions that he was suffering.)

[flyingcookierambles]

Random sadge thoughts/ramble blog about my current feelings /situation with Etrian/Nintendo emulating

A bit sad bc I randomly thought of Etrian Odssry and 3DS games and all since Nintendo decided to stop making the 3DS with no official support/emulation eShop on the switch. Like. Dang I really should’ve just given in to FOMO at the time and gotten a new 3DS for like $300 and Etrian Odssey Nexus/across whatever for like $50-60 at the time bc now scalpers are going insane. Just searched Etrian 4/5/Nexus/Millenium Girl/Fafnir Knight on the google shopping category and they are all around $100-150. Not even mentioning the prices new 3DS consoles go for. Crazy. Despite my fear of viruses and all ruining my laptop maybe in the future I'll look into emulating 3DS games even though what I can find is that Citra is a pain to work with. My only issue is really just having to replay all the games to get back to what my current progress is. While my 3DS still works, some buttons are wonky and won't work and the battery isn't as good as it once was.

At least XSEED is releasing Ruin Factory 4 and 5 on steam officially. I pre-ordered a steam deck back in Jan or Feb of 2022, so I'm just waiting patiently for my email to arrive to actually get/send the confirmation order. I think that since Nintendo is just. Not making good consumer friendly decisions I'm going to skip the Switch. It kinda sucks bc I really do want to play some games like LoZ Breath of the Wild but like. Uhhhh. I just don't really trust Nintendo much right now so uuugh bluh. Anyways sad rant about the sorry state of my 3DS, Etrian itch, sad decline of the already niche dungeon exploring genre with not much alternatives rant over. Ugh. At least since regular old DS games are easier to run (probably due to less complex graphics especially the 3D layer that was in the programming of the 3DS games) maybe I can try to run Etrian 1, 2, or 3 on my Android phone or gaming laptop instead.....

Sighs

Sadge

(While I don't mind rogue like hack n slash games like hades or hollow knight, there's just something that I like about the turn based dungeon exploring map making of Etrian more you know? According to reddit and gaming forums suggestions i guess I'll look into emulating persona q series and 7th dragon?)

edit after work and posting this horrible mess from my phone: after reading this news article that the 3DS and Wii U eShops will close uhh. yeah, pirate nintendo games. and like. even tho they have massive clout as a game dev/console developer studio, i really dont understand some of their partnering game companies. like. instead of keeping them open or having official emulation software on their switch to play 3ds or ds games (since again it seems that the 3d layer + graphics are a big pain to try and remove/restore correctly), nintendo is preventing other game companies like ATLUS from making money on their nintendo exclusive consoles. like. wow. nintendo is just hurting their business partners, fans, and driving away potential consumers who see this huge mess and horrible loss of video games / art and its anti-archivist stance and just go. “wow im not touching that with a 10 foot pole.” ugh. guess ill try to emulate/download all my DS/3DS games’ roms and also maybe my Wii/Wii U games if i can and put them on an external hard drive or something. while i have many physical CDs and (3)DS cartridges and some GBA cartridges (mostly just Harvest Moon), i don’t have the special F disk drive or whatever to make Dolphin work nor a special (3)DS cartridge to USB/computer/whatever reader, so I can’t rip any of my games (or save files ugh) myself. please press F as i try to research more about emulation software and get virus-free ROM zips from friendly good willed people instead of accidentally falling into traps by scammers :’(