#im feeling a little gay dont mind me

[lxnarphase]

g. satoru is both overly sweet to you, his cute boyfriend, and a straight-up bully, teasing you to get the cutest reactions. he loves to tease you in public!! his stupid hand is constantly on your lower back before he drops it to squeezes your ass, not hiding the smirk that spreads on his face when your voice turns breathy in the middle of your sentence.

sometimes, satoru mutters the filthiest shit in your ear, telling you how he plans on milking your cock when you get home before he fucks you sooo deep, wanting his pretty boy to be a whimpering mess covered in his own cum

his favorite is when he ties you up in pretty white or baby blue rope so that you can’t touch him or yourself, situating himself between your thighs as he fingers you, those dumb fingers curling to nudge against your prostate, sucking marks into your thighs. he doesn’t give your dick any attention, not yet, he wants to make you cum from just his fingers first.

“you hear the sounds you're making, baby boy? sucking my damn fingers in, ’s like y'don’t want me to stop.” “no, baby, no no no. you're so cute, handsome, but ’m not gonna fuck you until you cum on my fingers, m'kay? you can do it, you always cum so prettily when i fingerfuck you like this.” “right there? yeah? fuck, c'mon, pretty boy, c'mon, gonna cum? gonna cum all over my fingers? gonna make a mess? do it, baby, wanna see you cum all over yourself.” “good boy, good fuckin' boyyyy. be a good boy and open, clean your cum off my fingers and then i’ll fuck my good boy like he deserves.”

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

more outfit requests, ft some pretty fellas!

Anna Valerious Frank for @sheriffopossum, & sparkly dress Wally for @wheatlover <3

[codecicle]

codecicle you put things on my screen that are so confusing and have no relevance to my interests but its you so i find it so very endearing. keep having so much fun and whimsy on tumblr dot com child :3

you have GOT to get on this horrible TV show dude you don't even understand. it's bad and has 0 redeemable qualities, literally my bread and butter rn. can't get enough of it

[trans-estinien]

i love being autistic cause sometimes i get a glimpse into how regular people perceive things and its like. what the fuck. what the fuck is that? you live like this? and its normal?? i think YOURE the weird one actually. im fine. thanks though.

[yoshistory]

got this weird thing always where im always wondering if im a gay man or a bi dude-kinda or a bi girl-a-little-bit or a gay man-also-woman-a-bit, and its like. whenever im like "OKAYY I DONT CAREEEEE MAYBE I DO LIKE GIRLS" .... IMMEDIATELY my thoughts about liking women are gone like. when im trying to appease that. and then im like "hmm maybe i DONT like girls??" the thoughts about liking girls comes back

[lunarharp]

a random draft where i was ramblingg about witch hat & art to myself for myself :)

rare time i feel like actually going off about the thing i’m having fun with right now in more detail ... but not on twt where strangers might try to discuss back at me lol sorry but that is scary. (not that you even have the room to soliloquy on there)

i love how there's characters for varying types of artists to relate to. people like agott who have been adept at drawing from a young age but feel overwhelmed by feelings of not meeting their expectations. and are driven mostly by feelings of wanting to prove their worth..

people like oru who have always been around the art but now are burnt out from commissions and wondering just what they're drawing for... and ones i relate to the most personally like coco and qifrey, who started drawing at an older age to the skilled people around them. like coco i'm so happy that i'm in the world of drawing(/magic) now and excited every day but also weighed down by fears that i'll never get to what i where i need to be after starting at this late stage and also whether i'm really cut out for this....

and like qifrey i only started drawing after a narrow escape from trauma... i started drawing to make sense of what my life is now, just as he was invited by beldaruit to become a witch because it was the only safe path he could take. (although i've not been through anything quite like what he's been through... ouagh)

and there’s tetia who just wants to draw to make other people feel happy about what she’s made, to have fun, and spread hope and happiness and gratitude. who feels so happy whenever someone thanks her for what she’s created - i understand now how it feels to want to thank them for thanking her and how making art, when you get a meaningful response, can be a truly warm communal type experience. but you do need that response - her overwhelming happiness when the dragon thing was happy and she said it was the first time she’d ever felt fully appreciated for her magic and it made her soooo happy. she had been drawing until then, but it was the last puzzle in place to make her realise the breadth of what magic can be for her.

and riche who is determined to not lose the “her”-ness from her art, doesn’t want to learn new techniques and become more regular and orthodox in style if it means she feels she’s losing something... i get that!!! precious autistic-coded child... the ways we feel about our art differ depending on our own mental landscapes. hahhhh... shirahama said she began this series because she was having a conversation with artist friends about how it feels like drawing just really is magic. i mean..... it is.

i think writing feels like magic too, and i’m glad i can do both now. any creation is total magic. i’ve drawn scenes that were in my head and that’s let other people see them and if i can trust their comments about it, has moved them in some way or at least let them imagine a scene or a situation that they wouldn’t have imagined otherwise. but it’s different from just telling someone about it. when you draw something, or write something it really exists now - outside of you. THAT’S SO WEIRD.

i liked drawing a lot of takarazuka things (before i realised i got kind of burnt out drawing all this transcore stuff that people were not exactly responding to because it’s so niche and weird lmao) but drawing fanart for something that also ONLY exists in art is so special. it’s not acted by real people. like.. they’re just little people that someone drew and now i draw them too. total magic. and she gets up and draws them every day the same as me...

i love that a manga isn’t just art, it’s storytelling too. doing both writing and drawing at the same time - it feels like such a perfect and fascinating combination of skills and facets of creation. i’m better at writing than drawing, so i don’t feel like i can express my original stories well enough in comic form just yet. but i might just get there.

the world is so confusing and overwhelming and terrible every day. only creation is something i can understand. sometimes i can’t understand it - when i feel REALLY bad, it’s definitely like, what’s the point. and i wish i had more things to experience at present than just creation - i want to be outside and just feel and be as well as create. and at some point i’ll definitely stop posting my creations online. but creating has become something that i don’t need to understand the reason for it - so at those times when i wonder what the real point to any of this is.... lately, i usually still create anyway. just as you’d still breathe and sleep even though you’re hurt and confused by the horrors of the world. it’s becoming how i express myself. i find myself drawing pretty much every day because it’s part of how i make sense of shit now and i naturally want to do it. not doing it is painful.

i hope this magic continues. i hope it becomes far more wonderful than i can even imagine from here.

and i won't lose.

[truthundressing]

the longer ive had to stew on it the more i am actually worried abt harry's fanbase

[bitchkay]

Me watching Haikyuu remembering how I wanted to play volleyball in highschool😔👊🏽💔

[cryptidmickle]

so what if. and hear me out. i made my own au for shadowvanilla purposes-

au details below

HELLO SO I PRESENT AMNESIAC AU

so you see, i was minding my business, drawing and looking at cookies and how everyone has their own cool aus with awesome designs and i went "well im not very good at designing but i Love putting characters in Situations"

this au is mostly focused on shadowvanilla so dont be too hopeful I'll get into the other cookies besides their little circle, im ill for gay yaoi only okay

So! motions to comic above, amnesia smilk time! let me elaborate

Pure vanilla fucked up BIG TIME, in that he maybe ventured out to beast yeast alone to try and find out more about the beasts and a way to stop them, as people with a savior complex have a habit of doing. Maybe, perhaps, also at the same time, smilk was getting the workings of his new dough body done and sensing pv was nearby decided to take the opportunity to torment him a little, yknow he cant help himself! he needs to see him

a nasty little fight and confrontation in some old structures of smilk (or at the spire) result in pv using a strange spell he spotted in the surrounding papers and documents, and .... accidentally cracks smilk's soul jam! hehe, oops!

and also sealing his memories. double oops. damn, what are you gonna do now pv?

well he cant leave confused smilk alone here, and itd honestly be best the other beasts and dark enchantress dont drag him back there in this state, so he offers a hand.

"Come with me. We can help you, I'll make sure you're okay."

a memory-less smilk is confused by this but... he's already grabbing the other cookie's hand before he realizes it. It'll probably be fine, something about this cookie... makes something in him feel okay.

taps forehead, im still working everything out of course, and i WILL be cursing all of you with sketchy stuff about it when I'm able, i need more time to figure out smilk's behaviors without the soul jam and corruption

of course I'm always of the mind that pre-corruption smilk was kind of a rat and rude but how exactly is the real question!! how bad was it before the corruption exacerbated the negative qualities of knowledge and his personality

anyways,,, feel free to ask questions!! it could help me figure this all out, if yall are interested of course,,,,,,,my,,,, handful of crk followers SNRRKS

[amourjins]

✦ LATE NIGHT WALK? — k.mj

summary. a late night walk with your best friend, minji! ..except, theres a twist.

pair. non-idol!bsf!minji x fem!reader

content ahead. fluff, (best) friends-to-lovers, wlw, GAYS!!!!, theyre both silly, just a small bit of texting!

notes. RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA who couldve guessed! surprise !! take this while you wait for tg…cause ive been procrastinating it a LOT…. (not proofread as we all know.. i proofread on a good day [which is never])

you lie awake in bed as the time read 12:37. you sighed, you didnt want to go to sleep, but you didnt have anything else to do, either.

until, that is, you felt your phone vibrate—a notification. you first shrugged it off, thinking it was some random app you didnt use anymore, but was way too lazy to delete it. after a few seconds, you decided to see what it was, and to your surprise, the notification was a text from your the one and only, kim minji! aka your best(est) friend (ever).

you could feel your tiredness just disappear all in the span of that minute.

you immediately got up from bed once you hearted the text, turning the lights on as you walked to your closet. you didnt want to keep minji waiting, so you figured you would just keep it casual with a shirt and jeans or something.

once you finally got ready, you did some finishing touches before grabbing your phone and bag, and dashing out of there excitedly. when you exited your apartment complex, there she was, in all her glory—minji!

“minji-ah!” you whisper-shouted as you swore she turned her head to you in the blink of an eye. she took her hands out of her pockets and waved at you, smiling brightly. you rushed over, embracing her in a hug as she froze, blushing a little.

“hi!—” she giggled before hugging you back tightly. you let go after a few seconds, making her pout. you didnt notice, though. you were too busy looking around the streets of seoul, wondering where you two should head first.

“mm, follow me!” you spoke, which caught the tall girl off guard, but she immediately followed after you, catching up as she walked beside you. the night sky always had you mesmerized.. but there something—someone else that had you even more mesmerized.

and it was minji.

maybe you started to develop feelings for her over these past few months with her…

you were pretty much certain that she didnt like you back. and as much as that hurt, you had to deal with it. being best friends with her is enough already, and youre grateful. but at the same time, what if she liked you back? it would.. yeah itd probably hurt to confess. but it was now or never, right? now just seemed like the perfect moment.

“crosswalk, idiot!” she reminded as she halted your movements, making you snap out of your thoughts. “oops!.. sorry,” you looked away in embarrassment as she scoffed jokingly.

you silently turned your head back to her. she was looking at the sky, and the scenery around. god, she was insanely pretty. prettier than the scenery around. prettier than anything around.

you tapped her shoulder to get her attention once you were able to cross as you two crossed the street together. your hands suddenly brushed against each other slightly, and even that made minji blush.. you were both equally down bad for each other!

once at the other side, minji’s fingers crawled on your palm before she interlocked her hand with yours, the action making you stunned, but, you werent complaining. who would?

“all the stores are closed.. aw,” minji sighed, pointing at the stores to your left as you two walked past them after a few seconds. “but you know, the convenience stores are still open.” you spoke, as she let out an agreeing “oohh..” followed by a nod. “lets head there then? hope you dont mind the walk though..” she smiled. “as long as im with you, i wouldnt mind at all!” you grinned.

after a short 12 minutes of walking and talking, you guys finally arrived at the convenience store while still holding hands. minji was the first to step in as you came in right after, greeting the staff that stood at the register.

“so, yn..i have, uh,, something to tell you.” minji explained as you two walked out of the convenience store. you and minji spent a decent amount of time in there, talking while having snacks. you two had a great time, and she even paid for everything.. and when you thought you couldnt crush on her more than before.

“oh,” you gulped, suddenly nervous and sweat was trickling down your forehead as you nodded, “i have.. something to tell to you.. as well?” you questioned—yourself. she took a deep breath before continuing, “lets say it at the same time?

“yeah. same time.. same time,” you breathed.

“on 1, okay?”

“3 - 2 - 1–”

“i like you, yn!”

“i like you!”

“wait, what?” you awkwardly giggled, raising an eyebrow at minji. she had her head turned, obviously away from you. her face was bright red…and so was yours.

“..y—youre for real?” minji muttered, not daring to make eye contact. she was looking everywhere but your direction. “what do you think, idiot?” you joked.

“so,, were dating now, right?”

“yeah.. yeah!”

“ill walk you home then?”

“thats absurd, kim minji! spend more time with your new girlfriend, will you?”

“g-girlfriend.. right! yes, okay.”

a/n : 😁😁 send in asks interact with me maybe! ill be answering asks later

[tarjapearce]

Mama pegging Miguel? I mean I would see something like that happening after all their years of marriage and Miguel being against it at first but then agreeing and mama having the best time of her life. I’m sorry my brain is not okay. And I’m sorry if this would make you uncomfortable in any way.

Let's be honest here. As much as we love seeing Miguel as the Dom, we've all fantasized in having him a mess underneath us. So yeah. Just gonna Indulge myself here ~

⚠️WARNINGS: FILTHINESS. Sub! Miguel, sloppy blowjob, rimjob, hole play, Mama is a one kinky mf, Gentle femdom, use of toys, fruity lube, fluff. MINORS DO NOT INTERACT ⚠️

You weren't one for watching porn, but seeing the reviews on the video, either straight or gay mostly of the commenters agreed on something. Toying with your partner's erogenous zones and exploiting them felt good.

Some comment were explicit and specific as to what they enjoyed the most. Even though porn was the worst way and place you could learn stuff from, the comments didn't lie. Or so you were assuming.

And things turned weirder and weirder the upcoming days. Bdsm toys, and tips started to show up on your media feed. You had your little kit stored away into the drawer under key. A kit that was often pulled out when Miguel felt particularly stressed and borderline pissed. You were each other's relief.

Not only the lingerie appealed the visuals, but enhanced it. The sole idea of having Miguel tied up and needy for you made your skin crawl in a thrilling sensation that left no room for wonders and doubts.

You had imagined in multiple times how would it be to swap the dominant role for once with Miguel. As you clicked on the toy's add, a new expansion to the world you had been exploring on the surface with him, opened just for you.

------

"Can we talk?"

"Miguel?" You sat next to him in his office as your paperwork was verified by him.

"Is something wrong?"

He mumbled as he kept working on his laptop.

His fingers stopped typing, his eyes turned to seize you with a surprise yet underlying alarm underneath them.

"I wanna peg you."

"What? Why?"

"Im curious and... If I'm honest, I wanna see you a mess"

You whispered on his ear and he chuckled, his cheeks turned into a faint shade of red.

"Ah, C'mon! I'm sure we can have some fun."

"Sigue queriendo, cariño" (Keep wishing, honey)

"Dont think so."

He just shook his head with a small smile.

"Ill wear something nice for you."

"Nope."

He took you by the chin and kissed your lips.

"Pleaseee?"

"No."

His eyes kept drifting towards you and the contraption you had just pulled out from a package. How did he ended up agreeing?

-------

Oh yeah.

A blowjob with something else he had never experienced before, and if he was honest, wished to have experienced sooner.

Sex with you was not only mind blowing, but kinky. You were kinky and shameless and seeing you assuming his role, was such an interesting switch of your dynamics. For science purposes, you said and it was more than enough to convince him.

Pillows perched behind his back to offer him a good support as his legs spreaded open for you.

Seeing you, clad in PU leather stirred his curiosity and hunger.

"Thought you'd use the handcuffs"

"We haven't even started and you're already getting kinky"

He pouted but it quickly faded as you kneeled in between his legs, hands caressing the outer of his thighs.

A gloved hand of yours took him by the base and stroked upwards in slow motions.

"You're always making me feel good."

You kissed his cheek and then his lips, as your hand kept stroking him. Lips crashed hungrily, chasing eachother desperately. Your tongue invaded his mouth, twirled around his, luring it out for you to suck it. Earning a satisfied groan from the both.

"Relax, ok? Lemme make you feel good"

With a sigh, and another breathless kiss Miguel granted you control.

You kneeled once more and resumed your stroking, blood rushing to his tip, twitching his cock alive and rock hard.

"Have I told you I love your taste?"

Beaming smile slowly melded around him. Flat tongue running on his base as your palm fisted his tip. Hot lips searing his skin with little kissed that transformed in gentle sucks. Your head supported against one of his thighs you had secured next to your head.

He groaned when you used your tongue around his frenulum, His hands clenched for a moment on the sheets as you focused on it for a moment to then take him bit by bit.

The sound of you gagging him made his head spin with sensations his body always experienced as new. A soft deep throat followed by your hand cupping the base and stroking as you paid special attention to his tip.

The little gargling and wet sounds you gave, made his body receptive and sensitive.

Red eyes fixed on your movements, and God, it was quite the sight, but you stopped, licking using your spit to stroke him faster as your other hand ventured to his sac and further.

His pants and soft raged breathings, made you bit your bottom lip.

"Tell me what you want, cariño"

His body tensed for a second as you toyed with the outer folds of his hole.

"F-Faster"

"Oh no no, I can't have you coming too soon. Need you nice and hard when I take this" Your finger moved in circular motions on the tight muscle ring.

He exhaled as the sheets crumpled underneath his iron grip

"Does it feels good, Papa?"

He nodded with shaky breaths as you engulfed him once more, but you stopped

"Uh-uh. Use your words"

You smirked to then put some flavored lube between his supple butt cheeks. You licked your lips at how receptive and sensitive his body was under your calculated and gentle handling.

Why hadn't you ventured sooner in this? Embarrassment perhaps? His groaning at your sinking finger inside him snapped your wandering attention back to him.

"You're so tight, mi amor"

You purred

"Let me-" He choked as your tongue swirled mercilessly around his tip, your cheeks hollowed hard as your cheeks clamped around him, "Dios mío, No te detengas-"

(My God, don't stop)

Another choke as another finger eased ever gently inside. You wriggled them softly, making a soft 'come' motion inside, allowing him to get used to the feeling.

Your lips glossed over both his precum and your own saliva, but that didn't stop you. He was about to push you deeper but a glare was enough to keep his hands on the sheets.

His jaw clenched, lips contorting in soft ohs and ahs as you kept blowing him and your fingers moved into him a faster but still gentle speed.

"So so close, mi amor"

He grunted while throwing his head back, sinking for a moment in the pillow. His chest heaving, the riple of his muscles tensed and shook at his desperate breaths. You stopped the sucking and he whimpered, annoyed.

"No, no mi amor. Go... Goback please, I'm so s'close." His slurred words made you giggle

"Want me to suck you dry, Papa?"

A hiss came from his lips as you found that little nub of muscle and prodded kindly at it. His mouth gaped.

"Yes" The neediness in his voice made your senses tingle. You were sure at this point you were soaked, but it wasn't about you right now. You wanted him to come undone before you while teaching him new ways to please each other beyond penetration.

And so far his body reacted so well to it, it made you smile as pride filled your chest.

"Touch yourself, Miguel. Lemme see gentle strokes"

One of his hands immediately took a hold of his aching cock

"Lento, mi amor" (Slowly)

A frustrated sigh rolled off his lips as your mouth focused on his sac. You pulled your fingers out, carefully before spreading his legs wider. As he jerked in slow motions, your tongue swiped around his hole, earning a shuddering sob from him.

His sac fell on the bridge of your nose as you helped him to stroke himself. You were eating him, and smirked as his moans turned urgent. You released one of his testicles with a gentle suck and smirked

"Hands off."

"Verga..." He rubbed his warm and flushed face in frustration. It was the second time you edged him, "I'm not appreciating you playing with me like this" (Shit)

"Relax, I want you to enjoy"

"I was until you stopped"

His voice a breathless and annoyed mumble

You stood from the bed to reach for the toy you had bought the moment he agreed. A buzzing double strap on. The outer end was just the right size to reach his sweet spot without hurting him, a first timer dildo. The inner one aligned perfectly into your spot.

Harness snuggly secured around your hips, a couple of lube squirts were poured on to the toy. Hand stroked and smeared the fruity smelling lube all over it.

You leaned to kiss him. His hands held you in place. A mix of himself and the sweet lube reminiscing on your mouth.

"I'll be gentle, ok?" He nodded in between kisses.

A new wave of thrill bolted through your body as you added some pillows underneath him for leverage. The strap perfectly aligned with his glistening hole.

"Give me slow strokes, Papa"

With a sigh, he cupped his hefty cock once more, the sensation of your gloved fingers made his body to shudder once more. His eyes widened softly as you rubbed the tip of the toy against his hole. Fingers left him to be replaced by the slick toy.

"Breathe" You cooed as you pushed in a couple of inches, allowing his muscles to assimilate the gentle intrusion.

"Does it hurts?"

He inhaled sharply and shook his head.

"Are you sure?"

Your hips stilled for a moment as your hands kneaded his inner thighs. His hand stroked himself slowly, but tightened the grip at his base.

"Yeah"

Smiling, your hips resumed their movements. Slow, deliberate circles that made the toy move carefully inside his tightness. You added another inch deeper when you noticed his breathings turned a bit more laborious.

"You're such a good boy, Papa"

The friction and the constant waves of pleasure the buzzy contraption oozed into your bodies made his strokes tighter, and your legs to quiver for a second.

His pants turned louder, turning into groans as you added another inch. His eyes closed shut at your careful and loving thrusts, Hips rocking in pliable, mild movements. His skin shook ever softly at your pushing.

His fangs bit his bottom lip when his strokes turned a bit faster, Your hands held him by his waist and you groaned.

Even though the toy inside you could never compare to his flushed and mouthwatering cock, it offered enough stimulation to make you whimper.

Mewlings and needy sounds coming from you and Miguel made it all ten times better when he bucked his hips and his eyes clamped shut when you prodded at his sweet spot. The sound his mouth did had you hissing and biting your own lip at the sight of him.

Front bangs falling into his flushed face, eyes rolling at the back of his head as sweat collected on his chest by the constant jerking. Mouth agape, panting and mumbling shy praises at your movements.

"Just like this, mi amor?"

A breathless yes.

Even though your walls quivered and milked the toy by the vibrations, your focus still remained on him and his own pleasure that only heightened by the strong vibrations on his toy's end.

"G-Gonna cum"

His words urged you to prod at the little nub of nerves that had him groaning your name.

One of his hands went above him, holding onto the headboard as his other pumped himself in a way that sent him sputtering inchorent lewd spanglish mumbles.

He choked. as you helped him cum by stroking your hand above his. Sweaty foreheads colliding, gaze locked on eachother.

"Come for me, Papa"

Your hand kept pumping and he moaned into your mouth as thick, hot blobs of fresh cum spurted from him, and rolled down your wrist, a few streaks nested on his happy trail and lower abdomen

You kissed him as you pulled out as gently as you entered

"Fuck" He mumbled against your lips. Hot breath fanning against yours, muscles spasming and shuddering as he rode his high. You could only smile with an endearing look at his blissful face

You kissed him once more. A few I love you's scurrying off his mouth.

"Love you too, mi amor"

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

heya, i have to wake up in three hours but! here's another lil human au snippet! ft. lightly implied Laughingstock! disclaimer i am so so tired so don't come at me for typos or strangely worded sentences or missing info <3

~

Before heading home, Eddie swings by a charming little store he’s been to once or twice before. He usually goes to the chain store by his house, but he doesn’t feel like dealing with the hustle and bustle and the endless aisles. This little store is quiet, nice, and strangely has everything anyone could need. 

The lot is mostly empty at this hour, so Eddie claims a spot right at the front. As with the other times, the windows are littered with displays and stickers - half off on this, sale on that. Eddie enters Howdy’s Place with the chime of the door’s shopkeeper’s bell. He’ll get what he needs and get out, quick and easy and peacefu-

Boisterous laughter slams into Eddie like a hammer, so sudden that he jumps in place. An employee stocking cans nearby glances weirdly at him. Eddie clears his throat and hurries into the nearest aisle as the laughter tapers off. The silence barely lasts a second before loud chatter starts up. It’s too fast and muffled for Eddie to understand, but he can pick out two distinct voices - one deep, one less so but still decidedly masculine. 

Eddie tries to tune it out as he gathers what he needs. Toothpaste, some paper towels, shampoo. For the hell of it, he nabs a box of classic bran muffins from the spacious food section. He lingers for a moment, enjoying how far-away the conversation seems at the other corner of the store. Unfortunately, theft is illegal, so Eddie is forced to move towards the noise.

A strange thing about the store - it’s a combination general store, antique shop, and diner, complete with a miniature gift shop separating the two. One long checkout counter stretches from the open store area, behind the gift shop, and into the diner, where the conversation is coming from. An interesting setup, but an understandable one. It allows anyone behind the counter to move fluidly between customers and sections.

As Eddie approaches, the conversation becomes slightly clearer. 

“-said, no wonder you didn’t get her number!” the deeper voice barks, and the two dissolve into that almost-too-loud laughter again. 

As it tapers off, the other voice says, “Sounds like a real charmer! But really, you oughta be careful, Barn. One of these days someone’s gonna throw a right hook at ya.”

Eddie’s eyebrows shoot up. A transatlantic accent? He hasn’t heard that anywhere outside of real old movies and a queen he once knew. It sounds natural too, like the man was born to sound like he belongs on a 1920s radio show. It nudges something in the back of Eddie’s mind. He’s started to get really sick of that nudge.

“Oh, this guy did.”

“No kidding? I don’t see a shiner.”

“Well, yeah. I went left.”

Both of them laugh again, and Eddie feels a tiny tug at the corner of his mouth. That wasn’t funny enough to garner an actual laugh in his opinion, but it wasn’t unfunny. 

Eddie steps up to the counter and quietly puts his acquired items on it, not wanting to interrupt. He chances a glance to the side - walking space in front of the counter’s length lets him see right down into the diner.

A large man with dyed-blue hair and an interesting fashion sense is at the bar, talking to an employee leaning against the other side. The employee doesn’t really catch Eddie’s gaze, but the other man… Eddie swears he’s seen him before. He studies him from the corner of his eye, not wanting to be rude but unable to mind his business. 

“Our bouncer didn’t even get a chance at the action - the idiot knocked himself out tryin’ a second swing!” The customer says. His deep voice, wavering with humor, only adds to the sense of familiarity. Metal glints in his right ear. Eddie knows this man from somewhere.

The employee shakes his head, tutting. His busy hands polish a vintage pitcher. “I swear, you get all the crazies.”

“Makes for a good story, though.” The customer takes a sip from his tall milkshake and scoffs. “Though if it wasn’t all well-ending, amusing bull, I doubt I’d be so tolerant.”

Minutes drag by as the two keep talking. Eddie goes from patiently waiting to awkwardly trying to get the employees attention. If only there was someone else behind the counter, but the only other staff member is elsewhere, likely still stocking shelves. 

The two men are too absorbed in their little world, even though both are facing Eddie’s way. The customer has both elbows on the counter, one of them bent to prop up his chin. The employee has his hip leaned against the edge as they chat. They’re obviously very familiar with each other, and clearly deeply enjoy each other's company. 

Still - and Eddie is sorry to say, but it’s bad customer service. He’s not in a rush, but he’d still like to be on his way home. He could be fishing out the complex keys right now. He checks his phone - he’s been here for nearly fifteen minutes. Picking out the items took less than five. 

Eddie sighs, staring at the various cigarette packs displayed behind the counter. He’s never seen the appeal in smoking, but as the laughter starts up again, he almost wishes he did. He’s going to treat himself to a very long shower once he gets home. 

The store’s other employee walks behind the counter, carrying a box. Eddie lights up. Finally - she pointedly clears her throat and heads into the back. 

The constant conversation stalls for the barest moment, and he looks over. The customer grins at him for a second - lord he’s handsome - before turning that grin towards his friend.

“You’re losin’ your touch, Howds,” he teases, bringing his shake straw to his lips.

“I resent that statement. You’re just distracting.”

“Lil’ me? Distracting? C’mon, you can just tell me I’m pretty to my face. I’ll take it like a champ, I swear!”

“Ha, good try.” The employee sets the pitcher down and starts to mosey in Eddie’s direction. “Your ego is big enough for the both of us as is. One more compliment and your head’ll pop like a balloon.”

“Well, given that most balloons don’t really pop, they just kinda deflate slowly-”

“Sorry for the wait!” the employee says loudly in a glaringly obvious customer service tone. He stops in front of Eddie with a cardboard smile. At the other end of the counter, the familiar man snickers and hides his grin behind his drink. “I trust you found everything you did - and didn’t! - need.”

Eddie just stares up at him for a moment. At six-one, Eddie hasn’t felt small in a very long time. He usually stands at least a full inch above other people. This employee - Howdy, his name tag states - has several more on him.

“Uh, y-yes, I uh, I did,” Eddie stammers, glancing at his items. 

“Wonderful! And again, my sincerest apologies for the delay. My friend makes a game out of keeping me from my job.” Howdy shoots his ‘friend’ a glare with enough heat in it to make an ice cube sweat. 

“No worries.”

Howdy scans the items at an almost frightening speed. Beep, into a paper bag. Beep, in. Beep, beep - “Oh, no.”

“What?” Eddie says, dread plucking at his ribs as Howdy holds the bran muffins and shakes his head. “Is there somethin’ wrong?”

“Indeed there is! You’re making a mistake with these. They’re absolutely horrible, I tell ya - and bad for you, too!” Howdy tuts and puts the box to the side. “No, no, you don’t want those.”

“I… don’t?”

“Not if you knew better! Lucky for you, I’m here to set you straight. What you need is-” he snaps his fingers, “Barnaby, be a pal and-”

“Already on it,” ‘Barnaby’ says, appearing next to Eddie.

If Eddie weren’t already paralyzed, he’d jump right out of his skin from how Barnaby towers over him. He has to be a scant inch or so shorter than Howdy, but he still makes Eddie feel tiny. Unfortunately, Barnaby is even more handsome up close. 

“Here ya go.” Barnaby hands a plastic container to Howdy and taps it, smiling lazily down at Eddie. “I’d take his advice on this one. Those bran-named muffins may sound fancy, but they’re pretty crumby! You want muffins of quality. Real breadwinners!

Eddie can’t help a soft laugh. “Breadwinners, heh, that’s a good one.”

“Are you selling these or am I?” Howdy says, raising a bushy eyebrow. 

“Hey, I’m just doin’ what you asked! I’m bein’ a pal.”

“And I - I’m sorry," Eddie interjects, "but you’re awfully familiar. Do I know you from somewhere?”

“Eh, I’ve been around, but uh… you ever been to [INSERT GAY BAR NAME HERE]?”

Howdy clears his throat. “I’m trying to make a sale here, Barn. You can flirt on your own dime when you’re not costing me mine.”

“Didja know your nose gets redder when you’re jealous?”

Howdy rolls his eyes and shoves Barnaby in the diner’s direction. Barnaby goes with a hearty snicker. Despite the joke, Eddie thinks it has some merit as Howdy scans the final item and rings him up, considerably frostier than before.

Belatedly, Eddie realizes that he didn’t actually agree to the different muffins. Too late now. “Say, what kind of muffins are those?”

“Poppyseed-lemon.”

Eddie relaxes - that is a lot better than boring bran. “Y’know, my mother loved poppyseed-lemon muffins.”

“Did she now,” Howdy drawls.

“Like you wouldn’t believe! If baking was so much as mentioned, she’d jump right on houndin’ us to whip some up for her, or send us to go buy some. We’d never even get a taste! They’d be gone the moment they hit the air, I tell ya.” Eddie chuckles. “Took me a while to understand what all the fuss is about, but man was she right. They are good!”

“Uh-huh. Well, we have a fresh batch delivered every morning. They’re not the same type every time, mind you, but I can promise that they’re all of the highest quality.”

“Breadwinners, right?” Eddie jokes. Howdy doesn’t blink, but Barnaby snorts. He’ll take it. “I might have to come by more often, if that’s the case! Thank you kindly, sir.”

“Mhm, have a good day.” Howdy hands him the bag and strides away without a glance. The dismissal is clear as day. “Say, Barn, did you hear about the racket one of those cult crackpots stirred up at our dear friend’s tearoom?”

Eddie doesn’t catch the tail-end of the sentence as he hurries away, but he frowns. Cult? What cult? There’s a cult? He certainly didn’t hear of one before moving here, and none of his background checks had turned up anything of the sort. He hopes it was just a figure of speech. 

The door chimes again as Eddie leaves. It isn’t until he’s in his car that the embarrassment of that whole exchange catches up with him. If he had a nickel for every time he’d made a fool of himself in front of a gorgeous, strangely familiar man, he’d have three nickels. At the rate he’s going, he’ll either be rich, or he’ll have to move. 

Eddie subtly tries to peek around the store’s window displays from the safety of his car. He catches a scant glimpse of blue hair - come to think of it, it’s a similar shade to Wally’s. But where Wally’s had, to Eddie’s memory, been uniformly dyed right down to his eyebrows, Barnaby’s rich brown roots were obvious. His beard and eyebrows weren’t dyed, either. 

As Eddie relaxes back into his seat, he re-reads at the store’s name. The color drains from his face and he barely restrains himself from slamming his forehead against the steering wheel.

Oh, of course. Of course he made a fool of himself in front of the owner. Eddie can never come back here again. And it was such a nice store…

[bestpigeon]

-Feelings he gives-

LUCIFER X MALE READER :))

Lucifers worker finally makes a move. How will Lucifer react?

Words: 1444

Warnings - kissing, gay stuff, swearing

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-Readers pov-

I was doing what I usually do. Clean. It's boring, but I need money. Plus, I would say it's an honour to work alongside Lucifer. He is the king of hell, after all. I do have to say that I may have a little crush on him. But that's our secret.

I mean, how couldn't you? He's handsome, strong, the king of hell, funny, single. He's everything a person could need. It's only a slight problem. He's straight, and I'm not.

I mean, the guys had two wives. There's no way he'd be attracted to men in any way, and it's not like I'd stand a chance since I'm just a standard cleaner. The only times he ever talks to me is when he asks me to assist him with his work.

I dont know how long I've had these feelings for Lucifer. Maybe a year or 2 now. I've been working with him for 8 years, so I'm quite a loyal worker. The feelings started when he helped Charlie in battle on extermination day. He returned all tired and warned out. He went straight to sleep, so I did his paperwork. He woke up and thanked me. He touched my shoulder and smiled handsomely, all while making complete eye contact. My face went red.

How was I not supposed to fall in love with him? God, my face feels warm just thinking about it.

_______________________________

I was walking around his palace. I was just cleaning the place, making sure I didn't miss anything. I knocked softly three times on Lucifers door. I could hear a frustrated groan as he got up from his desk and opened the door.

"What do yo- oh. It's you, yeah, what do you need, Y/N?" He said softly. As soon as he realised it was me, his voice softened. He leaned against the side of the door frame. He's too short to lean from the top of it. I feel my face growing a little warm, but I ignored it.

"Do you need any assistance, sir, or anything you need cleaned?" I question as I stand straight with my hands held professionally in front of me. He smiled at me.

"I mean, my duck collection could use a bit of cleaning, would you mind?" He says I smile at the thought of a grown man owning ducks. Not to mention he's litrally the king of hell. I nod at his request. He moves out of the way to let me walk through, and I do just that.

I walk into his room and get overwhelmed with the sheer amount of ducks he actually has. He has whole piles of them. He wasn't joking when he said 'collection' of ducks. I smile awkwardly, and I turn to make eye contact with Lucifer.

He chuckles awkwardly. "Yeah.. there's alot..sorry about that, Y/N." To break the awkwardness, I just turn to him and put a hand on his shoulder.

"It's my job, isn't it? I'll be fine, sir, get back to what you were doing before." I say as I hesitantly approach the tower of ducks in the corner. I'll start here.

"Alright...um, good luck." Lucifer says with a slight chuckle as he goes to his desk and continues with his paperwork like usual.

-Lucifers Pov-

Y/N entered my room and automatically started cleaning. I know it's his job, but I still feel bad making him do all my dirty work. Alough, he does look really attractive. Just the way he looks, the tight black suit and nicely brushed hair, along with the pretty horns. He's just overall attractive.

I had a rubber duck sat on my desk with me. I've been addicted to creating the ducks every since my wife, Lilith, left me. It was a way to get her out of my head. Luckily, it worked, but now I've gotten slightly carried away and have a huge collection of them.

I continued to do my work. Every once in a while, I glanced at Y/N. He's kneeling on the floor, nicely organising my ducks. I smiled as I got an idea. I grab a few ducks from my desk and lightly tossed them on the floor beside my desk.

"Y/N? Could you pick these up for me? Im really concentrated on my work, yknow, hard work and..stuff." I say awkwardly. It's not like he could deny, he litrally works for me. I do slightly feel like an asshole. But anything to get Y/N closer to me.

He turns around and nods. He gets off his knees and wonders towards me. I make eye contact with him, never breaking it. I rotate in my spinny chair thing, making him kneel down in front of me. I glance down at Y/N.

Y/N picks up the 3 ducks. Before he gets up, he glances up at me. We both male eye contact and keep it for longer than normal before it gets interrupted by Y/N standing up and organising the ducks in a line on my desk. I could see a faint blush on Y/Ns face as he walked back over to the pile of ducks he was previously organising. I chuckle before awkwardly disguising it into a cough.

"Thanks," I say as I actually get back to my work this time, I did have important work to do. As surprising as that is.

-Readers pov-

My face was red slightly. That chuckle from Lucifer didn't go unnoticed either. He always does this. He knows I get easily affected by him and therefore teased me a lot.

I continued to organise his ducks. He had all different types. Demon, Angel, black, white, anything you could name, he has a duck version. It was kind of cute, though. Imagining him in his office painting and creating these little ducks. You'd never expect the king of Hell to have an addiction to ducks. It was peculiar.

I whipped my head behind me for a moment to look at Lucifer. His hair was slightly out of place, and his buttoned up shirt slightly creased. You could clearly see the concentration on his face as he stared at the scribbled ink on the paper.

He looked fucking handsome as hell. God, 2 years of having a crush on him drives me insane. I'm never normally this brave, but..I couldn't resist Lucifer any longer. I stand up and straighten my clothing before approaching Luicfer with confidence.

I stand in front of his desk and reach for his collar. I pull his face close to mine. His eyebrows lifted. He was clearly obvious to my feelings.

"What are you doing?" He questions. I smirk and keep his face close to mine.

"I apologise for..how unprofessional this is, sir." I say before clashing our lips together into a passionate kiss. I could physically hear his gasp in surprise. I smile when he starts kissing back. I moved myself to be straddling his lap while he sat on his chair.

We make out for a while, and I have no clue where this confidence came from. But I don't mind. To show Lucifer Karma for teasing me, I grinded on his lap. I hear his groans vibrate on my lips as we make out passionately. He's definitely a power bottom.

I bit his lip before pulling away. His luscious golden locks were even more messed up than before. His face was red too, which I found adorable. I smile at him. I peck his lips before getting off his lap. I adjusted my clothing before turning to Lucifer.

"I've finished my work, sir. I believe I'll.. see you later." I say with a smirk as I out of his room and shut the door behind me. Leaving Lucifer completely dumbfounded. I didn't know I could affect him so much. I'll definitely be doing that more often.

-Lucifers pov-

I tried to speak as Y/N left, but nothing came out. I lean back on my chair and rub my hands through my hair. I groan in annoyance as I realise how much he affects me. I groan in annoyance. Not only did I have to deal with my overwhelming confusion and flustereness, I had to deal with the problem in my trousers.

"Fuckk... God sake fucker did that on purpose.." I groaned in annoyance. The problem would fix itself. I stand up and walk over to my private bathroom. God, the things Y/N makes me feel. I had no clue he was that confident. Huh. Kinda hot though

[faunandfloraas]

Aussie question time: when I find out an idol is American/Canadian, their image in my mind completely changes because now it’s like “Oh I know exactly who you are, I grew up with your type around me” there are subtleties that I’m going to understand that others might not. So with all that said, I’ve been curious about what that’s like (if you experience it) w the skz aussies (throw in a lily if you’re feeling it -v-) 🎤

this is wayyyyyy too long so I'm putting it under a read more- also disclaimer: i dont know these guys and these are just my opinions, dont take em too srs <3

Hmmmm... Well I guess I'll start with Felix- I've said it before a bunch but the whole "Felix is a tiny uwuw baby sweet summerchild who is just such a baby" etc. etc. has made me laugh from the get go- because Yep! he is incredibly sensitive and sweet natured and kind and he cries a lot- 100% that is true. Dont think I'm saying it's not. But like. He also grew up in western sydney, he grew up in a area that if you google it one of the first suggestions is "is it safe" but then at the same time he went to private catholic school im pretty sure. and i saw pics from back then that he'd posted back in the day of cool little felix with his gold watch and his fade and all his little homeboys looking rowdy on the train- I know that kid and while that kid can also be sweet and sensitive, he's not incapable and hes not a baby. Good recent example was when he went on that Jewel box show with the gay dudes and people were acting like he was *so uncomfortable* and sooooo out of his element and so this and so that- theres gay dudes all over sydney, there's gay dudes all over australian media- the idea felix couldnt handle that was simply laughable to me- but it kinda shows how many outside perceptions of him still very much fall into that vaguely infantalizing thing. Like when he was the one who was happy to go up to adam levine and dj snake in that skz talker while the other boys were much more shy? that didnt shock me at all. felix went to korea as a whole teenager laregly against his parent wishes- he's actually quite an outgoing and brave guy. Outgoing guys can still be sweeties, though- one doesn't negate the other.

One other aspect of Felix i think a lot of fans just gloss over but is easily noticeable by me is that he can kindaaaaaa be ... a lil bitchy? like he's never ever mean or cruel dont get me wrong- but he has a slight bitchy streak, he rolls his eyes AND he's actually much more sarcastic than people bring up? Again- he does it a lot with Chan and that doesnt shock me- they both are aussie boys, Chan will get it and I think Felix can very much be himself with Chan, he doesn't necessarily feel the need to put up an extra air of like... Sweetie boy-ness? bc when he calls chan a cunt on live chan just laughs and goes OI!! so yuh the main thing with felix is while i do think hes a little sweet guy, ive never from the get go had a hard time seeing him outside of that box, too. Also maybe that's a lil bit aussie humour slipping under the radar here or there 🤔

Chan to me from the get go too was pretty much like. Prototypical overachieving aussie Good Boy. Like, i had a drafted post i never posted bc it was too niche- but it was essentially about how he speaks about sports and the like, and it just said "We get it. You went to zone carnival" which was the sporting event that the kids who got gold or 1st place were sent to. If you went to zone, you were the Successful kid. I think these days most fans perceive him as... a bit of a goofy guy? but I have gone through the archives and i have seen the comments from people talking about how chans such a bad boy- thats shit is so funny to me bc you can show me every iteration of chan and I'd never, ever think he's a bad boy. Like he wishes he was a bad boy, he kinda cosplays a bad boy- even him referencing swearing bc of his australianess and shit over the years makes me giggle a little bc i feel like felix def 100% swears all the time but he doesnt like Smirk about it too much? he doesnt really bring it up? things like that stand out, it to me feels very like Oh yeah I'm this naughty Aussie boy who swears hehe and then all the australians are like ? Girl we all do huh lmao

Otherwise, I dont have as much to say about chan as i do about felix, funnily. Like idk people might perceive differently to me, but nothing too far off? I will say that given Chan's success and the fact he was seemingly a very well achieving kid too (maybe not debuting for such a long time is part of this) he is WAY more humble than I'd expect. Like not to besmirch Australian men but a lot of them can be really loud and cocky, especially the famous successful ones (any sport star) it's almost encouraged to be like that if you're a dude (but only to a certain degree, anything beyond a certain point and you'll be roasted lol) So I have to give credit where it's due and say that Chan *Seemingly does have a very good nature and I appreciate that about him! Its probably why I like him so much bc he actually very much doesn't give off those vibes- he doesn't seem like that overly macho cocky bloke I know very well. So that makes him good fun for me- he's very successful and he's confident and yet he doesn't activate any of my bitch instincts- thats impressive! I don't know him, so I'll never know for sure of course, i feel like i need to make that disclaimer but still I do believe he has a good heart, and he tries so hard! and I appreciate that.

Lily is weirdly like Chan. like she's hilariously like chan tbh- I wonder how they really get along sometimes bc I feel like they might look at each other and be like Hm... we the same............ ? Lmao I will say though, lily is a bit out of pocket and half of that I believe is her personality but half of it is just.... I think she's just australian 😭 like i cant lie you get me as a teenager to early 20 something and put me on a live and I can promise I would be saying as much ?? shit. Like, I do think Australians are a little loud and not necessarily always.... tactful (again Not everyone, but yk.) lily certainly fits that bill to a T. I appreciate that regardless of her idolhood she does still say things that maybe she shouldn't, she shrugs off a shoplifting confession, she says she'd murder someone if she had to, she bought and wore a shirt that fans quickly tracked down and found out all the proceeds were going to Palestine- she would have known what that suggested. she clearly had this goal of being an idol since she was a baby, like literal baby but she hasn't sacrificed her broader personality, even the parts that could potentially be off-putting to those idol fans that expect perfection and nothing else. I appreciate that in her! and I hope she never loses her little weird girl spark bc it does make her very dynamic! Her slightly gruff aussie girlness is very fun for me to see in the idolsphere bc it def feels out of place, but in a refreshing way...

so yeah. Idk if this was sensical, I was making dinner so I put my phone down a bunch and it's probably disjointed but thats my opinion... my thoughts, my ideas! Idk my take on them. Thanks for asking 🫡

[andreabandrea]

i think all the time about how hard it is to be a kid even in the best case scenarios. like yeah as a kid you have very few responsibilities and youre innocent etc but i think the thing is that adults (at least in the USA) largely do not consider you to be a human.

i remember when i was a kid, my parents were nice to me and supportive and so on-- i didnt have a bad childhood. but there were times where my dad would just take things from me, or interrupt me on the computer/tv, not because i had exceeded screen time or anything but just because "im the dad and im more important so i can do what i want". i remember how powerless i felt when adults would shout at me, especially if it was over something i didnt understand and/or hadnt been taught.

i remember adults laughing in my face sometimes when i was crying or upset, and i think about this when i see those 'toddler/kid freakout' tiktok videos mocking a child's reaction, even if it is for something "stupid" like they dropped their candy or whatever.

even the most well-meaning adults will often write off your pain and negative emotions as 'overreactions', and this goes triple if youre neurodivergent. i had pneumonia as a child and my doctor thought i was just being dramatic.

your input on things is largely seen as worthless. if your parents want to travel the country in a van, but you want to go to school and have friends and have your own bedroom, they'll just pack you up and take you in that van because you're the child and you're their property. i think about this when i see those 'van life' families, and i think about this as i'm reading the Wavewalker book about the girl who was forced to live on her parents' boat with little to no schooling for 10 years.

if your parents spank you and hit you, largely thats seen as their "choice" as parents, no matter how many studies tell them it traumatizes children. and youre dependent on the adults around you and if those adults suck, or if youre in a bad situation, you have very little to no ability to change that and you just have to endure.

and thats what drives me insane about desantis is that we see more and more rhetoric like "the rights of parents" and "protecting children" but these kids are being told that they do not have rights. its as if people truly believe parents deserve to know everything, even if the child doesnt feel safe telling them. people think parents deserve to control their kids' every choice and every move. but when it comes to protecting kids from gun violence and protecting gay/trans kids and especially kids of color, republicans could not give less of a shit. hell, even the grand majority of democrats barely care.

yes, i get it. parenting is unimaginably hard. the nuclear family is unsustainable especially in today's double-income-not-even-making-rent economy. the world is fucked up. sometimes kids are shitty and it might hurt you as an adult. but kids are not evil, and kids are not adults who are acting with fully developed brains and social skills and empathy and so on and its important to keep that in mind.

on the chance that anyone wants to reply with "well i hate kids :/" look. you dont have to be a parent. but at least be kind to children in your life. let the kid in the park ramble to you about skibidi toilet or fucking whatever. you do owe people kindness, especially children

[drdemonprince]

woof. your recent posts really resonate with me especially now that im making more gay and trans friends, im meeting so many cool nonmonogamous trans people that seem to have casual sex with basically all their nonmonogamous trans friends and like. its almost giving me a complex where if i think someone is cool and want to be friends with them, even if im not attracted to them, i have a perception that the only way to befriend them is to pursue them sexually. or that if they dont wanna fuck me when they fuck all their other trans friends that means there's something wrong with me (again even if i don't particularly want to fuck them!)... i love being trans and poly, and i love having more trans and poly people in my life, but sometimes i think about this one reddit comment where a dude said he noticed his gay friend had way more fun at straight bars than gay bars bc at straight bars he wasn't worrying about his appearance/body image/validation/sexual prospects

yeah honestly i get this so much and it's a very dismaying swirl of emotions to have. i don't like fucking friends. at all. it actively makes me feel unsafe and like i'm only useful to someone insofar as i'm satisfying a desire for them. it makes me feel more disposable. plus im insanely jealous if i have an actual emotional connection with someone i'm fucking so i wouldn't do well in a whole poly queer mish mosh of dear devoted friends who also sometimes bang. i would be plotting the downfall of the people i was most primed to view as a threat and sowing discord between people and shit. not good.

i also think it is a little fucking concerning when people only date/have sex as their sole way to make friends, and are only friends with people they want to fuck. this tends to create a very homogenous friend group that is heavily restricted based on desirability politics. it's also just really objectifying and unsustainable.

now i must say!! this is very much in the minority of poly people -- poly people are generally fucking AMAZING at being friends because even as just their buddy they treat hanging out with the same degree of intention and care as they would going on a date. they can hang! they want to go out and do things! they're more practiced in building a new intimacy of *any* kind than most monogamous people are.

it's just that there are some weird culty up their own ass bad boundaried polycules out there, in the same way there are abusive, codependent, jealous, miserable fucking monog couples.

but even tho most queer and poly people are more ascended than that, yeah, there is a weird unsettling constant self-evaluation that can happen in spaces where fucking almost anybody is theoretically on the table. some of that is a problem in how people treat one another, and some of that is just insecurity in between your own ears.

i get it fully. im hyper conscious of myself and how i imagine im being perceived and how people are seeing me when im out in queer spaces. and most of it is me being fully insane and making myself miserable based on nothing. because literally who cares who is attracted to me in that space and who isn't??? what matters is what i want in that moment, and my behavior, which i have control over. i should be able to just float around smiling at people and dancing and chit chatting and if someone is feeling my energy and we can talk, great, if they try to make it sexual when i dont want it to, i can just walk away. like it fully does not need to be that deep.

but it's a hard internal hurdle to overcome and every time someone hits on you, ignores you, misreads your identity, etc it can be used by your mind as fodder for The Narratives and The Insecurities and make things worse and it really has to be an intentional practice to not do that to yourself.

if you can bounce along carelessly in the straight club because you're not worrying about how people see you, you can bounce along carelessly in the queer club and not worry about how people see you. literally treat queer people the same way you'd treat straight people who seem perfectly fine but are not your problem and not a focus for you. you can stop trying to mind read the intentions of every queer person and stop sizing yourself up in their eyes and not worrying about who is fucking who and who is in love with who and who is secretly jealous but pretending not to be. and just. hang out. and feel things out. and exist in your own body and pay attention to what interests you and what you are experiencing rather than how they are experiencing you.

i say this as a reminder to myself!!