#im happy martins is alright obviously

[princessofmerc]

Is it really an F2 weekend if the besties aren't trashing ART

[moethh]

dashboard simulator but with saints

⚔ knight--lover Follow

I ASKED FOR ROMANCE BOOKS AND THIS IS WHAT THEY GAVE ME???!?!??? WHAT AM I LOOKING AT????? 💀💀💀

♻️ ⚔ knight--lover Follow

nvm this stuffs good 💀

#like actually??? #gonna keep reading these while my leg is still healing #recovery update

15 notes

🌹 littlefl0wer Follow

cosplay!

♻️ ⚜ born-to-do-this Follow

Oh this is incredible! I love it!

♻️ 🌹 littlefl0wer Follow

oh my goodness?! thank you so much!! ❤️❤️❤️

#wow! i didn't know you would actually see this! #i'm so happy you like it!! #<3 #edit: we're mutuals now!!!

442 notes

🌟 host-prince Follow

EVERYONE‼ Below is a list of users who are ACTUAL DEMONS. PLEASE DO NOT INTERACT WITH THEM. Just block and report. Stay safe everyone.

Keep reading

#I am not going to add trigger or content warnings to this post as I want people to see it. #However #you are obviously free to add them to your own reblogs if you wish to do so.

15,837 notes

🔨 just-a-carpenter Follow

🤔

♻️ 💧 locustman Follow

???? Uncle???????? What is this????? What does this Mean????????

♻️ 🔨 just-a-carpenter Follow

👍

♻️ 💧 locustman Follow

???????????????????????????????????? @'mom? Can you explain? Please????

♻️ 👑 mom Follow

Idk

♻️ 🔨 just-a-carpenter Follow

👍

1,118 notes

⚔ knight--lover Follow

PH M

OH MY GOSH. Ok. Rant incoming.

So there's this guy I'm traveling with and GET THIS: HE DOESN'T BELIEVE IN @/mom's PERPETUAL VIRGINITY?!?!??!?!

I'm thinking of killing him. Like. Actually. I'm not even kidding. I genuinely can't decide whether or not I should kill him.

So you guys should decide:

#rant #my polls #tw antidicomarian #cw antidicomarian #please vote or else i'll just let my horse decide for goodness' sake

216 notes

👑 mom Follow

Alright, someone tagged me on @knight--lover's poll so this is my response to it:

♻️ ⚔ knight--lover Follow

Hm. I'll think about it.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

♻️ 👑 mom Follow

YOUNG MAN.

#Ignatius. Come on.

523 notes

🐭 martin-n-mice Follow

Wow! I've just found a ton of these little guys in a part of the monastery I've never been in before!

♻️ 👤 purrtrude

seems like your monastery needs one of these

♻️ 🐭 martin-n-mice Follow

NO!!

♻️ 👤 purrtrude

what? don't like cats?

♻️ 🐭 martin-n-mice Follow

I LIKE THE MICE!!

♻️ 👤 purrtrude

if you could save all the mice in the world, would you if all the cats starved to death?

♻️ 🐭 martin-n-mice Follow

??? What?????? I am so confused.

Are you implying that cats only eat mice, and if they couldn't, then they would just. Die? What is happening.

♻️ 🕯 claaaaaare Follow

Hey, @fraaaaaancis. Just curious how you would solve this.

♻️ 🐺 fraaaaaancis Follow

Hm. Well, it seems that St. Gertrude's situation is implying that you could only save either all cats or all mice with no survivors on the other side. To me, she is just asking which animal you like more.

There is really nothing to solve? This whole situation is very strange.

♻️ 🐱 gertie-the-kitty Follow

THATS NOT EVEN ME??? WHO IS THAT THAT IS NOT ME

@host-prince @host-prince @host-prince??????

♻️ 🌟 host-prince Follow

purrtrude is definitely Not You.

♻️ 📜 more-of-thomas Follow

OP is this your post?

♻️ 🐭 martin-n-mice Follow

#wghhhhghghhh #i just wanted to show off the mice...... #they're living happily by the way! i bring them food!

374 notes

🎨 luke-the-artpostle Follow

#my art #artists on christblr

1,852,658 notes

🐲 marthamartha Follow

look at this Thing. with that look you would probably think that the man just so happened to crawl in its mouth. what a Creature.

anyways does anyone have a sword

♻️ 🐲 marthamartha Follow

WILL PEOPLE IN THE NOTES STOP TELLING ME TO KEEP IT??? AS IF IT HASN'T KILLED PEOPLE?????

in case anyone forgot, this is a literal DRAGON

♻️ 🐲 marthamartha Follow

@turn-me-over-im-done-on-this-side???????????? what??????????

♻️ 🍳 turn-me-over-im-done-on-this-side Follow

I fail to see what needs explaining. Where did it live?

♻️ 🐲 marthamartha Follow

I-

Ok. It lived in the water.

♻️ 🍳 turn-me-over-im-done-on-this-side Follow

hm. Maybe it would taste like fish?

♻️ 🐲 marthamartha Follow

Maybe. I honestly don't know what the townspeople did with the body. They just asked me for help 🤷‍♀️

♻️ 📜 more-of-thomas Follow

#??????????????? #I am somewhat concerned for you two #(for all of my mutuals actually but as of seeing this post right now I am very concerned for Lawrence especially) #But I shan't say that I'm surprised considering that Lawrence told jokes while he was burning alive #and now that's his username for some reason #As a fellow joke-maker I suppose I admire that? #But as a human being I am concerned

563 notes

[go-to-the-mirror]

this is the georgie and martin one... oh no...

HI @a-mag-a-day IM ABOUT TO BE SO NORMAL. anyway um conflicts of interest: i love jonathan sims head archivist of the magnus institute london more than anyone else in the world barring my cat and my partner.

so let's just. go then, i guess.

I had a half blue in modern pentathlon and another in orienteering from my undergrad days.

I've done a couple of triathlons before, and a few aquathons (see, my favourite part was cycling, and second favourite was swimming, so I wish there was a swimming and cycling one I could do, instead of just swimming and running), but I've never heard of a pentathlon before. Apparently - according to the CBC - it's fencing, swimming, horse riding, and combined running and shooting.

Obviously, we wanted to leave him to his own stupidity and let the Amazon deal with him, but we both knew that it just wouldn’t be worth the paperwork.

ajhdshaghfhg they should have

As I got closer to the shabono, it became clear what was wrong with it. Although each roof was thatched like normal, the stands weren’t made of leaves, but all kinds of different materials instead: long strands of plastic, shards of rusted metal, even oddly shaped hunks of cement.

Hmm

But the inside was just like the outside, and in the worst possible way. There were no people in there, but that’s not the same thing as it being empty. Instead there were … figures. From a distance, they looked like human beings standing impossibly still, but getting closer quickly revealed the lie. They were just the rough shapes, cobbled together out of a hundred different pieces of garbage: a broken metal clothes horse for a ribcage, a plastic chair leg for an arm, rusted screws for teeth. In some cases, it looked like someone had gone to a lot of effort to match anatomy with construction. I saw one with a broken water cooler where its stomach would be, and another had a pair of old oxygen tanks standing in for lungs.

That's really spooky!

He started convulsing, as grey, liquid concrete began to pour from his mouth, from his nose and his eyes. His limbs went rigid and I could see his body starting to swell with it. I don’t know if it was me or Fernanda screaming, maybe it was both of us, but I know it was her that first spotted that the detritus figures were no longer choosing to stand still. That was the last I ever saw of Dr Nikos Anastas. There was never any question of trying to save him.

Oh that is quite spooky. Did they move? Did they become statues? Tis left to the imagination, for your mind to come up with the scariest possible answer while you try to sleep.

In the end, we crossed paths with a group of real Yanomami tribesmen. They were really friendly and, once they figured out that we were lost, they were very happy to return us to a part of the jungle we knew, near our facility. Of course, we didn’t have a good explanation for what happened to Dr Anastas, so we lost our jobs pretty much immediately. But you know what? That’s fine. I’m done with the jungle. There’s something in there, and I don’t know which scares me more: the thought that it’s more than just the things we left behind; or that that’s all it is, and we can’t escape the ruins of our own future.

that is a GREAT last line. ✨spooky!✨

GEORGIE Oh… Because I think he’s going to destroy himself and anyone who lets him get too close. And I don’t want that to include me. Or Melanie.

Alright, alright. Firstly, do I get where Georgie's coming from? Yes, I do. It's hard, having to step away from someone you love because they're going to get you hurt. Giving up one people is hard, and it's shitty when other people tell you that you need to not do that, different situations, but still, same principle. You decide who to associate yourself with, and it's fine to give up on people.

But... being alone sucks, being given up on sucks. I've been there. I've been given up on. You know what sucks more than the fear that everyone hates you? That fear being realized. And that fear was realized for Jon, he wakes up from a coma and has Georgie basically tell him she wished he was dead - maybe not what she said, but that's an interpretation, and if I know enough about anxiety - I know that interpretation is what Jon believes.

Good for Georgie, I guess, doesn't get her life ruined by a monster, I guess. But I sympathize more with Jon. Justified? Sure, but hey, me being alone was justified too. Does it still hurt? Yeah. Is it still a shitty situation to be in, does it still ache to be written off by someone you trusted? Yeah. Yeah, it probably does.

MARTIN Well, sometimes helping people hurts. GEORGIE Sure, but that doesn’t mean everything painful helps. Sometimes people have problems that will wreck you long before you can make a dent in them. And some people don’t want help; they just want other people suffering with them.

And here's the thing, right. I don't have one singular take on this. There's ✨nuance!✨ Like, yeah, does it suck to be written off by a friend? Yeah! Yeah it does! But then, Martin's all... he's doing this whole... hurt himself for Jon - something that, yeah, isn't helping. He's just hurting himself, he's just putting himself in these dangerous situations because maybe it'll help Jon.

Georgie has every right to leave, to protect herself and Melanie. She can't help Jon. Sure, she's saying it in a vaguely victim blame-y way, most seen in the whole "throwing a grenade and jumping on it" thing, cause he didn't chose this, at least not fairly, but she's right to leave, she's right to say this, she feels that she'll just get herself hurt if she tries to help and I get that.

You don't want to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.

GEORGIE He doesn’t know what he wants. And from the sound of things, he’s run out of time to figure it out. MARTIN It’s easy to pass judgement from the outside. GEORGIE One more reason to stay on the outside.

AND YEAH, IM A LITTLE ANNOYED AT GEORGIE HERE, because she doesn't know what's going on, she doesn't understand and she doesn't get to pass judgement on what other people are feeling and doing and thinking and deciding as someone who's not involved and doesn't want to be involved. Great for her, she isn't trapped in an evil job and gotten turned into a bloody monster. Yeah, I think Martin's right here, for a given value of right. Right is subjective.

MARTIN A-a-and wh-what, you think Melanie’s worth saving? GEORGIE It’s not about worth, but yeah, she’s actually trying to get well, so I’m going to help her. MARTIN This place isn’t a sickness. GEORGIE No, I think it’s worse. MARTIN Look, we’re all just trying to do the right thing. GEORGIE Maybe. Look, life forces you to make hard decisions, but I can never trust someone who goes around looking for hard decisions to make.

You sure that's what's happening? You sure it's not - I dunno - a lot of intentionally crafted rock and hard place decisions for the purpose of ending the world? You sure it's not magically knowing that your... colleague has a ghost bullet in her, and having to decide between violating her trust or asking her and potentially her actually hurting and/or killing you? Sure it's not someone's trapped in a coffin and you're like well, hey, at least I can do something useful? Get her out? Die trying? It's so easy to pass judgement from the outside, to call it a stupid decision when it wasn't. You know what sort of decision it was? A decision from someone who didn't care whether they lived or died in part because of your actions.

GEORGIE Oh, I was, um… … Huh. No-one, apparently. MELANIE Yeah, this place will do that to you. Come on. GEORGIE Sure.

I ONLY NOW REALIZED MARTIN TURNED INVISIBLE WITH HIS SPOOKY LONELY POWERS??? WHAT???

Huh.

Well, in conclusion, really cool statement, I have Feelings about the post statement, and I just think that although Georgie has every right to leave and a point in some things that she was saying, she still said it in a really victim blame-y way, and I'm a little annoyed at her perspective on things. Also, Martin's in like season 3 Jon level of monsterhood, I don't know why he thought he wasn't an Avatar in season 5. Was he doing it unconsciously? Is he at season 2 level, actually?

Right...

Oh! Tomorrow is Cul-de-Sac, one of my favourite episodes... ever. So, look forward to that :3

[chronic-ghost]

alright I can’t wait because this

The white bathroom door.

This is the moment he realizes that blank door will haunt his nightmares for years to come. What he could have found on the other side. What he nearly does. 

FUCJING DESTROYED ME 😭😭😭😭

Like holy crap this chapter was so so amazing and I think despite the absolute heartbreak, it’s my favourite so far! Just like the emotions??? The intimacy at the beginning and then then everything turning into a war zone.

And then my heart literally sank when Oliver was there and saying all that shit. Oh my god.

Firstly tho, god damn you Chloe. Like, I don’t believe her! If she is pregnant then it’s probably not Dieters… (I hope lmao) or she’s lying because she knows he’s going to leave her otherwise. But girl, you’re not having his baby!! 😂 I can’t wait to see what is actually true and to hate Chloe even more lmao!

But their fight 😭😭😭 so much emotion and aggressions and sadness and hurt. All the freaking hurt in that room in that moment 🥺🥺 my poor little heart!! Poor Natalies heart too because I’m sure you could probably actually hear it break.

But I’m so glad Dieter could call Heidi and she came and helped him 😭😭 and he’s gonna go to rehab for himself and get better for himself and be happy for himself 🥺 and he was nominated for an Oscar!!! 😭 I’m sure it will be such a tough and hard road but I’m glad he has someone there for him!

And Natalie.. 😭😭 I had a feeling something like this was eventually going to happen and while I hate to say it.. maybe it had to. For her to also realise that this isn’t the life she wants to have. That she deserves a better one, a happier one! I’m just so glad she made it through because you could’ve absolutely shredded our hearts right there lmao!

But the way you wrote that, the way Dieter found her. It really was like I could feel his desperation and fear, got my hands all sweaty! It was written so so beautifully and so sad and I legit wanted to cry a bit.

Fuck Oliver obviously, hope you rot in jail 💕

(btw I’m watching the new season only murders in the building and for some reason I always picture that Oliver and it’s absolutely fucking hilarious 😂)

Just.. Aaaaaaah!!! Like this was such a sad and heart breaking chapter but I also feel weirdly hopeful? Like shit went down. Absolute rock bottom and it sucks! But now the only way left is up again, working on rebuilding the rubble and maybe it’s gonna be so so much better then.

Also Natalie finally said she loves him 🥺 I know they’re gonna find their way back to each other eventually and hopefully have their issues and problems worked out so they can finally get to know who the other person really is and love each other even more and better than before 🥺

AND RECOVERY ROAD GOT AN OSCAR! 🎉

Man this was just an amazing chapter and I am so soft for these 2 characters and I just.. sigh

You’re such a brilliant freaking writer! Thank you for sharing 🥺 (also I wasn’t sure where to send this ask so I hope here is okay but if not then the next one will be to your Pedro blog!!! :))))

im having kind of a rough day and this . . . ooof, this got me real good.

aldjfalkadsf i would never do anything to actually hurt Natalie forever, she's come too far. fanfiction is supposed to be fun and i am too much of a wimp to really kill a character forever -- or do something that prevents the blorbos from being happy in the end. this is the lowest the fic will ever get, so you're right! the only way forward is up!

I've been writing fic for years and the scene in the hospital is the only time i've actually made myself tear up. i think it's easy to forget that natalie is 13 years younger than dieter and just by the nature of time itself, has more life experience than her. she's still young herself and trying to figure it all out. my heart just broke for her :(

I LOVE only murders in the building and that oliver would be horrified and disgusted by this oliver! Martin Short is absolutely hilarious in that role -- i need to catch up on the next season!

thank you so much for all your words and support. it really truly honestly means the world to me! i was really, really hoping you'd like this chapter and i can't wait to hear what you think of the next one.

You make all of this very worthwhile!

[youjustwaitsunshine]

I'm quite new to the sport but I see that a lot of seb fans usually dislike Ferrari and their behaviour towards seb. If it's quite alright with you, would you please elaborate on what Ferrari did to him. I suppose it's not just the way they let go of him that has warranted a reaction of such capacity

ok first off this is very emotionally charged from my side so im not gonna be very objective on this one.

under a cut because long and rambly

First thing you need to know is that Seb was a massive Ferrari and Schumi fan growing up. His dream was to win the Championship with Ferrari and everyone knew that if he'd get the opportunity, he would go to Ferrari. He loved the team and the myth behind him and when Luca di Montezemelo asked him to join, he did.

The thing is, before Seb even actually joined the team, there was a change in management and the people who actually wanted Seb were no longer in power. The internal power structure at Ferrari changed once more after the unexpected death of Sergio Marchionne.

A lot of the internal power struggle and leadership changes left people in charge who weren't Seb's biggest fans and who put the blame on the failed championship campaigns in 2017 and 2018 entirely on him instead of both him and the team.

Another thing were the disgusting bodyshaming nicknames people in the team (management apparently) had for Seb.

Then from 2019 onwards with Charles joining the team, Seb was put on the back burner, especially in 2020. When there was an incident both drivers were involved in and were realistically 50/50 to be blamed, Seb was the one who got most of the blame regardless while incidents entirely Charles' fault were "both drivers making a mistake" (styria 2020 for example). I wanna say that that favoritism isn't really Charles' fault just as Seb being favored at Red Bull wasn't his fault and obviously not something he saw the same way as it was from the outside, it's a combination of how things work at Ferrari, Nicolas Todt being Charles' manager and the Ferrari team boss. You can see his behavior clearly so many times and he's the one who a lot of Seb fans who hate Ferrari hate the most. It's easy to see why, you look at him giving his opinion on Toto talking to Seb, Mick and Seb's dad and saying he would never do something like that, it's him seeing both drivers struggle in 2020 and say on dts that 'Sebastian lacks confidence' but also with Charles it's the car,.. the list goes on.

The thing that hurt me as a Seb fan the most is knowing that they left him in the rain and just completely forgot about him. The man had to do his own tyre strategy while driving a race ffs.

It especially hurt a lot to see him so extremely sad and disappointed all through 2020. Seeing him suffer and actually saying the words 'Life is treating me far too well to drag on and keep suffering' was just super painful.

A lot of it is seeing this guy who loves this team so much, who is maybe blinded by the mythos of the cavallino rampante, seeing his childhood dream not only unfulfilled but broken and all kinds of fucked up. It's hearing Ted say that Charles was more warmly conforted for losing out on a podium than Seb was celebrated for getting it, it's having to hear Binotto say that they 'gifted' Seb the win in Singapore 2019 which is just absurd, he got ahead because of his pace on the in- and outlap and his resulting brilliant undercut.

Also, even though Seb was pretty stoic through it all and didn't make it seem too bad, it's Britta who showed how bad it really was, once when she talked about how much happier he was after being at aston martin and then also in Baku when she was crying so hard over Seb's p2 because you could really see how happy she was for him to be somewhere where he's loved and appreciated.

Anyways. moral of the story. don't idolize big corporations. second moral of the story. seb may forgive but his fans will not.

[theoscout]

Discord Interview transcript

Theoscout (me): Hi is it ok if I ask questions about Brian Stells? Not questions that are spoilers obviously lol

Amy: uhhh maybe?

what for

t: idk

the wiki

a: ight

t: For some reason I get a feeling that he's non binary

Is he?

a: to my knowledge he's not but i could be wrong

t: Oh ok

Hmmm sorry I get nervous talking to famous people aaa

a: no worries bro

t: Thanks

a: im here to answer the questions you got to the best of my abilities

t: Ah ok!

Is coughing his response to smelling something bad, or does he just cough a lot?

a: it was the response to the odor

t: Ah alright

a: i was sick though during the recording of some of my lines

t: Oh! Can I add that to the trivia section?

a: so only when he enters the facility and is running from bon before his death are his intentional coughs

t: Also can I post this conversation to tumblr

a: [replying to my question about the editing trivia section] if you want to

a: [replying to my question about posting this on tumblr] again if you want

t: Thank you and thank you!

Hmmm

Why did he try running from Bon on foot instead of going to his car? Did something block the way?

a: if im honest im not really aware as the script i was given was very vague about the details

it could have been from a fight or flight reaction to just bolt in a direction or it could have been brian actually running to his car but thats just my theories. as for the actual answer, i'm unsure.

t: Thank you!

a: np

t: I'm assuming that his death was a quick one because you didn't voice any screams?

a: i dont remember much about the death but it was not at all a short one.

t: (fearful emoji)

a: i believe he was alive getting his eyes gouged out or punched in

he didnt die until after all the damage was done by bon

t: (reaction gif of a terrified looking hamster)

a: yea

t: Y I K E S

I'm going to guess you didn't voice that because you were sick at the time?

a: I wasn't even given a scream to voice

t: Ok

a: the "What was that thing" line was the last line martin asked me to record

t: I mean there's a huge hole in his neck so maybe his vocal chords was ripped out?

t: (replying to Amy's info about her last line) Thanks!

Oh and a risky question that will probably border on spoilers so it's ok if you don't answer this one

Will he appear again?

a: as it stands, i'm entirely unsure. it's entirely possible as it is martin's series and im not sure what he has planned for it but as it stands, i have no idea nor a say in what his decision on brian appearing again is

if he appears again, he appears again. if he doesn't, it was a pleasure voicing him for what i did

t: Plus Brian communicates through text on screen and not always voices

a: yea

like i said, it's entirely up to martin as to if brian appears again and if he does id be more than happy to make that return

t: It's almost certain that he won't be alive the next time he appears, because he got killed on the first day so there's not much more company footage of him.

(replying to Amy saying they're happy to return)

:D

Thank you Amy! It was wonderful talking to you!

Got some editing to do now.

a: of course!

t: Peace out!

a: cya!

transcript for the post over here

[cialbi]

Boy with Hope: Lavender - Chapter Four

Summary: Severely depressed and addicted to alcohol, you had given up entirely on life. Your passion was gone, your friends had left you and you found yourself completely alone. As you closed your eyes for the last time, the smell of lavender wafted through your nose and a boy with purple wings appeared above you.

Genre: Angst, Romance, Fantasy

Pairings: Angel Hoseok x Reader

Warnings: Language, Depression, Alcoholism

⤎Previous

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

The smell of citrus had you blinking your eyes open. It was a familiar smell, comforting. A scent you hadn’t smelled in a long time.

As your vision adjusted and your foggy head cleared, you noticed a display of stick-on stars plastered to the ceiling, glowing faintly against the autumn colored sunlight. You’d put them on almost every inch of your childhood bedroom when you were ten. Living in the city, stars were a rare sight, so you had concluded that this way, every night would be a starry one.

You sat up, knees hugged to your chest. A Disney princess blanket was draped over your lower half and ruffled pink pillows supported you comfortably as you leaned back against the headboard of your childhood bed. Looking around made you feel nostalgic, happy even. Seeing the array of stuffed animals that surrounded you and the zoetrope on your white wooden nightstand left a warm feeling in your gut. But something poked at your brain, telling you something was not right.

‘How did I get here?’ You wondered, though the thought felt distant, unimportant.

Before you could dwell on it, there was a knock at your door. “Y/N, can I come in?” That voice. You knew that voice.

“Yes, come in.” You said, almost automatically.

The door creaked open and the curly brown head of your mom poked in from behind. “Hi there sleepyhead, how are you feeling? I brought you some dinner.”

How were you feeling? “Um.. fine, I think?”

Your mom gave a soft laugh, entering your room with a tray of her special spaghetti and a tall glass of water. She placed the delicious smelling food on your nightstand before taking a seat beside you on the bed and reaching to place a hand on your forehead.

“Hmm… you’re still a little warm.” She confirmed. “Are you sure you’re feeling alright?”

Scrunching your brow, you tried to think about how you’re feeling, but all that comes up is a groggy mush and that irking in your tummy. An irking that this is an unusual situation and you’re not supposed to be here.

“Well…” You started. “I don’t feel sick.”

She smiled, her pale pink lipstick looking like a flower petal. “That’s good to hear. You really had us worried.”

Looking at your mom was surreal. It had been so long since you’d seen her face; her beautiful, soothing face that always put your mind at ease. On many occasions she’d been your support, held your hair back as you vomited from the overindulgence of alcohol. She’d scraped you off the steps of your house and helped you bathe away the sweat and barf in your hair. She had held you close as you cried from the pain of intoxication, and nursed you the next day with lots of water, alka seltzer and tums. She’d done so much for you, and in return all you did was fall deeper into the hole you were digging. And as you looked at every line of her face and her softly applied makeup, you couldn’t help but pull her into a hug.

“What’s this?” She giggled, hugging you back.

“Im sorry, mom.” You murmured, your voice muffled by her wool sweater.

“Oh, honey.” Ever so softly, she began to rub your back, something she did whenever you were distressed. It was soothing, familiar, and full of love. You couldn’t help but cry.

“I’m so sorry.” You blubbered, burying your face further into her shoulder.

“You should be.” The tone of her voice suddenly changed.

You blinked. ‘What?’  

That irking feeling began to scream as your mom’s grip tightened. The digging of her nails burned your flesh and had you yelp in pain.

“Mom what are you doing? Stop!” Wriggling, you tried to break free but she was too strong. When did she get that strong?

She laughed. Not the kind hearted laugh like before, but a morbid laugh that sent a chill down your spine. Nuzzling your neck, her lips ghosted your ear. “You’re a disappointment.”

Your eyes widened, tears spilling down your cheeks at the comment. Your mom had always expressed her concerns for you, her doubts and sadnesses, but she had never said anything so cruel before.

There was a tiny tickle on your cheek. With surprise, you used all your strength to pull yourself away from her chest only to see the woman you loved most crawling with cockroaches. Screaming, you scooched back against the wall and away from her. ‘Not this again. Please, not this again.’

Your mom didn’t move, sitting there with a deep frown on her lips. “How were we so unlucky to have a daughter like you?” She scowled.

Whimpering, you cried “Mom! I’m sorry!”

“You’re sorry? You’re always sorry, but you never change. You can never change!” She grabbed your shoulders, fingernails piercing your flesh. You shriek in agony. There was a chirping noise as the cockroaches began to flood the room and creep their way up onto your bed. You bit your lip, sobs leaking out of your mouth. Shaking you, your mom growled. “You’ll never change! You’ll never change!”

“I’m sorry… I’m sorry… I’m sorry…” You repeated.

The chirping noise grew louder as the roaches overtook your arms, little legs writhing like snakes against your skin. You screamed again, trying to free yourself from her death grip but failing miserably. As you struggled, your mom relinquished one hand, only  to grab your forehead in another strong hold. You gasped as she began to smash your head against the wall.

“Die!” She raged.

“Stop!” You cried. Your scalp became wet as  blood trickled down your neck. “Please stop mom!”

“Die already!” Her eyes flashed red, her flower petal lips pulled back in a horrifying snarl. “Just die! Just die!”

Just.

DIE!

Your eyes shot open, the sight of your ceiling fan welcomed you with gentle blows of cool air. ‘Ugh. Just a dream.’ You groaned aloud and flopped your arms across your face in exhaustion.

“So, Sleeping Beauty finally wakes.”

You sat up abruptly to see the black-haired man from the hallway sitting in your desk chair with his legs apart and hands folded neatly in his lap. There’s a clear smirk on his striking face as he eyed you in amusement.

“You… what the fuck are you--” The throbbing in your head cut you off. You put a hand to your forehead and breathed deeply, sweat soaking through your shirt.

“I take it you didn’t sleep well?” He quipped, the look on his face made you want to smack him.

Ignoring him, you rubbed your temples and swallowed thickly. Your mouth was dry and there was an irrevocable thirst that itched in your throat.“Wh-um--what the hell happened?”

He adjusted himself, leaning back against the chair and crossed his arms over his chest before extending a ringed finger to point at your bedside table. “Water’s over there.”

You looked to where he pointed, and sure enough there was a tall glass of water and two tablets of Advil just beckoning for you to claim them. Your muscles groaned as you reached for them, swallowing the tablets first and then finishing it off with desperate gulps of water. When you finished, you placed the empty glass back on the table and wiped at your lips.

The dark-haired man raised an eyebrow at your eagerness. “Better?”

You coughed, choking a little on some spit. “Um.. yeah. Thanks.”

His pretty lips tugged into a sneer, a suitable expression for his intimidating appearance. “Don’t thank me.”

An awkward silence flew between you two. You looked at your hands and pinched at your wrist, not daring to meet the scary angel-man’s boring stare. At least you assumed he was an angel too, since he seemed to be Hoseok’s friend. And he had one of those silver crosses. But you would not at all be surprised if he turned out to be the devil's incarnate.

“So.” His voice broke the silence, startling you to look up at him. His chin was angled so that his lashes cascaded a shadow down his cheekbone, making him look even more beautiful and even more frightening. “What do you remember?”

You took a moment to collect your thoughts. Your head was fuzzy, but you could faintly remember running barefoot like a maniac all the way to Martin’s Liquor. “Did I…?

“Drink?” He snorted, leaning forward to rest his chin on top of his folded hands. “No. But you did cause one hell of a shitstorm princess.”

You furrowed your brows quizzically. “What do you mean?”

The dark-haired man cracked a smile. Not a cheerful, warm and fuzzy smile like Hoseoks. The kind that makes you feel like the whole world is in on a joke about you. “Went absolutely bananas. Destroyed half a liquor store. Almost killed a guy. Any of that ring a bell?”

Your eyes widened and before you knew what you were saying, the words started to tumble out. “That wasn’t my fault! I was being attacked. They were everywhere, those… those…” You gasped, finally remembering everything. “Cockroaches.” Shifting your position, you were now completely facing him, eyes almost pleading. “You have to believe me. They were there. It wasn’t a hallucination, I swear.”

“Oh I believe you, sweetheart.” He licked his lips, eyes rolling to look at the ceiling in a bored sort of interest.

“You.. you do?” You leaned forward eagerly.

The angel brought his head back down to level with yours. His expression was unreadable. “I believe you thought they were there.”

Your jaw clenched. “So you think I’m crazy.”

“I don’t think you’re sane.” He said matter of factly.

On top of being terrifying, this guy was a colossal jerk. Tears started to well in your eyes. You felt frustrated. You knew what you saw. But none of the other store clerks had seen it. Could you really be crazy? After everything you put yourself through, have you officially snapped? You were obviously seeing things that no one else could see. You trashed a store and, like the angel said, nearly killed a guy. The friendly, freckled face of the store clerk, soaked in blood flashed through your mind. A deep pang of guilt stabbed through your heart.

“That guy… is he ok?” The shame made you stare at the floor as you begged the question.

The dark-haired man sighed. “He’s fine. Hoseok took care of everything.” The dubious look you shot him made him sigh again. “With magic. He took away their memory and healed that guy you shoved. You don’t have to worry about a lawsuit anymore. All they’ll think is that the store was trashed by a crazy robber, or something like that.”

“Oh…” Was all you could say in response.

“That’s it?” He raised a brow. “No questions?”

You shook your head.

You should be asking more questions. This whole thing was utterly perplexing. Magic? Erasing memories? You knew about the healing, but it still caught you off guard. You should be freaking out, or running out the door again. But you had no energy left and you felt like you were going crazy. So you slumped back against the wall and allowed more tears to fall.

“Oh god. I’m completely insane.” You whimpered, lip quivering.

The dark-haired man fished out a pack of cigarettes followed by a silver lighter. He stuck the cancer stick between his lips and lit it, taking a long drag and exhaling deeply. “Yeah. Maybe.”

“Ok that’s enough.” A stern voice called.

Hoseok appeared from behind your kitchen door. He was holding a plate of steaming food and a glass of orange juice. His eyes were fixed with a warning stare which he directed towards his stoic friend. With a tut, he made his way over to your bedside and placed the food in your lap and the OJ in your hands. You sniffed, wiping away the tear stains and taking a little sip.

“Yoongi-hyung.” His voice softened but remained firm. “You can’t say things like that to her.” He turned his attention back to you. “Don’t mind him, love. He’s an incurable asshole.” You heard a grunt of disapproval. “Here, eat something. You must be starving.”

It felt like a millennia since you last ate, but as you looked down at the nicely prepared pancakes, you couldn’t find it in yourself to eat. Instead, you avert your eyes to the two men who are now seated side by side, with Hoseok seated criss-crossed on the floor and Yoongi still comfortably reclined in your desk chair.

They both stared at you in intense silence, as if you’d explode if one of them dared to move. You looked once more at the food, then back at them. A new found frustration boiled in your veins. How in the hell did they expect you to eat now? The entire situation was bananas, you felt bananas. And despite your exhaustion, you now had questions and a burning desire for some sort of emotional release.

“I’m sorry.” You started. Biting back the hostility in your voice, you slid the food off your lap and placed the OJ on your nightstand. “You have to forgive me. It’s been--well it’s been quite the day. First, some strange man breaks into my apartment, claiming to be an angell and heals me with his bare hands. And then, would you know it, sprouts enormous purple wings. Ok yeah, that’s weird. But then his moody, outcast-wannabe friend appears out of nowhere, tries to grab me--”

“Moody outcast? Is that me?”

“Yeah, yeah. I’m the strange man with purple wings.”

“--and basically calls me crazy.” You continued, throwing them a ‘shut-up and don’t interrupt me' glare. “I see hundreds--no thousands--of disgusting mother-fucking cockroaches trying to flipping eat me, but no one else seems to see that. Instead I’m just this batshit-bonker balls lady who almost killed a guy and probably backrupted an entire store. Than this brooding asshole--”

“Yoongi.”

“--I don’t care. Tells me you--” You throw your arms up at Hoseok. “--apparently erased their memories, and used your magic-hands to heal that poor guy, which still sounds ridiculous. So please. Forgive me for asking. But just what in God’s fucking name is going on here and should I check myself for a psych-eval now or just wait until I actually kill someone. Because honestly, I still have no fucking idea if this is all in my head, or am I really--am I really standing here, venting my life problems to two of the lords chosen ones who have been the entire center of this loony-tunes day.” You take a deep breath, regaining all the lost oxygen you have just spent on your tirade, and turn to face the dumbfounded expressions of angel-dee and angel-dumb. “So now, I’m going to be quiet, and hope that for heaven’s sake, one of you will explain.”

“Uh…” Yoongi was the first to speak up. Not breaking eye contact with you, the dark-haired angel slapped a hand across Hoseok’s shoulder. “Wow man. Good luck with this one.”

Hoseok blinked in disbelief, like he doesn’t know where to begin. “Uhm… demons.”

Now it’s your turn to blink in disbelief. “Guzuntight?”

Blinking a few more times, Hoseok seemed to regain his composure. “Yes. Those were demons.”

“I’m sorry, demons? I thought you guys were angels.” You narrowed your eyes at Yoongi. “Except maybe this one.”

Yoongi returned your glare with sparks flying between you two. “He means the cockroaches.” He explained, sliding back into his collected demeanor.

“Wait.” You wiggled a finger next to your head as if the motion could somehow translate english to english. “The cockroaches… are… demons? Demons?”

Hoseok cleared his throat, preparing for a long explanation. “Yes. Well… sort of.” The ‘I-do-not-follow’ look on your face urged him to continue. “Let me put it this way.” He stood and held out a hand, palm facing up. A single glowing orb generated from his hand and hovered inches in the air. You gasped, because despite everything you’d seen today, you were still not used to this who magic-thing. “Every human has a soul. Bright, hopeful, full of light.” He said. “But when that soul is shrouded in darkness, it invites demons to come and manipulate that soul until there is no light left.” As he said this, the orb’s glow gradually dimmed until it was completely gone.”Our job as angels is to protect these particular souls and help them to find their light again, so that it doesn't disappear and leave the human empty.”  

You nod. This all sounds completely bonker-balls, and you’re not entirely following, but you decide to probe further. “So… those cockroaches were demons… coming after my… my soul?”

Hoseok grinned, squinty eyes twinkling as you were finally putting it together. “Yes!”

Demons coming after your soul. Not the most illogical thing you’ve heard today. “Ok, but wait. Why haven’t I seen them before?”

There was a pause. Hoseok’s eye-smile dropping, lips dipping into a said frown. “You tried to kill yourself.”  At the same time, all three of you lowered your gazes to the floor. Another moment of silence passed before Hoseok continued. “That’s when the soul is almost completely consumed by the darkness.”

You bit your lip. “So then I’m…”

“No! Don’t worry. Before I could let that happen to you, I brought you back.” The orange-haired angel assured you. “It’s just now… everytime you reach out for that darkness… it’s like a perfume for demons. They’re attracted to that scent of humans giving into their… well… personal demons. They take on your worst fear and use that fear to devour you. Your soul is still so sunk in black that even the slightest relapse will send them on your tail.”

You sighed, rubbing your temples. “Could you say that in a way I can understand?”

“You drink, you’re demon food.” Yoongi chimed in.

Hoseok’s eyes rolled to the ceiling as he breathed through his nose. “As a manner of speaking.”

You laughed bitterly. “Great.” The one thing your body desperately wants and you couldn’t have it. Because if you do, your soul turns completely black and demons get to eat your innards like spaghetti.

“Think of it like a cockblock. Don’t drink and the demons won’t bother you. Simple.” Yoongi affirmed, giving you a solid thumbs up which made you groan. Hoseok was right. Incurable asshole.

“Well no. It’s not that simple.” Hoseok smacked his friend’s leg. “We need to find a way to bring back that light in your life. And until then, I’m here to stay.

You frowned. You almost thought it was better when he was just a psycho on the loose. Because having a legitimate messenger of God all up in your business was way too much pressure. And to be frank, kind of scary. “And for how long?”

Hoseok scuttled over to take a seat next to you. “See this?” He tugged at the cross around his neck and presented it to your line of vision. He tapped softly next to an onyx jewel embedded in the middle. His gorgeous face beamed with excitement. “This is your soul… well a representation of it. When this completely turns white, then I’ve completed my mission and I’m out of your hair. I swear.”

Looking over to Yoongi, you eyed his necklace which also had an onyx jewel in the center of his cross. The dark-haired angel followed your gaze and looked down too. Then suddenly he stood up.

“And with that, I’m outta here.” He said plainly. “Got my own business to attend to.”

“Still haven't found her, hyung?” Hoseok asked his friend.

Yoongi sighed, a ghost of a sad smile on his lips, which surprised you to see any sort of emotion from him. “She’s a tough one to find.”

Before you could ask what they’re talking about, Yoongi made his way to your window, opening the latch and raising the pane all the way up. He perched like a hawk about to take off, the glowing autumn light casting a lovely glow against his porcelain skin.

“Hey!” You yelled, jumping to your feet but not daring to move.

“Don’t worry princess. They may not be purple, but they’re just as big and just as strong.” He said, sending you a little wink.

Your mouth opened and closed, wondering what he meant until two huge black wings burst from his back. They beat a couple of times to adjust themselves, sending a soft current of wind against your face.

“Oh my God.” You whispered, just loud enough for him to hear.

Yoongi chuckled melodically, a beautiful sound you never thought his snarky lips could make. “Not quite.”

“Let me know when you find her, hyung!” Hoseok shouted after the dark-haired man as he leapt from the window and disappeared from sight.

Your head began to spin as yet another unbelievable thing just happened today. As you sat back down on your bed, you turned to look at Hoseok, trying to find any words. But all that could come out was, “Can’t you guys just use the friggin’ door?”

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A/N 

Again, pretty much unedited. Will go back later to edit. Hope you enjoyed this chapter! 

Cial

[fictitiousponies]

hey so theres like no way im going to write this BUT i was listening to Safe and Sound by Tswift/The Civil Wars, and it just made me think of this:  What if Jon cant fix the world, but he does kill Jonah and manage to take over being 'king' of the ruined world. He's all powerful, etc etc. And he can...make Martin see the world however he wants.  So he plays with Martins memories, makes it seem like they managed to change the world back, and they're living together in a nicer little cottage (though they're really in the panopticon)  Sometimes things bleed through. Sometimes Martin looks out the window and sees the world burning, covered in darkness, covered in filth and rot. Jon usually has to sit him down and explain then, what happened, how he's been making Martin think everythings alright so he'd be happy.  Dont worry, you're safe, Martin. No one can hurt you now.  Martin is obviously angry at jon for playing with his memories and tells Jon to stop, tells Jon this isnt right- but Jon just puts his hand against Martins head, tells him to go to sleep, everything will be alright in the morning.  And the next morning, Martin wakes up. And everything is Fine

[rave-witch-69]

the umbrella academy: S2 E1 thoughts

spoilers for EPISODE ONE below the cut!!!! obviously!!!!!! 

starting with klaus because of course they are. this is important to me, thank you mr steve blackwood

woah blackwood like martin blackwood? hang on let me google that 

his name is steve blackman i,m fucking stupid

oh already the CHARACter stuff. they know their strengths it is character driven narrative and fight scenes to upbeat music. please tick that second box soon

fr i am already analysing their reactions to landing in the past. klaus calling for diego then allison-- his favourites. luther breaking down. diego landing on his feet lol, love u batman. allison discovering what’s happened by walking into the all-white’s diner, and her being the only one who’s life and chances are actually affected, is just,, really powerful

five is a very good through line to this story. i like his unchangedness a lot very much and aiden gallager doesnt need any more of a god complex but yeah he’s extremely talented etc etc

THAT SUPER INDULGENT SUPERHERO MOMENT WAS THE COOLEST, OH MY GODDDD. THEIR POOOWWEEERRRRRSSSS!!!!!! A NICE WAY OF HINTING AT THEIR POTENTIAL, AS A SORT OF ASPIRATIONAL TEAM DYNAMIC. MY SECOND FAVOURITE SCENE THIS EPISODE

HAZEL!!!! i forgot about you almost!!!!!!he got his happy ending with agnes <3 i’m almost okay with him getting killed off. they’re flying with the birds now <3

villains who shoot on sight? very cool. every show needs villains who shoot on sight

this conspiracy theory guy. he’s just doing his best. this poor man. i too am obsessed with aliens and think five is scary

holy shit, diego. i lvoe youht so much you’ll get out of there. i know david did research on the effects of institutionalisation and this has potentional to be REAL interesting; he seems SO unhinged

i like how diego is fucking witht the therapist but we, the audience know full well his therapist is 110% right

i really hope lila isnt reduced to manic pixie dream girl to advance a male character’s arc, but she’s so fcking COOL and funny and yes

diego planning to be a time travelling vigilante is the most in character thing. “then we can go back and kill hitler” maybe we should think this one through somewhat maybe

this is more generalised but i love how emotionally driven all characters are. they don’t use their heads, and five is only the voice of logic out of habit. they’re very believable on the way they act on whim and the places they end up seem to make sense because of course diego is going to plunge in and tell everyone about the kennedy assassination

david castañeda please actually rail me

ALLISON IS MARRIED??????!!!!!! GIRL GOOD FOR YOU BUT WHEN THE FUCK DID YOU FIND THE TIME

allison really has established a whole new life in the time it takes for me to, like, build up to ask someone on a date. it very much seems too good to be true, but i suppose grappling with perfection and falsehoods and wanting control are her character things. and these aren’t ALWAYS flaws im just worried that she has SO much to lose

i love her fringe so much, i would like to give emmy raver lampman a kiss

yeah the cast is perfect, we know, but tom hopper is a very underrated comic actor. he’s funny as fuck 

ellen page said cottagecore lesbian rights but instead of cottagecore its ?? ranchcore ??? i dont know im too sexy and british to know what a ranch is

VANYA IS. SO HAPPY. LORD GOD DONT TAKE IT AWAY FROM HER

klaus and ben fighting on the road?? impeccable. EPITOME of sibling. that’s exactly what it’s all about baby. takes the biscuit for FAVOURITE scene

i love klaus. i love his outfits i love his stupid beard and his stupid face. i love him getting himself in enormous amounts of trouble and ben fucking with him and oop he’s been arrested. he’ll be alright

[tartareus]

Do you condone/ship incest? I was reading your rules and got confused about your sentence where you said if people are uncomfortable with fictional consensual incest this isn’t the blog for you. Except Incest is incest regardless of if it’s fiction

hi there, friend, how do you do?

while i'm not particularly fond of anons (nex time you'd like to discuss something regarding my rules and/or character portrayal, i strongly encourage you to do so via ims - i don't bite, and if our points of view don't quite match? that's alright, i promise i'll leave you in peace :) ) for various reasons, i'm so glad you've read my rules (that probably makes you one of the few who follow me - at least i presume you do, idk - who has done so, so thank you so much!), i cannot stress enough how important they are to me. if i happen to follow you, rest assured that i have read yours (unless, ofc, i couldn't find one in your blog - in any case, if i happen to accidentally break one of yours, just hmu or gimme a nudge).

considering that you've asked more than one question, i'll answer to you in separate sections - needless to say that while i break it down your questions, the answer might become a little longer than usual (again, i'm sorry). i'll keep this tagged, in case any of my followers don't feel like reading about this. without further ado, let’s dive in.´

“do you condone/ship incest?”

short answer? nope. but that is not a black or white question i’m afraid. no, i – nox, the human behind this blog of fictional characters – personally do not condone incest , never have and never will, and  don’t ship it. i do, however, ship consanguinamory on rare occasions, and when i do happen to write it i never do it in a good light.

for those who are not familiar with the term, here’s a little bit of info about it x && x. in short, the key difference between them is: incest is usually linked abuse (a fictional example that can be used, taking in consideration one of my very own muses, in this case is margot verger – who was sadly abused by her brother in the hannibal books) while consanguinamory (the lannisters, for example, or even the sharpe siblings from crimson peak are examples of consanguineous relationships) is the consensual romantic and/or sexual relationship between members of the same family who are of consenting age.

[ personally, i find both of them gross as fuuck irl but when it comes to fictional works i may get over this first disgust and ponder more on that && take in consideration the characters arch, plot, thoughts and the whole world they are set in. ]

i suppose the turning point here is the consent. i never, never, condone any sort of abuse – not in fiction and neither in real life – and while it’s a subject that bothers me to no end in real life, when it comes to fiction i am less inclined to project into them. i may write dark and toxic relationships, but i obviously do not condone them. that’s the point here – people on this hellsite usually mix the two together (condoning something and shipping/writing it, that is) when in fact they shouldn’t even be in the same box to begin with.

let’s say you write a fictional serial killer – norman bates, tate langdon, hannibal lecter, catherine tramell (that chick from basic instinct), patrick bateman, mrs lovett and sweeney todd, kai anderson, bellatrix, grindelwald and voldemort (the list of plausible examples could go on forever…) – here and ship with them; does it mean that you, the writer, condone every single action and choice your muse does? if writing something purely fictional equals to condoning it in real life, well… the world is even more fucked up than i first thought.

you see, in this little exercise in imagination, you could’ve easily picked a good guy or gal to write, the hero; the goody two shoes. why didn’t you? well, it’s complicated to pin point why some are drawn to darker works of fiction and characters while others are not, i suppose each individual has their own reasons && i can only speak for myself when i say that i am drawn to these sort of fictional works because they the safest way to explore dark topics that pertain to human society. on my side, it’s nothing but raw curiosity.

there’s also the issue of how different cultures see these relationships. in case you haven’t noticed, i am not from the states but actually from brazil. especially in the rural area, it’s not uncommon for second cousins to date or even marry (ew, i know, pretty gross). that’s something that is luckily falling out of practice, but you can easily find it, more so in the poor rural areas that are really far from the cities.

you may have noticed that most of the sources for the terms come from a blog that advocates real life consanguinamory – but make no mistake, i don’t support it. these were the only places i’ve found as sources in a quick look online. i don’t support it irl, but whatever consenting adults are doing amongst themselves is no concern of mine – i have no say on the matter and all in all, i don’t give a damn. i just don’t like it. everything i’ve discussed here is related to fiction, consent and is only ever related to people of consenting age.

“i was reading your rules and got confused about your sentence where you said if people are uncomfortable with fictional consensual incest this isn’t the blog for you. except incest is incest regardless of if it’s fiction”

to be honest with you, anon, i couldn’t possibly see how you’ve got confused with this. i thought i was pretty clear with that, but perhaps not. sorry, my english is not perfect. however, with the risk of sounding like a meme, i said what i said. if you personally feel uncomfortable or even triggered with fictional consensual incest otherwise known as consanguinamory, maybe my blog isn’t for you. not because i – as the mun –  condone it, but because i might mention it or even allude to it when i write certain characters. again, consent is the main thing here – you won’t ever see me writing that awful part of margot’s past, but i might mention it on some threads as it is part of her trauma but i will write jaime’s feelings regarding cersei and joanna’s love for tywin – and that should not be overlooked.

“except incest is incest regardless of if it’s fiction” 

so far so good, am i to assume that you also believe that “murder is murder, regardless of if it is fiction or not”? should we call the police on, idk, george rr martin for killing....hell knows how many characters...at this point i’m sure not even he knows. leaving my petty comment aside (it’s the arthritis, i’m always annoyed when in pain), i see where you’re coming from; fair enough.  but you missed a big point here – consensual. i do not write abuse, even to the muses who – in the canon source material – have done so    ( like jaime lannister himself – who’s in a consanguinamorous [therefore, falling under the category of fictional consensual incest] relationship with cersei – who abused his sister next to their son’s dead body [ yeah, jaime apologists, i’m out to get y’all...jokes aside, i do not acknowledge people claiming that cersei manipulated him into going to bed with her, while they are both shitty and toxic as fuck people, their relationship is mutually messed up – gag if you must but jaime lannister is far from innocent angel ] )     in the past. i. don’t. write. it. but i do write jaime’s feelings for cersei because they are canon and are also a big part of the character he became.

all of that, of course, has to do with my own position on the “war” between the people who believe fiction has a great power and influence over reality vs the ones who do not believe in that. personally, i find it hard to believe that fiction is a brainwashing tool rewiring people’s brains  - i find the idea itself ludicrous, the ones who strongly stand for that aren’t that different from flat-earthers and people who believe in reverse racism tbh – but i do acknowledge the influence media has on society. its not nearly enough to turn someone to the “dark side” alone by itself – those who claim that videogames, for example, made them violent most likely already had something different and perhaps wrong with them before the games triggered something. i don’t believe that media creates things on people, but brings buried things (fears, feelings, emotions, hopes) back to the surface. it’s all about the stimulus.

if you wanna be scared, watch an horror movie; if you wanna be happy, a comedy video.  wanna feel warm inside and live unrealistic romantic expectations vicariously through fictional characters? read a 50.000 words slow burn fluffy happy fanfic of your otp at 3 am even though you gotta wake up early in the following morning....

point is, they are not creating things, they are bringing forth responses from you that were already there in your brain (everybody has laughed before and felt fear, it’s part of human development). and how you react to certain content is entirely to you and your past. say, if you drowned as a kid on the sea - and had trauma from that - the idea of watching titanic is not so fun, is it?

it’s not my place to decide what you should do, that is entirely your own choice to make, just be aware that, as i’ve stated before countless times, i may write dark topics that may or may not be triggering to some.  i do so because it is my blog, and i don’t react so harshly to this content (in fact, i love horror, thriller and dark fictional stuff – meanwhile i dread the thought of rom coms, hell knows why??) for i am lucky to be able to separate fiction from reality. basically, whilst writing a villain, i myself do not become one in real life – that part remains in fiction only and doesn’t affect me.

that is not a constant, sure. i don’t just write dark shady stuff – there’s plenty of fluffy shit on my blog, but i like to warn people beforehand to make sure we are all on the same page. it’s for your own comfort, i suppose, because i may not understand certain points of view on fiction but i will always defend your right to be comfortable and safe.

so yes, if you aren’t feeling well at that notion, please unfollow and block me if you must – i never wish to cause any discomfort to anyone – however, before you do so (that is, if you do so) i beg you to just send me an im warning me beforehand, please? that way i can block you – and your other blogs as well – so the chances of me running into you again and causing you discomfort will be minimal. that way we’ll both be on own respective lanes and happy about it. i mass follow very often and don’t usually know which blogs belong to whom (uh, did that make sense? my latina ass is not used to using whom in a sentence....), i may follow another blog (or the revamped blog) of someone who has blocked me and never even realise it – that’s not me following you around and stalking like a total creep, that’s probably me not even remembering who you are. again, sorry – i don’t mean for this to come off rude or anything but???? its the truth? you know the drill, big following list, big followers list (well, big for me tbh, i cannot remember the name or alias of 600 people for the life of me, excuse me if my memory doesn’t serve me right), hard to keep track. there will be no witch hunts, at least on my part, because i deem them to be childish and way too dramatic for my taste. if you’d like to speak in private, adult to adult, i’m always game – i dread vague posting, i personally see it as a pathetic and weak trait. 

as long as you’re civil, so am i.

either way, do whatever makes you feel comfortable and safe on your blog – your  mental health is far more important (to me, and hopefully to you as well) than a hobby, than tumblr, rp or whatever fictional stuff someone’s writing or reading; you are responsible for your own online experience, and i am responsible for mine. that’s an empowering thing that should be reminded more often.

i truly hope i’ve managed to answer whatever doubts or questions you had in mind, if not my ims are always open and so is my discord. once again, thank you for reading my rules and stay safe!

edit; my dumb ass forgot to drop my disco handle, since i change often. it currently is   DOCTOR BITCHCRAFT !!! | 𝒏𝒐𝒙#1398

[sastrugie]

my christmas break starts this friday as well! what’s up with your coworker? have her test results come back? is she doing okay?

alright, so my fav topics include:

- the russian revolution, as already stated :D

- the cold war (mostly from the east european point of view)

- the tudors

- victorian era england

i also really love peaky blinders (the show) and i occasionally enjoy reading about how different gangs operated back in those days but i don’t know much lmao

also, monarchy is just such a terrible system but i completely get your interest in the people! for example, i also adore reading and learning about the tudors and the romanovs but only as a part of history and not because i’m such a big fan of the monarchy? lmao if that makes sense.

and like, i lowkey get why the bolsheviks thought they needed to assassinate the whole family but it’s also really sketchy, dude ://

i think i like britain’s history just because it’s so rich and influential, but like we simply can’t ignore the fucked up shit they’ve done through the centuries. so again, i enjoy it but mostly because i love judging them for their actions lmao

and to answer your question, i don’t really know if i have many historical favs? i feel like i enjoy way too many problematic people lmao. nevertheless, the ones i’m most interested in atm are: lenin (shockers), anne boleyn, anne bonny, malcolm x - this list shifts constantly depending on my mood though.

oh shush you, i’m sure your style is bombing based on everything i just read :)

lmao i actually do that sometimes, but mostly in my mother tongue! but i also just love shakespearean insults in english, those are impeccable

and merci beaucoup! good luck with russian; maybe you’ll be able teach me a few phrases in the future :D

ooh what are you studying atm? if you don’t mind sharing, that is.

and me, i’d like to become a psychologist some day, so that’s pretty far from history as well haha but i never want the enthusiasm to die ever and i’m really loving how the two of us can just scream to each other about history in every single ask/answer :D

thank you so much for these beautiful recommendations, i’ll definitely check them out!!

here are some of mine:

books:

- maria stuart by stefan zweig (german author, so it shouldn’t be too hard for you to find it!!)

- red crosses by sasha filipenko (fiction about the stalinist regime)

- the age of light by whitney scharer (historical fiction again lmao; tells the story of photographers lee miller and man ray’s romance in the 30s with little snippets into wwii through lee’s pov; the writing was stunning)

- sapiens by yuval noah harari (basically the history of mankind; so informative and enjoyable, i adored it)

- the real peaky blinders by carl chinn (what the title says, really; the actual gangs of birmingham and their not so shiny careers)

these are the best ones i read in 2020 but i’ll let you know if i remember any of my other reads!!

i also haven’t read any actual books about the 1917 revolution because i haven’t really had the chance to go to the library yet and i’ve been busy doing my research on the internet haha (it’s a fairly new hyperfixation of mine, to be frank). however, i’ll hit you up if i find anything worthwhile <3

documentaries:

- the russian revolution (the title speaks for itself lmao)

- genius of the modern world (3-part docuseries about marx, nietzsche and freud)

- world war ii in colour (lmao just a classic, innit)

- secrets of great british castles

- the last tzars (tho i’m pretty sure you’re quite familiar with this one haha)

- forbidden history

- secrets of the six wives

- anything by lucy worsley, tbh

these are all off the top of my head but again, i’ll let you know if i remember any more!!

oml i apologise for the long message and i hope your week is going well :D

dont apologize for long messages! <3 im always happy to talk to you 

sadly her test was positive UGH which means i have to get myself tested too (today) and if the worst case happens: i´ll have to spend christmas alone in my student flat bc then i obviously cant go home to my family (my grandparents live there..) so yeah, today 14:20 o clock... i have the test :( cross your fingers for me pls huhuhu

thats cool that we have the russian revolution and vicxtorian era as common interest ^^ i read a book recently its called “the ordeal” and its a triology written by alexej tolstoi during the times of the revolution. its a story about two sister and their love interests during the war times and its really good!!! 

oh i barely know anything about the tudors! pls hmu

ah yes.. the cold war... i have to admit im rather interested in the music and sociology of the cold war times but the political stuff is super interesting too! esp as you said from an east european view, so we can talk about that too!

yep. monarchy sucks! i understanbd from like a logical point of view why they shot them all, but the human side of me thinks its just cruel.. i mean yeah tsar nicholas wasnt a good politician but he wasnt a bad person either. but yeah, a difficult topic.. tbh he´s the only romanov im really interested in (i really dislike his wife alexandra tho lmao) hbu? 

leninnn :D i kinda excpected that! i havent really read much about him but he seems to be an interesting person! and who is anne boyd? malcom X yes! im really interested into the civil rights movement as well. I really like martin luther king jr.

englands history really fascinates me, and i honestly cant tell you why... but it is what is is hahhaa! nand duuudeeee omg they fucked so many shit up.. the british are a funny nation. but honestly none is unproblematic and every nation screwed up big time once:D judging is really important when youre intereste din history! like im interested in king george and queen mary but not solely for political reasons, more actually for their personal lives and victorian times and how they were as a couple, but i know... they did bad stuff too!

omg teach me some shakespearean insults pls! i only know a few victorian ones! and a bit of sixties slang :D 

im gonna reblog this and add some russian phrases bc my russian keyboard in on my phone :) but i use duolingo so the sentences are ... really weird lmao

im studying physical geography in Erlangen right now and am in my 7th semester.) im actually writing my bachelor thesis rn UGHHHHHHH

ohhhhh psychology is cool!! im really intersted in it, sadly i cant ever be one bc i suffer from poor mental health too much myself, in fact i have an appointment my therapist in a few minutes haha BUT i think youre super trustworthy and nice and easy to talk to so these are really good qualities for a therapist <3<3<3<3

AHHHHHHHHHHH THANKS!! 

i already read sapiens! its so good! and i know maria stuart by schiller haha but oml i love stefan zweig so imma add it on my list

ok and i will watch ALL of these (except the last tsars bc yeah i already saw it! and liked it ... kinda .. i didnt like the actor they chose for nicky, he didnt remind me of him at all)

i have alot of historical fiction books to recomment too: 

if you like ww2 “a time to live and a time to die”

ww1: “all quiet on the western front”

russian revolution and war time “the ordeal”

“intrige” by robert harris is also good (france 1896)

oh and documentary wise:

they shall not grow old is a coloured ww1 docu!

thank you so much for everything again i love talking to you :) have a nice day <3 (sorry for typos i was in a hurry)

[myherowearsanironsuit]

alright so martin can’t die, obviously. how would they continue the series w/o him? tho i am kind of happy to see him sick.... even though its michael

and as for michael raymond-james, god i havent seen him in anything since ouat so im very happy with this casting. john as a character seems a lot more basic than all the fanfics on ao3 from the past month or so made him out to be XD XD XD 

[him-e]

no room to link sources in the ask but google is free. he told them his plan for the ending very early on in the show and since he's said he's not happy with the ending and that they ignored what he wanted so much that his ending wasn't even possible in the show anymore by s7 we can conclude that his ending will be different than what d&d did (but not necessarily better) im not gonna get into the sexism thing but if that's what he wants to write it still says Something about him imo

Alright, folks, I googled it and all I’m getting are clickbait articles (mostly released before the series finale) about how George isn’t happy that Game of Thrones is ending, not with the way it’s ending. (they’re all quotes or pieces of interviews I had already heard anyway, nothing new)

From Independent: 

Game of Thrones author George RR Martin doesn’t know why the HBO series is coming to an end. The writer, who is the creator of Westeros and its many inhabitants, doesn’t think that season eight should be the final batch of episodes.

Speaking to The Hollywood Reporter, Martin said: “I don’t think it should be the final season. But here we are. It seems to me we just started last week. Has it been longer than that? The time has passed by in a blur.” He continued: “But it’s exciting. I know it’s an end, but it’s not much of an end for me. I’m still deep in writing the books. We saw five other sequel shows in development. I think I’m going to be hanging around Westeros while everyone else has left.”

From Mentalfloss:

Watching your masterpiece come to an end must be difficult thing to process. What does one do after closing the chapter on such an important part of your life? In the case of A Song of Ice and Fire author George R. R. Martin, you write more books. But that doesn't mean that the bestselling novelist isn't lamenting the conclusion of Game of Thrones. In a recent interview with Entertainment Weekly, Martin admitted that he has "mixed feelings" about it all. "It’s been an incredible ride," the author said. "And almost all of it has been great. Obviously, I wished I finished these books sooner so the show hadn’t gotten ahead of me. I never anticipated that."

[The concern] used to be that the books would spoil the show for people—and luckily it did not for the most part,” Benioff told Entertainment Weekly. “Now that the show is ahead of the books, it seems the show could ruin the books for people. So one thing we’ve talked to George about is that we’re not going to tell people what the differences are, so when those books come out people can experience them fresh.”

“It’s the end for a lot of people,” Martin said. “It’s not the end for me. I’m still deeply in it. I better live a long time because I have a lot of work left to do.”

From Express.co.uk:

Some storylines and characters have continued to diverge from the books and Martin has been more vocal about the subject recently, telling Rolling Stone: "Of course you have an emotional reaction. I mean, would I prefer they do it exactly the way I did it? Sure." In another frank chat this week with Fast Company he revealed: "It can also be... traumatic. Because sometimes their creative vision and your creative vision don't match, and you get the famous creative differences thing — that leads to a lot of conflict." (note: none of this was specifically about the ending, but about changes in general)

The author had previously said he would have liked the show to run across more series, to give all his complex storylines room. Instead, the HBO team entirely removed some characters or reassigned storylines.Martin said: “The series has been... not completely faithful. Otherwise, it would have to run another five seasons.” In the new interview he added: "You know, it’s complex. I’m a little sad, actually. I wish we had a few more seasons."

Martin discussed the main points of the ending with HBO many years ago and everyone on both sides has said these will remain in place, but the author admits there will stll be some variations: "On certain secondary characters there may be big differences.”He also admits this primarily due to the increasingly overdue final two books in the series: "Some of the deviation, of course, is because I’ve been so slow with these books. I really should’ve finished this thing four years ago — and if I had, maybe it would be telling a different story here."

At no point I’m getting any legitimate quote by GRRM actually saying that the show’s ending is different from his intended ending, or that he didn’t like the way the show wrapped the story up. What these sources report is that he’s sad that the show is ending so early (i.e., he hoped it could go on for more seasons yet, partly because he’d have more time to finish the books without the show catching up, partly so that the show could have more chances to do justice to the story).

[itissadbutitsmy-life]

I just read your Lemonhope/PB essay from a while back and it's really interesting, opened me up to how poorly PB treated basally all the lemons. So do you not think that Phlannel Boxingday was PB in disguise? It was ambiguous but I always thought it was pretty heavily implied that PB was the one in disguise trying to get Lemonhope to do what she wanted through deception, interested to hear why you think that wasn't her. Just neat stuff overall.

this answer got long but uh first off thank you??? i could talk abt lemon ppl forever they make me so happy, but when i try to write with proper grammar about them i feel like im being pretentious lmao anyways onto your question because holy SHIT:

IM A FOOL FOR NEVER THINKING OF THAT WHAT THE FUCK

i mean i suppose it totally could be….. similar color scheme/initials, same thing she did with finn about tearing off martin’s arm… but like…. idk. doesn’t sit right with me but i could buy it. her treatment of lh seems really different from how phlan treats him which makes me really feel like they’re different, he seems more like a truly kindhearted dude who just picked up a lost little kid than pb trying to convince lh to do what she wanted…… hhmm…. ghhhg

gotta think abt this huh

i guess her following after lh and messing around in a cloud before revealing herself to him makes sense

and like, hindsight is 20/20 so i could also see her realizing after lh runs off all the things she did that hindered him, and mentioning them through phlan as a way of roundaboutly apologizing (’ah lemonhope you learn with your hands not your head’ stands out to me mostly bc it seemed like a really nice thing for phlan to say to this poor kid who couldn’t do anything to please his teacher, but i guess i could see it being pb going ‘geez of COURSE he never learned to read…… i see why now, gotta make sure he knows it isnt his fault’)

i mean, also his whole ‘the way i see it youve got two options’ seemed like an outside perspective based on what lh has told him, but…… yeah i guess it does also seem like it could be pb going ‘youve got two options: suffer bc you cant live on your own obviously and youre wracked w guilt, or alleviate your guilt!' 

this is literally the worst thing i cant believe my nice sweet son, the best Dad™ in at, could be pb, The morally gray Mom™

also im sad that if he is pb, we dont get the Worldbuilding™ of lemongrab having locked up his entire kingdom from everyone, not just people who are close to and familiar w the laws. loved that minor characters knew shit was going down in his earldom. but i also have a soft spot for characters knowing my favorite characters’ names, so idk.

hm

i guess also i gotta like. do this: assuming they are two different ppl, imagine the part where lh thinks he sees his family falling out of the greed lard and screams at phlan the stop and go back for them, bc like, phlan listens to him and reassures him that nothing bad has happened. because tbh… idk if i can imagine pb doing it so thoroughly. she might tell him 'no lh look it’s not them it’s just treasure’ but i cant see her turning the ship around, parking it, getting out and walking lh over to gently reassure him that everything’s alright and show him it’s okay. Maybe. could be, if she’s actively trying to not treat him the same way that clearly wasn’t working when he was in the candy kingdom. same when phlan has like coal or. smth i cant remember, and hes going on and on abt how excited he is to use them to make a love potion and stuff, and he accidentally drops them off the edge of the boat and goes like 'ah shoot,’ but when he sees lh looking upset he quickly goes 'hey, it’s not your fault buddy, i’m not mad’ like idk. i dk. im not a pb stan and idk all her characteristics but i cant see her picking up on lemonhope being upset and immediately jumping to 'that wasn’t your fault,’ but i could be wrong.

i guess what i’m saying is i could see it if phlan was just pb but i do nOT WANT TO because phlannel fucking boxingday is the nicest, most caring adult in adventure time i’ve ever seen in my life and i don’t want to believe he’s not still running around making lost kids feel good about themselves and see their own worth

esp since it clearly worked with lemonhope, but pb doesnt seem to have continued acting like phlan (speaking gently and evenly and being more patient and understanding with kids, even if just to get what she wants) even though lh definitely benefited from being treated like that. but tbf she (at this pt, after ‘you made me’) seems to be pretty aware of how lemon people don’t need the same things candy people do, so maybe she would think if lh benefited from it, candy kids wouldn’t? maybe she just hasn’t interacted with v many sad little kids since the lh special. idk. my knowledge of stuff after s6 gets kinda fuzzy since i dont have them on dvd to watch on loop in the background while i do stuff 

idk this got long but i could talk about lemons and phlannel fuckin boxingday forever sorry tldr: i never Made that connection before, i can see how it might totally be true, but i really really like phlan and want to believe he’s still out there so i’m gonna stick to believing they’re two different people >:( 

[awritesfanfics]

Hell to Paint Pt. 1

Request: Could you write a Sherlock 2 parter where the reader is kidnapped and beaten badly but Sherlock comes, saves her and takes care of her after the event?

(off topic but i started getting a lot of attention on Return of the Hounds and im lowkey freaking out i love that you all went through all that trouble to find my fic it seriously made me so happy you have no idea!!)

so anyway heres a request i got a little while ago, sorry it took so long, i havent been on tumblr in forever so i just saw it like 2 days ago

im starting to do warnings now because i really dont want to surprise you with things that may bother some readers. i mean i obviously want to surprise you and make you want to hear more of the story but if someone doesnt like reading about violence i dont want them to have to!

((um really dont know how i feel about the title tbh but its fine!!))

Pairing: Sherlock x Reader

Word Count: 955

Warning: Violence, Blood, Gore, Cursing

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The rain rushed down the windows in the hallway of Bart’s where you stood outside the morgue, with Molly by your side. 

“Can’t believe I forgot my damn umbrella. I knew it was going to rain, my hip was throbbing the whole day,” you said from behind a cup of cold black coffee. 

“You sure you can’t leave now? We can share my umbrella, and you can always just come over to my flat for the night.” Molly offered as she zipped up her coat and pulled her hood over her head. 

“Thank you, but yea, I have to stay. I really gotta finish up this report, Sherlock needs it as soon as possible and if I make him wait he’ll literally keep me up all night until I get it for him.”

Molly laughed and shook her head. “No really! I’m serious! He’s done it before,” you giggled, taking another sip of coffee. “Well, be careful getting home. I can lock up here.” 

She handed you the keys. “Call me when you’re done, okay? It doesn’t matter what time, I just want to know you’re alright, you know, and that you’ve figured everything out, got it all sorted, that kind of thing.”

You nodded. “Thanks again Mol, I will.”

You walked back into the room as Molly left down the hall. You opened the laptop back up and sat between it and the cold body resting on the table next to you. 

You finished your coffee and your report at the same time. You emailed it to Sherlock and gently closed your laptop, setting it aside. You checked the time. It was after 2 in the morning, and you felt bad about waiting so long to call Molly. You were about to turn on your phone to send her a text, updating her with the information that you were ready to leave, but you decided you’d just call her when you got back. You yawned, turned off the lights, and locked up, noticing the rain still pouring down outside. You sighed, and accepted the fact that you’d be walking home in the terrible weather, as it was nearly impossible to find a cab at the moment. 

The rain clouded your vision and drowned out the sounds of the world around you, but you still couldn’t shake the feeling that you were being followed. Your hand fumbled for the phone in your pocket, and you shielded it from the rain as you quickly dialed Molly’s number. as it rang, you quickly glanced over your shoulder and prayed that you were alone. Your heart dropped as your eyes met a tall, hooded figure that trailed you about 15 feet back. 

Your pace quickened, and began to panic as the phone nearly rang out.

“Hello?” 

Finally, an answer. A drowsy Molly Hooper sat on the other line, yawning.

“Hey! Just wanted to let you know that I’m on my way home now, didn’t get back yet, but I’m hopefully almost there. This weather is insane! It’s been raining this hard since I went into work. I hope it lets up by this weekend, since we got plans to go away to see the Vatican cameos-”

“What? Are you okay?” You heard the worry rise up in her voice. “Where are you?”

“Just walking home now, the usual way.” You tried to steady your voice.

“I’ll get Sherlock to track your phone’s location, stay where you are and-”

Through the rain you saw a small alley: that was your chance. 

“That’s not an option.”

You broke into a sprint as you turned the corner, but your pursuer followed, matching your change in speed. 

“Vatican cameos!” You yelled. You ended the call but kept your phone in your pocket so someone could track you. A sudden click of a silenced pistol, a sharp pain splitting through your leg, and you were down. Your body hit the ground with surprising force, and as you tried to lift yourself up, a swift kick to the chest kept you down. You gasped for air, coughing violently as the figure wrapped a hood over your head. The smell of chloroform permeated the air, and you couldn’t stay awake.

-

“Molly?”

“Oh thank God, I’m so sorry it’s late but you need to help me! I tried calling Sherlock but he wouldn't answer,” 

John shot Sherlock a disapproving glance as he let Molly in.

“What’s going on?” 

“It’s (Y/N), I told her to call me when she got home because I know she had to stay late, but she just called me and said she was walking home, then she said Vatican cameos and the phone cut out.” She began to cry. “John, there’s something really, really wrong, you and Sherlock need to go and find her.”

Sherlock dropped the beaker he was working with, sending shards of glass across the kitchen floor. He ignored the mistake and ran over to Molly, grabbing her by the shoulders.

“Did she say where she was? Who was following her? Did she tell you anything about what was around her?!” His voice was frantic.

“I asked her to stay where she was but she said it wasn’t an option. She might have her location on her phone, and I know the way she walks home from work, but that’s it.”

He ran to his laptop and pulled up a map. With fingers shaking, it took him a few rapid tries to type out your name and number, but he found you. A small blip flashed on the screen, in transit to a location miles from Bart’s. Sherlock grabbed the laptop as John took the keys to Mrs. Hudson’s Aston Martin, and the pair raced through the door. 

part 2!

[cuddlyboyfriendstyles-blog]

013. Oblivious

This is a couple requests rolled into one, I also love the concept - nervous Harry is my kink. The requests were; 

‘Being friends with harry and everyone knows he likes you, but you. So he asks you out and he's really nervous and shy...’

and

‘ Could you do a blurb about harry having a crush on you and you're friends. Maybe everyone else knows how much he likes you and how he wants to ask you out, but your oblivious. Thank you’

 It was the end of May, and arguably a perfect day for a wedding. The lawns of the immaculate 18th century country house were perfectly groomed for the onslaught of wedding guests that milled on them today. The sun was getting lower in the clear sky as groups of people took photos and sipped champagne. Half of the huge green area was shaded by oak trees. 

You watched Harry play chase with a bunch of children, in fact every time you looked over another 5 year old in a frilly dress had joined Harry’s kids club, and he seemed to be having as much fun as they.

You were sat with Meridith Winston - it was a showbiz friend of Harry’s who was getting married and you were just a mere plus 1 on the star studded guest list that seemed to be present. You were fairly sure some of the kids pulling on Harry’s shirt belonged to Chris Martin, who was stood chatting to James Corden and Lily Allen. You’d met a fair few of the big names sure, Harry loved to keep in touch with his extensive list of celebrity pals but it didn’t stop you from being blindsided when they spoke to you. 

You were extremely grateful for Meridith and Grimmy and a few of the others who insisted on keeping you company, Harry was in demand and he’d bought you as his plus one for support, so you knew he wouldn’t want to have to babysit you all day. Although the only socialising he was doing right now was with the under 10′s. 

“We ought to make that boy a primary school teacher” She commented, you nodded in agreement with a laugh. 

“He enjoys rolling around on the grass more than they do” You reply, watching as a few of the kids drag him to the ground.

“Will be a fantastic dad one day” She added, you found yourself nodding in agreement to that too. She was watching you closely. 

“I’m sure you know this, but he’s incredibly fond of you” She said.

“We’re friends, I don’t know, he’s kind of like a big brother” You struggled to put into words the bond that you and Harry had, you’d formed a soft spot for each other that wasn’t really like anything else you’d had with a guy before. 

You spent all of your free time together, practically lived at his, shopped, cooked and ate together, never seeming to get bored - or even argue. Neither of you were the confrontational type and the fiery passion of a relationship obviously wasn’t an issue. 

Strangely, you hadn’t ever thought of a possibility that he may like you in that way. After all, with his charisma and confidence you’d assumed he’d have made a move by now. He was Harry Styles and you were you and even if he could see you in that way he’d always said he ‘didn’t have time for a girlfriend’ or ‘it’s so much pressure to put on someone.’ 

“He finds it hard to let people in, and you’re about as in as I’ve ever seen” Meridith replied. You continued to brush off her comments until Harry started heading back across the grass, Meridith and Ben’s daughter Ruby was perched on his hip. You looked at Meridith, frantically searching her face for another topic of conversation before Harry reached you. 

“Good play date?” She called as the little girl squirmed in Harry’s arms excitably. 

“Amazing thanks, I’m worn out” Harry chuckled as he handed Ruby to her mother. 

“At least I won’t have to tire you out before bed” You replied. 

“Come on you, lets go and get a drink” He held out a hand to help you up in your heels, which still made you nowhere near his 6ft stature. Now you couldn’t stop thinking about it - sure you’d wondered about being with him before, only naturally, but you’d never obsessed over it and imagined it actually happening. Suddenly as you walked through the crowd you wondered - did all these people Harry introduced you to think you were together? It was almost too much. 

“What are you having?” Harry asks. 

“Could I just have a white wine please? I’m just gonna nip to the toilet, one minute” You replied, he nodded with a dimpled grin and you weaved towards the toilets. 

You plonked yourself down in a cubicle first chance you got, you sighed, may as well have wee while you were here.You pulled out your phone - drafting a text to your best friend whom 1. You knew you could trust with this revelation and 2. Had been around you and Harry enough to have a valid opinion. 

‘HELP do u think there is something between me and Harry, i have had a few drinks but someone just mentioned it to me im freaking out!!’ 

‘duh, you’re obsessed with each other’

‘What!!!’

‘Everyone thinks ur fucking, he’s obsessed can tell with how he looks at you’

‘We are NOT fucking!!! 

‘OK well may as well be cos ur always in his bed and holding hands and going for weekends away together! I thought you were aware that you were practically dating’

‘Wtf I am not ok rn!! I have to go this conversation is scaring me bye ly’

‘wedding is going well then? ly2 get super drunk on the free bar and have fun, keep me updated on Harry’ 

Your wedged your phone safely in the bottom of your clutch bag. Her opinions hadn’t been the calm affirmation you’d sought out. You guess it was weird that neither of you had dated in a while - but if he’d suddenly found himself a girlfriend you’d be nothing but happy for him.

“Hey” You greeted Harry with a nervous smile, desperately trying to let go of your confusing feelings and have an amazing time with him like you normally would have.

“You alright?” He asks, sensitive as ever to your feelings. For once you wished he wasn’t. You nod earnestly with a smile, taking a large gulp of your drink. 

“Let’s watch the first dance” You offer pulling him by the hand to the edge of the dance floor where the other guests began to huddle. You watched the couple enter the floor gracefully. When you thought about it, this was by far the most spectacular wedding you had ever been to, and you still felt kind of in awe to be here, you were in a grand ball room surrounded by household names stood next to your best friend. 

You snuck a glance up at Harry, who was fixated on the happy couple, as was most of the room. He looked at you suddenly, making you feel like you were caught red handed, he smiled putting a hand round your waist and pulling you in front of him securely, he squeezed your waist reassuringly as you both watched the first dance play out.

You somehow managed to lose Harry for a while, as the party went on late into the night with a few more drinks in you, you found the aching in your feet from your heels melted away and chatting to people who belonged on TV became much easier. You even had the luck to be standing next to Jack Whitehall in the bar queue, who was as funny in person as he was in all of his shows, you were standing chatting to him and his girlfriend when you realised the time. 

“I ought to find Harry, god knows what he’s doing” You excused yourself, collecting your glass and weaving your way through the crowd, you searched the large ballroom but there was no sign of him, he wasn’t with Grimmy or the Winston’s or James Cordon or Rande Gerber and Cindy Crawford. You headed back outside - where you had been a few hours earlier, it was colder but still mild and the air was grateful relief on your flushed cheeks. 

There sat Harry, sat between two blossoming rose bushes on a set of steps that led down to the lawn. Which was a midnight blue colour under the starry sky. You sighed, happy with a chance to rest your achey feet. 

“Hello you” You sat next to him and he looked back to you with a smile. 

“Hey, just getting some air, I did text you, but you seemed to be busy networking” He said. 

“Sorry, I wasn’t on my phone” You admitted. 

“I wanted to talk to you about something” He admitted, tapping his thumb on the top of his beer bottle. You suddenly became concerned, Harry was never nervous or phased by anything, even if he wasn’t so confident he acted it to make everyone around him feel at ease. 

“What’s up?” You asked. He looked at you and his straight line of a face broke into a laugh. 

“It’s nothing to worry about, don’t look so scared” He smoothed a thumb over your cheek, making you relax. 

“Out with it then” You demanded playfully. He hefted a huge sigh, scuffing his YSL boots. 

“Harry!” You giggled impatiently. 

“I uh like you, and I want to take you on a date” He said plainly. Had he really just blurted out a culmination of everything you’d thought about tonight. 

“You don’t have to! I just, we spend so much time together and I thought I don’t know maybe you like me too” He shrugged, he had a way of making everything seem like it isn’t a big deal. He looked at you from under his eyelashes. You leaned up to kiss him, just gently, just a peck but it spoke the words you couldn’t manage to form and it shattered the sexual tension into pieces. 

It was meant to be a peck anyway, but it formed into a little more and by the time you surfaced both of you were a little breathy. 

“Yes I want to go on a date with you” You answered firmly.