#im having a bad day im NOT getting into ANOTHER sport. also it's just that this stream is the one that works the best

[bsaka7]

new low. if you know me IGNORE THIS. if you don't know me or if you do know me and want to take PITY on me. help me understand wtf is going on once this starts

what does this mean. is this like top pair second pair worst pair. i like when they show me little clips. also i don't like when sportspeople are from places that i actually know. maple grove FUCK OFF. also i though tthis thing was supposed to start 5 minutes ago why am i watching these old dudes talk. i like the little clips tho. sorry i don't usually make posts like this but i also usually KNOW SOMETHING ABOUT WHAT IM WATCHING. like i know it's literally winter but it was 52 degrees why can't like baseball be in season.

[alxclaremont]

there are two wolves inside of you: one feels impending doom at the thought of tomorrow’s race. the other feels immensely hopeful that oscar will get his first win tomorrow or at the very least a mclaren 1-2. you are a formula one fan.

[muwapsturniolo]

Hockey!matt

First post in the AU!

MATT STURNIOLO: PASSIONATE OR A HOT HEAD?

"Matthew Bernard Sturniolo, a 24-year-old triplet native to Boston Massachusetts. According to his parents, from a young age he and his youngest brother Christopher Owen Sturniolo, were always interested in sports. Seeing this, the parents decided to throw the boys in any sport they could. They started off playing for their town's soccer team, a typical thing for most kids to do. However, it seemed as if the sport wasn't enough for a young Matthew. It was too easy, he cleared all the other kids without even trying. Seeing this, his parents threw him into another sport, lacrosse. Now this held Matthew over for a long time until it became boring, he needed something more.

That's when hockey came into play, a sport most boys in Boston find solace in during the cold months. The sport seemed to be Matt's calling, the ice feeling like a second home. His talent was natural, something most people couldn't obtain no matter how much they trained. He ended up loving the sport so much, he made it his full-time career.

At age 17, he graduated high school alongside his two brothers and their childhood best friend. All four boys managed to get full-ride scholarships to Boston University, a school that had many NCAA wins, and has sent many players to the NHL. Matt took control of the Terriers by force, quickly becoming the captain when only being a freshman. Many of his former teammates and coaches had good things to say about him, but something stood out to me. That something was his anger.

"He was a hothead, always shouting and yelling at us during practice"

"There were a couple of times where he broke his stick and punched a locker after losing a game"

"I remember he argued with our coach one day. The argument was so bad, both of them just ripping into each other. It escalated so quick, one second they were shouting and the next Matt was throwing punches."

All of these are quotes by old teammates who would like to stay anonymous.

It was an evident pattern that managed to follow him to where he is now, the lucky star of the Boston Bruins. I had the specialty of sitting in on some of the practices, seeing how the men work with each other. Just like I expected, Matt was a force to be reckoned with. He yelled and berated some of his teammates, even going as far as getting into an argument with his own brother. It's hard to tell if it's just him being driven by passion, or if he simply has anger issues. I chose to go with the latter considering what I saw during the first game of the preseason.

The Bruins were losing against the New York Rangers, not that the score mattered. The preseason is mainly for the coaches to evaluate their team and see who fits where. So why was Matt Sturniolo causing fights, yelling at refs, and being an overall hothead? He resembled the Hulk, the brute green giant who was also a hothead when angry. It seems as if no matter the situation, training, preseason, or the actual NHL season, he was locked in and out for blood.

He's passionate about the sport, perhaps too passionate. Would it be his downfall? Would the Bruins let him go and leave him to reminisce about his glory days while he rots? We will have to tune in to this year's NHL season to find out."

Y/n Y/L * october 3rd, 2024

AHHHHHH A NEW TROPE/AU!!!!! I HOPE YOU ALL ENJOY THIS! IF THIS IS CONFSUING IM SORRY! I TRIED TO MAKE THIS INTRO THE ARTICLE READER (AKA YOU) WROTE ABOUT MATT WHICH JUST SO HAPPENS TO BE HOW YALL MEET! I HOPE THIS GIVES A GOOD BACKGROUND! I PLAN ON DOING FICS FOR THIS AU BUT IM ALSO WILLING TO DO BLURBS JUST HOW I DID FOR BUNNY!READER!!!

LET ME KNOW WHAT YALL THINK!!

[staraxiaa]

sunflowers, the afterword:

author's corner/first thoughts.

okay. so. i am insane. i am a god. i just wrote 18k words for a fic that i thought of, planned, and created fully in less than two days, bc someone said i like to make ppl suffer and yes i do. but then i was like, i am GOING to write fluff and i took it personally. to that one reader, thank you!! anyways. i wrote this with the intent of using the prompt "you wanna kiss me so bad it makes you look stupid" and barely even ended up using it. i don't know whether to laugh or cry. i hope it doesn't flop but also it's okay if it does bc i literally spent almost 48 hours brainrotting and word vomiting like it's out of my brain now and this feels glorious. it was random unfiltered thoughts and grinding away at 3am until i am empty. no thoughts left in my head. can you see? i could eat the world raw, the itch has been scratched. the sheer amount of motivation i had w this fic is never happening again. cheers! will update as i think of things! sorry to anyone who ends up reading this fully. i have been unreasonably fixated and have brainrotted over this for two hours, inclusive of sleeptime. while sleeping. i kid you not. i would wake up and something would click and i would hop over to the laptop and fucking grind away i am so sick of myself

unwritten scenes, headcanons

you guys are 20. you haven't started dating yet. you're a doctor. you guys are yelling at each other. you say 'you want to kiss me so bad it makes you look stupid.' katsuki's so angry that he does. ⇁ this was the original ending btw but i thought this one kinda fit better he brings you sunflowers sometime. real ones. he's sneezing all the while. you take one look at him and you die of laughter. he's still sneezing. you tell him: you know i actually didn't even care about them until i found out you were allergic. ⇁ if i could write nsfw i would do it here like dude do u see the vision omfg a whole side plot where he's like what the fuck do you mean you weren't dating deku. you're like. what the fuck. are u stupid. someplace where you actually address how you treat midoriya, his lack of a quirk, and how you stood by and watched it all happen ua sports festival. you kick everyone's ass. #you have been trained by eraserhead and you are super duper cool i also don't remember if i included this, but: your mother asks you after the first evening. "you're not really friends are you." you say: "nope!" and it is the happiest she has ever seen you. the ua boys try to flirt with you and get hurt really stupidly a lot on purpose. you wonder why they've stopped showing up. it's bc katsuki gives them a whole earful. and you're like bitch what the fuck im a doctor and and hes just tsundere about it first kiss scene instead of the ending where he's like you care and you're like of course i do??? what the fuck?? are u stupid?? you guys start yelling at each other and you're both acting like ur 2. he calls you stupid and blind. you call him ugly. he's so mad he literally just lurches forward and kisses you. it's awkward and messy and you guys are so mad at each other. you literally headbutt him in the face. ah young love. ⇁ this was another alternative ending more exploration behind reader's character, her insecurities, and about some of the stuff i info dumped before the start of the katsuki povs? i feel like i didn't handle that as well as i could have, but i also didn't want to go on 10 billion tangents for things that had very little relevance to the story. i also think the transition to the last scene was a little abrupt, but tbh at that point i was just so ready to call it like. i just didn't see the point. i think it would have made for a more natural reading experience, so here's the tea: he's proud of u but u guys are angsty and ignore each other until after training camp. [more brainrot pining moments]. if i had to write the above scene, i think i'd do something along the lines of: you're first aid relief at the sports festival, not actively participating. dunno if you'd be nearly as badass, though. you definitely get pissed when they muzzle katsuki and probably get rly mad but ofc u cant show it. so u just unmuzzle him and walk away and hes staring after u. this is ur ??? elsa arc? i dont remember the disney princess. the training camp is torture. aizawa makes u run with them. you tell him straight up that u hate his guts. he grins like that is the best thing anyone has told him in his life. katsuki definitely blows up some earth monsters for u. but while ur not looking. he's angsty like that. the bath scene? oh lord u just know he blows mineta up. maybe he lowk fucks it up too and you have to heal it! the potential HAHAHA. i dont know how you end up getting kidnapped, but id probably just bullshit a reason like ur the #1 healer in the world hurr durr and afo wants u! idgaf if the plot makes sense or not this is entirely secondary to my scheming. katsuki just about loses it when he hears you're one of the targets -> how you get kidnapped? idk. you're not a remedial student, so you're probably participating in the game (odd number of ppl right). unsure of how i'd handle the news of your kidnapping: just know katsuki loses it again. for like the 5th time. yipppeeeeee

character notes, thoughts

your quirk is literally just you take people's injuries into your own body and heal it yourself. you're superhuman. i put 2 thoughts into this: 1) you're a healer and 2) i like cool characters. congratulations. you have now been born. i don't even remember if i kept the shouto scene. but anyways i think my bias was showing. just had to throw him in there. also the kuroo mention. sorry i'm totally normal and i mean it ⇁ btw i love you all (everyone who likes/interacts with my fics) but i joke to my friends everytime someone interacts w my first bakugo/midoriya ones from lacuna bc guys!!! my shoto fic is RIGHT THERE!!! the baby that launched the entire collection. please show him some love this reader is probably one of the favorite ones i have written, more of an oc at this point i think, and i wasn't expecting her to grow on me so much. but lowk i love her and am so proud of the way i wrote her growth!! i do feel like i wrote her very soft, but i hope her flaws were made very clear⏤ she is meant to be a sort of unreliable narrator, so she also is overly critical of her own, but there were several things that were not addressed as i was writing, particularly concerning midoriya. (quirk, the bullying, bystander's guilt.) however, i think that including them would have made me go off on a tangent, and detract more from the main point of the story i also do think i wrote katsuki a little ooc, if only because i didn't see the point of including what's already there in canon. sorry. my brainrot did not extend that far, and by the end of this, i was literally ready to drop. his perspective isn't meant to be all-encompassing (in the story, it may seem like it purely bc of how i paced it) but those are meant to be like. random thoughts that appear in several scenes. reader does not have bakugo living rent free in her head 24/7, and neither does he. they're just stupid and pining and i just wrote all the moments in my head where they do.

[kindestofkings]

tongue-tied (sunflowers)

lando norris x reader

dets: reader is a pro golfer, a massive f1 fan and best friends with lily muni he. will she enter her wag era?

authors note: I litch dont know a thing about golf and I know you can tell lol xx ENJOY

faceclaim: madeline argy

yourusername

liked by lilymhe and others

yourusername just wanted to assure everyone im still alive ! just working away and falling more in love with lilymhe, better watch out alexalbon xxx

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lilymhe my love !! training is always so fun with you

alexalbon heyy you're meant to say stop falling in love with me! ive a boyfriend 😑 lilymhe eh why bother :))

ynfan1 can't wait to see you in action on the green!!

ynfan2 🔥🔥🔥

lilymhe

liked by alex_albon and others

lilymhe the mixed weather has not stopped us getting some practice in! (its impossible to keep her attention when there's a gp on 🙄)

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yourusername but it's the azerbaijan grand prix! I never miss a grand prix!

lilymhe first alex now you 🙄 🙄

f1fan1 can alobono fight? CAN HE FIGHT??

alex_albon you mean i'm not the only f1 lover in your life???

yourusername oi I was the first mister ! been a mclaren fan since birth 😤 lilymhe tbf she isn't lying... ynfan1 it is sooo common knowledge that yourusername is a ride or die mclaren fan lol yourusername yeah get with it albon

yourusername

liked by lilymhe and others

yourusername home and showered in time for the miami grand prix this is a full time job !

kind followers this pact of doritos is a secret between us, got it? so if my personal trainer asks you saw NOTHING, got it?

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ynfan1 yn and lily being f1 fans is so cute !

lilymhe oooh but doritos are your sad snack ? whats happening

yourusername the fav ended in p17 😭 congrats to albonononono tho, i guess alex_albon wow could that have been anymore heartfelt ! lilymhe sush shes a mclaren girlie, don't kick her while she's down!! f1fan1 soooo me coded. its a hard time for us mclaren girlies rn.

yourusername

liked by ynfan1 and others

yourusername greens beautiful as always! unfortunately inviting alex_albon along with us backfired entirely cause albon didn't bring an papaya wearing f1 friend, so I just thirdwheeled for the day .

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alex_albon oh sorry I think oscar was busy today :(

yourusername thats not who I meant and you know it ! 😑

lilymhe at least you look cute tho!

ynfan1 im litch not a golf fan but I'm obsessed with you lol

ynfan2 I feel so seen, I recognise a lando norris fan when I see one !

landonorris

liked by yourusername and others

landonorris freshhhh

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f1fan1 lando finally past his puberty danny ric is proud

f1fan2 he so fine

landofan1 😳❤️

yourusername

liked by alex_albon and others

yourusername it's the monaco grand prix and not only am I not missing it, I'm here! thank qqqq mclaren <33

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ynfan1 ahhhh OMG I hope you meet lando finally

lilymhe babe come williams garage xx

yourusername on my way bestie! gotta tell you about the most awkward encounter EVER lilymhe 🫢🫢

mclaren so glad to have you with us today!

landonorris just followed you!

yourusername

liked by lilymhe and others

yourusername attended my first grand prix after being a fan of the sport my whole life! was so chronically awkward I'll never show my face in public again, I've turned to the drink and am hiding away xxx

unrelated: is there a support group for people who embarrassed themselves in front of their celebrity crush??

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lilymhe it can't possible have been THAT BAD

ynfan1 you looked so pretty tho!

ynfan1 also have you forgotten you're a PROFESSIONAL sportswoman yourself lilymhe they are so right ! you slay always yourusername 🥹🥹

mclaren please come join us for another weekend ! celeb crushes can go both ways you know ....

ynfan1 OH OH OH NORIZZ has a crush on you YAYYY

alex_albon leave you both unsupervised for a DAY and you implode

yourusername you said you would be my wingman, I was unprepared 😔😔

landonorris if you do find one can I also get the number to that support group?

osarpiastri please for the well being of everyone, I cannot hear a recap of this meeting alex_albon we should have stuck with the original plan and gone golfing ffs landonorris kick a guy while he's down why don't you yourusername hello ! hi guys just gentle reminder this is my comment section so I can like ... see everything.... landonorris hi 😳 alex_albon oh ffs help lilymhe

britishgq

liked by landonorris and others

britishgq meets yourusername in our next edition. yn is the pinnacle of modern women, with titles like the 'people's princess' circulating. we believe it's high time for a proper catch-up.

oh, and did we mention she's currently britain's highest-ranking female golfer?

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yourusername ahh this is surreal, I had so much fun!!

britishgq 💓💓

lilymhe I say thats my bestie and I am PROUD

lilymhe a model and a killer sportswoman, someone wife her up before I do ! f1fan1 hahaha thats landos warning

ynfan1 I feel so proud omg!!

ynfan2 oh hello lando lurking in the likes

alex_albon oh?

landonorris

liked by maxfewtrell and others

landonorris have been getting some private lessons in between races, watch out carlossainz55

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carlossainz55 aye you'll need a miracle

landonorris and who says I haven't got one...

alex_albon you'd wanna start returning my calls mate

landofan1 oh hello WHO ARE YOU SOFT LAUNCHING

ynfan1 *whispers* please be yn please be yn 🤞

lilymhe BESTIE STEALER

ynfan1 ahh its SO is yn

yourusername

liked by landonorris and others

yourusername golf golf golf, also I drove a fancy car and didnt crash! waiting for that call from mclaren any second now xx

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lilymhe look at you all adorable and loved up <3

alex_albon these kids are growing up so fast ! f1fan you are everyones parents xx

mclaren getting rid of our first driver as we speak !!

landonorris you are leaving out the detail that you mounted the curb...

yourusername and I can leave the detail of you out of my life if you dont watch ynfan1 HE KNOWS THE DETAILS

landojpg

liked by yourusername and others

landojpg summer break well spent.

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ynfan1 I spot my hero !! must be dating if she's on holiday with the friends

landofan1 ew is lily's friend hanging out of him AGAIN?? get a job christ

ynfan1 you do realise shes a professional golfer right?? ynfan2 there's this thing called holidays ....

lilymhe please give her back to me... you can take alex!

landojpg he's not as cute tho 😔 alex_albon so you're saying I am cute tho? 😎

landonorris added to their story!

the prettiest papaya supporter🧡

replies:

yourusername ah give a girl some warning before you hardlaunch her to your millions of fans... yourusername kinda so cute tho Ill let you away with it <3 lilymhe AH hardlaunch on main danielricciardo does landonorizz have ... rizz??

_finished_

as always would LOVE to know you're thoughts! come chat about this fic or even ideas you have for my next one??

[iamyoubutcuter]

keep silent // Kylian Mbappe

warning: english is not my first language, im so sorry :)

Kylian returned from training in a bad mood. It was obvious from the expression on his face. "Hey!" – you said and smiled at Kyky, he silently took your face in his hands and started kissing your lips. You didn't have time to react properly and enjoy the kiss, as he picked you up in his arms. Your legs are positioned on his waist so as not to fall. Kylian is moving towards to your bedroom, and you are thinking about how to stop him, since you had been on your period for several days, but you never told him about such things. Also, he was busy all this week, so he was really tired. Kylian always noticed a package of tampons in the bathroom, which you pulled out and put on a shelf in the closet to make it easier to take from there. You grew up in a fairly strict family where you didn't talk about natural things. But this time you decided to move the packaging to another place where it will not be visible.

Kylian put you on the bed in front of him and took off his t-shirt, but as soon as he freed his head, he saw that you weren't lying down, but standing next to him. He raised his eyebrows and looked at you, thinking about saying something. "I don't want this today, Kyky," – you looked at the floor and went to your side of the bed, where there is a nightstand. "Why?” – he was holding a t-shirt in his hand, showing with his whole appearance that he was dissatisfied. "Not today. Something happened? Why are you angry and upset?" – you sat on the bed with your back to him and you bit your lip, hoping he wouldn't ask any more questions. He didn't answer you. Mbappe dropped his t-shirt to the floor with a sigh. He slammed the door behind him. You shuddered, closing your eyes.

You have already changed your clothes and were lying under the blanket. You heard your boyfriend take a shower, eat in silence. It was difficult for you to say something to him, because you needed time and an explanation of why everything happened the way it did. Kylian came, undressed and got into bed next to you. He just turned his back on you, you turned your back too, and so both fell asleep.

The next morning you woke up alone because Kylian had a football training and then a massage. Since yesterday, the burden of this situation has been on your shoulders. During the day, you went to the shower and noticed that your period was over. You were glad of that, because you couldn't keep quiet anymore, and you did whatever you wanted with Kylian.

16:50

You opened the door: "Finally at home," – you said and tried to kiss him, but he just smiled and turned away, just hugging you. You frowned, but you didn't say anything. "I'm really hungry," – he put sports bag on the floor by the door and went to the kitchen. You followed him. "I'm hungry too," – you came closer to him and put your hand on his chest. You looked into his eyes, and he understood what you needed.

"Then let's go somewhere and have a delicious dinner. Get ready." - he hugged you again with one hand and went to the shower. You didn't know if he was offended or not. After he went out and took a shower, he noticed that you were not preparing, but just lying in a nightgown and watching videos on your phone. The towel was hanging on his hips, he began to look for clothes. Suddenly you started pulling him by the towel, he grabbed it and turned to you. You were sitting on your knees on the bed. Kylian looked down at you, and you untie your silk nightgown, looking into his eyes. He saw your body in gorgeous red lace underwear and on these garters that hung around your thighs. Kylian quickly turned away from you. You didn't understand this move. Then he turned to you, coming closer, and you were already excited. He leaned into your ear and said: "Get ready, let's go eat," – and he tied your nightgown. You were just shocked by what just happened. Kylian has never given up on you. "I haven't even kissed him once today," – you thought. You are ready, wear a short black dress with long sleeves and a square neckline. You gathered your hair and applied a minimum of makeup. Kylian stared at you and smiled. You were looking in the mirror, but you felt his gaze and looked back at him with a brief smile. He didn't even take your hand when you left the house, as he did before.

You've already sat across from each other in a restaurant, although Kylian has always tried to sit next to you until today. You watched him eat, and at some point he felt something under the table. You moved your foot up and down his shin. All the while watching Kylian's expression. He was surprised, but didn't show it. Of course, there was a desire inside him to just go home and show all his feelings, but he couldn't. You decided to go further and have already touched his knee. He put his hand under the table and gently removed your leg. You looked at him, and a veil of tears began to appear in your eyes. But you decided not to show it to him, so you smiled, looking down.

You didn't say a word to each other in the car. "What happened? Are you offended by yesterday?" – you said as soon as he closed the door behind them. "No, not today," – he took off his outer clothes and went to your bedroom. "I've had enough of this," – you ran your hands through your hair, taking off your shoes. "And what? if you didn't want me to touch you anymore, you would just say so," – he said and went to the bathroom. "You didn’t understand me. And tortured me all day, Kylian," – you sighed. He rolled his eyes in the bathroom and started searching in the closet to find a replacement razor attachment, and found an open package of these tampons. Then it dawned on him this was the reason. He immediately felt guilty about you.

When you got into bed, Kylian moved closer to you, hugged you and kissed the top of your head. He covered you with short kisses all over your face. You giggling because he moved to your neck and you're always tickled. "I'm sorry about today. Yesterday I had a fight with Hakimi and sought solace in you." – he said and kissed your lips. His tongue found yours and you rolled your eyes with pleasure, because you really missed him. – "All day I just wanted to kiss those lips and touch you. I swear, today I felt like a virgin who went on a date with a girl for the first time." – you laughed together. "I should have told you right away, but we never talked about such things, so I felt ashamed," – you looked into his eyes and kissed him on the lips again. "Next time we both need to say it all at once," - Kylian really couldn't tear himself away from you, especially when you were under him.

[orange-demons-deactivated2024]

i know i sent an ask the other day but i wanna throw another on the table: ed with a goofball avatar s/o? someone who tries to enjoy the time they have in the here and now, ESPECIALLY after what happened in the suval'hal tournament? (this may or may not be related to my avatar but i feel like this could easily apply to a lot of avatars as a whole)

silly avatar getting cranked to the max :) and im slowly loving ed as much as i lobe bosch. oh no. also it's actually really hard to write a goofball avatar for some reason, so hopefully i did my fellow clowns some justice.

Ed could always hear you before he actually sees you.

He's just not used to people with an overly loud personality like yours.

Not to say it was a bad thing, but he's definitely dropped his phone a couple of times because you decided shouted his name across the station for everyone to hear.

Hey, pipe it down. Are you trying to attract attention to him?

You would also attempt to get him to do the most random activities he's ever heard.

Oh, you know a place with a nice view overlooking the city? Cool.

Wait, the place is crawling with security roombas and fighting refrigerators?

What the hell does that even mean?

When Ed’s with you, he allows himself to get dragged to wherever you felt like going that day.

A Burger joint? The Scrapyard? Haggar Stadium? It didn't matter where you two were, you always knew a place.

And other times you would say something so outlandish, he would have to tune you out.

You once stopped mid-training because you had to flip your Crocs into 'sports mode'. Whatever the hell that meant.

So he knocked your ass on the floor for not taking him seriously.

Or when you called early in the morning to ask him meaningless questions at ungodly hours.

Who the hell was calling him this time? Ed thought.

He begrudgingly picked up his phone without checking the caller ID.

"What?"

"Would you love me if I was a worm?"

And Ed hung up on you.

He'll deal with you later.

When you're both out and about, you try to get him to do things he normally wouldn't consider, albeit with some pushback from him.

Like when you wanted to dance with him in Beat Square because a jazz band was playing.

Ed watched them with mild interest before you grabbed him.

“Come on. Let's Dance!" You said, pulling him towards the open space where other people were mingling.

"I don’t dance.” He narrowed his eyes at you.

And you rolled yours playfully, not letting go of his hands. “Aw, don't be like that, It’ll be fun."

Ed tried to relax and mirror your movements.

He was stiff and awkward for the most part, but he was there with you on the dance floor. And that was a win in your books.

He would've never done this if you were some rando asking for his hand, so count yourself lucky.

As the music came to an end, you pulled Ed close, wrapping your arms around him. “See? I told you it would be fun.” You said, forehead resting against his.

“Yeah. You were right, I guess.” he hummed. “It wasn't that bad.”

“I’m always right.” You grinned, leaning in to give him a quick peck.

He scoffed, “Let’s not go that far.”

Because of your outgoing/goofy nature, his friends found you endearing and a joy to be around.

He's actually somewhat relieved they did because that meant the members of his group who were still hesitant around other people were gradually opening up.

But of course, you did have some run-ins with them from time to time that were...less than ideal.

"Aw, Look Ed. I think Kiki likes me," you cooed, gently stroking the lion tamarin who was leaning into your touch. Her tiny face and fluffy body had you completely smitten.

"Uh-huh." He said, glancing down at the little thing. He knew you were too focused on how cute Kiki was to notice that she was slowly inching closer to your food.

It wasn't until she nabbed the bread off your burger that you realized what she was up to.

"That rat. She stole my buns!" You shouted, jumping out of your chair to chase her.

Ed leaned against one of the walls, watching the whole thing unfold, as the nimble thief jumped from one piece of furniture to the next, with you following suit.

'This might take a while,' he thought, popping one of the pickles he took from your burger into his mouth.

After a few minutes, you returned, huffing and puffing with the half-eaten bun in your hands. Tiny scratches ran up your arm from the brief struggle.

"Have fun?" he said with a hint of amusement.

"Not at all, my food's probably cold by now," you groan, dropping the bun back on the table. "Who knew something so small could be so mischievous."

"Don't take it personally. But consider yourself lucky you even got a portion of it back." He said as the tamarin in question hopped on his shoulder, cheeks still puffy from munching down on the stolen bread. “She’s got one hell of a jaw for being this size.”

You huffed sadly, flopping the bun back on your sandwich as you slumped down on your chair. "Well, at least I could finally eat."

"Wait," You picked the bun back up. "Where the hell are my pickles!?"

Although he doesn't admit it often, he's glad you see the positives in unfortunate situations.

Because there are times when he just has shitty days and nothing could make him feel better.

So he could probably learn a thing or two from you.

But if there are moments when you're not feeling the best, he'll know.

Even if you try to hide it.

Hey, are you really not gonna say anything and make him do all the talking?

He's used to you being the one to fill in the void with your voice.

So it feels a bit empty to not hear it after a while.

In those instances, Ed would find ways to make you feel better.

Albeit your humor may be different from his.

Hey, didn't you think it was funny when that guy spit his tooth out after you punched him?

Or how about when that thug fell to his knees saying how sorry he was for getting the jump on you?

No, you actually didn't find either of those moments funny.

But, seeing him go to this length did genuinely make you smile, so you appreciated every second of it.

However, if you were having a rough day, there's no shame in admitting it, especially to Ed.

He gets it, so you don't need to put on a facade in front of him.

You can enjoy the rest of the day in silence with him if that's what you want.

Speaking about you, you also enjoyed giving him gifts that range from 'useful' to 'What the hell did you just give me?'.

"Isn't it cute?"

"It's something." Ed examined the green plushie that had a dopey smile.

But you could sense his indifference to it.

"I mean, if you don't like it, I can always take it back." You replied, reaching over to grab it.

But before you could, Ed pulled it closer to him. "Hey, back off. It's mine." he said in an oddly possessive tone, which made you laugh.

"Alright, tough guy. It's all yours. I'm just glad you like it."

To an extent, you do ease his nerves and make him forget about the horrors he's seen.

Yeah, he gets on your case for having such a carefree attitude all the time. But that's because you're the ideal embodiment of what his life could've been like if he wasn't connected to any of this Shadaloo biz.

Ed also never got why you always insisted on doing things in the moment rather than putting it off for later.

You don't need to drop everything you're doing just because you had a moment of clarity.

If you have time later, just do it later.

But he can understand to an extent where you were coming from.

Because as much as he hates to admit it, sometimes there’s no such thing as later in this line of work.

[pucktoxicity]

i had a whole message ready to go and dropped my phone, so this might end up being shorter. first, as context, i went to a massive hockey school and was with my boyfriend who was on the team throughout our time there and after. still talk with him, but i’ll be honest and say that all the sh*t that comes with having a relationship with someone that’s high profile was just too much.

1. the reading stuff is hilarious. obviously they can read—they just don’t HAVE to read. even in college. was at a party at one of his teammate’s places and opened the fridge to grab something and there were textbooks, still in the plastic, sitting on the top shelf. it was a class i was also taking. when I confronted the guy about it as I held said textbooks in hand laughing (it was near midterms) he said “it doesn’t matter. i’ll pass.” he passed and it definitely wasn’t because he understood a damn thing in that course.

2. cliques exist on teams. ill break that down further. my boyfriend hung with like five of his teammates and a handful of athletes from another big sport at my school. those were who we were around on any given day. on weekends after games, or if there was a stretch with a break from some games, the entire team would go out. your ass better be at those team events or if not you better have a good reason why you’re not there. there was an issue off the ice involving the team and there was definitely a rift afterwards because a few of the guys were not there. it made for a really bad season with a team that should have done well.

3. they’re not tagging pics in real-time. they’ll post stuff a few days later with the tags on the locations so people think they know where they are if they post anything at all. that’s equally true for public and private accounts where tracking can be controlled. im sure most people recognize this, but i’ve never seen it stated outright. i was even asked to hold off on posting things until we were somewhere else even though my accounts are private. if they want you to know where they are, you’ll know where they are.

4. for the love of god do not send them nudes. not unless you want that entire team and possibly more to have them. getting nudes was a game to them.

5. which brings me to—they are ALWAYS involved in some sort of game or challenge with one another. the nudes was one, i can’t give anything more specific because i’d likely dox myself. not really feeling up for that blowback. just—they’re always betting each other over something and keeping tabs/score with something likely unrelated to hockey. sometimes it’s funny and sometimes “ew.” but there’s always something.

6. the sh*t they do off ice is hilarious and often unexpected. one of my best friends is the biggest a-hole on the ice, led the team in penalties, etc. off ice he’s the nicest human you will ever meet. he doesn’t read for fun, but he’s a nerd over a specific genre of movies that you wouldn’t expect. video games are pretty constant. they’re psychotically competitive even with those. watching giant man children rage quit video games is hilarious. oh and some of them have the weirdest habits. can’t really elaborate on that one. if anything i’d send it another time.

7. as someone that had a whole school watching my every move and then a whole city watching my every move, i can tell you it gets old fast—for everyone involved. i had people (guys and girls) show up where i lived. 95% of the sh*t i read online that was supposedly about me, him, me and him, etc was not even close to true. take what you see about any of the players or the people involved with them with a grain of salt.

8. sadly some of the worst guys are the ones in the longest relationships, or had families, etc. that was really horrifying to me. strictly anecdotal to my experience with two teams and their circles, but yeah. it was bad.

9. because the question comes up a lot—where? i met my boyfriend at mandatory study hall freshman year because im also an athlete. we never talk hockey. i talk hockey with my other friends and family, never with him or his teammates. he’s in it all day everyday, it’s his job, just like when im done with work i know i don’t want to talk about it, they’re the same way. if he brings it up, sure, but i’m sure as hell not gonna be the one to do that.

and for those keeping score: tall and natural blonde. many of his teammates over the years dated brunettes but they almost always ended up dying their hair blonde. so I don’t know if it’s blondes initially all the time. if anything i would just add that WAGs are their own beast with all the peer pressure and competitiveness of a team. the going blonde thing might be due to the pressures within that group.

way longer message than i intended but hopefully some valuable insight for those who have asked. as you’ve said, they’re humans like anyone else, their job is just different. oh, and summers were mostly working with skills coaches and rehabbing injuries/getting surgeries that are overdue that weren’t publicized. the public doesn’t know half the sh*t these guys are playing through.

everyone thank this anon for her service because this is absolutely perfect, no notes.

the ones i can most agree with / corroborate from my own experiences: she is 100% correct. do not send these guys nudes (i never have & never will, but know that they get them spread around quickly!!), and the same goes for competing over things. good lord, it’ll be the stupidest shit sometimes too but somehow it becomes a competition 😭 it’s crazy! and the same goes for schoolwork. it’s not just hockey. i have a friend who went to an SEC school with a historic football team (and sorority rush, cough cough), and she said the same thing about football players. they’ll pass. no matter what. doesn’t mean they’ll have a 4.0, but they’ll pass enough. i’m sure it’s the same with big hockey schools up here and the midwest as it is in the south with football. that doesn’t surprise me at all, unfortunately.

also, that last line. the public doesn’t know half the shit these guys are playing through. YUP. the things their bodies go through in not just a season, but in one game, are absolutely insane. and she’s very correct about privately-handled, unannounced offseason surgeries. 🙂‍↕️

i think the most interesting thing for you guys to see is her insight that most brunette WAGs end up going blonde & that whole explanation of the blonde WAG stereotype in every level of hockey.

whoever you are, i adore you, this was an amazing read, and if you ever want to talk privately in dms and stuff, i’d love to! if not, no worries, and thank you for stopping by & talking to me 🥰💋❤️

[i-have-a-goal]

I had said a few days ago I would be posting my tips on how I lose weight the fastest & how i got it done being in sports that enabled this ♡ so here I go:

Btw- just need to say this quickly- I don't condone this and get help if you are able to ♡ much luv

Okay with that here it is teehee:

☆ Okay so When I was in wrestling, we had to make sure we made weight- no if . If you were 6 lbs over then you had to find a way to lose 6lbs by Saturday. When I was put in this situation, some of the girls would 🤮 of course, but I wasn't a fan of the taste so I def took alternative routes such as

1. Calorie Deficit= DUH. Obv. Duh. For safety reasons I'm going to say 1,400 max (which isn't much In real life lol) but I would eat around 800-1,200 max for this. I wouldn't really say I watch what I eat, but I'm also not just downing pure doritos and mountain due. I'll have chips but I'll also eat fruits.

2. Working out/ cardio= I know.. it's a bummer isn't it? But I'm being 1000% honest with you, calorie deficit combined with hot cardio is the key to losing weight quickly. This is what we all did to make sure we were at the correct weight within 7 days. And it's not walk around the block or sit on the floor and do donkey kicks either... it doesn't have to be extremely intense, but you do want to make sure you're sweating the whole time. ☆ bonus points for putting on 2-3 jackets and pajama pants or hot sweats when u workout!! It does a lot of the job for you. For me, my go to would be using the treadmill (I don't even run girl I have it on level 3 and do this for 30 mins while listening to music and day dreaming about my cute skinny future self- and I still sweat like crazy) I also do the same thing on a indoor bike. Like I said, it doesn't have to be sprints or anything crazy , just something that keeps you moving enough to be hot = sweat. Think of jumping Jacks, planks, butterfly kicks, ladder climbs, etc. Also if you have a jacket with a Hoodie, def tie the hoodie secured so u can sweat more! It works I promise.

3. if you have the time, try to workout whatever you just ate sooner than later. For example, ate an apple? That's 95 cals, nothing a 25 minute walk can't burn off 👍🏻

4. DRINK YOUR WATER. I know everyone says it BUT there's a reason they do okay. Water keeps your lips hydrated and soft. Water will keep your body hydrated, water will help keep you full (to an extent if im going to be honest) if you feel hungry after drinking water, try sucking or chewing on ice- water's cousin ♡ they go hand in hand. Also- I add chia seeds to my water for the fiber and mint leaves with lemon and Cucumber in another ( I have different cups) the mint drink helps with bad breath (from not eating) AND speeds your metabolism = lose weight faster. I also drink green tea for the same benefits + 0 calories so yay ♡

5. FOOD EXAMPLES. Chances are, If you're too focused on how hungry you are and how much it sucks that you can't have fatty foods- you'll break. You won't succeed. So let's make it as beautiful as we can. By that I mean the dishes you make. Some popular dishes we would do within the sport was 6-8 leafs of big crunchy Romaine lettuce with lemon and salt over them. That's around 10-15 calories. Another one was thin slices of tomatoes with salt. Get creative and add seasoning if needed ✨️ if you like spicy food then you're in luck cause adding spice to anything fills u up quicker:-) a good spicy choice I do is steamed garbanzo beans with tapatio. Another good (non spicy) option is steamed artichoke with light Mayo! Get fancy here guys yall can steam so many vegetables and have so many nice looking meals 😊

6. STAY CONSISTENT = I know it's easier said than done, but when you're about to grab that pizza, understand that you're conscious enough to make the decision to not eat it. If your body is fighting with your brain, then you have to trick one of them. Yes, be delulu. Tell yourself it isn't good. Tell yourself the pizza is just another thick slab of grease with artificial cheese over it. Think of how you'll feel once you eat it. Think of the grease lard and calories you're shoving down your throat. Convince yourself it's disgusting. Eventually, you will find it disgusting. And this can work the opposite way as well ✨️ glorify thin slices of fruit. The satisfying way it feels to eat low calorie naturally sweetened fruits from earth. Same with veggies and water and anything 0 calories.

If I have any other advice ( which I'm sure I do I can't just think at the moment!! Smh) then I'll be posting them on this account so follow me for more content but if there's 1 thing to take from all this, it's this:

Self-discipline & self-control

So many of us don't get to our goal weights because of these 2 right here. Find the self control to not eat the food your family brought home. Find the self discipline to carry on your good habits of eating minimal & healthy and gradually make your way to the end goal ✨️

I believe in you all! We got this, one day at a time 💕

[acefantasyy]

Can we get a short drabble or hcs of reader having their first kiss with Eriks? Imagine your hands in his hair, his stubble tickling your jaw..: (I’m so normal) IMAGINE HIM HESITANTLY PUTTING A HAND ON UR HIP (HANZ IM SO NORMAL)

✦- Eriks x gn. reader

✦cw. none, 98 Eriks coded but also trimax coded as well, just some kissing that's all

✦note. thank you @chris-continues once again for feeding me Eriks content :). we're so normal about this man I swear. there's some small little headcanons at the end about how kissing him would be like and stuff, enjoy.

✦word count- 629

••

Oh absolutely there’s so many possibilities but lemme throw a little back thought I have before the kissing <3

•Nervous. so so nervous. That's all I will say when it comes to giving your first kiss to the guy you’ve been infatuated with for over two years. There had been a confession said to Eriks with it being reciprocated but nothing more happened as he had left to finish something important that needed to be done. That had been months ago but now here in front of you stood a tall dark haired man claiming to be the man you loved which left you utterly confused because your eriks had long blonde hair the last time you saw him. Your suspicions are quickly shut down though when the man quietly utters the nickname that you were given before Eriks had left.

• Anyways. Now onto what you came for :)

•In all honesty, who wouldn’t be nervous when having their first kiss, it could be from being excited because you’re giving it to someone you care for or whether the first kiss would be good or bad. Both of those were part of the reason for your nervousness but the main reason was because of how incredibly handsome Eriks was being in such close proximity with you, especially now that he no longer sported the long blonde locks you were used to him having and instead now had short raven hair. 

•The buzzing of blood rushing to your ears distracts you from hearing what the raven haired man says to you before he’s swooping you up into his arms and pressing a soft kiss to your lips that’s warm and inviting but as soon as it’s there it’s gone. It’s honestly the most gentle and sweetest feeling you’ve ever felt before and it’s the utmost purest thing ever and it leaves you wanting more. As soon as he begins blubbering out an apology you’re quick to silence it as you tug him back down to your lips for another kiss, your arms winding around his neck and into his pitch black locks bringing a surprised noise from him in response.

-

•I feel that when Vash finally decides to settle down with you back in the town where he met you he’d probably start going by Eriks once again. He’d keep his hair short but maybe would let it start to grow out again as time passes and gradually begins to grow stubble again and will let you maintain it to how he likes

•As for kissing he’s always going to be kissing you in some sort of way at almost every hour of the day and is always saying how your kisses are his source of energy to get through the day and that it’s vital that he gets at least 20 kisses a day. And as annoying as it may sound you always give into his request and smother him with his kisses he oh so dearly needs.

•I know for a fact that he would teasingly rub his stubble against your cheeks or even neck when he kisses you, the prickly feeling sending you into a fit and trying to get away from his attacks

•His kisses are always warm and inviting and are the softest, they can leave you feeling bubbly when you least expect it. He’s almost always going to have himself wrapped around you somehow, whether that be his arms resting around your waist or around your neck, there are times where he likes to mix it up and dip you while he kisses you.

•Loves to blow raspberries when he kisses you, especially when the two of you are laying down with you on top of him.

✦tags.

[crowns-of-violets-and-roses]

Pale Goblins (and friends) as dril tweets

Cherrypop: just found out about Object Permanence… why didnt any one tell me about this shit

Biscuit: drunk driving may kill a lot of people, but it also helps a lot of people get to work on time, so, it;s impossible to say if its bad or not,

Flopsy: awfully bold of you to fly the Good Year blimp on a year that has been extremely bad thus far

Sporghog: sending my most powerful kisses to all pregnant women fire fighers

America: IF THE ZOO BANS ME FOR HOLLERING AT THE ANIMALS I WILL FACE GOD AND WALK BACKWARDS INTO HELL

Bagnut: oh you say you’re going to fuck me? you’re going to try to fuck me, through the computer? Well i say this, and that is “Game on”

Peckersnot: the only A+ i ever got was from that time in art class when i drew venus & serena willaims clobbering the. shit out of me with their rackets

Doglick: how do i get cowboy paint off a dog

Tatty Bo Jangles: “jail isnt real,” i assure myself as i close my eyes and ram the hallmark gift shop with my shitty bronco

Ramjam: i lvoe and cherish all of the girls of this site, and other websites.  you all become my wife more and more with each passing day. Thank you

Gashwad: id love to get attacked by a bird. id love for a bird to try to fight me. id love to smash it to bits with my bare hands.

Toadswallow: i regret to inform you, that by resorting to Swear language, you have forfeit this debate. Farewell my bitch

Snatchragged: if a sniper shot me i owuld run over to where he is and kick the gun out of his hand and kill him because hes not specialized in melee fight

Bubbleyum: what would you do if i unlocked 100% of my true brain?  Nothing. you would be fucked

Lewdtube: do not be afraid to talk to that lonely boy on the train … with the rosy red cheeks, sun glasses & big cigar… he just mmight be… angel

Bluntmunch: another day volunteering at the betsy ross museum. everyone keeps asking me if they can fuck the flag. buddy, they wont even let me fuck it

Kittycough: two handfuls of kitty litter taken from the beautiful hollywood home of sports broadcaster Dick Vitale , for $100 or best offer

Breastbiter the Chonk: joke’s on you; i actually love being body slammed by one dozen perfect wrestlers. and my mouth isn’t filled with bloodm, it’s victory wine

Liberty: DOCTOR: you cant keep doing this to yourself. being The Last True Good Boy online will destroy you. you must stop posting with honor ME: No,

Slaygarrrrrr Who Slavishly Slays: my name is “ GAMER FUCKER ” and i was sent to FUCK all the gamers…

Flopsy (again): awfully bold of you to retweet my “bad year” tweet on a year that has been extremely good thus far

Avery: strongest blade in the world, howeve,r it is so fragile as to shatter when handled by any force other than the delicate touch of a lesbian .

Snowdrop: Im the only man here who injects himself with a CIA Grade Truth Serum before each and every post i make. Remember only that

[youremyheaven]

https://www.tumblr.com/youremyheaven/758179796866007040/hey-girl-congrats-on-your-relationship-girl?source=share

Well, gurl... his childhood was tough. He’s been grinding since 16, skipped college, and became the family breadwinner. Now, he’s doing way better financially than me, and I have a degree! 😌

He had a wild phase with the wrong crowd and got into trouble, so now he is sticking to solo extreme sports like rock climbing. His life is work, extreme sports, and scrolling online. And his IG story always like 10 updates a day.

He takes great care of his mom and siblings, but he’s all about living on the edge, even if it means getting hurt sometimes 🤕🥺 He’s not scared of death and only goes to the hospital if it’s really bad 😵 So it’s nice to hear your story with your pookie 😄😄 helps take my mind off the extreme stuff my man does 😅

Although he doesn’t always express his love and care through words, he shows it through actions like reminding me to eat healthy, not drink coffee on an empty stomach, and when I’m stressed, he’s there for beach walks, sunsets, and telling me to chill and enjoy life. And intimately he’s got a wild side, and when I say wild, I mean wild wild 😏🫠 Lol

Oppsss sorry for the long yap 😅😅

damn all that Saturn influence creating a difficult early life and affecting his education is very on brand for Shani

wild phase is completely in alignment with both Saturn and Rahu influence

extreme sports is also very Saturnian (bc its self-punishing and extreme, both Saturnian things)

scrolling online and 10 updates a day is so on brand behaviour lmaoooo

its so cute that he's a family man 🥺🥺my pookie is the same way, his parents work but he's mainly the breadwinner for now and his life's goal is to help them retire asap 😭😭he has a younger brother who is in 8th grade and he says he wants him to have everything he didnt have growing up and thats why he works soooo hard 😭😭😭🥺he's such a great son and brother, and he's veryyy elder son🥺coded but he was the only child for a long time so I think that influence is also apparent.

its sooo cute that he does that <333🥺🥺🥺there are many ways to show love and express it,, if someone loves you they'll express it one way or another, so his little reminders and just his being there is soooo wonderful<333

i dont doubt the wild side 👀🥵🥵Saturnian men are absolutely insane. they have a major degradation kink, its not for the faint of heart. spill deets if u want to👀im all ears 😌no pressure tho 🤪

🧿🪬🧿🪬🧿🪬🧿🪬🧿🪬🧿🪬🧿🪬

[br1ghtestlight]

getting war flashbacks to the bobs burgers fanfic where louise is doing math homework in the restaurant when nobody else is around and then bob has a heart attack </3 that shit was TRAUMATIZING

love linda shouting four whenever there's a math problem or anything related to numbers. best recurring joke. FOUR!!!!

you can do it gene :D also im so bad at math I 100% would not be able to help either. dumbass rep family

bob trying to help gene with his homework is cute. even if he is Not very good at it. he wants to be an involved dad :(

gene im not gonna lie that math question has gotta be fucking with you. rhat is not a real question. i could NEVER do that not if i was given 100 hours that shit is fake

see this is where when I was in math class i would just write a random number and move on bcuz im never gonna figure it out anyway im not gonna waste time. so that's my advice gene. just Give Up

he says "maybe your mom or tina could get you started" because they're older but I genuinely think louise has a better chance of helping bcuz she is so smart. if she'd WANT to help is another question entirely

because I'm stuck in a safe 😐

AND THEN HE BLINDFOLDED ME ON THE WAY HERE??? HE BLINDFOLDED YOU??????

teddy I think his guy is gonna murder you im gonna be so real right now

unfortunately im kinda following teddy's logic now like. it isnt like fischoeder isn't doing this type of shit everyday just for fun. rich guys are just like that BUT getting their money is nice

"gene was doing homework?? that's new"

WE'RE NOT ALL ECONOMICALLY COMFORTABLE LIKE YOU ARE

"Why did you tell me the whole long story about the sandwich in the drawer if you're running out of battery LOCKED IN A SAFE??" "Context!!!!"

also bob and teddy have such great comedic chemistry lmao they bounce off each other so naturally

louise isn't lying she Does have a certain set of skills 😭 if anyone could find him it WOULD be her the lockpicking genius nine year old supervillain

miss you. see you soon. gotta go!!

has he gotten a new cellphone since that MIDDLE OF THE DAY AND YOUR PHONE IS AT 23% argument or is it that same shitty 2008 blackberry phone that dies almost immediately lmfao

bob is a real one for doing this bullshit for teddy he did NOT have to. they're ride or die fr

I'm not entirely unconvinced that gerald isnt a serial killer but thats okay <3 men can have hobbies

also I'm choosing to believe this gerald is the same one from the taxes/weed cookie episode even though it ABSOLUTELY is not bcuz i think that would be funny. by day he's a regular tax agent by night he is a creepy rich kidnapper who pulls mind games on all his handymen

OH I FORGOT THE SUBPLOT FOR THIS EPISODE IS ABOUT SPORTS PEOPLE why did they do the whole thing with gene's homework then.... are they connected. what is the gameplan

WE PICK A NEW LOVER FOR MOM

i love how bob is apparently the only thing keeping his family from going completely off the fucking rails like. he's the only thing standing between his family and their restaurant burning down with everyone inside fr

your dad never loved that dream :/ because he's a hater :/ AND SO JEALOUS :/

you're not gonna break the world record. another hater. STOP THAT

I might be having a panic attack 💔 I CANT TELL BECAUSE IVE NEVER HAD ONE BEFORE OR IM ALWAYS HAVING ONE soo real teddy

WE LOST HIM 😭😭💔

aww I love them all wearing their lil aprons <3 (crappy photo of my tablet bcuz the app im using to watch this episode doesn't allow screenshots)

SAY SOMETHING SMART LIKE UHH HOW WOULD YOU FLIP A GIANT BURGER. OH GOD THEY DIDNT MAKE THE GIANT BURGER DID THEY. WHO WOULD EVEN AGREE TO EAT THAT. AN OVER FOURTY CO-ED BASKETBALL TEAM. REALLY 😯

sorry this episode has so many good ooc quotes FJDMDJSKSKKM

gene STOP calling him father

bob is being like a whole ass detective meanwhile linda and the kids are currently making The Worst Decisions Ever

h jon benjiman is doing such a good job voicing bob in this episode idk it has so much personality and sounds natural. or it's always like this and im just now appreciating it but either way A+ work

cute bob and teddy moment ❤️❤️

(ignore the awful camera quality. nothing I can do there) also love the fact that teddy can easily lift up and manhandle bob. Good to know

there's so much going on w/ this gerald guy I dont even know WHERE to begin. what a guy. wow

this is so cute and sweet im so happy!!! YOU DOUBLE FAKE WALLED HIM :D YOU SMART SMARTIE. YOURE A GENIUS BOB

"I knew I asked the right person to come help me. Yeah. Mort wouldn't answer."

"What? You called Mort first?"

"No..."

HE ASKED MORT???? LMFAO big win for tedmort shippers. I fucking guess

MORT NEVER DOUBLE FAKE WALLED ANYONE why is bob like genuinely jealous of mort and teddy right now 😭 chill out man you've got a wife at home

"let's just say it's twelve" FINALLY bob follows my very smart advice when it comes to math homework smh

ALSO THIS IS TECHNICALLY THE FIRST TIME WE'VE SEEN THEM EATING BOBS BURGERS FOR DINNER OR IN GENERAL!!! I mean it's a giant hamburger loaf but it technically was served at bob's burgers so it counts

GIANT FRENCH FRIES

aww this episode was so fun and cute!! I love the more adventure-y type episodes where they explore a new location so this episode was great and very stressful lmao. also very funny. I love bob and teddy's dynamic/back and forth throughout the episode and the weird mort mention at the end felt like they were soft launching his and teddy's relationship even though I KNOW they aren't actually. mort could replace kathleen if we believe. very solid 8/10 episode :)

[satoruzlove]

Hi hi!! I'm the anon who requested the Kiyoomi buying something for you when he wasn't supposed to. I absolutely loved it, it's so cute!! And thank you for saying that! I'm actually honored to be the first ask hehe

If it's possible, could I request for a cheeky gremlin Omi who had a long dah just swoops in and holds something hostage and won't give it back until you kiss him but he won't say it out loud?

Could I also be ❄ anon?

Again, stay safe and take care of yourself! Give yourself a bit of a break every now and then, okay?

hello again sweetheart!! i’m very glad you liked the req, and of course !! i’m glad to have such a sweet first anon

and ofc, i personally love cheeky omi, he’s just too much. i hope you enjoy my dear ❄️ anon , and please do be kind to yourself as well <333

PHONES AT THE DINNER TABLE.

[ K. SAKUSA.]

it was muggy as kiyoomi drove home. the hard drizzle of rain pattered against the car window and the cold air bit at his pale skin- even with the windows up. this atmosphere was not good to his already dampened spirit seeing as practice didn’t go well today. he kept hitting the ball into the net and his syncing was way off. it really put him into a bad mood, and now with the weather, he swore you could see a grey storm cloud following him everywhere overhead.

he pulled into the driveway of your shared home and sluggishly pulled his duffle bag from the passenger seat. it took him three minutes to unlock the door, because it kept slipping out of the key hole. this adding to his annoyance. he felt his temper bubble in his chest and bleed into his throat, threatening to spill until he saw you.

you were setting out all his favorite food onto the dinner table, hair a mess and so absorbed in your task that you hadn’t noticed kiyoomi come in. he quietly toed his shoes off, making his way to you. a devious thought popped into his head.

you took your phone out your pocket to take a picture of the pretty lay out of food you made for your lover, when it’s snatched up from behind you. you yelp, twisting to find your 6’4 boyfriend sporting a boyish grin.you smile at his breathlessly , still a bit surprised from his appearance but hug him anyway. your lover’s arms wind around your waist, and you feel every bit of tension melt off his strong shoulders. giving his back a few rubs and the base of his neck a few squeezes, he sighs happily. he truly did miss you.

he pulls back and peers down at you. you smile up at him, “ how was your day, kiyo? sit down, you must be hungry,” you say, ushering him towards a seat. he does so, moving his hair from his face. you pat your pockets, then laying your eyes on him and letting out a breathy laugh. “ baby, my phone,” you tell him. he laughs slightly. giving him a bored look, you move to take it from him, but he simply stands and you’re all of a sudden no match for him. he’s enormous. you huff, “ kiyo, give me my phone,” you instruct.

he laughs. “ what will you do if i don’t , huh? bite my ankles?” and at that, you scoff. you make another reach for your device, thwarted by his long arms. “you’re so mean, kiyo, i literally made you food and this is how you repay me? little biTCH-“ he doesn’t allow you to finish your sentence. he swiftly tucks the phone into his pocket and picks you up- your thighs caging his waist as he holds them to support you. instinctively, your arms find a place around his neck. “‘m not mean, baby, im just teasing,” he mumbled , kissing your face, “had a long day, and you’re cute when you’re upset,” he giggles to you. this brings a smile to your face, cheeks nearly crushing your eyes when you give him a big, wet kiss. he feigns disgust but does little to wipe his mouth or tell you to stop. “ maybe if you had just told me how your day was, instead of stealing my phone, you would’ve felt better by now,” you deadpan playfully. he pouts at you , tilting his head, “ hmm, maybe you’re right but,” he gets real close, “ i wouldn’t be holding you then, would i?” he whispers. you’re flustered momentarily.

it’s silent between you two for a second. the close proximity urges you to kiss him- so you do. cupping his pale cheeks and nose bumping his, he feels his heart swell at the tenderness you handle him with. his lips move languidly against yours, effortlessly, as if that’s what they were made for. to kiss you. just for you. only you. he puts you down when you break away, handing you your phone.

“let’s eat,” he says, sitting again. he sees your raised brow and hand-on-hip pose, shaking his head with a small chuckle. “ and i’ll tell you about my day, you big baby.”

[4seasonsofart]

Hiii!!! If it isn't to much trouble may I have (male) vinland saga matchup please. My pronouns are she/her. I tend to be shy around new people but I can be somewhat loud with people who im close to. My height is 5'0. I would describe my aesthetic as girly/soft/cottegecore, lots of long dresses and skirts.

Im not very athletic and im not a big fan of sports but I love to go roller and ice skating. I also love to read books and to also cook and bake food. I also like to garden. I've been playing the violin for 7-ish years. I love animals. I am currently studying in college. I like to Watch nature/animal documentaries. I also like sweets.

Somethings I dislike are people who bend or ruin my books and people who speak over me when im trying to talk.I love music, I can listen to any genre and like it but my favorites are indie,bedroom pop and classic rock. My ideal relationship would be with someone who is loyal and supportive. sorry if i spelt anything wrong. Hope im not bothering you:)

@armin-ocean-eyes You are not bothering me at all. You have such a unique personality.

Which is why I match you up with our lovely boy Canute.

Early Years (War Arc)

• Prince Canute and you both met in your royal court while he was out on a diplomatic mission given to him by his father. Both Denmark and your country had high tensions between each other, which only further heightened when King Sweyn sent his army into the edge of your territory.

• As the princess, you were put in charge of greeting the prince and having friendly relations with him. Well, cordial. It's hard to be friendly with the son of the man who wants to destroy your country. You were pleasantly surprised when you made eye contact with the shy prince. Without even saying a word to him, he ended up hiding behind his retainer, Ragnar.

"My apologies; my Highness is quite shy around new people. I assure you that we only come with the best of intentions."

• You shake your head and assure the both of them that you have no ill intentions either. Over the next few weeks, you learn more about Canute and end up having some sweet conversations with him.

• He always sticks behind you when you walk around the castle together. He will only ever talk to you or Ragnar. He is deathly afraid of your family and freezes up whenever one of the other royals addresses him.

• Thanks to your good relationship, the tensions between your countries have temporarily eased. You will often sit in your study together and teach him the violin. He is quite bad at it, but he becomes transfixed when he watches you play it.

• You show him around the royal garden, and he marvels at all of the foreign floral and fauna that he is not used to. He asks you questions about different plants every few steps. He loves how vibrant and versatile they are.

• When he learns you love to bake, you are practically able to see hearts in his eyes. He confesses his love for cooking as well. You both teach each other recipes from your homelands. He quite often gets flustered while baking with you. When you tease him, he gets defensive.

"H-Hey, it's just hot in the kitchen!"

*laughter*

"Stop laughing-! I swear it is just the heat of the oven!"

• He tries to tease you about your height, since he is quite a bit taller than you. You always end up teasing him back, and then he hides once again.

• On Canute's last day in your kingdom, he gets you a pet cat. He named the cat Sweetpea after the kitchen incident you both had. (You spilled some sweet peas, and Canute tripped over them and brought you down on the floor with him.) He promises to write you and even asks if he is allowed to give you a kiss on the cheek. Ragnar is shook. Shook!

• Over the next few years, you both keep in touch and write letters. Those letters begin to dwindle. One day, he stops sending you letters completely. You know that Denmark and England are at war. You worry greatly. Another two years pass, and you learn of him becoming king.

(Slave Arc & beyond)

• He changed the first time you saw him after all of those years. You now rule your country, and you were scared of him. This time, he hadn't visited to make peace with your country but to wage war on it if you did not give in.

• You tear up and almost cry as he comforts you. He speaks sweet nothings into your ear and speaks of his dream and his paradise. He speaks of how your country is a part of that. Of how you two should be able to rule alongside each other. About how he only threatens you to keep up his appearances as the fierce king of the Northern lands.

He promises you the world. He gives it to you.

• You both catch up on the years that you have missed. You both speak of your fond memories, and you begin to make new ones. Your kingdom joins his, and soon he proposes in front of the royal court.

• Your wedding is beautiful. No expense is spared. He makes you feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. He allows you anything you want and fawns over you. He supports you through everything and anything. When he is with you, he is neither a conqueror nor a king; he is just Canute.

● He brings you new scrolls to read and loves hearing you speak of them. You have your own library in the castle that is only for you. Canute always asks for permission before he enters it. He always loves how lovely and cozy you look while reading. He will murder anyone who hurts your scrolls or reading materials.

● He never allows anyone to speak over you. If someone disrespects your opinion, he will be standing quietly behind you and staring at that person menacingly. He will shout at his court to quiet down when you enter the room.

• He isn't the biggest fan of PDA but he loves holding hands and sneakily kissing the side of your face. No one in the castle questions it. Of course, they rarely see it. Wulf cracks a smile when he sees you two together.

• When having hallucinations of his dead father, he always seeks you out. When you lovingly trace and kiss all of his scars, his pain melts away. A few tears come to his baby blue eyes, but he always tries to hide them. He's never had a safe person besides Ragnar. Even then, was that really love? He doesn't know, but he knows that loving you is true love.

• He always asks for your opinion on everything. From political decisions to what he wears for the day, He is very much still Prince Canute around you—a shy and meek, easily flustered boy who is head over heels in love with you.

• He gets you another cat after Sweetpea and names him Sugar because you are the sweetest thing to him in his life.

• You are his only weakness. He is quite protective of you but backs off if you get annoyed or get concerned over his protectiveness. He is just unable to picture a life without you. He loves you more than his paradise. You are his paradise.

[bunnyreaper]

hi hi hi! i dont know if your requests are open or not, but i absolutely adore your reaper stories 🥺

if they are, would you consider writing a short prompt or hcs of gabe/reaper differences as a dad? i got this mad baby fever rn im so sorry 😭

and if not, i love you and your content anyway, please take care and don't push yourself too hard!

🐀💕

notes: NO BCS I've also got the baby fever, help? (accidentally writes 1.2k words sksksk) tysm for the request and the kind words! <3 warnings: pregnancy, mild sexual content/suggestion Gabriel and Reaper pregnancy and early fatherhood HCs (+ bonus drabbles)

Gabriel: 

His protective instincts go into overdrive. If you thought it was bad before, ooh, you have another thing coming. 

If you're part of Overwatch/Blackwatch, he has you benched as soon as he finds out you're pregnant to protect you and the life inside you.

Keeps the baby scan picture on his desk, another copy in his wallet.

Wants to cater to your every need, even down to your tying your shoelaces and grabbing everything while you're pregnant.

Gets even touchier, but not necessarily sexual, just sensual. Rubs lotion into your stomach, massages your feet, and insists on you using him as a pillow if you need it. 

Calls his mother and asks for advice on how best to support you.

Insists on buying everything the baby could possibly need, and on building the cot and decorating a nursery.

Slightly leans towards wanting a girl more than anything, as he wants her to take after you instead of him.

Fantasizes with you about how he can bond with baby when they grow up, regardless of who they are, he hopes to get them into sports.

Secretly wonders if he should take up knitting to make little baby clothes/hats/blankets 

Pushes himself harder at work. He's always wanted to make the world a better place, but having a child with you makes him all the more desperate.

When the baby comes, he becomes even more of a light sleeper, stirring as soon as the baby does and rushing to soothe them.

Would never in a million years tell another soul, but he gets a little insecure if he feels the baby prefers you over him.

Speaks to them in Spanish as well as English, from when they're in the womb and onwards.

Proudly wears his sling to hold the baby, whether it's at home cooking meals for you or taking the baby in for an office day.

Outside of your blood relatives, Jack and Ana are the only ones he trusts with the baby alone, his fierce protection remaining.

It's not begrudging, but he does find it a little hard having to somewhat step away from his career a little to be a present father. He also doesn't think it's fair for you to be the only one making sacrifices. 

You do have small arguments over some parenting styles, with him relying on older wisdom and advice from his mother, even if newer advice might not always agree.

"She's asleep, Gabe." You sigh, stepping up behind him and wrapping your arms around his waist.

He stands sentinel, watching her protectively as she softly snores away in her cot. 

"I know." He whispers, yet his eyes fix on her for a moment longer. "She just looks so peaceful. I think she'll make it through the night." 

Gabriel takes her sleep seriously and is always finding new ways to soothe her to sleep. Her latest is falling asleep on his chest in the rocking chair before he delicately places her down onto her own sheets. 

You slip away with a smile, content at witnessing his love for your daughter. Heading into the kitchen, you begin to tidy the kitchen and make sure everything is prepared for another day of parenting tomorrow. 

It's Gabriel's turn to stay home, and you ensure there are enough pumped bottles in the fridge. 

As you wander around the kitchen, it's Gabriel's turn to slip his arms around your waist, his lips falling to your neck. 

"Since we have some time to ourselves..." His voice drops low and tempting, making you shiver. 

You've spent a lot of time healing and resting, adjusting to parenthood, and lately the two of you haven't had the time or the capacity for sexual intimacy. 

His hands grip at your waist, pulling you back against the hardness growing in his sweats. "... I was thinking we could get started on baby Reyes number two." 

You feel yourself flush with need. "¿Muy pronto?" ("So soon?)

"Hazme papá otra vez." ("Make me a daddy again.")

Reaper: 

Initially shocked as he didn't even know it was possible, but life finds a way. He struggles with the idea of it, but you assure him that it happened for a reason.

Similar in his extremely protective nature, but is a bit more violent about it should he need to be. If he hears about someone in public who knocked into you or wouldn't give up their seat, he stews with anger. 

Private about it, even more than he is usually with info regarding you. Doesn't tell a soul in Talon because he worries about the consequences. (Sombra knows, because of course she does) 

Starts taking more work contracts, which leads to a little bit of worry within you for his safety, and creates a bit of distance between you, but it's for a good reason he acts this way.

Often watches you sleep, making sure you're in a comfortable position and aren't too disturbed by the pregnancy.

Leans towards wanting a boy, so he can raise him to be a protector for you, too.

Feels a sense of primal arousal seeing you swell with his child. 

When the baby comes, and you're cuddling up with the newborn, he excuses himself to get some water, but really he cries for the first time in forever.

A sense of guilt creeps in, as he feels undeserving of you and the child you've blessed him with.

Was relieved to see the baby wasn't afraid of him, wasn't afraid of his form or vibe, but he has been whispering to them since they were inside you, getting them used to his voice.

Defers to your maternal instincts on most matters AND shows his love and paternal feelings by providing for and protecting you both 

Has to put up with Sombra making dad jokes at his expense, lovingly blackmailing him for photos.

You wake with a start, worry coursing through you as Reaper materializes in the room with a loud clatter. 

"We have to go now." His voice is panicked and strained as he begins to throw things on the bed. 

Pulling yourself out of bed, your confusion persists, yet you grab the suitcase and bags you can, filling them with items.  "What's happening?" 

"We're leaving." He replies in a huff, grabbing your valuables from the nightstand. 

You grip onto your beloved, peeling his mask off in a hurry as you try to discern what is happening. "Please, stop. Just explain what's going on." 

Reaper takes a few deep breaths, his jaw tightening as he returns your hold. "I have a way out, from Talon, from everything." He keeps his voice grave and steady. "To keep you safe, to keep the baby safe." 

You search his eyes for any sign of insincerity, in complete disbelief at his words. "I- really, you're going to leave?!" 

He struggles to meet your gaze, his red-hued eyes cast down at the floor. "My activity over the last few months..."

"You've been preparing a way out?"

"With a little help." He chuckles, before turning serious once more. "We'll have new identities, a new life. But we'll be safe. I'll keep you safe." 

You wrap your arms around his neck, stepping up to press a kiss to his lips. "I love you, Gabriel." You sigh, whispering his name. 

"I love you too." His hands drop to your stomach, caressing the growing bump as he holds you close. "Both of you."