00ff00 · 2 years ago
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garbagequeer · 5 years ago
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hey hello im writing a piece for laptop ensemble that involves sampling and i need the most repressed/tender/yearning quotes you got. just as gay and heart wrenching as you can. but also no pressure I know youre a stranger on the web I just feel like you post that kind of stuff a lot thank you bye
hope this isnt like too late school keeps me busy :( (also can you put a read more on asks? guess i’ll find out). i ended up choosing many quotes from the same texts cause im indecisive as shit but i’ll bold my favorites from those in case that makes it easier for you!
anyways first of all you can never go wrong w richard siken as obvious as that is. these are both from you are jeff
You’re in a car with a beautiful boy, and he won’t tell you that he loves you, but he loves you. And you feel like you’ve done something terrible, like robbed a liquor store, or swallowed pills, or shoveled yourself a grave in the dirt, and you’re tired. You’re in a car with a beautiful boy, and you’re trying not to tell him that you love him, and you’re trying to choke down the feeling, and you’re trembling, but he reaches over and he touches you, like a prayer for which no words exist, and you feel your heart taking root in your body, like you’ve discovered something you don’t even have a name for.
Let’s say you’ve swallowed a bad thing and now it’s got its hands inside you. This is the essence of love and failure. You see what I mean but you’re happy anyway, and that’s okay, it’s a love story 
this one’s from planet of love (the format got fucked bc tumblr is not actually a finctional website but :/ )
I have a megaphone and you play along,                                                                 because you want to die for love,                                                            you always have.     Imagine this:You’re pulling the car over. Somebody’s waiting.                      You’re going to die                                            in your best friend’s arms.             And you play along because it’s funny, because it’s written down,you’ve memorized it,
from litany in which certain things are crossed out 
I make you pancakes, I take you hunting, I talk to you as if you’re            really there.Are you there, sweetheart? Do you know me? Is this microphone live?                                                       Let me do it right for once,
sorry about the scene at the bottom of the stairwell                                    and how I ruined everything by saying it out loud.            Especially that, but I should have known.You see, I take the parts that I remember and stitch them back together            to make a creature that will do what I sayor love me back.
We were inside the train car when I started to cry. You were crying too,            smiling and crying in a way that made meeven more hysterical. You said I could have anything I wanted, but I                                                                                just couldn’t say it out loud.Actually, you said Love, for you,                             is larger than the usual romantic love. It’s like a religion. It’s                                                                                                 terrifying. No one                                                                        will ever want to sleep with you.
from snow and dirty rain
I had a dream about you. We were in the gold roomwhere everyone finally gets what they want.
that scene from when harry met sally where sally says:
One day I was taking Alice’s little girl fro the afternoon. I’d promised to take her to the circus, and we were in a cab playing “I spy” - you know, “I spy a lamppost”, “I spy a mailbox” - and she looked out the window and there was this man and this woman with two little kids, and the man had one of the kids on his shoulders, and Alice’s little girl said “I spy a family”, and I satrted crying, you know? I just started crying, and I went home
(like anyone else sometimes cries when u see a family doing something nice? is it because i want to participate in a sense of family of my own but have been excluded as a gay person from it’s portrayals and it makes me go :^( cause i dont feel there’s room for me there but i want there to be and i just have to long for this nuclear family heteronormative way of life that i’ve been made to believe is idylic? is it because my parents got divorced and my dad’s an ass and my mom is just a very angry lady and i want to re-do my own childhood? who knows. should we ban movies? yes we should!)
from maurice (ultimate source of tender)
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“There was something better in life than this rubbish, if only he could get to it, love, nobility, big spaces where passion clasped peace, spaces no science could reach, but they existed for ever, full of woods some of them, and arched with majestic sky and a friend”
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‘Did you ever dream you had a friend, Alec? Nothing else but just “my friend”, he trying to help you and you him. A friend’ he repeated, sentimental suddenly. ‘Someone to last your whole life and you his. I suppose such a thing can’t really happen outside sleep’
we are all so lucky i don’t actually own maurice in english this would just turn into me quoting the whole book
ee cummings voices to voices, lip to lip
the thing perhaps isto eat flowers and not to be afraid.
from virgina woolf’s letters to vita
7 september 1925
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january 21 1926 vita writes
I am reduced to a thing that wants Virginia. I composed a beautiful letter to you in the sleepless nightmare hours of the night, and it has all gone: I just miss you, in a quite simple desperate human way. You, with all your un-dumb letters, would never write so elementary phrase as that; perhaps you wouldn’t even feel it. And yet I believe you’ll be sensible of a little gap. But you’d clothe it in so exquisite a phrase that it would lose a little of its reality. Whereas with me it is quite stark: I miss you even more than I could have believed; and I was prepared to miss you a good deal. So this letter is just really a squeal of pain. It is incredible how essential to me you have become. I suppose you are accustomed to people saying these things. Damn you, spoilt creature; I shan’t make you love me any the more by giving myself away like this—But oh my dear, I can’t be clever and stand-offish with you: I love you too much for that. Too truly. You have no idea how stand-offish I can be with people I don’t love. I have brought it to a fine art. But you have broken down my defences. And I don’t really resent it …
and on january 26 virginia writes back
Your letter from Trieste came this morning—But why do you think I don’t feel, or that I make phrases? ‘Lovely phrases’ you say which rob things of reality. Just the opposite. Always, always, always I try to say what I feel. Will you then believe that after you went last Tuesday—exactly a week ago—out I went into the slums of Bloomsbury, to find a barrel organ. But it did not make me cheerful … And ever since, nothing important has happened—Somehow its dull and damp. I have been dull; I have missed you. I do miss you. I shall miss you. And if you don’t believe it, you’re a longeared owl and ass. Lovely phrases? … 
from virginia’s diary, about vita on december 21 1925
I like her and being with her and the splendour–she shines in the grocer’s shop in Sevenoaks with a candle lit radiance, stalking on legs like beech trees, pink glowing, grape clustered, pearl hung.
from virginia woolf’s to the light house
What device for becoming, like waters poured into one jar, inextricably the same, one with the object one adored? Could the body achieve, or the mind, subtly mingling in the intricate passages of the brain? or the heart? Could loving, as people called it, make her and Mrs Ramsay one? for it was not knowledge but unity that she desired, not inscriptions on tablets, nothing that could be written in any language known to men, but intimacy itself, which is knowledge, she had thought, leaning her head on Mrs Ramsay’s knee. Nothing happened. Nothing! Nothing! as she leant her head against Mrs Ramsay’s knee. And yet, she knew knowledge and wisdom were stored up in Mrs Ramsay’s heart.
Love had a thousand shapes. There might be lovers whose gift it was to choose out the elements of things and place them together and so, giving them a wholeness not theirs in life, make of some scene, or meeting of people (all now gone and separate), one of those globed compacted things over which thought lingers, and love plays.
there forced themselves upon her other things, her own inadequacy, her insignificance, keeping house for her father off the Brompton Road, and had much ado to control her impulse to fling herself (thank Heaven she had always resisted so far) at Mrs Ramsay’s knee and say to her—but what could one say to her? “I’m in love with you?” No, that was not true. “I’m in love with this all,” waving her hand at the hedge, at the house, at the children. It was absurd, it was impossible 
(fun fact: the spanish translation adds something that i’d translate as “one could not say what one meant / what one wanted to say”, which i really like and i was disapointed to find out isnt on the english edition)
It was love, she thought, pretending to move her canvas, distilled and filtered; love that never attempted to clutch its object; but, like the love which mathematicians bear their symbols, or poets their phrases, was meant to be spread over the world and become part of the human gain. So it was indeed. The world by all means should have shared it  
from the great gatsby
I didn’t want to go to the city. I wasn’t worth a decent stroke of work but it was more than that—I didn’t want to leave Gatsby. I missed that train, and then another, before I could get myself away (…) Just before I reached the hedge I remembered something and turned around. ‘They’re a rotten crowd,’ I shouted across the lawn. ‘You’re worth the whole damn bunch put together.’ I’ve always been glad I said that. It was the only compliment I ever gave him
from kafka’s diaries
may 27 1911: Today is your birthday, but I am not even sending you the usual book, for it would be only pretence; at bottom I am after all not in position to give you a book. I am writing only because it is so necessary for me today to be near you for a moment
parts from a from a letter he wrote to oskar pollak on february 4 1902
When we talk together the words are hard; we tread over them as if they were rough pavement. The most delicate things acquire awkward feet and we can’t help it. We’re almost in each other’s way; I bump into you and you - I don’t dare and you. When we come to things that are not exactly cobblestones or the Kunstwart, we suddenly see that we are in masquerade, acting with angular faces (especially me, I admit), and then we become sad and bored. Does anyone make you as bored as I do?
then I fall silent and you fall silent and you become bored, and I become bored and it’s all like a stupid hangover and there’s no use lifting a hand. But neither wants to say this to the other, out of shame or fear or - You see, we are afraid of each other, or I am.
Of course I understand it. It’s boring to stand for years in front of an ugly wall and it just won’t crumble away. Of course, but the wall is afraid for itself, fro the garden (if there is one), and you get out of sorts, yawn, have headaches, don’t know where to turn
You often talk with her, not only for the sake of talking. You walk around with her somewhere here or there, or in Roztok, and i sit at my desk at home. You talk with her, and in the middle of a sentence somebody jumps up and makes a bow. That is me with my untrimmed words and angular faces. That lasts only a moment, and then you go on talking. I sit at my desk at home and yawn. I’ve been trhough it already. Wouldn’t that separate us? Is that so strange? Are we enemies? I am very fond of you
from his leters to milena
Last night I dreamed about you. What happened in detail I can hardly remember, all I know is that we kept merging into one another. I was you, you were me. Finally you somehow caught fire.
jane wong. from clearing
We want to believe everything has meaning.Plums blossom over a power grid
and I am in love again. The shame of it.
from leslie harrison’s [sirens]
I’m not Penelope married to faith married to waitingbound in fine soft strands of silk dyed and stretchedin my world longing has teeth and fins has a tastefor blood longing is a room built entirely of knives
Lorde’s melodrama tour interlude
Don’t you wish you could go inside a heart, see the strings and atrium’s, everything beating and bleeding. It’s kind of funny, I spend almost every minute thinking about love. Being guided, and divided by love. But I’ve never seen it. It’s just a rumour, a comedown, an afterglow. I wanna see it, in colour. In the summer, I can almost picture it
from Andrea Long Chu’s on liking women
One day, you tell yourself, it will give you what you want. Then, one day, it doesn’t. Now it dawns on you that your object will probably never give you what you want. But this is not what’s disappointing, not really. What’s disappointing is what happens next: nothing. You keep your object. You continue to follow it around, stash it in a drawer, water it, tweet at it. It still doesn’t give you what you want—but you knew that. You have had another realization: not getting what you want has very little to do with wanting it. Knowing better usually doesn’t make it better. You don’t want something because wanting it will lead to getting it. You want it because you want it
ada limón, In a Mexican Restaurant I Recall How Much You Upset Me
But love is impossible and it goes ondespite the impossible. You’re the muscleI cut from the bone and still the boneremembers, still it wants (so much, it wants)the flesh back, the real thing,if only to rail against it, if onlyto argue and fight, if only to missa solve-able absence.
i dont think i need to get into mitski songs because you probably already know but basically pink in the night/come into the water/once more to see you/in happy when she says if you’re going take the train so i can hear it rumble one last rumble/in i want you from the first verse to the first time she goes “i just need a quiet place where i can scream how i love you” (YES the card thing is very important)/the first verse of i will (w emphasis on everything you feel is good i f you wold only let you)/abbey/strawberry blond
sufjan steven’s futile devices obviously predatory wasp of the palisades you know the drill 
was going to find some twin fantasy lyrics but i started thinking about famous prophets (minds) and like. emotionally left my body so. i wont be thinking about it or any other songs anymore it makes me too crazy
from frances ha
It’s that thing when you’re with someone and you love them and they know it and they love you and you know it but it’s a party and you’re both talking to other people and you’re laughing and shining and you look across the room and catch each other’s eyes. But not because you’re possessive, or it’s precisely sexual, but because that is your person in this life and it’s funny and sad but only because this life will end and it’s this secret world that exists right there. In public. Unnoticed. That no one else knows about. It’s sort of like how they say that other dimensions exist all around us but we don’t have the ability to perceive them. That’s what I want out of a relationship. Or just life, I guess.
from ellen lee’s notes on twin fantasy that i revisit constantly
there’s no going back to deliver these words to the ones they were really meant for. That’s how heartbreak feels, I guess. It feels like your heart in between the teeth of someone who’s looking away. When you’ve lost your loved object, what happens to all the things you have to say to them? When they’re turned away, what happens to all the things that you couldn’t, but desperately need(ed) to, say to their face? He dissociates himself from his own romance until it becomes a fantasy. You have your bleeding heart, you have a finite set of memories — when nothing new enters and you’re unwilling to let go, then you have a fantasy. The loved object enters into you and transforms.
the journey home by dermot bolger(havent read this at all dont really plan to/dont know a thing about it either i just came across this shit like 2 years ago and i still think about it)
I wanted to hurt him; I wanted just to touch him. What I wanted I’m not really sure. If he had stopped and opened his arms I would have walked towards him; I would have sat on the kerb all night with him
adam b, sweet i have a (really gay) heart
i feel like my body is the extension of a lake. i feel really badabout not telling you the truth, sometimes. i feelreally small next to you. tall boys remind me of bean stalks.i wish i had your legs. i wish i could know your handsbefore i even touch them
aaaand i think that’s all i could think of and track down, hope this is actually helpful and not too long (i am indecisive no kidding). also ksjdfg it’s nice that you thought to ask me this and i did have fun going over all these quotes so thank you 💖💖💖
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unproduciblesmackdown · 7 years ago
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there was an ask list but instead of reblogging it im just doing the thing where i answer it all and put it here under a readmore
what mythical creature do you wish actually existed? idk i like griffins but i feel like thats boring b/c they dont like have any Powers...
soundcloud or vinyls? i dont rly use either lol
what book does everyone right now need to read? whatever they want i have no huge recs. i like the ashbury high / brookfield series & thats kinda unknown but thats it
do you like wearing other people’s shirts/jackets? its not much of a thrill...i guess im neutral but it has to fit me for starters
what was the best thing that happened to you this month? i donno. watched some stuff, had ppl compliment me
what’s a promise you’ve recently made to yourself? i periodically tell myself to care less about various shit
would you rather be the sky, the ocean or the forests? i guess the sky....clouds are nice. the ocean is full of heinous shit and the abyss. the forest can be kinda iffy too and also cut down
would you kiss the last person you kissed again? i havent kissed anybody romantically* so its not really an issue for me
do you plan your outfits? rarely
how do you feel right now? eh theres the usual undercurrents of misery and frustration but that’s just bg noise most of the time. im alright i suppose
what’s the last dream you remember having? well i was having trouble driving, which is a frequent dream, because it was a bus, which is an unusual detail. i think we were trying to take a roadtrip to a beach in another country, which is a thing that happens in my dreams lately. but then i suddenly found out i was in a play that was in like rehearsal/performance stages already, which is also common. my role was to act like i was real gay for some other guy character. i was like lol no prob
what are you craving right now? im usually a bit hungry i guess
turn ons/offs? i like people who can go along with a joke i suppose and who seem interested in other people and what they have to say. too many things repel me from other ppl to list
when was the last time you cried? why? i’ll cry super easily if im just imagining some sad concept
did the one person who hurt you most in your life apologize? there’s some contenders there smh...but no
do you bite or lick your ice cream? lick....
favorite movie ever? i dont have one
do you like yourself? yeah im alright enough
have you ever met or seen in person a celebrity? not like an a-lister no
how many countries have you visited? just the one ive always been in
have you ever been in a castle? no
what’s the craziest/bravest thing you’ve done? i dont think anything too special. got in front of a car w someone but it was moving slow. proceeded w my stage entrance anyways even when a curtain cue got effed up & led the Improvisation of working around it, but that was dance so nobody had any lines to change
what’s on your mind right now? hoping it tstorms really dramatically later
what’s your zodiac sign? gay
name 5 facts about yourself. my eyes are blue, my pupils dont dilate evenly coz one is a bit less dilatable, im horribly nearsighted, i can cross one eye, i have sort of a unibrow
do you believe in karma? i dont believe in not karma
ever been in love? not romantically*
whom do you admire and why? a lot of activists, im interested in activism and volunteering but have rarely been able to actually be involved in things
what was your favorite bedtime story as a child? man i dont remember having bedtime stories, i dont think i did that much after learning to read myself. i read “pat the bunny” a lot for my little brother, that one was his fave
did you make someone laugh today? i dont think so
do you believe in ghosts? ive always liked hearing about ghost shit, i am not inclined to think that everyone who says theyve had Ghost Encounters is lying, i know ppl personally who have stories who i dont think are lying and it would be presumptuous to say like “well but they probably didnt REALLY x y or z,” and yet still i am always skeptical abt the whole thing. i am agnostic abt everything ever re afterlife stuff, but again—if we’re in a horror movie haunted house situation and shits going down, im going to assume ghosts and everything ive heard about them is true and act accordingly until we’re out of there, Greg The Adamant Disbeliever can have fun dying. and catch me not messing around w ouija boards or any of that shit either...im good.
if you could go back in time which time period would you visit? visit....damn i dunno.
would you want to live forever? why/why not? i mean if other ppl are doing it to then it might be fine. but like me specifically as things are now living forever, im not much interested. someone else can have my immortality
what makes you sad? shit like, life man
was today typical? why/why not? yeah i didnt do anything interesting
who do you trust the most? i dont particularly distrust anyone but i dont really have anything i’d need to trust anyone over
what did you have for breakfast today? i didnt
do you have any regrets looking back in your life? not really
what’s your favorite fictional universe? i dont have one
favorite tv show? i dont have one
share a favorite quote. i have some but i’ll never be able to think of one on the spot
what does your ideal day look like? ahh idk. doing something fun while being around other people
do you have any hobbies? i guess drawing / writing count. theres other things but i dont do them regularly / recently
share a small random book passage that means something to you. dont have one
what’s something you always wanted to do but were too scared? theres not really anything like that
do you usually date people your age or older/younger? neither
who means the world to you? why? any cat ive ever met b/c theyre angels
best books you’ve ever read? i guess i can plug the ashbury/brookfield books again
who is your favorite cartoon character? i gotta say lars dont i
coffee or tea? tea
would you rather be extremely rich or extremely loved? loved but like by multiple ppl right? gimme that magnitude in Widely rather than Intensely
are you a dog or a cat person? i feel like only dog ppl consider this to be a real Binary
what is your biggest addiction? biting my lip endlessly lol
do you ever think about the galaxy? sure
what’s your favorite color? blue
do you have a good relationship with your parents and siblings? why/why not? nah...my sibs and i are like friendly acquaintances i guess. thatll be an abusive household i guess
are you a morning or a night person? night
have you ever dealt with a mental illness? I Guess
how would your friends describe you? uhhhh people say im funny sometimes
do you consider yourself and extrovert or an introvert? bit of both
what’s something you love watching/reading but you are too embarrassed to admit you do? i dont think i have any secrets there
describe yourself in 3 words. extremes, thoughtful, Gay
best memory as a child? idk i always liked swimming and going to pools / waterparks
what is your eye and hair color? blue / brown, respectively.
do you like crystals? theyre cool
if you could change one thing in the world, what would it be? imperialism banned
what’s your hogwarts house? idk slytherin hufflepuff or smthing
biggest pet peeve? theres many..
would you rather go to a cocktail party with your best friends or stay home and read a book/watch a movie with your pet? well first i need the mythical best friend group but also can we be doing something more fun than a cocktail party
share a secret. I’ve Pooped Outside
would you rather live longer or happier? this might only be a difficult choice if it was live shorter or happier
who’s story is your biggest inspiration in life? why? nobody coz idk
do you wear glasses? yes
forest or river? forest
do you like exercise? its alright i dont like just straightup running though
do you like poetry? it depends on who the poet is. cishet white dudes shouldnt be allowed, for starters
any special talent that you have? i’m good at telling if lines are parallel lol
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lone-hand · 7 years ago
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THE MANY, DIFFERENT FACES AND VOICES OF UNCLE PHIL
UNCLE PHIL, CHURCH OF AQUARIUS, BORN WINNER...Personas or caricatures from the mind of Phil Osborne . Phil is a musician, artist, film maker, animator, and general renaissance man. His music and art all come from the same world, it’s Gremlins meets Carpenter meets Pee Wee’s Playhouse meets Monty Python meets Uncle Phil. Phil lived inside this world in his Monster Party Galleries (1&2) in Victoria BC and now he is living in Montréal. Here we talk about his Church of Aquarius album Obliged with Tact and Etiquette::::
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“I think there's as much truth, if not more truth in something comedic.”
When/where did you start recording Obliged with Tact and Etiquette?
I started writing and recording material for it in the summer of 2012. I went to Victoria BC to visit some friends and wrote the first song, high as a kite, out of nowhere to make my friends laugh, a sort of fake british psychedelic pop song. I was trying to sound like monty python trying to be early pink floyd. I recorded a simple demo of it and everyone loved it.
After I had that first song done, I started thinking i should do a whole album as an homage to all things british i love. Music with that sensibility I love so much, pipers at the gates of dawn and syd barrett are the main influence, the beatles too of course. The voice I use is pretty much my impression of the Jeremy Hillary boob phd character in yellow submarine. I threw in some fake Shakespeare in humbug,your majesty, I even put a tea brake in the middle of that song. 
Over the next 4 years, I wrote lots of music for it. I re-recorded some of the songs more than 3 times to get it just right. I also got help from my friend Leigh Newton ( daiquiri, major entertainer, the sun through a telescope,world war 4 ect..). he’s an amazing musician and can play everything. He re-did high as a kite his way and gave it more kick. I released that as the 7 inch with the b side sung in french.
So OWTAE is your “British” album?
Besides the brit stuff, the music from the quebecois tv show passe partout is another one it's like folk and electronic. Pierre f. brault wrote the tunes. I rediscovered the show and the records and the whole thing is serious genius. Plains of Avadoon is a tip of the hat to them.
Are the stories told on this album true stories or is it all fictional?
They are all a bit autobiographical. I used the feeling of being 19, lost and stoned as a guide for some of the songs. Going to see the magician is about those nights I spent with a friend as we walked across town or drove to go see this drug dealer ( the magician ). We always had to avoid running into police in my small town of Gatineau, they are insane and can easily stop you for no reason (watch out, there's pigs in the dark..) Past the train tracks and the tombstone sea is about the secret passage i use to go to my parents house, a path i have walked so many times since i was a teen.
Would you say OWTAE is a comedy album first and foremost or does that even matter? 
I tried to keep all the songs in a good mood. It's supposed to be an upper. If it makes someone laugh and smile, it's a good thing. 
Is music too self serious right now?
i think there's as much truth, if not more truth in something comedic. Something serious can often make you laugh anyway, so is there really a difference? As for bands being too serious, let's be more specific and describe them as bands that aren't trying to get laughter as a response. That's definetly the popular approach out there and it gets stale after awhile. We need a bit more wackyness in our music. At least some contrast, damn it! I want to hear different moods in a bands set. i don't want the same song 12 times, and upping the tempo ain't good enough. Do a dumb song and follow it up with a sad country tune. Why not? Aren't we all kind of moody people? Sad on Tuesday morning, wacky on Wednesday night?
Amen. So then how do you decide if something is an Uncle Phil/Church Of Aquarius/Born Winner recording?
At first i couldn't decide on a name for my music since it was just a crazy mix of styles with 60s to 90s influences. I just called it Uncle Phil, real simple. Then I decided to split my influences in half : church of aquarius for all things 60s and 70s, born winner for all things 80s and 90s. I'm gonna use the uncle phil music name as the music publishing name just for fun instead.
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“I used the feeling of being 19, lost and stoned as a guide”
Are these characters you or do you always write music in character?
I'm not even sure there's a difference. I end up doing so many takes of the songs, I live the stories and I become one with the characters. It's serious shit, yo.
But does your music and video and artwork more or less exist in the same world?
i like to think it doesn't. A big part of the fun of making art is you get to create new worlds. Of course every world needs characters and stories. Every song, robot toy, puppet or drawing is a diferent character and sometimes they inhabit the same world. I make the albums like they're movies. Each song is in a specific order. 
Your writing is almost like a stream of conscious, and everything is done at home with efficiency and speed, can you explain your recording process a little?
It usually starts with a song title and the words flow out right after. The melody comes when I read the lyrics over and over again. Walking outside helps with that. The mood of the lyrics defines the melody i hear in my head. It's basicaly either funny, dark, wacky or mysterious. Sometimes I write an instrumental part on guitar or keyboard and then i keep that on the shelf. I write some lyrics way later and then remember that part i wrote a while back and it fits with the lyrics. the real work is not writing them. it's getting the right sound quality, arranging and then mixing. That last part in the song birth process is the hardest and least fun for me. It usually ends with a deadly migraine! I gotta hire help for that at some point.
Did that process change in any way during the creation of OWTAE?
This lp is more intricate with arrangements than past things which were usually done on the spot. I learned that sometimes a simple demo of a song has more magic than a refined recording of the song . That’s why im putting out diferent versions of the album. Demos and alternate mixes, at least on tape, made available at shows. Kenneth J. Maclaurin made me an amazing cover for it and each tape will be a diferent colour variation of it. One for each season.
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“Making movies is like trying to express yourself in slow motion. In quick sand. Music is a nice little walk in the woods.”
Is your work an homage or was everything always an homage? 
I would say all of my art is pretty much all an homage and there's nothing wrong with that. The music i'm making is for sure, the sound and references are specific to time periods. I think we all try and alter the things we love in the art we make, we celebrate it. I guess a person or band is original in the sense that instead of just doing a byrds cover or something, you write a song that kind of captures their sound. Maybe you add another influence in there if it feels right. So what started as a sort of attempt to imitate created an original piece. that's good. I think imitation is usually not as conscious and mechanical as the word makes it sound. The song you wrote that sounds like a band you like came out of having their music in your blood. It's gonna come out of you when you least expect it. It's natural and healthy and then you can do so many alternate combinations with music, it never gets boring. You can make that imitation byrds song and stick a distorted tuba or a vocoder in there to switch it up. Go nuts! 
On the topic of art, have you got other art projects you are working on right now? Any animation?
Mostly music related stuff every day lately but i need to continue making and selling toys now that i know what works and what doesn't. I'm getting back into that, gotta move these robots and monkey paws again! I’m working on a short called douche bag. 
I’ve done animated videos for a fair amount of bands. daiquiri, giallos flame, babysitter and fuck the facts among them, but animation is literally back breaking work and when I get involved with that again it's as a writer or director. Drawing thousands of drawings is dangerous for me. I’m more interested in puppets now since you dont have to animate every frame of a character's mouth moving. I have many projects in mind for puppets and they are slowly coming into this reality. 
(for music) Born winner as a one man live act is in the works, more church of aquarius shows, albums for both projects on the way, an album of me covering some film music such as empire strikes back....
What's happening with ghoul street?
Ghoul Street is a short feature puppet horror comedy i'm working on. It's bigger than my other projects. This involves getting a fair amount of people to help. Some human actors, lots of voice overs etc... It will see the light of day at some point, it's just a matter of time. Most of the puppets are made and are all waiting in an attic somewhere...
Is music your favourite art form? How is making music different from making a film or drawing? 
I get to express myself quickly with a song. The song's words and melody come out naturally, lyrics are nowhere near as complicated as writing a story. I get a lot out of it. If there's a chip on your shoulder, writing and singing a song about it takes care of that better than any other art form. You can make music pretty easily with just your voice or one instrument, you don't need much. Of course, that simple demo must evolve into a carefully arranged and well played recording but it's still easier than animation. Making movies is like trying to express yourself in slow motion. In quick sand. Music is a nice little walk in the woods. 
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punkascas · 7 years ago
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Fic Author Interview
tagged by: the wonderfully talented and incredibly sweet @amirosebooks  ❤
tagging: @iggyw @tenoko1 @casolantern @schmerzerling @amazinmango @serricoj @rainbofiction @coffeeandcas @topaz-eyes @angelofthemoor @culumacilinte @coplins
im going to do this from the slightly broader perspective of creative writing in general (since i write fic but i also write scripts and things for my job). also this is v long. sorry.
What inspires your work most? (The show it is based on, the actor who portrays a certain character, maybe the character itself…? It could even be an experience.) so generally my inspiration is (in order): (a) my own life experiences, (b) some kind of commentary i want to make about the source material or about fiction or fandom in general, and (c) the characters themselves and the aspects i love in them, especially trying to find ways to play with the duality of their personalities, the good aspects and the negative ones.  i’ve known for a long time that what drives me to create is that i want to make other people feel less alone. you know those times to read something or there’s a line someone says, and you’re like, yes, yes, that’s me; no one’s ever gotten that before or at least never put it so perfectly into words, whatever that experience/feeling might be. i want to give people that moment with anything i create. there’s also a lot of things that i’ve experienced in my life that come up relatively often in fiction, or at least in fic, and a lot of it usually is off-putting to me. it never resonates. it’s melodramatic or simply inaccurate, and i think is often written by someone who doesn’t have the lived experience to pull from. so i always want to add my voice to the pile and benefit from my own experiences to make those kinds of tropes and situations more realistic and relatable -- to me, but hopefully also to others.  like generally every character backstory or character arc i write in fic is something pulled from my own life. like it’s probably twisted or adapted somewhat, because i’m not into being autobiographical. but as an example, in faith healer, this bit: Memory degrades with time. Maybe as a child he knew that somehow. He knew that there would be a second, slower death across time, as she became more of idea than person, and so he clung onto specific moments as a talisman for Mom: I had a mom once; this was my mommy. He remembers her hands best. The way her skin was thin and dry, but her fingers strong, and the way they'd close around his hands. The way she would press in love and good luck and humility when he misbehaved with a squeeze to his chubby, too small hands. Second best he remembers her laugh, the way her mouth moved around a smile, the warmth in it, tinged with embarrassment whenever someone startled it out from her. The rest of the memories are vague, more like facts he can read out of a mental police blotter than lived experience. She used to wear some kind of fleece robe in the winter, thick and pilled, creating a soft cushion between her breasts for his head to rest when he sat in her lap for a story. He thinks the robe was red. She used to bake things from scratch and used to let him pretend to help. On Sundays she did laundry, down in the basement. He followed her once, asking when Dad would come back, and she paused on the landing, basket of clothes cocked on her hip, and wouldn't go any further until he went back upstairs. The basement, she said, was too dangerous for him, dark and damp. She wanted him to be safe. She always cut the crust off his sandwiches. that is my experience of my grandmother’s death. when she died i knew i would forget over time the specific details of her, so i picked a couple to remind myself of daily so i’d never forget them. and that was her hands and her laugh. and i do have that memory of her doing the laundry and standing on the landing to the basement asking her where my dad was and when he’d be back (he was on an 18 month voyage to africa - my dad is a sailor). and she did always cut the crusts off my sandwiches for me.  (and btw i can’t ever re-read that passage with crying.)
What is your favorite fandom to write for? i mean, usually whatever my main fandom is at the time? which right now is spn. i did also enjoy writing potc fic and RDJ films sherlock holmes. i like writing characters who have a very strong but also very biased or unusual perspective on the world. they make for good unreliable narrators, which is something i love doing.
Which perspective do you prefer writing in? (First-person, third-person) always, always, always third-person limited is my go-to. i only write in first-person if the original source material is written that way (like ACD Sherlock Holmes) and i want to do a pastiche of that style. 
Do you prefer writing reader fics or OCs? no. full stop. (okay, one caveat: i do like kidfic, but i am also SUPER PICKY about reading it bc im always looking for some accurate representations of parenthood and what it’s like to have a child. like kids are hard??? they’re hard and they make you worry and they drive you crazy and they have their own, weird, stubborn, fascinating views on life and the world. they’re not perfect angel children who exist only to be cute or ridiculously amazing mary sue geniuses. so yeah a well done kidfic where the kid is an OC i will read.)
Do you prefer writing longer works or one shots? given that every single WIP i have right now are fucking, horrible, lengthy novels,i want to say i prefer writing one-shots. i want TO BE ABLE to write one-shots. i used to do???? but yeah, i guess i really do enjoy plotting and world-building, which lends itself to creating monster plot bunnies instead of short stories or quick scenes. 
Do you take requests? i do! do i ever actually get around to writing those requests is another question. but absolutely. send me prompts. ask for timestamps. if it speaks to me, and especially if it’s something i think i can write in less than 1000 words, i’ll most likely give it a go. 
Do you enjoy getting random Asks? yes! always! i try to respond at least with in 72 hours. but yes please COME TALK TO ME ANYTIME.
What inspires the names for OCs (or extra character names) in your works? Do you pick them from real life or just select them at random? A mix? so with fic, i never really write OCs, or if i do, they’re p much a red shirt or like extra #243 or smth and therefore don’t have names. if a character has spoken dialogue or no on-screen dialogue but some impact on the plot, i’ll try to “cast” that part with a character from the source material. for example, in the family business (which i realise isn’t posted yet), there’s some issues with a rival gang that need resolving. i cast the head of the rival gang as a well-known character from spn that has generally served a rival or an enemy to the boys on the show. i like doing that bc i like the parallels it draws, especially when working with an AU, and the ability to explore characters and dynamics from a slightly (or not slightly at all but in fact completely divergent) angle. i follow the philosophy that part of the real cathartic nature of AUs and part of why we write them is the ability to offer commentary on the source material. that a good AU should offer commentary on the source material. they're both metatexts and paratexts simultaneously. the one caveat to this, again, is kidfic, because i like and i do write it (i’ve just never finished any of those fics enough to publish them). and then i try to name kids in the way i think their parents would name them. i try to put myself in the character’s headspace and try to figure out what name(s) would appeal to them. and if we talk about work, and the scripts i write, i mean all of that is basically OCs. so far every script i’ve written while employed by my current firm, i always stick in at least one instance of one of my dogs’ names. i also will make subtle film or tv references. like the script i just wrote, there were three characters, and the first character had already been named harold by our content lead. so i named the other two perry and harmony as a reference to kiss kiss bang bang. i’ve done all the clones from orphan black as OC names. i’ve done members of radiohead.  if one of the scripts im writing already has a theme built into it for a specific pop culture reference (like yesterday one of the scripts i wrote was using yoda speech and star wars analogies as part of its marketing and engagement strategies) so i’ll name characters in line with that pop culture motif (so the star wars themed script has luke and ben and daisy and carrie as characters). 
If your story(ies) have OCs, are their appearances based on real people or celebrities? If so, who? as mentioned above, i rarely include OCs and if i do, they’re unimportant stand-ins. so i never give much thought to how they look. offspring in kidfic i do think about how they look. if the actors who play the main characters have children, i’ll start there. like for dean and cas, i always look at jj and west and maison and try to figure out what a kid with some of those combined physical features might look like. i’ll also look at photos of the actors from when they were kids or teenagers and try to decide if these two people had a kid, what features would that kid inherit.  for work, casting people depends on client expectations and design direction and budget, so it’s a different ballgame. 
How long have you been writing fanfiction? i think the first fic i published was in 2002 or 2003. so 15 years i guess??? how has it been 15 years dude. 
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kendrixtermina · 8 years ago
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Oldham Personality Styles/Traits Test Results
(Clicky Clicky)
For comparision, here’s my results from other typology systems: INTP (LII-Ne), 5w4 sp/sx (548), RULAI, Chaotic Neutral, Lunar, Melancholic, Ravenclaw, Horned Serpent
Idiosyncratic types are tuned in to and sustained by their own feelings and belief systems, whether or not others accept or understand their particular worldview or approach to life. They are self-directed and independent, requiring few close relationships. Though they are inner-directed and follow their own hearts and minds, Idiosyncratic men and women are keen observers of others and particularly sensitive to how other people react to them. They tend to question common beliefs and expectations. They are highly spiritual and do not close their minds to any possibility, always asking what if?' They tend to have a deep inner life, act eccentrically, and live in their own world. They may be interested in the occult or the supernatural and are drawn to abstract and speculative thinking. Fitting into everyday, conventional life can be difficult for Idiosyncratic people. Others may view them as strange, which can be a problem in jobs and relationships. They must live life their own way and sometimes regret they cannot do things in the orthodox fashion. The pressure to conform presents intolerable stress for them. Two key factors affect the quality of Idiosyncratic lives: whether they can find an accepting environment and how well they adapt to others' expectations. Few work settings tolerate eccentricities of behavior, unless the individual has a great deal to offer by way of intelligence or talent. Some Idiosyncratics do well with one ear tuned in to their own personal worlds and one outward to what the boss expects of them. Others, however, have a hard time understanding or accepting authority. Idiosyncratic people do not need other people to give their lives direction or meaning. If they can't find partners who accept their unconventionality, they usually do well on their own. Some are content to experience several relationships in their lives without necessarily finding their one and only.
Everything except the superstitions bit (I’m actually an atheist), though I did have an esoteric phase in my teens and enjoy mythology and random speculation (as just that, stories)
Solitary types have little need of companionship and are most comfortable alone. They do not need interaction with others to enjoy life. Self-possessed and self-controlled, these individuals are alone because they want to be alone, not because they feel left out. Free of the passionate need for others, they can be quite content standing back and watching others. Indeed, they are often gifted observers of nature and of other people. Emotionally, highly Solitary people are even-tempered, calm, dispassionate, unsentimental, and unflappable. They display an apparent indifference to pain and pleasure and are not driven by sexual needs. They are not greatly influenced by either praise or criticism. They function well at work. They get down to work quickly and don't spend much time fraternizing at the water cooler. While they usually do not do well within the political framework of larger companies, when left alone to do their work, they can put their mind to it with unusual concentration. Solitary individuals can be content within relationships as long as their partner accepts their need for solitude. However, even moderately Solitary people may not intuitively comprehend others' feelings or respond to their emotional cues. 'You don't love me!' is a common lament of partners of Solitary people. The more the partner pushes for emotional reactions and a depth of intimate feeling, the greater the stress on the Solitary person. To cope, he or she will retreat. The partner would be better off recognizing signs of caring that are different from the usual I-want-you, I-need-you, l-love-you's.
Ugh that last paragraph, that exact same relationship problem. I don’t often hear the concept of “So introverted even your loved ones sometimes stress you out” in a way that doesn’t conflate it with misanthropy. Like I don’t want to make anyone feel bad or ignored (thats a horrible thing to do) but im not good at this. 
I wouldn’t describe myself as self-controlled or good-at-work (probably due to other traits in the mix) though I can concentrate when the time & subject are right. (otherwise im more on the distractable side tho. or it depends on what it is.) I distinctly remember taking some test/assesment and getting a high score specifically for concentration, i think it was the highest overall (the lowest was motor function. 11 year old me could not catch a ball to save her life.)
As a child or teen I would often start reading at noon and be so concentrated on the book I’d fail to notice the passage of time until my mom came in to get me for supper and asked why I hadn’t turned the light on. 
I don’t think I’m unflappable at all but again it depends on what and the situation and i dont really know what others see, like, I obviously know I have feels but its my own head. 
Serious types are solemn and not given to emotional expression. They are realistically aware of their own capabilities but they are also aware of their limitations. They are not tempted by vanity or self-importance. They hold themselves responsible for their actions. They=re thinkers, analyzers, evaluators, ruminators and will always play things over in their minds before they acting. Serious individuals anticipate problems and when the worst happens, they=re prepared to deal with it. Serious individuals are realists. They see the hard, harsh nature of life clearly. They have no illusions and are incapable of imagining a silver lining. They are no-nonsense people particularly suited to hard times, when their ability to push on can help everyone to survive. They always work hard and provide for others without any sense of heroism or pride in their efforts. Even though they can seem joyless, Serious types are not necessarily unhappy. They take great satisfaction in their view of the universe. They are interested in serious subjects, which they find reassuring, and they find no need to escape into pleasure. Serious people are intensely hard workers, dependable, and trustworthy. They persevere whether or not they are enthusiastic or well rewarded. This can make it all too easy for employers to take advantage of them. They do not expect encouragement or to be treated well by others. Although they are not socially outgoing, once they do connect with others they form very stable, long-term attachments. They tolerate the rough spots in relationships well. They are as critical of others as they are of themselves, but their fault-finding gives them no pleasure. They deeply regret causing any pain . Others who continually insist that they change into optimistic outgoing, happy-go-lucky people cause them great stress but their characteristic cynicism helps them to cope.
ARGH  that “I’d rather see the world as it is than sugercoat it for feelgoodsyness” thing can be so hard to explain to people. I try to be realistic about my abilities & place in the world and aspire toward realism. (and when I’m already stressed out optimism will only serve to make me feel pissed or misunderstood. Unfortunately my mom is the exact opposite, leading to a few regrettable outbursts and isunderstandings, though not major ones. )
The work ethics part doesn’t really apply tho.
Conclusion: Ugh I am such an INTP 5.
I also scored somewhat high for ‘Leisurely’ (Fuck authority sweetheart ~ ) and ‘Vigilant’ (Yay self-sufficiency, though it’s more a horizon to strive for than something I’ve fully realized yet)
That was the 14 trait model tho, the 16 trait one also has this:
Artistic
·                   Mood swings. Shifts from a moderately upbeat, outgoing, creative character to a withdrawn and sullen depressive one. When in a high state, they can be highly productive, original, humorous, and engaging. During a low state they become self-absorbed, pessimistic, apathetic, and may resort to substance abuse. The mood swings happen regularly in cycles, are similar to bipolar (manic-depression) disorder, but not as extreme in the polarity, and also the mood changes in the Artistic personality are usually more so the result of within the person and not triggered by external circumstances.
·                   Artistic inclinations. People of this style often involve themselves in some sort of creative output. They may go into a state of inspiration where artistic production is strong then fall into an apathetic daze, where it becomes difficult, almost unbearable to create art. Since they have a grasp on many corners of the human personality, they have an advantage at expressing the nuances of a particular viewpoint. Many of the world's great artists have had this character style.
·                   Unpredictability. They may take up new plans, jobs, residences, etc. out of impulse. They despise routine and love improvising, stimulation, and new experiences.
·                   Feeling-oriented. Their impulses and feelings control their lives and dictate their appearance and decisions. They rarely make decisions through a systematic, logical follow-through approach but instead base it on their current mood.
·                   Relationship difficulties. Relationships can be trying for these people. They may become promiscuous, unfaithful, or difficult to handle.
·                   Low self-control. They have a difficulty saying "no" to themselves with their appetite. They may go on shopping sprees, binge on food or drink, give into sexual compulsions, etc. Afterwards, they may feel guilty about it and restrict themselves from pleasure.
·                   Shaky self-confidence. Can swing from delusions of grandeur and superiority, and feeling very confident in oneself, to a loss of self-esteem and hopeless despair.
Aaah now here’s a place for my inner emo child and inner gushy nerd fangirl to find a home. I’d wedge it in lower than ‘Idiosyncratic’ but higher than serious. It actually coexists with the above stuff surprisingly well (It’s called “TiNe” or “5w4″)
On the positive, this personality test is the first (except maybe Divergent, but the tests do give me Erudite nearly as often as Candor depending on how absolute the questions are worded. ) to refrain from outright calling me a NEEERD.
So, thanks oldham? 
Also, now I know the precise kind mad I might end up as if I happened across severe trauma, brain chemistry goof-ups or lovecraftian abominations (Please let it be the latter). That is one interesting tidbit of information.  
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h-ee-podfic-blog · 7 years ago
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this is so exciting!! id love to audition, but im a bit confused re. what we're meant to do lol Probably im just being a bit dim xD but do u want like a monologue, or more like an audiobook reading, or what? and one for everything or one for each char we'd like to audition for?
I’m sorry I didn’t see this! And I’m sorry for the vagueness (I have been very vague (it’s about to get more vague)), but If you think a soliloquy will best showcase your vocal talents, go ahead and choose from Shakespeare or whoever you’d like. If you know you can nail a character’s specific passage, do it! This will likely end up sounding very much like an audiobook (spoiler: that’s why I started this. I want to listen when I don’t have time to read!), but we want the characters to be more vibrant than your typical reading.
So If I were auditioning, I would choose Liv, Oriana, and Morrigan. Then I would search through some texts I enjoy, maybe something from Shakespeare, and maybe Liv’s dialogue in parts of Ch 9. I might also choose a piece for which I either don’t have to read the background story (big block of a quote), or I would read a continuous stream of a dynamic conversation. I would probably end up reading Alistair and Olivia’s banter back and forth to play with inflection and timing. The auditions tend to range from about a minute to 3 or so. It would be nice to follow along with whatever you read, but you don’t have to mention it when you send it through. If you want to read the same piece three times with different stresses on different words, that is just as good!
If you feel like this isn’t enough, please please please tell me! I hope this helps everyone out a little more! Thanks for being patient
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