#im just simple person kasi

[kiiraes]

oo haha

[rrvll]

sensya na ah ayaw talaga sakin ng mundo, life is so unfair. sana hindi nalang ako nagtanong haha. sensya na ah eto lang kasi ako. walang kwenta sana di nalang ako pinanganak haha, im just simple person kasi, sana hindi nalang ako nabuhay

[seulvedra]

Dino,

time check it's 1:24 am. I don't know if you're fast asleep right now or you're also full of thoughts like me.

we are total opposites, we want something from each other because it's absent in us. you want to feel things while I want to feel nothing. i feel too much, you feel less. im still emotional over everything. maybe it's the "I'm thinking." or "baby, I have to stop thinking." when you think kasi, it gets so deep. you start to link everything- it's a chain reaction. nagwoworry lang ako na you'll drain yourself from these thoughts. pero I understand, ganyan din ako. I sometimes drain myself from having constant spiraling thoughts I cannot just simple woosh away.

I know na you're having a hard time dealing with it. you want to cry but you can't. pero I see it as something beautiful. it's amazing. I personally think your emotions are painted in a monochrome palette waiting to be shed on with light and drops of colour, I really think it's pretty- if you visualize it somehow. pero, maybe the day will come. the day where you start to feel something even from the slightest thing. maybe your heart will also ache like how mine does, someday.

[ttshncl]

08.31

My mind, I'm filled with thoughts, idk how to express myself as much as I want to express.

The thing w me is, updating me is my everything it doesn't matter how busy you're kung makita kong busy ka, then okay busy ka, hinahayaan lang kita. I respect your personal space. I may uk demanding when it comes to updating I get upset kapag hindi ka nagsasabi agad coz im not ease that's why

When is the lastime na nag-alala ka coz u can't reach me out? Probably that was way before pa, when im constantly sleeping sa bus after that case, i told myself na hindi ko hahayaan mag alala ka kasi ayoko na nag aaway tayo abt don. Kaya I'm constantly updating u, kasi baka hanapin moko.

If u were telling me na I'm overreacting ako, idk abt that kasi i told u na palagi ako nag aalala sayo hindi mo nawawala sakin yon. Siguro mas better sayo na hindi gaano ka naguupdate or hindi ka hinahanap, mas pabor ka ata sa ganon. Uk me na maraming sinasabi palagi and hindi naman ako all day galit kapag hindi ka naguupdate, sguro naabutan mong umiiyak ako dahil hinndi ka nagphophone nung nagsasargo ka, i was so stress that time and lahat ng bagay that day iniiyakan ko uk that the reason why na rin naman coz hindi pa ako dinadatnan, kaya idk if im overreacting or upset ako.

And when u update naman ket 12am na hindi kita hinahanap. Kaya lang naman ako tumawag sayo or pinauwi kita nung nagiinuman kayo kasi u told ur parents na 1am ka uuwi, and ket abutin ka ng 3am don alang kaso sakin yon. Kaya i don't know if overreacting din ba yon.

Walang kaso yung nabusy ka kaagad kahapon, u said things naman na after, uk me naman na madrama ako kasi syempre hindi tayo okay eh, kaya kung ano ano sinasabi ko kasi i thought wala lang sayo kasi galit ka kaya hindi moko maupdate, I'm sorry don.

And lastly, yung sa call, I'm sorry if i made u felt that way na hindi ko naiintindihan yung pov mo, I was too naive coz hindi ko inintindi mga bagay bagay, mas nauuna yung kagustuhan ko kasi i wanted the call maybe im missing you lang and wala na tayong time magtalk kasi late kana minsan umuwi and I'm gonna sleep na when the time comes, kaya siguro ganon ako magreact I'm sorry if naano ka don, or nafefeel mong oa ako don.

Nahihirapan din ako kasi sanay ako palagi na magkasama tayo kaya I'm adjusting din, Uk me na palaging maraming sinasabi, and minsan kapag nakikita ko na sineseen mo lang ako, it hurts, ala i hv abandonment issue eh kaya nafefeel kong parang wala kang pakealam kapag naseseen mo lang ako, kaya lagi ko sinasabi mo sayo na if ayaw moko kausapin simple "lets talk later on or tomorrow, i need to clear my mind" mas okay ako don kasi mas maiintindihan kita. Uk me na napakasmall thing lang minsan iniiyak ko sayo.

I may uk immature when it comes to this thing, But I'm trying to understand things and mag adjust sa new environment natin. Hv patience w me and I'll just. And if it's not right u can teach me how din how to do things coz rn, idk pano gawin mga bagay bagay.

I'm not mad or anything, I'm just simply explaining myself coz my mind is cleared already.

[st4rboxd]

public service announcement

putangina mo brennan 😭 palibhasa kasi 🤡⁉️ alam na alam 🧠🧠🧠 mo kung 😭😭👉🏻 paano ako kunin eh 💔😔 isang ngiti mo lang 😎😎😎 wala umiikot ↪️↩️🔂 na ulit yung mundo ko 🌍🌏 tangina‼️ ang talino kong 👩🏻‍🏫👀 tao❔ pero pag dating 👇🏻👇🏻 sa'yo? 👁👁👁 ewan ko 🌀 natatanga ako. 🥺🥺 poide ba kta maging shota? edi wag, haha sensya na ha gnito lng kc aq ih, walng kwenta, sna hinde nlng aq penanganak haha, sorry hnde mu aq poide epag mlake kc ampanget q haha, im just a simple person kc, lowkey, im just nobody, wlng nagkakgsto sa wlang kwentang taong katulad ko

[issafterglow]

mystified - 22nd of march

crazy how it was 3 days already since my first entry in this blog. tamad an tamad talaga ako sa buhay minsan XD but anyway a lot has happened since then and most of them were very unexpected. sometimes I think my whole life is a sitcom talaga EMS but to start, let me narrate what happened on the 20th of march.

So this date was kinda significant for students in my university. Kasi the school has finally permitted an event to be hosted around the main campus for the opening of face to face classes as well as 2nd semester kung saan lahat ng mga fersons mapa-freshman o senior pwede pumunta! of course you bet I was there. but not only for the fest (which I did not enjoy btw) I was also present at my uni to claim some requirements needed for my next scholarship payout (wall eh hapit sa life) so ayun an nga along the way, I met an old friend and she hugged mo which felt really really good T-T tapos I made 2 new friends !! isang classmate ko at yung isa, senior na from our city din tapos scholar !!! like??? what are the odds diba. so syempre my extrovert self was THRIVING I probably looked like shit pero at least I made connections with other people. ANYWAY ayun after naming kumuha ng mga documents sa school, hindi na namin na-enjoy yung event kasi:

mas ginusto nilang umalis

biglang nawala yung wallet nung friend ko so bumalik pa ulit kami mula sa gate papunta sa main building para sana hanapin while full on panic mode kami internally but thankfully may nakapulot kaso prof !! pinapunta pa siya sa south wing, 4th floor kasi dun daw yung office ni sir, edi kami mga nagsi sama and all

nag decide na kami umalis at wag makipag siksikan sa mga ferson sa uni YUN NGA LANG

tsaka ko lang naalala na naiwan ko yung envelope namin na naglalaman nung mga documents na inasikaso namin earlier (doon mismo sa south wing, 4th floor mismo kung san kami nag cr after kuhain yung wallet) kung kailan nasa jollibee na kami and yung food namin is pino-process na T-T so bumalik nanaman kami sa school nung isa kong kasama para hanapin THANK GOD TALAGA AT NANDOON PA SYA KUNG SAAN KO SYA INIWAN

basically hindi ko naenjoy ang pa-event ni mayor kasi bukod sa hindi organized, i spent half the day going back and forrth sa campus whiles sweating my ass of and anxiously worrying about thos stupid documents T-T not that I'm mad about it though, don't get me wrong super naenjoy ko naman kasi at least I have another story to tell LOL HAHAHAHAH at the end of the day, I made another friend tapos even had some insights about their personal lives (mostly about lovelife lang nila) and that's how my day ended during the 20th !!

THE NEXT DAY which is the 21th naman everything was pretty simple I guess? sobrang normal lang ng araw ko, I tried updating this story i was writing that morning and afternoon, then I started a new sitcom which is yung how I met your mother AND I CANT BELIEVE I LET MYSELF OVERLOOK THIS SITCOM it was so good T-T so i kept on watching it as i wait for the ayaka banner AND GUESS WHAT

i got her weapon first at idk what pity

I only had one 10 pull left and I thought I wasn't gonna get her BUT CRAZIEST SHIT HAPPENED AND THE STARS WENT GOLD tapos mika appeared... and then her T-T I SWEAR I LOVE AYAKA BRO (but I realize now that her mats are the fucking worst tangina)

my crush was online, I was clutching ayaka's mats tapos she strikes a convo with me which was new huhuhu THEN WE TOOK PICS (was her idea btw) and our characters look CUTE AS F WITH THEIR 5 STAR WEAPONS LOL im like so proud of us.

very overwhelmed ako dun all day huhu genshin's being too nice to me these days honestly. tas ayun, when night came and I got sick of farming ayaka I read a manhwa called the third ending, NEW FAVE BTW grabe I love the ANGST, THE PINING, THE GRUMPY SUNSHINE TROPE, PLUS THE GROVELING !! everything about it was just chef's kiss. i slept crying over that story.

NOW FOR THE PRESENT NAMAN today was pretty but not so eventful din. 1st, I paid for conquest (secured tix !! see u tuonto) 2nd, remember those documents na we processed at uni? well I met up with my friends who are also scholars to submit those sa city hall. tapos afterwards, we went crazy and walked through the scorching heat of our city looking for a tambayan bago umuwi and it was fun I must say... then I cam home read a novel (shadow and bone) when I got tired I opened tiktok for a bit and like this is the craziest part of my day I DONT KNOW HOW I COULD BE SO DUMB.

you see, i have been wanting to have a job in a while now tapos I saw this ad about a work from home job so I tried risking it although it qualifies only 23 year olds, I was so curious kaya I was trying to really engage with the convo and the instructions of the personnel assisting the interested employees. but yknow it's all basically just like freelancing. and the job requires you to pay a sum of money an pwedeng ma-doble through the commissions of the merchants. pota diba idk if scam to sis honestly pero and tanga ko sa part na nag withdraw lang ako ng 100 instead of withdrawing the whole sum into my account huhu bosit. hindi naman ako nalugi, technically I gained a new knowledge of some industry out there pero nasasayangan ako sa pera LMAO anyway I guess since hindi sya hard earned money dasurb na din na wala akong nakuha from it other than knowledge. pasalamat nalang din ako na di ako na-scam. gonna shake these thoughts na and maybe just ask how to delete my account from the said page. whahahaha wala eh, di ko rin naman yata magagamit. also that's 2 embarrassing stories to tell in my attempts to find a job HAHAHA until next time! and hopefully may trabaho na ako sa next kwentos T-T

need ko na talaga bumawi kay mama. wish me luck!

may the stars align.

[archivesofjules]

Bury me in a Garden of Peonies (draft)

Is it weird or just sad that if there is a chance that If I die young I wanted things o to finally go on my own terms? I’ve been compliant all my life and for once I wanted my burial to be my own. So as crazy as this sounds, to whoever finds this account of mine listen up. Here are my conditions once I go to the other side:

1. I want everything to be white. The dress I get to wear should be with long and the sleeves (long) should be in chiffon (?) lol idk what it’s name it as long as its soft. My shoes I wanted it to be glass slippers/sandals/heels because I want to feel like a princess. I want my make up to be as simple as possible (korean style) and please please please make sure that my acne is concealed! I’ve been insecure about them my whole life that when I pass I wanted to feel pretty. For the hair, I want to show my real curves. my wavy hair...

2. I want my wake to be only 5 days... I know everyone is busy so let’s just make it quick and easy for everyone. I don’t want to be a nuisance.

3. I want my best friends (Cy and Mazhie) to share to everyone what kind of person I am. Sila kasi ang nakaka alam ng mga deepest thoughts ko. How scared and anxious I am all the time. How much I care about the people around me and how much of a people pleaser I am. as much as I dgaf there is still a part of me who wants to be accepted, who wants to be admired. How much I don’t want to disappoint a lot of people to the point I would sacrifice even my own happiness for the people I care for. Matapang ako at malakas but deep inside I know one small push my heart shatters every damn time. It was not easy for me to show weakness, emotions and pain but not a lot of people know how scared I am. Sometimes I show nonchalance as my form of defense mechanism, kasi natatakot talaga ako.

4. Jai. my lil brother. I am sorry for not loving you as much as our parents wanted me to love you. But I want you to know that Ate cares for you so much. I am sorry for not being showy and awkward for most of the time but I want you to know that there was never a day that I didn’t pray to the Lord how much I wanted Him to heal you, no matter how impossible it is I am still praying for you and our family. Casey i’m sorry but it looks like you and pia will be the Ate from now own. Please wag niyo pababayaan si Jai and your Kuya Pjay and Dannie.

5. Mommy and Daddy. I am sorry. I am sorry for leaving so soon. I love you both so much. I have fought hard. I tried. But I guess I wanted to meet Ate Yana as well. I want you guys to know that I have always wanted to have a love like yours. I hope to have a person to love like you dad. You have always been my ideal guy. One of my most precious memory in my entire life was you fetching me everyday at school and you lying next to me telling me the best bedtime stories. It was not the fairytale ones but my favorite will always be “ANg pamilya ISmid” and “Ang Planeta Pakaskas”. Mommy, I know aso’t pusa tayo lagi pero ikaw ang isa sa mga reason kung bakit ako nagpupursigi. kasi gusto ko iparanas lahat ng mga ipinagkait sayo nung kabataan mo. Gusto ko ako ang magbibigay nun sayo kasi sobra kitang mahal at deserve mo lahat ng iyon. Im sorry if I disappoint you all the time and for not meeting your standards but I am trying and I want you to understand that I am my own person too. I am not you. You were the bond that glued our family together. I hope to be as strong as you. Nakita ko kung pano ka nagpaka tatag para sa pamilya mo kaya kahit na maaga nawala sayo si mama hinding hindi ka sumuko.

6. Music. I don’t want a dry funeral. I want one that would make everyone happy. I would probably make a playlist of all the songs that I want to be played at my wake and at my funeral. Dear friends just check my spotify account for the playlist.

7. I’ve always wanted to be reincarnated as the wind in my next life, bacause I wanted to be free. I wanted to be buried on a windy day, not too cold, not too humid, but a windy one. And instead of the usual butterflies and balloons (kalat lang) I want bubbles on my funeral, and I want everyone to have paper windmills. I want them to take it home after the funeral, so that whenever they are having a hard time and that windmill spins, I want them to feel that I am with them in spirit and I would always be there to guide them and support them.

8. My dearest Loey, If I leave you earlier I want you to know that you’ve been my comfort ever since. You know when momma is having a hard time and you never left me when I’m having anxiety attacks. If my parents can’t take care of him, Cy and Cj, please take him and take good care of my child...

9. tbc

[najaemsread]

hellauurr, palapag sa bio ni shua HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA tenchu sm mwa mwa

waaah aling bio bhe? HAHAHHA charot sorry mejj slow ako kaya……. Sorry sa lahat. Sorry sa istorbo haha. Ayaw talaga sakin ng mundo, life is so unfair. Sana hindi nalang ako nabuhay haha. Sensya na ah eto lang kasi ako. Sorry wala akong kwenta. Sana di nalang ako pinanganak haha, im just simple person kasi, lowkey.

[jichann]

10/14/2022

raw thoughts madaming typo and grammatical errors. wag na basahin pls. labyu mwa.

—

hi, what’s up? we both have happy rs im so glaaaad. still can’t get you out of my mind.

ilang beses ko na ba subukan mag reach out, tapos hindi natutuloy. im a coward yes. im always scared about why did i suddenly stopped talking to you. that you’re mad (ofc tangina bobo ka ba) na pano ko ba uumpisahan.

it started nung hindi natuloy yung sleep over it was all planned super excited namin but suddenly hindi natuloy due to some reason and afterwards hindi na nawala sa isip ko. like ik na disappoint fam niya even her friends, also hindi ko na alam anong mukhang ihaharap ko.

nasa baguio kami noon, then suddenly bigla akong nag breakdown; if i continue talking with her gusto pa rin ba nila ako ma-meet? galit ba sila? is she mad? and etc. her friends and relatives helps me with my issues and problems tapos just a simple meet up na messed up pa. i really hate disappointment, doon lahat nag start isama pa yung nga threats na guguluhin sila if i don’t stop.

well right after i stopped talking with her, there’s a complete silence. there’s no chaos, walang kahit ano. im just existing. but it’s sad, im sad. i missed them esp the memories; us playing roblox like whole fucking day; movie marathon weird pati detective conan hindi pinalagpas; watch her do online class; talk shit about our exes; mga latest chika maritess duo kasi kami; and lastly her choice of music.

super dami niyang inintroduce na music so potangina kada marinig ko siya lang naiisip ko mhie. also even tho our rs is not that perfect kasi may mga epaloids at the end of the day im happy. or baka ako lang. after some time she’s my totga. i’d rather be sad than keep her with this complicated rs she doesn’t deserve any of this.

fast forward.

after ko mag social media break bcs i stopped for awhile ik myself hindi ko mapipigilan na kausapin siya if hindi ko gagawin yon eh.

ayun nga i started distracting myself mhie and super superrr hindi tama tong ginawa ko. tried to date bois but uhm didn’t work out kasi idk can’t feel any connections towards them.

well good thing lang is nag stop na rin yung epal ferson when she found out im dating guys na. sana diba noon ko pa ginawa para tumigil na siya completely potangina.

and now i met rifle, nakikita ko lang si amber sakanya. all of his past experiences esp sa fam super parehas sila. hobbies din he loves playing online games grind na grind si accla just same as amber. he loves movies and animes din. boy ver lang ni amber. then found out na he’s not like her. super layo.

same with the traumas like her pero ibang way to handle it. he tend to sometimes can’t control himself lalo pag galit but i just listened eventually learned a lot from him. he’s independent and loves to explore. sometimes his perspective is kinda (kinda want to strangle him jk) but i realized diff person diff pov and i started to be open. at first we tend to argue syempre patola si accla lalo pag iba yung pinaglalaban but when i tried to listen his side my point din pala kahit nakakainis minsan. utak niya eon eh anong gagawin q sis.

afterwards i learned how to love him bcs it’s him not because i saw amber in his personality. he once said “siguro pag nagkita kayo magtatagal kayo nun.” and i silently agreed. it’s reallt diff when it comes to her. i replied “tbh if mag hiwalay tayo, kaya kitang iremove kahit saan but not her. pero if she decided to block me i’ll respect it.”

hi, sana okay ka lang lagi. sana healthy kayo lalo na si baby zia she so cuteeee. hindi kayo nawawala sa prayers ko. mahal ko kayo palagi. namimiss ko na si bebe drew. kung galit man kayo or sila magalit lang kayooo issokay. deserve ko hehe. belated happy birthday pala. malapit ka na gumraduate sheesh.

btw jai is super pretty! like im so happi kasi diba u guys r so fineeee. wag na wag kayong maghihiwalay ako taga ship niyo. thenchu sa lahaaaat i enjoyed ever bit of our memories. mwa mwa ily byeee!!

ciao, amber. see you when i see you.

[dyosangmakulit]

Scared to be alone.

I was diagnosed with “Adjustment disorder with mixed anxiety and depressed mood.” it somehow rooted out when I was a kid. When my parents over nourished me. (Hindi talaga healthy ang “sobra”)

I was only child for the longest time (13 yrs to be exact). Yep, since only child lang ako I can get what I want. instantly. So when I wanted to play with someone (which is not that rare because I got cousins) I somehow tried my best to go with their terms. Typical kiddo lol. I mean I have the lutu-lutuan set, I allow them to be the tindera and I’ll just be the boring taga bili ng food and gumastos kuno ng play money. why? simple lang. as a kid they would normally play with me if they had the chance to play the role they want. and as a person na sabik sa kalaro I always agree. Kasi takot ako maging mag isa ulit. 

Everytime I’m with people I love and everything feels perfect I’m scared that it will not happen again. It will not go back the way I see it. 

I stayed with 8 fvcking yrs with someone that I thought I’m scared to not be with. Im scared to let him go because I feel like no one would make me happy the way he did. (spoiler alert. I got better off without him. I made myself happier). I did agree with all his terms in life why? because mas takot ako sa idea na mawala siya. Takot ako sa change na yon. Tinanggap ko lahat ng kababuyan niya (which resulted to TRAUMA hays) para lang mag stay siya. But ending.. nawala din. and it sucks because I feel like I’m always the problem. I did something that’s why nawala siya/sila.

I hate it when someone ghosting me. I thought marupok ako kasi baka attached na ako agad sa kanila. pero yung totoo I’m not. Im just comfortable with their presence tas biglang mawawala ng walang warning (WHICH IS NOT GOOD FOR ME CAUSE BITCH SLOW BURN NGA AKO SA AJUSTMENTS DIBA) so I always think na WHAT THE FUUURK IS WRONG WITH ME as if I did something bad to them. It was draining to the point I feel the exact pain when I broke up with my ex. It was so frustrating as fuck (but mas mabilis mag recover). Nakakarecover ako agad kasi nga SLOW BURN yung pag adjust ko, kaya ko naman ng wala sila pero mas mabagal lang ako mag process. 

When my friedns treat me differently napapansin ko yon even on the smallest changes. It frustrates me. Ayaw na niya sakin? may mas tropa na siya? ah ganon. HAHAHA see? I’m that needy and it annoys me for the longest time lalo na nung di ko pa alam yung diagnosis sakin. I remember when I was in HS lilibre ko talaga aports ko just to be with me. (kuripot nako ngayon eh) Alam mo yun parang lahat ng pabor willing ako iadjust kasi nga takot ako mawala sila sa buhay ko and may instances na masakit sa part kong Im not that special to them (PERO YUN NGA DI NAMAN PALA. IBA LANG TALAGA KO MAG ISIP).

It was hard to deal with it kasi even on the smallest detail ramdam ko o alam ko na may nag bago. And it sucks beh kasi lagi akong takot. Takot maramdaman ng paulit ulit yung pain (anxious yarn) na may mawawala sakin. and most of the time nangyayare naman yun (which im not in control dun). I have to adapt na oo mahirap pero that how life works. People come and go. Make you happy now but disappear whenever they want. I should stop focusing on the things that I cannot control. I should also not really give everything para wag lang sila umalis sa buhay ko. I should also give my own terms. Yep I should stop adjusting for others.

For the longest time ang salitang ginagamit ko is “TAKOT” that leads to feeling of hopelessness while I can use the work MAHIHIRAPAN that helps you feel na you’ll struggle but it will be worth it in the end. You’ll finish it strong. :) 

[kiiraes]

WASSUP RAAEEE :DD

voice ask: FREE SLOT?! Ask me to say anything you want, answer anything you can come up with and sing/rap anything you want me to!!!!

"Sorry sa lahat. Sorry sa istorbo haha. Ayaw talaga saakin ng mundo. life is so unfair. Sensya na ah eto lang kasi ako. Sorry wala akong kwenta. Sana di nalang ako ipinanganak haha. im just simple person kasi. lowkey. I am just nobody walang magkakagusto sa walang kwentang tao katulad ko haha sino ba naman ako"

HAHAHAHA sana okay lang sayo 😭

[thesleepingnini]

pasensya na pero..

**OUR BELOVED SUMMER SPOILER**

HOW THE HECK DO YOU ADD A KEEP READING LINE ON MOBILE HNNNG

I dont want to post my thoughts kasi baka may gusto manuod dito pero I might forget all these feelings as well as realizations in the future kaya eto na. The start of the last episode was definitely heavy. I thought we already delve deep into Ung's personality when it is shown how hurt he was being left by his own father as a kid. BUT NO. Hindi pinakita kung ano yung naramdaman niya pagkatapos non. To live as if you're living someone else's life. We always joke how Choi Ung is such a mood when he say things like "I dont want to do anything." "A stressful life is not for me." "Drawing is just a hobby" On the surface, these things might be true, we all want a simple life. But to water down your life and your passion, into a mere hobby, into mere nothing, I think that's where it's different.

I'm not saying it's wrong for you to make something you truly enjoy as a hobby (we all know how messy it can get when you monetize things, the novelty really fades 😬) But in OBS, Choi Ung lives as if he can easily give anything to the world, he doesnt care what he'll lose (heck, a person plagiarized his work and it didnt matter to him). He lives as if nothing matters, even his own happiness and these were all explained on the first half of Episode 16.

Hits so close to home because I am also very passionate about space and I feel like I'm nowhere close to it. It suddenly hit me how worthless I've been living life until now, just winging things because I feel like I dont deserve anything, I feel like I've already been given too much that I can't be greedy for myself. Also feeling all worthless because despite the many things given to me, I can't achieve anything. It's a cycle of feeling worthless of things, not being greedy, just winging life, achieving little, therefore reinforcing the initial thought that I'm worthless of achieving greater things. As with Ung, the cycle must be stopped.

Enough about me. I also liked the fact that Yeon su didnt went with him. Realizing that her life is wonderful as it is. Finally appreciating the little nuances of her life, the little happy moments, and embracing all the love and care she received from all the people around her. TALK ABOUT CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT??? Oh how I love endings when the happenings in characters' lives didnt really change that much, it's just that they finally see things in a different light, they finally realized how beautiful life is because it's like that in real life. It rarely, if not never, happen that you meet someone on a remote island that will make you realize how beautiful life is. Or suddenly finding yourself in a weird situation like having to be in a room with someone because of miscommunication etc then later on falling in love with your roommate blah blah. Those are the things we can't control, those are mere fantasies. We cant wait forever for our plot twists to happen, we have to focus on things that are present, things that we can control. If I have one thing that I learned in my 21years of living, that is a mindset can change a lot of things, and small consistent wins are more important than grand change. This is so beautifully shown in OBS huhu

Moving on to the last part, CHOI UNG DREW YEON SU.

(screenshot from seungbae_kim on IG. the artist who drew this and many other artworks in the series)

She is the very first person he drew in the series. That scene perfectly encapsules the healing of his character 🥺 IM SO SOFT. DONT TOUCH ME IM CRYING HUHU

And the ending where they shot a documentary again? PERFECT. we all came back from the start, but now happier, healed, content 🥺

LOVE THIS SERIES SO MUCH!!!

[kuradoberijam]

sorry ganto lang ako haha sorry sabi ko na. sorry sa istorbo haha. Ayaw talaga sakin ng mundo, life is so unfair. Sana hindi nalang ako nagtanong haha. Hi can u be my gf? ayaw mo? sensya na eto lang kasi ako. Walang kwenta sana di nalang ako pinanganak haha, im just a simple person kasi. I am just nobody walang magkakagusto sa walang kwentang tao katulad ko haha.

[sunajax]

Pwede ba kitang ligawan? Bawal? Haha sorry sabi ko na. Sorry sa istorbo haha. Ayaw talaga sakin ng mundo, life is so unfair. Sana hindi nalang ako nagtanong haha. Hi can u be my gf? Ayaw mo? Sensya na ah eto lang kasi ako. Walang kwenta sana di nalang ako pinanganak haha, im just simple person kasi, lowkey. I am just nobody walang magkakagusto sa walang kwentang tao katulad ko haha sana hindi nalang ako nabuhay. 🥺

pwedeng pwede mo ako ligawan 😝 id say yes, gusto mo date agad tayo ehh, kiss pa kita ehh yieeeee kilig

[fuzzylumpkins]

I GIVE UP. (a secret open letter)

Hi. I know youre a morning person, and you're always busy everyday. especially on a Monday, and i really dont wanna rain on your parade, but given the situation, i just know na hindi ko na kaya patagalin pa to ng ilang araw, or iset aside nanaman. So im sorry if your first day of the week and your day itself starts off with this letter.

I also know na you dont really read my long messages and youre probably thinking, "Hay, ito nanaman si Mara and mga long letters nya." But im asking you to please read all of these. Alam ko pag gising mo you will shrug this off, and it's okay. who would want a buzzkill to start their day with, diba? Hehe but again, please. Please take time to read this and understand where this is all coming from. You can always save these messages to your vault and read it later kung nasa mood ka na, or if me time ka na. But please dont disregard this letter.

Anyway,

It's exactly 2:15 in the morning. I havent slept since i messaged you last night/kanina. I had to stop crying, and collect myself entriely, para kalmado ako (kanina kalmado actually ako. You just got scared na magstorm off ako, and turned off your phone. Pero thankfully, kalmado ako nun. And i guess thats a really good thing, kasi di na ako galit. But i guess that's also a sign na pagod na ako talaga.

So yeah, i needed to collect myself, hindi na ako umiiyak as i am writing this (but i probably will cry at the end or maybe even in the middle of writing of this letter! hehe) Nag relax muna ako from my last message sayo, doing nothing, because I needed to calm myself even more, kasi I wanted to write this letter, na yun nga, kalmado, that way, mas sure ako sa mga sasabihin ko, and sa magiging decisions ko.

Love, im giving up. This time it's for real. Ayaw ko na talaga. Alam ko ilang beses mo na narinig sakin yan. And i end up eating my words, as soon as you talk to me, throw me nice words, treat me with kindness. parang bigla nalang, "nabibihag" mo nanaman ako. Pero ayaw ko na love. Suko na ako. Surrender na ako. Matigas ka talaga. 😢 hehe And honestly, hindi ko na mafeel yung worth ko sayo. I feel useless, and i feel like im worth nothing to you because of these feelings, na matagal ko na nararamdaman, but i always choose to ignore. Kasi in denial ako. These are the red flags i'd like to let you know.

You never gave me any compromise.

Thats one thing i wanted to hear from you, never mo naman ginawan ng paraan. Parang tinatawanan mo lang yung hurt na nararamdaman ko. Never mo ginawan ng solusyon.

You dont give me an assurance.

Wala akong peace of mind. Im sorry pero, wala na akong trust. You lost my trust, i cant trust you, i wont trust you — kasi never mo naman ako pinafeel good, and never mo naman ako binigyan ng assurance na never mo na gagawin sakin na mahurt ako. Parang feeling ko never mo gnawa yun, kasi ikaw mismo sa sarili mo hindi mo masigurado na kaya mo.

I gave you a second chance , but you never valued that second chance.

Tandang tanda ko pa how you hurt me that night na nakita ko yung unang time na finollow mo yang nur aypha na yan. We talked about it sa Biton. You said sorry you cried. —- hindi ko akalain na ung cool guy lawrence would feel so guilty that day, and cry, and lunok his pride and say sorry to me. Sobra kong happy that moment kasi akala ko sobrang love mo ako. September 21 yun. DO YOU KNOW WHY DECEMBER 23 KO PA ULIT NA NALAMAN NA NEVER MO PALA INUNFOLLOW? Because i dont check you, i dont check your account because i trusted you. Sobra ko lang katrust sayo. Ganun ako kaconfident sa love mo sakin. Pero that december night na nalaman ko yun, it was my gut telling me na something’s up. And ever since then, HINDI NA AKO NATAHIMIK. Hindi ko akalain na yung time na akala ko ok ka, na nagsorry ka, na binigyan kita ng second chance, hindi ko akalain na in that span, may pa like like ka pa ng LAHAT ng pictures nya. As in every upload. Alam mo yung nasa isip ko? Isahan mo lang gilike lahat yun. Tapos nakita nya, na “uy may flood likes ako from an ex..” and thats already enough reason to start a conversation between you two. :”( or hindi ko alam kung lahat ba ng stories nya, gina reactan mo, kasi pala react ka sa stories. Dun mo nga ako una nakausap diba? Thats your conversation starter, and that fucking kills me. Yung thoughts na yun never ako pinatahimik. KAYA GSTO KO LANG NAMAN MAWALA SYA SA ACCT MO KSI HINDI KO NA ALAM ANO NA GINAGAWA MO. Hindi ko na alam ano na ginagawa nyo privately.

Kasi you have intentions. You had intentions when you kept liking her photos. Kasi MAY PINAGDAANAN na tayo na issue sakanya, but you still secretly kept liking her pictures. Up until your birthday, sya nasa isip mo while ako i was doing my best effort to make you feel happy. To surprise you. Lahat. Kaya pala when i asked you to come to mabini to get my bigger surprise, parang “ugh” ka pa na ano ba to. bat kelangan pa mag pnta pnta. Then until new year of 2021, kung d ko pa nahuli nung jan 7, nakalike ka pa and updated ka masyado sknya.

So hindi mo mwala sakin yun magisip ako ng , ah baka sa instagram stories ito naga landian itong dalawa. Thats why i dont have my peace of mind. Thats why i want you to remove her. Pero hndi mo magawa, hindi mo kaya.

You never adjusted even for a bit. Para sakin. 

Para sa tao na dapat sana mas iniisip mo kung mahal mo tlaga.

Sobra kong selos kasi bakit ako, yung kinulang na sa oras sa buhay mo, yung pinipilit mag habol ng oras na nawala, bakit ako yung wala sa social media mo? Bakit ako hindi mo malagay jan, na yan lang yung isang way na makabawi tayo sa lost times natin. Bakit sila, mas nakikita mo yung everyday ig stories nila, yung personal life nila, mas ginapili mo na yun makita kesa updated ka sa simple things in my life na sana nakikita mo, nahahabol mo. Ung mga interests ko na sana alam mo. Yung mga interests mo na sana alam ko, na sana nadidiscover ko pa ngyon na nagahabol ako ng nawala na panahon? Na bawat ig story mo nakikita ko na “uy mahilig talaga si lawrence/mara ng ganto.” Or whatever. Pero wala e. Ung simple joys ko na ganun, you stripped that away from me Because you CHOSE to keep them instead. You chose them and still choose them to this day over me.

Di ko talaga alam bakit? Kasi

You blame me?

Blame me for fucking what?! Tangina. Lagi mo reason “o, ngayon alam mo na feeling ng di pinapakinggan?” Putang ina naman you pnly felt that for 2-3 days na nag matigas ako to not block an ex. Compare mo sa 2-3 months na nagmamatigas ka hindi ako pagbigyan. Fuck. That. Hurts.

And yung blame na yan, kung hindi mo yan maalis sa isip mo, even if i said sorry, even if pinagsisihan ko na, even if i did everything to change that, wala pa rin, then i think that’s also a reason na istop nalang din ito. Kasi yun yung gusto mo na justification sa actions mo, that one single thing na hindi ko naman pinalala, pero yun pa rin yung ginagamimt mo na dahilan to justify your actions, then  i really think it’s time to stop na rin. Oo na, kasalanan ko nalang.

Love the very same reason bakit ayaw mo nagafollow sakin sila, o finafollow ko sila, THATS THE VERY SAME REASON BAKIT AKO NAGA PA BLOCK DIN SAYO. Kung ano yung pakiramdam mo ganun din yung akin. Pero bakit never mo kaya gawin for me yun? Yun yung hndi ko magets. Kung snasabi mo “wala dn man ako gnagawa” WELL GUESS WHAT? WALA DN AKO GINAGAWA, yet i blocked them para wala ka na maisip, THATS ME GIVING YOU YOUR PEACE OF MIND . Para matahimik isip mo and ma feel confident ka about me. E ikw nga MAY GINAGAWA NA.

Di ko talaga alam. Sabi nila it comes with age. Meron mga lalake na maaga nasstop yang stage na ganyan, meron din never na talaga. I dont care if you admire those tiktok type girls, lahat ng mga “wow” for guys. Pero pede nyo naman iappreciate yun without engaging anything with them. Pde mo naman daanan lng without clicking the heart button, or without reacting.

Pero un sa ex mo, tapos hindi pa malabong magkita kayo. Naku, no no na yun. Hindi ako magiging katulad ng asawa natin na nalulusutan natin.

But anyway,

that’s it. Surrender na ako. Masyado na talagang mababa yung tingin ko na worth ko sayo. Masyado na din mababa tingin ko sa sarili ko na naga makaawa ako sa SIMPLENG bagay na hindi mabigay sakin ng tao na nagasabi na mahal ako.

have your freedom, hindi naman kita prisoner. Baka isipin mo sobra pa ako sa asawa mo. Si R nga d naga ganto ganyan, si mara oa, HINDI NAMAN ASAWA. Well maybe because maybe i know you more? I know what youre capable of. You cheat pn ur wife with me, and she doesnt know that. So alam ko na, sya asawa mo kaya mo lokohin, ako pa kaya na kabit mo LANG. If youre gonna b with me, just stay loyal, and be honest. That's all i ask.

Yun lang.

I give up.

💔

💔

💔

Dont worry it’s not you who’s giving up. It’s me. I’ve given up. I’ve given up on hope and love na pjnipilit ko na meron tayo.

Kasi ang dami pa natin pagdadaanan, pero kung ganitong bagay lang hindi mo kaya macompromise for me, then might as well stop this. Pano nlng sa next challenges ? Iwan nlng ako sa ere kasi wala akong support system. So ayoko na dumating sa point na kawawa na ako masyado love. hehe

------------------------------------------------------

Sometimes it takes an experience na masasaktan ka, or may mawawala sayo, for you to realize the value of something. “You never know what you got til it’s gone” kasi you take it for granted.

If youre gonna be with me, be with me all in. Make me feel secured. Give me that trust, kasi yun yung building block ng lahat ng relationships. I told you my deal. D na ako babalik sayo unless you remove that person in your life (na obvious na d mo magawa) Actually, simula ngyon ayaw ko na rin mag-asa. Kasi the more na tumatagal, mas sobrang sakit on my part. Kasi “bakit hindi maaksyonan agad?” Bakit kelangan pa patagalin.

The more you take time, the more it hurts. The more theyre in your life, tapos ako wala? The more it hurts. The more you keep them, the more you dont value my worth.

--------------------------------------------------------

I dont want to leave by giving each other wounds. Ayoko na dn matapos ito na puro away nalang. Thats why im giving up. Para wala na ako gnaisip na akin ka, na love mo ako kc i end up getting hurt.

PS: If youre gonna change, dont change for me. Change for yourself. I do believe people change. Yun yung kelangan ko linawin. If you are changing for me, then chances are baka bumalik ka lang sa dati mong ugali, or dati mong ginagawa, because ayaw mong magbago for yourself. If youre gonna change, that has to be for u. Kelangan nasayo yung “narealize ko how much i value my relationship, ayaw ko masira ulit to. Im not gonna give anyone a chance to ruin my relationship.” Because you know the value of this once in a lifetime love story. But if youre changing because naku, “baka magalit si Mara.” Then iba din yun. iba yung reason why youre changing. You might just go back to the way you were. I do believe that ppl can change. Yun lang minsan ang sad dun, it takes a painful experience, para matuto tayo ng leksyon.

Also, i just wanna ask you to not feel AWA towards me. Kasi hindi tama na anjan ka nlang kasi makaawa na ako. Leave that “awa” to me. Kasi ako honestly? Awang awa na ako sa sarili ko for stooping so low sa mga ginagawa ko. Awang awa na ako na i go through hell just to save and value this relationship.

Awang awa na ako na ang dami kong niririsk and pinagdadaanan only to come “home” to a relationship that cant show me my worth.

Parang hindi na tama yung pinagdadaanan ko , tapos ako yung simpleng bagay na hinihingi ko, d mabigay sakin. Unfair na yun. D na ko willing mapagod for nothing.

Pack up na ako, love. Youre only showing me na you dont wanna make it work anymore, and ako nlang yung lumalaban. And I dont think thats fair. but thats ok.

Im sorry, im gone from now on. I give up.

As for your obligations and responsibilities, this current problem/issue im dealing with — my pregnancy. Dont worry anymore na. Ayoko rin n nagastay ka lang kasi naawa ka sakin, or kasi you feel bad na naka take part ka sa pinagdadaanan ko ngayon. Wag ganun. 

Wag mo nalang din ifeel na obligtion mo to. It’s not. Thankful ako anjan ka when i found out and helped me how to deal with it. So wala kna to feel guilty about. Know that im thankful. Sabi mo nga love diba 🥲 Strong girl ako, matapang ako.🥲 I just no longer want you involved in this. I’ll be on my own from now on.

Im not asking u to call na pala, kasi baka isipin mo ang toxic ko na kausap na umiiyak. Hehe

Goodbye. Sorry this has to come to this. Thank you sa lahat. Mahal na mahal kita, always. 😢

Mar 01, 2021/ 05:37am

[psychlocke]

godot: Pwede ba kitang ligawan? Bawal? Haha sorry sabi ko na. Sorry sa istorbo haha. Sana gumamit nalang ng condom si papa haha. Ayaw talaga sakin ng mundo, life is so unfair. Sana hindi nalang ako nagtanong haha. Hi can u be my gf? Ayaw mo? Sensya na ah eto lang kasi ako. Walang kwenta sana di nalang ako pinanganak haha, im just simple person kasi, lowkey. I am just nobody walang magkakagusto sa walang kwentang tao katulad ko haha sana hindi nalang ako nabuhay.