#im lame lol

[slime-shizun]

xue meng doesnt know that shizun and me do it in the pavilion every sunday

[macbethz]

He wonders what age he’s finally reached. The Time War used years as ammunition; at the Battle of Rodan’s Wedding alone, he’d aged to five million and then regressed to a mewling babe, merely from shrapnel. Now, the ache in his bones feels… one thousand years old? Well. Call it nine hundred. Sounds better.

In the same way RTD's 'Doctor Who and the Time War,' where the above quote is from, is a page from a novel that doesn't exist, this is a splash page from a comic that doesn't exist. Time War PTSD, much like the war itself, is multidimensional.

Now available as a print by popular demand!

[jinkicake]

inappropriate affairs

Inappropriate places he likes to fuck you.

Albedo, Diluc, Kaeya, Pierro, Xiao x Reader

A/N: im practicing more smut until i get confident enough to finish my luci smut (its never gonna happen).... thank u @saitamastamaticsoup for giving the idea and fueling my motivation </3 Trust that I will be doing another version of this w more inazuma characters, it was a shame i didnt do it the first time!!! (thoma my beloved i am coming!!!)

reader w a pu$$y LOL,, SMUTTTTTTTTT

WC- 2.8K

~~~

Albedo

“Oh, Archons, fuck-” The pit of your stomach tightens and you can almost feel your impending release. You try to breathe through the overwhelming pleasure but, the pressure against your swollen nerves and the movement of Albedo’s thumb causes you to squeal-

“You like this.” The alchemist states as if it’s a fact, and reluctantly pulls his hand away to grab his pen. 

“No, Albedo!” You can’t believe it, you refuse to believe it. All afternoon he has been researching your body, coaxing you into a state of bliss only to rip you out of it violently. “I can’t take much more of this,”

“You can’t?” He murmurs as he briefly writes down his conclusions, the neat movements on his pen are captivating but you try to focus on your anger rather than his little quirks. “But, you must.” His voice drops in a way you aren’t too familiar with and your thighs clench together painfully in response. “I need to get this done, you’ll let me continue my research won’t you?” 

You have half a mind to ask him exactly what his research is but, Albedo grabs your chin lightly and pulls you down to his eye level first. 

There’s a gentle smile on his lips as he fondly stares at you. He kisses you and it melts away your frustrations, the tenderness of his touch could melt all the snow off of Dragonspine. 

Through the kiss, his cold lips warm up your own while he pushes you back down against his lab table, you fail to notice how he continues to write in his notes. 

Perhaps you just don’t care to notice. 

“My love, please stay still for this,” With his soft voice, you listen to every command. 

Even when he’s rubbing lube all over an extremely large toy that you’re sure is going to split you into two. When you’re taken into his lab and placed on his cold table, you know what to expect. Nobody does more thorough research than Albedo.

“Breathe, you can do it,” He watches in awe as your cunt stretches around the toy, his mouth begins to water. “24 centimeters is a new record for you, isn’t it?” Albedo notes down the exact measurements, ensuring that the toy is pressed snuggly inside of you all the way down to the base. “My test subject, you’re doing so well. Keep it up.”

“Yes,” And when he finally gets all his research done, Albedo is more than ready to take out his frustrations on you. You’re not the only one who gets worked up during his assignments. “just like that. Mhm, you can cum again, can’t you?” The answer is always yes, especially when Albedo works his cock into you at such a ferocious pace. He’s more than eager to rip an orgasm out of you, to watch you spasm on his floor now while he pants above you, his hair messily splayed around his face. “For me, you can do it.”

You refuse to disappoint him when he’s so eager to learn from you. 

And you’re also always more than happy to allow Albedo to share his findings with his colleagues. 

“Don’t touch yourself.” He scolds Kaeya as he eyes the man in his lab chair, he keeps a firm stare on him. “Remember that you’re here to learn.”

Diluc

“Don’t (Y/N),” Diluc warns, his eyes darkening as you lower yourself between his legs. Your touch against his thick thighs causes him to suck in a harsh breath, his defined muscles tense under your touch. 

Being the gentleman that he is, Diluc wants to convince you not to do this. He wants to bring you back up to your feet and lead you out of the acting grand master’s office. He wants to take you back home, to the plush king-sized bed that is waiting for you. Only there will he have enough space for what he wants to do with you. All the things he desires to do to you, and none of it reflects his gentlemanly tendencies at all. 

Older women would faint at the mere mention of what is behind the locked door of the winery. 

You choose to ignore all his telepathic begs not to continue. No, you happily continue with your ministrations as you place a soft kiss on his clothed crotch. 

Always such a tease. 

Diluc doesn’t show any more signs of refusal, he merely watches you as you run your hands up and down his inner thighs. The eye contact of his blown-out pupils and the innocent stare you’re giving him is enough for the man to start panting. His chest rises and falls with each heavy breath, he’s biting the inside of his cheek out of anticipation.

“Ribbon?” You politely ask and when you hold your hand out for Diluc’s hair tie, the man’s eyes narrow down at you. 

“You won’t need it.” His voice sounds rougher than usual and before you get the chance to even ask him, why?, he wraps his hands in your hair. Diluc grabs the strands and ensures that it is all out of your face and securely held in his fist. 

His nonverbal explanation is more than enough and you thank him by eagerly ripping down his pants, nearly splitting his black boxers in half to get to his cock. Diluc grits his teeth and opens his mouth to scold you but instead, he loudly groans at the feeling of your warm mouth. Your lips are wrapped prettily around the tip of his hard cock as you blink up at him, the soft and sweet bats of your eyelashes cause him to grip your hair even tighter. 

Obediently, you place your hands against his thighs and open your mouth into the shape of a perfect ‘o’. You’re giving him complete permission to use your throat how he desires, it’s a show of kindness on your end. 

This act of exhibitionism is all his brother’s fault and Diluc just might have to ban him from the bar because of it. 

Everyone in the whole Teyvat knows what happens when you and Diluc get put alone in a room together. 

You want to thank Kaeya for this mischievous act because now, you have Diluc fucking your throat in broad daylight while waiting for some stupid permit he needed to get from the knights. 

He’s already angry being back in this place, being around these people, and his patience is wearing thin. It’s a good thing he has you to keep him grounded, nice and calm. 

“Fucking take it all. I want them all to hear.” His balls slap your chin as spit pools past your lips and cascades down your throat. 

Maybe not all that nice and calm. 

Kaeya 

“Kaeya, maybe we shouldn’t,”

“Oh ho, you’re not suddenly religious now, are you?” 

With Kaeya’s large hands running over your hips, pulling you tighter against his pelvis, you know that it would be impossible to run away now. 

“Besides, we’re a little too late to be stopping.” His quiet laughter sounds like a melody in your ears as he works his lips along your neck to calm you down. It works. Softly, his warm kisses gently grace your skin and you instantly tilt your head back to allow him more access. You can feel Kaeya grin against your throat as your head falls back against his shoulder. 

It’s not hard to believe that Kaeya could convince you to fuck behind the cathedral, he’s always been persuasive. 

“Please, just fuck me already,” You spit out in a hushed whisper, glaring at the man behind you that you call your own. His lips twitch into a smile before he bites down on your throat hard. 

“Aren’t you a naughty little thing?” Kaeya uses one hand to toy with his belt, undoing it with ease while pushing down the zipper to the confines of his pants. “How would the Lord Barbatos feel hearing you speak like that?” You don’t have the luxury to think about it, not when Kaeya is already slipping the tip of his hard cock between your thighs. “Better yet, do you want him to hear?” 

Your hand slaps to your mouth to stifle a moan, both because of Kaeya’s words and the action of him swiftly entering your tight cunt. He doesn’t even bother hiding the groan that leaves his own lips. 

“No, no, no. Let them hear,” He coos into your ear before gently biting on the appendage, pulling it between his teeth before sucking on the skin in a lewd manner. His teasing moans, desperate and loud, only fuel the pit of desire in your stomach. Kaeya grabs your wrists and pins them onto your back, holding you against his chest so that you don’t hit the cold stone wall of the cathedral. “I want all of Mondstadt to hear you. Wake them up for me, angel.” 

“Kaeya,” You refuse to be any louder than a whisper as you suck in harsh breaths to keep yourself under control. The cavalry captain is proving it harder and harder to do just that, with the loud claps of his hips against your ass and the squelches muffled between your thighs. Every lewd noise possible is a result of your two bodies and you can’t get enough of it. 

“Fuck me harder!” Your demand makes him laugh, even louder than before and Kaeya smiles at the glare you’re sending him. He momentarily pulls out of you before flipping you around and pushing you against the stone wall. Before you even get the chance to complain, he’s fucking you with a ferocity that makes you see stars. Your leg is hooked over his arm, head knocked back against the outside walls as you cry out in pleasure. “Archons, more, please!” 

Again, all Kaeya can do is laugh. 

With the way that you are begging and pleading, all seven of them will appear before Kaeya is even halfway done with you. 

“Be careful what you wish for, dearest."

Pierro

“Come in,” Pierro doesn’t look up from his paperwork as you enter the large meeting room. You take this opportunity to let out a quiet sigh as you softly close the large heavy doors. “lock it.”

So he is paying attention.

You do as he desires and lock the thick wooden doors, sealing your fate for where you’ll be spending your time the next handful of hours. As if you’re following a routine, you walk deeper into the dark and empty room. You stand right before Pierro on his side as you wait for him to acknowledge you again.

His lack of attention doesn’t really bother you all too much because this way, you get to look the old man up and down. His large body fits snugly in the fancy Fatui head chair and you nearly start to squirm when you notice his thick fingers drumming against the table. At the slightest brush of your thighs pressing together, Pierro grabs your hip with his hand.

“Sit.” He ushers you to sit on the table, you do so without any fight.

Pierro glances at you, harsh eyes almost softening ever so slightly before he turns back to the paper in front of him. He almost looks like he is contemplating something for a brief second until he ultimately decides to push the papers out of his way. The light material falls to the floor with a gentle brush of the wind.

The harbinger instead now focuses on you and the intense stare coming from his beautiful eye causes you to blush. He doesn’t say anything about the flushed expression, instead, he focuses on pulling your hips and moving you toward the edge of the table.

Pierro stands once you’re placed in the center of the wood and then pushes his chair back and kneels before you. With no hesitation, your legs are thrown over his broad shoulders, creating a stretch in your thighs that burns deliciously.

“Don’t be too loud now, pet.” He commands while flipping your skirt up onto your stomach, he pauses at the sight of your pastel panties. The tiny bow on the front makes his chest ache with desire. Oh, he’s going to ruin you. “We don’t have time to waste.”

And he doesn’t waste a single second more, not as he pushes your panties to the side and immediately brings his hot tongue to your entrance. The older man is skilled in this, in pleasuring you and fucking you.

“Oh my,” You whine, bringing your hips up to his face. Pierro slams your hips down to the wood, pinning you with his hands. He bites your clit as a warning, don’t interrupt him, before he goes back to lapping up your folds. His large nose rubs against your swollen bud ferociously, bumping into it each time he licks and swallows.

The noises filling the room are becoming louder and louder, his neat slurps and darts of his tongue, heavy groans and slams of his hand against your thighs. You can barely hold yourself together.

That is until the sound of the door budging yanks you from your pleasure.

“We are meeting in here today, right?” Signora’s soft voice comes from behind the door and you whimper when she pulls on the golden door handle. “No fair. I thought we were all taking turns with them today.”

Xiao 

“Isn’t this like disrespectful or something?” You murmur lowly, unable to look the statue before you in the eyes. 

“To who?” Xiao pays no mind to your shame and continues to guide your hips against his lap, digging his nails in your ass. Your hold on his shoulders tightens as you feel him in the pit of your stomach, had it not been for the slow pace you would have been on the floor spasming by now. But, Xiao wanted to take you slowly today. 

Instead of staring at the statue of the Geo Archon, you try to focus on anything but him. You look at the mountains and the pretty yellow leaves painting the scenery. However, every time you glance from side to side you find yourself making eye contact with the stone figure. 

“He’s staring at me, Xiao,” You squirm in his lap, pitifully whining into his ear as you try to focus on anything but the bare abdomen of the Geo Archon before you. Who thought it was a good idea to fuck on top of one of the statue of the seven?

“He doesn’t care.” The Adeptus gruffly snaps, ignoring you once more as he forces you to swirl your hips. The deep penetration makes your toes curls and you firmly press your chest against Xiao’s in an attempt to get even closer to him. 

“Kiss?” You quietly beg, placing your lips on his jaw. Xiao rolls his eyes before gripping your chin and shoving your lips together. It’s a messy affair, the type that ends with spit drenching your lips. 

Xiao is skilled in the way he moves his tongue against your own, coaxing the shy muscle to follow his lead. He kisses you with passion and grips the back of your neck to hold you still as he literally steals the air from your lungs. All you can do is hold on and pray that you’ll leave this makeout session alive. The loud smacks of lips, the ‘ahs’, and moans only make you even more desperate for Xiao. You grind down on his lap, relishing in the way he chokes and stiffens at the loss of control. 

You both pull away panting but Xiao doesn’t let you go without another peck. One peck leads into another, into another, and before you know it his lips are back permanently against your own. This time you find your tongue in his mouth, being sucked on with his pretty lips. 

In the midst of your pleasure and in your foggy mind, you swear you hear a deep chuckle. 

You try to push Xiao away, but he doesn’t let you get too far and decides to attack your neck instead. 

Again, you make eye contact with the stone statue and cringe. 

“He can’t like hear us or see us, right?”

“He’s lucky if he can.”

“Xiao!” You lightly slap the Yaksha’s bicep and try to ignore the deep stare of the Geo Archon, but it feels too real. Xiao can sense your distraction and grabs your jaw to kiss you again. This time, you fall back into it with no hesitation and the brief distraction of the statue flies over your head. 

It’s always better like this anyway, with all of your attention on Xiao. 

You don’t even notice the way he quietly snaps at the air to leave you two alone.

[dandp]

Guys I found the perfect Relatable game for them to do on the gaming channel next

[redrum-alice]

A.B.A x Human Paracelsus fanfic ideaaaaaaaaa...

Summary: Human Paracelsus may be in a human body, but he can't help his thirst for blood. Just so happens that his wife accidentally cut her finger-- the smell of mercury doesn't stop him though :)

Warning: a bit NSFW-ish? Blood kink too-- Idk :P [Post Strive]

_____________

After a long search, A.B.A was finally able to find a body suited for Paracelsus. Just seeing him in his new form had her madly in love again now that he has arms to wrap around her...or so she thought.

While Paracelsus "appreciated" her gesture (albeit loosely), he can't help but to feel strange about this human form- so many sensations that are too overwhelming to comprehend. Flesh that he sought after in violence now plastered on this feeble yet lean body, something A.B.A wished for. After agreeing to make things better with his partner, he took his share of work and helped A.B.A live out her domestic fantasies, starting off with cooking meals after they found an abandoned cabin.

A.B.A isn't much of a cook in terms of what she serves. She understands and quickly learns about how it works, but using ingredients that are not suited for one another is what hinders her, often cleaned up by Paracelsus so she wouldn't get upset about her mishap.

One morning, he woke up to a delicious smell. Perhaps his wife finally grasped the fundamentals of basic cooking, but he wagered it'd be a risk if he went to try her concoction blindly. Having acquired a human sense of smell and taste, he needed to exercise them with better options rather than risking it with something foul.

Heading towards the kitchen, he saw the homunculous trying her best to whip up a a meal along with piles of dirty dishes on the sink that is wordlessly assigned to him. On the table were what humans call "scrambled eggs", but it seems that it had bits of shells left on them.

But besides the whole mess, he noticed that there's something in the young woman that he didn't quite notice before he acquired a human body.

Never had he viewed her as someone who has a venusian charm; her figure could be compared to those statues of women whose arms are cut off to expose their ample bosoms. He supposed that this is a human experience, one that is alien to him, for he had never got the concept of "attraction". His so-called wife, however, had showed him examples of what it is to be attracted to someone, which what got themselves into this situation.

"Dear, you're awake!" A.B.A turned around to her husband, snaping him from his daze. "I do hope your new form is not so much of a burden..."

"I'm fine, A.B.A." he lied, not wanting to upset her.

The homunculous only responded with gleeful demeanor and returned to her task. "I'm sure you're experiencing hunger for the first time...after days of walking to find shelter." She hummed sweetly. "I-I'm trying to make something to replenish you..."

Paracelsus stayed quiet and proceeded to sit on the chair. When they entered the cabin, all the furnitures were blanketed with dust, including the table they occupied. To his surprise, it was clean and it even had a vase of fresh flowers that she must've picked outside- it was a small silent countryside after all. He assumed that A.B.A did all this while he was sleeping. He'd be lying if he didn't admit he was impressed. She did always go above and beyond to provide for them.

All of a sudden, he heard a squeal.

"Eek!" She screamed, followed by a sound of metal clanking on a wooden board.

"A.B.A! Are you alright?" Paracelsus stood up and rushed to his partner. "What happened?"

"I-it's nothing, dear..." she reluctantly responded. "Y-you should prepare the plates..."

Not buying a word, he beckoned her to show what she was hiding in her arms. A.B.A eventually complied, not wishing to disappoint her husband in fear that he would get frustrated and walk out of the door, seeing that he can now freely go anywhere he wish with those limbs. She hesitantly gave her hand to him, hoping he wouldn't think of her any less for a simple mistake of cutting her finger by accident.

"I-I should have been more careful, dear. I'm not fit to be a good wife if I keep being reckless." She shuddered, an instinct that Paracelsus know all too well when she's stressed. The crimson red substance pooled from the slit on her pale finger down to her palm.

He shouldn't have looked directly at it.

Paracelsus knew that his cravings for blood won't be diluted even if he was in a human body. He is a demon after all. But it was a strange feeling that wasn't akin to hunger, but something else. Yes, it is true that A.B.A had a mixture of mercury in her blood, but its color was as fascinating as that of a human blood.

He excused himself and wasted no time in finding a first aid kit, but the girl halted him by grabbing his arm. Paranoia was something she could not get rid of, even if it jeopardizes her in dire situations.

"No wait! I can fix it!" She insisted as she tugged on his arm, carelessly rubbing her wounded hand and letting her blood smudge on his skin. He gulped, feeling how wet and warm it seemed.

"Please dear, I can handle it! Let me wrap it myself. I'm sorry to have made you worried." A.B.A tugged on her bandanges on her leg, neverminding if it exposes her further.

All of these happening in front of him was driving him insane: his wife's intoxicating blood, her sweet panicked face, and her leg that teased him as soon as those bandages were repurposed to aid her wound.

Before she could wrap it on her hand, Paracelsus grabbed her injured hand and inspected it. What comes next was something A.B.A herself found shocking.

He licked her wound and begun sucking on it.

The sensation was so overwhelming that she was certain she nearly forgot the ability to speak. A.B.A watched in astonishment until she felt her legs wobble; only then she regained her voice.

"D-dear...?" She found herself having difficulty expressing her thoughts. Paracelsus kept sucking on her blood, not minding how it burns his tongue. What a pathetic flesh, he thought.

As if his fighting spirit also got converted into a human equivalent, he soon finds himself grabbing A.B.A closer to him and eventually trailing his free hand dangerously close to her plump ass. The young female homunculous couldn't help but to admire what her generous and loving husband is doing to her, evident by how her breathing quickened.

Soon, he carried her and pinned her down on the table. Screw the eggs, he was hungry for something this new body was craving for- her flesh. His ravenous side earning the upper hand as he starts to kiss his bride harshly on her lips, making A.B.A fluster more than she usually does. Those kisses turned into full on lip-locking, pooling their mouths with each other's saliva. His kisses soon attacked her neck, ripping off the bandanges that was blocking him from giving his sweet wife the pleasure she deserves.

It was no doubt that even in human form, he was still susceptive to primal urges such as blood, but this time, it was mixed with carnal desire.

And it seems he wasn't the only one enjoying it. A.B.A was more than eager to reciprocate this affection. She was more than ready to finally do it with her husband after years of solitude.

Oh how sweet it was to finally consumate their marriage.

Er...to be continued on ao3? This is just a stupid fanfic idea 💀🔫

Tagging @l00nwizard and @weeko bc of your replies. Sorry if this one is not too wholesome, but its a ficlet ig 💀😭🔫

[dorkfruit]

her life sucks tbh!

[paintpanic]

opinion on Kracko?

He's fine!

I really like what they did with him in TDX. His bossfight there used the foreground-background mechanics in a unique and interesting way, and the attacks they gave him are cool. (His DX design is also cool! I love the stripes!)

He was also neat in Epic Yarn. In that one, he's a miniboss in one of the rocket ship shooter levels, and he even gets his own music! (It's like a five second loop, but still-) As a whole, I really love the shooter levels in this series.

I think he's at his worst in Star Allies. They couldn't think of anything more interesting to do with him than add another one? Parallel Kracko is also boring and lame.

I think his design is fun, if a little generic. Like I said, they really nailed it in TDX. I'm also a sucker for anything with electricity powers, so that's a plus. Overall, I would say I think positively about this guy.

[dolokhoded]

what's the buzz, tell me what's a-happening ???

[pawbeanies]

pawbeanies lore moments but im really thinking. of. like. i say so much on here about like s*x and stuff but irl i have never had a sex even. not even had a make out before. i think if someone were to touch my hand i would spontaneously combust and it would be the End of Tumblr User Pawbeanies

[placeinthisworld]

.

[francy-sketches]

aegon is brokenstar coded (child fighting enjoyer) and joffrey is breezepelt coded do you think if they were warriorcats aegon would be joffrey's evil dark forest mentor

[candyunicornsateme]

Fell down a bit of a childhood trauma info rabbit hole and thought, can you imagine the kinda shit Kenny would say as his experiences??? Dude is totally that guy that'd say some concerning shit like it's normal and a casual joke and everyone else is like wtf.

[dangerliesbeforeyou]

the funniest thing is that before the Hiatus(tm) i didnt really go into the dnp tag that often lol i just kinda watched their videos and vibed but now? i, as a 25 year old 'adult', frantically descend on the dan and phil tag 1 second after a new vid comes out like i've been dehydrating in the desert for 30 years and finally have found a puddle of water like what is Wrong with me? (dont answe rthat)

[sirensea14]

Day 14 Ruin

I tried replicating the Ruins in Aesop's falls,help--💀💀💀

[kittykat940]

"There's a lot in store for will. It ties back to where it begins, full circle. I think they'll be really pleased but also shocked"

[mildhigh]

Look at what they stole from us