#im literallt not ok rn

[hugs2doie]

doie bf texts! <33

posted love !! here u go <3

[fuckedamygdala]

first time i’m actually trying to get one of my posts out there on this account bc my other posts i want to keep to myself but

does anyone know why i have such distressing and constant obsessive and intrusive thoughts , i wasn’t sure what they were called but i talked to my therapist about how i constantly feel like i’m going to die . how yesterday i had a 5 hour breakdown that i thought i was going to be killed if i left my house the next day . she said i have obsessive and intrusive thoughts

i havw a routine of thinfs i say to myself every night , it started off innocent but gradually i believed it was the thing keeping me alive so every night i try to talk and discuss how i am going to be safe and everyone around me that i love are going to be safe , if i say it wrong i have to repeat it , one time i even repeated everything i said again just because i thought i got through the whole thing without thinking anything bad and i thought it was too good to be true . i literallt think of violent images of things that could go wrong when saying that i want everything to be ok and i get terrified , even if i say everything right if i get a bad image while talking i’ll do it again . deep down i know doing this isn’t helping me but i do it in case because i fully believe it’s helping me .

even stupid stuff too , i was on the floor sobbing bc i have a shelf you can move bc it’s on the floor and i must have accidentally bumped it slightly out of place when doing my bed . anyway , that night i have a light (ik it’s childish but my thoguhts get worse in the dark) and bc the shelf was the slightest bit off it casted a weird shadow and i thought a person could sneak in next to the shadow and kill me , and i thought of other reasons that it could kill me , even just the fact that it was wrong made me feel in danger . i sobbed on the floor and tried to move it back , it was heavy and every time i moved it it would end up in another wrong place and i got even more upset . before i needed my door open a tiny slit so i could see my landing for a danger but not open enough that i could be seen back , i remember when my mom had to stand outside my door fixing where it was for ages bc i needed to know how it looked from my bed . then i’d stare at it once it was in the place to see if it is right and desperately fix it myself if it isn’t . even when there isn’t a danger bc i didn’t do something right , i think there are just people about to kill me when i leave the house , or if i get too mean to someone i feel like they’re going to kill me . and i get angry a lot

everyday i prepare for if someone is going to kill me

overall , i know this is not my bpd rn , bc i have bpd but i really dont know why im like this i just feel insane . i really wish i had good mental health because i feel like i never have any peace and i’m constantly trying to avoid death . i feel like i’m living in final destination

[sallytwo]

btw s5 ds9 you know the drill. character ranking:

jadzia

worf

sisko

jake

julian

nog

quark

obrien

garak

kira

odo

ok notes. jadzia still at #1 unwavering. i don’t want to talk about what. i don’t want to talk about what’s coming up in later seasons.

WORFFFF BABY. worf was sort of mid for me in tng but on ds9 he’s become the normalguy there. also i’m currently watching the risa epsiode THIS WORF LORE IS INSANE IM KILLING MYSELF. jadzia worf is the best relationship ever done in star trek ever.

sisko remains the best character in the show. jadzia and worf are my personal faves but . sisko

jake and nog switched places cuz i haven’t seen nog in FOREVER. and jake well. jake sisko. uhm. i don’t want to talk about it.

IVE BECOME SUCH A JULIANGIRL ITS NOT FUNNY…. he’s so annoying and terrible and sef obsessed and egotistical and his best traits are also his WORST he’s INSANEEEE. ugh. if they ever try to mellow out julian and get rid of his hero complex ill die.

body parts literallt made me so emotional the end bit. QUARKKKKK. QUARK. he’s bewitched me. i still don’t think he’s sexy sorry guys. ALSO i didn’t rank rom but he’s so freaking cool… the episode where he got promoted to the day shift like i was jumping for joy.

I DONT HATE OBRIEN I PROMISE. HES VERY COOL. hes just kind of there for me rn…… uhm. sorry gar. sorry women. i do like him i just like everyone else MORE.

ok i won’t say anything about the last 3 so i don’t offend anyone ^_^ uhm i liked the garak comment where he was like “why don’t the uniforms have any STYLE” in his gay voice i laughed at that.

ok until next time 🫡 goodbye 🫡

[harrysalwaysjackedup]

Harry Styles for Beauty Paper Magazine

[lettuce-tv]

if I've ever had issues then no I dont

[jeonyi]

Men with fragile masculinities <<<<<<

[soldier-poet-king]

"Why are you being like this"

Well I'm sorry father dearest :))) but mental illness doesn't take a FKIN HOLIDAY just bc I DO

[ryeonseungz]

thank you x1

[divorcebf]

OKAY typing this shit out a second fucking time goddamn i hate this cunt of a website. anyway . i was at this chemist to buy acne medication for my sibling right and i walk in and this lady that works there walks to me and i show her the pic and she's like oh show it to the guy at the counter he'll give to u and i do the same and she follows me and asks who r u buying it for and im like oh my sibling and she's like oh but YOU also have ACNE and like it's really BAD and it needs to be TREATED and im like yeah no i don't rly want any medication for my acne im good etc but like this bitch keeps PERSISTING abiut this stupid acne facewash so im like ok show it bc im a fucking pushover literally who's surprised no one . and this woman literally shows me a facewash like the tiniest bottle of a piss stained facewash that's LITERALLT 400 bucks and im like oh yeah that's cool but im not rly looking for anything rn do u have the pears facewash though she goes oh yeah we do but it's not for acne and stuff and like starts womansplaining about how it's frankly useless for my skin and stuff😭 anyway lolz i ignored her and only bought the pears 160 rs one😜 hope u die cunt❤️

[malecmostly]

Shadowhunters || Original Sin || 3B

Spoilers ahead!

well well well they are in Paris how nice... I really like jonathon lmao EVEN THOUGH I KNOW HE IS MOST LIKELY BAD but I'm into him.. SIZZY TIME!!!!! Izzy being scared of a rat is mE. MALEC MALEC MALEC MALEC TEAINING SCENE TRAINING SCENE BEDROOM YES! SIMON FINDS THE VAMPIRE AND TURNS OUT ITS FREAKING THE MAN HIMSELF CAIN. I will not complain about shirtless jonathon :)) lmao but why jonathon look at clary like that when she was changing... I love how this whole time clary is trying to trick jonathon but hes like nah bitch u ain't doing nothing. YOU ARE FUCKING KIDDING ME I DONT GET TO SEE A FULL MALEC MOMENT IM FJSKJGJFJ I miss ur cat eyes magnus :((( magnus is dealing with so much rn :(( ok how did clarys hair and footprints stay there like ??? ALEC SYAINF U R THE MAN I LOVE FHDJXKJD I DIE. PLEASE MAKE PUP A THING!!! Meliorn!!! havent seen him in agesss. simon fjdjdjdjdjjfjdjsjsj and then izzy allowing simon to feed off her fjskkfkdkfjfjs I literally cried fhfjjf also when jonathons eyes go back lowkey dig it? jonathon literallt yeeted out of that so fast and then he goes back to the apartment and screams and everything starts shaking. oh yeah clary and jace r back together.

[yourbleedingh3art]

Seshposting

Pre sesh: Just got done playing w a baseball.Listening to slimesito.On the toilet. Swear to god ive been to the bathroom nine times already I havent eaten anything or had anything to drink since last night But yet i have to piss every 15 minutes on today of all days When im wearing two mf belts i have to hurry to unbuckle before Piss dribbles down my FUCKING leg.Stole somebodys lipgloss off the ground bc it was Hempz. Imma weedhead need my own strain - duwap kaine (Now he's on)

Sesh start time: 2:21 pm i hand ground some weed bc idk where my grinder is rn im waiting to hit the first bowl till 2:22 AYY it changed to it rn Time for bowl #1 in my pipe

bowl #1 2:22 highness scale of 1-10: 0, it hasnt hit me yet, i literallt havent even exhaled bowl #1. Note my "bowls" r like half size bc its easier for me to clear each bowl in one pipe hit so tht way smoke doesnt waft from the weed and i minimize the smell (Smoking in the college dorm life) Random observation: There is an empty paper towl roll, incense, a press on nail, 2 incense boards, a green rug, a kleenex ashtray box, a towel, toilet paper, a toilet, and a shower On top of the floor. That is my environment. (Yeat is playing)They say yeat keep on evolving how u so steady wid it!

bowl #2 2:26 highness scale 1-10: 4 That one made me drool spit Eyes water throat burn As to be expected but ewwwww Owwwie Considering getting some water... Listening to a stupid soundcloud lawyer ad rn OHH YES NOW THE YEAT IS ON! I DONT GOT NO COMMENT...IONT GOT NO COMMENT! Such a good concept to center a song around bc literally No comment.... like sorry I just be seeing stuff and it's like ok no comment. Literally no comment. Comment but am i going to sya it no im not. No comment. Or can i even be bothered to care about this no i cant. No comment. Did i even hear what u said No was i even listening... NO Comment. Like such a good phrase..... Maybe i more than a 4/10 high but it feels crazy to change it now hmm i guess it's 2:31 now so 5 minutes have passed (that math took me a hot second tbh like not a long time but not quick either) Okkkk 3G is such a crazy song yeat and uzi Like i dont fw uzi voice like that im sorry his music usualyl just falls outside of my personal taste But sometimesss he makes a banger anyway who am i arguing w anyway idk how I feel about 3G it's kinda lit tbh growing on me like mold rn And officially chaning my rating to 5 on the highness scale. I am trying to reason with myself if i should smoke more or not like yes i only smoked 2 half bowls but i. ground so much ore weed up but also i feel like a good level of high for 2:35 pm on a thursday u feel me? I dont have ny classes today left idk and i did take my italian quiz... shit... Smokin more (I pulled up bust a nut and then she thank Meeee-yeat *scream crying*)Ooh ooh yea I pulled upo smaosdakMachetes ooh...ahh..zahh!!WeeoOowowooeeoowowowowwoeeeeeeeeoOOEoeoeoeoeoeoeyaayay... ahh... (kant relax by yeat.) I so high listening to ome soundcloud edit remix HuananaamamaHunonhehno heh no heh type song osqaidhuf ahhhh it sounds like that deadass but like slowed down and randomly sped up its hype...I guess lmao this is straight paper garbage shredder trash tbh im just high

^Like that. ^^#Real. ^^

Do u see how much i procrastinate inbetween bowls like wow. Ok anyway. THIS FUCKING SONG IS STILL ON ITS SO BAD I am not turnigng it off too high to do that of course but wow Oh it eneded and went right into an ad

FUCK YOU SOUNDCLOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUD!!!

OOOH now fginally a good song is on yesssssssssssssssssss yes Ok yes.

bowl #3 2:41 highness scale like idk that bowl was lame still a 5/10 if anything Im sober now. No im lying of course but that bowl somehow had the reverse effect of getting me high .. Like now im like yeah i .. ahhsdahvsajiJDHSJFJAIOSsihfeodekfjhjdhd LMAOOO THIS DUWAP SONG CA ME WONNN NVMMM... EMPIRE BY DUWAP KAINE. Ok i think im about done live posting one more bowl and our lovely sesh will be done. Duwap kaine is fuckoing crayz bc empire 1:49-1:55 like omgmgmgmgmgg that part goes sooo <3 perfect

party in the back ft ooskully by jewelzworld is so good like oooooooooooooooh ok thank god music hitting rn.

bowl #4 2:49

bowl #5 2:52

im high.

I hate CONNER.

kay modern family and ignore everything time.

SESH EL FIN ... 3:07

[survivormuxloe]

Episode #6: “because Sweyn’s Baddies are COMING” - Jones

My bitch ass glasses broke so I’m more than happy to be doing a challenge that requires my ears. Maybe wil my eyesight so poor my hearing will get better to compensate who knows. Even if we lose I’m in a Gucci spot to survive.

Tribal was a success. With the first tribal done I’m happy trust is built and I can stop being paranoid.

With that said I think I’m in a good position going forward as I have an alliance and we’re probably reaching a merge or a swap soon.

my plan of action for my tribe since we legit havent got Anything on the doc yet (me n michael have an excuse..) is to make it seem like im doing more than i am. oh im gonna work on it soon! i’ll do this soon! like its all about seeming like im contributing.. when i aint LAMDKNDG

me n michael made a f2 altho it breaks my heart to say its just for the sake of my survival on this dumbass tribe.. theres no way malik flips on me and with michael as my f2 i can essentially force him to flip on danielle if he wants to stay which is like perf rn since i dont really trust her..

i miss my close allies tho lol. like ryan is my #1 n its unfortunate he isnt getting a chance to make more bonds considerig we need those bonds for his idol to make a big move.. hopefully mercia loses again and wes goes tho? it evens it up to 6 sweyn vs 6 mercia and i think itll swap again before merge and hopefully ill be with ryan/rhys/jones :)) my social game is good rn i think.. i just gotta lay low with physical and downplay strategy so im never the target. hard w/ these personalities tho. X

SOOO THIS CHALLENGE IS FUCKING HELL!!! U KNOW WHAT WOULD BE BETTER? IF OUR WHOLE TRIBE FUCKING DID SMTH!!

like im actually gunna go fucking mad.. its songs. yah its hard to identify bc theyre distorted and overlapped but theres no excuse not to get at least artists.. or even one song. malik n michael can barely do that.. LIKE YEAH I HAVENT DONE THE BEST BUT IVE GOT 2 SONGS THERE RN AND IDENTIFIED NICKI + XTINA SO! BLOOP! im gunna kill myself.. poor dani. its especially painful knowing ill try to get her out if we lose LMAOAOAOA but i mean.. (: oh well!

This challenge can litterally chomp on a dick. No. I hate it. I dont want to do it. Like BEGONE.

Honestly its so hard, and like i dont listen to pop so im struggling with it. Hopefully we win, but I feel safe if we go to tribal.

At this point I am so upset because I feel useless because all the ones I know have been picked and idek if anyone took my suggestion seriously. If this round ends my game, I’m going to be so upset!

We’re pretty much fucked unless a miracle happens

I've been a bit nervous about my position and stuff in the game and I'm trying to catch up socially with a lot of people and stuff. I'm doing what I can on a five person tribe and hope I can work on hard on getting as far as I can in this game. I have a feeling we merge next round so that could be cool. I wanna make it far as I can this game, I'm trying to be active but UTR so hopefully it works.

WE WON FIRST PLACE AGAIN AND THIS TIME I WASNT A FUCKUP WOOOOOOOOOOOOP WOOP I’ve been talking to David more and I helped out a lot with this challenge so I’m hoping he won’t want me out next time we go to tribal.

THREE IN A ROW, BABY. Feels good to not have gone to tribal since Jose's elimination. Also an added bonus that I basically carried our tribe to win today, not a big deal, LOL.

Also, with the reward, I've now got a vote steal advantage. This is HUGE for me. I have a group of people I wanna work with in this game and if this group is down in numbers at any point, this vote steal can come in handy.

that challenge was a damn mess but i'm just glad we made it out alive. sad Canute lost though ugh i'm sending all of my positive energy to Scott so he can make it through.... hope we merge next round that would be cute; i'm ready for more action in this game

im gunna kill my self . :) WE LOST. AGAIN. :) NOT MY FAULT. AGAIN.

n now i gotta deal with fucken awkward 2-2 tribal lines when i have a f2 with michael and a love for malik.. but bc dani is good at challenges her ass wont go and thats so annoyin but u can bet ur ass ima try somethin if i have to bc i dont trust malik to keep me safe vs her whereas michael will.. if i have to flip on malik i will

why me tho like im a good person. i dont deserve this. why couldnt i be on a competent tribe. LMAOAOAOA.

THANK GOD WE WON IMMUNITY if we lost I probably would’ve spontaneously combust Bc I love??? My current tribe??? I love Madison too and It sucked we voted her out Bc I actually adore her but she wasn’t doing a lot. I just love this tribe and if we had to vote for each other again I’ll lose my marbles. Maybe we can work more together going into merge if we get there? I hope so, because Sweyn’s Baddies are COMING

Well, we lost once again and I’m upset about it. The challenge was super hard for us and we struggled. It seemed like everyone wasn’t really putting in all they could as they just said “I forgot” I was like oh!! cool!! This tribal, I’m not crazy worried right now. I trust Scott a lot at this point because he doesnt have a reason to lie to me by telling me that I’ve been holding up the tribe because... I have been. I think the move this week is to vote out Malik. We’ll see whats going on but I really think we might be doing that this week. Hopefully there’s a merge soon because I need to fucking be by myself!!!

My ass is for sure on the line tonight. I know that  Malik is targetting me for being weak and all that so rn I’m just trying to get Scott 100% on board with voting me and Malik 100% certain that he is safe with me just in case there’s an idol and maybe if I’m too in my nerves and scared I have no qualms with throwing a vote on dani incade of a tie

You know what they say, another week safe, 

That one didn't seem so easy,  partially cause I sucked at it and mainly because I sucked major balls at it. But hey Mo and David saved our asses so yeeeeeeeeeeee boi. And not only that we also got reward but not really cause the only thing I got was a jpg image, and so did Felix David and Mo according to them which means either one of them is lying or Wes has it. Either way I guess it's not the end of the world.

So now Canute is going to tribal I wonder how that is gonna play out, a part of me wants Dani and Michael to be safe but another one wants rocks but at the same time another one would be jealous cause I wouldn't be a part of it and I could use some rocks in my life. Either way that's it for now folks now if you excuse me Felix wants to kidnap me and introduce me to the spooky facebook wikia comunity, spooky shit indeed.

So WOOOOOOOO this is the first tribal of the season that i'm not attending which is amazingggg and feels so good to finally have a break!! Plus like I honestly LOVE my tribe rn bc everyone is so iconic and fun and we even made a charlie's angels thing bc its so iconic... ugh love them BUT if it came down to tribal I think I would be okay still since i've really worked on rhys and we have a 3 dude gay guardians alliance of me, rhys, and ryan even tho im not even gay but they dont need to know that... my boy scott is in tribal rn but i hope he comes out okay!!! if he doesn't well oops idc bye bitch but if he does then yay!!

Tonight I am absolutely terrified I think the votes are gonna be on Malik but you just never know so my best plan is just to hope for the best and campaign to stay I’m not just gonna sit back and get eliminated especially this close to a merge situation where I know I’ll be in a good position to make it far.

im legit gunna die im so nerv and i shouldnt be. LIKE. I TRUST THAT MICHAEL HAS MY BACK. AND MALIK ISNT VOTING ME. SO IT SHOULD BE IMPOSSIBLE FOR ME TO GO. BUT I DONT THINK THAT FOR SOME REASON. all i can think of in the back of my mind is what if michael and dani flip on me and its 2-1-1.. but theres nothing i can literally do bc if i vote michael and stay our relationship is gone lol

ughhhh i should just be positive but its so hard bc even if malik goes.. i feel awful LMAAOAOOA but like. uhm. yes ): i feel awful

Scott as much as I like the guy I can for sure see he lets his emotions dictate how he plays and while that’s not necessarily bad it’s difficu when you’re trying to blindside someone and he could just run and tell Malik so the nerves are here and out to play hunny

My thing is I think it’s is going to go to rocks. Which is why we were worried about that when linus left but it’s real. Dani we don’t wanna vote each other, hell everyone says they don’t want to vote me which is always weird for me to hear but if that’s true good if they’re all voted me then nasty.. but I don’t want to vote Dani and I definitely don’t want to vote Scott..so that kinda leads to Michael which I don’t want to vote either but I have reasons: the main reason is the past couple of challenges he’s done the worst in, and if we need to survive incase there’s no swap or merge then we need all the strong members here.

I feel a bigger bond with Dani and Scott vs Michael who I feel is cool but I don’t feel we’re clicking on a better level. And it’s not even a tribe thing it’s literallt what I feel could save us from tribal, and how don’t i know if Dani and Michael won’t vote me out right after Scott leaves? So basically what’s happening is it’s likely going to be a 2-2 on Michael and Scott, and I’m not changing my vote. So I’ll likely go to rocks and lose but that’s ok. I did my best and it could be a stupid move but I don’t wanna risk Dani and Michael voting me out if we lost again, because I’d hope Dani wouldn’t but you never know. So rocks here we come!

Malik is voted out 3-1.