#im mentally tired and physically tired so this is prob gonna be my only post today and maybe tomorrow ill try and make it up this weekend <

[leastdepressedomorifan]

terusai headcanon they love dancing together in any style because theyre allowed to just have fun dancing with each other and kokomi also loves to show kusuo off as her boyfriend because shes the perfect pretty girl then theres just mr average man

[partymeowth]

im prob gonna delete this like 5 min after i post it lmao i dont like complaining on social media platforms but

2017 has been... a ride that mostly goes down. this doesnt even rly need saying, its rly a general consensus that i think we’ve all reached. but for me, personally, it’s just been hell, and uh..

i’m rly scared.

my health has been deteriorating both physically and mentally. i spend so much of my time depressed and mulling around doing virtually nothing, but even if i wanted to do smth, im just tired, so tired. fatigue wears me down in every way possible. 90% of the time i just want to melt into the floor. i expend all of my energy at work even tho it’s not any physical labor, but i’m just so weak anymore, and then when i get home i can’t find it in me to do anything worthwhile, so i just wallow in my sad thoughts for the rest of the night until i go to bed (always much too late), and then the next day is rinse and repeat. and weekends are just long extended versions of after work.

life just feels so fucking meaningless anymore. my chronic illness is slowly eating away at me and i’ve been given steps to prevent it but finding the energy to do smth as simple as make a damn appointment or renew my meds is just impossible.

my parents are barely-there entities in my life, one by choice and another by chance, and the only support system i’m left with is my bf. i feel as though im standing on a deserted path that stretches out as far as the eye can see to either side of me, but i know that neither side leads anywhere. i’m just... stranded. alone. sad. scared. lost.

i don’t know what point i’m trying to make with this. i just wanted to vent and i’m tired of putting my burdens on any particular person’s shoulders. i’m tired of dragging people down, because i’m dead weight and i know it. i’m tired of duping myself into thinking that i matter, that any of what i’ve just typed matters, that i have any right to complain about any of this. at least here, in an innocuous post much too long and rambly and unnecessary for anyone to sit here and read, i’m just another tired person venting into an empty void. i’m just tired.

[shortjohnsilver]

some genyatta fluff

Some genyatta stuff I speedwrote like 3 days ago when I was really passionate about the genyatta stuff. Posting it because why not. It’s a first kiss, start of relationship sort of deal, because those are my favorite stories to hear and tell. So, ye. Here. If I publish this somewhere im probs gonna call it “It Was Easy” because my titles blow.

o-o-o-o

It was obvious that Genji was exhausted. His breath came in heavy pants long after he sat down next to Zenyatta. He said he’d been soaked with sweat for the past hour— which wasn’t something anyone on the outside could be aware of with Genji. Zenyatta felt some guilt for working him so hard; but then, Genji had asked. It seemed he had some kind of plan that required him being at his best, but he wouldn’t share it with Zenyatta beyond that.

That was fine. Zenyatta was his master, his teacher, not his confident or family. Genji could have secrets.

That logic didn’t stop Zenyatta from worrying.

They sat quietly after Genji found his place next to him. Zenyatta felt as if it may have been time for meditation, and their muses had long since tended to suggest similar things. They’d often move onto other activities without a word to one-another. Zenyatta was sure this was another one of those times, until Genji removed his mask.

“Genji?” Zenyatta turned to him in concerned askance.

“Hot in there.” Genji explained, and sure enough, his face glistened with smeared sweat. With all those scars it had to be uncomfortable.

Zenyatta watched him silently, his eyes, their lashes, the curve of his nose and the shape of his lips. The scarred tissue that gave character to all of it, and the remnants of the worst wounds that made Zenyatta’s soul feel heavy, and hurt.

He was glad Genji wasn’t as perceptive to emotion as he. He didn’t know what Genji would make of him sitting here feeling sorry for him. As he watched he changed his thoughts to who Genji was despite those scars, and his mind pooled with all the ways he admired him.

Zenyatta wasn’t sure what part of his physical make up caused it, or if it was something entirely mental, absorbed from the reactions to surprise he’d seen in humans or on television. Regardless, when Genji leaned his head on his shoulder, he felt himself tense.

“Are you tired?” He asked, almost on reflex, body feeling frozen. A not unwelcome discomfort.

“Worn out.” Genji replied simply.

Zenyatta didn’t criticize him, he’d done well, and gone beyond any expectation he would have for training. Moreover, they’d been together as master and student for a long time. Zenyatta knew when Genji was giving into fatigue and lack of focus, and when he was truly spent.

“You’re leaving tomorrow?” Zenyatta asked. He’d been told earlier that morning.

“Tomorrow morning.” Genji said. “No need to see me off.”

Zenyatta didn’t answer. It wasn’t as if he had any real need of sleep, but perhaps Genji would have preferred to leave cleanly. Zenyatta wasn’t his father or brother— he didn’t need to watch him leave to share those last moments with him, knowing how much he would miss him. He didn’t need to express that. Just this should have been enough.

Silence fell between them, but there was something off about it. Zenyatta was still uncertain of the purpose of Genji’s head leaning on his shoulder. It wasn’t something that had happened before. Their contact was rarely phyiscal. But Genji had done it so casually and without a word, as if it were easy.

But it was less easy for Zenyatta. He felt tense in ways he couldn’t stop or ignore and felt that perhaps he shouldn’t. He felt as if he couldn’t move his shoulder even slightly or Genji would remove himself. Or worse, apologize.

Then the unthinkable happened, and it made Zenyatta’s insides squirm in ways he didn’t know were possible. Genji lifted a hand, and placed it gently on his knee.

Zenyatta’s gaze darted to Genji’s face, where he found him looking down at the hand on his knee through half-lidded eyes, frowning as if deep in thought. Amidst Zenyatta confusedly staring at him, Genji tilted his head upward, and kissed his face just below his eyes.

He let his lips linger there against the cold metal for just a few moments before he withdrew.

“Genji…” Zenyatta’s voice could have been described as almost breathy, were it possible. A small grin stretched across Genji’s face as he turned to face front again, and leaned away from Zenyatta slightly.

“You must have some idea about it.” Genji said. “You’re always reading me.”

Zenyatta only tilted his head, still uncertain of the whole situation, but quite certain he didn’t dislike it.

“About what?” He had to ask.

“I’ve fallen in love with you.” Genji said, switching positions to lean back on his hands, and look up at the sky. “It was easy.”

Zenyatta regarded him for a few moments, then turned away, looking down at his lap. He wasn’t immensely surprised or at all disappointed, but he nearly couldn’t believe it was being brought up now, or like this. He didn’t expect Genji to lean on him, touch him, or kiss him. He knew he was overwhelmed but it was just setting in that the feeling he was overwhelmed with was happiness.

He felt nearly as if he were going to explode and functioning felt near impossible, but he knew he had to respond. “It was easy for me as well.” Zenyatta said, and lifted his hand to move it slightly so it lay on top of Genji’s.

Genji’s grin grew, his heart slammed in his chest and continued to thud as he tried to maintain an air of calmness. He didn’t know if it would be returned. He didn’t know if it would destroy everything.

He was sorry he had to leave. But now he was even more certain he would be back.

Zenyatta felt content. More than content, he felt that if he were human his smile would break his face and his heart would beat out of his chest— he wasn’t sure a body of flesh could contain the emotions pooling inside him. He remained still, eyes fixated forward, replaying the words in his head over and over “it was easy” “fallen in love.”  Genji’s voice made him feel what he could only describe as an ache, and he loved the feeling.

Once again he was taken off guard. In one swift movement Genji had tackled him— for lack of a better word— thrown himself over him and pushed him back until he fell against the ground. Genji kissed his face again, this time what would have been his forehead, then what would have been his eyelid, his cheek, his nose, his lips…

He lingered there as he linked his fingers with Zenyatta’s, and Zenyatta felt helpless to return the affection— unable to “kiss”, hands effectively held down. Genji pulled back and buried his face in his neck.

“Sorry, master. I can hardly contain myself.” Genji said, laughing against him, and Zenyatta felt so incredibly warm inside at the sound of it. “Maybe we should go over that self-control mantra.”

“That won’t be necessary.” Zenyatta said, and Genji’s smile lit a flame inside him. He didn’t know what else to say, and that was uncommon for him. He only knew that he wished to express the same things to Genji, but not how he should. He wiggled his fingers on his right hand until Genji released it, and lifted a hand to Genji’s face, which Genji quickly leaned into, shutting his eyes and kissing the palm.

“Don’t leave.” Zenyatta said, before he realized what he was saying. He regretted it immediately, but it was what he wanted.

“I have to. But I’ll return here, to you.” Genji promised. “There won’t be a moment not spent thinking of you.” He said, and leaned his head down to press the top of his mask against Zenyatta’s forehead. Zenyatta listened to his soft breath.

“And you.” Zenyatta said, his insides screaming with joy and worry all at once. For all of his studies and perseverance into what sentience truly meant, he wasn’t sure he’d ever felt so alive.

Idrk for sure where Genji is going oh well he’ll be back and they’ll get married

[jiminnieblues-blog]

get to know me tag(s)

yoo so recently i’d been tagged to do three get to know me tags, and i dont want to make three separate posts for each so im gonna combine all of them in this one post which is under a cut bc……….its really long LOL anyways i was tagged by @lovhobe, @elementaljimin, and @protectkimtaehyung thank you so much guys!!!!!!!!!!! <333 im glad i got to know yall better asdfgh

im tagging @jiminslipgloss​, @jxxminmols​, @kismet-soo​, @baeklipse​, @sonyeondn​, @neckatie​, @kihyunswife​ and @bulletproofbookworm​ you guys are welcome to do however many of these you want lol i just didnt wanna tag people separately for each tag

i was tagged by @lovhobe​ to do the 20 questions one tysm!!  instructions: answer the 20 questions and tag 20 amazing followers you would like to get to know better. (lol yall already know i aint tagging 20 people)

name - zara

nickname - um a few of my friends like to call me zar-zar and i get called zaro by my family a lot

zodiac sign - cancer

height - 5′ 3″

orientation - straight

ethnicity - pakistani

favorite fruit - pineapple i think

favorite season - fall

favorite book series - idk um i’ll be that person and say harry potter lol i cant rlly think of a good series rn but my fave book is the kite runner 

favorite flower - i dont rlly know a lot of flowers but i like roses and the vibrant colors that orchids can have

favorite scent - fresh laundry

favorite color - purple

favorite animal - zebras?

coffee, tea, or hot cocoa - hot cocoa

average hours of sleep - five

cat or dog person - i like both but i think i like cats a little more

favorite fictional character(s) - this is hard bc i used to be in a lot of fandoms asdfghjkl draco, red & gold, percy, bakugou, link and i have more from all the drama i watch but the list will be to long lmao !!!

number of blankets you sleep with - three

dream trip - idrk?? somewhere out of the country i guess i dont leave the us unless im going to pakistan lol

blog created - i had to check my archive lmao but i made this blog in oct of 2015

number of followers - :^)

NEXT i was tagged by @eternaljimin​ for the get to know me tag tysm !! there werent any instructions just.........answer the questions lol.

a - age - fourteen lmao.........................

b - biggest fear - tight spaces

c - current time - 10:35 pm

d - drink you had last - water

e - everyday starts with - getting out of bed??

f - favorite song - im saying this just bc it just came out but RUMOR BY KARD IS A BOP WATCH IT AND SUPPORT THESE LEGENDS  

g - ghosts are real? - idk my dude

h - hometown/country - us

i - in love with - jimin?

j - jealous of - i was just watching sbs kpop star and there are these two kids who are eleven yrs old and are so talented i wish i was talented you feel 

k - killed someone - why would someone even ask this akshf ofc not

l - last time you cried - i think i cried today lmfao

m - music you last listened to - RUMOR BY KARD

n - newest thing you bought for yourself - i think the last thing i spent my money on was cheez its from the vending machine @ school ajksf

o - one wish - i wish my life went smoothly and that i wasnt mentally ill?? lmao

p - person you last messaged - @jiminslipgloss​ :)

q - questions you get asked often - since i wear the hijab i get a lot of questions abt that i also get questions on my rbf like ‘why do you look so depressed all the time’ asfkjkj

r - recommended (movie? series? book?) - i just remembered that i read this book called this blinding absence of light and it was rlly good a little explicit but it was a damn good book i rlly wanna re read it 

s - song you last sang - i dont rmbr but it was probs a track from hamilton lol

t - thanks, last person you said thanks to - the waiter that gave me food @ a restaurant i went today 

u - underwear youre wearing - not sure what this is asking but im wearing a purple one rn???

v - vacation, your dream vacation - i dont rlly have one lol

w - worst habit - idk if this counts but i lose my temper a lot? is that a habit? if not i tend to space out/get distracted a lot esp in class

x - x rays youve had - my teeth, my ankle, a few of my fingers

y - your favorite food - rice !

z - zodiac sign - cancer

for the third one i was tagged by @protectkimtaehyung​ for the seventy questions tag tysm!!!!!!

do you have a good relationship with your parents? yeah

who did you last say i love you to? um listen im rlly not tryna be edgy but i seriously dont rmbr the last time i said ily irl

do you regret anything? i regret a lot of things lol

are you insecure? unfortunately

whats your relationship status? single

how do you want to die? asdfghjkl um a painless death i think

what did you last eat? rice

played any sports? i used to play tennis and swim but now i do kung fu

do you bite your nails? no

when was your last physical fight? i kind of have......to fight in kung fu so like when i last had class lol

do you like someone? no

have you ever stayed up forty-eight hours? yeah

do you hate anyone atm? i tend to hate a lot of ppl lmao?

do you miss someone? uhm i dont think so

have any pets? no :// i used to have parakeets but i gave them away and i just recently found out that they passed away :(((

how exactly are you feeling right now? i was kinda happy but since its sunday night im starting to feel shitty bc i dont want to go back to school tmrw afjh and im rlly tired

ever made out in the bathroom? no

are you scared of spiders? yeah lol

would you go back in time if you were given the chance? this is an interesting question bc it depends like if i were given just one chance then mayyyybe id go back and change smth i did that was stupid but if were given the chance to go whenever i want then probably not bc thats way too much pressure/commitment to have a power like that sdhfa 

where was the last place you snogged someone? i havent snogged anyone lmfao

what are your plans for this weekend? sleep

do you want to have kids? how many? i dont want to have kids bc childbirth doesnt seem appealing to me but idk i might change my mind when im older/more mature

do you have piercing? how many? one on both ears

what is/are/were your best subjects? the only classes i have solid as in are art, lit, and w4p lol math and science are def not my thing

do you miss anyone for your past? from my past, yes

what are you craving right now? sleep

have you ever broken someones heart? in first grade some kid liked me and i embarrassed him in front of his friends to get him to stop liking me so yeah i was wildin in first grade

have you ever been cheated on? no

have you ever made a significant other cry? no

whats irritating you right now? my tiredness? 

does somebody love you? oh geez i hope lmao

what is your favorite color? purple

do you have trust issues? yeah

who/what was your last dream about? um i dont think i remember v clearly

who was the last person you cried in front of? my mom

do you give second chances out easily? i dont think ive been in a situation where ive had to but i probably wouldnt 

is it easier to forgive or forget? wow um can i say neither lol

is this year the best year of your life? definitely not

how old were you when you had your first kiss? havent had one

have you ever walked out naked? no

favorite food? rice

do you believe everything happens for a reason? hmmm probably idk man i dont think too hard lol

what is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? scrolling through this hell website

is cheating ever okay? no

are you mean? i probably dont come off as mean online but im not gonna lie i def get mean irl

how many people have you fist fought? i dont think ive been in a situation where i had to punch someone?

do you believe in true love? ive never experienced romantic love so i wouldnt be able to say but probably aajkf ive read/watched too much and analyzed too many relationships for me to say love is real but...........love isnt real yall

favorite weather? when the sun is covered by clouds and its a little chilly

do you like the snow? ive only encountered snow like twice so idk but i feel like i wouldnt like it very much lol

do you want to get married? idk man

is it cute when someone calls you baby? pet names arent rlly my thing lol 

what makes you happy? sleep...........im rlly tired rn 

would you change your name? no

would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed? this is an interestingly phrased question lol. well i dont rmbr the last person i kissed so idk

your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? wow that would be rlly sad LMAO but id turn him down and tell him to get better standards wtf

do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around? well they wouldnt be considered my friend if i couldnt act like myself around them so yes

who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to? i just texted my friend so we can play video games aslfkh 

whos the last person you had a deep conversation with? literally the same dude from the last question lol

do you believe in soulmates? um no i dont think so?

id there anyone you would die for? my family/friends

thanks everyone again for tagging me !! <33

[zayadriancas]

Dnc season 3 thoughts warning spoilers ahead also very long and messy

I want to write my thoughts I have so many That was the most amazing season since season 12 in my opinion I don't know where to begin This is probs gonna be out of order because I watched all 10 episodes straight through no break only paused to type a post a few quick things on here •Maya's plot was by far my favorite I could relate to it so much, the suicide attempt was exactly how I attempted to, I didn't OD as badly as Maya but I took a lot that made me feel sick for days. The scenes with her mom especially where she threw the mirror made me cry. I've had so many similar outbursts like that. And feeling like no one was there for her. I understand why people shut her out, Grace was disturbed by the photos and Zig is basically Esmes property (not talking about the kiss but feels like he's not even allowed to talk to Maya because of Esme smh) I'll get to that later but like I've felt like that too like no ones here for me kike I only have one friend and I know he can't always be here for me but I feel like I'm not important to him and he knows I'm suicidal and depressed and I'll tie in what Lola said that I can relate to SO much, "It's like we have pain but we can't talk about it because it makes people uncomfortable" and I think that's how I make people feel and it sucks. Not that Maya really talked about her pain but she felt like no one cared. She even said "I feel like Tristan's there(hospital) because I exist" after bringing up Cam's suicide and Adams death (so glad they added him in there too because I found it weird that Maya was in a band with him and she wasn't at the funeral/bonfire or even mentioned it before) but anyway like idk where I'm going with this Maya's whole plot this season was so relatable and gave me so much tears The fact that she broke her wrists too omg 😭😭😭 but the most disturbing was the roof scene like the writers said it would be, omfg I'm so glad Esme and Zig found her and saved her I'm glad Katie made an appearance I wasn't ever the hugest fan of her but I'm glad she was there for Maya I already said this earlier but I cried when she performed the song she wrote for Zig And omg the way he tickled her was so cute THEY CONTINUE TO MURDER MY SOUL AMD I CANT BELIEVE MAYA KISSED HIM AND he finally learned his lesson to pull away when he has a girlfriend but he couldn't do that when he was with Maya UGHH I already said this but I hate Zig/Esme as a couple. I would even take Zace over this. She's so rude to everyone and I feel bad for her for what happened to her mom it's so fucking sad and I'm glad they finally told us her backstory. But the way she treated Maya, shay(especially shay but I'll get to that later) Miles, and just how she acts towards people in general. Every time Zesme kisses I cringe. I hate how she bumped Maya on purpose. Like Maya probably wasn't even aware Zesme was an official couple she knew back last season they were hanging out but it's not Maya's fault and I'm just so upset for Maya this whole season. I felt all of her pain She looked so gorgeous though I love her hair and her wardrobe this season •I love that they did a period plot. It's so realistic and relatable. I got my period at school before and bled over the back of my pants and didn't notice till way later and no one told me. Just laughed. Esme was such a bitch about it god when will that girl just shut up. Tiny was so sweet to buy Shay tampons but he shouldn't have given them to her in class lol. But I loved Frankie and Shay being there for each other this season and all their conversations. •Hunters plot I thought was gonna be lame but it actually was so funny. "Let's just agree for now that boners are funny" lmao and "we were gonna watch porn" and them all sitting there awkwardly lol •I normally don't like Zoe but I LOVED her this season and I'm so proud of her for being so confident and being open about her sexuality without caring what anyone thinks. Her and Rasha are great together I love them and I also love the Gracevas renewed friendship. ITS SO FUCKING SAD ZOES MOM KICKED HER OUT I HATE THAT BITCH. I'm so glad Grace is letting Zoe stay with her. •Like I said I loved Lola's line about her having pain but not being able to talk about it because it makes people uncomfortable like I said I can relate so much. I hate myself but I didn't hate Lola/Miles I just wish it hadn't been while he was with Tristan. But I did like their friendship a lot. I also love that Yael and Lola became friends. And I'm so glad they went in depth with the abortion plot it's so important and I'm glad everyone supported her. •Graces plot was so sad but IM GLAD SHE GOT A PLOT ABOUT HER ILLNESS and although it showed her friendship with Jonah it was all from her POV and although I suspect feelings (and I actually do ship them quite a bit tbh the scene on the golf course was so cute) it wasn't all about that it was about Grace choosing to take a chance no matter how risky and trying to live life to its fullest and I am so glad she's become the Grace we know and love this season. It made me sad when she blocked Maya's number but I understand why she did it. •Tristan at the end well throughout the whole episodes typing in his computer was so heartbreaking but I'm so glad he is awake and I'm so glad we got to see his mom finally. TBH the play the acting was so forced and had no emotion it made me cringe but I'm glad Miles told Tristan the truth. And Tristan typing into his computer "can we get pizza it's been 6 months since I've had pizza" omg •everyone there for Maya at the hospital in the end was great too even Zoe and Miles im so glad she has support. When zig said "I told her to leave me alone today" reminded me of when he said "I told cam to go away and he did" but I'm so glad everyone knows it's not their fault. I'm so so relieved and glad Maya's gonna make it and that she's gonna be okay. (Physically I mean) I know mentally it's gonna take time but I know she'll make it through this. •I don't care about Fronah but I feel bad for Frankie. What she did was wrong reading his messages but I can tell throughout the whole episodes especially when she told him in the car she wanted a break she was trying to be mature about it, I think aside from the message reading she handled herself fine throughout everything and as always I loved her friendship moments with Lola and Shay. •Miles's speech at the beginning about wanting to take someone's pain away from them and give it to himself made me cry so hard. As always, Esme pissed me off with how she treated him. Like I understand she was upset by the pictures but she should know better than anyone what it's like to go through seeing someone she loves going through pain and Miles was trying to cope in the only way he knew how. I get the pictures were triggering for the class and i get why it was asked to be turned off but to make him feel bad about it idk where im going with this im tired but anyway the whole thing just made me tear up •The whole zig/Esme sex thing and shit and every time they kissed made me wanna barf. Zig looked so hot though throughout this whole season. IM SO GLAD WE FINALLY KNOW WHERE ZIG LIVES AND OMG SAYING HE DOESNT HAVE A Family made me so sad. And like I already mentioned Esmes past shocked me and I feel so terrible for her. •Maya giving grace her ring I wanted to cry. Also when Grace said Maya was a crappy friend made me feel so upset like I get Maya kept bailing on plans but it was clear Maya was going through something. But it was clear Maya felt bad when she found out what grace was going through. Maya looking at the pics in her room made me so sad. I can't wait until she is happy like that again. She deserves so much happiness and love. •also I hope Jonah gets a plot about being in narcotics anonymous next season I'm glad they gave us something about him like we knew he had drug debts before but I thought they'd never bring it up again I'm glad they did even if it was briefly • shiny was adorable even though they kept fighting but they were able to make up which im happy for aside cuz from Zasha and the possibility of Grace/Jonah happening they are the only canon ship I care about. Well not the only one but the only one I believe will make it at this point I honestly thought Zesme would be done by ep 10 but they're still going strong and next season which is the seniors final season Maya will be recovering and Zig seemed to be over her this season and I just feel so sad I wanna have hope for Zaya but I feel like it's pointless. Of course what's most important is Maya is happy and healthy again and if she graduates happy that's all that matters to me. But Zesme being endgame terrifies me. I mean I love that zig and Maya interacted but zig mostly just seemed so wrapped up in Esme now and he had every right to move on but it still breaks my heart 😭😭😭💔💔💔 Anyway though aside from Zesme this season was amazing, totally amazing and had great plots in every episode and I was so hooked and it was definitely the best Next Class season so far. I can't believe all my faves will be leaving next season😭😭. This season was deff in my top 5 1: Season 4 2: Season 7 3: Season 12 4: DNC season 3 5: Season 11 So yeah I can't wait to see gifs of this season lol I wanna gif but I'm too tired. I wanna screencap but I'm so tired. After I sleep maybe. I'm emotionally drained from that amazing season