#im more stressed abt this than my actual exam tomorrow

[kokoshnjak]

the pro of reading non fiction is that its genuinely enriches my life by revealing things about the world that id have never known otherwise and genuinely makes me more connected to and appreciative of reality. the con of reading non fiction is that school rotted my brain and i approach everything like a textbook that i have to memorise or i will get a Bad Grade at Learning About Things

[broke-on-books]

Reading I Crawl Through It by A. S. King THIS WEEK OUT OF ALL THE WEEKS like...

Omg standardized testing? That's my next two weeks fr! (The past 2 weeks have been prep)

Random drills and alarms? We had one of those earlier today!

Bomb Threats? That reminds me of the shooting threat we had last week!

Naked guy hiding in a bush selling craft projects to teenagers? Okay actually I've got nothing there

Anyways haha I very much would love an invisible helicopter right now... 🤞(even if it would only be visible on Tuesdays)

[live-love-laugh-lesbian]

HIII this is probably gonna be the last ask i send as your swiftie exchange anon haha! also i dont know what timezone you are but ive scheduled it for 6am gmt for tomorrow if i remember correct skdkekdfk (but also you said quid which means pounds i think so im taking a wild guess that you are somewhat the same timezone as me haha)

yep im in uni! honestly kinda harsh kakdkekxfj ive got tests on the first week back but i suppose that's to ne expected haha! it is quite stressful but like c'est la vie yk? good luck on your exams!!

oh also im so glad youre feeling better!! i hope you feel awesome soon!

oh yeahh that makes complete sense! you dont have to show them to me if you dont want to btw but once i reveal myself and you are okay w it you can dm me! (only if you want tho no pressure at all!!)

yeahh thats so real actually! people always want what they dont have and that makes me kinda sad but also im one of those people so ajdeksjd i cant really say anything abt it akfkekdjf

yeahh hypocrisy is so linked like to everyday stuff!! and what you said makes more sense than what i ever couldve ajdjejsjfn and inflation is HORRIBLE ive witnessed price of stuff like cheese go up by so much and it appals me! and that is a ridiculous difference from your phone bill!

oohh i wish i was you id love to meet my online friends!!

yeah!! like the main problem with fast fashion isnt the cheap quality (i mean perhaps it is) but also the PEOPLEEEE WHO BARELY GET PAIDD!!

thats such a thought out and good answer!! climate change and the way politicians handle shit is so real like it NEEDSS to be addressed!! and i hope you get to see your doctors!!

and same im such a pushover like i wish i could not be but alas it is but a dreamm!! i think for me what you said is basically my answer and like people being assholes and thinking theyre funny? lile people who think its okay to make offensive jokes or say a slur bc they think theyre funny annoys me soo bad!!!!! and also people who manipulate other people like ewwww and just like horrible people in general. also thats horrible!! why does anyone think its okay to do that???

hmm... honestly rename strawberries fluffleberries and making bananas rainbow sounds like an awesome idea sjdjekdn hmm this is hard kakdkdskf maybe i would replace car honks with goose honks hehe i feel like thats such a silly answer but tbf i am but a silly goose!! what about you?

and my question to you: what are some things you are grateful for (see i say things not people bc i feel like people is a very general question ajfjrjdjf but you can tell me people too if you want!!)

thank youu!! i had an awesone time chatting with you you're lovely <3

have an awesome day!!!

-swiftie spring exchange anonnnnn

Hello! My country change timezones slightly I think based on clocks, but I think we're currently BST? I can never remember, a bit embarrassing imo XD It's cool that we might be close in time zones!!

Ah I have no exams cause I'm not in uni, but I am tutoring kids for exams so does that count? XD I hope your tests go well!!

Cheap quality sucks, but it'd improve if companies were willing to give up just a teeny tiny bit of their profits...I've become so increasingly anti company over the last like 5 years I think XD And thank you!! Honestly the "offensive is funny" type is SO annoying. I've met a few that were like "uhhh it's dark humour" and I've been like. You do not have dark humour, you just want to be rude.

I did however get a cookie once from a guy who realised that I had been upset by his stupid joke (I can't remember what exactly it was, but I think it was like...either homophobic or misogynistic. The apology was nice to get because it was unexpected. Alas at the time I was unable to eat gluten so the cookie part was awkward.) And manipulation just sucks?? I feel like people get away with it a lot because it's not obviously awful until you realise what's going on.

Silly answers are encouraged for that one!! (And always tbh) XD And honestly I would get rid of sparkling water. I feel like it's like marmite - people love it or hate it. And I hate sparkling water, I literally cannot handle the texture. And one time I accidentally got some instead of regular water. The memory haunts me. So yeah I'd wind up half the world by getting rid of it altogether and just watch the chaos XD

My final answer (also I know who you are now cause of when I logged on BUT I'm gonna answer this anyways on here) would be my cats (haha not people so they slip through...not things either but not people), the way life has turned out (it's not perfect, but I'm in a much better position than I ever expected even just like 2 years ago), and my art abilities (because I like that I can draw, and draw pretty decently, it's a fun and usually relaxing hobby!)

I had the time of my life answering questions with you, and I look forwards to hopefully talking more with you!!

[videostak]

tomorrow is gonna be way easier knowing that i wont have to stress abt the exam while doing my homework :-) i mean its still gonna be a p work-heavy day cause theres still a lot of homework i have to do thats due that night but knowing that i did p well on the exam is gonna make it way less like stressful and relaxed doing work for an exam i already passed :) well actually now im kinda wondering if that was the final score or if the actual score is after the teacher checks every question or smthn like if alot of the questions automatically checked as right. i actually completely doubt it cause thats a random number for it to say and usually its the other way around (where it says more are wrong than actually are) so i really dont have anything to wrry abt but since we get two attempts i feel like it would be really embarrasing if i actually got a bad score somehow and didnt even use my second attempt lolll. well i doubt it and i should just be celebrating cause i did look over every question in depth and the time limit was 50 mins and i literally wrapped it up with less than a minute left lolll so i think it makes sense for me to get 47 but am also surprised how high it was cause there was like 3 questions i guessed on and 1 i didnt even fill in so thats insane if i actually passed. but i did completely understand everything else so thats really awesome :-)

[stay-hopefull]

Okay so. I've thought a lot abt writing things down but every time the effort of like. Sitting down and writing everything out is too much? Idk tbh

Past days ive been tired a lot again; monday was all day and today i started great! There's this online discord-"library" where you just turn on your camera but turn off your microphone and others do too and that way it doesn't feel like im studying alone all day. Short term its good for making me start on time and keeping me from wandeeing around the house aimlessly. It does however push me to do more than i can actually do spoon-wise? I think? Idk i did good work before noon and then ate and took a longer break, but then i sort of got mentallystuck on the couch

(okay this isn't the energy thing tho this is the fact that there was really bad communication from the teacher abt if class was a lecture (which i can stream) or guided excercises (which id have to independently figure out bc i cant go to class rn). And also there was miscommunication abt when class would start. Meaning that it was 15 minutes after when i thought class would start and i still had no idea what whas going on. And my brakn was kinda stuck like 'hey you have to watch this lecture' but there was no lecture. So i needed recalibration time. I did eventually succeed at figuring out what to do :) )

Anyway i was able to join the guided excercises via videocall with a friend who was there. So that was okay but also chaos bc there was lots of background noise and i couldnt find a sound level at which i could understand everything i needed to (without having to put concious effort into hearing ánd understanding people) but not overwhelmed by the (very similar) background noise. So i just had my brain struggle a bit more than it should've. And then i was really fuckening tired. And i literally just shut off the video call and laid my head on my arms bc there was No Energy For Anything. Moving to the couch 2 meters away was like impossible. I think it took me abt 15 minutes of laying there? And then i put my stuff back on my own desk and crashed in the couch. For like an hour. Which, yk, was probably an indicator that i'd done enough that day but noooo

My brain has this amazing tendency to say "you haven't finished your work so now you can't do anything else. Oh you can't work rn? Guess you'll spend time scrolling social media and feeling like your life has no purpose"

So i checked if anyone was in the library and there was so i joined them and continued studying. I think i did like 45 minutes? And then my dad said go eat so i did. But after that i went back to studying. I only stopped bc in high school i refused to keep working later than 8pm. And it was already 20h30. But yeah i started crying just before going to bed so i dont think today was as okay or repeatable as id like it to be. I feel kinda overworked and i have no idea how i'll manage 7 weeks of this + exams. Just today we received the dates of when reports are due and i already feel so behind on everything. I don't even know how much weeks of class have passed already. Its like one big blur of stress and anxiety and "you have to do this!" "You have to be there then!" "Remember to answer the 25 messages from yesterday!" "Oh yeah you're running out of food and haven't done the dishes in a week :)" and i keep telling myself that ill be fine, that ive done this before but like. At what cost. What's the point of keeping on doing this to myself. I just want it all to stop.

So that overwhelmed feeling is almost definitly the one that turns into breakdowns. Along with the voice that says 'you did this wrobg. You did that wrong. That's no good. Why did you do that. Stop trying. You'll never be good enough'.

I guess i can call them burn-out and impostor syndrome but right now giving them a name just makes me angry at how you can't get faciliteiten at uni unless you have a diagnosis and even then idk what that'd help with.

Im gonna sleep now i have class tomorrow morning :)

[jiminspromise-remade]

I think you shouldn't go to the park. Idk it's clear they didn't bother to even ask you and are just going along. I wouldn't have done it because at least some self respect, don't care when they don't care about you

idk anymore i really dont. i keep thinking its my fault and that i brought this upon myself so i feel like i dont have the right to feel the way i am rn. so if anyone rly wants to know the full story with all the details, ill leave it under the cut bc im just really beating myself up over it now

ok, first off, so that things arent too confusing, i’ll be referring to everyone as letters. so i’m in a group chat with M and A, making it 3 of us in the group total. 

i dont remember who brought up what, but someone suggested we go to the mall amusement park and waterpark. and then A goes “i know someone i can buy tickets off for real cheap” and M says yeah buy it!!! and i go “oh wow amusement park. i dont rly like swimming though.” like i really dont remember explicitly letting them know that i want to go or anything, and then suddenly a few hrs later A tells the group chat “can u guys transfer the money soon” and i was like ummmmm excuse me? what? how much??? and A tells me its $40 for both water park and amusement park. and im like…. ok holy shit what the fuck…. i dont have money,, esp bc its december and christmas is coming so i’m buying gifts for people and its just im so stressed at this point because M and i agreed to split on A’s gift which is a polaroid and so i ask my older sister to buy it from work bc she gets a discount. more money problems rolls around bc it was my mom’s birthday earlier this month and my sister got her a fenti foundation and my mom only asked for ONE foundation brush and my sister goes off to buy a WHOLE SET that my mom wont even use so!!! i had to pay my sister back WAy more money that rly needed bc my family decided to pitch in to buy a little smth for my mom. i ended up paying my sister back $110 for the polaroid and my moms gift. putting more stress into my shitty financial situation, my family wanted to do a secret santa and someone suggested we have the MINIMUM price for a gift to be $50. liek  > ?? /???? min $50 ?????? like mind u im trying to find a job rn i really am but its hard to find one bc mnobody fucking likes uni students but anyways im literally going off in a tangent. back to the main point.

SO i tell A that im tight on money and idk if i can pay her back right away. i can tell she got frustrated w me because she already bought the tickets and i say im sorry but she tells me i can pay her back when i can so im like ok thanks but im not even gonna go swimming?? so A tells me i only have to pay her $20 which is fine but im rly that Broke Bitch so i tell her i’ll pay her in january. she says thats fine. this conversation took place on dec 8th. 

fast forward to dec 14, the day of my last exam. i go to the train station to catch a train to uni and i hear someone call my name. my friend E is sitting at the end of the waiting shed by the window. i end up taking the train with him since we go to the same uni. note that he’s also friends with M and A. anyways, on the train he asks me, “are you going on saturday?” and i ask him “saturday? when?” and he tells me”the 23rd?? we’re going to the mall” and im just standing there like “o what??? when was this decided??” and E tells me “idk lmao A just invited me” and i was like…. ooookay…… i asked the group chat with A and M multiple times before this when we were gonna go but i was never given an answer. nobody told me anything. so in that situation i just tell E that im probably going bc A already offered the tickets in the group chat so i guess im going?? right??? but later that day i start doubting myself. why couldnt they tell me that we were going on the 23rd?? they had time to contact E, who isnt even in the group chat, and i knew nothing. fast forward again to i think the next day, my sister brings home a box of chocolates shes selling as a fundraiser for the band trip. so as the good sister i am, i advertise her chocolate on snapchat. a friend that i met through M messages me (we’ll call her B), asking if she can buy some. and i say yeah u can!! and then i ask her when i can give it to her and she goes “on saturday? duh??” and im like… “oh…. saturday?? like amusement park saturday??” and she says “yeah ur going right??” and i tell her “um idk A and M never told me a date so i guess???” so now thats 2 people that they contacted outside of the group chat. i had to find out like some dumbass from E and B when the actual date would be. so now here we are to the present week, tomorrow being the actual day of the plans. i had to ask the group chat earlier this week “so we’re going to the mall on saturday??” and A goes “oh right yeah!!!! we are” and i was like,, oh. ok. 

and ever since jjong’s death, my emotional stress jst….built up even more and i began to overthink more and i began distancing myself even more than before and A and M felt that. i let them know abt my mental state and A says “yeah we noticed so we just gave u some space” like!! at LEAST let me kno ur giving me space!! bc this whole time i kept thinking that they dont wanna fucking talk to me bc im some dramatic bitch.

thts it. thanks for reading 

[ingloriousbi]

im... kind of freaking out? 

im a lil more than half way done on my exam due monday evening, one more essay of 350-400 words and one more of 1000-1200 words and its done, both on a novel i did my thesis on so ok

i need to make (1) question for fellow-students research powerpoint but like... prolly not a big deal? before tuesday morning in class

I need to find substantial sources, work, and direction for my thesis; soo far i have: i want to do it on atwood, no novels or sources or frameworks (LMAO FRAMEWORKS!!), before monday morning. 

my supervisor also did not email me back about the email i sent fuckin wednesday abt moving it up either 15 minutes or a couple of days bc my fucking therapy appointment moved up by an hour which means me biking to uni would make me 10 mins late to my thesis appointment. so thats even more stress bc i was hoping shed move it up a day and i had an extra day to do my shit but instead im gonna fucking ruin my damn day monday morning running around stressed before going home to finish an exam lmao...

and tomorrow ill be going to my grandmas birthday so ill be gone most of the day till the evening, so tomorrow evening will be thesis work and monday afternoon i should finish up my exam and do my ppt question bc i cant monday evening bc monday evening is gaming day with my brother and id feel guilty asking him to move it bc i already said like oh im planning around it i should be done before then bc i actually planned this shit to be two days in advance... like... all this sht... shoulda been started two days ago but instead i started this evening lmao

 i guess it should be doable lmao but all im doing is freaking out, all i want to do is play inquisition so that i dont have another panic attack, im leaving friday for sxm and i still gotta clean my house and wednesday i have a presentation and im dying