#im not sure if that weird border thing is a problem with my phone or a problem with tumblr but the video looks fine if you click on it

[audible--silence]

I feel more nervous about money than i do about paragliding

Mierenneuker - ant fucker: someone too focused on small insignificant details

Mela pela - no fucks given

El que tenga miedo que no nazca - if you’re scared to die, dont be born

“She’s more the heart and im more the brain”

“People are like shooting stars while traveling, they shine brightly past you and then they’re gone”

“I dont think I’d be able to make sense of the things that i see and experience without writing and shooting”

“PLEASE someone put a banana in me…

- on the topic of fried plantains

“I think its quite cute. I find myself cute”

“Turns out you actually have to search for the people you like”

“Dumb and dumber but we’re just taking turns swapping who’s who

I hope i dont get used to it all

None of the best times of my life have ever come without doubts and regrets. The hindsight is always positive on those memories while the future is still bright

“Yeah some people are definitely profiting off of second wave feminism”

“Like trans men”

“French men?”

“TRANS MEN. But probably Frenchmen too”

Anyone with a head on their shoulders and a heart in their chest will agree that meeting someone on the same wavelength as you is a feeling that is very hard to beat.

Today consisted of finding a bus that wasn’t on google, crossing a border with no idea what legality was require, subsequently received no stamp in my passport which I suspect will eventually be a problem, no actual currency for the new country, no sim card and no idea how to find a place to stay, eventually borrowing some lads phone to maps myself to a hostel, walking there from memory, got circled and nearly attacked by dogs on a back alley dirt road then arriving at the hostel to discover some friends from Guat here.

And now, tomorrow I am apparently riding on the back of a motorbike with a british girl who’s never ridden a motorbike before and also never driven on the wrong side of the road before going to hike up a waterfall.

Another day in the fuckin life hey

How do you go back to reality after charming taco stands at 1am on a Tuesday with strangers, hammocks on a remote beach and surfing till your shorts tear, strange small towns on the way to somewhere else and big fuckoff cities full of class and grandeur, a volcano erupting during a lightning storm, people you share years of experience with but have known for a week and fighting off dogs to get to the home you’ve never been and everything else that happens in a day away from what you thought you knew.

“My bank wouldn’t give me a new card so I joined the cartel”

“Jacque really taught me that wisdom is knowing when to break the rules”

“Just dootdododootdoing my way down the continent!”

“Thank Something” - when ur not sure what god looks like

You just learn things you didn’t know you had to learn

Things you didn’t know you needed to know

My vans be lookin a lil worse for wear these days but i know they smilin.

And so am i.

We seen some shit together.

“Oh i love Tim! He made me smoke human ashes!

It was his best mate and we smoked him”

“You speak dutch?”

“Sweetie im from belgium”

“Why dont you speak waffle then”

If you know three languages its because you have to swear in a lot of them

“Yeah whenever i feel shit while traveling i just call home and that reminds me how good I’ve got it. It feels very weird to feel shit about nothing but thats sometimes good to remind yourself of it”

“If you cut me open and took a pint of my blood, id probably still drink it because it’s a pint”

“I need to move out here! Everyone just vibin!”

“Do you reckon it ever packs out?”

“Maybe on weekends?”

“It’s Saturday…”

“I find you a bit annoying”

“Thats ok. I really dont give a fuck”

“I want sticky pants” - on chasing surf

“The coke can of the energy levels has been open a lil too long”

Whats the difference between god and a surgeon?

God knows he’s not a surgeon

[hauntingrabbits]

Artfight attack on @trinkerichi of her characters Rocket and Chip for part 10 of the ArtFight MAP!

I hope you like it!

[studioxlii]

18 and Junhee pls!! Xx

"to be fully seen by somebody, then, be loved anyhow is a human offering that can border on miraculous."

proof read: kinda

warnings: none

note(s): the format might be garbage, im mobile.

Love is a weird thing but so are the conditions that come with it; the limits that people decide need to be in place. You understood boundaries or not wanting to take too many steps before you knew the relationship would hold but some things never sat right with you. It took a few years but it wasn't until you overheard some of your project group talking that it finally hit you; most people you knew didn't want to date their best friends for two reasons.

1. It could ruin their friendship. This reason was obvious and of course you understood.

2. They'd seen way too much.

You remember hearing those words and your head lifting, confused and wondering what that could even mean. When you were in a relationship that would eventually progress, weren't they just going to see those things anyway? You never could let that thought go, not once you decided that would only make it better; it would make a relationship stronger. Well, in your eyes.

Dating was something that seemed to come easier to you before those thoughts started polluting your mind; no one seemed to understand or see you in a way you really wanted. The ideal person for you was someone who saw everything; the bad days, the good days and the maybe okay but not so great days. It was really starting to mess with you. By not wanting to date certain friends, were you restricting yourself from the relationship you really wanted?

Only one person, one friend, knew you better than you knew yourself, you were positive of that. Your best friend of nine years, Junhee, had probably been through almost every bad thing possible in life with you. You began recalling all the situations you'd been in with each other that were memorable; the things you wouldn't have faced with anyone else because you didn't want anyone else to see.

'Do you remember when you got your belly button pierced?'

And that's when it began.

The question came out of nowhere, breaking the silence of your apartment and leaving Junhee to look up from his book confused and blinking. 'Uh.. yes?' His response came out slow, hesitant like he was missing some weird in-between the lines meaning of the question.

Your head tilted, finally looking over at him. 'Do you remember the way you squeezed my hand to the point it was purple because it hurt so bad you nearly passed out?'

His features flushed at the ridiculous memory being forced back into his head. 'You mean the same day you had to cling to me, crying because your first tattoo felt like your leg was being seared off?'

You hated crying in front of people for any reason but you couldn't go alone; you'd never go alone for something like that. You just nodded in response before returning to your own book, continuing to read like you hadn't brought the subject up at all.

Your first date after you began recalling things and getting far too deep in what could only be sentimental thoughts went okay. A friend of your friend's, Sehyoon, who was an art major and knew of you but didn't know you; he'd never really integrated himself into the small friend circle on campus but Byeongkwan spoke highly of him.

He was sweet; a gentleman. Pretty much anything you could really ask for but you noticed little things; minute things that didn't even matter. You felt like you were being unreasonable or judgmental despite only picking out things that didn't match. Didn't match what, exactly?

He wasn't Junhee.

The realization had you suddenly shooting up from your seat, interrupting the poor male's answer to your question about his major and spilling out several apologies as you even fought to put money down for your own food. It took quite a few more 'I'm really sorry's before you were speeding out of the small restaurant; you'd make sure to call him later.

You found yourself in the only place that made sense: banging hard on the door of the RA for your building, hardly caring if you disturbed anyone else.

'What?' was the greeting you received from a very frustrated Donghun, wanting nothing more than to be left alone again. And yes, you called each other your friend.

'We have a really, really big problem.'

Being a mutual friend and despite not wanting to get involved in anyone's "drama", he spent two hours talking you out of it, down from it and against it, reminding you just why your newfound feelings for your best friend were a problem. He even reminded you of your comment, three years ago, about how you could never possibly like Junhee; how he remembered that and you didn't, you didn't care to ask.

You returned home a wreck, tired and wanting to burn your own emotions. Were you really uncovering some unconsciously buried feelings or did you just like the fact that he /saw/ you? He'd seen you nearly on your deathbed sick.

He'd seen you living in a depression nest for two weeks, barely able to get out a bed and eating nothing but honey buns and cereal.

He'd seen you grieve family members and pets; seen you walk into the rain and scream at the top of your lungs because of how lost in despair you'd been.

He'd seen you drunk and stupid; he'd seen you the night after a one night stand and hungover to the point you wanted to fight the sun.

He'd sat by you absolutely throwing your guts up.

He had seen every single side of you and you'd seen the same from him but it only started to stack further and further.

You knew his favorite songs because God forbid he only have one. You knew his favorite color, favorite food and his weird retirement plan that involved a tiny petting zoo of his own that he refused to just call a farm. Your pins for everything were each other's birthdates and he was the only other name on your bank account. Why?

Staring down at the menu you'd seen over a hundred times, you were sure, you couldn't decide on just what sounded good and part of you just wanted everything. Those moments staring at words that started to blur, you noticed Junhee hadn't touched his menu and kept shifting around, visibly uncomfortable for reasons you couldn't possible figure out.

'It's unlike you to not be going off about the food here.. or already having ordered your favorite drink that, I recall, you said you'd die without if you didn't have it every time you came here,' you began, closing the menu and setting it down with narrowed eyes, 'what's going on?'

'It's stupid. Just.. order and get some food, I'll probably just eat later. I'm not really hungry.'

That was a bold faced lie and you knew it, the concern growing. 'And, what's the oh-so-stupid reason, exactly?'

It took him a minute, shifting more and acting like a child who had gotten in trouble. 'I, uh.. I can't really..' he gestured around, lips pursed and growing even more upset by the second, you could tell by the way he was trying to stop himself from frowning. 'Can't really afford it.' You were college students, it wasn't the world's biggest secret if you couldn't afford something.

'Do you really think I'm just going to eat in front of you?' You snorted, avoiding any comment that would further his being upset over the situation, 'Don't worry about it and order, okay?'

Financial struggles were no quiet matter between the two of you and never had been since you started school. Junhee lived off campus in an apartment with two shitty roommates, a terrible part time job and parents that pretty much didn't care if he perished on the side of the street somewhere. You, on the other hand, which you didn't like bringing up, were doing fine but only because your parents dropped something of an 'allowance' into your account for foods and necessities.

You ignored his attempt to argue and told him if he didn't order something, you were going to do it for him; he shut up.

The next day, you took a trip to the bank.

You could feel eyes on you as you splayed across the couch, staring at the ceiling and contemplating life and all of it's annoyances. No question left you but even if you wanted to say something, you were cut off.

'So, are you going to tell me what's going on? For the past.. three weeks? You've been asking me all sorts of weird stuff,' Junhee inquired, frowning thoughtfully, 'Are you testing me or something? Trust me, yes, I remember every single second I've spent with you. I remember every word you've said, the names of every guy you've been with and the ones I'd like to fight. I remember every birthday and gift I've given you and the ones you've given me. Yes, I remember your favorite things and everything so, what's the deal?'

It sounded sentimental at first but then you noticed that all too familiar waiver in his voice and out of the corner of your eye, you noticed his hands fiddling with the chain bracelet that had adorned his wrist for five years; he wanted to cry. A crying Junhee was something no one ever wanted on your hands and you briefly recalled a phone call from a very panicked Byeongkwan because of just that but you were letting your thoughts get off topic.

'I think I'm in love with you.'

'If you don't want to be fri-'

You were both cut off as your head turned to finally look at him, soaking in the unreadable expression on his features when someone busted through the door; 'Look!'

Both of you looked towards your two friends that invited themselves into your door, one holding a new cat and the other looking just as pleased with the announcement but it gradually dropped. 'Shit, did we interrupt something?' Of course, you always knew when you finally and truly confessed to someone that it would be Byeongkwan who ruined the whole thing; you used it as an escape, though, reminding yourself of what the confession could do to your friendship.

'New minion, I see,' you chimed, sitting up and ignoring the question, both of them, as you rose to greet Donghun's new pet. You were ignorant to the looks shared between the three boys and you were happy about that.

Now, you just had to avoid it ever coming up again until it was forgotten.

Junhee, however, didn't want that to happen.

After about an hour of chitchatting and ignoring the gaze of your best friend, you excused yourself under the excuse of having a meetup for a class, despite it being your dorm, and managed to weasel your way out. There was really nowhere to go, no one to talk to and you surely didn't have any plans for the next week; you ended up at the café on campus. It was quiet and filled mostly with a few students doing work and the two members of staff behind the counter, one eventually joining you at the table. He didn't say anything, waited for you to stop your dramatic Disney scene and acknowledge him.

'Would you date me, Yu?'

Taken a bit off guard, he ended up snorting. 'I can't tell if this is a trap or you want the genuine answer,' he replied, crossing his arms atop the table, 'but, on the hand that it's serious.. probably. I mean, I definitely wouldn't turn you down. We've known each other for a few years, hang out on a regular basis.. get along and have a lot of similar interests. So, yeah.'

The answer made your lips draw into a deep frown and you tapped your fingers against the cup, soaking up every word. 'Even though we're friends? What if we broke up?'

A soft 'ah' came from him as he realized what was really going on and he shrugged, thinking it over for a minute or two. 'We're both adults and I don't believe either of us would do something so that the breakup would be something that could ruin our friendship. I understand it would be like.. friends then it being intimate then back to friends, but I think both of us are mature enough to deal with that and not let it bother us too much.' He spoke like he'd been through it several times and in reality, it had only been once, a small fling with a mutual friend but they still seemed pretty okay. 'Is this about Jun?'

'Does everyone know?' You groaned out, releasing the cup to lean back and rub your hands over your face in defeat, 'I.. I told him I think I love him then Kwan and Donghun showed up and I bailed because now I don't actually want to face him or admit to ever actually saying it. I do! I do love him! I don't.. I don't want to lose him, you know?'

You could see the way the latter looked at you, sympathetic and calculating what words wouldn't just stress you out further. 'Look.. I know you don't want to hear it from me or anyone else for that matter because you want to keep saying it'll ruin your friendship when in reality, you don't like the idea that you could hurt each other, I was the same way with Donghun, so I understand.. but, you should really see all this from an outsider's point of view. Junhee looks at you like you hung the moon and you look at him like he painted the stars; yes, it's been like that since I've met you and a reminder, it's been years. I don't know what took you so long to realize it or if you've just avoided it this whole time but anyone would have to be blind not to see it. Now,' he sighed deeply as he finished and straightened, 'I think you should probably go and talk to him about it considering you just confessed then ditched but it's your choice. I don't think you have anything to worry about.. for either of you. You're the most loyal person I know, so I have no doubt you'd ever hurt him in a way that would ruin you guys and he can barely swat at a fly or sit still through hearing thunder, you think he's going to do something? Regardless.. one of these days, soon, you'll have to face it and I really hope you don't go into it with the cliché reason of your friendship being ruined.'

The words sank in slow and you wanted nothing but to cry your eyes out because he was right; he always was and you hated it. It took a while for you to speak and he seemed okay with that, briefly leaving you to fill a couple orders before returning. 'I know you're leaving for break tomorrow.. tell him before then.' Those were his last words before he bid you good luck and a good night, heading back to his own dorm, most likely to call Donghun now that he'd projected just a little bit.

Irrationality was a word that would be in your character description box and the word stupid could very well be right next to it because when you got home, you packed your bag and decided to leave early, not bothering to let any of your friends know. You needed time and you were being selfish, so selfish to the point you thought maybe he'd just hate you when you got back.

Oh boy were you wrong.

Two days into being back home and confiding in your mother who promptly smacked you upside the back of the head, you found yourself sitting on the porch and moping, split between what to do. You suspected the boys were a bit angry with you when you noticed the ample amount of texts, voicemails, social messages and phone calls that had gone ignored; you caught a glimpse of the absolute book Yuchan took the time to send you, leaving you kind of scared to even open it. It didn't take long for the guilt to set in but you chose to wait until you were back on campus to deal with it.

Or at least, that was your plan.

'So, I know you've never been a fan of confrontation but.. you've never been the type to run away.'

The sudden voice startled you as you hadn't even noticed anyone pull up and of course, upon looking up, you were met with the face you were trying to avoid the most. Junhee stood at the end of the sidewalk looking pitiful and shifting his weight in a nervous manner. You didn't bother trying to speak, not knowing what to say but you did wait for the rant, the berating that you deserved; that wasn't who he was though.

He even stayed quiet for a minute or two, making his way closer to sit on the steps, looking up towards your figure. 'Did you mean it?'

You could have answered right away, poured your heart out and let out the tears you'd been holding in since the moment you left. Instead, you stayed quiet and pulled your knees closer to your chest, not trusting your own voice. He didn't relent though, reaching out to lightly nudge your knee.

'That's all I need to know.. did you mean it? If.. if you didn't I can just leave and we don't have to bother with it again.'

'And, if I did..?' Finally finding your voice, you looked over to him, chewing hard on your lower tier, nervous and kind of wanting to throw up.

You could see him thinking it over before a faint smile showed up. 'I'd most likely cry.. but I'm going to cry either way,' he began, shrugging his shoulders while moving up to sit next to you, 'I'd also tell you that I love you, too and I've been trying to tell you that for years now.'

The confession made your heart flutter, your skin burn and the butterflies being kept back burst in delight in your gut. 'Even.. after everything we've been through? Everything you've seen..?'

Junhee nodded. 'Mhm. I'd go through it all again and what do you mean? I've seen nothing but you.'

[sainadazai]

When your crush is angry all the time

Ch.4

I wanna be an intern too, you ragedy ann looking ass hoe 😠



Y/n pov

°•○●○•°•○●○•°

All goes well when you are ignorant is what my dear best friend would say to me now, as I sit in the very back of the class unfocused on how our teacher is introducing an activity I have no chance of participating in. All I knew was that when Mr. Aizawa walked up to the board and wrote names of people getting offers, I wasn't one of them. Not that I expected to be, considering I wasn't in the sports festival, let alone the school at all back then. 

However, I did notice a small inconsistency in the order of the most offers. I was pretty sure that boom boom had gotten first place in the festival, him being there is what convinced me to transfer, but his name was actually second on the board. 

Todoroki had taken the place of first as far as offers were concerned. Todoroki the nice boy who I used to meet when I snuck away from my fucking prison cell. Call me privileged for complaining about living in a mansion All my life, but I much prefer being here. With common folk. They ground me. 

I peeked up from my phone at the red and white head of hair in front of me, he didn't seem all that fazed. Although maybe it was just the lack of seeing his face that made me believe he couldn't care less about all but one of those offers. Still, his business is his, and my business is the new Ao3 update on my favorite chrollo lucilfer fanfiction. What a babe. 

I decided that the class as of right now would be of no importance to me, considering I will have no offers, and bakugou-the reason I came here- hates me like I'm a piece of gum stuck under his shoe.  Through that conclusion I allowed myself to dissolve into the world of hxh and forget about how boring this world is. 

Could my power beat Killua or go in a fight? I mean, it doesn't enhance my strength like they did trying to get into Killua's house so physically they must be stronger. 

"Y/n! Is there something you would like to share with the class?"

Mr.Aizawas voice seemed almost shot at me as my gaze rose from my phone in my lap to meet him at the front of the room. He looked displeased to say the least. Well good for him, im displeased too, I might not be able to beat a fucking twelve year old in combat. 

"Huh?"

"You were grumbling, what's so important you had to tell us, hm?"

I thought it through for a second- just kidding, I never think anything through. 

"Oh, well I wasn't sure if I could beat Gon in a fight, but I'm not coming to the realization that if Chrollo is my boyfriend, I shouldn't have to fight anyone at all. I can just be a pretty face in the backgrounds and then after he wins for me i'll suck his-"

"Enough, y/n." Mr.Aizawa no longer held a tired looking face, his eyes were wide and an uncomfortable cringed was set on his face. As I peered at the rest of the class many also had shocked eyes, but unlike our teacher, held faint blushes. 

Minus midoriya, his face was completely red and his eyes void of life. I must've killed him, huh. 

"Wait!"

In an attempt to regain some dignity, I tried to correct myself.

"I would....not suck his-?"

"Don't even say it, shitty princess !"

"Woah bakugou, you spoke to me on purpose!?"

"Shut up!"

"Hey, how come you call me princess, you like me or something?"

He growled at that, neither of us paying mind to the fact that everyone in the class was either dead from nosebleeds or extremely uncomfortable and staring at us.  

"Its cuz you act fucking entitled like a princess"

"I'll be your pillow princes-"

"Enough!" A robotic-like hand sliced the air in front of me. The voice sounded firm, almost more teacher-like than our teacher's voice. I followed my gaze up the hand, not failing to notice how as I drew up the guy's arm his muscles only seemed to get bigger and bigger and- iida? 

"Oh class rep-"

"Y/n this vulgar language and border-line harassment needs to cease immediately. I will not tolerante overtly sexual language and acts in this class-"

As he was speaking I noticed something ironic about the situation. If everyone here didn't like sexual jokes or banter, how were they so flustered at comments that objectively should be unknown to them. 

"How did you know what I meant, iida?" I rasped in a low sultry voice, allowing my fingers to dance up his arm starting at the wrist in front of my face. 

I heard a few chuckles from, who I would say are the only two people enjoying this situation: kaminari and...stinky mineta. Iida's face grew more red than previously and the arms in front of me began shaking. 

"Mr.Aizawa it seems I've disarmed the robot. Is there a restart button or something?" I question with a serious face using the search as an excuse to wonder my eyes all over his body. Perverted? Yes. Rightfully attracted to this giant hunk of a nerd. Yes ×10. 

"No, there is not." Todoroki, who was in front of me, finally turned around to address me. I guess he was unfazed by my words. Looks like someone here can be cool. Whether he is okay because he is more comfortable with sexual jokes, or because he has yet to pick up on them, its nice that somebody in here can still function. Otherwise, I'd feel like a nuisance. 

"Y/n I'm not really sure how to- let's just say to have detention with your m- midnight. Detention. Yeah." Aizawa publicly convinced himself of my punishment? 

"Okay"

"Now, back to this, even if you didn't get any offers ALL of you will have an internship" 

And so went on the class, kids chose their hero names, not me though. I wasn't even sure I wanted to be a hero at all, this was just a little less boring and sad than the way I lived before. This school had people who laughed in joy, not just to mask the pain. That was the real benefit, not being a hero, or being strong. Likely no one here realized that there were many places where none of this joy was possible. 

Some of the kids in class gave me suggestions for a hero name, but I didn't like them anyway. They lacked personality, and while I have many adjectives to describe my personality, my life, none of them are all that heroic. 

"Dark element"

"Girl who will die if her quirk doesnt like its environment" 

See, I'm not the best at this. Even bakugan names had some sense to it...well no. I'd say we're about the same, but still. Ugh. 

~timeskip~ 

Bakugou pov 😠

She came up with no hero names. Fucking entitled brat. Everyone at this lunch table seems to have no problem with the fact that she is here, just happy to have another pair of tits to stare at like perverts. Their gross. I bet she doesn't even want to be a hero, she sure as hell doesn't act like it. We don't even know what her whole quirk is. Ive seen her do that plant shit a couple times, fucking with flowers or whatever. Still, there's more to it. Something we don't know, at least. Cuz in the middle of class she gets up and whispers to Aizawa and he just lets her go. Where the fuck does she go? 

Interrupts class, got into the school because her moms a teacher, won't use her quirk. What a nuisance, I can't believe she is not expelled yet. Plus those bullshit sex jokes are so shitty. She is obviously faking something when she does them. Not like midnight, who always at least seems like she means that gross shit. 

"Hey, who did you guys choose for your internship? I haven't chosen yet."

"The number three hero guy," I spoke, knowing I'm the only person here who already chose. 

"Really? Best jeanist! That's so cool, but are you sure that for you bakugou?" Shitty hair raised a shitty brow at me. 

"What the hell is that supposed to mean!?"

"Just that he seems pretty...uptight..for you?" Dunceface added, but he spoke like it was a question. Of course he is the hero for me, he is the highest ranting hero on my list. If I wanna be number one, I gotta train with the best. 

If I go to his agency I'm sure there will be a lot more action, since he is so high ranking. Then i'll get some real experience kicking villain ass, well, other than the USJ. 

"Of course he is the right option!"

"Woahhh~"

Shit. It's her voice. I honestly should applaud her for using it less often around me but, how can one small girl be so goddamn annoying. I don't even know what she has to say and I already wish she would just put a sock in it. How can someone so entitled like her, probably never had to lift a finger, walk  over here and talk like she has something to say. 

"You're working with the best jeanist! So cool, one time he saved me from a group of rapist guys, it was awesome with all these strings everywhere and I could only see half of his face. Oh and he had goofy hair too!"

Oh. I didn't really know how to respond to the girl who looked so excited about almost being violated. Another thing wrong with her? I looked back at the other people at the table to see if they knew how to respond to something like that. 

Dunceface was frozen, tape arms were frozen, shitty hair was frozen, and alíen eyes were looking like a lost puppy and trying not to cry. 

It didnt seem like the shutty princess was exactly understanding how what she just yelled was making things weird. She just stood there expectantly. She kinda looked like she thought being raped was something that must happen to everyone. Did she think that? Wouldn't put it past her weird ass. 

"Uhm...anyways, i'm sure you'll do awesome, he likes to put boys in tight jeans. Wish I could intern too, I'd love to see that boom boom~" she winked. 

A perverted joke...and then she had the audacity to wink at me. 

"You wish you could see me in tight jeans, shitty extra!"

"I know...thats what a I just said." She dead panned, blinking a couple times at me. 

"Tch, screw you!"

"I would-" 

"Can it, i don't wanna hear your shitty voice anymore"

The girl stopped herself after my words, pushing all her hair behind her head, except for the two blond stands in the front. 

(You don't have to acknowledge these if you don't want, but I made it so that they change color depending on what element your using and I thought it was hot*if you have short hair, then you just got a lil nishinoya type thing 🥰)

Lifted her obnoxious hands that moved around while she talked and made a zipper-like motion over her lips. Then she just stood there looking at me. I really wanted to just let her stand there and go back to eating. Ignore her completely and let her hope fizzle out and die or something like that. 

Yet here I am, still looking at her. Silently. Wishing she made a stupid joke so that I could stop flickering between those images I'd seen of her dancing. How even though ballet is a princess fucking dance, the pictures felt nice. Like if I was watching it live I would probably be unable to criticize it. That pissed me off, because I want to hate everything about her, but I can't hate those photos. Where she looks like she is flying, without any need for a quirk.

I see her in that weird gown, and now, in the UA uniform. I see her looking respectable, formal, and serious. Then I see her stupid little smirk as she takes pride in being able to shut up for more than a minute. 

"Why are you still standing there?"

Instead of answering, she took her hand up again, made a pinch with her fingers and unzipped her mouth. 

"I was enjoying the look in your eyes."she smiled. 

The look in my eyes? Could she tell I was seeing two different people? What the hell does that even mean? Even said it without that shitty flirt voice. Like she meant it. 

"You tryna make fun of me?"I stood up from the table to get in her face.

"Not right now, maybe later, I gotta do something." She smiled sincerely at me, for a second as she walked away, I forgot about how this conversation started. What a wierd fucking girl. I'll never respect her as a hero. Tch. (Yes, its canon he tchs even in his thoughts) 

3rd person POV 

Y/n briskly walked out of the cafeteria with a new goal in mind. She would come to remember how maybe being oblivious was a benefit in some ways, but for now, she had a clear plan .

"Mr.Aizawa, let me do an internship."

"You weren't in the festival, I can't just hand you to a hero who has no idea what you can do, y/n."

"Well, you know what I can do, right?"

"No. I'm not doing internships. Stop asking."

"That's not what I meant! You can just tell them, or I could, it's not that hard to explain. Just say i'm all- powerful or some play on words like 'she's got all the right elements' hehe, see how i mimicked your voice there?" Y/n grinned like a child. She was proud of herself. 

"No. Still not happening."

"I wanna be an intern too, you raggedy ann looking ass hoe" 

"Y/n, it doesn't make sense, insulting me to get what you want?"

"Maybe it doesn't, but I bet you feel real insecure about your hair right now."

"You already have detention, what more do you want!"

"An internship, I wanna do one with kamui Woods, I have a good reason, too. As far as my quirk control, i'm the weakest with earth, the aspect that allows me to grow and manipulate plants and stuff. That's why I've only been using that part of it all month. Im trying to get her up to speed so I can start using all four at once. He is like a tres guy, right? He manipulates earth all day long. He could teach me a lot, and that aspect of my quirk would suit his well. Please!?!?!?"

If the girl had just asked again in a normal way, his answer would have been the same. However Aizawa was taken aback to hear how much thought she put into this. From the stories of the teachers lounge, he came to understand her big life goal, was to rely fully on a rich man or woman, and do nothing at all forever. Just to try and forget about the terrible life she was destined to have because of that quirk.

This side of her was something he could not even her mother had seen, and it prompted him to speak those words she wanted to hear so badly.

"Fine." 

[littleteacupdragon]

But I can’t dance

Word count: 2200

Pairing: romantic anxeit

Summary: Virgil doesn't dance, but there's something that may change that.

Warnings: sympathetic Deceit

Ao3 link: here

Im really proud of this fic, it's the best thig I've written in a long time and half of it got to exist because I couldn't fall asleep at 1AM. Enjoy!

It started out as a joke, he didn't mean it. They were just chilling in silence, cherishing the simple companionship of being in the same room doing separate things. It was peaceful, a rare occurrence in the mindscape, considering Roman's rather loud habits and Remus' even louder shenanigans.

Deceit was reading some book which looked like a Sherlock Holmes novel - probably lent to him by Logan; the two have been bonding over mystery novels, the latter surprised that Deceit had never actually read any of Conan Doyle's books before. He was extremely protective of his copies but came to the conclusion that, even as the embodiment of lies, Deceit would take good care of them. If not, he could always think of something to make it even (that's what he was telling himself to calm down the irrational uneasiness connected to giving someone a thing one really cares about. But Logan trusted him and had no evidence to assume the worst here).

Virgil was sitting on his phone, switching apps every few minutes; it was not his fault that there wasn't anything interesting there that particular day. Or maybe it just wasn't a day for social media? Whatever. The important part was that nothing could hold his attention for longer than ten minutes and it was getting on his nerves. And to add to that, he had no desire to do anything else - just thinking about picking up a book made him despise the mere concept of doing so. Music? That didn't seem right either, he had a feeling it was a day that would leave him skipping song after song after song before they even started - sometimes it was like that. Nothing to do about it, sadly.

A loud melody startled both of them. Lost in thoughts, Virgil accidentally unmuted a video on Instagram. He scrambled to turn it back off, heart rate a bit too fast to be considered normal, hands shaking slightly, mind helpfully chiming in with the realisation that he almost threw his phone to the ground. Taking a deep, although a bit stuttering, breath, he glanced at the other side in the room, who was looking at him with an eyebrow raised in slight mockery everyone learned to look past and see the hidden concern.

"Sorry about that", he said, looking back down on the offending device. The video was still playing, although now muted. A pair danced in a semi-slow fashion, something that looked like a complicated waltz. They were going in circles in a big ballroom, the lady in a long, volumous dress and heels, the man in a suit. Virgil heard a "nothing to apologise for", but was too focused mostly on watching the two gracefully glide across the floor to respond in a way other than humming an affirmation that he heard it.

He wondered what it would feel like, to dance like that. Having trust in one's partner that they will lead it well, having trust that they will be there to catch you if you stumble, keeping a secure enough hold for it not to be a problem. Even without the music playing Virgil could see that the two on the video were professionals, synched perfectly with each other. He wondered how does that feel, being so in tune with the music and another person.

"Hmm", Virgil heard right next to his ear. He hadn't realised that Deceit had stood up and joined him, bending down to see his screen, ending up just a tad too close for Virgil to feel at ease. He startled for the second time in minutes.

"Jesus, Dee, don't sneak up on me like that", he turned his head to look the other in the eyes, turning back after just a second. Eye contact had never been his strong suit. "I swear, one of those days I will make you wear a collar with a bell", he mumbled, more to himself than anything else.

"Sure you will", Deceit replied. Honestly, he'd like to see him try. "what’s gotten you so hypnotised? Never seen anybody dancing?", he teased lightly.

"Fuck off. Just got distracted with my own thoughts", was what he got instead of hearing the real reason, which Virgil was not going to tell him. It's not that he felt like it was bad, it was just... Embarrassing. Because really, Thomas was an actor who could dance, but the fragment of his being couldn't? That didn't make an ounce of sense.

“Oi, Virgil, Virgil", Deceit shook his head in disapproval, walking those two steps to come out from behind the other's back to face him. "Half-truths are lies, too", he smiled a bit, seeing the frustration in Virgil’s eyes.

"You're awful".

"Why thank you, my dear Anxiety", Deceit smiled more as he heard the groan of exasperation. What could he say, compliments that were not meant to be compliments were the best. After basking in the moment for a bit, he reached out his gloved hand "So", he started, "would you like to dance?"

Virgil gave him an incredulous look, warily considering the offer. He wanted to, that was for sure, but did he want to dance with the master of lies? Besides, there was the other thing stopping him from accepting, probably the most important one.

"I can't dance", he admitted.

Deceit was still smiling when Virgil looked up for another split second, but this time he saw it getting a bit softer. More genuine.

"I can", Deceit stated simply, arm still outstretched in invitation.

It was silent after that, the air filled with buzzing energy coming from Virgil himself - the anticipation and slight fear of making the decision.

"Whatever, what do I have to loose?", he thought finally, taking Deceit’s hand and standing up with only a bit of his help.

Once fully on his feet, he saw that they weren't in the commons anymore. They were in a large room, full of light coming from multiple gothic-styled windows, far too many to count just by one glance. The rays of sunlight were seeping through the glass, some tinted, some not, leaving the floor bathed in the array of colours. It was spacious, but didn't feel empty. Honestly, Virgil was quite impressed.

"Roman made you practice?", he spoke up, deciding to tease Deceit as well, getting back on him for earlier.

"Oh please, I was the one showing him all those tricks in the first place".

Virgil liked their banter. It was light and teasing, not bordering on being mean (like it usually ended with Roman). It was a very thin line with that one, always balancing just on the edge of the next big argument while with Deceit he could be at ease, knowing nothing bad will come from a bit of jabbing here and there.

Lost in thought again, Virgil came round after a hand had touched his arm gently. He looked up at the other, question clear within his eyes, as Deceit only smiled lightly.

"Glad to have you back in the present", Deceit said, taking his hand back, only to grasp at Virgil's own and pick it up to start positioning them to dance. Virgil's breath hitched a bit at the contact, nothing new considering how unfamiliar it was to casually be so close to someone else. It did earn him a raised eyebrow, a questioning look of 'are you okay?', to which he just nodded. Deceit might have posed for a tough guy persona most of the time, but he was actually really caring and perceptive. No matter what he said, he would never hurt any of the others and Virgil knew that.

Maybe that's why he agreed to this in the first place.

"Since I'm the one leading, I'm going to have to put my hand on your waist", Deceit warned him this time, doing as he said after getting a nod. "And your other hand goes on my shoulder".

Virgil did as he was told. The sensation of being held like that, especially the hand resting on his waist, was a bit mentally uncomfortable. He wasn't used to this, it felt weird, like TV static on his skin under the safe cover of his hoodie. He felt awkward, but there was no backing out now.

Deceit brought him a bit closer, which was simultaneously better and worse. Better because he could now rest his hand on the other's shoulder more comfortably, but worse because they were closer and his bend down head was just a few inches away from Deceit's chest. They were relatively the same height, Deceit just a tiny bit taller, which came in handy in situations like that.

"Head up, sunshine", Deceit took the hand that was resting on Virgil’s waist to gently lift his chin up, just enough to have it not bend down, not enough to make Virgil look into his eyes. It was not necessary and would only make him more uncomfortable than he already was. Vigil appreciated that greatly.

“Move your right foot forward”, Deceit spoke gently, mirroring the move as Virgil followed the instructions. “Now your left foot goes forward and to the side”. So he did. “Bring them together...”, his voice became more quiet the further they got, to the point when he wasn’t saying anything at all, letting the other get used to the steps.

The music started soon enough and Virgil slowly let himself relax in the other’s arms. He did stumble here and there, loosing focus and forgetting what came next (especially at the beginning), but it was an easy enough dance. They were not as graceful as the pain in that video, but he found that he didn’t mind all that much. He was dancing.

He was dancing.

It brought out a chuckle from him, a smile he didn’t realise was on his face for quite a while getting a tad wider. He finally looked up into his dancing partner’s face and his breath hitched for the second time that day. Deceit was looking at him with so much unfiltered fondness in his eyes, Virgil was afraid he’d get overwhelmed. His heart sped up, mind noting how close they were (when had they gotten so close?), but he couldn’t avert his eyes. He was admiring how the scales Deceit wore proudly nowadays were glistering in the light, changing colours with it as they moved. Had his eyes always been so full of light as well or was it just an illusion?

Virgil looked down finally, feeling his cheeks heating. Stupid. What was that about? Have you gone mad? What the fuck, Virgil? What the fuck?

They stopped moving, which instantaneously set off all the alarm bells in his head. He’d fucked up. He’d fucked up. He’dfuckedupfuckedupfuckedupfuckedup-

Deceit let their outstretched arms relax and let go of Virgil’s hand, moving it to rest Virgil’s chin while the other stayed on his waist.

“Head’s up, darling”, he whispered, not putting any pressure on his fingers to lift the other’s head. He was letting Virgil make this decision. It wasn’t something he was going to push the other to do, not when they both could feel the tension buzzing around them. Not when they both knew exactly what kind of tension it was.

Virgil gulped, feeling anxiety bubbling up in his gut, but it was accompanied with something different. Something he wasn’t sure the name of, but it told him to just do it. It was too late to back out now.

And so he lifted his head up, once again looking into those beautiful mismatched eyes.

“Here you go”, Deceit smiled and just like that, leaned in to kiss him.

It was soft. It was soft and warm, and uncertain on Virgil’s side, but Deceit was patient, just like with dancing. He went slow, silently assuring Virgil that it was okay, or at least that’s what Virgil was telling himself afterwards. When Deceit’s hand sneaked around his neck and his fingers tangled in his hair, Virgil could feel the shivers running down his spine. It was overwhelming, but he didn’t mind being overwhelmed in that way.

When they parted, Virgil’s cheeks were burning, but he was smiling. Deceit touched his face, thumb caressing his cheekbone, careful not to smudge the emo’s eyeshadow.

“It’s been a wonderful experience dancing with you Virgil”, Deceit said, a smug smile forming on his lips.

Virgil snorted and moved his face away. “Fucking liar”, he said, but reciprocated the smile.

“You may be”. Deceit lifted his eyebrow. He watched Virgil take in what he just said and laughed when he was pushed away.

The anxious one rubbed his face, muttering ‘why do I still deal with this bullshit’, not quietly enough for the other not to hear, so the next second, when he looked up, he got flipped off.

All’s well that ends well. And if that day resulted in Roman being subjected to Deceit making more innuendos towards Virgil than usual and more allusions towards Roman being the hopeless romantic without a boyfriend, well, that couldn’t be helped, could it now?

(Though Roman’s agitated face was one of the most hilarious things Virgil has seen when he found out what’s been going on).

[rockettransman]

Rocketman Watch #4 Thoughts

i have so many MORE thoughts can you believe it wow here we go

(i wrote these as i watched it so they’re in order im p sure)

man, his intro monologue during group therapy is just as gripping as it was when I first watched it. And the transition to the bitch is back is so fuckin good. My palms are sweating.

There’s some commentary about forgiving and loving your inner/past child, but I don’t have the words for it at this moment. In the beginning he’s staring down, confused and scowling at his child self, but at the end, he embraces him in a way his father and loved ones never did.

Was he in therapy/rehab WHILE touring and doing music? Stomping into the room in his regalia would have me believe so. I know group therapy was a medium for storytelling. Was it just signaling the very beginning of his story, because we go through different stages through his actions and clothing changes?

Lmao I imagine it must take some pretty cool parents to allow their, like, six or seven year old child to be in this movie. He said bitch so many times.

Took me a hot second to realize the orchestra he’s conducting is playing Rocket Man. The violins are so pretty. Imagine being picked to be in the orchestra on set and getting smile up at the tiny little kid who played Elton. My heart would absolutely swell seeing a little kid being so fantastic at this really intense job.

Kit Connor did amazing in his role. He’s fifteen and he’s already done so much! Imagine growing up knowing you played Elton John as a kid. Getting to work alongside him and his husband and the dozens of incredible actors. Wowie. I’d never shut up about it.

I LOVE how 12 year old Elton is playing the piano SO HARD and is trying to rock out as hard as he can while playing classical music. The boy wanna ROCK dammit.

HE GLANCED UP THE TINIEST BIT WHEN THE MAN ASKED IF ANYONE HAD A FAG (slang for cigarette)

SATURDAY NIGHTS ALRIGHT GIVES ME CONSTANT CHILLS FROM THE START TO FINISH

WOOOW SEVENTEEN YEAR OLD ELTON IS CUTE AS HEEELLLL. The hair, glasses, and front tooth gap fit Taron so well. Goddamn I hope I look like 17 year old Elton some day.

The choreography for this number is absolutely breathtaking. You have to get that many people all in sync! We followed Elton running through the crowd and AAHHH it was a lot! The athleticism! And they did it in the rain! Wow I’m blow away.

Elton is JAMMIN in the back of the stage. It’s really sweet to see his smile and enthusiasm and his brain thinking and working.

That guy in the back peed a LOT lmao

I was wondering where thank you for all of your loving came in.

Charlie Rowe plays Ray Williams, and he also plays LEO ROTH from Red Band Society!!! The first time I watched the movie, I KNEW him from somewhere, but I couldn’t place it and it was driving me nuts. Man. RBS was a big crutch during the worst lows of my ED. Had no idea he was English.

Love to see how shy Elton was as a teenager. It’s a hot ass mood. Also, those silk scarves? Ascots? idk but they’re a LOOK.

“One frothy coffee, no froth.”

The acquaintances-to-best-friends montage set to Border Song *chefs kiss*

Rock And Roll Madonna Is A Perfect Song Send Tweet

Lmao Elton is NOT phased at all when he gets accused of being gay. He’s just like. “Nah. I’m like. Not.” Not overly defensive and surprised, like I’m sure other people would be lmaooo

STUMBLING HOME DRUNK WITH YOUR BEST FRIEND IS A MILESTONE IN TEENAGEHOOD!!!!!!!

“You are a ssSSHHIIIITT HOT piano player—”

So delicate of Bernie the way he politely denied a kiss from him. It wasn’t weird or tense at all. Just a gentle “love you, but not that way. It’s okay” Some people may not be able to handle it that well even today.

Taron’s got nice thighs. That robe & underwear getup is a nice look.

Love love LOVE hearing him experiment with Your Song on the piano to find a melody that worked.

Honestly what the shit do these songs even mean. Bernie sometimes these words don’t make any sense. Don’t worry, they still slap. “See I’ve forgotten if they’re green or they’re blue” like what

AMOREENA IS A PERFECT SONG SEND TWEET

Doug flirting with Bernie makes me snort every time. “Oh, really? That’s.. cool.”

THE TROUBADOUR OUTFIT IS GOOD AS SHIT!!!!!!!!

“NO, BERNIE. YOU ARE UNDERREACTING.”

Taron was right. The overalls do make his ass look massive.

A week ago before this movie I was sick and fuckin TIRED of crocodile rock but now I can’t get enough of it. The movie transformed a lot of old songs I was sick of for me.

Imagine being a kind of shy, nervous kid, terrified to go on stage, but two and a half minutes later the entire venue is LOSING IT because they love the jam YOU WROTE. how cool for Elton.

I want a best friend platonic cheek kiss :(

Hmmmmm I’m wondering if they used the studio recordings that went on the album for the movie or have different movie-specific recordings. Tiny Dancer sounds a teeny bit different in the movie version.

Goddamn I sure hope Taron got to keep that jacket.

“So you liked the song, then?” “Not as much as the singer” *Elton glances away in gay panic*

LMFAO John said some weird colorful words to Elton that barely made sense and he was like OH FUCK GOTTA KISS HIM GOTTA KISS HIM

I’ve talked so much about the sex scene I don’t need to go on about it here. Go search the rocketman tag on my blog for my extensive gay thoughts about it.

Now I know glasses come OFF during sex

oh oh oh I was wondering where Hercules fell in the movie. I love how the songs he’s writing or getting notoriety for is played over the transition scenes.

Elton’s hand on his hip, knowing smirk as John enters the studio. “Hello.”

Bernie is like “HELLO are we RECORDING or are y’all gonna FUCK in the CLOSET?”

*vibrating* Honky Cat Honky Cat Honky Cat Honky Cat

Damn, the flowy white button down with the red pants really is a LOOK

The gestures, staring up at each other, leaning into each other, hands on each other’s chests, damn it makes me feel some typa way. Maybe their love WAS good and fun and exciting while they rode the high of everything before it all went so so bad.

Elton searching John’s gaze while he’s talking and looking like he’s not really paying attention, just looking for a kiss on the couch.. GOD I remember the honeymoon phase of my relationships. So much fun.

His dad going “N-Not really my thing.” That was a metaphor for his SEXUALITY TOO, huh.

Damn. He went to his dad’s to come out to him and he never even got to get to that part. He was just like “....nice shoes....” and even after all this time, didn’t show any interest in his music. If he never was into what he did, how could he even talk about being gay? I’m sure during that scene there were a lot of metaphors to sexuality but I didn’t bother to think much about them.

The eyebrow quirk after his dad says “ah—no. Could you make it out to Arthur?” DAMN Elton was like .. “really. This is what’s happening? Okay. Awesome.”

“What do you have to do to get a fucking drink around here, eh?” *cuts to Elton drinking straight from a bottle*

“Elton—” “Elton!”

John saying “don’t you ever put your hands on me” when he was the one who yanked him from the phone booth AND directly after punching him... woof man. What a shitty dude.

Damn, just noticed John talking very quietly and closely to another man right before he goes on and plays Pinball Wizard. Was this the first sign of him having fun with other men when Elton was indisposed?

Pinball Wizard is absolutely intense and loud and fun, but it DOES carry the tone of “god im SO miserable” under it all. You knew Elton wasn’t having fun.

“It is next week.” Jeezus.

LMAO I just caught the “mom, you’re ON my GOWN” when he reluctantly complies to give the Anderson’s a tour.

Damn, flowy, loose dress shirts with the first few buttons undone is a LOOOOK.

How did they do the overdose scene, you think? Surely the pills Taron took had to be like. Empty. Or placebo affect drugs? Idk. He did take a big drink directly after stuffing his mouth with them. I don’t think he spit them out.

God, there is SOMETHING symbolic about how he meets his child self at the bottom of the pool. Rock bottom? Apologizing? Wishing he could be better? Telling him he’ll never be better?

OH I watched a behind the scenes cut about the pool scene, and none of it was CGI. Taron was weighted under his robe and a SCUBA diver was on standby to provide oxygen. The singing and bubbles coming out of his mouth and stuff underwater was all real.

Dying to know about the choreography around the second chorus, about the undressing and twirling and dressing and injection and handing off of the bat and stuff. That sequence was incredible.

Bennie and the Jets. Damn. It fucks. I listened to it almost the entire time on my run today. (Five miles; I felt like garbage the entire time but it was good anyway.) The scene is wild. He’s in the middle of a drug induced haze orgy. He SHOULD be having the time of his life but he’s so goddamn miserable. (Also, the juxtaposition between Chris Fleming’s Bennie and the Jets is so funny.)

Part of the problem was that John never understood Elton. But, Elton broke it off with John, not the other way around like he said it was. He wasn’t the victim in that regard. John did treat him like shit though.

Victim of Love plays right after that lmao

Renate and he aren’t even close when they do the duet to don’t let the sun go down on me. They’re separated in different rooms, mirroring literally how closed off their relationship was.

The shot with them waking up in different rooms.. damn

His shirt is so LOUD I’m going crazy

Watching Taron down that orange juice made me a little nauseous I gotta say

“Not really I’m gAy”

It’s CRAZY to watch Elton and his mom interact at the dinner scene. He gets accosted and accused of so much by his mom, claiming SHE’S the victim of his actions, making it all about HER and then he turns around and does and says the exact same shit to Bernie.

He yells “Oh, don’t be so dramatic!” at Bernie as he gets into a taxi. THE PROJECTION!! THE DEFLECTION!!!!

I know there’s only so much they can put in two hours, but I wish they showed more of Elton’s eating issues. He had bulimia for sixteen years before he got help. It’s Absolutely the Man With Anorexia in me, but seeing that even men deal with eating disorders quells the lonely aching something in me. I feel that much less alone, you know. Eating disorders aren’t a “woman’s disease.”

How do you think they did his hair? A wig adds more hair, not take it away. He didn’t get his hair cut for it did he?

Seeing Elton’s first love fall apart because John was such a selfish, heartless prick in reality makes me sad.

Elton hugs his inner child when he reconciled with everyone in his past. Goddamn. He found peace and forgiveness for himself, who he was, even after all that time.

When Elton asks him not to go, Bernie refuses, saying this is something he had to do on his own. Healing comes from within alone. No one can help you do it. People can guide you, but you have to work at it. It’s fucking lonely sometimes, but it’s so, so worth it.

I used to loathe I’m Still Standing since i heard it so much at work, but the movie changed my entire perspective on it. I love the slow build up as he exits the rehab center. You don’t get thrown into something so happy and fast paced and fun after a cathartic climax you need to drink in. And the pan to his hat with the rainbow stripe to his smile. I get chills every time. Elton feels so right and secure and happy in himself. At first I thought it was a bit cheesy, but accepting your sexuality, especially after all the hell he went through during his life, grappling with unresolved trauma and fear of abandonment, he absolutely should wear it loud and proud. It’s easy to think times are much easier now being gay, and it shouldn’t be such a big deal. Relative to 1975, it is easier. But it doesn’t mean it’s not such a rough personal thing to work through if you’ve been spit on and resented all your life. Being gay, coming out, and accepting and being comfortable with that fact must’ve been such a HUGE milestone in Elton’s recovery and self-esteem.

Love me again after I’m still standing is perfect. The credits make me tear up every time. Jeez. What a good movie. What a good movie. Hit me up if you wanna talk about Rocketman because I absolutely will with you.

[trash-citybitch-blog]

Waiting For The Weekend (2/?)

Part Two Word count-3095 You meet a stranger on the walk of shame on a Sunday but you keep bumping into each other, a weird sort of friendship is born but will it turn into something else? Warnings- light nsfw, some Steve x reader, A/N- Im sorry this took me so long to get out! I’ve had fuck tonne of things going on lately and well, I was stuck for two weeks on a transition. Proof read was okay at first glance but it’s 3am! Also I had to do some Steve smut. The opportunity presented itself and I just had to (sorry not sorry) Feel free to ask me shit and happy reading my frens! I’m Part one -

Finally… You’d finished your last piece of paperwork and was ready to sit at your desk and count down the minutes until you get set free for the weekend. Saturday night being just a bit more than 24 hours away. You love your job but something about the possibility of seeing last weeks mystery man just seemed to get you more pumped for your night of debauchery. You leaned back in your chair and took your cell phone out of your bag, quickly scrolling through Facebook before opening your group chat with your two best friends; Wanda and Natasha.

y/f/n

Whaddup sluts, where are we partying this fine weekend? :P

You eagerly awaited their replies.

Nat

Well that was a nice greeting wasn’t it? ;) anyways I was thinking the nightclub we was at a few weeks ago? You know the one with the really good cocktails?

y/f/n

There’s no need to pretend you don’t like the place Nat. Your boyfriend owns the place and Puerto works there. you just want to spend all night with Clint don’t you? ;-) suppose we can do that

Wanda

Pietro said he can get us some free shots and a couple of drinks if we can help get people dancing

<b>y/f/n</b>

<i>Tell him if he tends the bar shirtless and makes it free drinks all night then I’ll do a strip tease, just joking! Wine night tonight for more planning? I’ll order pizza? </i>

Nat

I’m sure Pietro will love that babe ;) I’ll bring Wanda when she’s done for the day and a few bottles, love you! :*

You laughed to yourself and checked the time. Five more minutes. “C'mon time you beautiful bitch go a little faster!” You whispered to yourself, pushing yourself to the edge of your swivel chair. You busied yourself by turning off all your machines and tidying up your work space until you returned bright and early Monday morning. Then from the corner of your eye you spotted it. 5:00pm, clocking out time, finally it was the weekend!

You picked up your bag, called out a few goodbyes to your co-workers and walked out the building to the hustle and bustle of the evening rush of New York City. A smile spread across your lips as you took in the reasonably fresh air of the outside world and started to walk to the subway station. The hectic movements of the other commuters never ceased to amaze you, even after living in The Big Apple for over three years. You weaved your way through the throng of people, murmuring the occasional sorry to the people whom you bumped into. You waited for your transport patiently, drifting off into your own world of thought until the announcement came that it was pulling up to the platform, you quickly boarded and got home more or less in time to catch your best friend in the process of picking your lock.

You smiled and leaned against the hall of your apartment, you could already tell she was close to jigging the right pin. She was strangely good at this sort of stuff.

“You know you could always ask Mrs Henderson for the spare key instead of breaking another one of my locks?” You said loudly, the red head looked up completely unfazed by your sudden appearance.

“Yes but that would require being pleasant with the old bat, why can’t we just have our own keys?” Natasha replied, pulling her tools away from the lock and waiting for you to open the door.

“Remember last time you guys had keys and I just so happened to have a guest?” You deftly opened the door, slung your keys into the bowl and hung your belongings up in one swift move, all the while shedding your work shoes and jacket and walking to the kitchen to pull out three large wine glasses.

“Oh my God, y/n that was one time! And anyways it’s proven that you can’t be best friends with someone unless you’ve at least seen their tittys once,” Natasha laughed following your lead and pouring yourself, her and your missing comrade a hefty amount of red wine.

You laughed loudly, “Quite true Nat, and anyways where’s my favourite Eastern European?” “She’s running late from work and told me to tell you she’s in the mood for a spicy meat feast pizza. And if I tell you to get pineapple to punch me in the throat,” Natasha answered, taking a large gulp of her drink and hopping onto the worktop. You laughed to yourself and ordered the pizzas, deciding a small pizza each and some garlic bread would suffice. Just before you could take a sip of your own drink Wanda walked into your kitchen and pulled the glass from your hand and drained it quickly before thrusting it back into your grasp and calling out that she was going to change clothes. You stood there, mouth agape, eyebrows quirked upwards in surprise. “Man… someone’s had a bad day,” Natasha muttered around the rim of her glass. You made an noise of agreement and poured yourself another drink. The dark haired girl appeared a moment later, swiping her glass from the counter and hopping up in its place. “You don’t know the half of it. I don’t wanna talk, I just want to enjoy my wine and make a plan to have a fun weekend with my favourite girls,” Wanda sighed, taking a large gulp of her wine. “When the hell is the pizza here?”

-

After some inane chat about everyone’s day at work and current events the pizzas arrived. You all ate your fill, were bordering on tipsy and sprawled out over your two large sofas. The three of you had unanimously agreed to go to Clint’s place were Wanda’s brother worked at. You smiled to yourself, one your go to hook ups Steve also worked behind the bar on most Saturday nights and you knew if there wasn’t any other suitable men at the club, you could have a very memorable night with him.

-

After nursing a slight wine headache the next morning, you and your friends lazed around all day until you deemed it suitable enough to get ready. You all took your time, putting on your make up and styling your hair. You opted for a smokey eye and dark lip, curling your hair to pin up perfection before slipping into a full black number and killer heels.

“Guys, I’m ordering the cab in five minutes!” You called into your apartment as you gave yourself the last minute touches of perfume and make up setting spray. A chorus of ‘okays’ were your answer. You sat patiently on the sofa, taking you phone from the charger and turning the outlet off. You snapped a few selfies, updated your snapchat story and waited for your two best friends to get their asses out to you. They both walked out, dressed to the nines and looking fabulous. You took your mandatory group snap, grabbed your keys, bag and a light jacket and headed out for a night of fun. You arrived at the club a little bit later, waving at the security guys as they welcomed you in before the people waiting in line. “Perks of screwing the owner huh ‘Tasha?” You smirked, your eyes scouting for your two favourite blond men. She laughed and pulled you and Wanda to the bar, flagging down Pietro as soon as you arrived there. “Hello sister dearest, Natasha… y/n,” Pietro greeted you his eyes hovering over you for a little while longer than the others. You smirked and leant against the bar. “Hey Piet, care to get us some drinks?” You said, pulling out your wallet and sliding him twenty dollars, purposely brushing your fingers over his. “The usual?” he asked. You nodded and shot him a wink, turning your attention back to your best friends, letting him work on your drinks.

“You know I have no problem with you flirting with my brother but please don’t give each other sex eyes when I’m less than a meter away from you.” Wanda sighed, pulling a disgusted face. You shrugged your shoulders and smiled at your friend. “Sorry Darling, you know how I get when I’m on the prowl, just can’t help myself.” Wanda shook her head dismissively and returned your smile.

“Your drinks ladies,” a deep voice came from the other side of the bar. You recognised that voice and could feel a small prickle of excitement run down your spine. before turning yourself around fully, letting your eyes shift up and down his toned frame. Steve Rogers. The blond man shot you a flirtatious smile and handed you your tray of drinks. You could tell he was very aware of your gaze but you didn’t care. The hunt was most definitely on tonight. Natasha took the tray from your hands, motioning to your usual table and dragging Wanda along with her. You smiled at Steve beckoning him closer with a wag of your finger. He lent in closer, a small smirk tugging at the corner of his lip. “Can I do you for anything else y/n?” he hummed. you can do me later if you play your cards right You pushed yourself further atop the bar, leaning up to whisper directly in his ear: “If you get a quiet spell or a break and need some entertainment… feel free to come over,” you pushed yourself back and turned on your heels, the alluring sway of your hips slightly more exaggerated as you walked towards your friends. Wanda smiled and scooted over in the booth after seeing you approach. You lowered yourself into the plush cushion and reached for a shot of tequila. You slammed it down and relished in the warm burn as the liquid confidence slid smoothly down your throat.

“Oh y/n why are you sexually harassing my staff again?” Clint laughed, sliding his arm around Natasha’s shoulders. “I have no idea what your talking about my dear Clinton,” you returned, “Oh so why was Natasha and Wanda both discussing which one of my bar staff you’d be boning tonight?” You threw your head back in a laugh. “I bet thirty dollars that it’s Steve, just because I really don’t want to imagine you and my brother fucking,” Wanda chimed in with a small shiver. “Really? With how Piet’s been staring at her I’m surprised her clothes haven’t come off,” Nat said, reaching for im her drink and taking a small sip. You took your own drink and did the same. “I agree with Wanda, Steven looks like he’s going to eat her,” Vision laughed happily, already partially tipsy. “Of course you’d side with your girl man, I think she’ll just pick up some random dude, keep them both of edge,” Clint interjected, downing the rest of his whiskey. You let out another laugh at your friends banter. “You guys make me out to be such a slut… I’m touched.”

-

The drinks flowed freely throughout the night, a few dances and a few offers from some very eligible bachelors, you decided a bit of fresh air and a sneaky cigarette was a good move. You didn’t smoke usually, but the alcohol just brought out the bad in you. The cold night air felt amazing on your sweaty skin. You let out a sigh as you dug through your purse for your cigarettes and lighter. Your fingers grasped the flimsy paper carton, soon finding the lighter and pulling them from your purse. You slid the slim white stick between your painted lips and lit the end, taking large drag and exhaling. You closed you eyes and leant against the wall, feeling the heavy bass shaking the wall.

“I thought I’d find you out here,” a deep voice called to you. You opened your eyes and they landed on Steve. “Y'been looking for me Stevie?” You smiled taking another drag before kicking back off of the wall and walking up to the muscle bound man. “Actually, yeah… I have, I’ve been waiting to get you alone all night,” he returned placing a hand on the small of your back and pulling you closer. “You’ve been driving me crazy all night and my shift doesn’t finish for another three hours,” he growled, his words dripping with arousal. You shuddered at the deep timbre of his voice, exhaling the smoke through your nose. “You better give me a good reason to stick around for you then Rogers…” you returned, pulling your smoke up to take another drag. Steve growled and took the cigarette from your fingers, flicking it away and pressing his lips to yours. His mouth completely dominated yours, his tongue pushing into your mouth to do battle with yours. You moaned and grasped onto his shirt, pulling him closer to your own body. His body was heaven, all hard muscle and warmth. You revelled I’m having him pressed up against you. Whilst one of Steve’s hands was curled around the back your neck, the other wandered south, grabbing a handful of your ass and squeezing. Your kiss was ferocious, all teeth, tongue and groping. You were the first to pull back, your lips swelling from your intense make out session. “God, y/n. You make me do the craziest shit. All I can think about is taking you back to my place and pounding into that pretty little pussy of yours,” You moaned at his words, he knew from your ongoing friends with benefits situation that dirty talk was a huge weakness for you. Especially with his innocent exterior, the filthy words tumbling from his mouth was just pure sin. “You love when I describe what I want don’t you babygirl? I bet your already wet for me aren’t you? Tell me y/n,” he purred into your ear, his long fingers dancing at the waistline of your shorts. You whimpered and pushed your hips towards his hand. God, you wanted him. “C'mon baby, tell me.” His fingers pushed bellow your shorts, ticking the flesh of your lower stomach. “I’m so wet for you Steve, please just touch do something…. please.” You moaned. The blonde pushed his hand further down into your panties, growling hotly into your ear as he found you almost dripping. “Oh baby girl you are wet for me aren’t you? I haven’t even touched your properly yet. Such a dirty little girl for me.” He chuckled, lightly grazing his thick digits around your pussy lips, teasingly pushing just the tip into your entrance. You felt yourself clench around his fingertip and your hips pushing down to get more of his sinful touch. “Steve please…” you whimpered breathlessly. He chuckled and swiped his fingers across your entrance, gathering your juices and withdrawing his hand. He brought his fingers to his lips and sucked them cleaned. The erotic sight proving more arousing. “Taste so sweet,” he moaned,“ but my break is over. See you later Y/n,” - The rest of your night had you on eggshells, every time you got up to dance you’d catch steve’s smouldering gaze and end up having to sit down before the sheer arousal made your legs start to quiver like bambi on ice. This caused a laugh between your companions, Natasha and Clint each giving over their stake in the bet to Vision and Wanda with grumbles of disappointment.

3 am could not come quick enough.

-

Before you knew it you were back outside waiting Steve. The door creaked open and out he stepped, smirk soon appearing back on his face as his blue eyes landed on you. He was soon at your side, arm around your waist as he pulled you to his apartment. Your walk had been full of playful kisses and wandering hands.

“Just warning you, you may run into my friend in the morning, if he’s not out already,” he said as he opened the door, once again pulling you towards his and capturing your mouth in a searing kiss, slowly walking you to his room, yours and his clothes flying everywhere before you hit the sheets and enjoyed a passionate night with him. - You were awoken by the sun peaking in through the curtains, directly on your face. You winced and stretched out your sore muscles, your eyes barely opened to slits as you let your eyes take in the gorgeous man still asleep next to you. You smiled and carefully got up out of bed. You and Steve knew you’d never be anything more than a fuck. But you both were incredibly okay with each other disappearing before the other woke up. From the scratch marks, bruises, hickeys and the feeling of complete satisfaction, you knew this was the way it was meant to be. You smiled yourself and gathered your clothes, sliding them on and tiptoeing out of the door as silently as possible.

different week, different walk of shame

You set off on your usual route home, heels in hand, hair a mess and not a care in the world beside the slight ache in your temples and between your thighs. You stopped off to have a coffee and chat with Ernie, then you spotted the same guy from last week and it looked like he spotted you too and damn did he look sexy. You noticed him giving you a slight wave and smile. You returned it, turning your attention back to your favourite barista. That’s when you spotted him coming over from the corner of your eye. “Hey there young 'in, what can I get for you this fine mornin?” Ernie said with a friendly smile. “Uh, can I just get a large black coffee?” He said in a deep voice. Ernie nodded and deftly made the tall dark stranger his coffee before handing it to him and exchanging the correct money. You left your tip to Ernie on his cart and started to walk away before a deep voice stopped you in your tracks. “Good night?” You smiled and turned around. “Could say the same to you stranger, your hair looks more desperate for brush than mine does,” you said cheekily, taking a sip of your liquid hangover remedy. “I’m Bucky… and you are?” “Y/n, lovely to meet you Bucky but my bed is calling.” “Same to you Y/n… I don’t mean to sound presumptuous but I’m guessing I’ll see you next Sunday morning?” “More than likely…”

[haynescheung-blog]

22 Aug 2018- First Day Filming

4am there’s a Canadian customer asked about my project and he said, “Well, let’s have pancakes together.” So we had pancakes together. I’m not sure if it’s because of midnight the restaurant kinda stopped serving already but still offered me pancakes, but the pancakes weren't good at all. They were so dry... well... at least now I know when NOT TO ORDER. Oreo pancakes are quite.. too sweet, too heavy. I sincerely hope it was just an accident. Otherwise I’m inviting people coming to have bad pancakes with me is not a really nice thing to do isn’t?

What I feel: There’re so many reasons why I love this restaurant. One of them is the people here never bothers me no matter how long I stayed here. But there was a waiter kinda cross my boundary. He’s a mid-aged man and he likes to touch me (shoulders, back, hands..), which I really do not appreciate it. Last time before I left the restaurant he kissed my face so sudden that I don't even have time to react so I just left. Today in the morning he saw me and he kissed my face again, even I kinda push him over. So I just told him that ‘in my culture, we don't do a lot of touching’, which I supposed maybe I’m too nice to say it. But well.. as long as he doesn't do it again, I’ll try to be nice. He seemed to be a bit embarrassed by his action. I just don't understand why I’m like a toy to some of those weird mid-aged men (just some), and I seriously feel angry about it. I don't think he dare to touch people he perceive as real woman, but then I am, I am a human-being as well, and I’m 21. I think I have to stand out for myself. It’s very rude and disrespectful to belittle others, and he doesn't even know my name.. sorry but fuck off. I’m also proud that I finally know how to protect myself and confront against men. I used to be “nice” and find a lot of excuses and even consider their perspectives. Now I can say I’m finally growing up and be kind to myself. If I don't respect myself, no one would. This is what humans are. This is the reason why I cannot trust human beings. It’s difficult for me to embrace them and myself everything. Not that I don't accept flaws and ugliness, or they don't meet my expectations. I just want to be as simple as it could be. Relationships. Connections. I know I can never understand a person fully, and this is why we are all very lonely. But then we are lonely together.

I always trying to reach somebody, yet I’m the one who built up so many boundaries; boundaries to isolate anyone gets across my border. I like to be on my own at all times, and I like talking and knowing strangers. I could spend hours just listening to them, but I can hardly build a real relationship with anyone. It could take me years to truly trust someone. I like living this way, but I begin to wonder if it would be a problem of me in a long term? 

At least I’ve got myself, and my artist teacher in HK who’s always my backup. I’m very lucky. I want to be a true artist, because artist is a genuine being. I want to be real and humble. Be who I truly am means I can fully embrace and accept myself. I’m still far away from it cause I still have to remind myself many times, but someday I’ll get nearly there and being genuine and humble will be just as natural as breathing.

2:15p.m.

I was told by the manager here that it might probably not a good idea to film the restaurant around here for privacy reasons, which I can totally understand that might not be very respectful thing to do. But then I found it interesting about their reactions of me filming around. No one has any idea why I’m doing that and what I’m going to do with the clips.

Tough from my perspective I thought I was allowed to film around.. Well, there are many workers in this restaurant and some of them are fine with it some of them aren't. Im curious of how they actually feel rather than Im feeling anything for my behavior. I do respect them, though. Especially I was editing my video in an open area, where I film with customers in it. I feel like no matter how good my manner is or how nice I’m trying to be, what I did obviously across their border. Not many people like to be seen in this way. It’s ok if they appear in my vision, but not filming it. It’s ok if I take video of the table that I’m having pancakes with some strangers, or I even stick the notes around without their permission, but its not right to offense anyone’s privacy in the restaurant. 

I guess this is the limitation. 

Am I ok with it if someone filming me working?

It feels different than I’m filming myself right.

I’m the director, which means I can take away any clips than I do not like, but they don't have a choice.

Now I’m under their eyes, I’m the one who’s being watched.

How do I feel?

When I was editing the videos, I was both watching and being watched. It is actually the same now, the only difference is, I’m the person who is being seen whatever I do, but I’m not scared, because I know why Im being watched, but they don't.

4:29pm- 

I’m just a bit tired, since I didn't sleep much yesterday as well. I started to feel a bit numb. I couldn't think very deep and fast. I just keep wondering about literally, the way of seeing. I was watching the second episode but I almost fell asleep.

What if I film myself, watching myself through my cell phone, and people watch me through the screen? I’m not allowed to film around the restaurant, but I am allowed to film myself, right?

What if filming myself makes someone feel uncomfortable because I am looking at them through the screen on the Gopro camera? 

4:51pm- 

almost fell asleep, i tried very hard to stay awake and doing sth, as long as I convince myself that I can do it, I  can do it. Everything is about faith. Someone is coming or not, I’m doing it. My mind cannot function as good, but I’m typing out some words now. Make sense or not, they keep me awake. My stomach doesn't feel really well, so I don't wanna drink coffee. It’s still far too early for caffeine anyways. If I finish this challenge, I can have a whole day sleeping. Just think of it. I need to film myself now. Because I’m sleepy. I need to document it.

[poppoppopprophet-blog]

19th december 2016

Okay Okay Okay Uhm First things first, (I'm the realest) I'm fucking nervous for this new therapy thingie I'm go Freedom, I don't feel that. Imagination, I do have that. And I can imagine what Freedom feels like. Like.. Uhm Like stepping out the door and it's really cold out and you're still comfortable from the warmth inside and you're wearing warm clothes and you don't know where you're going and the light outside is bright and you bite for that first heap of air. That first breath. That's what I imagine Freedom feels like. That's what I know Freedom feels like. Problem is tho. It's not a constant. Far from it. For almost constantly I feel pressed. Stressed. Afraid even. I mean, fucking laugh all you want, but I'm genuinely scared for a third World War to break out. And I ain't fighting for a country that I don't feel a part of. I'm not fighting for borders I don't believe in. I'm not fighting for a system that's not built for me. I'm not fighting to protect the generations above me that are fucking me over. I'm not gonna protect a people or a country or a system that has never picked up responsibility. Fuck that. And fuck you. I would fight tho. Not for you. For me. For my generation. I'm afraid I'm able to pick up arms to fight the ones that never claimed responsibility. I'm able to terrorize. My generation is capable of terrorism. HOW IN THE NAME OF FUCK DO YOU SPREAD IDEOLOGY WITHOUT IT LEADING TO VIOLENCE?! There's Extremist Buddhists right now! Are you reading this?! Extremist, violent, killing, terrorizing, FUCKING BUDDHISTS?! what the fuck (I luv buddhism 😭) (I luv marxism 😭) (If I was born two hundres years ago I would have luved kapitalism) Okay Okay Okay Gaaaaaaawd Let's talk, shut up Ghiel. Let me write about this upcoming third year exhibit. I figured I was done for that. Or well, that I had my concept ready, and that's like half the work. But! Talking with Juf yesterday and talking with my new psychologist fucked this up. See, my idea was to present my readymades; Britney (2007), Kim K (2016), Nicolas Bourriad on fb and Marina and Ulay on Tumblr. Now, I had the intention of showing this in an art context to see what would happen, how people would respond, what they would think and learn. Basically it being an extension of the research that I'm already doing while finding these readymades. And so, I wanted to talk to all of the viewers and visitors and hear them out. But I cant be everywhere! So insert: Doubles! Dopplegangers, lookalikes. I've been wanting to work with doubles for quite some time now. Ever since I was starting to work with fashion. Seemed like a lot of fun! Hahah and it clearly makes a statement on fame and the artist myth and the artist's created persone. Lyfe as a form of art! Persona as a work of art! And then I envisioned my Doubles to have my readymades on their laptop/iPhone/iPad. And then what? Will they approach every visitor? Will they walk around the exhibit? Will they have to stay in the exhibit? Do they have to stay in one place? Should they wait for visitors to address them? I DONT KNOWWWW OKAY so juf warned me that all these layers could get in the way of eachother. And then my psychologist today was talking about communication and how multiple layers of communication get in the way of eachother and are confusinf. I don't want this to happen. I think. The thing also is that I'm not working with one statement here. I'm uhm.. it's research. And that's what's fucking me up right now. I cannot implement clear communication into this exhibit if I don't have anything to communicate. What the fuck should I do? The commision wants the application in two days and I don't have a clear ideea to start working with. Fuuuuuuuuyyyyyycj Maybe doing research isn't a bad thing. It could be super interesting. I was also thinking that I don't have to be in this exhibition. If I think about 'the greater whole' I would much rather be in your phone, in your pocket forever than in your face for about a minute. Fuuuuuyyyck im soooo lossssst This fucking pressure. Goddamn I could also Have the readymades hung up on the walls. Neat. Nice. Empowering. Monumental. And now, it's a one night exhibit. So everybody wants to talk to the artist, right? Insert doubles. Fuck! No! The doubles lose all their function. Do they? It's still a statement on the artist's created persona. God, I'm so lost. I hate everything coming out of my brain right now. I just wanna make music, fam. First things first. Jezus Zo de weg kwijt Okay Okay Okay Let's see Chapters? Ja sure let's do this Chapterssss... Uhm.. Omggg Daily Wisdom? Philosophy? UTOPIA icons, iconoclasm? The way every human being comes to fruition? Is there a word for that? My god, I feel like these chapters are gonna change every single day. Whats the point of this? WHATS THE POINT TO LYFE? Ah, existentialism is another one I think. Do I have too many already? Looooooost (boys) I feel like these chapters are intertwining. Wait, that's allright, right? Like Fuck Idk Cos Me now starting with music is mostly Daily Philosophy, but also a part Iconoclasm and icons Yes those two go together! What the fuck! 2k16's so weird! I have to prevent WW3 I don't feel like I will ever be an essayist like they're supposed to be. Jesus I'm all over the place Fuck conservatists Fuck patriarchy Fuck sexism Fuck you I'm so energetic and soooo tired at the same time I got this hyperfocus going on but it's going eeeeeverywhere How to spread ideology (without violence) is a chapter i think Let's see What do I have so far? Everyday Philosophy Utopia Iconoclasm Human being to Fruition Existentialism (Idiot, that's equal to the first one) Spreading Ideology (on your bread!) Okay Let's put them in order of what's chronologically kinda possible slash logical hahahaa fuck me Everyday (i dont like that word) Philosophy Ordinary? Daily? Common? Idk? Iconoclasm Daily Philosophy Human being to Fruition Spreading Ideology UTOPIA I feel like there is so many joints and bridges that these topics turn into a fucking paste in my head. And I feel like anyone can see that and that makes me feel dumb. Are these all the chapters? Who knows? You don't even know, Ghiel. I want a blog. For all my diaries and thoughts and sources. And i wanna start on my youtube channel. I tried changing my age on facebook. I couldnt? Huuuah? Daily Philosophy is the means, no the medium to handle EXISTENTIALISM thats the chapter. Lets see Where the fuck am I in these chapters? EQUALITY: iconoclasm EXISTENTIALISM: daily philosophy EQUALITY AGAIN?: Human being to fruition UTOPIA: Spreading ideology Utopia Equality+existentialism=utopia? Again EQUALITY EXISTENTIALISM UTOPIA Betekenisvolle naïviteit That's what I have to grasp. Meaningful naivity. Giving meaning to your lyfe in order to survyve. Okay God I'm so tired now. EXISTENTIALISM is the chapter I'm in right now. My works; Destruction Is Followed By Growth, Kijker=Kunst and (You're) Welcome, Not Welcome all dealt with ICONOCLASM. ICONOCLASM to me is fucking up authority, power, expectations and elitism. In my personal lyfe I resist against authority. I don't feel like anyone deserves it. In the bigger picture it's resisting against, well, in the forenamed cases: the zeitgeist, the pedestal and, yes, the police hahaha. Kijker=Kunst dealt with EXISTENTIALISM as well (and even utopia) and well, see, uhm.. Once you (I) dealt with Iconoclasm, you're on your own. You are by yourself. You are selfreliant. (Jesus fuck, terrorist attack in Berlin? Fuuuuck) I am on my own. What will I do today? Tomorrow? For the rest of my life? My friend Joost said the legendary words: 'Giving meaning to your lyfe is a way of survyval.' For without it, you will kill yourself. (Omg did he just say that?) Ja, the case is I neeeed existentialism, I neeeeeed a reason, I neeeeed a meaning. Therefor you, yes YOU need this too. See, this, our time is post-theosomething.. There's no religion. There's noone giving you meaning and without it you are in danger. Jesus, this sounds dramatic. I can't focus anymore. Imma pee. Basically, I wanna save the world hahahah save every fucking human Or well, I care for people. I really do. And I consider the globally ignoring and not knowinf of wishes and initiatives is one of the greatest problems facing us. And I see an outcome or a solution in existentialist philosophy. Problem with this is that philosophy is packed in thick books that barely anyone ever gets to reading and truly understanding. So I feel I should take this knowledge I've taken and developed and pour it in a shape that's accesible. And above all: fun. Yes, it has to be fun. If it doesn't have entertainment value it will only be interesting to a certain few and like I said: I care for all people. So I will do my best to reach as many as possible. Without compromising. So right now I will build, create, shape an album. A music album. To reach people with abstract knowledge packed in words in a form that is entertaining and accesible and is from all media that I know most likely to be repeated the most.