#im so NERVOUS i hate the idea of driving i dont want to do it but i need to at least learn and get a license | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

commanderquinn · 1 year

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Good Space Chapter 2: Man On The Moon

! i dont! keep these posts! updated! like i do! ao3!

that means you're going to find typos and shit (and possibly minor detail changes) that don't match the ao3 version! that's because im not going to bother fixing the tumblr posts until i finish good space as a whole. im only uploading them here as a backup tbh

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master list / ao3 chapter link

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warnings: lotta swearing and usual heavy pstd bucky stuff. also!! im giving sam's story a little bit of author bias/culture venting. this wont read like canon FATWS sam, though i am trying to honor their show where i dont hate it. i love sam's journey to cap, even if ken doll was nauseating (whats funny is i didnt know his actor's name is wyatt until halfway through THIS chapter when i googled something. oh well lmao im sure he's a perfectly nice dude. the wyatt in this fic is My Baby) plus the trump era commentary was completely toothless imo. and the fact that james buchanan barnes acknowledged in episODE T H R E E of the series that he'd take the shield before letting it fall???? even through all his self-hatred?????? get the fuck out of here that desTROYED ME i hate this fictional man with a passion

song: this one's by kid cudi!! 🥰

its time for the l o n g i n g to start ❤️ grab tissues!! first biggie angst so i had to put it behind our resident teddy bear's pov 🥺 you KNOOOOW i had to finish up this update in time for stevie’s birthday 🥰

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October 3rd, 2015

Samuel Wilson was not disillusioned when he walked into his first recruitment office. There were no patriotic stars in his eyes, no lotto number clutched painfully between nervous fingers to drive his feet up to that kiosk. He wasn’t foaming at the mouth to earn career-establishing stripes in a timely fashion. All he had to his name was a high school diploma and twenty-three bucks in his pocket. He didn’t have any big dreams for the desert rocks to tear a hole through.

Sam was a kid back then. One who wanted to build a life, and the GI Bill offered to make that happen. A solid, steady income with the vision of a college education somewhere on the horizon. Not a lot of other options for someone like him, no matter which familiar corner of the country he looked at.

It took a long time and the right partner for the Air Force to talk him out of his combat objections once the ANG got wind of him. He turned the experimental program down flat twice; Pararescue was his focus for a reason. They had to bribe him with cutting-edge tech and the authority to refuse an assignment just to get him to agree to a first flight. The words never found their way onto an official record, at least none he knows of, but Sam had relentlessly insisted that he wouldn’t be volunteering as the next Indianapolis. Getting pushback on that assertion was when the anger first set in. The first crack in the armor of his career.

There were a lot of better angels within the service; it took most of them to get him home, tape-free, after Riley’s death. By the end of it all, it felt like every last one of them was outnumbered fifty to one. Nothing felt right anymore, including the idea of leaving the family he found in the sand to fend for themselves. The only thing that felt survivable after the world finally stopped tilting was dedicating himself to the VA.

Living for the memory of the ones he lost helped him find other reasons to want to be a person again. From there, it was mostly helping other people find reasons of their own that drove him forward.

It’s why he’s willing to delve into some shithole facility in the middle of nowhere Russia for a guy like Steve Rogers. And, on some levels, he supposes, if he absolutely has to, for a guy like Bucky Barnes. Even if he is the grouchiest motherfucker on the face of the Earth.

The lumbering moron hasn’t said a word all morning, no matter what small talk Steve tries to open with. And he’s tried everything, ever since they landed. Sam’s responded to a few of the openings himself just to try to fill the silence. He hopes it’s helping. It’s been hard to get a detailed read on the other push-pop’s triggers so far. Steve hasn’t signaled for him to stop, so.

“Cryo is through here,” Bucky rumbles under his breath. They’re the first words he’s spoken since the Quinjet.

“How many should we be expecting?” Steve asks almost as quietly.

“How many people am I asking you to put a bullet through, you mean.”

Steve stops halfway through the door Bucky’s directed them to. “We haven’t decided if that’s what we’re going to—”

“Maybe you haven’t decided. I’ll do it if you won’t.” The former sergeant doesn’t turn around. He keeps walking, getting closer to the stocky metal pods.

Sam already hates this. He already hates this a whole fucking lot. Captain America coming to him with a request to take the headcase to Russia was always going to get weird; he knew that. But he’s been very clear on what he’s down for, and now they’re in murder and war crime weird. He’d like to start slowing down the crazy train—

Steve holds up his hand. “Bucky, listen, it doesn’t have to—”

“Fuck off. You have no idea what it’s like to sit in this hell. You two can wait outside if you’re so uncomfortable. I’ve got it from here.”

Mmm. That’s the voice of a guilt-ridden survivor. Sam recognizes it well. At least it’s giving him a bead on where today’s drive is coming from. “You mean the hell we pulled you from?”

Steve’s head whips around, with righteous, territorial anger in his eyes. “You’re right, Buck; we don’t. But—”

“But you don’t know what they want,” Sam forcefully finishes, staring back at Steve. He banks on the fact that, technically, they’re not really disagreeing. Steve’s trying to back him down, too, in his own way. “Taking away their chance at the same new life you’re getting isn’t—”

Bucky’s cybernetic fist comes crashing down on one of the corroded desks, making the rusted metal whine in protest, deforming to the shape of his fingers. “You two don’t fucking get it.” He turns, angrily tugging his hand back to his side. The assassin doesn’t advance, but his posture is more than ready for it as he glares at them with pure contempt. “You think you’re going to find people in those tanks—humans, with hearts and minds and hopes and dreams. There might as well be skeletons getting freezer-burned in those goddamn caskets because that’s the only salvageable thing you’ll find. You fucking—”

He laughs, the sound empty, and turns back around to send his fist into the side of the table, knocking it across the room. He doesn’t face them again. “You fuckers! You take a fucking look at me. Take a good, long look. I am half alive. I had a radiation-free knockoff keeping me upright through their bullshit. You wanna know what they had? Something that might as well have been piss mixed in some fucking snow. Worthless trash those Nazi bastards bottled up and stuck in a needle.”

“Bucky—” Steve tries to calm his best friend as the man’s voice breaks. Sam could tell him from first-hand experience how well that’s going to go over.

There was a lot of screaming in that desert. A lot of grief disguised as anger. A lot of old ideals leaving newly-shattered men one seething tear at a time.

“They were zombies by the time HYDRA was done injecting them. Do you get that? Are you two grasping the concept? They were rabid dogs I trained to respond to whistles. Rotting corpses that I taught how to aim. And that was before their brains shorted out on them. I looked into every single one of their eyes. I saw what looked back. Fuck species—what was in there was not fucking alive. Fuck you—fuck you so fucking much for even fucking suggesting I should leave them like that—like animated fucking cadavers—hooked up to some fucking machine just to breathe—”

“James.”

Bucky’s flood of words finally cuts off, and Sam isn’t sure if it’s because of the use of his first name or the way he swallows as if he’s choking. His flesh hand comes down on the back of the chair that started out tucked under the table. It keeps the guy upright while he pulls in a few breaths that look painful, even through the curtain of dark brown hair.

“Let’s see what’s what first,” Sam suggests as diplomatically as he can manage. He doesn’t take a step forward, mostly because he doesn’t see Steve take one. “Then we go from there.”

“You’re going to hate what you see.” Bucky scoffs bitterly. “You think you know, but you don’t. You’re going to hate me for bringing you here. For the rest of your lives.”

Steve moves forward, finally, but he stays a few feet to Bucky’s seven o’clock. “I’m not dumb enough to make you any promises about not hating what I see here. I haven’t even looked in one, and I already know you’re right on the money when it comes to that. But I can promise that you’ll always be wrong about me hating you for any of this.”

“So can I,” Sam assures. There’s not a doubt in his mind now that he understands where they’re at.

—

Bucky’s up at 0500.

He hasn’t slept a minute later than that since the first night his body adjusted to New York’s timezone, no matter what hour he falls asleep. He doesn’t attempt more than upright power naps on away missions. They’re the only thing that gets him any rest outside of his room in the tower.

It’s the same every morning. First, he works on his back, popping away the stiffness one awkward bend of his limbs at a time. From there, the extra thick comforter gets picked up off the floor, then the blanket and the lopsided pillow. They always get tossed on top of the bed he’s never used. Except on Saturdays, when he does his laundry. That’s when they get put in a basket to be taken to Natasha’s room. She won’t let him have his own washing machine until he starts using the bed.

So, every Saturday, he shows up with his little pile at 0800 because Natasha won’t unlock the door until then. A pillowcase. A blanket and matching comforter. Two shirts, usually henleys, five black tanks, and two different tactical pants. One pair of gloves. His singular monkey suit gets taken to the cleaners whenever he’s forced to wear it, which thankfully isn’t often.

His dress uniform hasn’t come out of the box Steve dropped it off in after getting it pulled from the goddamn Smithsonian. Bucky hasn’t laid eyes on it since 1943.

While he’s working his hair up into a serviceable bun, he thinks about Natasha’s recommendation to start braiding it before he sleeps. He doesn’t like the idea of something that tight sitting against his head, especially at night. Maybe if he lets his hair grow out a little more. He wants to keep the shoulder length it’s at now, though. It looks good on him. He wants to know what asking someone to pull on it feels like. Eventually.

Online dating has been… overwhelming, to say the least.

He’s reaching for the medkit in the drawer under his bathroom sink when the mental image of Ava creeps in. He isn’t trying to blow off the hippie’s orders. Honestly, the thought of their deal hadn’t crossed his mind until he got to this part of his day. Resisting the urge yesterday had been difficult. He knew ahead of time that today was going to be much worse. It means pushing through a repeated break in his pattern.

That voice, the one that insists he should tell Steve to fuck off much more, rears its head. His flesh hand twitches with the reflex to finish his usual routine. To show up late to her office with some blase excuse about doing it out of habit. He could sell the lie without even trying. Entire countries have fallen thanks to his expertise with it. She wouldn’t have a shot in hell at knowing the difference.

He could work his way out of this with ease. Steve already feels guilty about making him pull a hard stop during his first visit, even if he won’t say the words. It’s the perfect opening to establish a line and push it away to give himself some room, one step at a time.

With a decisive flick of his wrist, Bucky shuts the drawer holding his medkit. For the second time since he was allowed to travel without a handler, he walks away from his morning routine without treating the cybernetics on the back of his neck.

It makes his skin feel wrong—off, unsettled—as he gets his standard gear on. He’s still grounded, thanks to Steve, so it’s the version he’s got closest to fatigues. He hopes the doctor doesn’t mind rolling down a polyester turtleneck to get at his brain port. He almost skips going to the gym for his workout, but that would worsen the off feeling. And he’d have to sit around with nothing to do for hours waiting for their first scheduled maintenance.

He slides his phone into his back pocket, intent on heading to his standard morning haunt. A few hours of going through his paces in the gym will help his nerves. When his mind offers up the suggestion that a workout before seeing the cute doctor could be—advantageous, he tries not to linger in it.

The idea certainly doesn’t make him feel bad. It’s even sort of... motivating in its own way. It... contributes to his reasons for doing a few extra sets on the bench. And adding a quick rock wall climb. There are others, of course. Being chained to the tower like a toddler in timeout because his best friend is an asshole is certainly one of them. He tacks on more time at the reinforced, Super-Soldier-proof punching bag to ease that particular frustration.

Even with the additions to his cardio, he’s still got an hour to kill before their appointment. He fills it by heading for the roof of the tower. It’s not even 0900, so no one but a few graveyard stragglers are out in the open space. SHIELD agents like him that are married to the job, catching a glimpse of the sun and a few puffs of nicotine before going to crash. Bucky stops to help one of them struggling with her lighter, offering up his spare Bic. The other agent smiles at him in tired appreciation before hovering the end of her cigarette over the flame. He counts it as contributing to his social life. He’ll figure out how to phrase it to get his therapist off his ass later.

The brain trust’s space is, unsurprisingly, effortless to find. Ava wasn’t kidding; it’s actually tucked away in one corner of the roof, hidden along the wall that extends up to the tower’s executive launch bay. Bucky had expected them to claim a spot overlooking the Avenger’s balcony. Then again, he’s heard she’s pretty close friends with Tony, so maybe he shouldn’t have. She probably knows better by now.

There’s another collection of gargantuan chairs, this time made out of wicker and upholstery that feels soft when he runs his fingers over it. A tapestry rivaling the paint swatches at Steve’s supply store is mounted to the wall behind them. Two poles hold it at the opposite corners, keeping it blowing slightly in the wind as it hangs over the collected seating. The coffee table in the middle has a lockbox sitting on it, with SHEILDs insignia embossed on the lid.

He’s got level seven clearance these days. He could still easily get through that lock, even if he didn’t. It’s going to drive him batshit, not knowing what’s in it before she takes him up here herself.

Bucky turns around and gets halfway back to the door to the stairwell before the buzzing in his neck builds too much for comfort. He grinds his teeth through the sensation. He even manages to force himself another few steps forward. But, ultimately, the buzzing wins out, and he spins again with a vicious curse.

The confirmation chime of his clearance override feels too loud, even out here in the open. The top of the lockbox rolls back, revealing a set of playing cards, a jumbled collection of stress toys, a SHEILD standard medkit, and some candles. He almost leaves without checking the medkit. He’s so close to being able to stomach the idea.

Almost.

There’s nothing sinister to be found in it once it’s open. It’s stock issue. Not one of the item counts is off, but the lot numbers don’t match, meaning she maintains it regularly. Knowing that information feels invasive, despite being convinced she wouldn’t mind how he got it.

This. Isn’t. Siberia. Ava Ryder is not going to put a gun in his hand. She is not a risk to him.

Bucky leaves the roof, headed for her lab. He’s going to tell her he went snooping. He can do that, at least—a bare minimum level of respect to offer her.

She’s not in her office when he gets through the painted door at 0857. Only one of the doctors is behind the glass today. It’s the other woman—the American-born German. Hannah. Her head is down, focused on a tablet under her hands, with wireless earbuds peaking out from her dirty blonde hair. A hologram of a brain Bucky doesn’t recognize is running next to her. It’s not his; there’s no spider webbing. One of their other patients then.

He takes a seat in the same chair he used during his last visit. “JARVIS?”

“Good morning, Sergeant Barnes,” the AI responds with nothing but tranquility. “Something you need?”

“Can you tell the doc I’m ready when she is?”

“Of course. Dr. Ryder has not yet entered the building. I’ll let her know you’ve arrived.”

Bucky frowns. “Ah—cancel that. Is she—“ Don’t ask him to track her, you dumbfuck. That’s weird. “Never mind. I’ll wait.”

This is New York. He’s not even sure what part of the city she lives in. For all he knows, she could be stuck in a cab uptown. He can pull the stick out of his ass long enough to give her room to be human.

He sits there in silence, sunken into pillows with his leg bouncing rapidly, and talks himself up in his head. He’s not uncomfortable. He’s not going to bullshit his way out of this. This is good; it’s going to help him. Bucky is happy about that. It’s a relief to be facing this after a lifetime of running.

By 0901, he wants to leave. The urge is nearly overwhelming. He makes it to 0904 before he stands up. It takes until 0906 to convince himself to sit back down.

“I have an incoming message from Dr. Ryder if you wish to hear it, Sergeant Barnes,” JARVIS tells him eleven minutes after the appointment was supposed to start.

Thank god. “Play it.”

“Morning, JAR!” Her voice is muffled in the recording. She’s got something in her mouth. She’s also in the most broken-down piece of shit in the city by the sounds of it, so not a cab. The subway, maybe? It should be a lot louder than that. “Tell Bucky I’m about fifteen minutes behind and that I’m very sorry. Oh—and tell him to pick the candle!”

His eyebrows lift in confused surprise. “I’m picking a candle?”

“Choosing a candle to burn is part of the daily routine of lab 5923. Dr. Ryder and I usually decide on one, but the option is left open for patients. You will find a box behind her desk; there is a wide array to select from.”

“You pick it together?” Bucky prods, the corner of his lips twitching as he gets back up to check for said box.

“She enjoys having someone to banter with about them. Dr. Schuster doesn’t usually have anything to contribute to the topic. Dr. Combs only has so many opinions on the matter. He is not overly particular about the olfactory state of the lab.”

“Is Ava?” It’s getting easier to refer to her by her first name alone. It helps that it’s made her smile the handful of times he’s done it.

“Not especially. I would call her enthusiastic. She finds the options comforting, and there are very few that she doesn’t enjoy.”

“No kidding,” Bucky mutters as he pulls open the top of a very large box. He smelled the thing long before he picked it up, and looking at what’s inside confirms everything the AI’s telling him. There are dozens of them in here, and most of them are unburned. Various shapes and gimmicky scent names stare back at him. Not a lot of Bath & Bodyworks, he’s noticing.

The hippie is a small business aficionado. How utterly shocking.

He pushes around the amassed jars for a few minutes. His mind files away a few options he wants to try for later if they don’t get used up on the days he won’t be here. Definitely before he finishes talking her out of demanding these appointments. He picks up one that claims to smell like cranberries and peppermint for a test sniff.

Thanks to the combination, the barest hint of the ghost of a memory comes over him. One that whispers the name of his mother. This happens sometimes. A fragment that’s still hanging on by a thread will float by. They never have much context, not anything he can typically extrapolate on, infuriatingly enough. Just his mind taunting him that something should be there, but it isn’t.

He picks that candle, and it doesn’t make him sad as he lights it. None of his pieced-together memories of the life he never got to finish do anymore. He takes them in stride and tries to enjoy what he can.

That’s what Ma would have wanted.

—

Ava hip-checks the door to her office somewhere around 9:30.

This is already shaping up to be a terrible second impression. All that grief she gave Bucky about leaving things in her capable hands, and now here she is, showing up late and half-showered to the appointment that’s supposed to finish acclimating him.

“I am so sorry,” she rushes out, dumping her bag on the closest available surface. It ends up being one of the novelty end tables tucked between the consultation chairs. At least she finally took the one shaped like a leg home. “I completely overslept, and then I wanted to grab you something from my favorite bagel place—do you want one, by the way?” She waves a finger at her bag, then at Bucky, who watches her as she walks and talks her way to her desk. “They’re in that side pouch, the ones that have cream cheese are wrapped up separately. I didn’t know if you were a plain butter kind of New Yorker. Anyways, there was this mouth-breathing dickhead who—”

She stops and takes a deep breath in when her over-taxed mind finally registers the smell around her.

“Good morning,” he says from the chairs, amusement coloring his tone.

She spins on her heel, her glasses jostling with the motion, chuckling softly. “Good morning, Sergeant. Sorry. This is what happens when you talk to me before the coffee finishes evening out in my bloodstream. Fantastic choice, by the way. What is that? It’s peppermint—something.”

“Peppermint and cranberries.” His lips pull up into a half-smile that absolutely sells her on the idea of him being a serial heartstopper in the 30s. “Advertised in what looked like a mushroom cloud.”

Ava’s chuckling turns into an outright bark of laughter as she pulls her work tablet from behind her keyboard. “Yeah. That sounds about right. One of the candle makers I buy from is an anarchist working out of a garage. Great stuff, even if you do have to listen to the most ass backwards view of free trade to get the guy to send you his stock. Good morning to you, too, JARVIS, now that I’m not babbling around a mouthful of food.”

“No need to worry; I’ve become very fluent in your language of scarfing,” JARVIS assures.

“My mother would keel over if she heard you say that.” Ava waddles over to her latest patient, tablet in one hand and medkit in the other. She puts the kit down on the arm of his chair, in the same spot she put the scanner case last time. He looks much less nervous now, and she gives him a warm smile to encourage that. “I know you don’t want me talking your ear off, and the breakfast offer can wait until we’re done, so let’s get down to this.”

Bucky’s mouth opens. There’s a moment of hesitation before he says anything. She doesn’t try to rush him through it. “What’s the plan, doc?”

“Paige won’t be back from the field until later today at the earliest, so I don’t have anything new for you to test. I passed along your request for the field kit dimensions. She says making something that portable shouldn’t be a problem.” Ava taps on the black sleeve of his shirt. “How comfortable are you with the idea of using nanotech?”

“As in the tiny robots Tony’s always testing?”

“Mhmm.”

“For what? My neck?” He raises his hand to the general area of the port, and she hears him scratching at the fabric over it. “I don’t think it’s—I thought this kind of opening couldn’t be—”

“I don’t mean for closing it off,” she corrects quickly, wanting to avoid a misunderstanding that might get his hopes up. “I want to program a batch specifically for daily care of your implants. The port and your shoulder. Something you can keep in safe housing for use in the field. Now—I want to make sure you understand something upfront. This won’t change my professional opinion; you need to have a specialist looking at this on an extremely frequent basis. However, I would prefer it if you had the nanotech as a safety net. The more of this that we can automate for you, the better.”

“I can agree to that. I’m guessing the bug bots don’t come with a manual.”

Ava moves behind him, mostly to hide how the grumpy old man routine is making her grin from ear to ear. “They usually don’t need one. I’ll be making you a checklist to go over if that makes you feel better.”

“You don’t—that’s—” He hesitates again, making her stop before she can make contact with his neck. “You don’t have to keep... doing stuff. Like that. I’m alright with trusting the bug bots.”

Another piece of Ava Ryder’s heart breaks for Bucky Barnes. “That's great to hear. But, just so you know, I’m going to hand you a checklist anyways.”

“Alright.” His head barely nods; she’s guessing because he can feel her fingers hovering. The evaluations of his senses were so off the charts it set a new testing standard for SHIELD. “That’s—appreciated.”

“You don’t have to worry so much about the manners.” Pressing down with a disinfectant, she circles her thumb around the port, wanting to get it done before moving to his shoulder. That’s going to need a shirt removal. She leans down and shifts to a conspiratorial whisper. “I’m not reporting them back to Steve.”

“Don’t worry; my work wife will come to weasel it out of you or JARVIS all on his own.”

Ava giggles quietly, her eyes honed in on clearing the excess buildup. “You’re not having fun being married to Captain America?”

“Oodles,” he deadpans, making her giggles worsen.

She gives him a break from the small talk while she finishes working on his neck. At some point, she’ll need to put together a specialized blend for loosening up the scar tissue; the skin around it is dried to hell and back from years of sterile wipes. She doubts comfort has been much of a concern, and she’s not about to recommend putting generic lotion over it, but this is ridiculous. There’s no reason for him to live with pain like that.

“I don’t suppose a man from the 30s is going to appreciate being given a moisturizing routine.”

“Nat’s going to be thrilled.”

“She’s your work husband, I’m guessing?”

“She likes to act like it.” Bucky turns his head to glance back for a split second just as she leans forward to swap out for an ointment. The way his head jerks back into place lets her know he got an eyeful of cleavage on the journey. It perfectly mirrors how his eyes snapped up from her chest when he first walked in. She’s not exactly embarrassed about it, but she does feel bad watching him shift around nervously. “But I’m not dumb enough to argue. About that. With her.”

The awkward charm is starting to make her cheeks hurt. “Sounds like a reasonable choice. I hear arguing with Russian women isn’t a smart idea in general.”

“Not if you want to keep your limbs attached.”

“Is it too early for me to start asking for state secrets? Like, say, if the Winter Soldier happened to get his ass handed to him by a former commie?”

“I’m pretty sure she was still a commie the first time.”

“The first time?” Ava asks with excited delight, her hand pausing on his shoulder.

“There were a few run-ins. She’ll remember more of them.” Bucky grimaces with annoyance. “Worse, she’ll be willing to tell them to you.”

“Would you be willing to let me hear them?” she goads.

His shoulders lift with a strained sigh. “Sure, let’s call it willing.”

“You’ll have to remind me if I’m lucky enough to meet her.” She drums her finger on his mechanical shoulder. “Gonna need you to take this shirt off, superstar.”

“Off? Wait, what did you just—” Bucky shakes his head with a quiet huff of laughter. “I’ve got the arm covered.”

“I know, that’s the problem.”

“Alright, smartass. You know damn well what I meant. I took care of it before I came here; it wasn’t part of our deal.”

“Does gross puss leak out of it?”

She can see his eyes roll, even with his head only partially turned. “You know it does.”

“And is it attached to your brain?”

“Ava—really, I’ve got this.” His head turns all the way, and the smile comes back, in full force this time, and oh. Oh, she can absolutely believe that he broke half the hearts in Brooklyn during his reign of terror.

She leans down into his space, letting her arms rest on the back of his chair. “You know what I’ve got?”

His lips purse in resigned amusement. “Multiple medical degrees?”

“You betcha. They were stupid hard to earn, too, so I’d appreciate it if you could start taking that into account.”

“I’m not trying to dismiss them—”

“Just the expertise that they gave me.” When his smile turns guilty, she shifts her weight as naturally as she can to push her chest against her arms in compensation. She doesn’t miss the way he blinks a split second later. Such a gentleman. It almost makes her feel bad. “I don’t mind you arguing the point of your independence. I’m glad for it, Bucky. It tells me that you really want this to work. I hope you can start trusting that when I suggest against it, I’m doing it with your health in mind. Nothing more. You can tell me what you’re comfortable with from there.”

He stares at her like he’s in pain. For an almost uncomfortably long time. “I broke into your lockbox.”

Ava blinks at the sudden shift. “Okay. Wait—my what? Are you talking about the candle box? That doesn’t even have a lock—”

“Your stuff on the roof. You keep a SHEILD issue safe up there. On the table. I used my override.”

It takes a moment to piece together what he’s getting at. She’s been running late since she woke up on Paige’s couch at 7:50 something. The only thing in her bloodstream right now is caffeine; there was no time for a wake-and-bake. “Oh. Oh, oh, that’s just... it’s not locked locked; we don’t really care if anyone uses the stuff in it. We just needed something to put it in that the weather can’t get to.” She smiles at him as his shoulders relax. “You went to see our little corner?”

Bucky shrugs. “I was around.”

“Mhmm, I’m sure. And bouncing off the walls with Steve’s lockdown, no doubt. The faster you get that shirt off, the faster you and I can iron out a plan to get you back in the field. Work with me here, Barnes.”

Bucky stands up with a sigh, and his hands move to his shirt. He pauses while they cling to the bottom of it, his arms crossed. Once again, she doesn’t push him through his hesitation. “I don’t mind if you talk about things. Steve only said that shit about being direct to keep me from stalling my way out of this.”

Ava’s eyebrows pull in while she thinks over the words. “Is that the only thing he’s lied about? I don’t care if you two keep secrets, but you can’t bullshit about your mental health with me. I need to know what makes you uncomfortable; otherwise, I can’t do my job.”

“That’s all I can think of,” he assures her, and she believes him despite the wording.

“In that case, you’re kind of stupid, full offense.”

It’s Bucky’s turn with the blinking. “Excuse me?”

“You signed yourself up for morning appointments, and you just gave me permission to talk your ear off. You’re an absolute moron; now take off that shirt so I can make sure your brain doesn’t melt.”

—

She has a pet cat named Oreo, of all fucking things.

It’s hairless. And dumb as a box of rocks, according to her. The name comes from the huge black spots in its—pattern. He can’t exactly use the word fur. She was highly offended when he called the cat a ballsack while she was showing him her lock screen. He got smacked on the arm for the comment.

It’s not her first pet. She got it partly to mourn the snake she adopted in college, a rosy boa called Sayer that finally died at 32. She used the reptile as companionship and motivation to push through her first PhD. The one letting her work on his brain now. It was named after the lead character from her favorite medical movie, Awakenings. When Bucky mentioned that he’s never seen it, she made him swear up and down that he’ll text her his honest reactions if he ever dares to rip his own heart out with questionable ethics.

So now he’s got her number saved in his phone. It’s the 11th one he’s added. Two of them are therapists. None of the others are people outside of SHIELD. He’s pretty sure one of the therapists is a plant from Natasha, so maybe he should start counting them toward the SHIELD column.

There were only nine others over the course of his online dating attempts. None of them stayed on his phone for more than a month before getting deleted. He wasn’t about to let his therapist catch their names on his contact list.

Bucky switches the grape-flavored lollipop in his mouth over to his right cheek. Ava gave it to him. Bopped him right on the nose with one and then let him pick from an array of five like the blatant bribery it is. The good doctor smiled at him while she did it, too.

May it bring you back in good spirits and better health.

It’s the nicest way he’s ever been told to fuck off for being a grouch. It made him smile. Him. James Buchanan Barnes, in the year of 2018.

She’s.… Christ, calling the woman a handful in this day and age feels insulting. He’s not put off by it. Overwhelmed a little, maybe, but he gets the feeling she’s alright with him taking time to warm up to it. Hell, he gets the feeling that not much bothers her at all. It makes him envious.

He likes the way she speaks. Not just the crazy and the swearing, though that’s its own comfort. There’s a—it sounds so stupid, but there’s a kind of music to it. She always talks in the same calm rhythm, despite the chaos usually found in her words. He didn’t notice the way it makes his foot stop bouncing until halfway through the appointment.

Bucky scowls. “Davis. Why am I looking at a lost signal?”

The level four analyst Steve’s been telling him to ease up on lately freezes in his swivel chair. His head turns, nervously searching the wall of security feeds. Bucky doesn’t offer up any help. “Sorry, sir, I can’t seem to spot which—”

“Third row from the top, eighth from the left. The one I’m supposed to be monitoring for an illegal exchange of nuclear materials, so if you wouldn’t mind—”

“Yes, sorry, restoring connection now. Apologies, Sergeant, I’ll—keep a closer eye on it.” The agent starts mumbling the rest of his intended sentence, mostly about how many he’s keeping track of, when he cuts himself off. His shoulders pull in a bit, almost chastised. It always takes people a minute to remember the super hearing.

He could let it hang. The feed is fixed; he can go back to staring at an empty lot without interruption.

“You’re doing fine.” Bucky feels bad because he’s having an unordinarily good day. That’s all it is. Nothing more. “Restructure your feed priorities. You can hand most of these off to JARVIS; that’s what he’s patched in for. Focus on the ones your gut doesn’t like.”

“Thank you, sir. I’ll start on that now.” The words don’t even sound spiteful.

Bucky sits back against the executive bench of the Datacrux. The stiff leather creaks with the motion, the rigid frame under it keeping him grounded. He tilts his head from side to side, letting it crack and readjust incrementally. His neck doesn’t feel as tight as it should. When he touched it in Ava’s lab, the skin felt even softer than it did after her first round on him. He’s trying not to touch it now. He doesn’t want to irritate it. This is the best it’s felt in—

He doesn’t have a year, he realizes. He can’t remember the one he woke up to cybernetics in. He has no idea when his first taste of cyborg life was. There’s a vague lead, a number written out on paper to fill in the blanks of what’s been destroyed. An estimation anchored around the last day of his former life. But he doesn’t know.

At least you’re still breathing, the better angel in his mind coaxes.

Switching which leg is balanced on which knee, Bucky settles back into his work. It’s been six months since the last lead on his responsibility. There’s been no chatter from the known HYDRA cells, no underground protection contracts with suspiciously good track records hitting Natasha’s web, no suspicious Black Market transfers that scream safe house establishment, nothing. Wherever the Soldats are, they’re being kept under wraps.

His hounds wouldn’t be able to be contained for anywhere near this long. They’re dead or sedated, no matter where they were smuggled. Otherwise, they’d have surfaced already.

Bucky tries not to think about what a life of not knowing will feel like. He doesn’t know if that’s worse than the idea of burying them. They’re certainly not staring down the barrel of a happy ending at this point. How do you mourn—a situation like that? He can’t even figure out how the hell he’s supposed to be fixing it.

Somewhere out there are the last ravaged pieces of a serum that never should have been made. It’s floating, cobbled together and left to rot, in the veins of men and women who didn’t know what they were signing up for. He remembers having to hold their shoulders down whenever the survival instinct kicked in during the first few injections. He remembers watching their faces as they screamed for a mercy no one in that facility was ever going to grant them. He remembers carrying the bodies of the ones that died in the night, over and over for months, all the way to the incinerator.

Bucky tosses the tablet in his lap off to a spot next to his leg out of disgust. His eyes shut, and his hands come up to rub them hard enough to hurt. He needs sleep. Good, honest to god, medication-induced sleep. He hates relying on those damn pills—it’s not as if they help the other half of his problem, anyhow. Falling asleep is only the start of it. The real kicker is staying unconscious, and nothing he can find, even behind the counter, is going to work on his system for that long.

He needs it, though. It’s been weeks since he got more than a handful of hours at a time. Months since he slept for longer than eight. Steve always talks about crashing for ten at a time after an extended mission, and it makes him want to punch his best friend’s lights out. He’ll never say that out loud, of course, but god. If fucking only.

None of his anger toward Steve ever feels fair. The guy had the world’s worst life before the serum, and he’ll bare his teeth at anyone who tries guilting the captain out of the notion. None of them understand what kind of fresh hell it was being Steve Rogers, and all his undying spirit, while trapped in a body with ten billion health issues. If ever there was someone who earned the responsibility of that serum, it’s him, and Bucky’s damn proud of him for it. He spends his days trying to live up to it himself.

He looks over at the back of the analyst with a guilty expression. People used to dismiss Steve the same way he dismisses people now, whenever the anger simmers.

“Davis, pull up your priority flags.”

The level four glances back nervously, then clears his throat and refocuses on his terminal. “It’s alright, sir, I’m working on sorting them now—”

“I know. That’s what we’ll be going over.”

“I—” Davis hesitates for a long moment. Bucky stares at the back of his head. “Sergeant Barnes, I’m very sorry about the—”

“This isn’t a reprimand.” Bucky clears his own throat, trying to knock the aggression out of his tone. It’s. A lot more difficult than he was expecting. “You’re new here, so I’m gonna give you the crash course. I’m in here a lot, at all hours. You won’t get a heads-up about it; I’m just going to show up. When I do, there are certain hotspots I’m going to need you to keep focused on. They’re not going to be tied to any active case. You’re not going to be able to tell which ones I need. I’m going to tell you what’s already on my radar, and you can establish your own categories from there. I’ll tell you what else I need you to add as it comes up.”

“Oh.” A little hope is entering the analyst’s tone. “Yeah, that—you know, that sounds like what I do for Romanoff already.”

Bucky frowns. The hell it does. She has exactly three people on the face of this Earth that she trusts to handle something like this for her. He’s willing to do it for convenience, and because he doesn’t give a shit what SHEILD sees him prioritize. He worked very hard to not give a shit about it, too. But Natasha doesn’t work like that; she’s very particular about her web of information—

His face goes completely slack as the connection finally happens in his mind. He’s going to kill her. No—actually. He’s never going to bring it up, ever, and they’re both going to die before a word ever gets said about it.

That’s just how their brand of family works.

“Yeah. Exactly like how Romanoff has you do it. Pull up her file structure; let’s go over what I’ll need you to change for my end.”

—

“Bitch! It feels like I haven’t hugged you in a year!”

It’s the only warning Ava gets before she’s tackled from behind. She braces her hands on the engineering bench in front of her, barely catching herself from crashing into it. “Two weeks and three days, but who’s counting? How was the flight home, whore?”

Paige leaves a loud, sloppy smooch on her left temple before backing away to let her up from the attack. “That part was fine—it was the team I got paired with, ugh. You’d have hated the guy runnin’ it.”

“How bad are we talking?”

“Eh, your typical good’ ol boy. Mister my way or the highway, with an ego the size’a the fuckin’ Potomac to match. You know the type. Spent the whole mission criticizin’ my tech.”

She looks over at her in surprised confusion. Paige taking shit from other agents is nothing new; that comes with the territory of her personality and most people’s assumptions. Her work is usually the one thing they leave alone. “How critical are we talking?”

“That was the thing—it was the dumb kind. The kind that could’a been avoided if he’d maybe RTFM.”

“And he made it your problem?”

“Over and over. Every ten minutes, it was—” Paige shimmies her upper body dramatically, her voice going low and gravelly. “Why can’t my AIO do this? How do I make it do that? Rogers’ team gets the reliable gear; why are we always stuck with the second rate?”

“He said that to your face?” Ava’s about ready to march through the tower to find the prick herself.

“Not that last one. That was to his buddy when the dipstick thought his comm was off. I got a half-baked publicist apology over it, and I’m pretty sure he only did it to save face in front of the team for leavin’ the mic open.”

“Report his ass.”

Paige waves a hand dismissively, then dumps her go-bag unceremoniously on the workbench. “I ain’t gon’ waste my time. I’ll let him hang his own noose; I’m sure he’ll get around to it with that attitude. Oh! I’ve got a mock-up for your pretty boy.”

Ava smiles, tossing one of her best friend’s rolls of duct tape between her hands. “I didn’t say he was pretty.”

“Puh-lease. You texted about his hair.”

“With the amount of shit man-buns have taken, it was surprising to see on a guy from a less than accepting decade.”

“You only notice stuff like that when you’re lookin’.” Paige tips her head forward, letting her heart-shaped sunglasses fall to the end of her nose. Her eyebrows waggle enthusiastically. “Is he as big as Rogers? I can never tell in the press photos with him always loomin’ like a gargoyle.”

The smile turns deviously smug. “He’s a little smaller than your not-so-secret admirer. You gotta figure that’s expected without the Vita Radiation.”

Paige reaches out to shove at her shoulder. “I don’t think Rogers has really nailed down what modern flirtin’ is yet. Ain’t fair to pin that on the guy. He’s so sweet! And I give him art projects! And anyhow, he rushes outta here like his ass is on fire most of the time—”

“It’s so weird how that happens whenever your dad shows up to hang out.”

She gets a very unimpressed look in response. “You’re readin’ int’a things.”

Leaning in close, Ava squints and whispers, “You’re being oblivious.” She backs up, her smugness returning. “So, I take it our friendship never comes up while you’re giving the captain art projects.”

“I... hmm. Not that I can remember. Why?” Paige looks over suddenly, then back at the bag she’s unloading with more than her usual level of interest. “Did he bring me up durin’ the visit?”

The glitter-sniffing demon not being allowed to communicate with her has been utter hell for two weeks and three days. But it comes with the upside of getting to drop this bomb on her all at once. “No, but I brought you up during Bucky’s first visit. That’s when Rogers realized he’d read your best friend the riot act the week before.”

Paige’s eyes go saucer wide. “You’re kiddin’. You got chewed out by America’s Sweetheart?”

“Funny enough, I called him the same thing while he was huffing and puffing in my office.”

“What the hell happened while I was gone? Did—” Her head swivels around, checking who’s around them. “Did? Y’know?”

Ava shakes her head, then hikes herself up to sit on the workbench next to the bag. “Nothing like that. Turns out he was going for a trial run, trying to see how well I hold up against a bad episode. Stormed into my office, playing up the asshole captain routine just to see what I’d do. Apparently, Tony set him up for it by not telling him about my VA work. He let out the hot air the second I called him on it. He’s pretty cute when he’s blushing, by the way.”

“Oh, tell me about it,” Paige mumbles happily, proving the accusation of obliviousness entirely right.

“The blush or the huffing?”

“I already know about the blushin’, even if I am ready to hear it again. But over dinner tonight. What’re we thinkin’?”

“You’re the one who’s been living off MREs for two weeks. What are you in the mood for?”

“Fuck, that’s a great question. Indian, definitely. No—wait! Sc-ratch that! I want Vietnamese. Actually, I want both.”

“Take-out picnic, got it.”

“And Italian donuts.”

“Okay, but I’m bringing half the order to work tomorrow. They’ll get stale if you pull an all-nighter to catch up.”

“Fiiine. Take my victory donuts to the masses, y’dirty Marxist. Lemme show ya what I worked on for Barnes before I forget.”

The field case she’s designed is cylindrical and shorter than the phones SHEILD issues most of their agents. Definitely something he’s going to be able to carry around with ease. The applicators that hook to the interior are simplistic and utilitarian. They’re entirely mechanical, with no chance of an EMP being able to disable them—a request from the Sergeant himself.

“Tony says I can requisition some nannies whenever—I just gotta get your signature on the form since they’re medical grade.”

Ava tosses an olive from the jar she keeps stashed in Paige’s mini-fridge into the air. She catches it in her mouth on the first try for once. “You have one filled out already? I can sign it now; I know you like putzing around with them for a few days ahead of time.”

“Eh, it’s a standard cleaner tag; I’m not gon’ sweat it. I know you’re all worried about his brainstem and whatnot—”

“That’s usually part of my job description, yeah.”

“—but I feel like sterile’s sterile. Ain’t no way I can make the man cleaner than clean, y’know? Now, if you wanna talk settin’ ’em up for emergency maintenance, that’s a different story—”

“Your not-crush just walked into engineering,” Ava interrupts lowly, wanting to avoid the enhanced hearing even from way the hell over here.

In the most conspicuous way imaginable, Paige whips her head around to stare directly at the bay’s front entrance. In a rival amount of obviousness, Captain Rogers slowly works his way through the amassed benches, his gaze landing everywhere but Paige’s station.

Ava’s eyes roll so hard it’s physically painful. It’s been one thing hearing Paige talk about getting drop-in visits from the super soldier who just so happens to enjoy the blueprints framed over her workbench. It’s another to see it play out in person.

“He’s prob’ly here to check on the kit for Barnes,” Paige whispers back, tugging off her novelty shades.

“Yeah, that’s definitely why he won’t look at you right now—”

“He’s takin’ in the work goin’ on. He’s a curious guy, you know that—”

“And why he’s walking slow enough to trip over his own feet.”

“He’s admirin’ the—”

“He’s working up the nerve—”

“If you don’t fuck off with that, you lunatic—”

“Alright, now you’re being hopeless on purpose—”

“Good afternoon, Ms. Findley. I hope the trip was—oh.” Steve stops dead in his tracks, three feet from Paige’s farthest desk, his eyes finally landing on Ava. He smiles sheepishly. “Hi there, Dr. Ryder.”

Her grin feels positively carnivorous. “Hello, Steve. Come to welcome home our resident space cadet?”

“Hiya, Rogers,” Paige responds, turning with a smile almost as bashful as the captains. She spins back around, busying herself with the mess of wiring she’s pulled from her bag. “Don’t pay her any mind; she’s in a mood.”

“Something happen with the appointment today?” The concern that immediately surfaces knocks some of the teasing out of Ava.

Some.

“No, Bucky played nice, I promise. I even brought him bagels to make up for being a half-hour late. Come to think of it, that’s probably what made me a half-hour late.”

Steve’s eyes go a bit wider, his smile softening. “You two had breakfast together?”

“I ate mine in the car. He took his with him. But I like to think we did so in spirit.” Her head tilts to the side innocently, refusing to let him off the hook. “So. What brings you to engineering?”

His hand comes up to the back of his neck, his expression getting… close to nonchalant. “I had some time on my hands—don’t wanna run off on a mission with Buck being a grump about medical orders; he might sneak out. Take your time with that, by the way. It’s impossible to convince the guy to take a day off. You’d be doing him a favor if you dragged your feet a little more.”

Using a best friend for deflection is a social skill Ava mastered years ago. He’s going to have to try a lot harder. “Who wouldn’t want to kill time in engineering? The wrench monkeys get to have all the fun. Maybe you should bring Bucky next time—”

“Oh, that’s—you know, I don’t think that’d be a real—he’s very particular about where he—I think maybe—”

“I think the sergeant would love to meet you,” Ava tells Paige, who’s biting back a grin with her head pointed firmly down at her workbench. “I was telling him some stories about you this morning. I think he might share a few of his own with some time.”

“I wouldn’t mind that,” Paige offers, still not looking up.

Steve lets out a nervous chuckle. “That’s—yeah, it’d—it could help out with his attempts to be social, and—you know. Hey, how was the mission, by the way? I forgot to finish asking.”

“It went just fine.” Paige shrugs, and that’s when it clicks for Ava why she was willing to jump topics so fast. Agent Dickhead really did hurt her feelings.

“Towanda,” Ava says plainly, calmly.

Her best friend’s eyes lift to hers. They stare at each other for a long moment. Paige goes through a silent argument that it’s not worth it; Ava silently insists that it very much is. It all happens through shifting eyebrows.

After a moment, Paige’s shoulders deflate, and she looks back at her work with a sigh. “You do it.”

Looking back up at a confused Steve, Ava crosses her arms over her chest. “You’ve got a real cunt running one of your away teams.”

“Oh, sweet lord,” Paige groans, her head falling into her hands with her elbows braced on the workbench.

The captain’s eyebrows go for his hairline. “I’m sorry—I have a—I’m going to need a few more details.” He shifts his attention to Paige’s back, and his expression gets worried. “Did something happen? Who was your lead? JARVIS, can you grab me the associated reports on Ms. Findley’s latest away mission—”

“You don’t have’ta do that—“she tries to assure, her head coming up with blazing red cheeks. She hates confrontation. Absolutely despises it.

Ava used to avoid it. She doesn’t bother much these days. “Actually, your name got thrown into the mix, Captain.”

“Heeere we go.” Paige takes a deep breath in.

“Thrown into the mix of what?” Steve’s tone is shifting into the sub-zero range.

“I’m not sure what Agent Fuckwad’s name is, but apparently, the guy thinks it’s not his job to understand his equipment. He also thinks it’s super cool to talk shit about the engineer that designed what he can’t wrap his head around. On an open comm. With her on the other end.”

“I have the mission data ready for transfer to your private feed, Captain Rogers,” JARVIS reports in. Ava doesn’t miss the smugness sitting in his tone, making her smile. She’s betting the AI has been fuming over this in his own way. He’s been protective of Paige ever since her first all-nighters in engineering.

There’s a boiling rage sitting in Steve’s eyes, one that’s rising by the second. When he steps up to tap the side of Paige’s arm with the back of his hand, it’s entirely held back from his voice. “Are you alright with me handling this?”

It’s Ava’s turn to raise her eyebrows in surprise. Extremely pleasant surprise.

“I—oh, fuck me runnin’.” Paige lifts her hand to scrub at her face. “Look, Rogers, I’m not tryin’ to get anyone in trouble here—”

“There are ways to go about this without leaving you holding the bag from a reputation standpoint. If the guy’s a—a... I tried, I’m sorry, I can’t get the word out—the point is, I can handle this in a way that doesn’t blow back on you.”

“Let him do it for the other people the dickwad is going to end up being a cunt to,” Ava suggests helpfully.

“Exactly,” Steve agrees easily.

Paige groans, shifting her weight back and forth. Finally, she nods with an uneasy sigh. “Alright. But—maybe just have it be somethin’ found from the logs? I really don’t wanna write up a—”

“Your name won’t come up. I’ll take care of it.”

Ava smiles, tossing another olive to catch in her mouth.

—

September 20th, 2015

Sam balances the plate of sliced sough dough and fresh fruit on top of a can of grape Fanta. He keeps his eyes locked on the way it wobbles back and forth as he makes his way down the hallway of the rented house. Propping the bundle of still-warm linens on his hip, he shimmies his hand off them enough to grab at the handle to Sergeant Miserable’s room.

The sack of personified despair is exactly where they last left him, hunched in on himself in the corner of the room. The pile of blankets under him used to be on the perfectly nice bed sitting in front of the window. The one with an unbelievable view of Finland’s countryside hidden behind tightly drawn curtains.

Their resident vampire, un-fucking-surprisingly, fled from it as fast as he could. Steve’s been grumbling about stealing the curtains while he’s asleep just to force the guy to look out the window on the way to the john.

Sam’s decided to start handling the food deliveries alone. It’s time to start pushing, even if Steve’s not entirely ready for it.

Bucky watches him move through the room, never saying a word. Not even when the plate of food gets put on the nightstand next to the bed, where they always leave it. He leaves them empty outside the door at night, so they know he’s actually eating. Poor bastard never looks angry, more just anguished.

Sam sits on the side of the bed slowly, as gently as he can. He keeps his posture relaxed, his expression passive, and looks up at the newly freed prisoner of war. “You and I gotta come to an understanding on somethin’.”

Bucky’s eyes start out mostly hidden, thanks to the angle of his head. The shadows consume them entirely as his eyebrows come down. “What.”

One-word answer. That’s good. It’s a verbal day. “We gotta figure out where we’re at. Steve is too close. You’re gonna need someone pushing you on things he can’t. Things you need help with.”

It’s not a subject he’s brought up with Steve. Being blunt feels like the better option here. He’s guessing the captain’s appeasement is starting to grate on nerves going through this much culture shock. Plus, there’s no pep-talk like a military pep-talk.

“Do I strike you as an invalid?”

“You might not wanna—we’ll work on that. Point is, you need to start gettin’ comfortable with the new reality. Suck it up, Buttercup, the sky didn’t actually fall. The world’s still spinnin’. None of the big baddies who still know about you have the juice to catch you—”

“No, they don’t,” he confirms aggressively.

Sam rolls his eyes. “Yeah, whatever, you’re huge and scary. You’re also an idiot sitting around wasting a full pardon. No one’s expecting you to start doing a press circuit. If you wanna walk off into the sunset and go find a picket fence to park your Transylvania routine behind, we’ll help you pack and send you postcards. If you wanna do what Steve did and pick up a life in SHEILD, let’s get you fitted in some Kevlar and find you a therapist. But let’s get you outta this fuckin’ room.”

Bucky’s eyebrows stay firmly set, keeping his eyes shrouded. “Why.”

“Oh my god, could you be more dramatic? Like, shit, if you really tried?” He stands up from the bed, headed for the door, his eyes rolling again. “You wanna know why? Because that’s what people do, Bucky. They hit the ground, they figure out if they’re still breathing, and then they get back up to fix what broke. You keep going for the ones who didn’t survive the landing; because they’d hate your guts if you laid down and died over them. Your friend Steve can tell you all about that if you ever feel like giving the man the time of day. No one’s asking you to do this alone.”

Sam stops at the door, raising one finger and pointing it back accusingly. “You know what— I’m asking you to go outside long enough for a beer in three days. Besides that, it’s up to you how slow you wanna take this.”

“What’s in three days?” The comment is thrown out on a grumble, right when Sam’s nearly got the door closed.

“My birthday, asshole. I’d like to spend it somewhere outside of this house. And, believe it or not, I’d like you to be there.”

—author end notes—

idk abt other ppls trauma foods, but man when im Goin Through Shit all i can ever stomach is bread and bubbles so, for sure inflicted that on bucko. plums i feel like are His to pick up, y'know?

im putting the idiots in my own couples counseling since im robbing bucky of his best FATWS moment so far (yes it is the wrong about me line ty for asking). i also want it on record that grammarly tried to get me to change "the 30s" to "his 30s" and i had to be like no actually i just jacked our leading man from the restricted section of the smithsonian, thanks tho babe

and now you've met paige!! the storm in a bottle herself!! she gonna smooch the shit outta stevie. gonna try to do our babe peggy proud and have her knock that dweeb off his toes at every turn (not hard). still no clue if ill do a spin-off series for them since they're just background here, but i do know im doing some kinktober stuff for them. they get 10 of the days so far (yeah. yeah, its gonna be 4some territory in the last few days, but have no fear, the main fic((s? series maybe? look man im makin a plan as we go. all i know right now is good space and kinktober)) will stay monogamy focused). so, fans of super mega dirty steve, might wanna Check Back Later for those posts 🥰

#chapter update #if you ever get confused by these descriptions just remember that i yoink them straight from ao3 #i dont do shit for tumblr lmao #good space

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desudog-gone · 1 year

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my mom is so so so like, nervous and suspicious of incubation for some reason i legit am so puzzled by it shes like frightened by the idea or something. buying birds with no way to track where theyre from and not even knowing breed? sure me wanting to try a porch pond? needs less than 10 mins of convincing me having done research on the hatchery i trust for eggs and wanting to hatch out quail: frightening and very tentative and dismissive

idk im just getting restless i guess. i literally get so bored these days i cant stand to be on the computer at all. i go outside and theres nothing to do outside so i just go inside and go to sleep. like ill walk around with the chickens for a bit or clean out their coop and bring in eggs or stuff but even that is just... 10 mins maybe... so i come back inside feeling like id rather watch paint dry than spend another minite looking at the computer so i just go lay down in silence until i sleep for an hour and wake up feeling like shit

i hate living in a small town, in a rural house that just randomly got development around it.

i feel so claustrophobic and restless. theres nothing to do, and when there is, im boxed in and the neighbors stare at me from their ugly new house.

idk we dont have plants in or greenhouse covers up yet maybe thats part of it..

i cant even drive

ill be 20 this year and ive never had a job -_- ive never graduated anything but middle school -_-

i think im more spiritually complete than others, and id rather be me than someone else but i just feel frustrated

i feel like a dog in a kennel

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kyovtani · 4 years

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𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐭𝐨 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞 – 𝐤𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐢 𝐤𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐨𝐮 (𝟐)

— pairing: Kyoutani Kentarou x female Reader

— genre: smut, angst, little bit of fluff to keep the balance; tattoo artist!kyoutani, inexperienced!reader, strangers to lovers!AU, SLOW BURN

— word count: 9.6k

— warnings: swearing, mentions of infidelity and violence, as well as the consumption of drugs and alcohol; smut: corruption kink, degradation and dumbification, dacryphilia, praising, spitting, (soft) dom!kyou, oral (m. receiving), fingering, dry humping, unprotected sex (dont do that kids), impreg kink, iwaoi say hi-

— (A/N: and here’s part two! thank you SO much for all the love you sent my way after i published the first part. ngl i was a little nervous bc i thought it was boring and not interesting at all but you guys easily pushed me out of that hole so thank you for everything. i love and appreciate you with my whole heart. all the love, zade xx)

[ part one ]

— summary: after fucking up, you make it your mission to get him back..(im so bad at this pls just- okay.)

"He's not picking up, Hana", you say, another soft cry falling from your lips before you bury your face in your pillow.

“Once in my fucking life a guy treats me good and the way I've always wanted to be treated and I had to fuck it up. Why the fuck am I like this, Hana? Why can I not enjoy one fucking good thing in my fucking mediocre life", the profanities keep coming just like the tears and the amount of frustration and anger rushing through your veins is nowhere near normal anymore.

"Calm down, love", Hana sighs and makes you sit up so she can look into your tear stained face as she tries her best to make sure her words actually find their way to your pain clouded mind, "at this point you shouldn't worry too much because you do know Kyoutani, don't you? He does lose his temper a lot, so give him the time he needs and then you'll show up at his doorstep, suck his cock and make up with him, yeah?", she explains calmly.

"If this hurts you so much, why the fuck did you even say he's just a friend, Y/N? I really don't understand", Hana mumbles and lets out another sigh, her hands caressing yours softly, managing to calm you down a little bit.

“You're right, I should just– give him some time and things will eventually fall into place", you reply after crying a little more and with an encouraging smile your best friend nods at you before she suggests a movie marathon to which you happily agree.

At least something to distract you from all the demons inside your head.

After changing into your pj's and doing your night time routine, you plop down onto the couch next to your bestie again, her eyes focused on the phone in her hand and knowing she's probably either sexting or inviting her new boyfriend has you shrugging at her lack of attention as you start looking for a good movie to begin the night with.

However, just when you're about to read the description of some kind of french rom-com, Hana puts her phone back into her lap and starts staring at you with her pretty eyes widened in shock.

"What's wrong?", you ask and turn to look at her, reaching for her hands but before you even get the chance to touch her, Hana unlocks her phone and holds it up for you to watch someone's instagram story.

The video begins with loud music, a crowd full of young college students whose faces definitely are familiar.

Everyone in the video is dancing, making out, smoking and just chatting in a random living room and every now and then there's someone yelling in the back – a typical college party.

However, just as the video is about to end, the camera shifts to a tall male leaning against the wall, obviously standing really close to the person who's filming and it takes you a full blown thirty seconds to realize who said male is.

Kyoutani Kentarou.

You stare at the phone for another minute, your throat dry and your head empty as a thick veil of tears slowly starts blurring your sight before you finally decide to pay attention to the username.

"He can't be fucking serious", you hiss, fisting the blanket beneath you, the urge to punch something or someone becoming unbearable, "what the fuck is he doing at a random college party with – Sora?"

"Y/N, don't–", "Whose party is that?", you interrupt your best friend, not giving a single fuck about her attempts to calm you down; not anymore. Hana gulps harshly and strictly avoids your gaze as she mumbles a name and you roll your eyes, asking her to speak up with an annoyed sigh.

"It's one of Yuuji’s frat parties", and as soon as your best friend says the name of your ex-boyfriend, a cold shiver of disgust runs down your spine and you can feel yourself getting lightheaded from all the emotions rushing through your overwhelmed body.

"Don't follow me if you're going to stop me from leaving, Hana", you say and stand up before quickly disappearing inside your room.

You have no idea how you manage to get dressed, your outfit consisting of a pair of jeans and a hoodie you can't even remember buying and you don't even wanna think about what your hair and face look like when you end up leaving the house with your keys and your phone.

After driving this route for over two years on an almost daily basis, it takes you less than ten minutes to arrive in front of the huge house your ex-boyfriend lives in.

The memories start finding their way back into your head way too fast, taking away your breath and numbing your whole body because even if you didn’t love Yuuji anymore, the bitter feeling of betrayal still manages to hit you in just the right way.

It takes you a lot of willpower to actually approach the house and eventually get in. And after being in between the crowds of drunk, stinky college students, you remember why you hate college parties so much.

"I – Wow”, a familiar voice manages to break through the loud music, your instant reaction just an annoyed eye roll, “you were the last person I expected to see at one of our frat parties", Yuuji says and comes to stand in front of you.

His blonde hair messily falling into his handsome face and from the way his whole face seems to be covered in the deepest shade of red – including his eyes – you know that he's probably higher than the stars and you can't help but sigh.

"I'm not here to party, Yuuji", you hiss, feeling the anger crawl up your spine again the longer you look at your ex, "my boyfriend is here and I have to talk to him."

"So you and that tattooed guy are actually a thing? Didn't think so since he, you know – showed up with another girl", Terushima mumbles and pulls out a cigarette from his pocket, a mischievous smile on his lips.

"Oh, shut the fuck up, Yuuji", you spit back and roll your eyes, taking in the way the pretty boy arches his brows up in pure shock at your rather new attitude, "go and get high or whatever you do to feel proud of yourself", are the last words you say to him before you walk away, your heart thrumming inside your throat.

Your eyes roam the huge crowd, desperately searching for the only face you wanna look at right now and you try to remember where they were standing in the video Sora had posted only to realize that you can't remember.

After all you only watched the video once, your whole attention laying on Kyoutani. And after almost fifteen minutes, you find yourself slowly giving up.

Maybe this was just not meant to happen or maybe Kyoutani has left already.

He probably left with Sora- something you can’t and won’t ever blame him for.

After all she's literally one of the prettiest and hottest girls you have ever seen – anyone who rejects her would be out of their mind (or not attracted to girls which isn't the case when it comes to Kyoutani).

You give it another ten minutes of desperately looking around before you let out a deep sigh which gets lost in the loudness and thick air of the party before you finally start making your way back to the front door.

You quickly walk back to your car, trying your best to ignore everyone around you, especially all the drunk guys who are currently about to get into a verbal fight over something totally random and the last thing you want to experience those threats becoming reality.

At some point you're scared they might even include you which is probably why you end up literally sprinting and even though you always park so far away from frat houses just because you've heard way too many stories of people getting their cars stolen during parties, but right now you just wished you would have listened to your gut feeling and parked in front of the fraternity like every normal person.

However, to your life long luck, you spot a tall figure standing a little too close to your vehicle just as you’re about to unlock it. You slow down your movements almost instantly upon seeing the stranger, yet your eyes still try to figure out if it's someone you know despite the darkness surrounding the two of you.

He has probably spotted you by now, after all you're still panting like crazy from speed walking down to where your car is and it takes you a full minute to realize how loud you're actually being.

"Y/N", the male suddenly says, his deep voice sending shivers down your spine and even though it could have been everyone, it sounds a tad bit too familiar to your ears which is probably why you end up approaching him slowly.

"It's me, Kyoutani", he adds and at the same moment the words leave his lips, you finally recognize his pretty features which seem extra beautiful underneath the bright moonlight.

And then realization hits you.

"How did you know–", "Hana called me and asked if I could make sure you got home even if I didn't want to talk to you. So, here I am. Get in the car so I can tell her I did my part of the job", he interrupts you quickly, obviously not having the intention to interact with you and the way his usually so tender-filled eyes and calming voice are nothing but ice-cold has a thick veil of tears blurring your sight.

Never ever did you think about the moment, where Kyoutani puts the cold mask on he loved to hide behind when he had first looked at you all those weeks ago.

And the longer he avoids your gaze, the heavier the burden on your chest becomes.

"I'm sorry, Tani", you whisper, your voice breaking at the end, easily giving away how much his cold demeanor has gotten to you.

“Of course you're not just a friend to me and I d-don't know why I introduced you like that, everything happened so quickly and I – panicked. It's not an excuse and does not justify my behavior but I just wanted you to know that you've always been more than just a friend to me", you continue, managing to keep talking upon realizing that Kyoutani won't interrupt you and the way he even listens to you with his eyes looking everywhere but yours is absolutely enough for you.

"What am I to you then, Y/N? Am I the guy you're casually fucking? Your booty call? Am I your second choice? Like what the fuck do you expect me to say? I know we never put a label to – this", he starts pointing at you and then himself, "but you knew I was serious about it, about you. So, I just don't understand why you would even think about considering me a friend. I told you that I am not one for that friends with benefits kinda shit and you agreed yet you did this and now I can't help but be convinced you just used me to get that Yuuji fucker.”

Kyoutani is angry and he doesn't even try to hide it as he spits out those words, the ones he’s probably been dying to say out loud for the past few days and you know he has every right to actually be mad at you, his words still hit you in a way you didn't expect them to.

"I'd never do that to you, Kentarou; I'd never use you like that, please believe me", you say quickly, a little surprised you're even able to form proper sentences.

“You m-mean so much to me and I just don't know how to put it into words. My heart hurt so much when I watched you type your number into Sora's phone but the demons in my head, they just kept talking over my heart and – I'm just really sorry, Kyou, I really am", you sigh and after realizing that he's not going to look at you, you finally manage to shift your gaze away from his pretty face.

"Go home, Y/N. It's been a long day for both of us and I think some more distance will help me get my mind straight", Kyoutani replies after a long, torturous beat of silence lingering in the cold air and even if it wasn’t the reply you had hoped to hear, you're glad he's at least not completely ending it.

"Okay b-but at least let me drive you home?", you ask softly, wiping away the few tears which had managed to escape and when you look up at the beautiful faced male in front of you, his eyes meet you for the first time since what feels like forever and you feel yourself melting away.

"I don't think that's a good idea, pretty girl", Kyoutani sighs, the soft pet name sending your mind into the sweetest haze of comfort just like that, "it's only been a few days but I am craving your touch and I just know I'm going to lose it and fuck you against the next best surface if we get into that car together, so I have to decline this offer", he adds and takes another step back, his lips stretching into a tiny smile and you can’t deny how much his words have you gotten you worked up, but you have no choice but to nod.

"Have a good night, baby", Kyoutani sighs and deep down you're hoping for a kiss, after all it's been way too long since you got to feel close to him but instead, he just lifts his hand up and starts waving at you and just as he is about to turn around, you find yourself reaching for his wrist. The fear and despair inside of you making you a little too brave for your personal liking but you know you can't just let him walk away like that.

"Please, Tani- Kyoutani", you whisper and let out a soft sigh of relief when he turns around to face you again, "I won't try anything, I just want to spend a little bit more time with you."

Kyoutani takes a deep breath, his dark eyes roaming your face and wandering down your body and even though it feels like he's literally devouring you alive, you enjoy his burning gazes regardless, a hidden part inside of you even craving them.

A solid minute passes by before he lets out a sigh and gives you a nod, his plump lips pressed into a thin line.

It takes you another deep breath and a couple of seconds to actually calm yourself down from the rollercoaster of emotions you've been through within the time span of an hour and as you sit there in your car, inhaling the cold air of the night, your mind starts replaying everything that went down, starting from the day you met Kyoutani, to your first and most recent kiss, as well as the encounter with Sora and your deep anger towards Yuuji.

The drive to Kyoutani's apartment passes by in a blur, way too fast for your liking and you can't help but pout when you pull up in front of the huge building, knowing very well that this will be the last interaction with the handsome tattoo artist for the upcoming few days and you can already feel tears pricking at the corners of your eyes.

He's been awfully quiet, not like you actually said anything but Kyoutani's silence was intense, boring into your soul and actually suffocating you to a point where the urge to just jump out of the car became overwhelming.

You know he's probably going through everything just like you, yet the feeling that his thoughts are more on the negative side just won't leave you alone and you hate the way your assumptions are being confirmed as soon as Kyoutani turns to look at you.

"I – love you, Y/N", he suddenly says, his voice soft and calm, yet still deep and the way it's filled with tenderness and the sweetest bit of longing makes the effect of those magical words even heavier.

Your lips part in shock, your head having a difficult time actually processing his confession and you can feel your whole body going into a standby mode.

"But you're not good for me."

You remember the way your heart broke into thousands of pieces when you found out the alleged love of your life was cheating on you without even batting an eye.

The pain was so intense and heavy, you didn't know how to deal with it and at some point you were convinced that your heart had stopped beating for a solid minute. It was bad, left you speechless and threw you into a hole of darkness you barely managed to escape from, yet still leaving you grateful for the experience.

You thought your first heartbreak would be able to prepare you for what's to come in the future, but what you went through as soon as those words had fallen past Kyoutani’s lips, can't be compared to anything you've ever felt before.

Your heart starts clenching as his words keep replaying inside of your head and your throat so is going absolutely dry from your desperate attempts to gasp for air as the feeling of being suffocated comes back.

Everything around you seems to disappear, your eyes still focused on Kyoutani's intense gaze as the feeling of emptiness starts filling up your whole body.

You easily lose track of time, your heart beat so slow and heavy and when the wave of reality crashes you yet again, an almost inaudible sob falls past your lips.

"B-But...", you can't get yourself to speak, the words getting stuck in your throat and soft cries the only thing filling the inside of your car.

And yet, there are so many things you want to tell him, so many things rushing through your mind at the highest speed, almost impossible to grasp them and actually put them into proper sentences.

"You have too much control over me. I lost myself trying to fit into the picture of a lover you need and deserve. But – I am not who I used to be anymore”, Kyoutani explains, nervously rubbing the sides of his pierced node with his thumb as he avoids looking in your direction at all costs.

“I am scared of losing what's obviously not mine. You make me feel weak and vulnerable and I just can't deal with it. You've become the center of my world, and I can't control how much it affects me. How much you affect me and – I hate it", he continued, his voice is still incredibly calm, yet a bittersweet tone of fear coating every single one of his words.

"B-But...", yet again, the whole of your vocabulary seems vanished, not one word to say as the knot in your throat tightens even further.

"I'm sorry, Y/N. I thought I could do it but – I am not meant to love and you deserve to be loved in the most special way possible”, he takes another quick break, letting out a sigh of exhaustion, “and that's why I'm letting you go. Please, don't hate me. Take care and – goodbye, my love.”

Those are his last words before he presses his lips against your forehead, making your head spin like crazy because of the contrast of his heartbreaking words and his soft kiss.

Kyoutani leaves without saying another word. He doesn't even look back once as he walks away and enters the apartment building, while you can't stop staring at the door with hot tears streaming down your cheeks and loud sobs filling the suffocating air surrounding you.

There you are, yet again.

Your eyes staring into the dark night as your body tries to cope with the intensity of pain you've thought you had overcome.

The constant breaking of your heart starts numbing every part of your body and you slowly start losing yourself in this certain kind of darkness.

Seconds turn into minutes and without even realizing, a whole hour has gone by with you staring into nothing.

Your mind plays games with you as it keeps replaying his words, his behavior, his kiss and the feeling of slowly but certainly going insane as you get out of the car a little too fast.

You tumble back, the sudden coldness hitting you right in the face and the mental as well as physical exhaustion has your body trembling.

And then it hits you.

The wave of anger, wrath, frustration and hatred literally wakes you up, pulls you back into reality and ends up taking over you completely.

Your eyes find the huge apartment building Kyoutani lives in, staring at it as if you could set it on fire and you know what you're about to do is a bad idea but your body acts before your mind can even get the chance to intervene.

And that's how you find yourself almost brutality slamming your fist against Kyoutani's door, your heart hammering against your rib cage way too fast for it to be still physically healthy and ten thousand different thoughts rushing through your chaotic mind.

"What the fuck is going – Y/N", Kyoutani looks at you with his pretty eyes slightly widened in shock, his lips parting as he struggles to keep his eyes on you and a disgusting feeling of shame and embarrassment starts filling you up.

You know this is pathetic, you are aware of how stupid you look standing in front of him like this but you just can't get yourself to actually care about it.

"Y/N, please don't-", "No, I listened to what you had to say and now I'm going to talk and you're going to listen to me. Before that I am not going anywhere because I deserve this", you cut him off, hands balled into fists as you try to stay calm but the more you think about his words in the car, the angrier you get.

"I–", Kyoutani sighs, his eyes nervously roaming your face and upon noticing the way you seem to shiver from the cold and your lack of clothing, he lets his conscience get the best of him, "alright, come in then.”

You follow him inside, the familiar scent of vanilla and Kyoutani's favorite febreeze scent filling your nose and you hate the way how comfortable you are.

After all you've been spending quite some time in this apartment; visiting him after your classes so he could bury his face between your legs and then offer you some homemade food, followed by a good old ghibli movie and lots of cuddles has become some kind of routine.

Oh, how you hate him for ruining all of those memories.

"Do you want something to drink? You're probably freezing", he offers, his voice filled with concern and you know he is right and you'd definitely give everything for a cup of tea and maybe some water, you still shove all of your body’s basic needs into the very back of your head and try to regain your composure.

"I – you – we", you take a deep breath, your mind struggling to put all of those racing thoughts into some kind of order, yet failing miserably.

But there's so much you want to say to him; so many things you want him to hear and now that you are actually standing in front of him, your body betrays you.

"You're a fucking coward, Kyoutani Kentarou", is the first thing you finally manage to let out, "and I hate you for leaving me like this. I fucking hate you.”

Deep down, you hate yourself for saying those words; the choice of words and the incredible heaviness they come with are usually not your way of expressing yourself yet you're not regretting them.

You don't know how this night is going to end, maybe this will be the last time you get to see Kyoutani or he'll eventually fuck you into oblivion and you finally end up together; but nevertheless you want your words to hurt him; you want them to wake him up just like his did to you.

"How dare you confess your love to me and tell me I basically ruined your life in the same breath when you're the one who's fucking all of this – us up. Yes, I’ve made a mistake and I've been regretting my choice of words for the past four days, even came to the point where I accepted your distance and decided to let go because I know how much my words hurt you. But us ending like this? Definitely not going to happen", Kyoutani stares at you with his pretty eyes focusing you attentively, barely blinking, not moving at all; he’s just listening to you.

"I just – don't understand how you can be this oblivious."

"Oblivious? Oblivious to what?", he asks, his voice a little deeper and raspier, sending goosebumps straight dow your spine as if your body needed to remind you the effect he has on you.

"Oblivious to everything. This is what love does to people, Kentarou. Of course you're going to feel weak and vulnerable because of me - because of the one you love. After all the point of being loved and loving someone else is showing those vulnerabilities and weakness to the person you trust the most because you know, or at least you hope, they won't take advantage of it.”

You take a deep breath, your mind slowing down as you ease yourself into his calming embrace and subconsciously losing yourself in the comfort it comes with.

“I'm yours. I've been yours since the very first day and we both know this, that's why you are so scared of losing me. And that's why my words hurt you so much”, you can tell that he’s already processing your words as much as he can; his habit of scratching the back of his head giving him away easily.

"You said you've lost yourself trying to fit into this picture of someone who I deserve but – you are the one who created that picture in the first place. Just because my first boyfriend was an alleged goody two shoes doesn't mean that you have to be like that too. Fuck that", you hiss, the thought of Kyoutani changing even the slightest bit about himself sending jolts of anger through your veins, "I don't care if you dropped out of college or that you have tattoos and piercings and bleach blonde hair. None of that matters to me because it's you, your kind heart and your pure soul I fell in love with.”

And suddenly - you can feel the burden on your shoulders disappear when those certain words leave your lips and the second Kyoutani raises his eyebrows in slight surprise before he locks eyes with you again has another breath of fresh air run through your suffocated lungs.

"Yes, I'm in love with you, Kyoutani Kentarou. Believe it or not, but for me, you're perfect just like this, with all your tiny habits and every single tattoo. There's nothing I'd change about you and I'm genuinely, truly sorry if I ever made you feel like you needed to change for me. You're a great guy and I guess that's why I ran back here after sitting in that car, crying for an hour because I couldn't stop thinking about the way you confessed your love to me”, you feel the thick veil of tears appear before they manage to block your sight, making the pretty face in front of you turn into bourry little pixels as your emotions overwhelm you.

“And yes, you are meant to be loved; maybe not meant to be loved by me but you deserve to be loved, do you hear me?"

You go up to him, closing some of the distance between the two of you before your finger darts out and poke his strong chest, trying to ease the tension after letting go of all those thoughts, "you deserve to love and to be loved because you're a good person. And I just – wanted to thank you for letting me into your life. Meeting you, getting to know the beautiful person you are has been one of the best things that has happened to me and I will cherish these memories forever."

And with those words you take a deep breath, let out another sigh, goving away your acceptance of defeat before you lift your head and prepare yourself to say your last goodbye no matter how painful it is.

"Take care, Kyoutani Kentarou and thank you, for everything", the words fall past your lips in the form of a whisper solely because you're too scared to break if you raised your volume just slightly.

You turn around and feel the first tear find its way down your cheek before you even get to walk away.

And just as you wrap your fingers around the doorknob, the sound of rushed footsteps approaching you makes you halt your movements.

"D-Don't go", Kyoutani suddenly says, his voice breaking when he comes to stand behind you, so close you can actually feel the warmth he's radiating, "I need you...so bad", he whispers into your ear, pressing his forehead against the back of your neck and it's like everything that happened tonight becomes irrelevant.

You turn around, not expecting Kyoutani to push you against the door with his whole body, yet still embracing him as much as you can.

With a soft sob, you start inhaling his unique scent, grazing his soft skin with your fingers and letting the warmth blossom inside of your chest after feeling his rapid heartbeat beneath your palm.

"Don't leave me, please", he cries, the tears running down his flushed cheeks despite his desperate attempts of holding back, "let's do this whole love thing.”

You stand there for what feels like an eternity, just hugging each other, taking in each other's presence and calming down from everything that has happened in such a short time. You finally calm down completely, Kyoutani's soft touches and tiny kisses give you the last bit of energy you needed and for the first time in almost three months, there's not one demon in your head trying to make you overthink something.

Because this feels perfect; there's literally no other word to describe the feeling of holding Kyoutani Kentarou and being held by him.

But nevertheless, you've been on a constant adrenaline rush for the past four hours and the exhaustion has been killing you, making you grow tired a lot faster than usual.

"What about moving this to your room, hm? I'd rather fall asleep with you in your bed than against the door; especially because I know the boys are out and will be coming home soon", you say softly, lifting Kyoutani's head from the crook of your neck and looking at him.

He sighs and gives you a soft kiss, giving you a nod in response before he gets himself to let go of you; his warmth leaving with him and it's almost disgusting how you literally crave his presence.

After Kyoutani makes you drink two glasses of water to avoid the dehydration of your body, he hands you one of his thick hoodies and leaves you to get ready in his bathroom.

You come back to the sight of him sitting against the headboard of his king sized bed, his oversized shirt revealing the perfect amount of collarbones and you enjoy the sight of his pretty skin and the dark lines covering most of it as well as the way his sweats hug his strong thighs in the best way possible.

And as you watch his eyes lazily roam your body, a hot jolt of arousal finds its way through your veins and right to your cunt.

"Don't look at me like that, sweet girl", Kyoutani suddenly groans and cocks his head to the side, his tongue poking out to wet his lips before he gulps harshly; his eyes never once leaving yours.

"B-But Tani...", you reply, approaching him with tiny steps become you come to stand right next to his tall figure, feeling yourself growing needier because of the way your body is craving his touch now more than ever.

“Baby…”, he replies and gulps harshly, knowing your body better than yourself after weeks of getting to know you in a way nobody has ever before.

"Please, Tani...please, fuck me. I need to feel you inside of me. I've been waiting for so long...", you plead, your fingers coming to graze his pretty lips as memories of all the times he had turned you into a crying mess with those lips.

Kyoutani is just as affected by the change in tension as you, the slight bulge in his grey sweatpants as well as the hunger burning in his eyes giving him away.

"You're such a pretty angel girl, aren’t you?", he whispers and sits up, pulling you closer to make you stand in between his legs as he starts caressing your hot cheeks with his fingers.

“Yet you're saying all those naughty things”, Kentarou chuckles deeply, “imagine how people would react if they knew what a cockhungry little slut you actually are", upon hearing those degrading names, your cunt starts clenching around nothing and a high pitched whimper escaped your throat.

"For you...", you whisper, pulling your bottom lip between your teeth the second Kyoutani starts placing open mouthed kisses on your neck.

Your fingers dig into his shoulders, pulling the material of his shirt a little too tightly.

"Of course, baby, you're mine after all and this sweet cunt", the sudden feeling of his palm pressing against the damped fabric of your panties has you gasping for air, "belongs to me, and me only", Kyoutani grunts, pulling the skin of your neck between his lips before he starts sucking gently as well as slowly moving his fingers against the lacey fabric between your legs.

"Yes, it's yours", you reply, after several weeks of being intimate with Kyoutani you've learned one thing and that's how much he loves hearing you say all those dirty and lewd things, "please fuck me."

"Patience, my love, patience. I am going to fuck you", Kentarou replies calmly and suddenly pushes you away, his hands disappearing from your body and when your lid flutter open because of the lack of touch, he shoots you one of his cocky smirks, "but let's not forget the whole friend situation, hm? What about you make it up to me before I fuck you like the little whore you are?"

His words have excitement rush through your blood, your head literally spinning just from the thought of finally getting to be on the giving end after weeks of him playing the selfless lover.

You nod eagerly, anticipation sparkling in your eyes as you watch him palm himself over his sweats before you get on your knees and wait for him to let go of his now fully erect cock.

However, the more seconds pass by like this, the more nervous you become because for some reason you suddenly remember that you've basically never sucked dick before.

Your head shoots up with slight panic written all over your face and of course Kyoutani notices your change in demeanor right away.

"What's wrong, angel?", he asks you and stops the movements of his hands.

"I don't know how to do it, Tani", you whisper, knowing there's no point in being shy about it, after all he happens to be the guy you've experienced your most firsts with.

"It's okay, baby, I'm going to help you”, Kyoutani replies and actually loses his composure for a second, “fuck baby, don't look at me like this when I'm literally about to fuck your throat", he hisses, throwing his head back as he grunts and his hips desperately bucking into the air.

Kyoutani takes another deep breath before he finally pushes his hand underneath the waistband of his sweats and with your eyes focused on his movements, you watch him pull out his hard length, a soft hiss falling past his plump lips when the coldness of the room grazes the slightly wet tip of his cock.

You gulp harshly, his impressive size in girth as well as length has your pussy throbbing like crazy, yet you can't help but wonder how the hell he's going to fit inside of you.

“Don't worry, baby, I know you're going to take all of my cock like the good girl you are", Kyoutani says after observing your facial expressions for some time.

"Give me your hand", he asks you softly, his voice still raspy and incredibly hoarse yet still soothing and you appreciate his attempts to calm himself down so you won't feel too nervous. With your heart slamming against your rib cage, you lift your hand up and are slightly overwhelmed at the sudden feeling of Kyoutani's warm spit pooling inside your palm. Without adding anything, he straightens himself and motions you to stroke his hard cock.

Not once do you stop looking at him as you wrap your fingers around the base of his impressive length and slowly start jerking him off.

Kyoutani cocks his head to the side, his bottom lip pulled in between his teeth and his eyes constantly fluttering close.

"Start with the tip, angel- just wrap your lips around it and start sucking, but be careful with your teeth, yeah baby?", he grunts, his hips thrusting into your fist every time the pace of your strokes slows down.

You give him yet another nod before look up at him one more time and do as he says.

The feeling of his cock between your lips is – different.

It feels like it's not supposed to be there, yet the salty taste of his precum coating your tongue has you sighing softly. Your tongue darts out, giving his tip a tiny kitten lick before you go back to sucking on it eagerly.

And while you seem to enjoy it a lot, Kyoutani is going absolutely crazy. You can see the way he's tensing his body as his grip in the bed sheets tightens and the vein on his neck pops out.

"F-Fuck, baby, just like that", he praises you "now try to take more of it in a-and use your hand for the rest", Kyoutani's voice is shaky, his eyes are nervously roaming your swollen lips and the string of spit connecting them to the tip of his cock.

Without giving it another thought, you take a deep breath and take more of him, trying your best to not graze his sensitive cock with your teeth and despite your initial struggle, you still enjoy the feeling of his cock on your tongue.

You subconsciously wrap your fingers around the part of his cock which you can't fit inside your mouth and suddenly it's like your body knows exactly what to do.

Kyoutani's moans grow louder and the soft thrusts of his hips become a little less controlled. You look up at him every now and then, trying your best to keep the steady rhythm as you bop your head.

And then he suddenly thrusts his length all the way to the back of your throat, your gag reflex just about to go off when he pulls back which is the moment you take notice of the tears streaming down your cheeks.

You give him a soft smile before going back to wrapping your lips around his tip, but you don't get very far.

Kyoutani pulls you back, his grip on the back of your neck not firm enough to hurt you.

"I promise I'm going to fuck your throat properly and even cum in your mouth the next time we do this but right now I just can't stop thinking about that tight cunt of yours", he says, helping you get up and almost instantly pulling you onto his lap; his wet cock rubbing against your panty covered core as Kyoutani pulls you in for a kiss.

It's sloppy and rushed, the way his tongue grazes over yours before he pulls it between his lips and starts sucking at it. Your hips start moving against his cock, your sensitive pussy craving some kind of friction as the arousal has your head spinning like crazy.

You start moaning and whimpering into his mouth when Kyoutani’s hips start meeting your desperate movements, applying the perfect amount of pressure onto your needy clit.

You feel the knot in the pit of your stomach tightening, the clenching of your cunt becoming worse the more you hump Kyoutani's cock like a woman starved.

But nothing prepares you for the feeling of one of his large digits entering you. Your hole start clenching around his finger Kyoutani pushes another one in, both digits buried inside of your little cunt.

"Such a good girl for me, aren't you, baby? I'm going to finger you nice and slow so you're ready for my cock. Now come on, my love; show me what a good whore you are and ride my fingers", Kyoutani encourages you, his hot breath fanning against the sensitive skin behind your ear and without missing a beat, your hips meet the skillful thrusts of his fingers.

Kyoutani continues to whisper naughty things into your ear, his other hand eventually wrapping around your throat as he makes sure you look into his eyes when you stumble over the edge.

Your high hits you hard and fast, the intensity knocking the breath out of your lungs and leaving you gasping for it; something you should be used to by now yet still can't believe is even possible.

He pushes you off of his lap softly, helps you get rid of his shirt as well as your ruined panties before he makes you lay down in the middle of his bed; eyes locking with yours when he also starts undressing.

"My pretty girl", Kyoutani sighs, his hand caressing the soft skin of your thighs, spanking you every now and then just because he's absolutely obsessed with the way your whole body tenses whenever his hand meets your skin.

“Look at me", he orders and almost instantly your head shoots up to meet his gaze, the sight of his naked body distracting you a lot more than you expected but after all this is the first time you get to see the rest of his tattoos; the ones you usually only get a tiny glimpse of depending on his outfit choice.

Kyoutani spreads your legs apart, his eyes never leaving yours even when he starts jerking off again and you can't hold back the soft whimpers and begs leaving your lips.

But also something about his flushed cheeks and swollen lips as well as his messy hair falling into his face has you incredibly turned on.

"We've never talked about this before but are you on the pill, baby?", he asks, pushing one of his thumbs into his mouth before he brings it down to your clit and starts rubbing soft circles into it, making you arch your back off of the mattress as you bury your face in the pillow to keep your noises down.

"N-No", you whisper, a deep sigh coming from Kyoutani and even though you know you shouldn’t do it, you stop him from bending over to the drawer of his nightstand, making him look at you in confusion.

“But I still want you to raw me, please...", you add and gulp harshly when his whole body seems to go into some kind of haze once the words leaveyour lips.

Kyoutani looks at you, his eyes darkening even more as he pulls his bottom lip between his teeth and lets out a loud moan of your name.

"I can't just raw you, baby", he presses through gritted teeth, his mask slowly falling apart the more you rub yourself against his cock, "you've never had sex without a condom and my pull out game is weak, even weaker when it comes to you because fuck – the thought of filling you up with my cum sounds so fucking good", Kyou groans when you scoot up a little, taking his length into your hand before you line him up with your entrance.

"B-But what if you get pregnant, sweet girl?", he sighs and tries to pull away, making you wrap your arms around his neck as you look into his pretty eyes.

"That will just show everyone around us how well you've fucked me", you whisper and elicit another deep moan from him, his whole body shaking slightly as he tries to hold himself back from just pounding into you.

"Such a cockhungry whore", he hisses and – finally – starts pushing his fat cock into your tiny cunt, the slight stretch making you both gasp for air.

“If that's what you want, then that’s what you get, you little slut. I'm going to fucking raw you and fill you up with all of my cum, make you my cumslut", Kyoutani grunts, pulling your bottom lip between his teeth before he harshly grabs your face and looks into your eyes as he buries more of himself inside of you.

"F-Fuck, you're big", you whimper, throwing your head back and trying your very best to stop clenching around his cock.

“We're almost there, baby- you got this, s-stop clenching", Kyoutani grunts against your parted lips. Without a warning, Kyoutani pushes the rest of his huge cock inside of you, bottoming out completely.

“F-Fuck...you’re so– tight”, Kentarou grunts, his fingers digging into the flesh of your hips as he buries his face in the crook of your neck, “it’s like you’ve never been fucked before.”

“S-So good...so fucking good, nngh-”, your little whimpers and whines are slurred, barely coherent as the feeling of being filled to the brim pushes you into a haze of pleasure.

You feel the pulsation of his cock against your spongy walls, his hands nervously roaming your body and groping one of your tits, as he obviously tries to calm himself down.

And then he finally starts moving.

A deep, guttural moan leaves the both of you when he pulls himself out of your tight hole, dragging his huge cock along the walls of your little cunt in the most delicious way possible before he almost brutally shoves himself back in again.

“Mhm, just like that, you little brat”, he grunts, sitting up on his knees as he pushes your legs further apart, his eyes focusing the way his fat cock stretches your hole just how he’s been imagining it all this time, “coming up to me and talking about having your little cunt rawed like some cumhungry little whore.”

You start nodding almost instantly at his words, your brain barely recognizing them, the only thing you can focus on being the way the tip of his cock grazes the entrance to your womb with every harsh, brutal thrust of his hips.

His thrusts find a steady rhythm, hard and so, so deep.

“Open your mouth”, Kyoutani grunts, a single drop of sweat finding its way down the center of his tattooed chest, the sight making you whimper and whine for him even louder as you part your lips as soon as you process his words.

“You know what? I’d rather have you say it”, he suddenly hisses, pulling his cock out of your spasming cunt before he presses your legs together and shoves himself back inside of you with one skilled thrust of his hips.

You have no idea at what point you start crying but by the time Kyoutani's moans and grunts start picking up their pace, you're a sobbing mess.

“S-Say wh-what?”, you sob, hiding your tear and spit stained face behind your hands, not daring to look up at him.

“I want you to ask for my spit and beg for my cum”, Kentarou’s voice grows raspier, the dominance seething through every single one of his words makes it so easy for you to fall even further into the hole of absolute submission, “and stop hiding yourself, angel girl..I wanna watch the way I’m fucking your brains out.”

A row of loud, high pitched whines and a combination of sobs and moans are the only thing you manage to respond with, your brain clouded with the feeling of his thick cock dragging along the spongy walls of your cunt.

And before you can even comprehend his next movement, you hear the loud sound of skin meeting skin followed by the delicious feeling of a sting sending jolts of pain through your body, something you’ve come to love after so many hours with the tattoo artist.

“I told you to ask and beg for it, angel girl..you’re making me wait”, Kentarou spits, never once halting the movements of his hips as he watches the way you start sobbing even more, your cunt spasming around his cock after his painful spank.

“Please...f-fuck, please spit in my mouth and my face and on my cunt- want it all”, you start brabbling, another row of incohrent begs following right afterwars as your hips sloppily meet his harsh thrusts, “I want you to stuff me full of your cum, too- please, Daddy, wanna be your little c-cumdumpster.”

“There you go..”, Kyoutani’s plump lips stretch into a big smile as his cock throbs at the sound of that one forbidden little word he’s come to love even more after hearing it from you only a handful of times.

He didn’t hesitate to tell you about how much it turns him on around two weeks after the two fo you had started dating and even though he never really expected you to use it, he was secretely hoping for you to overcome your shyness.

You had used it only twice before when the pleasure had gotten too much for your brain to handle and Kyoutani knew you’d stop holding yourself back as soon as you got a taste of his cock.

“What did you just call me, pretty girl?”, he cooes, giggling softly at the way you whimper and cry even harder, knowing oh so well what he wants to hear.

And for the first time you just can’t get yourself to argue with the little voice in the back of your head; the feeling of his cock stretching your tiny cunt making it so, so easy to just let go of all those doubts and worries.

“Please, Daddy”, you reply and look into his eyes, groping your own tits as you arch your back to feel him even deeper inside of you, “n-need your cum inside of me...please- want everyone to know who I belong to.”

You don’t really expect it, yet your pussy almost instantly start clenching around his cock when kyoutani harshly grabs your face, making you part your lips before he spits into your mouth.

The loud, lewd sound of it rings in your ears in the best way possible and acting like a literal aphrodisiac in combination with the delicious taste of his saliva coating the hot muscle of your tongue.

You hum softly before you swallow it all, a gentle sob escaing your lips before you look up at him again.

"Now go on, angel girl”, he growls, pushing his hand in between your legs to rub circles into your hardened clit, “I want you to cum for me. Be a good little dumpster for your Daddy and show me what only I can do to you.”

You can barely process his words, the lewdness just fueling the fire in the pit of your stomach as you lose yourself in the feeling of your upcoming high. But you still start nodding, cringing at the feeling your saliva dripping down your jawline.

And with one last thrust, you feel your high crashing down onto you with such heaviness, you're left absolutely breathless.

Your whole body is trembling as the waves of your orgasm hit you, a row of incoherent words leaving your lips before you stop trying and just start crying for your precious Daddy.

"That's my baby”, is the first thing your brain manages to process again, everything still a blurry mess and when you look at Kyou, you realize you’re still cumming.

Your cunt is almost painfully spasming around his big cock, your juices dripping down the sides of his length as he helps you ride out your orgasm.

“You’re such a good, good girl for Daddy, aren’t you? I'm so proud of you", Kyoutani praises you, his thrust a little sloppier than before and from the way he's digging his fingers into the skin of your waist, you can only assume that he's also quiet close, "you're also going to take all of Daddy’s cum, right, baby? We gotta make sure I fill you up nicely..."

You take a deep breath, your slightly overstimulated cunt sending shivers down your spine as your eyes focus on Kyoutani's parted lips.

"Please, Daddy...need you to fill me up with your cum", you encourage him and when you slowly push two of your fingers into his mouth, knowing how much he loves to suck on them no matter what situation you’re both in, you finally get to see his whole face crunch up in pleasure.

His body tenses up as his grip on your waist becomes firmer before he starts cumming inside of you with a deep, raspy moan; coating the walls in several shades of white with three thick spurts of his cum.

Kyoutani buries his face in the crook of your neck as he slowly calms down, loud breathing and rushed gasps for air the only thing to fill the inside of his empty room.

"I love you so much", he whispers and gives you a soft kiss, his cock still firmly buried inside of your sensitive cunt before he shoots you a soft smile; looking almost boyish with his glossy eyes and flushed cheeks.

"I love you, too, D-Daddy”, you whisper, gulping harshly as the words leave your lips, feeling yourself grow even smaller underneath his strong yet comforting gaze, “thank you for giving us a chance", you add and pull him into for another kiss.

"Kyoutani Kentarou, your favorite group of walking disappointments is back and better than ev - oh", Iwaizumi Hajime, Kyoutani's High School best friend, fellow tattoo aritst and roommate suddenly yells and almost brutally slams open the door, startling you to the last bone in your body.

Kyoutani is quick to cover you up with his body, his hand reaching for one of the blankets on the floor as he grunts in annoyance.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't know–", "What is it, Iwa-Chan? Is he jerking off again? Kyoutani Kentarou you little piece of shit, just go and fuck that–", just like Iwaizumi, Oikawa – who also happens to be his best friend, felow tattoo artist and roommate – comes to stand in the doorway, bumping into his best friend before he finally spots the two of you.

"You're naked", he points out, closing his eyes almost instantly after realizing what he has just come to witness and despite the disgusting feeling of wanting to disappear and never come back again, you can't help but giggle at their shocked and slightly disgusted faces.

Kyoutani takes a deep breath and pulls out of you, still making sure to hide you behind his body before he hands you the blanket and lets his eyes shift to the door, looking at his best friends in pure disbelief.

"Kawa stop fucking staring and – can you two please fuck off?", he yells, pulling the boys back to reality and the way both of them shift to look at you only to blush from their necks to their ears has you chuckling softly.

This type of situation is nothing you’re not used to – unfortunately.

"Uhm – of course! Oh, my fucking God! So sorry, Kyou", Iwaizumi stutters and wraps his fingers around the doorknob, avoiding your eyes as much as he can before he pushes Oikawa away and then closes the door with another row of apologies.

Kyoutani just looks at you apologetically as he shakes his head and face palms himself, making the both of you burst into loud laughter.

And after taking a shower together and actually eating some late dinner with the boys, you fall asleep with Kyoutani's arms tightly wrapped around your waist, his face buried inside the crook of your neck and one last love confession.

And when those sweet words fall past his lips yet again, you realize – you're finally home.

[ banner source ]

#haikyuu smut #hq!! smut #kyoutani smut #kyoutani kentarou smut #hq smut #haikyuu!! smut #haikyuu x female reader #hq!! x female reader #kyoutani x female reader

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k0kichiimagines · 3 years

Text

hhshhckd saeran brain rot time

you can request other characters for this, including other versions of Saeran!

- mod kokichi

[GE] Saeran Choi N$FW alphabet

CWs: N$FW

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

Very soft, he usually gets a cloth to clean up and then holds you for a bit, fingers tracing your skin and whispering soft words to you. Sometimes falling asleep.

He'll run a bath afterwards, pretty bath bombs included.

At some point he may question what you enjoyed, mostly if you tried something new.

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

At first he doesnt like anything about himself. He starts to love himself through how you love him, starting with his hands.. or more how his hands look on you.

On you ? Everything, but he loves your neck // collarbone when hes more in his Unknown persona, hips and thighs generally. He loves kissing or holding your hands during your moments as well.

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)

He likes cumming inside or on the sheets, you'd have to ask him if you wanted it anywhere else tbh.

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Probably when you first entered his life, and for the first time he started getting thoughts about someone. Not just feeling aroused, but feeling it towards someone in particular. Both Ray and Saeran felt nervous you would hate him if you found out.

Also unknown has an exhibition kink, i know this is GE saeran but i have to get it out there.

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

No experience, I doubt he watches porn tbh but he did *some* research. He's not innocent on his kink knowledge.

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual)

Missionary! He loves having you close to him and having your front view exposed to him, seeing your face and etc. Any position he can see your face he likes.

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

He might make some light jokes here and there, very soft ones and not common. He might even softly tickle you in a teasing way once or twice. For him, sex is very intimate and loving and he wants to make it feel relaxed and stuff.

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

Okay i feel like this depends on what you hc happened to his hair. If you take the dye route, then no it's still red. I personally see it as being from the elixir, so i think it'd be white with some red here and there.

Yes i think he shaves every now and then, just trims when he's feeling lazy.

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

He's so intimate and loving in everything you do together, especially so during sex. Even kinker stuff holds intimacy and love for him.

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

Not really. I feel like he's able to keep himself usually in check, and now he has you he doesn't feel the urge as much. He does a few times though, if you ever caught him he'd freeze for a second, debating how to respond.

He used to, during the Mint Eye and stuff, but even then only very rarely. Perhaps more often once he saw you.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

Praise kink!! Orgasm denial.

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)

Honestly anywhere. He prefers private areas, such as your house (again, anywhere. but the bed is comfortable so usually there). He dreams of having wide open fields and gardens, so in a closed off area there is good.

In public? Yeah he's down, not often but the excitement of hiding and keeping both of you silent gets to him at times.

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

You. Just whisper at him, or subtlety imply something, maybe trace your fingers close to his crotch. He'll get the idea pretty quick.

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

He would never degraded you or want to be degraded. Teasing? He's okay with it, but both from his childhood and the Mint Eye degradation would make him uncomfortable. Same with inflicting pain or choking.

I think tying him up would only be a sometimes thing, he wouldn't suggest it unless you wanted to and he'd only want it a few times.

Otherwise probably just stuff like vomit, piss, y'know.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

Ohhhh he likes spoiling you, he's a giver.

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

Yes. (Depends on the mood, and what you want. He's a big romantic so he likes the slow mood, but equally having you beg for him to move is... hot)

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

He likes them! Just not too often, he prefers sex-sex.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

YEP, depends on what of course but he's down! Just maybe don't expect non-stop kinky stuff with him.

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

When he first gets out the mint eye, not more then one. As he heals and recovers he can go for longer and go for more rounds, just give him time.

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

Owns none, i dont think i need to explain why.

He's not too fussed on toys, if you have handcuffs or whatever you want to try he'll use them, and may even find one he likes, but he doesnt have a big preference for them.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

He's always a tease, even in his after ending he teases you softly. Anything from words, to moving his fingers painfully slow, this man is a tease.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

He definitely makes noises, soft whimpers and gasps mixed in with sentences that sometimes trail off (but you know what he means). He'll get a bit loud at times, he might kiss (or bite) you to silent himself.

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

Your first time having sex together is going to be very slow paced and gentle. In his own words, your his first love, but that also makes you his first everything. Sex including. He has a few nerves of his own, and he would prefer if you two spend time exploring each other the first time.

If you're not a virgin you can give him guidance, but even then you'll be learning together, even more so if you are a virgin.

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

I've read that circumcision is pretty popular in South Korea, however due to his childhood i honestly don't know if he would have gotten it done. His mother might have, equally she may not have,, i looked it up and apparently its done very young a lot of the time so probably yeah??? man i dunno i dont have a dick okay im out of my depth here 😭

ANYWAYS i think hes 5 to 6 inches or so, not woah really big but equally not small.

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

Hmm, I feel like he's not always horny but equally he's quick to get in the mood - if that makes sense? He has a good control over his emotions (sometimes), but equally if you push a button he's gone.

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Pretty quick, he prefers if you fall asleep together though so he usually waits until you're sleeping.

#saeran x reader #saeran choi x reader #mystic messenger x reader #GE saeran #saeran choi #saeran choi x mc

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the-tiniest-one · 3 years

Text

Late Night Office Visit: Confessions of the Copy Ninja

Kakashi X Reader

This is my first post so go easy on me. Its just a little fluffy/smut I wrote while thinking about it. Tell me what you think and thank you so much for reading!

***

Your office is tinted in soft warm light from the small lamp by your desk. A candle burning near your desk is scented for the fall season, October is here in the village and it’s starting to get chilly. You had dressed comfortably for work, an over-sized lavender hoody and long black leggings that covered your socked feet with knitted dark grey boots. Your (h/l,h/c) in a messy bun.

It’s no secret that Kakashi is a man of routine.

His routine had recently begun to include trips to your office. Usually to tease you. You being a night owl, around 1am like clockwork when he was home from missions, he will indulge in a “random and unplanned”, unannounced visit, usually involving some kind of failed attempt at sneaking in and trying his best at scaring you. You expect his shit by now though.

During his visit both you and he compete to best the other in a battle of “who can make the other blush” during the private office conversations.

“So why are you always working so late” kakashi asked, wandering around the office, picking up a book from the shelf and thumbing it lazily. “Dont you have a boyfriend to go home to?”

The question was bold.

“No”. A short yet devilishly innocent sounding reply from you, while looking at your mound of papers littering your desk, followed by deafening silence.

“What a shame” Kakashi says almost no variation in tone.

The tension is strangling you.

Feeling a little bit bold as well, you decide to lay the innocent act on as thick as possible

“I guess it is a shame. It gets so lonely in my little apartment...If only I had someone to come home to... It’s too bad. I bet you probably have lots of company waiting for you to get home and keep them warm.” you reply with a grin.

Standing and walking over to the large window Kakashi came into the office through, leaning forward to close it, the cool October air giving you a chill.

Turning around, almost in an instant, Kakashi was behind you. Wrapping both hands in your hair with breath taking tenderness. His lips pressing against yours….expressing desperation and need. You had been dreaming of this moment for months, your tongue pushing through his lips first. Both of you searching for security in each others kiss.

When he pulled back to look at you, you kept your eyes closed for a moment. savoring the first time.

The first time that you knew, as silly as it sounded....As much as you hated the idea that you could be so deeply invested before his lips ever touched yours....the first time that the man you could feel in your blood was your perfect match...Your soulmate kissed your lips.

When you did finally open your eyes, the worried look carved across his perfect masked features was too clear. “Was that okay?” he asked, clearly worried to hear the answer.

Without verbally responding, you crashed into his lips again. This time wrapping your legs around his waist and pushing your hands through his unruly hair.

Within seconds your back hit the desk gently, his hands wandering under your hoody. His calloused thumbs running over your nipples, causing you to moan quietly into his open mouth.

His lips left yours quickly finding your jawline, just behind your ear, “I have wanted to kiss you from the instant that I first saw you”. he whispered.

You blushed... “six months does feel like a long time” you respond quietly.

He stops kissing for a moment to look at you inquisitively, (your tits still fully engulfed in his large hands). “6 months?” he asks confused.

“Yeah, when we first met?” You reply slightly embarrassed by his exasperated expression.

He looks at you with even more embarrassment and his soul bared just under the surface of his clear pretty eyes,

“Oh, well uh...you see, I was talking about the very first time that I first saw you...like ever ...back at the Academy.” Said Kakashi

“What” you said, thinking back....Kakashi, and the other mutual friends you two shared from his graduating class like Guy and Asuma.... were two years above you. You cant remember ever having seen him at the Academy or even when you and your team had grown and gone on countless missions together. You would remember him, you know it. It wasn't as though he wasn't around...He was just such a private guy (and you were a private girl), and he had spent so many years in the special ANBU division or...away from other people in general.

Even though you’d never met in person until about 6 months ago, you’d heard of the famous copy ninja almost your whole life. His sinister reputation was known throughout the hidden nations.

“How long?” you ask breathless...nervous to hear the answer.

“Hmmm lets see...I guess it would be the day you graduated from the Academy... I was passing by, headed to turn in a mission report when they posted the list.” he replied in a more confident tone.

“I watched you never stop to check it. You already knew you made it. Everyone else clamoring for a look at the list, and I heard you tell another student...”Im going to become a chunin, then a jonin, then Hokage. To protect the person I love someday”.

Your stomach did somersaults. You remembered the moment he was quoting..... but as hard as you tried to place him, he wasn’t there in your memory of that day.

Head spinning... you were an early academy graduate, 8 years old when you made genin. You were 27 now….That means Kakashi Hatake has loved you almost your entire life...without you ever having met you.

You forced him back down onto your lips while simultaneously unzipping his flack jacket. Then pulling his shirt over his head to reveal his perfect torso.

He undressed you however, much more slow and methodically, only a bra under your hoody, quickly unclasping it and throwing it to the side. Then your leggings, finally while kissing down your neck to your breasts, he pulled your panties off and put them in his pocket.

His mouth making slow circles around your nipples. You noticed how wet you were when his right hand slid from your tits to your hip, then to your slit...he giggled as he quickly fingered and teased the outside of your soaked pussy.

“Please kashi” you gasped, maybe louder than you wanted for the office building you were currently being ravaged in.

His slow kisses moved down to your panty line. Lips dancing along your skin in perfect rhythm with his hands teasing you.

“Please what?” he asked with an almost stern inflection

At first you didnt reply, only writhing under him.

But the shock of a slap on your inner thigh made you almost scream with desire.

“Please what” he asked again while resuming the kisses to your belly.

Please let me cum you said, almost at a whisper.

Just like that his mouth was on you. Licking your clit at first, an eternity of teasing you nearly to tears. Then he started sucking you with a ferocity that bordered on desperation.

You were a mess. You couldn’t even begin to form coherent thoughts when you felt his tip graze your pussy lips.

“You looked into his eyes, and he waited for confirmation.”

The second you nodded he began. Slowly dipping in and out, first the tip, then slowly incorporating more of himself. Making sure you were comfortably adjusted before adding another half inch or so. The care in which he conducted himself was nothing short of impressive...however it was driving you insane. You needed to be fucked. You wrapped your legs around him, forcing him as deep as he would go, catching him off guard...if only due to his extreme focus on your perfect pussy.

He gasped at the sudden tight warmth around his cock, looking up at you as you rocked your hips to help him along.

It didnt take more than a minute at most before you laced your hand into his…

“Im so close, kashi...can I please cum?”

Surprised and fully turned on by the request, his thumb hit your clit, fast circles helping you along.

“Cum on my cock (y/n). I want your pretty pussy to cum for me”

And like that you snapped, quivering and writhing on your desk while he followed almost immediately, soaking your insides with his hot seed.

You laid motionless, gasping for air and seeing stars….

He kissed your nipples again, still inside you, making you jump from the overstimulation.

Finally resting on your chest while your hands wandered through his hair.

“I wanted to do that for an eternity” he said still catching his breath.

“Well I let me grant that wish” you say with a giggle. “An eternity it is”.

#kakashi #kakashi x reader smut lemon #kakashi x reader #kakashi x female reader #slightdom

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negandarylsatisfaction · 4 years

Text

[SUMMARY: Negan becomes obsessed with his mistress.]

Smut

Negan and Malia

Negan lay beside you smoking his cigarette as you lay on his chest. The two of you had just finished having wild sex as you usually did. You loved when he came over but you always hated when he had to leave.

"When are you going to bring me to your house?"

"Malia. We've already had this conversation before." He took another hit of the cigarette before putting it out.

"I know but theres always some kind of excuse. We either come to my house or a hotel and we've been dating for six months." Negan sighed as he rubbed your back before you looked up at him with a raised eyebrow.

"Any other man would've-"

"Dont fucking tell me what any other man would do with you cause you're not with any other damn man. You're with me."

Negan turned very serious, he hated even the mention of you being with someone else.

"Let me start going." He stood up leaving you naked in bed under the covers. You sighed as he went to the bathroom before hearing his phone buzz. Usually you wouldnt allow yourself to look at it but things had been too weird. Looking back up at the bathroom door you reached for his phone and found it to be unlocked. There was a text message from a woman named Lucille.

"Meet me at the hospital for my appointment, I'll be there till 4. I love you." You whispered the text message to yourself feeling your heart sink. Scrolling back to old messages you realized they lived together, Negan had a girlfriend? Anger started to rise in you as you went further and further each message telling you more before realizing, Negan didnt have a girlfriend...he was married.

The sound of the toilet flushing made you quickly look up and place the phone back where it was. You knew he had been lying about something but you had no idea it was to this extent. Standing up from the bed you began to get dressed as he came out of the bathroom fully dressed himself.

"And where the hell are you going?" He asked as he looked at you strangely.

"Where are you going?" You asked with a raised brow.

"I told you. I had some errands to run." He looked you dead in the eye with lies.

"With Lucille?" You placed your hand on your hip, you could tell by his expression you caught him off guard. Without saying a word he looked back at his phone then back to you.

"Yeah, I saw your stupid messages. Your wife is waiting for you at the hospital." You emphasized on the word wife, he could see you were angry, you were fuming.

"Sweetheart," he smirked.

"Dont sweetheart me, you lying piece of shit. You're married, you're fucking married."

"Listen Malia, it's been complicated." Negan spoke back with a tone you didnt like.

"Complicated? You had me as a damn mistress-"

"You're not a mistress." He raised his voice cutting you off.

"I think you need to go."

"We'll talk about this when I get back."

"I dont want you coming back." You shot back with a straight face.

"Well that's too damn bad, I said we'll talk about it when I get back." Negan walked past you leaving you in shock. You couldnt believe this man had the nerve to act this way. All this time he had someone else, all this time hes lived with another woman, you felt more rage than anything.

That night you wanted nothing but to go out for a drink, to hell with Negan. You put on a tight black dress and got yourself ready to go out and have fun at the local bar in town. Negan had been blowing up your phone but you didnt care. The second you texted him telling him that you wanted this relationship to be over, he flipped. Sitting down at the bar you already had a handsome man approach you and offer you a drink. The two of you hit it off laughing together as you continued to feel your phone buzz. The man sitting with you went to use the restroom as you sat smiling to yourself feeling good. In your own world, you hadn't noticed Negan enter the bar. Angrily he searched the place for you before spotting you sitting by yourself in a corner.

"You wanna answer your fucking messages?" You gasped to find Negan beside you.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

"I can say the same for you, sweetheart." He knew exactly where to find you as this was the same place the two of you had met.

"Negan, I told you we are done." Your response making him chuckle.

"I beg to differ, Malia." Just as you were about to respond the man you were flirting with all night sat beside you.

"Everything alright?" He asked making Negan give him a threatening glare.

"Who the fuck are you?"

"Negan, stop it." You got nervous as the other man stood up defensively.

"I'm buying a drink for this fine woman, you got a problem?"

"This fine ass woman is my woman, so yeah I have a fucking problem. Let's go, Malia." Negan pulled out your chair and grabbed your arm.

"What the hell are you doing?!" You tried pulling your arm back but he wouldnt let go.

"Listen man she doesnt have to go with you if she doesnt want to."

"Hey asshole, I suggest you mind your fucking business." Negan practically pulled you off the chair and dragged you out the bar.

"Let go of me!" You screamed in the parking lot making him finally release you.

"Get in the fucking car, we're going home."

"I'm not going home, I dont wanna talk to you." You crossed your arms turning away from him.

"Sweetheart, I'm giving you one more chance. Get in the car."

"No." You responded flatly making him sigh before he suddenly picked you up and threw you over his shoulder.

"Stop it! Put me down!" You kicked but he held onto you tightly and sat you in the passenger seat of his truck.

"I gave you a chance to come here on your own didnt I?"

"You're crazy!" You screamed as you adjusted yourself on the seat eventually giving up.

"Oh I know." Negan climbed into the driver's seat and started the car before driving off. Angrily you remained silent looking out the window as you pulled down your dress. Negan looked over at you and licked his lips before looking back at the road.

"You look sexy." You didnt say a word to him as you remained looking away from him.

"Come on, baby. Why do you have to be so stubborn?" You took a deep breath clearly annoyed by him just wanting to get home. Finally he drove into your drive way and quickly you got out as he followed.

"Woah woah woah, I dont get a goodnight kiss?" You scoffed in disbelief.

"I cant believe you. Negan just go home, me and you are over."

"No we are not." He answered in a matter of fact tone.

"Malia, I love you."

"Unbelievable.." you muttered to yourself as he stepped closer.

"You think I dont love you? I left my damn wife at home to come find you because you didnt want to answer my damn messages." He raised his voice staring down at you.

"Oh, how romantic of you." You responded sarcastically before turning away from him and unlocking your door. Negan followed you inside as you shook off your high heels and threw your purse on the couch.

"You need to go."

"Im not leaving until we talk." You sighed in frustration before you turned to him.

"Fine, you wanna talk? Do you have any idea how many men I can have right now-"

"You be very careful where you're going with that, sweetheart." Negan cut you off slowly walking towards you.

"Oh please, I need to be careful with what I say? I was so close to getting fucked tonight by-"

"Hey!" He roared loudly making you jump. You swallowed nervously as he took another step closer looking down at you.

"No ones fucking you but me." A mixture of anger and arousal at his words made you look away.

"So.." you cleared your throat speaking calmly.

"You get to screw all the women you want and I have to be just for you?"

"Who said I was screwing anyone else?" He asked in a low voice.

"Negan, you're married." You stared up af him in disbelief.

"Yeah well, things are complicated, baby."

You turned away from him not wanting to hear anything else when your phone began to ring.

"Who the fuck is calling you at this time?"

You looked down at your phone noticing the name of the man you had just been talking to at the bar.

"You've gotta be kidding me, dont tell me you gave that asshole your number?"

"Yes, Negan I did. So what? Look, I think you should go. I just want to get in bed."

"I wanna get in bed with you."

"No. I want to be alone."

Negan moved closer to you slowly placing his hands on your hips.

"Come on, baby. You're really gonna stay pissed at me?"

"Are you joking?" You looked up at him feeling annoyed before he unexpectedly aggressively pulled you against him making your body slam against his.

"Does it look like I'm joking?" How can you not be mad at him, was he insane?

"Just go okay? We'll talk tomorrow."

"Tomorrow." Negan agreed as his hands slowly fell from your hips.

Negan finally gave in, slamming the door loudly as he left for the night. Truth be told you didnt want to talk him or see him again. Who did he think you were, thinking youd be ok to be with a married man?

The next day at work you sat in your cubicle going over paperwork when one of your coworkers let you know your boyfriend was there.

"What?" You asked in shock and confusion when Negan appeared with a grin.

"Hey baby, I wanted to take you out for your lunch." You couldnt believe he had the nerve to show up and casually act like nothing had happened.

"Negan, I cant today. I have alot of work to catch up on." As you spoke, a male colleague of yours caught Negans eye, he noticed the man staring at your ass as he walked towards you from behind.

"Who's this asshole?" Negan asked you low making you turn to see your coworker, Peter approaching you.

"Peter, hi." You smiled, the sound of your voice excitedly saying another mans name made him look at you with deep furrowed brows.

"Good afternoon, gorgeous." The man reached in for a platonic kiss on the cheek with his hand on your waist making Negan tense up.

"Woah woah woah prick, keep your fucking hands to yourself."

"Negan." You turned to him bulging your eyes out.

"This is my boss." You spoke nervously as Negan chuckled.

"Oh wait, you're the boss that gave her that promotion a month back arent you? What you thought if you gave her a promotion youd get to tap that ass?"

"Negan! Peter...I'm so sorry-"

"Dont fucking be sorry for me, you dont see the way this asshole looks at you?" Negan responded angrily.

"Alright, Sir I'm gonna have to ask you to leave."

"I'm not going anywhere without my woman." Peter gave you a warning glare making you sigh.

Pulling Negan outside you shoved his shoulder back angrily.

"Enough is enough, this is done Negan. I cant be with you anymore."

"Malia-"

"No I dont want to hear what you have to say. This has gone too far."

"Malia, God dammit.. you belong to me." His lip quivered as he spoke with intensity, the thought of Peter or any other man coming close to you made him enraged.

"Negan, I mean it I'm done. Do not come in here again because if you do, Peter will call security. Just stop, go home to your wife." And with that you walked away from him leaving him pissed. Negan wasnt ready to leave you, he couldnt help the feelings that he had for you. Whether you wanted to believe it or not Negan felt he truly loved you.

You felt no matter what you said to Negan he always found a way to go against it. He was a stubborn and persistent man. He had a temper towards any man that came close to you, he didnt trust it. Although you had feelings for him you didnt want to be apart of the mess any longer. You felt sorry for his wife, you felt betrayed, you were still angry.

The next day you woke up to the sound of chaos outside your house. There was screaming, sirens, you even thought you heard a few gunshots. Looking out the window you saw people screaming and running, there was blood everywhere. You gasped when you saw one man bite another.

"What the hell's going on?" You whispered to yourself before running to the tv and noticing all channels had no signal.

"Shit." You muttered before turning to your phone and noticing seven missed calls from Negan and a lost signal. You had no idea what the hell was going on but you knew that although you had feelings for Negan, this was your chance to break free from his possessiveness. This was your chance to get away.

Two years down the road many things had changed around you. The world changed as you knew it, you lost touch of everyone you knew and began staying with a small group. These things that came out attacking people, these walkers...they were like nothing the world had faced before. The group you were with was talking about another group they ran into, they called themselves "the saviors". They were the new threat you were all facing and they found where you all resided. One of the men said they were coming today, they had some sort of offer but your friend didnt sound convinced that it was a good one.

"Shit, I see their cars coming." Your friend Lenny muttered as he over looked the road.

"Everyone take your places!" You stood behind one of houses in the road with your hand gun and waited for the cars to pull up. The men slowly started to come out seeming to be waiting for one last man to come out. Taking a deep breath you squinted your eyes aiming your gun when a man you had not seen in two years came into view.

It was Negan.

Your lips parted in shock as you slowly bought your gun down. He came out of the car with an arrogant look. You couldnt believe it was actually him, he was the leader of the Saviors?

"Fuck.." you whispered to yourself looking around, you couldnt let him see you. You didnt want him to see you. Without alerting your group you turned running inside one of the houses, Negan instantly catching the quick movement.

"Woah, who was that?"

"Who?" Lenny looked behind him knowing you were the only one there. Negan didnt say a word signaling for one of his men, Simon to take over of watch for him. Negan made his way to the house slowly opening the door, you heard him enter from where you were upstairs and cursed to yourself.

"Come out come out wherever you are." He taunted you with sarcastic playfulness. Quietly you hid in one of the bedrooms hiding yourself in the closet. Negan wasnt a stupid man and you knew this, you began to hear him slowly make his way up the stairs.

"Come on lady, you're only making this harder for yourself." He yelled out before you heard him enter the very room you were in. You squeezed your eyes shut as you heard him look around the room. Your finger on the trigger as he carefully observed his surroundings, he right away noticed the closet door cracked.

"Oh you're just making this too damn easy for me." You took a deep breath as he moved towards the closet, the floors squeaking loudly before he opened the door. Negan was stunned at the sight of you, his brows were deeply knitted together before a smirk slowly appeared.

"Well shit, look who it is."

Slowly you lifted up the gun aiming it directly at him, finger on the trigger.

"That's cute."

"Back up." You spoke in a stern voice. Negan did as you asked as you slowly stepped out of the closet showing your full self. His eyes excitedly checking you out from head to toe. Your shoulder length hair had grown down to the middle of your back, the color also lighter than what he remembered.

"You look good, Malia."

"What the hell are your people doing to my group?"

"Your group huh? Did your group tell you how they got caught stealing from mine?"

"Stealing?" You asked with a puzzled expression.

"Oh yeah, sweetheart. Stealing, now how about you put that gun down and we can have a normal conversation." You didnt say a word nor move a muscle as he looked straight at you.

"Come on, have I ever fucking hurt you?"

"Funny you ask." You responded sarcastically remembering when you found out he was cheating with you.

"Baby girl, that was a long time ago now." You stayed silent staring at him for a moment before slowly putting the gun down.

"Good girl." He responded with an excited tone as you glared at him.

"You should take your people and leave," you responded bluntly making him frown.

"And leave my pretty little flower after I've just found her? I think the fuck not."

"Malia! You okay in there?" You heard Lenny yell from outside.

"Yes, I'm fine Lenny." You screamed back out the window before turning back to Negan.

"Lenny huh?" He licked his bottom lip as he stepped closer to you.

"Is he fucking you?"

"Dont start," you placed your hand your hip making him look down at your body and grin.

"God I always loved when you did that cute little pose." You crossed your arms clearly annoyed by him.

"Wheres your wife anyway, shouldn't you be off with her?" You noticed the look in his eyes change and just by the look you could tell what had happened.

"I'm sorry." A piece of you actually felt sorry for him.

"Well....I'm gonna go-" you went to walk past him before he gently grabbed your arm.

"Come on, dont leave me now." He looked over at you as you looked at the ground with a sigh.

"What are you gonna run off to that prick Lenny?"

"God dammit, Negan. You're still the same way." Negan chuckled before turning you fully towards him.

"What the hell makes you think I'd be any different?" His expression turning into a straight face.

"You dont think I've spent days wondering what the fuck happened to you? Wondering if you were still alive? You think now that I've found you I'll let any man take you from me?" You looked up at him speechlessly. His territorial ways were far from gone but a part of you did actually miss him. You shook your head looking away making him get closer to you.

"Tell me you didnt fucking miss me." Negan spoke aggresivly getting closer to you as you stepped back.

"Go ahead, say it so I can see the bullshit in your eyes."

"Stop it!"

"Or what!" He yelled back before realizing you wanted him to stop because you were getting aroused. He could tell by the way you were breathing, the way you couldnt look him in the eyes. Negan knew you all too well, the thought made him smirk.

"Am I making you all hot and bothered, sweetheart?"

"The hell makes you think that?" You responded defensively knowing he wasnt wrong.

"I dont know, you've got that look in your eye." Negans eyes lit up as he began to remember things that happened between the two of you.

"What look?"

"The look you'd always get everytime I teased you. You remember those days dont you?" Negan leaned in with his lips close to your ear.

"When I used to kiss every part of you and tell you how you were mine and only fucking mine." You heard him smile against you as you continued to listen to him. Truth be told, he was turning you on as much as you tried to fight it.

"You still are mine, you know that dont you?" You felt his hand slowly slide up your thigh as he began to kiss your neck making your eyes clothes. This is actually what you were trying to avoid, you knew his touch could make you weak. He knew what you liked and he took advantage of it. He slid his tongue around your neck making you moan softly against him.

"Negan....everyone's..downstairs-"

"Fuck them." He whispered roughly before he threw everything off the vanity beside you and turned you around, bending you over it. You squealed with excitement as he lowered your pants and his. He couldnt wait to feel you, he didnt even bother getting fully undressed. Not wasting anytime Negan thrusted himself into you making you scream.

"Oh yeah.." he groaned, you were already wet for him. He grabbed your waist hard as he slammed into you with full force. The vanity slamming against the wall loudly with each thrust, you melted by the feel of him.

"Look up," he ordered you aggresivly pulling you by your hair and holding your arms behind you. He made you look into the mirror in front of you. The pain was satisfying, Negans expression as he fucked you only turned you on more.

"You see that?" He panted against your ear.

"You're mine, only I can fuck you like this." Your lips parted but no sound came out as he moved faster.

"You hear me?!" He tugged at your hair hard making you scream.

"Yes!" You cried out as he bit down on his bottom lip hard before suddenly pulling out.

"Turn around-" he panted making you get on your knees as you quickly opened your mouth and he quickly came on your tongue. You took his cock in your mouth whole making him weak in the knees, sucking him dry.

"Fuck.." he whispered as you pulled away and swallowed every drop, wiping the corner of your lips. Negan was drenched in sweater under his leather jacket, you could see a sweat stain on his chest through his white shirt.

"God damn, Malia."

You smiled licking your lips as you fixed your clothes. Negan wiped his sweat off his face cleared his throat as he fixed his belt.

"Now what?" You whispered as he looked at you with a satisfying smile. Negan walked towards you and slowly caressed the side of your face as he looked at your lips.

"Now you come with me, baby and we finish where we left off." Negan leaned in and kissed you passionately, your stomach began to flutter. You hated that this man got to you like this but you couldnt help yourself. You had never stopped loving Negan and you wanted him all along.

#jeffrey dean morgan #the walking dead negan #negan twd #negan x of #negan imagine #negan fanfic #twd fan fiction #negan x oc #negan is here

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stvrs13 · 3 years

Text

" I love her but she hates me "

summary: Ellie and y/n have been enemies for 2 years but they secretly have feelings for each other.

warnings: a lil smut maybe nothing to serious ( help-) , swearing

a/n: alright this is my first smut and im new to writing so no judgements! 🙌

You were walking on the snow when you saw a beanie, you picked it, realizing it belongs to the one and only ellie, your ex bestfriend, your enemy, and of course the one you have secretly have feelings for.. you sigh, debating whether or not to give it back to her but it all answers when you walk towards the corner of the street on her direction, you waved awkwardly. " hey ellie, uh i found this on the snow. " you said nervously. she glanced at dina and back to you with a serious look on her face. " what a joke " she said while getting her beanie off of your hands with a super human speed. she then walk away and dina follows her, leaving you standing on your position. mental facepalm! this was a bad idea, you thought to yourself.

You walked towards your best friend who was sitting on a bench playing with her fingers, Nancy, you sat beside her. " what happened? did she said something to you again? " she said. " uh its not biggy just found her beanie that's all. " you said, slightly frowning. Nancy notices it and asked, " hey you good there? " " actually can we talk about something? somewhere private? " you said, making an eye contact with your fav person (oh really? 😉) across you, there stood Ellie so close to Dina. You immediately lost it and walk away with your bestfriend following you.

You went at the back of a coffee shop and you both sat on the snow under a tree, looking at the dark skies, " so what's up? " she said. You started crying, tears fell free on your cheeks. " oh my gosh, are you okay? " she asked, worried. " its just that- " you hid your face on your knees, " i can't deny it, its always been her, its always. " you whisper the last part. " what do you mean? " nancy asked. " i love her nancy, i do and i just dont wanna do it anymore, i tried letting her go but fuck i cant, i cant stop thinking about her! every time i see her, i felt anger and hurt but also butterflies over my stomach, fuck this. why in the world im the only person inlove with my enemy! i hate this, but i just gotta accept the truth that she hates me, i love her but she hates me. " you said with a shaky voice. Nancy just rub your back, making you feel comfortable, she has nothing to say. to surprise to say something.

" holy fuck " ellie whispered under her breath, she was hiding behind the wall. joy filling her heart.

- 2 years ago -

" cat! look at this. " you said while standing outside the balcony. cat went into your direction. " woah " cat said with a wide eyes. you both saw a beautiful view of the mountains. " its pretty " " i know rig- " just before you could finish your sentence

a stalker came out of the other door and push you to the railings. you stabbed it with your pocket knife but its still alive, it keeps pushing you harder on the railing, " cat help me! " you yell. cat tried to stab it with her switchblade but before she could stab it, the stalker push you down, you hold onto cat but you three fall off the balcony. " shit!! " you yell. you land on your back while cat land on her elbow. the stalker was above you, you stab it again and again until you heard a gunshot, the bullet hit on the stalker's head. it falls on your side, leaving you breathless. you looked at cat who's trying hard to stand and you looked at the person who shot the stalker's head, its ellie. you quickly got up and help cat up. as she stands up, she wince. " my elbow broke " she winced again. ellie walks towards the both of you and says, " what the fuck y/n?! " she practically yells at you. you stood there, nothing to say until you felt a fist on your face. Ellie punched you. you were in shocked but you ran away and ride on your horse. " fuck you!! " ellie yells. Ellie and Cat followed you, ellie is mad at you right now even though cat telling her its not your fault. As you arrived at jackson, you wiped away the tears and the blood dripping on your nose. You dismounted your horse and take it back to the stables. You pet your horse awhile and as you turn around, you were slammed on the ground.

" motherfucker! why did you pull her with you?! " ellie yells. " its not her fault ellie. " cat says. " i- im sorry i didn't mean to- " " bullshit " ellie was about to punch you again when maria and joel stop her. tommy helps you up, blood dripping your nose and a black eye. great. tears falling down from your eyes as ellie look at you with anger in her green eyes. maria, cat and ellie went into maria and tommy's office to talk. while joel and tommy helps you clean your face. once you were done, you three went to maria, joel and tommy left the room and now its all four of you confronting. ellie,cat,maria, and you. you felt hurt, and sad. You talked about what happened and of course ellie sometimes yells at you and maria had to stop her. as the talk went cleared. Ellie can't stop staring at you, your nervous. she has a blank face when she stares at you, Ellie wanted to talk to you, apologizing for being a dick but she's stubborn but also afraid of you rejecting her. So she just did nothing and hid on her corner. She also felt a hole in her heart for you make her feel someting more than friends even though she had a girlfriend. And that, you two never talk, hangout and even maria doesn't let you both go on patrol together so you both were hiding on your corners.

- end of flashback -

" are you sure ellie? i dont think she wo- " ellie cuts maria off by saying, " i dont care maria, just tell her we're paired for patrol. " she demands. maria just sighs in defeat as she nods. Ellie then prepares herself for patrol and something 😉

- afternoon -

" hey maria, you need me to go on patrol? " you asked. " yes and actually you'll be paired with ellie. " she hesitantly said that. You looked behind maria to see ellie leaning against the wall staring at you. " but- " " no buts, you both will go to the mountain over there. " she point out the small mountain. you sighed, why us? you thought to yourself. Maria then nods at ellie and said " keep safe " to the both of you. When she disappears, you look at ellie who is staring at you, you brought out a shy smile. she just nods then walk towards shimmer (ellie's horse) as you do the same. You both got up on your horses and went out from jackson. the entire time was quiet, it disturbs you, its so uncomfortable, its weird, you wanna get back to jackson- you were cut off of your thoughts by ellie saying " check in is inside that cabin. " you looked at her with a kind smile. she blushes, she what?! maybe just the cold wind making her face a little red. You both stay in silent until you reach a small cabin. You got off from your horse while ellie ties shimmer in a tree, you did what she did. She opens the small cabin and it reveals a cozy living room, you took both of your jackets into the couch and you look around admiring the living room while ellie was busy going somewhere inside the cabin. She saw 2 bedrooms in the hallway, she open the other one and it reveal a queen size bed, she smirked. " y/n.. come here " she growls. you walk towards the hallway, fear rising in you. what does she have to do now? you thought. you saw ellie standing on the door of a bedroom with her hand gripping the doorknob, you went inside and admire the beautiful bedroom until you heard the door slam shut. before you could even look at the door, ellie push you through the wall. gripping her hands on your waist tightly. she look into your e/c (eye color) and quickly looks at your lips, asking for permission. you slowly nod, at first you thought she was gonna kill you but oh boy your dreams are coming true. she smashed her lips onto yours, slipping her tounge on your lips, you moaned. it only fuel things up when ellie removed her upper buttons on her flannel, revealing her chest. it was a sloppy kiss, she practically throw you in the bed and got on top of you, she then kiss and suck your neck, leaving love bites, you moaned, feeling your clit throbbed under your jeans and ellie sucking your neck, gosh this is ethereal. " ellie.." she looks at you, her lips still on your neck " we cant do this. " you frowned. she stop and sits on her heels while you sat and leaned in the headboard. she looked at you, tears on your eyes, she sighs. " im sorry " you said weakly. " we shouldn't be doing this " your tears falling now on your cheeks. she put her hand on yours, you look at her, you got surprise when her eyes were filled with tears and sadness. " look y/n, i've heard what you said to nancy earlier and i can't deny that i felt the same way on you. " she paused. " but you hate me? " " actually no, this entire fucking years made me felt nothing but regret and guilt. i can't stop thinking about you, it drives me fucking crazy. " she said. you looked into her eyes again, fear and guilt shown in her gorgeous eyes. you can't believe it, ellie feels the same way. you smiled at her and said, " i love you ellie " realizing to what you said, " i love you too y/n, a lot. " she said with a wide smile on her face. " wanna finish what we've started earlier? " she smirked. you laughed and laid back while she got on top of you again, savouring every moment.

a/n: jeez that's idk anyway, sorry for not posting sooner, i've been a little busy on school and sometimes my lazy ass gets me. hope you enjoy this story! dont forget to like and reblogged for motivation 😹

@akami-senpai, @ellieswife, @gayerforelliewilliams 🌈✨

#ellie #ellie the last of us #ellie tlou #ellie williams #tlou2 #tlou ii #the last of us part two #ellie williams imagine #ellie williams x reader #ellie x reader #tlou imagines

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thermporia · 3 years

Note

Oh I absolutely want to hear about the other two. Tell me everything.

college is sapping my energy, so i will just write this in bulletpoint format. cw suicide self harm and all that fun stuff

poppy

funny little man

he has to constantly be on something, otherwise he is actually going to have a nervous breakdown. he has nervous breakdowns anyway.

he hates talking to people. hates it.

like, hed rather run a cheese grater up and down his arm. he has done this before, and will do it again.

he legitimately wants to die a lot of the time, but hes weirdly apprehensive about actually doing it.

he likes to play russian roulette with the LD50. will this dose kill me??? lets find out

his vision is horrible without glasses he cannot see jackshit

smells bad. id describe it as blood and isopropyl alcohol.

cant drive

hes stuck forks into sockets just to feel a little something

lives in the basement, with his 2d gf baiken (its a body pillow and its covered in everything imaginable)

hes pretty sure his insides are rotting and peppered with holes

he wants to prove it but he cant without dissecting himse-

he has the thought above and thinks its a great idea to quell his anxiety surrounding the theory

he literally gets hospitalized because of this (joke)

that one picture of the anime girl holding her hand out to you through a noose

he is constantly being tossed between "i could not care less. i want to return to the soil" and "i am going to die, i dont want to die yet"

weird fetish guy.

really weird fetish guy. hes playing 5d fetish chess.

iris

pathetic taller man

he owns a gun, i dont know how he got it. he calls it his raifu in private

raifu

he talks a lot of shit for someone who will legitimately cry if you dont think hes the coolest guy ever

"why wont people like me im an alpha male and im really smart"

he believes that he was meant to be born as a cis guy but is not because his mother ate a lot of tofu or something

like he will not eat soy bc he thinks itll fuck up his transition

he wears shoes that give him a height boost

he despises it when people are taller than him

hes trying really hard to be the cool unaffected aloof guy and hes just not very good at it and hes SO upset

he really likes how some of the people he hates present themselves but hed never say that

like hed wear dresses and even more pink, shit from claires? but no, hes so fucking obsessed with being "A Real Transgender".

even if he did, he'd still say hes A Real Trans and not a Trender bc (convoluted reason)

he falls for misinformation hook line and sinker if it slots in neatly with his worldview

he needs attention, affection, and adoration. without it, he withers like an overdramatic houseplant.

hed never do drugs by himself, but if you peer pressure him?? yeah.

he gets really offended by the idea of talking about sex stuff in public, like he wont shut up about keeping stuff in the bedroom

if you so much as imply you fuck he will not shut the fuck up

smells bad, like too much expensive cologne.

also a weird fetish guy, he hates this part of himself more than anything

#oc tag #iris #poppy #talk #anonymous

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oscar-lettjohanssonloveme · 4 years

Text

Purple Roses pt. 2 (Miss Venable x reader)

hiya..its 4 am in germany and im really tired :3 but here we go, Mina is damn soft in this fanfic..i hope its okay sksks..here is the first pt.:

https://littlejeaniehugsbumblebees.tumblr.com/post/640902350735818752/purple-roses-ms-venable-x-reader

summary: Mina meets ur parents and u have ur coming out..ouhh and she wants to ask u smt

warnings: nothing its super duper fluff i guess :D

tagglist: @d14n4ol

google translate sksksk

"Earth to Mina ..", you grumbled and reached out your finger to tap her cheek gently.

"What?"

Your girlfriend looked away from her newspaper with a frown to look down at you, who was lying in her lap.

You had to grin as she stared down at you in confusion as the glasses slid down a few millimeters on the bridge of her nose.

"I asked you something.."

"And what did you ask?"

"So ..", you started after your fingers had moved to her glasses and you had pushed them up again.

"Imagine you had to decide: Either you are the only mortal human among immortal humans or you are the only human who is undying among all mortal humans.. What do you choose?"

"Is that a test?"

"A test for what?"

"For finding out if I'm a psychopath or something like that?" She asked, still staring down at you, frowning.

"No ..." you shook your head. "I just saw it earlier on instagram and was just thinking about it .."

She looked at you thoughtfully for a few seconds.

"I would probably want to be the immortal human among mortals .."

"For real?" You shouted, tilting your head.

"Then you should see all your friends die .."

Mina raised an eyebrow.

"Which friends?"

"Oh wow .." you rolled your eyes.

"So, am I a psychopath now?" She smiled and you could see her white teeth.

"No .." you mumbled as you started to play with her purple blouse.

"I would probably have taken that too .. but just because it would have been weird to be the only person who would have to die at some point .."

Mina let out a low snort.

"Imagine that, a graveyard for one person ..".

"Yes! .." you exclaimed cockily. "I would probably be exhibited in a museum as the only human corpse. And I would get a coffin made of gold and people would come from all over the world just to see me dead .."

"Or some crazy scientist would use your dead body for their projects .."

"Ew .." you made and grimaced. "That wouldn't be that great ..".

"Better to be immortal, then ..", Mina said with a grin before leaning forward to put her newspaper on the table.

"Now I have a question for you, Y / N .."

"Oh yeah?" You looked confused into her brown eyes and she hummed in agreement as her fingers started to comb through your hair.

"Okay, imagine a bitter old woman comes up to you and asked you, if you want to marry her, what would you answer?"

"I would say no, of course ..." you said, tilting your head to one side.

"First of all, I don't find old, bitter women really attractive and, secondly, why should I marry an old, bitter woman when I can just have the most beautiful woman in the world?"

Mina laughed softly before tapping the tip of your nose with her index finger.

"You know what I'm getting at ..".

"What I know is that you could then leave your show-off house and then finally move into my horror apartment ..", you grinned cheekily at her and she just rolled her eyes.

"You know, I've been thinking, Y / N .." she continued, suddenly sounding serious. "We've been a couple for almost a year now and the only person who knows about it is your aunt and some of your friends .."

"Should I start tagging you on my pictures now?" You laughed.

"You're the one who doesn't like all the love stuff in public and that's not supposed to be a reproach .. I-"

"I want to get to know your parents ..", she interrupted you and looked at you carefully.

You met her gaze for a few seconds before you swallowed.

"My parents?" You repeated quietly.

"Your parents."

"Uhm..okay..that's unexpected .." you muttered as you rose from her lap to sit up.

"So my parents are nice people, but you know, that they dont now that I am ... you know-"

"That you are attracted to old, bitter women?"

"Oh shut up Mina .." you hissed and slapped her gently on the upper arm.

"If you say that again, break your stupid stick and throw it in the fireplace ..".

"Ouhh now I'm scared .." Mina teased, grinning, but you just shook your head.

For a moment there was silence between the two of you and Mina was finally the one who interrupted them.

"I don't want to force you to do it and if you say, you don't want to do that, then that's okay .. I don't want to drive a wedge between you and your parents either .." she said and put her hand on yours. Your gaze landed on her hand, ran down her arm to finally meet her face.

"Maybe it's a good idea .." you muttered and she smiled gently.

"At some point I have to tell them anyway .."

-----------------------------

"Hello beautiful woman .." you greet your girlfriend who entered your shop. Like she did every Tuesday night after work ... It was one of your favorite traditions in your relationship.

"How can I help you today?", You smiled brightly at her as she leaned against your counter

"Well Miss Y / L / N, my wonderful girlfriend and I will be with her parents for dinner for the first time tomorrow evening .. You know, her parents don't know that she is a lesbian ...", Mina explained seriously and brought you to grin.

"That sounds interesting .."

"That's it! We're both just pretty nervous and I thought it would be a good idea to bring flowers to her parents ...".

"That's a great idea, Miss Venable .. what were you thinking of?", You tilted your head and wandered your eyes over the woman who was just standing in front of you.

The lavender suit, the way her hair was perfect and the dark lipstick ... she was so fucking beautiful.

Mina cleared her throat briefly when she realized that your attention was no longer on your conversation.

"You know, Miss Y / L / N, I love to watch your talented little fingers remove the thorns from the roses ..", she playfully raised an eyebrow and you couldn't help but laugh.

"How vulgar, Miss Venable .. just make sure that your girlfriend doesn't notice this, otherwise she'll get jealous ..".

You bent down briefly to get the box with the red roses from under the table. You put them on the table between you and Mina and took out the small knife to start removing the thorns.

"How was your day, honey?" You finally asked her after a minute had passed.

"Good," she said curtly.

"Good?", You looked at her grinning. "You sound like a school child who is asked how it was in school ..".

Mina shrugged her shoulders.

"I hate those idiots from my office, but that's nothing new ..".

"Imagine if I would work for you .. maybe you wouldn´t hate it so much anymore ..", you muttered while you still slid your knife over the flower stems.

"I think that wouldn't be a good idea .."

You just nodded and stared intently at the roses in front of you.

"What about the purple roses?", Your friend suddenly asked.

"What do you mean?"

"You had these roses once and never again .."

"That was a special delivery .." you explained and reached under the counter, took out the paper and wrapped the roses in it.

"But we can also make some ourselves ..".

You put the flowers in Mina's arms and looked expectantly into her confused face.

"How is that supposed to work?" She asked.

"You water white roses with purple color .."

"Should we try it sometime ..", she mumbled and you nodded.

"Listen Mina, you wait in the car and I'll finish everything here and then we can go home .."

"Sounds good .." she replied just before she turned around and strutted out of the shop.

----------------------

Her dark eyes stared at Mina in the mirror as she smoothed her blouse with her hands. Miss Venable was usually never nervous, which was because, due to her dominant demeanor, she almost always had the strings in hand when it came to dealing with other people and she didn't care how much she hurt someone with her words. But that was you, her precious little princess and what she wanted least of all was to see you sad because of her. She also knew that she couldn't win over your parents if she intimidated them.

She leaned forward to apply her dark lipstick when you stepped into the bathroom behind her and let out an impressed whistle.

"Is that the blouse you wore on our first date?" You asked, examining the silk fabric on Mina's skin.

"Yes .." she muttered.

Miss Venable's eyes watched you in the mirror while she admired how beautiful you looked in the dress you were wearing.

"My parents should just like you and not want to go to bed with you .." you said with a grin when her eyes found yours in the mirror.

"Ha ha ..", Mina made dry before she screwed the cap of her lipstick back on and turned to you.

"Are you ready?" She asked and you nodded while you smiled wryly.

"You look beautiful .." she muttered and planted a quick kiss on your temple before walking past you to leave the house.

"So to summarize again what my parents know ... or rather

what they think they know .. "you started staring out the window of the moving car.

"Well, actually they don't know anything .. I think they used to think that I had something with my best friend because he was my homecoming date .. And now they think I was single and I told them on telephone you were a good friend... "

"That sounds like it will be a very relaxed evening ..", Mina joked and you couldn't help but grin.

"I'm just afraid it might be a little too much .."

"Too much?" Mina repeated confused.

"Is it a good idea to come out and bring your girlfriend with you? Don't get me wrong, it has nothing to do with you .."

"Well ... you have a point, but let's speculate ..", Mina said when the car stopped at a traffic light.

"How could they react?"

"So .. we have these two iconic situations: The first situation would be this "we always knew it mimimi".

The other situation would be that they will be angry ... and so angry that they don't want to see me anymore .. "you explained and Mina could hear the concern in your voice.

"Something like that is sure not going to happen ..", Mina muttered as she took her right hand from the steering wheel and placed it on your thigh.

"I hope so .."

You were silent for the rest of the journey and that's why Mina decided not to say anything. Would you want her words, you would let her know.

"Here we are ..", Mina mumbled when she finally parked the car in front of your parents' modest house. She looked at you sideways and found that you were staring at the house as if you were about to start crying.

"Hey .." she cooed gently and grabbed your chin to force you to look at her.

"Everything will be fine..".

She examined your worried face and grinned when she saw that there was still a print of her lipstick on your temple.

"What?" You asked confused.

"You have my lipstick on your face ..", Mina mumbled and wiped her thumb over the print to remove it.

"And I think you don't want your parents to find out about your homosexuality that way."

"Not funny ..", you rolled your eyes.

Mina glanced at the car clock.

"We should go in, princess, we are already 5 minutes late .."

"Okay .. here we go ..", you mumbled and suddenly sounded brave as you leaned forward to press your lips against Minas for a moment.

When you both stood in front of your parents' front door and your mother opened the door for you both beaming, Mina immediately noticed the resemblance between you and your mother. This woman seemed just as straightforward as you, and you both had the same laugh. If your mom were really as carefree as you, then the evening wouldn't be complicated, Mina thought as she greeted your mother.

The first half of the evening was totally relaxed, your parents seemed to be really nice people, as far as Mina could tell.

While your mother was just as crazy as you, your father was a bit more introverted, but he had the same sense of humor as you and he was the one who cooked. A fact that somehow gave Mina hope, as it showed that your parents didn't seem to care about the old gender roles (cooking housewife and working businessman).

It was really nice. Mina, who usually had her problems with people, thought she might really like your parents at some point. they didn't ask private questions, didn't let an awkward silence reign, and were totally open-hearted people.

And yet she felt how nervous you were while you were sitting next to her at the dining table and trying to choke the food down even though you were probably extremely sick. Usually you played with your fingers when you were nervous or excited, but since your hands were holding the cutlery, it was your leg that was pushing off the floor all the time. And it was Mina who then, invisible to your parents, put her hand on your knee to calm you down.

It was around 9 o'clock when the four of you ran out of conversation and it was you who finally broke the silence.

"Well uhm, I actually came to tell you something .." you said and your voice sounded thick. Immediately all pairs of eyes were focused on you and Mina tensed her hand on your thigh to show you that she was there.

"Oh yeah?" Your mom asked confused before you nodded.

"Well, you always wanted me to be in a relationship with someone .." you continued and stared lost at the half-empty wine glass in front of you.

"And surprise..I'm in a relationship .."

"Oh really?", Mina could see your mother's eyes starting to glow and she wondered if the whole thing was really a good idea.

"Yes ..".

"Who is he?" Asked your father.

"Well uhm she's sitting right next to me ..".

Mina closed her eyes for a moment when she felt the confused looks of your parents on her. For a few seconds no one said anything and she felt you start to slide back and forth on your chair.

"Oh ..", Your mom finally pounded when she understood what you were talking about.

Mina opened her eyes again and stared into the flame of the candle that was on the table.

"You and Wilhemina ..?", Your mom looked confused between Mina and you.

"We've been together for almost a year .." you added and Mina heard your voice break at the end.

"What does being together mean?" Your mom asked sharply.

"She is my girlfriend."

"Girlfriend like best friend?"

"No, girlfriend like i love her ..", you muttered and looked carefully at Mina who smiled gently at you while she rubbed your thigh.

"Does that mean that you .....?", Your mother stared at you with her eyes wide open.

"I'm a lesbian, yes .." you said firmly and returned her gaze.

"Damn it .." your mom muttered and fell back into her chair.

Finally your father cleared his throat, too, who hadn't moved an inch before.

"How long have you known?" He asked, leaning forward.

"Since Highschool i guess ..".

"Since high school? Are you kidding me?" Your mom shouted angrily and Mina could feel you flinch under her hand.

"Why are you telling us this now?"

"Maybe because your most asked question to me was whether I have a boyfriend or when I will finally get one ..?" You croaked.

"Because we thought you were straight .." your mom yelled back. "If we had known that you were into women, we would never have asked such a thing .."

"I thought you'd be disappointed or something."

"Disappointed? Oh damn Y / N ..", your mother shook her head in disbelief and looked at you sadly.

"Can you say something too, Dad?" You asked after two minutes of more silence as you looked away from your mother to look at your father, who was staring at you thoughtfully.

"I uh ... so when you have a daughter, as a father, you imagine all the things your child has in store for you ..." your dad began.

"That includes the person your daughter wants to grow old with at some point and I just imagined that this person was a man and now it's a woman .. And now I need a few seconds to turn this man into one woman .. if you understand.."

"Okay ..." you replied quietly.

"You know, at the same time I wonder if I have said anything homophobic in all the years of your childhood that could have scared you .." he continued and you nodded slowly.

"Who knows it?" Your mother suddenly asked.

"Uhm .. some friends and aunt Phoebe .."

"Aunt Phoebe?" Your mother frowned when you mentioned your aunt.

You shrugged your shoulders.

"She noticed that Mina only comes to the flower shop when I'm there and then wanted to know why .."

"My sister knows that my daughter is a lesbian and I don't know?" Your mother called, sounding reproachful.

"I was afraid that you would be angry or something .." you defended yourself.

"Y / N you're still our damn daughter .." your mother mumbled and swore again.

"No Y / N, you are our daughter .." your dad interfered.

"There is no place for a 'still' because you are simply our daughter and your sexuality could never change that .. Who you love is your business and you do not need our permission .."

You stared at him and felt tears welling up in your eyes.

"You have no idea how happy I am to hear that .." you muttered before getting up and walking over to your dad to give him a hug.

"Thank you so much .." you whispered against the fabric of his shirt.

Suddenly you felt your mom, who had also got up, put a hand on your shoulder and pulled you from your dad's arms into hers.

And while you all played happy family, Mina was still sitting a little lost at the dining table and watching the situation in front of her. It all happened faster than expected.

In her eyes, your father had taken it a little better than your mom, who seemed a little disappointed because you had only told them now.

"I should go to the bathroom to fix my make-up ..." you mumbled and smiled sheepishly as you withdrew from your mom's arms.

Your mother just nodded before you turned around to jump out of the room, leaving Mina alone with your parents.

"So you're a lesbian too .." said your mother, mumbling as your parents sat down again.

"I am.", Mina replied curtly and pressed her lips together.

"And is that serious between you?"

"It is."

"This is probably the moment when I should threaten to kill you if you break her heart .." joked your father.

"I'll propose to her," Mina said firmly.

"So it's really serious ..", your mother's eyes widened at Mina's words.

"It is .." repeated she.

"Well, we would be happy if you would invite us to your wedding..", your dad interjected and Mina decided at that moment that she liked your parents.

A few seconds later you were standing in the doorway and had your radiant smile back on.

"I think we should go now, Mina .." you said and Mina hummed in agreement.

"That's a good idea.."

As soon as you were outside, after hugging your parents for a long time, you jumped into the arms of your girlfriend to kiss every inch of her face.

"Jesus Y / N ..", Mina muttered, who stumbled a few steps back from your sudden attack.

"I'm such an idiot ..", you laughed. "I've been worrying for free all these years and now they have reacted so well to it ... I should have done that much earlier .."

Mina smiled as she pressed a quick kiss on your forehead.

"I'm proud of you, princess .."

"So and now ..", you shouted cockily and pulled her hand to your car.

"Now I want to get to know your mother .."

"No way..You don’t want to meet that witch ..".

----------------------

"Come on, Y / N .. you promised me .." Mina pleaded.

"But it's really cold up there and besides, I'm tired .." you replied.

It was New Year's Eve and the two of you had decided to spend the evening at your apartment and then climb onto the roof around midnight to watch the fireworks. To your surprise, it was Mina who suggested going to you, although she usually doesn't like visiting your "horror apartment".

"If you put on your winter jacket you won't be cold and besides, I'm there ..", Mina tried further.

"You know, I think the idea of you as a human heater is really cute, but we could just drive to you ..".

"That wouldn't be the same."

You sighed.

"Okay ..", you mumbled and had your friend give you your coat.

Surprisingly, you found out that you were the only ones on the roof. At least you couldn't see any of your neighbors when you went over the roof to your self-made bed.

It was currently 11:37 pm and until the fireworks started at midnight you had enough time to watch the beautiful starry sky, as you always did when you were with her.

Your head was on her shoulder as always while she had an arm around you as always and was playing with your hair.

"I actually wanted to talk to you .." you mumbled after a few minutes.

"Is everything okay?", Mina asked and looked down at you worriedly.

You nodded quickly.

"Yeah .. it's just uhm, you know I love the flower shop, but I don't think that's what I want to do for the rest of my life ..".

"No?"

"No ..", you said. "That's why I'll catch up on my school leaving certificate and then probably study something ..".

"Thats great, princess .." Mina smiled gently at you.

"And what do you want to study?"

"History .. I guess and then I'd like to work as a professor .. At schools or colleges .." you mumbled.

"Professor sounds hot," said Mina and you had to laugh.

"The good thing is that when I study I can still live with you."

"Yes?"

"Yep .." you nodded. "We have a college in town, in case you forgot .. and if they take me, I don't have to move to campus ..".

"That would be great ..", Mina muttered and glanced at her watch.

11:52

"In 10 minutes it will be ready ..".

"Ouhh, we should stand by the railing .." you said before you jumped up and stretched your arm to help Mina up.

"Well ..", you began as you clung to the railing of the roof and leaned forward a little so that Mina was afraid you would fall off the roof at any moment.

"Josh lives back there ..", you explained and pointed with an outstretched finger at another tower block. "He is the brother of a friend of mine. He makes a lot of fireworks with his friends every year. Then my neighbors, the Andrews, who are not there today for whatever reason, always let a lot of fireworks rise from our roof, even though it is actually is forbidden .. And then there are all the people on the street who bring their fireworks .. ".

You stared at a group of people who were standing on the corner of the street in front of the bakery and were already setting off fireworks

"It occurred to me, I think Josh broke his leg and can't even go on the roof .." you mumbled with a frown and Mina hummed in agreement, not even listening to you.

As your eyes wandered over the city, hers glued to you and looked at you lovingly. She looked at her watch one more time (11:55) and took a short breath before reaching into the pocket of her coat to feel the velvet-covered can with her fingers.

You didn't even notice it when you were still happy watching other people's fireworks

"Okay, Y / N .. I'm not good at this, but I'll try my best, okay?" Mina said suddenly and you looked at her confused.

"What do you mean?"

"We've been together for almost a year and I have no regrets, except for one small thing .."

"Oh yeah?" You frowned as she continued.

"About a year ago you asked me in the evening, if I believed in love at first sight and I told you, that I generally don't believe in love and that was actually a lie. So it was true somewhere, I didn't believe in love until the moment I walked into your little flower shop and saw you cut your finger because of your lack of concentration.

You know how much I hate people, but with you it's different..I can't hate you and I never could hate you and I hope that you understand that between all the 'hate' I try to explain to you how much I love you .. because I do and I have no idea what I would do without you, I would probably just be a bitter old woman .. ", she finished and grinned when she saw you roll your eyes.

"I hope you're not mad at me, because I can't get down on my knees because of my handicap .." she mumbled and took out the small velvet box to hold it towards you.

"But do you want to marry me?"

You stared at her in shock.

"Shit, that wasn't a joke?"

"Does that mean no?", Mina frowned.

"God no! I'm just- Oh damn, Mina, of course I want to marry you ..", you grabbed her face between your hands and pulled her close to kiss her tightly.

"This is going to be great .." your eyes lit up as you pulled back.

"I already have so many ideas for the wedding, I'll take your name and all that .. Y / N Venable sounds amazing, change my mind.. and then I'll move in to your house and then I can catch up with school and maybe one day we'll adopt a lot of children from poor countries..".

"Slowly, Y / N ..", Mina laughed and took your hand to slide the ring onto your finger.

"We still have enough time to plan, let's celebrate New Year's Eve now, please..”

"God, it is beautiful .." you muttered, staring at the silver ring on your finger. Mina smiled as she leaned over to press her lips against your forehead.

"Happy new year, princess .."

"Happy new year, my dear future-wife.."

#wilhemina venable x reader #sarah paulson x reader #wilhemina venable imagine #american horror story #purple roses

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